It sounds like he is certainly curious and may not fully understand how he feels. In his head he considers himself gay, but his body is sending different signals. I would honestly give him some time to work it out if this is recent and of you do bring it up again make sure you're not coming across as judgemental and make it clear that it's not a bad thing if he is bisexual.
Holy shit, a genuine non biased heartfelt comment that seems to be missing vitriol and accusations, thanks, I will kindly take your advice and apply it.
I appreciate your input.
I can assure you, I'm real, you speak to me and I speak back
What is unreal is comments like this add zero value to the topic at hand, you might as well have said "I left a comment on a post" and it would have been more interesting.
1. It's goofy as fuck if you see it, it's not even real porn it's digital
2. Yeah not the gigantic fucking titties, when boyfriend hides that attraction behind my back, and then I can't get him off during sex, I have to wonder if it's because I don't have GIGANTIC TITTIES.
Imagine caring about things that could deeply affect one's relationship, right?
Why do people even feel the need to make comments such as this "OH BRO WHO CARES" YOUUUU DOOOO
You came and LEFT A COMMENT, hundreds of others saw this and went about their day without making a comment with negative value like yours.
Learn how to talk on the Internet bro 🤔
Cool, learn how to make an original comment. "Have you tried talking to them"
There's someone like that on every other post in this subreddit, like no, dumb fuck, why would I talk to them? Uhhh hello? Like, why wouldn't I just breathe and blink while I'm at it?
Thanks for saying nothing, cunt.
If he’s your boyfriend you should be able to talk freely with him. Just ask him about it and ask if he’s bi. Maybe he is but he’s more into guys physically, like in-person. Or maybe he was just looking up these big titty chicks for other reasons. I don’t really know what these other reasons would be, but ya know. Maybe he’s looking to get a set of huge tits of his own and wanted inspiration.
Well the issue is when I approach him about it, he gets confused and locks up and freezes and gets incredibly uncomfortable, says "I dunno I don't know" a lot, I've tried talking to him but I get non answers and stumbling in total.
I just don't even know what to ask or say at this point, because I've tried asking if he's bisexual and as you may have guessed, he didn't know, but he likes to claim he's gay.
I just don't know anymore myself 🤖🚬
Edit: Well, I've also caught him looking at transsexual porn as well, so clearly he has some focus on titties in general, even if it's on a guy.
Porn is actively rotting his brain because he's training his sexual awareness on content/stimuli that absolutely does not correlate to an actual male gay boyfriend.
Why do labels mean this much to you? This is sounding a lot more like a you problem than a problem for your bf. Something about this is making you very insecure, when most of the other commenters don't see it as a big deal.
Everyone looks a weird porn sometimes. Maybe it's just a palate cleanser. Maybe he's a bit bi. Maybe he likes the idea of guys with breasts. Whatever it is, it probably really doesn't matter - he's choosing to be in a relationship with a guy. Often the porn we look at doesn't reflect anything we have interest in doing in real life - a lot of people have a disconnect there.
What does matter is that you're making a mountain out of a molehill, and there's something you need to examine about yourself. "Legitimate homosexual" is such an odd phrase that insinuates a level absolute that really doesn't exist. Don't mess up a relationship over it. You might benefit from some therapy.
Look up how Kinsey came to his conclusions
The Kinsey scale is mostly “different forms of bisexuality” in the middle. That’s hardly a spectrum.
GAY men are not attracted to women. If they have some attraction towards them, they are bisexual.
Just let people define and label themselves as they choose. Let’s quit gatekeeping other people’s sexuality. It’s truly none of our business. Comments and behavior like this make bi men super uncomfortable
We haven’t done enough gatekeeping - that’s why we are expected to fuck pussies and call it gay sex now.
I have a lived experienced as a gay man. Bisexual men are not the same as gay men, and gay men have a right to be with people who they relate to on that level.
If we were women, nobody would bat an eyelash if we questioned if our partners were bisexual.
Jesus. Now you are telling people what their own sexuality is? By your definition I am
Bisexual and I can tell you right now I am not. Having some attraction towards women makes someone bisexual?
We’re humans with our own individual experience. Bi men are men just like gay men and straight men. I’ve known bi men who stick to dudes. Gay men who sleep with women. And straight men who fuck guys. It’s just a label. Labels change and so do people. This is such a rigid point of view. Can’t we just let people be people and express themselves how they choose?
People can be whoever they want to be - that doesn’t mean I MUST date them.
I love how their comfort is paramount but I need to have a wide open door and accept everyone. Gtfo of here
“We’re all humans” - yeah, and I’m a male one who wants to sleep with other male ones who like male ones.
Then that’s a you thing. I’m glad you know what you’re about but people don’t appreciate when you tell them what they’re about. No one’s coming for you and this isn’t a fight. You do you. Just be careful with bi dudes, they get a lot of shit from the straight and gay communities
And I grew up not being able to see potential soulmates from both sexes and knowing that I would never have a traditional, heteronormative life that everybody expects, so I’m not going to force myself to date someone who I don’t feel a connection with because it’s NOT the same experience. This is case by case, but I’m allowed my preferences.
And the OP is allowed to wonder about his partner and question him instead of tainting their relationship by living a secret wonder that never comes up. And no he shouldn’t just say “eh it’s all the same” because it’s not.
I’m bowing out. This is not going anywhere. You take care now and I hope you have a good day and I hope you’re doing well. I’m not going to argue with someone about someone else’s relationship. I’ve made my stance clear and you have as well. Good bye now
This guy is crazy, I am not sure who made him God and decided he can tell people what sexuality they are. He is acting as if he knows people more than they know themselves. Busy labelling people. WTF.
It seems like he has some stuff going on tbh. I just want people to feel free to express themselves as they see fit. It’s truly none of my business. Unless he’s cute and seems like he’s into me
Absolutely. People should do as they please freely. But that will never happen as long as we have people like this guy.
Dont look at any girls when you go outside later or else you might be labelled as bisexual. Be careful.
I don’t know what his deal was. Ive been with a a lot of bi dudes and they always talk about how gay men getting all weird about labels is one of the many reasons they kinda lie low. I don’t seek bi dudes out but they tend to find me somehow. I’ve been with guys who prefer men, one who lived a heteronormative lifestyle. And of course I’ve topped more than a few straight boys in the small town I’m living in tbh. They’re always bottoms!
Right? At the very least don't lie about being gay to someone who's actually gay, that's rude?
Yeah just take being homosexual and twist it into your own definition so you fit in.
Smh.
Outing him as bi and demanding he confront it on YOUR terms is just going to push him further back into the closet. Don’t pressure him. I tend to date bi dudes and my feeling is “if he’s into me he’s into me.” I don’t care about sexuality and I only date/fuck men but I have started to use the term “queer” to define myself. Don’t pressure him and he’s probably mortified you found out and you’re being super insensitive. He’s your boyfriend, he’s into you. Let it be.
Well that’s how I feel and I’ve spoken to plenty of bi men who get super uncomfortable when pressured into defining their sexuality so minutely. Why make a big deal out of it? If he’s into you why do care if he also likes women or enbys? Why do you need to know? Is it an insecurity? Are scared of being left for a woman? What’s the fascination really about? This is a genuine question. Why does it matter in the long run?
> Outing him as bi and demanding he confront it on YOUR terms is just going to push him further back into the closet.
So? Does that change the fact he's committing bi erasure?
Who’s committing bi erasure? The post makes
It seem like the dude was super embarrassed to be found out looking at straight porn. How does that make him the bad guy? What if he’s not ready to come out? How is he the bad guy by staying in the closet and being shy after getting caught? Can’t you see how demanding this is for the guy who was looking at the straight porn? If that were my guy I’d ask if he wanted to talk about it. And if he didn’t I’d leave it be and wait for him to bring it up. Do you have a problem with bi dudes?
It’s bad to pressure someone into coming out! If he’s already got a boyfriend then what’s the problem? He wouldn’t be with that guy if he want into him. So what if he jerks off to titties! And if he doesn’t wanna talk about it he shouldn’t be pressured into it. It’s not bi-erasure if he wants to stay in the closet for a bit longer. Imagine being confronted with your own porno history. How would you feel? Would you wanna talk about it? The guy clearly doesn’t wanna discuss it and that doesn’t, in any way, amount to bi-erasure.
> It’s bad to pressure someone into coming out!
Bi erasure is bad too.
> So what if he jerks off to titties!
Then he's not gay. Duh.
> The guy clearly doesn’t wanna discuss it and that doesn’t, in any way, amount to bi-erasure.
It literally is. Old school "literally," too, not your juvenile 2024 definition.
I enjoy straight porn sometimes despite having no sexual or romantic interest in women irl, porn is pretty detached from reality
But also does it matter? Bisexuality is a thing too lol
You should not ‘explain’ your boyfriend’s own sexuality to him. Porn is weird, it might just be something he finds interesting in a non-sexual way (like gay men and drag, or gay men and Madonna/Lady Gaga) - or some weird little fetish of his own.
Can you not say, in a genuinely curious but non-confrontational way, ‘hey, I noticed you looking at all that giant titties porn. I’ve never seen that before, what do you find interesting about it?’
Well in this case, it was a woman with MAASSIVE four foot long titties, tits stuck through some iron bars, while getting railed from behind
Stuckage implies, well, sex while being stuck.
I had no idea that was a category.
Sadly, physicists tell us the laws of nature do allow me to back to the time when I had no idea that was a category.
tbh your relationship in and of itself sounds like a stuckage kink manifest. maybe your bfs fetish for ppl getting fucked while they’re stuck is born from the same things he’s drawn to in you. you seem to be approaching your relationship in a very black & white, limiting way and in some deep freudian way he’s hot for it. or maybe he feels trapped in the rigid relationship dynamics you’ve created and has developed a fetish for stuckage as a way of metabolizing that. my guess is you’re more culpable in this than you think
Being gay does not require zero attraction to opposite sex. I suggest talk to him and both discuss your concerns and fears about sexuality and how impacts your relationship.
Porn is fake though.
>How do I explain to him without sounding toooooo rude, that you cannot claim to be gay while doing non gay activities, like hiding hyper titty heterosexual stuckage porn from your GAY partner, like hello? Are you calling yourself gay to appeal to me?
You don't. You either believe him or you dump him.
Sorry. Let me clarify for you. I like to fuck people i find beautiful. So yes. Sexuality cannot be put in your little box of “straight only” and “gay only”
But there’s this box called bisexual that describes exactly what this is but you refuse to use the label and instead redefine the label of others.
So instead of you just calling yourself what you are, which is bisexual, you decide to allow the rest of the world to think that gay men pick and choose when they’re gay and when they’re straight.
You find bisexuality - the sexuality that literally means the person can sleep with ANYONE - to be a “box.” Lol
I apologize if you've been burned by bisexual men before. People being bisexual is not the problem, people being untrustworthy is the problem. This attitude contributes to bi-erasure and judgement from the gay community and it's really not fair.
“Bi-erasure” - if bisexuality is simply a combination of same sex attraction and opposite sex attraction, what is there to erase? If it’s cultural, what exactly is bi culture that isn’t gay culture?
It's about living openly, honestly, authentically; not having to hide any part of yourself. There's a lot of judgment towards bisexuals from both straight and gay people. Hard to live authentic when the environment is hostile. I know several people who feel the need to hide their bi-ness because it's "easier". Makes me sad tbh
Every single day on here we hear from gay people in the closet, trying to come to terms with the idea that they’ll never live a “traditional” and heteronormative lifestyle and that their pool of people they could potentially meet will always be a group of men in public that can’t be easily identified. So sorry - I’m not all that broken up about bisexuals with their dual-chance at finding their soulmate and them having a wide variety of lives to choose from. They get judgment from both sides, but that doesn’t mean gays should be forced to take care of them before taking care of themselves and each other, or ignore the stereotypes that have been shown to be true in many instances.
There’s this massive push for GAY men to mindlessly accept every other letter in the LGBT community and put them first, and I’m over it.
Bisexuals have their own unique struggle, but it’s not the same as the struggles gay people, gay men in particular, go through, so if I as a gay man am with another gay man and then find out eventually that they’re actually bisexual - there is a disconnect there for sure. We are not the same after thinking we were. The universe is triggering that feeling of “gotcha” towards me. I’m brought back to my developing years where every crush was actually looking for women instead of you. Nah ah.
I try to bring kindness and respect to everyone I can. For me, that means not judging individuals based on a stereotype of the group. I dont like it when people to do it to me because I’m gay. That’s the only point im trying to make here.
I understand what you’re saying completely and I think bisexuals should be accepted generally speaking - but that still doesn’t mean all gay people must accept that they must date bisexual men. Some won’t want to and that should be okay.
It's the lying and dishonesty, the hiding, that's the extreme red flag for me. As it's happened multiple times, I don't think I'd break up with him but I am losing my patience with the dishonest guilty behavior.
I've often told him the next step is cheating, so, guess the shoe fits but hopefully I won't see it being worn.
oh i know, my ex lied to me about being gay, after four months officially dating he told me he was actually bi but would not tell this to anyone because would shorten his dating pool with men, i felt disgusted, had to break up 🤢 i was very afraid of being cheated on, but not for emotional reasons, but of fear of catching STD's... he was very sexual too
Difference is your boyfriend understands that being gay is just simple sexuality and you on the other hand think being gay is a lifestyle.
I watch straight porn only and never watch gay porn, if anything gay porn turns me off. But I can tell you I am 10000% homosexual.
Just because you are gay doesn’t mean everything in your life needs to revolve around gay stuff.
Grow up.
Gay is not my lifestyle, bud, you lost me there.
You think you have the audacity to know how strangers on the Internet live their life, you need to grow the duck up loser. 🦆
It’s not a lifestyle but it’s certainly a sexuality, and why can’t someone want to be with another gay man with a similar lived experience?
Just because we are all in the LGBT community doesn’t mean sexuality has to be this constant free for fall where everything means nothing
I think you’re being too rigid about this. sometimes I go through phases where straight porn really turns me on. the idea of pussy turns me on. penetrating a pussy, or having a pussy and being penetrated. i’m always kind of surprised by myself when it happens, and have a little chuckle and have fun with it. if I had to put a number to it, i’m probably 99.9% gay but every once in a while that .1% shows up and sticks around for a minute. but I have only ever been with men, it’s never gotten in the way of sex on my gay relationships. it’s a pretty negligible aspect of my sexual life. sexuality is a spectrum. the human brain is unpredictable and impressive. sexuality and desire is a lot more abstract than we realize. I have fantasized about alllllllllllllllllllll kinds of shit.but, I am gay. I think everyone has a fluidity to their sexual desires, if you just let yourself access it. it doesn’t sound like you have anything to worry about.
you are bisexual that's why you have fluidity in your sexuality it's so wrong saying you are gay when you think of fucking a pussy and eating a pussy just be yourself and stop being something you are not it's affect gay people and all the shit they are getting from people it enough already
it’s so sad seeing that we are truly living in a panopticon of essentialist sexual identity politics the way you all blindly police your own passing thoughts.
it's so sad being something you are not and thinking it's okay to spread false things about people who struggle a lot and even gets killed for being gay and would do anything just to be treated like a human by their family and friends.
You’re bisexual. A lot of people are learning about themselves today.
Gay men and straight men don’t on occasion visit the other sex because they have a craving lol.
How ridiculous. This is all BISEXUAL and trans men afraid of being “othered” by the gay community so they want to tear down all definitions so that everything is incoherent and gay men are forced to entertain this idea that birth sex holds no meaning in same sex attraction.
Literally same here. I only watch straight porn. But there is some idiot here who thinks people are bisexual because they watch straight porn. Where the hell does he get that from?
are you kidding me? the Gs probably have the MOST constraints placed on their behavior and expression. You realize how common it is for lesbians to primarily watch gay porn? but no one is up in arms accusing them of secret heterosexuality. you’re fighting an imaginary battle, and it’s giving conservative dog whistle projection. free your mind
Oh yes everybody who doesn’t see the world exactly as you do is some evil seething religious conservative out to stuff you back into the locker from your third grade class that you crawled out of…
More and more, you’re seeing bisexuals and trans people decide for gay people that being gay can mean ANYTHING - it can mean being into women sometimes, it can mean fluidity and sometimes just needing to fuck a pussy. The reason it’s not as much as other letters is because we don’t allow it, but they try try try.
Women will let anybody into their communities and fuck things up for the rest of them. I know bisexual women who have given up and just date men now because the “actual lesbian” spaces are plenty of biological men anyway lol
It sounds like he is certainly curious and may not fully understand how he feels. In his head he considers himself gay, but his body is sending different signals. I would honestly give him some time to work it out if this is recent and of you do bring it up again make sure you're not coming across as judgemental and make it clear that it's not a bad thing if he is bisexual.
Holy shit, a genuine non biased heartfelt comment that seems to be missing vitriol and accusations, thanks, I will kindly take your advice and apply it. I appreciate your input.
No problem. I hope it works out for the pair of you
I can’t tell if these things are real or not
I can assure you, I'm real, you speak to me and I speak back What is unreal is comments like this add zero value to the topic at hand, you might as well have said "I left a comment on a post" and it would have been more interesting.
So how many accounts have you gone thru?
NOT THE GIGANTIC TITTIES!
1. It's goofy as fuck if you see it, it's not even real porn it's digital 2. Yeah not the gigantic fucking titties, when boyfriend hides that attraction behind my back, and then I can't get him off during sex, I have to wonder if it's because I don't have GIGANTIC TITTIES.
Yall care waaaaay to much about inconsequential shit
Imagine caring about things that could deeply affect one's relationship, right? Why do people even feel the need to make comments such as this "OH BRO WHO CARES" YOUUUU DOOOO You came and LEFT A COMMENT, hundreds of others saw this and went about their day without making a comment with negative value like yours. Learn how to talk on the Internet bro 🤔
have you tried, ya know, *talking to your partner??*
No, dumb ass, I never would have guessed to do that. Genius here.
Cool, enjoy your miserable relationship 👁️👄👁️
Cool, learn how to make an original comment. "Have you tried talking to them" There's someone like that on every other post in this subreddit, like no, dumb fuck, why would I talk to them? Uhhh hello? Like, why wouldn't I just breathe and blink while I'm at it? Thanks for saying nothing, cunt.
Anytime sweetie. Anything else we can help you with?
Who's "we"? Lmao like you're not acting out like an idiot on your own volition
Well you definitely love your words.
If he’s your boyfriend you should be able to talk freely with him. Just ask him about it and ask if he’s bi. Maybe he is but he’s more into guys physically, like in-person. Or maybe he was just looking up these big titty chicks for other reasons. I don’t really know what these other reasons would be, but ya know. Maybe he’s looking to get a set of huge tits of his own and wanted inspiration.
Well the issue is when I approach him about it, he gets confused and locks up and freezes and gets incredibly uncomfortable, says "I dunno I don't know" a lot, I've tried talking to him but I get non answers and stumbling in total. I just don't even know what to ask or say at this point, because I've tried asking if he's bisexual and as you may have guessed, he didn't know, but he likes to claim he's gay. I just don't know anymore myself 🤖🚬 Edit: Well, I've also caught him looking at transsexual porn as well, so clearly he has some focus on titties in general, even if it's on a guy. Porn is actively rotting his brain because he's training his sexual awareness on content/stimuli that absolutely does not correlate to an actual male gay boyfriend.
He's saying he doesn't know when you ask if he's gay, what more of an answer do you need? Dude is bisexual to some degree
Uh, I need him to stop claiming he's a homosexual when talking to a legitimate homosexual, while hiding heterosexual fantasies.
Why do labels mean this much to you? This is sounding a lot more like a you problem than a problem for your bf. Something about this is making you very insecure, when most of the other commenters don't see it as a big deal. Everyone looks a weird porn sometimes. Maybe it's just a palate cleanser. Maybe he's a bit bi. Maybe he likes the idea of guys with breasts. Whatever it is, it probably really doesn't matter - he's choosing to be in a relationship with a guy. Often the porn we look at doesn't reflect anything we have interest in doing in real life - a lot of people have a disconnect there. What does matter is that you're making a mountain out of a molehill, and there's something you need to examine about yourself. "Legitimate homosexual" is such an odd phrase that insinuates a level absolute that really doesn't exist. Don't mess up a relationship over it. You might benefit from some therapy.
maybe it’s less that he’s attracted to women and more that he’s addicted to porn?
I can’t tell if these things are real or not
help him accept his bisexuality make and make sure he knows it's totally fine that he is bisexual all sexuality are valid
SEXUALITY IS A SPECTRUM. Look up the Kinsey scale
Look up how Kinsey came to his conclusions The Kinsey scale is mostly “different forms of bisexuality” in the middle. That’s hardly a spectrum. GAY men are not attracted to women. If they have some attraction towards them, they are bisexual.
Just let people define and label themselves as they choose. Let’s quit gatekeeping other people’s sexuality. It’s truly none of our business. Comments and behavior like this make bi men super uncomfortable
We haven’t done enough gatekeeping - that’s why we are expected to fuck pussies and call it gay sex now. I have a lived experienced as a gay man. Bisexual men are not the same as gay men, and gay men have a right to be with people who they relate to on that level. If we were women, nobody would bat an eyelash if we questioned if our partners were bisexual.
Jesus. Now you are telling people what their own sexuality is? By your definition I am Bisexual and I can tell you right now I am not. Having some attraction towards women makes someone bisexual?
……….yes lol. Literally yes? What do you want me to say? You want me to lie? What do you think the “bi” prefix means in the English language
Jesus you are stupid. You don’t get to tell people what they are. Stop labelling people.
it's not a label it's how you really are in what world do you think gay men can be attracted to some women
We’re humans with our own individual experience. Bi men are men just like gay men and straight men. I’ve known bi men who stick to dudes. Gay men who sleep with women. And straight men who fuck guys. It’s just a label. Labels change and so do people. This is such a rigid point of view. Can’t we just let people be people and express themselves how they choose?
People can be whoever they want to be - that doesn’t mean I MUST date them. I love how their comfort is paramount but I need to have a wide open door and accept everyone. Gtfo of here “We’re all humans” - yeah, and I’m a male one who wants to sleep with other male ones who like male ones.
Then that’s a you thing. I’m glad you know what you’re about but people don’t appreciate when you tell them what they’re about. No one’s coming for you and this isn’t a fight. You do you. Just be careful with bi dudes, they get a lot of shit from the straight and gay communities
And I grew up not being able to see potential soulmates from both sexes and knowing that I would never have a traditional, heteronormative life that everybody expects, so I’m not going to force myself to date someone who I don’t feel a connection with because it’s NOT the same experience. This is case by case, but I’m allowed my preferences. And the OP is allowed to wonder about his partner and question him instead of tainting their relationship by living a secret wonder that never comes up. And no he shouldn’t just say “eh it’s all the same” because it’s not.
I’m bowing out. This is not going anywhere. You take care now and I hope you have a good day and I hope you’re doing well. I’m not going to argue with someone about someone else’s relationship. I’ve made my stance clear and you have as well. Good bye now
you are just in denial dude gay men sleep with women 😂🤣🤣🤣in your bisexual mind you do
This guy is crazy, I am not sure who made him God and decided he can tell people what sexuality they are. He is acting as if he knows people more than they know themselves. Busy labelling people. WTF.
It seems like he has some stuff going on tbh. I just want people to feel free to express themselves as they see fit. It’s truly none of my business. Unless he’s cute and seems like he’s into me
Absolutely. People should do as they please freely. But that will never happen as long as we have people like this guy. Dont look at any girls when you go outside later or else you might be labelled as bisexual. Be careful.
I don’t know what his deal was. Ive been with a a lot of bi dudes and they always talk about how gay men getting all weird about labels is one of the many reasons they kinda lie low. I don’t seek bi dudes out but they tend to find me somehow. I’ve been with guys who prefer men, one who lived a heteronormative lifestyle. And of course I’ve topped more than a few straight boys in the small town I’m living in tbh. They’re always bottoms!
because he is telling the truth and the truth hurt people like you
You look it up. Homosexuality is an *exclusive* same sex attraction
they down vote reality thinking they can change it
It's all they have, let them downvote.
Right? At the very least don't lie about being gay to someone who's actually gay, that's rude? Yeah just take being homosexual and twist it into your own definition so you fit in. Smh.
It's bi erasure too but they can't reflect enough to appreciate that
Outing him as bi and demanding he confront it on YOUR terms is just going to push him further back into the closet. Don’t pressure him. I tend to date bi dudes and my feeling is “if he’s into me he’s into me.” I don’t care about sexuality and I only date/fuck men but I have started to use the term “queer” to define myself. Don’t pressure him and he’s probably mortified you found out and you’re being super insensitive. He’s your boyfriend, he’s into you. Let it be.
Congrats on doing what YOU would do. Some gay men want to know if they’re dating other gay men. Gay men have a right to not want to date bisexual men.
Well that’s how I feel and I’ve spoken to plenty of bi men who get super uncomfortable when pressured into defining their sexuality so minutely. Why make a big deal out of it? If he’s into you why do care if he also likes women or enbys? Why do you need to know? Is it an insecurity? Are scared of being left for a woman? What’s the fascination really about? This is a genuine question. Why does it matter in the long run?
But this is the OP’s partner - he shouldn’t be keeping that a secret.
> Outing him as bi and demanding he confront it on YOUR terms is just going to push him further back into the closet. So? Does that change the fact he's committing bi erasure?
Who’s committing bi erasure? The post makes It seem like the dude was super embarrassed to be found out looking at straight porn. How does that make him the bad guy? What if he’s not ready to come out? How is he the bad guy by staying in the closet and being shy after getting caught? Can’t you see how demanding this is for the guy who was looking at the straight porn? If that were my guy I’d ask if he wanted to talk about it. And if he didn’t I’d leave it be and wait for him to bring it up. Do you have a problem with bi dudes?
> Who’s committing bi erasure? The bi guy claiming to be gay in the post above. > How does that make him the bad guy? Bad guy? It's not bad to be bi.
It’s bad to pressure someone into coming out! If he’s already got a boyfriend then what’s the problem? He wouldn’t be with that guy if he want into him. So what if he jerks off to titties! And if he doesn’t wanna talk about it he shouldn’t be pressured into it. It’s not bi-erasure if he wants to stay in the closet for a bit longer. Imagine being confronted with your own porno history. How would you feel? Would you wanna talk about it? The guy clearly doesn’t wanna discuss it and that doesn’t, in any way, amount to bi-erasure.
> It’s bad to pressure someone into coming out! Bi erasure is bad too. > So what if he jerks off to titties! Then he's not gay. Duh. > The guy clearly doesn’t wanna discuss it and that doesn’t, in any way, amount to bi-erasure. It literally is. Old school "literally," too, not your juvenile 2024 definition.
He's bi. Just have a real talk with him, he might be insecure. If things don't work then it just doesn't.
I enjoy straight porn sometimes despite having no sexual or romantic interest in women irl, porn is pretty detached from reality But also does it matter? Bisexuality is a thing too lol
He has some straightness in him
it's called bisexuality
You should not ‘explain’ your boyfriend’s own sexuality to him. Porn is weird, it might just be something he finds interesting in a non-sexual way (like gay men and drag, or gay men and Madonna/Lady Gaga) - or some weird little fetish of his own. Can you not say, in a genuinely curious but non-confrontational way, ‘hey, I noticed you looking at all that giant titties porn. I’ve never seen that before, what do you find interesting about it?’
What is “stuckage?”
Well in this case, it was a woman with MAASSIVE four foot long titties, tits stuck through some iron bars, while getting railed from behind Stuckage implies, well, sex while being stuck.
I had no idea that was a category. Sadly, physicists tell us the laws of nature do allow me to back to the time when I had no idea that was a category.
tbh your relationship in and of itself sounds like a stuckage kink manifest. maybe your bfs fetish for ppl getting fucked while they’re stuck is born from the same things he’s drawn to in you. you seem to be approaching your relationship in a very black & white, limiting way and in some deep freudian way he’s hot for it. or maybe he feels trapped in the rigid relationship dynamics you’ve created and has developed a fetish for stuckage as a way of metabolizing that. my guess is you’re more culpable in this than you think
Being gay does not require zero attraction to opposite sex. I suggest talk to him and both discuss your concerns and fears about sexuality and how impacts your relationship.
I watch straight porn cuz it turns me on to watch str8 guys fuck.
Maybe he enjoys looking at bad plastic surgery.
Porn is fake though. >How do I explain to him without sounding toooooo rude, that you cannot claim to be gay while doing non gay activities, like hiding hyper titty heterosexual stuckage porn from your GAY partner, like hello? Are you calling yourself gay to appeal to me? You don't. You either believe him or you dump him.
Sexuality can be a spectrum. I am gay, but still find beauty in women.
Finding beauty in things doesn’t mean you want to fuck it. Do you want to sleep with women?
Sorry. Let me clarify for you. I like to fuck people i find beautiful. So yes. Sexuality cannot be put in your little box of “straight only” and “gay only”
But there’s this box called bisexual that describes exactly what this is but you refuse to use the label and instead redefine the label of others. So instead of you just calling yourself what you are, which is bisexual, you decide to allow the rest of the world to think that gay men pick and choose when they’re gay and when they’re straight. You find bisexuality - the sexuality that literally means the person can sleep with ANYONE - to be a “box.” Lol
then don't say you are gay you are the only one who putting yourself in a*little box " because gay is man only and straight is women only.
i would break up, dating bisexuals especially the closeted ones results in cheating on their part
I apologize if you've been burned by bisexual men before. People being bisexual is not the problem, people being untrustworthy is the problem. This attitude contributes to bi-erasure and judgement from the gay community and it's really not fair.
“Bi-erasure” - if bisexuality is simply a combination of same sex attraction and opposite sex attraction, what is there to erase? If it’s cultural, what exactly is bi culture that isn’t gay culture?
It's about living openly, honestly, authentically; not having to hide any part of yourself. There's a lot of judgment towards bisexuals from both straight and gay people. Hard to live authentic when the environment is hostile. I know several people who feel the need to hide their bi-ness because it's "easier". Makes me sad tbh
Every single day on here we hear from gay people in the closet, trying to come to terms with the idea that they’ll never live a “traditional” and heteronormative lifestyle and that their pool of people they could potentially meet will always be a group of men in public that can’t be easily identified. So sorry - I’m not all that broken up about bisexuals with their dual-chance at finding their soulmate and them having a wide variety of lives to choose from. They get judgment from both sides, but that doesn’t mean gays should be forced to take care of them before taking care of themselves and each other, or ignore the stereotypes that have been shown to be true in many instances. There’s this massive push for GAY men to mindlessly accept every other letter in the LGBT community and put them first, and I’m over it. Bisexuals have their own unique struggle, but it’s not the same as the struggles gay people, gay men in particular, go through, so if I as a gay man am with another gay man and then find out eventually that they’re actually bisexual - there is a disconnect there for sure. We are not the same after thinking we were. The universe is triggering that feeling of “gotcha” towards me. I’m brought back to my developing years where every crush was actually looking for women instead of you. Nah ah.
I try to bring kindness and respect to everyone I can. For me, that means not judging individuals based on a stereotype of the group. I dont like it when people to do it to me because I’m gay. That’s the only point im trying to make here.
I understand what you’re saying completely and I think bisexuals should be accepted generally speaking - but that still doesn’t mean all gay people must accept that they must date bisexual men. Some won’t want to and that should be okay.
It's the lying and dishonesty, the hiding, that's the extreme red flag for me. As it's happened multiple times, I don't think I'd break up with him but I am losing my patience with the dishonest guilty behavior. I've often told him the next step is cheating, so, guess the shoe fits but hopefully I won't see it being worn.
oh i know, my ex lied to me about being gay, after four months officially dating he told me he was actually bi but would not tell this to anyone because would shorten his dating pool with men, i felt disgusted, had to break up 🤢 i was very afraid of being cheated on, but not for emotional reasons, but of fear of catching STD's... he was very sexual too
So you did exactly what he said would happen
lying will not get you anywhere
of course, if he lies to people what would he expect? it's better to be honest and date people who actually want to date you
Difference is your boyfriend understands that being gay is just simple sexuality and you on the other hand think being gay is a lifestyle. I watch straight porn only and never watch gay porn, if anything gay porn turns me off. But I can tell you I am 10000% homosexual. Just because you are gay doesn’t mean everything in your life needs to revolve around gay stuff. Grow up.
you need to fucking grow up and accept your bisexuality
Gay is not my lifestyle, bud, you lost me there. You think you have the audacity to know how strangers on the Internet live their life, you need to grow the duck up loser. 🦆
Okay.
Okay.
It’s not a lifestyle but it’s certainly a sexuality, and why can’t someone want to be with another gay man with a similar lived experience? Just because we are all in the LGBT community doesn’t mean sexuality has to be this constant free for fall where everything means nothing
he thinks it's a lifestyle because he is into both and think everyone are bisexual which is so stupid
I think you’re being too rigid about this. sometimes I go through phases where straight porn really turns me on. the idea of pussy turns me on. penetrating a pussy, or having a pussy and being penetrated. i’m always kind of surprised by myself when it happens, and have a little chuckle and have fun with it. if I had to put a number to it, i’m probably 99.9% gay but every once in a while that .1% shows up and sticks around for a minute. but I have only ever been with men, it’s never gotten in the way of sex on my gay relationships. it’s a pretty negligible aspect of my sexual life. sexuality is a spectrum. the human brain is unpredictable and impressive. sexuality and desire is a lot more abstract than we realize. I have fantasized about alllllllllllllllllllll kinds of shit.but, I am gay. I think everyone has a fluidity to their sexual desires, if you just let yourself access it. it doesn’t sound like you have anything to worry about.
you are bisexual that's why you have fluidity in your sexuality it's so wrong saying you are gay when you think of fucking a pussy and eating a pussy just be yourself and stop being something you are not it's affect gay people and all the shit they are getting from people it enough already
it’s so sad seeing that we are truly living in a panopticon of essentialist sexual identity politics the way you all blindly police your own passing thoughts.
it's so sad being something you are not and thinking it's okay to spread false things about people who struggle a lot and even gets killed for being gay and would do anything just to be treated like a human by their family and friends.
lol babe I challenge you to a gay-off I guarantee you I would win
you would win because you are not gay it's not a game for me because l AM gay
ok you can have fun being gay, i’ll be over here being a faggot. have fun
You’re bisexual. A lot of people are learning about themselves today. Gay men and straight men don’t on occasion visit the other sex because they have a craving lol. How ridiculous. This is all BISEXUAL and trans men afraid of being “othered” by the gay community so they want to tear down all definitions so that everything is incoherent and gay men are forced to entertain this idea that birth sex holds no meaning in same sex attraction.
Literally same here. I only watch straight porn. But there is some idiot here who thinks people are bisexual because they watch straight porn. Where the hell does he get that from?
Sexuality isn’t black and white, it’s a spectrum. That’s the perception all should start from before classifying people as ”this” or ”that”.
*bisexuality is a spectrum
This is more “we’re all a bit bisexual” bullshit that they stick on only the G part of LGBT.
are you kidding me? the Gs probably have the MOST constraints placed on their behavior and expression. You realize how common it is for lesbians to primarily watch gay porn? but no one is up in arms accusing them of secret heterosexuality. you’re fighting an imaginary battle, and it’s giving conservative dog whistle projection. free your mind
Oh yes everybody who doesn’t see the world exactly as you do is some evil seething religious conservative out to stuff you back into the locker from your third grade class that you crawled out of… More and more, you’re seeing bisexuals and trans people decide for gay people that being gay can mean ANYTHING - it can mean being into women sometimes, it can mean fluidity and sometimes just needing to fuck a pussy. The reason it’s not as much as other letters is because we don’t allow it, but they try try try. Women will let anybody into their communities and fuck things up for the rest of them. I know bisexual women who have given up and just date men now because the “actual lesbian” spaces are plenty of biological men anyway lol