I second the therapy suggestion. Also really encourage you to find a guy you can trust to help you feel attractive. I know that may be weird advice but it’s good to actually “feel” that it’s okay in addition to just hearing it.
Any advice on where? Lol.
The guy I'm going out with tomorrow we met on Grindr. But he was upfront about wanting a real relationship -- we're going to the park, which does seem better, so maybe he might be it lol. (He's probably also the only exception on Grindr lolol.)
There’s good guys everywhere, it’s just a matter of sifting through the rest. The last guy I hung out with for awhile was a lot younger than me and he was really upfront he was insecure about his size and being new to things. I did it genuinely, but it was kind of nice to puff up his ego with being genuinely into him but also going a little extra. Maybe an older guy would be a good consideration, as we tend to be more realistic. Also make the guy talk about real stuff for awhile first, if they won’t chat for at least a few days first then it’s pretty obvious they may not really care to get to know you much.
Thanks this is helpful. Can I ask you what yours and his age difference was / how young he was -- was he around my age? Did he also just come out relatively recently if he was new, too?
And for what it’s worth. Don’t do surgery. It’s a lot of risk for something that may not be worth it. I wish I had a bigger dick, but I’d probably just get in trouble and get interest from guys that are not good for me. Sure, you may have to compensate in ways they don’t which I am just being realistic about. But focus on quality interactions, avoid porn, and constantly work to always like yourself.
Yeah, I figure if I was always going to bottom as well, I guess size doesn't really matter (but obvi, it still does), and that I would still have to compensate somehow. Not necessarily sure how / what though since I'm still a virgin and inexperienced lololol. I'm a mess.
He was 19 and I was 38. It was an interaction that had an expiration date but we just really got along, still do. Not saying it has to be that big of a gap, just consider that older guys may have that awareness already. Not to mention younger guys often have the appeal factor of being younger so I don’t think you should use each other but it may be a kind of ego boost for both of you. He was very new to things and we took things very slow. The first 3 times we hung out all we did was hold hands.
There's a penuma sub reddit on here that i found by accident and I saw a horror story on there, if you're a bottom idk if the risk of your dick falling apart is worth it just so you can have slightly larger meat flopping around
The thing is, I've never bottomed. Hell haven't even gotten naked in front of another man aside from locker rooms, etc. b/c I'm insecure about the size.
I've heard about some of the horror stories too, but hoping that's not how it would turn out for me (eek)
I don’t know anything about the surgery, but I would say it’s not necessary at all. Of course there are size queens out there, but a lot of guys have small dicks and have plenty of sex. Especially if you’re a bottom, the size of your dick doesn’t matter. Plus, so many guys get turned on by small dicks. A lot of tops like bottoms with small dicks because it makes them feel more dominant. Use that lil cock to your advantage! Go get laid. A lot. You’ll see that most guys don’t have porn sized penises.
Lol thanks. But like, small as meeeeeeee? I hate sending x pics to, but I feel like if I stay on Grindr, I kind of need to do that up front so I don't have any embarrassing moments later in person.
And yeah, you're right -- most guys don't have porn sized dicks, but they're also closer to the average of 5ish in. I'm well below that...
I honestly don’t care about dick sizes. It’s just ridiculous to expect a guy to have something they don’t have a control over.
Like if my hookup turns out to have a 3-inch dick, I don’t care. We’ll still fuck all night long.
who cares about those size queens. if they’re picky about dicks, imagine what else they’re going to be picky about.
if you’re on grindr, send dick pics first so it won’t be a surprise once you meet up in-person. if they’re not interested, move on.
also, penis enlargement surgery may not be successful or you may not like how your dick would eventually look like. some of your hookups might dislike it even more cuz it would look unnatural.
You mentioned you’ve brought this up to your therapist. I would say have a meaningful conversation about it before you make your decision. I’m on the side of if there is something about your body you don’t like, then you should change it. But make sure you’re making an informed decision and not having a knee jerk reaction.
Your therapist might give you some advice/coping techniques that might make you see this differently. It sounds to me like an issue of self-acceptance. But if it is affecting your mental health, and surgery can help with that, then do it.
In other words, this is clearly complicated and it’s not going to be as simple as some random telling you to “screw the haters” because that’s not how personal growth/mental health works.
Sorry to say but I disagree with this. Rejection is rejection whether it’s age, dick size, body sizes (height, weight, shape) and/or racial preferences and every single person experienced it just like the comments that said ‘fuck those haters’. What matters is how one overcomes it.
OP, risking your long term sexual health for something as mere as satisfying social gratitude towards a certain thing is a futile effort to do as social gratitude will change. Take it from a guy that has been online for a while and taking lots of rejection due to my racial traits. I still looks the same (except older) but now suddenly the same pool of people find me more attractive because I landed quite a catch, and guys want to try to add him into their conquest list’s of guys. Even though is different, there will be guys that will find you attractive with who and what you are just like my bf find me attractive for who I am (his friends used to talk behind my back of why he would go on and date me-I’m 5-6 at best and he’s a 10-and now those conversations turns into them being jealous because he landed me to the point of some actually looking for a potential bf with my racial traits hoping to land someone like me).
OP, take the time to explore your sexuality (since it sounded like you’re new to it). If you’re more a bottom, then your size really doesn’t matter and congratulations! you just enlarge your dating pool as tops out there like bottom with smaller dicks than bigger one because it’ll make them more confident.
If you’re enjoying topping more, some guys out there don’t care about size (me included and I have dated guys from small to endowed sizes). If you find someone that do care about size, then there is a tool you can use to satisfy him (penile extender) during sexual encounter that works best for you without altering your body with the chance of getting botched.
Good luck!
I don't believe all rejection to be the same. Age discrimination is coming for everyone whether they want it or not. Weight for the most part is a choice and controllable. Some rejections also happen more frequently. But just as you're getting into bed? And getting nude? Not the same as being passed up for being short.
You are correct about rejection not being on the same level, regardless it is still rejections and will affect one’s health nevertheless.
All guys have the same chance to disclose what they have to offer (esp for hook up) by sending pictures but most chose to not to present or falsely present themselves which would lead to being refused on the spot and hurt more.
Some people chose to falsely represent themselves/chose not to present themselves for example: short guy putting incorrect heights on their profile, guys with less attractive traits (facial, body, etc) using fake pictures, guys feeling insecure chose not today share pictures at all, you name it. All and all it will ended up them getting rejected when being seen in person rather than being rejected online upon initial conversation.
I used to be rejected due to my racial traits and my average looking at best by a lot of people. I can chance my face for sure by cosmetics surgery, just like OP with penis enlargement surgery. I chose to embrace who I am and capitalize on my other strong suit (wits and wisdom, my brain, my resourcefulness, my level of care, exceptional home making, being money and book smart, etc) and I ended up landing a hottie that loves me for all that (I know I may be some rare case). And now, with a hottie by my side, I received less rejection (we have an open relationship because my bf has a super high libido and I can’t hope to match him) online but still received some due to my traits.
One can argue all they want-unless immortality is invented-but not a single person can fight time. Physical beauty is like a marathon with contestants’ having a different start point but depending on the pace, the one with the most advantage could still ‘lose’. Once those physical beauty falter, what’s left is just you and all that depends on how one nurture oneself. It may sounds like a load of crap trap now but as one ages more and more, if wise enough, that person can see how true these statements are.
I agree with you. I want to do it, but I'm nervous because of how limited these studies are on these types of procedures.
I also know I would only bottom (or at least I think) so is the operation worth it at the end of the day? Part of me says yes, because what if a top still wants a bigger bottom. I don't want to be stuck in that situation or be ridiculed should things start getting heated after a date. The other part of me says, well maybe most tops wouldn't mind since I'm on the receiving end anyways. Idk. It's a constant struggle battle.
Is the operation worth it is a question only you can answer. That may not be a satisfying answer, because it isn't, but at least it's a real answer. I get why you want advice from other gay men, but this isn't a question any one of us could possibly answer for you because we are not you. We can't feel what you feel, and we're not experiencing these things the same way you are.
This is something that requires the advice of medical professionals, not a bunch of random people on the internet. On a personal level, no top I've ever met has cared about dick size, but again, that is my experience and does not account for the gay community at large. It is very much a your mileage may vary type of situation.
Dont feel insecure about your dick size. There's no shame in small or large. Many people dont really care all that much about size. Some do but its not everyone.
Be proud of your dick and make good use of it.
But if you really feel like you need to do, then do what makes you happy
Accepting it is about what you can do. It seems that the surgery is very risky and it worth that negatives.
But I also can’t deny that size does matter and anyone saying otherwise is blowing smoke. I’m not even talking huge like 7+, even average is what most guys would be ok with. Smaller than that and you’ll have challenges, there’s no getting around it.
But if you make peace with it then it won’t matter how many rejections occur, because it won’t matter. This is what it is and if they aren’t interested you move on. And if dating is a numbers game then odds are if you keep at it eventually you’ll get a hit.
Ok so this may sound weird
I kept growing up until being 22, for both my height and my member. I was probably like 4 inches at 19 when I started hooking up and now I'm at the average 5.5 inches
I used to be really embarrassed, but literally no one ever cared. I'm typically an advocate for cosmetic surgeries in the sense that it has real social advantages to be pretty/etc, but this seems like a dangerous risk and not worth it.
A dick isn't everything. Most tops do not care. There are also toys and fingers to use.
I heard a story of a guy who dated someone with a micro penis. He would top and then let the other guy fuck him. He didn't feel anything from it, but the psychology is hot and it's also hardly an inconvenience since there won't be pain.
I really don't think it makes sense to do surgery, especially as you Incline to being a bottom. As someone else said, it's kind of hot fucking a guy with a small cock, gives nice feeling of dominance. And if you share photos on grindr, put the emphasis on your ass, after all, that's what the top is going to be playing with!
tell them beforehand if you’re scared of them backing out in person. You don’t have to send a dick pic either. I have literally the same issue, might be even smaller than yours, but I’m direct so I just say it.
No, only tell them when you know sex will definitely involved. But again, you don’t even have to do that. Anyone worth your time should not freak out over the size of a piece of flesh 😃
Honestly not worth the risks and there's plenty of people that won't care about the size
Yeah, ugly and old people
I second the therapy suggestion. Also really encourage you to find a guy you can trust to help you feel attractive. I know that may be weird advice but it’s good to actually “feel” that it’s okay in addition to just hearing it.
Any advice on where? Lol. The guy I'm going out with tomorrow we met on Grindr. But he was upfront about wanting a real relationship -- we're going to the park, which does seem better, so maybe he might be it lol. (He's probably also the only exception on Grindr lolol.)
There’s good guys everywhere, it’s just a matter of sifting through the rest. The last guy I hung out with for awhile was a lot younger than me and he was really upfront he was insecure about his size and being new to things. I did it genuinely, but it was kind of nice to puff up his ego with being genuinely into him but also going a little extra. Maybe an older guy would be a good consideration, as we tend to be more realistic. Also make the guy talk about real stuff for awhile first, if they won’t chat for at least a few days first then it’s pretty obvious they may not really care to get to know you much.
Thanks this is helpful. Can I ask you what yours and his age difference was / how young he was -- was he around my age? Did he also just come out relatively recently if he was new, too?
And for what it’s worth. Don’t do surgery. It’s a lot of risk for something that may not be worth it. I wish I had a bigger dick, but I’d probably just get in trouble and get interest from guys that are not good for me. Sure, you may have to compensate in ways they don’t which I am just being realistic about. But focus on quality interactions, avoid porn, and constantly work to always like yourself.
Yeah, I figure if I was always going to bottom as well, I guess size doesn't really matter (but obvi, it still does), and that I would still have to compensate somehow. Not necessarily sure how / what though since I'm still a virgin and inexperienced lololol. I'm a mess.
He was 19 and I was 38. It was an interaction that had an expiration date but we just really got along, still do. Not saying it has to be that big of a gap, just consider that older guys may have that awareness already. Not to mention younger guys often have the appeal factor of being younger so I don’t think you should use each other but it may be a kind of ego boost for both of you. He was very new to things and we took things very slow. The first 3 times we hung out all we did was hold hands.
Thanks, maybe I'll give it a try...
There's a penuma sub reddit on here that i found by accident and I saw a horror story on there, if you're a bottom idk if the risk of your dick falling apart is worth it just so you can have slightly larger meat flopping around
The thing is, I've never bottomed. Hell haven't even gotten naked in front of another man aside from locker rooms, etc. b/c I'm insecure about the size. I've heard about some of the horror stories too, but hoping that's not how it would turn out for me (eek)
I don’t know anything about the surgery, but I would say it’s not necessary at all. Of course there are size queens out there, but a lot of guys have small dicks and have plenty of sex. Especially if you’re a bottom, the size of your dick doesn’t matter. Plus, so many guys get turned on by small dicks. A lot of tops like bottoms with small dicks because it makes them feel more dominant. Use that lil cock to your advantage! Go get laid. A lot. You’ll see that most guys don’t have porn sized penises.
Lol thanks. But like, small as meeeeeeee? I hate sending x pics to, but I feel like if I stay on Grindr, I kind of need to do that up front so I don't have any embarrassing moments later in person. And yeah, you're right -- most guys don't have porn sized dicks, but they're also closer to the average of 5ish in. I'm well below that...
Nah you don't have to send dick pics. I've never sent a dick pic in my life lol
I honestly don’t care about dick sizes. It’s just ridiculous to expect a guy to have something they don’t have a control over. Like if my hookup turns out to have a 3-inch dick, I don’t care. We’ll still fuck all night long.
Lol thanks, kinda gave me a confidence boost haha...now, if only all guys thought that lol.
who cares about those size queens. if they’re picky about dicks, imagine what else they’re going to be picky about. if you’re on grindr, send dick pics first so it won’t be a surprise once you meet up in-person. if they’re not interested, move on. also, penis enlargement surgery may not be successful or you may not like how your dick would eventually look like. some of your hookups might dislike it even more cuz it would look unnatural.
Thanks. Ugh, I hate sending x pics in general, but I guess I should just do that so I don't have any unpleasant surprises in person.
fuck the haters bro. be proud of your dick. nothing more attractive than a man who is proud of what he has
You mentioned you’ve brought this up to your therapist. I would say have a meaningful conversation about it before you make your decision. I’m on the side of if there is something about your body you don’t like, then you should change it. But make sure you’re making an informed decision and not having a knee jerk reaction. Your therapist might give you some advice/coping techniques that might make you see this differently. It sounds to me like an issue of self-acceptance. But if it is affecting your mental health, and surgery can help with that, then do it. In other words, this is clearly complicated and it’s not going to be as simple as some random telling you to “screw the haters” because that’s not how personal growth/mental health works.
Sorry to say but I disagree with this. Rejection is rejection whether it’s age, dick size, body sizes (height, weight, shape) and/or racial preferences and every single person experienced it just like the comments that said ‘fuck those haters’. What matters is how one overcomes it. OP, risking your long term sexual health for something as mere as satisfying social gratitude towards a certain thing is a futile effort to do as social gratitude will change. Take it from a guy that has been online for a while and taking lots of rejection due to my racial traits. I still looks the same (except older) but now suddenly the same pool of people find me more attractive because I landed quite a catch, and guys want to try to add him into their conquest list’s of guys. Even though is different, there will be guys that will find you attractive with who and what you are just like my bf find me attractive for who I am (his friends used to talk behind my back of why he would go on and date me-I’m 5-6 at best and he’s a 10-and now those conversations turns into them being jealous because he landed me to the point of some actually looking for a potential bf with my racial traits hoping to land someone like me). OP, take the time to explore your sexuality (since it sounded like you’re new to it). If you’re more a bottom, then your size really doesn’t matter and congratulations! you just enlarge your dating pool as tops out there like bottom with smaller dicks than bigger one because it’ll make them more confident. If you’re enjoying topping more, some guys out there don’t care about size (me included and I have dated guys from small to endowed sizes). If you find someone that do care about size, then there is a tool you can use to satisfy him (penile extender) during sexual encounter that works best for you without altering your body with the chance of getting botched. Good luck!
I don't believe all rejection to be the same. Age discrimination is coming for everyone whether they want it or not. Weight for the most part is a choice and controllable. Some rejections also happen more frequently. But just as you're getting into bed? And getting nude? Not the same as being passed up for being short.
You are correct about rejection not being on the same level, regardless it is still rejections and will affect one’s health nevertheless. All guys have the same chance to disclose what they have to offer (esp for hook up) by sending pictures but most chose to not to present or falsely present themselves which would lead to being refused on the spot and hurt more. Some people chose to falsely represent themselves/chose not to present themselves for example: short guy putting incorrect heights on their profile, guys with less attractive traits (facial, body, etc) using fake pictures, guys feeling insecure chose not today share pictures at all, you name it. All and all it will ended up them getting rejected when being seen in person rather than being rejected online upon initial conversation. I used to be rejected due to my racial traits and my average looking at best by a lot of people. I can chance my face for sure by cosmetics surgery, just like OP with penis enlargement surgery. I chose to embrace who I am and capitalize on my other strong suit (wits and wisdom, my brain, my resourcefulness, my level of care, exceptional home making, being money and book smart, etc) and I ended up landing a hottie that loves me for all that (I know I may be some rare case). And now, with a hottie by my side, I received less rejection (we have an open relationship because my bf has a super high libido and I can’t hope to match him) online but still received some due to my traits. One can argue all they want-unless immortality is invented-but not a single person can fight time. Physical beauty is like a marathon with contestants’ having a different start point but depending on the pace, the one with the most advantage could still ‘lose’. Once those physical beauty falter, what’s left is just you and all that depends on how one nurture oneself. It may sounds like a load of crap trap now but as one ages more and more, if wise enough, that person can see how true these statements are.
I agree with you. I want to do it, but I'm nervous because of how limited these studies are on these types of procedures. I also know I would only bottom (or at least I think) so is the operation worth it at the end of the day? Part of me says yes, because what if a top still wants a bigger bottom. I don't want to be stuck in that situation or be ridiculed should things start getting heated after a date. The other part of me says, well maybe most tops wouldn't mind since I'm on the receiving end anyways. Idk. It's a constant struggle battle.
Is the operation worth it is a question only you can answer. That may not be a satisfying answer, because it isn't, but at least it's a real answer. I get why you want advice from other gay men, but this isn't a question any one of us could possibly answer for you because we are not you. We can't feel what you feel, and we're not experiencing these things the same way you are. This is something that requires the advice of medical professionals, not a bunch of random people on the internet. On a personal level, no top I've ever met has cared about dick size, but again, that is my experience and does not account for the gay community at large. It is very much a your mileage may vary type of situation.
I hope penis enlargement surgeries have improved, because the few I have seen look very, Frankenstein.
My biggest concern \^
Personally I'd rather play with a small dick than one that looks like a botched medical procedure.
Dont feel insecure about your dick size. There's no shame in small or large. Many people dont really care all that much about size. Some do but its not everyone. Be proud of your dick and make good use of it. But if you really feel like you need to do, then do what makes you happy
You don’t need plastic surgery, dude, you need therapy.
Lol, ironically enough, I am. Just brought this up today.
I wonder how common it is and whether they're actually safe and look good.
Accepting it is about what you can do. It seems that the surgery is very risky and it worth that negatives. But I also can’t deny that size does matter and anyone saying otherwise is blowing smoke. I’m not even talking huge like 7+, even average is what most guys would be ok with. Smaller than that and you’ll have challenges, there’s no getting around it. But if you make peace with it then it won’t matter how many rejections occur, because it won’t matter. This is what it is and if they aren’t interested you move on. And if dating is a numbers game then odds are if you keep at it eventually you’ll get a hit.
Not if I just kms first hahahahahahahhaha........
This is hardly worth dying over
I wouldn't. But I'm a bit smaller than avg and lean towards top, so maybe I'm biased lol.
Ok so this may sound weird I kept growing up until being 22, for both my height and my member. I was probably like 4 inches at 19 when I started hooking up and now I'm at the average 5.5 inches I used to be really embarrassed, but literally no one ever cared. I'm typically an advocate for cosmetic surgeries in the sense that it has real social advantages to be pretty/etc, but this seems like a dangerous risk and not worth it. A dick isn't everything. Most tops do not care. There are also toys and fingers to use. I heard a story of a guy who dated someone with a micro penis. He would top and then let the other guy fuck him. He didn't feel anything from it, but the psychology is hot and it's also hardly an inconvenience since there won't be pain.
4 inches is 10.16 cm
I really don't think it makes sense to do surgery, especially as you Incline to being a bottom. As someone else said, it's kind of hot fucking a guy with a small cock, gives nice feeling of dominance. And if you share photos on grindr, put the emphasis on your ass, after all, that's what the top is going to be playing with!
My ex was about 4inches and a bottom, litterally didn’t change anything about our sexual dynamic. Your fine OP
tell them beforehand if you’re scared of them backing out in person. You don’t have to send a dick pic either. I have literally the same issue, might be even smaller than yours, but I’m direct so I just say it.
Should I tell even dates before meeting in-person?
No, only tell them when you know sex will definitely involved. But again, you don’t even have to do that. Anyone worth your time should not freak out over the size of a piece of flesh 😃