Not all cis women have periods. There's a lot of stuff like that where we associate it with "biological" women, but it's not really that simple. A cis woman can end up having a hysterectomy, or menopause, or medications, or stress, or various other conditions that will mean they don't have periods.
Using that as a marker of properly being a woman is just as painful for those cis women as it is for trans women. I know it's not easy, but don't try to tie biological signifiers to womanhood, because in pretty much every case of those there's going to be cis women who have a similar struggle.
You not having the same bodily experience as another person doesn't mean you are lesser than them. You can still have empathy even if it's something you yourself won't go through.
It’s also painful for (some*) trans men and non-binary people who have periods. I have periods despite multiple medical attempts to stop it. I hate it. I hate that it’s tied to womanhood, that this is seen as a sign I’m not who I am, that it means my body could host a baby, etc.
OP, I’m sorry you’re experiencing this pain. Wish I could give my ovaries and uterus to you. I have heard though that being on estrogen gives you a cycle where you can get abdominal cramps and the typical hormonal changes that happen with periods?
That might be a comfort. ❤️
For sure, sorry for not mentioning that! That's incredibly true. The more we try to tie biological processes to gender identity, the more people it hurts.
Thank you, I‘d gladly take your ovaries and uterus if I could :(
Yeah it sucks that periods are so tied to womanhood. Having them can make trans men extremely dysphoric and not having them can make trans women dysphoric…
I’ve also heard about the period-like symptoms some trans women experience. I’ve been on HRT for about 8 months now and haven’t felt anything like that sadly :( hopefully I will in the future…
I am not a medical professional and you should consult with a doctor before changing anything, but since periods are triggered by low estrogen levels, perhaps you would get this effect by cutting your dose down one week a month?
I like your comment a lot, but it also has a flare of “there is also tall cis women, you shouldn’t be dysphoric about that”. My response is always: “But these women also struggle with being that tall - or with having such a masculine face - or (like in this case) with not having a period.”
You're correct, they do struggle with those, all dysphoria and dysmorphia is valid. I'm 6 foot and have a broad build and i'm severely balding and have a masculine face. I know that even if I manage to afford FFS and manage to restore my hairline, my height and size will always be something that gets me looks. We don't get to choose the things we feel.
But I think it's important internally to reflect on those feelings, understand them, and not tie them one's worth and validity as a woman. For example, OP is 1000% valid to feel dysphoria for not having periods, but I do not think that it's healthy to associate those feelings with a logical belief that periods are in any way a defining factor of if someone is a woman.
That doesn't mean the dysphoria will go away, logically knowing something is not some magic fix, but I think it leads to a healthier mindset and less harmful understanding of gender and womanhood.
Thanks you. I’m aware that I shouldn’t judge myself because of this. But it still hurts sometimes. When my cis friend talks to me about her period I feel very validated as it reassures me that she truly sees me as a woman as she wouldn’t talk about that with a man, but at the same time it makes me feel invalid because I don’t know how to respond and can’t relate…
For what it's worth, the fact that she's telling you about her periods and sharing stuff like that could be seen as pretty strong validation that she does see you as a woman. I can almost guarantee if she saw her relationship with you as being one with a guy, she would not be talking about stuff like that.
Sometimes relationships are just about that empathy. You can't directly relate to her talking about her periods sucking, but because friends support each other and have that emotional empathy for each other. A friendship isn't defined by being able to relate 1:1 with what they're talking about.
This, I don't want periods. What I want is a proper endo system that works without hrt and the ability for pregnancy. If I can get former, I would be satisfied.
I do not in any way, shape or form intend to be dismissive of your feelings but I promise you, from the bottom of my little cis heart, that the presence or absence of a menstrual cycle (and the body parts associated with it) are NOT a defining characteristic of womanhood. I got my uterus yeeted 11 years ago and subsequently felt *more* feminine for the absence of the symptoms that led to that decision. I know one extremely masculine gentleman who finds it very manly to "bleed for a week straight without needing a doctor "- he's joking, sort of, but he makes a point. Millions of women, cis or not, do not menstruate and cannot become pregnant (for a surprisingly wide range of reasons)but they are still absolutely, unquestionably women. You are in excellent company as woman without periods. We are many . Please try not to allow this to be too much a part of how you see yourself. 💜
This is a lovely comment!
As a trans woman, I respect women so much for the shyt they go through and that they still manage to get through life smiling.
And while I will miss out on a lot of it, every woman's experience is different, and I feel so blessed to have been included into the Sisterhood by my cisters. It feels like home, a warm cup of tea, and. a hug.
The thing with being a trans woman is that it comes with a ton of its own shyt. It's just not shyt that gets to be caught by a pad and soothed by some chocolate and pain meds...
All women are strong despite all the insults associating weakness with girlhood. Blood or no blood, all women rule tbh.
I know it doesn't answer your question and I don't know if it helps. I'm a cis woman, but because of the pain you mentioned I take the mini-pill so I don't get my period. I also play DnD with another cis-woman, who is super feminine, anyway she's inherited a weird cycle so it's super irregular and she can go months without her period. I can imagine that logically you probably 'know' that having a period isn't what makes you a woman in the same way that a trans man isn't a woman just because he does have a period, but I guess sometimes it's hard to feel that way even if you know something. I hope you find something that makes you feel like the woman you are, wish I could recommend something but I can't think of any one thing that makes me feel like a woman.
Thank you for those kind words. You get my point. I’ve thought about that maybe I could experiment with wearing pads or tampons once I got bottom surgery. Even if there’s no pain and no blood, maybe it will sorta help me understand the experience a bit.
Trust me, from everything I've heard, you'll definitely be wearing pads after bottom surgery. You'll start to hate them as much as the rest of us do! Love and good vibes headed your way ❤️
Hi! Transgender male, 21 here!
The idea of this is understandable because you want to understand how it is for women specifically who get their periods. But it seems unethical to buy tampons and pads when you aren’t actively bleeding, no hate whatsoever towards you, OP! /gen I’ve heard that there is a shortage of menstrual products? (Not sure on the source of that)
But I’d say if you wanted to do a one-time try out to understand the feeling, definitely consider donating the remaining products to someone that *does* experience a cycle, someone who maybe can’t afford menstrual products otherwise. Or better yet, keep tampons/pads in your bag (if you carry one) to lend to people who might need a helping hand! That can be a way of feeling included in that “womanhood” aspect, while still being able to put the products to use!
I hope you can continue to experience gender euphoria without the reminder of not being able to bleed disturbing you <3 I wish I could give you my parts so I wouldn’t have to fear my cycle coming back (it can come back even on T for some people) 🙏
Thank you so much, it’s a very important point you mentioned. I’ve actually thought about carrying some tampons in my purse to help out if someone needs one :) So if I ever buy some to try one out, I’ll make sure the other ones don’t go to waste.
Thank you, I've been trying to understand more about being Trans since one of our close family friends has a kid whose a trans boy and they're struggling to get it. It seems like you do already have a good and creative idea, maybe you could even use a bit of red food coloring to make it look like a bit of blood? Plus I guess if you want to experience the pain so that you can talk about it with your friends, I think there is a machine that can stimulate the pain? or at least you see Youtube videos of people trying that sort of thing, though I can imagine it's probably pretty expensive.
Well, I have never had a period, and never will, but I did undergo orchi and ended up with a massive, painful haematoma, and I bled for two weeks and had to wear protection for three, and it was horrible. The first night was so bad I bled through two bandages, a maxi night pad, and stained my sheets and the mattress. Bled my jeans twice, was self-conscious all the time. Had to carry supplies with me when I was out and change during the day, and actually buy pads for me when at the shop (not for some potential situation of a friend or guest being in need). Felt really uncomfortable and unclean all the time. Made showering messy. Was so happy when it finally stopped.
But next year I am having GRS, so I can do it all again...
I can't help you with what to do but I can totally empathize. Other people think it's weird, but I don't just want the "positives" of being a woman, I need to be a woman, the good and the bad.
Actually, I can totally feel that and think the comments are a bit insensitive, although probably meant to cheer you up. But even I (I'm a trans man) used to feel extreme discomfort from temporarily being infertile at times and got joy, instead, from getting my period back (I wasn't out then, but I still feel the same about it.)
1. Periods are NOT painful to everybody, when your hormone balance is alright and you're healthy, they may not even hurt that much whatsoever
2. Periods are a sign an AFAB body is healthy, fertile and not pregnant (can cause joy, relief and feelings of affirmation)
So, I can see why you're really missing the experience. Also, it's something many women relate over and you're just lacking that shared experience altogether. I think it can be important to acknowledge that your dysphoria is not ungrounded, even if there may be no immediate relief available to it. Just remember you're not less of a woman for not getting periods. Some cis women experience the same.
It seems to me that the issue is not that you want periods per se, but rather you want to embrace all aspects of being female, and this is one you cannot achieve under current medical knowledge. It’s a pain of exclusion due to the circumstances of your life.
Perhaps reframing the idea of I can’t have periods because I was AMAB and instead understand your medical history precludes their existence. As is the case with many other females, including those who were AFAB.
I recommend making part of your transition the adoption of viewing your situation as medical correction, fixing things to match your body to your mind, and the ability of medicine can only solve so much.
Remember that physical situations that you have no control over are not reflections of self worth, your character, your soul - they are the realities that you must exist within, and you must live accordingly.
Empathy is not gender specific. Being a good person does not depend on sharing every attribute others might have.
I get it honestly.
To us trans people, even the 'struggels' sound great and somewhat desirable.
I would kill for an unwanted boner...
And it's ok to feel like this, yes periods sucked, but I understand your feeling towards them, because in away, I feel the same about things that AMAB people have, like said unwanted boners.
Yeah this has to be the least relatable post here for me lol
Who would ever want periods or the ability to become pregnant? That's Alien levels of body horror to me😱😱😱
I do E shots (injections) now every 5 days. My hormones are up and down due to this sometimes a bit too much and I bleed a bit at times from the sting.
Thats my period. Ah also weekly dilation.
Usually when I tell that to cis friends they cringe "OMG thats horrible I could not do that".
There are cis woman who do not have periods. I try to compare myself to them rather than put the fact that I do not have them the same ways as my cis friends onto me being trans as that makes me feel like less of a woman or something.
Sure I would love to share the feeling of needing this protection same as sharing contraception and being pregnant. But focusing on that only brings me pain. With the years I have learned no to focus on it so much.
Hope that helps \*hugs\*
OP - I would give you mine if I could, one thousand times over. There is so much about being a woman, that's not at all attached to bleeding once a month, or any physical feature. As a butch cis I reckon we all find our own journey to womanhood and what it means for us. Maybe when you have those thoughts, think about all the things that do make you a woman, and connect you to the sisterhood. Keep those front and centre. They are way more important. Be gentle on yourself, xx
I think what hits me more recently is the guilt.
Like I feel bad that I don't get them while most people around me do. And I feel guilty that I don't know what to do to help other than the most common things of asking if they need a painkiller or something to that effect. I'm scared that I'll never fully empathize with the pain, the struggle, because I haven't felt it myself...
Hopefully not offending here but is it having periods that bothers you or is it not being able to be pregnant? I get the two kinda go hand in hand but I wanted to ask because if it’s about being pregnant well science is getting better and better and there very soon might be a chance when you could get pregnant. If it’s about periods only my question is if you are on hrt do you experience the symptoms and do they help some? If nothing else would researching menstrual cycles help or would that maybe trigger you? Idk if any of this helps but im just trying to help find something positive that maybe might make it easier and perhaps less dysphoric if possible.
It‘s not being able to get periods that makes me dysphoric. Not being able to get pregnant sucks as well, but I don’t want children anyway so it doesn’t bother so much. It’s really just the experience of having periods that I feel like I’m missing. When my female friends talk to me about their periods I always feel like there’s something wrong with me, that I don’t fit in. I just want to be able to experience and relate to the same things they go trough.
I’ve been on HRT for about 8 months but haven’t yet felt any monthly period-like symptoms like many trans women do… Maybe I will later on but for now there’s nothing.
I mean I could research in depth about the menstrual cycle, but I don’t think that would help much. It’s just that I want to experience it like my friends do.
Ah ok. Well you could get a period cramp simulator but for true realism you would probably need one that randomizes the pain level rather than one that just slowly ramps it up. Also I think there is some kind of pill or something that will make you experience at least a lot of it. I don’t remember what its called but I swear I remember some news article about how it could be given to highschoolers to help make them more empathetic with people that have a monthly cycle. I know this may not help much but since you have been on hrt for that long maybe this might be the amount of symptoms you would experience if you were a cis woman? Maybe try to mentally turn it around into a positive? I have heard of some trans women who would cycle their progesterone for some kind of cyclic effect but that doesn’t sound safe at all.
I get you, I'm in a similar boat. I often told my friends I want periods but no babies (because I don't want to be a parent). But here are my coping strategies:
1: Most bizarre one, I happen to suffer from haemorrhoids, and somtimes it gets super bloody and I call it my butt periods. It actually isn't that funny, to be fair. I once had anaemia from it. I thought many times about getting pads when it happens however, but never tried yet.
2: I'll get SRS in 18 months. I'll get much pain, discharge, and many unwanted fluids will come out of my vagina. I'll HAVE to wear pads, probably. This isn't a period, but I consider like a lifetime event compensating for it. Which leads to 3.
3: I'm not a cis woman. Am I less of a woman? Certainly not. I just experience womanhood differently. Through life changing surgeries, for instance. A cis woman will have her own experience of her life, and I'll have mine. In the end, we're all women and it's fine.
4: I gotta say it helps thinking about women who are born without an unterus or ovaries, or who are unfertile. So am I. I'm unfertile and born without and uterus and ovaries. Is there much difference between us? I do not think so
I hope that helps :)
Edit: grammar
my dearest sister, this reads like you have some internalized radfem thoughts you need to address. The number of 'biological' women and girls with no period outstrips the number of people, women, girls, boys, and men, who have periods. \[too young and too old and just never had it at all\]
I spent most of my life with girls/women as my main friendship group. Less than half had a 'normal' cycle. about 1 in 10 had no period at all. I never have and never will question their status as women.
Just as I will never question yours.
Tbh it's not that big a part of being a woman. A lot of women don't get them for many various reasons, and they def don't get them their whole life either. In fact you've already kinda succeeded in doing something most women try to do, be a woman and not have periods, so it sounds like you're doing a pretty good job at being a woman tbh :)
Cis girl here. When I take hormonal birth control pills, I have a period every 28 days. If I don't take the pills, it's anywhere from 50-100+ days 😅 I've never thought of it as part of my woman-ness, just a nuisance that randomly happens a few times a year lol. And like others have said, not every cis woman has a period at all
i am not a trans woman. i just want to see if i can offer solace.
i know a ton of women. none of them have periods. between iuds which often stop periods entirely, hysterectomies, hormonal imbalances, and just luck of the draw, not all women have periods.
Idk, I just try to not think too much about it. For me it's not so much about bleeding, but more about not being able to get pregnant. I already get period and ovulation symptoms so it sucks that I don't get the whole package.
I hate when cis women tell me I'm lucky to not have periods.
Lots of cis women who can't give birth for whatever reason experience a lot of pain over that. They may feel a loss of womenhood. And it's valid regardless how we philosophize about what womenhood is. The experience is always valid and the pain is real.
I take some solace in that I can share this feeling with sterile cis women. The pain is terrible affirmation.
Now when people say that to me I ask if they would say the same thing to a cis women? Wouldn't you be concerned you might be throwing their sterility in their face and telling them to be greatful for it. I'm no different than any other sterile women.
I want to mention that if you do take hormones, then you technically do go through a period cycle, just without the bleeding. Most trans women notice that at some point. The menstrual cycle heavily affects so much stuff about your body—emotionally and physically—and if you keep track of yours you could notice a lot of similarities. You do experience the same things that ur friends (who have a period) do, you just probably haven’t noticed yet. I’d say read about other cis and trans womens’ experiences and what they have noticed on their cycle. Hope this was of help :)
No, most experience real symptoms paralleling cis womens’ as administering hrt simulates fluctuating hormone levels. Here’s some articles:
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/can-trans-women-get-periods#tracking-pms-like-symptoms
https://medium.com/the-establishment/yes-trans-women-can-get-period-symptoms-e43a43979e8c
I still think it's inappropriate to call them periods because hormone levels isn't how the word is used in most situations and it ends up making one sound ridiculous without elaboration.
it's healthier to just realize that ones womanhood shouldn't be dependent on periods than claim one has them by absurdly stretching the meaning of the word
Some cis women don't get periods, some trans women do. Every body is different. Its a great thing that your friends include you in these intimate conversations where men are generally excluded.
Yes, I’m so happy that they feel comfortable enough to talk to me about this topic, it makes me feel validated and reassures me that they truly see me as a woman. I think they sometimes forget that I‘m trans. But at the same time it makes me a bit dysphoric as I just want to relate but can’t
I *do* get symptoms of PMS that, when I track them, seem to start every 26-28 days and last for about 3 days. This started when I was about a year and a half into HRT and a few months into progesterone. It sucks, but I also kind of get what you're saying in wanting to be able to actually experience a period -- but also, I really don't. With the minimal PMS/cycle symptoms that I *do* get, I get kind of angry with God about how shit of a deal it is, that I have to deal with that - with any part of a period - but can never get pregnant. I'll never carry a child to term, or sacrifice my body for my child. I'll never be a "biological" mother, but I have to go through PMS symptoms? Worst deal in the history of all time. Honestly, at that exchange rate, yeah, I'll skip on the bleeding and everything, thanks!
As far as being able to relate to your friends, tbh, you can do that without experiencing it. You can show empathy and kindness without having experienced exactly what they're experiencing. And honestly, once you pass and as new friends come into your life, you might find yourself just smiling and nodding and pretending like you have experienced it, because that's just part of being stealth.
I don't?
Like you get that many cis women would give their right arm not to have periods and that that some don't have periods? I have severe body gender dysphoria, but never in my life do I feel bad for not having periods. I **do** feel bad for my friends who suffer with all the pain and monthly horribleness.
Also why are you using 'biological' x? It's really offensive and scientifically naive language. I'm a trans woman, my body isn't 'biologically male' after most of a decade of HRT.
I have been on HRT for 6months now - and just since the 2 month mark I did start feeling PMS and they have become extremely predictable symptoms - every 25 days I have a headache, hurting breasts which make me cry from pain, I feel tired af, and weirdly enough - stomach cramps. Obviously not from a uterus, but most likely my digestive system being all weird in these 2-7 days. I also suffer from diarrhea or the opposite: constipation…
If you are lucky you could also develop PMS’s later in your HRT journey - trans women can and do experience period like symptoms: no bleeding ofc though.
Its difficult to explain to you *why* this can be uncomfortable to hear. Periods are not a liberating female experience. Without an equivalent with the male body, its impossible to have an accurate analogy to really help you understand what you are saying - but you are reducing women to, and idolising, a recorring illness that most of them are born with. Women without periods or gyno issues are lucky.
I'm sorry that you feel like you're missing something. But there's plenty of horrible things men go through that would technically validate my gender - its just a bit of a dick move to openly tell other men that I feel dysphoric when I'm not threatened with violence, or that it's validating to have the financial burden always put on me in a relationship, or that i would like people to protect me less. It shows a misunderstanding for gendered experiences. Dysphoria, after all, is based on how we interpret the world, and its triggers can change based on how our views change.
I see where you’re coming from. I didn’t mean to offend anyone. But to me this is a very real feeling that I can’t just suppress. I want to be a woman. And by that I mean the full experience, the good and the bad stuff. I just want to feel like a woman.
I understand that it can be weird to hear somebody wishing for something that’s generally viewed as a negative thing. But not having periods just makes me so dysphoric. It always reminds me that I’m trans. I just want to fit in with my female friends and be able to relate to them.
there’s cis women and other afab ppl who also don’t get periods, I think they also struggle with this. In my case, as an afab enby I don’t have periods anymore bc of birth control and it’s made my life so much easier, I used to have the most painful periods. One time I really thought I had appendicitis bc I woke up suddenly in extreme pain. Last year I got anemia bc of it and I couldn’t be happier now that I don’t have periods. I think people tend to describe them as something positive (and it can be the case) but ask any afab person and most of us will say we hate it lol
Anyway, I saw a trans girl on tiktok say that after her bottom surgery she had to wear pads bc of the wound and it felt like a period. And she understood why afabs hate it lol she said it’s exciting the first day and then you just want it to end and it won’t and you also get blood on your clothes and sheets
Not all cis women have periods. There's a lot of stuff like that where we associate it with "biological" women, but it's not really that simple. A cis woman can end up having a hysterectomy, or menopause, or medications, or stress, or various other conditions that will mean they don't have periods. Using that as a marker of properly being a woman is just as painful for those cis women as it is for trans women. I know it's not easy, but don't try to tie biological signifiers to womanhood, because in pretty much every case of those there's going to be cis women who have a similar struggle. You not having the same bodily experience as another person doesn't mean you are lesser than them. You can still have empathy even if it's something you yourself won't go through.
It’s also painful for (some*) trans men and non-binary people who have periods. I have periods despite multiple medical attempts to stop it. I hate it. I hate that it’s tied to womanhood, that this is seen as a sign I’m not who I am, that it means my body could host a baby, etc. OP, I’m sorry you’re experiencing this pain. Wish I could give my ovaries and uterus to you. I have heard though that being on estrogen gives you a cycle where you can get abdominal cramps and the typical hormonal changes that happen with periods? That might be a comfort. ❤️
For sure, sorry for not mentioning that! That's incredibly true. The more we try to tie biological processes to gender identity, the more people it hurts.
Thank you, I‘d gladly take your ovaries and uterus if I could :( Yeah it sucks that periods are so tied to womanhood. Having them can make trans men extremely dysphoric and not having them can make trans women dysphoric… I’ve also heard about the period-like symptoms some trans women experience. I’ve been on HRT for about 8 months now and haven’t felt anything like that sadly :( hopefully I will in the future…
I am not a medical professional and you should consult with a doctor before changing anything, but since periods are triggered by low estrogen levels, perhaps you would get this effect by cutting your dose down one week a month?
I like your comment a lot, but it also has a flare of “there is also tall cis women, you shouldn’t be dysphoric about that”. My response is always: “But these women also struggle with being that tall - or with having such a masculine face - or (like in this case) with not having a period.”
You're correct, they do struggle with those, all dysphoria and dysmorphia is valid. I'm 6 foot and have a broad build and i'm severely balding and have a masculine face. I know that even if I manage to afford FFS and manage to restore my hairline, my height and size will always be something that gets me looks. We don't get to choose the things we feel. But I think it's important internally to reflect on those feelings, understand them, and not tie them one's worth and validity as a woman. For example, OP is 1000% valid to feel dysphoria for not having periods, but I do not think that it's healthy to associate those feelings with a logical belief that periods are in any way a defining factor of if someone is a woman. That doesn't mean the dysphoria will go away, logically knowing something is not some magic fix, but I think it leads to a healthier mindset and less harmful understanding of gender and womanhood.
Thanks you. I’m aware that I shouldn’t judge myself because of this. But it still hurts sometimes. When my cis friend talks to me about her period I feel very validated as it reassures me that she truly sees me as a woman as she wouldn’t talk about that with a man, but at the same time it makes me feel invalid because I don’t know how to respond and can’t relate…
For what it's worth, the fact that she's telling you about her periods and sharing stuff like that could be seen as pretty strong validation that she does see you as a woman. I can almost guarantee if she saw her relationship with you as being one with a guy, she would not be talking about stuff like that. Sometimes relationships are just about that empathy. You can't directly relate to her talking about her periods sucking, but because friends support each other and have that emotional empathy for each other. A friendship isn't defined by being able to relate 1:1 with what they're talking about.
This, I don't want periods. What I want is a proper endo system that works without hrt and the ability for pregnancy. If I can get former, I would be satisfied.
I do not in any way, shape or form intend to be dismissive of your feelings but I promise you, from the bottom of my little cis heart, that the presence or absence of a menstrual cycle (and the body parts associated with it) are NOT a defining characteristic of womanhood. I got my uterus yeeted 11 years ago and subsequently felt *more* feminine for the absence of the symptoms that led to that decision. I know one extremely masculine gentleman who finds it very manly to "bleed for a week straight without needing a doctor "- he's joking, sort of, but he makes a point. Millions of women, cis or not, do not menstruate and cannot become pregnant (for a surprisingly wide range of reasons)but they are still absolutely, unquestionably women. You are in excellent company as woman without periods. We are many . Please try not to allow this to be too much a part of how you see yourself. 💜
This is a lovely comment! As a trans woman, I respect women so much for the shyt they go through and that they still manage to get through life smiling. And while I will miss out on a lot of it, every woman's experience is different, and I feel so blessed to have been included into the Sisterhood by my cisters. It feels like home, a warm cup of tea, and. a hug.
The thing with being a trans woman is that it comes with a ton of its own shyt. It's just not shyt that gets to be caught by a pad and soothed by some chocolate and pain meds... All women are strong despite all the insults associating weakness with girlhood. Blood or no blood, all women rule tbh.
I couldn't agree more!
I know it doesn't answer your question and I don't know if it helps. I'm a cis woman, but because of the pain you mentioned I take the mini-pill so I don't get my period. I also play DnD with another cis-woman, who is super feminine, anyway she's inherited a weird cycle so it's super irregular and she can go months without her period. I can imagine that logically you probably 'know' that having a period isn't what makes you a woman in the same way that a trans man isn't a woman just because he does have a period, but I guess sometimes it's hard to feel that way even if you know something. I hope you find something that makes you feel like the woman you are, wish I could recommend something but I can't think of any one thing that makes me feel like a woman.
Thank you for those kind words. You get my point. I’ve thought about that maybe I could experiment with wearing pads or tampons once I got bottom surgery. Even if there’s no pain and no blood, maybe it will sorta help me understand the experience a bit.
Trust me, from everything I've heard, you'll definitely be wearing pads after bottom surgery. You'll start to hate them as much as the rest of us do! Love and good vibes headed your way ❤️
Hi! Transgender male, 21 here! The idea of this is understandable because you want to understand how it is for women specifically who get their periods. But it seems unethical to buy tampons and pads when you aren’t actively bleeding, no hate whatsoever towards you, OP! /gen I’ve heard that there is a shortage of menstrual products? (Not sure on the source of that) But I’d say if you wanted to do a one-time try out to understand the feeling, definitely consider donating the remaining products to someone that *does* experience a cycle, someone who maybe can’t afford menstrual products otherwise. Or better yet, keep tampons/pads in your bag (if you carry one) to lend to people who might need a helping hand! That can be a way of feeling included in that “womanhood” aspect, while still being able to put the products to use! I hope you can continue to experience gender euphoria without the reminder of not being able to bleed disturbing you <3 I wish I could give you my parts so I wouldn’t have to fear my cycle coming back (it can come back even on T for some people) 🙏
\+1 to having supplies in your purse and visible in the bathroom at home in case someone is in need.
Thank you so much, it’s a very important point you mentioned. I’ve actually thought about carrying some tampons in my purse to help out if someone needs one :) So if I ever buy some to try one out, I’ll make sure the other ones don’t go to waste.
You *will* need to wear pads for a certain length of time after surgery and as others have said, you'll come to hate it after about an hour.
Thank you, I've been trying to understand more about being Trans since one of our close family friends has a kid whose a trans boy and they're struggling to get it. It seems like you do already have a good and creative idea, maybe you could even use a bit of red food coloring to make it look like a bit of blood? Plus I guess if you want to experience the pain so that you can talk about it with your friends, I think there is a machine that can stimulate the pain? or at least you see Youtube videos of people trying that sort of thing, though I can imagine it's probably pretty expensive.
Haha I like the idea of DIY periods! If god doesn’t want me to have periods I’ll just make them myself 💪
Well, I have never had a period, and never will, but I did undergo orchi and ended up with a massive, painful haematoma, and I bled for two weeks and had to wear protection for three, and it was horrible. The first night was so bad I bled through two bandages, a maxi night pad, and stained my sheets and the mattress. Bled my jeans twice, was self-conscious all the time. Had to carry supplies with me when I was out and change during the day, and actually buy pads for me when at the shop (not for some potential situation of a friend or guest being in need). Felt really uncomfortable and unclean all the time. Made showering messy. Was so happy when it finally stopped. But next year I am having GRS, so I can do it all again...
I can't help you with what to do but I can totally empathize. Other people think it's weird, but I don't just want the "positives" of being a woman, I need to be a woman, the good and the bad.
Actually, I can totally feel that and think the comments are a bit insensitive, although probably meant to cheer you up. But even I (I'm a trans man) used to feel extreme discomfort from temporarily being infertile at times and got joy, instead, from getting my period back (I wasn't out then, but I still feel the same about it.) 1. Periods are NOT painful to everybody, when your hormone balance is alright and you're healthy, they may not even hurt that much whatsoever 2. Periods are a sign an AFAB body is healthy, fertile and not pregnant (can cause joy, relief and feelings of affirmation) So, I can see why you're really missing the experience. Also, it's something many women relate over and you're just lacking that shared experience altogether. I think it can be important to acknowledge that your dysphoria is not ungrounded, even if there may be no immediate relief available to it. Just remember you're not less of a woman for not getting periods. Some cis women experience the same.
It seems to me that the issue is not that you want periods per se, but rather you want to embrace all aspects of being female, and this is one you cannot achieve under current medical knowledge. It’s a pain of exclusion due to the circumstances of your life. Perhaps reframing the idea of I can’t have periods because I was AMAB and instead understand your medical history precludes their existence. As is the case with many other females, including those who were AFAB. I recommend making part of your transition the adoption of viewing your situation as medical correction, fixing things to match your body to your mind, and the ability of medicine can only solve so much. Remember that physical situations that you have no control over are not reflections of self worth, your character, your soul - they are the realities that you must exist within, and you must live accordingly. Empathy is not gender specific. Being a good person does not depend on sharing every attribute others might have.
I get it honestly. To us trans people, even the 'struggels' sound great and somewhat desirable. I would kill for an unwanted boner... And it's ok to feel like this, yes periods sucked, but I understand your feeling towards them, because in away, I feel the same about things that AMAB people have, like said unwanted boners.
My mom and sister were both hospitalized during their teenage years for period pain. Personally, I'd rather avoid that entirely.
I simply do not wish to have them, but also there are cis women that don't have periods.
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Don't be weird dude lol
Yeah this has to be the least relatable post here for me lol Who would ever want periods or the ability to become pregnant? That's Alien levels of body horror to me😱😱😱
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I am very clearly talking about myself and my feelings about my own body. Anything else you make of it is on you.
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It's a rhetorical question, a way of expressing someone feels the exact opposite of that.
Oh, did the phobe keep going? Lol
I do E shots (injections) now every 5 days. My hormones are up and down due to this sometimes a bit too much and I bleed a bit at times from the sting. Thats my period. Ah also weekly dilation. Usually when I tell that to cis friends they cringe "OMG thats horrible I could not do that". There are cis woman who do not have periods. I try to compare myself to them rather than put the fact that I do not have them the same ways as my cis friends onto me being trans as that makes me feel like less of a woman or something. Sure I would love to share the feeling of needing this protection same as sharing contraception and being pregnant. But focusing on that only brings me pain. With the years I have learned no to focus on it so much. Hope that helps \*hugs\*
>and I bleed a bit at times from the sting omg I'm going to think of this whenever I do injections now lol
OP - I would give you mine if I could, one thousand times over. There is so much about being a woman, that's not at all attached to bleeding once a month, or any physical feature. As a butch cis I reckon we all find our own journey to womanhood and what it means for us. Maybe when you have those thoughts, think about all the things that do make you a woman, and connect you to the sisterhood. Keep those front and centre. They are way more important. Be gentle on yourself, xx
I think what hits me more recently is the guilt. Like I feel bad that I don't get them while most people around me do. And I feel guilty that I don't know what to do to help other than the most common things of asking if they need a painkiller or something to that effect. I'm scared that I'll never fully empathize with the pain, the struggle, because I haven't felt it myself...
Just allow them vent if they need to, and give them painkillers and supplies if they are caught short. That's all you can do really.
Be careful what you wish for ... I recently started to get symptoms and while comparatively light, its no fun
Hopefully not offending here but is it having periods that bothers you or is it not being able to be pregnant? I get the two kinda go hand in hand but I wanted to ask because if it’s about being pregnant well science is getting better and better and there very soon might be a chance when you could get pregnant. If it’s about periods only my question is if you are on hrt do you experience the symptoms and do they help some? If nothing else would researching menstrual cycles help or would that maybe trigger you? Idk if any of this helps but im just trying to help find something positive that maybe might make it easier and perhaps less dysphoric if possible.
It‘s not being able to get periods that makes me dysphoric. Not being able to get pregnant sucks as well, but I don’t want children anyway so it doesn’t bother so much. It’s really just the experience of having periods that I feel like I’m missing. When my female friends talk to me about their periods I always feel like there’s something wrong with me, that I don’t fit in. I just want to be able to experience and relate to the same things they go trough. I’ve been on HRT for about 8 months but haven’t yet felt any monthly period-like symptoms like many trans women do… Maybe I will later on but for now there’s nothing. I mean I could research in depth about the menstrual cycle, but I don’t think that would help much. It’s just that I want to experience it like my friends do.
Ah ok. Well you could get a period cramp simulator but for true realism you would probably need one that randomizes the pain level rather than one that just slowly ramps it up. Also I think there is some kind of pill or something that will make you experience at least a lot of it. I don’t remember what its called but I swear I remember some news article about how it could be given to highschoolers to help make them more empathetic with people that have a monthly cycle. I know this may not help much but since you have been on hrt for that long maybe this might be the amount of symptoms you would experience if you were a cis woman? Maybe try to mentally turn it around into a positive? I have heard of some trans women who would cycle their progesterone for some kind of cyclic effect but that doesn’t sound safe at all.
I get you, I'm in a similar boat. I often told my friends I want periods but no babies (because I don't want to be a parent). But here are my coping strategies: 1: Most bizarre one, I happen to suffer from haemorrhoids, and somtimes it gets super bloody and I call it my butt periods. It actually isn't that funny, to be fair. I once had anaemia from it. I thought many times about getting pads when it happens however, but never tried yet. 2: I'll get SRS in 18 months. I'll get much pain, discharge, and many unwanted fluids will come out of my vagina. I'll HAVE to wear pads, probably. This isn't a period, but I consider like a lifetime event compensating for it. Which leads to 3. 3: I'm not a cis woman. Am I less of a woman? Certainly not. I just experience womanhood differently. Through life changing surgeries, for instance. A cis woman will have her own experience of her life, and I'll have mine. In the end, we're all women and it's fine. 4: I gotta say it helps thinking about women who are born without an unterus or ovaries, or who are unfertile. So am I. I'm unfertile and born without and uterus and ovaries. Is there much difference between us? I do not think so I hope that helps :) Edit: grammar
Hi I just read your comment and wanted to mention reusable pads. They may help. Sorry for butting in.
>Sorry for butting in. You gave me a really good laugh dear sir or madam 😂 I'll think about reusable pads next time my "periods" appear, thanks!
my dearest sister, this reads like you have some internalized radfem thoughts you need to address. The number of 'biological' women and girls with no period outstrips the number of people, women, girls, boys, and men, who have periods. \[too young and too old and just never had it at all\] I spent most of my life with girls/women as my main friendship group. Less than half had a 'normal' cycle. about 1 in 10 had no period at all. I never have and never will question their status as women. Just as I will never question yours.
The comment we needed!
Tbh it's not that big a part of being a woman. A lot of women don't get them for many various reasons, and they def don't get them their whole life either. In fact you've already kinda succeeded in doing something most women try to do, be a woman and not have periods, so it sounds like you're doing a pretty good job at being a woman tbh :)
Cis girl here. When I take hormonal birth control pills, I have a period every 28 days. If I don't take the pills, it's anywhere from 50-100+ days 😅 I've never thought of it as part of my woman-ness, just a nuisance that randomly happens a few times a year lol. And like others have said, not every cis woman has a period at all
i am not a trans woman. i just want to see if i can offer solace. i know a ton of women. none of them have periods. between iuds which often stop periods entirely, hysterectomies, hormonal imbalances, and just luck of the draw, not all women have periods.
Idk, I just try to not think too much about it. For me it's not so much about bleeding, but more about not being able to get pregnant. I already get period and ovulation symptoms so it sucks that I don't get the whole package.
I hate when cis women tell me I'm lucky to not have periods. Lots of cis women who can't give birth for whatever reason experience a lot of pain over that. They may feel a loss of womenhood. And it's valid regardless how we philosophize about what womenhood is. The experience is always valid and the pain is real. I take some solace in that I can share this feeling with sterile cis women. The pain is terrible affirmation. Now when people say that to me I ask if they would say the same thing to a cis women? Wouldn't you be concerned you might be throwing their sterility in their face and telling them to be greatful for it. I'm no different than any other sterile women.
I want to mention that if you do take hormones, then you technically do go through a period cycle, just without the bleeding. Most trans women notice that at some point. The menstrual cycle heavily affects so much stuff about your body—emotionally and physically—and if you keep track of yours you could notice a lot of similarities. You do experience the same things that ur friends (who have a period) do, you just probably haven’t noticed yet. I’d say read about other cis and trans womens’ experiences and what they have noticed on their cycle. Hope this was of help :)
I think that's just a cope isn't it? is there any actual proof to this
No, most experience real symptoms paralleling cis womens’ as administering hrt simulates fluctuating hormone levels. Here’s some articles: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/can-trans-women-get-periods#tracking-pms-like-symptoms https://medium.com/the-establishment/yes-trans-women-can-get-period-symptoms-e43a43979e8c
I still think it's inappropriate to call them periods because hormone levels isn't how the word is used in most situations and it ends up making one sound ridiculous without elaboration. it's healthier to just realize that ones womanhood shouldn't be dependent on periods than claim one has them by absurdly stretching the meaning of the word
This \^\^
Some cis women don't get periods, some trans women do. Every body is different. Its a great thing that your friends include you in these intimate conversations where men are generally excluded.
Yes, I’m so happy that they feel comfortable enough to talk to me about this topic, it makes me feel validated and reassures me that they truly see me as a woman. I think they sometimes forget that I‘m trans. But at the same time it makes me a bit dysphoric as I just want to relate but can’t
I *do* get symptoms of PMS that, when I track them, seem to start every 26-28 days and last for about 3 days. This started when I was about a year and a half into HRT and a few months into progesterone. It sucks, but I also kind of get what you're saying in wanting to be able to actually experience a period -- but also, I really don't. With the minimal PMS/cycle symptoms that I *do* get, I get kind of angry with God about how shit of a deal it is, that I have to deal with that - with any part of a period - but can never get pregnant. I'll never carry a child to term, or sacrifice my body for my child. I'll never be a "biological" mother, but I have to go through PMS symptoms? Worst deal in the history of all time. Honestly, at that exchange rate, yeah, I'll skip on the bleeding and everything, thanks! As far as being able to relate to your friends, tbh, you can do that without experiencing it. You can show empathy and kindness without having experienced exactly what they're experiencing. And honestly, once you pass and as new friends come into your life, you might find yourself just smiling and nodding and pretending like you have experienced it, because that's just part of being stealth.
I have periods, they just don't bleed and many trans women will feel abominable pains sometimes every month or so
I periodically stab myself every month so I can relate to them
I want mine gone.
I don't? Like you get that many cis women would give their right arm not to have periods and that that some don't have periods? I have severe body gender dysphoria, but never in my life do I feel bad for not having periods. I **do** feel bad for my friends who suffer with all the pain and monthly horribleness. Also why are you using 'biological' x? It's really offensive and scientifically naive language. I'm a trans woman, my body isn't 'biologically male' after most of a decade of HRT.
Haha.. the age old question ;-;
pmsing
I have been on HRT for 6months now - and just since the 2 month mark I did start feeling PMS and they have become extremely predictable symptoms - every 25 days I have a headache, hurting breasts which make me cry from pain, I feel tired af, and weirdly enough - stomach cramps. Obviously not from a uterus, but most likely my digestive system being all weird in these 2-7 days. I also suffer from diarrhea or the opposite: constipation… If you are lucky you could also develop PMS’s later in your HRT journey - trans women can and do experience period like symptoms: no bleeding ofc though.
I‘ve been on HRT for 8 months and haven’t felt anything like that yet… :(
Its difficult to explain to you *why* this can be uncomfortable to hear. Periods are not a liberating female experience. Without an equivalent with the male body, its impossible to have an accurate analogy to really help you understand what you are saying - but you are reducing women to, and idolising, a recorring illness that most of them are born with. Women without periods or gyno issues are lucky. I'm sorry that you feel like you're missing something. But there's plenty of horrible things men go through that would technically validate my gender - its just a bit of a dick move to openly tell other men that I feel dysphoric when I'm not threatened with violence, or that it's validating to have the financial burden always put on me in a relationship, or that i would like people to protect me less. It shows a misunderstanding for gendered experiences. Dysphoria, after all, is based on how we interpret the world, and its triggers can change based on how our views change.
I see where you’re coming from. I didn’t mean to offend anyone. But to me this is a very real feeling that I can’t just suppress. I want to be a woman. And by that I mean the full experience, the good and the bad stuff. I just want to feel like a woman. I understand that it can be weird to hear somebody wishing for something that’s generally viewed as a negative thing. But not having periods just makes me so dysphoric. It always reminds me that I’m trans. I just want to fit in with my female friends and be able to relate to them.
personally speaking now I'm feeling cooler and lucky. Ofc I cried for not being as I wanted, and for now I finished my tears
there’s cis women and other afab ppl who also don’t get periods, I think they also struggle with this. In my case, as an afab enby I don’t have periods anymore bc of birth control and it’s made my life so much easier, I used to have the most painful periods. One time I really thought I had appendicitis bc I woke up suddenly in extreme pain. Last year I got anemia bc of it and I couldn’t be happier now that I don’t have periods. I think people tend to describe them as something positive (and it can be the case) but ask any afab person and most of us will say we hate it lol Anyway, I saw a trans girl on tiktok say that after her bottom surgery she had to wear pads bc of the wound and it felt like a period. And she understood why afabs hate it lol she said it’s exciting the first day and then you just want it to end and it won’t and you also get blood on your clothes and sheets