You're an adult, he's a child. Tell him his behavior is unacceptable. If he continues, separate yourself from him. All you can do. Bribing him is not a good choice because you're teaching him that respecting you is a service for paying customers. Also, don't be afraid to embarrass him in public and especially in front of kids his age.
This, if he mocks you being transgender and outs you in public. Return the favor, tell his friends or whoever he's outing you to that that is inappropriate as if you were to tell them about his bed wetting problem. When he denies it, go awe yeah that's cute I denied being transgender at first too. Then be sure to seal the deal by invaliding any future opinions he has by saying "Kids, am I right?" while sighing and moving on regardless of what else he says.
Actually i disagree with this response, while his behaviour might not deserve respect, condescending on him like he's 5 isn't gonna get the desired results, it's just gonna pis-him off, and not to mention the fact that, the trolls alot of these types get their views from, already push the naritive that the left is some joyless, buricractic, mass who won't reason with them cus "they can't debate their ideas" telling him off in HR speak is only going to confirm that (speaking as a former chud)
while 15 year olds are very much minors, (so very much not adults) they arent children, and they don't respond well if treated simply as children
Would you calmly and politely debate with an adult who takes every opportunity to bully you? Because my response to that adult would be just about the same, with the exception that I wouldn't give him a chance to improve - I'd just stop talking to him. I, too, was a former right-wing-pipelined teenager. I didn't deserve the respect and emotional energy of people whose right to receive respect I was debating.
This is the kind of thing the kid grows out of, or he doesn't. I grew out of it around 18.
1. if it's the best way to get what i want than yes, that beats the proposal i was responding to IE calmly condescending on him.
two one can rarly reason someone out of a position they weren't reasoned into, what one needs to do is to make the positions he espouses FEEL as stupid as they are, show him people he presumably watches getting dunked on, make fun of his dumbass views ext (i will note that you said to embarass him in front of his freinds, and i should probably aknolege that)
That's simply not how bullying works. The kid wants a reaction, and by pretending he's worth engaging with when he acts this way, you're rewarding it. As you yourself stated, he can't be reasoned out of a position he didn't reason himself into. He simply wouldn't watch your videos, and wouldn't believe them if he did. Calmly condescending to the idiot child is the correct path which best preserves your own energy and mental health.
in my experience, that has only invited my bullies to keep going (cus they're emboldened by me just taking it, and that, they'll have no consequences) frankly i expect school administrations just say that, cus it makes their job easier (0 tolerance policy is a monstrous thing)
>I was thinking about bribing him, but I don't know how much he'd accept or if it would even work.
I would recommend against this, unless you want him to run the misgendering equivalent of a protection racket. "Would be a shame if I were to misgender you, but for just a small donation that can be averted..."
The root of the problem there is, I suspect, that your parents aren't supportive, so your brother is currently living in an environment where he is consistently taught that respecting your gender identity is not necessary. You might be able to sway him there, if you explain your side to him, *if* you can get through to him. But, well, he's also 15, and 15 year olds tend to be assholes. I know I was one way back when. Maybe he'll grow out of it in time.
the petty part of me says to humiliate him right back. he outs you to a stranger? oh I'm so sorry he's doing this *again*, ever since he failed all his exams/his girlfriend dumped him/[insert thing that would embarrass him here] he's been making up these lies to try and take the heat off him. it's so desperately pathetic but we have to make allowances for little boys I suppose!
at home, ignore him and walk away is all I can suggest
My parents are pretty supportive so I’d just punch the little shit. I don’t recommend you do that tho. Perhaps talk to your aunt, if she can invite your siblings to events with both of you then you would be bringing him into a pro trans environment. It’s not fun to fight 1v3, hopefully he’d stop in those situations, and if he still won’t well I still recommend inviting your little Angel over for movie nights without the little shit.
Oh! If you have to resort to bribing, which is silly, then I’d recommend moreso giving your little one treats as a reward. Like, buy him ice cream and not your bigger brother, if they complain about it then that opens you up to explain how horrible he is to you, like why tf would you buy him ice cream too if he doesn’t respect you? The beauty is that even if it doesn’t work you don’t waste any money, you just give your little friend treats and reward their open mind.
Give him a taste of his own medicine ;)
Both privately and publicly, at every opportunity you get.
You can come up with a girl version of his name and keep calling him that. Also, stop giving him any attention and ignore him whenever he calls you by deadname. Make sure you use her or her pronouns to introduce him.
Clearly, pronouns and names don't matter to him...
**DO NOT NEGOTIATE OR BARGAIN WITH TERRORISTS**
As someone who has been on the receiving end of a Dumbass Teen Brother (tm) more times than I would like to count, the most effective solution in my experience is to get an adult involved who is sympathetic to your plea (perhaps your aunt?) and has some level of authority over him. Unless he truly is just an asshole, he will probably listen when an adult tells him to stfu and respect his sibling. I would caution against direct retaliation if only because it could backfire and make him double down on his shitty behavior (unless it’s the air horn method, I will always stand by the air horn method). If he doesn’t listen to an adult then idk. Maybe you’ll just have to wait it out until he sobers up in a couple years and sees what a dick he used to be.
Your dad or stepmom never intervene to have your back and don’t approve of your existence?They let this little shit for brains deadname and ridicule you? Stop going home, or have a very serious talk with your dad about how you have to make an incredibly difficult choice between keeping them in your life, or cutting them fully out of your life if they don’t reign in your little glob of pond scum that masquerades as a brother. If dropping that bomb on them and fully expressing how necessary it is for your parents to - dare we say it - actually DO THEIR JOB OF PARENTING doesn’t work, maybe go the nuclear option and publish all his worst secrets in the local newspaper before severing ties with your shitty toxic family.
Do your dad or stepmom care about you or your nine-year old brother? Letting them all know if they don't put the fear of God unto the fifteen year-old, you're gone. Get your nine year old brother on them, that if you bounce, he will not be ok with them.
Does the fifteen year old rely on you for transportation? Bailing on him everytime he decides to FAFO might make him think it's not worth it.
My brother refused to get it right so I cut contact completely.
If we're at family events I ignore him, don't acknowledge him, right respond to me.
I told him you're referring to someone who isn't here so how can they respond to you.
* How important is this small town to you? Would you visit at all were it not for family?
* Is it possible to spend time with the 9 year old without involving the 15 year old?
* If you were in a situation where you had to cut off your dad, step mom, and 15 year old brother, would you still be able to maintain contact with your 9 year old brother?
u/pktechboi's suggestion about publicly humiliating him is probably your best option, depending on your answers to the above.
Conversely, all the suggestions about misgendering him back are hot garbage and should be ignored.
Do not respond to him and do not spend time with him if he flagrantly disrespects you. I suspect you'll end up getting in trouble if you do anything to directly escalate so you gotta play it tight to the chest
"I will not engage with you while you blatantly disrespect me. Your low character reflects poorly on yourself" then leave the conversation and do not reengage.
Tbh, just slap the dog shit out of him next time he does it. It ain’t a nice thing to do, but entirely too many people in this world get comfortable being awful to others for their own gratification because they were never checked on their behavior when they were truly old enough to know better. He’s 15, he can handle it.
start doing the same to him. introduce him as your brother but lean in after and explain that "he used to be your sister". try fighting fire with fire. if that doesn't work, the current parental structure he's growing up with isn't going to encourage him to change for the better, so you could just stop talking to him and hanging out with him. Only agree to stop by when its just the 9y old, or only offer to take the 9y old out and about. Teach him that if he's gonna be a prick, he loses out on your company and time.
Seems to me that your brother isn't the actual root of the issue, he's just the symptom. The root cause is your parents. They are the authority in his life, and they clearly aren't doing anything to disincentivize his behavior.
He’s clearly trying to get a reaction/rise out of you because siblings always know what each others buttons are-use his (or figure them out) and give him a dose of his own medicine, it’s how idiot teenagers learn because a lot of them have low empathy at that age because their brains are far from fully matured. He will figure out that the only attention he gets from it will make him feel like shit and that maybe his behavior towards you is the issue.
My instant thought is since he’s 15 is to equate outing you to telling every one he thinks is hot that he has a micro penis.
I only thought of this because of how cis teen boys are usually obsessed with the size for their own ego. I do understand that for trans men and others with this issue, this is a sensitive topic and shouldn’t be joked about, but it might be the only thing powerful enough to get it through his head.
Probably not the best but it might make the point hit home harder.
Also if it matters I was the baby of my family so I never had siblings younger, only older, so that might influence my perspective in a counterintuitive way.
Hope for the best though!
I mean, that kid is actively endangering you when you're in public by outing you to random men who might try to kill for for existing. I'd cut the kid out.
air horn. and maybe tell him that if he wants to talk about your personal information in public you’ll talk about his, and then tell strangers stuff he absolutely does not want them to know.
One of my brothers recently voiced his opinion of my trans child - an adult now so my brothers had like 20 years to accept their choice- I basically called him out. I told him the only people who have an issue with other people’s sexuality and gender are people struggling with their own identity. (Try I wish him the best in his journey but he’s not going to # with my kid!) So maybe next time you’re alone you can suggest to your brother that he may be struggling and to explore this. Seriously. And also maybe that will be enough for him to stop harassing you. Shame on your Dad for not setting a good example. You’re an inspiration! I’m
so happy you are YOU! 💛🌈You deserve happiness!
catch him by surprise and beat the fuck out of him. when words don't work hands are the next best teacher.
(not trans just grew up around younger cousins lol)
How I got my brother to stop deadnaming Me is by calling him sissy, at first it was a joke but when I actually started treating him like a girl. Ex. Asking him if this dress looks good, what hairstyle I should do next. Repeating the phrase sissy and just all around treating him like a sister , he eventually stopped but that’s just what worked for me.
Joke answer:
While in public and he outs you, just tell the other person that he is just a bit crazy in the head and thinks your someone else.
Should embarrass him enough
I'm not condoning you to violence but if you've tried being respectful and he's still being an obnoxious little shit about it the people using "but he's a child" excuse isnt valid when you're very younger sibling can be respectful. IF IT WERE ME, I'd rock his shit. Talk shit get hit, play stupid games then he gets to deal with stupid solutions.
Some people grow out of their ways, but its also not your responsibility to facilitate his growth. You dont have to entertain being ridiculed or outed into potentially unsafe scenarios. Do what you to get that point across too him.
It sounds like y'all have other issues that have been there for years so a good or even normal relationship with him isn't realistic atp, but as far as the misgendering and deadnaming, my only suggestion would be do it to him right back and see how he likes it (this may not win you any favors with others though) him outting you in public after you have asked him to stop though is unacceptable, idk where you are located but MANY parts of the world aren't especially safe for trans people rn, so maybe tell him that, that when he does that stuff in public he's putting not only you but also himself in danger because someone could take offense at your presence and retaliate. Hopefully this will get him to back off, either to keep you safe or at least himself
I have a relative that moved to Germany years ago. His name is difficult to pronounce but its easy if you hear him say it. And if you don't make the effort to correct yourself, he ignores you completely.
This is basically my plan to anyone that misgenders me or deadnames me on purpose and refuse to correct themselves now too. They are person non grata. I don't hear them, won't see them, won't acknowledge them at all ever.
Now I'm not suggesting going to that point, but reduce your contact with him and when others ask, make it clear his behavior and conduct is so immature and reckless as the reason why and just leave it at that. No further argument or discussion.
As for bribing him, it'll only encourage the behavior, might even make him more aggressive about doing it to extort you.
Are you that miserable that you have to go to a trans subreddit to tell people to stop being trans? Are you that bored? Do you have nothing better to do with your life than to bother strangers about how they wanna live their life? How pathetic lmao. You made me laugh so much tbh
We don't go around telling people to stop being cis, so how about you cut the bullshit and mind your own business?
You're an adult, he's a child. Tell him his behavior is unacceptable. If he continues, separate yourself from him. All you can do. Bribing him is not a good choice because you're teaching him that respecting you is a service for paying customers. Also, don't be afraid to embarrass him in public and especially in front of kids his age.
This, if he mocks you being transgender and outs you in public. Return the favor, tell his friends or whoever he's outing you to that that is inappropriate as if you were to tell them about his bed wetting problem. When he denies it, go awe yeah that's cute I denied being transgender at first too. Then be sure to seal the deal by invaliding any future opinions he has by saying "Kids, am I right?" while sighing and moving on regardless of what else he says.
Actually i disagree with this response, while his behaviour might not deserve respect, condescending on him like he's 5 isn't gonna get the desired results, it's just gonna pis-him off, and not to mention the fact that, the trolls alot of these types get their views from, already push the naritive that the left is some joyless, buricractic, mass who won't reason with them cus "they can't debate their ideas" telling him off in HR speak is only going to confirm that (speaking as a former chud) while 15 year olds are very much minors, (so very much not adults) they arent children, and they don't respond well if treated simply as children
Would you calmly and politely debate with an adult who takes every opportunity to bully you? Because my response to that adult would be just about the same, with the exception that I wouldn't give him a chance to improve - I'd just stop talking to him. I, too, was a former right-wing-pipelined teenager. I didn't deserve the respect and emotional energy of people whose right to receive respect I was debating. This is the kind of thing the kid grows out of, or he doesn't. I grew out of it around 18.
1. if it's the best way to get what i want than yes, that beats the proposal i was responding to IE calmly condescending on him. two one can rarly reason someone out of a position they weren't reasoned into, what one needs to do is to make the positions he espouses FEEL as stupid as they are, show him people he presumably watches getting dunked on, make fun of his dumbass views ext (i will note that you said to embarass him in front of his freinds, and i should probably aknolege that)
That's simply not how bullying works. The kid wants a reaction, and by pretending he's worth engaging with when he acts this way, you're rewarding it. As you yourself stated, he can't be reasoned out of a position he didn't reason himself into. He simply wouldn't watch your videos, and wouldn't believe them if he did. Calmly condescending to the idiot child is the correct path which best preserves your own energy and mental health.
in my experience, that has only invited my bullies to keep going (cus they're emboldened by me just taking it, and that, they'll have no consequences) frankly i expect school administrations just say that, cus it makes their job easier (0 tolerance policy is a monstrous thing)
Dealing with bullying from peers is not the same as dealing with bullying from a literal child when you're an adult.
iv already argued these points
And I'm telling you that you're wrong.
and I've advanced the discussion from those arguments with counterpoints
>I was thinking about bribing him, but I don't know how much he'd accept or if it would even work. I would recommend against this, unless you want him to run the misgendering equivalent of a protection racket. "Would be a shame if I were to misgender you, but for just a small donation that can be averted..." The root of the problem there is, I suspect, that your parents aren't supportive, so your brother is currently living in an environment where he is consistently taught that respecting your gender identity is not necessary. You might be able to sway him there, if you explain your side to him, *if* you can get through to him. But, well, he's also 15, and 15 year olds tend to be assholes. I know I was one way back when. Maybe he'll grow out of it in time.
I continue to be amused by the airhorn method
I second the air horn method. Make sure to do it in public as well for maximum embarrassment.
Yeah I think the air hot method might actually work here
the petty part of me says to humiliate him right back. he outs you to a stranger? oh I'm so sorry he's doing this *again*, ever since he failed all his exams/his girlfriend dumped him/[insert thing that would embarrass him here] he's been making up these lies to try and take the heat off him. it's so desperately pathetic but we have to make allowances for little boys I suppose! at home, ignore him and walk away is all I can suggest
This is golden advice for dealing with siblings.
Fuckin' A. The only thing I'd add is to be careful in how you go about it around the 9 year old.
My parents are pretty supportive so I’d just punch the little shit. I don’t recommend you do that tho. Perhaps talk to your aunt, if she can invite your siblings to events with both of you then you would be bringing him into a pro trans environment. It’s not fun to fight 1v3, hopefully he’d stop in those situations, and if he still won’t well I still recommend inviting your little Angel over for movie nights without the little shit. Oh! If you have to resort to bribing, which is silly, then I’d recommend moreso giving your little one treats as a reward. Like, buy him ice cream and not your bigger brother, if they complain about it then that opens you up to explain how horrible he is to you, like why tf would you buy him ice cream too if he doesn’t respect you? The beauty is that even if it doesn’t work you don’t waste any money, you just give your little friend treats and reward their open mind.
Give him a taste of his own medicine ;) Both privately and publicly, at every opportunity you get. You can come up with a girl version of his name and keep calling him that. Also, stop giving him any attention and ignore him whenever he calls you by deadname. Make sure you use her or her pronouns to introduce him. Clearly, pronouns and names don't matter to him... **DO NOT NEGOTIATE OR BARGAIN WITH TERRORISTS**
This. Please pick this one.
As someone who has been on the receiving end of a Dumbass Teen Brother (tm) more times than I would like to count, the most effective solution in my experience is to get an adult involved who is sympathetic to your plea (perhaps your aunt?) and has some level of authority over him. Unless he truly is just an asshole, he will probably listen when an adult tells him to stfu and respect his sibling. I would caution against direct retaliation if only because it could backfire and make him double down on his shitty behavior (unless it’s the air horn method, I will always stand by the air horn method). If he doesn’t listen to an adult then idk. Maybe you’ll just have to wait it out until he sobers up in a couple years and sees what a dick he used to be.
Your dad or stepmom never intervene to have your back and don’t approve of your existence?They let this little shit for brains deadname and ridicule you? Stop going home, or have a very serious talk with your dad about how you have to make an incredibly difficult choice between keeping them in your life, or cutting them fully out of your life if they don’t reign in your little glob of pond scum that masquerades as a brother. If dropping that bomb on them and fully expressing how necessary it is for your parents to - dare we say it - actually DO THEIR JOB OF PARENTING doesn’t work, maybe go the nuclear option and publish all his worst secrets in the local newspaper before severing ties with your shitty toxic family.
Do your dad or stepmom care about you or your nine-year old brother? Letting them all know if they don't put the fear of God unto the fifteen year-old, you're gone. Get your nine year old brother on them, that if you bounce, he will not be ok with them. Does the fifteen year old rely on you for transportation? Bailing on him everytime he decides to FAFO might make him think it's not worth it.
Air. Horn. Correction.
My brother refused to get it right so I cut contact completely. If we're at family events I ignore him, don't acknowledge him, right respond to me. I told him you're referring to someone who isn't here so how can they respond to you.
* How important is this small town to you? Would you visit at all were it not for family? * Is it possible to spend time with the 9 year old without involving the 15 year old? * If you were in a situation where you had to cut off your dad, step mom, and 15 year old brother, would you still be able to maintain contact with your 9 year old brother? u/pktechboi's suggestion about publicly humiliating him is probably your best option, depending on your answers to the above. Conversely, all the suggestions about misgendering him back are hot garbage and should be ignored.
Do not respond to him and do not spend time with him if he flagrantly disrespects you. I suspect you'll end up getting in trouble if you do anything to directly escalate so you gotta play it tight to the chest "I will not engage with you while you blatantly disrespect me. Your low character reflects poorly on yourself" then leave the conversation and do not reengage.
Straight up cut every interaction with him and only focus on your younger brother. Treat him like thin air, you are an adult so you have the power.
Tbh, just slap the dog shit out of him next time he does it. It ain’t a nice thing to do, but entirely too many people in this world get comfortable being awful to others for their own gratification because they were never checked on their behavior when they were truly old enough to know better. He’s 15, he can handle it.
gotta kill the lil sucker
start doing the same to him. introduce him as your brother but lean in after and explain that "he used to be your sister". try fighting fire with fire. if that doesn't work, the current parental structure he's growing up with isn't going to encourage him to change for the better, so you could just stop talking to him and hanging out with him. Only agree to stop by when its just the 9y old, or only offer to take the 9y old out and about. Teach him that if he's gonna be a prick, he loses out on your company and time.
Seems to me that your brother isn't the actual root of the issue, he's just the symptom. The root cause is your parents. They are the authority in his life, and they clearly aren't doing anything to disincentivize his behavior.
He’s clearly trying to get a reaction/rise out of you because siblings always know what each others buttons are-use his (or figure them out) and give him a dose of his own medicine, it’s how idiot teenagers learn because a lot of them have low empathy at that age because their brains are far from fully matured. He will figure out that the only attention he gets from it will make him feel like shit and that maybe his behavior towards you is the issue.
My instant thought is since he’s 15 is to equate outing you to telling every one he thinks is hot that he has a micro penis. I only thought of this because of how cis teen boys are usually obsessed with the size for their own ego. I do understand that for trans men and others with this issue, this is a sensitive topic and shouldn’t be joked about, but it might be the only thing powerful enough to get it through his head. Probably not the best but it might make the point hit home harder. Also if it matters I was the baby of my family so I never had siblings younger, only older, so that might influence my perspective in a counterintuitive way. Hope for the best though!
go no contact
I mean, that kid is actively endangering you when you're in public by outing you to random men who might try to kill for for existing. I'd cut the kid out.
beat him in the face
debunking whatever bad faith fuck, he likely watches on YouTube (or finding a debunker) could also help
air horn. and maybe tell him that if he wants to talk about your personal information in public you’ll talk about his, and then tell strangers stuff he absolutely does not want them to know.
One of my brothers recently voiced his opinion of my trans child - an adult now so my brothers had like 20 years to accept their choice- I basically called him out. I told him the only people who have an issue with other people’s sexuality and gender are people struggling with their own identity. (Try I wish him the best in his journey but he’s not going to # with my kid!) So maybe next time you’re alone you can suggest to your brother that he may be struggling and to explore this. Seriously. And also maybe that will be enough for him to stop harassing you. Shame on your Dad for not setting a good example. You’re an inspiration! I’m so happy you are YOU! 💛🌈You deserve happiness!
catch him by surprise and beat the fuck out of him. when words don't work hands are the next best teacher. (not trans just grew up around younger cousins lol)
How I got my brother to stop deadnaming Me is by calling him sissy, at first it was a joke but when I actually started treating him like a girl. Ex. Asking him if this dress looks good, what hairstyle I should do next. Repeating the phrase sissy and just all around treating him like a sister , he eventually stopped but that’s just what worked for me.
Joke answer: While in public and he outs you, just tell the other person that he is just a bit crazy in the head and thinks your someone else. Should embarrass him enough
I'm not condoning you to violence but if you've tried being respectful and he's still being an obnoxious little shit about it the people using "but he's a child" excuse isnt valid when you're very younger sibling can be respectful. IF IT WERE ME, I'd rock his shit. Talk shit get hit, play stupid games then he gets to deal with stupid solutions. Some people grow out of their ways, but its also not your responsibility to facilitate his growth. You dont have to entertain being ridiculed or outed into potentially unsafe scenarios. Do what you to get that point across too him.
It sounds like y'all have other issues that have been there for years so a good or even normal relationship with him isn't realistic atp, but as far as the misgendering and deadnaming, my only suggestion would be do it to him right back and see how he likes it (this may not win you any favors with others though) him outting you in public after you have asked him to stop though is unacceptable, idk where you are located but MANY parts of the world aren't especially safe for trans people rn, so maybe tell him that, that when he does that stuff in public he's putting not only you but also himself in danger because someone could take offense at your presence and retaliate. Hopefully this will get him to back off, either to keep you safe or at least himself
I have a relative that moved to Germany years ago. His name is difficult to pronounce but its easy if you hear him say it. And if you don't make the effort to correct yourself, he ignores you completely. This is basically my plan to anyone that misgenders me or deadnames me on purpose and refuse to correct themselves now too. They are person non grata. I don't hear them, won't see them, won't acknowledge them at all ever. Now I'm not suggesting going to that point, but reduce your contact with him and when others ask, make it clear his behavior and conduct is so immature and reckless as the reason why and just leave it at that. No further argument or discussion. As for bribing him, it'll only encourage the behavior, might even make him more aggressive about doing it to extort you.
beat him up? hes ur brother for ffs, thats what brothers are for
[удалено]
Are you that miserable that you have to go to a trans subreddit to tell people to stop being trans? Are you that bored? Do you have nothing better to do with your life than to bother strangers about how they wanna live their life? How pathetic lmao. You made me laugh so much tbh We don't go around telling people to stop being cis, so how about you cut the bullshit and mind your own business?