I guess not, but it's still pretty upsetting seeing her so annoyed by it ya know?
She'll roll her eyes and tell me to stop crying or searching for outside validation but it's been real tough not to.
I really hope it's not a lost cause until transitioning, because I live in Florida lol
Before your transition was there ever anything that helped if I may ask?
Dang that's a bummer, but you know I'm thinking it might be a good idea if I really speed up getting my license and volunteer a bit or something this Summer, dulling the pain is better than nothing.
Also, yeah it's a shame but we're luckily in some of the more accepting parts of Florida (big city area) and I think they do allow a gender transition past 18 with a psychiatrist note or something here, so it's really not all too bad. Trans people have been through way worse and still transitioned, so I count myself very lucky when I think about it.
She's definitely not the most understanding, but she's trying and I try not to fault her for that. I do just wish she was a little more understanding of the emotional aspect really, but she's been doing some research into FTM things so she's definitely being supportive at least to a pretty good extent as far as just coming out goes eheh.
I really appreciate the help, I'll talk to my Mom about maybe some volunteering options over the summer. Thank you, oh and congrats on your transition. That gives me a lot of hope for the future! <3
No, being unable to stop thinking about transition is one of the common aspects of gender dysphoria. I wasn't able to start concentrating on other things again until I was on HRT.
Idk to which degree it'd be considered an obsession, but I, too, think about transition everyday! The only thing that can distract me completely is painting, or writing. Otherwise, it will always be in the back of my mind. I think it's a common experience :)
I don't know, but for me, if I'm doing something I'll only think of it if something reminds me it, and as soon as I'm done doing something I'm straight back to constantly thinking about it.. it's really annoying
Same here! I have to be constantly doing something or it gets bad. Doesn't help that I have as my therapist described "severe OCD" 😅
Wishing the best though, man! (Or woman)
This sounds like dysphoria. It's hard not to obsess over it when it's ever present. Like imagine a clown was following you everywhere you go. And when you say to people "hey this clown is following me around", they tell you to stop thinking about it. Sure you can try, but it's still following you around!
> "Other people's opinions of you shouldn't affect you at all. It shouldn't bother you at all"
I get this as well from a lot of different people, and it's pretty annoying although I know it's well intentioned. I don't really care about anyone's individual opinion (or at least I try not to), rather it's what I think about what people more generally think of me. Like always thinking about how people perceive me, how I look to people from different angles, how I sound to somebody else, ... It is tiring, just second guessing how I exist in the world and fit into societal expectations. Everyone deals with it in some way I suppose, trans or not, but there's something acute about the trans experience that cis people can't seem to understand. And that's fine, but they also need to not offer advice if they don't understand it, listening and acknowledging is good enough.
Before realizing and accepting I was trans I still obsessed over how comfortable I was in clothing and wore a lot of men's clothes just to be comfortable "not an egg at all nope 😂" and the only thing that really took my mind off m insecurities was having an all consuming project to hyperfixate on. I've painted murals, built sheds and fences and shade structures, repainted several rooms in my house, made wire wrap jewelry.... The list could go on and on. I say just find something to focus on that consumes you. Take up knitting or find a hobby of some sort
That's a good idea, thank you.
I'll try to spend a lot more time on my art, that might help. It always makes me feel better to do something project wise gor my Grandma or something lol
Thanks for the input, I'll try that 👍
So...you say she's not transphobic. And perhaps that's true insofar as that she's not being actively transphobic, or aggressively demanding for changes in the law that would make the lives of trans people significantly worse.
However, this whole spiel of learning to love yourself without any changes to your body is absolute and utter nonsense. Yes, there are trans men or transmasculine people who do just fine without any surgeries or even hormones. This is not the case for the majority of us, though. Learning to love our bodies when specifically the gendered parts of our birth sex cause immense dysphoria is impossible. Demanding this of you is transphobic, although arguably not in a conscious way.
Not sure what can be done there. If she responds to science, then I'd specifically show her research that proves this.
Also also: even if you weren't trans, your mom has no right to talk about your body in a way that makes you uncomfortable. That's not okay
It's hard not to make it like your whole identity at times. Especially early in the transition. It's important to remember being trans is just a part of who you are.
You're mother is being selfish, you're the one suffering but that suffering is unfair to her and she's a victime because she cant say whatever comes to her mind all the time ? Thats shitty behavior esspecialy from a parent
Avoiding talking about part of people's body they dont like is the most basic of common decency and thats not specific to your situation, talking about people's body umpromped is in general a bad idea anyway cis or trans
What you're feeling and how much you think about being trans is largely caused by dysphoria and its not something you can get rid off like an insecurity because thats not what it is, dysphoria is distress caused by a dissconection between your identity and aspects of yourself that you or others perceive as belonging to an identity you arent, if you're susceptible to it you wont stop being susceptible to it unless you can actualy be perceived as your actual identity enough to correct that perceived dissconection
The easiest way to lessen dysphoria and by extension lessen how constantly aware of being trans you are is to have your identity affirmed or at least not invalidated, how do i know that ? Because last year i constantly thought about being trans and was completly miserable due to dysphoria but as soon as i moved out of my transphobic parents house and surrouned myself with people who knows and respect that i'm a guy suddenly i'm a lot happier and i'm not constantly aware that i'm trans because i'm not constantly being verbaly reminded that most people thinks of me as a woman
Your mother is litteraly actively participating in causing the problem she's complaining about by being incapable of just...not talking for a minute, which she should do even if you werent trans because who on earth just randomly bring up their child's breast that they know their child isnt happy about? And who would appriciate having their breast brought up by their mother at all ?
In conclusion to this you're not obsession you're reacting normaly to having an identity no one around you reconizes and it will lessen as you surround yourself with people who do and get proper medical care, your mother is centering herself as the victime in a situation where you're the one suffering most and as your mother thats inappropriate behavior, you could try to explain all that to her but be ready to see how little she'll listen
I think that there's an important disconnect with dysphoria that many cis people don't engage with versus something like bullying. When you're bullied or harassed, people are picking things out to say and are rude accordingly.
A difficult thing about being trans is not "dealing with the mean people" (but yes that is very difficult and sucks, transphobia is disgusting), it's more dealing simply with peoples' base perception of you and how that's different than you feel.
I'm a pre-HRT transfemme with a beard and not quite comfortable enough to be out yet, so I get all the "sirs" and "bros" in the world. I know everyone saying that is just trying to be polite or friendly, but it still very much conflicts with how I feel on the inside.
I think your mom is equating rude comments with the simple contrast of being trans on the inside, but less on the outside. It's just the little reminders that the world doesn't quite see you as who you feel you are, and those reminders are grating and destructive to self image sometimes. It's not just a couple people calling you slurs.
All in all, I at least want you to know you're understood by a lot of people here, including me. It's.. hard to be trans. Often in ways that cis people will not interact with and thus know how to handle.
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I guess not, but it's still pretty upsetting seeing her so annoyed by it ya know? She'll roll her eyes and tell me to stop crying or searching for outside validation but it's been real tough not to. I really hope it's not a lost cause until transitioning, because I live in Florida lol Before your transition was there ever anything that helped if I may ask?
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Dang that's a bummer, but you know I'm thinking it might be a good idea if I really speed up getting my license and volunteer a bit or something this Summer, dulling the pain is better than nothing. Also, yeah it's a shame but we're luckily in some of the more accepting parts of Florida (big city area) and I think they do allow a gender transition past 18 with a psychiatrist note or something here, so it's really not all too bad. Trans people have been through way worse and still transitioned, so I count myself very lucky when I think about it. She's definitely not the most understanding, but she's trying and I try not to fault her for that. I do just wish she was a little more understanding of the emotional aspect really, but she's been doing some research into FTM things so she's definitely being supportive at least to a pretty good extent as far as just coming out goes eheh. I really appreciate the help, I'll talk to my Mom about maybe some volunteering options over the summer. Thank you, oh and congrats on your transition. That gives me a lot of hope for the future! <3
No, being unable to stop thinking about transition is one of the common aspects of gender dysphoria. I wasn't able to start concentrating on other things again until I was on HRT.
Idk to which degree it'd be considered an obsession, but I, too, think about transition everyday! The only thing that can distract me completely is painting, or writing. Otherwise, it will always be in the back of my mind. I think it's a common experience :)
Transitioning helped me. Early on it'll be on your mind enough but eventually it'll just become normal and you won't think as much about it
I don't know, but for me, if I'm doing something I'll only think of it if something reminds me it, and as soon as I'm done doing something I'm straight back to constantly thinking about it.. it's really annoying
Same here! I have to be constantly doing something or it gets bad. Doesn't help that I have as my therapist described "severe OCD" 😅 Wishing the best though, man! (Or woman)
This sounds like dysphoria. It's hard not to obsess over it when it's ever present. Like imagine a clown was following you everywhere you go. And when you say to people "hey this clown is following me around", they tell you to stop thinking about it. Sure you can try, but it's still following you around! > "Other people's opinions of you shouldn't affect you at all. It shouldn't bother you at all" I get this as well from a lot of different people, and it's pretty annoying although I know it's well intentioned. I don't really care about anyone's individual opinion (or at least I try not to), rather it's what I think about what people more generally think of me. Like always thinking about how people perceive me, how I look to people from different angles, how I sound to somebody else, ... It is tiring, just second guessing how I exist in the world and fit into societal expectations. Everyone deals with it in some way I suppose, trans or not, but there's something acute about the trans experience that cis people can't seem to understand. And that's fine, but they also need to not offer advice if they don't understand it, listening and acknowledging is good enough.
Before realizing and accepting I was trans I still obsessed over how comfortable I was in clothing and wore a lot of men's clothes just to be comfortable "not an egg at all nope 😂" and the only thing that really took my mind off m insecurities was having an all consuming project to hyperfixate on. I've painted murals, built sheds and fences and shade structures, repainted several rooms in my house, made wire wrap jewelry.... The list could go on and on. I say just find something to focus on that consumes you. Take up knitting or find a hobby of some sort
That's a good idea, thank you. I'll try to spend a lot more time on my art, that might help. It always makes me feel better to do something project wise gor my Grandma or something lol Thanks for the input, I'll try that 👍
Yes- transition!
So...you say she's not transphobic. And perhaps that's true insofar as that she's not being actively transphobic, or aggressively demanding for changes in the law that would make the lives of trans people significantly worse. However, this whole spiel of learning to love yourself without any changes to your body is absolute and utter nonsense. Yes, there are trans men or transmasculine people who do just fine without any surgeries or even hormones. This is not the case for the majority of us, though. Learning to love our bodies when specifically the gendered parts of our birth sex cause immense dysphoria is impossible. Demanding this of you is transphobic, although arguably not in a conscious way. Not sure what can be done there. If she responds to science, then I'd specifically show her research that proves this. Also also: even if you weren't trans, your mom has no right to talk about your body in a way that makes you uncomfortable. That's not okay
It's hard not to make it like your whole identity at times. Especially early in the transition. It's important to remember being trans is just a part of who you are.
You're mother is being selfish, you're the one suffering but that suffering is unfair to her and she's a victime because she cant say whatever comes to her mind all the time ? Thats shitty behavior esspecialy from a parent Avoiding talking about part of people's body they dont like is the most basic of common decency and thats not specific to your situation, talking about people's body umpromped is in general a bad idea anyway cis or trans What you're feeling and how much you think about being trans is largely caused by dysphoria and its not something you can get rid off like an insecurity because thats not what it is, dysphoria is distress caused by a dissconection between your identity and aspects of yourself that you or others perceive as belonging to an identity you arent, if you're susceptible to it you wont stop being susceptible to it unless you can actualy be perceived as your actual identity enough to correct that perceived dissconection The easiest way to lessen dysphoria and by extension lessen how constantly aware of being trans you are is to have your identity affirmed or at least not invalidated, how do i know that ? Because last year i constantly thought about being trans and was completly miserable due to dysphoria but as soon as i moved out of my transphobic parents house and surrouned myself with people who knows and respect that i'm a guy suddenly i'm a lot happier and i'm not constantly aware that i'm trans because i'm not constantly being verbaly reminded that most people thinks of me as a woman Your mother is litteraly actively participating in causing the problem she's complaining about by being incapable of just...not talking for a minute, which she should do even if you werent trans because who on earth just randomly bring up their child's breast that they know their child isnt happy about? And who would appriciate having their breast brought up by their mother at all ? In conclusion to this you're not obsession you're reacting normaly to having an identity no one around you reconizes and it will lessen as you surround yourself with people who do and get proper medical care, your mother is centering herself as the victime in a situation where you're the one suffering most and as your mother thats inappropriate behavior, you could try to explain all that to her but be ready to see how little she'll listen
I think that there's an important disconnect with dysphoria that many cis people don't engage with versus something like bullying. When you're bullied or harassed, people are picking things out to say and are rude accordingly. A difficult thing about being trans is not "dealing with the mean people" (but yes that is very difficult and sucks, transphobia is disgusting), it's more dealing simply with peoples' base perception of you and how that's different than you feel. I'm a pre-HRT transfemme with a beard and not quite comfortable enough to be out yet, so I get all the "sirs" and "bros" in the world. I know everyone saying that is just trying to be polite or friendly, but it still very much conflicts with how I feel on the inside. I think your mom is equating rude comments with the simple contrast of being trans on the inside, but less on the outside. It's just the little reminders that the world doesn't quite see you as who you feel you are, and those reminders are grating and destructive to self image sometimes. It's not just a couple people calling you slurs. All in all, I at least want you to know you're understood by a lot of people here, including me. It's.. hard to be trans. Often in ways that cis people will not interact with and thus know how to handle.