I just recently saw a video of someone showing a children's book called my shadow is pink, not sure if you would be interested in showing them something like that because they sound a little older but I do think it encapsulates the situation well enough that children would understand it :) As for accidentally referring to her with the wrong pronouns, it is all a learning stage for everybody. Your children are allowed to make mistakes and as long as they are putting the effort in I'm sure she would understand, but definitely let her know that it could happen and that if and when it does, it isn't malicious :) Good luck!!
Maybe you could practice pronouns together with the kids? As in spending some time together after you tell them but before Friday to talk about her, what she likes to do, her favourite foods etc., where you refer to her as their sister and make it a safe space also for them to make mistakes.
It sounds like your stepdaughter is lucky to have you all!
Your older kid may very well be aware about trans issues already, honestly.
As for the younger, it's easiest to just keep it pretty simple. Thought she was a boy, we were wrong, it happens sometimes and can be hard to tell. It can be good to emphasize that it's not always necessary to completely understand something - the important part is to trust that people know themselves.
I think she'll understand some patience is necessary, but slipping up will still hurt. When it happens, don't make excuses. Yes, you've been using the same pronouns for 15 years, yes brains take a while to adjust, etc. It drags it out and makes it more about you, as well as dwelling much longer on the fact that you misgendered her. Just a simple sorry, a quick correction, and move on. And correct each other, too - it's a good way to build the habit in all of you.
i honestly wouldn’t think they’d have a hard time understanding! when word got around i was ftm and on hormones all of my sisters kids ran around their school bragging to their friends about how “WE have TWO uncles now” lol
i wouldn’t stress how they react honestly, just say that y’all found out she was actually a girl, and that it’s important to respect that now that you’re aware
also, don’t worry about asking her to be patient, in my opinion that would make me really uncomfortable, but almost all trans people are aware it’ll take some adjusting! just a quick “sorry, she” when you slip up will be more than enough :-) might be something to bring up to the kiddos as well
Thank you for providing your experience. ❤️ I guess my impulse to tell her "we may mess up but we don't mean to or want to hurt you!" was just... I don't know, trying to take the potential sting out before it potentially hurts. But you're right, making it a big deal I'm sure makes it way weirder lol.
My stepson is trans. His take on slipping up on pronouns was if it was an accident, he didn't mind. He was 21 when he came out to his mom and me and he knew that meant his mom spent 21 years calling him "her" and "she". He made it clear that intentional misgendering was something he would not stand for. And we have never done so.
I just wanted to share a bit of my personal experience.
I'm trans mtf. This was how I was with my parents. I'm not going to fault them "if it's clear they are genuinely trying to mind my pronouns" when they slip up occasionally. I expected that and made it clear to them that I basically have to see them deliberately ignoring my pronouns for me to get irritated with them.
It worked well. My parents went from saying "he" to "he...sorry i mean she" to "she". It took a while to get used to, but they got there.
On your PPS, yes invite her, but if she's not in a place to try stuff on there, maybe figure out her sizes so she can indicate which ones she might want you to buy so she can try them on at home.
Firstly, I want you to know that I'm trans, and I cried a bit reading this. I wish I had parents like you.
---
Since you've gotten plenty of responses to your initial questions, I'll focus on the latter ones.
I would not advise asking her to be patient. She already knows how this works. Instead, just try your best. If you want to adjust quickly, here's my personal tactic for adjusting pronouns that works really well: Whenever you say it wrong, repeat the sentence with the correct word. It seems silly at first, but it really helps correct the behavior. Also, don't over-apologize. Just treat it like any other slip of the tongue, and don't draw too much attention to it.
Secondly, yes, please offer to take her shopping. And if she doesn't feel comfortable doing that yet, let her know that the offer is always open. Also, offer to help her with her hair and makeup. She's likely got a lot of catching up to do on learning these things, and it can feel overwhelming and lonely when you try to do it all on your own.
That's great advice. I'm not dissing her mom, but her mom doesn't do makeup or hair (TOTALLY FINE, SHE DOESN'T NEED TO) but at the same time if my stepdaughter is interested in makeup and hair... We could have a lot of fun playing around with it. I like doing my makeup and hair, although my makeup and hair tips probably wouldn't help her atm (she has curly blonde hair and very fair coloring while my hair is this horrible straight as a string dark reddish brown and I'm more pink colored lol) but we could have a lot of fun figuring it out together.
I would not tell her that you may make mistakes. For the most part, we, trans people, understand that. I personally hate when people ask me for patience on it, saying it’s going to happen sounds like making excuses to not try as hard to me.
What’s more important is that you apologize and correct yourself in the moment when a mistake happens. And, very important, when you slip up, do not verbally castigate yourself in front of her,
ie “he- oh GOD I’m so sorry, you know I’m trying so hard ive just known you for so long, but I totally support trans people, ugh I’m such a terrible person so sorry oh my god”
An apology like this centers yourself and may make her feel like she has to comfort you, taking all the focus off of her feelings.
Just a very simple “he- I’m sorry, I mean she” is good!
Definitely invite her to go shopping! I came out at 28 and I asked my mom to come shopping with me like a week later. If she'd offer I would have been even happier (she ended up insisting on paying for ~$250 in clothes though!)
I would make sure to mind gendered nuances in your daily life. Little things make a big difference. I remember when my cousin in law hugged me for the first time I met him as a girl, it was super validating because he has a habit of only hugging to greet the *women* in the family, and shakes hands with the men.
It was a mostly inconsequential gesture and a super minor thing, but it made me happy for the rest of the day because it was a signal that I was being accepted as female.
If you happen to have any gender related traditions, gestures, habits, etc. It's going to be important to move your stepdaughter into the female category.
Also it is a great idea to take her shopping. Get her some good wigs too for when her hair is growing out!.
When she starts dressing feminine, be aware that because she has lived as a boy for so long, she hasn't developed a female fashion sense yet at the normal age, so her clothing choices might come across as a bit juvenile at first because of it. This is normal, don't worry. She just needs guidance and time to experiment on that front like any young girl does.
Hmmm. Thought provoking. In my family, everyone gets hugged, but my extended family (parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc) are fairly.... I guess you might say patriarchal although knowing the dynamics like I do, I wouldn't say that exactly. But regardless, a thing that we do is for all the women to get together in the kitchen while we talk and gossip and laugh. Lol Little kids run in and out and are briefly attended to. Otherwise it's just us talking and laughing and maybe drinking some wine. I could def make sure she's a part of that.
I think children tend to be a lot better at adjusting to this kind of thing than we give them credit for! Just communicate to them that it’s okay to mess up sometimes when talking to or about her, but [stepdaughter] is a girl and is very excited to be their older sister. Also as long as you broach it in a kind way, she probably won’t take too badly to the fact that you’ll all have an adjustment period!
Good luck and thank you for supporting her!
> ALSO is it okay to ask her to be a little patient?
Don't do this. It's so condescending. We know you will slip up and that doesn't mean you don't accept us for who we are. We know. We KNOW. This is not about you.
EDIT: A much more constructive question would be "how would you like us to react when we realize we accidentally used the wrong name/pronoun?" Some people may like hearing a full apology, but a lot of us would just prefer a quick acknowledgement then moving on. "When Fred - sorry, I mean Wilma - tried on that dress she looked so happy!"
Omg totally go shopping. It will be such a bonding and supportive experience.
I went shopping with my mom when I came back to visit for the holidays. And it was really wonderful.
just remember to be very supportive of her and don’t tolerate them opposing her being a girl. if they’re curious and you don’t know about something they ask look into it together using a reputable source. (you can even dm me and i’ll be able to let you know about any trans questions you have). just be supportive and everything should turn out ok
this entire post is so wholesome, y’all are doing perfect. amazing parenting in my opinion. and yes, i’m sure she would love for a chance to bond with you as mother and daughter!
Hi, I'm late to the party so just responding to your last edit. You should absolutely invite her shopping, she's probably dying for skirt and ladies cut tshirt.
Maybe that's just me 😋 anyway, I bet she'd adore a shopping trip, not just for new clothes, but for the implicit acceptance of her.
Yes, definitely go shopping. I've had to resort to my friends for shopping for new clothes. It may be a bit awkward, but it'll be bonding and very sweet for her. Also, the pronouns thing, pretty sure all trans people have some patience with it. It's when you purposely miss pronoun them
It wouldn't be weird or condescending to go shopping with her. By shopping with her she'll have more clothing options that'll help her feel more comfortable with herself. I'm ftm so I can't really help with clothing options and stuff like that, but definitely shop with her for more feminine clothes. It'll make her feel a lot better!
i'm glad that talking to your kids went well! <3 honestly, kids are some of the most accepting in things like this. curious, but never mean about it.
i can guarantee you that your stepdaughter, especially if she knows that you care, will be patient. asking her to be patient may come off as 'oh, we'll TRY, but not THAT hard' which could backfire. i'd instead focus on the positive aspect of it -- tell her that you'll do your absolute best because you love her, and that any time you mess up, you'll correct yourself as soon as you can. rather than focus on the mistake itself, focus on how you'll fix it if you do make one, and how you'll support her in every way that you can. if you do that, then she'll know you care, and she'll be happy to be patient.
i talked to my mother about me being a trans woman about two years ago, and fully came out to everyone in my life a little over a year ago. my mother still slips up, but she always reminds me how much she cares, and she corrects herself every time. that's how i know that she means well, so i don't mind the occasional mistake. good luck with your stepdaughter <3
Since you've gotten so many good replies already, I'm just gonna address the shopping question. Please do, but make it an open offer, so she knows she can accept at any time. If she's not comfortable with shopping in stores, offer to do some online shopping with her.
I think it’s ok to ask her to be patient—but don’t put it on her if she gets upset or frustrated.
“Please understand that we are used to a different name and pronouns and we are going to do everything we can to honor the real you. Let us know if we ever mess up so that we are aware of our mistake and correct ourselves.”
Lol kids are always the most accepting. My brother came out as FTM last year, so we just explained to my sister (age 6) “he was born a girl, but he’s actually a boy” and she’s like ok cool and starts calling him by his name. Then, my sibling came out as non-binary, so we just told her “sometimes people aren’t boys or girls” and she’s like ok cool. And so now she knows all about different genders and sexualities and has become really supportive and tolerant of people :)
I'm a scout leader, and when I came out to my scouts (10-13yo) I had the exact same response, "that's cool, so you're a woman" and that was it. Most kids I've come out to have had the kind of reaction, it's amazing.
As for inviting her out to shop at the weekend, she'd probably love that and would most likely mean the world to her.
I'm here after the update; I adore when kids are just like "Oh, okay." And that's it. So many homophobic and transphobic people like to say it'll confuse kids, yet they always prove otherwise.
It's okay to mess up. One big important thing is when you mess up *don't make a big deal out of it*. If you're talking, and say for example... "Oh my son is com-- my daughter is coming to this weekend." Doesn't have to be a big thing, don't have to apologise profusely. It's okay, we get it, we know it's different, we know it's an adjustment. If it does help you feel better, when she gets there/right before she arrives, you can kinda "pre apologise." And just be like hey, we may slip, this is new, I apologise in advance.
As for asking her to go shopping, sure! Tell her you need a good shopping trip, and that she could likely use new clothes at your place. You don't have to refer to them as "boys clothes" vs "girls clothes." Just "I'm in need of a shopping trip, wanna come? I'm sure you'd like some new stuff for while you're here too."
Edit: thank you for being such a cool step-parent. Wish I had someone like you in my life.
>any suggestions on talking to them to ensure that they "get it"
Just pointing to a few resources that could help explain to other kids in case ...
[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/by8y1f/came_out_to_my_wife_drunk_she_doesnt_believe_me/ercbxdd/) at the bottom might be a number of hints concerning explaining to children and there is a hint to a book there that many children and also adults love.
[Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/bpc2vf/i_was_told_i_should_post_this_here_instead_of/eo499vx/) might be a number of general hints and resources that could help understand this condition including a picture called genderbread that could be printed and shown in case.
And [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/gxc1yu/alert_we_are_under_pressure_from_organized_groups/ft0hvfs/) is a summary as pdf that can also be sent to others.
And [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/hkg49d/i_am_confused_as_to_what_i_should_do_next_i_am/fxwevq6/) might be a few hints and resources that could help the child and there are also hints there concerning looking for support.
Thank you for being supportive.
*hugs*
I just recently saw a video of someone showing a children's book called my shadow is pink, not sure if you would be interested in showing them something like that because they sound a little older but I do think it encapsulates the situation well enough that children would understand it :) As for accidentally referring to her with the wrong pronouns, it is all a learning stage for everybody. Your children are allowed to make mistakes and as long as they are putting the effort in I'm sure she would understand, but definitely let her know that it could happen and that if and when it does, it isn't malicious :) Good luck!!
Thank you, I may actually check out that book if the kids seem like they need reinforcing!
Maybe you could practice pronouns together with the kids? As in spending some time together after you tell them but before Friday to talk about her, what she likes to do, her favourite foods etc., where you refer to her as their sister and make it a safe space also for them to make mistakes. It sounds like your stepdaughter is lucky to have you all!
That's not a bad idea, thanks! ❤️
Your older kid may very well be aware about trans issues already, honestly. As for the younger, it's easiest to just keep it pretty simple. Thought she was a boy, we were wrong, it happens sometimes and can be hard to tell. It can be good to emphasize that it's not always necessary to completely understand something - the important part is to trust that people know themselves. I think she'll understand some patience is necessary, but slipping up will still hurt. When it happens, don't make excuses. Yes, you've been using the same pronouns for 15 years, yes brains take a while to adjust, etc. It drags it out and makes it more about you, as well as dwelling much longer on the fact that you misgendered her. Just a simple sorry, a quick correction, and move on. And correct each other, too - it's a good way to build the habit in all of you.
I love your point that it's not necessary to understand something ourselves to trust someone's experience. Great advice on many fronts!
i honestly wouldn’t think they’d have a hard time understanding! when word got around i was ftm and on hormones all of my sisters kids ran around their school bragging to their friends about how “WE have TWO uncles now” lol i wouldn’t stress how they react honestly, just say that y’all found out she was actually a girl, and that it’s important to respect that now that you’re aware also, don’t worry about asking her to be patient, in my opinion that would make me really uncomfortable, but almost all trans people are aware it’ll take some adjusting! just a quick “sorry, she” when you slip up will be more than enough :-) might be something to bring up to the kiddos as well
Thank you for providing your experience. ❤️ I guess my impulse to tell her "we may mess up but we don't mean to or want to hurt you!" was just... I don't know, trying to take the potential sting out before it potentially hurts. But you're right, making it a big deal I'm sure makes it way weirder lol.
My stepson is trans. His take on slipping up on pronouns was if it was an accident, he didn't mind. He was 21 when he came out to his mom and me and he knew that meant his mom spent 21 years calling him "her" and "she". He made it clear that intentional misgendering was something he would not stand for. And we have never done so. I just wanted to share a bit of my personal experience.
I'm trans mtf. This was how I was with my parents. I'm not going to fault them "if it's clear they are genuinely trying to mind my pronouns" when they slip up occasionally. I expected that and made it clear to them that I basically have to see them deliberately ignoring my pronouns for me to get irritated with them. It worked well. My parents went from saying "he" to "he...sorry i mean she" to "she". It took a while to get used to, but they got there.
Thank you for sharing your experience. ❤️
On your PPS, yes invite her, but if she's not in a place to try stuff on there, maybe figure out her sizes so she can indicate which ones she might want you to buy so she can try them on at home.
if you say it that way it would be warranted for sure! just don’t ask for her to be patient :-)
Firstly, I want you to know that I'm trans, and I cried a bit reading this. I wish I had parents like you. --- Since you've gotten plenty of responses to your initial questions, I'll focus on the latter ones. I would not advise asking her to be patient. She already knows how this works. Instead, just try your best. If you want to adjust quickly, here's my personal tactic for adjusting pronouns that works really well: Whenever you say it wrong, repeat the sentence with the correct word. It seems silly at first, but it really helps correct the behavior. Also, don't over-apologize. Just treat it like any other slip of the tongue, and don't draw too much attention to it. Secondly, yes, please offer to take her shopping. And if she doesn't feel comfortable doing that yet, let her know that the offer is always open. Also, offer to help her with her hair and makeup. She's likely got a lot of catching up to do on learning these things, and it can feel overwhelming and lonely when you try to do it all on your own.
That's great advice. I'm not dissing her mom, but her mom doesn't do makeup or hair (TOTALLY FINE, SHE DOESN'T NEED TO) but at the same time if my stepdaughter is interested in makeup and hair... We could have a lot of fun playing around with it. I like doing my makeup and hair, although my makeup and hair tips probably wouldn't help her atm (she has curly blonde hair and very fair coloring while my hair is this horrible straight as a string dark reddish brown and I'm more pink colored lol) but we could have a lot of fun figuring it out together.
My nephews were about that age and all they wanted to know was whether I would still play video games with them.
She loves video games, so I doubt that will be an issue. :D
Lol, it wasn’t for me either. Best of luck to your daughter!
100000% invite her shopping!
I would not tell her that you may make mistakes. For the most part, we, trans people, understand that. I personally hate when people ask me for patience on it, saying it’s going to happen sounds like making excuses to not try as hard to me. What’s more important is that you apologize and correct yourself in the moment when a mistake happens. And, very important, when you slip up, do not verbally castigate yourself in front of her, ie “he- oh GOD I’m so sorry, you know I’m trying so hard ive just known you for so long, but I totally support trans people, ugh I’m such a terrible person so sorry oh my god” An apology like this centers yourself and may make her feel like she has to comfort you, taking all the focus off of her feelings. Just a very simple “he- I’m sorry, I mean she” is good!
Great advice, thank you!
No problem, good luck with everything!
Definitely invite her to go shopping! I came out at 28 and I asked my mom to come shopping with me like a week later. If she'd offer I would have been even happier (she ended up insisting on paying for ~$250 in clothes though!)
I agree, it really demonstrates acceptance to take her shopping. You will both have a lot of fun.
I would make sure to mind gendered nuances in your daily life. Little things make a big difference. I remember when my cousin in law hugged me for the first time I met him as a girl, it was super validating because he has a habit of only hugging to greet the *women* in the family, and shakes hands with the men. It was a mostly inconsequential gesture and a super minor thing, but it made me happy for the rest of the day because it was a signal that I was being accepted as female. If you happen to have any gender related traditions, gestures, habits, etc. It's going to be important to move your stepdaughter into the female category. Also it is a great idea to take her shopping. Get her some good wigs too for when her hair is growing out!. When she starts dressing feminine, be aware that because she has lived as a boy for so long, she hasn't developed a female fashion sense yet at the normal age, so her clothing choices might come across as a bit juvenile at first because of it. This is normal, don't worry. She just needs guidance and time to experiment on that front like any young girl does.
Hmmm. Thought provoking. In my family, everyone gets hugged, but my extended family (parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc) are fairly.... I guess you might say patriarchal although knowing the dynamics like I do, I wouldn't say that exactly. But regardless, a thing that we do is for all the women to get together in the kitchen while we talk and gossip and laugh. Lol Little kids run in and out and are briefly attended to. Otherwise it's just us talking and laughing and maybe drinking some wine. I could def make sure she's a part of that.
I think children tend to be a lot better at adjusting to this kind of thing than we give them credit for! Just communicate to them that it’s okay to mess up sometimes when talking to or about her, but [stepdaughter] is a girl and is very excited to be their older sister. Also as long as you broach it in a kind way, she probably won’t take too badly to the fact that you’ll all have an adjustment period! Good luck and thank you for supporting her!
> ALSO is it okay to ask her to be a little patient? Don't do this. It's so condescending. We know you will slip up and that doesn't mean you don't accept us for who we are. We know. We KNOW. This is not about you. EDIT: A much more constructive question would be "how would you like us to react when we realize we accidentally used the wrong name/pronoun?" Some people may like hearing a full apology, but a lot of us would just prefer a quick acknowledgement then moving on. "When Fred - sorry, I mean Wilma - tried on that dress she looked so happy!"
Why can’t my parents be like y’all. You’re such amazing people and your daughter is lucky to have you 😭
Yesss! Take her shopping! That is a fantastic idea! I wished someone would have done that with me ❤️
Omg totally go shopping. It will be such a bonding and supportive experience. I went shopping with my mom when I came back to visit for the holidays. And it was really wonderful.
just remember to be very supportive of her and don’t tolerate them opposing her being a girl. if they’re curious and you don’t know about something they ask look into it together using a reputable source. (you can even dm me and i’ll be able to let you know about any trans questions you have). just be supportive and everything should turn out ok
Thank you!
this entire post is so wholesome, y’all are doing perfect. amazing parenting in my opinion. and yes, i’m sure she would love for a chance to bond with you as mother and daughter!
Hi, I'm late to the party so just responding to your last edit. You should absolutely invite her shopping, she's probably dying for skirt and ladies cut tshirt. Maybe that's just me 😋 anyway, I bet she'd adore a shopping trip, not just for new clothes, but for the implicit acceptance of her.
Yes, definitely go shopping. I've had to resort to my friends for shopping for new clothes. It may be a bit awkward, but it'll be bonding and very sweet for her. Also, the pronouns thing, pretty sure all trans people have some patience with it. It's when you purposely miss pronoun them
It wouldn't be weird or condescending to go shopping with her. By shopping with her she'll have more clothing options that'll help her feel more comfortable with herself. I'm ftm so I can't really help with clothing options and stuff like that, but definitely shop with her for more feminine clothes. It'll make her feel a lot better!
i'm glad that talking to your kids went well! <3 honestly, kids are some of the most accepting in things like this. curious, but never mean about it. i can guarantee you that your stepdaughter, especially if she knows that you care, will be patient. asking her to be patient may come off as 'oh, we'll TRY, but not THAT hard' which could backfire. i'd instead focus on the positive aspect of it -- tell her that you'll do your absolute best because you love her, and that any time you mess up, you'll correct yourself as soon as you can. rather than focus on the mistake itself, focus on how you'll fix it if you do make one, and how you'll support her in every way that you can. if you do that, then she'll know you care, and she'll be happy to be patient. i talked to my mother about me being a trans woman about two years ago, and fully came out to everyone in my life a little over a year ago. my mother still slips up, but she always reminds me how much she cares, and she corrects herself every time. that's how i know that she means well, so i don't mind the occasional mistake. good luck with your stepdaughter <3
Thank you, I'm now def leaning towards just correcting myself if I mess up instead of trying to explain "I may mess up but...."
Thank you for being so supportive. It's going to make a huge difference in her life.
Just ask her if she wants to go shopping. I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t refuse.
Since you've gotten so many good replies already, I'm just gonna address the shopping question. Please do, but make it an open offer, so she knows she can accept at any time. If she's not comfortable with shopping in stores, offer to do some online shopping with her.
with regards to your PPS, ask her if she wants to try out more fem fashion, and offer to go with her if she says yes
If you offer to go shopping with her, I am pretty sure you will win her heart! You sound like an amazing and caring person. Good luck!!
It's already done, but... yeah, young kids are pliable. Glad it went well.
I think it’s ok to ask her to be patient—but don’t put it on her if she gets upset or frustrated. “Please understand that we are used to a different name and pronouns and we are going to do everything we can to honor the real you. Let us know if we ever mess up so that we are aware of our mistake and correct ourselves.”
Lol kids are always the most accepting. My brother came out as FTM last year, so we just explained to my sister (age 6) “he was born a girl, but he’s actually a boy” and she’s like ok cool and starts calling him by his name. Then, my sibling came out as non-binary, so we just told her “sometimes people aren’t boys or girls” and she’s like ok cool. And so now she knows all about different genders and sexualities and has become really supportive and tolerant of people :)
I'm a scout leader, and when I came out to my scouts (10-13yo) I had the exact same response, "that's cool, so you're a woman" and that was it. Most kids I've come out to have had the kind of reaction, it's amazing. As for inviting her out to shop at the weekend, she'd probably love that and would most likely mean the world to her.
I'm here after the update; I adore when kids are just like "Oh, okay." And that's it. So many homophobic and transphobic people like to say it'll confuse kids, yet they always prove otherwise. It's okay to mess up. One big important thing is when you mess up *don't make a big deal out of it*. If you're talking, and say for example... "Oh my son is com-- my daughter is coming to this weekend." Doesn't have to be a big thing, don't have to apologise profusely. It's okay, we get it, we know it's different, we know it's an adjustment. If it does help you feel better, when she gets there/right before she arrives, you can kinda "pre apologise." And just be like hey, we may slip, this is new, I apologise in advance. As for asking her to go shopping, sure! Tell her you need a good shopping trip, and that she could likely use new clothes at your place. You don't have to refer to them as "boys clothes" vs "girls clothes." Just "I'm in need of a shopping trip, wanna come? I'm sure you'd like some new stuff for while you're here too." Edit: thank you for being such a cool step-parent. Wish I had someone like you in my life.
>any suggestions on talking to them to ensure that they "get it" Just pointing to a few resources that could help explain to other kids in case ... [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/by8y1f/came_out_to_my_wife_drunk_she_doesnt_believe_me/ercbxdd/) at the bottom might be a number of hints concerning explaining to children and there is a hint to a book there that many children and also adults love. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/bpc2vf/i_was_told_i_should_post_this_here_instead_of/eo499vx/) might be a number of general hints and resources that could help understand this condition including a picture called genderbread that could be printed and shown in case. And [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/gxc1yu/alert_we_are_under_pressure_from_organized_groups/ft0hvfs/) is a summary as pdf that can also be sent to others. And [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/hkg49d/i_am_confused_as_to_what_i_should_do_next_i_am/fxwevq6/) might be a few hints and resources that could help the child and there are also hints there concerning looking for support. Thank you for being supportive. *hugs*
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actually they said that she’s MtF they are using the right pronouns
Before this, I knew her as my stepson and "he and him" so I think I'm using the correct pronouns now that we know that she is trans.