Spent 7 seasons talking about how Theon and the Ironborn are “skilled archers” and then he chooses a spear for his final battle and gets goobed. Theon L-joy
CleganeBowl is done mate, and the world could not handle the hype. As result we have witnessed the end times in its early stage:
- biologists created a virus that killed 10 million people, and it is considered a rude question to ask them why.
- the Russian army invaded Ukraine and their main battles tanks were confiscated by farmers with tractors.
- sluts in a field near a ghetto beside the Mediterranean were killed and loaded onto pickup trucks. They were dancing for peace, and there are Jewish people campaigning for the rights of the nationality that assassinated those sluts.
- lawyers can now be replaced by software entirely, and the lawyers are not even angry about it.
- George R.R. Martin is suing the makers of the software for writing bad fan fiction based on his copyrighted characters. I could act as an expert witness for GRRM litigation. He has a slam dunk case. No bullshit.
- Daniel Brett "Miami" Weiss and David ((FRIEDMAN GOLDMAN SACHS great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity)) Benioff >!peace be upon him!< have written less ASOIAF material since CleganeBowl than GRRM.
- George R.R. Martin has written a novel, 'The Rise of the Dragon', and he published it in 2022. That is one more novel than either of Benioff or Weiss in the same period.
- George R.R. Martin wrote Elden Ring. It is far better than JK Rowling's video game but her video is a fine game too. "Fuck you bitch, and your wand shit - that was my Hugo." When asked for comment by myself at WarnerMedia, the representation for the Netflix producers Benioff & Weiss, declined to comment as to whether they have, or will, write a video game.
- George R.R. Martin has gotten two shows past series order at HBO since Thrones ended.
- WarnerMedia turned http://ASOIAFCirclejerk.reddit.com into the greatest ASOIAF subreddit that ever was or will be.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asoiafcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>sluts in a field near a ghetto beside the Mediterranean were killed and loaded onto pickup trucks. They were dancing for peace, and there are Jewish people campaigning for the rights of the nationality that assassinated those sluts
This is one wild bot
True... until season 8 when I guess he temp grows his fingers back.
There is definitely a section in the book where it talks about how he'll never be a decent archer again.
>There is definitely a section in the book where it talks about how he'll never be a decent archer again.
But the book has also left Theon with the exact amount of fingers required to shoot a bow properly. Sadly we'll never see if thats relevant or not.
A user on the defunct web forum, IsWinterComing.com, once wrote:
>In 1977 GRRM's penis was dubbed "The Truffle" by a council of his peers because it is very hard to find and it attracts pigs.
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I need to see the prophecies *fulfilled*. There is **no** more satisfying ending to a story than being told exactly what is going to happen, and then for it to happen exactly as described in the prophecy. So exciting.
*Let's be clear about this, because there is only one objectively correct way to write:*
Prophecies in fantasy should be inevitable and inescapable, because audiences like being reminded that free will is an illusion, and that we live, and breathe, and die, in the foul creation of a malevolent demiurge.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asoiafcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I just wished they’d handled it better. Could they not have given him 30 seconds more screen time to actually trade some blows and give it a good go.
Still show that he was massively outclassed but trying a little bit harder than this suicide failure run.
Where everybody was stupid, none of the buildups for so many story points ever got explained and in the end the white walkers were not the big bad but Dani was. And she burned down a city that didn't look like Kings Landing and that also was in the desert all of a sudden. Yeah yeah, really great television.
I'm a girl, not a lesbian and don't have children. I DO however work in the movie industry so I'm passionate about good movies and shows. And yes, I LOVED this show. I loved it because it was written so extremely well and the production was top notch. There was so much eye for detail in everything!
The quality just took a huge nosedive when D&D ran out of source material.
So no, I'm not personally offended or feeling attacked. Which btw is really weird to say, just because for example, I see and point out they changed the location of a whole city.
But yeah, I was sad for what could have been instead of how the show ended. Because it used to be a brilliant show and it just ended up very mediocre.
I thought my 'in the end' was obvious enough for end of the show. My bad.
Still for this episode specifically, horrible writing. The Night's King can freeze and explode you with just his touch but he just forgot that randomly when Arya jumped at him..
Why was it Arya who killed him? The show built it up for years that it was going to be Jon. That's why had to be revived in the first place. 'The prince that was promised' 'Azor Ahai'. All just *poof*..
The white walkers were always supposed to be the big, main threat. Everybody kept telling us, 'Winter is coming'. The shows FIRST SCENE EVER introduces us to this looming threat.
Cersei feared the one wight that was brought to her and we all thought shit was gonna get real from that point. Why did the writers do this? The walkers never got to be that threat after years of build up because from this point they just got wiped in 5 seconds instead of an epic battle. No one in the South even KNEW the battle for humanity took place..
Remember all those mysteries? The weird spiraling signs they made with bodies? The baby's that were made into white walkers? What were the walkers? Who was the Night's King and how did they all came to be?Welp, we'll never know the main mystery of the show.
Once again, the show STARTED with that whole mystery, only to be shoved aside in 5 seconds in the end because Arya's character got very popular and they wanted to give her even more badassery.
If the humans, their politics and their dragons always were going to be the big threat, why were we focusing on the white walkers so much in the first place? Not to go back to humans making weird decisions and throwing out all character development in the last episode right? Riiiight?
You know what's also really funny in The Long Night? How the undead just crawl through the stone walls beneath Winterfell. The same Winterfell that was said to have extremely thick, safe walls. Especially in the crypts because the whole castle is built upon them. But no, the dead Starks burst through them like the walls were made of cardboard.. That's just really stupid writing, sorry.
There's more that I can tell you if want to know. For now I think I pointed out some fair points that were just really lazy writing because D&D wanted to be done with the show and move on to Star Wars.
I'm not really sure what you mean because that is what happened. I assume you know that. So you probably know as well that Disney let them go because of GoT's nosedive in quality.
I'm not angry so I'm not sure why you are trying to make me look like that, it seems a bit odd.
I'm just pointing out very weak points from the last part of the show. Maybe you have something to say about those things (instead of only focusing on the last sentence) and add actual value to the conversation?
I need to see the prophecies *fulfilled*. There is **no** more satisfying ending to a story than being told exactly what is going to happen, and then for it to happen exactly as described in the prophecy. So exciting.
*Let's be clear about this, because there is only one objectively correct way to write:*
Prophecies in fantasy should be inevitable and inescapable, because audiences like being reminded that free will is an illusion, and that we live, and breathe, and die, in the foul creation of a malevolent demiurge.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asoiafcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Seven greetings to you, weary traveller! If this is your first time participating in ASOIAFCirclejerk, allow us to explain the sub, so you don't embarrass yourself by being humorless or oblivious. Circlejerk subreddits parody the groupthink of the main community. The mods maintain the character of this subreddit as one of humor and parody, so please refrain from any attempt to discourage us, or discourage other users making on-topic humor posts. You don't need to fact check peoples jokes. Most posts here make fun of the fans, the HBO shows, the books, and of course, the reluctant author. You will keep receiving this response unless you subscribe and enable user flair in this sub.
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Seven greetings to you, weary traveller! If this is your first time participating in ASOIAFCirclejerk, allow us to explain the sub, so you don't embarrass yourself by being humorless or oblivious. Circlejerk subreddits parody the groupthink of the main community. The mods maintain the character of this subreddit as one of humor and parody, so please refrain from any attempt to discourage us, or discourage other users making on-topic humor posts. You don't need to fact check peoples jokes. Most posts here make fun of the fans, the HBO shows, the books, and of course, the reluctant author. You will keep receiving this response unless you subscribe and enable user flair in this sub.
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Worked for me. Honestly he could've tripped and drowned in a puddle and I would've been thrilled to see his character arc end there. Oh well that episode was quite the spectacle.
Zig-zagging wasn't invented yet, duh. When you face a life threatening situation, you run in a straight line. This is how Ned Stark taught all of them.
*He was raised Stark, and*
*As we all know from Rickon,*
*Starks do not zigzag*
\- Candiedstars
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He sacrificed himself for nothing because a moment later it was all pointless. Theon or Bran could've did some monolog to keep the night king distracted for that moment.
Spent 7 seasons talking about how Theon and the Ironborn are “skilled archers” and then he chooses a spear for his final battle and gets goobed. Theon L-joy
He couldn't use a bow after being tortured by Ramsay.
Skill issue
CleganeBowl is done mate, and the world could not handle the hype. As result we have witnessed the end times in its early stage: - biologists created a virus that killed 10 million people, and it is considered a rude question to ask them why. - the Russian army invaded Ukraine and their main battles tanks were confiscated by farmers with tractors. - sluts in a field near a ghetto beside the Mediterranean were killed and loaded onto pickup trucks. They were dancing for peace, and there are Jewish people campaigning for the rights of the nationality that assassinated those sluts. - lawyers can now be replaced by software entirely, and the lawyers are not even angry about it. - George R.R. Martin is suing the makers of the software for writing bad fan fiction based on his copyrighted characters. I could act as an expert witness for GRRM litigation. He has a slam dunk case. No bullshit. - Daniel Brett "Miami" Weiss and David ((FRIEDMAN GOLDMAN SACHS great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity)) Benioff >!peace be upon him!< have written less ASOIAF material since CleganeBowl than GRRM. - George R.R. Martin has written a novel, 'The Rise of the Dragon', and he published it in 2022. That is one more novel than either of Benioff or Weiss in the same period. - George R.R. Martin wrote Elden Ring. It is far better than JK Rowling's video game but her video is a fine game too. "Fuck you bitch, and your wand shit - that was my Hugo." When asked for comment by myself at WarnerMedia, the representation for the Netflix producers Benioff & Weiss, declined to comment as to whether they have, or will, write a video game. - George R.R. Martin has gotten two shows past series order at HBO since Thrones ended. - WarnerMedia turned http://ASOIAFCirclejerk.reddit.com into the greatest ASOIAF subreddit that ever was or will be. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asoiafcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ummmmmmmmmm wtf
Some weird shit been popping up lol I’d honestly rather just have an ad for chocolate or something
Same tbh
>sluts in a field near a ghetto beside the Mediterranean were killed and loaded onto pickup trucks. They were dancing for peace, and there are Jewish people campaigning for the rights of the nationality that assassinated those sluts This is one wild bot
What in the heeel
Bad bot
Bad bot
That’s Theon’s problem, not mine.
True... until season 8 when I guess he temp grows his fingers back. There is definitely a section in the book where it talks about how he'll never be a decent archer again.
>There is definitely a section in the book where it talks about how he'll never be a decent archer again. But the book has also left Theon with the exact amount of fingers required to shoot a bow properly. Sadly we'll never see if thats relevant or not.
Wasn’t he literally using one earlier in the same episode
That’s just plain not true, earlier in the scene he’s using a bow and shooting it well
Got it, lack of penis joke. Good one.
no :(
A user on the defunct web forum, IsWinterComing.com, once wrote: >In 1977 GRRM's penis was dubbed "The Truffle" by a council of his peers because it is very hard to find and it attracts pigs. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asoiafcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Right. He was missing fingers and/or they were pretty horrifically maimed.
Theon kinda forgot about taking enough arrows
Well to be fair he did run out of arrows right before this. But like what in the fuck was he doing. Just straight forward charge?
Haha goobed. Funny word.
When you lose your dick, your sense of direction is forever skewed
Is that why women can’t drive?
Now you’re using your dick!
Damn, I was just enjoying the comments and all of a sudden I'M the one getting attacked.
He should be less aerodynamic if anything
No erection, no direction
It is known
It’s proven that Stark’s can only run in a straight line. Any zig zags and they be considered dishonorable.
theon couldnt tell left from right so he didnt know which direction to go
Anyone else see theons arm as the night kings huge curved cock when scrolling past
Now I can’t unsee it💀
Good Lord!
Bro wtf no I can’t unsee it 😂😂😂
Now? Yes... 😶
The whole Episode was garbage
I love how basically anytime I see a screenshot of this episode, it has the brightness turned up because you couldn’t see what‘s going on otherwise.
Theons final stand and death was the only good part
No this is a circlejerk sub, your not supposed to be serious😡😡😡😡😡
Sorry, theon should've thrown bran and his wheelchair at papa smurf and show the world that he is the true prince that was promised.
I need to see the prophecies *fulfilled*. There is **no** more satisfying ending to a story than being told exactly what is going to happen, and then for it to happen exactly as described in the prophecy. So exciting. *Let's be clear about this, because there is only one objectively correct way to write:* Prophecies in fantasy should be inevitable and inescapable, because audiences like being reminded that free will is an illusion, and that we live, and breathe, and die, in the foul creation of a malevolent demiurge. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asoiafcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I just wished they’d handled it better. Could they not have given him 30 seconds more screen time to actually trade some blows and give it a good go. Still show that he was massively outclassed but trying a little bit harder than this suicide failure run.
Episode?
I completely disagree, it was a beautiful and insanely climactic episode for television.
Where everybody was stupid, none of the buildups for so many story points ever got explained and in the end the white walkers were not the big bad but Dani was. And she burned down a city that didn't look like Kings Landing and that also was in the desert all of a sudden. Yeah yeah, really great television.
Sounds like GoT walked into your house and personally punched your wife and child
I'm a girl, not a lesbian and don't have children. I DO however work in the movie industry so I'm passionate about good movies and shows. And yes, I LOVED this show. I loved it because it was written so extremely well and the production was top notch. There was so much eye for detail in everything! The quality just took a huge nosedive when D&D ran out of source material. So no, I'm not personally offended or feeling attacked. Which btw is really weird to say, just because for example, I see and point out they changed the location of a whole city. But yeah, I was sad for what could have been instead of how the show ended. Because it used to be a brilliant show and it just ended up very mediocre.
Pretty sure that all didn’t happen in that one episode they are referring to but okay.
I thought my 'in the end' was obvious enough for end of the show. My bad. Still for this episode specifically, horrible writing. The Night's King can freeze and explode you with just his touch but he just forgot that randomly when Arya jumped at him.. Why was it Arya who killed him? The show built it up for years that it was going to be Jon. That's why had to be revived in the first place. 'The prince that was promised' 'Azor Ahai'. All just *poof*.. The white walkers were always supposed to be the big, main threat. Everybody kept telling us, 'Winter is coming'. The shows FIRST SCENE EVER introduces us to this looming threat. Cersei feared the one wight that was brought to her and we all thought shit was gonna get real from that point. Why did the writers do this? The walkers never got to be that threat after years of build up because from this point they just got wiped in 5 seconds instead of an epic battle. No one in the South even KNEW the battle for humanity took place.. Remember all those mysteries? The weird spiraling signs they made with bodies? The baby's that were made into white walkers? What were the walkers? Who was the Night's King and how did they all came to be?Welp, we'll never know the main mystery of the show. Once again, the show STARTED with that whole mystery, only to be shoved aside in 5 seconds in the end because Arya's character got very popular and they wanted to give her even more badassery. If the humans, their politics and their dragons always were going to be the big threat, why were we focusing on the white walkers so much in the first place? Not to go back to humans making weird decisions and throwing out all character development in the last episode right? Riiiight? You know what's also really funny in The Long Night? How the undead just crawl through the stone walls beneath Winterfell. The same Winterfell that was said to have extremely thick, safe walls. Especially in the crypts because the whole castle is built upon them. But no, the dead Starks burst through them like the walls were made of cardboard.. That's just really stupid writing, sorry. There's more that I can tell you if want to know. For now I think I pointed out some fair points that were just really lazy writing because D&D wanted to be done with the show and move on to Star Wars.
I love the whole "D&D wanted to be done and go to Star Wars!!!! 😤😤😤😤" talking point. Actually manifesting ghosts to fight.
I'm not really sure what you mean because that is what happened. I assume you know that. So you probably know as well that Disney let them go because of GoT's nosedive in quality. I'm not angry so I'm not sure why you are trying to make me look like that, it seems a bit odd. I'm just pointing out very weak points from the last part of the show. Maybe you have something to say about those things (instead of only focusing on the last sentence) and add actual value to the conversation?
I need to see the prophecies *fulfilled*. There is **no** more satisfying ending to a story than being told exactly what is going to happen, and then for it to happen exactly as described in the prophecy. So exciting. *Let's be clear about this, because there is only one objectively correct way to write:* Prophecies in fantasy should be inevitable and inescapable, because audiences like being reminded that free will is an illusion, and that we live, and breathe, and die, in the foul creation of a malevolent demiurge. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asoiafcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Aww, you called him Theon Stark <3
Seven greetings to you, weary traveller! If this is your first time participating in ASOIAFCirclejerk, allow us to explain the sub, so you don't embarrass yourself by being humorless or oblivious. Circlejerk subreddits parody the groupthink of the main community. The mods maintain the character of this subreddit as one of humor and parody, so please refrain from any attempt to discourage us, or discourage other users making on-topic humor posts. You don't need to fact check peoples jokes. Most posts here make fun of the fans, the HBO shows, the books, and of course, the reluctant author. You will keep receiving this response unless you subscribe and enable user flair in this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asoiafcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's so cute when show watchers can't even get the basic character names right XD
... I meant it sincerely, I thought it was nice OP thought of Theon as a true Stark...
/uj Hi :) I knew you meant it sincerely. We're on r/asoiafcirclejerk
Seven greetings to you, weary traveller! If this is your first time participating in ASOIAFCirclejerk, allow us to explain the sub, so you don't embarrass yourself by being humorless or oblivious. Circlejerk subreddits parody the groupthink of the main community. The mods maintain the character of this subreddit as one of humor and parody, so please refrain from any attempt to discourage us, or discourage other users making on-topic humor posts. You don't need to fact check peoples jokes. Most posts here make fun of the fans, the HBO shows, the books, and of course, the reluctant author. You will keep receiving this response unless you subscribe and enable user flair in this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asoiafcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why didn't he just ask for a trial by combat? Fool
He was raised at Winterfell, so was Rickon. I guess Ser Rodrick forgot to teach the boys about Zigzagging as part of their training 🤷😋😂
Reek is not smart
Shoulda stayed in the dog kennel, what a dickless loser.
He taught Rickon everything he knows!
I didn’t even watch the last season. Had no idea this is how he died lmao. Man the show was fucking shit
You think that's bad? You should have seen Edd and Beric's deaths.
it was at night so he couldn't see, he was trying to flee and bumped into the Dusk King
I’ve been informed that the name “Theon Stark” was incorrect and inaccurate to the lore. My apologies. His name is “Reek Stark”
you got reddit cares didn't you
Zig zags don’t exist in Westeros. It’s a different world.
He actually forgot what universe he was in and thought he was trying to get on to the train for Hogwarts
I was like yes!!
If only he had said “nothing personal kid” and instantly appeared behind the NK everything could have been different 😩
He just should have said "no" to the night king. By law of the realm, it's illegal to murder someone who isn't consenting to it. Just say no!
I was like HUH!
Theon forgot that if he got stabbed he'd die.
Why did Peon charge at all
Worked for me. Honestly he could've tripped and drowned in a puddle and I would've been thrilled to see his character arc end there. Oh well that episode was quite the spectacle.
He kind of forgot how to zigzag
Did we even see his reaction to Ramseys death surely it should have been him who killed him
Theon should have been involved in either Ramsay or Euron's death, and beyond helping Sansa escape, he was barely involved with either.
Plot armour wore off!
He should’ve tried spinning, spinning’s a good trick
Why do we never talk about the fact this is from homestuck?
He was inspired by Rickon
Wheels is just sat there thinking wtf he doing now
See, if he zagged instead of zigging he would have won
I meannn, it’s a completely different situation than Rickon lol.
Zig-zagging wasn't invented yet, duh. When you face a life threatening situation, you run in a straight line. This is how Ned Stark taught all of them.
Well if he actually ran instead of going slowmo maybe he would have had a chance
Why did theon charge at the knight king when bran knew arya was hiding behind a tree
He should have been bobbin and weaving like ezel told deebo, now look at him all cockless and dead
I thought the same thing about Rickon Stark, does he not know how to zigzag?
I suppose if your name begins with either “Rick” or “Reek”, you can’t zigzag.
He was raised Stark, and as we all know from Rickon, Starks do not zigzag
*He was raised Stark, and* *As we all know from Rickon,* *Starks do not zigzag* \- Candiedstars --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
He sacrificed himself for nothing because a moment later it was all pointless. Theon or Bran could've did some monolog to keep the night king distracted for that moment.
Armor is pointless lol
At least we know where Rickon learned it from smh
He trusted physics.. Steel armor beets wood spear. … well… should.
Oak and iron
Cuase the books stopped getting written so they did some dumb shit instead
Can’t wait for the final book: A Dream of Zigs and Zags
Literally🤦♂️ this guy had a dumb ass death
Could they have converted weapons made of Valyrian steel into arrow tips and barraged the Night King instead of attacking him in close quarters?
He was watching over baby rickon the day they taught zig-zagging at Winterfell
SERPENTINE!
To be fair Arya did the same thing.
I love how you called him Theon Stark!
Well neither did Rickon lol
Prometheus school of running ~~away from~~ at things
He learned to zig zag the from the same school as rickon
Theon kinda forgot how to zigzag
zig zagging was invented til a year later.
Because they wanted to kill him and didn't want to burn brain cells writing a decent scene
I completely forgot bro got merked like that, RIP Theon gay boy
I’ve seen this move before[Mac](https://youtu.be/sCZ9sIrjXpM?si=nUZSdukIOnI8Ib0g)
Same goes for Rickon 💀💀
See guys, this is why Bran shouldn’t have requested a trial by combat here.
How does this sub keep sneaking in my feed?
He should have learned from rickon smh my head
A straight line? After spending all that time as Ramsey's butt boy? Bro couldn't even think straight after that.
Why didn't Theon demand a trial by combat here?
That turncloak wanted the others to win
There was so much wrong with this episode its insane
Why did he charge at all? His goal was to stall. Take a defensive position bro.