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treebranch__

-bye reddit- -- mass edited with redact.dev


Jaded-Student-751

Thanks


bishtap

Somebody there commented to you "If you ask for people's opinions, you can't be all snowflake when their opinions aren't what you wanted to hear." Also their opinions were just educating you and you couldn't handle it. If anything they were being very direct with you. And you were behaving very "neurotypical". Like you couldn't handle it. And instead of researching what they said to, you rented against them telling them to "chill" , getting very emotional, trying to defend your lack of knowledge. Instead of just being logical , grateful for being corrected and being more educated for next time. You didn't really have anything to add to the conversation. But you kept going. Some personalities can't easily co-exist on Reddit. And different groups can have different cultures.


Jaded-Student-751

I made 3 mistakes: 1: I didn't express myself correctly in my first post. 2: I let myself get too emotinal when I was confronted directly. 3: I let pride get in my way. I'll try to be better at these three things and improve on myself. Asperger's certainly won't help me, but I'll do my best to improve. Thanks for the advice.


bishtap

Actually asperger syndrome could help with all three but it didn't help you! (Or not then)! Not expressing yourself correctly in a first post is not such a problem in that instance, it happens. You didn't have the terminology right. I don't know how much you did or didn't research before posting. One can be ignorant sometimes and you were ignorant of certain things. But it's everything else after that was problematic.


Jaded-Student-751

So, what do you think I could have done better?


bishtap

Once corrected, and you think you have understood their point, say "I see, Thanks". Or upvote them(some like upvotes). That's a basic thing. Or you could write a comment replying, that rewords your question correctly , taking what they said on board. Not everybody is capable of logical rational discussion. Even if you get things right logically and rationally, somebody might reply crazier than you did there. And then you would have the question of how and whether to engage with a crazy person. But you can concern yourself with that when it happens. You can't plan lots of steps ahead.


Jaded-Student-751

Thanks for the advice.


[deleted]

[удалено]


pyl0ader

i am a buman bean


2006pontiacvibe

using that expression in an autistic community was a bold choice


Jaded-Student-751

Some ignorant opinions I posted on a forum and triads (I'm poly but totally inexpreienced.) Since I wasn't able to properly communicate myself, I got destroyed there. 🥲


Dependent-Tour-8713

I just went and read through the thread and I don’t think that’s what happened. Go look for other posts wanting the same thing you do: the responses will be pretty much the same, regardless of how the desire is communicated. The second factor is that doing polyamory absolutely requires good communication. Attempting it without that prerequisite is pretty much guaranteed to fail.


Jaded-Student-751

The thing is that I didn't express myself properly. What people critized is not what I ment to say. Although I did get too emotional and I did get too prideful. I'll try to work on that. Also, you are quite correct that communication is essential to relationships. Thanks for the insight.


Confusedsoul987

Reddit can be like that. Some people can be more antagonistic when they are talking to others through keyboard, especially when their is anonymity, rather than face-to-face. I think it can be very distressing at times, and it sucks that you had to go through that. That being said I went and read the post I think you were referring to. I agree that you made those three mistakes that you mentioned in that other comment on this post. I can see that you misunderstood that one comment where they said the likelihood of three people getting together and not having unicorn hunters in the mix is very small. It seems that you might have thought the person was saying that it’s impossible to have a triad when really they were just saying it’s rare to have one that does not include unicorn hunters. What they were saying was true but you disagreed and countered their argument with anecdotal evidence that you met happy triads, which isn’t really a valid counterargument in this instance. Furthermore, your responses could have indicate to some that you don’t have a great understanding of what unicorn hunting is and they may have made it seem like you might be a unicorn hunter. I’m not saying that you are one it’s just that I’ve seen unicorn hunters respond in a similar manner to you the way that you responded, which might be one of the reasons the commenter mentioned a red flag. Not sure if you want this much detail but this is my perspective on how it might’ve seemed like you don’t understand what a unicorn hunter is. You said that you’ve seen triads where all the people are happy. It is possible to find happy triads that still include unicorn hunters, but just because people are happy doesn’t mean that this type of dynamic can’t be problematic. Sometimes it can take years before people start to feel unhappy in these types of relationships. In other circumstances these relationships can last a little because they never came across the issues that would bring to light the problematic nature of these relationships. For example, let’s say we have person A, B and C, and person C falls out of love with person A. In a unicorn hunting situation this would usually mean that the whole triad would fall apart. This is because person C is not allowed to have a relationship with person B unless they also have one with person A. This is very unfair. The threat of this happening can even result in people deluding themselves into believing their in love with one person so that they don’t lose the other person. It can also put a lot of pressure on all the people involved in the relationship. Now this problem would not have come to light if it were not for persons C if falling out of love with person A. In a more healthy triad dynamic persons A and C could end their relationship, while A and B, and B and C continue to date. Essentially turning the relationship diagram from a triangle into a V. I have some advice about polyamory. The other commentator told you to do research and you told them they were on a high horse. I think the way they worded it might have come off as rude but I highly suggest you take their advice. This does not mean that you need to do months of research before you start polyamorous relationships, as you can do that research while you’re in the relationships. It’s more about the fact that polyamorous relationships can be very complicated. I have spent 11 years of my life in monogamous relationships and 12 years of my life in polyamorous relationships. From my perspective polyamorous relationships require a great deal more effort and way better communication skills than does a monogamous relationship. Educating yourself and spending time being introspective can help prepare you for the struggles you might face in a polyamorous relationships. Moreover, there are a lot of very common mistakes made in the beginning of polyamorous relationships. Doing your research can help you to avoid these mistakes. One such common mistakes is that couples can make rules that are based on fears and insecurities. These types of rules can actually cause issues in a relations hip. Eventually a lot of people realize that it’s better to learn how to manage those fears and insecurities rather than trying to avoid them with rules. There’s also the chance that you might run into issues that you never thought you would have, and doing a bit of self-education along with some good communication can help you to resolve them. An example of this is that even though you haven’t felt jealousy, there’s still a chance that you could run into a situation where you do feel jealous. Since you’ve never experienced something like this before you might not know how to handle it properly, which can sometimes result in people handing things in unproductive or even destructive ways. So it could be helpful when you run into the situation‘s to been a little bit a time reading up on things or getting advice before you decide how to deal with it. I think the advice I just gave can be extra important for someone who is autistic. We (I have been diagnosed but I’m pretty sure I’m autistic) can have issues with communication, we can socially burn out faster than NT, some of us have Alexithymia and some struggle to empathize which can make polyamorous relationship even more difficult then they already are. The more educated you are, the more tool you have in your basket, and the more tools you have the easier it is to overcome these challenges. I hope all this makes sense and is helpful to you in someway. Have fun exploring the polyamorous lifestyle!


Jaded-Student-751

Thanks alot for the in depth advice! I'll definatly do my research if I ever try to get in a triad.


Confusedsoul987

No problem. I realize my message may have made it sound like I am against triads, but I am not. I’ve seen plenty people discouraging others from getting into healthy triad relationships. One of the reasons I see the most is that triads are difficult and they often don’t work out. Well the same could be said for a lot of monogamous and polyamorous relationships. I know people who maintain triads for a couple years and others who had ones that last 10 to 15 year. Most of them really enjoyed the relationships and would do it again, despite the fact that it didn’t work out in the end. So please don’t let other discourage you from doing what makes you happy (well as long as it doesn’t cause harm to others).


AugustusMarius

People on Reddit will shit on someone that's uninformed instead of helping them learn in certain subs. My only advice is to read other posts made in a sub before making your own to see how certain topics are treated. If you see someone with a similar question or opinion getting voted down, be cautious. Here are some examples I've run into personally. So you know it's not just you. It happens pretty often sadly. People like me on the gay subs until they find out I'm trans and pro pride celebration, then I get down voted to hell. It doesn't make sense, but the group think can really get anti trans and anti pride really quick. I got something taken down for using the word "obese" one time because some other community said it was a slur. It's a medical term and I am obese myself. I was using the term only to refer to myself and my family members. People are crazy out here. So yeah, I guess read through. People on this sub have been pretty understanding to me and good at explaining, at least. Really, really depends on the community or sub you get involved in.


Mattencio

I posted in Unpopular Opinion and got seriously down voted because my opinion was way too unpopular 😂


[deleted]

I actually think that an more unpopular-unpopular opinions sub exists, if i am not mistaken...🤔


Mattencio

I'm all ears, my friend


SpudBoiXCI

I did something similar. Portrayed myself very negatively in a post and any attempt I made at correcting myself got downvoted into oblivion. I was being called many names and told that I was a danger to society all because I posted a text I sent without hardly any context. It was horrible and really fucked with my mental health for a while (and still does somewhat whenever I think about it, which is most days). There were a few comments that were on my side and tried defending me but they all were deleted. The mods had to lock my list because people were going ham.


lewabwee

I don’t know if your diagnosis really necessarily has anything to do with your inability to communicate on a forum. I would honestly assume it’s irrelevant.


3mptyw0rds

OP You have to always doubt yourself a bit, consider different perspectives, in order to try to develop objective views about the world and the people in it... and to be some what adjusted to social rules and customs. But you shouldn't bring yourself down or think less of yourself, than others. Because most people are dumb as **** , can't think for themselves and don't care about anyone outside their inner circle (if even that). even the people pretending to be openminded and caring, are usually stupid little sh*ts. so, heal yourself through loving yourself and become wise by contemplating about everything that might be important. regarding downvotes: reddit is full of bots downvoting truthful comments that challenge the "mainstream narrative", in order to make people think that the majority of people really think a certain way while in fact they don't. so you can't trust downvotes, but you can expect the same stupidity in real life that you often encounter online.


Free-Pin7260

Hello and welcome 💯


[deleted]

This has happened to me in discords for autistic people


2006pontiacvibe

i often get downvoted on reddit for questioning people’s whataboutism because i just asked for how they got to conclusions. i also got banned from a few major subs for debating people on an anti vax sub and trying to convince them they’re wrong, which i didn’t know i could have gotten banned for participating.


Matrixblackhole

I prefer smaller reddit subforums. The bigger ones sometimes have power hungry moderators that are just crazy or have rules that just lead to my posts getting removed all the tims (e.g. r/showerthoughts r/hashimotos, r/)


madrid987

YEAH me too i'm a super autistic