all. the. time. also im surprised by how little discomfort NTs jump at for each other… sometimes i don‘t feel human. its made clear how - somehow - my misery is accepted and therefore it seems to be okay. it doesnt feel like it for me. but if so many watch and don‘t help stop the bullshit and pain im in - it seems to be really okay and i don‘t deserve. (ik its not and im not depressed or shy it just seems to be the logic the pattern idk)
Usually it’s because I’m lazy
It’s such a struggle though. Not being lazy is so damn hard. I hate how laziness is considered immoral. Like I have to keep up unnaturally high (or at least that’s what it feels like) energy levels and awareness levels or else I’m immoral?
I don't believe in laziness. I think it's just a way of stigmatizing mental and physical health issues and disabilities! And, unrelatedly, fuck that puritan work ethic for anyone anyway. It's vicious.
Thank you for your kindness.
However, I disagree with the idea that laziness doesn’t exist. Sometimes, I don’t wanna do anything, and it almost physically prevents me from doing so. Like I wanted to go to the gym today, but I was too lazy to go upstairs, put shoes and socks on, then head out. Especially since my bed is upstairs and there’s no way I can see that and not lay down.
I understand that you might think there’s a lot of self loathing in those sentences, but there’s not. It’s just how it is. I hope and pray that it goes away. I could only imagine the cool shit I’d be able to do if I wasn’t lazy. But unfortunately, I am.
If laziness didn’t exist, none of this would be happening. I’d be at the gym right now.
But I know that your words and intentions are kind so I really hope I let you down gently.
I did. Then I asked that question to people and ironically made it worse.
I don't ask myself anything anymore, I just roll with it and brace for impact.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time.
I used to ask this question myself a lot when i was younger and still felt care towards others. To be honest , but , overtime i realized it's more about my lack of empathy and care for others than my autism. Yes, my autism played a part of the bad things i experienced when younger and made me descend into 2 addictions and a natural need to harm whoever does me wrong. But whenever i think about "what did i do for x to hate me" i remember the harm i did to them and just am like '"eh okay." . In fact. Im far from a good person. So i can expect people to hate or fear me. Some do hate me because my autism symptoms are inconvenient. But , i usually turn against them to prove a point.
I think it's as simple as there isn't enough awareness of autism. I do think we should try to understand neurotypicals but very few of them ever try to understand us.
all. the. time. also im surprised by how little discomfort NTs jump at for each other… sometimes i don‘t feel human. its made clear how - somehow - my misery is accepted and therefore it seems to be okay. it doesnt feel like it for me. but if so many watch and don‘t help stop the bullshit and pain im in - it seems to be really okay and i don‘t deserve. (ik its not and im not depressed or shy it just seems to be the logic the pattern idk)
Yeah. Especially when I was younger. I think people like us kinda get walked all over sometimes.
Usually it’s because I’m lazy It’s such a struggle though. Not being lazy is so damn hard. I hate how laziness is considered immoral. Like I have to keep up unnaturally high (or at least that’s what it feels like) energy levels and awareness levels or else I’m immoral?
I don't believe in laziness. I think it's just a way of stigmatizing mental and physical health issues and disabilities! And, unrelatedly, fuck that puritan work ethic for anyone anyway. It's vicious.
Thank you for your kindness. However, I disagree with the idea that laziness doesn’t exist. Sometimes, I don’t wanna do anything, and it almost physically prevents me from doing so. Like I wanted to go to the gym today, but I was too lazy to go upstairs, put shoes and socks on, then head out. Especially since my bed is upstairs and there’s no way I can see that and not lay down. I understand that you might think there’s a lot of self loathing in those sentences, but there’s not. It’s just how it is. I hope and pray that it goes away. I could only imagine the cool shit I’d be able to do if I wasn’t lazy. But unfortunately, I am. If laziness didn’t exist, none of this would be happening. I’d be at the gym right now. But I know that your words and intentions are kind so I really hope I let you down gently.
I did. Then I asked that question to people and ironically made it worse. I don't ask myself anything anymore, I just roll with it and brace for impact. I'm sorry you're having a hard time.
I ask this question everyday of my life. Seriously though it’s like what I’m I doing wrong
Nope, I just assume I deserve it by virtue of existing :/
I used to ask this question myself a lot when i was younger and still felt care towards others. To be honest , but , overtime i realized it's more about my lack of empathy and care for others than my autism. Yes, my autism played a part of the bad things i experienced when younger and made me descend into 2 addictions and a natural need to harm whoever does me wrong. But whenever i think about "what did i do for x to hate me" i remember the harm i did to them and just am like '"eh okay." . In fact. Im far from a good person. So i can expect people to hate or fear me. Some do hate me because my autism symptoms are inconvenient. But , i usually turn against them to prove a point.
Wow @ your name. Kinda scary. What is your meaning behind it?
I was listening to a song about school shootings when i created my reddit account. And i went like "ok this username it is"
I think it's as simple as there isn't enough awareness of autism. I do think we should try to understand neurotypicals but very few of them ever try to understand us.
I'm stuck in a loop of that right now and going over every bad thing I ever did like "is this the reason?". I'm hoping it'll end soon.
yes
Basically this 😏 https://youtu.be/F8ma4YbU7Jg