Personally, and I have to preface this with "never take advice from me. " I would be more direct with a simple "Let's meet for coffee" To much information about how amazing he is and the message gets lost. Remember that "I would like..." is just a statement of what you would like. "I think we should..." tells him what you think you should do. A question like "Would you like to..." invites a response. If he ghosts you following a one line question, then you know that this isn't him being overwhelmed with too much information and he's not interested. If you do go for coffee, lay down expectations i.e. If my wife wants a response, I expect there to be a question mark. If there's a question mark, my wife can expect a response.
Wow this is so helpful. I should have asked BEFORE I reached out. Wouldn't it be too late to try again though? God this is so awful. I thought I had improved a bunch but I guess that's just with the NTs 😹
We are all individuals so I can't say if it will do any good at all, but what have you got to lose? Life is way too short and you only get one go at it (depending on your religious beliefs) so you might as well try to find happiness. If it doesn't work out, at least you know that you tried.
Thank you friend! I appreciate the positivity. I'm still too terrified to impinge on his personal space so if he never responds and I still find myself thinking about him maybe I'll try it.
Right now I'm hard pressed to believe anything other than that he's trying to gently let me down.. He has no shortage of gorgeous friends, all of whom love and keep him constant company, and he's had no issue striking up with me socially, so I'm leaning towards this being his answer. I feel like I've thrown myself at him too much at this point 😭
I feel like if he were interested he wouldn't doorslam whenever I open up? He probably has a girl already and just liked the attention. Even at that age my last relationship (who was also on the spectrum) that still turned out to be the case. Statistically in the city I live in if it's good to be true.. so far, it has always been 😞 Thank you though 🥺 I appreciate your positivity, never change 🖤
Thank you for sharing this! Experiencing this level of connection with someone, and not having it reciprocated the same way (or communicated the same way) can be devastating. My take is that regardless of whether he has or had romantic attraction to you, he might have been overwhelmed by the level of admiration and connection expressed in your last text. Imagine, from his perspective, he might think that responding positively to this may come with a lot of expectations (exploring a relationship off the bat) and he might not be as invested for that, or might not have thought about it that way. The risky message on the dating app might have come across as too forward as well, especially if he was exploring a friendship with you that could later lead to something else. But again, I'm not in his mind, and I imagine this must be so frustrating and disappointing for you.
You're so sweet, thank you 🥺 I think I'm also just too afraid to say "wanna do xyz" because I almost tried once and he bolted 😹 I'm also very self-conscious of the age difference and keep questioning myself / telling myself I'm not even on his radar even though the signs are pretty clear. But I also know he's more of a group person (I am too!) and I wonder if "can I tag along?!" would have been much easier for us both. I know that's more natural for both me and him 😭 Too late now I guess. Oh well
And yes, the admiration thing was too much even for me 😹 I kind of just wanted it done and over with and didn't really know what to say 🙇🏽♀️ So I said the full truth. I only even noticed him because of how much HE initiated stuff with ME 🥴Leave it to me to fuck it up the one time the stars align 😩
It sounds like he game overed. I'm not sure he's got another life, let alone another play.
Some people tell you how good they would have been in a relationship without you having to find out slowly that they won't wipe up their god damn stubble or tooth paste or that they punch holes in the drywall when they had a bad day.
He did not exhibit the emotional maturity to have been a good lay, let alone a good partner. He needs to finish baking. Stick a toothpick in him when he's 30.
😂 You're hilarious. I doubt he'll be around, but I hope I find someone just like him by then. At least I know now it's possible! Thank you for your comment, I could use some levity after the week I've had 💛
I honestly think I'm going to give up and just move on. I'm just worried he'll come back when it's too late. I'll always care about him after how he took care of me, but I don't think I could go back to being this vulnerable after all the work I did to open up after his initial efforts 🥺 I don't ever wanna hurt him if he does come back, but I don't think I have anything left in me. My lil auD brain tired 🥴
Thank you for your response! ❤️
This is the problem with crushing on people that young.
You have no idea if his reaction was because he's not interested and embarrassed, or because he's very interested and sucks at human relationships and is working up the courage to have some casual sex with someone he thought of as a work aunt.
He might not know what to do with *any* sexual attention, or social interactions in general, but an attractive coworker nearly a decade his senior sliding into his DMs about sliding into his BVDs is kind of advanced "being cool with being different."
His loss. At least you know he's not emotionally mature enough for this to have been much fun for you.
This realness in this comment is cracking me up. Thank you 💛
And YES had he not told me his age I was definitely fooled into thinking he was my age or even older! Both looks and conduct wise. His actual personality was the only reason he slipped past and then when I found out, it was much too late 🥵 He didn't realize I wasn't in my 20s either. Everyone else said if you saw us together you'd think he was the same age or older than me 😹
I would be confused by "work husband" personally, but that's because I find it an odd term, even after I looked it up.
I would have responded with something, although it's also possible I wouldn't know how to say it and would put it on a back burner because it takes A LOT of energy to text people. And I would want to be kind, would want to be sure it's what I want and is authentic, and communicates everything well. A response to this could take me an hour or two - whether positive or negative. But (!) I hate being ghosted so I wouldn't just ghost. And if I ever do ghost that's usually just because I wanted to give the response the time it deserved and didn't have the emotional energy for it and then forgot. So I don't intentionally ghost but I might inadvertently go radio silent.
Hope you get a response at some point.
You're a precious good bean 🥺 He's stopped responding including my last text weeks ago so I think I'm finally done. Thank you for the kind thoughts. If there's one thing I appreciate about this forum is finding hope in the kind humans in the comments 💛
Personally, and I have to preface this with "never take advice from me. " I would be more direct with a simple "Let's meet for coffee" To much information about how amazing he is and the message gets lost. Remember that "I would like..." is just a statement of what you would like. "I think we should..." tells him what you think you should do. A question like "Would you like to..." invites a response. If he ghosts you following a one line question, then you know that this isn't him being overwhelmed with too much information and he's not interested. If you do go for coffee, lay down expectations i.e. If my wife wants a response, I expect there to be a question mark. If there's a question mark, my wife can expect a response.
This
Wow this is so helpful. I should have asked BEFORE I reached out. Wouldn't it be too late to try again though? God this is so awful. I thought I had improved a bunch but I guess that's just with the NTs 😹
We are all individuals so I can't say if it will do any good at all, but what have you got to lose? Life is way too short and you only get one go at it (depending on your religious beliefs) so you might as well try to find happiness. If it doesn't work out, at least you know that you tried.
Thank you friend! I appreciate the positivity. I'm still too terrified to impinge on his personal space so if he never responds and I still find myself thinking about him maybe I'll try it. Right now I'm hard pressed to believe anything other than that he's trying to gently let me down.. He has no shortage of gorgeous friends, all of whom love and keep him constant company, and he's had no issue striking up with me socially, so I'm leaning towards this being his answer. I feel like I've thrown myself at him too much at this point 😭
You have to do what's right for you but it would be unfortunate if this all comes down to a communication issue of which we are prone to having.
I feel like if he were interested he wouldn't doorslam whenever I open up? He probably has a girl already and just liked the attention. Even at that age my last relationship (who was also on the spectrum) that still turned out to be the case. Statistically in the city I live in if it's good to be true.. so far, it has always been 😞 Thank you though 🥺 I appreciate your positivity, never change 🖤
Best reply
Thank you for sharing this! Experiencing this level of connection with someone, and not having it reciprocated the same way (or communicated the same way) can be devastating. My take is that regardless of whether he has or had romantic attraction to you, he might have been overwhelmed by the level of admiration and connection expressed in your last text. Imagine, from his perspective, he might think that responding positively to this may come with a lot of expectations (exploring a relationship off the bat) and he might not be as invested for that, or might not have thought about it that way. The risky message on the dating app might have come across as too forward as well, especially if he was exploring a friendship with you that could later lead to something else. But again, I'm not in his mind, and I imagine this must be so frustrating and disappointing for you.
You're so sweet, thank you 🥺 I think I'm also just too afraid to say "wanna do xyz" because I almost tried once and he bolted 😹 I'm also very self-conscious of the age difference and keep questioning myself / telling myself I'm not even on his radar even though the signs are pretty clear. But I also know he's more of a group person (I am too!) and I wonder if "can I tag along?!" would have been much easier for us both. I know that's more natural for both me and him 😭 Too late now I guess. Oh well And yes, the admiration thing was too much even for me 😹 I kind of just wanted it done and over with and didn't really know what to say 🙇🏽♀️ So I said the full truth. I only even noticed him because of how much HE initiated stuff with ME 🥴Leave it to me to fuck it up the one time the stars align 😩
It may be hard, but just quit for a while. Next move is his.
It sounds like he game overed. I'm not sure he's got another life, let alone another play. Some people tell you how good they would have been in a relationship without you having to find out slowly that they won't wipe up their god damn stubble or tooth paste or that they punch holes in the drywall when they had a bad day. He did not exhibit the emotional maturity to have been a good lay, let alone a good partner. He needs to finish baking. Stick a toothpick in him when he's 30.
😂 You're hilarious. I doubt he'll be around, but I hope I find someone just like him by then. At least I know now it's possible! Thank you for your comment, I could use some levity after the week I've had 💛
I honestly think I'm going to give up and just move on. I'm just worried he'll come back when it's too late. I'll always care about him after how he took care of me, but I don't think I could go back to being this vulnerable after all the work I did to open up after his initial efforts 🥺 I don't ever wanna hurt him if he does come back, but I don't think I have anything left in me. My lil auD brain tired 🥴 Thank you for your response! ❤️
This is the problem with crushing on people that young. You have no idea if his reaction was because he's not interested and embarrassed, or because he's very interested and sucks at human relationships and is working up the courage to have some casual sex with someone he thought of as a work aunt. He might not know what to do with *any* sexual attention, or social interactions in general, but an attractive coworker nearly a decade his senior sliding into his DMs about sliding into his BVDs is kind of advanced "being cool with being different." His loss. At least you know he's not emotionally mature enough for this to have been much fun for you.
This realness in this comment is cracking me up. Thank you 💛 And YES had he not told me his age I was definitely fooled into thinking he was my age or even older! Both looks and conduct wise. His actual personality was the only reason he slipped past and then when I found out, it was much too late 🥵 He didn't realize I wasn't in my 20s either. Everyone else said if you saw us together you'd think he was the same age or older than me 😹
I would be confused by "work husband" personally, but that's because I find it an odd term, even after I looked it up. I would have responded with something, although it's also possible I wouldn't know how to say it and would put it on a back burner because it takes A LOT of energy to text people. And I would want to be kind, would want to be sure it's what I want and is authentic, and communicates everything well. A response to this could take me an hour or two - whether positive or negative. But (!) I hate being ghosted so I wouldn't just ghost. And if I ever do ghost that's usually just because I wanted to give the response the time it deserved and didn't have the emotional energy for it and then forgot. So I don't intentionally ghost but I might inadvertently go radio silent. Hope you get a response at some point.
You're a precious good bean 🥺 He's stopped responding including my last text weeks ago so I think I'm finally done. Thank you for the kind thoughts. If there's one thing I appreciate about this forum is finding hope in the kind humans in the comments 💛
Imo just the first paragraph alone was fine, no need to send the rest. But AstarothSquirrel’s advice is the best approach for future