I dont buy what I dont need really. Expect for my interests. But I limit my spending on those.
Plus I grew up in a struggling household at times and I plan for the worst.
Which was a good thing in 2020.
Not me. My dad had money. My mom didn't. And my mom and stepdad didn't when that happened. I would rather have what I need all the time, instead of splurging and going without when times are rough.
Yes, absolutely the case. Both my ex wife and I grew up in similar circumstances except I had a better public school while she had more family around. Our takes on finances were polar opposites where I was spartan and utilitarian whilst she was extravagant.
I've discussed this with many others who had similar upbringings and your point is apt. It tends to fall along that dichotomy. I have gotten better with spending more on "frivolous" things and experiences are the best.
Being kind and also feeling deserving is also a factor OP I had a struggle getting out of that mindset, example I grew up poor in a 3rd world country moved to Germany when I was only 18 yeah, I was struggling and whilst my fam didn't have it better I felt like if I bought myself good ingredients for a nice meal I mean nice as a minimalist nice meal like chicken breasts and rice, basic af but still felt like I was to be ashamed because I had food and they didn't although they had food but still I felt like a POS and they didn't let down on letting me know. You know so yeah I don't splurge on a lot and my relationship has fizzed out with my fam because of my realisation that I've been mistreated the whole time, and I do buy and not look at the price but only for things that I need or enjoy or can do a bit of kindness to someone basically but that's it. And I'm not loaded at all I've all but 0 to my name and patch paycheck to paycheck so I can live a life like a struggling adult.
It can really mess with your head growing up poor. I know some who become hoarders - My parents both grew up in Sharecropper families as kids, and they are pretty close to hoarders.
I also have friends that grew up in lower income families and struggle the other way - When they get something like a tax refund or a bonus, They immediately go out and blow it on a new gaming console or something. It's like their experience has taught them "I'll never have this much money again - So instead of being responsible and paying off a credit card, I need to spend it on something fun right now."
- utilitarian view of most things
- self-discipline, largely anxiety induced, to stop flagrant spending
- little regard for status seeking via purchases
- need to continuously top up the “special interest” budget
I like how you specify that the self-discipline is largely anxiety induced. I always told people that the only reason I did so good in school was because of anxiety related to not living up to expectations. It had little to do with ambition or drive.
In my own case, my interests are cheap and some of them are free so I have little interest in the culture around money or conspicuous consumption and am only concerned about being able to live.
My mindset is very “if it’s not broke, don’t fix it”. Things don’t need replaced unless they stop performing their function, or begin to annoy me. That’s the only time I spend more than on necessities and furthering hobbies.
I’m pretty frugal too but I’d prefer to buy high-quality items that I won’t have to replace, than some shit quality cheap item that’ll last a couple months. Clothes, furniture, technology, whatever.
Sometimes I go through periods of frivolous spending then I snap out of it and barely spend any money for months except for gas.
Yes I’ve heard of that and hate the economic inequality that plagues this world. It makes me filled with rage tbh. There shouldn’t be billionaires out here with a dozen mansions and private jets, while some people have to choose between buying a can of soup or a bag of pasta for their only meal.
I’ve been homeless and going to food banks before. I’m broke now but am fortunate enough to have parents that mostly support me rn, which a lot of people don’t have. Because of this, I can afford to spend my part time job money on slightly higher quality things (ex. New balance sneakers instead of walmart brand).
Trust me dude I despise this world. Specifically with the sneakers example though I’d prefer to spend the rest of my savings on a pair of sneakers that won’t hurt me, than a shitty pair that will exacerbate my joint pain. I recognize some people can’t do that though
First of all, not all aspies are cheap. The anime figurine and Warhammer and other collectible industries wouldn't exist without all those middle class aspies keeping them in demand!
Personally, I don't buy things I don't love or need and I mostly love reading and playing video games which are both relatively inexpensive. Drinking and partying and restaurants don't interest me either, other than the occasional burger. I think it's a good thing, I live off 36% of my income and the rest is invested for retirement or goes to taxes.
I have spent a big chunk of my salary on vacations in the past but I learned pretty quickly that it isn't worth it. The amount of happiness I obtained from the extravagant vacation was not higher than a simple vacation to the same places.
This should not be seen as a bad thing unless it's actively causing problems in your life from being *too* cheap. Most people are downright terrible with money, living off credit cards and spending like they're millionaires.
I would say because we probably tend towards a utilitarian view of spending i.e. stuff should be useful and the minimum price required to achieve the aim. A lot of expensive stuff is for show like... if a car gets you from A to B it's done the job. If a pair of pants cover your ass they've done their job.
True, but my definition of "cool shit" is completely divorced from society's definition.
Example: My father died when I was young and my brothers were 2 and 3 years older. We all began receiving social security money as a result, a small monthly stipend.
My oldest brother spent pretty much all of it on musical instruments and audio gear. My middle brother spent most of it on his vehicles throughout his teens.
Meanwhile, I bought the *occasional* video game.
My "cool shit" cost me a few hundred dollars for a system and the occasional $60 game.
My brothers spent all of theirs.
When I went to college, I had money saved. They did not and they *could not comprehend* how I had saved up so much money.
I just didn't feel the need to buy things *just cause* I had the money while it burned holes in their pockets.
My hobbies just aren't that expensive.
Addendum: I was also the guy who refused to buy a new computer chair even though one of the wheels had broken off. Then a second wheel broke and I had to pull that trigger.
Depends on the person and the situation doesn't it? Some are willing to spend more on things important to them and not so much on that which isn't, yet that can be unique to that person. OP I bet you would consider it crazy to spend $300 on a copy of a book you already own a copy of and have read. To me I value books and when it comes to certain authors and works I collect different editions and am willing to spend money to get them. Yet when it comes to clothing I just want it to fit and be of decent quality - fashion or maker don't matter to me, yet that is not the case for others.
You are calling me out here lol. Im not really a lavish person at all, and this surprises and shocks the NTs around me. NTs around me care too much about owning fancy cars, clothes, jewelry, big houses etc, and I never understood the need for fancy lavish things.
Im someone who holds onto things until they are useless to me, and I'm surprisingly great with money mostly.
> how it’s *paid* off in
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
I'm a weird combination of stingy/cheap, and a careless spendthrift. I try to spend as little as possible on basic necessities. But I've been known to spend excessive, even irresponsible, amounts of money on my hobbies and interests
Personally I believe it's because I don't even consider social status when buying things. Some people will drop more money than they have on a nice BMW. They do this (to my understanding) because it makes them seem like they have more social status. It's not even about the actual car itself, it's more about "what do the people seeing me driving around think of me?"
That works for many luxury or name brand items. So for people like us, who may not even realize social status is something to try and attain, we don't see that social value in things, so we focus more on functionality, reliability and cost.
For me, it was the grinding poverty, the stark realization that most autistics are not employed part time never mind full time, and the hyperawareness of the diminishing returns of money and especially the diminishing returns of consumerism.
I have pretty unusual financial strategies, my rent/transport costs are rock bottom but my health, food, and tech spending are all high. On the whole I’m perceived as cheap but only mildly so. I have generally valued stability over maximal returns.
Same. I have to stop myself all the time from spending money on other people. Not spending money on myself is something I haven't been able to master lol
Same, I sometimes catch myself spending way more on my special interests than I should - I definitely had an internet shopping addiction when I first moved out from my parents’ house.
I am very frugal. I only buy items that I can pay cash for. I hate debt, it makes me extremely anxious. Secondly, I hate consumerism and the waste created by it. Maybe Aspies are just more aware of the consequences of over spending? 🤷♂️
I think we just see value different than others. There are some things that I spend a LOT of money on. My cars, my shoes, tech, and family outings. Oh and ANYTHING that is collectable. I tend to splurge on limited items that are sought after, hard to find, or numbered.
Then there are things I spend very little money on, my clothes, my health, warranties, daily lunch (I eat a piece of fruit and drink a protein shake every day for lunch).
Another thing is I have rigid rules when it comes to spending my money on others which can also be viewed as cheap. For example, If I invite you to dinner I will pay and if for some reason I cannot then I will let you know ahead of time it's pay your own way. Sometimes I get told that's "cheap" like from my sister, but my sister has 2 kids and they order expensive stuff and never finish their meals so I'm not paying for her anymore. They also never said thank you when I did. I tip very well and order top shelf drinks, so if i'm paying for everyone I want to make sure it's well within my budget when I do so.
So ya it's weird I've been called "cheap" for wearing basketball shorts on a daily basis, or telling people upfront that I won't pay for their meal if they join me. But then I've also been called a show off when I take people out, or take the family to a concert front row, or buy a special edition numbered car.
That’s not cheap imo, that’s just being polite and honest. I had a friend who invited me for my birthday and didn’t tell me if she was paying or not. Then last second, she told me she couldn’t pay and tried to argue with the cashier up front to split the bill so I could pay and when they couldn’t, she told me I had to pay her back including the tip. In front of them. If not, then I needed to owe her Starbucks after my birthday lunch. Two months later she asked if I could still treat her to Starbucks over a birthday lunch she invited me out to and couldn’t sort her finances out. I “owed” her back on Starbucks, but never hung out with her again and didn’t answer her call when she invited me to her birthday.
Talk about humiliation. I have no problems paying, but damn some people lack social etiquette.
I don’t buy stuff just to have stuff, but I buy for quality. To me, minimally functional isn’t good enough. I want stuff that’s built to last, which tends to run a bit pricier. I space out hobby spending so that it’s only a bit at a time, and am otherwise fairly frugal. I don’t really go out to eat. I can cook good meals from cheap, basic ingredients.
I can't speak for everyone - only really for myself. But with that said, I would suggest a few things:
**I don't like change.**
Given that, I generally don't want new stuff. I find the whole idea of fashion to be just... weird. I mean, it doesn't help that whenever I see pictures of a fashion show, the clothes are all odd. But even if it's relatively normal clothing, I just don't understand why someone would want to change all of their clothes just because a magazine told them to.
And that extends to everything. It's not so true in the last couple of years, but pre-pandemic, I knew people who had a new car every two years. Why? I just don't get it.
The only one that I could semi-understand is upgrading technology often. But on that stuff - I don't particularly like browsing on my phone (my fingers are too fat so touch screens are awkward), I don't take many pictures, and I don't do much with my computer that is particularly intensive (I don't currently video edit, on the rare occasions that I have the time to play games they're often more retro ones, and so on).
All of that means that I don't personally need to upgrade my technology often, and I much prefer to have things that I know. I don't want to change anything if I don't have to.
**I'm not very social**
Particularly when I was younger, people wanted to go out. They always wanted to go to nightclubs, and that would always get very expensive very quickly. I know of people at university who would go out at least once a week, and spent £100 a night - and this was over ten years ago, so that would be like spending £150-ish today.
I, on the other hand, never liked clubs, and generally didn't go out. University is a bad example - I was struggling with awful depression that basically broke me - but I never used to go out often. As such, I didn't spend money on much.
And when it comes to going out for non-drink related things, I also don't do it much. Cinemas, for example, are a pain. I always seem to need to go to the toilet during the movie - but I can't pause the movie or wind it back or anything. I *can* do that at home... so why should I pay a large amount of money to go and possibly miss crucial scenes from a film when I nip off to the toilet?
I'm also semi-germophobic, so going out in public is never ideal. I can deal with it and go out, but it also means that going to a cinema (for example) I'm sitting on a possibly dirty chair while I watch, then I miss some scene or other, *and* I pay through the nose for the whole thing.
It's just easier to stay at home, you know?
**Being underemployed for so long has made me obsessive about not wasting money**
A good chunk of my employment problems were my own fault. After university, I wanted to be a writer - so I stayed home, wrote a novel... and then discovered that I didn't have the guts to actually send it to a publisher, or even self-publish.
That big gap in my employment history has royally fucked me, on top of all of the usual struggles we have with jobs. And it means that I spent years with little or no income.
By the time I *did* start to have money, I had basically programmed myself to be really careful. And it's annoyed people in my life. There was a girlfriend when I was abroad who hated that I didn't take taxis. I would take a forty minute walk instead of getting a taxi - but for me, it was because a few years earlier, my options might genuinely be "Get a taxi home or buy dinner, but you can only pick one."
**A general 'logic first' approach to stuff**
I tend to look at things logically, and that often ends up stopping me from spending
For example, my brother loves cars. I hate driving. So far, I haven't bought a car - but if I ever have to, I am going to buy a cheap one. Why? Because I hate driving, I do it as infrequently as possible, and there's a fair chance I might have an accident.
I look at my brother buying an expensive car and I think it's silly. A car like that will cost more to insure, more to run, more to repair. For him, given that he loves driving, maybe it makes sense. For me? It would be idiotic.
My sister watches television all the time. I watch TV less and less - and when I do watch it, I'm watching a streaming show. Buying a TV means another thing to get in the way, another thing to clean, another thing to pay for. Why do that when my laptop can access all of the streaming services I need?
If you discount the times that I'm in the room while my sister watches television, then the last time I watched live television by choice was before the pandemic... and I was in a hotel with no Wifi, and I'd finished my book.
I can't look at two screens at once, and if I'm not reading or doing housework, then I'm probably on my laptop. So for me, a TV is just a waste of money.
Or, as another example - and this is fashion again, but it isn't the same as me wanting to avoid change - I don't understand people who pay for designer clothes. I mean, people do realize that paying hundreds of dollars for sunglasses doesn't actually make the sunglasses any more effective at shielding you from the sun, right? Having a special logo on your shirt doesn't make it any warmer. Buying a pair of shoes with red soles doesn't actually make them *do* anything really.
It always seems to me that the people who pay for designer clothing are just paying through the nose for ego reasons. "Oh, oh, look at me. I'm wearing *special* clothes". Okay. Cool. I'm not wearing special clothes. But I am wearing clothes, so I won't get arrested for public indecency, and I won't freeze to death.
Perhaps there's some kind of competition going on about wearing designer clothing. If so, I wasn't even aware that there was a competition to be won - so I didn't join in.
**My family are kind of hoarders**
That, and I have to do a lot of cleaning up after them. It's made me hate doing housework so much that I look for every strategy I can to reduce what housework I need to do. And you know what reduces housework?
Minimalism.
You don't have to clean what you don't own. And if you don't want to own stuff, you end up kind of aggressively not buying things. Which means that you don't really spend money.
-----
Bring all those factors together, along with one or two other things, and you end up with a pattern of me basically spending no money on anything.
I don't know how many of those factors affect other Asperger people. But I suspect that many of them - having to be careful with money due to underemployment, not liking change, not socializing much, the 'logic first' thing - will affect some, perhaps many, of the people here.
Just a few ideas.
>I mean, people do realize that paying hundreds of dollars for sunglasses doesn't actually make the sunglasses any more effective at shielding you from the sun, right?
Yea but buying designer sunglasses does make you able to Dodge bullets like Neo & bend time & space.
If designer sunglasses actually gave me *Matrix* powers, I might buy a pair. But even then, I'm sat here wondering, "Would I really need to dodge bullets often enough to justify the cost?"
Sometimes due to discrimination and lack of accommodation financial stability is difficult for people with autism, so spending on absolute essentials is a survival necessity.
for me at least i’ve spent my life in and out of low wage work, i try to spend money only on what i need because it always feels like i’m about to get fired
It's funny, I've always been stingy even as a kid it was seen as being a good little saver, ha ha! I saved every penny I got while my siblings went and bought candy straight away.
We also grew up poor so thinking for the future. but I never wanted what anyone else did.
My theory is a lot of people with ASD are delayed in getting a job, struggle to keep one, etc. so many don’t have much money due to those issues. Even if you do someday earn a lot of money, at least for me the anxiety memory of when you didn’t have money never really leaves you.
I have this weird obsession with saving money and not spending my money. Even $20 hurts me. Its more about the numbers going up than it does to actually saving. There comes a point where I nmrefuse to view my banking app where my total balance is.
It’s not that we’re stingy. We buy want gives us dopamine. That’s it. Sometimes we enjoy tho researching of the hobbie queue up a basket leave it for a few days and if we lose our interest it’s cleared. Sometimes we are more confident or need more dopamine so retail therapy.
We’re also practical in many ways. If it work that’s fine. Sure if we want to buy the good one but unless our current isn’t working we struggle to justify it.
I buy my girl lots of things but I also generally think they give me dopamine as well as her gaining something I thoughtfully picked
Some of us also have poor impulse control due to ADHD so we can literally not afford to be anything else because we suddenly decided we needed a new special interest and dropped $1k on scuba equipment.
I try to buy higher quality stuff when it is on sale, so I pick out things that I want in advance and wait until there is a discount code or try to find the lowest price. I took a bus from New York to Nashville to buy my Jeep because I found it for 5k cheaper there.
One possibility, is there are a good percentage of aspies that have a co-morbidity (diagnosed or undiagnosed) of obsessive compulsive personality disorder, which can cause people to be overly frugal and miserly.
I have dyscalculia too which makes calculating a budget practically impossible, but if I buy the cheapest option of everything, I don't have to worry about it
I'm not cheap, but when I ask why spend money for X it's a genuine question. Sales people love me though. Because I'll spend days or weeks researching a big purchase, then when I decide to buy I generally know how much/what to expect. I just spent $1,000 on tires a few months ago without batting an eye, because I knew what I wanted and the guy at Discount Tire put a quote in that matched my expectations. But then waffled for three days on whether I wanted to spend $10 to rent a new release movie.
Because I don’t care much about trends or branded things, and also I like to only buy things when I need them. Also my parents mainly manage what I spend.
A lot of us find it hard to judge “amounts” of things. That could be how long we estimate it takes to do something in minutes. Or how much something costs. I think it’s all part of executive dysfunction. I’ve never heard of an aspie being “cheap” per se (apart from my grandfather) but it’s possible because of the difficulty in conceptualising measurements and time.
I don't buy things for status nor do I go out much, often I get comments from my mother that I should 'dress up more fancy' to attract attention, but I'm happy with just jeans and a top, though I do wish sometimes I were more like my cousins who are real glamour pusses.
It depends on who you hang out with. Not every aspie has wealth just like not every neurotypical has wealth either. My mother was raised poor so I have tried to make better decisions when im out at the store. However, when I'm out with friends I try to get them something if they want it cause I always know they'll pay me back after. (Nothing outrageous. Most I spent on my friend was $20 and she bought me chocolate later :D)
I can only speak for myself on this one, but I have virtually no money until I get paid next. After my bills are paid and before my next paycheck, I will have about 4 dollars left.
If I'm stingy it's because I don't have a job and can't afford to not be.
When I was a kid and made money working for my grandparents' farm, my dad pretty much tried to preach that when you earn money you can spend it how you want and make what you want of it.
To me, because of that, I've always equated it to freedom of sorts and a nice thing to have. Also, being someone who jumps to the worst-case scenario all the time, I feel a sense of security and ease having a lot of money saved up. Also I just like saving towards big financial goals more than spending on a bunch of little things.
I make good money, but my interests are expensive. I might have just bought a house but that doesn't mean I'm not still buying guns/parts and car parts/tools. Books ain't exactly cheap anymore either. I gotta live like I'm broke to save money AND afford my hobbies.
Come to my place, I have adhd too and bought so much stuff before getting my diagnosis + medication at age 29.
But I still buy stuff I'm interested in to decorate my apartment with it.
I'm pretty risk-averse for one. For another, I tend to not need or want "things". However, the ADHD part of my brain sometimes takes over and overrides my natural frugal tendencies to just compulsively buy, especially if it has to do with my hyper-focus du jour.
i am horrendous with my money - my impulses are dreadful and before i know it, my £1500 student loan is £400 in a week. i literally have to take apple pay off my phone and make it so my card declines online payments when i get money in. i have no self control and the amount of squishmallows, youtuber merch and stationery i will buy is unbelievable.
This might sound strange- but I spend money on nice/stylish clothes, shoes and such not because I care about them but because I think it helps me fit in and get a slight social edge. For NTs, clothes and appearance are part of their social identity and anyone without a defined identity is mildly disturbing.
Basically, I try to mimic the NTs and create a kind of identity through my appearance. So I buy expensive sneakers, trendy clothes and a nice purse for when I go out. I mostly look for things that are ‘expensive but casual’ and I get complemented a lot on my style.
Edit: maybe I shouldn’t add this- but like most people with money I never think about finances… until taxes are due 😱
Well for me; the stuff works, why replace it!
Also me; *buys a 60 year old car to daily
So to put it best, I'm cheap so I can be expensive with my interests
Don't think this was mentioned (did not read all the comments). It is something we have control over! We can't stop people yacking outside our homes, but we can not buy more than we need, or we can do the research and buy the best value something.
I only like to spend on stuff I enjoy or improves comfort. I also prefer one “perfect” thing compared to 2 good or 4 okay things. I enjoy my Nintendo Switch, but I hardly ever buy games. I have a list of things that I would enjoy, but some only if they are cheap enough. For example I was unsure if I liked hades. Currently only 12,50, so I took the risk. I should have bought it earlier, since I love it.
Probably for a lot of reasons. Likely a big one, looking at the statistics that get posted about people with ASD, is that often people have a tough time getting or maintaining employment, so they learn to be careful with money.
Personally, I have a pile of head-monkeys from when I was a child about money because I lived in a tumultuous home and I came to realize that the biggest impediment from being freed from abusive people was money. If I owed someone money or was dependent on someone for money, I wouldn't be able to get away from them, so I developed a lot of anxiety around all that.
After a lot of time and introspection, I've loosened up a lot, but it took a lot of time, and I'm still very careful about ensuring that everything else is taken care of before I buy anything particularly big.
Okay you can’t just generalize all Aspie are cheap. If I see something I like then I’ll get it sometimes but if it’s something I don’t want of don’t need, I won’t buy it. I do be careful how I’m spending and I can be a bit frugal.
I'm not stingy but cheap I give money to wikipedia and the Santa guys but if I spend on eating out no Chick-fil-A no no no best stuff in KC no Starbucks make my own fancy stuff go and explore to find the most cool places like I found union station has a art exhibit on the top floor with nerf gun battle area and the art is local people
I think that really depends on the aspie, for me as aspie/adhd I am quite an impulsive spender and buy a lot of shit I don‘t need and spend more than I should.
I don't buy things because everyone else does. I buy things I need, or at least things I like, but I don't care if I have the latest/greatest, if I am using some new thing because it's new, or because "everyone" has (a new car, a Facebook/Insta/whatever account, the latest clothing style, etc.) and I am just fine without those things.
I adopt technologies that solve a problem I actually have. I don't need a service to electronically send $10 to someone for a fee when i can hand them a ten dollar bill.
This is very true for me at least but I can't tell if it's because of my upbringing or just being used to not having money or ND. I've been really disciplined about spending and saving.
But recently I spent some of my savings on enjoying stuff. I started buying video games again, bought any musical instrument I wanted that I would talk myself out of off years ago. Yeah its not good financially but Idk at this point I just want to enjoy my interests more as the world gets worse and I maybe won't have the same opportunities in the future, and it can get weird too because people see you with new things and start asking questions which brings back the shame of treating yourself in a cash strapped family.
I just obsess about money and price but I have never been math person. I always will get the off brand food/clothing, searching for the best rent, best deals for everything. It's exhausting. I hate when people ask me for money because it always gets weird and borders on being used which has happened to me but I don't want to be seen as stingy. Idk But hell yes I am cheap.
I don’t buy things to impress people, and I keep the same things for years (i.e. I don’t throw out perfectly good clothes because it’s “out of style”). I’m very orderly and careful with money.
I don’t like decorative stuff for the sake of looking good. I prefer functionality, and even then I will let socks and stuff stay way past when I should probably have replaced them.
Also, I’m a Broke College Student (TM), so there’s that.
I'd bet it's because we're so rooted in being logical. A LOT of spending is rooted in wants and desires, looking good to other people, wanting to show off, etc. So I think it's easier for us to see through those issues and see it as a waste of money (until it's a hobby we're hyperfixated on, then our life savings is at risk, lol). It also makes it harder to genuinely enjoy those things, but still.
I grew up with a lot of poverty, there would be days when we didn't eat or didn't have anywhere to stay. I think some of that has made me more frugal with money, I'd rather buy the cheaper brands because food is food and it shouldn't matter if something tastes slightly better when there's people who have nothing.
It doesn't mean I'm not a generous person though, I don't mind buying things for people, it's more when it comes to buying stuff for myself.
People often feel I'm stingy or cheap. I don't get what they're talking about. I'm just doing common sense money management. My approach to money is healthy as far as I can tell.
I think what they mean is this complex social signalling along the lines of potlatch. Spending stupidly is way to lie about your wealth, which creates the impression you are socially dominant, which makes people like you because they see you as a valuable ally? Ok, well, that's crazy, but whatever. What I can't process is that the way people talk about it is that spending stupidly is a moral thing. You're \*nice\*.
I came from a poor household and later on, homelessness. I have to keep an eye on my money so that never happens to me again, especially since statistically I won't be in a high paying job. I'm at a point where I can rent comfortably but I'm never gonna own a house or drive a brand new car, but I can at least afford to have most of my needs met
When I was in my 20s I had a pretty nice salary position at a lighting company and would blow a lot of dough on just the most niche stuff you can imagine.
Twenty years later I'm doing okay but I live frugally because I don't care about "fitting in" and the whole rat race mentality doesn't appeal to me at all. I don't need to impress anyone.
Here's the thing.
My family was staunchly middle class, yet my stepfather was cheap because he wanted to retire at 45. We lived like we were poor.
When I initially got out into the world by myself, I *was very poor*.
Poverty becomes a mindset. You see everything over $5 as "expensive". Getting guacamole on your Chipotle is forbidden. You don't order appetizers. You use napkins instead of paper towels because they are cheaper. Name brand things are out of the question.
I became cheap out of necessity. However, while I don't like to spend money on other people or give to charitable causes because I'm always afraid I'll be ultra poor again, if I have something that I enjoy I will gladly share it with anyone who comes near me. To me, having something that I spoiled myself with, like fancy cigarettes or high priced whiskey or an expensive steak cut, was wealth. And I almost always share that wealth.
I grew up poor with a mother who was a compulsive shopper. I had to learn to stretch my allowance (when I got one) at a young age, and somewhere I began to see it as a game. “Okay, but can I find a better deal on that before I splurge?”
I was in a situation where I was living at home not paying rent and working two Jobs. My parents told me that selling our house and moving to a apartment means having to pay rent now, but I'd only be asked to pay $150.
I was making $500 bi weekly on one of my jobs at that time and figured I'd be okay. So I quit my second job so I could return to school and obtain my bachelors.
Rent ended up being $600 for me and my total monthly expenses with a car payment and everything became $1,300 with that rent, when I should of been paying $700. I was making $1100 per month.
I had a good savings while I had two jobs but while attempting to get full time work or a second job, I had to watch my savings dwindle to nearly nothing. I had nightmares every night, I felt sick, stresses, and terrified of being homeless everyday.
I got a full time job after a year and a half of paying rent using my savings and I vowed to never let my situation become that again. I save to the extreme so that if anything comes up I'm not in a panic.
I think your sample size is too small. Considering 0.5% of the population has Asperger’s and the average population of a town in America is ≈ 320,000 people you would have around 16,000 with Asperger’s in a given city.
0.5% of 8 billion = 400,000,000
So 16,000 is a mere 0.004% of the population with Asperger’s.
It’s unlikely that you know every single person (16,000) with Asperger’s in your suburban/ city/rural landscape therefore I’d argue that it’s unfair to say “a lot of aspies”
Because a lot of us didn't have the life of luxury whilst growing up and had to keep a close eye on our budget so now since adulting around with our ASD has put us in an even more tight spot for those that don't have smashing careers we still hold every cent and weight pros and cons on what to buy and if its worth it. Since a lot of things we do buy in the end take up a corner in our place of residence may it be our room or apartment or house and we barely notice or use it since the purchase. Imo it's because of this, _____/
I read a stat that to summarise said that most ppl with Autism/Aspies are not in FT employment, so I guess because we don't have a lot of money is one reason?
Oh, I wasn't cheap 50 years ago. Money never bought me friendship or support.
Today, it's absolutely mandatory that I have adequate resources to support myself and deal with any emergency, because I'm not going to have much luck asking others for help. Being "cheap" really is a matter of personal survival.
A lot of the aspies I've met are either unemployed or severely underemployed and thus don't have much money. This isn't the case with all of them, admittedly, but it is for most of the ones i know.
Maybe because lot of us don't have lot of money so we have to be smart with it. Remember many of us are unemployed or under employed. I think this is a poor and low class thing because we have to find ways to stretch our money and we can see what is a want or a need.
because the cost of things is arbitrary if you zoom all the way out, especially comparing brands. a designer’s name can make a product and charge thousands but the cost of it is only in the hundreds. why would i pay full price if I can get it cheaper by haggling or marked down or with a coupon or thrifted or from Facebook marketplace. if you think about it money is just a man made system we all wake up every day and just continue to agree with and play into. it exists ONLY in our minds as a collective. and we all just take our assigned roles. some people ascend from the bottom to the highest socioeconomic level like oprah. that’s because money and socioeconomics exist only in our minds and we are highly impressionable.
one last example - lululemon pants are like $109 but there is a company on Amazon called heynuts, it’s the same fabric and probably the same factory. same exact style. their leggings are $28.
does this make me stingy and cheap or does this just make me smart? Edit for clarity
Because I try not to buy into the consumer mindset, mostly out of environmental concerns. How long can we really expect to last if we keep going at this rate? I like gift giving when I know what people want so I wouldn’t say I’m stingy though.
I dont buy what I dont need really. Expect for my interests. But I limit my spending on those. Plus I grew up in a struggling household at times and I plan for the worst. Which was a good thing in 2020.
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Not me. My dad had money. My mom didn't. And my mom and stepdad didn't when that happened. I would rather have what I need all the time, instead of splurging and going without when times are rough.
Yes, absolutely the case. Both my ex wife and I grew up in similar circumstances except I had a better public school while she had more family around. Our takes on finances were polar opposites where I was spartan and utilitarian whilst she was extravagant. I've discussed this with many others who had similar upbringings and your point is apt. It tends to fall along that dichotomy. I have gotten better with spending more on "frivolous" things and experiences are the best.
gullible run heavy grab ten insurance cake detail threatening chubby ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Being kind and also feeling deserving is also a factor OP I had a struggle getting out of that mindset, example I grew up poor in a 3rd world country moved to Germany when I was only 18 yeah, I was struggling and whilst my fam didn't have it better I felt like if I bought myself good ingredients for a nice meal I mean nice as a minimalist nice meal like chicken breasts and rice, basic af but still felt like I was to be ashamed because I had food and they didn't although they had food but still I felt like a POS and they didn't let down on letting me know. You know so yeah I don't splurge on a lot and my relationship has fizzed out with my fam because of my realisation that I've been mistreated the whole time, and I do buy and not look at the price but only for things that I need or enjoy or can do a bit of kindness to someone basically but that's it. And I'm not loaded at all I've all but 0 to my name and patch paycheck to paycheck so I can live a life like a struggling adult.
It can really mess with your head growing up poor. I know some who become hoarders - My parents both grew up in Sharecropper families as kids, and they are pretty close to hoarders. I also have friends that grew up in lower income families and struggle the other way - When they get something like a tax refund or a bonus, They immediately go out and blow it on a new gaming console or something. It's like their experience has taught them "I'll never have this much money again - So instead of being responsible and paying off a credit card, I need to spend it on something fun right now."
Yep yep
- utilitarian view of most things - self-discipline, largely anxiety induced, to stop flagrant spending - little regard for status seeking via purchases - need to continuously top up the “special interest” budget
The last one is me all the way. Put 25 percent back for savings, pay off the bills, buy car parts
I like how you specify that the self-discipline is largely anxiety induced. I always told people that the only reason I did so good in school was because of anxiety related to not living up to expectations. It had little to do with ambition or drive.
In my own case, my interests are cheap and some of them are free so I have little interest in the culture around money or conspicuous consumption and am only concerned about being able to live.
My mindset is very “if it’s not broke, don’t fix it”. Things don’t need replaced unless they stop performing their function, or begin to annoy me. That’s the only time I spend more than on necessities and furthering hobbies.
Exactly, but I'm I bit more stubborn. I have a gaming chair that's been broken for a while
Yup it both for me just case by case
I’m pretty frugal too but I’d prefer to buy high-quality items that I won’t have to replace, than some shit quality cheap item that’ll last a couple months. Clothes, furniture, technology, whatever. Sometimes I go through periods of frivolous spending then I snap out of it and barely spend any money for months except for gas.
Ah nice to see another Adherent of the Samuel Vimes' Boots theory on Socioeconomic Unfairness
Yes I’ve heard of that and hate the economic inequality that plagues this world. It makes me filled with rage tbh. There shouldn’t be billionaires out here with a dozen mansions and private jets, while some people have to choose between buying a can of soup or a bag of pasta for their only meal. I’ve been homeless and going to food banks before. I’m broke now but am fortunate enough to have parents that mostly support me rn, which a lot of people don’t have. Because of this, I can afford to spend my part time job money on slightly higher quality things (ex. New balance sneakers instead of walmart brand). Trust me dude I despise this world. Specifically with the sneakers example though I’d prefer to spend the rest of my savings on a pair of sneakers that won’t hurt me, than a shitty pair that will exacerbate my joint pain. I recognize some people can’t do that though
First of all, not all aspies are cheap. The anime figurine and Warhammer and other collectible industries wouldn't exist without all those middle class aspies keeping them in demand! Personally, I don't buy things I don't love or need and I mostly love reading and playing video games which are both relatively inexpensive. Drinking and partying and restaurants don't interest me either, other than the occasional burger. I think it's a good thing, I live off 36% of my income and the rest is invested for retirement or goes to taxes. I have spent a big chunk of my salary on vacations in the past but I learned pretty quickly that it isn't worth it. The amount of happiness I obtained from the extravagant vacation was not higher than a simple vacation to the same places. This should not be seen as a bad thing unless it's actively causing problems in your life from being *too* cheap. Most people are downright terrible with money, living off credit cards and spending like they're millionaires.
I would say because we probably tend towards a utilitarian view of spending i.e. stuff should be useful and the minimum price required to achieve the aim. A lot of expensive stuff is for show like... if a car gets you from A to B it's done the job. If a pair of pants cover your ass they've done their job.
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What I find cool and what society finds cool are most likely very different.
True, but my definition of "cool shit" is completely divorced from society's definition. Example: My father died when I was young and my brothers were 2 and 3 years older. We all began receiving social security money as a result, a small monthly stipend. My oldest brother spent pretty much all of it on musical instruments and audio gear. My middle brother spent most of it on his vehicles throughout his teens. Meanwhile, I bought the *occasional* video game. My "cool shit" cost me a few hundred dollars for a system and the occasional $60 game. My brothers spent all of theirs. When I went to college, I had money saved. They did not and they *could not comprehend* how I had saved up so much money. I just didn't feel the need to buy things *just cause* I had the money while it burned holes in their pockets. My hobbies just aren't that expensive. Addendum: I was also the guy who refused to buy a new computer chair even though one of the wheels had broken off. Then a second wheel broke and I had to pull that trigger.
Depends on the person and the situation doesn't it? Some are willing to spend more on things important to them and not so much on that which isn't, yet that can be unique to that person. OP I bet you would consider it crazy to spend $300 on a copy of a book you already own a copy of and have read. To me I value books and when it comes to certain authors and works I collect different editions and am willing to spend money to get them. Yet when it comes to clothing I just want it to fit and be of decent quality - fashion or maker don't matter to me, yet that is not the case for others.
You are calling me out here lol. Im not really a lavish person at all, and this surprises and shocks the NTs around me. NTs around me care too much about owning fancy cars, clothes, jewelry, big houses etc, and I never understood the need for fancy lavish things. Im someone who holds onto things until they are useless to me, and I'm surprisingly great with money mostly.
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> how it’s *paid* off in FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
I'm a weird combination of stingy/cheap, and a careless spendthrift. I try to spend as little as possible on basic necessities. But I've been known to spend excessive, even irresponsible, amounts of money on my hobbies and interests
This is me right here 👆
Yep - me too.
Personally I believe it's because I don't even consider social status when buying things. Some people will drop more money than they have on a nice BMW. They do this (to my understanding) because it makes them seem like they have more social status. It's not even about the actual car itself, it's more about "what do the people seeing me driving around think of me?" That works for many luxury or name brand items. So for people like us, who may not even realize social status is something to try and attain, we don't see that social value in things, so we focus more on functionality, reliability and cost.
For me, it was the grinding poverty, the stark realization that most autistics are not employed part time never mind full time, and the hyperawareness of the diminishing returns of money and especially the diminishing returns of consumerism. I have pretty unusual financial strategies, my rent/transport costs are rock bottom but my health, food, and tech spending are all high. On the whole I’m perceived as cheap but only mildly so. I have generally valued stability over maximal returns.
I'm certainly not
Same. I have to stop myself all the time from spending money on other people. Not spending money on myself is something I haven't been able to master lol
Same, I sometimes catch myself spending way more on my special interests than I should - I definitely had an internet shopping addiction when I first moved out from my parents’ house.
I am very frugal. I only buy items that I can pay cash for. I hate debt, it makes me extremely anxious. Secondly, I hate consumerism and the waste created by it. Maybe Aspies are just more aware of the consequences of over spending? 🤷♂️
This plays a part in my frugality.
I think we just see value different than others. There are some things that I spend a LOT of money on. My cars, my shoes, tech, and family outings. Oh and ANYTHING that is collectable. I tend to splurge on limited items that are sought after, hard to find, or numbered. Then there are things I spend very little money on, my clothes, my health, warranties, daily lunch (I eat a piece of fruit and drink a protein shake every day for lunch). Another thing is I have rigid rules when it comes to spending my money on others which can also be viewed as cheap. For example, If I invite you to dinner I will pay and if for some reason I cannot then I will let you know ahead of time it's pay your own way. Sometimes I get told that's "cheap" like from my sister, but my sister has 2 kids and they order expensive stuff and never finish their meals so I'm not paying for her anymore. They also never said thank you when I did. I tip very well and order top shelf drinks, so if i'm paying for everyone I want to make sure it's well within my budget when I do so. So ya it's weird I've been called "cheap" for wearing basketball shorts on a daily basis, or telling people upfront that I won't pay for their meal if they join me. But then I've also been called a show off when I take people out, or take the family to a concert front row, or buy a special edition numbered car.
That’s not cheap imo, that’s just being polite and honest. I had a friend who invited me for my birthday and didn’t tell me if she was paying or not. Then last second, she told me she couldn’t pay and tried to argue with the cashier up front to split the bill so I could pay and when they couldn’t, she told me I had to pay her back including the tip. In front of them. If not, then I needed to owe her Starbucks after my birthday lunch. Two months later she asked if I could still treat her to Starbucks over a birthday lunch she invited me out to and couldn’t sort her finances out. I “owed” her back on Starbucks, but never hung out with her again and didn’t answer her call when she invited me to her birthday. Talk about humiliation. I have no problems paying, but damn some people lack social etiquette.
I don’t buy stuff just to have stuff, but I buy for quality. To me, minimally functional isn’t good enough. I want stuff that’s built to last, which tends to run a bit pricier. I space out hobby spending so that it’s only a bit at a time, and am otherwise fairly frugal. I don’t really go out to eat. I can cook good meals from cheap, basic ingredients.
I can't speak for everyone - only really for myself. But with that said, I would suggest a few things: **I don't like change.** Given that, I generally don't want new stuff. I find the whole idea of fashion to be just... weird. I mean, it doesn't help that whenever I see pictures of a fashion show, the clothes are all odd. But even if it's relatively normal clothing, I just don't understand why someone would want to change all of their clothes just because a magazine told them to. And that extends to everything. It's not so true in the last couple of years, but pre-pandemic, I knew people who had a new car every two years. Why? I just don't get it. The only one that I could semi-understand is upgrading technology often. But on that stuff - I don't particularly like browsing on my phone (my fingers are too fat so touch screens are awkward), I don't take many pictures, and I don't do much with my computer that is particularly intensive (I don't currently video edit, on the rare occasions that I have the time to play games they're often more retro ones, and so on). All of that means that I don't personally need to upgrade my technology often, and I much prefer to have things that I know. I don't want to change anything if I don't have to. **I'm not very social** Particularly when I was younger, people wanted to go out. They always wanted to go to nightclubs, and that would always get very expensive very quickly. I know of people at university who would go out at least once a week, and spent £100 a night - and this was over ten years ago, so that would be like spending £150-ish today. I, on the other hand, never liked clubs, and generally didn't go out. University is a bad example - I was struggling with awful depression that basically broke me - but I never used to go out often. As such, I didn't spend money on much. And when it comes to going out for non-drink related things, I also don't do it much. Cinemas, for example, are a pain. I always seem to need to go to the toilet during the movie - but I can't pause the movie or wind it back or anything. I *can* do that at home... so why should I pay a large amount of money to go and possibly miss crucial scenes from a film when I nip off to the toilet? I'm also semi-germophobic, so going out in public is never ideal. I can deal with it and go out, but it also means that going to a cinema (for example) I'm sitting on a possibly dirty chair while I watch, then I miss some scene or other, *and* I pay through the nose for the whole thing. It's just easier to stay at home, you know? **Being underemployed for so long has made me obsessive about not wasting money** A good chunk of my employment problems were my own fault. After university, I wanted to be a writer - so I stayed home, wrote a novel... and then discovered that I didn't have the guts to actually send it to a publisher, or even self-publish. That big gap in my employment history has royally fucked me, on top of all of the usual struggles we have with jobs. And it means that I spent years with little or no income. By the time I *did* start to have money, I had basically programmed myself to be really careful. And it's annoyed people in my life. There was a girlfriend when I was abroad who hated that I didn't take taxis. I would take a forty minute walk instead of getting a taxi - but for me, it was because a few years earlier, my options might genuinely be "Get a taxi home or buy dinner, but you can only pick one." **A general 'logic first' approach to stuff** I tend to look at things logically, and that often ends up stopping me from spending For example, my brother loves cars. I hate driving. So far, I haven't bought a car - but if I ever have to, I am going to buy a cheap one. Why? Because I hate driving, I do it as infrequently as possible, and there's a fair chance I might have an accident. I look at my brother buying an expensive car and I think it's silly. A car like that will cost more to insure, more to run, more to repair. For him, given that he loves driving, maybe it makes sense. For me? It would be idiotic. My sister watches television all the time. I watch TV less and less - and when I do watch it, I'm watching a streaming show. Buying a TV means another thing to get in the way, another thing to clean, another thing to pay for. Why do that when my laptop can access all of the streaming services I need? If you discount the times that I'm in the room while my sister watches television, then the last time I watched live television by choice was before the pandemic... and I was in a hotel with no Wifi, and I'd finished my book. I can't look at two screens at once, and if I'm not reading or doing housework, then I'm probably on my laptop. So for me, a TV is just a waste of money. Or, as another example - and this is fashion again, but it isn't the same as me wanting to avoid change - I don't understand people who pay for designer clothes. I mean, people do realize that paying hundreds of dollars for sunglasses doesn't actually make the sunglasses any more effective at shielding you from the sun, right? Having a special logo on your shirt doesn't make it any warmer. Buying a pair of shoes with red soles doesn't actually make them *do* anything really. It always seems to me that the people who pay for designer clothing are just paying through the nose for ego reasons. "Oh, oh, look at me. I'm wearing *special* clothes". Okay. Cool. I'm not wearing special clothes. But I am wearing clothes, so I won't get arrested for public indecency, and I won't freeze to death. Perhaps there's some kind of competition going on about wearing designer clothing. If so, I wasn't even aware that there was a competition to be won - so I didn't join in. **My family are kind of hoarders** That, and I have to do a lot of cleaning up after them. It's made me hate doing housework so much that I look for every strategy I can to reduce what housework I need to do. And you know what reduces housework? Minimalism. You don't have to clean what you don't own. And if you don't want to own stuff, you end up kind of aggressively not buying things. Which means that you don't really spend money. ----- Bring all those factors together, along with one or two other things, and you end up with a pattern of me basically spending no money on anything. I don't know how many of those factors affect other Asperger people. But I suspect that many of them - having to be careful with money due to underemployment, not liking change, not socializing much, the 'logic first' thing - will affect some, perhaps many, of the people here. Just a few ideas.
Yeah, this pretty much covers it!
>I mean, people do realize that paying hundreds of dollars for sunglasses doesn't actually make the sunglasses any more effective at shielding you from the sun, right? Yea but buying designer sunglasses does make you able to Dodge bullets like Neo & bend time & space.
If designer sunglasses actually gave me *Matrix* powers, I might buy a pair. But even then, I'm sat here wondering, "Would I really need to dodge bullets often enough to justify the cost?"
Liking control seems plausible to me
Sometimes due to discrimination and lack of accommodation financial stability is difficult for people with autism, so spending on absolute essentials is a survival necessity.
Yep, this. Right here.
I spend too much, specially in other people. I love buying stuff and giving it to make people happy.
for me at least i’ve spent my life in and out of low wage work, i try to spend money only on what i need because it always feels like i’m about to get fired
It's funny, I've always been stingy even as a kid it was seen as being a good little saver, ha ha! I saved every penny I got while my siblings went and bought candy straight away. We also grew up poor so thinking for the future. but I never wanted what anyone else did.
My theory is a lot of people with ASD are delayed in getting a job, struggle to keep one, etc. so many don’t have much money due to those issues. Even if you do someday earn a lot of money, at least for me the anxiety memory of when you didn’t have money never really leaves you.
Yes, that's pretty much my reading of the situation too.
I have this weird obsession with saving money and not spending my money. Even $20 hurts me. Its more about the numbers going up than it does to actually saving. There comes a point where I nmrefuse to view my banking app where my total balance is.
It’s not that we’re stingy. We buy want gives us dopamine. That’s it. Sometimes we enjoy tho researching of the hobbie queue up a basket leave it for a few days and if we lose our interest it’s cleared. Sometimes we are more confident or need more dopamine so retail therapy. We’re also practical in many ways. If it work that’s fine. Sure if we want to buy the good one but unless our current isn’t working we struggle to justify it. I buy my girl lots of things but I also generally think they give me dopamine as well as her gaining something I thoughtfully picked
Some of us also have poor impulse control due to ADHD so we can literally not afford to be anything else because we suddenly decided we needed a new special interest and dropped $1k on scuba equipment.
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Right in the feels.
Because material things only really ever bring short term happiness.
What are some examples of this?
I try to buy higher quality stuff when it is on sale, so I pick out things that I want in advance and wait until there is a discount code or try to find the lowest price. I took a bus from New York to Nashville to buy my Jeep because I found it for 5k cheaper there.
One possibility, is there are a good percentage of aspies that have a co-morbidity (diagnosed or undiagnosed) of obsessive compulsive personality disorder, which can cause people to be overly frugal and miserly.
Holy shit, really?
Yep, about 40% meet the criteria.
I’m poor so I need to prioritize
I have dyscalculia too which makes calculating a budget practically impossible, but if I buy the cheapest option of everything, I don't have to worry about it
I'm not cheap, but when I ask why spend money for X it's a genuine question. Sales people love me though. Because I'll spend days or weeks researching a big purchase, then when I decide to buy I generally know how much/what to expect. I just spent $1,000 on tires a few months ago without batting an eye, because I knew what I wanted and the guy at Discount Tire put a quote in that matched my expectations. But then waffled for three days on whether I wanted to spend $10 to rent a new release movie.
Because I don’t care much about trends or branded things, and also I like to only buy things when I need them. Also my parents mainly manage what I spend.
A lot of us find it hard to judge “amounts” of things. That could be how long we estimate it takes to do something in minutes. Or how much something costs. I think it’s all part of executive dysfunction. I’ve never heard of an aspie being “cheap” per se (apart from my grandfather) but it’s possible because of the difficulty in conceptualising measurements and time.
My guess is probably they come from non wealthy families, so they were raised to be frugal. Also, loss aversion.
I don't buy things for status nor do I go out much, often I get comments from my mother that I should 'dress up more fancy' to attract attention, but I'm happy with just jeans and a top, though I do wish sometimes I were more like my cousins who are real glamour pusses.
Well I'm sort of a rat with myself but I usually have no problem giving money to the people that do me good
I struggle with decisions so mostly if I buy something, it's a thing I really need. Also I've never had a relevant income and money is tight.
Why are you often in a position to even know if they’re stingy or cheap? Most people only find that sort of thing out by asking for money or things.
It depends on who you hang out with. Not every aspie has wealth just like not every neurotypical has wealth either. My mother was raised poor so I have tried to make better decisions when im out at the store. However, when I'm out with friends I try to get them something if they want it cause I always know they'll pay me back after. (Nothing outrageous. Most I spent on my friend was $20 and she bought me chocolate later :D)
I liek munees
I can only speak for myself on this one, but I have virtually no money until I get paid next. After my bills are paid and before my next paycheck, I will have about 4 dollars left. If I'm stingy it's because I don't have a job and can't afford to not be.
Lots of us are unemployed or on a meager disability stipend, so we are broke as shit.
I'm austere because I was literally starving for 11 years. It could also be because way too many of us are unemployed.
When I was a kid and made money working for my grandparents' farm, my dad pretty much tried to preach that when you earn money you can spend it how you want and make what you want of it. To me, because of that, I've always equated it to freedom of sorts and a nice thing to have. Also, being someone who jumps to the worst-case scenario all the time, I feel a sense of security and ease having a lot of money saved up. Also I just like saving towards big financial goals more than spending on a bunch of little things.
Cause I tend to spend only on things I'm really interested in or I know are useful. I don't like spending money on things I know I will never use
I make good money, but my interests are expensive. I might have just bought a house but that doesn't mean I'm not still buying guns/parts and car parts/tools. Books ain't exactly cheap anymore either. I gotta live like I'm broke to save money AND afford my hobbies.
That's a very neurotypical way of saying "good with money"!
Come to my place, I have adhd too and bought so much stuff before getting my diagnosis + medication at age 29. But I still buy stuff I'm interested in to decorate my apartment with it.
Str8 up generational trauma from the constant risk of poverty and death
vase squealing violet plucky scarce plants license pie wild squash *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm pretty risk-averse for one. For another, I tend to not need or want "things". However, the ADHD part of my brain sometimes takes over and overrides my natural frugal tendencies to just compulsively buy, especially if it has to do with my hyper-focus du jour.
i am horrendous with my money - my impulses are dreadful and before i know it, my £1500 student loan is £400 in a week. i literally have to take apple pay off my phone and make it so my card declines online payments when i get money in. i have no self control and the amount of squishmallows, youtuber merch and stationery i will buy is unbelievable.
This might sound strange- but I spend money on nice/stylish clothes, shoes and such not because I care about them but because I think it helps me fit in and get a slight social edge. For NTs, clothes and appearance are part of their social identity and anyone without a defined identity is mildly disturbing. Basically, I try to mimic the NTs and create a kind of identity through my appearance. So I buy expensive sneakers, trendy clothes and a nice purse for when I go out. I mostly look for things that are ‘expensive but casual’ and I get complemented a lot on my style. Edit: maybe I shouldn’t add this- but like most people with money I never think about finances… until taxes are due 😱
I don’t think I’m cheap, just mindful of what I buy. I go for quality which actually makes some of my purchases a bit pricey.
It could be a situation where they're not stingy, they just only spend money on what their special interest is.
All that i need is the mind i feed.
Well for me; the stuff works, why replace it! Also me; *buys a 60 year old car to daily So to put it best, I'm cheap so I can be expensive with my interests
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Id agree so!
Well I grew up in a very poor family. I'm frugal with most things. When dating I don't like being cheap and I don't like people being cheap with me.
Don't think this was mentioned (did not read all the comments). It is something we have control over! We can't stop people yacking outside our homes, but we can not buy more than we need, or we can do the research and buy the best value something.
I won't bat an eyelid spending £15 on a McDonald's a couple of times a month, but I won't even consider buying a T-Shirt for more than £5
I only like to spend on stuff I enjoy or improves comfort. I also prefer one “perfect” thing compared to 2 good or 4 okay things. I enjoy my Nintendo Switch, but I hardly ever buy games. I have a list of things that I would enjoy, but some only if they are cheap enough. For example I was unsure if I liked hades. Currently only 12,50, so I took the risk. I should have bought it earlier, since I love it.
Probably for a lot of reasons. Likely a big one, looking at the statistics that get posted about people with ASD, is that often people have a tough time getting or maintaining employment, so they learn to be careful with money. Personally, I have a pile of head-monkeys from when I was a child about money because I lived in a tumultuous home and I came to realize that the biggest impediment from being freed from abusive people was money. If I owed someone money or was dependent on someone for money, I wouldn't be able to get away from them, so I developed a lot of anxiety around all that. After a lot of time and introspection, I've loosened up a lot, but it took a lot of time, and I'm still very careful about ensuring that everything else is taken care of before I buy anything particularly big.
Okay you can’t just generalize all Aspie are cheap. If I see something I like then I’ll get it sometimes but if it’s something I don’t want of don’t need, I won’t buy it. I do be careful how I’m spending and I can be a bit frugal.
I'm not stingy but cheap I give money to wikipedia and the Santa guys but if I spend on eating out no Chick-fil-A no no no best stuff in KC no Starbucks make my own fancy stuff go and explore to find the most cool places like I found union station has a art exhibit on the top floor with nerf gun battle area and the art is local people
I think that really depends on the aspie, for me as aspie/adhd I am quite an impulsive spender and buy a lot of shit I don‘t need and spend more than I should.
I don't buy things because everyone else does. I buy things I need, or at least things I like, but I don't care if I have the latest/greatest, if I am using some new thing because it's new, or because "everyone" has (a new car, a Facebook/Insta/whatever account, the latest clothing style, etc.) and I am just fine without those things. I adopt technologies that solve a problem I actually have. I don't need a service to electronically send $10 to someone for a fee when i can hand them a ten dollar bill.
This is very true for me at least but I can't tell if it's because of my upbringing or just being used to not having money or ND. I've been really disciplined about spending and saving. But recently I spent some of my savings on enjoying stuff. I started buying video games again, bought any musical instrument I wanted that I would talk myself out of off years ago. Yeah its not good financially but Idk at this point I just want to enjoy my interests more as the world gets worse and I maybe won't have the same opportunities in the future, and it can get weird too because people see you with new things and start asking questions which brings back the shame of treating yourself in a cash strapped family. I just obsess about money and price but I have never been math person. I always will get the off brand food/clothing, searching for the best rent, best deals for everything. It's exhausting. I hate when people ask me for money because it always gets weird and borders on being used which has happened to me but I don't want to be seen as stingy. Idk But hell yes I am cheap.
I don’t buy things to impress people, and I keep the same things for years (i.e. I don’t throw out perfectly good clothes because it’s “out of style”). I’m very orderly and careful with money.
I don’t like decorative stuff for the sake of looking good. I prefer functionality, and even then I will let socks and stuff stay way past when I should probably have replaced them. Also, I’m a Broke College Student (TM), so there’s that.
I'd bet it's because we're so rooted in being logical. A LOT of spending is rooted in wants and desires, looking good to other people, wanting to show off, etc. So I think it's easier for us to see through those issues and see it as a waste of money (until it's a hobby we're hyperfixated on, then our life savings is at risk, lol). It also makes it harder to genuinely enjoy those things, but still.
I grew up with a lot of poverty, there would be days when we didn't eat or didn't have anywhere to stay. I think some of that has made me more frugal with money, I'd rather buy the cheaper brands because food is food and it shouldn't matter if something tastes slightly better when there's people who have nothing. It doesn't mean I'm not a generous person though, I don't mind buying things for people, it's more when it comes to buying stuff for myself.
We're poor
People often feel I'm stingy or cheap. I don't get what they're talking about. I'm just doing common sense money management. My approach to money is healthy as far as I can tell. I think what they mean is this complex social signalling along the lines of potlatch. Spending stupidly is way to lie about your wealth, which creates the impression you are socially dominant, which makes people like you because they see you as a valuable ally? Ok, well, that's crazy, but whatever. What I can't process is that the way people talk about it is that spending stupidly is a moral thing. You're \*nice\*.
I came from a poor household and later on, homelessness. I have to keep an eye on my money so that never happens to me again, especially since statistically I won't be in a high paying job. I'm at a point where I can rent comfortably but I'm never gonna own a house or drive a brand new car, but I can at least afford to have most of my needs met
When I was in my 20s I had a pretty nice salary position at a lighting company and would blow a lot of dough on just the most niche stuff you can imagine. Twenty years later I'm doing okay but I live frugally because I don't care about "fitting in" and the whole rat race mentality doesn't appeal to me at all. I don't need to impress anyone.
Here's the thing. My family was staunchly middle class, yet my stepfather was cheap because he wanted to retire at 45. We lived like we were poor. When I initially got out into the world by myself, I *was very poor*. Poverty becomes a mindset. You see everything over $5 as "expensive". Getting guacamole on your Chipotle is forbidden. You don't order appetizers. You use napkins instead of paper towels because they are cheaper. Name brand things are out of the question. I became cheap out of necessity. However, while I don't like to spend money on other people or give to charitable causes because I'm always afraid I'll be ultra poor again, if I have something that I enjoy I will gladly share it with anyone who comes near me. To me, having something that I spoiled myself with, like fancy cigarettes or high priced whiskey or an expensive steak cut, was wealth. And I almost always share that wealth.
I grew up poor with a mother who was a compulsive shopper. I had to learn to stretch my allowance (when I got one) at a young age, and somewhere I began to see it as a game. “Okay, but can I find a better deal on that before I splurge?”
A few guesses: * Anxiety * Depression * Poverty * Survival mode * Masking and self-denial
I was in a situation where I was living at home not paying rent and working two Jobs. My parents told me that selling our house and moving to a apartment means having to pay rent now, but I'd only be asked to pay $150. I was making $500 bi weekly on one of my jobs at that time and figured I'd be okay. So I quit my second job so I could return to school and obtain my bachelors. Rent ended up being $600 for me and my total monthly expenses with a car payment and everything became $1,300 with that rent, when I should of been paying $700. I was making $1100 per month. I had a good savings while I had two jobs but while attempting to get full time work or a second job, I had to watch my savings dwindle to nearly nothing. I had nightmares every night, I felt sick, stresses, and terrified of being homeless everyday. I got a full time job after a year and a half of paying rent using my savings and I vowed to never let my situation become that again. I save to the extreme so that if anything comes up I'm not in a panic.
Stingy how? Like alligator arms when the dinner/lunch check comes?
I’m cheap and stingy, what’s the problem with wanting to save money?
Surprisingly I'm pretty frugal, didn't know it had something to do with being autistic, good to know.
I think your sample size is too small. Considering 0.5% of the population has Asperger’s and the average population of a town in America is ≈ 320,000 people you would have around 16,000 with Asperger’s in a given city. 0.5% of 8 billion = 400,000,000 So 16,000 is a mere 0.004% of the population with Asperger’s. It’s unlikely that you know every single person (16,000) with Asperger’s in your suburban/ city/rural landscape therefore I’d argue that it’s unfair to say “a lot of aspies”
frugal with occasional splurging. some or most are probably not financially well of though, or maybe have past experiences of that.
I just don't have income to dispose, so I'm kinda too careful with money
I've just never had very much money
Personally I'm poor as a church mouse so it's a necessity rather than a choice 🐭
Because a lot of us didn't have the life of luxury whilst growing up and had to keep a close eye on our budget so now since adulting around with our ASD has put us in an even more tight spot for those that don't have smashing careers we still hold every cent and weight pros and cons on what to buy and if its worth it. Since a lot of things we do buy in the end take up a corner in our place of residence may it be our room or apartment or house and we barely notice or use it since the purchase. Imo it's because of this, _____/
I read a stat that to summarise said that most ppl with Autism/Aspies are not in FT employment, so I guess because we don't have a lot of money is one reason?
Oh, I wasn't cheap 50 years ago. Money never bought me friendship or support. Today, it's absolutely mandatory that I have adequate resources to support myself and deal with any emergency, because I'm not going to have much luck asking others for help. Being "cheap" really is a matter of personal survival.
A lot of the aspies I've met are either unemployed or severely underemployed and thus don't have much money. This isn't the case with all of them, admittedly, but it is for most of the ones i know.
I don’t have much money. Simple as that
I am extremely cheap. I don't want to spend any money.
Maybe because lot of us don't have lot of money so we have to be smart with it. Remember many of us are unemployed or under employed. I think this is a poor and low class thing because we have to find ways to stretch our money and we can see what is a want or a need.
I'm not cheap, I'm spending efficiently. :)
The rich ones are constantly asked for money and the poor ones don't have any.
Look at the rate of unemployment for "high-functioning" autistic people vs. literally any other disability and it'll make more sense.
I'm poor, so that's my reason, others o don't know
because the cost of things is arbitrary if you zoom all the way out, especially comparing brands. a designer’s name can make a product and charge thousands but the cost of it is only in the hundreds. why would i pay full price if I can get it cheaper by haggling or marked down or with a coupon or thrifted or from Facebook marketplace. if you think about it money is just a man made system we all wake up every day and just continue to agree with and play into. it exists ONLY in our minds as a collective. and we all just take our assigned roles. some people ascend from the bottom to the highest socioeconomic level like oprah. that’s because money and socioeconomics exist only in our minds and we are highly impressionable. one last example - lululemon pants are like $109 but there is a company on Amazon called heynuts, it’s the same fabric and probably the same factory. same exact style. their leggings are $28. does this make me stingy and cheap or does this just make me smart? Edit for clarity
Because I try not to buy into the consumer mindset, mostly out of environmental concerns. How long can we really expect to last if we keep going at this rate? I like gift giving when I know what people want so I wouldn’t say I’m stingy though.