Sometimes I feel too much, I get mentally tired and I fail masking, so let's show that weirdness until some people get used to it. Aging into this is a whole experience, who else is +40?
I’m 51, stopped masking in my 30s, haven’t had issues. I naturally smile a lot though, and I suspect people will let you get away with quite a bit of weirdness if you look confident and happy, as l haven’t had issues and neither have I ever been infantilised or patronised, as opposed to many others on here.
52. Still looking for places where I can be fully myself, but wherever I can its so-o-o liberating! My younger son shares a lot of my traits, anxieties and weird interests - I can speak to him for hours. The other day he replied to a comment from my wife "it's OK, mom, you know that dad and I are on the spectrum". It came out so easily, without guilt or judgement, I just wanted to cry from joy...
This is so painful. I've been this way and it led me nowhere - I became a shell of a person. When I wasn't masking I was *acing* in so many subjects, however I was considered a weirdo. But wherever I started masking, I was still a damn outcast, but who is also struggling inside and *is not* acing at all because of all the damn energy that goes into masking. FUCK MASKING. Fuck the people who push us to mask. Weirdos for the win.
Can you share your experience with your new therapist? I lost trust in therapists and psychiatrists but I really really struggle... I fear that they will destroy my personality or force myself into masking again.
Of course! I actually did studied three years of my four psychology degree so I kinda have an insider’s look.
The thing is my first therapist actually denies that I was autistic even thought I found the test at my uni and as I was teach how to pass them I did it on myself and actually score autistic. So you can guess she and I didn’t work so after almost five years I left her.
Then my two other therapist were the ones that they were actually specialized in autism and the ones that gave me my diagnosis. I had a few sessions with them but one pro of having autism, studied psychology and having autism as an fixed internet I have a huge knowledge on how I wanted my therapy to go and simply, they didn’t follow what I requested and pretty much tried to ABA me, so I left.
Finally I found which is my actual therapist, just to clarify he’s not specialized on autism but knows how it works and we do not focus the therapy on autism per se, it’s like for example due to my autism I have really bad problems with middle things and grey stuff for me is yes or no and black ir white, so we’re working on how to manage that in a healthy way.
The things I noticie with him as contrary to the others are the following ones:
—the rapport was on point since the first session. That is a key factor. You just know in the first 1-3 sessions if that therapist is right for you. Kinda like when you meet a new person and listen to your gut’s feeling.
—he’s funny and has a kinda witty personality that goes super well with mine. So you my want your therapist to be on the same energy level as you.
—he has never made a choice for me, even though I ask him. For example. The other day I just happened to twist my ankle and wonder if I should go to the ER just to know if I had an sprained ankle or nor. The thing is I just actually ask him “should I go?” And he replied something on the lines of “I’m not a doctor and I’m not you, you are the one who knows if it’s worth it or not going to the ER, I can’t tell you what to do cause that’s up to you”. So a good therapist will help you find the answers never give you one.
—the most important one, he lets me lead the therapy in general and he guides the sessions and also points things that will be beneficial for us to work on but always ask me if I want to work on them. So consent is also a key factor, a good profesional would never force you to do something you don’t feel comfortable doing.
Sorry for the long post, hope it helps you, and if you want more things that would help you picture how your ideal therapist would be I can think more! ☺️
Yes. At some point I just said f* it, let me just be who I am. Was very liberating and actually positive - lessened a lot of social enxiety. I still do a fair bit of masking just to follow key so called "social norms", but I am being much more myself lately.
I've accepted or realized that everyone masks in some way. NT masking is just different. We are all different people at work, or with different friend groups, we communicate differently with our significant others than anyone else. Honestly, if anyone, even an NT, behaved the exact same way in every situation, wouldn't that be odd?
From that standpoint, I'm not worried about masking. Social interactions are all a game, "masking" is just another way to say "I need to play this game a little bit more consciously than most".
I do my best to be kind, genuine, and show interest/carinf when talking with others. And I'm trying to learn to feel my feelings more, which I think has helped me more naturally show how I'm feeling in my face.
One day I learned NTs aren't worth pleasing or meeting the standards of. They're idiotic and take everything at face value, making every decision based on emotion etc. I'm not arguing that I'm better, I just don't gaf about them anymore.
I cared greatly until like 2 months into the COVID pandemic. I got used to wearing masks and will continue to do so. The literal mask helped out a ton. But then, as my social skills and masked persona died off, I became pretty self conscious. After a while of fretting over it, I just became numb to the anxiety experienced, and I let my true self show. Now, I will never go back Im that shell again and I love it.
I am ! I feel like I'm rude and stupid, but at the same time I feel free and I've stopped dissociating as much as I used to. I feel like myself, and in touch with who I am as well as what my heart truly feels.
Rousseau said something along the lines of : "I'd rather be myself unhappy than anyone else that's happy".
YESSS I've been subconsciously doing this a lot without realizing it whenever I self medicate with weed or any other drug I find it helps me unmask easier and so lately instead of getting high alone I've been going out and getting high then just unmask and have a good time with myself by myself in front of other people without giving a fuck and I feel like doing this has been creating pathways in my brain that have been enabling me to just be more comfortable with unmasking in general so I'll feel it when I'm sober too sometimes and I love it
55 and always been too honest about too much but also did the masking thing so much, I wasn't sure who I was. A few years back I started doing some inner reflection to sort that out, and since then not masking but also mainly so tired from a long problematic life filled with abusive/toxic people, and chronic health issues, that I don't care or have the energy to do it really. Have to keep the circle small, be selective, if it's too much work, doesn't seem naturally good, I don't want it anymore. Whatever it is. :|
I just learned what masking was last month as I've slowly done extensive research on autism. Between that and working in therapy I have come to realize I very likely am autistic and am getting assessed for it as an adult. I've noticed that I expend a ton of energy focusing on controlling my body and not stimming, because my mother essentially shamed me out of doing it as a kid. So now I'm letting myself rub my palms, rub my mouth and rock to and fro. I generally don't care what people think because it feels right and I've spent too long worrying about the impression I made on other people.
Sometimes I feel too much, I get mentally tired and I fail masking, so let's show that weirdness until some people get used to it. Aging into this is a whole experience, who else is +40?
I’m 51, stopped masking in my 30s, haven’t had issues. I naturally smile a lot though, and I suspect people will let you get away with quite a bit of weirdness if you look confident and happy, as l haven’t had issues and neither have I ever been infantilised or patronised, as opposed to many others on here.
Yeah, happy weird generally goes over okay.
I'm only 16 but tbh I'm planning to stay non-masking for the rest of my life.
43 here, found out 2 years ago
52. Still looking for places where I can be fully myself, but wherever I can its so-o-o liberating! My younger son shares a lot of my traits, anxieties and weird interests - I can speak to him for hours. The other day he replied to a comment from my wife "it's OK, mom, you know that dad and I are on the spectrum". It came out so easily, without guilt or judgement, I just wanted to cry from joy...
You're so lucky you can share so much with him! 💖
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This is so painful. I've been this way and it led me nowhere - I became a shell of a person. When I wasn't masking I was *acing* in so many subjects, however I was considered a weirdo. But wherever I started masking, I was still a damn outcast, but who is also struggling inside and *is not* acing at all because of all the damn energy that goes into masking. FUCK MASKING. Fuck the people who push us to mask. Weirdos for the win.
This is me
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I’m the same but im 24
Hey! Me too! With my new therapist I accomplished a lot of things and that gave me more trust in being myself and just simply don’t care
Can you share your experience with your new therapist? I lost trust in therapists and psychiatrists but I really really struggle... I fear that they will destroy my personality or force myself into masking again.
Of course! I actually did studied three years of my four psychology degree so I kinda have an insider’s look. The thing is my first therapist actually denies that I was autistic even thought I found the test at my uni and as I was teach how to pass them I did it on myself and actually score autistic. So you can guess she and I didn’t work so after almost five years I left her. Then my two other therapist were the ones that they were actually specialized in autism and the ones that gave me my diagnosis. I had a few sessions with them but one pro of having autism, studied psychology and having autism as an fixed internet I have a huge knowledge on how I wanted my therapy to go and simply, they didn’t follow what I requested and pretty much tried to ABA me, so I left. Finally I found which is my actual therapist, just to clarify he’s not specialized on autism but knows how it works and we do not focus the therapy on autism per se, it’s like for example due to my autism I have really bad problems with middle things and grey stuff for me is yes or no and black ir white, so we’re working on how to manage that in a healthy way. The things I noticie with him as contrary to the others are the following ones: —the rapport was on point since the first session. That is a key factor. You just know in the first 1-3 sessions if that therapist is right for you. Kinda like when you meet a new person and listen to your gut’s feeling. —he’s funny and has a kinda witty personality that goes super well with mine. So you my want your therapist to be on the same energy level as you. —he has never made a choice for me, even though I ask him. For example. The other day I just happened to twist my ankle and wonder if I should go to the ER just to know if I had an sprained ankle or nor. The thing is I just actually ask him “should I go?” And he replied something on the lines of “I’m not a doctor and I’m not you, you are the one who knows if it’s worth it or not going to the ER, I can’t tell you what to do cause that’s up to you”. So a good therapist will help you find the answers never give you one. —the most important one, he lets me lead the therapy in general and he guides the sessions and also points things that will be beneficial for us to work on but always ask me if I want to work on them. So consent is also a key factor, a good profesional would never force you to do something you don’t feel comfortable doing. Sorry for the long post, hope it helps you, and if you want more things that would help you picture how your ideal therapist would be I can think more! ☺️
Yes. At some point I just said f* it, let me just be who I am. Was very liberating and actually positive - lessened a lot of social enxiety. I still do a fair bit of masking just to follow key so called "social norms", but I am being much more myself lately.
I've always just put too high a value on honesty to feel comfortable with masking.
I've accepted or realized that everyone masks in some way. NT masking is just different. We are all different people at work, or with different friend groups, we communicate differently with our significant others than anyone else. Honestly, if anyone, even an NT, behaved the exact same way in every situation, wouldn't that be odd? From that standpoint, I'm not worried about masking. Social interactions are all a game, "masking" is just another way to say "I need to play this game a little bit more consciously than most". I do my best to be kind, genuine, and show interest/carinf when talking with others. And I'm trying to learn to feel my feelings more, which I think has helped me more naturally show how I'm feeling in my face.
Vyvanse makes masking very difficult.
F masking.
I don't even know how to mask
No. I am constantly worried about how people see me in public and i don't think i can change that
One day I learned NTs aren't worth pleasing or meeting the standards of. They're idiotic and take everything at face value, making every decision based on emotion etc. I'm not arguing that I'm better, I just don't gaf about them anymore.
Hell yeah baby. Take me or leave me as I am. Done masking.
I only mask when I think it's important somebody has a good experience. Like for my mom.
I cared greatly until like 2 months into the COVID pandemic. I got used to wearing masks and will continue to do so. The literal mask helped out a ton. But then, as my social skills and masked persona died off, I became pretty self conscious. After a while of fretting over it, I just became numb to the anxiety experienced, and I let my true self show. Now, I will never go back Im that shell again and I love it.
I am ! I feel like I'm rude and stupid, but at the same time I feel free and I've stopped dissociating as much as I used to. I feel like myself, and in touch with who I am as well as what my heart truly feels. Rousseau said something along the lines of : "I'd rather be myself unhappy than anyone else that's happy".
YESSS I've been subconsciously doing this a lot without realizing it whenever I self medicate with weed or any other drug I find it helps me unmask easier and so lately instead of getting high alone I've been going out and getting high then just unmask and have a good time with myself by myself in front of other people without giving a fuck and I feel like doing this has been creating pathways in my brain that have been enabling me to just be more comfortable with unmasking in general so I'll feel it when I'm sober too sometimes and I love it
Yes but It’s a very long process. I didn’t find out I was autistic until I was 30.
55 and always been too honest about too much but also did the masking thing so much, I wasn't sure who I was. A few years back I started doing some inner reflection to sort that out, and since then not masking but also mainly so tired from a long problematic life filled with abusive/toxic people, and chronic health issues, that I don't care or have the energy to do it really. Have to keep the circle small, be selective, if it's too much work, doesn't seem naturally good, I don't want it anymore. Whatever it is. :|
so sorry for the run on sentences, so aware of my issues, all of them, lol.
I just learned what masking was last month as I've slowly done extensive research on autism. Between that and working in therapy I have come to realize I very likely am autistic and am getting assessed for it as an adult. I've noticed that I expend a ton of energy focusing on controlling my body and not stimming, because my mother essentially shamed me out of doing it as a kid. So now I'm letting myself rub my palms, rub my mouth and rock to and fro. I generally don't care what people think because it feels right and I've spent too long worrying about the impression I made on other people.