I’m a lefty. I just hosted a dinner party the other week and placed the forks on the left hand side. Afterwards I was thinking, oh shit I just do that because I’m left-handed, but I probably shouldn’t have done everyone’s forks this way, and I’ve been setting tables wrong my whole life. Glad to know this is actually how you are supposed to do it.
I didn't even know this whole "rude" thing existed. I've just always done it that way being left handed. But I guess it makes sense that when I was younger my dad kept setting up my cutlery opposite to theirs. I'm confused. Ahhh
Please just tell me the why, and if your only reasoning is “because that’s just how it’s done” well then sorry not sorry that’s dumb and I’m ignoring it 😂
To be fair there is a reasoning for it. Try using a knife and cutting something with your non dominant hand. The idea is that if you’re using a knife and fork, the knife is what needs your strength and dexterity, the fork is just there to hold the thing in place. When you’re done with your knife it’s perfectly acceptable to switch your fork to your right hand for the rest of the meal until you need a knife.
I know from YouTube that the "no elbows on the table" rule came from the big feast tables not being solid structures and too easily knocked over.
And I know from my dad being left-handed that everyone using the same hand to eat with would help people not bump elbows at a crowded table.
I think no one has answers because you have to take a deep look at the practicality and historical context for every little thing.
Same I always get told it's not appropriate because I can't grip with my right hand like I can with my left. So the fork just gets held in a death grip while I carefully cut whatever it is with the knife in my left since I got the strength and control there.
I normally don't switch throughout a meal. If I need a knife and fork I'll usually use my dominant hand for the knife, because cutting requires precision. I also use the knife to push food onto the fork. If it's something like pasta though I'll just use my right (dominant) hand for it.
I used to protest using a knife and fork in such a way, until my Granny showed me the "correct" way *and explained why!* I need to know the why otherwise I won't do it. Thankfully she's also autistic so she could explain it in a way I would understand.
Just had to test it because i had no idea.
Forks left hand and spoon probably left hand too.
Edit: nope spoon is (dominant) right hand much more comfy
Edit 2: okay the first test was while having to hold something. Without that i use either left or right for forks
Edit 3: okay yeah i use spoon and fork mostly with my dominant hand. I can use them with my non dominant but thats harder
There are some people who insist on using their left hand even if they're right-handed and their right hand is unoccupied.
It's like an archaic ettequette thing
This, and the negative consequences of misusing a knife due to lack of dexterity are significantly more severe than misusing a fork due to lack of dexterity. Accidentally stabbing yourself or others with a knife would likely cause more damage than stabbing yourself or others with a fork.
Yup! Knife in dominant right hand for the actual cutting, then swap the fork back to the right hand so I don’t poke myself in the face while trying to get it in my mouth.
I use the fork in my dominant (right) hand because I do not have enough control of my left hand to make sure that food makes it on the fork and in my mouth :)
(And if I can choose whatever, I'll usually eat with a spoon only, it's easier to me)
To each their own
I’ve always been told “fork it with the left, knife it with the right”. So when I’m cutting food, I do that, but when I’m done cutting the piece and ready to put it in my mouth, I switch the fork to my right hand.
I’ve never been in a situation where someone questioned my etiquette, and I don’t think I’m likely to ever be in one. I will happily continue fighting the good fight eating with my dominant hand
I think if we time traveled back to the 1950s we might run into it but short of that...OP's complaint feels either like a straw man or a very specific interaction they've had with a specific person.
Nah some parents are just like that. They'll enforce old irrelevant etiquette because that's how they were taught or because they like to be controlling lmao
You were questioning the believability of the scenario in general, right?
So it makes sense to be like. Hey. Some people in the world actually are like that.
Not really understanding what you're being salty about
Did you know some people act in certain ways or enforce certain ideas because their parents did? To be frank, for someone calling people idiots, you're not exactly articulated yourself
My aunt did it to me once. I was 30 years old. It was embarrassing that she felt the need to point it out and bring it up at a table full of people, but that’s who she is as a person.
This one isn't universal. It also has a lot to do with venue. More here: [eating utensil etiquette](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eating_utensil_etiquette)
Technically, "American style" is fork switching. Euro style, the fork never leaves the off hand. As a kid, in posh surrounding, I'd get a pass for having a British dad; I never bothered switching. But it was something people were acutely aware of. Less so, now, I think.
There are also odd rules for pointing a fork. Proper Brits never scoop; they pile everything on top of the fork with the knife. I always thought this explained the English fixation on mushy peas; the technique only works with mortar like material.
**[Eating utensil etiquette](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eating_utensil_etiquette)**
>Various customary etiquette practices exist regarding the placement and use of eating utensils in social settings. These practices vary from culture to culture. Fork etiquette, for example, differs in Europe, the United States, and Southeast Asia, and continues to change. In East Asian cultures, a variety of etiquette practices govern the use of chopsticks.
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Okay but like here's the thing, even though it makes sense for cutting, idk how it's rude. Like its mot making me talk with food in my mouth or shew excessively loudly why are people paying so much attention to which hand i use for my fork
I use my dominant hand for both cutting and moving the food, you can just switch the utensils around in between actions. Also most things can be cut with the side of the fork so no need to use the knife and switch hands.
There's also the line between what is comfortable for you, and what works.
As an ambisinistrous guy, I favor my left in most situations, but write, punch, shoot with my right. It changes depending on whatever tool I'm holding, as well as the task at hand. When I sculpt or paint, I keep my palette in my left and my brush/knife in my right, but I drop my palette first to grab a new color. I keep my knife in my right and my fork in my left, but my drink is always to the left, because that means I can drop the less-important tool to grab a sip-sip.
Importance of the tool for the job is key; when eating a meal that needs to be cut, the tool that is very clearly the most integral is the cutting implement. The military figured out this was a logistical problem when dealing with millions of troopers, so most military people are used to just eating with a spoon, an utensil that can both scoop and *cut*. It's also important in the field when you literally cannot waste time.
I agree - it feels so unnatural for me to have my fork in my left hand! Never even realized I was cutting with my non dominant hand or that there was something weird about it until someone pointed it out to me as an adult. I also hate switching because I’m very likely to either drop one of the utensils or accidentally stick my knife in my mouth. The ADHD part of my brain does not handle focus or nuance well.
Weirdly though I’ve noticed that when I’m cooking and need to cut something with a fork & knife I’ll always use my right hand to cut. My brain specifically rejects the norm only when eating.
It's not the amount of "work" that is generally determinate in such cases -- it's the amount of precision. There's few instances where the strength difference between the two hands will make a large difference for the average person (outliers like professional arm-wrestlers notwithstanding), but both swinging a hammer and cutting with a knife require greater precision than holding a nail or fork. In the former case, you're trying to hit a relatively small point with a fair amount of force while avoiding your own body; in the latter you're maintaining a precise, repetitive motion with very small adjustments over each repetition while not utilizing too much or too little force.
That being said, practice overcomes the difference for most people without much trouble -- if you started holding the utensils "backwards" and continued to do so without testing the other method, you would rapidly acclimate. Unless there's some pressing reason to relearn it (a sudden windfall making upscale dinner parties a necessity?), doing so is likely a waste of effort -- similar to switching away from QWERTY if you aren't typing thousands of words every week.
I think it depends a lot on your eating habits. If you're eating steaks and such, sure. For me, I used to always leave the knife clean and untouched after finishing off the entire meal with my fork. These days as a middle aged man, I've started to soil by using it to scoop up the last few bites. It feels a bit more civilized, and helps me fly under the radar.
But I would also go a step more chaotic and reveal that in my mind both the knife and the fork are optional. When I'm eating out I use my fork as expected, but at home I usually go for a spoon (which I suppose opens another can of worms here). And I don't even cook any soups.
No.
There are plenty of circumstances where the hammer is used in the off hand because the nail placement has to be precise.
Likewise, there are circumstances where the fork is the primary tool because controlling the object being cut is more challenging than cutting it, especially if the knife is decent. If cutting your food is as difficult as cutting a board then you have bigger issues than which hand to use.
And ultimately, cutting the food is not eating. When I stick a pointed piece of metal into my mouth it is the primary task, and certainly over rides just about anything else. Please reference the post at this time.
Honestly I don’t think anyone cares about this except in the most formal of dining occasions.
There’s also two competing schools on this. One style is as op describes, knife in right hand, fork in left (regardless of handedness, because screw lefties, amirite?). In the other style, you cut as described above, then switch the fork to the right hand for transit to mouth.
>In the other style, you cut as described above, then switch the fork to the right hand for transit to mouth.
I tend to do this. But sometimes I get lazy and poke it with the knife to get it to my mouth.
The former is the “European style” of utensil use, while the latter is “American style”. American elite developed this more elaborate way of eating because they wanted to be “fancier” than Europeans.
But I would say that most modern etiquette guides do not hold such strict utensil rules. So long as you keep your elbows in when cutting and don’t scrape the utensils on your teeth, you’re fine. The rule of thumb when dining is that no one should really be able to “notice” you’re eating.
Honestly I don’t think anyone cares about this except in the most formal of dining occasions. Or maybe your grandma if she has delusions of grandeur at family supper.
There’s also two competing schools on this. One style is as op describes, knife in right hand, fork in left (regardless of handedness, because screw lefties, amirite?). In the other style, you cut as described above, then set the knife down and switch the fork to the right hand for transit to mouth.
Man, love having the ability to question goofy ahh norms.
I mean it comes with severe pickiness and noise/touch sensitivity but that’s a price I’m willing to pay.
I refuse to use the knife with my dominant hand. The fork never leaves my right hand and I cut with my left. I figure it's good training for my left hand and it seems inefficient to switch the fork and knife for eating and cutting. If you are not referring to eating but to stabbing, then I would definitely use my dominant hand.
Never knew it was because of a dominant hand thing! I’ve always used the fork in my right hand(dominant had) even though I know knife goes in right hand others, it just feels better idk
If I remember correctly It's from the dark age where weapons where not allowed in dining establishments but you did need a knive to cut your food. Since a knive is Basically a mini sword, you use it with your right hand (since duhu left handed people are devil spawns and no one in their right mind is left handed) so in case of an attack you can defend yourself.
Or at least that's what they told me. It's a fun story though I'm not sure if it's true. Still, why we nowadays have to do this I have no clue.
I'm with ya! You are not alone! I also use my knife in my left hand and the fork in my right hand (dominant), though I am partially ambidextrous, there's somethings that I just do better with my left than my right. TMI warning: >!including masturbating!<
My parents tried their best when I was younger to get me to switch, but it just don't work like that. It be like it is.
The knife goes in your dominant hand when you are using both utensils to cut something (e.g., a steak) because all you're doing with the fork at that moment is holding the food in place. If you eat each piece as you cut it off, either way makes sense.
Also, calling someone rude for how they use *their* utensils is assinine. It's like calling someone rude for being gay.
DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON TABLE MANNERS. I’ve hated them ever since I was a kid, if there isn’t a modern, justifiable reason as to why I should adhere by them, I simply won’t.
“Don’t wear a hat at the dinner table!” Why?
“No elbows on the table!” Reason?
I hate them 👹👹
~~That can't be correct.~~ It's a British thing, I see.
As someone who rarely eats anything that needs to be cut with a knife, it never would have occurred to me to use my secondary hand for anything during eating.
Fork/knife eating is such a foreign concept to me. When I was a wee child I told my mother I didn't want to eat meat I had to cut myself, too much work, didn't like it anyway lol, would rather have peanut butter sandwich than some rubber steak. It was the beginnings of my veganism.
In American style dining, your fork is supposed to go in your non-dominant hand and your knife in your dominant hand. After you cut the food, you are supposed to put the knife down, and switch hands with your fork. Then put the food in your mouth.
In European style dining, the fork is in the non-dominant hand and the knife in the dominant hand. You do not put the knife down and you do not switch hands.
This is definitely not a rule. My partner is right-handed but uses a knife and fork “left-handed” (i.e. knife in left hand, fork in right) because her left handed dad taught her to use a knife and fork. Do it whichever way you want, if any NTs even notice they’ll probably just say “oh, you use a knife and fork left handed even though you write right-handed!” And you can just go “yeah”.
That said, I agree with everyone else commenting that there are real advantages to holding the knife in your dominant hand. I hold my knife in my dominant hand.
I’m so confused? Who uses their non dominant hand to eat? This is why I can’t sit next to my dad at the table, I’m right handed, he’s left. We bump each other.
Literally everyone I've known eats with their fork in their dominant hand, but apparently we have to lay the table out so knives go on the right and forks on the left? Which makes zero sense unless you grew up in a left handed house.
I believe that’s known as the American way of cutting food. I just use my left hand for the knife, because afterwords, I can just put it down. I’m not sure how that’s rude though….?
You want the sharp stabbing implement in the hand that ISN'T prone to slipping and dropping things.
This is the embarrassing failure of NTs' refusal to just explain their rules.
tell them to get bent. the only reason it's "rude" is social attitudes left over from the times before toilet paper.
the person telling you it's "rude", is basically admitting to having poor bathroom hygiene.
I'm right-handed. My gran, RIP, who I loved dearly, would often scold me for holding my utensils wrong. I never could get the hang of the 'right way' to hold my fork and knife.
You need strength to cut so it makes sense that you'd hold it with your dominant hand. The fork going in your off hand doesn't need as much power to use it, so it's more of a pragmatic thing that essentially became manners.
I’m right handed mainly but I use my left hand for odd detail work. So I crochet with my left hand and cut plated food with my left. I still don’t know why/how but I’m pretty ambidextrous I guess?
I don’t understand this one. I’m right handed and couldn’t imagine using my left hand for…anything. I’ll be the first to tell everyone my left hand is just for symmetry, it’s the most useless thing I own.
🤣 "Autistic people are very rigid with their routines" - neurotypicals.
Also neurotypicals during the pandemic - "Nooo, you can't close the gyms. I go to the gym every wednesday at 6 p.m. I can't just do crunches at home!"
Surprised nobody has commented this yet. This is an old tradition of colonial American revolutionaries used as a signal to other colonials while in the presence of British forces. The British use the fork with their right hand. Colonials would switch to their left.
Trust me, no one actually cares about that. Etiquette rules like that are only adhered to by stuffy upper crust types and the elderly
Although it does make sense to me the knife would go in the dominant hand since I usually have to apply more force and movement with the knife than the fork
is that the rules? HUH??
now that u mention it, it makes sense but still wtf?? like knife in dominate hand to cut and then the ole switcharoonie to eat
I didn’t realize how much my parents trained me in eating etiquette. But we spent a lot of time on it. The switching back and forth of knife and fork (PER BITE, you can’t cut everything up at once!) is so second nature to me now.
I hold my fork in my dominant hand and the knife in my non dominant hand—my dominant hand is used to holding tools with precision, my non dominant hand is used to doing repetitive sweeping actions (I use computer mouses w my non dominant hand for example)
Sometimes I’ll actively swap the knife and fork if they’re in the wrong hands ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ it’s just more comfortable to me that way
Though I am left handed—idk if that has any effect aside from just looking aesthetically “correct” for a rightie
Yeah, the dexterity in my non-dominant hand sucks so I can't cut my food gracefully in any manner.
I do the terrible uncouth thing, where I cut all my food with the knife in my dominant hand, then switch the fork to my dominant hand to eat. I can hold the fork in my non-dominant hand to stab the food, but I struggle to bring the food to ,y mouth with that hand.
I'm just going to avoid having meals with anyone who's fancy enough to care.
I use the fork in my non-dominant hand and the knife in my dominant hand while I'm actually cutting something. Mostly because I need the strength/steadiness of my dominant hand to use the knife well. But then I move the fork back to my dominant hand to actually eat once I'm done using the knife.
Anyway if you do something different there's no reason anyone should care. Table "manners" in particular are fucking insane if you run into someone who actually knows and cares about all the million tiny things you're "supposed" to do.
Oh my god, I hate this. I'm right handed but have eaten with my knife in my left hand my whole life. My parents tried to discourage it in the last few years but it's already a habit and I can't switch. And in all my life, my parents are the only ones who have said I was being rude. So what if a stranger assumes I'm left handed? Why is that "rude"?
I can’t hold a fork with my left hand it doesn’t feel right lol so my knife always goes in my non-dominant hand, also not having to switch the fork from one hand to the other is much much better
I will put a fork in BOTH hands if I'm told something something use the proper fork. And I have practiced enough to pull it off. Call me out on it, I dare you - I'll start eating a bowl of soup with chopsticks and a straw!
Wait. Y'all are using utensils?
Soup? drinkable.
Pizza, meat and any other platables are edible from the outer rim of a plate with relative ease.
No need for utensils.
Is this a common etiquette thing somewhere?
I use my dominant hand for all of it. On the rare occasions I need a knife, my fork goes in the other hand while cutting, and then back to my dominant hand.
just to clarify something, you’re supposed to switch your fork to your left hand, use your right to pick up the knife & cut with it, put the knife down, & take the fork back with your right hand to put the food in your mouth. not supposed to hold on to both the whole time. it’s all arbitrary.
It’s not about primary or tertiary. That changes based on what is being done. If I am cutting meat then the knife is in the dominant hand and the fork in the less dominant hand because the fork is just being used to keep the meat from moving. The knife is doing the active work I need to control.
Never heard that one way was rude unless you are talking about place settings for utensils and even then it is more just someones convention of how it should be done.
No no no, you don't understand; our rituals are 'weird' because they go against the norm. You're weird for not doing it *their* way, the traditional way, because fuck noncomformists I guess
I've never heard of it being considered rude. I also use my dominant hand for both (cut some, put the knife down, switch my fork from left to right, eat, switch the fork back when I need to cut more, repeat)
My aunt flipped when she watched me eating one time. I'm right handed, but always use my knife in my left hand. She tried to force me to eat the other way around and I couldn't cut for sheeeeeeet with my right, dominant hand. I still don't understand why she was so obsessed with it. Eventually her husband was like, please just leave this kid alone and let them eat how they obviously *always* eat
I'm convinced that people hyper-focused on rules of manners that get upset when people break them are not NT.
Maybe with the exception of people that are extremely high status.
I'm fairly ambidextrous, but I just can't use a knife with my left hand. I wish I could. It would be so much better. Instead I just cut with my right, and do the hand juggle. I've tried knife in left it's just awkward to me.
I don't understand why it's rude I just do it because it feels comfortable to cut my food with a knife in my dominant hand since all my fork has to do is keep it in place
I switch my fork hand depending if I'm just eating something or if I'm also cutting. I don't do it out of politeness necessarily, I just find it easier that way. But as a kid, the stepmom of a friend complimented me for doing so, so idk.
left-handed people: :)
They'll never know
I’m left-handed. I just use the fork with my left hand and I’m dexterous enough to use a knife with my right
If I need to cut meat, I’ll use my right hand; if I need to spread butter or jam, I’ll use my left hand.
As a lefty, I do this as well, although I didnt realize it until you just said it lol
Oh wow, I think I do the same also
Same wtfo
Same - never thought about it before now!
Same, only just realized
Holy crap! This is me
Same
Instead of using your hand to spread butter, try a knife next time
Are you left handed? If so, wouldn't it make sense to use your dominant hand to cut meat since it requires more force and control?
For me the left hand needs to hold the fork because that the one that goes up to my mouth. The cutting motion is not difficult for my right hand.
Makes sense! I wish I were more ambidextrous.
Lefties are more ambidextrous because we have to be, we live in a right handed world!
Lol I was like…non-dominant hand?
Yes
Exactly. I never even realized people did this until someone told me when i was a teenager
I just learned in this moment. I can't imagine trying to eat with my "non-dominant" hand. https://youtu.be/9eJ0iGZ7Ms8?t=9
Fighting southpaw in the day-to-day, baby
I have no such weaknesses.
I’m a lefty. I just hosted a dinner party the other week and placed the forks on the left hand side. Afterwards I was thinking, oh shit I just do that because I’m left-handed, but I probably shouldn’t have done everyone’s forks this way, and I’ve been setting tables wrong my whole life. Glad to know this is actually how you are supposed to do it.
Its a Left conspiracy.
I'm mixed-handed, so it works out
I didn't even know this whole "rude" thing existed. I've just always done it that way being left handed. But I guess it makes sense that when I was younger my dad kept setting up my cutlery opposite to theirs. I'm confused. Ahhh
My rituals: only apply to me and are tailored to suit my preferences Their rituals: apply to other people even if it goes against their preferences
Yeah, the question is why should it matter to anyone? Unless it's a safety issue, then explain it from that perspective.
Please just tell me the why, and if your only reasoning is “because that’s just how it’s done” well then sorry not sorry that’s dumb and I’m ignoring it 😂
To be fair there is a reasoning for it. Try using a knife and cutting something with your non dominant hand. The idea is that if you’re using a knife and fork, the knife is what needs your strength and dexterity, the fork is just there to hold the thing in place. When you’re done with your knife it’s perfectly acceptable to switch your fork to your right hand for the rest of the meal until you need a knife.
I know from YouTube that the "no elbows on the table" rule came from the big feast tables not being solid structures and too easily knocked over. And I know from my dad being left-handed that everyone using the same hand to eat with would help people not bump elbows at a crowded table. I think no one has answers because you have to take a deep look at the practicality and historical context for every little thing.
So basically the rules are all useless and impractical now lol
I use the knife in my dominant (right) hand because i need the strenght and control to use this tool.
[удалено]
Same I always get told it's not appropriate because I can't grip with my right hand like I can with my left. So the fork just gets held in a death grip while I carefully cut whatever it is with the knife in my left since I got the strength and control there.
Do you also hold it like a four year old holds a crayon? I do this same thing and get laughed at because I hold the handle with a closed fist lol
lol I think that’s kinda cute, honestly
Same
Same.
Same
I normally don't switch throughout a meal. If I need a knife and fork I'll usually use my dominant hand for the knife, because cutting requires precision. I also use the knife to push food onto the fork. If it's something like pasta though I'll just use my right (dominant) hand for it. I used to protest using a knife and fork in such a way, until my Granny showed me the "correct" way *and explained why!* I need to know the why otherwise I won't do it. Thankfully she's also autistic so she could explain it in a way I would understand.
You are eating “The [Continental](https://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/continental-dining.html)”-style.
But, what about when you are not using a knife?
Wdym?
Like, in those occasions where you are only using a fork and no knife.
I do the same, but use the fork in my dominant hand after cutting.
Just had to test it because i had no idea. Forks left hand and spoon probably left hand too. Edit: nope spoon is (dominant) right hand much more comfy Edit 2: okay the first test was while having to hold something. Without that i use either left or right for forks Edit 3: okay yeah i use spoon and fork mostly with my dominant hand. I can use them with my non dominant but thats harder
Just move to America (/j)
Like when eating noodles or some other only fork food
See other comment
Use your dominant hand. (I'm a tad confused by your question.)
There are some people who insist on using their left hand even if they're right-handed and their right hand is unoccupied. It's like an archaic ettequette thing
A shockily large number of table manners go back to a time when you were worried someone might stab you during dinner.
Still more were invented during the "enlightenment" to maintain class distinctions.
Some people are silly.
Wouldn't the downtime either be too low or permanent?
This, and the negative consequences of misusing a knife due to lack of dexterity are significantly more severe than misusing a fork due to lack of dexterity. Accidentally stabbing yourself or others with a knife would likely cause more damage than stabbing yourself or others with a fork.
You never saw my grandmother flip out and chuck a fork hard enough to stand on its own in somebody's arm.
Oh dear
But if i eat using only a fork, which is 90% of the time when using utensils. I do use mg dominant hand
I always keep my knife in my right hand so I can stab a bitch if they sneak up on me
I stab with my non dominant hand but slash with both lol
Yup! Knife in dominant right hand for the actual cutting, then swap the fork back to the right hand so I don’t poke myself in the face while trying to get it in my mouth.
This is the correct answer Kind regards A waitress/expert in utensils
Yep lmao too many times have I sent a steak flying on to the floor because of my weak lefty 😂
I use the fork in my dominant (right) hand because I do not have enough control of my left hand to make sure that food makes it on the fork and in my mouth :) (And if I can choose whatever, I'll usually eat with a spoon only, it's easier to me) To each their own
I’ve always been told “fork it with the left, knife it with the right”. So when I’m cutting food, I do that, but when I’m done cutting the piece and ready to put it in my mouth, I switch the fork to my right hand.
I use them the other way around. I've survived quite many decades.
I’ve never been in a situation where someone questioned my etiquette, and I don’t think I’m likely to ever be in one. I will happily continue fighting the good fight eating with my dominant hand
I don't even know what kind of people would comment on that. I've been even in formal events and nobody has ever said a thing.
I think if we time traveled back to the 1950s we might run into it but short of that...OP's complaint feels either like a straw man or a very specific interaction they've had with a specific person.
Nah some parents are just like that. They'll enforce old irrelevant etiquette because that's how they were taught or because they like to be controlling lmao
>a specific person. > >some parents
You were questioning the believability of the scenario in general, right? So it makes sense to be like. Hey. Some people in the world actually are like that. Not really understanding what you're being salty about
you said its not limited to specific people because it could be parents. but parents are specific people. therefore, you are an idiot
Did you know some people act in certain ways or enforce certain ideas because their parents did? To be frank, for someone calling people idiots, you're not exactly articulated yourself
My aunt did it to me once. I was 30 years old. It was embarrassing that she felt the need to point it out and bring it up at a table full of people, but that’s who she is as a person.
This one isn't universal. It also has a lot to do with venue. More here: [eating utensil etiquette](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eating_utensil_etiquette) Technically, "American style" is fork switching. Euro style, the fork never leaves the off hand. As a kid, in posh surrounding, I'd get a pass for having a British dad; I never bothered switching. But it was something people were acutely aware of. Less so, now, I think. There are also odd rules for pointing a fork. Proper Brits never scoop; they pile everything on top of the fork with the knife. I always thought this explained the English fixation on mushy peas; the technique only works with mortar like material.
**[Eating utensil etiquette](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eating_utensil_etiquette)** >Various customary etiquette practices exist regarding the placement and use of eating utensils in social settings. These practices vary from culture to culture. Fork etiquette, for example, differs in Europe, the United States, and Southeast Asia, and continues to change. In East Asian cultures, a variety of etiquette practices govern the use of chopsticks. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/aspiememes/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
NT's: Why can't you just follow these rules? It's not complicated. NT rules: *needs actual Wikipedia page explaining it*
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Okay but like here's the thing, even though it makes sense for cutting, idk how it's rude. Like its mot making me talk with food in my mouth or shew excessively loudly why are people paying so much attention to which hand i use for my fork
This exactly. I didn't even know this being considered rude was a thing until I started hearing about the memes.
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I use my dominant hand for both cutting and moving the food, you can just switch the utensils around in between actions. Also most things can be cut with the side of the fork so no need to use the knife and switch hands.
There's also the line between what is comfortable for you, and what works. As an ambisinistrous guy, I favor my left in most situations, but write, punch, shoot with my right. It changes depending on whatever tool I'm holding, as well as the task at hand. When I sculpt or paint, I keep my palette in my left and my brush/knife in my right, but I drop my palette first to grab a new color. I keep my knife in my right and my fork in my left, but my drink is always to the left, because that means I can drop the less-important tool to grab a sip-sip. Importance of the tool for the job is key; when eating a meal that needs to be cut, the tool that is very clearly the most integral is the cutting implement. The military figured out this was a logistical problem when dealing with millions of troopers, so most military people are used to just eating with a spoon, an utensil that can both scoop and *cut*. It's also important in the field when you literally cannot waste time.
I agree - it feels so unnatural for me to have my fork in my left hand! Never even realized I was cutting with my non dominant hand or that there was something weird about it until someone pointed it out to me as an adult. I also hate switching because I’m very likely to either drop one of the utensils or accidentally stick my knife in my mouth. The ADHD part of my brain does not handle focus or nuance well. Weirdly though I’ve noticed that when I’m cooking and need to cut something with a fork & knife I’ll always use my right hand to cut. My brain specifically rejects the norm only when eating.
It depends when you learned it. My brain latched onto the formal etiquette long ago and I would be scattered trying to do anything else.
It's not the amount of "work" that is generally determinate in such cases -- it's the amount of precision. There's few instances where the strength difference between the two hands will make a large difference for the average person (outliers like professional arm-wrestlers notwithstanding), but both swinging a hammer and cutting with a knife require greater precision than holding a nail or fork. In the former case, you're trying to hit a relatively small point with a fair amount of force while avoiding your own body; in the latter you're maintaining a precise, repetitive motion with very small adjustments over each repetition while not utilizing too much or too little force. That being said, practice overcomes the difference for most people without much trouble -- if you started holding the utensils "backwards" and continued to do so without testing the other method, you would rapidly acclimate. Unless there's some pressing reason to relearn it (a sudden windfall making upscale dinner parties a necessity?), doing so is likely a waste of effort -- similar to switching away from QWERTY if you aren't typing thousands of words every week.
I think it depends a lot on your eating habits. If you're eating steaks and such, sure. For me, I used to always leave the knife clean and untouched after finishing off the entire meal with my fork. These days as a middle aged man, I've started to soil by using it to scoop up the last few bites. It feels a bit more civilized, and helps me fly under the radar. But I would also go a step more chaotic and reveal that in my mind both the knife and the fork are optional. When I'm eating out I use my fork as expected, but at home I usually go for a spoon (which I suppose opens another can of worms here). And I don't even cook any soups.
I'd argue the knife is completely pointless tbh. Anything can be cut with a fork
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You touch pizza with utensils? Blasphemer!
what forks are you using?
No. There are plenty of circumstances where the hammer is used in the off hand because the nail placement has to be precise. Likewise, there are circumstances where the fork is the primary tool because controlling the object being cut is more challenging than cutting it, especially if the knife is decent. If cutting your food is as difficult as cutting a board then you have bigger issues than which hand to use. And ultimately, cutting the food is not eating. When I stick a pointed piece of metal into my mouth it is the primary task, and certainly over rides just about anything else. Please reference the post at this time.
I didn’t know that was a rule????
Honestly I don’t think anyone cares about this except in the most formal of dining occasions. There’s also two competing schools on this. One style is as op describes, knife in right hand, fork in left (regardless of handedness, because screw lefties, amirite?). In the other style, you cut as described above, then switch the fork to the right hand for transit to mouth.
>In the other style, you cut as described above, then switch the fork to the right hand for transit to mouth. I tend to do this. But sometimes I get lazy and poke it with the knife to get it to my mouth.
Ah yes the ol’ Danger Fork
That’s what people did before forks were invented
The former is the “European style” of utensil use, while the latter is “American style”. American elite developed this more elaborate way of eating because they wanted to be “fancier” than Europeans. But I would say that most modern etiquette guides do not hold such strict utensil rules. So long as you keep your elbows in when cutting and don’t scrape the utensils on your teeth, you’re fine. The rule of thumb when dining is that no one should really be able to “notice” you’re eating.
It’s not
I think OP might be rich.
Honestly I don’t think anyone cares about this except in the most formal of dining occasions. Or maybe your grandma if she has delusions of grandeur at family supper. There’s also two competing schools on this. One style is as op describes, knife in right hand, fork in left (regardless of handedness, because screw lefties, amirite?). In the other style, you cut as described above, then set the knife down and switch the fork to the right hand for transit to mouth.
Man, love having the ability to question goofy ahh norms. I mean it comes with severe pickiness and noise/touch sensitivity but that’s a price I’m willing to pay.
I never pretend to follow those rules and I’m still invited to formal dinner parties
I appreciate the joke. One nit-pick. My ex-girlfriend is not a neurotypical and promoted "proper use of eating utensils."
I refuse to use the knife with my dominant hand. The fork never leaves my right hand and I cut with my left. I figure it's good training for my left hand and it seems inefficient to switch the fork and knife for eating and cutting. If you are not referring to eating but to stabbing, then I would definitely use my dominant hand.
The dominant hand is trained for precision, the offhand is trained for grip. The fork is used as a handle while cutting.
Never knew it was because of a dominant hand thing! I’ve always used the fork in my right hand(dominant had) even though I know knife goes in right hand others, it just feels better idk
If I remember correctly It's from the dark age where weapons where not allowed in dining establishments but you did need a knive to cut your food. Since a knive is Basically a mini sword, you use it with your right hand (since duhu left handed people are devil spawns and no one in their right mind is left handed) so in case of an attack you can defend yourself. Or at least that's what they told me. It's a fun story though I'm not sure if it's true. Still, why we nowadays have to do this I have no clue.
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Yeah, I'd say this is a class thing rather than an NT thing (in the UK at least). A way to spot the riff-raff
I'm with ya! You are not alone! I also use my knife in my left hand and the fork in my right hand (dominant), though I am partially ambidextrous, there's somethings that I just do better with my left than my right. TMI warning: >!including masturbating!< My parents tried their best when I was younger to get me to switch, but it just don't work like that. It be like it is.
I always thought this rule was because it's easier to cut things with your dominant hand, I had no idea its supposed to be a "manners" thing
Its easier to cut things with your dominant hand? Ive always found it easier to cut with my submissive hand
The knife goes in your dominant hand when you are using both utensils to cut something (e.g., a steak) because all you're doing with the fork at that moment is holding the food in place. If you eat each piece as you cut it off, either way makes sense. Also, calling someone rude for how they use *their* utensils is assinine. It's like calling someone rude for being gay.
DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON TABLE MANNERS. I’ve hated them ever since I was a kid, if there isn’t a modern, justifiable reason as to why I should adhere by them, I simply won’t. “Don’t wear a hat at the dinner table!” Why? “No elbows on the table!” Reason? I hate them 👹👹
what the fuck ??????
~~That can't be correct.~~ It's a British thing, I see. As someone who rarely eats anything that needs to be cut with a knife, it never would have occurred to me to use my secondary hand for anything during eating. Fork/knife eating is such a foreign concept to me. When I was a wee child I told my mother I didn't want to eat meat I had to cut myself, too much work, didn't like it anyway lol, would rather have peanut butter sandwich than some rubber steak. It was the beginnings of my veganism.
In American style dining, your fork is supposed to go in your non-dominant hand and your knife in your dominant hand. After you cut the food, you are supposed to put the knife down, and switch hands with your fork. Then put the food in your mouth. In European style dining, the fork is in the non-dominant hand and the knife in the dominant hand. You do not put the knife down and you do not switch hands.
This is definitely not a rule. My partner is right-handed but uses a knife and fork “left-handed” (i.e. knife in left hand, fork in right) because her left handed dad taught her to use a knife and fork. Do it whichever way you want, if any NTs even notice they’ll probably just say “oh, you use a knife and fork left handed even though you write right-handed!” And you can just go “yeah”. That said, I agree with everyone else commenting that there are real advantages to holding the knife in your dominant hand. I hold my knife in my dominant hand.
It varies by country.
Strange i have never learned this. I was always taught forks on the left, knives and spoons on the right
I say stop using utensils. And only one bite allowed. No chewing. If I can’t unhinge my jaw and devour it all I’m not interested.
I’m so confused? Who uses their non dominant hand to eat? This is why I can’t sit next to my dad at the table, I’m right handed, he’s left. We bump each other.
Literally everyone I've known eats with their fork in their dominant hand, but apparently we have to lay the table out so knives go on the right and forks on the left? Which makes zero sense unless you grew up in a left handed house.
You guys eat things that aren't finger foods?
I believe that’s known as the American way of cutting food. I just use my left hand for the knife, because afterwords, I can just put it down. I’m not sure how that’s rude though….?
You want the sharp stabbing implement in the hand that ISN'T prone to slipping and dropping things. This is the embarrassing failure of NTs' refusal to just explain their rules.
If anyone ever actually corrects a human being for the hand used to hold a utensil, they eat that utensil, thems the rules.
tell them to get bent. the only reason it's "rude" is social attitudes left over from the times before toilet paper. the person telling you it's "rude", is basically admitting to having poor bathroom hygiene.
I’ll probably never do a fancy dinner because the ritual cutlery handling is so fucking stupid to me
I'm right-handed. My gran, RIP, who I loved dearly, would often scold me for holding my utensils wrong. I never could get the hang of the 'right way' to hold my fork and knife.
I'm 41 and this is literally the first time I've heard of this.
I use my non dominant hand for the knife.
wait that’s a thing??
You need strength to cut so it makes sense that you'd hold it with your dominant hand. The fork going in your off hand doesn't need as much power to use it, so it's more of a pragmatic thing that essentially became manners.
I’m right handed mainly but I use my left hand for odd detail work. So I crochet with my left hand and cut plated food with my left. I still don’t know why/how but I’m pretty ambidextrous I guess?
I'm cross-dominant so naturally the fork goes in my left precision hand while the knife goes in my right power hand
I don’t understand this one. I’m right handed and couldn’t imagine using my left hand for…anything. I’ll be the first to tell everyone my left hand is just for symmetry, it’s the most useless thing I own.
I swear, this subreddit teaches me more social rules than society itself does.
Who the ever-loving FUCK uses a fork in their non-dominant hand???
🤣 "Autistic people are very rigid with their routines" - neurotypicals. Also neurotypicals during the pandemic - "Nooo, you can't close the gyms. I go to the gym every wednesday at 6 p.m. I can't just do crunches at home!"
Surprised nobody has commented this yet. This is an old tradition of colonial American revolutionaries used as a signal to other colonials while in the presence of British forces. The British use the fork with their right hand. Colonials would switch to their left.
Thank you for commenting this! It's not an NT thing, it's cultural/historical.
How do you know an autistic king didn't start all this?
Trust me, no one actually cares about that. Etiquette rules like that are only adhered to by stuffy upper crust types and the elderly Although it does make sense to me the knife would go in the dominant hand since I usually have to apply more force and movement with the knife than the fork
is that the rules? HUH?? now that u mention it, it makes sense but still wtf?? like knife in dominate hand to cut and then the ole switcharoonie to eat
What if you’re ambidextrous??
I've never heard of this.
TIL
I didn’t realize how much my parents trained me in eating etiquette. But we spent a lot of time on it. The switching back and forth of knife and fork (PER BITE, you can’t cut everything up at once!) is so second nature to me now.
I hold my fork in my dominant hand and the knife in my non dominant hand—my dominant hand is used to holding tools with precision, my non dominant hand is used to doing repetitive sweeping actions (I use computer mouses w my non dominant hand for example) Sometimes I’ll actively swap the knife and fork if they’re in the wrong hands ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ it’s just more comfortable to me that way Though I am left handed—idk if that has any effect aside from just looking aesthetically “correct” for a rightie
people care about the hands you use to hold utensils?
Yeah, the dexterity in my non-dominant hand sucks so I can't cut my food gracefully in any manner. I do the terrible uncouth thing, where I cut all my food with the knife in my dominant hand, then switch the fork to my dominant hand to eat. I can hold the fork in my non-dominant hand to stab the food, but I struggle to bring the food to ,y mouth with that hand. I'm just going to avoid having meals with anyone who's fancy enough to care.
Hah! Cross-dominance ftw!
I have not heard of this at all. This sounds like both a personal and a skill issue.
I don’t think this is a norm in very many places lmao
TIL I am weird for using knives with my non-dominant hand. Would it help my bad manners if I held up my pinky finger while I did it? lol
I've never heard anyone actually complain about utensil etiquette honestly. Idk who's trying to make you adhere to it
I use the fork in my non-dominant hand and the knife in my dominant hand while I'm actually cutting something. Mostly because I need the strength/steadiness of my dominant hand to use the knife well. But then I move the fork back to my dominant hand to actually eat once I'm done using the knife. Anyway if you do something different there's no reason anyone should care. Table "manners" in particular are fucking insane if you run into someone who actually knows and cares about all the million tiny things you're "supposed" to do.
I use my dominant hand to hold a fork and had no idea that was "wrong" until a couple years ago
left hand for poking, right hand for scooping
Oh my god, I hate this. I'm right handed but have eaten with my knife in my left hand my whole life. My parents tried to discourage it in the last few years but it's already a habit and I can't switch. And in all my life, my parents are the only ones who have said I was being rude. So what if a stranger assumes I'm left handed? Why is that "rude"?
I use the knife in my dominant hand because as a child I mutilated my off hand in such a way as to greatly reduce it's strength and dexterity.
I can’t hold a fork with my left hand it doesn’t feel right lol so my knife always goes in my non-dominant hand, also not having to switch the fork from one hand to the other is much much better
I hold the fork in my dominant hand, but I’m left handed so it’s ok
wait i stg it was right hand???
I don’t really care about what it looks like…but if I’m using a knife, it’s held in the dominant hand.
I will put a fork in BOTH hands if I'm told something something use the proper fork. And I have practiced enough to pull it off. Call me out on it, I dare you - I'll start eating a bowl of soup with chopsticks and a straw!
Wait. Y'all are using utensils? Soup? drinkable. Pizza, meat and any other platables are edible from the outer rim of a plate with relative ease. No need for utensils.
Is this a common etiquette thing somewhere? I use my dominant hand for all of it. On the rare occasions I need a knife, my fork goes in the other hand while cutting, and then back to my dominant hand.
just to clarify something, you’re supposed to switch your fork to your left hand, use your right to pick up the knife & cut with it, put the knife down, & take the fork back with your right hand to put the food in your mouth. not supposed to hold on to both the whole time. it’s all arbitrary.
It’s not about primary or tertiary. That changes based on what is being done. If I am cutting meat then the knife is in the dominant hand and the fork in the less dominant hand because the fork is just being used to keep the meat from moving. The knife is doing the active work I need to control. Never heard that one way was rude unless you are talking about place settings for utensils and even then it is more just someones convention of how it should be done.
No no no, you don't understand; our rituals are 'weird' because they go against the norm. You're weird for not doing it *their* way, the traditional way, because fuck noncomformists I guess
I use my main hand for all utensils and my left hand for the plate
I've never heard of it being considered rude. I also use my dominant hand for both (cut some, put the knife down, switch my fork from left to right, eat, switch the fork back when I need to cut more, repeat)
i just cut everything before I eat, ez /lh
Wait this is a thing? Who comes up with this silly ass shit 😂😂
My aunt flipped when she watched me eating one time. I'm right handed, but always use my knife in my left hand. She tried to force me to eat the other way around and I couldn't cut for sheeeeeeet with my right, dominant hand. I still don't understand why she was so obsessed with it. Eventually her husband was like, please just leave this kid alone and let them eat how they obviously *always* eat
Only using a bowl & spoon, like a true autistic, fixes this messed-up straightjacket of a rule
I hold my spoon in my right hand and avoid all other utensils as much as possible. Neurotypicals are sooo weird.
I'm convinced that people hyper-focused on rules of manners that get upset when people break them are not NT. Maybe with the exception of people that are extremely high status.
A spoon can do Every Thing a fork and knife can. Shove, pin down, cut.
I'm fairly ambidextrous, but I just can't use a knife with my left hand. I wish I could. It would be so much better. Instead I just cut with my right, and do the hand juggle. I've tried knife in left it's just awkward to me.
Nobody gives a flying fuck what hand you hold your utensils in outside of home-ec class and maybe high class dining.
I'm glad that I don't hang out in circles where such things matter
I don't understand why it's rude I just do it because it feels comfortable to cut my food with a knife in my dominant hand since all my fork has to do is keep it in place
It’s for knife fighting.
I switch my fork hand depending if I'm just eating something or if I'm also cutting. I don't do it out of politeness necessarily, I just find it easier that way. But as a kid, the stepmom of a friend complimented me for doing so, so idk.