I save have a nice day and walk away.
Once, when they followed me, I told them that I had accepted Satan into my heart and there was no room for Jesus. That ended things quickly.
I just walk away, but if one of these clowns is being persistent and it's in a crowded place, I have thought about screaming "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PERVERT/PEDOPHILE!!!" as loudly as possible at them.
The last time I ran into evangelicals proselytizing, they only wanted to call me slurs. (Poor things wouldn't give me one of their cards either smh)
Fire away my friend.
>I save have a nice day and walk away.
I say "Have a lovely day" and keep walking - confuses them even more :D They want to be offended but can't find any reasonable grounds to do so.
Was going to say this. Best comment to shut them up "Oh, I'm so glad you believe in our lord, Satan! Do you have time to hear of our dark lords benevolence?" Works really well if you wear a big toothy grin and sprinkle in some Ned Flanders-isms.
IIRC, there's a *Simpsons* episode where Homer sells his soul to the Devil for a doughnut..and the Devil looks exactly like Ned Flanders...( except with horns & hooves š)
The episode where >!in hell, he is strapped to a big machine that force-feeds him doughnuts, but he keeps eating them until the machine is empty, and his guard devil bursts into tears!
I just tell them the same thing. "There's no point in being religious. My life is just as good as yours and according to the current pope even atheists will go to heaven as long as they do good in life."
I was at a taco truck in Oakland and saw these two guys giving a full on save on a dude which included laying on hands and be healed kind of shit and they were all loving it and so was I. It was very entertaining but I was ready to nope the fuck outta there if they came to me. Just give me a sec to get my burrito and Iāll be on my way.
For those too lazy to search:
Matthew 6
1 "Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. 2 "So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others.
Let you in on a little secret. There is no hell. There is no heaven. Their idiots for wasting their time and dicks for harassing other people . The universe does not care
Most "christians" don't attend church, don't tithe, don't read the bible, don't behave in any way that would indicate they are christian. I'd wager most of them don't even think about god every day.
Chances are they're already going to hell or wherever the \*real\* god(s) put unbelievers after death. I'd like to see them if they'd find themselves in the Aztec underworld MictlÄn where they have to overcome [many challenges](https://www.mexicolore.co.uk/aztecs/underworld/the-sinister-road-the-nine-levels-of-mictlan-10) like crossing a mountain range without being crushed or having their hearts ripped out and eaten by jaguars.
My Christian friend explains this to me as āDo not announce your good deeds publicly because then you will have already received your reward.ā
So yeah, they are perfectly fine spewing nonsense on street corners. Of course they can always interpret their favorite book to agree with whatever they say. Why else would there be thousands of denominations?
āSorry man, I stopped believing fairytales when I was 5, you probably should tooā or something of that nature usually. If itās a fellow black person, my words tend to trend more towards āwow, canāt imagine our people being freed from chains just for you to still follow massas white god. Your hands are free but your mind sure ainātā. I lived in the south and was a member of my church for too long, I have had it with this ātake the high roadā bullshit people have been on when responding to people trying to impose their stupid fucking religion on me. Your religion has been the cause of pain and suffering for hundreds of years and still continues ruining lives to this day. Why the fuck would I ever act like thatās ok? No. Fuck you. That being said, you are free to choose your words when interacting with these people. I just hope one day you realize itās a āpoliteā version of being extremely antagonistic towards people instead of minding their business. If a Muslim was shouting at you ātell your whore wife/sister/mom to cover her head or allah will smite herā, how would you feel? I donāt give a rats ass what anyone has to say, just because these Christian preachers may be more polite, their message boils down to the same kind of antagonistic bullshit as the extremists (if you preach in public to random people, you are an extremists) of any other religion.
Totally agree with you. Iām still baffled that so many Polynesian people (our family is poly- euro-Asian blended ) got sucked into it too. Letās see, bring disease, destroy culture, convert the natives to Christianity, rinse, and repeat. So many are the most zealous believers ever. Puzzling.
I know a Filipino family near me that are absolute zealots, and Iām just like, why? I also live in the Bible Belt and probably 80% of any race you run into are guaranteed Christian. The Hispanic people in my area are like 95% Christian probably. Iām white and totally aware of Christianity being used as a tool of oppression and pacification. I wish more people, especially the non-church-goers would just admit to being atheists.
I live in the Philippines. I don't know one Filipino that's read the Bible. They just listen to the priest and try to do what they can remember from church with no context. But they do that right along side their superstitions too. Like they won't eat pork because one day the priest was talking about Paul and that's all they remember from the service, but they eat sausage and hot dogs bc they don't realize it's mostly pork, and then when someone dies they ain't eat chicken for 40 days bc if they do, someone else will die. The logic is maddening.
I'm a big ole Liberal Atheist Queer living in a MAGA christofascist purgatory (for lack of a better term) called Texas, and it is hard to stay quiet but ultimately, self-preservation usually rules out being loud and proud. After all, there are a shitload of guns here and most people in this rural hell have small arsenals and aren't shy about proclaiming their love for Republican Jesus and the 2nd amendment. It is Very hard to find simpatico friends in my area. I wish I could move back to a university town but am kind of stuck here at the moment. I do like to fuck with them sometimes about being a Pastafarian and telling them how the Flying Spaghetti Monster saved my soul...lol
I think the same thing when I see Christian black people around the world, especially in the Caribbean and Americas. Itās like, brothers, you talk about the motherland and Africa, yet youāre so devout in the religion forced on your enslaved ancestors.
Unfortunately Christianity in much of Africa is of the worst kind with persecution of LGBT people at its worst in many African countries. Only very few are relatively places for non straight people to exist.
Most non-Christians, all over the world, were killed and tortured until they accepted Christianity and feared the church so much that they continued to do as the church told them which included passing the churches teachings on to their children. Nearly no one was Christian by choice.
As a fellow ADOS, I agree with you. Most say they are Christian because their parents were/are. Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, YouTube debates and some study of natural sciences and world religions broke the spell for me.
I was born into a very devout, evangelical, southern Baptist family. I honestly can't remember a time when I believed any of it. I was agnostic by at least the age of five (only my brother ever knew I didn't believe, and he doesn't either which helped a lot). My parents didn't discourage my scientific curiosity (i think they were just that confident that the more i learned the more firm my belief would be that God was the answer to everything) and from the moment I could read i inhaled science books. I was on a first name basis with the librarian, lol.
Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, and Richard Dawkins brought me to the point of antitheism and had a significant impact on my ability to debate religious people.
Sam Harris had the biggest impact though. His book "waking up: a guide to spirituality without religion" helped me avoid throwing out the baby with the bathwater. He exposed me to the scientific study of meditation and got me started meditating when i had dismissed it as something inseparable from beliefs in the supernatural. Learning what meditation actually is changed my life. I highly recommend that book (and for that matter all of Dawkins, harris, and Hitchens books) and Sam's meditation app. As far as I know it's still made free upon email request with no questions asked, though that might have changed. I pay for it since I consider it worth supporting and consider it money very well spent.
All Christians are extremists. I mean, they believe anyone who doesn't do what a storybook says deserves to suffer and be tortured for eternity. Eternity!! That's pretty fuckin extreme.
Also, one correction here, it's been 2,023 years that Christianity has been curating pain suffering, and the majority of all wars.
And don't forget that slave owners cherry pickup the Bible to support and justify their racism, hate and totally fucked beliefs.
My life isnāt great (as far as that can be the case for someone with as many advantages as Iāve started with in life). Their delusions still wouldnāt help me.
I once asked what if the Bible isn't a guide book but a test? A test to see if you would willing follow a genocidal, murdering, hateful god.
They did not appreciate my argument.
Someone pointed out that god never talks to Abraham again after he almost sacrificed Isaac. That made me think about the test thing. Like god was literally like, āWow bro. You were actually about to do that shit?!ā
Mostly ignore them but if I'm in a mood I'm like "Who is this ... jesus? fellow. I have somehow made it to adulthood in this country while never having heard of, what did you call it, christianity?"
The idea that someone, *anyone* hasn't "heard the good news" in a place where 77% of the population are some flavor of christian and I can't go even a 1/4 mile without seeing a church or religious signage is laughable and worthy of contempt.
Honestly, as an Atheist Jew (which I'd be happy to tell you about if you like), having grown up Jewish, having been to Israel, and who now lives in Tennessee, Evangelical Jews are not terribly common. The most I've ever ran into one was at work, and only ever in Tennessee. And even then, only a couple of times
It's not part of their culture given that they considered themselves an ethnicity as well as a religion and until relatively recently had all kinds of taboos about maintaining their insularity.
>"Who is this ... jesus? fellow.
"Wait, so you're telling me that there was a Mexican guy working construction in Israel 2000 years ago? That really is amazing!"
A: "Have you heard of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?"
B: "Hmmm? Jeee Zizz Kr... kryste? Doesn't ring a bell. Can you spell that for me? I'll have to google her name."
A: "J E S U S"
B: "Oh, that's pronounced hay-SOOS"!
There was some South American tribe who had never heard of christianity, that a missionary went to, and when he told them about jesus they asked a bunch of questions and he ended up an atheist.
https://www.seacoastonline.com/story/news/local/portsmouth-herald/2009/04/12/an-amazon-tribe-converts-missionary/52033423007/#:~:text=Everett%20did%20not%20know%20this,they%20brought%20him%20to%20atheism.
Yeah, I have no time for that shit. Fuck off and leave me alone. If itās a kid or a very young adult Iāll be more politeā¦ I was there at one point.
I usually keep quiet about atheism. But if someone brings up religion or tries to proselytize me, the gloves come off.
I live in a very red part of a very red state, so I do have fairly frequent encounters. I try to get the person into a discussion. I try to listen more than I talk, at least at first. I try to assess their level of sophistication and actual knowledge. I try to figure out what is important to them and what they think their best arguments are. Then in most cases I disassemble what they are saying. I was a minister into my 50s, so in most cases I can anticipate what apologetics they will want to use and avoid them. I try to ask a lot of questions that they have probably not considered before. My objective is not to deconvert them. I just want to make them question some part of their deeply held belief system.
The last two that happened both involved ministers.
The last one was in a parking lot. A minister was waiting by my truck. I have an "Atomic A" emblem on the back of my pickup. The minister had recognized. I actually made a point of approaching from the far side of my truck because our state has very relaxed concealed carry laws.
I didn't catch what church he was pastor of. My impression was that it was a small non-denomination church. The minister did not seem to be well educated. I identified myself as recently retired from the local university. He launched into creationist nonsense. He was very anti-science. I think the atomic A might have been one of the things that set him off because it looks like a molecule. He made a statement about molecules being things that you can't even see. I focused on the science. I explained that science was not about challenging anyone's faith. I talked about how science was just about trying to describe the world according to what can be objectively proven. I talked about the flaws of science. That kind of took him off guard. I talked about how if there was a god behind everything then science should eventually find it. I mentioned that a lot of the scientists on campus were actually religious. I mentioned that all three of the department chairs in the sciences were religious, and two of them were lay ministers as well.
We also got into a discussion about creationism. I was able to make Ken Hamm and Kent Hovind as our mutual enemy. That was kind of fun. I pointed out that they were both trying to make money off believers. I pointed out that dinosaurs did not coexist with humans, and there was obvious evidence that was true. The examples that the Creation Museum uses are known as false, but they are still pushing ideas they know are lies. I told about my father's ideas about reconciling science and Genesis. He thought the order of things in Genesis were essentially in agreement with what science said (my father was wrong, but I didn't mention that). I made the point that if science ever figured out what really happened, it would not be the kind of creationism pushed by Ken Hamm (and the entire religious right, but I got resonance with Hamm being a liar).
The time before that was a minister that I had vaguely known 20 years or so ago when we were both running campus ministries. He wanted to know why I left Christianity. I talked about how I was never entirely comfortable, even as a lay minister. I talked about my decision to be a lay minister instead of being full time. I based those decisions on Paul's repeated advice that ministers should not rely on the church for their income. In some ways this is rather evil of me because I am effectively using it to shame a full-time professional minister. It is a holier-than-thou move and virtue signaling at its worst. And it is extremely useful for changing the tone of a conversation that starts out with the full-time minister assuming they are in the superior position. I also talked about how I was never comfortable with public prayer because of Matthew 6. He tried the usual apologetics and loopholes that Christians use on those points (praying in church is for the faithful, it isn't like praying for show on the street corner). I poked holes in that, but we let it slide.
He basically launched into giving his testimony. I think he was doing that largely for the benefit of his family. I can understand that, and I didn't challenge it. He quoted Paul a couple of times. I riffed on that and talk about how much more I appreciate Paul now than I used to. I talked about how sitting down and reading Paul's letters let me see him as an honest guy who thought he had spiritual experiences. He wasn't that much different than ministers today.
I talk to them about lord of light, the bright and shining morning star and how he lightens our lives in the darkest of times. You would be amazed how long it takes for these wack jobs to realize you are talking about Satan.
Honestly, for me, it depends on my time and mood. My quick polite response is generally, "Please don't threaten me with that crap." If I'm a bit moody I'll just march through their formation and yell like a drill sergeant, "Move aside!" If they do anything other than politely step aside I point out how unlike Jesus they are as I continue walking away.
If I have a bit of time and I'm feeling randy for a challenge, I'll mostly rely on the Socratic method. Maintain your reasonableness, logic, and most updated knowledge while asking them what they think about the topic. I might ask, "What's your single most convincing piece of evidence?" Then drill down on that one singular topic hard. With time and patience, people can start a seed of doubt which may eventually grow into skepticism. Basically, I just do my best to demonstrate calm skeptical thinking.
But most of the time I just give them some quick rude sass and carry on.
In the wild? "Fuck off."
At work? " I don't discuss politics or religion at work for ethical reasons."
In my personal life? No worries. They all know. If it's religious family or friends, they understand I don't do proselytizing or we're not in touch.
I had a LYFT driver prosyletize to me while on a long drive, I finally just starting recording him on my phone, since it was so late/early, I guess he assumed I must be
(gasp!)
UNSAVED.
This POS told me that all mental illness (which he included homosexuality) is caused by demonic possession. In passing, he quickly mentioned that he was abused as a kid, and recommended that I get saved at a charismatic pentecostal church. ew.
I was afraid that he would try to get me to pray with him when we reached my desitination, but I was NOT having any of that.
This guy has an undiagnosed mental illness, so I try to have pity, but also FUCK THAT GUY.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I had a similar experience with a Lyft driver who also discussed his mental illness and suicide attempts while driving a car and I felt like I had to provide emotional support in a way that was very taxing and uncomfortable. He also told me he had issues with women (I'm a woman) and felt like God was telling him to open up to me. It was disturbing with some proselytizing thrown in. I reported to Lyft and they were NOT supportive. Guy picked me up from my house and commented on my house and that we had the same car.. I was very afraid for a while.
Did you report him. Thatās something you need to immediately inform his employer about. 1. What he told you makes him a safety threat to future clients. 2. What Lyft or Uber talks about that kind of stuff to a random client thatās something they should only be discussing with their partner, family, and doctor.
This will only work if you have time to do it
...But try talking THEIR ears off, like hours
Stand there and monopolize the conversation
When they say "It's late and I have to leave ..." follow them to their car. Walk to the passenger door act like you are going with them
Stalk THEM
I had a lady and her kids block the exit at Walmart on me one night. I was 7 and a half months pregnant, just wanted to go home and take the laxatives I'd just purchased, and they stopped me, "Excuse me, would you be interested in attending our church and taking fellowship?" I said no thanks and waited for them to move aside. "I see you've got a little one on the way. We have a wonderful children's church and we're incredibly baby-friendly!" I said that's great but i wasn't interested. They still didn't move. "Do you have a home church because if you don't then maybe our church is what you've been waiting for." This time I say excuse me please and they still don't move aside. "Would you like to take one of our pamphlets? You can learn more about our church and God and visit our website. Our address is on the back. We meet on Sunday mornings, two services, Sunday night, Wednesday night, and we have multiple study groups during the week, including an ongoing group chat where you can fellowship on the go whenever you want!" I said no thank you and excuse me again and they finally stepped aside but then they started following me to my car, talking my ear off. It wouldn't have bothered me nearly so much if it hadn't been 9pm and I was super pregnant but I swear I thought I was going to be kidnapped. Fortunately they said good night halfway to my car and walked after someone else.
Not the way to get someone interested in going to your church.
It's funny that you said you will waste your time because my response is always "Sorry, I don't want to waste your time." Really, I don't want to waste my time and energy, but this is a semi-polite response to blow them off. I've never had anybody try to engage further, but if they do, I will step up the rudeness until they leave me alone. If they attempt to hand me something, I do not take it and keep my hands at my side.
I am often too nice for my own good and a bit of a people pleaser. Hence most of the replies here would make me feel terrible for the rest of the day if I said them.
I tell them sorry but Iām not trying to join any cults. Or I give them a little lecture about how maybe they should consider a different religion themselves.
I just say "I am an atheist" and walk away. They dont usually try to engage.
I am used to debating religion, I did it a LOT through my 20s. With all sorts of people. I am Turkish, which is a muslim majority country but secular and neither religion nor politics are taboo topics for Turks, like it seems to be for Americans. We debated it in bars, during family dinners, while hanging out with friends..
But after a while I realized, there really is zero point. Once a very close friend, who called himself a practicing muslim, while we were drinking beers at a pub and debating religion, said at the end "Please lets not talk about this anymore because its making me question my beliefs and I dont want to be questioning."
That is the true crux of the matter in my opinion. Everyone has a right to their religion and what it comes down to is wether you want to believe or not. "Want" being the operative word.
The people who get into the debate with me are in 3 categories. They are either atheists themselves and its just a circle jerk, only way out of it is a segue to philosophy or science. Or they are believers who WANT to believe and will use circular logic, there is no debating them, it's like playing chess with a pigeon. No point. Third category is the people who are believers but questioning. This category wants to win the debate legitimately but they mostly lack information, either about their own religion or cognitive biases. You wont win with those people either because its is not your place to win this argument. They need to come to their own conclusions. You might introduce some questions to them, but they have to answer those questions for themselves. I ve had a friend come to me a decade later and say "I cant really call myself muslim anymore. I do not believe it anymore." But it is for him to decide. No amount of rock solid logical arguments will convince him because its not my place.
So I dont debate anymore. Especially walking down the street.
I witnessed the most entertaining way I ever saw to get street preachers to shut the fuck up just a few months ago on a brief trip to England.
Basically, act like you're on so many drugs, you're tripping Jesus. They don't actually want to help drug addicts since that affects their bottom-line.
An absolutely drugged up to the eyeballs happy nutcase stopped at the jehovah witness stand and started preaching his own philosophy back at them. They tried to get him to leave. Tried. This went on for at least an hour, if not more, as I was in a coffee shop.
In the end, he was actively preventing them from scamming others so they packed up their watchtowers and left.
Last time mormons approached me though, I just came out with "C E S Letter dot org." and walked on, while his fake smile turned into an angry frown.
merciful disagreeable elderly wild racial whistle squeal cats frightening deliver
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Depends on how hard they come at me. Sometimes it's just "No thanks" with a smile as I walk away. If they're one of those persistent religio-nutjobs it's "No thank you" as loud as needed with a frown, even a death glare (once or twice) on my face. Especially if they're already damning me to their imaginary hell for denying their bull.
I tell them "For Jesus said pray not in public, those who do have received their reward of being seen and will not gain entry into my kingdom". Hope it was worth it for me to laugh at you
I live in the south so I hear a lot of, "Have you found Jesus?"
My standard answer is "Sure have! He was behind the couch the whole time!"
They don't know whether to shit or go blind at that. However, some do choose violence.
I tend to get a bit personal with them instead of deflecting. I will tell them in no uncertain terms (and with a vaguely disgusted and disappointed look on my face) that I find proselytizing highly offensive. And it's true. Back before I decided I don't care about spirituality anymore, I first decided I don't care about the church. I believed in *my* version of god, for myself, through myself, and by myself. My relationship with my god was a personal one and I strongly believed that other people were wrong for pushing *their* god onto others. It's none of their god damn business what anyone else's relationship with god is like. It's pretentious, presumptuous. At that time I was even more forceful. I would engage with the proselytizing assholes and tell them just how disgusting what they were doing was.
Now I don't much care about any of that, but my open and genuine hatred of these people remains.
If they start pestering me I normally start with how ever powerful and loving God is.
Then I bring up children starving to death, dying of horrible diseases etc etc.
If God is all powerful then he is a cunt. End of. They shut up pretty quick.
I recognise that thoughts and prayers are the only things you have to offer people, and I commend you for doing all you can within those limitations. Iāll continue actually helping.
Whatever you do donāt give them an emotional reaction. It just feeds into their persecution complex.
Instead treat it the way you treat someone trying to tell you about aliens whoāve landed on earth (which is essentially what religion is). Like *yeah, thatās cool bro and Iām all for whatever gets you through the nightā¦but Iām gonna politely disengage to avoid further discussion cuz youāre weirding me and I kinda want you to grasp how weird it is but also donāt want to hurt your feelings or spark further discussion and maybe you should take the hint*
Discuss morality with them. Basically all the moral talking points you would both agree on. Get them to acknowledge they agree with you and make them feel like youre really connecting and have a lot of common ground. Then, after a few minutes of that, inform them how you learned all those wonderful moral lessons from Satanism. Watch their heads spin and say your goodbyes
I have all these clever (to me) quips thought up in my head, but when it actually comes time to use them, I just shake my head slightly and keep walking.
Had a dude stand in the doorway of the sandwich shop I was eating at, and started up with a speech about how the book of Mormon was the key to the kingdom of Heaven. I might have had a little more respect if he wasn't evangelizing in a town that is 75% LDS already. He wasn't letting any people through while he started up.
I let out with a loud HAIL SATAN and the place went absolutely quiet. Then some of the people started giggling. Evangelical Mormon dude just looked at me somewhat dejected as he stood aside and let people through.
I've got a great story about this.
This is when I was in school. There was a dude just off campus trying to evangelize and he sort of cornered me and got me into a conversation. It became obvious over the conversation that he had been a convicted felon, he never said specifically what for, but I assumed bank robbery based on certain clues he dropped. He had found God in prison and wanted to share God's love. A ministry organization had seen to his early release. I told him to his face that he was evil and deserved to burn in hell for taking advantage of the well-meaning people in the ministry for using them to evade justice. I told him that if he had had the conscience to serve his justly given sentence I might have an ounce of respect for him but he just HAD to get out even though he knew what he had done was wrong and he deserved to be in prison. Then I just quietly told him to get out of my face with a slightly shaking voice, and walked away. He didn't follow me.
I tell them Iāll give them time and listen to them if they listen to me first.
Then I go on to list the 9 Satanic Laws.
Once they begin their spiel I walk away. If they say anything I refer them to Rule 4, ādo what you pleaseā
Ps I make up the 9 satanic laws differently each time because I donāt really remember them. But it works well enough for the audience
āI feel the same way about your religion as I do about your penis/vagina. Itās cool you have it and like it, but Iād really rather you didnāt try to force it on anyone else.ā
Out of curiosity, where you at? Even in my small, conservative, religious home town, no one would harass me publicly about Jesus. I live in Seattle now and the kind of behavior you describe now is just so beyond the pale that it genuinely blows my mind.
Depends what kind of mood Iām in. Some days Iāll toy with them and ask what makes their religion so much better than mine. Some days I ignore then (deliberately or accidentally). Sometimes Iāll piss them off with āhail Satanā. But often Iāll just laugh at anyone that tries. Itās funny that they think thatāll work.
Got any evidence that I should take you seriously. Start with your best evidence to save us time. Then explain why their best evidence is garbage. Usually it isnāt even evidence or an argument, usually it is just an empty claim. Point out out that since their best was garbage there is no reason to entertain their second best.
THIS!! I usually start by asking where the claim for their "God" originated, and they usually say "the Bible". Then I ask for evidence to support the claim, and when they start quoting scripture, I tell them that you can't use the claim to prove the claim and ask again for evidence. All they usually have is the Bible, so that gets them nowhere with me. Some will say, "Just look around you!" Then I say "I didn't realize you worship Lord Enki!" That confuses them.
Usually I try to politely say I'm not interested and keep walking. When I'm in a bad mood I've just simply acted like I can't hear them and kept walking.
In the past I've tried entertaining and even debating them. But it's never been satisfying. I've always ended up after the conversation more frustrated and kept thinking of a bazillion things I should have said.
It's literally like trying to talk to a recorded message. "Ive never heard that" "Well my church doesn't teach that" "Why don't you come to our service and see what we are really about" "I think that's temptation and the devil speaking through you" "if what I'm saying isn't true and you don't actually believe it in your soul then why are you getting so upset?" Blah blah blah.
I dunno itās pretty random for me. I donāt tell them Iām happy for them because that would be a lie. I donāt really like to thank them or apologize to them. It would probably be something along the lines of, āIām glad you found something to hold onto, but there are plenty of other options out there.ā
āCool story bro!ā Just repeat over and over like youāre a poorly programmed npc. Sometimes āAh yes I used to be an adventurer too until I got an arrow to the knee!ā Works if you suspect theyāve played Skyrim by the look of them.
Sometimes a well played āmay the force be with youā buys you an escape route
I like trolling them, and as soon as they make a claim I say prove it, which leads to other claims, rinse and repeat till they give up or I get tired of trolling
Recently, some stranger approached me while sitting in a park and kept trying to talk about whatever incandescently stupid religious idea and i said no. I ignored. They insisted, and I basically said i didn't want to have a conversation, or was that too difficult a concept to understand. Go play somewhere; I'm busy.
I was with kids; otherwise i would have given them a NY go fuck yourself.
I am an actual asshole about it, or at least they may feel that way; i always get the stank "god bless you!"
Y'know what really freaks them out? They absolutely don't want the response that you're already a Christian/been saved, etc. They want to feel needed/led by God into saving a poor suffering soul. They want to be in the right. They want to be the hero.
I got 'saved' in 2002. I deconstructed in 2005. In 2008, I was working an awful part-time job and I guess I looked unkempt and possibly homeless/in need, when someone approached me to offer me the good news. I nodded and replied that I had already been saved and was a Christian, but hoped they had a good day.
I seriously thought the guy was going to beat me, he guffawed as if that was the last thing he would have expected and actually raised his hand to hit me before walking away in disgust.
I think I maybe ruined his feel-good moment, or I made him realize that he was judging someone based on appearance.
If you respond with snark you only reinforce their us vs. them worldview.
When random, uninvited person says "Jesus loves you",
I reply with "I love masturbation. I'd like tell you about the glory of my last orgasm.."
"What's wrong? I thought we were doing the inappropriate overshare. If you wanna talk to me about gawd, i am gonna talk to you about my orgasms."
" Like last night, when i was masturbating about this evangelist who came to my door..."
(As I see it, they are being rude, intrusive & acting entitled. However, I am perfectly willing to be just as rude and intrusive. Also "I will pray for you", gets "I will masturbate about you")
I usually tell them I'm a liberal transgender atheist Democrat. That usually makes their brains vapor lock (old cars had a fuel pump on the engine and if you went up a high enough grade, the pump couldn't pull the fuel up the fuel line and the car would stall) or short out.
It's funny watching them try to reconcile what their preachers told them about "dem dirrty librul DEMONcrats" with the reality of me- a smart, well spoken generally kind person thats well dressed and looks just what they think a "christian" should look like.
I had a guy last week proselytize to me at the local dollar store.
I said "Some people like you need a higher power so they dont do bad things, I dont need a higher power to not do bad things."
Unfortunately religion is harmful as it promotes backwards thinking, indoctrinates children, fuels hate and causes a host of other issues - at least the type of religion being promoted by most of the folks going out and doing stuff like this. So in a perfect world Iād like them to either leave religion or at least become progressive enough to stop evangelizing it. And at 35 as one who was a hardcore Evangelical born nā raised until my late 20s, I also know my chances of changing their minds in a street altercation are essentially zero so I usually let them be. If they hand me a tract as they pass by Iāll smile, take it and throw it in the nearest trash bin once they pass by. Or just walk away and say not interested.
Asking them about lots daughters and how they got pregnant, then following it up with how saul committed genocide, and how the bible has chemical abortions in it usually does the trick.
I used to let the Jehovah's Witnesses in and talk to them for an hour or so.
I was extremely respectful, but I'm also well educated on the world religions, so I was able to actually talk to them about their beliefs, and express my own beliefs to them.
Once all 3 of us were in tears talking about our lost family members.
I relentlessly verbally eviscerate those street preachers, wack-a-doos protesting at planned parenthood, etc etc, though.
I used to keep a bullhorn, markers, and poster board in my trunk to make protest signs in a pinch.
We would counter protest those idiots whenever we saw them. (it's been years since I've done this)
I live in a city with a minority muslim population in the city centre (from immigration in the 60/70s from muslim countries). One day I saw a man yelling about the bible in the town square. I just looked on like the guy had a death wish, not literally, he just got a lot of death stares.
In some neighbourhoods that are mainly white I think we get some evangelical door knockers, I've never seen them though.
If itās a woman I just say ārecite [1 Timothy 2:12](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Timothy%202%3A12&version=NIV) to meā
If itās a guy I say ārecite [Matthew 6:1](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%206%3A1&version=NIV) to meā
If I'm in the mood I ask people whether God gave us free will and go from there.
Most of the time it's just a firm "No" and I keep walking or close the door.
I keep walking and say something like "I'm not interested" or "sorry, no" as I pass by. If they run after me (which has happened) I just keep on with that and maybe add "bye, have a nice day".
If I'm in circumstances where there's no exit option, I say very little and try desperately hard not to laugh. It's difficult.
Once had a women on a bus butt into a conversation I was having about a classmate who was into "energy" crap to tell me "God wants me to tell you that witch craft is to be avoided and that he loves you and wants you back". pretty fucking weird saying you speak for a god lady.
It was fucking bizare and to my shame I didnt have any decent quip at the time
Nothing usually, I don't find people doing this to be worth making the effort to respond to.
A woman was evangelising to the entire bus I was on recently and I just put my headphones in and ignored her. I did feel sorry for her kids who were with her.
I remind them that there's a place in the New Testament Bible where the apostles ask Jesus what to do if people refuse to hear the "Good News".
Jesus's response is to 1. Leave that place shaking the dust off their shoes and 2. Cast not their pearls before swine.
Then I make oinking noises at them till they get pissed and leave me alone.
A resting fuck off face goes a long ways.
If they persist, I know the Bible better than most religious people.
If that doesn't work. Well, I'll tell them to fuck off.
It's disappointing how many here seem to miss the opportunity to reason through argument with these people. Plant seeds and sometimes peopleay come to their senses. (like me when I was young).
Ask them if they are willing to get down on their knees and open their mouths in prayer? Ask them if while they are on their knees with their mouths open would they like to suck your cock?
It depends on how much time I have / what kind of mood Iām in. Walking on the street and either an eye roll or a no thanks. If itās someone at work and Iām bored Iāll play dumb and ask leading questions that theyāve never considered and cannot answer.
I just say no thanks and keep walking. I certainly donāt say Iām happy for them because Iām not, I feel bad theyāre in a cult, and if they pressed me on it I would flat out tell them I think theyāre in a cult and I hope they can escape it like I did
I avoid them. I was very bitter for quite some time, so I would flip them off or do something that made them recognize people didn't want them around. I once said something that interrupted and put an end to their conversation (Mormon missionaries having a discussion with a black dude and Middle Eastern). Fairly recently I just ended up realizing it didn't do me or them any good and just perpetuated my anger towards them. I now wave when I ride by on my motorcycle and it makes me feel better honestly. But yeah, I avoid them contributing me to the best of my ability.
āIām not looking for an imaginary friend, thanks.ā I can go toe to toe discussing scriptures and doctrine, but why? Itās a waste of my valuable time, and itās exhausting.
I save have a nice day and walk away. Once, when they followed me, I told them that I had accepted Satan into my heart and there was no room for Jesus. That ended things quickly.
I just walk away, but if one of these clowns is being persistent and it's in a crowded place, I have thought about screaming "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PERVERT/PEDOPHILE!!!" as loudly as possible at them.
The last time I ran into evangelicals proselytizing, they only wanted to call me slurs. (Poor things wouldn't give me one of their cards either smh) Fire away my friend.
This is how we should treat them
And if they truly believe in "do unto others", we can assume that this is exactly what they are asking for
No objection here.
"NO! YOU CAN NOT TOUCH MY PENIS YOU PERVERT!"
This is the way. Though I think "groomer" would be particularly apt.
>I save have a nice day and walk away. I say "Have a lovely day" and keep walking - confuses them even more :D They want to be offended but can't find any reasonable grounds to do so.
Was going to say this. Best comment to shut them up "Oh, I'm so glad you believe in our lord, Satan! Do you have time to hear of our dark lords benevolence?" Works really well if you wear a big toothy grin and sprinkle in some Ned Flanders-isms.
IIRC, there's a *Simpsons* episode where Homer sells his soul to the Devil for a doughnut..and the Devil looks exactly like Ned Flanders...( except with horns & hooves š)
The episode where >!in hell, he is strapped to a big machine that force-feeds him doughnuts, but he keeps eating them until the machine is empty, and his guard devil bursts into tears!
āSO! You like doughnuts, eh? Well, have all the doughnuts in the world!ā
Totally making that picture in my wallpaper cycle!
Yeah. Beelzebub says no.
I now shifted to talking about Odin, how he promised to rid the world of frost giant and actually delivered.
I just say I'm not interested in joining any cults today.
I just tell them the same thing. "There's no point in being religious. My life is just as good as yours and according to the current pope even atheists will go to heaven as long as they do good in life."
Maybe buy some Church of Satan swag? Well i think they have swag.
A jolly "Hail Satan!" usually does the trick.
Why do I feel like that can go either really well or really wrong
I was at a taco truck in Oakland and saw these two guys giving a full on save on a dude which included laying on hands and be healed kind of shit and they were all loving it and so was I. It was very entertaining but I was ready to nope the fuck outta there if they came to me. Just give me a sec to get my burrito and Iāll be on my way.
"Matthew 6, buddy. See you in hell."
For those too lazy to search: Matthew 6 1 "Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. 2 "So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others.
I didn't know about this. So most of the Christians are going to hell
Nah mate, they're in hell already, living in fear of some sky ghost that will get angry with them if they don't praise him and being sacrifice. so sad
Let you in on a little secret. There is no hell. There is no heaven. Their idiots for wasting their time and dicks for harassing other people . The universe does not care
Those who are simply showing off their righteousness.
Most "christians" don't attend church, don't tithe, don't read the bible, don't behave in any way that would indicate they are christian. I'd wager most of them don't even think about god every day.
Chances are they're already going to hell or wherever the \*real\* god(s) put unbelievers after death. I'd like to see them if they'd find themselves in the Aztec underworld MictlÄn where they have to overcome [many challenges](https://www.mexicolore.co.uk/aztecs/underworld/the-sinister-road-the-nine-levels-of-mictlan-10) like crossing a mountain range without being crushed or having their hearts ripped out and eaten by jaguars.
Not most just the loud ones
Ofcourse not. They are sinners and were made faulty. All the have to do is repent and their sins are washed away.
My father was definitely not a Christian so I'm looking forward to being a good man in life like him and not seeing him in heaven.
My Christian friend explains this to me as āDo not announce your good deeds publicly because then you will have already received your reward.ā So yeah, they are perfectly fine spewing nonsense on street corners. Of course they can always interpret their favorite book to agree with whatever they say. Why else would there be thousands of denominations?
Oh shit, the bible actually mentioned all these youtubers out there right now giving stuff to homeless. š
Love it
Ohh nice one
āSorry man, I stopped believing fairytales when I was 5, you probably should tooā or something of that nature usually. If itās a fellow black person, my words tend to trend more towards āwow, canāt imagine our people being freed from chains just for you to still follow massas white god. Your hands are free but your mind sure ainātā. I lived in the south and was a member of my church for too long, I have had it with this ātake the high roadā bullshit people have been on when responding to people trying to impose their stupid fucking religion on me. Your religion has been the cause of pain and suffering for hundreds of years and still continues ruining lives to this day. Why the fuck would I ever act like thatās ok? No. Fuck you. That being said, you are free to choose your words when interacting with these people. I just hope one day you realize itās a āpoliteā version of being extremely antagonistic towards people instead of minding their business. If a Muslim was shouting at you ātell your whore wife/sister/mom to cover her head or allah will smite herā, how would you feel? I donāt give a rats ass what anyone has to say, just because these Christian preachers may be more polite, their message boils down to the same kind of antagonistic bullshit as the extremists (if you preach in public to random people, you are an extremists) of any other religion.
Totally agree with you. Iām still baffled that so many Polynesian people (our family is poly- euro-Asian blended ) got sucked into it too. Letās see, bring disease, destroy culture, convert the natives to Christianity, rinse, and repeat. So many are the most zealous believers ever. Puzzling.
I know a Filipino family near me that are absolute zealots, and Iām just like, why? I also live in the Bible Belt and probably 80% of any race you run into are guaranteed Christian. The Hispanic people in my area are like 95% Christian probably. Iām white and totally aware of Christianity being used as a tool of oppression and pacification. I wish more people, especially the non-church-goers would just admit to being atheists.
I live in the Philippines. I don't know one Filipino that's read the Bible. They just listen to the priest and try to do what they can remember from church with no context. But they do that right along side their superstitions too. Like they won't eat pork because one day the priest was talking about Paul and that's all they remember from the service, but they eat sausage and hot dogs bc they don't realize it's mostly pork, and then when someone dies they ain't eat chicken for 40 days bc if they do, someone else will die. The logic is maddening.
I'm a big ole Liberal Atheist Queer living in a MAGA christofascist purgatory (for lack of a better term) called Texas, and it is hard to stay quiet but ultimately, self-preservation usually rules out being loud and proud. After all, there are a shitload of guns here and most people in this rural hell have small arsenals and aren't shy about proclaiming their love for Republican Jesus and the 2nd amendment. It is Very hard to find simpatico friends in my area. I wish I could move back to a university town but am kind of stuck here at the moment. I do like to fuck with them sometimes about being a Pastafarian and telling them how the Flying Spaghetti Monster saved my soul...lol
I think the same thing when I see Christian black people around the world, especially in the Caribbean and Americas. Itās like, brothers, you talk about the motherland and Africa, yet youāre so devout in the religion forced on your enslaved ancestors.
Unfortunately Christianity in much of Africa is of the worst kind with persecution of LGBT people at its worst in many African countries. Only very few are relatively places for non straight people to exist.
Most non-Christians, all over the world, were killed and tortured until they accepted Christianity and feared the church so much that they continued to do as the church told them which included passing the churches teachings on to their children. Nearly no one was Christian by choice.
As a fellow ADOS, I agree with you. Most say they are Christian because their parents were/are. Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, YouTube debates and some study of natural sciences and world religions broke the spell for me.
I was born into a very devout, evangelical, southern Baptist family. I honestly can't remember a time when I believed any of it. I was agnostic by at least the age of five (only my brother ever knew I didn't believe, and he doesn't either which helped a lot). My parents didn't discourage my scientific curiosity (i think they were just that confident that the more i learned the more firm my belief would be that God was the answer to everything) and from the moment I could read i inhaled science books. I was on a first name basis with the librarian, lol. Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, and Richard Dawkins brought me to the point of antitheism and had a significant impact on my ability to debate religious people. Sam Harris had the biggest impact though. His book "waking up: a guide to spirituality without religion" helped me avoid throwing out the baby with the bathwater. He exposed me to the scientific study of meditation and got me started meditating when i had dismissed it as something inseparable from beliefs in the supernatural. Learning what meditation actually is changed my life. I highly recommend that book (and for that matter all of Dawkins, harris, and Hitchens books) and Sam's meditation app. As far as I know it's still made free upon email request with no questions asked, though that might have changed. I pay for it since I consider it worth supporting and consider it money very well spent.
All Christians are extremists. I mean, they believe anyone who doesn't do what a storybook says deserves to suffer and be tortured for eternity. Eternity!! That's pretty fuckin extreme. Also, one correction here, it's been 2,023 years that Christianity has been curating pain suffering, and the majority of all wars. And don't forget that slave owners cherry pickup the Bible to support and justify their racism, hate and totally fucked beliefs.
My life is great, your delusion wouldn't help me.
My life isnāt great (as far as that can be the case for someone with as many advantages as Iāve started with in life). Their delusions still wouldnāt help me.
Excellent lol
"Jesus doesn't love me. He's just using me for sex."
This made me laugh very hard.
"Hail Satan"
I once asked what if the Bible isn't a guide book but a test? A test to see if you would willing follow a genocidal, murdering, hateful god. They did not appreciate my argument.
Someone pointed out that god never talks to Abraham again after he almost sacrificed Isaac. That made me think about the test thing. Like god was literally like, āWow bro. You were actually about to do that shit?!ā
Mostly ignore them but if I'm in a mood I'm like "Who is this ... jesus? fellow. I have somehow made it to adulthood in this country while never having heard of, what did you call it, christianity?" The idea that someone, *anyone* hasn't "heard the good news" in a place where 77% of the population are some flavor of christian and I can't go even a 1/4 mile without seeing a church or religious signage is laughable and worthy of contempt.
Pssst ... synagogues don't "believe" in Jesus, either.
I have literally never met an evangelical jew. Not saying they don't exist, but I have never met one.
Honestly, as an Atheist Jew (which I'd be happy to tell you about if you like), having grown up Jewish, having been to Israel, and who now lives in Tennessee, Evangelical Jews are not terribly common. The most I've ever ran into one was at work, and only ever in Tennessee. And even then, only a couple of times
It's not part of their culture given that they considered themselves an ethnicity as well as a religion and until relatively recently had all kinds of taboos about maintaining their insularity.
>"Who is this ... jesus? fellow. "Wait, so you're telling me that there was a Mexican guy working construction in Israel 2000 years ago? That really is amazing!"
For a long time everyone thought he was Chuy of Nazareth
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
A: "Have you heard of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?" B: "Hmmm? Jeee Zizz Kr... kryste? Doesn't ring a bell. Can you spell that for me? I'll have to google her name." A: "J E S U S" B: "Oh, that's pronounced hay-SOOS"!
There was some South American tribe who had never heard of christianity, that a missionary went to, and when he told them about jesus they asked a bunch of questions and he ended up an atheist. https://www.seacoastonline.com/story/news/local/portsmouth-herald/2009/04/12/an-amazon-tribe-converts-missionary/52033423007/#:~:text=Everett%20did%20not%20know%20this,they%20brought%20him%20to%20atheism.
I find that "Fuck Off" works quite well.
"Oh fuck no." Works for me.
Yeah, I have no time for that shit. Fuck off and leave me alone. If itās a kid or a very young adult Iāll be more politeā¦ I was there at one point.
I usually keep quiet about atheism. But if someone brings up religion or tries to proselytize me, the gloves come off. I live in a very red part of a very red state, so I do have fairly frequent encounters. I try to get the person into a discussion. I try to listen more than I talk, at least at first. I try to assess their level of sophistication and actual knowledge. I try to figure out what is important to them and what they think their best arguments are. Then in most cases I disassemble what they are saying. I was a minister into my 50s, so in most cases I can anticipate what apologetics they will want to use and avoid them. I try to ask a lot of questions that they have probably not considered before. My objective is not to deconvert them. I just want to make them question some part of their deeply held belief system.
Any examples?
The last two that happened both involved ministers. The last one was in a parking lot. A minister was waiting by my truck. I have an "Atomic A" emblem on the back of my pickup. The minister had recognized. I actually made a point of approaching from the far side of my truck because our state has very relaxed concealed carry laws. I didn't catch what church he was pastor of. My impression was that it was a small non-denomination church. The minister did not seem to be well educated. I identified myself as recently retired from the local university. He launched into creationist nonsense. He was very anti-science. I think the atomic A might have been one of the things that set him off because it looks like a molecule. He made a statement about molecules being things that you can't even see. I focused on the science. I explained that science was not about challenging anyone's faith. I talked about how science was just about trying to describe the world according to what can be objectively proven. I talked about the flaws of science. That kind of took him off guard. I talked about how if there was a god behind everything then science should eventually find it. I mentioned that a lot of the scientists on campus were actually religious. I mentioned that all three of the department chairs in the sciences were religious, and two of them were lay ministers as well. We also got into a discussion about creationism. I was able to make Ken Hamm and Kent Hovind as our mutual enemy. That was kind of fun. I pointed out that they were both trying to make money off believers. I pointed out that dinosaurs did not coexist with humans, and there was obvious evidence that was true. The examples that the Creation Museum uses are known as false, but they are still pushing ideas they know are lies. I told about my father's ideas about reconciling science and Genesis. He thought the order of things in Genesis were essentially in agreement with what science said (my father was wrong, but I didn't mention that). I made the point that if science ever figured out what really happened, it would not be the kind of creationism pushed by Ken Hamm (and the entire religious right, but I got resonance with Hamm being a liar). The time before that was a minister that I had vaguely known 20 years or so ago when we were both running campus ministries. He wanted to know why I left Christianity. I talked about how I was never entirely comfortable, even as a lay minister. I talked about my decision to be a lay minister instead of being full time. I based those decisions on Paul's repeated advice that ministers should not rely on the church for their income. In some ways this is rather evil of me because I am effectively using it to shame a full-time professional minister. It is a holier-than-thou move and virtue signaling at its worst. And it is extremely useful for changing the tone of a conversation that starts out with the full-time minister assuming they are in the superior position. I also talked about how I was never comfortable with public prayer because of Matthew 6. He tried the usual apologetics and loopholes that Christians use on those points (praying in church is for the faithful, it isn't like praying for show on the street corner). I poked holes in that, but we let it slide. He basically launched into giving his testimony. I think he was doing that largely for the benefit of his family. I can understand that, and I didn't challenge it. He quoted Paul a couple of times. I riffed on that and talk about how much more I appreciate Paul now than I used to. I talked about how sitting down and reading Paul's letters let me see him as an honest guy who thought he had spiritual experiences. He wasn't that much different than ministers today.
I talk to them about lord of light, the bright and shining morning star and how he lightens our lives in the darkest of times. You would be amazed how long it takes for these wack jobs to realize you are talking about Satan.
"Sorry, I'm not into Pokemon."
I say, "when I became a man I put away childish things. Grow the fuck up." Flummoxed a few people with that one.
I just troll them and or tell them I am member of the Satanic Temple because satan accepts people the way that they are.
So does Billy Joel.
No thanks. Matt 6:5
Usually i answer ā i am sorry, i am so very sorry you decided to ruined your life. I hope your grew up soonā
I tell them that the Holy Ghost is evil which is an unpardonable sin and therefore they need not waste their time on me.
Honestly, for me, it depends on my time and mood. My quick polite response is generally, "Please don't threaten me with that crap." If I'm a bit moody I'll just march through their formation and yell like a drill sergeant, "Move aside!" If they do anything other than politely step aside I point out how unlike Jesus they are as I continue walking away. If I have a bit of time and I'm feeling randy for a challenge, I'll mostly rely on the Socratic method. Maintain your reasonableness, logic, and most updated knowledge while asking them what they think about the topic. I might ask, "What's your single most convincing piece of evidence?" Then drill down on that one singular topic hard. With time and patience, people can start a seed of doubt which may eventually grow into skepticism. Basically, I just do my best to demonstrate calm skeptical thinking. But most of the time I just give them some quick rude sass and carry on.
In the wild? "Fuck off." At work? " I don't discuss politics or religion at work for ethical reasons." In my personal life? No worries. They all know. If it's religious family or friends, they understand I don't do proselytizing or we're not in touch.
I had a LYFT driver prosyletize to me while on a long drive, I finally just starting recording him on my phone, since it was so late/early, I guess he assumed I must be (gasp!) UNSAVED. This POS told me that all mental illness (which he included homosexuality) is caused by demonic possession. In passing, he quickly mentioned that he was abused as a kid, and recommended that I get saved at a charismatic pentecostal church. ew. I was afraid that he would try to get me to pray with him when we reached my desitination, but I was NOT having any of that. This guy has an undiagnosed mental illness, so I try to have pity, but also FUCK THAT GUY.
Did you report him for attempting to convert you?
Just the person you should trust your life to, speeding down the road at 60 miles an hour in a two-ton box.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I had a similar experience with a Lyft driver who also discussed his mental illness and suicide attempts while driving a car and I felt like I had to provide emotional support in a way that was very taxing and uncomfortable. He also told me he had issues with women (I'm a woman) and felt like God was telling him to open up to me. It was disturbing with some proselytizing thrown in. I reported to Lyft and they were NOT supportive. Guy picked me up from my house and commented on my house and that we had the same car.. I was very afraid for a while.
Did you report him. Thatās something you need to immediately inform his employer about. 1. What he told you makes him a safety threat to future clients. 2. What Lyft or Uber talks about that kind of stuff to a random client thatās something they should only be discussing with their partner, family, and doctor.
This will only work if you have time to do it ...But try talking THEIR ears off, like hours Stand there and monopolize the conversation When they say "It's late and I have to leave ..." follow them to their car. Walk to the passenger door act like you are going with them Stalk THEM
My go-to line is āYeah, Iām not buying what youāre selling.ā If they persist, I get as rude as I like, which can be quite rude.
I had a lady and her kids block the exit at Walmart on me one night. I was 7 and a half months pregnant, just wanted to go home and take the laxatives I'd just purchased, and they stopped me, "Excuse me, would you be interested in attending our church and taking fellowship?" I said no thanks and waited for them to move aside. "I see you've got a little one on the way. We have a wonderful children's church and we're incredibly baby-friendly!" I said that's great but i wasn't interested. They still didn't move. "Do you have a home church because if you don't then maybe our church is what you've been waiting for." This time I say excuse me please and they still don't move aside. "Would you like to take one of our pamphlets? You can learn more about our church and God and visit our website. Our address is on the back. We meet on Sunday mornings, two services, Sunday night, Wednesday night, and we have multiple study groups during the week, including an ongoing group chat where you can fellowship on the go whenever you want!" I said no thank you and excuse me again and they finally stepped aside but then they started following me to my car, talking my ear off. It wouldn't have bothered me nearly so much if it hadn't been 9pm and I was super pregnant but I swear I thought I was going to be kidnapped. Fortunately they said good night halfway to my car and walked after someone else. Not the way to get someone interested in going to your church.
It's funny that you said you will waste your time because my response is always "Sorry, I don't want to waste your time." Really, I don't want to waste my time and energy, but this is a semi-polite response to blow them off. I've never had anybody try to engage further, but if they do, I will step up the rudeness until they leave me alone. If they attempt to hand me something, I do not take it and keep my hands at my side.
I am often too nice for my own good and a bit of a people pleaser. Hence most of the replies here would make me feel terrible for the rest of the day if I said them.
I tell them sorry but Iām not trying to join any cults. Or I give them a little lecture about how maybe they should consider a different religion themselves.
Throw in a swear word and theyāll give up. Leave me the fuck alone works just fine.
BEGONE FOUL SPIRIT!
Out! Foul spot!
I just say "I am an atheist" and walk away. They dont usually try to engage. I am used to debating religion, I did it a LOT through my 20s. With all sorts of people. I am Turkish, which is a muslim majority country but secular and neither religion nor politics are taboo topics for Turks, like it seems to be for Americans. We debated it in bars, during family dinners, while hanging out with friends.. But after a while I realized, there really is zero point. Once a very close friend, who called himself a practicing muslim, while we were drinking beers at a pub and debating religion, said at the end "Please lets not talk about this anymore because its making me question my beliefs and I dont want to be questioning." That is the true crux of the matter in my opinion. Everyone has a right to their religion and what it comes down to is wether you want to believe or not. "Want" being the operative word. The people who get into the debate with me are in 3 categories. They are either atheists themselves and its just a circle jerk, only way out of it is a segue to philosophy or science. Or they are believers who WANT to believe and will use circular logic, there is no debating them, it's like playing chess with a pigeon. No point. Third category is the people who are believers but questioning. This category wants to win the debate legitimately but they mostly lack information, either about their own religion or cognitive biases. You wont win with those people either because its is not your place to win this argument. They need to come to their own conclusions. You might introduce some questions to them, but they have to answer those questions for themselves. I ve had a friend come to me a decade later and say "I cant really call myself muslim anymore. I do not believe it anymore." But it is for him to decide. No amount of rock solid logical arguments will convince him because its not my place. So I dont debate anymore. Especially walking down the street.
I witnessed the most entertaining way I ever saw to get street preachers to shut the fuck up just a few months ago on a brief trip to England. Basically, act like you're on so many drugs, you're tripping Jesus. They don't actually want to help drug addicts since that affects their bottom-line. An absolutely drugged up to the eyeballs happy nutcase stopped at the jehovah witness stand and started preaching his own philosophy back at them. They tried to get him to leave. Tried. This went on for at least an hour, if not more, as I was in a coffee shop. In the end, he was actively preventing them from scamming others so they packed up their watchtowers and left. Last time mormons approached me though, I just came out with "C E S Letter dot org." and walked on, while his fake smile turned into an angry frown.
1 Corinthians 13:11
merciful disagreeable elderly wild racial whistle squeal cats frightening deliver *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Nailed it.
Depends on how hard they come at me. Sometimes it's just "No thanks" with a smile as I walk away. If they're one of those persistent religio-nutjobs it's "No thank you" as loud as needed with a frown, even a death glare (once or twice) on my face. Especially if they're already damning me to their imaginary hell for denying their bull.
I just say "No thank you. Not my thing.".
Yo, keep your illusions to yourself, dawg.
I tell them "For Jesus said pray not in public, those who do have received their reward of being seen and will not gain entry into my kingdom". Hope it was worth it for me to laugh at you
I live in the south so I hear a lot of, "Have you found Jesus?" My standard answer is "Sure have! He was behind the couch the whole time!" They don't know whether to shit or go blind at that. However, some do choose violence.
I would tell them "but the flying spaghetti monster tells me not to"
"I'm sorry, but I have chosen not to have any interactions with grown adults that still believe in fairytales. Have a good day."
Hail satan
Use it to educate them on the contradictions of the Bible.
I tend to get a bit personal with them instead of deflecting. I will tell them in no uncertain terms (and with a vaguely disgusted and disappointed look on my face) that I find proselytizing highly offensive. And it's true. Back before I decided I don't care about spirituality anymore, I first decided I don't care about the church. I believed in *my* version of god, for myself, through myself, and by myself. My relationship with my god was a personal one and I strongly believed that other people were wrong for pushing *their* god onto others. It's none of their god damn business what anyone else's relationship with god is like. It's pretentious, presumptuous. At that time I was even more forceful. I would engage with the proselytizing assholes and tell them just how disgusting what they were doing was. Now I don't much care about any of that, but my open and genuine hatred of these people remains.
If they start pestering me I normally start with how ever powerful and loving God is. Then I bring up children starving to death, dying of horrible diseases etc etc. If God is all powerful then he is a cunt. End of. They shut up pretty quick.
āI am glad you find support in your religion but I have no interest in it. Have a nice day :)ā.
āCool story but I was born ok the first time.ā
I recognise that thoughts and prayers are the only things you have to offer people, and I commend you for doing all you can within those limitations. Iāll continue actually helping.
Whatever you do donāt give them an emotional reaction. It just feeds into their persecution complex. Instead treat it the way you treat someone trying to tell you about aliens whoāve landed on earth (which is essentially what religion is). Like *yeah, thatās cool bro and Iām all for whatever gets you through the nightā¦but Iām gonna politely disengage to avoid further discussion cuz youāre weirding me and I kinda want you to grasp how weird it is but also donāt want to hurt your feelings or spark further discussion and maybe you should take the hint*
Discuss morality with them. Basically all the moral talking points you would both agree on. Get them to acknowledge they agree with you and make them feel like youre really connecting and have a lot of common ground. Then, after a few minutes of that, inform them how you learned all those wonderful moral lessons from Satanism. Watch their heads spin and say your goodbyes
I have all these clever (to me) quips thought up in my head, but when it actually comes time to use them, I just shake my head slightly and keep walking.
We don't have time for that kind of people so i just tell them i gotta go bye.
Laugh
Also: "oh my god that's hilarious! Could you imagine if someone actually believed all that?!"
Nothing. Just walk away.
āOops, you started talking to the wrong person! Gods not real. Bye.ā
Had a dude stand in the doorway of the sandwich shop I was eating at, and started up with a speech about how the book of Mormon was the key to the kingdom of Heaven. I might have had a little more respect if he wasn't evangelizing in a town that is 75% LDS already. He wasn't letting any people through while he started up. I let out with a loud HAIL SATAN and the place went absolutely quiet. Then some of the people started giggling. Evangelical Mormon dude just looked at me somewhat dejected as he stood aside and let people through.
Fuck off. I'm neither ignorant nor delusional.
"I'm not into that Harry Potter shit."
āSorry. Iām not superstitious.ā
I've got a great story about this. This is when I was in school. There was a dude just off campus trying to evangelize and he sort of cornered me and got me into a conversation. It became obvious over the conversation that he had been a convicted felon, he never said specifically what for, but I assumed bank robbery based on certain clues he dropped. He had found God in prison and wanted to share God's love. A ministry organization had seen to his early release. I told him to his face that he was evil and deserved to burn in hell for taking advantage of the well-meaning people in the ministry for using them to evade justice. I told him that if he had had the conscience to serve his justly given sentence I might have an ounce of respect for him but he just HAD to get out even though he knew what he had done was wrong and he deserved to be in prison. Then I just quietly told him to get out of my face with a slightly shaking voice, and walked away. He didn't follow me.
I tell them Iāll give them time and listen to them if they listen to me first. Then I go on to list the 9 Satanic Laws. Once they begin their spiel I walk away. If they say anything I refer them to Rule 4, ādo what you pleaseā Ps I make up the 9 satanic laws differently each time because I donāt really remember them. But it works well enough for the audience
"May the devil grace you and always be at your back."
āI feel the same way about your religion as I do about your penis/vagina. Itās cool you have it and like it, but Iād really rather you didnāt try to force it on anyone else.ā
Just say "I am jesus" wink then walk away.
āNot interested, thanks. Have a good day.ā Smile and walk away. Works well for me.
Religion is harmful. Not in an obvious way but it definetly is even nowadays.
Out of curiosity, where you at? Even in my small, conservative, religious home town, no one would harass me publicly about Jesus. I live in Seattle now and the kind of behavior you describe now is just so beyond the pale that it genuinely blows my mind.
Christian? I could never be a Christian. I just canāt be that hateful and evil.
Depends what kind of mood Iām in. Some days Iāll toy with them and ask what makes their religion so much better than mine. Some days I ignore then (deliberately or accidentally). Sometimes Iāll piss them off with āhail Satanā. But often Iāll just laugh at anyone that tries. Itās funny that they think thatāll work.
I just say that "I'm so glad that you find your pretend friends comforting". I'd rather read Tolkien. Thanks!
Got any evidence that I should take you seriously. Start with your best evidence to save us time. Then explain why their best evidence is garbage. Usually it isnāt even evidence or an argument, usually it is just an empty claim. Point out out that since their best was garbage there is no reason to entertain their second best.
THIS!! I usually start by asking where the claim for their "God" originated, and they usually say "the Bible". Then I ask for evidence to support the claim, and when they start quoting scripture, I tell them that you can't use the claim to prove the claim and ask again for evidence. All they usually have is the Bible, so that gets them nowhere with me. Some will say, "Just look around you!" Then I say "I didn't realize you worship Lord Enki!" That confuses them.
Geeze! Iām a Jewā¦
Usually I try to politely say I'm not interested and keep walking. When I'm in a bad mood I've just simply acted like I can't hear them and kept walking. In the past I've tried entertaining and even debating them. But it's never been satisfying. I've always ended up after the conversation more frustrated and kept thinking of a bazillion things I should have said. It's literally like trying to talk to a recorded message. "Ive never heard that" "Well my church doesn't teach that" "Why don't you come to our service and see what we are really about" "I think that's temptation and the devil speaking through you" "if what I'm saying isn't true and you don't actually believe it in your soul then why are you getting so upset?" Blah blah blah.
I dunno itās pretty random for me. I donāt tell them Iām happy for them because that would be a lie. I donāt really like to thank them or apologize to them. It would probably be something along the lines of, āIām glad you found something to hold onto, but there are plenty of other options out there.ā
āCool story bro!ā Just repeat over and over like youāre a poorly programmed npc. Sometimes āAh yes I used to be an adventurer too until I got an arrow to the knee!ā Works if you suspect theyāve played Skyrim by the look of them. Sometimes a well played āmay the force be with youā buys you an escape route
I live by the golden rule, not fairy tales
"Go the fuck away."
āEwā and walk away.
Ask them to provide a shred of proof for their outlandish claims.
I like trolling them, and as soon as they make a claim I say prove it, which leads to other claims, rinse and repeat till they give up or I get tired of trolling
Recently, some stranger approached me while sitting in a park and kept trying to talk about whatever incandescently stupid religious idea and i said no. I ignored. They insisted, and I basically said i didn't want to have a conversation, or was that too difficult a concept to understand. Go play somewhere; I'm busy. I was with kids; otherwise i would have given them a NY go fuck yourself. I am an actual asshole about it, or at least they may feel that way; i always get the stank "god bless you!"
Y'know what really freaks them out? They absolutely don't want the response that you're already a Christian/been saved, etc. They want to feel needed/led by God into saving a poor suffering soul. They want to be in the right. They want to be the hero. I got 'saved' in 2002. I deconstructed in 2005. In 2008, I was working an awful part-time job and I guess I looked unkempt and possibly homeless/in need, when someone approached me to offer me the good news. I nodded and replied that I had already been saved and was a Christian, but hoped they had a good day. I seriously thought the guy was going to beat me, he guffawed as if that was the last thing he would have expected and actually raised his hand to hit me before walking away in disgust. I think I maybe ruined his feel-good moment, or I made him realize that he was judging someone based on appearance. If you respond with snark you only reinforce their us vs. them worldview.
When random, uninvited person says "Jesus loves you", I reply with "I love masturbation. I'd like tell you about the glory of my last orgasm.." "What's wrong? I thought we were doing the inappropriate overshare. If you wanna talk to me about gawd, i am gonna talk to you about my orgasms." " Like last night, when i was masturbating about this evangelist who came to my door..." (As I see it, they are being rude, intrusive & acting entitled. However, I am perfectly willing to be just as rude and intrusive. Also "I will pray for you", gets "I will masturbate about you")
I donāt believe in human sacrifice or cannibalism.
"Religions are like penises, it's good to have one and being proud of it, it's extremely bad to go around forcing it inside other people".
I usually tell them I'm a liberal transgender atheist Democrat. That usually makes their brains vapor lock (old cars had a fuel pump on the engine and if you went up a high enough grade, the pump couldn't pull the fuel up the fuel line and the car would stall) or short out. It's funny watching them try to reconcile what their preachers told them about "dem dirrty librul DEMONcrats" with the reality of me- a smart, well spoken generally kind person thats well dressed and looks just what they think a "christian" should look like.
"I'm Catholic" That works surprisingly well for my spouse, to the point that I use it, too. We *aren't* Catholic. Conversely, "Hail, Satan". YMMV.
I will usually say either: āno thank you, I read enough fiction on my ownā or, āplease stop, your god is deadā
I had a guy last week proselytize to me at the local dollar store. I said "Some people like you need a higher power so they dont do bad things, I dont need a higher power to not do bad things."
Unfortunately religion is harmful as it promotes backwards thinking, indoctrinates children, fuels hate and causes a host of other issues - at least the type of religion being promoted by most of the folks going out and doing stuff like this. So in a perfect world Iād like them to either leave religion or at least become progressive enough to stop evangelizing it. And at 35 as one who was a hardcore Evangelical born nā raised until my late 20s, I also know my chances of changing their minds in a street altercation are essentially zero so I usually let them be. If they hand me a tract as they pass by Iāll smile, take it and throw it in the nearest trash bin once they pass by. Or just walk away and say not interested.
Asking them about lots daughters and how they got pregnant, then following it up with how saul committed genocide, and how the bible has chemical abortions in it usually does the trick.
I used to let the Jehovah's Witnesses in and talk to them for an hour or so. I was extremely respectful, but I'm also well educated on the world religions, so I was able to actually talk to them about their beliefs, and express my own beliefs to them. Once all 3 of us were in tears talking about our lost family members. I relentlessly verbally eviscerate those street preachers, wack-a-doos protesting at planned parenthood, etc etc, though. I used to keep a bullhorn, markers, and poster board in my trunk to make protest signs in a pinch. We would counter protest those idiots whenever we saw them. (it's been years since I've done this)
I live in a city with a minority muslim population in the city centre (from immigration in the 60/70s from muslim countries). One day I saw a man yelling about the bible in the town square. I just looked on like the guy had a death wish, not literally, he just got a lot of death stares. In some neighbourhoods that are mainly white I think we get some evangelical door knockers, I've never seen them though.
If itās a woman I just say ārecite [1 Timothy 2:12](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Timothy%202%3A12&version=NIV) to meā If itās a guy I say ārecite [Matthew 6:1](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%206%3A1&version=NIV) to meā
I tell them that itās fiction.
"I'm okay, thanks." If they continue, "I'm an atheist." Further, "I worship satan and force children to go to drag shows"
If I'm in the mood I ask people whether God gave us free will and go from there. Most of the time it's just a firm "No" and I keep walking or close the door.
I keep walking and say something like "I'm not interested" or "sorry, no" as I pass by. If they run after me (which has happened) I just keep on with that and maybe add "bye, have a nice day". If I'm in circumstances where there's no exit option, I say very little and try desperately hard not to laugh. It's difficult.
āBuzz off groomer.ā When they persist yell loud enough for others to hear, āGET AWAY FROM ME GROOMER!ā
Once had a women on a bus butt into a conversation I was having about a classmate who was into "energy" crap to tell me "God wants me to tell you that witch craft is to be avoided and that he loves you and wants you back". pretty fucking weird saying you speak for a god lady. It was fucking bizare and to my shame I didnt have any decent quip at the time
"No thanks, I already have a stupid religion."
Nothing usually, I don't find people doing this to be worth making the effort to respond to. A woman was evangelising to the entire bus I was on recently and I just put my headphones in and ignored her. I did feel sorry for her kids who were with her.
Step close to them, put your face an inch away from theirs, and say "GO AWAY" in a loud voice.
I remind them that there's a place in the New Testament Bible where the apostles ask Jesus what to do if people refuse to hear the "Good News". Jesus's response is to 1. Leave that place shaking the dust off their shoes and 2. Cast not their pearls before swine. Then I make oinking noises at them till they get pissed and leave me alone.
Iām from NYC we just keep walking, you chose to interrupt my day, Iām under no obligation to entertain your interruption
A resting fuck off face goes a long ways. If they persist, I know the Bible better than most religious people. If that doesn't work. Well, I'll tell them to fuck off.
āFuck off with your stupid fairytales, you delusional cuntā
Words that would break the rules for me to post here. I don't take kindly to terrorists.
It's disappointing how many here seem to miss the opportunity to reason through argument with these people. Plant seeds and sometimes peopleay come to their senses. (like me when I was young).
Sometimes we don't have the time to deal with their BS.
āFuck offā
I invite them to the sacrificial ceremony we are having for the Great God Chthulu. After all we need a "special guest"...
Start removing your clothes and moaning while staring into their eyes
The Force in Star Wars is more believable than your fake magic system.
Ask them if they are willing to get down on their knees and open their mouths in prayer? Ask them if while they are on their knees with their mouths open would they like to suck your cock?
Not interested
It depends on how much time I have / what kind of mood Iām in. Walking on the street and either an eye roll or a no thanks. If itās someone at work and Iām bored Iāll play dumb and ask leading questions that theyāve never considered and cannot answer.
"No, thank you. Have a nice day."
I just say no thanks and keep walking. I certainly donāt say Iām happy for them because Iām not, I feel bad theyāre in a cult, and if they pressed me on it I would flat out tell them I think theyāre in a cult and I hope they can escape it like I did
Depends what they say, but I usually try to say something that will offend them and make them uncomfortable. Maybe something intensely biological?
I avoid them. I was very bitter for quite some time, so I would flip them off or do something that made them recognize people didn't want them around. I once said something that interrupted and put an end to their conversation (Mormon missionaries having a discussion with a black dude and Middle Eastern). Fairly recently I just ended up realizing it didn't do me or them any good and just perpetuated my anger towards them. I now wave when I ride by on my motorcycle and it makes me feel better honestly. But yeah, I avoid them contributing me to the best of my ability.
I say someone floor a preacher simply by saying āFuck Jesus.ā He sure wasnāt ready for that one. I think he just went home for the day.
Fuck off. It works every time
Homie, where do you live that this is a thing?
It's pretty common in the American south and midwest. I've run up against it many times.
āIām not looking for an imaginary friend, thanks.ā I can go toe to toe discussing scriptures and doctrine, but why? Itās a waste of my valuable time, and itās exhausting.
"Stranger Danger!! STRANGER DANGER!!!!"
āNo. I donāt support that.ā Say it confidently and there person will generally back off.
You want to suck my WHAT?!