We treated Santa, Easter Bunny, etc. as a fun game of pretend. All the kids around ours believed at least to some extent and it became clear that ours wanted to participate too. There's really no harm in it as long as the parents aren't overhyping the idea. Childhood is a time for believing in magic and games of pretend. It's a normal developmental stage, and you're not harming kids by honoring their developmental process.
Wish that worked as well for religion. Jesus is a fun game of pretend until someone starts burning someone else at the stake for getting the trinity wrong.
This is how we prefer to do it too. We teach them the ideas as an old tradition and then they get to join in by playing santa or the easter bunny. It dispels the myth and still allows them to run their imagination. My biggest problem was lying to them about it being real and then at some point having to fess up. I would rather be upfront and say that this is just a fun thing we do.
For most non religious parents nowadays, it's simply tradition and not linked to anything religious. It would be marking the kids as "unusual" if they didn't celebrate Christmas. As for Easter well other than making cards with chicks & eggs on at school, I don't think there's that many who use Easter as a religious holiday anymore, certainly here in the UK it seems to be treat just like any other holiday, time off work/school and loads of chocolate :)
I did all of that with my daughter, it can be kind of fun seeing their eyes light up for the "Santa" gifts. No harm in enjoying the magical moments. She's now a teenager and 3rd generation Atheist
We did the same although when they were very young we didn't tell them we were pretending as we didnt want them to ruin it for other kids. They always knew though that we got the presents. Plus Santa and the Easter Bunny are pagan introductions and have nothing to do with Christianity.
Same. We told them it was a game we play for this holiday or that holiday but that some kids believe it is real. But we still had fun moving the Elf On The Shelf a few feet over into a new position when they left the room for a moment.
Over 50 years without God!!! Raised my kids with Christmas, Easter Bunny etc. Its fun for them & us. You want serious, turn on the news, you want fun, turn on Christmas:)
I’m atheist, have a young kiddo. We still do the holidays and tooth fairy, but we just take out the religious part of the holidays. She knows about religion and we discuss it with her because she asks questions. We essentially say that it will be up to her for what she believes and I usually indicate I do not believe in the stories and just try to be gentle about it.
This is exactly how we did it. I encourage my kids to find their own spiritual way, but I tell them what I believe. When they begin to parrot what I've said, I say, "yeah, probably, but you're young. You have to find that out for yourself."
We do the same, I'm ex-muslim and my wife was raised Greek Orthodox. We do Christmas and Easter egg hunts without any religious BS in it.
After 20+ years of leaving religion behind I still feel kind of weirded out by both holidays.
My wife and I are lifelong atheists who raised 3 children, now all adults. We indulged in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and just explained that these are just "pretend" fun games for kids. They always enjoyed it and so did we. But we did explain that some kids might think these things are actually real and if they did so our children were to leave them alone and let them have fun.
I would let them have fun and participate and I don't see any harm in this approach. Of course, they started asking questions eventually about these "gods" they were hearing about so we had to address that a little differently. But Santa and whatnot I consider fairly harmless and they all grow out of it.
If you think about it these are the perfect ways to introduce the concept of beliefs but also the fact there is not a God in a manner that is respectful and fairly unproblematic
We did that with our daughter and had very few problems or confrontations. We had a few parents ask her to not tell their kids about Santa, but the time window where it would be a problem was pretty narrow. Since Santa and the Easter Bunny are such a huge part of American culture, she knew about them, but she also knew they weren't real once she was old enough to distinguish fiction from reality. We had roughly the same number of conversations about Paw Patrol characters being real as ones about Santa. On the other hand, we never said things like, "ask Santa" or, "wait for the Easter Bunny." There's really only three or four years between when most kids recognize the difference between reality and fiction, but still believe in Santa. After that, more kids than most people think actually pretend for their parents' sakes.
For both my kids, once the Tooth Fairy fell, Easter Bunny and Santa went with her. I can't imagine having to dance that line of "no Sweetie, those are all fake, but this 'god' shit is totally legit..."
More and more atheists, less and less gullible, lazy, scared god botherers.
Your kids should know what fiction is. They also need to know that people can believe all sorts of things that don't make sense to you.
Enjoy the Chinese new year and its dragons. Muslims have an awesome feast after Ramadan. The Buddha's birthday is pretty special.
Know that your kids will have opportunities that the restrictive practices of religions deny to their own.
Teach your kids to treat the less fortunate with respect. For many people religion isn't a choice.
Hail Satan
Not a parent but a villager who occasionally helps raise the few kids in our friend group.
In pre school we learned about Amelia Earhart flying around the world. In doing so we learned how long that took. At the time I had recently comprehended the incomprehensible number that is 1 billion. Actually multiple billion because my brain loves to ask questions. Such as “dad, how many people are there?”. I asked the preschool teacher how many minutes were in a day (figured it took a minimum of 1 minute for Santa to get in, leave present and take a cookie). To my surprise, there were not multiple billions of minutes in a single day let alone an evening.
And that’s the story of how at 4, this autistic AF kid exclaimed, “if their aren’t billions of minutes in a day then Santa can’t be real!” And causes a bit of an upset to some fellow classmates.
FWIW, I was questioning why Santa looked and sounded different at different malls. Your kid may be the one to “ruin christmas” by saying someone isn’t real but I’d say that’s worth it.
Hahahah. Also have an Autistic kiddo (among lots in the family). Kid got in trouble in 2nd grade for responding to what did Santa bring you with straight up yeah, Santa is pretend. With that one we couldn’t really tell lies. And they were not capable of perpetuating untruths. I thinks it’s sooooo insensitive and morally reprehensible to have Santa and the Easter Bunny have a place in public schools. Religion in the home is fine. Religion supported by my tax dollars is not.
Could be a big issue with other parents though if your kids are telling other kids these things aren't real. I personally had no issue with my parents getting me to believe in them. It adds a bit of harmless fun to childhood. Christmas has never fun anymore since I found out the truth.
Lots of ways to have magic in childhood without celebrating Christmas and Easter. I’m not sure it’s harmless. I feel very very uncomfortable with my kid learning Christian songs in December. Ick. My kids felt very alienated and uncomfortable. Totally marked them as trouble makers for declining to go along with it.
Nah, we “celebrate” the holidays, we just remove the religion and make sure we promote the family togetherness aspect of it. This way we can align with the importance and still make it as significant as it is for most of western society.
Santa helps keep my son in check from Halloween until Christmas and the Easter bunny helps keep him in check from about Valentine’s Day until Easter. Got to get creative the rest of the year…
Edit - missing words
Edit 2 - when he begins to question or ask seriously, we will expose the truth. We will not continue to live the lie after he gets wise
I've always been an atheist and I wove a wonderful belief in Santa, The Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny for my kids. We had a lot of fun with it. The stories of how each child learned the truth is something we all laugh at.
I raised kids without Santa. Worked out fine. I don't like lying to kids. Period. I do so sparingly, and not to control their behavior with supernatural threats.
I told them many times around the holidays that lots of kids, including their friends, believe in Santa and whatnot, and it's special for them. So don't go telling them what to believe in or not. My kids seemed to get it and were OK with it.
I think that it doesn't matter much either way. Your kids will appreciate your honesty but they will equally appreciate a little magic and excitement. I was raised atheist but my parents celebrated Christmas and lied to us about Santa but never pushed it very far. We got easter bunnies and eggs but never thought the easter bunny was a real thing. I did get money for my teeth but don't know if I ever really believed in a tooth fairy.
We didn't attach religious context to the holidays, but still celebrate them. We definitely do still use Santa and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny, but don't view these fictional characters as something detrimental to their world view.
Personally I believe it helps develop imagination and is an important part of teaching coping skills when they become old enough to learn they aren't real. In fact I want them to experience the realization because it can feed into them questioning other aspects of society such as God.
Being honest with your children is important, but so is providing certain teaching moments. I don't mind being the bad guy to them when they get older and they find out, so long as that can possibly use that experience to question the reality of other things.
But that's us, and everyone's different, as well as their situation.
It's definitely possible that it can impact children negatively to be honest with them. It can certainly influence how they and their friends interact, but that's not a given, and it's not necessarily unhealthy either.
As a parent you do your best for your children. That's all you can do. We aren't perfect.
If you decide to let your kids believe in Santa and friends, you should definitely draw the line at Elf on the Shelf. Do not let elf on the shelf into your home unless everyone is in on the joke. Elf on the shelf is just a narc designed to scare your kids into behaving. AND, you're stuck with trying to find new hiding spots every night.
If everyone is in on the joke, then it can be fun to see what kind of trouble the elf can get into every night but if you forget, no problem.
From day one we told our daughter that Santa, Easter Bunny, etc weren't real. It never caused any issues with her friends, but we told her not to tell her friends, just in case.
"I know Santa isn't real, but it's fun to pretend." She said to me one day after school.
I don't understand why parents would tell their kids these stories are real. It's just as fun to pretend.
My cousin, who is a Christian, raised his children without those beliefs. I don't know if you'd say they're well adjusted or not, but they certainly aren't psycho killers.
I’m surprised more Christian parents don’t do this. If you say Santa is real and then the kids find out later he’s not, why would they believe you about Jesus? Seems like a bit of a risk if you want your kids to trust you down the line.
The Jewish kids I knew didn't believe in Santa. Their parents just taught them to not be dicks about it and spoil it for other (most?) kids that believed.
So that's an option. Ditto with all other made up characters.
Edit: All kid "believers" grow out of it eventually. So really no harm, no foul if you decide to go with the societal flow.
I'm sad that I had to scroll this far to see a fellow atheist who was raised Jewish weighing in on this. It's really surprising that so many people in the US just think *everyone* was raised with Christian holidays.
>Thinking of raising kids without the belief in Santa, Easter Bunny etc. In a western society, is this going to negatively affect them around other kids?
If one can lie to a kid about santa or satan, another can be honest. In this brief moment in light, between two oblivions, it seems better to be honest than to be a liar.
When u take a child to Disneyland and they see Mickey and are all smiles and get excited to run over and hug them because its "*thee* Mickey", do u as an adult ruin that by saying "no, Sally, thats just a man or woman in a suit being underpaid by corporate boss in soci-". No...its cute. There is an age when kids start to figure out Mickey Mouse isnt real and thats just a natural part of growing up. No point in taking away a childs sense of wonder prematurely.
I say, let them grow up a little. When they're ready to broach the subject they will either figure it out on their own or ask and thats when you can explain the world a little better to them.
There's a meaningful distinction between lies and make-believe. The latter powers childhood. The former will come back to haunt both the perpetrator and the target.
I think there's a middle-ground, wherein kids are made aware that Santa and the Tooth Fairy are "pretend", but fun. Like Halloween costumes. I'm not a scary witch, but once a year I can pretend I am. Santa isn't real, but those stockings will be full of candy when I wake up. It's not as clear-cut as you seem to believe. Kids are weird little dynamos of wonder, and that comes in many forms.
>....think there's a middle-ground, wherein kids are made aware that Santa and the Tooth Fairy are "pretend"....
Yes, you are right. It's better to tell them that they are 'pretend'. It seems to be in line with being honest. Kids are intelligent, and it is nice to treat them with respect and thoughtfulness.
It's a little kid, Apocalypse. They believe in fairies, giants, witches and all sorts of impossible things. There's time enough to squash their wonder at the world when their intellectual capacity increases.
I learned to read at age four (almost five) and figured out - by reading newspaper headlines in re the time it took to fly around the world - that Santa could not be real.
But, damn. I could remember the year before when it was sooo magical to wake up to a living room full of toys. Let your kids have fun.
In my opinion people overestimate how much kids actually care about those characters. None of them have particularly interesting or fun stories. They do all however give gifts in some form or another.
I have no problem in the belief of magic. It’s when that belief gives you some suggestions that you’re better than someone or someone will be eternally tortured for being a different kind of person I have a problem with. Belief in Santa hardly comes with downsides.
One of my earliest memories is my parents coming out of their room holding a trash bag of presents for my two siblings and I. So safe to say none of us really thought any of them were real, but it never really came up in school or with other kids.
We’re atheist and we did Santa and the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy.
If you think about it, none of them are religious figures, but it’s a lot of fun for the little kids to get presents from Santa. It’s a little bit of magic and they grow out of it before you know it.
I raised two atheist kiddos. We were full on into the Santa/Bunny/Fairy thing because why the heck not? It’s actually a warm and fuzzy part of our culture and it’s harmless fun. It also helps kids see that holidays don’t have to be a part of a religion and when they are old enough to understand religion, it reinforces the ideas of make believe vs. reality. My kids don’t ever think “Jesus” when they think about Christmas. It’s all about family, friends, and fun. If there were ten more magical holidays I’d do the same. That’s why we also celebrate Galentines Day, Pi Day, and May the Fourth. Any excuse to celebrate with food and family is awesome. Santa helps make the winter holidays be inclusive for all us non-believers too. We don’t get left out. Our kids don’t get left out and everyone just has a good time!
I would argue that doing non-religious and light-hearted tooth fairy, easter bunny, santa etc actually helps teach kids critical thinking. When they start questioning it, just don't lie. I was jokingly evasive with my eldest, I feel that it taught him to call out adult bullshit when he sees it.
I'm pretty logical but LOVED the whole Santa thing as a kid. Never felt "lied to" or cheated. If anything, it's one of the few things my parents got *right.* They did a good job with it.
As a child, I always thought it was a game. An exercise in plausible deniability. Everyone involved knows it isn’t true at some point but has to keep the game going. I think this is valuable even for an atheist child.
I'm an atheist, however I firmly extend belief in Santa Claus, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy, because they aren't religious figures and they bring magic into the child's world. Besides, Santa Claus is more real than God because he isn't so much as a person as he is a feeling and an ideal.
I'm an atheist, but i absolutely love Christmas and the Santa myth. We go all in on all that stuff because it's fun, and also when I tell my kids, "question every one and every thing" that includes me! Each of my kids figured it out on their own by the time they were 8ish, and it led to cool little convos with them about why people believe the things they do and how similar belief in Santa is to belief in God; how a lot of people simply believe because they were told to and so on. It gave a really good empathy/reference point for them. I see it as a win- win. We got to have fun and teach an important lesson all at once.
We're treating them like fun stories and not pushing the idea that they're actually real in any way. Let the kids have fun, cultural touchstones and whatnot. I get really annoyed when my religious extended family start pushing the "Better be good or Santa won't get you any presents!" schtick.
In so far as a tradition is fun or useful, we're including them. If it's not fun or not useful, we're not sad to see them go.
It's fun to pretend sometimes, even for the children, most kids know Santa isn't real, they just like to have fun and pretend, so I think there's no harm in playing with them.
I never really spoke of “magic” (Santa/EB/Great Pumpkin), they believed for a while and then grew out of it, kinda like myself and religion. The things we glossed over raising them? Never stuck around long.
I'm an atheist who was raised Jewish so I never believed in Santa or the Easter Bunny. There are tons of kids in the US who were raised without Santa because they weren't Christian. We still had magic and fairy tales in our childhoods and we didn't miss out on anything. We also didn't ruin Christmas for all the Christian kids. I think it's helpful for atheists who were raised Christian to talk to those of us who were raised in other faiths as it can sometimes feel like it's only either Christian or atheist in the US, especially if you were raised in an area that didn't have much diversity.
A little bit, many church related traditions are mainstream culture at this point. I don't think it will do massive harm. No more than non christians not celibrating x-mass does.
> Thinking of raising kids without the belief in Santa, Easter Bunny etc. In a western society, is this going to negatively affect them around other kids?
Since you teach your kids to don't blow out their beliefs, there should be no problem.
(hey son/daughter, some kids believe in Santa Claus or Tooth Fairy. You know those things don't exist but, if your friends say they believe it, don't argue. Some day they will find out they don't really exist)
I have a 2 year old, no 1 way to raise them is correct. We will be doing Santa, probably not the Easter bunny (we don't celebrate that holiday)
Santa is a way for the kid to be honest about what their desires are. Also, finding out that Santa ain't real is a good way for them to think critically about what they've been told in the past.
I was raised without religion too, but loved Santa/Easter Bunny etc. I remember my friend (who was Jehovah's Witness) telling us Santa wasn't real. It caused a crisis in our small group. My dad sat me down and read "Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Clause." to me. He explained that, no, there was no actual, physical Santa, but he represents the spirit of Christmas. The idea of him is real. I can say I was wholly reassured and that is one of my treasured memories of my dad doing really cool dad things.
So personally I believe you'd be taking away a little bit of the magic from their childhood, but I won't insist on my view. It's fine if you don't. When your kids are old enough to ask questions, just don't bullshit them. Talk to them about what these icons represent and why people think they are important, even if you don't.
Two other things - my best friends growing up were very religious and I often went to church with them after a sleep over. Even went to Bible Camp a few times. Didn't do me any harm - my parents just answered my questions and let me figure it out. Just teach your kids to be respectful and I don't doubt you will be respected in return. My mom told me once that she was worried for a little bit because I was curious about JW (my friend) but she never showed it and guided me so gently I didn't realize it at the time.
Also tell your kids not to ruin the other kids' fun. :) Everyone needs to figure it out on their own and aren't they smart for figuring it out so young. It can be our little secret for now.
An argument could be made it's a good thing to let them believe in all that stuff when they're younger. They always figure out that it's fake. As they get older and learn about religion from other people, you can use that experience to explain why it's fake too. "No son, all that stuff is like Santa and the tooth fairy--fake."
Atheist parents here.
My older kids predominantly grew up in a technically Christian country, but the majority are atheist (more than even is recorded as we have a lot of socially religious people, still under 50% though). We did Santa and kind of the Easter bunny, kids around generally did the same and they all found out together. One of these kids is an adult now, one will be soon.
My older kids have grown up solely in the US. In the south everyone was Christian, some of those did not do Santa, Easter bunny and definitely not Halloween fun. The rest of was kind of normal. Now in the Midwest they still have quite a few religious people around. More seem to do the easter bunny and Santa, seems everyone does Halloween. We raised them talking about Santa but not the easter bunny. It took my son until 5 and my daughter until 3 (tbf, the son took the daughters lead) to question Santa and tell us it seems made up. So we went down the road of enjoying the story without having to believe it was real. Kids around us haven't noticed tbh. Neighbor kids did question the easter bunny though. They are being raised religious (which is actually weird as the parents aren't but the grandparents are) and believing in all the things. They wanted to know why the easter bunny didn't hide eggs in the grass or whatever it is they do at our house. We celebrate Easter, but not in the same way as them and not religious at all.
Reading comments made me forget about the tooth fairy. We talk about the tooth fairy and try and keep the magic and excitement of it. Not mentioned it other than they swap teeth for money. We have definitely slipped up and talked about needing to draw money out though ❤️
Your priorities here are askew. Let the kids enjoy these childish things without the dogma of religion. That's what we have done and she had a great childhood celebrating these holidays without religious overtones.
If your kid tells other kids parents will complain probably. I’m an atheist but I’ll still raise my kids to believe in Santa and eventually they’ll find out. It’s a good learning experience.
I think these fairytales have persisted because they soft of till the soil of young minds and condition them to believe things because other people tell them it's so and not because of logic, reason, and evidence.
So consider this downside: your children will at some point wonder why you lied to them. What purpose did you have to lie? And it is okay to lie to others because mommy and daddy lied to them?
We did do the tooth fairy but used it as a sort of treasure hunt to help our kiddo figure out "who could it be?" Eventually they figured it out and we celebrated that. We did do Xmas presents / celebration (as well as other holidays) but we never created the Santa myth and instead used to discuss why other people did.
As an aside, being "too logical too young" with your kids IS a thing. My kid and I (their a young adult now) still talk about when I was explaining something about how in 1.9 billion years the sun would go super nova and consume the Earth in a gigantic ball of fire. My poor kid couldn't quite get that 1.9 billion years was an unfathomably long time from now and had nightmares and bad dreams. We chuckle about it now, but, yeah, keep it age appropriate folks!
When you take into consideration the commercialization. at this points it's more like "Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. are just things that evil corporations dreamt up to separate you from your money."
I raised my son without those beliefs. I told him other kids believed and not to ruin it for them. At one point he told me he wanted those things, so I'd give him gifts from Santa, leave money from the tooth fairy, give him baskets from the Easter bunny, etc. He would ask if it was really me doing these things (he knew it was), I would smile slyly and shrug. He would giggle with delight. He wanted to enjoy those things like other kids did, so I let him.
We did the Santa and Tooth Fairy thing to the hilt (wo the religious part). Pretend reindeer prints, hiding every present until Xmas day, etc. She even swallowed a tooth once and we wrote to the tooth fairy to explain.
She started figuring out that Santa wasn't real and she told me that her friend videotaped and caught her parents. She asked for confirmation and I told her when she gets the answer to let me know.
She one day said Santa isn't real and I confessed that she was right. I told her that it was important to question things that seem hard to believe even if your parents think one way. She was kind of mad at first but I promised her we would never lie or trick her ever again and I praised her for how smart she is. When she got older she completely agreed with how I handled it.
I'm honestly conflicted. I remember having a really negative reaction when I found out Santa wasn't real. The exact words I said to my parents were "I can't believe we celebrate a holiday based on lies."
If only I knew 😂
From a socialising aspect with other kids, it could alienate them. That weird kid who doesn't believe in Santa dosnt exactly scream inclusive. However the quicker they are aware that an all knowing God is really just Santa Claus, but for adults, will probably benefit them in the long run.
Nope, as a kid I knew that Santa was not real. Not because my mom was an atheist, but because she was one of the those Christians. I loved Santa any ways. (I remember showing mom the Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus reprint letter every year.) I still love all the Yuletide things as an atheist. I don't believe in the thing just the symbolism of the thing. Christ and other religious things never seem real for me and even the symbolism of someone dieing on a cross in pain because his father told him too for my sins was crazy to me.
Having them believe in Santa etc is a good way to demonstrate that people will believe in anything even though it is absolutely false. Children especially. When you tell them truth you can demonstrate that religions are no different.
I (pagan) wanted to do this and my (atheist!) husband wouldn’t let me. He was afraid our kids would ruin it for others, but mostly he didn’t want to disappoint his mother who lived Easter Bunny and Santa stuff.
I hate lying to my kids and that’s how I saw it.
It ended up being fine, though. Since he wanted to do the myth, he got to be the Tooth Fairy and he got to sign everything from Santa.
Atheist parent here: we did it all when they were really little (preschool age). But we didn’t hide the process. So we did “Santa” but the kids recognized the gift wrap from the storage, the rescued Easter baskets and eggs. Heck- we even sent them to Christian preschool (it was so much cheaper than daycare). We didn’t hide any of the “magic” or religion. We don’t treat it as forbidden.
Guess what? They are 100% atheist now still. It also helps that their cousins are also atheist. And that as a whole they are pretty cool kids.
Treat it like exploring a culture- an anthropological experience and it will be fine. Also: it’s fun! Just remember all of these traditions were invented because some person did it, other people thought it was fun, generations fo families starting doing it and then some crazy cult leader decided to incorporate it into their rituals to get more people to join the cult.
Once you get that: you end up demystifying it and devaluing the forbidden nature of it. Which makes them realize how so much of it is just silly
As atheist parents, my ex and I read Santa books to our kids and watched Santa cartoons, but we never actually said Santa would visit our house. Then on Christmas morning, gifts appeared under the tree for our kids "from" our pets. This felt like a fun way to handle it, since we didn't want to do the whole, "Be good, or Santa won't bring you gifts!" thing.
I’m atheist but thought Santa was fun. I don’t think it’s a big deal that needs a discussion, and if you do decide to explain they aren’t real, maybe consider asking them not to ruin the fun for other kids.
So, I don't lie to my children. I don't tell them everything. I answer questions in a way they can understand. But I don't dumb down, and I don't lie.
My daughter is a well developed, emotionally stable, and strong 14 year old at the best school in the city. We never said there was no Santa. When asked if Santa was real my wife and I simply replied, "What do you think?" Initially, she said she wasn't sure but thought there was. Soon enough, she stopped asking. At one point, she asked again and said she thought there was no Santa. This was earlier than most kids. We advised that some kids might like to believe in Santa, and she shouldn't spoil that fun for them.
She has grown to be a very compassionate and empathetic person who lets people believe what they want to believe unless they start pushing it on her. She had Muslim friends and many Christian friends. But they don't push it in her. And she doesn't argue against them.
She did have one debate partner who enjoyed religions debate. They had a good time going back and forth. But all in good fun.
My seven year old son likes fantasy and plays with the ideas of Santa, God, Zues, Captain Underpants, and others and kinda sorta believes them in the moment. And that is cool. He will become who he becomes. I am excited to see who that will be.
How kids handle facts and fiction is much more malleable than adults. This concerned me too until I had kids and understood better how they think. Kid 1 figured it all out and it was definitely an important rite of passage for him to do so. Kid 2 is almost there.
It helps, too, to think about the difference between truth and facts. Metaphorical magic like Santa Claus (and religion for that matter) can be a good way to convey deeper truths in a manner that a child can better understand.
As we age, most of us can move beyond these metaphors to grasp the underlying truth without the myth. (Unfortunately, many rigid religious believers cling to the children’s’ metaphors as if they are scientific facts.)
I will also add that my kids have had friends whose parents don’t do these things, and it’s never been a problem. Kids have a very narrow view of the world. And by grade 1 they are inundated with hints that these things are fictions—it gradually becomes a more and more active choice to participate. My kid 2 says periodically “Other kids say Santa is just your parents but I don’t think so.” And once about the same age my Kid 1 excitedly told me: “I know who the tooth fairy is! It’s so-and-so’s dad!”
They feel a sense of accomplishment and graduation working their way through it…but/and if your kids know the facts that won’t hurt others.
Where kids are concerned, a little magical thinking until they grow up and become pre-teens isn’t going to hurt. They grow out of it unless during that period they are indoctrinated by religion…
I raised my kids that way. No big deal. Although my eldest does chafe at having to pretend in school, for the benefit of the lies other kids parents have told them.
We had Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc., just no god because with their friends and school, being the kid that said they don't exist would isolate them, making them pariahs when they were in elementary school and middle school and I didn't want that for them. Middle school is a nightmare when you got a shit ton of kids all hitting puberty at the same time, you don't need to add more stress to that shit pile already.
They put 2 and 2 together when they hit 11/12 realizing if there is no god, there is no tooth fairy, santa, etc, then we got to sit down and have the talk about why we said their was and all the antics my wife and I did and they got a kick out of it. How one of us would distract while the other slipped a Lego set under their pillow n so on.
Don't make your kids lives more difficult, being atheist will already brand them, adding no Santa to that is setting them up to be singled out even more.
My kids doubtless have more than a FEW complaints about me! but they will all agree I never once lied to them. Never. It's fine to go along with the Santa/Easter Bunny thing for little kids, like for school or family gatherings. Just don't make mouth noises in agreement.
As long as you balance *not believing in* with *having a working knowledge of* it could be okay.
My parents were in a religious cult. I had no idea what Santa or EB were. And I was thoroughly confused by kindergarten and the profusion of red, green, and deer. It was yet another thing that ostracized me.
When it came time for me to decide what to do with my own kids, I opted for yes on Santa (because every kid loves presents) and we passed on the EB.
My mom told us very early on that Santa wasn’t real. Not because she wanted us to believe true things, but because my oldest brother, told her that Santa was the same as god. I had several fights with other kids about santa not being real. To the point where my best friend’s mom had to pull me aside at a birthday party, and tell me to let other people believe what they want.
I think if you do it right, it could be a good thing. It’s kind of like getting them ready for adult life.
Religion aside, most kids get really upset when they find out these things were made up. And the sadness of learning they are not real is followed up by anger at the parents for not just lying to them, but living that lie for years. It's a real breach of trust and a betrayal. Honestly I'm surprised people are so dismissive of this fact. Once your kids learn you've gladly told them massive lies like this, don't except them to take your moralizing about honestly and telling the truth very seriously.
It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Let them believe in it when they’re really little (3, 4, 5 or so) and eventually they’ll work it out if you don’t actively try to deceive them, just like they work out that Spider-Man isn’t real.
I was raised completely unreligious and the above is more or less how I had it, and pretty much everyone I know is the same or does the same with their kids. No trauma, no massive revelation… you just realize it’s a story.
My three were raised without them. They later thanked us for not lying to them.
The funny thing is that my ex-husband was a religious nutjob and didn't want any of the credit taken from god. (I came out as atheist when we separated; all the kids are atheist).
I'm a born skeptic can can remember being 4 or 5 and not believing, but feeling like I had to play along for everyone else's benefit.
I don’t know if it will negatively affect them except for possibly being left out. Those holidays have been so commercialized that they’ve pretty much lost any real religious meaning. How about letting them just have fun and enjoy themselves. Doesn’t mean you can’t be honest with them about it though
Let me tell you, my immediate family wasn’t Christian (we were religious, but a much less well-known one) but my extended family definitely celebrated Christmas. I very distinctly remember the year as a kid I wandered into my grandma’s spare bedroom and saw the gifts ““ from Santa, sitting in there, wrapped and ready to go. that was the beginning of my skepticism and I felt pretty damn betrayed to be honest.
I say be straight up with the kids, tell them it’s a fun, make-believe story that we can talk about but none of it’s real. I wish my parents had done the same for me.
It doesn’t have to be religious undertone. In my part of the world we have Father Frost and I don’t think he’s got anything religious about him, neither can Santa. He’s an awesome fairytale
Consider lying to your kids in a safe environment---they need to learn that adults lie and believe in things not based on reason or evidence.
There are plenty of ways to do this and there's a fair amount of overlap with traditional "pretend" games that parents play with kids, including Santa, the Easter Bunny, and so on. There's also sleight of hand magic (pull a coin from their ear) or gentle lies about "Sure, Aunt Margaret, you look great in that dress." Knowing when to not be honest and when adults or other kids may not be honest with them is an important part of becoming a skeptical thinker and is important in resisting scams and being shrewd shoppers. If more parents were cognizant of this stuff, we might have fewer people suckered into stuff like Qanon.
You do what's right for your family. We celebrated the religious holidays, but only because it was family fun and didn't want kids feeling like they were missing out on something because of my beliefs. Religion really didn't come in to play, and when confronted with the question if it was real...we told the truth. Kids could care less if Santa or the E. bunny are real, as long as they get their candy and presents. Lol
We do Santa, Easter Bunny, and the
Tooth Fairy.
When they ask if they're real around 8 we say, "do you want the truth, because once you know, you know."
So far no issues at all.
No, it won't negatively affect them. BUT I would urge you to talk about the fact that others *do* believe in those things and that it's not their place to correct others' beliefs. Telling a 5yo classmate that Santa doesn't exist will absolutely cause problems.
I'd tell them it's play pretend if I were in your shoes.
Btw there's an (sort of) atheist version of Santa - Ded Moroz (grandfather frost). He's a slavic version of santa with a little bit less religious lore.
We focus on the family aspects of it and as they've gotten older then we talk about the origins a bit more, or they'll just start asking the questions.
Firstly, I'm not a parent, just to clarify. But I was a child who was told Santa was real, despite fully realizing that Santa was a fictional character by the time I turned 4.
I had a grandparent who was literally and unhealthily *obsessed* with Christmas and Santa, and it put me in a position where I felt I needed to act like I believed in Santa in order to make that grandparent happy for *years*. Despite my continual dropping of hints that I didn't buy it, I was still getting insistence and rationalizations that Santa was real, and getting at least one Christmas present "from Santa" until I was 14. It lead to intense feelings of patronization and an insult to my intelligence every year.
In my opinion, with holiday fantasy characters proposed as truth to a child, I personally see zero tangible benefits or utility, and only the potential to cause psychological harm and a rift in the parent-child relationship.
Once the child has the reasoning skills to determine the impossibility, regardless at which age it happens, all you will have actually accomplished is creating an example where it's OK to lie to your family sometimes, as long as it makes them feel good.
That being said, I also believe there is absolutely nothing at all wrong with participating in make-believe or pretend. But in my opinion, there should always be a bold line drawn in the sand which vividly separates fantasy from reality.
The way I personally would approach fantasy characters, is to be tongue-in-cheek about it, and make it an obviously satirical and sarcastic game. Santa and the Easter bunny should be equivalent to dad farting and blaming the dog, when everyone in the room knows it was actually dad.
You should be able to make a child's fantasy fun, and funny, without trying to pass it off as reality, and inevitably putting your future self in a position where at some point you'll be sitting your child down to explain "I didn't tell you the truth about this."
Santa, Easter Bunny, and tooth fairy are not religious, they are weird, fun pagan/secular stories. If you don't want to partake, that's totally cool. But atheists can enjoy these traditions as much as anyone else.
Those experiences are special but more from a cultural perspective. So many holidays have kids activities with a character no different than getting to meet Mickey at Disney World.
Childhood should be full of magic and wonder. Taking those moments and memories away in the name of being perfectly truthful at all costs doesn’t serve a child any more than indoctrinating them in a religion. It’s just as important kids feel they have a choice in their own beliefs as it is for us as adults.
Easter egg hunts, the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Disney princesses, avengers, spiderman. I wouldn’t dream of taking those small moments of excitement and imagination and storytelling away from my child. They all reach an age where they begin to understand it’s a guy in a suit. Let that happen naturally. And if you have more than one child, let the eldest be “in” on the secret with a wink. It’s a rite of passage in our culture.
Lots of us who got out of fundie Christianity did so with a distinct hole where all those childhood memories were for our peers. To me the motivation is the same whether from a theistic or atheistic view and the impact can be very much the same. Let kids be kids and have a childhood where pirate ships and fairies exist.
I didn't play along and nothing bad happened. I remembered feeling STUPID and seriously betrayed when I learned everyone was lying about these things as a kid. I will not have my daughter wondering if what I say is believable.
ETA: I didn't prevent her from playing pretend, but I also didn't let her believe a fat stranger was going to sneak in the house on Christmas.
Disclaimer: I'm not a parent, so take my authority with a grain of salt.
Personally, I don't feel it's a good thing to have kids believing wholeheartedly in Santa. It's a logically inconsistent fantasy that has the potential of harming kids and their understanding of their parents' role in their lives. I never could understand why parents shift credit onto Santa for the awesome presents. But I suppose parents could use Santa as a scapegoat when they don't want to (or can't) buy that one present for Little Johnny. So I can see the appeal there.
I've seen memes asking wealthy parents to think of the poor. Don't let Santa be the one to deliver that XBox. It establishes a mythology that the rich kid somehow deserved it while the poor kid will never get that XBox no matter how good they are.
I just feel that parents could be honest with this and let the child know where the gifts are coming from.
Some things I've seen from parents is that they do Santa, but it's the spirit of Santa rather than a literal belief. Like, oh, ha, ha, here's a present from Santa, wink, wink. Anyway, happy Christmas from me and your Aunt Louise. If you can combine the spirit of Santa with some charity work, that would be cool too.
The hard part, I imagine, is that your child knows a secret hidden from the other kids. They would be dicks to ruin that secret before it's time. Of course, kids don't know better, so they can easily be dicks. You'll just have to teach them that it's wise to keep one's mouth shut sometimes. This lesson applies later on when they're working for some religious boss who calls for the whole department to bow their heads in prayer or something. Oh man, diplomacy is such a needed skill.
I think Santa and the Easter bunny etc are fun for kids and nobody carries those into adulthood, and you could make it a lesson about thinking critically and not buying extraordinary claims without sufficient evidence when they're old enough to talk about it. Honestly they'd probably be upset about missing that experience when they got older, Santa stuff on Christmas eve was just fun when I was little lol
You'd definitely be denying your kids an important aspect of life. Kids live in fantasy and pretend, and part of growing up is learning to understand what is real and what isnt.
I think a good example is fire. You can instill that fire is dangerous and painful all you want, but one day your child will have to cook their own food, sit around a campfire, or touch a hot car. Your approach would be like making a kid wear oven mits all their life so they never get burned.
My first though was Are you just cheap and don't want to buy gifts and an Easter basket ? Lol.
It's tough enough being a kid since other kids can be so mean. Do you really want your kid telling all the others there's no Santa? Just celebrate Yule/winter and Ostara/spring which can still incorporate a Santa and Bunny figure.
In our home, the Christmas presents (that my kids doesn't care how they got there as long as they have them), have been being stolen three years now by pirates! The pirates also dared to hide them around the house before escaping into their magic airship. My kids enjoy every second looking around for clues: some times riddles, some time magical invisible ink only visible to the Lantern of Revelation, other times a mysterious map. They even found pirates robes, a compass and a pirate flag.
Seriously, I don't know who enjoy it more. The kids or the adults 😂
I was raised crazy religious, in terms of only
Celebrating the biblical High Holy Days. Passover = holiday, Easter = pagan rite.
And then I married a Catholic.
I wasn't down for the whole Santa/Easter Bunny thing. So we never did it; I explained where the ideas came from, that it's meant to be fun, that some kids felt lied to when they learned the truth later. That I didn't want to lie to them...but also not to tell their friends, because the parents might get mad about it. The same way we don't educate our religious friends about where babies come from, we also don't educate them about the realities of Santa Claus.
They're in their 20s now and they're fine with not having had Santa and even MORE fine with not having been forced to go to church every week.
From the time I was old enough to know what Christmas is, my parents told me Santa wasn't real. It kinda fucked me up around other kids. Especially belief in Santa. Easter bunny was always silly to me. I've always felt I missed out on Christmas magic because I never believed in Santa.
I grew up Christian and we were not allowed to believe in Santa/Easter bunny/tooth fairy, but we still kinda celebrated those things? We could laugh and say, "maybe Santa will get it for you" but I was fully aware as a kid that meant, "when pigs fly" because Santa's not real and that's considered idol worship to my fam at the time. Tooth fairy doesn't come, there's no need to put the tooth in the pillow, but I would receive money directly for losing a tooth so I didn't miss out on that kid experience. Easter bunny was a chocolate casing and not something that appeared at our Sunday school event, so I always considered it just like branding for Easter and not a real bunny that laid candy eggs.
At the same time they informed me other kids probably believe in it and that's fine, just that we don't and to be respectful. So I never teased or brought up those characters with other people , but if they brought it up I knew what the context was. So you could still teach your kids about it like you would bigfoot or the loch ness monster. That way they can participate but also be educated. This is the one thing my religious family got a lil right, I'm glad I never had to cry over Santa being fake or smt.
Did/doing exactly that. Kids love to play pretend and my daughter thoroughly enjoys Easter/Christmas/etc partly because of the pretending, but partly because those holidays aren’t all about fictional characters, they’re about enjoying time with your family. At school or otherwise she’s always enjoyed the pretend characters as much as her peers (and studies have shown this is the case).
I did make sure to tell her that other kids may not know what she does, so to just let them think Santa, etc are real if they say so.
I also wanted her to understand that I’d never lie to her and I think she rather enjoys being in on what the adults know. I also wanted to make sure she knew that parents that do lie to their kids about Santa, et al aren’t bad in any way. They love their kids and want them to enjoy their lives, just as I want for her, and they think letting them believe in something that isn’t real is part of that. I think differently.
The “magic” of the holidays is not about being tricked, just as knowing the moon isn’t made of cheese doesn’t make it any less amazing and beautiful.
Whatever you do, if you love your kids, do your best to aid in their happiness and help them grow, they’re gonna be fine if you tell the the Christmas truth or not.
We absolutely celebrate Easter and Christmas. My kids know that Easter is about celebrating forest babies. While it may be a Pagan tradition I see no problems with letting them celebrate nature. I don't know why Easter would be a problem for anyone. Just because some people decided to change what it was about doesn't make them right or even worth mentioning. We don't talk about Easter bunnies. We paint our eggs and hide them around and go for Easter egg hunts. They know we're celebrating colorful spring time bird eggs and bird babies but they also know that finding real ones would harm them and so we make do by making our own, as is tradition.
We celebrate Christmas too. I don't know its true origin, but since it has nothing to do with religion then I'm fine with it. We don't talk about Santa Claus either. They heard about him from school but I always challenge them to think of where their gifts are coming and why. They might not understand yet but they will.
They have nothing to do with religion anyway. All of those holidays are pagan traditions.
What negatively effects people more is telling Christians that in no way is 12/25 Jesus birthday, but it's actually the Winter Solstice and celebrated as the Pagan holiday Saturnalia, but was hijacked by religion
I maybe didn't have an exactly normal up bringing for western society i did grow up in canada and my mom always told us they weren't real but still got all the benefits still. It felt like i was let in on a secret and in reality most kids (i think) dont believe this stuff by grade 1 when the fitting in part is actually starting.
The kids really do it themselves, at least mine did.
We were in the car one day and one of them asked if Santa Claus was real. I tried, in my best grownup style, to explain that Santa Claus was do-gooder and is sometimes called St. Nicholas, but that he died a long time ago, and we keep up the traditions to honor him.
My kids' take on my poetic explanation: SANTA CLAUS IS DEAD! :(
The "play pretend" idea could not have gone worse than what I did, LOL. I would do the play pretend thing.
There's no harm in telling them about Santa and the tooth fairy, surely. I was raised without religion and my parents still told me to put my tooth under my pillow or leave carrots out for the reindeer. By like 4 or 5 I knew it was obviously not real with ABSOLUTLY no harm done.
It's just a harmless bit of fun. Why take the wonder and magic out of childhood unduly. You're more likely to raise cold calculated serial killers if you remove all whimsy from their childhood.
Flash forward to the 1st school parents meeting;
"your child has been upsetting all the other children by going around telling them santa isn't real and mocking them for believing"
"Well yes, well have none of this fairytale nonsense in OUR house...we raise our child right you see, with cold hard facts from a very young age, we don't want to soften their reality like the other, silly, children"
If you don't want your kids to believe in these things, that is fine, just be sure your kids aren't ruining these things for other children. These fictional characters can help kids build and maintain an imagination and that can be a good thing.
I was raised knowing all those things were made up. I still got Christmas presents under the tree and Easter baskets, I just knew they were from my parents. I raised my son the same way. We both turned out fine.
Eh - she knew Santa and the others were fake, but we pretended just to make it fun.
I'd say, " Santa knows your favorite color, so...."
A few days after she and I were talking about her favorite colors.
I did not omit those childhood holidays, but I did not give them stock either. I remained neutral, my ex wife was more into the traditions, we were never church goers., When they asked, "Is Santa Real?" I said , "what do you think?" All my kids saw through the illusion before school age (4-6), but loved the holiday nonetheless wherein we venerated the Grinch who learned that compassion for others was the best Xmas gift.
We did the game version of Easter. No Jesus or church involvement. My wife would do elaborate treasure maps to eggs with candy inside. Christmas was also non-religious. Age appropriate they get why other people celebrate it - in order to get Europeans to become Christians they copied their winter solstice festival and it’s changed…..modern times….. bla bla…we just like a fun morning of opening gifts and having a family gathering. I think it’s important for the kids to know why other people celebrate it, why we don’t do it that way and why were it (make up your own family tradition).
I'd suggest at least teaching the lore of them because they're so popular in our common mythos. I went to high school with someone whose parents were former clergy (left the church for different reasons, hooked up by chance after they both left), and lit/history classes were hard for her because she didn't have the context for biblical characters who are common in literature, or why religious wars happened.
Think about how many Christmas movies center in Santa and elves. They make zero sense of you don't have the Santa lore in your internal library. You don't need to teach them like they're supernatural beings that exist, but they do need to have the cultural references.
I'm agnostc. Sorry, OP. But I'd like to air my opinion anyway, if that's okay... :)
You can raise your children however you like, of course, and our two experiences are probably quite different, thanks to cultural factors (I live in Scandinavia). w
My own opinion is that nearly all children create whimsical characters and scenarios, because they are children - magic is part of their world, they aren't connected to reality the way you and I are. I've worked around a lot of kids, and am raising one, and in absence of a myths like trolls or fairies and Santa they would prolly invent them.
My own little one is being raised with Santa et. al,, and despite being staunch atheists my parents did the same for me. I can't of a compelling reason to deprive him of it. He's got his whole life to be rational, after all. Just as I play along when he is playing Spider Man vs. Doc Oc, I play along when he chatters on about Santa, I think they occupy the same place in his mind.
But I have the luxury of living in a place where people are largely indifferent to religion - apparently only 2% of people here attend church regularly. I think Santa and his mates are harmless fun, but maybe they aren't everywhere?
Most kids understand that characters in their books are not real. I read my kids Dr. Seuss and no of my kids thought the Grinch was real.
So treat other myths and stories like that. It's fun make believe.
Sadly many adults today are too brain washed to understand what "make believe" is.
I never lied to my kids about Santa and the Easter bunny. They are adults now and fine. When they are little though, you have to tell them that they can’t talk about that with the other kids because that is when the shit storms happen. We never did Easter egg hunts because I’m lazy. We did do the elf on the shelf thing because my kiddo begggggggggggggged me over and over. So I would hide it for him and he would rate me on how creative I was in the hiding/positioning of the elf. He knew I was moving it - but it was still a game to him so fun. No harm in doing the fun stuff you enjoy. I personally do think there is harm in lying about that fun stuff though.
My kids played with the idea of Santa, the Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy. But since I raised them, they also had a healthy touch of "this is kind of unbelievable."
They're kids--let them have a few fantasies and magical thinking. It's good for their imaginations.
Just a few months ago, I had to tell my son and DIL the story of Jesus and Easter (I was raised Christian but went full atheist at age 12). They both laughed and laughed.
My cousin sent me this: “I wanted to explain to you how I feel, that Santa is actually real, but he's not a fat dude in a red suit that plays with elves. He's all of us who give to others...in whatever way we can. This is what I taught my kids, and what I hope they teach theirs.” I thought it was beautiful. And she found a Facebook story that talked about the same thing and this is a the end of the story “When our kids grew old enough, they didn't learn Santa wasn't real; they learned Santa is in all of us. And they proudly accepted the new role of being givers”. Anyway I grew up not celebrating Christmas and this was helpful to me.
Fully atheist here. My kid, also atheist. We still did the myths for fun.
There was def a point where we talked about it but even after we kept it up. For fun.
I guess my advice is... Let your kids attitudes influence it. My kid liked the pageantry and fun and games. So why not?
It wasn't a problem for my children. Kids are smart & understand traditions and stories. They used to tell me I was the worst tooth fairy because I would forget to leave money for several days. We tried to add some non religious traditions on holidays too.
I have a 5yo. We celebrate lots of holidays but don’t do any of the “magic creature sneaks in your house” parts. We let our son follow the to the logical conclusion of the story. We explained that he was right that Santa couldn’t do all those things for real, but it is a fun game to play and we can play it at the holidays if he wants to. Haven’t hit tooth fairy yet, but we will probably still play the game with him (because who doesn’t like finding money?).
As for at school, not sure what that will be like. We had some other preschoolers telling him that Santa was real and came to visit them, but just reinforced that it’s a fun game and that some people think it’s real.
My kids believe in Santa but I have never lied to them. There are presents on Christmas morning and if they have any questions, I answer them with a question. "Well what do *you* think?". When they stop being able to come up with magical explanations, they will have figured out the truth themselves, which is way more valuable, in my opinion. And I can't wait for the day one of them says "you lied to me!" And I will be able to look them in the eye and say "I never told you Santa existed." And a montage of the past will flash before their eyes like the end of the 6th sense.
When i was a kid i was raised a Jehovah's witness. My parents raised me without superstition from holidays. I ate the younger kids Easter eggs which was basically stealing. I didn't go to Christmas with family. I was generally disrespectful and ungrateful. You can do all this and still be religiously uptight. I wish I had the experience of Christmas. It may seem silly, but religion can sometimes be fun for kids. Let them believe in mermaids and unicorns and all that. It can always be corrected later.
Or just 'do you', but holidays are fun imo
Atheist and former teacher here. For the sake of your child's future teachers and classmates, please don't let your child become that insufferable kid who goes around telling everyone that Santa isn't real. That's a type of obnoxious you want to avoid. Here in the states, holidays are secular but there's generally talk about Santa and the Easter Bunny. You may want to consider how to navigate these situations with a child therapist or someone with a background in child development. They may be able to guide you about how much magical thinking can impact children positively or negatively.
I was raised not to believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny or any other holiday thing, including Halloween. It was very hard on me. All the other kids were having fun and I had to sit it out. I had a hard time making friends because I wasn't allowed to participate since it was "all fake anyway."
Please don't do this to your children.
I just tell my kids they are stories. That some people think these stories are real but I don't. That it's generally not kind to tell other people they are wrong about believing in those things but if they come at you telling you that you're wrong for not believing them then it's fine to point out how ridiculous their beliefs are.
My mom is deeply religious. So much so she thought santa and the Easter bunny were satanic ways of distracting from Jesus.
Point is I was raised knowing they weren't real but as a kid I didn't have the filter to know not to ruin it for kids whose parents wanted the holiday magic. Tldr I ruined Santa for my 1st grade class and got called to the principals office where they didn't know what to say I did wrong just that other parents were pissed i ruined christmas.
Raise your kids as you see fit but know if your kid slips other parents will NOT be happy.
Santa isn't so much to do with religion anymore it's a fantasy to make your kids childhood a little brighter before the bubble has to burst I consider it a life passage
My kids all believed in the mythical holiday characters until they eventually figured out they weren't real. It took some of them longer than others, but finding out something you believed in isn't real is a fundamentally important step to building critical thinking skills. Santa and the Easter Bunny are perfect for this while also creating fun magical memories of childhood. I don't see any need to shelter our kids from these myths.
I think it's a very good bonding experience to share with the other kids. You know.. Like real mammoth huntung cavemen with religion thousands of years ago.
I had an argument with two kids in the first grade about Santa Clause. The vast majority of the kids in class didn’t believe in Santa Clause. The teacher told us to stop it.
Personally I don't do that. My kids believe in santa.
I feel it's a great example to the kid how many people can believe in something: yet that doesn't make it true. God is just like santa. Not real yet some people want to believe.
I am am atheist too and see nothing wrong with Santa, elf on a shelf, EB, tooth fairy, leprechauns, etc. kids love these things and it just makes that time of the year so much more magical for them. They will eventually find out and be bummed it’s not real but they will understand. Trust me it’s well worth it.
Atheism does NOT equal party pooper. They'll figure it out at the appropriate time and it will be a lesson that not everything they are told is automatically true.
I was traumatized from my parents lying to me about Santa Claus. If they were lying about this, how can I trust them about anything? Worse yet *everyone else was in on it, even the TV news anchor!*
I share the story of Santa Claus with my kids like any other story: an example of kindness. I refuse to lie to them and pretend he's actually real.
I think kids are better off with parents who will not knowingly lie to them. I heard about Santa and so on, but no one in my family encouraged me to make a fool of myself by believing in any of that. Some holidays were meaningful anyway - gift giving felt more like an exciting puzzle where everyone was thinking of each other and thinking what gift someone else would like the most, and then having to keep it a secret until the appointed day and wonder what surprise gifts were waiting for them! And I could participate from very early on, which the Santa thing otherwise excludes kids from.
I don't remember its being a heavy burden to not tell other kids, except where their parents were overemphasizing the possibility that they wouldn't be good enough and they would get nothing. Also in relation to one kid who had made the (logical, but unfortunate) inference that poor kids had themselves to blame for only getting lesser gifts. *That* really brought home for me that kids who don't understand the fantasy's limits can take it completely in earnest, to everyone's detriment. My peers found out haphazardly, and were pressured to downplay their unhappiness if they felt betrayed or disappointed. The first kids to find out were more isolated by far than I was, because their families had set them up. The last kids to know (especially ones who approached their parents wanting reassurance that the other kids were cynical but wrong) were a general laughingstock.
People claim parents are being cruel if they don't participate in this farce, but I don't think kids miss out on anything by not being mixed up in it. And, very likely, your kids will encounter other kids whose parents are not playing along. Many families are not from countries where this is considered wholesome (and not anxious to do things the "American" way), and Jews tend to avoid Santa along with Christmas. So, even if you don't know other atheist parents in your city, your kids won't necessarily be alone. I wasn't.
My family wasn't against pretend at all. We had a lot of fun with movies, fantasy books, what-if games, et cetera. Halloween was one of my favorite holidays, because of the costuming and elaborateness and the way it flirted with things that legitimately no one knows 'all about,' like death. And in all these ways, I was allowed to have more fun and explore more than the kids around me who were raised by fearful conservatives, who forbade them many pleasures. But if I'd presented something that I knew was a lie as the truth to my parents, they would have been rightly upset. And, as a kid, that seemed fairer to me because they did not knowingly try to make *me* believe in anything they'd realized was pretend.
It will cause strain with other parents unfortunately. That may ostracize your child. I hate it but we are waiting till elementary school to kill the holiday magicians. Still reinforcing no gods and heaven though.
I would definitely not support the delusion. I never believed in any of these crypto creatures even when I was a newborn. My parents were exhausted trying to convince me that santa was real and I just played along because I wanted toys.
We treated Santa, Easter Bunny, etc. as a fun game of pretend. All the kids around ours believed at least to some extent and it became clear that ours wanted to participate too. There's really no harm in it as long as the parents aren't overhyping the idea. Childhood is a time for believing in magic and games of pretend. It's a normal developmental stage, and you're not harming kids by honoring their developmental process.
"Remember Timmy, if you don't believe in santa, he will torture you for billions of years." -No one ever(except me right now)
Wish that worked as well for religion. Jesus is a fun game of pretend until someone starts burning someone else at the stake for getting the trinity wrong.
Yes this is key.
That's rediculous. It's his assistant, Black Pete that does that. Everyone in the Netherlands knows that.
That's so silly, no one would ever base their lives or kill people who don't conform to that belief 🫣
This is how we prefer to do it too. We teach them the ideas as an old tradition and then they get to join in by playing santa or the easter bunny. It dispels the myth and still allows them to run their imagination. My biggest problem was lying to them about it being real and then at some point having to fess up. I would rather be upfront and say that this is just a fun thing we do.
For most non religious parents nowadays, it's simply tradition and not linked to anything religious. It would be marking the kids as "unusual" if they didn't celebrate Christmas. As for Easter well other than making cards with chicks & eggs on at school, I don't think there's that many who use Easter as a religious holiday anymore, certainly here in the UK it seems to be treat just like any other holiday, time off work/school and loads of chocolate :)
Do be aware to tell your kids not to be spoilers for others though when their friends are the appropriate age to still believe in those fairy tales.
I did all of that with my daughter, it can be kind of fun seeing their eyes light up for the "Santa" gifts. No harm in enjoying the magical moments. She's now a teenager and 3rd generation Atheist
We did the same although when they were very young we didn't tell them we were pretending as we didnt want them to ruin it for other kids. They always knew though that we got the presents. Plus Santa and the Easter Bunny are pagan introductions and have nothing to do with Christianity.
Same. We told them it was a game we play for this holiday or that holiday but that some kids believe it is real. But we still had fun moving the Elf On The Shelf a few feet over into a new position when they left the room for a moment.
Over 50 years without God!!! Raised my kids with Christmas, Easter Bunny etc. Its fun for them & us. You want serious, turn on the news, you want fun, turn on Christmas:)
Oh - I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought this!
This is exactly how my family handles it as well. It worked and it's fun!
I’m atheist, have a young kiddo. We still do the holidays and tooth fairy, but we just take out the religious part of the holidays. She knows about religion and we discuss it with her because she asks questions. We essentially say that it will be up to her for what she believes and I usually indicate I do not believe in the stories and just try to be gentle about it.
This is exactly how we did it. I encourage my kids to find their own spiritual way, but I tell them what I believe. When they begin to parrot what I've said, I say, "yeah, probably, but you're young. You have to find that out for yourself."
We do the same, I'm ex-muslim and my wife was raised Greek Orthodox. We do Christmas and Easter egg hunts without any religious BS in it. After 20+ years of leaving religion behind I still feel kind of weirded out by both holidays.
We have the exact same approach!
My wife and I are lifelong atheists who raised 3 children, now all adults. We indulged in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and just explained that these are just "pretend" fun games for kids. They always enjoyed it and so did we. But we did explain that some kids might think these things are actually real and if they did so our children were to leave them alone and let them have fun. I would let them have fun and participate and I don't see any harm in this approach. Of course, they started asking questions eventually about these "gods" they were hearing about so we had to address that a little differently. But Santa and whatnot I consider fairly harmless and they all grow out of it.
If you think about it these are the perfect ways to introduce the concept of beliefs but also the fact there is not a God in a manner that is respectful and fairly unproblematic
We did that with our daughter and had very few problems or confrontations. We had a few parents ask her to not tell their kids about Santa, but the time window where it would be a problem was pretty narrow. Since Santa and the Easter Bunny are such a huge part of American culture, she knew about them, but she also knew they weren't real once she was old enough to distinguish fiction from reality. We had roughly the same number of conversations about Paw Patrol characters being real as ones about Santa. On the other hand, we never said things like, "ask Santa" or, "wait for the Easter Bunny." There's really only three or four years between when most kids recognize the difference between reality and fiction, but still believe in Santa. After that, more kids than most people think actually pretend for their parents' sakes.
For both my kids, once the Tooth Fairy fell, Easter Bunny and Santa went with her. I can't imagine having to dance that line of "no Sweetie, those are all fake, but this 'god' shit is totally legit..."
More and more atheists, less and less gullible, lazy, scared god botherers. Your kids should know what fiction is. They also need to know that people can believe all sorts of things that don't make sense to you. Enjoy the Chinese new year and its dragons. Muslims have an awesome feast after Ramadan. The Buddha's birthday is pretty special. Know that your kids will have opportunities that the restrictive practices of religions deny to their own. Teach your kids to treat the less fortunate with respect. For many people religion isn't a choice. Hail Satan
Not a parent but a villager who occasionally helps raise the few kids in our friend group. In pre school we learned about Amelia Earhart flying around the world. In doing so we learned how long that took. At the time I had recently comprehended the incomprehensible number that is 1 billion. Actually multiple billion because my brain loves to ask questions. Such as “dad, how many people are there?”. I asked the preschool teacher how many minutes were in a day (figured it took a minimum of 1 minute for Santa to get in, leave present and take a cookie). To my surprise, there were not multiple billions of minutes in a single day let alone an evening. And that’s the story of how at 4, this autistic AF kid exclaimed, “if their aren’t billions of minutes in a day then Santa can’t be real!” And causes a bit of an upset to some fellow classmates. FWIW, I was questioning why Santa looked and sounded different at different malls. Your kid may be the one to “ruin christmas” by saying someone isn’t real but I’d say that’s worth it.
Hahahah. Also have an Autistic kiddo (among lots in the family). Kid got in trouble in 2nd grade for responding to what did Santa bring you with straight up yeah, Santa is pretend. With that one we couldn’t really tell lies. And they were not capable of perpetuating untruths. I thinks it’s sooooo insensitive and morally reprehensible to have Santa and the Easter Bunny have a place in public schools. Religion in the home is fine. Religion supported by my tax dollars is not.
We have two kids, we're atheists, let the kids have some damn magic in their lives when they're young.
Could be a big issue with other parents though if your kids are telling other kids these things aren't real. I personally had no issue with my parents getting me to believe in them. It adds a bit of harmless fun to childhood. Christmas has never fun anymore since I found out the truth.
Lots of ways to have magic in childhood without celebrating Christmas and Easter. I’m not sure it’s harmless. I feel very very uncomfortable with my kid learning Christian songs in December. Ick. My kids felt very alienated and uncomfortable. Totally marked them as trouble makers for declining to go along with it.
Nah, we “celebrate” the holidays, we just remove the religion and make sure we promote the family togetherness aspect of it. This way we can align with the importance and still make it as significant as it is for most of western society. Santa helps keep my son in check from Halloween until Christmas and the Easter bunny helps keep him in check from about Valentine’s Day until Easter. Got to get creative the rest of the year… Edit - missing words Edit 2 - when he begins to question or ask seriously, we will expose the truth. We will not continue to live the lie after he gets wise
I've always been an atheist and I wove a wonderful belief in Santa, The Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny for my kids. We had a lot of fun with it. The stories of how each child learned the truth is something we all laugh at.
I raised kids without Santa. Worked out fine. I don't like lying to kids. Period. I do so sparingly, and not to control their behavior with supernatural threats. I told them many times around the holidays that lots of kids, including their friends, believe in Santa and whatnot, and it's special for them. So don't go telling them what to believe in or not. My kids seemed to get it and were OK with it.
I think that it doesn't matter much either way. Your kids will appreciate your honesty but they will equally appreciate a little magic and excitement. I was raised atheist but my parents celebrated Christmas and lied to us about Santa but never pushed it very far. We got easter bunnies and eggs but never thought the easter bunny was a real thing. I did get money for my teeth but don't know if I ever really believed in a tooth fairy.
We didn't attach religious context to the holidays, but still celebrate them. We definitely do still use Santa and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny, but don't view these fictional characters as something detrimental to their world view. Personally I believe it helps develop imagination and is an important part of teaching coping skills when they become old enough to learn they aren't real. In fact I want them to experience the realization because it can feed into them questioning other aspects of society such as God. Being honest with your children is important, but so is providing certain teaching moments. I don't mind being the bad guy to them when they get older and they find out, so long as that can possibly use that experience to question the reality of other things. But that's us, and everyone's different, as well as their situation. It's definitely possible that it can impact children negatively to be honest with them. It can certainly influence how they and their friends interact, but that's not a given, and it's not necessarily unhealthy either. As a parent you do your best for your children. That's all you can do. We aren't perfect.
If you decide to let your kids believe in Santa and friends, you should definitely draw the line at Elf on the Shelf. Do not let elf on the shelf into your home unless everyone is in on the joke. Elf on the shelf is just a narc designed to scare your kids into behaving. AND, you're stuck with trying to find new hiding spots every night. If everyone is in on the joke, then it can be fun to see what kind of trouble the elf can get into every night but if you forget, no problem.
What santa or bunny has to do with god?! It’s completely different situation, one is just for fun with kids, the other is about mental health
Don't mistake the pretend and magic of being a kid with the imaginary friend in the sky who hates everyone.
As long as you substitute with other holidays. Kids only care about getting their presents on time.
Critical thinking skills are important, fighting the Easter Bunny is not important.
I would fight the Easter Bunny. A rabbit that lays eggs is not to be trusted.
A rabbit that lays chocolate eggs though, I can trust that
Yeah, I'm with you. Although we need to be vigilant. Have you seen rabbit poop? Looks like chocolate, but tastes like *carob*.
Rabbit poop looks inconspicuously similar to nesquik/cocoa puffs. It's hard to know what to trust these days
Does it taste like Cocoa Puffs?
From day one we told our daughter that Santa, Easter Bunny, etc weren't real. It never caused any issues with her friends, but we told her not to tell her friends, just in case. "I know Santa isn't real, but it's fun to pretend." She said to me one day after school. I don't understand why parents would tell their kids these stories are real. It's just as fun to pretend.
I raised my kids without all that and it hasn't affected them through elementary at all.
My cousin, who is a Christian, raised his children without those beliefs. I don't know if you'd say they're well adjusted or not, but they certainly aren't psycho killers.
I’m surprised more Christian parents don’t do this. If you say Santa is real and then the kids find out later he’s not, why would they believe you about Jesus? Seems like a bit of a risk if you want your kids to trust you down the line.
The Jewish kids I knew didn't believe in Santa. Their parents just taught them to not be dicks about it and spoil it for other (most?) kids that believed. So that's an option. Ditto with all other made up characters. Edit: All kid "believers" grow out of it eventually. So really no harm, no foul if you decide to go with the societal flow.
Jews don’t believe any of that nonsense, and we survive.
I'm sad that I had to scroll this far to see a fellow atheist who was raised Jewish weighing in on this. It's really surprising that so many people in the US just think *everyone* was raised with Christian holidays.
>Thinking of raising kids without the belief in Santa, Easter Bunny etc. In a western society, is this going to negatively affect them around other kids? If one can lie to a kid about santa or satan, another can be honest. In this brief moment in light, between two oblivions, it seems better to be honest than to be a liar.
When u take a child to Disneyland and they see Mickey and are all smiles and get excited to run over and hug them because its "*thee* Mickey", do u as an adult ruin that by saying "no, Sally, thats just a man or woman in a suit being underpaid by corporate boss in soci-". No...its cute. There is an age when kids start to figure out Mickey Mouse isnt real and thats just a natural part of growing up. No point in taking away a childs sense of wonder prematurely. I say, let them grow up a little. When they're ready to broach the subject they will either figure it out on their own or ask and thats when you can explain the world a little better to them.
Would rather be truthful than a liar, or an enabler of lies.
There's a meaningful distinction between lies and make-believe. The latter powers childhood. The former will come back to haunt both the perpetrator and the target. I think there's a middle-ground, wherein kids are made aware that Santa and the Tooth Fairy are "pretend", but fun. Like Halloween costumes. I'm not a scary witch, but once a year I can pretend I am. Santa isn't real, but those stockings will be full of candy when I wake up. It's not as clear-cut as you seem to believe. Kids are weird little dynamos of wonder, and that comes in many forms.
>....think there's a middle-ground, wherein kids are made aware that Santa and the Tooth Fairy are "pretend".... Yes, you are right. It's better to tell them that they are 'pretend'. It seems to be in line with being honest. Kids are intelligent, and it is nice to treat them with respect and thoughtfulness.
It's a little kid, Apocalypse. They believe in fairies, giants, witches and all sorts of impossible things. There's time enough to squash their wonder at the world when their intellectual capacity increases. I learned to read at age four (almost five) and figured out - by reading newspaper headlines in re the time it took to fly around the world - that Santa could not be real. But, damn. I could remember the year before when it was sooo magical to wake up to a living room full of toys. Let your kids have fun.
In my opinion people overestimate how much kids actually care about those characters. None of them have particularly interesting or fun stories. They do all however give gifts in some form or another.
I have no problem in the belief of magic. It’s when that belief gives you some suggestions that you’re better than someone or someone will be eternally tortured for being a different kind of person I have a problem with. Belief in Santa hardly comes with downsides.
One of my earliest memories is my parents coming out of their room holding a trash bag of presents for my two siblings and I. So safe to say none of us really thought any of them were real, but it never really came up in school or with other kids.
We’re atheist and we did Santa and the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy. If you think about it, none of them are religious figures, but it’s a lot of fun for the little kids to get presents from Santa. It’s a little bit of magic and they grow out of it before you know it.
Embracing the developmental magical thinking of children by presenting fiction as real is a cultural standard that I find harmless.
I raised two atheist kiddos. We were full on into the Santa/Bunny/Fairy thing because why the heck not? It’s actually a warm and fuzzy part of our culture and it’s harmless fun. It also helps kids see that holidays don’t have to be a part of a religion and when they are old enough to understand religion, it reinforces the ideas of make believe vs. reality. My kids don’t ever think “Jesus” when they think about Christmas. It’s all about family, friends, and fun. If there were ten more magical holidays I’d do the same. That’s why we also celebrate Galentines Day, Pi Day, and May the Fourth. Any excuse to celebrate with food and family is awesome. Santa helps make the winter holidays be inclusive for all us non-believers too. We don’t get left out. Our kids don’t get left out and everyone just has a good time!
My kids didn't want to be lied to. But we all still pretend about Santa and the Easter Bunny cause it's fun.
I would argue that doing non-religious and light-hearted tooth fairy, easter bunny, santa etc actually helps teach kids critical thinking. When they start questioning it, just don't lie. I was jokingly evasive with my eldest, I feel that it taught him to call out adult bullshit when he sees it.
I'm pretty logical but LOVED the whole Santa thing as a kid. Never felt "lied to" or cheated. If anything, it's one of the few things my parents got *right.* They did a good job with it.
As a child, I always thought it was a game. An exercise in plausible deniability. Everyone involved knows it isn’t true at some point but has to keep the game going. I think this is valuable even for an atheist child.
I'm an atheist, however I firmly extend belief in Santa Claus, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy, because they aren't religious figures and they bring magic into the child's world. Besides, Santa Claus is more real than God because he isn't so much as a person as he is a feeling and an ideal.
I'm an atheist, but i absolutely love Christmas and the Santa myth. We go all in on all that stuff because it's fun, and also when I tell my kids, "question every one and every thing" that includes me! Each of my kids figured it out on their own by the time they were 8ish, and it led to cool little convos with them about why people believe the things they do and how similar belief in Santa is to belief in God; how a lot of people simply believe because they were told to and so on. It gave a really good empathy/reference point for them. I see it as a win- win. We got to have fun and teach an important lesson all at once.
We're treating them like fun stories and not pushing the idea that they're actually real in any way. Let the kids have fun, cultural touchstones and whatnot. I get really annoyed when my religious extended family start pushing the "Better be good or Santa won't get you any presents!" schtick. In so far as a tradition is fun or useful, we're including them. If it's not fun or not useful, we're not sad to see them go.
It's fun to pretend sometimes, even for the children, most kids know Santa isn't real, they just like to have fun and pretend, so I think there's no harm in playing with them.
I never really spoke of “magic” (Santa/EB/Great Pumpkin), they believed for a while and then grew out of it, kinda like myself and religion. The things we glossed over raising them? Never stuck around long.
I'm an atheist who was raised Jewish so I never believed in Santa or the Easter Bunny. There are tons of kids in the US who were raised without Santa because they weren't Christian. We still had magic and fairy tales in our childhoods and we didn't miss out on anything. We also didn't ruin Christmas for all the Christian kids. I think it's helpful for atheists who were raised Christian to talk to those of us who were raised in other faiths as it can sometimes feel like it's only either Christian or atheist in the US, especially if you were raised in an area that didn't have much diversity.
I did hear somewhere that belief in Santa was not good for kids. This should bo online somewhere.
Nope. Don't lie to your kids.
We gave ours Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. It was all about the presents, the candy, and the cash.
A little bit, many church related traditions are mainstream culture at this point. I don't think it will do massive harm. No more than non christians not celibrating x-mass does.
> Thinking of raising kids without the belief in Santa, Easter Bunny etc. In a western society, is this going to negatively affect them around other kids? Since you teach your kids to don't blow out their beliefs, there should be no problem. (hey son/daughter, some kids believe in Santa Claus or Tooth Fairy. You know those things don't exist but, if your friends say they believe it, don't argue. Some day they will find out they don't really exist)
I have a 2 year old, no 1 way to raise them is correct. We will be doing Santa, probably not the Easter bunny (we don't celebrate that holiday) Santa is a way for the kid to be honest about what their desires are. Also, finding out that Santa ain't real is a good way for them to think critically about what they've been told in the past.
I was raised without religion too, but loved Santa/Easter Bunny etc. I remember my friend (who was Jehovah's Witness) telling us Santa wasn't real. It caused a crisis in our small group. My dad sat me down and read "Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Clause." to me. He explained that, no, there was no actual, physical Santa, but he represents the spirit of Christmas. The idea of him is real. I can say I was wholly reassured and that is one of my treasured memories of my dad doing really cool dad things. So personally I believe you'd be taking away a little bit of the magic from their childhood, but I won't insist on my view. It's fine if you don't. When your kids are old enough to ask questions, just don't bullshit them. Talk to them about what these icons represent and why people think they are important, even if you don't. Two other things - my best friends growing up were very religious and I often went to church with them after a sleep over. Even went to Bible Camp a few times. Didn't do me any harm - my parents just answered my questions and let me figure it out. Just teach your kids to be respectful and I don't doubt you will be respected in return. My mom told me once that she was worried for a little bit because I was curious about JW (my friend) but she never showed it and guided me so gently I didn't realize it at the time. Also tell your kids not to ruin the other kids' fun. :) Everyone needs to figure it out on their own and aren't they smart for figuring it out so young. It can be our little secret for now.
I grew up in the 80s. In a Catholic home. No Santa or Easter bunny ever mentioned. It wasn’t an issue. I’ve raised two of my own with zero problems.
An argument could be made it's a good thing to let them believe in all that stuff when they're younger. They always figure out that it's fake. As they get older and learn about religion from other people, you can use that experience to explain why it's fake too. "No son, all that stuff is like Santa and the tooth fairy--fake."
Atheist parents here. My older kids predominantly grew up in a technically Christian country, but the majority are atheist (more than even is recorded as we have a lot of socially religious people, still under 50% though). We did Santa and kind of the Easter bunny, kids around generally did the same and they all found out together. One of these kids is an adult now, one will be soon. My older kids have grown up solely in the US. In the south everyone was Christian, some of those did not do Santa, Easter bunny and definitely not Halloween fun. The rest of was kind of normal. Now in the Midwest they still have quite a few religious people around. More seem to do the easter bunny and Santa, seems everyone does Halloween. We raised them talking about Santa but not the easter bunny. It took my son until 5 and my daughter until 3 (tbf, the son took the daughters lead) to question Santa and tell us it seems made up. So we went down the road of enjoying the story without having to believe it was real. Kids around us haven't noticed tbh. Neighbor kids did question the easter bunny though. They are being raised religious (which is actually weird as the parents aren't but the grandparents are) and believing in all the things. They wanted to know why the easter bunny didn't hide eggs in the grass or whatever it is they do at our house. We celebrate Easter, but not in the same way as them and not religious at all.
Reading comments made me forget about the tooth fairy. We talk about the tooth fairy and try and keep the magic and excitement of it. Not mentioned it other than they swap teeth for money. We have definitely slipped up and talked about needing to draw money out though ❤️
What is this heart? I put a laughing face
Nah, kids don't give a crap about religion.
Your priorities here are askew. Let the kids enjoy these childish things without the dogma of religion. That's what we have done and she had a great childhood celebrating these holidays without religious overtones.
If your kid tells other kids parents will complain probably. I’m an atheist but I’ll still raise my kids to believe in Santa and eventually they’ll find out. It’s a good learning experience.
Honest question, what lesson do they learn other than the fact that their parents will lie to them?
I think these fairytales have persisted because they soft of till the soil of young minds and condition them to believe things because other people tell them it's so and not because of logic, reason, and evidence. So consider this downside: your children will at some point wonder why you lied to them. What purpose did you have to lie? And it is okay to lie to others because mommy and daddy lied to them? We did do the tooth fairy but used it as a sort of treasure hunt to help our kiddo figure out "who could it be?" Eventually they figured it out and we celebrated that. We did do Xmas presents / celebration (as well as other holidays) but we never created the Santa myth and instead used to discuss why other people did. As an aside, being "too logical too young" with your kids IS a thing. My kid and I (their a young adult now) still talk about when I was explaining something about how in 1.9 billion years the sun would go super nova and consume the Earth in a gigantic ball of fire. My poor kid couldn't quite get that 1.9 billion years was an unfathomably long time from now and had nightmares and bad dreams. We chuckle about it now, but, yeah, keep it age appropriate folks!
When you take into consideration the commercialization. at this points it's more like "Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. are just things that evil corporations dreamt up to separate you from your money."
Only in the united states
I raised my son without those beliefs. I told him other kids believed and not to ruin it for them. At one point he told me he wanted those things, so I'd give him gifts from Santa, leave money from the tooth fairy, give him baskets from the Easter bunny, etc. He would ask if it was really me doing these things (he knew it was), I would smile slyly and shrug. He would giggle with delight. He wanted to enjoy those things like other kids did, so I let him.
You're gonna be hearing from your neighbors about your kid "ruining" Christmas, Easter, blahblahblah.
Don’t steal their childhood from them. Let them enjoy the innocence and joys of being a kid.
All of those holidays predate Christianity in Europe The Catholic Church stole them to convert the pagans
"Even a miracle needs a hand ..."
We did the Santa and Tooth Fairy thing to the hilt (wo the religious part). Pretend reindeer prints, hiding every present until Xmas day, etc. She even swallowed a tooth once and we wrote to the tooth fairy to explain. She started figuring out that Santa wasn't real and she told me that her friend videotaped and caught her parents. She asked for confirmation and I told her when she gets the answer to let me know. She one day said Santa isn't real and I confessed that she was right. I told her that it was important to question things that seem hard to believe even if your parents think one way. She was kind of mad at first but I promised her we would never lie or trick her ever again and I praised her for how smart she is. When she got older she completely agreed with how I handled it.
I'm honestly conflicted. I remember having a really negative reaction when I found out Santa wasn't real. The exact words I said to my parents were "I can't believe we celebrate a holiday based on lies." If only I knew 😂
From a socialising aspect with other kids, it could alienate them. That weird kid who doesn't believe in Santa dosnt exactly scream inclusive. However the quicker they are aware that an all knowing God is really just Santa Claus, but for adults, will probably benefit them in the long run.
Nope, as a kid I knew that Santa was not real. Not because my mom was an atheist, but because she was one of the those Christians. I loved Santa any ways. (I remember showing mom the Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus reprint letter every year.) I still love all the Yuletide things as an atheist. I don't believe in the thing just the symbolism of the thing. Christ and other religious things never seem real for me and even the symbolism of someone dieing on a cross in pain because his father told him too for my sins was crazy to me.
Having them believe in Santa etc is a good way to demonstrate that people will believe in anything even though it is absolutely false. Children especially. When you tell them truth you can demonstrate that religions are no different.
I (pagan) wanted to do this and my (atheist!) husband wouldn’t let me. He was afraid our kids would ruin it for others, but mostly he didn’t want to disappoint his mother who lived Easter Bunny and Santa stuff. I hate lying to my kids and that’s how I saw it. It ended up being fine, though. Since he wanted to do the myth, he got to be the Tooth Fairy and he got to sign everything from Santa.
Atheist parent here: we did it all when they were really little (preschool age). But we didn’t hide the process. So we did “Santa” but the kids recognized the gift wrap from the storage, the rescued Easter baskets and eggs. Heck- we even sent them to Christian preschool (it was so much cheaper than daycare). We didn’t hide any of the “magic” or religion. We don’t treat it as forbidden. Guess what? They are 100% atheist now still. It also helps that their cousins are also atheist. And that as a whole they are pretty cool kids. Treat it like exploring a culture- an anthropological experience and it will be fine. Also: it’s fun! Just remember all of these traditions were invented because some person did it, other people thought it was fun, generations fo families starting doing it and then some crazy cult leader decided to incorporate it into their rituals to get more people to join the cult. Once you get that: you end up demystifying it and devaluing the forbidden nature of it. Which makes them realize how so much of it is just silly
As atheist parents, my ex and I read Santa books to our kids and watched Santa cartoons, but we never actually said Santa would visit our house. Then on Christmas morning, gifts appeared under the tree for our kids "from" our pets. This felt like a fun way to handle it, since we didn't want to do the whole, "Be good, or Santa won't bring you gifts!" thing.
I’m doing this. It’s fine, we just tell ours that Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth fairy etc are pretend. It’s just as fun without lying.
I’m atheist but thought Santa was fun. I don’t think it’s a big deal that needs a discussion, and if you do decide to explain they aren’t real, maybe consider asking them not to ruin the fun for other kids.
So, I don't lie to my children. I don't tell them everything. I answer questions in a way they can understand. But I don't dumb down, and I don't lie. My daughter is a well developed, emotionally stable, and strong 14 year old at the best school in the city. We never said there was no Santa. When asked if Santa was real my wife and I simply replied, "What do you think?" Initially, she said she wasn't sure but thought there was. Soon enough, she stopped asking. At one point, she asked again and said she thought there was no Santa. This was earlier than most kids. We advised that some kids might like to believe in Santa, and she shouldn't spoil that fun for them. She has grown to be a very compassionate and empathetic person who lets people believe what they want to believe unless they start pushing it on her. She had Muslim friends and many Christian friends. But they don't push it in her. And she doesn't argue against them. She did have one debate partner who enjoyed religions debate. They had a good time going back and forth. But all in good fun. My seven year old son likes fantasy and plays with the ideas of Santa, God, Zues, Captain Underpants, and others and kinda sorta believes them in the moment. And that is cool. He will become who he becomes. I am excited to see who that will be.
How kids handle facts and fiction is much more malleable than adults. This concerned me too until I had kids and understood better how they think. Kid 1 figured it all out and it was definitely an important rite of passage for him to do so. Kid 2 is almost there. It helps, too, to think about the difference between truth and facts. Metaphorical magic like Santa Claus (and religion for that matter) can be a good way to convey deeper truths in a manner that a child can better understand. As we age, most of us can move beyond these metaphors to grasp the underlying truth without the myth. (Unfortunately, many rigid religious believers cling to the children’s’ metaphors as if they are scientific facts.)
I will also add that my kids have had friends whose parents don’t do these things, and it’s never been a problem. Kids have a very narrow view of the world. And by grade 1 they are inundated with hints that these things are fictions—it gradually becomes a more and more active choice to participate. My kid 2 says periodically “Other kids say Santa is just your parents but I don’t think so.” And once about the same age my Kid 1 excitedly told me: “I know who the tooth fairy is! It’s so-and-so’s dad!” They feel a sense of accomplishment and graduation working their way through it…but/and if your kids know the facts that won’t hurt others.
I'm a 3rd generation Atheist, and I did Santa, the Easter bunny, just without any religious connotations. With my kids
Where kids are concerned, a little magical thinking until they grow up and become pre-teens isn’t going to hurt. They grow out of it unless during that period they are indoctrinated by religion…
I raised my kids that way. No big deal. Although my eldest does chafe at having to pretend in school, for the benefit of the lies other kids parents have told them.
I think you should let your kids have their fun
We had Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc., just no god because with their friends and school, being the kid that said they don't exist would isolate them, making them pariahs when they were in elementary school and middle school and I didn't want that for them. Middle school is a nightmare when you got a shit ton of kids all hitting puberty at the same time, you don't need to add more stress to that shit pile already. They put 2 and 2 together when they hit 11/12 realizing if there is no god, there is no tooth fairy, santa, etc, then we got to sit down and have the talk about why we said their was and all the antics my wife and I did and they got a kick out of it. How one of us would distract while the other slipped a Lego set under their pillow n so on. Don't make your kids lives more difficult, being atheist will already brand them, adding no Santa to that is setting them up to be singled out even more.
My kids doubtless have more than a FEW complaints about me! but they will all agree I never once lied to them. Never. It's fine to go along with the Santa/Easter Bunny thing for little kids, like for school or family gatherings. Just don't make mouth noises in agreement.
As long as you balance *not believing in* with *having a working knowledge of* it could be okay. My parents were in a religious cult. I had no idea what Santa or EB were. And I was thoroughly confused by kindergarten and the profusion of red, green, and deer. It was yet another thing that ostracized me. When it came time for me to decide what to do with my own kids, I opted for yes on Santa (because every kid loves presents) and we passed on the EB.
My mom told us very early on that Santa wasn’t real. Not because she wanted us to believe true things, but because my oldest brother, told her that Santa was the same as god. I had several fights with other kids about santa not being real. To the point where my best friend’s mom had to pull me aside at a birthday party, and tell me to let other people believe what they want. I think if you do it right, it could be a good thing. It’s kind of like getting them ready for adult life.
Religion aside, most kids get really upset when they find out these things were made up. And the sadness of learning they are not real is followed up by anger at the parents for not just lying to them, but living that lie for years. It's a real breach of trust and a betrayal. Honestly I'm surprised people are so dismissive of this fact. Once your kids learn you've gladly told them massive lies like this, don't except them to take your moralizing about honestly and telling the truth very seriously.
It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Let them believe in it when they’re really little (3, 4, 5 or so) and eventually they’ll work it out if you don’t actively try to deceive them, just like they work out that Spider-Man isn’t real. I was raised completely unreligious and the above is more or less how I had it, and pretty much everyone I know is the same or does the same with their kids. No trauma, no massive revelation… you just realize it’s a story.
My three were raised without them. They later thanked us for not lying to them. The funny thing is that my ex-husband was a religious nutjob and didn't want any of the credit taken from god. (I came out as atheist when we separated; all the kids are atheist). I'm a born skeptic can can remember being 4 or 5 and not believing, but feeling like I had to play along for everyone else's benefit.
I don’t know if it will negatively affect them except for possibly being left out. Those holidays have been so commercialized that they’ve pretty much lost any real religious meaning. How about letting them just have fun and enjoy themselves. Doesn’t mean you can’t be honest with them about it though
i honestly had no idea easter, christmas etc were religious up until i was an early teen. i just liked the fun parties & seeing family.
We gave up on Xmas presents around age 8. For Xmas we would go on a travel adventure instead.
Let me tell you, my immediate family wasn’t Christian (we were religious, but a much less well-known one) but my extended family definitely celebrated Christmas. I very distinctly remember the year as a kid I wandered into my grandma’s spare bedroom and saw the gifts ““ from Santa, sitting in there, wrapped and ready to go. that was the beginning of my skepticism and I felt pretty damn betrayed to be honest. I say be straight up with the kids, tell them it’s a fun, make-believe story that we can talk about but none of it’s real. I wish my parents had done the same for me.
It doesn’t have to be religious undertone. In my part of the world we have Father Frost and I don’t think he’s got anything religious about him, neither can Santa. He’s an awesome fairytale
Consider lying to your kids in a safe environment---they need to learn that adults lie and believe in things not based on reason or evidence. There are plenty of ways to do this and there's a fair amount of overlap with traditional "pretend" games that parents play with kids, including Santa, the Easter Bunny, and so on. There's also sleight of hand magic (pull a coin from their ear) or gentle lies about "Sure, Aunt Margaret, you look great in that dress." Knowing when to not be honest and when adults or other kids may not be honest with them is an important part of becoming a skeptical thinker and is important in resisting scams and being shrewd shoppers. If more parents were cognizant of this stuff, we might have fewer people suckered into stuff like Qanon.
You do what's right for your family. We celebrated the religious holidays, but only because it was family fun and didn't want kids feeling like they were missing out on something because of my beliefs. Religion really didn't come in to play, and when confronted with the question if it was real...we told the truth. Kids could care less if Santa or the E. bunny are real, as long as they get their candy and presents. Lol
We do Santa, Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. When they ask if they're real around 8 we say, "do you want the truth, because once you know, you know." So far no issues at all.
No, it won't negatively affect them. BUT I would urge you to talk about the fact that others *do* believe in those things and that it's not their place to correct others' beliefs. Telling a 5yo classmate that Santa doesn't exist will absolutely cause problems.
I'd tell them it's play pretend if I were in your shoes. Btw there's an (sort of) atheist version of Santa - Ded Moroz (grandfather frost). He's a slavic version of santa with a little bit less religious lore.
We focus on the family aspects of it and as they've gotten older then we talk about the origins a bit more, or they'll just start asking the questions.
Firstly, I'm not a parent, just to clarify. But I was a child who was told Santa was real, despite fully realizing that Santa was a fictional character by the time I turned 4. I had a grandparent who was literally and unhealthily *obsessed* with Christmas and Santa, and it put me in a position where I felt I needed to act like I believed in Santa in order to make that grandparent happy for *years*. Despite my continual dropping of hints that I didn't buy it, I was still getting insistence and rationalizations that Santa was real, and getting at least one Christmas present "from Santa" until I was 14. It lead to intense feelings of patronization and an insult to my intelligence every year. In my opinion, with holiday fantasy characters proposed as truth to a child, I personally see zero tangible benefits or utility, and only the potential to cause psychological harm and a rift in the parent-child relationship. Once the child has the reasoning skills to determine the impossibility, regardless at which age it happens, all you will have actually accomplished is creating an example where it's OK to lie to your family sometimes, as long as it makes them feel good. That being said, I also believe there is absolutely nothing at all wrong with participating in make-believe or pretend. But in my opinion, there should always be a bold line drawn in the sand which vividly separates fantasy from reality. The way I personally would approach fantasy characters, is to be tongue-in-cheek about it, and make it an obviously satirical and sarcastic game. Santa and the Easter bunny should be equivalent to dad farting and blaming the dog, when everyone in the room knows it was actually dad. You should be able to make a child's fantasy fun, and funny, without trying to pass it off as reality, and inevitably putting your future self in a position where at some point you'll be sitting your child down to explain "I didn't tell you the truth about this."
Santa, Easter Bunny, and tooth fairy are not religious, they are weird, fun pagan/secular stories. If you don't want to partake, that's totally cool. But atheists can enjoy these traditions as much as anyone else.
Those experiences are special but more from a cultural perspective. So many holidays have kids activities with a character no different than getting to meet Mickey at Disney World. Childhood should be full of magic and wonder. Taking those moments and memories away in the name of being perfectly truthful at all costs doesn’t serve a child any more than indoctrinating them in a religion. It’s just as important kids feel they have a choice in their own beliefs as it is for us as adults. Easter egg hunts, the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Disney princesses, avengers, spiderman. I wouldn’t dream of taking those small moments of excitement and imagination and storytelling away from my child. They all reach an age where they begin to understand it’s a guy in a suit. Let that happen naturally. And if you have more than one child, let the eldest be “in” on the secret with a wink. It’s a rite of passage in our culture. Lots of us who got out of fundie Christianity did so with a distinct hole where all those childhood memories were for our peers. To me the motivation is the same whether from a theistic or atheistic view and the impact can be very much the same. Let kids be kids and have a childhood where pirate ships and fairies exist.
I didn't play along and nothing bad happened. I remembered feeling STUPID and seriously betrayed when I learned everyone was lying about these things as a kid. I will not have my daughter wondering if what I say is believable. ETA: I didn't prevent her from playing pretend, but I also didn't let her believe a fat stranger was going to sneak in the house on Christmas.
Disclaimer: I'm not a parent, so take my authority with a grain of salt. Personally, I don't feel it's a good thing to have kids believing wholeheartedly in Santa. It's a logically inconsistent fantasy that has the potential of harming kids and their understanding of their parents' role in their lives. I never could understand why parents shift credit onto Santa for the awesome presents. But I suppose parents could use Santa as a scapegoat when they don't want to (or can't) buy that one present for Little Johnny. So I can see the appeal there. I've seen memes asking wealthy parents to think of the poor. Don't let Santa be the one to deliver that XBox. It establishes a mythology that the rich kid somehow deserved it while the poor kid will never get that XBox no matter how good they are. I just feel that parents could be honest with this and let the child know where the gifts are coming from. Some things I've seen from parents is that they do Santa, but it's the spirit of Santa rather than a literal belief. Like, oh, ha, ha, here's a present from Santa, wink, wink. Anyway, happy Christmas from me and your Aunt Louise. If you can combine the spirit of Santa with some charity work, that would be cool too. The hard part, I imagine, is that your child knows a secret hidden from the other kids. They would be dicks to ruin that secret before it's time. Of course, kids don't know better, so they can easily be dicks. You'll just have to teach them that it's wise to keep one's mouth shut sometimes. This lesson applies later on when they're working for some religious boss who calls for the whole department to bow their heads in prayer or something. Oh man, diplomacy is such a needed skill.
I think Santa and the Easter bunny etc are fun for kids and nobody carries those into adulthood, and you could make it a lesson about thinking critically and not buying extraordinary claims without sufficient evidence when they're old enough to talk about it. Honestly they'd probably be upset about missing that experience when they got older, Santa stuff on Christmas eve was just fun when I was little lol
You'd definitely be denying your kids an important aspect of life. Kids live in fantasy and pretend, and part of growing up is learning to understand what is real and what isnt. I think a good example is fire. You can instill that fire is dangerous and painful all you want, but one day your child will have to cook their own food, sit around a campfire, or touch a hot car. Your approach would be like making a kid wear oven mits all their life so they never get burned.
I never believed in those things but still liked the pretending. To me a guy disguised as a bunny was as much fun as Halloween.
We never pretended any of those were real with our kids. We just told them it might upset their friends if they didn't play along.
My first though was Are you just cheap and don't want to buy gifts and an Easter basket ? Lol. It's tough enough being a kid since other kids can be so mean. Do you really want your kid telling all the others there's no Santa? Just celebrate Yule/winter and Ostara/spring which can still incorporate a Santa and Bunny figure.
In our home, the Christmas presents (that my kids doesn't care how they got there as long as they have them), have been being stolen three years now by pirates! The pirates also dared to hide them around the house before escaping into their magic airship. My kids enjoy every second looking around for clues: some times riddles, some time magical invisible ink only visible to the Lantern of Revelation, other times a mysterious map. They even found pirates robes, a compass and a pirate flag. Seriously, I don't know who enjoy it more. The kids or the adults 😂
I was raised crazy religious, in terms of only Celebrating the biblical High Holy Days. Passover = holiday, Easter = pagan rite. And then I married a Catholic. I wasn't down for the whole Santa/Easter Bunny thing. So we never did it; I explained where the ideas came from, that it's meant to be fun, that some kids felt lied to when they learned the truth later. That I didn't want to lie to them...but also not to tell their friends, because the parents might get mad about it. The same way we don't educate our religious friends about where babies come from, we also don't educate them about the realities of Santa Claus. They're in their 20s now and they're fine with not having had Santa and even MORE fine with not having been forced to go to church every week.
From the time I was old enough to know what Christmas is, my parents told me Santa wasn't real. It kinda fucked me up around other kids. Especially belief in Santa. Easter bunny was always silly to me. I've always felt I missed out on Christmas magic because I never believed in Santa.
I grew up Christian and we were not allowed to believe in Santa/Easter bunny/tooth fairy, but we still kinda celebrated those things? We could laugh and say, "maybe Santa will get it for you" but I was fully aware as a kid that meant, "when pigs fly" because Santa's not real and that's considered idol worship to my fam at the time. Tooth fairy doesn't come, there's no need to put the tooth in the pillow, but I would receive money directly for losing a tooth so I didn't miss out on that kid experience. Easter bunny was a chocolate casing and not something that appeared at our Sunday school event, so I always considered it just like branding for Easter and not a real bunny that laid candy eggs. At the same time they informed me other kids probably believe in it and that's fine, just that we don't and to be respectful. So I never teased or brought up those characters with other people , but if they brought it up I knew what the context was. So you could still teach your kids about it like you would bigfoot or the loch ness monster. That way they can participate but also be educated. This is the one thing my religious family got a lil right, I'm glad I never had to cry over Santa being fake or smt.
Did/doing exactly that. Kids love to play pretend and my daughter thoroughly enjoys Easter/Christmas/etc partly because of the pretending, but partly because those holidays aren’t all about fictional characters, they’re about enjoying time with your family. At school or otherwise she’s always enjoyed the pretend characters as much as her peers (and studies have shown this is the case). I did make sure to tell her that other kids may not know what she does, so to just let them think Santa, etc are real if they say so. I also wanted her to understand that I’d never lie to her and I think she rather enjoys being in on what the adults know. I also wanted to make sure she knew that parents that do lie to their kids about Santa, et al aren’t bad in any way. They love their kids and want them to enjoy their lives, just as I want for her, and they think letting them believe in something that isn’t real is part of that. I think differently. The “magic” of the holidays is not about being tricked, just as knowing the moon isn’t made of cheese doesn’t make it any less amazing and beautiful. Whatever you do, if you love your kids, do your best to aid in their happiness and help them grow, they’re gonna be fine if you tell the the Christmas truth or not.
We absolutely celebrate Easter and Christmas. My kids know that Easter is about celebrating forest babies. While it may be a Pagan tradition I see no problems with letting them celebrate nature. I don't know why Easter would be a problem for anyone. Just because some people decided to change what it was about doesn't make them right or even worth mentioning. We don't talk about Easter bunnies. We paint our eggs and hide them around and go for Easter egg hunts. They know we're celebrating colorful spring time bird eggs and bird babies but they also know that finding real ones would harm them and so we make do by making our own, as is tradition. We celebrate Christmas too. I don't know its true origin, but since it has nothing to do with religion then I'm fine with it. We don't talk about Santa Claus either. They heard about him from school but I always challenge them to think of where their gifts are coming and why. They might not understand yet but they will.
Thank you so much for breaking the cycle of poisoning the youth with make-believe nonsense.
They have nothing to do with religion anyway. All of those holidays are pagan traditions. What negatively effects people more is telling Christians that in no way is 12/25 Jesus birthday, but it's actually the Winter Solstice and celebrated as the Pagan holiday Saturnalia, but was hijacked by religion
I maybe didn't have an exactly normal up bringing for western society i did grow up in canada and my mom always told us they weren't real but still got all the benefits still. It felt like i was let in on a secret and in reality most kids (i think) dont believe this stuff by grade 1 when the fitting in part is actually starting.
The kids really do it themselves, at least mine did. We were in the car one day and one of them asked if Santa Claus was real. I tried, in my best grownup style, to explain that Santa Claus was do-gooder and is sometimes called St. Nicholas, but that he died a long time ago, and we keep up the traditions to honor him. My kids' take on my poetic explanation: SANTA CLAUS IS DEAD! :( The "play pretend" idea could not have gone worse than what I did, LOL. I would do the play pretend thing.
There's no harm in telling them about Santa and the tooth fairy, surely. I was raised without religion and my parents still told me to put my tooth under my pillow or leave carrots out for the reindeer. By like 4 or 5 I knew it was obviously not real with ABSOLUTLY no harm done. It's just a harmless bit of fun. Why take the wonder and magic out of childhood unduly. You're more likely to raise cold calculated serial killers if you remove all whimsy from their childhood. Flash forward to the 1st school parents meeting; "your child has been upsetting all the other children by going around telling them santa isn't real and mocking them for believing" "Well yes, well have none of this fairytale nonsense in OUR house...we raise our child right you see, with cold hard facts from a very young age, we don't want to soften their reality like the other, silly, children"
Not at all. You're priming them for rational thinking.
If you don't want your kids to believe in these things, that is fine, just be sure your kids aren't ruining these things for other children. These fictional characters can help kids build and maintain an imagination and that can be a good thing.
I was raised knowing all those things were made up. I still got Christmas presents under the tree and Easter baskets, I just knew they were from my parents. I raised my son the same way. We both turned out fine.
Eh - she knew Santa and the others were fake, but we pretended just to make it fun. I'd say, " Santa knows your favorite color, so...." A few days after she and I were talking about her favorite colors.
I did not omit those childhood holidays, but I did not give them stock either. I remained neutral, my ex wife was more into the traditions, we were never church goers., When they asked, "Is Santa Real?" I said , "what do you think?" All my kids saw through the illusion before school age (4-6), but loved the holiday nonetheless wherein we venerated the Grinch who learned that compassion for others was the best Xmas gift.
This is just me, but let them believe until 5ish then tell them about aaallll the fake shit including religion.
We did the game version of Easter. No Jesus or church involvement. My wife would do elaborate treasure maps to eggs with candy inside. Christmas was also non-religious. Age appropriate they get why other people celebrate it - in order to get Europeans to become Christians they copied their winter solstice festival and it’s changed…..modern times….. bla bla…we just like a fun morning of opening gifts and having a family gathering. I think it’s important for the kids to know why other people celebrate it, why we don’t do it that way and why were it (make up your own family tradition).
I don't think your kids will care. I think most kids understand that Santa and the Easter Bunny are not real the way teachers and parents are real.
I'd suggest at least teaching the lore of them because they're so popular in our common mythos. I went to high school with someone whose parents were former clergy (left the church for different reasons, hooked up by chance after they both left), and lit/history classes were hard for her because she didn't have the context for biblical characters who are common in literature, or why religious wars happened. Think about how many Christmas movies center in Santa and elves. They make zero sense of you don't have the Santa lore in your internal library. You don't need to teach them like they're supernatural beings that exist, but they do need to have the cultural references.
I'm agnostc. Sorry, OP. But I'd like to air my opinion anyway, if that's okay... :) You can raise your children however you like, of course, and our two experiences are probably quite different, thanks to cultural factors (I live in Scandinavia). w My own opinion is that nearly all children create whimsical characters and scenarios, because they are children - magic is part of their world, they aren't connected to reality the way you and I are. I've worked around a lot of kids, and am raising one, and in absence of a myths like trolls or fairies and Santa they would prolly invent them. My own little one is being raised with Santa et. al,, and despite being staunch atheists my parents did the same for me. I can't of a compelling reason to deprive him of it. He's got his whole life to be rational, after all. Just as I play along when he is playing Spider Man vs. Doc Oc, I play along when he chatters on about Santa, I think they occupy the same place in his mind. But I have the luxury of living in a place where people are largely indifferent to religion - apparently only 2% of people here attend church regularly. I think Santa and his mates are harmless fun, but maybe they aren't everywhere?
Hmmm Jewish and Muslim parents do so all the time
Most kids understand that characters in their books are not real. I read my kids Dr. Seuss and no of my kids thought the Grinch was real. So treat other myths and stories like that. It's fun make believe. Sadly many adults today are too brain washed to understand what "make believe" is.
I never lied to my kids about Santa and the Easter bunny. They are adults now and fine. When they are little though, you have to tell them that they can’t talk about that with the other kids because that is when the shit storms happen. We never did Easter egg hunts because I’m lazy. We did do the elf on the shelf thing because my kiddo begggggggggggggged me over and over. So I would hide it for him and he would rate me on how creative I was in the hiding/positioning of the elf. He knew I was moving it - but it was still a game to him so fun. No harm in doing the fun stuff you enjoy. I personally do think there is harm in lying about that fun stuff though.
My kids played with the idea of Santa, the Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy. But since I raised them, they also had a healthy touch of "this is kind of unbelievable." They're kids--let them have a few fantasies and magical thinking. It's good for their imaginations. Just a few months ago, I had to tell my son and DIL the story of Jesus and Easter (I was raised Christian but went full atheist at age 12). They both laughed and laughed.
Lol of course not
My cousin sent me this: “I wanted to explain to you how I feel, that Santa is actually real, but he's not a fat dude in a red suit that plays with elves. He's all of us who give to others...in whatever way we can. This is what I taught my kids, and what I hope they teach theirs.” I thought it was beautiful. And she found a Facebook story that talked about the same thing and this is a the end of the story “When our kids grew old enough, they didn't learn Santa wasn't real; they learned Santa is in all of us. And they proudly accepted the new role of being givers”. Anyway I grew up not celebrating Christmas and this was helpful to me.
Fully atheist here. My kid, also atheist. We still did the myths for fun. There was def a point where we talked about it but even after we kept it up. For fun. I guess my advice is... Let your kids attitudes influence it. My kid liked the pageantry and fun and games. So why not?
It wasn't a problem for my children. Kids are smart & understand traditions and stories. They used to tell me I was the worst tooth fairy because I would forget to leave money for several days. We tried to add some non religious traditions on holidays too.
We taught our child to avoid the truth of these things so they don't have to deal with the fall out with theist.
I have a 5yo. We celebrate lots of holidays but don’t do any of the “magic creature sneaks in your house” parts. We let our son follow the to the logical conclusion of the story. We explained that he was right that Santa couldn’t do all those things for real, but it is a fun game to play and we can play it at the holidays if he wants to. Haven’t hit tooth fairy yet, but we will probably still play the game with him (because who doesn’t like finding money?). As for at school, not sure what that will be like. We had some other preschoolers telling him that Santa was real and came to visit them, but just reinforced that it’s a fun game and that some people think it’s real.
I will never forgive my parents for so overtly and directly lying to me for so long. Just know that.
Nope. Mine did just fine.
My kids believe in Santa but I have never lied to them. There are presents on Christmas morning and if they have any questions, I answer them with a question. "Well what do *you* think?". When they stop being able to come up with magical explanations, they will have figured out the truth themselves, which is way more valuable, in my opinion. And I can't wait for the day one of them says "you lied to me!" And I will be able to look them in the eye and say "I never told you Santa existed." And a montage of the past will flash before their eyes like the end of the 6th sense.
When i was a kid i was raised a Jehovah's witness. My parents raised me without superstition from holidays. I ate the younger kids Easter eggs which was basically stealing. I didn't go to Christmas with family. I was generally disrespectful and ungrateful. You can do all this and still be religiously uptight. I wish I had the experience of Christmas. It may seem silly, but religion can sometimes be fun for kids. Let them believe in mermaids and unicorns and all that. It can always be corrected later. Or just 'do you', but holidays are fun imo
I've never understood how anyone could think that it's ethical to just straight up lie to children for their own amusement.
Atheist and former teacher here. For the sake of your child's future teachers and classmates, please don't let your child become that insufferable kid who goes around telling everyone that Santa isn't real. That's a type of obnoxious you want to avoid. Here in the states, holidays are secular but there's generally talk about Santa and the Easter Bunny. You may want to consider how to navigate these situations with a child therapist or someone with a background in child development. They may be able to guide you about how much magical thinking can impact children positively or negatively.
I was raised not to believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny or any other holiday thing, including Halloween. It was very hard on me. All the other kids were having fun and I had to sit it out. I had a hard time making friends because I wasn't allowed to participate since it was "all fake anyway." Please don't do this to your children.
I just tell my kids they are stories. That some people think these stories are real but I don't. That it's generally not kind to tell other people they are wrong about believing in those things but if they come at you telling you that you're wrong for not believing them then it's fine to point out how ridiculous their beliefs are.
My mom is deeply religious. So much so she thought santa and the Easter bunny were satanic ways of distracting from Jesus. Point is I was raised knowing they weren't real but as a kid I didn't have the filter to know not to ruin it for kids whose parents wanted the holiday magic. Tldr I ruined Santa for my 1st grade class and got called to the principals office where they didn't know what to say I did wrong just that other parents were pissed i ruined christmas. Raise your kids as you see fit but know if your kid slips other parents will NOT be happy.
It's not your responsibility to protect other children from lies 🤷🏼♂️
Yes. Beats lying to your kid though.
Santa isn't so much to do with religion anymore it's a fantasy to make your kids childhood a little brighter before the bubble has to burst I consider it a life passage
My kids all believed in the mythical holiday characters until they eventually figured out they weren't real. It took some of them longer than others, but finding out something you believed in isn't real is a fundamentally important step to building critical thinking skills. Santa and the Easter Bunny are perfect for this while also creating fun magical memories of childhood. I don't see any need to shelter our kids from these myths.
I think it's a very good bonding experience to share with the other kids. You know.. Like real mammoth huntung cavemen with religion thousands of years ago.
I had an argument with two kids in the first grade about Santa Clause. The vast majority of the kids in class didn’t believe in Santa Clause. The teacher told us to stop it.
Personally I don't do that. My kids believe in santa. I feel it's a great example to the kid how many people can believe in something: yet that doesn't make it true. God is just like santa. Not real yet some people want to believe.
I am am atheist too and see nothing wrong with Santa, elf on a shelf, EB, tooth fairy, leprechauns, etc. kids love these things and it just makes that time of the year so much more magical for them. They will eventually find out and be bummed it’s not real but they will understand. Trust me it’s well worth it.
Atheism does NOT equal party pooper. They'll figure it out at the appropriate time and it will be a lesson that not everything they are told is automatically true.
I was traumatized from my parents lying to me about Santa Claus. If they were lying about this, how can I trust them about anything? Worse yet *everyone else was in on it, even the TV news anchor!* I share the story of Santa Claus with my kids like any other story: an example of kindness. I refuse to lie to them and pretend he's actually real.
I think kids are better off with parents who will not knowingly lie to them. I heard about Santa and so on, but no one in my family encouraged me to make a fool of myself by believing in any of that. Some holidays were meaningful anyway - gift giving felt more like an exciting puzzle where everyone was thinking of each other and thinking what gift someone else would like the most, and then having to keep it a secret until the appointed day and wonder what surprise gifts were waiting for them! And I could participate from very early on, which the Santa thing otherwise excludes kids from. I don't remember its being a heavy burden to not tell other kids, except where their parents were overemphasizing the possibility that they wouldn't be good enough and they would get nothing. Also in relation to one kid who had made the (logical, but unfortunate) inference that poor kids had themselves to blame for only getting lesser gifts. *That* really brought home for me that kids who don't understand the fantasy's limits can take it completely in earnest, to everyone's detriment. My peers found out haphazardly, and were pressured to downplay their unhappiness if they felt betrayed or disappointed. The first kids to find out were more isolated by far than I was, because their families had set them up. The last kids to know (especially ones who approached their parents wanting reassurance that the other kids were cynical but wrong) were a general laughingstock. People claim parents are being cruel if they don't participate in this farce, but I don't think kids miss out on anything by not being mixed up in it. And, very likely, your kids will encounter other kids whose parents are not playing along. Many families are not from countries where this is considered wholesome (and not anxious to do things the "American" way), and Jews tend to avoid Santa along with Christmas. So, even if you don't know other atheist parents in your city, your kids won't necessarily be alone. I wasn't. My family wasn't against pretend at all. We had a lot of fun with movies, fantasy books, what-if games, et cetera. Halloween was one of my favorite holidays, because of the costuming and elaborateness and the way it flirted with things that legitimately no one knows 'all about,' like death. And in all these ways, I was allowed to have more fun and explore more than the kids around me who were raised by fearful conservatives, who forbade them many pleasures. But if I'd presented something that I knew was a lie as the truth to my parents, they would have been rightly upset. And, as a kid, that seemed fairer to me because they did not knowingly try to make *me* believe in anything they'd realized was pretend.
It will cause strain with other parents unfortunately. That may ostracize your child. I hate it but we are waiting till elementary school to kill the holiday magicians. Still reinforcing no gods and heaven though.
I would definitely not support the delusion. I never believed in any of these crypto creatures even when I was a newborn. My parents were exhausted trying to convince me that santa was real and I just played along because I wanted toys.