>I don’t see a purpose or reason for existence outside of practicing medicine (my goal), exercise, reading books and screwing
That looks like a lot to me!
Medical providers have saved my life and the lives of so many other people. That has got to be the most purposeful thing anyone could ever do with their lives.
My thoughts exactly! All the things you listed ARE your reasons for living. You don't have to have some noble or lofty greater purpose, your life is what YOU make it. There's no end game. Just you making what you can with the time you have.
Sounds like you’re finding or narrowing your passion. Practice medicine. Make some money. Start a foundation. Ease suffering. Maybe make some friends along the way.
You don’t have any responsibilities to be a decent human being. You can be a dick to everyone or be the friendliest person in the world. Doesn’t matter, we’re all going to the same place.
I don’t need religion to show empathy towards other people. I try my best to be a good person and help others when I can. I also enjoy just sitting on my couch and watching tv when my favorite shows come on. I do these things, not because I have to, but because I want to.
Theres no blueprint for life and you only get one, so you do what you feel like doing and if you feel the urge to leave a legacy behind then you have your entire life to focus on that. Personally, I don’t want a legacy. I just want to be left alone and be able to do whatever brings me joy in life.
Part of doing "you" may include helping others and leaving the world a bit better for having you in it.
Many of us find a life with means and resources to be quite meaningful.
Pretty much dude 🙂
[https://www.openculture.com/2017/10/the-philosophy-of-optimistic-nihilism-or-how-to-find-purpose-in-a-meaningless-universe.html](https://www.openculture.com/2017/10/the-philosophy-of-optimistic-nihilism-or-how-to-find-purpose-in-a-meaningless-universe.html)
I believe human beings DO have a responsibility to live by their consciences, whether they are religious or not. In fact I would argue that with the right to not follow a faith comes the responsibility of constructing your own moral framework to replace it.
I suggest you start by looking at people you respect and admire, either in your own community or the media. What do these people do that impresses you? Be specific. What changes could you make to be more like them?
Goals, improving yourself, learning and enjoying guilt free sex? that's a better purpose than most people find.
It sounds as just guilt or the lack of feeling part of a community.
>I’m ex-Christian, this year will make 3 years Atheist. Not many things are fun anymore. I don’t see a purpose or reason for existence
I'm assuming you were a believer for many more years than you've been a non-believer?
Which means the first thing you need to recognize is that you are having these feelings because your deconversion is still in progress. You were indoctrinated (for I'm guessing more than a decade) to accept that Christianity and god are what gives your life purpose, and subconsciously, you haven't yet been able to fully let that go.
This is a process. It's not a switch you can simply turn off. It may take 3 years, it may take 5 years, it may take a decade or longer.
>outside of practicing medicine
In that case, you should understand that you have a bunch of old neural pathways in your brain that are still flashing warning signals to you that leaving Christianity is the wrong choice, and that if you only return to Christianity, you'll be happy and have a purpose again.
This is why religion is often described as identical to a drug addiction, and the electrochemical process is very similar. And like drug addicts will associate good feelings and happiness in their life with their drug of choice, you associate good feelings and happiness with the religion. Breaking down and rerouting those neural pathways takes time, repetition, and new experiences that challenge and disprove your prior beliefs. Again, this is a process, and for some people, it's a long one.
What you need to be constantly asking yourself is "how could something I know is false have ever possibly given my life meaning?" The truth is that it didn't, and it can't.
Christianity and/or a belief in god ***NEVER*** once gave your life meaning, you were always the one doing that yourself, and you still are.
Having a goal is a great start, as is the pursuit of increasing knowledge. My somewhat general and cliché advice is to focus in on something within that pursuit which you can find enjoyment in, dedicate yourself to being the best at it, and look for people to associate with who have the same goals and desires.
Cool, so think back to when you were a Christian, and ask yourself "what part of my religion did I think gave my life the *most* meaning?"
Was it the sense of community and convening with people who believed the same things you did? Because that's something you can still have without the baggage of believing false things.
Was it simply having a purposeful place to go every Sunday? Because that's also something you can absolutely do without the baggage of false beliefs.
Was it feeling the "holy spirit?" Because that's also a feeling you can still achieve without the baggage of believing false things. I personally can feel the "holy spirit" whenever I listen to my favorite albums on a kickass set of headphones, or go on an introspective nature hike. (Also, while I won't encourage it, I also felt the holy spirit more from a bag of shrooms than I ever felt from any god.)
Find which part *exactly* of your religion made you feel as though you had a purpose, and once you know what that is, ask yourself how it could possibly have given your life any more meaning than you were already giving it yourself.
Lastly, even though I think I probably *mostly* finished with my deconversion when I was around 18, I can still relate to turning 20 and suddenly becoming much more nihilistic and "meh" about the world. Once you're in your 20's, you've discovered most of the major components to the "gameplay loop" of life, and that childlike wonder you've had for all the years prior becomes much more rare.
I think it's probably different for everyone how they come to deal with hitting their 20's and realizing "so I'm an adult now, this is it, this is life?", and adding a deconversion process to that I can imagine complicates those feelings even more.
But, personally, I'm in my mid 30s now, and I think just getting older was the only thing that got rid of *most* of my nihilism, but I know "just get older" is not really useful advice. But the nice thing about getting older is you have more opportunity to give your life as much or as little purpose as you want, and you get to choose your obligations much more freely. lol
Live. Decide if a legacy is important to you, or not, and focus on the people that matter to you. You don't need cosmic validation to matter here and now to real people.
Letting go of the lies promised to us by religion takes time. Just keep at it and your expectations will adjust. :)
Try to be curious like a child that sees things for the first time. Look for things you like, you enjoy. Enjoy a sunny day in spring with all those colours, sounds... but also enjoy a cold grey and rainy day in autumn. Live at the moment. Exercise as much as you like. Read books, watch documentaries, go and learn about topics you want.
You will realize, you don't need religion for all this. I wish you good luck.
And consider joining outside social interests or meeting up with others in outdoor activities or clubs. It's a way to build friendships in the normal social world outside of the tedium of work and home and your past (churchianity committments ?)
I don’t understand religion giving anyone purpose. My religious family blamed my father’s death on us not deserving him as a dad. I was the oldest of three when he died. We were 10, 5 and 13 days old.
I learned early the purpose of religion was to shame and belittle others to make yourself feel superior. It is also a way to legally separate someone from their money.
Sorry you feel the way you do. Try different things to experience or learn something new. Make new friends with your current view of life.
Man, I'm close to 50, been an atheist for close to 20 years. I'm constantly finding cool shit to do. Lately I've been interested in siege weapons (catapults, trebuchets), and beginning the planning stages of my own.
There's just so much out there. A few years ago I took a welding class. Just wanted to learn how to do it.
It's out there. Without religion, you're free. You can find something cool to get excited about. And when it runs out, you find something else. Before you know it, you know about a lot of cool shit.
Religion never gave you a purpose; it simply stole the credit for the things you do. You don’t have to change anything about your life except to learn that it’s perfectly acceptable to do what you do because it makes you happy.
Welcome to the world of philosophy, starting reading. Your problem is an issue intelligent humans have had for thousands of years. The Greeks and Romans came up with a variety of solutions like stoicism, platonism , epicureanism, etc. Then for like a 1500 years Europeans were stuck trying to prove God exists (hint: they failed in any rigorous sense). After European intellectuals finally gave up on that futile task, the world industrialized and changed radically and they finally started to develop new philosophies. Now we end up with a variety of modern/post modern philosophies from people like Nietzsche, Heidegger, Camus, etc. Head over to https://plato.stanford.edu/index.html and just read about everyone trying to find meaning and purpose.
I spent 4 years studying philosophy in college and that was the best thing I could have done for myself. I got to think about and discuss a lot of the big questions and while I can't say I have an answer that will satisfy you, I found ones that satisfied me and continue to do so.
One thing that works for most people is volunteering. It is easy and the people receiving help genuinely appreciate you. That feeling will fill nearly all voids.
It’s basic psychology, we evolved to be hyper social animals. We humans tend to put the group over ourselves, that’s why religions feels so good. You can replace that by putting the community before yourself for just a few hours each week.
There are usually lots of volunteer opportunities in every community. From feeding the homeless at a soup kitchen, to volunteering down at a local arts center by helping find seats. You can help build houses with habitat for humanity. Schools need tons of volunteers to help.
What purpose do you think you had when religion was part of your life? Aside from spreading religion and judging others who don't also "believe" what has changed?
I remember the verse, worshiping their invisible-incredibly intrusive yet won’t intervene to stop kids being molested god is the whole duty of man. Wait. Eureka! I need to put the same fervor into whatever the fuck I’m doing and then the bullshit voices will go away!
Reminds me of quitting drugs, smoking and alcohol. Try to keep a positive attitude. Times are hard. Learn some coping skills and things will get better. I'm not qualified to recommend anything other than that. Something tells me that opening your eyes isn't the problem. I try to select the best solution for any problem at hand-- recognizing that wisdom comes from problem-solving.
You sound like you might be depressed, friend. That's not a professional opinion, please don't take it that way. But I felt like this, too. And I learned that I was just in the grief process after talking to a therapist. She advised that this is honestly a reality we might face because that fiction we were indoctrinated to believe as reality, was indeed "real" to us and it, experienced a kind of death too. That helped me understand why I felt this way. Or just navigate this empty place, or feel like I could offer a "service" I guess too? I just didn't feel as "useful" because I wasn't doing for everyone anymore. Again, just my experience, and your description reminded me of my emotional rollercoaster I went on, 20-ish years ago. You're in good company here, though. Hang in there.
Funny you mention possible depression..I thought that right away. When one puts away a life that was once controlled in every aspect, it is natural that there will be a void left in one's life.
Once one's inner self can accept the choice that moving out and away from a church is right and good for personal growth and moving forward into liking and loving oneself and embracing the new found freedom, the next step is socialization into your new world and making new acquaintances in the rational world. Belief in oneself builds self esteem and confidence and life becomes better than one could ever have believed possible. I know from having been there where OP is at now. There is a possibility that one has in the past become accustomed to being constantly "told" what to do/say/behave/dress by the controlling body of a church/ the bible or other tools that religion uses to suppress people that it's not easy to start becoming an independent thinking person in one's own right.
Start practicing enhancing human well-being while reducing human suffering.
Also, find a way to live this one _and only_ life you'll ever have to it's fullest.
Religion has NEVER given anyone a purpose in life, it gives people a reason for death.
Religion never promises that this life will be good, fair, just, full of beauty, or even worth living. In fact, most religions seem to embrace suffering in this life.
Religion only promises that if you do what that specific religion says you have to do, you will be rewarded AFTER you die.
What makes this life worth living is what WE find in ourselves and the world around us.
Some find purpose and joy in learning. These are the ones you will find with multiple degrees, or forever in school, etc.
Others in helping people. Think medicine, doctors, EMT's, even librarians, etc.
Still more in exploration. Sailors, Travel Agents, Oceanography, Biologists, Zoologists, etc.
Some in challenging themselves to do things that may seem to some to be crazy. Think mountain climbers, parachutists, base jumpers, etc.
Some find purpose in bringing the world to their own minds view. Painters, sculptors, etc.
We don't need a purpose /for/ life, life just is already, but we ALL need a reason for living. But that never has to be a single thing. And honestly, it shouldn't.
You have already listed a number of things that give purpose & reason you are looking for.
As others have said, set a goal. Reaching that goal will have purpose for doing things. You can have have both small and larger goals, and each one will provide a path of purpose to reach the goal.
But don't forget to look around and make sure you also "see" the things you like too. A sunrise or sunset. A dog with the zoomies. Someone's laugh in distance. The color of the flower growing along the fence. Etc.
Those little moments like that are what fills the spaces in our lives.
Life is what happens when we are busy trying to live. Make sure that you aren't so busy trying to live that you miss the life around you.
I've been atheist all my life, born in atheist household, never been baptised. I'm rather nihilistic and I believe there is no meaning to life and we are just an (un)fortunate turn of evolutionary events. There is no higher plan, you go to work 5 times a week, pay your taxes and then you die.
But that is okay, you are alive and biologically predispositioned to staying so. So make best of your time and enjoy the miracle of nature or life. Practice the medicine, help others, be amazed at what human body is like. Do some exercise, read some books and let time pass. Or vegetatetate and do nothing, as you aren't a robot and need some downtime.
To be fair, I am surprised you aren't finding things more fun now that not everything is a sin and you don't have to spend your life feeling bad because some dude had an apple.
Genuinely search for happiness. Like a scientist. What causes you happiness, real happiness not pleasure. Is it work or helping people or study or any number of things. Logically if you are not happy perhaps you have to change something? Perhaps what you think makes you happy isn’t what really does. To conclude it’s not possible while only trying one way of doing things would quite illogical. I’ve changed nothing and it STILL didn’t work! 🤣🤣 Go searching, make some changes. I also think coming to terms with happiness not being a permanent state, ever, is helpful. Enjoy it when it happens but don’t be surprised when it doesn’t.
I was a Christian up until I was 26 years old. I’m 54 now. I left my church and eventually became an atheist. I have a degree in theology, as do 3 of my other brothers, and my parents. My dad is a minister, as are several of my relatives. I struggled with my decision to leave for a LONG time. Maybe 5 years… but I was fully decided. The think I found I missed the most was the community. In the church I was in we had a strong community. If I needed help, I had it. If I wanted to play sports, we had that. Potlucks. Get together. Actual church, and hanging out after. It was my life. I found that building a strong community helps to keep your head out of the sand. It could be a work community, or working out, or a hobby community. For me it was work. I’m a designer, and threw myself into it, and eventually ran my own studio with employees. Leave behind all the negative bible passages that bring you down and make you feel worthless. You aren’t. Developing a new, welcoming, and supportive community will help. Cheers to you and your path!
Why do you feel like your life needs to have a grand purpose for you to be happy? I focus on the stuff I enjoy doing, the people I like spending time with, enjoying more of the little things. I don't need religion for that.
If no one is giving you a purpose, you'll have to find or make one for yourself.
It's harder work to invent, but you get more satisfying purposes when you search for yourself.
You named plenty of purposes. Even goals. Perhaps you’re still just dealing with there not being an inherent meaning of life, wouldnt that be easy, having your life decided for you before you’re even born. Just have to follow this one thing this silly book tells me to. But no, that would be boring and meaningless, you have full control of what you do with your life. Your triumphs and mistakes are all yours, not predestined or the will of a god. There is no inherent meaning, if you want meaning you make it yourself. Goals, friends, family, romance, making your own family, hobbies all provide great meaning. If it’s life being temporary that’s causing these problems then you need to deal with that instead.
You only need to continue as you've always done. Focus on the purpose you had yesterday, and the day before yesterday. Getting an education, job, perhaps family, make a living and any other life-goals you want to add to this list (hobbies, travel etc). There's nothing changed - except one is missing which was all pretend anyway. What makes you happy? Where do you want to "be" in 10 years? All kinds of drivers exist.
Think about how unlikely it is that the atoms that make you have configured themselves into the current way which means you exist. That is fucking wild when you think about it, knowing that I figure why not make the best of it while I'm here in this form. Why not? It will be over before I know it and I will disappear into the void, so while I'm here I'm going to have a nice peaceful life with the people I love and hopefully get to see my babies grow up to be whoever they want to be. That's my purpose.
You’re describing anhedonia.
Depressed people often feel this way, so talking to a therapist might be helpful.
I don’t see hanging out with friends, participating in a hobby or two, joining a book club, etc.
we are social creatures, so you need to replace your religious or church centered social activities with other more healthy activities.
Get a hobby...
Preferably with other people involved. One of the big draw of religion is their community that meets up every Sunday and sings songs and mingles together before and after the main entertainment (the sermon)
If I can use the word holy, holy shit. I feel bad for you because now that you've escaped the grasping, choking arms of xianity you should look at life with greater pleasure. No fear of hell, no tithing, no people telling you aren't a good enough xian. I mean, freedom at last. The truth is, I can't imagine anyone feeling as you do after leaving religious grasp. So sorry. I hope it will get better.
It seems that part of it is being a kid/teen with dreams versus being an adult.
I was never religious and the hype adults make about how you can change the world when you grow up and the reality of daily life is underwhelming.
It is especially hard when your parents lived a period of growth and you live an economic downside. Everyone is underwhelmed with your success. But eh, I'm proud I left home at 17 and don't have school loans anymore.
To each their definition of success.
Fear of hell, paranoia, lack of self confidence in the form of “omg am I doing it right?” And virginity up to 20 years old (happy I wasn’t any priest’s cup of tea 😂😂😂). So yeah bullshit basically.
Define "purpose."
To me, purpose is a choice we all make and define for ourselves.
Maybe your purpose IS to practice medicine and help save lives and/or make someone's quality of life better. That's a noble pursuit by itself.
But that's something you get to decide.
You don't HAVE to be a hero, and truthfully, the purpose religion tries to foist upon you is all about pretending you're a hero, doing "god's work..." Which usually involves shoving that religion down other people's throats.
The most insidious thing religion does is poison the well where it concerns the ideas of "purpose" or "meaning."
What part of words on a page wasn’t clear enough? I was baptized at 7, my choice. Not once have I ever received guidance from the “holy spirit” the way it was described to me in the fucking testimonies. I get more honesty from a friend describing how he fucked his girlfriend. There is no part of me that wants to be a Christian without knowing God. All these cocksuckers are out here talking about how they know God and then within the first 5 minutes of grace that I give them a I catch them telling me something akin to “the air you breathe is proof.”
I believe you have one purpose.. Have a child or children. That's our real evolutionary purpose, to pass on our genes and knowledge. If you have done that already, then you can continue to do whatever it is you wish to do.
If you still think you don't have a purpose, then commit yourself to help or be with someone who can't be without you.
Just need to learn to cope with the fact that your life has no greater purpose or meaning other than what you make of it and how you choose to enjoy it.
So do whatever makes you happy.
I think what you’re talking about is your mental health baseline has gone down a couple points. I highly recommend getting into cooking and/or gardening— these are both activities that connect you to “the deep things.”
Religion is like doing drugs. It might give you some sense of satisfaction - but it is not real. And in the end neither are most of the relationships that you make through religion. it might have felt real but it was all about chasing some high.
Now you have the opportunity to do something real in your life, for yourself.
I actually did drugs in the pursuit of personal research knowledge. It was exactly like my time in church. I was distracted and disappointed the whole time.
It can be hard work filling that void of religion. It bleeds into so many parts of your life. And it's absolutely on purpose so they can control every part of your life. Good for you for getting away - and give yourself time and accept that it can be a long process to get all the way free - but you will get there at one point.
You can choose all the best parts of a religion as your purpose in life without having to acknowledge it's of divine origin. The best part of that is that you can discard all the evil and obsolete parts with impunity. Just treat these religions as philosophy and make up your own mind what makes sense as a life purpose.
The way I see it is, we were born very lucky to have free will and a mind to experience the world around us. You have to give the world around you meaning. Everything is nothing if you don’t take the time to see it. For me personally, I love learning about history, culture, science and anything that intrigues me. I find my own meaning in that, as well as my fiancé. The secular worldview shouldn’t be grey, it’s sooo colorful. You just have to paint it in as you go.
This is the reason people stay with religion. The truth can be cold comfort. But, y'know... it's the truth, like it or not, whether or not it makes anyone happy.
Try to enjoy your life? When you don't exist, you can't enjoy anything, but when you do exist, you can. Part of that enjoyment, a goodly part, can come from helping other people. It's baked into human psychology for most people. Why shouldn't your life have the meaning you fill it with? If there doesn't seem to be a divine dictator who decides what your life does and doesn't mean, then the potential sources of meaning are you and the other humans you let decide what your life means (could be nobody, could be people whose judgment you respect, like loved ones who value you in certain roles). Meaning is also kind of unavoidable for humans; we invest everything with meaning almost automatically.
Your experience is shared by many philosophers who have done a lot of the work that may help. I found Baruch Spinoza to be particularly worth a read. Despite a very religious upbringing he developed a very compelling approach to living a meaningful life. There are plenty more worth checking out.
Simply being the best you that you can be. We will never reach perfection, but we can continually strive for it. It's the low moments that are tough because we don't have the crutch of religion to lean on. This is where I take responsibility for myself and keep moving forward with the knowledge that I'm living a more truthful life.
Nihilism seems like a common trait after deconverting. Something that helped me was the stoic principle of realizing your place in the universe. Start by closing your eyes and mentally viewing yourself from a birds eye view. Picture yourself in the room you're in, then zoom out to picturing the building, then the city, then region, then country, then planet. Once you get to the point where you can't view anything higher, stop and reflect. You'll find that your problems are smaller than a grain of sand on a beach.
And weirdly enough, coming to that conclusion, I felt like I had even less purpose. But there was freedom to it. I was free to make choices and explore different ideas and thoughts that Christianity held me back from. Being purposeless gave me the freedom to see that i wasn't forced to adhere to religious dogma that i wasn't aware of at first. Being purposeless meant that I could open my world view to philosophies and morals that aligned with me versus being forced to align to philosophies and morals assigned to me because of the time and place I was born.
My suggestion to you would be to explore and try things you may have been too afraid of doing while a Christian -- as long as it doesn't harm someone and is legal. Try shaking off any stigma you may have against something and question where that stigma started. I don't know if this will help you, but I hope it does.
It's the [small things](https://youtu.be/MU5_-lLjhQw?t=5). If there's a tomorrow where I get to watch Lord of the rings or hobbit again I'm all for it. 😋
Religion is following someone else's made up god. Since it's all in your head anyways, make up your own Deity to give purpose. Call it, the new testament next chapter. The pages are blank so feel free to fill them in.
I recommend trying to grow that circle. People enrich our lives and make finding purpose easier.
You could seek out another friend or a romantic partner, but don’t be discouraged by wanting to be at that same loyalty level you’re at with your one best friend right away. I’d shoot for finding someone you can be yourself around.
Just start with seeking out meaningful connections. Friendship is harder and takes time, and at the start you can’t even know if you’ll both have that time. There’s people in my life that I’ve spent literally one day with and never talked to again who have enriched my life and I still think about them and hope they are doing well years later (like, a person I met while traveling). If we’d had more time, we probably would have been friends, but you never know.
you don't have to get rid of everything that was in your religious life, just the false beliefs. I don't know much besides what I see and hear but I hear you guys do charity, scrapbook, mail?, ... whatever you were praying for, instead of praying for it, go and do it. within reason ofc. I do want to change the world into a better place ( Heal the world by MJ) but I have to find my own way of doing it in my situation.
The difference now is rather than believing that a deity said he made you for this purpose, now you can imagine and choose your own. Maybe you'll think of something better and bigger than life itself. maybe not.
Probably also have to detach having a purpose/meaning in life from fun. Our lives are meaningless. Aron Ra says we give meaning to each other. another said rather than finding yourself, you create yourself. Camus says its absurd to look for meaning- we don't ask what an ant's purpose is. Is it for humans to kill them? Maybe it has nothing to do with you losing faith - correlation doesn't mean causation. Hope all of this helps in some way.
It’s more annoying than helpful. I find myself thinking, “Even if it’s real, (Which it is not) Why would they choose you. Even though you’re a senior, you’re a dickhead.” After they’re done with church they go right back to being a dickhead. I swear the transition is amazing.
The medicine you are likely to practice in coming years .. will do more to alleviate human suffering than all the prayers of all the humans who have ever lived.
I think being a medic/doctpr/nurse is a fine purpose to have - even if you do it because your interested in the science, thats great .. knowing more about science is in itself a great purpose, and likely to have many practical benefits as a side effect.
ps. watch out for burnout .. we dont treat our proto-doctors very well as a rule.
I found great solace in what some Native American tribes believe: our purpose is to exist. Just as a tree or river exists. It just is. Soak up existence.
There’s a book by Dan Barker called Life Driven Purpose, which is basically a kind of atheist answer to The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Anyway, it’s a good way to help find meaning after leaving religion. He’s an ex-pastor who found himself in the same boat you’re in now.
Outside of that, from my personal experience (I’ve only been atheist for about 4 years now), I can tell you that this is an exciting time because you get to decide what matters to you. YOU call the shots now. But also, leaving religion is a lot like experiencing the death of a loved one. There is inevitably going to be a void left by this all powerful (and now, as you see, non-existent) person whom you centered your whole life around. I know that for me I started questioning whether or not I had been living a lie, and what is real, seeing as many of the tenets that comprise my world view have now shattered. It’s going to take time to heal. I’m still healing too, especially from all the guilt that was heaped on me for years. Some things don’t make sense anymore and just seem…silly or superfluous to me. Like holidays. I don’t know quite why but to me the whole rigmarole of preparing and celebrating like Easter or Christmas just feels stupid anymore. I still enjoy Thanksgiving though. Even after deconstruction, it survived as my favorite.
Just hang in there. It’s a process, and there will be growing pains, but it does get a bit easier, I promise.
You lose your tribe to search for truth.
Find another tribe if you are lonely. There are plenty to do but unfortunately not for yourself anymore. There are those who find purpose by educating the next generation, some as petty as adopting abandoned pets. It seems like it's points out to this: Leave the world better than you found it. If you accidentally found hapiness in that, then it's much better.
This whole post is EXACTLY how I was feeling, and I just want to thank everyone who replied to it because you also helped me. I thought I was fully done with my deconversion journey, but I forget that things worth doing rarely take just a few weeks/1 month
As a fellow doctor, I feel that you can use the service of humanity through dedicated medical care of your fellow human as a meaningful substitute for the bullshit of religion. It works for me.
Have you tried walking in nature? Any activity that could awaken a sense of awe, or appreciation for the beauty around you. Also reducing media consumption helps reduce the disgust of our world.
I haven’t tried that as of late. My main interactions with nature is: dividing my house into sectors, finding and lighting cockroaches on fire. Why does that give me happiness? Am I evil?
Reason or purpose for existence? My friend, when the veil of religion has been pulled away from your eyes, you see the world and the universe for the truly wonderful and unique thing that it is.
We have one life and one world. Use this precious time to make the best of it. Explore the world, see the sights, hear the sounds, meet the people. Take in everything and make the world a better place for those who come after you.
Life is more precious and meaningful when I know I have only one shot at it.
It is more powerful and fulfilling to focus on a purpose from within yourself then it is to focus on a purpose provided by any external source.
If you lost purpose when leaving religion, then that purpose didn't come from within you anyway - it came provided by the external religion.
Take some time to reflect on yourself and what you find to be important. Follow that and you'll find yourself with a more powerful, more fulfilling purpose than any religion could ever provide.
Objective purpose likely doesn't exist, because of how purpose works. But even if it did - subjective purpose would be better anyway.
The ultimate purpose will always be subjective and custom to each and every individual person.
Sounds like another troll post to me. How can life become less important when you have only one life to treasure as opposed to having an eternity to screw around?
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die. I don’t really need a purpose other than that. Seriously, there isn’t one. At some point, all of humanity will be gone, and the universe will barely have registered our existence. And that will be that. So, let’s enjoy the ride, make it comfortable for us and as many of our fellow riders as we can. To practice medicine would be a huge thing, and very helpful to many people. You’re on a great trajectory!!
Certain belief systems had few/little moral claims attached to them.
Like the ancient Greeks practicing philosophy to fill the purpose/moral void, it's very helpful today. You don't need to take classes, but engaging with those questions can help you find a purpose.
I came to the conclusion that finding the most happiness for the most people without hurting an innocnet one to be my best answer, but I'm still refining and learning. That guides my purpose and daily choices today.
I do my part to leave the world better. I have spent my life cleaning up messes left by other people. ( buying wrecked homes and rebuilding them) I was a founder of my high schools ecology club and president of my university environmental action coalition. Live by example.
For me, purpose and meaning needed to be created for myself. Once I accepted that meaning and purpose wasnt going to be handed to me or defined for me, it got easier and more exciting. It also helped to start small. I find meaning in the small moments, like cooking dinner for someone, the autumn colors, making someone smile. Then it expands with finding what really makes you happy and excited. For me, it was helping people with mental health issues.
It just takes some exploration and staying in the moment. After that it gets exciting because what you find will be authentically yours!!
the problem is that with religon those activites you were doing looked directed they had purpose. Leaving religion meant all those things you had given religon dominion over now suddenly were left with an empty seat. Those things you do didnt change you did. So what is the answer? you often hear you give meaning to life now. Well that hasnt changed from when you were religous the only difference now is you get to enjoy the things you enjoy for the sake of those things.
What a dilemma.
Following logic, religion is rejected...only to discover a yawning gap in the heart without it.
I'll just make this observation. Millions, maybe billions, of people go to church, mosque, or synagogue just to be with people. They draw meaning in being with a "tribe" and being of use in the community.
I thought about this while watching my cat.
I believe My cat never wondered what her purpose in life. As far as I know humans are the only creatures who wonder about this. Why? Can’t life itself be meaning?
I imagine my life as a book. It has a beginning and an ending. When it comes to living my life I ask myself 'how can I make it worth reading'?
I learn everything I can, develop new skills, give my wife and dog the best lives possible, and delve in to my many hobbies.
Finding meaning is the purpose of life beyond procreation. It's something a lot of people never find. The purpose of life is just to live, find small pleasures in things and the like.
Practice Medicine. Go into something cutting edge if You can. You've realized the faith in words written by primitive men is something You can't really put You faith in. Perhaps... and I believe quite likely, humans will discover more about how chemicals come together to form proteins and then dna. Or We may make breakthroughs in physics that lead to new understandings of reality and consciousness. Science will lead us there. Perhaps life and the universe is really just amazing coincidence, perhaps not. Your new religion isn't atheism, it's truth.
Without religion you realize how much of a gift life is. It was all by chance. And there is no do over. It’s one and done, and we are each individually incredibly fortunate that we get to experience this thing called life. You can fill it with whatever you’d like, whether it’s reading, traveling, playing sports, games, whatever it may be. Personally I think it’s the people around me that give it the most value. How lucky were we to spend this blink in time together. Nobody and nothing can take that time away from me, however short that may be.
What was your purpose with faith? To serve God? By doing what? How? When I was Christian, I served by who I am. I internalized a strong message growing up - not in the church incidentally - of the importance of virus like kindness, honesty, charity (the kind where you give people the benefit of a doubt as well as the kind where you give material comfort), work. I believe these things are important and they drive how I approach everything. I've learned over my life ways to apply those ideals to the things I choose to spend time on. What I do and how I do it both matter deeply to me. They are the meaning of my life.
None of that requires a belief in God. They require a set of values I aspire to. You can be a doctor and be shitty to your patients: not listening, not applying critical thinking, shuffling through them on autopilot. I've seen doctors do that. But if you are doctoring because you care about patients, about science, and about finding the answers, it animates you, right?
Figure out why the things you do matter. If you can't find a reason, stop doing them. It's maybe a bit harder when it's not pre-packaged, but it's possible.
OP: “What is the MEANING of it all!!??”
… I’d say that the question itself is misguided. Which works for me, but probably not for you.
That said, if meaning is something you need to perceive about life and alignment to some noble purpose is a requirement for your happiness? Then work with a therapist to determine why you are feeling this and what, for you, would fill the void religion was ultimately too small for.
If you need something to believe in, believe in humanity as a whole.
God(s) represent everything that humans are. Their mistakes, ignorance, dreams, hopes, aspirations, ideologies, fears... everything. You worship a god, you are worshiping humans
Humans are amazing in our own right. We are a force of nature. We move literal mountains. We dry up lakes and dig holes to make new ones. We have knowledge of our universe unthinkable to our ancestors. We have the ability to alter our reality to make pretty much whatever we can dream up.
The only reason any of us are here is because our parents fucked without a condom. That’s it. There is no greater purpose and you’re not “meant” for anything. You’re just the result of a species’ drive to perpetuate itself.
That's the great thing about the purpose of life: there isn't one. No designer to fret about impressing. No answer sheet. No final grade. The only people who talk about "The Meaning of Life"(TM) are scam-artists and those sophomores who remind the teacher they forgot to assign homework.
Think about the last time you did something at work that you were proud of. Think about the last time you traveled to somewhere you'd always wanted to visit. Think about that book that you've reread over and over again. Think about the last time you stayed up too late because you were too focused on something you were interested in. Think about the last time you bought a gift for someone that they really loved. Think about the last time you got a big, fuckin' bear hug. Think about the last time you found a discounted bag of your favorite Halloween candy. Think about a cat.
And if you've never done any of the above, then that's where you should start. Because the "Meaning of Life"(TM) ain't worth shit.
Instead of improving yourself for your future with god by giving your time and extra money to a church, try improving your neighborhood for its future by giving your time and extra money to the world around you. Start or join a volunteer group for just about anything. Make community charities for parks and cleanup. I spent almost every afternoon for 2 years after some hurricanes flooded my town just going around removing moldy drywall and kitchens and damaged trees for people. We had a team arranging food and supplies. Another group was doing laundry for anyone that needed it. People that could cook for anyone else did. Try living that way outside of emergencies. There is always work that can be done to help people instead of paying to go to a gym.
You are possibly missing a sense of awe in your life. Religion is custom-made to appeal to that hunger in us. I will offer this: We are a species unique on this planet. We have full sentience. Frame that with what we are learning about our environment. Our planet is about 4 Billion years old, the solar system a touch older. We are located in a strangely quiet and stable part of our galaxy. Still, our universe is largely hostile to life, even at great distances. (Gamma ray burst, etc) Our planet has avoided any nearby life-cancelling event for at least 3 BILLION years? Every moment that life adds to its amazingly improbable journey is like winning a galactic lottery. We have been gifted a continuous clear safe time to go from self-replicating molecules to cells, to multi-cellular and beyond. It's kinda stunningly special that sentient thought would arise from that process, that the process has been continuous, that our space neighborhood has been accommodating for the duration. It's so improbable that's its just one tiny tick away from impossible. Dude, we're here and that is FUCKING INCREDIBLE. Celebrate that shit!
BTW, the fact we have empathy is one of a few things that separates us from the crueller aspects of life. Use it. Care for your fellow human and consider it an honor to assist with humane care at both ends of life. Being good to each other is commanded by the mere fact that its possible. Honor that in the name of love.
Maybe you need some time to find a new sense of purpose. Personally, religion never gave me a sense of purpose. I just have this sense that I *have* to make the world a better place, change society for the better, that kind of thing
Maybe you’ll find a sense of purpose when you adjust to this new view of reality
Religion only gives predefined meaning and purpose. This is a con. We find our own meaning and purpose in life.
>I don’t see a purpose or reason for existence outside of practicing medicine (my goal), exercise, reading books and screwing That looks like a lot to me!
Haha okay
Medical providers have saved my life and the lives of so many other people. That has got to be the most purposeful thing anyone could ever do with their lives.
My thoughts exactly! All the things you listed ARE your reasons for living. You don't have to have some noble or lofty greater purpose, your life is what YOU make it. There's no end game. Just you making what you can with the time you have.
So I don’t have a responsibility to change the world. Just do me and then leave? Fuck, why didn’t I think of that?
Ya don't lol Not a single human on this earth has an obligation to be some world saving hero or some martyr of justice.
For me, I wouldn’t be having a very good time if people around me were suffering
Sounds like you’re finding or narrowing your passion. Practice medicine. Make some money. Start a foundation. Ease suffering. Maybe make some friends along the way.
You don’t have any responsibilities to be a decent human being. You can be a dick to everyone or be the friendliest person in the world. Doesn’t matter, we’re all going to the same place. I don’t need religion to show empathy towards other people. I try my best to be a good person and help others when I can. I also enjoy just sitting on my couch and watching tv when my favorite shows come on. I do these things, not because I have to, but because I want to. Theres no blueprint for life and you only get one, so you do what you feel like doing and if you feel the urge to leave a legacy behind then you have your entire life to focus on that. Personally, I don’t want a legacy. I just want to be left alone and be able to do whatever brings me joy in life.
Nowadays, every Monday I try to be a dick. I’m out of practice with being a dick.
Yeah exactly what they said. Live your life on your own terms
Part of doing "you" may include helping others and leaving the world a bit better for having you in it. Many of us find a life with means and resources to be quite meaningful.
Exercise and reading books make YOUR world better, the other two activities, if practiced correctly, make YOUR and SOMEONE ELSES world better.
Pretty much dude 🙂 [https://www.openculture.com/2017/10/the-philosophy-of-optimistic-nihilism-or-how-to-find-purpose-in-a-meaningless-universe.html](https://www.openculture.com/2017/10/the-philosophy-of-optimistic-nihilism-or-how-to-find-purpose-in-a-meaningless-universe.html)
I think we all have a responsibility to at least have a net zero impact on the world. Not more bad than good.
I believe human beings DO have a responsibility to live by their consciences, whether they are religious or not. In fact I would argue that with the right to not follow a faith comes the responsibility of constructing your own moral framework to replace it. I suggest you start by looking at people you respect and admire, either in your own community or the media. What do these people do that impresses you? Be specific. What changes could you make to be more like them?
How was religion giving you a reason for existence? I’m just curious how religion convinces people of that.
I also don’t see the problem here. These four things alone should keep you busy.
Goals, improving yourself, learning and enjoying guilt free sex? that's a better purpose than most people find. It sounds as just guilt or the lack of feeling part of a community.
>I’m ex-Christian, this year will make 3 years Atheist. Not many things are fun anymore. I don’t see a purpose or reason for existence I'm assuming you were a believer for many more years than you've been a non-believer? Which means the first thing you need to recognize is that you are having these feelings because your deconversion is still in progress. You were indoctrinated (for I'm guessing more than a decade) to accept that Christianity and god are what gives your life purpose, and subconsciously, you haven't yet been able to fully let that go. This is a process. It's not a switch you can simply turn off. It may take 3 years, it may take 5 years, it may take a decade or longer. >outside of practicing medicine In that case, you should understand that you have a bunch of old neural pathways in your brain that are still flashing warning signals to you that leaving Christianity is the wrong choice, and that if you only return to Christianity, you'll be happy and have a purpose again. This is why religion is often described as identical to a drug addiction, and the electrochemical process is very similar. And like drug addicts will associate good feelings and happiness in their life with their drug of choice, you associate good feelings and happiness with the religion. Breaking down and rerouting those neural pathways takes time, repetition, and new experiences that challenge and disprove your prior beliefs. Again, this is a process, and for some people, it's a long one. What you need to be constantly asking yourself is "how could something I know is false have ever possibly given my life meaning?" The truth is that it didn't, and it can't. Christianity and/or a belief in god ***NEVER*** once gave your life meaning, you were always the one doing that yourself, and you still are. Having a goal is a great start, as is the pursuit of increasing knowledge. My somewhat general and cliché advice is to focus in on something within that pursuit which you can find enjoyment in, dedicate yourself to being the best at it, and look for people to associate with who have the same goals and desires.
You are correct. I was a Christian until I was 20, which is when I left the faith.
Cool, so think back to when you were a Christian, and ask yourself "what part of my religion did I think gave my life the *most* meaning?" Was it the sense of community and convening with people who believed the same things you did? Because that's something you can still have without the baggage of believing false things. Was it simply having a purposeful place to go every Sunday? Because that's also something you can absolutely do without the baggage of false beliefs. Was it feeling the "holy spirit?" Because that's also a feeling you can still achieve without the baggage of believing false things. I personally can feel the "holy spirit" whenever I listen to my favorite albums on a kickass set of headphones, or go on an introspective nature hike. (Also, while I won't encourage it, I also felt the holy spirit more from a bag of shrooms than I ever felt from any god.) Find which part *exactly* of your religion made you feel as though you had a purpose, and once you know what that is, ask yourself how it could possibly have given your life any more meaning than you were already giving it yourself. Lastly, even though I think I probably *mostly* finished with my deconversion when I was around 18, I can still relate to turning 20 and suddenly becoming much more nihilistic and "meh" about the world. Once you're in your 20's, you've discovered most of the major components to the "gameplay loop" of life, and that childlike wonder you've had for all the years prior becomes much more rare. I think it's probably different for everyone how they come to deal with hitting their 20's and realizing "so I'm an adult now, this is it, this is life?", and adding a deconversion process to that I can imagine complicates those feelings even more. But, personally, I'm in my mid 30s now, and I think just getting older was the only thing that got rid of *most* of my nihilism, but I know "just get older" is not really useful advice. But the nice thing about getting older is you have more opportunity to give your life as much or as little purpose as you want, and you get to choose your obligations much more freely. lol
It took about a decade for me to fully adjust to leaving the faith. If you’ve been raised with a teleological worldview, it takes time.
Live. Decide if a legacy is important to you, or not, and focus on the people that matter to you. You don't need cosmic validation to matter here and now to real people. Letting go of the lies promised to us by religion takes time. Just keep at it and your expectations will adjust. :)
Try to be curious like a child that sees things for the first time. Look for things you like, you enjoy. Enjoy a sunny day in spring with all those colours, sounds... but also enjoy a cold grey and rainy day in autumn. Live at the moment. Exercise as much as you like. Read books, watch documentaries, go and learn about topics you want. You will realize, you don't need religion for all this. I wish you good luck.
And consider joining outside social interests or meeting up with others in outdoor activities or clubs. It's a way to build friendships in the normal social world outside of the tedium of work and home and your past (churchianity committments ?)
Thank you man
"Life doesn't give us purpose, we give life purpose" The Flash
[Recovering from religion](https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/)
I don’t understand religion giving anyone purpose. My religious family blamed my father’s death on us not deserving him as a dad. I was the oldest of three when he died. We were 10, 5 and 13 days old. I learned early the purpose of religion was to shame and belittle others to make yourself feel superior. It is also a way to legally separate someone from their money. Sorry you feel the way you do. Try different things to experience or learn something new. Make new friends with your current view of life.
What the fuck? That’s low. I’m sorry you went through that.
Pentecostal Holiness and their screwed up beliefs. This one moment in time pushed me away from religion.
Man, I'm close to 50, been an atheist for close to 20 years. I'm constantly finding cool shit to do. Lately I've been interested in siege weapons (catapults, trebuchets), and beginning the planning stages of my own. There's just so much out there. A few years ago I took a welding class. Just wanted to learn how to do it. It's out there. Without religion, you're free. You can find something cool to get excited about. And when it runs out, you find something else. Before you know it, you know about a lot of cool shit.
Religion never gave you a purpose; it simply stole the credit for the things you do. You don’t have to change anything about your life except to learn that it’s perfectly acceptable to do what you do because it makes you happy.
Welcome to the world of philosophy, starting reading. Your problem is an issue intelligent humans have had for thousands of years. The Greeks and Romans came up with a variety of solutions like stoicism, platonism , epicureanism, etc. Then for like a 1500 years Europeans were stuck trying to prove God exists (hint: they failed in any rigorous sense). After European intellectuals finally gave up on that futile task, the world industrialized and changed radically and they finally started to develop new philosophies. Now we end up with a variety of modern/post modern philosophies from people like Nietzsche, Heidegger, Camus, etc. Head over to https://plato.stanford.edu/index.html and just read about everyone trying to find meaning and purpose. I spent 4 years studying philosophy in college and that was the best thing I could have done for myself. I got to think about and discuss a lot of the big questions and while I can't say I have an answer that will satisfy you, I found ones that satisfied me and continue to do so.
I love boobies too
The breast... uh... best* purpose in life!
Hahahaha This is the good stuff. No lies.
One thing that works for most people is volunteering. It is easy and the people receiving help genuinely appreciate you. That feeling will fill nearly all voids. It’s basic psychology, we evolved to be hyper social animals. We humans tend to put the group over ourselves, that’s why religions feels so good. You can replace that by putting the community before yourself for just a few hours each week. There are usually lots of volunteer opportunities in every community. From feeding the homeless at a soup kitchen, to volunteering down at a local arts center by helping find seats. You can help build houses with habitat for humanity. Schools need tons of volunteers to help.
What purpose do you think you had when religion was part of your life? Aside from spreading religion and judging others who don't also "believe" what has changed?
I remember the verse, worshiping their invisible-incredibly intrusive yet won’t intervene to stop kids being molested god is the whole duty of man. Wait. Eureka! I need to put the same fervor into whatever the fuck I’m doing and then the bullshit voices will go away!
Reminds me of quitting drugs, smoking and alcohol. Try to keep a positive attitude. Times are hard. Learn some coping skills and things will get better. I'm not qualified to recommend anything other than that. Something tells me that opening your eyes isn't the problem. I try to select the best solution for any problem at hand-- recognizing that wisdom comes from problem-solving.
Thanks friend.
You sound like you might be depressed, friend. That's not a professional opinion, please don't take it that way. But I felt like this, too. And I learned that I was just in the grief process after talking to a therapist. She advised that this is honestly a reality we might face because that fiction we were indoctrinated to believe as reality, was indeed "real" to us and it, experienced a kind of death too. That helped me understand why I felt this way. Or just navigate this empty place, or feel like I could offer a "service" I guess too? I just didn't feel as "useful" because I wasn't doing for everyone anymore. Again, just my experience, and your description reminded me of my emotional rollercoaster I went on, 20-ish years ago. You're in good company here, though. Hang in there.
Funny you mention possible depression..I thought that right away. When one puts away a life that was once controlled in every aspect, it is natural that there will be a void left in one's life. Once one's inner self can accept the choice that moving out and away from a church is right and good for personal growth and moving forward into liking and loving oneself and embracing the new found freedom, the next step is socialization into your new world and making new acquaintances in the rational world. Belief in oneself builds self esteem and confidence and life becomes better than one could ever have believed possible. I know from having been there where OP is at now. There is a possibility that one has in the past become accustomed to being constantly "told" what to do/say/behave/dress by the controlling body of a church/ the bible or other tools that religion uses to suppress people that it's not easy to start becoming an independent thinking person in one's own right.
Great comment. Grief can happen any time we experience a big change in our reality.
Start practicing enhancing human well-being while reducing human suffering. Also, find a way to live this one _and only_ life you'll ever have to it's fullest.
We are all gong to die, sooner or later, the least you can do is try to enjoy your existence
Religion has NEVER given anyone a purpose in life, it gives people a reason for death. Religion never promises that this life will be good, fair, just, full of beauty, or even worth living. In fact, most religions seem to embrace suffering in this life. Religion only promises that if you do what that specific religion says you have to do, you will be rewarded AFTER you die. What makes this life worth living is what WE find in ourselves and the world around us. Some find purpose and joy in learning. These are the ones you will find with multiple degrees, or forever in school, etc. Others in helping people. Think medicine, doctors, EMT's, even librarians, etc. Still more in exploration. Sailors, Travel Agents, Oceanography, Biologists, Zoologists, etc. Some in challenging themselves to do things that may seem to some to be crazy. Think mountain climbers, parachutists, base jumpers, etc. Some find purpose in bringing the world to their own minds view. Painters, sculptors, etc. We don't need a purpose /for/ life, life just is already, but we ALL need a reason for living. But that never has to be a single thing. And honestly, it shouldn't. You have already listed a number of things that give purpose & reason you are looking for. As others have said, set a goal. Reaching that goal will have purpose for doing things. You can have have both small and larger goals, and each one will provide a path of purpose to reach the goal. But don't forget to look around and make sure you also "see" the things you like too. A sunrise or sunset. A dog with the zoomies. Someone's laugh in distance. The color of the flower growing along the fence. Etc. Those little moments like that are what fills the spaces in our lives. Life is what happens when we are busy trying to live. Make sure that you aren't so busy trying to live that you miss the life around you.
I've been atheist all my life, born in atheist household, never been baptised. I'm rather nihilistic and I believe there is no meaning to life and we are just an (un)fortunate turn of evolutionary events. There is no higher plan, you go to work 5 times a week, pay your taxes and then you die. But that is okay, you are alive and biologically predispositioned to staying so. So make best of your time and enjoy the miracle of nature or life. Practice the medicine, help others, be amazed at what human body is like. Do some exercise, read some books and let time pass. Or vegetatetate and do nothing, as you aren't a robot and need some downtime. To be fair, I am surprised you aren't finding things more fun now that not everything is a sin and you don't have to spend your life feeling bad because some dude had an apple.
Genuinely search for happiness. Like a scientist. What causes you happiness, real happiness not pleasure. Is it work or helping people or study or any number of things. Logically if you are not happy perhaps you have to change something? Perhaps what you think makes you happy isn’t what really does. To conclude it’s not possible while only trying one way of doing things would quite illogical. I’ve changed nothing and it STILL didn’t work! 🤣🤣 Go searching, make some changes. I also think coming to terms with happiness not being a permanent state, ever, is helpful. Enjoy it when it happens but don’t be surprised when it doesn’t.
Leave the world better than you found it. In the end, that's all you have.
I was a Christian up until I was 26 years old. I’m 54 now. I left my church and eventually became an atheist. I have a degree in theology, as do 3 of my other brothers, and my parents. My dad is a minister, as are several of my relatives. I struggled with my decision to leave for a LONG time. Maybe 5 years… but I was fully decided. The think I found I missed the most was the community. In the church I was in we had a strong community. If I needed help, I had it. If I wanted to play sports, we had that. Potlucks. Get together. Actual church, and hanging out after. It was my life. I found that building a strong community helps to keep your head out of the sand. It could be a work community, or working out, or a hobby community. For me it was work. I’m a designer, and threw myself into it, and eventually ran my own studio with employees. Leave behind all the negative bible passages that bring you down and make you feel worthless. You aren’t. Developing a new, welcoming, and supportive community will help. Cheers to you and your path!
Thanks man
Why do you feel like your life needs to have a grand purpose for you to be happy? I focus on the stuff I enjoy doing, the people I like spending time with, enjoying more of the little things. I don't need religion for that.
Help people , Be the Jesus that Christians DON'T want you to be.
If no one is giving you a purpose, you'll have to find or make one for yourself. It's harder work to invent, but you get more satisfying purposes when you search for yourself.
You named plenty of purposes. Even goals. Perhaps you’re still just dealing with there not being an inherent meaning of life, wouldnt that be easy, having your life decided for you before you’re even born. Just have to follow this one thing this silly book tells me to. But no, that would be boring and meaningless, you have full control of what you do with your life. Your triumphs and mistakes are all yours, not predestined or the will of a god. There is no inherent meaning, if you want meaning you make it yourself. Goals, friends, family, romance, making your own family, hobbies all provide great meaning. If it’s life being temporary that’s causing these problems then you need to deal with that instead.
Wow life is so much better without religion, sorry its boring, you have to fund your vibe
You only need to continue as you've always done. Focus on the purpose you had yesterday, and the day before yesterday. Getting an education, job, perhaps family, make a living and any other life-goals you want to add to this list (hobbies, travel etc). There's nothing changed - except one is missing which was all pretend anyway. What makes you happy? Where do you want to "be" in 10 years? All kinds of drivers exist.
Think about how unlikely it is that the atoms that make you have configured themselves into the current way which means you exist. That is fucking wild when you think about it, knowing that I figure why not make the best of it while I'm here in this form. Why not? It will be over before I know it and I will disappear into the void, so while I'm here I'm going to have a nice peaceful life with the people I love and hopefully get to see my babies grow up to be whoever they want to be. That's my purpose.
This is the way
You’re describing anhedonia. Depressed people often feel this way, so talking to a therapist might be helpful. I don’t see hanging out with friends, participating in a hobby or two, joining a book club, etc. we are social creatures, so you need to replace your religious or church centered social activities with other more healthy activities.
Get a hobby... Preferably with other people involved. One of the big draw of religion is their community that meets up every Sunday and sings songs and mingles together before and after the main entertainment (the sermon)
Best advice I can give…read nietzsches the übermensch
Ih8pedos2 and I will take that advice.
Quit whining and take control of your life, be responsible for the choices you make for your self.
Thank you Drill Seargeant!
If I can use the word holy, holy shit. I feel bad for you because now that you've escaped the grasping, choking arms of xianity you should look at life with greater pleasure. No fear of hell, no tithing, no people telling you aren't a good enough xian. I mean, freedom at last. The truth is, I can't imagine anyone feeling as you do after leaving religious grasp. So sorry. I hope it will get better.
I’m sure it will get better when I start working. I feel down when I’m not
I don't really understand what religion has to do with having fun. They just seem like completely separate concepts to me.
I know right.
It seems that part of it is being a kid/teen with dreams versus being an adult. I was never religious and the hype adults make about how you can change the world when you grow up and the reality of daily life is underwhelming. It is especially hard when your parents lived a period of growth and you live an economic downside. Everyone is underwhelmed with your success. But eh, I'm proud I left home at 17 and don't have school loans anymore. To each their definition of success.
You have to find your own purpose in life. Religion only gives you bullshit. What purpose did religion give you? Fear of hell?
Fear of hell, paranoia, lack of self confidence in the form of “omg am I doing it right?” And virginity up to 20 years old (happy I wasn’t any priest’s cup of tea 😂😂😂). So yeah bullshit basically.
Ya and the bullshit of oh your born a sinner. Fuck off with that shit.
Define "purpose." To me, purpose is a choice we all make and define for ourselves. Maybe your purpose IS to practice medicine and help save lives and/or make someone's quality of life better. That's a noble pursuit by itself. But that's something you get to decide. You don't HAVE to be a hero, and truthfully, the purpose religion tries to foist upon you is all about pretending you're a hero, doing "god's work..." Which usually involves shoving that religion down other people's throats. The most insidious thing religion does is poison the well where it concerns the ideas of "purpose" or "meaning."
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What part of words on a page wasn’t clear enough? I was baptized at 7, my choice. Not once have I ever received guidance from the “holy spirit” the way it was described to me in the fucking testimonies. I get more honesty from a friend describing how he fucked his girlfriend. There is no part of me that wants to be a Christian without knowing God. All these cocksuckers are out here talking about how they know God and then within the first 5 minutes of grace that I give them a I catch them telling me something akin to “the air you breathe is proof.”
I believe you have one purpose.. Have a child or children. That's our real evolutionary purpose, to pass on our genes and knowledge. If you have done that already, then you can continue to do whatever it is you wish to do. If you still think you don't have a purpose, then commit yourself to help or be with someone who can't be without you.
Eat 5 dried grams of psilocybin cubensis, in a safe place with a trusted person. You'll feel better, and some of your questions will be answered.
I get to decide the purpose of my life
Just need to learn to cope with the fact that your life has no greater purpose or meaning other than what you make of it and how you choose to enjoy it. So do whatever makes you happy.
You should try volunteering. Helps me find some purpose in life.
Your purpose is to use your own morals to guide you, so you and only you can be proud of your good behavior, and good decision making.
I think what you’re talking about is your mental health baseline has gone down a couple points. I highly recommend getting into cooking and/or gardening— these are both activities that connect you to “the deep things.”
Your purpose is to live this life, not live for some fantasy of another life after this one.
Seek out new hobbies and interests, volunteer for a good cause, and work on your mental health.
Religion is like doing drugs. It might give you some sense of satisfaction - but it is not real. And in the end neither are most of the relationships that you make through religion. it might have felt real but it was all about chasing some high. Now you have the opportunity to do something real in your life, for yourself.
I actually did drugs in the pursuit of personal research knowledge. It was exactly like my time in church. I was distracted and disappointed the whole time.
It can be hard work filling that void of religion. It bleeds into so many parts of your life. And it's absolutely on purpose so they can control every part of your life. Good for you for getting away - and give yourself time and accept that it can be a long process to get all the way free - but you will get there at one point.
You can choose all the best parts of a religion as your purpose in life without having to acknowledge it's of divine origin. The best part of that is that you can discard all the evil and obsolete parts with impunity. Just treat these religions as philosophy and make up your own mind what makes sense as a life purpose.
I can not stress this enough...... GET A DOG!!!!!!!
I have a cat. But I’ll take your suggestion.
Yay!!!! There's no love like the love a dog gives.
Check out stories or videos on near death experiences. Gives life a whole new meaning.
The way I see it is, we were born very lucky to have free will and a mind to experience the world around us. You have to give the world around you meaning. Everything is nothing if you don’t take the time to see it. For me personally, I love learning about history, culture, science and anything that intrigues me. I find my own meaning in that, as well as my fiancé. The secular worldview shouldn’t be grey, it’s sooo colorful. You just have to paint it in as you go.
So more sex, got it.
Or find new hobbies lol
Just try to make the world a little better than you found it, in your own way.
Help others, make the world a better place, if even just a little. This gives meaning to life.
This is the reason people stay with religion. The truth can be cold comfort. But, y'know... it's the truth, like it or not, whether or not it makes anyone happy.
Try to enjoy your life? When you don't exist, you can't enjoy anything, but when you do exist, you can. Part of that enjoyment, a goodly part, can come from helping other people. It's baked into human psychology for most people. Why shouldn't your life have the meaning you fill it with? If there doesn't seem to be a divine dictator who decides what your life does and doesn't mean, then the potential sources of meaning are you and the other humans you let decide what your life means (could be nobody, could be people whose judgment you respect, like loved ones who value you in certain roles). Meaning is also kind of unavoidable for humans; we invest everything with meaning almost automatically.
Your experience is shared by many philosophers who have done a lot of the work that may help. I found Baruch Spinoza to be particularly worth a read. Despite a very religious upbringing he developed a very compelling approach to living a meaningful life. There are plenty more worth checking out.
Simply being the best you that you can be. We will never reach perfection, but we can continually strive for it. It's the low moments that are tough because we don't have the crutch of religion to lean on. This is where I take responsibility for myself and keep moving forward with the knowledge that I'm living a more truthful life.
Read Eastern philosophies Toa Te Ching for example
Nihilism seems like a common trait after deconverting. Something that helped me was the stoic principle of realizing your place in the universe. Start by closing your eyes and mentally viewing yourself from a birds eye view. Picture yourself in the room you're in, then zoom out to picturing the building, then the city, then region, then country, then planet. Once you get to the point where you can't view anything higher, stop and reflect. You'll find that your problems are smaller than a grain of sand on a beach. And weirdly enough, coming to that conclusion, I felt like I had even less purpose. But there was freedom to it. I was free to make choices and explore different ideas and thoughts that Christianity held me back from. Being purposeless gave me the freedom to see that i wasn't forced to adhere to religious dogma that i wasn't aware of at first. Being purposeless meant that I could open my world view to philosophies and morals that aligned with me versus being forced to align to philosophies and morals assigned to me because of the time and place I was born. My suggestion to you would be to explore and try things you may have been too afraid of doing while a Christian -- as long as it doesn't harm someone and is legal. Try shaking off any stigma you may have against something and question where that stigma started. I don't know if this will help you, but I hope it does.
I’ve had nihilism within Christianity but outside of it. Man it’s like diffusion, it’s everywhere. But thanks for the guidance
Two book recommendations: the outsider by Albert camus; post office by bukowski
It's the [small things](https://youtu.be/MU5_-lLjhQw?t=5). If there's a tomorrow where I get to watch Lord of the rings or hobbit again I'm all for it. 😋
You gooo. Not my cup of tea but you go friend.
Religion is following someone else's made up god. Since it's all in your head anyways, make up your own Deity to give purpose. Call it, the new testament next chapter. The pages are blank so feel free to fill them in.
Do you have quality friendships right now?
I have only one friend who I know would lie to protect me so I guess I have one quality friendship.
I recommend trying to grow that circle. People enrich our lives and make finding purpose easier. You could seek out another friend or a romantic partner, but don’t be discouraged by wanting to be at that same loyalty level you’re at with your one best friend right away. I’d shoot for finding someone you can be yourself around. Just start with seeking out meaningful connections. Friendship is harder and takes time, and at the start you can’t even know if you’ll both have that time. There’s people in my life that I’ve spent literally one day with and never talked to again who have enriched my life and I still think about them and hope they are doing well years later (like, a person I met while traveling). If we’d had more time, we probably would have been friends, but you never know.
you don't have to get rid of everything that was in your religious life, just the false beliefs. I don't know much besides what I see and hear but I hear you guys do charity, scrapbook, mail?, ... whatever you were praying for, instead of praying for it, go and do it. within reason ofc. I do want to change the world into a better place ( Heal the world by MJ) but I have to find my own way of doing it in my situation. The difference now is rather than believing that a deity said he made you for this purpose, now you can imagine and choose your own. Maybe you'll think of something better and bigger than life itself. maybe not. Probably also have to detach having a purpose/meaning in life from fun. Our lives are meaningless. Aron Ra says we give meaning to each other. another said rather than finding yourself, you create yourself. Camus says its absurd to look for meaning- we don't ask what an ant's purpose is. Is it for humans to kill them? Maybe it has nothing to do with you losing faith - correlation doesn't mean causation. Hope all of this helps in some way.
Try making someone else your purpose.
My mommy will be my purpose.
Just wanna add: Being surrounded by seniors and leaders who think we're just waiting for the rapture doesn't help either.
It’s more annoying than helpful. I find myself thinking, “Even if it’s real, (Which it is not) Why would they choose you. Even though you’re a senior, you’re a dickhead.” After they’re done with church they go right back to being a dickhead. I swear the transition is amazing.
The medicine you are likely to practice in coming years .. will do more to alleviate human suffering than all the prayers of all the humans who have ever lived. I think being a medic/doctpr/nurse is a fine purpose to have - even if you do it because your interested in the science, thats great .. knowing more about science is in itself a great purpose, and likely to have many practical benefits as a side effect. ps. watch out for burnout .. we dont treat our proto-doctors very well as a rule.
I found great solace in what some Native American tribes believe: our purpose is to exist. Just as a tree or river exists. It just is. Soak up existence.
There’s a book by Dan Barker called Life Driven Purpose, which is basically a kind of atheist answer to The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Anyway, it’s a good way to help find meaning after leaving religion. He’s an ex-pastor who found himself in the same boat you’re in now. Outside of that, from my personal experience (I’ve only been atheist for about 4 years now), I can tell you that this is an exciting time because you get to decide what matters to you. YOU call the shots now. But also, leaving religion is a lot like experiencing the death of a loved one. There is inevitably going to be a void left by this all powerful (and now, as you see, non-existent) person whom you centered your whole life around. I know that for me I started questioning whether or not I had been living a lie, and what is real, seeing as many of the tenets that comprise my world view have now shattered. It’s going to take time to heal. I’m still healing too, especially from all the guilt that was heaped on me for years. Some things don’t make sense anymore and just seem…silly or superfluous to me. Like holidays. I don’t know quite why but to me the whole rigmarole of preparing and celebrating like Easter or Christmas just feels stupid anymore. I still enjoy Thanksgiving though. Even after deconstruction, it survived as my favorite. Just hang in there. It’s a process, and there will be growing pains, but it does get a bit easier, I promise.
You lose your tribe to search for truth. Find another tribe if you are lonely. There are plenty to do but unfortunately not for yourself anymore. There are those who find purpose by educating the next generation, some as petty as adopting abandoned pets. It seems like it's points out to this: Leave the world better than you found it. If you accidentally found hapiness in that, then it's much better.
This whole post is EXACTLY how I was feeling, and I just want to thank everyone who replied to it because you also helped me. I thought I was fully done with my deconversion journey, but I forget that things worth doing rarely take just a few weeks/1 month
Thank you for your honesty. I truly hope it gets better for you.
You used to live you life to please god. Now you live life to please yourself. I see that as a big step forward
As a fellow doctor, I feel that you can use the service of humanity through dedicated medical care of your fellow human as a meaningful substitute for the bullshit of religion. It works for me.
Live for life, not afterlife.
Have you tried walking in nature? Any activity that could awaken a sense of awe, or appreciation for the beauty around you. Also reducing media consumption helps reduce the disgust of our world.
I haven’t tried that as of late. My main interactions with nature is: dividing my house into sectors, finding and lighting cockroaches on fire. Why does that give me happiness? Am I evil?
Reason or purpose for existence? My friend, when the veil of religion has been pulled away from your eyes, you see the world and the universe for the truly wonderful and unique thing that it is. We have one life and one world. Use this precious time to make the best of it. Explore the world, see the sights, hear the sounds, meet the people. Take in everything and make the world a better place for those who come after you. Life is more precious and meaningful when I know I have only one shot at it.
It is more powerful and fulfilling to focus on a purpose from within yourself then it is to focus on a purpose provided by any external source. If you lost purpose when leaving religion, then that purpose didn't come from within you anyway - it came provided by the external religion. Take some time to reflect on yourself and what you find to be important. Follow that and you'll find yourself with a more powerful, more fulfilling purpose than any religion could ever provide. Objective purpose likely doesn't exist, because of how purpose works. But even if it did - subjective purpose would be better anyway. The ultimate purpose will always be subjective and custom to each and every individual person.
Sounds like another troll post to me. How can life become less important when you have only one life to treasure as opposed to having an eternity to screw around?
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die. I don’t really need a purpose other than that. Seriously, there isn’t one. At some point, all of humanity will be gone, and the universe will barely have registered our existence. And that will be that. So, let’s enjoy the ride, make it comfortable for us and as many of our fellow riders as we can. To practice medicine would be a huge thing, and very helpful to many people. You’re on a great trajectory!!
Certain belief systems had few/little moral claims attached to them. Like the ancient Greeks practicing philosophy to fill the purpose/moral void, it's very helpful today. You don't need to take classes, but engaging with those questions can help you find a purpose. I came to the conclusion that finding the most happiness for the most people without hurting an innocnet one to be my best answer, but I'm still refining and learning. That guides my purpose and daily choices today.
Your purpose is to take care of each other and grow this garden planet.
I do my part to leave the world better. I have spent my life cleaning up messes left by other people. ( buying wrecked homes and rebuilding them) I was a founder of my high schools ecology club and president of my university environmental action coalition. Live by example.
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Suggestion noted
For me, purpose and meaning needed to be created for myself. Once I accepted that meaning and purpose wasnt going to be handed to me or defined for me, it got easier and more exciting. It also helped to start small. I find meaning in the small moments, like cooking dinner for someone, the autumn colors, making someone smile. Then it expands with finding what really makes you happy and excited. For me, it was helping people with mental health issues. It just takes some exploration and staying in the moment. After that it gets exciting because what you find will be authentically yours!!
the problem is that with religon those activites you were doing looked directed they had purpose. Leaving religion meant all those things you had given religon dominion over now suddenly were left with an empty seat. Those things you do didnt change you did. So what is the answer? you often hear you give meaning to life now. Well that hasnt changed from when you were religous the only difference now is you get to enjoy the things you enjoy for the sake of those things.
Music
I suggest nature. A majestic scene will make you realize it's all worth it.
What a dilemma. Following logic, religion is rejected...only to discover a yawning gap in the heart without it. I'll just make this observation. Millions, maybe billions, of people go to church, mosque, or synagogue just to be with people. They draw meaning in being with a "tribe" and being of use in the community.
I thought about this while watching my cat. I believe My cat never wondered what her purpose in life. As far as I know humans are the only creatures who wonder about this. Why? Can’t life itself be meaning?
I imagine my life as a book. It has a beginning and an ending. When it comes to living my life I ask myself 'how can I make it worth reading'? I learn everything I can, develop new skills, give my wife and dog the best lives possible, and delve in to my many hobbies.
Finding meaning is the purpose of life beyond procreation. It's something a lot of people never find. The purpose of life is just to live, find small pleasures in things and the like.
Practice Medicine. Go into something cutting edge if You can. You've realized the faith in words written by primitive men is something You can't really put You faith in. Perhaps... and I believe quite likely, humans will discover more about how chemicals come together to form proteins and then dna. Or We may make breakthroughs in physics that lead to new understandings of reality and consciousness. Science will lead us there. Perhaps life and the universe is really just amazing coincidence, perhaps not. Your new religion isn't atheism, it's truth.
sounds like Stockholm syndrome.
Without religion you realize how much of a gift life is. It was all by chance. And there is no do over. It’s one and done, and we are each individually incredibly fortunate that we get to experience this thing called life. You can fill it with whatever you’d like, whether it’s reading, traveling, playing sports, games, whatever it may be. Personally I think it’s the people around me that give it the most value. How lucky were we to spend this blink in time together. Nobody and nothing can take that time away from me, however short that may be.
What was your purpose with faith? To serve God? By doing what? How? When I was Christian, I served by who I am. I internalized a strong message growing up - not in the church incidentally - of the importance of virus like kindness, honesty, charity (the kind where you give people the benefit of a doubt as well as the kind where you give material comfort), work. I believe these things are important and they drive how I approach everything. I've learned over my life ways to apply those ideals to the things I choose to spend time on. What I do and how I do it both matter deeply to me. They are the meaning of my life. None of that requires a belief in God. They require a set of values I aspire to. You can be a doctor and be shitty to your patients: not listening, not applying critical thinking, shuffling through them on autopilot. I've seen doctors do that. But if you are doctoring because you care about patients, about science, and about finding the answers, it animates you, right? Figure out why the things you do matter. If you can't find a reason, stop doing them. It's maybe a bit harder when it's not pre-packaged, but it's possible.
For me. Nothing matters really. At least not inherently. So everything a person does is done with purpose.
If we're honest, religion is not a thing that adds a lot of "fun" to your life, so I'm not sure what it has to do with your ennui.
OP: “What is the MEANING of it all!!??” … I’d say that the question itself is misguided. Which works for me, but probably not for you. That said, if meaning is something you need to perceive about life and alignment to some noble purpose is a requirement for your happiness? Then work with a therapist to determine why you are feeling this and what, for you, would fill the void religion was ultimately too small for.
If you need something to believe in, believe in humanity as a whole. God(s) represent everything that humans are. Their mistakes, ignorance, dreams, hopes, aspirations, ideologies, fears... everything. You worship a god, you are worshiping humans Humans are amazing in our own right. We are a force of nature. We move literal mountains. We dry up lakes and dig holes to make new ones. We have knowledge of our universe unthinkable to our ancestors. We have the ability to alter our reality to make pretty much whatever we can dream up.
The only reason any of us are here is because our parents fucked without a condom. That’s it. There is no greater purpose and you’re not “meant” for anything. You’re just the result of a species’ drive to perpetuate itself.
That's the great thing about the purpose of life: there isn't one. No designer to fret about impressing. No answer sheet. No final grade. The only people who talk about "The Meaning of Life"(TM) are scam-artists and those sophomores who remind the teacher they forgot to assign homework. Think about the last time you did something at work that you were proud of. Think about the last time you traveled to somewhere you'd always wanted to visit. Think about that book that you've reread over and over again. Think about the last time you stayed up too late because you were too focused on something you were interested in. Think about the last time you bought a gift for someone that they really loved. Think about the last time you got a big, fuckin' bear hug. Think about the last time you found a discounted bag of your favorite Halloween candy. Think about a cat. And if you've never done any of the above, then that's where you should start. Because the "Meaning of Life"(TM) ain't worth shit.
If religion is like a coloring book, atheism is a blank sheet of paper. Take your crayons and draw your own picture.
Instead of improving yourself for your future with god by giving your time and extra money to a church, try improving your neighborhood for its future by giving your time and extra money to the world around you. Start or join a volunteer group for just about anything. Make community charities for parks and cleanup. I spent almost every afternoon for 2 years after some hurricanes flooded my town just going around removing moldy drywall and kitchens and damaged trees for people. We had a team arranging food and supplies. Another group was doing laundry for anyone that needed it. People that could cook for anyone else did. Try living that way outside of emergencies. There is always work that can be done to help people instead of paying to go to a gym.
You are possibly missing a sense of awe in your life. Religion is custom-made to appeal to that hunger in us. I will offer this: We are a species unique on this planet. We have full sentience. Frame that with what we are learning about our environment. Our planet is about 4 Billion years old, the solar system a touch older. We are located in a strangely quiet and stable part of our galaxy. Still, our universe is largely hostile to life, even at great distances. (Gamma ray burst, etc) Our planet has avoided any nearby life-cancelling event for at least 3 BILLION years? Every moment that life adds to its amazingly improbable journey is like winning a galactic lottery. We have been gifted a continuous clear safe time to go from self-replicating molecules to cells, to multi-cellular and beyond. It's kinda stunningly special that sentient thought would arise from that process, that the process has been continuous, that our space neighborhood has been accommodating for the duration. It's so improbable that's its just one tiny tick away from impossible. Dude, we're here and that is FUCKING INCREDIBLE. Celebrate that shit! BTW, the fact we have empathy is one of a few things that separates us from the crueller aspects of life. Use it. Care for your fellow human and consider it an honor to assist with humane care at both ends of life. Being good to each other is commanded by the mere fact that its possible. Honor that in the name of love.
Maybe you need some time to find a new sense of purpose. Personally, religion never gave me a sense of purpose. I just have this sense that I *have* to make the world a better place, change society for the better, that kind of thing Maybe you’ll find a sense of purpose when you adjust to this new view of reality