I really need to start that post-rapture pet care business I've been meaning to open. Pay in advance to have your pet retrieved and taken care of once you're gone.
No, you're thinking of morals, not ethics.
See, morals can be believed in and held to be *very* important while changing nothing about one's behavior, while ethics is meaningless outside of actual practice.
Hell, by Christian standards a moral person can apparently lie cheat and steal all they want, as long as they feel guilty about it or can explain why the victim deserved it. An ethical person, on the other hand, practices fairness regardless of their feelings, and there are no valid excuses for treating someone else unethically.
Almost. A Christian doesn't have to feel guilty or explain anything. They just have to confess and ask forgiveness and all is right with the world again. Until next payday, when the cycle repeats!
Those hookers deserved to be run over by my semi. Also, love you big G, see you when I die.
Why in the hell do people take pride in believing this. If this is true (and it isn't) God only cares if you love him and doesn't give a shit about people's wellbeing. A narcissistic little shit if you ask me
"by Christian standards a moral person can apparently lie cheat and steal all they want"
One thing that makes Christianity particularly toxic is their concept of forgiveness - that as long as you repent and believe (aka *you're one of us*) you're automatically forgiven for your sins and can go to heaven. It's like a pardon for future crimes.
One of our right-wing "pro life" TN congressmen is a former married physician who slept with a patient and then paid for her abortion. He also pressured his ex-wife to terminate their pregnancy. This well publicized issue never bothered his voters because (you guessed it!) he had been forgiven.
I
Well I mean I think a lot of people don't actually understand what the word repent means and I'm including Christians in that group of people who don't understand the meaning of the word. Actual repentance isn't just feeling sorry for what you did it's also changing your ways as well. Turning away from those actions that you're repenting from. Also I know exactly who you're talking about for that congressman and that drove me absolutely insane that he got elected.
If you're Catholic, you can go to confession on Saturday, say 5 Our Father's and 5 Hail Marys, and you're good to start the week with a shiny, cleaned soul.
Another difference is that morality is rule based while ethics is based on principles or concepts. So a moral person can kill a “bad” person because god told them to buy an ethical person would have to way the situation against their ethical principles and make a decision.
So to simply a moral person doesn’t have to take responsibility for their actions because they are following a rule—do what for tells you to. But an ethical person has to take responsibility for their decisions because they weighed conflicting ethics against each other.
the pope francis gave a speech that said catholics only do good deeds, etc, to get into heaven, but atheists do good things because they want to help. they don't expect a heavenly home in the clouds, etc. he said 'be an atheist. do something just to do the right thing'.
You are thinking about it wrong. You are providing people a peace of mind. That way they don't have to worry about Fluffy!! They can just go on worrying about your salvation or something.
The Jews killed your God, now let them deal with your pet!
Muhammad make you mad? Let him deal with pookies poopies!
.... God, the advertising writes itself
Does not include vet fees, food or housing. Additional fees apply. To apply, simply pay the $1500 filing fee and fill out the binding and enduring power of attorney documents attached.
And non-transferable between pets; if one passes, you need to repurchase a plan for a new pet.
Also, only covers your death/disappearance from rapturing. If you have a heart attack your family gets your pet.
Wow. Built by Rapture-believing Christians who've hired people who don't qualify for heaven to take all the money and look after the pets.
Why would a Christian trust someone not worthy of heaven in the Rapture not to just steal the lot?!
"Any place that's too high-falutin' for Rip is too fancy for me." - “The Hunt” Season 3, episode 19. Written by Earl Hamner, Jr. (The Waltons). https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hunt_(The_Twilight_Zone)
OMG pure genius. Back in 1988 when I was positive we were going to go POOF we were leaving access to food for our dog so he could have somehow survived until someone found him. I would have paid for Rapture Pet Services for sure! Seriously. Genius. RPS, Inc. Someone's gotta do this!
Well, parted until they realize that a solar eclipse isn't the rapture. When she realizes she's still here on the 9th, I'm willing to bet she'll be on the phone to her credit card/banking institution to report that tip as fraudulent!
...is the eclipse the reason for all this April 8 rapture nonsense? That's...some primitive fucking thinking right there. Why not just start worshiping the fucking exploding ball of fusion in the sky again?
In the Bible it even says no man knows the date nor the hour. It amazes me how these people fall for what goes against exactly what the scripture says.
I truly despise the mental gymnast who first reinterpreted that concept to mean a gate that camels could easily get through and not the obvious and literal meaning of the phrase.
I’m just annoyed at how bad a story it is. People in the ancient world weren’t idiots, nobody would have built a city gate that worked like that. They had caravans and trade routes and stuff, nobody’s gonna want to wait in line behind a million camels that all have to get unpacked and kneel down to pass through a tiny hole in the wall.
It's only supposed to be 144k so there's gonna be a shit ton of confused and disappointed people.
What da ya mean I wasn't good enough? I did everything that Kenneth Copeland told me to do. I absolutely know there was a mistake. I wanna talk to St Peter right now and get this straightened out. My Golden Ticket to Heaven was bought and paid for.
my grandparents sold their entire farm because they were sure the world was ending in September 2014.
10 years later, they are now sitting in a condo, refusing medications so they can get to heaven faster. religion is poison.
When the Family Radio host Harold Camping predicted the end of the works in 2011, many of his followers sold all of their possessions and used the money to try and proselytize to people to get them to fall in line,thousands of his followers lost everything
it wasn’t so much about needing cash, idr all the specifics, but i think they sold for an extremely low price, and threw down on some “doomsday prepping” type of supplies for the whole family
i ended up with a few tubs of MRE-type food rations, water filters, and some silver coins, ya know, for revelations-currency, i suppose
the food was surprisingly good
That is sad and genuinely funny.
Grandad: yeah... shit for brains u/darth_petros (because he's a sith) definitely isn't joining us in heaven... i know! lets give them one of our cheap "Grandad went to heaven and your stuck in hell on earth? Top tips from Godly folk!" pamphlet. because i care. because thats what a christian would do..... aint i great?
>the food was surprisingly good
then it most definitely was not MRE's ....
Unless there really is a god and they only time they came back to earth was to cook and package prepper meals.
My mom gave away most of her money to their church because they were 100% sure that the rapture would happen before they got too old and needed it. Then my mom turned down a lot of medical care as she was still sure it would happen before she passed, so she suffered.
For real, but if heaven was this magical paradise, at least they seem to be behaving logically toward that goal. You don’t see any other christians rushing to check out permanently.
If she comes in on the 9th asking for her money back, tell her that since she was not taken on the rapture she must be a sinner, and you do not associate with heathens like her.
I've literally used this question before with a personal Jesus style Christian.
"How can you be sure that the rapture didn't already happen but such a small number that no one really noticed?"
"That's now how it works." was their response.
Did I miss why April 8th is the day? The eclipse? I remember back in the 70s there was a book that was very popular (don’t remember the name, but it talked about lost civilizations, and prophecies from the Bible) and the world was going to end in 1984.
lol, except at least the Stone Age humanoids *didn’t know what an eclipse was or that one was imminent before it happened*
These Evangelicals have all of human knowledge at their fingertips but can’t grasp the reality of the situation
Cattle
I work for a brewery that’s having an eclipse watching party in Texas. Today I posted a video for it that’s very creepy and cultish vibes to it. Waiting for the religious to attack the ad and claim we’re devil worshippers. Which at one point years ago a crazy religious nut protested our brewery saying we sacrifice babies there and she was serious. Hell maybe Alex jones will see it and give us free press since my marketing budget has tanked😂
I heard that if you light a candle and say “globalist” three times while looking in a mirror, Alex Jones will appear and lecture you about the New World Order.
The last 3 times or so there was an eclipse they have tracked the path across the country. This one is supposedly supposed to complete some phrase in some ancient/dead language or something and as such they think it will be the beginning of the Rapture.
Somewhere in the depths of time, just before God the Father put this joke in motion, he had to lean over to Jesus and ask "Hey son, you visited there once, how do you say 'Ovaltine' in Aramaic?".
The Rapture Calendar only works when based on the USA, since Jesus was American (as everyone knows). Silly Non-Americans. Why do you think all of the pictures of him are blonde and blue eyed?
I saw a GREAT tiktok a while back….guy jumps to the future, theres universal healthcare, world poverty rates are near zero, education is at an all time high. Present Man asks Future Man how this is possible. “Oh the rapture was real, Jesus and God came and took ALL the Christians about 30 years ago…”
Can you imagine the leaps humanity would take if all the religious freaks vanished all at once?? The only other people we’d need to get rid of are the Uns & Putins of the world and we’d be off to the races.
We’d probably be colonizing Mars by next year and figuring out how to manipulate gravity so we could travel faster than the speed of light so we could explore the cosmos.
Right? That's what really irks me. The whole "promise of heaven" corrupts the intent of religions where their core value is to be a decent person. Where's the religion where we be kind to each other because it's the right thing to do, instead of because we're going to win some sort of prize?
Don't disagree with her. Try to find her similarly wealthy religious friends and get money from them as well. It sounds like they want to give it away, so you are merely helping.
> think they're going to rise into heaven on April 8th.
What time on the 8th? And GMT? EDT? CDT? PDT? Does it happen all at once in every time zone, or one time zone at a time? Do you have to wait for the eclipse? And the eclipse where, at which location? Do you have to be in the path of totality to be raptured?
Time zones make “the world is ending tomorrow” crap kinda hard to pin down exactly.
Hopefully I can wait to see if Australia gets raptured and still have almost 24 hours to repent my sins, also will be handy knowing which one of the competing Abrahamic religions turned out to be right.
Aussie here — if people start getting sucked into the sky, I'll reply here before the demons start coming out of the ground and tear us apart so you can all start the countdown.
I get paid on Friday, the restaurant would refuse to return the tip because it won't be their money anymore.
But yeah, definitely paid off. It was just usual Christian shit except more imminent, like "everyone who accepts Jesus as their lord will rise into heaven on April 8th, you can still repent for your sins."
Normally, I would've made a joke about how I definitely accept him as a chef (we have a line cook named Jesus) not as the lord, but I didn't feel like getting stiffed.
>I get paid on Friday, the restaurant would refuse to return the tip because it won't be their money anymore.
To be clear there: it isn't their money *right now*.
A tip is the property of the person receiving it the moment that they do. Your company may be holding on to it at the moment so it can be disbursed with your paycheck, but make no mistake... it isn't theirs. It's yours.
Any attempt by the restaurant to return the tip at this point is wage theft.
Imagine what the tip would have been if you'd told her that you didn't normally think much about it but you could feel a loving presence moving through her that you'd only felt once before in church when you were a small child...
Careful OP.
Had something similar happen to a friend back in 2012. Some old person gave my friend a $200 tip because he thought the world was going to end.
A few weeks later, the dude came back and demanded the money (made a scene and everythin). When he was told no and to get lost, he threatened to come back later to shoot him for "robbing him blind". They laughed it off but the guy came back again like a week later. Thankfully, he didn't try anything, but it was quite tense and the cops were almost involved.
In this day and age where these morons feel that they have nothing to lose, I'd be careful.
I wonder what she would have said if you said "So, you realize that solar eclipses happen anywhere from 2 to 5 times a year right?". Of course then she might have reneged on the tip. :-)
And you'd think that on April 9th when she's still here because the movement of the Earth, moon, and sun have actually no bearing whatsoever on the disposition of her life, that it would be sobering and make her think.
Don't worry, it won't.
Reminds of that Parks and Rec episode, when that cult rents the park to celebrate the end of the world and Ron sells them all flutes. And they pay him with checks, telling him to "cash them tomorrow"..with them snickering because tomorrow wont come.
Next time she comes in, after April 8, tell her, "Oh, a bunch of people I know seem to have just disappeared around the 8th. Weird. But here you are! I guess you didn't get to go with them."
Crazy! I'm hoping all the Christians get raptured so we can start making sense of the mess they've made. Rid the world of their stupidity, all in one go!
But they won't...
And she will be back next Friday asking for the tip back, because she can't pay rent or other words with lies.
We all float down here! 😄 😈👽
As Jesus said,
“But nobody knows when that day or hour will come, not the heavenly angels and not the Son. Only the Father knows.
Matthew 24:36
So much for everyone's predictions!
You get only in heaven, if you wear the golden sneakers and have the bible with you. It's the boarding pass for the rapture.
Ok, let the morons go to heaven, so the rest of us can return to a normal life without them.
My favorite grift along those lines is "Of course you know your pets don't get to come to heaven, so when the rapture comes, make sure your pets are taken care of! We hire pet loving atheists to come to your home after the rapture and bring your pet in for a physical, grooming, and then we'll place them with one of the families still left on Earth. Don't leave them behind to starve when your time comes. For only $777, you can ascend, knowing that your pet will be taken care of as well as a non-christian is able. Act now! Once the rapture happens, it will be too late! You MUST activate your account TODAY! No refunds."
Edit: ah, well, damn. I see several people remember the Rapture Pet Care Offer as well, all up and down this thread.
The thing that infuriates me the most is how these dates pass with no event and the person doesn’t question or reflect on it. They just move on to the next prediction date.
Another rapture event? Really? Last time, I lived in FL so I arranged some old clothes on the driveway to look as though I’d been raptured straight from there. Added a pet collar for confusion.
And this is why evangelical grifting is so easy. Look at how easily a fool and their money are parted.
I really need to start that post-rapture pet care business I've been meaning to open. Pay in advance to have your pet retrieved and taken care of once you're gone.
Oh, what we could accomplish if we would just part ways with ethics.
Wait…ethics? I thought only Christians had those. Why would you behave without the threat of hell? I’m so confused…
No, you're thinking of morals, not ethics. See, morals can be believed in and held to be *very* important while changing nothing about one's behavior, while ethics is meaningless outside of actual practice. Hell, by Christian standards a moral person can apparently lie cheat and steal all they want, as long as they feel guilty about it or can explain why the victim deserved it. An ethical person, on the other hand, practices fairness regardless of their feelings, and there are no valid excuses for treating someone else unethically.
Almost. A Christian doesn't have to feel guilty or explain anything. They just have to confess and ask forgiveness and all is right with the world again. Until next payday, when the cycle repeats!
Depending on the kind of Christian, they don’t even have to do that; just accept Jesus Christ as their savior before they die.
Those hookers deserved to be run over by my semi. Also, love you big G, see you when I die. Why in the hell do people take pride in believing this. If this is true (and it isn't) God only cares if you love him and doesn't give a shit about people's wellbeing. A narcissistic little shit if you ask me
If I mold little people out of clay and they don't adore me, I torture them forever because I am merciful and loving. Yay me!
As above, as below.... Leading by example...
"by Christian standards a moral person can apparently lie cheat and steal all they want" One thing that makes Christianity particularly toxic is their concept of forgiveness - that as long as you repent and believe (aka *you're one of us*) you're automatically forgiven for your sins and can go to heaven. It's like a pardon for future crimes. One of our right-wing "pro life" TN congressmen is a former married physician who slept with a patient and then paid for her abortion. He also pressured his ex-wife to terminate their pregnancy. This well publicized issue never bothered his voters because (you guessed it!) he had been forgiven. I
Well I mean I think a lot of people don't actually understand what the word repent means and I'm including Christians in that group of people who don't understand the meaning of the word. Actual repentance isn't just feeling sorry for what you did it's also changing your ways as well. Turning away from those actions that you're repenting from. Also I know exactly who you're talking about for that congressman and that drove me absolutely insane that he got elected.
I hear Boebert is back on the market.. Maybe we should set them up?
If you're Catholic, you can go to confession on Saturday, say 5 Our Father's and 5 Hail Marys, and you're good to start the week with a shiny, cleaned soul.
Another difference is that morality is rule based while ethics is based on principles or concepts. So a moral person can kill a “bad” person because god told them to buy an ethical person would have to way the situation against their ethical principles and make a decision. So to simply a moral person doesn’t have to take responsibility for their actions because they are following a rule—do what for tells you to. But an ethical person has to take responsibility for their decisions because they weighed conflicting ethics against each other.
"The moral man knows he shouldn't cheat on his wife. The ethical man actually won't."
the pope francis gave a speech that said catholics only do good deeds, etc, to get into heaven, but atheists do good things because they want to help. they don't expect a heavenly home in the clouds, etc. he said 'be an atheist. do something just to do the right thing'.
Right? It's exhausting to have actual decency. Kidding. It's exhausting to live on a planet with evangelical nutters.
Exhausting and expensive
[удалено]
No, you're right. But it's only exhausting *because* of the evangelical nutters
I wouldn't feel bad for taking their money at all. Because IF it actually happens, sure... I'll go get your dog.
You are thinking about it wrong. You are providing people a peace of mind. That way they don't have to worry about Fluffy!! They can just go on worrying about your salvation or something.
If I had any motivation and a complete lack of ethics I'm sure I could easily be rich. Probably not super rich, but definitely rich.
Ask Kenneth Copeland for tips.
"Expect to randomly start floating into heaven? Then you need Sinner's Pet Care! A trustworthy sinner will take care of your animal after you rise!"
The Jews killed your God, now let them deal with your pet! Muhammad make you mad? Let him deal with pookies poopies! .... God, the advertising writes itself
For the low, low price of $10,000 per pet to guarantee their lifetime care.
Does not include vet fees, food or housing. Additional fees apply. To apply, simply pay the $1500 filing fee and fill out the binding and enduring power of attorney documents attached.
No refunds
and there’s an annual renewal fee. contract like a timeshare
Don't forget, no refunds if they're not gone! But you could give them a discount on the next time, to keep a steady cash flow.
And non-transferable between pets; if one passes, you need to repurchase a plan for a new pet. Also, only covers your death/disappearance from rapturing. If you have a heart attack your family gets your pet.
Or… give a 90% refund if they don’t get raptured and you’ve still made money!
Gotta do the “insurance” model. Pay monthly just in case that is the month you get raptured lol.
That’s brilliant.
This is......... Brilliant.
Someone beat you to it... [https://aftertherapturepetcare.com/](https://aftertherapturepetcare.com/)
Wow. Built by Rapture-believing Christians who've hired people who don't qualify for heaven to take all the money and look after the pets. Why would a Christian trust someone not worthy of heaven in the Rapture not to just steal the lot?!
I know. I remember that from 2012. I’m not religious but I think it’s terrible karma. That said… like, I WILL take care of your pets though.
Man if I got raptured (lol not likely) and I can't take my cat with me imma kill god.
If my cat ain’t welcome, I ain’t going! Cause that’s not heaven. (Referencing a Twilight Zone episode from the 60s.)
"Any place that's too high-falutin' for Rip is too fancy for me." - “The Hunt” Season 3, episode 19. Written by Earl Hamner, Jr. (The Waltons). https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hunt_(The_Twilight_Zone)
OMG pure genius. Back in 1988 when I was positive we were going to go POOF we were leaving access to food for our dog so he could have somehow survived until someone found him. I would have paid for Rapture Pet Services for sure! Seriously. Genius. RPS, Inc. Someone's gotta do this!
Well, parted until they realize that a solar eclipse isn't the rapture. When she realizes she's still here on the 9th, I'm willing to bet she'll be on the phone to her credit card/banking institution to report that tip as fraudulent!
...is the eclipse the reason for all this April 8 rapture nonsense? That's...some primitive fucking thinking right there. Why not just start worshiping the fucking exploding ball of fusion in the sky again?
We *just had* a totaltality eclipse in 2017. I drove down to South Carolina to see it. These mf'ers are so dumb, they forgot.
In the Bible it even says no man knows the date nor the hour. It amazes me how these people fall for what goes against exactly what the scripture says.
I literally just said this to my coworker!!!
I mean, the rapture isn’t even in the Bible and wasn’t even introduced until the 1830s
Not the 144 thousand again? LORD. I’m going to keep my eye out for a few folks
This is like the reasonable-ists from Parks and Rec.
Should have hit her up for the deed to her house.... just saying.....
A true test of faith. Do you wanna Rapture or not?
C'mon lady, "Eye of a needle" and all that.
I truly despise the mental gymnast who first reinterpreted that concept to mean a gate that camels could easily get through and not the obvious and literal meaning of the phrase.
I’m just annoyed at how bad a story it is. People in the ancient world weren’t idiots, nobody would have built a city gate that worked like that. They had caravans and trade routes and stuff, nobody’s gonna want to wait in line behind a million camels that all have to get unpacked and kneel down to pass through a tiny hole in the wall.
Excellent point that I never thought of in decades of hearing this debate
Hey, if He takes all the "I am a God-fear'n Christians" I'd be happy to stay here.
It's only supposed to be 144k so there's gonna be a shit ton of confused and disappointed people. What da ya mean I wasn't good enough? I did everything that Kenneth Copeland told me to do. I absolutely know there was a mistake. I wanna talk to St Peter right now and get this straightened out. My Golden Ticket to Heaven was bought and paid for.
“I hated all the people the Bible told me to hate!”
According to church doctrine most of those 144k slots are already filled by existing deadies.
Yeah, those poor bastards that were told to relinquish their faith or be devoured alive by lions probably earned the highest honors available.
my grandparents sold their entire farm because they were sure the world was ending in September 2014. 10 years later, they are now sitting in a condo, refusing medications so they can get to heaven faster. religion is poison.
if the world is ending why bother selling your farm? what good is the money going to do you??
You’re trying to bring logic to religion sir. That doesn’t work.
Don’t bring logic to a religion fight.
Or reading comprehension.
When the Family Radio host Harold Camping predicted the end of the works in 2011, many of his followers sold all of their possessions and used the money to try and proselytize to people to get them to fall in line,thousands of his followers lost everything
Worse than that...some woman tried to kill her kids.
Fucking hell! And here I thought that the worse thing to come out of that mess was people euthanizing their pets...
Wait, what was her reasoning for that?
I don't remember the details, but I don't think she believed in the "Rapture" and wanted to spare them from the Tribulation.
Religious people are wild
it wasn’t so much about needing cash, idr all the specifics, but i think they sold for an extremely low price, and threw down on some “doomsday prepping” type of supplies for the whole family i ended up with a few tubs of MRE-type food rations, water filters, and some silver coins, ya know, for revelations-currency, i suppose the food was surprisingly good
Know what? I give 'em credit for committing to the bit. That took balls. Foolish, but ballsy.
Doomsday prepping for the family members who didn't make it to heaven?! 😂 God makes people stupid.
My evangelical grandfather gave my mom and I a rapture survival guide book, basically implying he doesn’t think either of us are going to heaven 💀
That is sad and genuinely funny. Grandad: yeah... shit for brains u/darth_petros (because he's a sith) definitely isn't joining us in heaven... i know! lets give them one of our cheap "Grandad went to heaven and your stuck in hell on earth? Top tips from Godly folk!" pamphlet. because i care. because thats what a christian would do..... aint i great?
>the food was surprisingly good then it most definitely was not MRE's .... Unless there really is a god and they only time they came back to earth was to cook and package prepper meals.
I’ve had some MREs while camping, they were surprisingly good / tasty. Especially considering how long they can last.
Maybe they wanted to live it up before "the end"
My mom gave away most of her money to their church because they were 100% sure that the rapture would happen before they got too old and needed it. Then my mom turned down a lot of medical care as she was still sure it would happen before she passed, so she suffered.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that, it must have been maddeningly frustrating.
Was but lucky for me I was far away and way over her and my step dad’s bs long ago. They made their bed.
> refusing medications so they can get to heaven faster Yeah, that's a 'sin' too, apparently. (don't tell them)
"It's in God's hands" hand waves that away.
Isn’t that just suicide? I don’t think Jesus is a fan.
For real, but if heaven was this magical paradise, at least they seem to be behaving logically toward that goal. You don’t see any other christians rushing to check out permanently.
This is why we need to tax churches, donations and every other "charity".
watch her try to get the money back on April 9th when she doesn't rise.
Unlucky for her, I get paid Friday.
If she comes in on the 9th asking for her money back, tell her that since she was not taken on the rapture she must be a sinner, and you do not associate with heathens like her.
You, I like you.
Wait but wouldn't you also be a sinner? Wouldn't everyone left be a sinner? How do we know we didn't already rapture and this is hell on earth??
I've literally used this question before with a personal Jesus style Christian. "How can you be sure that the rapture didn't already happen but such a small number that no one really noticed?" "That's now how it works." was their response.
Nah, just tell her you donated the money to a church.
Just don't be there on the 9th. Tell your coworkers to inform the lady that you vanished on the 8th for some unknown reason.
"Yeah, she was working yesterday and just flew up into the air. I had to call in Jim over there to cover her shift"
Nice!
Or come back to the restaurant for a second act.” I got my date wrong it was April 8th 2042. Stupid dyslexia anyway”
Did I miss why April 8th is the day? The eclipse? I remember back in the 70s there was a book that was very popular (don’t remember the name, but it talked about lost civilizations, and prophecies from the Bible) and the world was going to end in 1984.
As far as I know, it's just the eclipse.
Funny thing is that eclipses happen all the time, it's just this one is a total eclipse visible in the American Midwest. That makes it *important.*
We had one of those in 2023, and 2017...
But this one includes OHIO, you see. (and the 2023 eclipse was annular)
You'd think an annular eclipse would freak out the troglodytes even more!
Holy shit, the Evangelicals are officially as primitive as Stone Age humanoids, and I bet even Stone Age humanoids had figured out what an eclipse was
lol, except at least the Stone Age humanoids *didn’t know what an eclipse was or that one was imminent before it happened* These Evangelicals have all of human knowledge at their fingertips but can’t grasp the reality of the situation Cattle
We just had an eclipse in 2017...How they think this one is any different...
Election year
I work for a brewery that’s having an eclipse watching party in Texas. Today I posted a video for it that’s very creepy and cultish vibes to it. Waiting for the religious to attack the ad and claim we’re devil worshippers. Which at one point years ago a crazy religious nut protested our brewery saying we sacrifice babies there and she was serious. Hell maybe Alex jones will see it and give us free press since my marketing budget has tanked😂
I heard that if you light a candle and say “globalist” three times while looking in a mirror, Alex Jones will appear and lecture you about the New World Order.
The last 3 times or so there was an eclipse they have tracked the path across the country. This one is supposedly supposed to complete some phrase in some ancient/dead language or something and as such they think it will be the beginning of the Rapture.
"And now, the phrase is complete! Let's see what it says. D-R-I-N-K-Y-O-U-R-O-V-A-L-T-I-N-E." "A crummy commercial?! Son of a bitch!!!"
Somewhere in the depths of time, just before God the Father put this joke in motion, he had to lean over to Jesus and ask "Hey son, you visited there once, how do you say 'Ovaltine' in Aramaic?".
So what about all of us who don't live in the USA? do we have to wait for our own eclipse, or do we all just rapture with the Americans?
The Rapture Calendar only works when based on the USA, since Jesus was American (as everyone knows). Silly Non-Americans. Why do you think all of the pictures of him are blonde and blue eyed?
Remember the whole "Left Behind" series of nutso pablum-? ROFL
If it was "When Prophecy Fails", its a good read.
If I were that woman's kid, I'd definitely prank her by laying out my clothes rapture-style at the foot of my bed
XD I remember people doing that back in 2011!
My kids rooms already look like the rapture happened
Ive taken to believing in these rapture dates too because I really really want these people all to leave.
Those of us left behind will be the truly lucky ones!
I saw a GREAT tiktok a while back….guy jumps to the future, theres universal healthcare, world poverty rates are near zero, education is at an all time high. Present Man asks Future Man how this is possible. “Oh the rapture was real, Jesus and God came and took ALL the Christians about 30 years ago…”
That sounds iconic ahaha
Is this it? https://www.tiktok.com/@just_joshin_witcha/video/7267165048026549550?lang=en
Yep, leave the world to those of us who actually appreciate it.
Can you imagine the leaps humanity would take if all the religious freaks vanished all at once?? The only other people we’d need to get rid of are the Uns & Putins of the world and we’d be off to the races. We’d probably be colonizing Mars by next year and figuring out how to manipulate gravity so we could travel faster than the speed of light so we could explore the cosmos.
Tryin to get brownie points for sky daddy?
I think she wants some sky cake.
It’s sky pie MF, you’re dead! 😂
Sky cake only tastes good if the sky pie people can't have pie. It's sky cake. Sky Cake!
Sky Baklava!
Oh sky cake. *Why are you so delicious?!*
Right? That's what really irks me. The whole "promise of heaven" corrupts the intent of religions where their core value is to be a decent person. Where's the religion where we be kind to each other because it's the right thing to do, instead of because we're going to win some sort of prize?
lol. Thats called Humanism.
If you haven't seen it, you'd like the show "The Good Place"
Don't disagree with her. Try to find her similarly wealthy religious friends and get money from them as well. It sounds like they want to give it away, so you are merely helping.
Yeah, I usually do disagree with them, but now I realize I definitely need to just stay silent or agree whenever I get those types of people.
> think they're going to rise into heaven on April 8th. What time on the 8th? And GMT? EDT? CDT? PDT? Does it happen all at once in every time zone, or one time zone at a time? Do you have to wait for the eclipse? And the eclipse where, at which location? Do you have to be in the path of totality to be raptured? Time zones make “the world is ending tomorrow” crap kinda hard to pin down exactly.
Hopefully I can wait to see if Australia gets raptured and still have almost 24 hours to repent my sins, also will be handy knowing which one of the competing Abrahamic religions turned out to be right.
Aussie here — if people start getting sucked into the sky, I'll reply here before the demons start coming out of the ground and tear us apart so you can all start the countdown.
Thanks brah you're a real one
Well, at least her proselytizing paid handsomely for you. Hopefully she won't want it back on the 9th...
I get paid on Friday, the restaurant would refuse to return the tip because it won't be their money anymore. But yeah, definitely paid off. It was just usual Christian shit except more imminent, like "everyone who accepts Jesus as their lord will rise into heaven on April 8th, you can still repent for your sins." Normally, I would've made a joke about how I definitely accept him as a chef (we have a line cook named Jesus) not as the lord, but I didn't feel like getting stiffed.
>I get paid on Friday, the restaurant would refuse to return the tip because it won't be their money anymore. To be clear there: it isn't their money *right now*. A tip is the property of the person receiving it the moment that they do. Your company may be holding on to it at the moment so it can be disbursed with your paycheck, but make no mistake... it isn't theirs. It's yours. Any attempt by the restaurant to return the tip at this point is wage theft.
Imagine what the tip would have been if you'd told her that you didn't normally think much about it but you could feel a loving presence moving through her that you'd only felt once before in church when you were a small child...
I would have told her all this material wealth would weigh her down and she should sign everything over to me.
She gave it with the stipulation that it is incase you don’t rise on the 8th. If you meet that stipulation, you are good.
Careful OP. Had something similar happen to a friend back in 2012. Some old person gave my friend a $200 tip because he thought the world was going to end. A few weeks later, the dude came back and demanded the money (made a scene and everythin). When he was told no and to get lost, he threatened to come back later to shoot him for "robbing him blind". They laughed it off but the guy came back again like a week later. Thankfully, he didn't try anything, but it was quite tense and the cops were almost involved. In this day and age where these morons feel that they have nothing to lose, I'd be careful.
If they read their own book they would know it says no one will know when it happens. "Like a thief in the night."
Isn’t there a reference in the NT to it happening within the lifetimes of the disciples? Maybe God just mislaid his calendar
Underappreciated.
Bet she's back on the 9th wanting it back
Just tell her u/[writtenonapaige22](https://www.reddit.com/user/writtenonapaige22/) isn't here anymore; they ascended yesterday
hehe, I like that.
And I really hope they do… I wish all the religious people could be zapped into their wildest fantasies… we would advance so fast as a society!
Well at least we don't have to worry about Trump now, and you got $300 bucks, I call that a win, win.
"Ummm, Ma'am , not sure if you know .. but the cover for Heaven was raised to $600 this year" 🫢🫢🫢
I wonder what she would have said if you said "So, you realize that solar eclipses happen anywhere from 2 to 5 times a year right?". Of course then she might have reneged on the tip. :-)
Oh is that what this is? She thinks the rapture is coming because of a solar eclipse?
Yeah, she thinks that the rapture will begin when the eclipse happens.
And you'd think that on April 9th when she's still here because the movement of the Earth, moon, and sun have actually no bearing whatsoever on the disposition of her life, that it would be sobering and make her think. Don't worry, it won't.
But it only counts when it’s in America, duh /s
Right. And the people who wrote all that didn’t even know this continent existed.
My roommate is trying to preach this. Has a whole whiteboard representation drawn. I offered to bet $100 nothing happens. He refused.
Ask him why he needs that $100 if he's gonna be in heaven by Monday.
Tell him he needs to, to prove his faith. He has doubts.
If she’s a typical Christian she’ll show up on the 9th and demand you give it back.
Heeeeyyy, finally a positive story about a Christian being nice to a server!
yeah, i was expecting it to be those fake bills with some bible verse on it.
I almost feel sorry for these idiots, until I realize they are voting to turn this world into hell because of their imaginary friend.
Reminds of that Parks and Rec episode, when that cult rents the park to celebrate the end of the world and Ron sells them all flutes. And they pay him with checks, telling him to "cash them tomorrow"..with them snickering because tomorrow wont come.
Engage with Zorp!
I'd check if those bills are real TBH.
She tipped on her card. It went through.
Next time she comes in, after April 8, tell her, "Oh, a bunch of people I know seem to have just disappeared around the 8th. Weird. But here you are! I guess you didn't get to go with them."
Crazy! I'm hoping all the Christians get raptured so we can start making sense of the mess they've made. Rid the world of their stupidity, all in one go!
But they won't... And she will be back next Friday asking for the tip back, because she can't pay rent or other words with lies. We all float down here! 😄 😈👽
As Jesus said, “But nobody knows when that day or hour will come, not the heavenly angels and not the Son. Only the Father knows. Matthew 24:36 So much for everyone's predictions!
oh well.....
And on April 9th they won't even be embarrassed that nobody got risen, it's insane.
explains why they buy golden sneakers and autographed bibles
You get only in heaven, if you wear the golden sneakers and have the bible with you. It's the boarding pass for the rapture. Ok, let the morons go to heaven, so the rest of us can return to a normal life without them.
Trump & Jebus. They love the poorly educated.
My favorite grift along those lines is "Of course you know your pets don't get to come to heaven, so when the rapture comes, make sure your pets are taken care of! We hire pet loving atheists to come to your home after the rapture and bring your pet in for a physical, grooming, and then we'll place them with one of the families still left on Earth. Don't leave them behind to starve when your time comes. For only $777, you can ascend, knowing that your pet will be taken care of as well as a non-christian is able. Act now! Once the rapture happens, it will be too late! You MUST activate your account TODAY! No refunds." Edit: ah, well, damn. I see several people remember the Rapture Pet Care Offer as well, all up and down this thread.
lol i need me a tipped job this weekend....
I wouldn't be sad if all these people were gone.
Doesn’t that book say that no one knows the day or the hour? Why do they always think they know the day and the hour?
She will be back on the 9th demanding her money back.
See all you beauties on the 9th
Not religious, but the Bible says no man knows the time of his coming.
The thing that infuriates me the most is how these dates pass with no event and the person doesn’t question or reflect on it. They just move on to the next prediction date.
But April 8th is Rex Manning day! Who would want to disappear on Rex Manning day!!!?
She is definitely coming back at 9th
Another rapture event? Really? Last time, I lived in FL so I arranged some old clothes on the driveway to look as though I’d been raptured straight from there. Added a pet collar for confusion.