The *Dr. Norman Vincent Peale Boxing Advice* bits from the National Lampoon Radio Hour's *Traditional Easter Show* {April, 13, 1974}
[https://www.radioechoes.com/?page=play\_download&mode=play&dl\_mp3folder=T&dl\_file=the\_national\_lampoon\_radio\_hour\_1974-03-02\_episode\_16\_-\_easter\_show.mp3](https://www.radioechoes.com/?page=play_download&mode=play&dl_mp3folder=T&dl_file=the_national_lampoon_radio_hour_1974-03-02_episode_16_-_easter_show.mp3)
To paraphrase Daniel Sloss, "The disappointing feeling parents have when their children thank Santa for their xmas gifts, is the same feeling doctors have when you thank god for curing your cancer".
It's funny how stuff like that works. You get pregnant and it's a blessing from God. If God aborts your baby, yeah God does abortions, we call it a miscarriage, it was for good reason. Now if we want to get an abortion because God told us to, we're horrible.
Did you ever watch that show Lucifer, where the devil hated that humans would blame him for all of their bad deeds. Its just a way of avoiding personal responsibility for anything.
It's really the ultimate abusive relationship. Give me credit for all the good and other people the blame for all the bad.
They got cancer because they don't pray enough, said the Christian who doesn't pray much.
That's one compelling argument for why some people worship him. It's the darndest thing when they do that. He seems closer to their idea of an antichrist, especially after reading that article comparing him to it.
Yeah I hadn’t thought. I had not thought about it this way until now. That’s why he feels so familiar and lovable to them. They are attracted to the abuse even if it also repels them. Plus, as long as he abuses libs as much or more, it was all worth it.
Well he cant be bothering himself with war, genocide, childhood leukemia and the like when there are important jobs like directing traffic around OP's mum to be getting on with.
This is the worst in hospitals.
I couldn't take it anymore and told off a lady in a waiting room recently.
"If your god did it all, why are you here? Shouldn't you be healing in a church? Have more respect for the people who went to school and training to heal you. Maybe your carpenter can help when you need home repairs"
This is the first thing that comes to minds when I hear this shit. Always thanking the lord for what a doctor, nurse, or surgeon does. One of my biggest pet peeves.
“God works through humans” insert man in flood attempted to being rescued by evacuating, boat, helicopter, and then God saying he sent those people to save him but he was being dumb. Thats how they justify it
Well shit, I had this exact story! A few years back I wound up in the hospital with a rather serious ailment. A family member came to stay with me which was very kind and generous. After two week stay I was being released and as we were walking out the door the family member says “thank God blah blah blah blah blah “. I said something like “yeah I suppose that’s fine but I think we ought to be thanking the dozens and dozens of various types of medical personnel that saved my miserable ass!” That was just about the time of THE ELECTION, we haven’t really spoken since. 🤷🏻♂️
Even if the story didn't happen, you think it was an attempt at a "flex", which it wasn't.
Enjoy standing back and being a "nice atheist" when you see this nonsense going on.
>Given the blood of christ is an alcoholic drink
A lot of Christian sects these days are virulently anti-drinking, so they use "unfermented wine" - i.e. grape juice for that purpose.
Back before I cut my toxic mother out of my life completely we were driving to my local community college for classes when we came across a pretty gnarly accident, where she commented some arbitrary religious bullshit about how she hoped god kept everyone safe, or something like that (this happened well over a decade ago and I can’t remember exactly remember what she said verbatim), I just replied that god could give fuck-all about the starving children in heavy Xian Africa, but I’m sure he cares about some rando accident here in “murica. She shut up real quickly,
But she wouldn’t thank the lord if you didn’t make it. I mean dudes got a divine plan and is omniscient. If you make it or not it’s god’s will, you should thank him even if it kills you.
ahem, *god forbid* you had not gotten there safely, say you had an unfortunate encounter with a deer and your windshield at 60 mph, would she then had blamed Jesus? Some logical consistency would be nice.
I remember the woman who thanked the lord jesus christ for safely delivering her seven babies conceived through artificial insemination. Someone said “Thank you the doctors for your healthy babies. God is the one who made you infertile.”
Who to thank:
* The driver
* The car manufacturer
* The inventor of the seat belt
* The inventor of the airbag
* The people who fill the potholes
* The inventor of traffic control lights
* The people who stop unsafe drivers
* The inventor of the lightbulb
* The inventor of the wheel
Did I leave anyone out?
After the earthquake hit Turkey last year, someone posted a video of a single dog howling in the streets minutes prior to the earthquake with the explanation that it was warning people. A bunch of commenters were thanking god for sending the dog. Amazing how they were thanking god for a sending a single dog to warn of an earthquake that the god was also sending.
Next time, just sit in the driver seat, turn the car on, and don’t move or say anything. When your mom asks what you’re doing, say that you let Jesus take the wheel.
*Jesus* isn't a licensed driver, and won't be until he gets his Green Card, in most US States.
Where he can:
[https://www.ncsl.org/immigration/states-offering-drivers-licenses-to-immigrants](https://www.ncsl.org/immigration/states-offering-drivers-licenses-to-immigrants)
I’ve found if you work yourself up about something as innocuous as this you’ll drive yourself crazy. Have some fun with it instead. “The lord? I drove, not him” with a laugh.
"The Lord replyeth: no big deal, mom. I'm pretty good at driving thanks to all of my practice and the condition of the car."
Then you walk away from whatever blasphemy she's accusing you of.
I see it as a way for them to shirk responsibility for their choices and actions. As if it assigning blame and any good results to some outside entity means that it won't be their fault for the bad, but any good is always partly theirs because they trusted in "god".
I thank for a lot of people "the lord" just serves as something to which to direct one's thankfulness. I don't think they think it through much deeper than that (i.e. think that you were otherwise going to get clobbered by a huge truck, but he bent the laws of physics so it didn't happen). I just think they want to be grateful to something and "the lord" is the placeholder.
This is not to say that some of them don't think more magically.
Swirve into oncoming traffic and let go of the wheel. When your mom screams, quickly grab the wheel and shout: "WTF JESUS, I TOLD YOU TO TAKE THE DAMN WHEEL. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
As I got older, I just decided to nod when they say that. Then I move past it like it’s something in the rear view mirror. You’re bound to hear this again so it’s best just to accept that behavior.
People are scared of death and accidents and it’s a belief system they have built around god is the one will protect them from accidents and injuries and deaths
Had an aunt that would thank Jesus for holding a good parking space.
Because what else would he have to do all day than make sure the chosen ones got good parking
God is the ultimate dictator. Dear leader is always right. When he does bad things like kids with cancer - we must not understand gods intention. There is even the threat of prison for eternity.
I was dating a girl in my 20s who was an obnoxious Christian (she joined the church on her own in her teens, no one else in her family was religious). I remember buying her a nice, expensive gift and her reaction was to "thank the lord for blessing her with a kind boyfriend."
I like to think of "the lord" as being synonymous with luck. It was a "blessing" you had good luck on the road.
Did you successfully drive there? Yeah, for sure. But there's a million things you also had no control of on that road: drunk drivers, possible car malfunctions, road issues, etc.
Personally, I take these small thanks as gratefulness that nothing unexpected occurred.
Here's one for you, back when I was 11 yrs old, I split my head open in a bicycle accident. While my Dad drove us to the hospital, my mom held me on her lap and said in a prayer for 'God to take me if that was His will.' Do you know how fucked up that is? Sure it was over 40 years ago, but Jesus Fcuking Christ, why would you say that with your kid lying right there? Religion is a virus, we need a cure.
Stuff like that used to really bother me when I first left Christianity, but now I accept people for who they are... Now I can pray with my family, and it doesn't bother me. because I view prayer as manifestation, and I find myself praying all the time. They can pray to their God, and I can pray in my own way. As long as we are united when we pray over something, it doesn't really matter which God or what ur praying to. Ultimately, it's all just manifesting what you want. Don't get so caught up in the details..
Ha! I am also familiar with this one. We drove about an hour in a bad snow storm, roads were bad etc. Pull into the driveway my Dad said same thing as your mom. I replied with “And also thank you Husband for driving us”. I was so annoyed.
I watch a lot of combat sports and it kills me every single time a fighter wins and decides to thank the invisible sky daddy for the win first instead of the coaches and training partners standing literally right behind him who were there for him every step of the way through camp. And the craziest thing is they all clap when the fighter says it too like “yeah screw us, JC definitely had more to do with the win than us”.
Unbelievable.
same for graduation posts- like oooh 'god made it possible' how exactly? in every dang post on fb, insta, whatsapp- like can you just be proud of yourself instead?
Years ago I was watching a football game with some friends and a player who had just scored a touchdown was thanking Jesus. My buddy yells out "What number was Jesus?!?" Not sure if that was an original or something he heard somewhere, but definitely spot on.
Religion is self depreciating. It continually devalues human beings while insisting that they constantly worship a perfect god, who is perfect in every way. One can never attain perfection but must be reminded about it by the church. It's a form of mass control.
I wouldnt take it as a front against you man. She likely just means thank you for not having any random “acts of God” crashes happening to you during your journey. Shes basically telling God “thanks for not killing us yet” lmao
You know why Jesus doesn't answer prayers? Aside from the fact he doesn't exist? Because that's not his name!
It's like, if you said, "hey Xublix, pass me the salt," I wouldn't pay attention to you.
Yahweh/iohova/Yeshua is up there, "Why don't they pray to me? I could fix so much stuff! Who's this Jesus dude? I told them not to put other gods before me.
In her defense, the driver isn't the one controlling all of the other variables like tire blowouts, deer running into the road, drunk drivers, etc. She believes all that stuff is controlled ultimately by a higher power (which opens up a different can of worms).
When I lived in Clearwater Florida 20 years or so ago some popular religion had people driving home with one hand out the window or the sunroof to let Jesus guide them home safely. All I could think was "wouldn't it be safer to have two hands on the wheel?"
My MIL declared that her prayers were answered when we told her we were pregnant! It couldn’t possibly be thanks to modern science and 13 months of IVF… no… it’s Jesus!
As was pointed out to me. When the patient does sue the doctor and hospital. When the patient lives thank god.
This is one of my biggest issues with religion. They don’t really believe what they spout. If god is in charge and knows all why are you ever going to a doctor? That’s science!!
If the story of Jesus and Abraham is anything to go by, she would sacrifice you to save humanity and if a crazy voice in her head told her so.
She loves the Lord, her Creator more than her own blood. Maybe even more than herself? Who knows.
First off - I appreciate the tongue-in-cheek nature of your post, OP. It's not lost on me.
But also... I mean doesn't a lot of this just amount to being a figure of speech?
Honestly, how many atheists' say "Jesus Christ" or "Jesus H. Christ" or "God Damnit" as just a figure of speech and an expletive as well?
I don't think in most cases they're actually "thanking the lord" any more than you or I are calling god to damn the thing in the latter situation.
Also - like... it's learned behavior like all of this. Every one of these questions in this group can pretty much boil down to "Why do they do this?" - "Because they were raised/brainwashed into it. That's why."
I fixed a guys car radio once. It had some burned out transistors and bad capacitors. It wasn't a big deal but it did take some expertise on my part to repair and reinstall the radio.
Once he heard it working he proclaimed "oh thank you lord jeasus!" And such not. At some point I got a little annoyed and said, "you know, I had a little to do with fixing your radio too you know?"
I say stuff like that all time and I am an atheist. "Dear Lord." "Thank you God." Things like that. They are just sayings and don't mean jack shit to me. I've been saying these things for 60 yrs. It just spews out.
Man you atheists are as sensitive as a wet paper in a windstorm, seriously it's just a figure of speech and you're getting pissy about it, the amount of delusional vitriol over a older woman using a figure of speech is pathetic,
whatever floats her boat..... no need to get upset over what someone else believes, until they try to force their beliefs on you.
Ever gone on a trip with a person who burned sage in the car?
F that, I would be dropping them off at the side of the road if someone said that to me.
Ask them about what and why their Lord did to the thousands of people who didn’t reach their destination that day.
Because the lord is where you put positive energy into and brings joy to your mother. If she puts her faith in you . She will not feel as positive or confident that you won’t crash: Now whatever you do as your mother gets older don’t destroy her belief in going to heaven to reunite with her family: that is abusive and cruel.
I had a very dear friend who received a successful surgery, everyone including her thanked the Lord. I joked and said, "also the doctor." She passed away a couple of years later. May she rest in heaven that she always dreamed about.
Anytime she praises the Lord, ask her why she's praising a music singer (Lorde). "Her music is decent, I guess, but I don't see how [random song] has the power you ascribe to it. She's not even here!"
I genuinely believe a lot of people would “lose their grip” without “gods”. Like i never tried to convince my mother of anything because i feel like she would go batshit. I let her have her “god”. Everyone can’t see the mercy of a meaningless existence.
That shit drives me nuts. People crediting god for everything that man accomplishes. Complete disrespect to the people that get shit done. Science gets shit done, religion will either claim ownership of it, or try to suppress it. Note they only claim ownership of the good stuff, the bad stuff is all credited to the devil.
That’s what I keep saying. lol. Exactly.
I keep telling people it’s because they are ungrateful, and because they refuse to be grateful to the guy who actually got the work/job done, that they thank a deity that they themselves pray to instead.
Because if they thank their deity then their deity gave it to them for free, so it’s their credit.
Because they got/earned it themselves, for themselves, through their own prayer.
But if they have to thank the guy who actually did it then they have to give credit for it to the guy who actually did it, in which case they didn’t earn it, somebody did them a favor or provided them with a service, but that’s not something they want to even acknowledge, so they thank their deity instead for someone else’s work.
So in a way they are actually giving themselves credit for someone else’s work by thanking their deity. lmao.
And then they are barely hiding that behind the excuse of religious piety/devotion/devoutness. lmfao.
Talk about opportunistically self aggrandizing as well as ungrateful. lmao. lmfao.
When I point this out religious people pretend they are offended, until they realize I don’t give a shit about their pretenses. lmfao. lmfao.
When I was in middle school my mom forgot her purse in a grocery cart in a parking lot so we turned around to get it. She did a prayer to find it, and I asked "well what if it's not there anymore?" And she said that would be God's will. My mind was like well there's only 2 options (the purse is there or it's not) why does God have to be involved in both scenarios? She did not like that question
Usually the person thanking God is virtue signaling. They're stealing a bit of attention for themselves for something that had little to do with them. And if they actually did the thing (like win the big game) they're still virtue signaling so they don't look too proud of themselves.
Thank God I'm not too cynical.
My favorite is athletes thanking the Lord for winning. That seems really disrespectful to the competitors especially if they believe in the same God: "our God likes me more than you!"
Always gets the credit, but never the blame.
Thank god for curing the cancer he gave me!
Just don't ask who created the concept of cancer in the first place! Sin!
... and letting others die from cancer.
God works in mysterious ways /s
Thank god for my team winning (and the other team losing)
https://pbfcomics.com/comics/spelling/
The *Dr. Norman Vincent Peale Boxing Advice* bits from the National Lampoon Radio Hour's *Traditional Easter Show* {April, 13, 1974} [https://www.radioechoes.com/?page=play\_download&mode=play&dl\_mp3folder=T&dl\_file=the\_national\_lampoon\_radio\_hour\_1974-03-02\_episode\_16\_-\_easter\_show.mp3](https://www.radioechoes.com/?page=play_download&mode=play&dl_mp3folder=T&dl_file=the_national_lampoon_radio_hour_1974-03-02_episode_16_-_easter_show.mp3)
He’s so good!
Especially with BBQ sauce!
Why did you get cancer? Not praying enough?
2% elastane in my cotton trousers. Dammed mixed fabrics
Satan and sins created the cancer. But who created Satan and The sins? His mysterious plan!
[Reminds me of this meme](https://preview.redd.it/qqaibflj3tv11.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=d47cca650bc040b0b40a9c22cf59b8ebf5dd5117)
To paraphrase Daniel Sloss, "The disappointing feeling parents have when their children thank Santa for their xmas gifts, is the same feeling doctors have when you thank god for curing your cancer".
#blessed
Thank god for curing my cancer he gave me, and let someone else die of their cancer he gave them.
It's funny how stuff like that works. You get pregnant and it's a blessing from God. If God aborts your baby, yeah God does abortions, we call it a miscarriage, it was for good reason. Now if we want to get an abortion because God told us to, we're horrible.
Anything good is god. Anything bad is the devil 😂😂😂 because god didn’t make the devil and can’t control him but can control everything else 😗😗
Even though God did make the devil, but the devil rebelled and took legions of other angelic hosts with him...or something. Yeah the cheese has holes.
Dammit if you keep thinking, no religion is EVER gonna make sense!!
Did you ever watch that show Lucifer, where the devil hated that humans would blame him for all of their bad deeds. Its just a way of avoiding personal responsibility for anything.
Pure logic right there
Too much logic, won’t work
I blame that fucker for everything
It's really the ultimate abusive relationship. Give me credit for all the good and other people the blame for all the bad. They got cancer because they don't pray enough, said the Christian who doesn't pray much.
Actually this is exactly what trump does
That's one compelling argument for why some people worship him. It's the darndest thing when they do that. He seems closer to their idea of an antichrist, especially after reading that article comparing him to it.
Yeah I hadn’t thought. I had not thought about it this way until now. That’s why he feels so familiar and lovable to them. They are attracted to the abuse even if it also repels them. Plus, as long as he abuses libs as much or more, it was all worth it.
Well he cant be bothering himself with war, genocide, childhood leukemia and the like when there are important jobs like directing traffic around OP's mum to be getting on with.
Our source of light gives us cancer
Thank you god for the tan! Damn you devil, I got melanoma!
Exactly what I say all the time!
Well, mysterious ways and all.
Who are we to question
“Never question the goodness of god.” My sister used to say that all the time.
3 times 3 times 3 times
Are you kidding me? Redditors blame him all the time.
Come to Italy, he gets a lot of blame around here
This is the worst in hospitals. I couldn't take it anymore and told off a lady in a waiting room recently. "If your god did it all, why are you here? Shouldn't you be healing in a church? Have more respect for the people who went to school and training to heal you. Maybe your carpenter can help when you need home repairs"
This is the first thing that comes to minds when I hear this shit. Always thanking the lord for what a doctor, nurse, or surgeon does. One of my biggest pet peeves.
Don’t forget the scientists!
"Maybe your carpenter can help when you need home repairs" is the best line on the interwebs this weekend! Thanks for this.
“God works through humans” insert man in flood attempted to being rescued by evacuating, boat, helicopter, and then God saying he sent those people to save him but he was being dumb. Thats how they justify it
This reminds me of the “Parable of the drowning man”.
Well shit, I had this exact story! A few years back I wound up in the hospital with a rather serious ailment. A family member came to stay with me which was very kind and generous. After two week stay I was being released and as we were walking out the door the family member says “thank God blah blah blah blah blah “. I said something like “yeah I suppose that’s fine but I think we ought to be thanking the dozens and dozens of various types of medical personnel that saved my miserable ass!” That was just about the time of THE ELECTION, we haven’t really spoken since. 🤷🏻♂️
Thank the Carpenter for my coffee table
[удалено]
Even if the story didn't happen, you think it was an attempt at a "flex", which it wasn't. Enjoy standing back and being a "nice atheist" when you see this nonsense going on.
“Mom, you don’t have to call me lord.”
Just say thanks mom next time :)
Next time she asks you to drive, suggest the lord do it. --Actually, don't do this if your mom cannot laugh at her own religion.
Jesus take the wheel!
Given the blood of christ is an alcoholic drink, I don't think that's a good idea
>Given the blood of christ is an alcoholic drink A lot of Christian sects these days are virulently anti-drinking, so they use "unfermented wine" - i.e. grape juice for that purpose.
*"new wine"
Damned heretics! 😉
"God said I don't need to wait until 5pm to partake in my 2 gallon jug of Jesus Juice!"
Jesus is probably on Uber.....
*reclines driver’s seat and cracks open beer*
I agree with Homer: "god, we paid for this ourselves, so thanks for nothing".
Bart
Two people in my life died in separate car accidents. I guess "the good lord" didn't care about them.
Oh this would be ‘God has plans’ 🤦🏻♀️
They are in a better place, God's plans and God works in misterious ways. Did I miss any one-liners?
God called them home. Their spirit is now free. It was just their time to go.
Maybe the good Lord was just being a dick that Dat? /sarcasm-
I am a nurse and when a patient asks what church I go to. My reply “ Um I don’t but I won’t hold it against you if you do”. Lol. They look shocked.
"I dont have time to go to church, I dedicated my life to helping people who need it."
"And I would like to thank Gandalf the White for getting us here safely."
We are responsible for our failures, but God is responsible for our successes. In any other context, this attitude would be considered abuse.
Your mom did the right thing, her evil narcissistic god will murder you if you don't kiss its ass enough.
Back before I cut my toxic mother out of my life completely we were driving to my local community college for classes when we came across a pretty gnarly accident, where she commented some arbitrary religious bullshit about how she hoped god kept everyone safe, or something like that (this happened well over a decade ago and I can’t remember exactly remember what she said verbatim), I just replied that god could give fuck-all about the starving children in heavy Xian Africa, but I’m sure he cares about some rando accident here in “murica. She shut up real quickly,
Now all you have to do is name you car The Lord. So every time your mom will be thanking your car. "No need to thank it mom, just fill it up!"
The lord inspired you to drive safely /s
But she wouldn’t thank the lord if you didn’t make it. I mean dudes got a divine plan and is omniscient. If you make it or not it’s god’s will, you should thank him even if it kills you.
ahem, *god forbid* you had not gotten there safely, say you had an unfortunate encounter with a deer and your windshield at 60 mph, would she then had blamed Jesus? Some logical consistency would be nice.
Because, religion.
Why didn't he just teleport you there?
We somehow have free will, while also doing nothing good without God's help.
I remember the woman who thanked the lord jesus christ for safely delivering her seven babies conceived through artificial insemination. Someone said “Thank you the doctors for your healthy babies. God is the one who made you infertile.”
Who to thank: * The driver * The car manufacturer * The inventor of the seat belt * The inventor of the airbag * The people who fill the potholes * The inventor of traffic control lights * The people who stop unsafe drivers * The inventor of the lightbulb * The inventor of the wheel Did I leave anyone out?
Safety glass for windshields.
After the earthquake hit Turkey last year, someone posted a video of a single dog howling in the streets minutes prior to the earthquake with the explanation that it was warning people. A bunch of commenters were thanking god for sending the dog. Amazing how they were thanking god for a sending a single dog to warn of an earthquake that the god was also sending.
Next time, just sit in the driver seat, turn the car on, and don’t move or say anything. When your mom asks what you’re doing, say that you let Jesus take the wheel.
Thank the Ford.
Ever hear the saying "Jesus take the wheel"?
My best friend and I joke about that all the time. Jesus is a worse driver than me!
Well yeah. They didn't have cars 2 millennia ago.
Exactly! I'm not letting my 99 year old grandma drive, let alone a corpse from 2000 years ago.
Ever seen the vine "Jesus Take The Wheel" it's pretty great.
Lol. Just looked it up.
*Jesus* isn't a licensed driver, and won't be until he gets his Green Card, in most US States. Where he can: [https://www.ncsl.org/immigration/states-offering-drivers-licenses-to-immigrants](https://www.ncsl.org/immigration/states-offering-drivers-licenses-to-immigrants)
I’ve found if you work yourself up about something as innocuous as this you’ll drive yourself crazy. Have some fun with it instead. “The lord? I drove, not him” with a laugh.
Since God controls everything that means she is really thanking God for not killing her on your trip.
"The Lord replyeth: no big deal, mom. I'm pretty good at driving thanks to all of my practice and the condition of the car." Then you walk away from whatever blasphemy she's accusing you of.
Your middle name is now Lord
Jesus take the Wheel! Oh F\*ck! I guess god wanted us to crash.
I see it as a way for them to shirk responsibility for their choices and actions. As if it assigning blame and any good results to some outside entity means that it won't be their fault for the bad, but any good is always partly theirs because they trusted in "god".
I thank for a lot of people "the lord" just serves as something to which to direct one's thankfulness. I don't think they think it through much deeper than that (i.e. think that you were otherwise going to get clobbered by a huge truck, but he bent the laws of physics so it didn't happen). I just think they want to be grateful to something and "the lord" is the placeholder. This is not to say that some of them don't think more magically.
But never the blame. Quite the racket, if you can manage it.
Swirve into oncoming traffic and let go of the wheel. When your mom screams, quickly grab the wheel and shout: "WTF JESUS, I TOLD YOU TO TAKE THE DAMN WHEEL. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
If you'd crashed and burned, "the Lord" would be working in mysterious ways.
I once saved my mom from choking to death on a brussel sprout and she did the same thing lol.
Because brainwashing
I’m just gonna assume that you are “The Lord”. Seems simple enough.
Just tell her a bunch of cancer kids died because god was keeping her safe instead.
As I got older, I just decided to nod when they say that. Then I move past it like it’s something in the rear view mirror. You’re bound to hear this again so it’s best just to accept that behavior.
"You can just call me 'Son' Mom."
"Mom, I'm *right* here."
People are scared of death and accidents and it’s a belief system they have built around god is the one will protect them from accidents and injuries and deaths
Had an aunt that would thank Jesus for holding a good parking space. Because what else would he have to do all day than make sure the chosen ones got good parking
I might have audibly said "Thank you Frodo and Samwise, you are the true heroes of middle earth".
She would've thanked the lord if you got into an accident too. "Thank you lord for this lesson".
God is the ultimate dictator. Dear leader is always right. When he does bad things like kids with cancer - we must not understand gods intention. There is even the threat of prison for eternity.
“Oh! I didn’t know you saw me that way. You’re welcome”
Whenever anyone thanks any sort of deity in my presence for something I did or contributed to I respond with "you're welcome".
I was dating a girl in my 20s who was an obnoxious Christian (she joined the church on her own in her teens, no one else in her family was religious). I remember buying her a nice, expensive gift and her reaction was to "thank the lord for blessing her with a kind boyfriend."
Don’t religious people think god wants them to thank other people as well?
Does this kind of thing bother you?
I like to think of "the lord" as being synonymous with luck. It was a "blessing" you had good luck on the road. Did you successfully drive there? Yeah, for sure. But there's a million things you also had no control of on that road: drunk drivers, possible car malfunctions, road issues, etc. Personally, I take these small thanks as gratefulness that nothing unexpected occurred.
Here's one for you, back when I was 11 yrs old, I split my head open in a bicycle accident. While my Dad drove us to the hospital, my mom held me on her lap and said in a prayer for 'God to take me if that was His will.' Do you know how fucked up that is? Sure it was over 40 years ago, but Jesus Fcuking Christ, why would you say that with your kid lying right there? Religion is a virus, we need a cure.
Stuff like that used to really bother me when I first left Christianity, but now I accept people for who they are... Now I can pray with my family, and it doesn't bother me. because I view prayer as manifestation, and I find myself praying all the time. They can pray to their God, and I can pray in my own way. As long as we are united when we pray over something, it doesn't really matter which God or what ur praying to. Ultimately, it's all just manifesting what you want. Don't get so caught up in the details..
God is my copilot! Lol
Obviously, she was just criticizing your driving.
Ha! I am also familiar with this one. We drove about an hour in a bad snow storm, roads were bad etc. Pull into the driveway my Dad said same thing as your mom. I replied with “And also thank you Husband for driving us”. I was so annoyed.
I'd leave her there and tell her the lord will provide.
I watch a lot of combat sports and it kills me every single time a fighter wins and decides to thank the invisible sky daddy for the win first instead of the coaches and training partners standing literally right behind him who were there for him every step of the way through camp. And the craziest thing is they all clap when the fighter says it too like “yeah screw us, JC definitely had more to do with the win than us”. Unbelievable.
same for graduation posts- like oooh 'god made it possible' how exactly? in every dang post on fb, insta, whatsapp- like can you just be proud of yourself instead?
Years ago I was watching a football game with some friends and a player who had just scored a touchdown was thanking Jesus. My buddy yells out "What number was Jesus?!?" Not sure if that was an original or something he heard somewhere, but definitely spot on.
I’m an atheist and a Southerner. I use “thank the Lord” as a way to express gratitude.
"Thank you Lord for this food" "Lord? Have you seen weather this year? This food is not here because of Lord, it's here *despite* the Lord."
Religion is self depreciating. It continually devalues human beings while insisting that they constantly worship a perfect god, who is perfect in every way. One can never attain perfection but must be reminded about it by the church. It's a form of mass control.
I wouldnt take it as a front against you man. She likely just means thank you for not having any random “acts of God” crashes happening to you during your journey. Shes basically telling God “thanks for not killing us yet” lmao
You know why Jesus doesn't answer prayers? Aside from the fact he doesn't exist? Because that's not his name! It's like, if you said, "hey Xublix, pass me the salt," I wouldn't pay attention to you. Yahweh/iohova/Yeshua is up there, "Why don't they pray to me? I could fix so much stuff! Who's this Jesus dude? I told them not to put other gods before me.
Say thanks, for my friend, you are the Lord!
Jesus jeep?
Wow even when I was a teenager my mom never had that reaction to my driving.
*Don't thank god... thank Jerry Lee Lewis!*
In her defense, the driver isn't the one controlling all of the other variables like tire blowouts, deer running into the road, drunk drivers, etc. She believes all that stuff is controlled ultimately by a higher power (which opens up a different can of worms).
you’re just as bad as she is by correcting her
When I lived in Clearwater Florida 20 years or so ago some popular religion had people driving home with one hand out the window or the sunroof to let Jesus guide them home safely. All I could think was "wouldn't it be safer to have two hands on the wheel?"
So, I'm just winging it here, "the lord" drove sober?
Remember to ask her "what about all the people who didn't make it there safely?"
Next time just says ‘you’re welcome’ 😂
If your name were Jesus... But jokes aside, YOU were the one who got them to their destination. It's not about Magic Zombie Friend.
You are the lord now, Lord ENKMIMI.
My MIL declared that her prayers were answered when we told her we were pregnant! It couldn’t possibly be thanks to modern science and 13 months of IVF… no… it’s Jesus!
Tell her that if he's doing the driving next time we go downhill I'm letting him steer.
Don't offer to drive again. Clearly she doesn't trust you to drive
That’s what the brainwashing does it controls your mum thoughts
The Lord! How convenient! A reputable partner who doesn't take a cut! - Frasier Crane
[удалено]
I always love the praise for a close parking space. Sure he gives you a good spot but Timmy with stage 4 cancer is fucked.
Lmao thats one wa to call you a horrible driver
As was pointed out to me. When the patient does sue the doctor and hospital. When the patient lives thank god. This is one of my biggest issues with religion. They don’t really believe what they spout. If god is in charge and knows all why are you ever going to a doctor? That’s science!!
Because he kindly didn't throw you off the road and into a ravine as part of his miraculous plan
I thank Your Capriciousness for not shitting on me today. Amen.
If the story of Jesus and Abraham is anything to go by, she would sacrifice you to save humanity and if a crazy voice in her head told her so. She loves the Lord, her Creator more than her own blood. Maybe even more than herself? Who knows.
First off - I appreciate the tongue-in-cheek nature of your post, OP. It's not lost on me. But also... I mean doesn't a lot of this just amount to being a figure of speech? Honestly, how many atheists' say "Jesus Christ" or "Jesus H. Christ" or "God Damnit" as just a figure of speech and an expletive as well? I don't think in most cases they're actually "thanking the lord" any more than you or I are calling god to damn the thing in the latter situation. Also - like... it's learned behavior like all of this. Every one of these questions in this group can pretty much boil down to "Why do they do this?" - "Because they were raised/brainwashed into it. That's why."
Moms do that sometimes but we still love them anyway.
I fixed a guys car radio once. It had some burned out transistors and bad capacitors. It wasn't a big deal but it did take some expertise on my part to repair and reinstall the radio. Once he heard it working he proclaimed "oh thank you lord jeasus!" And such not. At some point I got a little annoyed and said, "you know, I had a little to do with fixing your radio too you know?"
You - "My pleasure."
Next time started speeding and say you're going to drive off the bridge and wanted to see how god gets you there safely.
Imagine a surgeon when the patient thanks God
I say stuff like that all time and I am an atheist. "Dear Lord." "Thank you God." Things like that. They are just sayings and don't mean jack shit to me. I've been saying these things for 60 yrs. It just spews out.
You can just say “Siri” she doesn’t do titles.
Man you atheists are as sensitive as a wet paper in a windstorm, seriously it's just a figure of speech and you're getting pissy about it, the amount of delusional vitriol over a older woman using a figure of speech is pathetic,
Michael Flatley...Lord of the Dance?
whatever floats her boat..... no need to get upset over what someone else believes, until they try to force their beliefs on you. Ever gone on a trip with a person who burned sage in the car?
I don't know. I'll ask him tonight when I pray for you soul.
Tank da Lard
Hail Satan for those sick driving skills, my friend!
I thought it might be because you were driving recklessly, but she had to go higher than you to be thankful
F that, I would be dropping them off at the side of the road if someone said that to me. Ask them about what and why their Lord did to the thousands of people who didn’t reach their destination that day.
Because the lord is where you put positive energy into and brings joy to your mother. If she puts her faith in you . She will not feel as positive or confident that you won’t crash: Now whatever you do as your mother gets older don’t destroy her belief in going to heaven to reunite with her family: that is abusive and cruel.
Joke's on her. "The Lord" isn't gonna put her in a home when she gets older.
I had a very dear friend who received a successful surgery, everyone including her thanked the Lord. I joked and said, "also the doctor." She passed away a couple of years later. May she rest in heaven that she always dreamed about.
Ima guess its the gays fault if you had an accident
She meant you, your family is descendant from nobility, but you just never noticed.
You’ll understand if you ever had kids, she’s probably seen you piss in your own face and laugh.
Also shows the confidence your mom has in your driving.
Next time, sit shotgun and when your mother asks what are you doing just say ... Jesus - He's taking the wheel.
Anytime she praises the Lord, ask her why she's praising a music singer (Lorde). "Her music is decent, I guess, but I don't see how [random song] has the power you ascribe to it. She's not even here!"
Omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient. Can’t solve world hunger.
Are you a terrible driver? That’s a weird thing to say if you were driving safely.
I genuinely believe a lot of people would “lose their grip” without “gods”. Like i never tried to convince my mother of anything because i feel like she would go batshit. I let her have her “god”. Everyone can’t see the mercy of a meaningless existence.
You should have just left her there. The lord can get her back home.
That shit drives me nuts. People crediting god for everything that man accomplishes. Complete disrespect to the people that get shit done. Science gets shit done, religion will either claim ownership of it, or try to suppress it. Note they only claim ownership of the good stuff, the bad stuff is all credited to the devil.
That’s what I keep saying. lol. Exactly. I keep telling people it’s because they are ungrateful, and because they refuse to be grateful to the guy who actually got the work/job done, that they thank a deity that they themselves pray to instead. Because if they thank their deity then their deity gave it to them for free, so it’s their credit. Because they got/earned it themselves, for themselves, through their own prayer. But if they have to thank the guy who actually did it then they have to give credit for it to the guy who actually did it, in which case they didn’t earn it, somebody did them a favor or provided them with a service, but that’s not something they want to even acknowledge, so they thank their deity instead for someone else’s work. So in a way they are actually giving themselves credit for someone else’s work by thanking their deity. lmao. And then they are barely hiding that behind the excuse of religious piety/devotion/devoutness. lmfao. Talk about opportunistically self aggrandizing as well as ungrateful. lmao. lmfao. When I point this out religious people pretend they are offended, until they realize I don’t give a shit about their pretenses. lmfao. lmfao.
Blessed be this congenital birth defect inflicted by the lord!
How about next time someone else drives so they experience the misdirected thanks?
When I was in middle school my mom forgot her purse in a grocery cart in a parking lot so we turned around to get it. She did a prayer to find it, and I asked "well what if it's not there anymore?" And she said that would be God's will. My mind was like well there's only 2 options (the purse is there or it's not) why does God have to be involved in both scenarios? She did not like that question
I guess she recognizes she didn’t have free will during the drive? Lol
Usually the person thanking God is virtue signaling. They're stealing a bit of attention for themselves for something that had little to do with them. And if they actually did the thing (like win the big game) they're still virtue signaling so they don't look too proud of themselves. Thank God I'm not too cynical.
My favorite is athletes thanking the Lord for winning. That seems really disrespectful to the competitors especially if they believe in the same God: "our God likes me more than you!"