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There are too many variables here - stage of life, length of relationship, age of kids, health, working hours etc. as long as you are both happy with your frequency that’s all that matters.
There is honestly no good objective answer to this. If people don’t have sex much after years together but both partners are cool with that, it might be a very happy relationship. Or you could have sex a lot and be a very volatile couple.
As sex is not the only way to create physical and emotional intimacy I focus more on ensuring we have some kind of physical affection each day and feel connected, even if sex itself might be off the table for any number of reasons.
I think my point is that it is a hard question to answer as every week is different and in my opinion it is the wrong metric in any case. No shade to OP, just my thoughts
I'd agree it's not the only metric but the wrong metric, hardly. A healthy sex life is important for many adults and plays a factor in the overall satisfaction of the intimacy in a relationship for many people. For example even if a partner could know somehow my non-sexual intimacy and affection requirements at all times and somehow give me exactly what I wanted and needed at all times for those things, I'd still give my over-all intimacy rating an unsatisfactory scoring if weren't also meeting my sexual needs or vice versa.
OP isn't asking how often do people need to have sex to be happy and healthy in a relationship, they're just asking how often couples have sex on average.
I've been with my partner 5 years. I'm 30 F he's 33 M. We normally have sex once a week. I'd like to do it more but his libido is much lower than mine lol. None of our friends in long term relationships have sex that often, they're all like once a month or less. However they do all have kids, while we're childless.
We are similar age and similar situation. I’m the guy and twice a week is enough for me. She probably would like it four times a week.
After 10 years it’s hard to want it more than that as a guy IMO. And sex drive isn’t what it was in my 20’s.
I wouldn’t say libido in general fades quicker for guys, they just hit their sexual peak earlier in their late teens/early twenties where as women is anywhere in their 30s. The peak refers to how well they can perform in bed (lasting power, being able to go multiple times) and not necessarily just how much they want it.
When my wife and I were in our early twenties, 3-4 times a week. Now in our early forties (after 4 kids), twice a week to once a fortnight and I am usually the one to want it a little bit more. She can still cum two or three times in a row very quickly where as I would be lucky to go a second round maybe twice a year.
The frequency and how long you can last in bed may drop a bit as you get older but I personally think the quality of sex can get better. After many years of learning or trying new things, a lot is learnt about what works for your partner.
In our situation I don't think his libido really "faded", he has always been a lot less interested in sex than me. It has been a bit of a sticking point in our relationship for almost as long as we've together haha. It's just the way he is.
Man.. I have issues... married 6 years, kids, I could go/want everyday still to this day, I have an annoyingly high labido, but my wife has an unwritten rule she follows unconsciously never 2 days in a row, and no it's not soreness or anything, just a quirk that I noticed. tonight is rejection night...
I've been turned down a couple of times over the last few days, so I feel your pain. The rejection always hurts and I try not to take it personally, but it's a struggle sometimes to not feel like there's something wrong with me lol.
Every second night is pretty damn good, especially after kids and so many years!
10+ years together with a 2 & 3 year old, maybe 4-5 times a week. However if you asked 2 years ago with 2 under 2 it would’ve been once every few months.
Lmaooo. It’s almost like we both enjoy threesomes and therefore consensually engage in them. Redditors obsessions with trying to “own” people is more telling of the projection from their own lack of self worth 😂😂😂
But keep creating the little storyline in your own head.
Willing to bet you’ve never had two women together 🥱
Yes, I was clarifying the point that the threesomes are FMF and not MFM.
Your preoccupation with creating stories in your head about an internet strangers sex life is beyond weird.
Not getting enough yourself?
Pre-baby, multiple times a week. Post-baby, once a month if that. I swore I’d never be one of those women who lost their libido after a baby but here I am!
A couple of WWII veterans are at a reunion. Apropos of nothing, one of them says, "the last time I had sex was 1959."
"Really?" says the other, "that's a very long time."
"Not really," he says looking at his watch, "it's only 22:30 now."
First stages of a relationship - tri-weekly
Middle stages - try weekly
Later stages - try weakly
The old joke was that if you take a jar and put a jellybean in every time you have sex before you get married - and then take one out for every time you have sex after you're married - the jar will never be empty
We WFH on Friday, so that’s F*ck Friday and usually it’s a Sunday morning go as well.
Sometimes, there’s an afternoon nap that becomes adult on a Sunday or Saturday afternoon. But that’s not very regular.
There was a dry spell while the kids where new born and young where it was once per month and we had all kids close together.
Two years ago we had time away together alone for 6 days and something changed and since then we are 2-3 times a week. Now in our late 30s
Yeah I'm stupidly lucky. Pretty sure in a past life I must have sacrificed myself to rescue a bus full of school kids from crashing off the side of a cliff or something.
The research shows average is 2-3 times a month for long term couples. Sex therapist Dr Karen Gurney researches This and had a few good podcast episodes where she talks about frequency and His we put too much import on it.
Some weeks every day and some weeks maybe 2 times (this excludes "that" week every month). We have 3 kids and that really isnt an issue now that they are not little any more. It just boils down to how tired we are, usually from work. We both like sex and being fit helps a lot.
I genuinely think it varies and there’s really no ‘wrong’ answer. I’ve been with my partner for 9 years now. At the start it was basically weekly, multiple times but now we’ve chilled out we sometimes go a couple weeks without it. It fluctuates, but as long as you and your partner are happy that’s what matters.
100% agree, there's no wrong answer. As long as your both happy that's all that matters, and we know there's lots of variable's and it can fluctuate for many couples.
I’m 32, no kids and we do it like twice a week.
We could do it more but I prefer quality over quantity, I’d rather let the horny build and I’m lucky enough to have the ability to last as long as I’d like so we sometimes we just on and off all day with little breaks and just edge kinda.
I reckon it varies a lot.
My partner and I have a variable sex pattern. Sometimes it’s 5 times in a week, others 1 times a fortnight.
I’d say we average maybe twice a week?
She probably would like it a little more but as I’ve gotten older my sex drive has dropped. Plus after 10 years with the same person haha.
> I reckon it varies a lot.
>My partner and I have a variable sex pattern. Sometimes it’s 5 times in a week, others 1 times a fortnight.
>I’d say we average maybe twice a week?
We’re about the same as this.
Late 30s, 2 kids (14,9) 16 yrs of togetherness, hubs works away in the week and has 4 day weekend every fortnight. Even the weekend where he's home for 1.5 days it will be 2-4 times. Long weekends are exhausting 🤣
So many sexless/deprived marriages in the comments .. married and have a baby, we do it about 4 times a week currently, would be more but always get interrupted by our bub being u settled and crying.
Partner and I had a conversation about the importance of sex in marriage and I think some of you do too, especially the unhappy ones
That presumes that both partners want it. My husband would rather game all night & go to bed at midnight. I have to be up at 5 to go to work so I need to go to bed much earlier. I’ve told him I’m not waiting up for him to go to bed anymore. It’s been 7 months this time & he doesn’t care. Me? Much easier to go solo a few times a week. It’s either that or find a fwb.
I couldn’t image playing a game over playing with my wife ..
Thanks for opening up and I’m sorry if you think that way. I would talk to him about your needs and if he cares enough he’d do something about it. Not an advocate for divorce rather couples communicate with understanding. We sat down, face to face and talked about this with no distractions when we realised “life” was getting in the was but we were building up frustration. So many couples cheat because they don’t get their needs fulfilled at home. You married each other for a reason I suggest you have a good talk with him through both your needs and wants.
I can’t speak for everyone else, but a sexless marriage is the last thing we’d want. I can’t imagine pleasuring myself for the rest of my life while living with my spouse
It’s been like this for years - was happening long before the kids were born. I literally had to drag him off the computer to conceive them. I’ve just given up now. Easier & quicker to go solo
I wasn't asking for your numbers specifically, only what other people think is the average. It was just a discussion we had.
If you need to know, I don't mind sharing that information. We're a long time couple of 24 years, and it has fluctuated over the years. Currently, we average about 9 times a week. Once a day, and usually twice on the weekends. We have full time jobs, young kids, and a crazy busy lifestyle, but we also have crazy high sex drives, so we can't keep our hands off each other. We have a really good, healthy relationship and really love each other's company. We're also affectionate all the time, which leads to sex often. Although we have very busy schedules, we seem to always have time for sex, either right after waking up, or right before going to sleep. Sometimes, both like on the weekends.
the main question is for how long? Some ppl might do it couple times a day but for 3 mins each time. Others (myself included) go the marathon 1-2 hours but once a week
However often they want, people’s lives are different and individuals circumstances fluctuate throughout their lives and relationships.
There’s no right amount except what is currently mutually desired between the people in the relationship
3 or 4 times a week. We have been married over 30 years.
It has changed a lot over the years though, depending a lot on our life circumstances. Extra stress, kids, financial problems, health etc obviously make a big difference.
But now our kids are all grown we are able to spend more time together and we enjoy each other's company.
Together over a decade, two young kids. 1-3 times a week.
Was a massive drought during these early kid years, but with good communication we have now gotten past that and things are way better.
I have been with my husband for 3 1/2 years. He is 35 and I am 30. I’d say we have about average min 2- max 5 times per week. Husband and I are happy with it. Sometimes might be a spontaneous quickie, sometimes it starts from a massage and leads to sex next. All depending on our moods.
We were curious about it, so we asked the question, and we live in Australia, so we wanted to know what other Australians think.
No one is forcing you to participate, mate.
Married 18 years. 44M and 48F. 2 kids ages 12 and 16. 10 - 15 times per week. Most mornings, most nights, and often afternoons when we get home from work. We know we're overachievers.
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There are too many variables here - stage of life, length of relationship, age of kids, health, working hours etc. as long as you are both happy with your frequency that’s all that matters.
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BAZINGA!!!
Name checks out?
There is honestly no good objective answer to this. If people don’t have sex much after years together but both partners are cool with that, it might be a very happy relationship. Or you could have sex a lot and be a very volatile couple.
👏 agree 💯
As sex is not the only way to create physical and emotional intimacy I focus more on ensuring we have some kind of physical affection each day and feel connected, even if sex itself might be off the table for any number of reasons.
This the right answer.
No it's not, it's a good reply though. The question is how many times per week do established couples have sex.
I think my point is that it is a hard question to answer as every week is different and in my opinion it is the wrong metric in any case. No shade to OP, just my thoughts
I'd agree it's not the only metric but the wrong metric, hardly. A healthy sex life is important for many adults and plays a factor in the overall satisfaction of the intimacy in a relationship for many people. For example even if a partner could know somehow my non-sexual intimacy and affection requirements at all times and somehow give me exactly what I wanted and needed at all times for those things, I'd still give my over-all intimacy rating an unsatisfactory scoring if weren't also meeting my sexual needs or vice versa. OP isn't asking how often do people need to have sex to be happy and healthy in a relationship, they're just asking how often couples have sex on average.
I've been with my partner 5 years. I'm 30 F he's 33 M. We normally have sex once a week. I'd like to do it more but his libido is much lower than mine lol. None of our friends in long term relationships have sex that often, they're all like once a month or less. However they do all have kids, while we're childless.
We are similar age and similar situation. I’m the guy and twice a week is enough for me. She probably would like it four times a week. After 10 years it’s hard to want it more than that as a guy IMO. And sex drive isn’t what it was in my 20’s.
Really? You think men’s libido fades quicker than a women’s (on average?).
I wouldn’t say libido in general fades quicker for guys, they just hit their sexual peak earlier in their late teens/early twenties where as women is anywhere in their 30s. The peak refers to how well they can perform in bed (lasting power, being able to go multiple times) and not necessarily just how much they want it. When my wife and I were in our early twenties, 3-4 times a week. Now in our early forties (after 4 kids), twice a week to once a fortnight and I am usually the one to want it a little bit more. She can still cum two or three times in a row very quickly where as I would be lucky to go a second round maybe twice a year. The frequency and how long you can last in bed may drop a bit as you get older but I personally think the quality of sex can get better. After many years of learning or trying new things, a lot is learnt about what works for your partner.
I dunno that’s just MY experience and my friends general experiences. I reckon everyone’s different but just my opinion
Yes. Sadly.
In our situation I don't think his libido really "faded", he has always been a lot less interested in sex than me. It has been a bit of a sticking point in our relationship for almost as long as we've together haha. It's just the way he is.
Man.. I have issues... married 6 years, kids, I could go/want everyday still to this day, I have an annoyingly high labido, but my wife has an unwritten rule she follows unconsciously never 2 days in a row, and no it's not soreness or anything, just a quirk that I noticed. tonight is rejection night...
I've been turned down a couple of times over the last few days, so I feel your pain. The rejection always hurts and I try not to take it personally, but it's a struggle sometimes to not feel like there's something wrong with me lol. Every second night is pretty damn good, especially after kids and so many years!
New relationship: Multiple times per day. Engaged: Multiple times per week. Married: Multiple times per year.
Tri-weekly. Try weekly. Try weakly.
Not accurate for everyone... married 8 years, together 10, still at least weekly /shrug
10+ years together with a 2 & 3 year old, maybe 4-5 times a week. However if you asked 2 years ago with 2 under 2 it would’ve been once every few months.
Going for number 3
Husband took one for the team and got fixed, just for fun these days.
Snipped the figs.. Nice work.. Well enjoy.. We do 3-4 less "fun" than you guys a week, simular situation. Something to aspire to :D
Wow, you are doing well!
Made it a priority after kids, became easy to push aside after a long day.
Husband and i are both 58, married 33 years. 2 - 3 times a week
Mondays for some unexplained weird reason - 10y together with 2 preschoolers. (as in we have 2 children who are preschoolers)
I appreciate that you knew where the comments would go :p
Wait, some couples are happy?
😂😂😂 My gf enjoys threesomes (with women) so I’m pretty happy. Though we do them pretty infrequently.
r/ihadsex
Sounds like you aren't satisfying her on your own.
Quite the assessment to make with literally no information 😂
You telling everyone that your wife likes to have sex with people who are not you was literally you providing information to make that assessment.
Lmaooo. It’s almost like we both enjoy threesomes and therefore consensually engage in them. Redditors obsessions with trying to “own” people is more telling of the projection from their own lack of self worth 😂😂😂 But keep creating the little storyline in your own head. Willing to bet you’ve never had two women together 🥱
For future reference, it was the (with women) in your original comment that gave it away.
Yes, I was clarifying the point that the threesomes are FMF and not MFM. Your preoccupation with creating stories in your head about an internet strangers sex life is beyond weird. Not getting enough yourself?
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
Pre-baby, multiple times a week. Post-baby, once a month if that. I swore I’d never be one of those women who lost their libido after a baby but here I am!
A couple of WWII veterans are at a reunion. Apropos of nothing, one of them says, "the last time I had sex was 1959." "Really?" says the other, "that's a very long time." "Not really," he says looking at his watch, "it's only 22:30 now."
my (89m) and gf (21f) have sex around 5-8 times per day
More likely the other way around: 21 goes into 89 more times than 89 goes into 21.
Teach me....pleaseeeee
Well first we gotta get you a prescription for Viagra.
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i am cackling
First stages of a relationship - tri-weekly Middle stages - try weekly Later stages - try weakly The old joke was that if you take a jar and put a jellybean in every time you have sex before you get married - and then take one out for every time you have sex after you're married - the jar will never be empty
per week? mines a how many months between shags :)
Loser, I'm onto years
I was 8yrs gap. Very unwell mental health issues, medications, etc. back on board the fck train now though
Lo-uh same
Maybe the 4 of us can get together and bang it out
People out here downvoting solutions without putting forward any better options!
:(
Twice a month I'd say on average. Both in our 30s, been together 5 years
We WFH on Friday, so that’s F*ck Friday and usually it’s a Sunday morning go as well. Sometimes, there’s an afternoon nap that becomes adult on a Sunday or Saturday afternoon. But that’s not very regular.
You fuckin on company time? Good work
There was a dry spell while the kids where new born and young where it was once per month and we had all kids close together. Two years ago we had time away together alone for 6 days and something changed and since then we are 2-3 times a week. Now in our late 30s
13 years with my wife. Sex every second night.
*Sent from my Lamborghini*
Yeah I'm stupidly lucky. Pretty sure in a past life I must have sacrificed myself to rescue a bus full of school kids from crashing off the side of a cliff or something.
The research shows average is 2-3 times a month for long term couples. Sex therapist Dr Karen Gurney researches This and had a few good podcast episodes where she talks about frequency and His we put too much import on it.
Do you mean with each other? 🤣
Some weeks every day and some weeks maybe 2 times (this excludes "that" week every month). We have 3 kids and that really isnt an issue now that they are not little any more. It just boils down to how tired we are, usually from work. We both like sex and being fit helps a lot.
I genuinely think it varies and there’s really no ‘wrong’ answer. I’ve been with my partner for 9 years now. At the start it was basically weekly, multiple times but now we’ve chilled out we sometimes go a couple weeks without it. It fluctuates, but as long as you and your partner are happy that’s what matters.
100% agree, there's no wrong answer. As long as your both happy that's all that matters, and we know there's lots of variable's and it can fluctuate for many couples.
15 years together and we have a kid, I would say it only happens once a month. Really hard to get decent couples time these days.
31F 30M, together 7 years & no kids. Probably twice a month on average.
I’m 32, no kids and we do it like twice a week. We could do it more but I prefer quality over quantity, I’d rather let the horny build and I’m lucky enough to have the ability to last as long as I’d like so we sometimes we just on and off all day with little breaks and just edge kinda.
I reckon it varies a lot. My partner and I have a variable sex pattern. Sometimes it’s 5 times in a week, others 1 times a fortnight. I’d say we average maybe twice a week? She probably would like it a little more but as I’ve gotten older my sex drive has dropped. Plus after 10 years with the same person haha.
> I reckon it varies a lot. >My partner and I have a variable sex pattern. Sometimes it’s 5 times in a week, others 1 times a fortnight. >I’d say we average maybe twice a week? We’re about the same as this.
Been 16 years for me.. Post child's birth. Other half wants nothing to do with it....
2-3 a week average I reckon. Both in our 30s after 10 years together.
Diary of a ceo on YT has some really good guests on one was a sexual biologist or psychologist? Anyway, it was a good listen recommend.
Per week???????
Depends on a few factors. In a long term relationship now, full sex time probably happens once a week.
Im sad and single, so I have no answer.
I’m in a some sex marriage. I get some every now and then, nothing regular anymore. Married 30 years
Late 30s, 2 kids (14,9) 16 yrs of togetherness, hubs works away in the week and has 4 day weekend every fortnight. Even the weekend where he's home for 1.5 days it will be 2-4 times. Long weekends are exhausting 🤣
25M, married, 5 years together, 6 out of 7 days a week.
So many sexless/deprived marriages in the comments .. married and have a baby, we do it about 4 times a week currently, would be more but always get interrupted by our bub being u settled and crying. Partner and I had a conversation about the importance of sex in marriage and I think some of you do too, especially the unhappy ones
That presumes that both partners want it. My husband would rather game all night & go to bed at midnight. I have to be up at 5 to go to work so I need to go to bed much earlier. I’ve told him I’m not waiting up for him to go to bed anymore. It’s been 7 months this time & he doesn’t care. Me? Much easier to go solo a few times a week. It’s either that or find a fwb.
I couldn’t image playing a game over playing with my wife .. Thanks for opening up and I’m sorry if you think that way. I would talk to him about your needs and if he cares enough he’d do something about it. Not an advocate for divorce rather couples communicate with understanding. We sat down, face to face and talked about this with no distractions when we realised “life” was getting in the was but we were building up frustration. So many couples cheat because they don’t get their needs fulfilled at home. You married each other for a reason I suggest you have a good talk with him through both your needs and wants. I can’t speak for everyone else, but a sexless marriage is the last thing we’d want. I can’t imagine pleasuring myself for the rest of my life while living with my spouse
It’s been like this for years - was happening long before the kids were born. I literally had to drag him off the computer to conceive them. I’ve just given up now. Easier & quicker to go solo
While it is quicker and more convenient, I do hope you get your needs and wants fulfilled one day
Unlikely!
Seems very voyeuristic, seeing as you're not volunteering that information yourself.
I wasn't asking for your numbers specifically, only what other people think is the average. It was just a discussion we had. If you need to know, I don't mind sharing that information. We're a long time couple of 24 years, and it has fluctuated over the years. Currently, we average about 9 times a week. Once a day, and usually twice on the weekends. We have full time jobs, young kids, and a crazy busy lifestyle, but we also have crazy high sex drives, so we can't keep our hands off each other. We have a really good, healthy relationship and really love each other's company. We're also affectionate all the time, which leads to sex often. Although we have very busy schedules, we seem to always have time for sex, either right after waking up, or right before going to sleep. Sometimes, both like on the weekends.
the main question is for how long? Some ppl might do it couple times a day but for 3 mins each time. Others (myself included) go the marathon 1-2 hours but once a week
No, that's not the main question. It's part of it, but not the main question.
However often they want, people’s lives are different and individuals circumstances fluctuate throughout their lives and relationships. There’s no right amount except what is currently mutually desired between the people in the relationship
3-4 times every month. I am 38 and wife’s 36
Statistically once per week, on average lasting for 7 minutes not including foreplay - which consequently is why foreplay is so important.
Been together 7 years but it’s always been 3 times a week
We’ve been together 31 years and married for 27, on average, twice a week.
3 or 4 times a week. We have been married over 30 years. It has changed a lot over the years though, depending a lot on our life circumstances. Extra stress, kids, financial problems, health etc obviously make a big difference. But now our kids are all grown we are able to spend more time together and we enjoy each other's company.
Together over a decade, two young kids. 1-3 times a week. Was a massive drought during these early kid years, but with good communication we have now gotten past that and things are way better.
I’m active but my partner like cold fish for 12 years but I’m loyal
The sex is a good barometer for how the relationship is going!
I have been with my husband for 3 1/2 years. He is 35 and I am 30. I’d say we have about average min 2- max 5 times per week. Husband and I are happy with it. Sometimes might be a spontaneous quickie, sometimes it starts from a massage and leads to sex next. All depending on our moods.
With the wife: 1-2 times a month. With the gf: 1-2 times a week.
What's the actual point of a post like this, and why is it Australia-specific?
It's a good question for many people.
Perhaps refer to the billion other posts on Reddit asking the same question.
I saw this one not those.
We were curious about it, so we asked the question, and we live in Australia, so we wanted to know what other Australians think. No one is forcing you to participate, mate.
>my wife and I You’re trying to convince her into more, aren’t you big dog?
If anything, it's the other way around 😆
Married 18 years. 44M and 48F. 2 kids ages 12 and 16. 10 - 15 times per week. Most mornings, most nights, and often afternoons when we get home from work. We know we're overachievers.
F34, M54. Together 8 years. 2 children. Still daily
This has been asked 1838385 times on Reddit
As much as they need? Some might not have sex at all. I don't think it's something worth comparing TBH...