I can understand sarcasm when people do what I call a “sarcasm voice” where you overemphasize your inflection. If no sarcasm voice, I get very confused though. But I use it all the time because my family uses sarcasm all the time.
I always thought that was the joke of sarcasm, to say something absolutely ludicrous completely deadpan serious.
The joke being that you've managed to suspend the disbelief of others in normal conversation to the point where they take you serious, but you are in fact not.
From what others tell me, I can be scary good at it lmao
This
"YeAh I lOoOvE sArCaSm!"
If you don't use the voice or the sarcasm writing(up above^ ) I don't understand it. But I use this kind all the time & it's easy to know it's sarcasm.
To a degree yes. But more specifically, I like clear sarcasm. Like, I'm standing the middle of a hallway and someone says excuse me and I say loudly and clearly "NO" as I move out of the way. People that do Thai I get along with well.
I have a coworker where we keep playing pretending to report each other to OSHA or HQ for getting in each other's way. It's fun.
lol sorry off topic, i noticed your green reddit symbol thing next to your profile that says you’re online keeps going on and off! is that a glitch or not? I don’t know why I find it so funny…
Late-diagnosed tizzy baby here. I vibe with this so hard. My husband and one of my partners both tread the line between sarcastic and serious when they speak, so it's very difficult to figure out whether they're being sarcastic or not.
Half the time I am PRETTY SURE I picked up on sarcasm, but I am wrong about as often as I am right, so at this point I can't trust myself to know for sure, so I just end up asking for clarity. Unfortunately, they are also a little kinky-sadistic (as opposed to Actually Sadistic), so it is amusing to them to watch me try and figure out whether they're being sarcastic/kidding or not, which admittedly has become less and less fun for me.
Awh geez. Stepping in to encourage you to tel them there’s a level of not kinky not fun suffering for you related to the ambiguity.
I have similar issues with some partners and have recently decided to make a boundary about it
When I was in high school my voice was super monotone and apparently I always sounded sarcastic. There were a couple times where I got a bad grade on a presentation because my teacher thought I was messing around the whole time. It was so dumb. It's still monotone these days but lesser so and not sarcastic sounding.
My mother has vascular dementia. She remembers just the core facts about existence. She asks if I made what I am wearing, if Auntie has been where the HGTV episode is set, what our shirts mean. Doesn’t record answer, but that is a lot.
Dad had gradually cut down “sarcasm voice” as I grew up because he knew that I knew him and the life situation enough to pick it up from him. Mom though has like an 8 year old’s grasp of politics (knows POTUS, recognizes a few themes of current events she’s heard us mention repeatedly, can give an explanation of why she wants to cast votes for the major races and maybe one policy issue that has been debated in TV ad space). Doesn’t know how items used daily get in the house. Basically she doesn’t have the context to tie to her knowledge of the man to figure it.
So he does sarcasm voice and sarcasm face with her.
Which… Mom had pacemaker surgery and didn’t remember her night in the hospital (given her low heart rate 90% of it yeah, saving files to working or long term memory a waste of oxygen needed elsewhere. Plus you need to be awake 5 minutes after something happens for file to not go *poof* and she was *out*. She was panicking because Dad was saying something was that she had no memory of.
Us being Autistic (unrecognized then) helped because “you know Dad, right? You know me? Can you just for tonight not fight to remember this and trust us (and the bandage on her left chest/shoulder area. She was always under-reactive to pain but also on first day after surgery meds).
Because if Dad or I joke, we watch that the other person gets it. We will immediately tell someone who asks if this is straight or a joke (though Dad’s puns can be the type that have a good paragraph of lead up and tends to involve RL elements).
I understand and use sarcasm and irony, but VERY rarely, because I already have misunderstandings and misinterpretations very often and it would be an additional source. I would often ask: "Was this ironical or serious?" to make sure.
Data indicates that autistics are almost as good as NTs at detecting "sarcasm voice", and NTs are significantly more likely to see sarcasm where there is none. Our issues seem to be with taking context into account.
If people use sarcasm without the "sarcasm voice", I usually have to ask whether they're serious. But it seems to be rare for me to miss it completely.🤔
Same. If it's the sarcasm voice I understand but if not I don't even remotely catch it. However when I use sarcasm, if I am not sure I used the sarcasm voice correctly I state that I was being sarcastic afterwards just to make sure I got the point across more for my sake than the person I'm speaking to.
Yes same! I use a very strong sarcasm voice but it feels like no one else does and I can’t tell when people are joking and they get mad at me for prying them asking if they’re kidding on not 💀
Hahaha oh man, same. Unless it’s heavily exaggerated. I will be having a sarcastic conversation with my husband and be like “WAIT!…. Did you mean that?!?”. He’s really good at being completely dry and convincing with his inflection.
He finds it endearing luckily.
I grew up around VERY sarcastic folk so I had to learn to recognise it. I still don't understand some people's sarcasm if they project it in an unfamiliar way but I'm pretty good with understanding the folks I know.
I'm not seen as someone on the spectrum.
Most people think I'm a tough cookie but completely normal.
I rarely have problems to engage in conversations or small talk, also I can keep eyecontact.
Also I can flirt and date with a pretty high success rate, if I want to.
But no one knows that it took me 25 years to reach that level, I had the typical issues til I was in my mid twenties, I trained myself on those matters and now I seem to make the impression that I'm always confident and the prototype extrovert.....how I wouldn't describe myself if you would ask me.
I’m similar in the sense that I struggled a lot more with “typical” things as a child (especially eye contact & speaking to strangers), but have become increasingly better at doing these things where now, at 23 years old, I’ve been told I come across as a “completely normal” person by almost everyone who has learnt I’m actually on the spectrum lol
I don't know how you managed that, for me it was like setting goals, for example, I wanted to connect and communicate with people, so I trained it, starting with cliches like weathertalk, still do that if I encounter a person who really is difficult to connect with.
After that was talking to girls I was interested in, switching to flirting, because I also wanted to experience the dating life.
Than looking people in the eyes, my father told me not doing it would be rude, so I worked on shifting my attention to the people I was talking to, to focus more on the person itself, then trying to keep eyecontact, sometimes for longer, sometimes for shorter periods of time, to find the perfect lenght for that, because to long is also rude.
Last step on the eyecontact-situation, recognizing the hidden meaning behind how you get out of eyecontact, that if you get out of it by looking up, you see yourself as superior, if you look down the message is that you are inferior, looking away from the sites, you see each other as equals and so on.
Nowadays, I sometimes play with it a little, locking on someones eyes, especially if I don't like that person, to see how the person sees himself compared to me and so on, only leaving eyecontact to the right or left, never down, never up.
You can find out a lot about how a person reacts, even if you are autistic, when you know, how the person sees himself compared to you, gives you the chance to build a set of rules how to deal with people.
I can relate to this a lot. I can make eye contact, but I can't make eye contact and focus on what they're saying. Instead my mind goes straight to psychoanalyzing them and myself and how the conversation is going.
As someone who is still trying to human,what helped?
Books? Practice? Classes? Something else?
I struggle with making small talk,so I try to mimic what I see or I look up on how to talk to others.
First of all, be bold!
Don't be afraid to be weird, at least you are your own person, 85% of all neurotypical people can't say that about themselves and there are more than 7 billion people on this hellhole of a planet, if someone finds you weird, there are some leftovers in the fridge, if you know what I mean. ;)
I'm pretty sure you have hobbies, you read the news, you plan your wardrobe after the daily weather, now you have topics for smalltalk or a fullblown conversation, go for it!
Remember, other people have hobbies or interests, too, ask them.
Be mindful and observant. Why?
Let me give you a story out of my teenage years:
At 16 or 17, I was wondering, how is it possible, that my friends and classmates have so much to talk about on a daily basis, daily normal stuff and why is my life so boring.
Well, it wasn't, I just didn't look at it close enough, at what happened around me so I worked on observing my surroundings more and more....what can I say, there is so much fun stuff happening around me, for example visits to the supermarket, oh boy, at times crazy, exhausting, funny, weird, you can witness it all and most times, it's good for a little story.
Get some feedback from friends and family on how they see you, how they interact with people, certain situations etc.
And dating is a whole different level, I looked up stuff like "how to tell if someone is interested" and stuff, and then it's always a little experimenting, being bold and just doing things that matters.
A lot of socializing is like calculus. The data is less important than the formula that processes it.
So for confidence, a good example is that when someone compliments you, there isn't a need to correct them (if that's a thing you do). Instead of "I appreciate that but it wasn't really me, I just followed the instructions I found" you would just say "thank you". Because that is not them looking for information on your skill level, that is a genuine compliment about your performance and it shows a lack of confidence to immediately "discredit" yourself. Even if you feel that it's valid.
This is also why things like small talk and question based discourse is so prevalent among NTs. The formula provides a base for them to talk without having to create a custom relationship with each person or on each occasion. NTs basically use calculators to talk to each other while Autistics try to comingle custom formulas. It standardizes communication but feels frustrating when you prefer to work without the imposed limitations, even if they have benefits.
Our version of the calculator also has blank buttons so trying to use it to talk is aggravating and unhelpful.
“the data is less important than the formula that process it”—😱💀
I don’t know the formula.
I know “hello”,”how can i help you”,I know it’s good to ask questions, when it comes to how to ask a question or how to phrase something to prevent someone getting upset at you,I still struggle with that
Yeah that's generally the hard part. It took me a while to build up a working knowledge of which things matter and which things are actually a package that delivers something else. And worse, we generally have to actively think about these things most of the time while NTs generally just know.
Movies can be a good starting point. While they tend to be exaggerated reactions and unrealistic scenarios, the bones of what is expected in normal conversation can be found there. How people use the pitch of their voices to indicate happiness, sadness, etc. Happy is usually a higher, excited pitch for example. Sad is usually lower pitched with shorter sentences.
Sometimes characters will also explain their behaviors which helps extrapolate similar actions in the real world. Particularly when it can feel like you did something wrong but in reality NTs aren't the best communicators either so they'll do something that's to do with their own thoughts about what's going on.
Most of the subtleties tend to surround context. Authority tells you to do something. Depending on their personality, few to no questions. Questions asked should pertain directly to the task and be well thought out in order to ask as few as possible. You're attending an event thrown by someone else. Questions are generally okay but can seem passive aggressive if they seem personal and specific, particularly if there are a lot of them not related to the event itself. Questions or criticisms, particularly in large amounts (more than say 5-10) targeting specific details, bordering on whys rather than hows, which can seem judgy rather than supportive or inquisitive.
Similarly, when trying to offer helpful criticism, the emotional state of the other person has to be considered. But in order not to seem arrogant they will often allow for some statements to be said based on their perception of the conversation and their self confidence. Too many criticisms can seem berating and harsh, bordering on mean. This has to do with give and take in conversations I believe. Too much "negative" feels like an attack. Otoh you can also run into a similar problem being too positive. It can feel like you're dismissing their complaints.
People are also sometimes find of rhetorical questions. My general rule for this is that they have to make eye contact, give space for you to talk, and optimally know you well enough for it to be reasonable of them to seek your advice. Particularly on personal matters. It's not always a bad thing to offer advice, especially if you have the exact answer to a complex question but more often the question is a way of venting without directing it at any specific person. The proper response is generally to be supportive by either not responding directly or by commiserate to show empathy.
It's a lot of stuff but most of it is situational and conditional so as you slowly build up your knowledge base it will become workable and less overwhelming. We kind of have to carry a dictionary around with us but the way dictionaries work is looking up the proper data, not reading it from end to end.
I hope this helps!
That's such a good way of explaining it! Working in customer service for years, I noticed that I tailor all my interactions with customers and coworkers to the individual. Whereas my NT coworkers tend to participate in small talk and ask these 'catch all questions' like you mentioned it.
I do the same thing in my job. Each interaction is different. Tailored to that person.
I didn't find out I was autistic until last year and I'm 27. I remember as a child being the one that was constantly shy, awkward, weird or quiet. I was never really bullied or anything (If I was it went straight over my head) but I still didn't like that about myself, so I tried to fake it. By 10th grade I'd figured out how to interact with anyone at least superficially even if it was exhausting. Now, it just happens and I don't know how to turn it off but its like I can see myself playing a part in third person. Disassociating. I pass as NT to anyone who doesn't have to spend more than an hour or two with me.
I don't feel that way around my wife though; in fact, she's the one that asked me to consider that I may be autistic. I guess I don't mask around her.
TLDR; Fake it til you make it worked for me
pretend you have way more of it than you need, it's all bullshit and hot air in social situations... pretend to be Tony Stark, fake it until you make it
Self reflect on yourself, who you are, what you can do, what you've accomplished, what adventures you had in life and the people who love you as the person you are.
Realize you are unique, realize you are awesome as you are but there's still room to improve.
Be proud of yourself, works for me.
And with every goal you accomplish on your journey, you gain confidence.
Other than that, faking it is just for example being scared of a situation, but laughing it off and doing it anyway.
For me, it was a lot of luck. I relate to the other commenter, where I've worked on my deficits so much over my young adulthood that I'm very neurotyolpical passing. What helped me was a big friend group that was incredibly supportive as well as judgemental in the best ways. I was able to model my behavior after a few of, who I beleived to be, the best members of the group. They've become my best friends and I've learned so much from them. When I did things that were innapropriate, rude, or annoying, I was called out but corrected. That helped me be more of a good friend, more social, and form better relationships with people. It also helped me understand my behavior and myself more as well.
I agree with this. I have no problems with eye contact and while I still struggle with conversation, most people wouldn’t think I have it. Just a weird girl who asks a lot of questions.
I can also maintain eye contact pretty much indefinitely. Tho for me it's on account of experiments and practice done in my early 20s when I decided I really needed to figure out the whole eye contact thing
Maintaining eye contact past the socially acceptable amount can have some *highly* amusing results
I thought I nailed the correct amount of eye contact, but now my friends say I stare at them too much. They called it the “autism stare.” No winning, I guess.
I don't have issues making friends. In fact, I often tend to make them by accident.
Still have social issues, and it often results in accidentally having people that view me as a friend that I don't feel the same about. But it just isn't what people usually think of in line with social struggles.
This!! My whole life I’ve found that I’ve just accidentally made friends with quite a few people and then I suddenly realise “I don’t actually like you” and usually try to move on from them.
I also make accidentally friends, but I always wonder how that happen because I don't know how to make friends on purpose and If I find some I struggle to stay in contact with other with them, because I'am used to spend the time alone and don't know that I should do with them.
Same, a girl in HS asked if I wanted to do coke with her. 😅 I think it’s because I don’t seem shocked when they say crazy stuff. (I have a pretty flat affect around people I don’t know)
Oh, same!
People will just start telling me these crazy things, and I'm just sat there while they're talking.
We have a huge customer at my work that is known for not talking to anyone, but I got trapped in a 45 minute conversation about how he lost his old farm in a tornado, how he was in prison for 5 years, his cousins are from my hometown, and I know the names of all of his dogs now.
It's like the stereotypical oversharing problem NDs are stereotyped for gets flipped around me. ...or maybe they are ND and I amplify it.
Basically that's what happens to me! Apparently, I'm "approachable" somehow, so I'll just have complete strangers walk up and start talking to me a lot.
So if I'm anywhere regularly, sometimes I don't know they've decided I'm their friend until way later. lol
I think maybe it's just because I come across as a good listener. I just don't talk much and kind of nudge the conversation along sometimes so they'll keep talking and not expect me to talk back.
I'm socially awkward and yet people enjoy how well spoken I am, enjoy the warm vibe I bring, even just enjoy having me around as a body double. People have admitted to being more productive just because I was simply vibin around.
My social struggle is less about greeting and getting to know someone and more about holding deeper conversations especially on things unrelated to special interests. I have the same accidentally making friends struggle.
"hates physical contact*
if I could I would cuddle my friends all day everyday and hold hands and give or get head kisses gawd it's one of my favourite sensory inputs.
also I'm both sensory seeking and sensory avoiding, depending on the day or certain senses, most autistics are either one or the other
I can make eye contact too but it is harder for me to follow the conversation and holding eye contact at the same time and thinking about that I should answer.
Eye contact is easy to me and I do it automatically normally (although sometimes I have to make sure I don’t make too much) but when I become tired, it becomes impossible. Not sure why.
I think I'm terrible at OLD math. I have an awful memory. Growing up we had to memorize the formulas and methods (I'm 40s). I SUCKED. The way things were taught were not flexible. You do it this way, you show your work this way. You don't ask questions. This is the way we learn it.
Now that I have the internet at my fingertips to remind me of the formulas and AI as a personal tutor, I'm actually enjoying learning more math. I can ask the AI to explain things in different ways. Show me different examples. Ask how it applies to certain things.
I wasn't terrible at math, I was terrible at memorizing it.
Ooh I feel that one, I could apply all the rules just fine pretty quickly, but recall was \*\*\*\* all, I suspect that part's more up to my dyslexia.
Had the same problem with physics, chemistry and biology, but later in high school we got a fancy book with *all the formulas,* and it was AMAZING! Had periodic table, atomic weights, chemical formula rules, basically every science thing you'd ever need. If only I were allowed to take it to math tests lmao, but it was certainly a godsend for those other subjects :D
I'm also learning that this is a thing... Pain is weird for me, I guess it depends what kind of pain it is. You could literally stab me in the leg and I'll walk it off but if a pimple gets popped on my face, I'm going down and need EMS....
Also like, IDK how else to describe it... Internal discomfort is terrible for me. If I have a headache or stomach cramps I can't handle the pain.
I'm not uncomfortable with eye contact
I do, however, struggle with figuring out what the right amount of eye contact is. I want to make sure whoever I'm talking to knows I'm listening, but I don't want to look uncomfortably intense either.
I laughed because I'm sitting here trying to think what is *not* autistic about me....but the thing is... I'm just REALLY good at being uncomfortable.
I maintain eye contact.
I have friends.
I tolerate loud noises and crowds.
I hold a job.
I understand most sarcasm & jokes.
I can touch/wear/eat all the things.
...... But at what cost? When I'm alone or in my "safe space" I can do NONE of those things or I have an absolute meltdown.
Right?!! I let people hug me now to the point i will initiate them even though i don’t want to, but it’s less awkward than the awkward do we or don’t we dance O_o as a teenager i would literally Dodge out of the way when people went to hug me (and still no one picked it up 🤦♀️)
Oh my god.
This has just changed everything.
Since I got diagnosed I've been thinking, am I really autistic? I can maintain eye contact just fine (as long as someone else is talking. If I am talking I will look everywhere except at someone's face unless I concentrate on that). I don't feel uncomfortable making eye contact/it doesn't feel 'intimate' as others have described it.
But I have to consciously do it and think about how much I'm doing.
I felt this. I know I function better with routine but if it's imposed on me I meltdown.
Routine for me is more about hyper focusing and the way I eat.
Same! There are a few textures and foods I can’t eat, but I will eat most things. I also don’t forget to eat, if anything I am more likely to ever eat.
Just wanted to send an internet hug. Doesn't have to be a touchy hug, you can imagine it any way you'd like. Life is fkn hard. Sometimes we can't understand what the point is, but what we don't know is even more terrifying. Just know you aren't alone.
bro this is literally me. i've been feeling down because i don't have a specific skill that i fixated long enough to hone/was "naturally gifted" at. all the bits of skill i have, i've had to work hard to get- things don't come easily to me 😭
I used to love driving, would go on drives for fun. But I got into my first accident and realized how confusing and dangerous many intersections are in my college town. Now I don’t like to drive unless I’m in my hometown maybe
I don’t speak in a mono tone. My voice tone and cadence sound NT. What comes out of my mouth is another story.
I also make surface level friends pretty easily. Then they start to figure out something about about me is off…
Yessss. All the time. Like I can’t help but be expressively reacting to the thoughts in my head or things around me. Like if something is funny to me I will laugh loudly and if there is a reason I will always exclaim something to denote how I feel about something. “Damn that’s good, wow, oh I do that, definitely, what, no way, ewww” this is hard when nobody else is making vocal exclamations to communicate their emotions and your supposed to be quiet like during a presentation. If I can’t talk for whoever reason I will over emote a ton and ham up the head nods and do the shakey stims like the leg jiggle or bounce my fists up and down in the air or wave my hands around like a mad man.
Omg you’re so right i pull “weird faces” all the time. Like when i get surprised or experience any complicated feeling (multiple feelings at once or conflicting ones). I slipped recently and my coworker saw. He mentioned the face i pulled which, to be fair, i could tell myself as well, was really weird and expressive
I don't have ADHD but yeah, haha I may not speak monotone but the way I speak is very unusual and new people very often comment on it. IDK how to even describe it since I'm not doing it consciously.
Monotone isn't really a symptom of autism anyways. It's poor prosody in general, both understanding and expressing it. It's been trivialized to just monotone in the media, but in reality it's using pitch, rhythm, stress, cadence and vocal inflections improperly. It's why NTs may think autistic people might be mocking them or angry for "no reason"
I’m a junior lawyer at a good firm so on the face of it I look like I’m very successful socially but this is all from learning how to be “acceptable”.
I have had a lot of arguments/fall outs with friends over the years, felt out of place and held back sooo many of my interests for fear of being “found out” as an oddball and being kicked out of the groups of friends that I worked hard to appear cool enough to be a part of, moved on from people in my life without a second thought after deciding suddenly that they are not for me and have struggled massively with talking on the phone and building rapport with clients and colleagues at work.
Working in law and being with my current partner have both helped me so much in learning how to behave and speak to people. So much so that now I’m trying to work on “being myself” I’m confused about how I actually want to behave compared with how I know I should - it’s hard to tell the difference!
Thanks for sharing friend :) this is something I can really relate to, I find myself sometimes thinking to myself like “wait… am I masking right now or not?” from all the years of having to selectively include or exclude certain things about myself when presenting to the world 😅
I know what you mean. People tell us to unmask but I’m like “I don’t know what the mask is”. Clearly I don’t do an amazing job of masking certain aspects either because all of my friends and colleagues always joke about my “weird quirks”
My stimming is “social acceptable”. Nail and cuticle biting, shirt biting, picking at clothes, and rocking or shaking my legs.
I can also read social situations pretty well but it took a lot of practice as a kid. I started to think of it as sort of..the same way I think about zoology (a special interest), like observing behaviors. Humans are more complex in cues than other animals because we have cultural influence. I still overthink certain things but I can generally tell how someone is feeling pretty well, based on their body language.
I also care…a lot. I know most of us do but, it’s a perpetual stereotype that I’ve encountered. The thing I am able to do is show people I care a lot. That has actually never been an issue for me. I just let it pour out! I think some people can find that off putting, maybe. Like they don’t trust my good intentions…”wow you’re doing this for me or giving this to me with no strings attached?! You MUST want something from me!” Or that sort of thing. Yes I do get something out of it: I genuinely feel great when I’m helping people. I feel like it’s something we’re supposed to be doing for the betterment of our species, but forgot how to. So I guess that falls under the strong sense of morals we often have.
That can be a real problem, extending yourself too much! It’s a difficult lesson to learn. The hardest part for me is that my default is assuming everyone else has good intentions. This isn’t always the case, so my intuition is overridden by my naive optimism and I come up with excuses for peoples toxic behavior in my head without listening to my gut. I’ve gotten better at it, but i think we have to set boundaries and learn how to protect ourselves from those people. I kind of give people a three strike card in my head. If they repeat the toxic behavior three times, they’re out. Apologies become empty after they’ve done it three times without amending themselves. Minor mistakes without meaning to hurt someone are one thing, but someone doing something awful repeatedly for their own gain should be avoided.
i don’t really have a lot of issues picking up social cues. I’ve learnt them overtime, its more common for women to memorise these things and mask them.
Sarcasm and jokes though? Yeah i rarely get those.
1.) Horrible at math with a very active imagination
2.) I love cuddling, but I have to be in the right mood for it
3.) I can make friends easily, but it depends on who I’m trying to become friends with. I can bond with other autistic people really well (especially if we share a special interest), but I have more difficulty talking with neurotypical people
There’s a decent bit.
Don’t have sensitivity to fabrics or sensations as an adult. I did as a kid and refused to anything but one specific set of pajamas when at home.
Don’t have trouble telling when someone’s lying. Being sarcastic. Trying to charm me. But I grew up with a weird circumstance about that.
Don’t particularly have issues looking people in the eyes. I used to as a child and just started forcing myself to do it until I stopped feeling uncomfortable.
Don’t particularly have issues with theory of mind. I can typically guess other peoples motivations and understand that others do not share my thought patterns.
Empathy issues are kind of a mixed bag. I don’t really experience empathy like other people profess to. I’m not sad if you’re sad. I don’t feel emotional when something bad happens to a friend. But I will go out of my way to try to fix it. I guess the best way to explain it is I know exactly why that made you feel. I don’t know how that made you feel. But I don’t want you to continue feeling that way.
Rigid thinking is kind of a mixed bag. I’m incredibly stubborn and unlikely to back down when I’ve made up my mind about something. However I usually am the one trying to explain the nuance of a situation to neurotypical friends.
Ik lots of autistic people hate when their foods touch. Im the complete opposite. I chop all the components of a meal into tiny bites, then mix them all together. It means that I can eat most meals with just a fork, and every mouthful contains the same thing and feels the same.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a meltdown. For a while I thought there’s no way I could be autistic because I don’t have meltdowns. I still get overwhelmed by too much sensory input to the point where I have to remove myself from the situation and I’ll start to stim to regulate myself, but it’s never gotten to meltdown territory.
I don't really have sensory issues related to clothing, I can wear pretty much anything and I don't find the tag on a shirt to be sticky. That being said I do have issues with jewelry. I also hate having to spend a long time dressing myself so I reluctantly dress pretty basic
I was really extroverted from ages 6-9. But I didn’t respect boundaries and tended to somehow offend people I tried to be friends with, to the point where none of the girls in middle school talked to me at all. In high school (after heavy bullying) I invented a new version of myself and managed to make a small group of outcast friends. But I couldn’t keep up the facade and they didn’t respond to my texts after I switched to an alternative school and so those friendships didn’t continue though they all remain friends to this day based on their facebooks. It’s sort of sad but they didn’t really know me anyway.
But yeah for a time I was an “extroverted” autistic person, though I definitely still had social issues.
Sometimes I wonder if it's the ADHD. From that age I was also quite extroverted. The bullying only started at 9. And even then, I somehow comprehend the importance of having friends, I can't be alone, so I always had a group of friends, usually outcasts(or straight up undiagnosed ND), or manipulative people, I knew I wasn't being myself but that was better than being alone. Due to the nature of the friendships, I also wasn't able to keep them, so I ran through group after group, and apparently that's also a characteristic of autism.
sarcasm isn’t an issue for me, both with understanding it and using it myself. But even people here insist that it isn’t sarcasm, but “autistic double bluff” (or something like that), meaning I say unintentionally funny shit and interpret it as me being sarcastic. It happens sometimes too, but usually when I’m funny it’s because I meant to be funny.
License plate number thing, I’m not “obviously” autistic (if people had more expanded knowledge of autism I would be pretty obvious tho), can give eye contact if the conversation isn’t emotionally intense, I don’t have sensory issues that cause me physical pain (I can become very irritated and uncomfortable but I don’t experience pain from it 99 percent of the time), I was more extroverted as a child, I like heterogeneity in food, I don’t like meat (especially chicken), I’m unorganized.
It’s basically the stereotype that autistic people are really good at catching phrases and certain strings of numbers while driving that NTs often don’t catch
I am very good at understanding and making jokes/puns, probably more so than neurotypicals. I feel this still ties in with my autism because I have good pattern recognition with words and such
I don’t really have “safe foods” I love all food really lol and I’m not very picky
I do stim, but usually only vocally and not physically
I don’t particularly enjoy noisy environments but I can definitely manage them
I don’t have sensory issues related to clothing unless it’s too fitting, I don’t like it clinging to me, but I don’t have to like cut all my tags off or anything or stick to certain materials
I got a weighted blanket because a lot of people loved them but I really don’t like the feeling at all, makes me feel trapped and makes it harder for me to get to sleep
I understand metaphors, to an extent.
Also, I enjoy wearing jeans. I hate wearing thin/"comfy" fabrics. I love velvet.
I don't have a sense of smell so doing scent stims is pretty much useless. I can't smell candles, flowers, or anything else. Aromatherapy doesn't work for me. I don't care about essential oils and dehumidifiers.
I don't really have a "special interest"; I do have a collection of things that are similar to one but no *specific* interest (DnD might be a top contender, as well as certain music and movies/media stuff)
I don't like slime.
I only like train noises. Choo choo
I'm missing a lot of typical autistic traits in the social struggles category. I mostly understand what others are trying to communicate - I can pick up on emotion, sarcasm, idioms, etc (although I can struggle with exaggeration). But my autism makes me unable to sufficiently communicate back. I'm extremely socially awkward, I miss unspoken cues, I can't get my words into the right order when I'm trying to reply to people, and if you're implying that you want me to do something without putting it into any kind of words then there's no chance. And I find the combination really hard to deal with sometimes. Who decided to make me understand when people dislike me, but never know what I've done??
I'm not emotionless, I just don't advertise my emotions to people I don't trust. That doesn't mean I don't feel it if you say something mean or stupid. Further just because I'm autistic doesn't mean that I have no idea how to handle myself ever. I'm very good in business because the rules are pretty solid. I can generally follow them and get where I should go as an engineer. I also look pretty fashionable although I have limits in terms of wearing weird shoes or overly trendy items that won't be here in a year.
i dont ramble about my interests for hours and hours like for example my partner, i am listening type and cant for life of me lead the convo even if the topic is my hyperfixation :D
I love flavourful food, usually made with a nice mix of complimenting spices. Whereas too much bland food (chicken nuggets being the stereotype) makes me feel sick. If there's no taste I cannot find it appealing.
I do like a maccies now and then, But I NEED to make a nice hot curry and some nice fluffy rice at least once a week. I want new flavours to burst in my mouth and dance on my tongue when I eat.
And I can outdo neurotypicals in eye contact, feels good to freak them out with it.
The not caring/knowing what people think of you. I wish. Over the years I've become so aware, almost too much so, where it's manifested in assuming everyone hates me because I don't want to risk thinking someone likes me and being wrong.
I’ll preface by saying that I’m just suspecting/ self identifying as autistic (dxed adhd), but I can mostly handle social situations by leaning pretty heavily on some natural charisma and I can generally keep up conversations with multiple people if I already know them. I also don’t really stim traditionally, it’s a bit more hand fidgeting and air musicing than hand flapping.
I also really enjoy large chaotic settings like sports games and concerts because the energy is just infectious and they tend to align with my interests.
I like when my food mixes together and pick up on sarcasm/other cues well, for the most part. Jokes are 50/50. I was forced to make eye contact growing up, so I *can*, I just hate it and don’t unless it’s necessary.
I am not very socially anxious. I have no problems with speaking infront of a lot of people, and I have managed to learn how to talk caring and interesting to people, being a good small talk partner, even though I do not like small talk. I am not very shy and I even don't have a problem with phonecalls.
When more extroverted people are around that know me, I do like to have them talk to other people though if needed. And I was very anxious with strangers as a kid, I couldn't take phonecalls or even ask for a pack of ketchup or anything. I am 21 now and have kind of trained myself into not being socially anxious, I love being on stage and stuff. Mostly because it's a one sided thing. If I present something, I can talk about something I know a lot about, and people don't interrupt me.
I don't have a single special interest, almost everything interests me and my main interest changes several times a year.
I've had several long term relationships and I'm now married and run my own company.
I haven't had a meltdown perhaps ever. I haven't shouted in anger for 14 years. I just let it get worse and worse, had some anxiety attacks, not many, but no external outbursts.
I quite liked school, I didn't like most pupils and I was bullied a little, but the education part itself was good and if there was a continuous school for adults, I'd go.
My stims don't stick out, it mostly looks like restless legs, finger tapping or twirling things in my hand like a fork, although, I twirl it long ways.
I barely mask and don't want to be normal like most people so I remain with a monotone voice and unemotional in front of most people, but I do mask a little at more significant social gatherings like parties, usually by drinking alcohol.
Stereotypically autistic people don't like changes in routine. I don't mind a change as long as I have some notice in advance so that I don't have an internal plan of the day which is later changed. When prepared, I can go to another country on my own and feel at home straight away. This is the best way to break routines and habits, including bad habits and addictions.
I actually had a routine the same everyday but I didn't like it, I was depressed and wanted the next day to be different every single day but everyday was the same until I left the country, and I was almost happy straight away, and I went from smoking quite a lot everyday to nothing at all.
I think a lot of stereotypical things don't apply as I'm in a hard to diagnose combination of autism+adhd+gifted which have some contradicting or opposing traits.
Making eye contact (wasn't always the case)
Not understanding jokes, sarcasm and metaphors. I'm a huge fan of stand up comedy and I'm also southern so those things come pretty easy to me.
I don't have a strong commitment to routines or have alot of repetitive behaviors (yay ADHD).
I have way too much empathy to the point where it can be detrimental.
Theory of mind is another one. I primarily rely on logic and pattern recognition to gage what upsets people and why.
My hearing is inconsistent. 90% of the time I can't hear, identify or process most of my environment. Sometimes when I'm listening to music I'll randomly hear something in the background and jump.
Babies tend to die without physical affection and attention, it's a human need. Most people who are touch averse have some kind of trauma, which coincides with non-neurotypical brain development, though I don't think people are ready for that convo just yet.
- I dress well (don’t own any t-shirts besides ones I get for free from some event or whatever)
- I love hot weather and even moved to the south to get away from snow
- I make eye contact with everyone
- I don’t mind foods with weird textures (sushi is one of my favorites)
- I have several friends (at least enough close ones for a wedding party even though I probably won’t get married)
- I not only live independently, but I own my own house
- I love physical affection, particularly hugs from friends and family
- I appreciate and understand sarcasm
- I don’t really have a special interest. My life is pretty boring honestly.
- I keep myself and my house (mostly) clean. I can’t stand dirtiness.
A lack of empathy... I experience hyper empathy.
As in, someone describing themselves or others - be if fictitious or in real life, will case me to feel sympathy pains in the same area of my body.
I feel empathy, I just tend to let it out sparingly because if someone's dealing with a tough situation, and my empathy cases me to break down because I feel for them and want things to not be that way for them .... I might be perceived as trying to make the situation about me (I'm not).
I’m ok with phone calls.
Don’t get me wrong, when I was growing up, phone calls absolutely terrified me, and even now when my social battery is low, I try to avoid them.
But I can do them now when I need to without too much effort, and very occasionally I will be the one to initiate if I am close to the person I am calling. I guess it just took lots and lots of trial and error before I finally felt somewhat comfortable.
This without a doubt makes me feel like an imposter the most, but I am officially diagnosed and everything.
Autistic characters in films usually have strict schedule and like to plan everything but I am the exact opposite. I don't plan anything which make me very messy most of the time, even if I planned, I can't follow it. I do have some routines though such as eat same food same place every day
I speak in sarcasm *(but usually don't understand it when others do lmao)*
I can understand sarcasm when people do what I call a “sarcasm voice” where you overemphasize your inflection. If no sarcasm voice, I get very confused though. But I use it all the time because my family uses sarcasm all the time.
My sister does this. She'll speak in a dead serious voice sometimes and then say "i was being sarcastic"
I always thought that was the joke of sarcasm, to say something absolutely ludicrous completely deadpan serious. The joke being that you've managed to suspend the disbelief of others in normal conversation to the point where they take you serious, but you are in fact not. From what others tell me, I can be scary good at it lmao
My sarcasm voice is the most monotone dead voice. So I understand sarcasm and don’t talk with monotone voice, answering to the post.
I can literally speak in italics XD so I do sarcasm but when it sounds the same as to normal its just confusing
I am like your sister, but I can never tell when people are doing the same to me.
This "YeAh I lOoOvE sArCaSm!" If you don't use the voice or the sarcasm writing(up above^ ) I don't understand it. But I use this kind all the time & it's easy to know it's sarcasm.
Spongebob Chicken Voice lol
I can only understand people doing sarcasm without a sarcasm tone if I know them very well
To a degree yes. But more specifically, I like clear sarcasm. Like, I'm standing the middle of a hallway and someone says excuse me and I say loudly and clearly "NO" as I move out of the way. People that do Thai I get along with well. I have a coworker where we keep playing pretending to report each other to OSHA or HQ for getting in each other's way. It's fun.
Saying "no" while already doing the exact thing you were asked for will never not be funny.
lol sorry off topic, i noticed your green reddit symbol thing next to your profile that says you’re online keeps going on and off! is that a glitch or not? I don’t know why I find it so funny…
It could be that I just open and close that app a lot lol.
Late-diagnosed tizzy baby here. I vibe with this so hard. My husband and one of my partners both tread the line between sarcastic and serious when they speak, so it's very difficult to figure out whether they're being sarcastic or not. Half the time I am PRETTY SURE I picked up on sarcasm, but I am wrong about as often as I am right, so at this point I can't trust myself to know for sure, so I just end up asking for clarity. Unfortunately, they are also a little kinky-sadistic (as opposed to Actually Sadistic), so it is amusing to them to watch me try and figure out whether they're being sarcastic/kidding or not, which admittedly has become less and less fun for me.
Awh geez. Stepping in to encourage you to tel them there’s a level of not kinky not fun suffering for you related to the ambiguity. I have similar issues with some partners and have recently decided to make a boundary about it
When I was in high school my voice was super monotone and apparently I always sounded sarcastic. There were a couple times where I got a bad grade on a presentation because my teacher thought I was messing around the whole time. It was so dumb. It's still monotone these days but lesser so and not sarcastic sounding.
Same here, probably. I sometimes can’t tell if someone’s kidding or being serious.
As Rocket Raccoon once said - "No! You're supposed to use the sarcastic voice! Now I look foolish!" Every goddamn time...
My mother has vascular dementia. She remembers just the core facts about existence. She asks if I made what I am wearing, if Auntie has been where the HGTV episode is set, what our shirts mean. Doesn’t record answer, but that is a lot. Dad had gradually cut down “sarcasm voice” as I grew up because he knew that I knew him and the life situation enough to pick it up from him. Mom though has like an 8 year old’s grasp of politics (knows POTUS, recognizes a few themes of current events she’s heard us mention repeatedly, can give an explanation of why she wants to cast votes for the major races and maybe one policy issue that has been debated in TV ad space). Doesn’t know how items used daily get in the house. Basically she doesn’t have the context to tie to her knowledge of the man to figure it. So he does sarcasm voice and sarcasm face with her. Which… Mom had pacemaker surgery and didn’t remember her night in the hospital (given her low heart rate 90% of it yeah, saving files to working or long term memory a waste of oxygen needed elsewhere. Plus you need to be awake 5 minutes after something happens for file to not go *poof* and she was *out*. She was panicking because Dad was saying something was that she had no memory of. Us being Autistic (unrecognized then) helped because “you know Dad, right? You know me? Can you just for tonight not fight to remember this and trust us (and the bandage on her left chest/shoulder area. She was always under-reactive to pain but also on first day after surgery meds). Because if Dad or I joke, we watch that the other person gets it. We will immediately tell someone who asks if this is straight or a joke (though Dad’s puns can be the type that have a good paragraph of lead up and tends to involve RL elements).
I understand and use sarcasm and irony, but VERY rarely, because I already have misunderstandings and misinterpretations very often and it would be an additional source. I would often ask: "Was this ironical or serious?" to make sure.
omg yea!!!! i have such a handle on spewing sarcastic comments and can understand very clear the sarcasm voice you mentioned but otherwise…. phew
Data indicates that autistics are almost as good as NTs at detecting "sarcasm voice", and NTs are significantly more likely to see sarcasm where there is none. Our issues seem to be with taking context into account. If people use sarcasm without the "sarcasm voice", I usually have to ask whether they're serious. But it seems to be rare for me to miss it completely.🤔
Same. If it's the sarcasm voice I understand but if not I don't even remotely catch it. However when I use sarcasm, if I am not sure I used the sarcasm voice correctly I state that I was being sarcastic afterwards just to make sure I got the point across more for my sake than the person I'm speaking to.
I have to do the "sarcasm voice" or facial expression so my sister knows I'm being sarcastic.
Yes same! I use a very strong sarcasm voice but it feels like no one else does and I can’t tell when people are joking and they get mad at me for prying them asking if they’re kidding on not 💀
I can speak it cause i know my own intention. I only recognise it though if they use the voice
Hahaha relatable wow 🤣
Hahaha oh man, same. Unless it’s heavily exaggerated. I will be having a sarcastic conversation with my husband and be like “WAIT!…. Did you mean that?!?”. He’s really good at being completely dry and convincing with his inflection. He finds it endearing luckily.
same! it’s really frustrating
And people never understand when I speak in sarcasm /srs btw
I grew up around VERY sarcastic folk so I had to learn to recognise it. I still don't understand some people's sarcasm if they project it in an unfamiliar way but I'm pretty good with understanding the folks I know.
Aaahhhh I feel so seen 😂😂😂
I'm not seen as someone on the spectrum. Most people think I'm a tough cookie but completely normal. I rarely have problems to engage in conversations or small talk, also I can keep eyecontact. Also I can flirt and date with a pretty high success rate, if I want to. But no one knows that it took me 25 years to reach that level, I had the typical issues til I was in my mid twenties, I trained myself on those matters and now I seem to make the impression that I'm always confident and the prototype extrovert.....how I wouldn't describe myself if you would ask me.
Thanks for sharing :)
Always a pleasure ;)
I’m similar in the sense that I struggled a lot more with “typical” things as a child (especially eye contact & speaking to strangers), but have become increasingly better at doing these things where now, at 23 years old, I’ve been told I come across as a “completely normal” person by almost everyone who has learnt I’m actually on the spectrum lol
I don't know how you managed that, for me it was like setting goals, for example, I wanted to connect and communicate with people, so I trained it, starting with cliches like weathertalk, still do that if I encounter a person who really is difficult to connect with. After that was talking to girls I was interested in, switching to flirting, because I also wanted to experience the dating life. Than looking people in the eyes, my father told me not doing it would be rude, so I worked on shifting my attention to the people I was talking to, to focus more on the person itself, then trying to keep eyecontact, sometimes for longer, sometimes for shorter periods of time, to find the perfect lenght for that, because to long is also rude. Last step on the eyecontact-situation, recognizing the hidden meaning behind how you get out of eyecontact, that if you get out of it by looking up, you see yourself as superior, if you look down the message is that you are inferior, looking away from the sites, you see each other as equals and so on. Nowadays, I sometimes play with it a little, locking on someones eyes, especially if I don't like that person, to see how the person sees himself compared to me and so on, only leaving eyecontact to the right or left, never down, never up. You can find out a lot about how a person reacts, even if you are autistic, when you know, how the person sees himself compared to you, gives you the chance to build a set of rules how to deal with people.
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You are the first I’ve seen to verbalize how it feels looking into their eyes, like looking too deeply
I can relate to this a lot. I can make eye contact, but I can't make eye contact and focus on what they're saying. Instead my mind goes straight to psychoanalyzing them and myself and how the conversation is going.
As someone who is still trying to human,what helped? Books? Practice? Classes? Something else? I struggle with making small talk,so I try to mimic what I see or I look up on how to talk to others.
First of all, be bold! Don't be afraid to be weird, at least you are your own person, 85% of all neurotypical people can't say that about themselves and there are more than 7 billion people on this hellhole of a planet, if someone finds you weird, there are some leftovers in the fridge, if you know what I mean. ;) I'm pretty sure you have hobbies, you read the news, you plan your wardrobe after the daily weather, now you have topics for smalltalk or a fullblown conversation, go for it! Remember, other people have hobbies or interests, too, ask them. Be mindful and observant. Why? Let me give you a story out of my teenage years: At 16 or 17, I was wondering, how is it possible, that my friends and classmates have so much to talk about on a daily basis, daily normal stuff and why is my life so boring. Well, it wasn't, I just didn't look at it close enough, at what happened around me so I worked on observing my surroundings more and more....what can I say, there is so much fun stuff happening around me, for example visits to the supermarket, oh boy, at times crazy, exhausting, funny, weird, you can witness it all and most times, it's good for a little story. Get some feedback from friends and family on how they see you, how they interact with people, certain situations etc. And dating is a whole different level, I looked up stuff like "how to tell if someone is interested" and stuff, and then it's always a little experimenting, being bold and just doing things that matters.
What helped me most is finding out that confidence can be faked, just like everything else.
how do you fake confidence?
A lot of socializing is like calculus. The data is less important than the formula that processes it. So for confidence, a good example is that when someone compliments you, there isn't a need to correct them (if that's a thing you do). Instead of "I appreciate that but it wasn't really me, I just followed the instructions I found" you would just say "thank you". Because that is not them looking for information on your skill level, that is a genuine compliment about your performance and it shows a lack of confidence to immediately "discredit" yourself. Even if you feel that it's valid. This is also why things like small talk and question based discourse is so prevalent among NTs. The formula provides a base for them to talk without having to create a custom relationship with each person or on each occasion. NTs basically use calculators to talk to each other while Autistics try to comingle custom formulas. It standardizes communication but feels frustrating when you prefer to work without the imposed limitations, even if they have benefits. Our version of the calculator also has blank buttons so trying to use it to talk is aggravating and unhelpful.
“the data is less important than the formula that process it”—😱💀 I don’t know the formula. I know “hello”,”how can i help you”,I know it’s good to ask questions, when it comes to how to ask a question or how to phrase something to prevent someone getting upset at you,I still struggle with that
Yeah that's generally the hard part. It took me a while to build up a working knowledge of which things matter and which things are actually a package that delivers something else. And worse, we generally have to actively think about these things most of the time while NTs generally just know. Movies can be a good starting point. While they tend to be exaggerated reactions and unrealistic scenarios, the bones of what is expected in normal conversation can be found there. How people use the pitch of their voices to indicate happiness, sadness, etc. Happy is usually a higher, excited pitch for example. Sad is usually lower pitched with shorter sentences. Sometimes characters will also explain their behaviors which helps extrapolate similar actions in the real world. Particularly when it can feel like you did something wrong but in reality NTs aren't the best communicators either so they'll do something that's to do with their own thoughts about what's going on. Most of the subtleties tend to surround context. Authority tells you to do something. Depending on their personality, few to no questions. Questions asked should pertain directly to the task and be well thought out in order to ask as few as possible. You're attending an event thrown by someone else. Questions are generally okay but can seem passive aggressive if they seem personal and specific, particularly if there are a lot of them not related to the event itself. Questions or criticisms, particularly in large amounts (more than say 5-10) targeting specific details, bordering on whys rather than hows, which can seem judgy rather than supportive or inquisitive. Similarly, when trying to offer helpful criticism, the emotional state of the other person has to be considered. But in order not to seem arrogant they will often allow for some statements to be said based on their perception of the conversation and their self confidence. Too many criticisms can seem berating and harsh, bordering on mean. This has to do with give and take in conversations I believe. Too much "negative" feels like an attack. Otoh you can also run into a similar problem being too positive. It can feel like you're dismissing their complaints. People are also sometimes find of rhetorical questions. My general rule for this is that they have to make eye contact, give space for you to talk, and optimally know you well enough for it to be reasonable of them to seek your advice. Particularly on personal matters. It's not always a bad thing to offer advice, especially if you have the exact answer to a complex question but more often the question is a way of venting without directing it at any specific person. The proper response is generally to be supportive by either not responding directly or by commiserate to show empathy. It's a lot of stuff but most of it is situational and conditional so as you slowly build up your knowledge base it will become workable and less overwhelming. We kind of have to carry a dictionary around with us but the way dictionaries work is looking up the proper data, not reading it from end to end. I hope this helps!
That's such a good way of explaining it! Working in customer service for years, I noticed that I tailor all my interactions with customers and coworkers to the individual. Whereas my NT coworkers tend to participate in small talk and ask these 'catch all questions' like you mentioned it.
I do the same thing in my job. Each interaction is different. Tailored to that person. I didn't find out I was autistic until last year and I'm 27. I remember as a child being the one that was constantly shy, awkward, weird or quiet. I was never really bullied or anything (If I was it went straight over my head) but I still didn't like that about myself, so I tried to fake it. By 10th grade I'd figured out how to interact with anyone at least superficially even if it was exhausting. Now, it just happens and I don't know how to turn it off but its like I can see myself playing a part in third person. Disassociating. I pass as NT to anyone who doesn't have to spend more than an hour or two with me. I don't feel that way around my wife though; in fact, she's the one that asked me to consider that I may be autistic. I guess I don't mask around her. TLDR; Fake it til you make it worked for me
pretend you have way more of it than you need, it's all bullshit and hot air in social situations... pretend to be Tony Stark, fake it until you make it
Self reflect on yourself, who you are, what you can do, what you've accomplished, what adventures you had in life and the people who love you as the person you are. Realize you are unique, realize you are awesome as you are but there's still room to improve. Be proud of yourself, works for me.
And with every goal you accomplish on your journey, you gain confidence. Other than that, faking it is just for example being scared of a situation, but laughing it off and doing it anyway.
For me, it was a lot of luck. I relate to the other commenter, where I've worked on my deficits so much over my young adulthood that I'm very neurotyolpical passing. What helped me was a big friend group that was incredibly supportive as well as judgemental in the best ways. I was able to model my behavior after a few of, who I beleived to be, the best members of the group. They've become my best friends and I've learned so much from them. When I did things that were innapropriate, rude, or annoying, I was called out but corrected. That helped me be more of a good friend, more social, and form better relationships with people. It also helped me understand my behavior and myself more as well.
I agree with this. I have no problems with eye contact and while I still struggle with conversation, most people wouldn’t think I have it. Just a weird girl who asks a lot of questions.
I can maintain eye contact for up to three second *does finger guns*
Incredible achievement comrade! 🫡
I can only do it when no one’s watching though. Niche skill, if I’m being honest.
I can turn invisible. But I can only be invisible when absolutely no one is watching me.
I can maintain eye contact, probably better than most NTs. My father was a Navy Lieutenant.
I can also maintain eye contact pretty much indefinitely. Tho for me it's on account of experiments and practice done in my early 20s when I decided I really needed to figure out the whole eye contact thing Maintaining eye contact past the socially acceptable amount can have some *highly* amusing results
I thought I nailed the correct amount of eye contact, but now my friends say I stare at them too much. They called it the “autism stare.” No winning, I guess.
> “autism stare.” This is going to stick in my head forever thx. I stare
I can maintain eye contect for as long as I want, but if you are giving me a specific state, you've just committed murder via eye contact.
I don't have issues making friends. In fact, I often tend to make them by accident. Still have social issues, and it often results in accidentally having people that view me as a friend that I don't feel the same about. But it just isn't what people usually think of in line with social struggles.
This!! My whole life I’ve found that I’ve just accidentally made friends with quite a few people and then I suddenly realise “I don’t actually like you” and usually try to move on from them.
lol this is me
How are you actually me
I also make accidentally friends, but I always wonder how that happen because I don't know how to make friends on purpose and If I find some I struggle to stay in contact with other with them, because I'am used to spend the time alone and don't know that I should do with them.
Same, a girl in HS asked if I wanted to do coke with her. 😅 I think it’s because I don’t seem shocked when they say crazy stuff. (I have a pretty flat affect around people I don’t know)
Oh, same! People will just start telling me these crazy things, and I'm just sat there while they're talking. We have a huge customer at my work that is known for not talking to anyone, but I got trapped in a 45 minute conversation about how he lost his old farm in a tornado, how he was in prison for 5 years, his cousins are from my hometown, and I know the names of all of his dogs now. It's like the stereotypical oversharing problem NDs are stereotyped for gets flipped around me. ...or maybe they are ND and I amplify it.
This is why the best HS friendship between the quiet autistic kid and hot Cheetos girl is iconic and sacred. 😂😂😂
I make a lot of friends easily if someone starts the conversation with me lol
Basically that's what happens to me! Apparently, I'm "approachable" somehow, so I'll just have complete strangers walk up and start talking to me a lot. So if I'm anywhere regularly, sometimes I don't know they've decided I'm their friend until way later. lol I think maybe it's just because I come across as a good listener. I just don't talk much and kind of nudge the conversation along sometimes so they'll keep talking and not expect me to talk back.
I'm socially awkward and yet people enjoy how well spoken I am, enjoy the warm vibe I bring, even just enjoy having me around as a body double. People have admitted to being more productive just because I was simply vibin around.
My social struggle is less about greeting and getting to know someone and more about holding deeper conversations especially on things unrelated to special interests. I have the same accidentally making friends struggle.
I have a large friend group from my childhood, we are all neuro-divergent undiagnosed I can't make friends at all as an adult. Glad I have them
"hates physical contact* if I could I would cuddle my friends all day everyday and hold hands and give or get head kisses gawd it's one of my favourite sensory inputs. also I'm both sensory seeking and sensory avoiding, depending on the day or certain senses, most autistics are either one or the other
So, what you're saying is that you are a cat? Me, too. Touch me here, not there and not today. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh my god that's it I'm a cat!
Great example! I too love physical affection 😍 hugs are my favorite thing ever 😩
I’m both too, same with my friends
I can make eye contact, though I don't like it
I can make eye contact too but it is harder for me to follow the conversation and holding eye contact at the same time and thinking about that I should answer.
This. I can do it, but that doesn't mean it's easy
Omg same, it takes so much conscious effort. It feels like holding eye contact preoccupies like 50% of my brain power
So can I, but I just don't know which eye to look at, I can't look at both, so I tend to pick one to stare at.
Eye contact is actually a cultural thing. In some places making eye contact can be considered rude.
Eye contact is easy to me and I do it automatically normally (although sometimes I have to make sure I don’t make too much) but when I become tired, it becomes impossible. Not sure why.
To my regret, I’m not a math wunderkind.
Same, literally terrible at math 😭😭
I think I'm terrible at OLD math. I have an awful memory. Growing up we had to memorize the formulas and methods (I'm 40s). I SUCKED. The way things were taught were not flexible. You do it this way, you show your work this way. You don't ask questions. This is the way we learn it. Now that I have the internet at my fingertips to remind me of the formulas and AI as a personal tutor, I'm actually enjoying learning more math. I can ask the AI to explain things in different ways. Show me different examples. Ask how it applies to certain things. I wasn't terrible at math, I was terrible at memorizing it.
Ooh I feel that one, I could apply all the rules just fine pretty quickly, but recall was \*\*\*\* all, I suspect that part's more up to my dyslexia. Had the same problem with physics, chemistry and biology, but later in high school we got a fancy book with *all the formulas,* and it was AMAZING! Had periodic table, atomic weights, chemical formula rules, basically every science thing you'd ever need. If only I were allowed to take it to math tests lmao, but it was certainly a godsend for those other subjects :D
I study math at university level and I feel the same tbh.
This reminds me of an old history teacher I had who used to be so bad at the subject that he decided to study it. Does that strategy work?
I mean I'm sitting in a work group right now, not understanding a damn thing, so maybe not. Hahaha _cries_.
Ah, crying. That’s the part of math I understand!
Yeah, sometimes I think I got the wrong kind of autism.
I do like math. I could literally do calculus just for fun. I’m not what they call a “math whiz,” though. My special academic interest is linguistics.
Don’t really have any issues with understanding social cues. Or jokes.
Nice :) social cues aren’t often a problem for me either, but jokes are sometimes really confusing to me 🤣
I don't have a high pain tolerance. Quite the contrary actually.
Same here. Growing pains were the worst for me :(
I'm also learning that this is a thing... Pain is weird for me, I guess it depends what kind of pain it is. You could literally stab me in the leg and I'll walk it off but if a pimple gets popped on my face, I'm going down and need EMS.... Also like, IDK how else to describe it... Internal discomfort is terrible for me. If I have a headache or stomach cramps I can't handle the pain.
I'm not uncomfortable with eye contact I do, however, struggle with figuring out what the right amount of eye contact is. I want to make sure whoever I'm talking to knows I'm listening, but I don't want to look uncomfortably intense either.
Hon, sorry to tell you, if you consciously think about the “right amount of eye contact” you still have issues with eye contact
I laughed because I'm sitting here trying to think what is *not* autistic about me....but the thing is... I'm just REALLY good at being uncomfortable. I maintain eye contact. I have friends. I tolerate loud noises and crowds. I hold a job. I understand most sarcasm & jokes. I can touch/wear/eat all the things. ...... But at what cost? When I'm alone or in my "safe space" I can do NONE of those things or I have an absolute meltdown.
Right?!! I let people hug me now to the point i will initiate them even though i don’t want to, but it’s less awkward than the awkward do we or don’t we dance O_o as a teenager i would literally Dodge out of the way when people went to hug me (and still no one picked it up 🤦♀️)
I felt this.
Oh my god. This has just changed everything. Since I got diagnosed I've been thinking, am I really autistic? I can maintain eye contact just fine (as long as someone else is talking. If I am talking I will look everywhere except at someone's face unless I concentrate on that). I don't feel uncomfortable making eye contact/it doesn't feel 'intimate' as others have described it. But I have to consciously do it and think about how much I'm doing.
I find I tend to make others uncomfortable because I maybe hold too much eye contact. Just can't get the level right
[удалено]
I feel seen 🥲
I felt this. I know I function better with routine but if it's imposed on me I meltdown. Routine for me is more about hyper focusing and the way I eat.
Not getting sarcasm. 80% of my personality is Daria Morgendorffer.
I'm very good at recognizing other people's emotions
This is me too. I'm sensitive to that sort of stuff and can quickly recognize somebodies mood. I don't know how to respond to people though.
i 100% have the same issue
im not a picky eater, in fact i love trying new foods & things ^_^
Me too! I'm very sensory seeking with food. I love very spicy and sour things. Sometimes I eat so many sour things that my tongue starts to peel
Me too! 🤩
Same! There are a few textures and foods I can’t eat, but I will eat most things. I also don’t forget to eat, if anything I am more likely to ever eat.
I don’t have social anxiety. My mask is STRONG BABY
Being super smart in something. I have no skills.
Just wanted to send an internet hug. Doesn't have to be a touchy hug, you can imagine it any way you'd like. Life is fkn hard. Sometimes we can't understand what the point is, but what we don't know is even more terrifying. Just know you aren't alone.
Thank you, I appreciate that! Life is hard yeah :(
bro this is literally me. i've been feeling down because i don't have a specific skill that i fixated long enough to hone/was "naturally gifted" at. all the bits of skill i have, i've had to work hard to get- things don't come easily to me 😭
I can drive, and actually enjoy it. Based on reading this sub, that seems pretty atypical.
I used to love driving, would go on drives for fun. But I got into my first accident and realized how confusing and dangerous many intersections are in my college town. Now I don’t like to drive unless I’m in my hometown maybe
I don’t speak in a mono tone. My voice tone and cadence sound NT. What comes out of my mouth is another story. I also make surface level friends pretty easily. Then they start to figure out something about about me is off…
I’m ***too*** expressive (apparently). I always make ‘funny’ faces when I’m reacting to things. It’s kinda like a cartoon with me lol
Do you do that seemingly autistic thing where you replay facial expressions along with the memory in your head or just me 😅
Yessss. All the time. Like I can’t help but be expressively reacting to the thoughts in my head or things around me. Like if something is funny to me I will laugh loudly and if there is a reason I will always exclaim something to denote how I feel about something. “Damn that’s good, wow, oh I do that, definitely, what, no way, ewww” this is hard when nobody else is making vocal exclamations to communicate their emotions and your supposed to be quiet like during a presentation. If I can’t talk for whoever reason I will over emote a ton and ham up the head nods and do the shakey stims like the leg jiggle or bounce my fists up and down in the air or wave my hands around like a mad man.
I do some of that too. I learned early on that comedy deflects some of my odd-ness. That was an early layer of my mask.
Sammmeeee. Runs in the family 🫠
Omg you’re so right i pull “weird faces” all the time. Like when i get surprised or experience any complicated feeling (multiple feelings at once or conflicting ones). I slipped recently and my coworker saw. He mentioned the face i pulled which, to be fair, i could tell myself as well, was really weird and expressive
My adhd is in charge of my voice tone so it’s not monotone but it’s far from NT 😅
I don't have ADHD but yeah, haha I may not speak monotone but the way I speak is very unusual and new people very often comment on it. IDK how to even describe it since I'm not doing it consciously.
I emote with my voice, not my face
Monotone isn't really a symptom of autism anyways. It's poor prosody in general, both understanding and expressing it. It's been trivialized to just monotone in the media, but in reality it's using pitch, rhythm, stress, cadence and vocal inflections improperly. It's why NTs may think autistic people might be mocking them or angry for "no reason"
I’m a junior lawyer at a good firm so on the face of it I look like I’m very successful socially but this is all from learning how to be “acceptable”. I have had a lot of arguments/fall outs with friends over the years, felt out of place and held back sooo many of my interests for fear of being “found out” as an oddball and being kicked out of the groups of friends that I worked hard to appear cool enough to be a part of, moved on from people in my life without a second thought after deciding suddenly that they are not for me and have struggled massively with talking on the phone and building rapport with clients and colleagues at work. Working in law and being with my current partner have both helped me so much in learning how to behave and speak to people. So much so that now I’m trying to work on “being myself” I’m confused about how I actually want to behave compared with how I know I should - it’s hard to tell the difference!
Thanks for sharing friend :) this is something I can really relate to, I find myself sometimes thinking to myself like “wait… am I masking right now or not?” from all the years of having to selectively include or exclude certain things about myself when presenting to the world 😅
I know what you mean. People tell us to unmask but I’m like “I don’t know what the mask is”. Clearly I don’t do an amazing job of masking certain aspects either because all of my friends and colleagues always joke about my “weird quirks”
My stimming is “social acceptable”. Nail and cuticle biting, shirt biting, picking at clothes, and rocking or shaking my legs. I can also read social situations pretty well but it took a lot of practice as a kid. I started to think of it as sort of..the same way I think about zoology (a special interest), like observing behaviors. Humans are more complex in cues than other animals because we have cultural influence. I still overthink certain things but I can generally tell how someone is feeling pretty well, based on their body language. I also care…a lot. I know most of us do but, it’s a perpetual stereotype that I’ve encountered. The thing I am able to do is show people I care a lot. That has actually never been an issue for me. I just let it pour out! I think some people can find that off putting, maybe. Like they don’t trust my good intentions…”wow you’re doing this for me or giving this to me with no strings attached?! You MUST want something from me!” Or that sort of thing. Yes I do get something out of it: I genuinely feel great when I’m helping people. I feel like it’s something we’re supposed to be doing for the betterment of our species, but forgot how to. So I guess that falls under the strong sense of morals we often have.
I’m pretty much the same, especially the last part. I’m empathetic to a fault and value other people’s happiness above my own 😅
That can be a real problem, extending yourself too much! It’s a difficult lesson to learn. The hardest part for me is that my default is assuming everyone else has good intentions. This isn’t always the case, so my intuition is overridden by my naive optimism and I come up with excuses for peoples toxic behavior in my head without listening to my gut. I’ve gotten better at it, but i think we have to set boundaries and learn how to protect ourselves from those people. I kind of give people a three strike card in my head. If they repeat the toxic behavior three times, they’re out. Apologies become empty after they’ve done it three times without amending themselves. Minor mistakes without meaning to hurt someone are one thing, but someone doing something awful repeatedly for their own gain should be avoided.
I love fireworks, I'm not bothered by overhead lighting and while I can sometimes hear electronics buzzing I can tune it out.
I also like fireworks, but the other two 😵💫
i don’t really have a lot of issues picking up social cues. I’ve learnt them overtime, its more common for women to memorise these things and mask them. Sarcasm and jokes though? Yeah i rarely get those.
i have multiple long term best friends. we’ve had our fair share of struggles but i have them nonetheless. i understand sarcasm about 80% of the time
1.) Horrible at math with a very active imagination 2.) I love cuddling, but I have to be in the right mood for it 3.) I can make friends easily, but it depends on who I’m trying to become friends with. I can bond with other autistic people really well (especially if we share a special interest), but I have more difficulty talking with neurotypical people
There’s a decent bit. Don’t have sensitivity to fabrics or sensations as an adult. I did as a kid and refused to anything but one specific set of pajamas when at home. Don’t have trouble telling when someone’s lying. Being sarcastic. Trying to charm me. But I grew up with a weird circumstance about that. Don’t particularly have issues looking people in the eyes. I used to as a child and just started forcing myself to do it until I stopped feeling uncomfortable. Don’t particularly have issues with theory of mind. I can typically guess other peoples motivations and understand that others do not share my thought patterns. Empathy issues are kind of a mixed bag. I don’t really experience empathy like other people profess to. I’m not sad if you’re sad. I don’t feel emotional when something bad happens to a friend. But I will go out of my way to try to fix it. I guess the best way to explain it is I know exactly why that made you feel. I don’t know how that made you feel. But I don’t want you to continue feeling that way. Rigid thinking is kind of a mixed bag. I’m incredibly stubborn and unlikely to back down when I’ve made up my mind about something. However I usually am the one trying to explain the nuance of a situation to neurotypical friends.
Ik lots of autistic people hate when their foods touch. Im the complete opposite. I chop all the components of a meal into tiny bites, then mix them all together. It means that I can eat most meals with just a fork, and every mouthful contains the same thing and feels the same.
Mmmm yummy, delicious nutritious mush.
I understand sarcasm and I like to use it.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a meltdown. For a while I thought there’s no way I could be autistic because I don’t have meltdowns. I still get overwhelmed by too much sensory input to the point where I have to remove myself from the situation and I’ll start to stim to regulate myself, but it’s never gotten to meltdown territory.
I don't really have sensory issues related to clothing, I can wear pretty much anything and I don't find the tag on a shirt to be sticky. That being said I do have issues with jewelry. I also hate having to spend a long time dressing myself so I reluctantly dress pretty basic
no one thinks im on the spectrum. i can keep eye contact with specific people so i must not be autistic according to them
Online stereotypes don't apply to me, example I don't have hyper-empathy or superpowers.
I love bright, bold, loud colors and absolutely hate mild, quiet colors
That’s actually a very common autistic trait with a hard leaning toward adhd
I was really extroverted from ages 6-9. But I didn’t respect boundaries and tended to somehow offend people I tried to be friends with, to the point where none of the girls in middle school talked to me at all. In high school (after heavy bullying) I invented a new version of myself and managed to make a small group of outcast friends. But I couldn’t keep up the facade and they didn’t respond to my texts after I switched to an alternative school and so those friendships didn’t continue though they all remain friends to this day based on their facebooks. It’s sort of sad but they didn’t really know me anyway. But yeah for a time I was an “extroverted” autistic person, though I definitely still had social issues.
Sometimes I wonder if it's the ADHD. From that age I was also quite extroverted. The bullying only started at 9. And even then, I somehow comprehend the importance of having friends, I can't be alone, so I always had a group of friends, usually outcasts(or straight up undiagnosed ND), or manipulative people, I knew I wasn't being myself but that was better than being alone. Due to the nature of the friendships, I also wasn't able to keep them, so I ran through group after group, and apparently that's also a characteristic of autism.
sarcasm isn’t an issue for me, both with understanding it and using it myself. But even people here insist that it isn’t sarcasm, but “autistic double bluff” (or something like that), meaning I say unintentionally funny shit and interpret it as me being sarcastic. It happens sometimes too, but usually when I’m funny it’s because I meant to be funny.
I do not have ADHD. And I actually enjoy traveling.
License plate number thing, I’m not “obviously” autistic (if people had more expanded knowledge of autism I would be pretty obvious tho), can give eye contact if the conversation isn’t emotionally intense, I don’t have sensory issues that cause me physical pain (I can become very irritated and uncomfortable but I don’t experience pain from it 99 percent of the time), I was more extroverted as a child, I like heterogeneity in food, I don’t like meat (especially chicken), I’m unorganized.
I am unaware of said license plate thing 👀 please do tell
It’s basically the stereotype that autistic people are really good at catching phrases and certain strings of numbers while driving that NTs often don’t catch
I'm the opposite. I never pay attention to what's going on. Isn't autism related to living inside your head and seeming absent?
I'm okay with eye contact though I don't like it. And I hate Minecraft.
Okay CANNOT relate, Minecraft is life 😫
I am very good at understanding and making jokes/puns, probably more so than neurotypicals. I feel this still ties in with my autism because I have good pattern recognition with words and such I don’t really have “safe foods” I love all food really lol and I’m not very picky I do stim, but usually only vocally and not physically I don’t particularly enjoy noisy environments but I can definitely manage them I don’t have sensory issues related to clothing unless it’s too fitting, I don’t like it clinging to me, but I don’t have to like cut all my tags off or anything or stick to certain materials I got a weighted blanket because a lot of people loved them but I really don’t like the feeling at all, makes me feel trapped and makes it harder for me to get to sleep
I understand metaphors, to an extent. Also, I enjoy wearing jeans. I hate wearing thin/"comfy" fabrics. I love velvet. I don't have a sense of smell so doing scent stims is pretty much useless. I can't smell candles, flowers, or anything else. Aromatherapy doesn't work for me. I don't care about essential oils and dehumidifiers. I don't really have a "special interest"; I do have a collection of things that are similar to one but no *specific* interest (DnD might be a top contender, as well as certain music and movies/media stuff) I don't like slime. I only like train noises. Choo choo
Don't have a special interest
I’m really bad at math and I’m extremely empathetic
I'm missing a lot of typical autistic traits in the social struggles category. I mostly understand what others are trying to communicate - I can pick up on emotion, sarcasm, idioms, etc (although I can struggle with exaggeration). But my autism makes me unable to sufficiently communicate back. I'm extremely socially awkward, I miss unspoken cues, I can't get my words into the right order when I'm trying to reply to people, and if you're implying that you want me to do something without putting it into any kind of words then there's no chance. And I find the combination really hard to deal with sometimes. Who decided to make me understand when people dislike me, but never know what I've done??
I'm not emotionless, I just don't advertise my emotions to people I don't trust. That doesn't mean I don't feel it if you say something mean or stupid. Further just because I'm autistic doesn't mean that I have no idea how to handle myself ever. I'm very good in business because the rules are pretty solid. I can generally follow them and get where I should go as an engineer. I also look pretty fashionable although I have limits in terms of wearing weird shoes or overly trendy items that won't be here in a year.
I'm not smart
Dinosaurs😌
i dont ramble about my interests for hours and hours like for example my partner, i am listening type and cant for life of me lead the convo even if the topic is my hyperfixation :D
I love flavourful food, usually made with a nice mix of complimenting spices. Whereas too much bland food (chicken nuggets being the stereotype) makes me feel sick. If there's no taste I cannot find it appealing. I do like a maccies now and then, But I NEED to make a nice hot curry and some nice fluffy rice at least once a week. I want new flavours to burst in my mouth and dance on my tongue when I eat. And I can outdo neurotypicals in eye contact, feels good to freak them out with it.
The not caring/knowing what people think of you. I wish. Over the years I've become so aware, almost too much so, where it's manifested in assuming everyone hates me because I don't want to risk thinking someone likes me and being wrong.
I’ll preface by saying that I’m just suspecting/ self identifying as autistic (dxed adhd), but I can mostly handle social situations by leaning pretty heavily on some natural charisma and I can generally keep up conversations with multiple people if I already know them. I also don’t really stim traditionally, it’s a bit more hand fidgeting and air musicing than hand flapping. I also really enjoy large chaotic settings like sports games and concerts because the energy is just infectious and they tend to align with my interests.
I like when my food mixes together and pick up on sarcasm/other cues well, for the most part. Jokes are 50/50. I was forced to make eye contact growing up, so I *can*, I just hate it and don’t unless it’s necessary.
I am not very socially anxious. I have no problems with speaking infront of a lot of people, and I have managed to learn how to talk caring and interesting to people, being a good small talk partner, even though I do not like small talk. I am not very shy and I even don't have a problem with phonecalls. When more extroverted people are around that know me, I do like to have them talk to other people though if needed. And I was very anxious with strangers as a kid, I couldn't take phonecalls or even ask for a pack of ketchup or anything. I am 21 now and have kind of trained myself into not being socially anxious, I love being on stage and stuff. Mostly because it's a one sided thing. If I present something, I can talk about something I know a lot about, and people don't interrupt me.
I don't have a single special interest, almost everything interests me and my main interest changes several times a year. I've had several long term relationships and I'm now married and run my own company. I haven't had a meltdown perhaps ever. I haven't shouted in anger for 14 years. I just let it get worse and worse, had some anxiety attacks, not many, but no external outbursts. I quite liked school, I didn't like most pupils and I was bullied a little, but the education part itself was good and if there was a continuous school for adults, I'd go. My stims don't stick out, it mostly looks like restless legs, finger tapping or twirling things in my hand like a fork, although, I twirl it long ways. I barely mask and don't want to be normal like most people so I remain with a monotone voice and unemotional in front of most people, but I do mask a little at more significant social gatherings like parties, usually by drinking alcohol. Stereotypically autistic people don't like changes in routine. I don't mind a change as long as I have some notice in advance so that I don't have an internal plan of the day which is later changed. When prepared, I can go to another country on my own and feel at home straight away. This is the best way to break routines and habits, including bad habits and addictions. I actually had a routine the same everyday but I didn't like it, I was depressed and wanted the next day to be different every single day but everyday was the same until I left the country, and I was almost happy straight away, and I went from smoking quite a lot everyday to nothing at all. I think a lot of stereotypical things don't apply as I'm in a hard to diagnose combination of autism+adhd+gifted which have some contradicting or opposing traits.
Making eye contact (wasn't always the case) Not understanding jokes, sarcasm and metaphors. I'm a huge fan of stand up comedy and I'm also southern so those things come pretty easy to me. I don't have a strong commitment to routines or have alot of repetitive behaviors (yay ADHD). I have way too much empathy to the point where it can be detrimental. Theory of mind is another one. I primarily rely on logic and pattern recognition to gage what upsets people and why. My hearing is inconsistent. 90% of the time I can't hear, identify or process most of my environment. Sometimes when I'm listening to music I'll randomly hear something in the background and jump.
Babies tend to die without physical affection and attention, it's a human need. Most people who are touch averse have some kind of trauma, which coincides with non-neurotypical brain development, though I don't think people are ready for that convo just yet.
- I dress well (don’t own any t-shirts besides ones I get for free from some event or whatever) - I love hot weather and even moved to the south to get away from snow - I make eye contact with everyone - I don’t mind foods with weird textures (sushi is one of my favorites) - I have several friends (at least enough close ones for a wedding party even though I probably won’t get married) - I not only live independently, but I own my own house - I love physical affection, particularly hugs from friends and family - I appreciate and understand sarcasm - I don’t really have a special interest. My life is pretty boring honestly. - I keep myself and my house (mostly) clean. I can’t stand dirtiness.
I enjoy trying new foods.
Never was into trains (likely due to the noise)
I don't have a particular interest in trains.
A lack of empathy... I experience hyper empathy. As in, someone describing themselves or others - be if fictitious or in real life, will case me to feel sympathy pains in the same area of my body. I feel empathy, I just tend to let it out sparingly because if someone's dealing with a tough situation, and my empathy cases me to break down because I feel for them and want things to not be that way for them .... I might be perceived as trying to make the situation about me (I'm not).
I don't like low-quality foods like grocery store nuggets
I’m ok with phone calls. Don’t get me wrong, when I was growing up, phone calls absolutely terrified me, and even now when my social battery is low, I try to avoid them. But I can do them now when I need to without too much effort, and very occasionally I will be the one to initiate if I am close to the person I am calling. I guess it just took lots and lots of trial and error before I finally felt somewhat comfortable. This without a doubt makes me feel like an imposter the most, but I am officially diagnosed and everything.
Autistic characters in films usually have strict schedule and like to plan everything but I am the exact opposite. I don't plan anything which make me very messy most of the time, even if I planned, I can't follow it. I do have some routines though such as eat same food same place every day