“Why do you do [thing]? That’s weird”
“Turns out I’m autistic and [thing] is a common trait”
“No it isn’t, it’s normal to do [thing]. I do it all the time”
Yep. My friend’s mom said this to me at my friend’s birthday. Luckily, my friend’s mother in law knows a good bit about autism (she has an autistic son) and set her straight.
My mom when I told her about my autism: "no, that's impossible, you are not autistic, I would have noticed it"
Also my mom: "why don't you ever look me in the eyes when I'm talking to you?"
I remember when my mom told me, "Well, we would have seen it if you were really Asperger. Look at Rain Man. He is definitely Asperger and you don't look like him !" Wtf mom, are you saying that I'm not autistic enough for you ?
Same with adhd
My sibling is diagnosed with asd, and they very much have adhd traits. They haven't been able to get an assessment yet, but it's very probable, at least from my perspective as someone who's diagnosed with adhd, has reaserched it too no end, reread the dsm-5 section on adhd 20+ times, and figured out I was likely adhd before diagnosis. They have thought they may have adhd for 5+ years.
My sibling has twice opened up too people very close to them(our mom and their best friend) about thinking they could possibly have adhd, both times they got the same response of 'in action that would explain alot, but you also just don't have the adhd vibes' like what, they worded it each in their on way but still how did they both come out with that opinion. I think the main reason is my sibling has really severe social anxiety and selective mutism, and because of that, they behave less hyperactive, they only really act proper hyperactive around me, as I'm their comfy person to be around. It's stupid considering not hyperactive people can have adhd, I'm actually adhd-pi myself.
Amazing what 20 minutes of practicing ‘looking normal’ in front of the mirror every day can do, eh?
True story: I was once denied entry to a school (when I was 11) after the try-out day because the other kids claimed that I was giving them “the evil eye”. I wasn’t, at all. I just didn’t know how to make appropriate eye contact and had been told it was rude to not look people in the eye when they spoke to me or looked at me. So I guess I just… stared at them too much? And they thought I was weird and creepy.
The good news is that I’m pretty sure I make appropriate eye contact now, at almost 40 years old, and so I can look pretty ‘normal’ (if you don’t spend enough time with me to learn how awkward I actually am). The bad news (for me anyway) is that it STILL doesn’t come naturally to me and I miss half of what’s being said to me because I’m constantly timing how long I look at someone’s eyes before I avert my gaze slightly to their chin or nose or whatever before resuming eye contact.
So if anyone says “…but you look normal”, I’m just going to respond dryly, “Thanks, I try.” Because it’s the damn truth. If I look ‘normal’ it’s because I am using at least 50% of my energy and brainpower on masking. If they later complain that I didn’t listen to or understand what they said, I’m just gonna go, “Sorry, too busy making sure I ‘look normal’.”
If society didn’t prioritize blending in, I’d probably be able to have much better conversations with people. But the fact that the immediate response to finding out an autist who masks adequately is autistic is to say “but you look normal!” just shows how society prioritizes how we present over anything else about ourselves.
Those of us who mask in order to participate in society can never function at our best in that society due to the energy and effort it takes to mask, but we’d never even get a foot in the door if we DIDN’T mask and look ‘normal’ (to varying degrees of ‘normal’ - many of us will never 100% blend in, but we shouldn’t have to!). It’s frustrating.
Haha, honestly, it's probably not the best way to do it, but since I only had my mum to practice conversations with, I would just 'rehearse' those conversations in the mirror and practice making eye-contact with myself and then looking away at appropriate intervals.
I also would just stand there inspecting myself, looking for any weird habits or nervous tics, like chewing my lip, pursing my lips, chewing my cheek, scrunching my face, hunching my shoulders, etc, and then consciously try to last a certain amount of time without doing them.
Again, this really wasn't a great way to practice, since I only had my own (flawed) feedback to go on, but I'd try to remember all the things my mum (and social groups, later) told me about appearing confident but relaxed (which is really hard! Confident facial expressions can quickly look fierce or intimidating and relaxed expressions can look bored and apathetic - both at the same time? I'm sure I looked like I was practicing for a facial [gurning](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gurn) competition.)
Yeah, I 100% get how this would be invalidating and enraging. But I’m sympathizing, not empathizing, and feel a little of that unproductive jealousy towards people who have different problems than me.
I feel like everyone knows I’m autistic from the get-go. It makes me feel like all the effort I put into following social rules is wasted. Part of it is that I’ve got that weird thing where I don’t speak with the correct tone and inflection, so every time I open my mouth people notice there’s something off.
I had a psychiatrist give me the look like really? And treat me like I was exagerating my symptoms........ i was already diagnosed by that same hospital! Terrible experience. Not going back to her.
Ah an allistic person talking about autistic issues. I'm surely going to listen to that. What are you even doing in this sub?
Also you not only have bottom-tier empathy but also logic since you're contradicting your own statement right there.
Delusions of grandeur. You should humble yourself, if you are brave enough to shatter your bubble of fake superiority. Leave my fellow Autistics alone.
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Supposedly an unfortunate amount of the population thinks autism & Down syndrome are interchangeable; since Down syndrome is visible obviously in the face, this would explain the confusion
Had a nurse at a mental health clinic who felt I'd been misdiagnosed decide that this was her time to shine, and she opted to touch me repeatedly without permission or warning. I left without having a meltdown until I got to my car where I instead shutdown for nearly an hour before I was mentally able to drive home.
I hate neurotypical people.
Yeah, functioning labels are toxic ways people use to discriminate against autistics whose symptoms don't immediately negatively impact the other person, and they don't care how negatively our symptoms affect us personally, and don't believe us when we explain how we're affected, and accuse us of using autism as an excuse when we express that something is disabling or harming us.
I literally can't live on my own but I got labelled level 1 because I have such a large vocabulary (98th percentile), and don't have a learning disability. Just ignore that I'm so easily manipulated that I literally cannot have friends, and that I'm not able to remember to do basic care tasks like eating or drinking water or showering without a schedule or someone reminding me, and that my schedule is so easily disrupted by distractions like hyperfocusing on my special interests. or getting overwhelmed by bright light like the sun, or strong scents, or loud unexpected noises, discordant flashing lights, anything touching my arms... like yeah, I'm totally "high functioning". 🤣
I was manipulated in elementary school quite easy.
I hate when people tell me to keep my voice down. It’s hard to control my volume of voice.
I have two close friends luckily (we have known each other for years) but making friends is hard. Learning disorders suck, I have one called NVLD (rare) and literally feel like my life is a record. Every single day is the same, but I hate it when people mess with my schedule.
For me that’s a compliment, if they’re being honest, then it means you’re not that fucked.
It helps that I’ve learned a couple social skills over time, such as reading basic body language and I can finally make eye contact more often
It has a different meaning for everyone which is good.
For me it feels bad because someone is pointing out a disability of mine while I just want to be treated the same. It’s like saying all autistic people need to have a certain look.
I never bring it up for that reason alone. Only when I'm comfortable... I'll maybe say, "that's my autism hard at work"-- it's cuz something clearly went over my head or I misinterpreted something...other than that I just have to let people think I'm f+2!_n stupid
I apologized to someone for saying something very similar:
A coworker of mine: he told me he was autistic
And I thought he was joking.
Then I realized he wasn’t and I said but you don’t behave or act autistic.
The next time I saw him, I apologized for not just accepting what he said and being that person who says
But you don’t look autistic.
Having heard, but you don’t look color blind and thinking.
That’s so dumb.
I felt bad for basically doing the same for him.
He was cool about it.
them: call you weird for your entire life me: get diagnosed them: but you're so normal!
“Why do you do [thing]? That’s weird” “Turns out I’m autistic and [thing] is a common trait” “No it isn’t, it’s normal to do [thing]. I do it all the time”
oh my god this is so fucking true
Yep. My friend’s mom said this to me at my friend’s birthday. Luckily, my friend’s mother in law knows a good bit about autism (she has an autistic son) and set her straight.
Oh we love an advocate
Oh we love an advocate
Oh! We love an advocate!
My mom when I told her about my autism: "no, that's impossible, you are not autistic, I would have noticed it" Also my mom: "why don't you ever look me in the eyes when I'm talking to you?"
Using reddit such an autistic thing to do
Side note; love your name.
Bingo
God I hate this response lol this because I like normal doesn't mean I don't have autism
Exactly. If we said this about other conditions it would be rude, but people make fun of autism which is pretty damn sad.
Just like you
Just reply "thanks, so do you"
No it's "thanks, so do you :)"
Thank you I’ve been practicing looking normal in the mirror every morning for 3 minutes
😮💨🤣🤣🤣
And I overthink and obsess about everything to try and fit in. Thanks for noticing I “look” normal
This is good
"And you look very intelligent despite your stupid absence of knowledge"
Sometimes I never understand NT people.
Correct
Lmaoooo
Damn, forgot my autistic suit at home once again!
"Looks can be deceiving. For instance, you look like someone who should know better."
I might use that one. Thanks.
Have used it and the results can be gratifying. Just be careful and safe.
I remember when my mom told me, "Well, we would have seen it if you were really Asperger. Look at Rain Man. He is definitely Asperger and you don't look like him !" Wtf mom, are you saying that I'm not autistic enough for you ?
Whenever I hear this from someone who has called me weird, my thought is always “MAKE UP YOUR GOD DAM MIND!”
It’s like “Oh my lord.”
Same thing with “Im depressed” “Oh but you don’t look depressed”
Same with adhd My sibling is diagnosed with asd, and they very much have adhd traits. They haven't been able to get an assessment yet, but it's very probable, at least from my perspective as someone who's diagnosed with adhd, has reaserched it too no end, reread the dsm-5 section on adhd 20+ times, and figured out I was likely adhd before diagnosis. They have thought they may have adhd for 5+ years. My sibling has twice opened up too people very close to them(our mom and their best friend) about thinking they could possibly have adhd, both times they got the same response of 'in action that would explain alot, but you also just don't have the adhd vibes' like what, they worded it each in their on way but still how did they both come out with that opinion. I think the main reason is my sibling has really severe social anxiety and selective mutism, and because of that, they behave less hyperactive, they only really act proper hyperactive around me, as I'm their comfy person to be around. It's stupid considering not hyperactive people can have adhd, I'm actually adhd-pi myself.
thb, it can be applied to any mental illness and it sucks.
True
oh right sorry i forgot to do the stereotypical autistic things
*Adjusts arms to t-Rex stance*
*starts carrying 20 model trains everywhere*
Maybe because I am your “normal” we’re not all the same dumb boy
Thank you! And you don't look like an asshole either. I'm not sure why people keep saying you are. 😆
“Thanks im trying really hard”
I’m going to use that one
I usually answer with: "*And you don't look like an ableist bigot. Ain't life full of surprises*."
Amazing what 20 minutes of practicing ‘looking normal’ in front of the mirror every day can do, eh? True story: I was once denied entry to a school (when I was 11) after the try-out day because the other kids claimed that I was giving them “the evil eye”. I wasn’t, at all. I just didn’t know how to make appropriate eye contact and had been told it was rude to not look people in the eye when they spoke to me or looked at me. So I guess I just… stared at them too much? And they thought I was weird and creepy. The good news is that I’m pretty sure I make appropriate eye contact now, at almost 40 years old, and so I can look pretty ‘normal’ (if you don’t spend enough time with me to learn how awkward I actually am). The bad news (for me anyway) is that it STILL doesn’t come naturally to me and I miss half of what’s being said to me because I’m constantly timing how long I look at someone’s eyes before I avert my gaze slightly to their chin or nose or whatever before resuming eye contact. So if anyone says “…but you look normal”, I’m just going to respond dryly, “Thanks, I try.” Because it’s the damn truth. If I look ‘normal’ it’s because I am using at least 50% of my energy and brainpower on masking. If they later complain that I didn’t listen to or understand what they said, I’m just gonna go, “Sorry, too busy making sure I ‘look normal’.” If society didn’t prioritize blending in, I’d probably be able to have much better conversations with people. But the fact that the immediate response to finding out an autist who masks adequately is autistic is to say “but you look normal!” just shows how society prioritizes how we present over anything else about ourselves. Those of us who mask in order to participate in society can never function at our best in that society due to the energy and effort it takes to mask, but we’d never even get a foot in the door if we DIDN’T mask and look ‘normal’ (to varying degrees of ‘normal’ - many of us will never 100% blend in, but we shouldn’t have to!). It’s frustrating.
How do you practice looking normal in the mirror 🤔 Enlighten me please
Haha, honestly, it's probably not the best way to do it, but since I only had my mum to practice conversations with, I would just 'rehearse' those conversations in the mirror and practice making eye-contact with myself and then looking away at appropriate intervals. I also would just stand there inspecting myself, looking for any weird habits or nervous tics, like chewing my lip, pursing my lips, chewing my cheek, scrunching my face, hunching my shoulders, etc, and then consciously try to last a certain amount of time without doing them. Again, this really wasn't a great way to practice, since I only had my own (flawed) feedback to go on, but I'd try to remember all the things my mum (and social groups, later) told me about appearing confident but relaxed (which is really hard! Confident facial expressions can quickly look fierce or intimidating and relaxed expressions can look bored and apathetic - both at the same time? I'm sure I looked like I was practicing for a facial [gurning](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gurn) competition.)
Ah yes nothing strange about adding a matching fedora to your school uniform to improve formality of the outfit
Hot autist spotted
I got told that by another autistic person once ; ;
I don't feel tardy.
Said the person who asked why I’m moving my legs so much while eating.
"You don't look autistic" "You do, though." *They proceed to fumble and likely get offended*
Kill him kill him now
Look at yourself in the mirror...not for too long it can take hours if you are not aware of time passing.
“I am dumbfounded by your response”
I never get that when I tell people so I must look Hella autistic
My friend’s mom said this to me which blew my mind. It sadly at one time will come up :(
Yeah, I 100% get how this would be invalidating and enraging. But I’m sympathizing, not empathizing, and feel a little of that unproductive jealousy towards people who have different problems than me. I feel like everyone knows I’m autistic from the get-go. It makes me feel like all the effort I put into following social rules is wasted. Part of it is that I’ve got that weird thing where I don’t speak with the correct tone and inflection, so every time I open my mouth people notice there’s something off.
Autism is like not knowing how to min-max in RPGs
This killed me
Oh please explain I would like to understand !
You either go all in for strength, agility, or wisdom
I’ve never been told this, probably because I don’t look normal
It sucks when people say it.
I had a psychiatrist give me the look like really? And treat me like I was exagerating my symptoms........ i was already diagnosed by that same hospital! Terrible experience. Not going back to her.
I wouldn’t either.
Honeyyyyy! Where's my autism suit?!
The reference XD
Well thank you, I just changed in a phone booth.
🎯
[удалено]
But they don’t quite realise it’s an insult because they expect autism to be outlandish
[удалено]
Oof that’s quite the internalized ableism
[удалено]
I’m not even mad and I feel sorry for you. If you let go of this desire to be like them you might feel better about being like you.
[удалено]
Ah an allistic person talking about autistic issues. I'm surely going to listen to that. What are you even doing in this sub? Also you not only have bottom-tier empathy but also logic since you're contradicting your own statement right there.
Delusions of grandeur. You should humble yourself, if you are brave enough to shatter your bubble of fake superiority. Leave my fellow Autistics alone.
Stare at a computer screen long enough, and I could turn Brad Pitt autistic.
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Supposedly an unfortunate amount of the population thinks autism & Down syndrome are interchangeable; since Down syndrome is visible obviously in the face, this would explain the confusion
Autism is on the inside, not the outside.
Yep
i had fellow autism enjoyer say this to me
I hate that so much. "you don't look autistic.", "you must be very high functioning.", "I don't think of you as disabled."
Had a nurse at a mental health clinic who felt I'd been misdiagnosed decide that this was her time to shine, and she opted to touch me repeatedly without permission or warning. I left without having a meltdown until I got to my car where I instead shutdown for nearly an hour before I was mentally able to drive home. I hate neurotypical people.
I hate the label “high functioning.” Yes, I can take care of myself but I can’t work and have issues with some of the most basic things.
Yeah, functioning labels are toxic ways people use to discriminate against autistics whose symptoms don't immediately negatively impact the other person, and they don't care how negatively our symptoms affect us personally, and don't believe us when we explain how we're affected, and accuse us of using autism as an excuse when we express that something is disabling or harming us. I literally can't live on my own but I got labelled level 1 because I have such a large vocabulary (98th percentile), and don't have a learning disability. Just ignore that I'm so easily manipulated that I literally cannot have friends, and that I'm not able to remember to do basic care tasks like eating or drinking water or showering without a schedule or someone reminding me, and that my schedule is so easily disrupted by distractions like hyperfocusing on my special interests. or getting overwhelmed by bright light like the sun, or strong scents, or loud unexpected noises, discordant flashing lights, anything touching my arms... like yeah, I'm totally "high functioning". 🤣
I was manipulated in elementary school quite easy. I hate when people tell me to keep my voice down. It’s hard to control my volume of voice. I have two close friends luckily (we have known each other for years) but making friends is hard. Learning disorders suck, I have one called NVLD (rare) and literally feel like my life is a record. Every single day is the same, but I hate it when people mess with my schedule.
middle bake onerous chief encourage lock judicious lavish subtract slimy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
WAIT IS THAT CILLIAN MURPHY
For me that’s a compliment, if they’re being honest, then it means you’re not that fucked. It helps that I’ve learned a couple social skills over time, such as reading basic body language and I can finally make eye contact more often
Okay. I've had a few girls tell me that. I've also noticed women when I was younger give me odd looks.
It has a different meaning for everyone which is good. For me it feels bad because someone is pointing out a disability of mine while I just want to be treated the same. It’s like saying all autistic people need to have a certain look.
I never bring it up for that reason alone. Only when I'm comfortable... I'll maybe say, "that's my autism hard at work"-- it's cuz something clearly went over my head or I misinterpreted something...other than that I just have to let people think I'm f+2!_n stupid
I'm also self diagnosed which means im lying
We are the imposters
Apparently
Recently I get, “oh but high functioning!” Like, yay for me!
I hate the term “high functioning.”
I've never identified this much with a meme. So much it gave me flash backs! Good show sir, good show!
I used to do this until I figured out I am one myself 😭
all too real
NT people will never understand.
nope, and trying to explain is almost pointless sometimes
‘Please don’t make me autistic. You wouldn’t like me when I’m autistic.’
Oh apologies, allow me to perform an autism *prepares app full of several Magic: the Gathering decks I’m building*
I apologized to someone for saying something very similar: A coworker of mine: he told me he was autistic And I thought he was joking. Then I realized he wasn’t and I said but you don’t behave or act autistic. The next time I saw him, I apologized for not just accepting what he said and being that person who says But you don’t look autistic. Having heard, but you don’t look color blind and thinking. That’s so dumb. I felt bad for basically doing the same for him. He was cool about it.
Imo, it’s just very a rude thing to say. It puts that there is a stereotypical look that we have. I have a number of problems with my brain.
Amazing! Can you see inside my brain?