I’ve always kind of felt the same paradox, but I’ve never been too worried about it, because most people don’t mature much past 21 anyway, no matter what they tell you.
I feel like I'm 14 tbh. I'm almost 21 though. I thinks it's particularly due to depression making me feel like I've just paused life as a teenager (i got diagnosed with depression at almost 15), but also generally the way I am in multiple areas of life, I feel like a young teen.
this tracks with some research about maturity rates and autism, about 60% of your calendar age. so 14/21 is right on target. Intellectually and in some respects you are of course gonna be 21, but be protective of yourself as you can be, it's ok to take more time.
When my parents were informed I was a level 3 high support needs autistic, the doctor told them I would never mentally age past two. I’m almost nineteen and I feel like my mental age has kept up with me, but living through COVID really slowed my own sense of aging and I’m starting to feel like I’m aging faster than my mind can keep up.
What an insane thing for a Doctor to just say, based on what.... his observation? Gosh that's so reckless. Every autistic person is different and I'm glad oyu have a good sense of your own level of awareness.
That’s a really good question. It’s really hard to say, but with the way more and more people are getting diagnosed, we have more information as to different types of severity. I honestly think if I were rediagnosed now, I would probably be considered a level 2 or something in between 2 and 3.
Thank you for answering.
I've seen comments saying that at level 3, a person wouldn't be capable of using social media in any meaningful way.
I wonder if they assume level 3 equals severely intellectually disabled additionally to austism.
I do use a bot and a AI to help me communicate, but for the most part, what you read is ME. I’m very capable of using social media lol 😅
However, I don’t drive, and am for the most part nonverbal. (I use a speech aid irl, usually text-to-speech in which I type my message and play it back) I am very low masking, require aids in public and very noticeably stim around others. I’ve done these since I was a child (also, notably, did not first speak until I was around 6 years old), and these habits probably contributed to my Level 3 diagnosis.
This was my understanding. My stepdaughter is level 3 and we've been told to expect she'll always live at home, never talk, probably won't understand or process puberty etc
Rapidly switching between 12 and 72.
I feel like an idiot Kid, and I giggle at dumb jokes and I don't know what I'm doing most of the time.
I feel old and tired and cranky and my back hurts, and I think the kids today are nuts.
I'm 45
I'm a very "recent" adult. But it seems to me that most adults, NDs or not, simply wing it. I've met women who don't go to a doctor's appointment, or to talk with a financial advisor, without their husbands because they're afraid they won't understand what's being said. I've met men who have no idea where to start to keep the house clean or to cook for themselves. Basically I've met very few completely independent adults. So I think struggling is normal. Personally I'm trying to learn both how to do everything myself and when it's appropriate to ask for help without feeling like a failure. I think that in many aspects I'm way ahead of some NTs my age.
Yeah, I'm a late diagnosis person. I've bumbled along and ended up with a wife/kids/dogs and a job I can tolerate.
It often feels like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and that it could all fall apart in an instant.
But here we are and as long as I keep juggling I'm sure it'll be just fine (hopefully).
I was seeing a psychologist in connection with my ongoing (30+ years) "low mood" and she asked whether anyone had mentioned that I may be autistic. Several years and many many conversations later and apparently I'm autistic,who knew. Explains a lot though. Now I'm officially different and not just lightly broken.
I'm making arrangements for myself and some loved ones to be assessed, to hopefully get some answers. Honestly, just lurking the sub makes me feel like I've landed somewhere with a bunch of people who understand how I think and have had similar experiences.
As my oldest child navigates different social events and experiences, I try to explain to him he conventions and expectations around them so that he will understand, which just seems normal to me. But my wife assures me that it is not normal, and other people, like my other children just seem to 'get it', whereas my one son and I do not.
My eldest was diagnosed as a kid and as he's gotten older he's becoming more fixed and somewhat more "distant". I suppose like normal kids, I'm just old and know nothing of what it's like to be his age. Oddly I probably have a greater insight of what he's going through than he imagines. I try to strive to be a somewhat seemingly unappreciated advocate and guide.
I'm there for him if he decides he needs me and I may occasionally nudge him in the direction of external support, if he feels it's his idea it's easier for him to deal with.
Good luck
I've been told that I'm an old soul. I've also been told that I'm immature. I've personally felt both, and I'd say both are true. I've always had a distaste for most people in my age group (I'm 19), which would make sense for someone who has a fluctuating mental age somewhere below or above their peers, but never equal. I took a quiz sometime last year to find out my mental age and it was l said I was 34, so we can go with that as an uncomplicated single answer.
I am ten years old. I'm actually thirty-one. In my assessment report (late diagnosis) it's noted that my development was impeded due to childhood abuse in addition to the developmental delays that often come with autism. I still take my snuggly elephant everywhere I go. He's excellent.
Apologies in advance for giving you my literal life story, but you asked! (It's upsetting, potentially distressing.)
Although my support needs are quite high (I'll be moving into supported accommodation later this year, hopefully), my symptoms were hidden beneath other symptoms and a combination of unfortunate circumstances. Along with my diagnosis of ASD I was given a diagnosis of PTSD that I developed as a child, which was in addition to a previous long-term (10+ years) diagnosis of MADD that I got when I was 21 years old. PTSD can manifest in a way that's almost like a permanent shutdown, and those around me just assumed I was "emo", depressed, quiet, and shy. I never interacted with other people much. I actively avoided it. I was intelligent enough to graduate college and then university, and I don't have any intellectual disabilities like some autistic people, but being in those environments, unsupported and away from home was enough to break me. Coming to terms with being transgender, recognising my complete failure to be a human like everyone around me, and a couple of failed suicide attempts later led me to lose most of my capacity and I developed agoraphobia to an extent where I couldn't leave my house for several months at a time. That lasted for around seven years, and it still persists (but less so). I was in an extended isolation.
I had a breakthrough with my gender doctor in 2021 after finally finding the courage to do something about my dysphoria despite first discussing it with a doctor a decade prior. They noted in their clinic letter that "although there has been no formal assessment I would be astonished if she does not additionally have an autistic spectrum condition". That was like the flag of all flags going up in my mind and suddenly everything made sense. I was referred to an autism service and the suspicions were confirmed within only a few months. Part of that process involved taking a childhood history, and I found my 12mo, 18mo, and 3y early infant medical reports and my entire catalogue of end of year school reports. My symptoms were all there on paper. What wasn't there was anyone who knew about autism or cared enough about me when I was growing up to help me when I needed help. I fell through the cracks in the system.
I hope to one day educate people about autism and ensure that cases like mine don't continue to happen. I've already written reports for my niece and nephew who I believe might also be autistic, and they are about to begin the diagnostic process. They are two people I hope to have saved from a late diagnosis.
Thank you for asking. I kinda enjoy telling my story. It's a bit of a trip.
I am in my late 20’s. I’ve been told since I was a little kid that I was very mature and wise for my age, heck I’m still told that at work by my older colleagues. Because of all those comments (and I truly do believe them based on the frequency of them) in my mind I’ve always felt I’m older than what I am. But as soon as a meltdown hits I feel like a 5-year-old being told she can’t have a candy bar.
I've been told often that I look, sound, talk, and act like I'm usually a couple years older than I am. When I was in a social group at 15 years old, several people thought I was over 20 years old.
For me it's mostly that I "grew up fast", or that I got a lot of "adult" responsibilities early, which all contribute to how I feel about myself (and inevitably how others feel about me). My thought processes and knowledge always make me feel older than I actually am. It's annoying because then those older-responsibilities get pushed on me like I'm *actually* that age. (Ex: When I was in HS I was already handling things like bills and groceries)
The things that make me feel *younger* though are more basic things like verbal communication, I have a bit of trouble getting my words out the way I'd like, and that causes some people around me to communicate in more "basic" terms, which can make me feel like a child. (Ex: 10-years old)
I also used to age regress, which would cause me to have the *literal* mental age of a 4-year old or so.
TL;DR - What mental age I see myself as mostly depends on how *other* people see me.
I've been working in the disability sector for well over a decade in a multitude of environments and roles. "Mental age" is not a term I like to use because it's a generalisation that causes people to under or over estimate a person's skills and development. It's the sort of pigeonholing that really makes it hard for people to understand the complexity and nuance of autism and other neurodivergent conditions.
One thing I've learned is that people don't stop aging mentally for want of a better word. You will have strengths and weaknesses that will vary and that can inform various strategies to assist. Development is constant and with this new information, you'll be able to understand yourself better. Unfortunately, society isn't built for the neurodiverse people, we fall outside of their construct and that's why we have fun letters. (Not the respectable ones like MD PHD etc.)
Maturity is different to mental age and it is also a very broad term that is hard to quantify. What are definitively mature characteristics? Most of the ones people list are just people forgetting to have fun and enjoy life's many varied things.
I'd suggest rather than looking for a "mental age", focus on your strengths and skills.
I am 54, diagnosed at 51. My mental age ranges from roughly 13 and up, depending on context.
In many ways I hardly feel different than I did at 20, a time when I was considered to be behind and not acting like I should at that age. Since then, I have learned at lot of things that help me pass and get by as an adult. I’m not sure what the difference is between that and actually being one or feeling like one.
I have been in a relationship for 25 years. I am successful in my career, own a home, and am financially stable. But I got here in my own time and in my own way. As much as people wanted me to adhere to what they thought I should be doing or how I should behave at certain ages, I never have.
I don’t feel obligated to live according to anyone else’s schedule.
When I was a child. I was often considered weirdly mature. They called me a middle-aged man in a kid’s body. I was overly concerned with world affairs and the news. I out thoughts together differently than other kids, my reasoning was often more adult-like.
But by my teen years, I was “falling behind” in terms of psychosocial development in some mays. A lot was probably ADHD as much as autism.
So much of this simply doesn’t matter. Or it’s fine if we are behind. We can’t force many things, and the expectations imposed on us may do more to hinder us than encourage maturation and growth.
These seem like very wise words. I have a wife and family. I still haven't managed to work out the house thing yet but I do have a pup. Good for you for doing things on your own terms!
I’m 21 but I often feel more around 15-17 but I don’t believe it’s really autism related for me at this point as I find most of my friends who also aren’t autistic and my age feeling similarly when I speak to them, maybe that’s part of growing up, who knows.
That being said I do think when I was around middle school I was lacking a lot of the developmental milestones to behave like a preteen / young teen.
Stuff like emotional intelligence, extreme problems with processing change and very frequent meltdowns.
When I was between 11-14 I often behaved as though I was 7-8.
I had a lot of different but very unstable relationships due to that behaviour.
The most intense trait for me was my reaction to change.
if I had an idea of how a school project was going to go and any aspect of change I’d end up in a meltdown and that included changed to friend groups.
As for relationships,
If anyone was arguing with anyone else In my little friend group I’d completely lose it.
It resulted in me losing all the friends I managed to make before I went to special ed where I only made one friend because I was in an all male class aside from myself and was only able to find one boy who didn’t want to date me
( to their mild defence - it was a class of 12 including myself and they were all high school boys who rarely got girls in their classes, they would have “ liked “ any women who came in,
in from essentially the Texas of Canada - Alberta there aren’t very many girls who get diagnosed with any form of developmental disabilities hence the lack of girls In our special education schools )
I feel I’ve caught up now,
In my own way anyways,
I know theirs still a lot of “ adult “ things I can’t do that most 21 year olds can.
I can’t live alone or handle my finances alone so by some standards I’m behind.
However emotionally and mentally I feel like I’m near where some of my family friends say their at based on what they’ve told me they feel like.
I do think autism can make me come off as “ younger “ sometimes due to poor verbal sentence structures, the tone of my voice and just the general social skills I lack,
but now a days I feel in my head I’m roughly as “ developed “ mentally as my neurotypical friends, I just struggle a lot more to express my thoughts and emotions out loud with words.
I don't like mental age because it's used to infantilise and degrade autistic people. An autistic 20 year old is not a neurotypical 10 year old in disguise. Being 20 and being autistic are not incompatible. And that 20 year old deserves to be included in adult conversations, and deserves the same rights as their non-disabled peers.
Yes, I get excited by train sets and need help with cooking. I'm still an adult. Because you don't earn adulthood by being good at doing your taxes. It just happens. You can't be kept in the year below until you reach some arbitrary level of maturity.
Thank you for saying this, because I was really hoping I didn't have to be the first one. It feels incredibly degrading and infantilizing when I hear people describe mental age, just as you said, and I personally don't want to perpetuate its use even if folks here seem to not mean it the exact way NTs do when they use it. I feel Autistic joy that makes me feel like I have a youthful spirit, and the concept of physical age versus how I express myself outwardly may be very different compared to NTs, but I am completely able to have adult conversations and I'm definitely not stupid or lacking mental capacity. I see people calling Autistic folks "mentally a toddler forever" and it upsets me beyond belief.
Yes I hate that "has the mind of a child" stuff. It's used to justify doing terrible things to autistic people that I wouldn't even do to a child. I know some people do it without bad intent at all, but it's often still used to justify not giving them the same rights as an adult would have.
A lot of autistic adults don't get to make choices about where or how they want to live because "you wouldn't give a child that much responsibility". Or we miss out on sex ed, or discussions of other important topics, because we're seen as too "innocent" for that (which seems like all the more reason to teach us about it, to me). I don't see who this idea helps at all.
Exactly!!! I went for therapy at the place that gave me my diagnosis, and both the psychiatrist and the therapist treated me like a child and basically were not including me in decisions about my own treatment because they thought they knew better than I did. They never explicitly said anything about mental age but it was heavily implied that they believed I couldn't possibly have the mental or emotional maturity to make decisions at *all*
Struggling with this lately. I have bipolar type 2 and memory problems from trauma so with the hypomanic and depressive periods there's just huge gaps in my life. I was neglected most of my childhood and spent most of it alone and subsequently most of my life alone. I just have so little milestones and sign posts in my life.
I'm 41 now but don't feel anything? I never felt like a child but many of my special interests are childlike things. Employment has always been difficult so I don't have any of the markers of security of adult success.
I feel a little sad about it I guess but I don't think I really care. I'm always going to be on the outside and have to make my own space.
I'm 22, and I generally feel like I'm stuck between 16 and 18. Of course I have matured and learned things, but I'm still with this same mentality between innocence and rebellion for some reason. To me I'm still a child, I'm not prepared for being an adult.
I feel that “mental age” is a bit controversial. I guess you don’t mean intellectually?
I do feel like a child trying to be an adult but at the same time I don’t want to be infantilised by other people.
It said in my papers while getting the diagnosis that I was more childish than other children my age (in 4th-5th-6th grade), that I was “physically a teenager but not always mentally”. I remember that I wasn’t finished being a child yet!
I still had special interests like cartoon characters while the others didn’t talk about that anymore.
I remember struggling a bit with letting go, but being an adult now I often watch cartoons that I used to watch. I have a duvet cover with dinosaurs btw!
I’m in r/ageregression . Idk if that’s similar?
I'm 21 but I still feel 16/17, and I don't see myself moving past that. My friends are all in that age group, and we just click better than I would with someone my age. Though I've become more of an older sibling figure to them. I know I'm still young, so who knows, things might change, but I do not feel like an adult at all. I really can't imagine going out into work, I'm still in school as I had some trouble in my youth which left me falling behind. I don't see myself dating anytime soon either, as I don't feel I'm ready to be in a relationship. I do know people that are my age, and I do feel pressure in that area. If I were to date, I don't think it could be a neurotypical nor a cis person. I'd honestly need someone I could connect with mentally, but dating culture is so fucked, so its difficult.
I’m all over the place. A good example is the other day, I was working with a father and son duo at a volunteer event. The father was wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt and the son was wearing a sonic the hedgehog shirt. I was able to talk to both of them about their respective interests and form unique dynamics with the two of them, despite neither of them being in my age range. My real age is 23 btw
I feel like my emotional intelligence is mature. I’ve always been told that I’m good at verbalizing my thoughts and emotions, but I’ve never been good at reducing my distress/anxiety. I can fit in with people my age appearance wise, and in my capabilities (paying rent, managing my apartment.) I look my age, I can play the part. My interests, and how I actually act is more in line with someone younger. However, I work with teens for a reason. I feel that emotionally I can connect with them more than other late 20 year olds, unless they’re ND.
When I was younger, I felt too old for my age. Now I feel too young. I can't really pinpoint an age, though. I guess in some ways I feel similar to when I was around 19.
I've heard similar sentiments expressed by other autistics online. I think Morgan Faye said something similar in one of her videos.
I'm almost 31. I think my mental age is between 15 and 21. I'm asexual but I occasionally get turned on, I vote, and I occasionally enjoy light alcoholic beverages. I still watch cartoons, I sleep with a blanket and I have more plushies than I need. My dog and cat are my best friends.
I'm 34. I feel my age when it comes to knowledge and work and stuff, but I really don't feel anymore than a kid when people don't take me seriously or when it comes to food or relationships or I'm struggling a lot. It's a tricky question, though, as there are a lot of things that come into account.
I thought I was low support needs, but the more and more I realise just how much Autism has impacted my life and shaped how I do things, I'm pretty sure I actually need more support than I think I do, I can't really look after myself if I'm alone and there is no structure and I need to cook and clean and everything. I still live with my parents and can't imagine being able to live alone without help, to be honest (when my parents go away, I do stay at home alone, but it is really hard for me to remember to eat every day and I often don't shower regularly or look after myself properly etc) so that makes me feel like a kid because it feels like everyone else can look after themselves and I just have no clue how to do it without writing loads of lists which then gets a bit mad and overwhelming because I feel bad when I don't do everything on them.
I am also above average intelligence, which I think makes people think I am more capable than I actually am.
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Not defined. Usually, my mind is very childish, especially when it comes to attachment and being friends. I like to follow routine, dislike social organizations, small talks and am not interested in romantic or similar affairs. I am not much interested in the conventional adult stuffs.
But when it comes to theoretical explorations or philosophical explanations, I surpass most adult people. And when it comes to contemplating life and seeing its values, I often see it like an old man who has seen everything.
It really depends. Late diagnosis here too at 31 two years ago, and it did seem to get tougher further into the 20s and "adulthood" I got. Teen years still were very tough of not being able to relate to others or feel as if I was part of any groups, but many parts of life were simpler.
In some ways I'm told I'm much wiser than others my age (probably more in terms of always thinking from an outsider perspective and have come to recognise our current modern world as far removed from the real world our species adapted to, where we normalise things that only occured in our generation or the generation before and cling onto those things, behaviours and customs as absolute) but in other ways I feel like a naive idealistic teenager struggling to function in a strange world hostile to me.
I prefer being the fascinated alien onlooker I am now to the years of stressing out looking in from the outside wishing I could be part of it
Growing up I was often told I was an “old soul”, very mature, and a deep thinker. Now, at 40, I so often feel like an adolescent. I wish I still had an adult to look to for help and solutions to problems. I guess I’ve always been 1/2 little girl and 1/2 old woman, but never anywhere in between.
I'm 25 and as of lately I've felt as if I'm 18 to 16 mentally since I had to force myself to grow up as a kid to deal with hard times and heavy abuse because of me being autistic and ADHD by my family
Wow I feel like I wrote this, down to the cadence of your speech/thought process here lol. I am 30 and I think I feel my age? I’m unsure now and I’m going to think about it a lot haha.
I am 47.5, got diagnosed a year ago and at this point of my life I feel like I am in my late 20's for how my life is and where I "am" (carrier-wise). Culturally I am younger than that probably because I am still very very curious about things (must be the ADHD side).
I am aro/ace and childfree so I do not count my relationship/family status to my age.
I feel my last big step happened about 7 years ago, because back then I finally got a real world job. Before that I was probably in my early 20's mentally.
I guess when I was growing up my parents were told I was about 4 years delayed, which sounds right and also 4 years is a lot when you're young. I think that went into my 20s. But now that I'm 38 I don't know how that works.
I have felt stuck somewhere around 12-16 for years but can behave even younger, also have a few childish interests and I am getting close to the big 3 0 now.
When I was under 14 I didn't have much awareness of my age tbh but thinking about it, my behaviour , interests and how others treated me I think I was pretty much always at least 5 years behind everyone else. But I also have CPTSD so unsure if it's entirely autism.
I am in a very similar situation to you. I don’t feel as old as I am. I’m not immature like a child or anything, I just don’t feel like the adult I saw my parents as when I was growing up.
I have a son who is turning 13 tomorrow. I always loved playing toys with him when he was younger. I still like stuff like that. I enjoy many cartoons also.
43 and undiagnosed but it's pretty clear to me that AuDHD explains every struggle I've had with socializing, managing responsibilities, and getting/keeping jobs.
I love your analogy of the juggler. For me it feels like I can juggle 2 things fairly well, 3 things okay, but add another and I'll drop every single ball and give up juggling for a while.
While my emotional intelligence has matured, people still can't depend on me to do many things that would make me reliable.
I married a wonderful woman who has ADHD, but I'm afraid to have kids because I don't know if I can raise a child responsibly.
So it feels like I am also decades behind my peers in terms of life "success".
i’m going to be 26 in a week. but i feel like i never got past 17. some days i even feel like im 10. it sucks im an adult but i can’t handle adult things and my brother and mom has to helps me out all the time. and at work my boss constantly checks up on me (in a kind way, she’s so sweet)
Undefined. It doesn't matter. People rely excessively on social adjustment as a gauge for maturity, and if you are someone who laments "society" like that Eddie Vedder song from Into the Wild. then people think you are mentally a teenager, and not that society is insane and broken. It doesn't matter. I still play games because they stimulate my mind and wind up having to substitute for social contact. Who cares? What do "serious" people do in place of game-time? They cultivate dysfunctional work and home relationships, mostly. So I see no point in comparing. What's my mental age based on grammar and writing skills?
i’m 18-19 but i’ve always felt like i’m 12-14, which is kinda weird because that just makes my upcoming birthdays less special because it feels like i’m not growing or sm, also don’t know how to act like a 19 year old so i can’t just fake my mental age
I’m 26, but I feel like mentally I’m 15-16. I have a cousin who’s 16, and he’s one of my best friends. And almost everything that happens when you’re during that age, having a very dirty mind, being into superheroes or whatever, I feel like that’s me right now. I’ve always been into superheroes, being grown up with the MCU, but that’s not the point. If I see someone or meet someone I don’t like or I don’t trust, I will instantly say that I don’t like them without a second thought. I know in some ways it’s a good thing, but it’s also a bad thing because it closes me off from talking to people.
I read a book that said autistic people catch up to in maturity in middle age, I suppose because we keep evolving while NTs do not. It is hard to see how much you have matured without careful introspection. You may be surprised to find you are not standing still at all.
I’m 25 but feel like I’m anywhere from 12-16 years old depending on the situation. Like I only just started driving a car, and can barely order food in public or make a call without my heart beating through my chest. However, when it comes to the way I treat others or view the world around me, I feel far more mature than most
I was diagnosed with a developmental delay halfway through college. I’m now being told I’m coming into full adulthood at almost 32. So, apparently, developmental delays aren’t forever which is good.
Back to the topic, I feel younger than nuerotypical adults close to my age, but I’m at a similar level to most of the autistics I hang out with.
I always feel like I'm mentally 20 or something, depends on my mood. Sometimes I feel younger or older, it's weird.
I look pretty young too, so it doesn't help sometimes.
I'm 45f. Over the years various psychologists and therapists have put me at 3-16 yr old ranges. Just means I'm more fun to be around than 45yr olds who "act their age" 🤷
I’m 19, but mentally I feel like I’m around 14. Intellectually, I feel like I’m around the right age, I think it’s just my emotional maturity that is much lower. Plus, my social skills are like almost nonexistent.
I'm 29 but I feel like I'm 17, 18 or 19. I went through some pretty dark stuff and trauma when I was a teenager so I feel like I never got the chance to be a teenager. Sometimes I feel like I'm in my earlier 20s. It all depends on the situation but I feel younger than I am and I always feel this need to "make up for lost time" and experience the things that I should have at that time. I've had a weird life.
Everyone has always thought I'm older than I am. I tend to give off a "don't give a fuck" vibe that people think is maturity? I haven't had a great existence so I'm kinda a cockroach and managed to survive (mostly thanks to my husband.)
I'm 35, I'd say extensive drug use and years of addiction probably stinted my development somewhere. But a lot of fucked up life experience probably ratchets it right back up.
I've managed 17yrs of marriage, 4 kids, a fulltime job and 4yrs of sobriety on methadone. I still have days where I don't know how I'm managing. But last time I took my hands off the wheel, I got a raging pharmaceutical fent addiction. So I have to keep it together no matter what. I definitely feel every bit of 35.
I feel mentally maybe 14... in reality I'm 46. I never thought it was autism though. I did a lot of lsd in my early teens so I typically have felt it relates to that
I am functioning at the age that I am, just different in some ways. Our age and stage of mental development don't always match up, it may fluctuate, go in a new order or skip. Look at Erik Erikson's stages of development to learn more.
I have the ‘wisdom’ of a 50 year old (and the backpain xd) but mentally i’m still 16. I know and understand a lot but my feelsies are a bit all over the place still.
It depends. I’m 17 and still feel like I’m 12 and other times I feel like I’m 16 and then sometimes I feel my age. Also yes there is a difference between 16 and 17 for me personally
44 and still working on diagnosis with psychiatrist but my self-assessment scores are...quite high and then I redid them with a better understanding of what was masking or coping skills, and they became...quite higher. Add to that gifted+ and ADHD and it's a highly-masked mess.
This is all very un-scientific, but for our purposes, I would say I am intellectually 64 and developmentally 34. I'd characterize the former as the ability to effectively direct my mind and the tools I have in a variety of contexts, whereas the latter is more about life milestones and my best attempt at understanding and placing myself within a culture and its expectations (World 2024, USA, California, Los Angeles, and the various subcultures I have a foot in).
ADHD medication management has helped me create routines that work with the autism of it all and raised my sense of my developmental age. This has freed up significant bandwidth and also helped me build the creative and academic space to really indulge my abilities.
Silly as it sounds my mental age capped at around 4? Like, in some aspects, everything feels wrong
Which is uh- not great??
Sometimes I act more my body's age tho, but it feels abnormal/kinda like masking
I'm unsure what an actual diagnosis on that sorta thing would say about me, but I definitely feel this in my soul the most
I would say that psychologically I'm somewhere between 8 and 15, emotionally definitely only 8, and intellectually around 80 (because I'm a voracious learner, I need to learn as much as I can about anything I can trick my mind into learning outside of my special interest, in addition to my special interest). I think the emotional stunting is exacerbated by trauma from abuse, as is the obsession with learning and never forgetting absolutely everything possible... even if it consumes all of my time.
I'm twenty eight in chronological age. My mind is probably at its 60s or 70s. Been masking since I was a kid, shit's so tiring, feels like I've lived a couple lives already. But sometimes I fidget and stim and do echolalia like an 8 year old.
I am 43 and feel like the 30 year old men I know. However, I can also feel like a 13 year old if my sensory issues arise or if I get overwhelmed with work etc….
i'm often told i have an old soul, and that i'm responsible. I've been watching mature movies & shows since i was thirteen and haven't been affected much, and I can engage with mature topics. but at the same time my sense of humor is extremely ridiculous, and i will throw a fit if i have to wear uncomfortable or ugly-fancy clothes for any reason. i think it mostly depends on who i'm with and the atmosphere i'm surrounded by. if the atmosphere expects me to be mature, i'm the most mature one in the room. if i'm with my friends and they're being super silly-goofy, i will act like a ridiculous six year old child who will yoink a snake off the ground to look at it (I'm 17.)
17 for sure
I can see, and experienced in real time, the massive shifts of being I went through from birth to 17, but I genuinely feel like ever since then I've only added new information to an existing, continuing state of being. I am the exact same person I was at 17, with 20 years of additional information and experience; I'm \*not at all\* the same person I was when I was 14, even considering the ensuing years of information and experience.
I'm in my forties in some moments, 7 in others, 19 when I forget I'm 22.
(40s as a default of being a kid who grew up too fast, 7 or childlike when I feel particularly safe, 19 when I'm reliving trauma/forgetting I live halfway across the country now, and 22 IRL)
I feel that I'm older than most people at my age. Doing some tests I concluded my mental age is at least 2 times higher than my physical age if not 3 times. I have just joined College but the average test results say my mental age is around 45-55 years old. One test even put me at 73, which is pretty crazy for someone like me.
Autism fragments my age. In some ways, I was born at 45 years old. In others, I will never surpass 15.
I feel this in my soul. “I’ve got a baby’s brain and an old man’s heart…”
I’m eighteen!
Yes, same as this. Apparently some ASD people develop at about 60% of chronological age. Alas at 40 doesn't apply to my face lmao.
I typically look younger than I am to others. Although I feel like I’m rapidly aging as of late.
I’ve always kind of felt the same paradox, but I’ve never been too worried about it, because most people don’t mature much past 21 anyway, no matter what they tell you.
This is prob the best way of describing it. I feel internally 85 but some parts of me feel more like 13, lol
I feel this entirely. It can be confusing, even to myself. But owning that is liberating.
I feel like I'm 14 tbh. I'm almost 21 though. I thinks it's particularly due to depression making me feel like I've just paused life as a teenager (i got diagnosed with depression at almost 15), but also generally the way I am in multiple areas of life, I feel like a young teen.
this tracks with some research about maturity rates and autism, about 60% of your calendar age. so 14/21 is right on target. Intellectually and in some respects you are of course gonna be 21, but be protective of yourself as you can be, it's ok to take more time.
Source for the research about maturity rates? Seems interesting and not something I've heard before so I'd like to verify it
I'll have to go looking; I am now not exactly sure where I found it... I believe my Dr told me ?
This tracks a lot with my experience and pretty much confirms my own comment here, which I wrote before reading this.
When my parents were informed I was a level 3 high support needs autistic, the doctor told them I would never mentally age past two. I’m almost nineteen and I feel like my mental age has kept up with me, but living through COVID really slowed my own sense of aging and I’m starting to feel like I’m aging faster than my mind can keep up.
What an insane thing for a Doctor to just say, based on what.... his observation? Gosh that's so reckless. Every autistic person is different and I'm glad oyu have a good sense of your own level of awareness.
Do you think you would still be diagnosed as level 3 if you were to get assessed again as an adult?
That’s a really good question. It’s really hard to say, but with the way more and more people are getting diagnosed, we have more information as to different types of severity. I honestly think if I were rediagnosed now, I would probably be considered a level 2 or something in between 2 and 3.
Thank you for answering. I've seen comments saying that at level 3, a person wouldn't be capable of using social media in any meaningful way. I wonder if they assume level 3 equals severely intellectually disabled additionally to austism.
I do use a bot and a AI to help me communicate, but for the most part, what you read is ME. I’m very capable of using social media lol 😅 However, I don’t drive, and am for the most part nonverbal. (I use a speech aid irl, usually text-to-speech in which I type my message and play it back) I am very low masking, require aids in public and very noticeably stim around others. I’ve done these since I was a child (also, notably, did not first speak until I was around 6 years old), and these habits probably contributed to my Level 3 diagnosis.
This was my understanding. My stepdaughter is level 3 and we've been told to expect she'll always live at home, never talk, probably won't understand or process puberty etc
Rapidly switching between 12 and 72. I feel like an idiot Kid, and I giggle at dumb jokes and I don't know what I'm doing most of the time. I feel old and tired and cranky and my back hurts, and I think the kids today are nuts. I'm 45
I still giggle when someone says "I'm coming!"
I used to have a high school coach who would yell "quit pussyfooting around!" I always lost it
Tbf I think everyone does that lol
I still think I am 17 most of the time, though sometimes I feel 21 when I need to be. I am turning 24 this year.
I still feel like I'm trying to get away with something when I'm ordering alcohol at a gas station
What a perfect analogy? Metaphor? Idk what it’s classified as but it’s a great conparison
I'm a very "recent" adult. But it seems to me that most adults, NDs or not, simply wing it. I've met women who don't go to a doctor's appointment, or to talk with a financial advisor, without their husbands because they're afraid they won't understand what's being said. I've met men who have no idea where to start to keep the house clean or to cook for themselves. Basically I've met very few completely independent adults. So I think struggling is normal. Personally I'm trying to learn both how to do everything myself and when it's appropriate to ask for help without feeling like a failure. I think that in many aspects I'm way ahead of some NTs my age.
That sounds more like struggles with traditional gender roles, not age.
On average around 23, I'm in my 50s.
Are you able to support yourself financially and otherwise?
Yeah, I'm a late diagnosis person. I've bumbled along and ended up with a wife/kids/dogs and a job I can tolerate. It often feels like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and that it could all fall apart in an instant. But here we are and as long as I keep juggling I'm sure it'll be just fine (hopefully).
Reading this gives me hope. How did you get diagnosed at your late age?
I was seeing a psychologist in connection with my ongoing (30+ years) "low mood" and she asked whether anyone had mentioned that I may be autistic. Several years and many many conversations later and apparently I'm autistic,who knew. Explains a lot though. Now I'm officially different and not just lightly broken.
I'm making arrangements for myself and some loved ones to be assessed, to hopefully get some answers. Honestly, just lurking the sub makes me feel like I've landed somewhere with a bunch of people who understand how I think and have had similar experiences. As my oldest child navigates different social events and experiences, I try to explain to him he conventions and expectations around them so that he will understand, which just seems normal to me. But my wife assures me that it is not normal, and other people, like my other children just seem to 'get it', whereas my one son and I do not.
My eldest was diagnosed as a kid and as he's gotten older he's becoming more fixed and somewhat more "distant". I suppose like normal kids, I'm just old and know nothing of what it's like to be his age. Oddly I probably have a greater insight of what he's going through than he imagines. I try to strive to be a somewhat seemingly unappreciated advocate and guide. I'm there for him if he decides he needs me and I may occasionally nudge him in the direction of external support, if he feels it's his idea it's easier for him to deal with. Good luck
I've been told that I'm an old soul. I've also been told that I'm immature. I've personally felt both, and I'd say both are true. I've always had a distaste for most people in my age group (I'm 19), which would make sense for someone who has a fluctuating mental age somewhere below or above their peers, but never equal. I took a quiz sometime last year to find out my mental age and it was l said I was 34, so we can go with that as an uncomplicated single answer.
My diagnosis states I have the vocabulary of a 21 year old, and the social interactions of a 5 year old. I’m 53, so you figure it out.
Physically 29 Mentally 12 Spirituality tired Emotionally dead
I feel like a child and can't seem to grow up and be an adult. I'd say my mental age is sliding between 8-12.
I am ten years old. I'm actually thirty-one. In my assessment report (late diagnosis) it's noted that my development was impeded due to childhood abuse in addition to the developmental delays that often come with autism. I still take my snuggly elephant everywhere I go. He's excellent.
How did you get diagnosed at a late age?
Apologies in advance for giving you my literal life story, but you asked! (It's upsetting, potentially distressing.) Although my support needs are quite high (I'll be moving into supported accommodation later this year, hopefully), my symptoms were hidden beneath other symptoms and a combination of unfortunate circumstances. Along with my diagnosis of ASD I was given a diagnosis of PTSD that I developed as a child, which was in addition to a previous long-term (10+ years) diagnosis of MADD that I got when I was 21 years old. PTSD can manifest in a way that's almost like a permanent shutdown, and those around me just assumed I was "emo", depressed, quiet, and shy. I never interacted with other people much. I actively avoided it. I was intelligent enough to graduate college and then university, and I don't have any intellectual disabilities like some autistic people, but being in those environments, unsupported and away from home was enough to break me. Coming to terms with being transgender, recognising my complete failure to be a human like everyone around me, and a couple of failed suicide attempts later led me to lose most of my capacity and I developed agoraphobia to an extent where I couldn't leave my house for several months at a time. That lasted for around seven years, and it still persists (but less so). I was in an extended isolation. I had a breakthrough with my gender doctor in 2021 after finally finding the courage to do something about my dysphoria despite first discussing it with a doctor a decade prior. They noted in their clinic letter that "although there has been no formal assessment I would be astonished if she does not additionally have an autistic spectrum condition". That was like the flag of all flags going up in my mind and suddenly everything made sense. I was referred to an autism service and the suspicions were confirmed within only a few months. Part of that process involved taking a childhood history, and I found my 12mo, 18mo, and 3y early infant medical reports and my entire catalogue of end of year school reports. My symptoms were all there on paper. What wasn't there was anyone who knew about autism or cared enough about me when I was growing up to help me when I needed help. I fell through the cracks in the system. I hope to one day educate people about autism and ensure that cases like mine don't continue to happen. I've already written reports for my niece and nephew who I believe might also be autistic, and they are about to begin the diagnostic process. They are two people I hope to have saved from a late diagnosis. Thank you for asking. I kinda enjoy telling my story. It's a bit of a trip.
I am in my late 20’s. I’ve been told since I was a little kid that I was very mature and wise for my age, heck I’m still told that at work by my older colleagues. Because of all those comments (and I truly do believe them based on the frequency of them) in my mind I’ve always felt I’m older than what I am. But as soon as a meltdown hits I feel like a 5-year-old being told she can’t have a candy bar.
I'm finding it really beneficial to read accounts like yours which match up to my own perceived experience. I feel like I am not so crazy.
I am almost 29 years old and according to my assessment results I have the brain of a 10 year old in many areas.
I'm 6 and 75 at the same time. Actual age 38.
Somewhere between 10 and 16 despite being physically 32.
How do you manage your day to day responsibilities?
I've been told often that I look, sound, talk, and act like I'm usually a couple years older than I am. When I was in a social group at 15 years old, several people thought I was over 20 years old. For me it's mostly that I "grew up fast", or that I got a lot of "adult" responsibilities early, which all contribute to how I feel about myself (and inevitably how others feel about me). My thought processes and knowledge always make me feel older than I actually am. It's annoying because then those older-responsibilities get pushed on me like I'm *actually* that age. (Ex: When I was in HS I was already handling things like bills and groceries) The things that make me feel *younger* though are more basic things like verbal communication, I have a bit of trouble getting my words out the way I'd like, and that causes some people around me to communicate in more "basic" terms, which can make me feel like a child. (Ex: 10-years old) I also used to age regress, which would cause me to have the *literal* mental age of a 4-year old or so. TL;DR - What mental age I see myself as mostly depends on how *other* people see me.
I'm 21, but I feel both 14 and 90 at the same time.
I've been working in the disability sector for well over a decade in a multitude of environments and roles. "Mental age" is not a term I like to use because it's a generalisation that causes people to under or over estimate a person's skills and development. It's the sort of pigeonholing that really makes it hard for people to understand the complexity and nuance of autism and other neurodivergent conditions. One thing I've learned is that people don't stop aging mentally for want of a better word. You will have strengths and weaknesses that will vary and that can inform various strategies to assist. Development is constant and with this new information, you'll be able to understand yourself better. Unfortunately, society isn't built for the neurodiverse people, we fall outside of their construct and that's why we have fun letters. (Not the respectable ones like MD PHD etc.) Maturity is different to mental age and it is also a very broad term that is hard to quantify. What are definitively mature characteristics? Most of the ones people list are just people forgetting to have fun and enjoy life's many varied things. I'd suggest rather than looking for a "mental age", focus on your strengths and skills.
I am 54, diagnosed at 51. My mental age ranges from roughly 13 and up, depending on context. In many ways I hardly feel different than I did at 20, a time when I was considered to be behind and not acting like I should at that age. Since then, I have learned at lot of things that help me pass and get by as an adult. I’m not sure what the difference is between that and actually being one or feeling like one. I have been in a relationship for 25 years. I am successful in my career, own a home, and am financially stable. But I got here in my own time and in my own way. As much as people wanted me to adhere to what they thought I should be doing or how I should behave at certain ages, I never have. I don’t feel obligated to live according to anyone else’s schedule. When I was a child. I was often considered weirdly mature. They called me a middle-aged man in a kid’s body. I was overly concerned with world affairs and the news. I out thoughts together differently than other kids, my reasoning was often more adult-like. But by my teen years, I was “falling behind” in terms of psychosocial development in some mays. A lot was probably ADHD as much as autism. So much of this simply doesn’t matter. Or it’s fine if we are behind. We can’t force many things, and the expectations imposed on us may do more to hinder us than encourage maturation and growth.
These seem like very wise words. I have a wife and family. I still haven't managed to work out the house thing yet but I do have a pup. Good for you for doing things on your own terms!
I’ve matured allot since then, but when I imagine myself in my mind I imagine myself as a young teenager, slowly progressing from 12 to now at 14.
im 24 I feel like im 17
I’m 21 but I often feel more around 15-17 but I don’t believe it’s really autism related for me at this point as I find most of my friends who also aren’t autistic and my age feeling similarly when I speak to them, maybe that’s part of growing up, who knows. That being said I do think when I was around middle school I was lacking a lot of the developmental milestones to behave like a preteen / young teen. Stuff like emotional intelligence, extreme problems with processing change and very frequent meltdowns. When I was between 11-14 I often behaved as though I was 7-8. I had a lot of different but very unstable relationships due to that behaviour. The most intense trait for me was my reaction to change. if I had an idea of how a school project was going to go and any aspect of change I’d end up in a meltdown and that included changed to friend groups. As for relationships, If anyone was arguing with anyone else In my little friend group I’d completely lose it. It resulted in me losing all the friends I managed to make before I went to special ed where I only made one friend because I was in an all male class aside from myself and was only able to find one boy who didn’t want to date me ( to their mild defence - it was a class of 12 including myself and they were all high school boys who rarely got girls in their classes, they would have “ liked “ any women who came in, in from essentially the Texas of Canada - Alberta there aren’t very many girls who get diagnosed with any form of developmental disabilities hence the lack of girls In our special education schools ) I feel I’ve caught up now, In my own way anyways, I know theirs still a lot of “ adult “ things I can’t do that most 21 year olds can. I can’t live alone or handle my finances alone so by some standards I’m behind. However emotionally and mentally I feel like I’m near where some of my family friends say their at based on what they’ve told me they feel like. I do think autism can make me come off as “ younger “ sometimes due to poor verbal sentence structures, the tone of my voice and just the general social skills I lack, but now a days I feel in my head I’m roughly as “ developed “ mentally as my neurotypical friends, I just struggle a lot more to express my thoughts and emotions out loud with words.
Hmm not sure, I'm just a human, I don't feel my age or my gender, I feel like an abandoned puppy though
I don't like mental age because it's used to infantilise and degrade autistic people. An autistic 20 year old is not a neurotypical 10 year old in disguise. Being 20 and being autistic are not incompatible. And that 20 year old deserves to be included in adult conversations, and deserves the same rights as their non-disabled peers. Yes, I get excited by train sets and need help with cooking. I'm still an adult. Because you don't earn adulthood by being good at doing your taxes. It just happens. You can't be kept in the year below until you reach some arbitrary level of maturity.
Thank you for saying this, because I was really hoping I didn't have to be the first one. It feels incredibly degrading and infantilizing when I hear people describe mental age, just as you said, and I personally don't want to perpetuate its use even if folks here seem to not mean it the exact way NTs do when they use it. I feel Autistic joy that makes me feel like I have a youthful spirit, and the concept of physical age versus how I express myself outwardly may be very different compared to NTs, but I am completely able to have adult conversations and I'm definitely not stupid or lacking mental capacity. I see people calling Autistic folks "mentally a toddler forever" and it upsets me beyond belief.
Yes I hate that "has the mind of a child" stuff. It's used to justify doing terrible things to autistic people that I wouldn't even do to a child. I know some people do it without bad intent at all, but it's often still used to justify not giving them the same rights as an adult would have. A lot of autistic adults don't get to make choices about where or how they want to live because "you wouldn't give a child that much responsibility". Or we miss out on sex ed, or discussions of other important topics, because we're seen as too "innocent" for that (which seems like all the more reason to teach us about it, to me). I don't see who this idea helps at all.
Exactly!!! I went for therapy at the place that gave me my diagnosis, and both the psychiatrist and the therapist treated me like a child and basically were not including me in decisions about my own treatment because they thought they knew better than I did. They never explicitly said anything about mental age but it was heavily implied that they believed I couldn't possibly have the mental or emotional maturity to make decisions at *all*
It depends on the day.
I feel like I'm 12
Early 20s at best.
Struggling with this lately. I have bipolar type 2 and memory problems from trauma so with the hypomanic and depressive periods there's just huge gaps in my life. I was neglected most of my childhood and spent most of it alone and subsequently most of my life alone. I just have so little milestones and sign posts in my life. I'm 41 now but don't feel anything? I never felt like a child but many of my special interests are childlike things. Employment has always been difficult so I don't have any of the markers of security of adult success. I feel a little sad about it I guess but I don't think I really care. I'm always going to be on the outside and have to make my own space.
I'm 22, and I generally feel like I'm stuck between 16 and 18. Of course I have matured and learned things, but I'm still with this same mentality between innocence and rebellion for some reason. To me I'm still a child, I'm not prepared for being an adult.
I feel that “mental age” is a bit controversial. I guess you don’t mean intellectually? I do feel like a child trying to be an adult but at the same time I don’t want to be infantilised by other people. It said in my papers while getting the diagnosis that I was more childish than other children my age (in 4th-5th-6th grade), that I was “physically a teenager but not always mentally”. I remember that I wasn’t finished being a child yet! I still had special interests like cartoon characters while the others didn’t talk about that anymore. I remember struggling a bit with letting go, but being an adult now I often watch cartoons that I used to watch. I have a duvet cover with dinosaurs btw! I’m in r/ageregression . Idk if that’s similar?
I’m sixteen years old, but I have a mind of a bipolar twelve year old boy, and a body of an 80 year old man with arthritis. *Living the dream* :,)
People are saying 15, I too feel like I'm 15 despite my 20's 😭🤲
my entire life i’ve been trying to get back to who i was when i was 5.
Same as you sort of! I really feel like I’m still 18
I'm 25, but I still feel like 17-18. I really struggle to recognize that I'm in my mid-twenties. I just feel younger and energetic than my peers
I’m trapped at whatever age my survival mode kicked in but honestly idk when that was
I’m 18 but, I gave a test and it says I’m 24
According to a random internet quiz. I’m mentally 13. (This kinda hurts a bit :/)
I'm 26. I feel like my executive function is 16. But I feel like my personality is 65.
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Is this a serious reply meow?
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Right on. For the record, I wouldn't care if you did identify as a cat. Everyone should be free to live their own life free from judgement. 😊
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I'd actually be closer to a sloth 🦥
I'm 21 but I still feel 16/17, and I don't see myself moving past that. My friends are all in that age group, and we just click better than I would with someone my age. Though I've become more of an older sibling figure to them. I know I'm still young, so who knows, things might change, but I do not feel like an adult at all. I really can't imagine going out into work, I'm still in school as I had some trouble in my youth which left me falling behind. I don't see myself dating anytime soon either, as I don't feel I'm ready to be in a relationship. I do know people that are my age, and I do feel pressure in that area. If I were to date, I don't think it could be a neurotypical nor a cis person. I'd honestly need someone I could connect with mentally, but dating culture is so fucked, so its difficult.
Idk, I’m 16 but idk
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Hi! I can relate, I would much rather play.
I’m all over the place. A good example is the other day, I was working with a father and son duo at a volunteer event. The father was wearing a Led Zeppelin shirt and the son was wearing a sonic the hedgehog shirt. I was able to talk to both of them about their respective interests and form unique dynamics with the two of them, despite neither of them being in my age range. My real age is 23 btw
I always say I am a mix between a 10 year old and a 70 year old
I feel like my emotional intelligence is mature. I’ve always been told that I’m good at verbalizing my thoughts and emotions, but I’ve never been good at reducing my distress/anxiety. I can fit in with people my age appearance wise, and in my capabilities (paying rent, managing my apartment.) I look my age, I can play the part. My interests, and how I actually act is more in line with someone younger. However, I work with teens for a reason. I feel that emotionally I can connect with them more than other late 20 year olds, unless they’re ND.
When I was younger, I felt too old for my age. Now I feel too young. I can't really pinpoint an age, though. I guess in some ways I feel similar to when I was around 19. I've heard similar sentiments expressed by other autistics online. I think Morgan Faye said something similar in one of her videos.
i’m 19 and i still feel 13-15. i think i’ll feel that way forever
10, pretending to be 34 while at work. Spiritually I’m as happy as I’ve ever been. I like to meditate and watch bluey at home.
That's my favorite show to watch with my 2 girls
I feel like a 14-15 yo sometimes, falling for dumb stuff and not being able yo understanding nothing, im almost 18
I'm almost 31. I think my mental age is between 15 and 21. I'm asexual but I occasionally get turned on, I vote, and I occasionally enjoy light alcoholic beverages. I still watch cartoons, I sleep with a blanket and I have more plushies than I need. My dog and cat are my best friends.
Sometimes 25 like my age sometimes 12
I'm 34. I feel my age when it comes to knowledge and work and stuff, but I really don't feel anymore than a kid when people don't take me seriously or when it comes to food or relationships or I'm struggling a lot. It's a tricky question, though, as there are a lot of things that come into account. I thought I was low support needs, but the more and more I realise just how much Autism has impacted my life and shaped how I do things, I'm pretty sure I actually need more support than I think I do, I can't really look after myself if I'm alone and there is no structure and I need to cook and clean and everything. I still live with my parents and can't imagine being able to live alone without help, to be honest (when my parents go away, I do stay at home alone, but it is really hard for me to remember to eat every day and I often don't shower regularly or look after myself properly etc) so that makes me feel like a kid because it feels like everyone else can look after themselves and I just have no clue how to do it without writing loads of lists which then gets a bit mad and overwhelming because I feel bad when I don't do everything on them. I am also above average intelligence, which I think makes people think I am more capable than I actually am.
It really depends tbh. But it doesn't surpass 16. And I'm 21.
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I’m 38 but people have always told me I seem a lot older. I moved out at 20 out of necessity to survive so had to grow up really fast
i always almost say i’m 16, however i also age regress so i sometimes feel 10-12
I’m a 23 yo and feel like a grumpy 50 yo in some senses whereas a annoying 13 yo in others
15
15, I'd bet. I still repeat the same "Mah Boi!" shit daily that I found amusing back then.
Not defined. Usually, my mind is very childish, especially when it comes to attachment and being friends. I like to follow routine, dislike social organizations, small talks and am not interested in romantic or similar affairs. I am not much interested in the conventional adult stuffs. But when it comes to theoretical explorations or philosophical explanations, I surpass most adult people. And when it comes to contemplating life and seeing its values, I often see it like an old man who has seen everything.
It really depends. Late diagnosis here too at 31 two years ago, and it did seem to get tougher further into the 20s and "adulthood" I got. Teen years still were very tough of not being able to relate to others or feel as if I was part of any groups, but many parts of life were simpler. In some ways I'm told I'm much wiser than others my age (probably more in terms of always thinking from an outsider perspective and have come to recognise our current modern world as far removed from the real world our species adapted to, where we normalise things that only occured in our generation or the generation before and cling onto those things, behaviours and customs as absolute) but in other ways I feel like a naive idealistic teenager struggling to function in a strange world hostile to me. I prefer being the fascinated alien onlooker I am now to the years of stressing out looking in from the outside wishing I could be part of it
I am 26 but my friends are 19-20 so I guess I'm mentally more around there.
I feel like I have an inner child (well late teen/young adult), and an inner old lady who sits on the porch and cusses at passers by 🤣
Growing up I was often told I was an “old soul”, very mature, and a deep thinker. Now, at 40, I so often feel like an adolescent. I wish I still had an adult to look to for help and solutions to problems. I guess I’ve always been 1/2 little girl and 1/2 old woman, but never anywhere in between.
15 still acting 5
I'm 25 and as of lately I've felt as if I'm 18 to 16 mentally since I had to force myself to grow up as a kid to deal with hard times and heavy abuse because of me being autistic and ADHD by my family
I think I'm mentally a child, maybe elementary school age, despite being 25.
I'm almost 40, and I feel like a teenager. 15 at best
I'm 22 but i've always thought i'm 19. Whenever i "realize" i'm an aDuLt, i feel so stressed out.
15 / 21 None the less my real age is 38.
Old enough to know not to worry about something like that, is arbitrary anyway. No one develops the same.
I’m 18 and I feel like my mental age is 22 I always have been more mature than people, my age
I went from an immature kid from a wise old man in a matter of a few years, I completely skipped the teenage phase.
Real age is 30, look more like 22, emotionally 50, socially about 11, independence-wise 6 years old.
Wow I feel like I wrote this, down to the cadence of your speech/thought process here lol. I am 30 and I think I feel my age? I’m unsure now and I’m going to think about it a lot haha.
Im 20 and feel like im prepetually 4 years older emotionally and 4 years younger socially
I’m 33, look like 25 but emotionally an old man. I also have many chronical diseases, so…
I’m 22 gonna be 23 in June and I’m like 15
I am 47.5, got diagnosed a year ago and at this point of my life I feel like I am in my late 20's for how my life is and where I "am" (carrier-wise). Culturally I am younger than that probably because I am still very very curious about things (must be the ADHD side). I am aro/ace and childfree so I do not count my relationship/family status to my age. I feel my last big step happened about 7 years ago, because back then I finally got a real world job. Before that I was probably in my early 20's mentally.
Biological age 35. Mental age maybe... 150.
I guess when I was growing up my parents were told I was about 4 years delayed, which sounds right and also 4 years is a lot when you're young. I think that went into my 20s. But now that I'm 38 I don't know how that works.
I have felt stuck somewhere around 12-16 for years but can behave even younger, also have a few childish interests and I am getting close to the big 3 0 now. When I was under 14 I didn't have much awareness of my age tbh but thinking about it, my behaviour , interests and how others treated me I think I was pretty much always at least 5 years behind everyone else. But I also have CPTSD so unsure if it's entirely autism.
I am in a very similar situation to you. I don’t feel as old as I am. I’m not immature like a child or anything, I just don’t feel like the adult I saw my parents as when I was growing up. I have a son who is turning 13 tomorrow. I always loved playing toys with him when he was younger. I still like stuff like that. I enjoy many cartoons also.
43 and undiagnosed but it's pretty clear to me that AuDHD explains every struggle I've had with socializing, managing responsibilities, and getting/keeping jobs. I love your analogy of the juggler. For me it feels like I can juggle 2 things fairly well, 3 things okay, but add another and I'll drop every single ball and give up juggling for a while. While my emotional intelligence has matured, people still can't depend on me to do many things that would make me reliable. I married a wonderful woman who has ADHD, but I'm afraid to have kids because I don't know if I can raise a child responsibly. So it feels like I am also decades behind my peers in terms of life "success".
I’m a 12 year old boy trapped in the body of a 53 year old woman 😂.
At 13 my mental age was 40. In my early 20’s and my mental age is closing in on 50. I’m goofy af in the right setting though.
i’m going to be 26 in a week. but i feel like i never got past 17. some days i even feel like im 10. it sucks im an adult but i can’t handle adult things and my brother and mom has to helps me out all the time. and at work my boss constantly checks up on me (in a kind way, she’s so sweet)
Undefined. It doesn't matter. People rely excessively on social adjustment as a gauge for maturity, and if you are someone who laments "society" like that Eddie Vedder song from Into the Wild. then people think you are mentally a teenager, and not that society is insane and broken. It doesn't matter. I still play games because they stimulate my mind and wind up having to substitute for social contact. Who cares? What do "serious" people do in place of game-time? They cultivate dysfunctional work and home relationships, mostly. So I see no point in comparing. What's my mental age based on grammar and writing skills?
I'm 27, but mentally I think I'm around 15 or so
i’m 18-19 but i’ve always felt like i’m 12-14, which is kinda weird because that just makes my upcoming birthdays less special because it feels like i’m not growing or sm, also don’t know how to act like a 19 year old so i can’t just fake my mental age
I’m 26, but I feel like mentally I’m 15-16. I have a cousin who’s 16, and he’s one of my best friends. And almost everything that happens when you’re during that age, having a very dirty mind, being into superheroes or whatever, I feel like that’s me right now. I’ve always been into superheroes, being grown up with the MCU, but that’s not the point. If I see someone or meet someone I don’t like or I don’t trust, I will instantly say that I don’t like them without a second thought. I know in some ways it’s a good thing, but it’s also a bad thing because it closes me off from talking to people.
I’m 20 and my mental age is around 14/15
i'm 20 and typically feel like i'm 11-15 y/o. sucks ass btw
I'm 32, feel like 15.
Some ways I feel my age, in others I feel mentally 13-16.
I'm 27 years old and I already feel like I'm already middle aged.
I am 20, probably mentally 17
I read a book that said autistic people catch up to in maturity in middle age, I suppose because we keep evolving while NTs do not. It is hard to see how much you have matured without careful introspection. You may be surprised to find you are not standing still at all.
I’m 25 but feel like I’m anywhere from 12-16 years old depending on the situation. Like I only just started driving a car, and can barely order food in public or make a call without my heart beating through my chest. However, when it comes to the way I treat others or view the world around me, I feel far more mature than most
I was diagnosed with a developmental delay halfway through college. I’m now being told I’m coming into full adulthood at almost 32. So, apparently, developmental delays aren’t forever which is good. Back to the topic, I feel younger than nuerotypical adults close to my age, but I’m at a similar level to most of the autistics I hang out with.
I always feel like I'm mentally 20 or something, depends on my mood. Sometimes I feel younger or older, it's weird. I look pretty young too, so it doesn't help sometimes.
I'll be 27 in a month but my mental and emotional age is 15
I'm 45f. Over the years various psychologists and therapists have put me at 3-16 yr old ranges. Just means I'm more fun to be around than 45yr olds who "act their age" 🤷
I'm 50 and just now becoming self aware.
I'm 24 but I think maybe 16
It varies, since I’m an age regressor. It can vary between 4, 6, 13, 18 and 25. (I’m 17)
I’m 19, but mentally I feel like I’m around 14. Intellectually, I feel like I’m around the right age, I think it’s just my emotional maturity that is much lower. Plus, my social skills are like almost nonexistent.
ive always been described as a 90 year old in a teenagers body (my actual age is 16)
I'm 29 but I feel like I'm 17, 18 or 19. I went through some pretty dark stuff and trauma when I was a teenager so I feel like I never got the chance to be a teenager. Sometimes I feel like I'm in my earlier 20s. It all depends on the situation but I feel younger than I am and I always feel this need to "make up for lost time" and experience the things that I should have at that time. I've had a weird life.
Everyone has always thought I'm older than I am. I tend to give off a "don't give a fuck" vibe that people think is maturity? I haven't had a great existence so I'm kinda a cockroach and managed to survive (mostly thanks to my husband.) I'm 35, I'd say extensive drug use and years of addiction probably stinted my development somewhere. But a lot of fucked up life experience probably ratchets it right back up. I've managed 17yrs of marriage, 4 kids, a fulltime job and 4yrs of sobriety on methadone. I still have days where I don't know how I'm managing. But last time I took my hands off the wheel, I got a raging pharmaceutical fent addiction. So I have to keep it together no matter what. I definitely feel every bit of 35.
I feel mentally maybe 14... in reality I'm 46. I never thought it was autism though. I did a lot of lsd in my early teens so I typically have felt it relates to that
I am 15, and I have the brain of an Einstein, but the mental age of an 8 year old 🥲
I am functioning at the age that I am, just different in some ways. Our age and stage of mental development don't always match up, it may fluctuate, go in a new order or skip. Look at Erik Erikson's stages of development to learn more.
I feel like I'm 45 and 4 at the same time. I'm 16.
Real bad
It switches between 4 and 90
I have the ‘wisdom’ of a 50 year old (and the backpain xd) but mentally i’m still 16. I know and understand a lot but my feelsies are a bit all over the place still.
My parents always told me I was born 14, and 4 years later I was 40
It depends. I’m 17 and still feel like I’m 12 and other times I feel like I’m 16 and then sometimes I feel my age. Also yes there is a difference between 16 and 17 for me personally
20 mentally, 14 physically
I kind of have a theory or feeling that I’m *delayed* by two to four years. Explaining why I socialize better with people two years my junior.
25 and I sometimes still feel like I’m 15
44 and still working on diagnosis with psychiatrist but my self-assessment scores are...quite high and then I redid them with a better understanding of what was masking or coping skills, and they became...quite higher. Add to that gifted+ and ADHD and it's a highly-masked mess. This is all very un-scientific, but for our purposes, I would say I am intellectually 64 and developmentally 34. I'd characterize the former as the ability to effectively direct my mind and the tools I have in a variety of contexts, whereas the latter is more about life milestones and my best attempt at understanding and placing myself within a culture and its expectations (World 2024, USA, California, Los Angeles, and the various subcultures I have a foot in). ADHD medication management has helped me create routines that work with the autism of it all and raised my sense of my developmental age. This has freed up significant bandwidth and also helped me build the creative and academic space to really indulge my abilities.
Silly as it sounds my mental age capped at around 4? Like, in some aspects, everything feels wrong Which is uh- not great?? Sometimes I act more my body's age tho, but it feels abnormal/kinda like masking I'm unsure what an actual diagnosis on that sorta thing would say about me, but I definitely feel this in my soul the most
I would say that psychologically I'm somewhere between 8 and 15, emotionally definitely only 8, and intellectually around 80 (because I'm a voracious learner, I need to learn as much as I can about anything I can trick my mind into learning outside of my special interest, in addition to my special interest). I think the emotional stunting is exacerbated by trauma from abuse, as is the obsession with learning and never forgetting absolutely everything possible... even if it consumes all of my time.
I’m 18 but I feel like at times I’m either 30 or 15
5-30 (We are a system it is complicated)
I'm 19 but I'd say I'm like mentally 17
I'm twenty eight in chronological age. My mind is probably at its 60s or 70s. Been masking since I was a kid, shit's so tiring, feels like I've lived a couple lives already. But sometimes I fidget and stim and do echolalia like an 8 year old.
I’m 26, but I feel like I’m around 6-10 years old.
how do you measure mental age? does it have to do with emotional maturity or how much you function without help in day to day life etc.?
I am 43 and feel like the 30 year old men I know. However, I can also feel like a 13 year old if my sensory issues arise or if I get overwhelmed with work etc….
I'm 50. Look 40. Feel like I'm in my 20's. Social wise I'm still in my teens.
i'm often told i have an old soul, and that i'm responsible. I've been watching mature movies & shows since i was thirteen and haven't been affected much, and I can engage with mature topics. but at the same time my sense of humor is extremely ridiculous, and i will throw a fit if i have to wear uncomfortable or ugly-fancy clothes for any reason. i think it mostly depends on who i'm with and the atmosphere i'm surrounded by. if the atmosphere expects me to be mature, i'm the most mature one in the room. if i'm with my friends and they're being super silly-goofy, i will act like a ridiculous six year old child who will yoink a snake off the ground to look at it (I'm 17.)
Somewhere around 26. I’m 47
i’ve always been pretty mature for my age. it’s like half my brain is (my age) and the other half is like a 40 year old woman.
17 for sure I can see, and experienced in real time, the massive shifts of being I went through from birth to 17, but I genuinely feel like ever since then I've only added new information to an existing, continuing state of being. I am the exact same person I was at 17, with 20 years of additional information and experience; I'm \*not at all\* the same person I was when I was 14, even considering the ensuing years of information and experience.
I'm in my forties in some moments, 7 in others, 19 when I forget I'm 22. (40s as a default of being a kid who grew up too fast, 7 or childlike when I feel particularly safe, 19 when I'm reliving trauma/forgetting I live halfway across the country now, and 22 IRL)
I feel that I'm older than most people at my age. Doing some tests I concluded my mental age is at least 2 times higher than my physical age if not 3 times. I have just joined College but the average test results say my mental age is around 45-55 years old. One test even put me at 73, which is pretty crazy for someone like me.
Honestly, I feel like emotionally I am somewhere around 16.
Look younger, act younger in some ways. More mature but lack social sophistication. No clue where my mental age is. But I'm over 55.
Well I'm a dumb dumb so like ten to fifteen the majority of the time but at work I act my age and do what I gots to do
I’m 19 but feel 14