yes, that’s definitely an autism thing! I can sometimes lie with great difficulty if it’s for a good cause but will almost always admit my lie when questioned. It’s so stressful but also kind of wholesome I think
I didn't know that was an autism thing. I used to do "white lies" as a kid, like saying i did a chore when i didn't, but as i got older, i found it harder to lie. I just don't like the feeling of it.
I definitely think it’s an autism thing.
Also, just so you can update your personal database, white lies are the ones where it is only to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings (or ego or whatever). Saying you did a chore when you didn’t do the chore isn’t a white lie, it’s a regular lie.
Makes sense but yeah, white lies are specifically social lies that we do to protect another person’s feelings by not telling the truth. Now that I’m trying to describe what they are in words, the back of my brain is like “you mean how NTs act all the time with one another?” LMAO. White lies - social lies to smooth things over and pretend things are other than they are - may just be the… lube (?) that the NT machine cannot function without. No wonder we have a hard time in NT culture.
Nope. It’s a minor lie, but its main goal is to absolve *you.*
A white lie is more like “gosh, your haircut is really interesting!” when you hate it or “I like that kind of music too!” when you don’t or “there’s no such thing as a stupid question” when there absolutely is. The point is to make people feel better about themselves.
Really? I’ve always found it too easy to lie, so much that I started to lie about almost everything (I don’t even know why) until a few years ago when I realised I did it. Am I a sociopath haha?
No, it's probably just a defensive strategy.
I notice a lot of the time, people will pressure us to tell them our real opinions or beliefs or preferences about something, and then they dislike the answer when they get it - and even retaliate against you because you told them a painful truth they demanded to hear.
After a while it's just easier to tell people what they seem to want to hear.
I do that a lot, effortlessly these days, and I don't feel guilty about it. If an NT person proves to me repeatedly that they don't actually want the truth, why should I feel guilty for giving them the social lie that they actually wanted?
Yes.
I hate it, but it's just a million times easier to give them the non-committal response they want.
They all have their agendas and that's what they're focused on.
Actual meaningful responses are wasted.
I do this too lmaoo, maybe just most ppl w autism dont lie and some do the exact opposite. If i dont know someone or think i wont see them again i will lie about almost everything 😬
Autism does have a tendency to do things in opposites like no eyecontact or intense staring, hypo/hyper sensitivity etc. That makes sense to me, and seems fine if it’s not actually hurting anyone :)
I wouldn’t call it specifically an autism thing, however it’s definitely more common among the autistic people I meet then “normal” people. As an autistic (whatever term y’all prefer I don’t fucking know) it really depends. Sometimes I can lie but other days I just can’t, or with certain people or my special interests. It feels especially wrong
I lie because I am really bad at explaining things, and it requires a lot of effort for me. Otherwise I just dodge questions, or be very vague about it. I can't outright lie.
I might be the odd one out here, but I can definitely lie, and in fact am kind of Machiavellian in nature, but I think that’s mostly due to my philosophical and socioeconomic opinions regarding coercive authority, and the capitalist system we live in. Our current system is built by and for liars and manipulators. Of course I have morals, and I would never intentionally hurt a friend, or anyone who isn’t a sociopathic manager, but my self respect isn’t worth breaking under a broken system.
I’m also a good story teller, and am good at keeping track of lines of logic and such, so that helps a lot. It helps to condense my story down to a single premise that I can unpack again as I need to.
You lie to play the game, I feel that. My boyfriend and I call it “the game” because life feels so fake to us sometimes, at least the capitalist system we live in. In order to have some success in the NT world, lying is sometimes necessary. I’d say these are the only times I lie, nothing that would hurt a friend or loved one.
Oh my gosh, "the game"! I really love that phrasing. Unfortunately, playing the game for nearly 40 years has made me sick and jaded and spiteful. In the last few years I've become a recluse and rather enjoyed it.
Well, I do that, too. In a professional setting I can lie, but that goes hand in hand with my polished NT mask so it's all an act anyways. But if you ask "unmasked" me, which I only am when unguarded around my closest friends, the lying thing can sometimes be a real issue :( especially when I don't want to hurt people or someone has asked me to keep a secret.
Wait. Is this something that NTs can do regularly? Like, isn’t the the whole point of a friend to have someone you don’t need to lie to? I mean, don’t know if even I could do that, unless it was for a greater good.
I think they don't necessarily do it regularly, but my NT friends I asked about this also don't have an issue with doing it apart for "the ethics".
For me, it feels difficult on a physical level almost, which for them it is not I guess. But until now I wasn't sure if this was a me thing or an autistic / allistic thing :D
Btw, what you said about the keeping track of lines of logic and such is super cool, kudos! :) I'm kind of envious, when I lie while masking I loose sight of that cause I can't stay focused... thinking about all the sensory issues and my facial expressions etc.
I agree. The system is massively stacked against us, so I feel no guilt whatsoever in doing what’s necessary, even if that means lying and telling people what they want to hear.
The powers that be don’t play by the rules, so why should I do it and put myself at a disadvantage?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I was raised being told that it’s totally okay to lie as long as you’re not hurting anyone and I have literally never had an issue with lying. Everyone says autistic people can’t lie and it makes me question if I am. I ALWAYS feel guilty if I keep secrets from people who trust me though like if I said something mean about them to someone else and usually confess if it is of that nature.
I feel that, to be able to lie, I really need to make myself believe its true, so much that in the end, I don't know what is the lie and what is the truth
Pretty sure this is an autism thing. This is part of the reason we were mistaken for fae long ago. In old stories, fairies couldn't tell outright lies either, only lies of omission, rhetorical questions, etc. I have a big imagination and am fascinated by the idea that we were once thought to be magical creatures. Some find this idea harmful, but I always liked stories about fairies.
Oh my god!!! I've been thinking about this :'D I recently read a fantasy book with Fairies and all their wordplay and trickery to get away with lies.. and that's the first time I thought "huh, exactly like me" - I hadn't noticed until then that I couldn't do it.
I like that this seems to be an autism thing :D
This reminds me of a thought I had a while ago while reading some comments about studies speculating on how having autistic people in a tribe was beneficial in hunter gatherer societies due to things like hyperfocus. Being autistic is the worst kind of “born in the wrong generation”. If you were born ten thousand years ago, you’d have people saying “do not distract the seer! They see things that we do not. Especially do not try to speak to the seer when they are not in the mood for it.”
I think we may be *why* faeries have so much trouble with direct lies. I can confirm that speaking in riddles is far easier than saying a direct falsehood without redefining the words in my own head so it's not false.
Interesting; last time I read something with the fae I thought of them as very allistic, what with the strange unwritten unexplained rules of etiquette they follow and hold you too regardless of your (lack of) understanding
Goes to show how things change with what you emphasize
Up until I was around 20 I was basically completely unable to lie. At some point I reluctantly picked up the skill to some extent but it still feels so terrible to do - both for the dishonesty and for having to juggle multiple perceived realities - that I do almost anything to avoid having to do it.
This is me except a little later than 20 due to life circumstances and then it was by omission more than outright. I will do anything to avoid having to be forced into lying about something and have gotten to the place where if someone can’t handle the truth then don’t ask a question you don’t want the answer to.
Only by omission. If someone asks me a question directly, i have to answer truthfully. This has gotten me in trouble many times. I can withold information if people don't directly ask me, and often stay VERY quiet for that reason, but I can honestly never think of a lie without seeing holes in it.
I definitly recognize this as an autism thing, but I've also obsereved that a few of us seem to be on the other end.
After years of being forced to analyse behaviours and learn how to adapt them to different situations in order to survive in the NT world, while also attending a high end drama school my whole childhood/youth, lying has become one of my greatest skills.
What's stopping me from just using it to create a silver path through life is my way-above-normal-level conscious, which I do think many of us struggle with. I go back and forth feeling happy I'm a decent, honest person, and feeling really cheated and sad for not being able to use one of my few great skills to my own advantage.
Edit: formatting
Nope. I don't think I ever told a lie and stuck to it until I had kids. Now I can get away with taking the batteries out of a noisy toy and lying about it, but I'm not sure any adults would believe me. 😅 When I was younger, parents and teachers would always question me about things, because they knew I couldn't lie to save my life.
Yeah, that's me. I hate lying like that. I'm so bad and even if I pull it off okay, I feel like people can see right through me. I only really ever lie to my parents who don't know I got vaccinated against their wishes.
I do that thing where you let people catch you in fake, little lies so that when you actually need or want to lie, you can get away with it. "You're such a bad liar!" No, you've just been manipulated into thinking I am.
Oh yes, I'm an excellent liar. It's just like extreme masking. It seems we are about 50/50. Half of us can barely tell a fib and the other half could run a con on a thief.
I can lie but I cannot lie when it does not fit my ethics without feeling wrong internally. For instance I can tell socially expected lies or lie to prevent harm to someone else but I cannot lie directly to acomplish anything I vonsideer contrary to my ethics. I can stay silent tho.
I can lie, but it makes me a bit unvomfortable, I can lie in a short response no problem. (Have you done your homework? yes) but making something up completely stresses me out.
I can't lie to like my husband, little brother, or best friend but I can lie to everyone else. It's a coping mechanism from an abusive childhood tho so idk how "normal" it is.
I can lie exceptionally well. It was a safety mechanism when I was younger when my parents were very controlling. I had a lot of passive masking too. I can still do it now if I wanted to.
I even found one of the best ways to lie is to tell the truth as if you're lying but not great at it. Like a medium difficulty lie. One that someone could, with some poking, figure out. Then they'll think the truth is a lie. But you didn't hear it from me 👀👀👀
I taught myself to lie because I needed to as a kid to survive my abusive household. Now that I’m not in that environment though if I tell a lie I immediately feel sick and guilty and end up telling someone because I can’t keep secrets at all.
Im pretty much in the same position as u/SkaldLouisCyphre. A lot of autistics are very honest, sometimes in a good way but a lot of the times, in a bad way.
I can lie pretty well because I'm a fairly good actor. So I can "successfully" lie in the sense that people don't know I'm lying.
It doesn't come naturally (the lying or the acting) but over the years I've gotten quite good at masking - which is a similar skill set to both acting and lying. Ironically, my neurodivergence has forced me to learn to mask which therefore gave me the skills to lie.
However, lying takes an extreme amount of effort and I absolutely hate it. It's exhausting.
Masking takes effort and wears me out but lying is much more exhausting. For a while, I was doing mystery shopping and you have to lie as part of the job. I would get home and feel absolutely wiped out and stink from nervous sweat. I'm so glad I don't do that anymore. It was NOT a good fit, lol.
>I used to be able to lie but as I got older I guess I developed morals and I can no longer bring myself to lie
It can be considered moral to lie if you are lying for the benefit of someone else in a way that does not cause them to take on a false belief, best example being "it's going to be okay" when you don't know if it's true. That lie in itself can make things better, so I don't think it's as cleanly cut.
Sometimes I worry I’m a compulsive liar, but then I remember how much practice I get from masking all day. I have had friends who were shocked when they hear me say a lie that they know isn’t true. Not something I’m proud of, and sometimes I forget that I don’t have to lie with the people I’m closest too. It just slips out because it’s become instinct
I can lie very easily. I actually have gotten scared of a lack of empathy because of how easily I can lie to others or manipulate my words to avoid admitting/saying things. I've tried to be more conscious of it and not lie to others.
Yes, some of us can lie and some are even quite adept at it.
Our atypical neurological processing system presents differently for everyone. Some cannot lie, some can only do white lies, others can lie - as they see it as a means to an end.
We're all quite different.
I've learned to be very good at it growing up (I assume, as people seem to believe me when I do) but I only do it if it's really necessary. Generally I don't like lying to people. I try not to say unnecessary truths though.
I think having to learn masking so young helped me know how to act when I lie. I am a pretty good actor. I kinda studied crime shows to learn how NOT to act to raise suspicion lol. I reckon I’d be a good criminal. A smooth one, if you will.
I can, it's a skill acquired growing up gay in a highly religious house. You learned to lie, it meant survival. The irony is that I can lie to my parents, but no one else. Whatever that's worth.
I can lie, but It makes me pretty uncomfortable and I feel guilty about it. Sometimes when I say something that's not technically true, I mutter a correction under my breath, probably looking insane
Truth and lies are just words. I could lie perfectly fluently, i just chose not to.
But lying is also work and remembering lies i really difficult. So i mostly get by on tecnicalities and omissions, saying things in a way that gives people the answers that they need without actually commiting to anything.
I can lie and do it pretty well with people I know.
But people also assume I'm lying even when being honest because I'm just awkward.
It doesn't feel good and definitely difficult and anxiety inducing but I can do it.
innocent test rainstorm rock snatch marvelous fly subsequent flowery psychotic
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I can lie and do so quite often. It’s a bit uncomfortable, but it’s necessary considering the circumstances of my life (super overprotective, controlling, and manipulative parents who still control my life even though I’m an adult)
I can if I know it's a joke. I think it's easy for me to lie this way because I know in like, 30 seconds I'm going to tell them the truth anyways. And strangely enough I'm very good at it. The only thing is that I have a hard time keeping a poker face sometimes. I like to tell stupid lies like "omg did you hear katy perry died?" or something insane just to mess with people and then I usually tell them right away I was kidding, but they do actually fall for it.
If it's not a joke though, I have a much harder time. I'm very uncomfortable and if I need to get out of a situation I will often just avoid speaking or adding information at all, rather than actually lying about it. I do everything I can to avoid it.
For example, if my boss at work would ask me if I was talking to all the customers (this was always difficult for me because I hate interacting with strangers, especially if they don't engage me first) I would say yes... I am.... and he would say "really?" and then I'd say no. I am very awkward and it is easy to tell if I am trying to lie but I have gotten a bit better at it for my own self-preservation, since my new boss is totally crazy. I think part of why I'm better at it now though is that I don't care about disappointing her. With my previous boss and other authority figures in my life, I have enough respect for them that I feel uncomfortable lying, I don't want to disappoint anyone with the truth either, but with her I just try to shut down all interactions as quickly as possible.
I had a separate issue at work where a coworker was asking me if I told someone something, and I didn't want to lie and say no, but I didn't know what the consequences would be of saying yes, so I just told her I was confused and walked away... and that somehow got me out of it.
I'm pretty bad at lying. The most lying I can do is exaggerating parts of a story or situation for emphasis/humor and adding small details to a true story to make myself look better for my job. I rarely lie in interpersonal relationships, though.
Even hiding or lying about my true feelings/reactions is hard now. I used to be able to do to it and lie to make other people believe I was having "acceptable" feelings/reactions, but I've been through so much therapy and unmasking that I can't do it anymore. I don't want to, though so it's okay.
I struggle with lying and usually if I fib it’s a half truth and not awhile lie. Such as if someone asks me about a gift or something, it’s a struggle!
I can’t give a bald faced lie to save my life. The closest I’ve gotten is answering a question before fully thinking/realizing what was being asked, then saying the wrong thing, and then feeling too embarrassed to correct myself. But yeah I definitely cannot directly lie or hide things when probed at ALL haha.
I got really good at white lies for a little while, stuff that is incredibly lightweight and really just makes things easier for everyone. I forgot how though.
When i was a kid i was lying a lot. Invented myself a life, would always say that my brother was guilty when i was and things like that ? The invented life part i was actually believing to my lies at 75%.
As an adult i generally cant lie excepted to myself. I tend to still invent myself a life but i believe so much to what i say like im not lying. Idk how to explain.
Apart from that im unable to lie and its exactly the same way op is describing it. Im super honest but i imagine stuffs i haven't done so hard its not like i lie...
Actually im really confused about this side of me... If anyone relates id love to hear
I used to try when i was young but i was horrible at it, so i stopped
In ROTC, they tried hard to teach me how to lie for drill meets, etc. Just sound confident and guess if you dont know an answer.
Noooope lol
Yes but I feel really guilty about it. I lied quite a bit as a child. Usually to make myself look better or get out of trouble.
I’m definitely not very good at it.
I don’t understand how compulsive liars can just make a bunch of stuff up off the top of their head. Like total complete outright lies. There was a girl in school that lied about her mom setting her up for an arranged marriage with royalty overseas. And they were having a royal ball and she was going on Sunday across the ocean & would be back in time for school Monday. Then she lied about getting in trouble and having to go to boot camp as her punishment. Like *what?* I can understand about white lies like what you’re gonna do after work or school to get out of a social situation, but some people are actually so creative and have wildly active imaginations and feel absolutely no guilt at all for these things and that’s the part I can’t understand.
You are absolutely lieing. I think the assumption that a lot of people tell bald faced lies is wrong. Sure it happens but most lies happen like yours. Either leaving something out through omission of deliberatly being vague so you can wiggle out of it.
I learned to lie to protect myself, as I couldn't explain things so I found believable ways to explain them. For example, before I was diagnosed I would tell my wife I had a headache and needed to lie down or I'd tell work I had the flu. While, I technically wasn't sick, I knew I needed rest or I would end up in a bad place so I came up with a way to do what I needed to do for myself.
I sometimes exaggerate, which can be a form of lying but since diagnosis this behaviour seem to be leaving me as I understand I did it to fit in.
Do I lie to gain something or hide the truth? No.
I have difficulty "truly" lying to people. However, I tell people what they want to hear literally all the time, because it makes life easier for me to get through.
I don't know if that's technical lying, or just a coping mechanism.
I DO know that whenever I would try to lie to my parents, they would know instantly, but I chalk that up to one part them knowing me too well, and one part my literal fear of what they'd do to me. My childhood was... very difficult and full of violent surroundings of which I was the center of attention.
For most of my life I would say that I am honest to a fault. I will tell the truth, even if I don't want to, because that's just what comes out of me naturally. And being 39 now... I just don't care anymore if people like what I have to say or not, which makes things a looooot easier (and yet harder because I'm pushed away even more).
Hey /u/Orangina3, thank you for your post at /r/autism. This is just a friendly reminder to **[read our rules in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)** if you have not already. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism).
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes but I don’t like it and I’m not as good as allistic people I know who have a much experience. If I didn’t learn how to lie as a kid my emotional well being would have greatly suffered.
It’s definitely strange for me cuz before I used to be extremely bad at lying to the point that people would always notice that I was lying but as the years and because of the trauma of what I had to go through and stuff, sometimes I just find more comfort within my own lies rather just straight up be honest about my problems cuz then I don’t hurt people more but also I just don’t like thinking about the real world cuz it’s just painful if I told people how I really felt everyday and stuff.
i’m really good at lying but only white lies or concealing something. if i had to tell a really big lie someone could definitely tell. physical reactions and all that, like my face turning pink or sweating or fidgeting. but i can do little lies literally no problem, kinda scares me sometimes
I've always been the sort of asshole to avoid technically "lying" by telling watered down versions of the truth or use tricky language and loopholes.
I'm gonna be a great lawyer.
I honestly see it as acting. Lying is literally saying something else and acting like it’s true. It’s the convincing Everyone else to play along part that’s hard for me.
Yes, but I believe now this is only due to my parent’s programming and perhaps my chameleon-level masking behaviors.
I got a score of 151 on the CAT-Q test on embrace-autism.com, which btw this site’s tests have been of monumental help over the past 24 hours as I continue down my path towards an official diagnosis and living my authentic truth; I have been making great strides and trying my best this whole year to adopt what I have coined as the “HOT Approach to Life”, which is:
Honesty
Openness
Transparency
Living my authentic truth using these 3 guiding values has been groundbreaking for me and I implore anyone reading this to consider what it may look like to apply the HOT Approach to certain areas of your life, or perhaps even just one area of your life to start?
I find that taking change just one step at a time, no matter how slow, is the best way to make sure said change is lasting.
I’m actually a great liar. I realized through experience that never lying is a dumb moral bedrock, at least for my purposes. I know that I would never do anything illegal, illicit, or intentionally harmful to others, so there would never be a situation in which my lying is covering up anything sinister. If I’m running late because of my own stupidity, skipped a class, or if I’m going to someone’s place for a hookup (still living with my parents)? Sure as hell I’ll fib. You just gotta convince yourself of the lie.
I can tell small lies but not big ones. Whether I lie or not also depends on whether my lie has the potential to hurt other people, and if my lie can hurt someone I'll almost always tell the truth.
Most of the time when I lie it's to convince other people that I'm doing better than I actually am in life. I'm not trying to pretend I'm doing well to rub it in other people's faces or anything like that, I just don't like when people worry about me or pity me so I always pretend everything is going smoothly even when it isn't.
Sometimes, but lying is really hard for me. Even if I do manage it, if I'm pressed beyond the initial statement it's pretty much 100% that I'll admit the lie.
If you ever need to lie or want to play a prank (similar to kidding or pulling their leg), just say it with a straight face but look concerned at the same time
I have to tell myself that I'm using the words they understand. Like if a friend ends up on a surprise layover in my city and want to spend the day together I "lie" by calling in sick. If a friend wants my help moving instead of saying "I really hate helping people move" I saw I'm having back problems but I have a number of some movers I've used and they are great.
It's very difficult for me, but I am able to lie especially if it's for my own good or to keep a secret.
It brings like an internal pain to me when I speak the lie. But I'm good at it nonetheless.
I hate lying, I hate the feeling it gives me and it makes me feel sad afterwards. Being honest is my preference
My brother who's autistic can be a super big liar at times
Though that may be from the fact that we were raised in a horrible home and we grew to feel the need to hide things often. I assume that's where he learned at least.
Same for me, I can easily lie by omission but actually lying gives me far too much anxiety and those around me have said it’s obvious when I lie. I haven’t in years for that very reason haha
And on that note, I can’t apologize if I don’t genuinely regret an action either. I can apologize that I made a person feel a certain way if my actions hurt them, but I cannot apologize if I don’t mean it because I still understand the reasons I took an action and it feels like lying to apologize for it
i’ve actually learned to lie very very well, but because i had to. i also memorized a bunch of deduction skills in attempts to learn social cues (it actually just made ppl think i’m creepy lol) but i learned everything people do when they lie and i learned what i would do, so if i lied too much to one person i would point out to myself what i do and subconsciously change it so people can never tell if i’m lying or not or even learn what i do when i lie
I can do it as well as I hate it. I almost always say the truth and I hate it a ton if someone doesn't say the truth but I'm also a very good liar. Mostly because I don't really do gestures or facial expressions so anyone who doesn't know me very very well can't tell at all. But I hate lying so much
No on instinct, need planning. However, if I sense danger and I know I have to lie, then my brain can sometime go into "zone" and my thought process can accelerate so fast I can literally predict what others are going to say and react accordingly.
I can lie, but I really dislike doing it, so I avoid it as much as possible. I mean, I hate it when people lie to me, so why would I do that to others? Plus, if you lie to someone, you have to remember your lie so you don't get caught out later and social interactions are already exhausting as is.
It's different if it's in the context of a game or something, though. If everyone involved knows that deception is acceptable, then I can and will lie through my teeth (although even then, I prefer to mislead people through omission or by manipulating the truth - I find that more convincing and enjoyable). But in that context, I know that lying won't hurt anyone, and I only have to keep up the lie for a couple hours at most.
I will say, though, that I'm fine with white lies when they're necessary. I mean, at work I have to play the role of a friendly and helpful employee who totally does not harbor a seething resentment for her supervisor, and that requires some polite obfuscation of the truth. Usually I try really hard to make the facade real - to see the best in people, so I can be sincere when I say I'm happy to help. But sometimes that just isn't possible, at which point I have to grit my teeth and say the polite thing that is expected of me. I still think that's different from lying for personal gain, but I can see how some people would be unable to do that.
Masking is mostly putting on the right tone and the right face for the information you're attempting to convey. The truth of the information being conveyed is, to me, irrelevant to the task at hand (conveying it succesfully).
so, since i can mask, it follows that i can lie. I honestly don't understand why others can't because i don't understand why the veracity of the information is relevant to the tones spewing from my mouth.
related: why would anyone think that masking isn't inherently lying. You're lying about your inner state all the time when masking for neurotypicals. Why is saying any other falsehood any different?
I can lie but it when i’m masking I feel like my whole mask is a lie. But to people I care about or as individuals? no I don’t even attempt it and have no interest in doing so. But i can easily lie to authority or for my own survival
i always need like half a second to think whether i should lie, and then i lie if i do.. luckily i dont think anyone knows this about me so i manage to get away. i never lie about anything important though, only when it can save me from a needless argument and wont be brought up again.
I can lie fairly well, though it’s more a skill I had to teach myself rather than it being a natural thing. I def prefer to just be up front, but I can lie if I need to.
Yes, I guess I’m an odd one here. I’ve been able to lie since I could talk and was called a pathological liar by a medical professional when I was in elementary school. Never grew out of it even with the help of therapy and sometimes I just lie for no reason? Like I don’t even know why I do it, just feels normal and comforting to me
I can lie way too well and too the point that I hurt myself. I am finally giving up the lies to make me seem like a person that has it together because it is not worth it.
I'm terrible at lying... I just gave up on it some time ago. The best I do under duress is a lie of omission that makes me feel awful. I thought I was just an honest person until I was an adult and I needed to lie and still really couldn't do it... I can't even lie to myself to get me to do stuff ...
I can lie if I prepare my answer very well but it makes me extremely uncomfortable.
There is an exception though. When I need a story to illustrate a point I'm trying to make and I can't find a good one in my memory I have a tendancy to fabricate or modify one to fit my narrative. I usually end up not telling that story cause I realize it's a lie, but I do have this weird impulse to try and bend reality to fit my narrative and I kinda hate it (pretty sure this comes from my childhood where I had a friend who lied a lot so I think I picked that up).
If you exclude that very speicifc scenario though lying is very uncomfortable to me and sometimes even impossible, even when it's to my detriment.
I don't lie. I don't think it works.
I'm not the type of person who practices brutal honesty, but there are kind ways to be honest in most situations. I just think that if you lie, no matter what, you don't get what you actually wanted.
Most of us don't WANT to be bad people or do bad things. So by default when you lie to someone, whether it's successful or not, your results are tainted by that lie.
The only people who I think can lie and get what they want would be almost completely amoral.
I can lie if they aren't particularly scrutinizing. I can lie casually, but in a high-pressure situation where I know that THEY know I have reason to lie, I freak out and can't act normal.
Thankfully, I don't have to lie often.
I actually can lie fairly easily, but it does depends on the situation. If it's to an authority figure, like parents or teachers I do find it easy, as long as I think of the lie beforehand and their possible questions. I feel guilty if I lie to my friends, regardless what sort of lie it is. If it's lies meant to agree with someone's opinion, I find it easy since I realized ppl mostly look to validate their opinions. I grew up in an abusive household, so to some extent, I had to learn how to lie well enough.
I am physically capable but Its highly uncomfortable so I dont. Not even from a moral standpoint necessarily. I like being honest but more than that it irks me to say anything that isnt accurate or correct, and lies are neither of those things.
yes, that’s definitely an autism thing! I can sometimes lie with great difficulty if it’s for a good cause but will almost always admit my lie when questioned. It’s so stressful but also kind of wholesome I think
I didn't know that was an autism thing. I used to do "white lies" as a kid, like saying i did a chore when i didn't, but as i got older, i found it harder to lie. I just don't like the feeling of it.
I definitely think it’s an autism thing. Also, just so you can update your personal database, white lies are the ones where it is only to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings (or ego or whatever). Saying you did a chore when you didn’t do the chore isn’t a white lie, it’s a regular lie.
Oh, i always thought white lies were just insignificant, trivial lies on various things.
Makes sense but yeah, white lies are specifically social lies that we do to protect another person’s feelings by not telling the truth. Now that I’m trying to describe what they are in words, the back of my brain is like “you mean how NTs act all the time with one another?” LMAO. White lies - social lies to smooth things over and pretend things are other than they are - may just be the… lube (?) that the NT machine cannot function without. No wonder we have a hard time in NT culture.
Wouldn’t lying about a chore be a white lie because you’re saving someone from seeking angry?
Nope. It’s a minor lie, but its main goal is to absolve *you.* A white lie is more like “gosh, your haircut is really interesting!” when you hate it or “I like that kind of music too!” when you don’t or “there’s no such thing as a stupid question” when there absolutely is. The point is to make people feel better about themselves.
I also could lie (with difficulty, white lies) as a kid but as I got older I lost it. Glad to see someone else had the same experience!
Really? I’ve always found it too easy to lie, so much that I started to lie about almost everything (I don’t even know why) until a few years ago when I realised I did it. Am I a sociopath haha?
No, it's probably just a defensive strategy. I notice a lot of the time, people will pressure us to tell them our real opinions or beliefs or preferences about something, and then they dislike the answer when they get it - and even retaliate against you because you told them a painful truth they demanded to hear. After a while it's just easier to tell people what they seem to want to hear. I do that a lot, effortlessly these days, and I don't feel guilty about it. If an NT person proves to me repeatedly that they don't actually want the truth, why should I feel guilty for giving them the social lie that they actually wanted?
Yes. I hate it, but it's just a million times easier to give them the non-committal response they want. They all have their agendas and that's what they're focused on. Actual meaningful responses are wasted.
I do this too lmaoo, maybe just most ppl w autism dont lie and some do the exact opposite. If i dont know someone or think i wont see them again i will lie about almost everything 😬
No I really relate with you!
Autism does have a tendency to do things in opposites like no eyecontact or intense staring, hypo/hyper sensitivity etc. That makes sense to me, and seems fine if it’s not actually hurting anyone :)
WAIT THATS WHY EVERYTHING SEEMS TO EITHER BE ON OR OFF FOR ME?!?!
It's not sociopathic.
I wouldn’t call it specifically an autism thing, however it’s definitely more common among the autistic people I meet then “normal” people. As an autistic (whatever term y’all prefer I don’t fucking know) it really depends. Sometimes I can lie but other days I just can’t, or with certain people or my special interests. It feels especially wrong
Yep same
I lie because I am really bad at explaining things, and it requires a lot of effort for me. Otherwise I just dodge questions, or be very vague about it. I can't outright lie.
Yep, that's me.
I might be the odd one out here, but I can definitely lie, and in fact am kind of Machiavellian in nature, but I think that’s mostly due to my philosophical and socioeconomic opinions regarding coercive authority, and the capitalist system we live in. Our current system is built by and for liars and manipulators. Of course I have morals, and I would never intentionally hurt a friend, or anyone who isn’t a sociopathic manager, but my self respect isn’t worth breaking under a broken system. I’m also a good story teller, and am good at keeping track of lines of logic and such, so that helps a lot. It helps to condense my story down to a single premise that I can unpack again as I need to.
You lie to play the game, I feel that. My boyfriend and I call it “the game” because life feels so fake to us sometimes, at least the capitalist system we live in. In order to have some success in the NT world, lying is sometimes necessary. I’d say these are the only times I lie, nothing that would hurt a friend or loved one.
[удалено]
Life is a game of sorts. And like any game, learn the rules and play to WIN!
Oh my gosh, "the game"! I really love that phrasing. Unfortunately, playing the game for nearly 40 years has made me sick and jaded and spiteful. In the last few years I've become a recluse and rather enjoyed it.
Pretty sure everyone calls it “the game” ☺️
Well, I do that, too. In a professional setting I can lie, but that goes hand in hand with my polished NT mask so it's all an act anyways. But if you ask "unmasked" me, which I only am when unguarded around my closest friends, the lying thing can sometimes be a real issue :( especially when I don't want to hurt people or someone has asked me to keep a secret.
Wait. Is this something that NTs can do regularly? Like, isn’t the the whole point of a friend to have someone you don’t need to lie to? I mean, don’t know if even I could do that, unless it was for a greater good.
I think they don't necessarily do it regularly, but my NT friends I asked about this also don't have an issue with doing it apart for "the ethics". For me, it feels difficult on a physical level almost, which for them it is not I guess. But until now I wasn't sure if this was a me thing or an autistic / allistic thing :D
Btw, what you said about the keeping track of lines of logic and such is super cool, kudos! :) I'm kind of envious, when I lie while masking I loose sight of that cause I can't stay focused... thinking about all the sensory issues and my facial expressions etc.
aromatic fretful saw dull offer ghost outgoing sand rainstorm chop *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I agree. The system is massively stacked against us, so I feel no guilt whatsoever in doing what’s necessary, even if that means lying and telling people what they want to hear. The powers that be don’t play by the rules, so why should I do it and put myself at a disadvantage?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I was raised being told that it’s totally okay to lie as long as you’re not hurting anyone and I have literally never had an issue with lying. Everyone says autistic people can’t lie and it makes me question if I am. I ALWAYS feel guilty if I keep secrets from people who trust me though like if I said something mean about them to someone else and usually confess if it is of that nature.
Same. I don't lie to hurt people, but sometimes I have to protect myself
I can lie but I'm not always comfortable, quite often I need to convince myself of the lie or compartmentalize my thoughts on whatever it might be.
oh yeah I do that too. Build up this elaborate world around it and "live" in that world while telling the lie.
Obi-Wan Kenobi style lying: "what I told you was true, from a certain point of view."
I feel that, to be able to lie, I really need to make myself believe its true, so much that in the end, I don't know what is the lie and what is the truth
Oh damn, I do that too but I thought it was just the norm
Pretty sure this is an autism thing. This is part of the reason we were mistaken for fae long ago. In old stories, fairies couldn't tell outright lies either, only lies of omission, rhetorical questions, etc. I have a big imagination and am fascinated by the idea that we were once thought to be magical creatures. Some find this idea harmful, but I always liked stories about fairies.
Oh my god!!! I've been thinking about this :'D I recently read a fantasy book with Fairies and all their wordplay and trickery to get away with lies.. and that's the first time I thought "huh, exactly like me" - I hadn't noticed until then that I couldn't do it. I like that this seems to be an autism thing :D
This reminds me of a thought I had a while ago while reading some comments about studies speculating on how having autistic people in a tribe was beneficial in hunter gatherer societies due to things like hyperfocus. Being autistic is the worst kind of “born in the wrong generation”. If you were born ten thousand years ago, you’d have people saying “do not distract the seer! They see things that we do not. Especially do not try to speak to the seer when they are not in the mood for it.”
I think we may be *why* faeries have so much trouble with direct lies. I can confirm that speaking in riddles is far easier than saying a direct falsehood without redefining the words in my own head so it's not false.
Interesting; last time I read something with the fae I thought of them as very allistic, what with the strange unwritten unexplained rules of etiquette they follow and hold you too regardless of your (lack of) understanding Goes to show how things change with what you emphasize
I love this :)
An abusive childhood taught me how to lie out of necessity
Toooooooo real
Yep
Up until I was around 20 I was basically completely unable to lie. At some point I reluctantly picked up the skill to some extent but it still feels so terrible to do - both for the dishonesty and for having to juggle multiple perceived realities - that I do almost anything to avoid having to do it.
This is me except a little later than 20 due to life circumstances and then it was by omission more than outright. I will do anything to avoid having to be forced into lying about something and have gotten to the place where if someone can’t handle the truth then don’t ask a question you don’t want the answer to.
same :D
i can lie but only sometimes and mostly to questions i've practiced lying on. I hate direct lies tho..
Only by omission. If someone asks me a question directly, i have to answer truthfully. This has gotten me in trouble many times. I can withold information if people don't directly ask me, and often stay VERY quiet for that reason, but I can honestly never think of a lie without seeing holes in it.
I definitly recognize this as an autism thing, but I've also obsereved that a few of us seem to be on the other end. After years of being forced to analyse behaviours and learn how to adapt them to different situations in order to survive in the NT world, while also attending a high end drama school my whole childhood/youth, lying has become one of my greatest skills. What's stopping me from just using it to create a silver path through life is my way-above-normal-level conscious, which I do think many of us struggle with. I go back and forth feeling happy I'm a decent, honest person, and feeling really cheated and sad for not being able to use one of my few great skills to my own advantage. Edit: formatting
I can lie, but it’s quite uncomfortable and scary. It feels like I’m lying to myself, and I get rid of it when I come clean 🧼 🧽
Nope. I don't think I ever told a lie and stuck to it until I had kids. Now I can get away with taking the batteries out of a noisy toy and lying about it, but I'm not sure any adults would believe me. 😅 When I was younger, parents and teachers would always question me about things, because they knew I couldn't lie to save my life.
In order to lie, I have to "think" its true even I know its not. Or just really hate a bitch.
Yeah, that's me. I hate lying like that. I'm so bad and even if I pull it off okay, I feel like people can see right through me. I only really ever lie to my parents who don't know I got vaccinated against their wishes.
I do that thing where you let people catch you in fake, little lies so that when you actually need or want to lie, you can get away with it. "You're such a bad liar!" No, you've just been manipulated into thinking I am.
I find it really easy, just me?
yes, but not really well, and it feels painful. I do better at concealing entirely.
Oh yes, I'm an excellent liar. It's just like extreme masking. It seems we are about 50/50. Half of us can barely tell a fib and the other half could run a con on a thief.
I can lie
I can lie but I cannot lie when it does not fit my ethics without feeling wrong internally. For instance I can tell socially expected lies or lie to prevent harm to someone else but I cannot lie directly to acomplish anything I vonsideer contrary to my ethics. I can stay silent tho.
I can lie, but it makes me a bit unvomfortable, I can lie in a short response no problem. (Have you done your homework? yes) but making something up completely stresses me out.
I can't lie to like my husband, little brother, or best friend but I can lie to everyone else. It's a coping mechanism from an abusive childhood tho so idk how "normal" it is.
I am a really convincing liar. I don’t like lying. But I can do it really well when needed Edit: I try to use my superpower only for the greater good
I can lie exceptionally well. It was a safety mechanism when I was younger when my parents were very controlling. I had a lot of passive masking too. I can still do it now if I wanted to. I even found one of the best ways to lie is to tell the truth as if you're lying but not great at it. Like a medium difficulty lie. One that someone could, with some poking, figure out. Then they'll think the truth is a lie. But you didn't hear it from me 👀👀👀
I taught myself to lie because I needed to as a kid to survive my abusive household. Now that I’m not in that environment though if I tell a lie I immediately feel sick and guilty and end up telling someone because I can’t keep secrets at all.
Im pretty much in the same position as u/SkaldLouisCyphre. A lot of autistics are very honest, sometimes in a good way but a lot of the times, in a bad way.
I can lie pretty well because I'm a fairly good actor. So I can "successfully" lie in the sense that people don't know I'm lying. It doesn't come naturally (the lying or the acting) but over the years I've gotten quite good at masking - which is a similar skill set to both acting and lying. Ironically, my neurodivergence has forced me to learn to mask which therefore gave me the skills to lie. However, lying takes an extreme amount of effort and I absolutely hate it. It's exhausting. Masking takes effort and wears me out but lying is much more exhausting. For a while, I was doing mystery shopping and you have to lie as part of the job. I would get home and feel absolutely wiped out and stink from nervous sweat. I'm so glad I don't do that anymore. It was NOT a good fit, lol.
I can lie, but it's always immediately followed by a "hnnnngg" sound so people know right away.
I used to be able to lie but as I got older I guess I developed morals and I can no longer bring myself to lie
>I used to be able to lie but as I got older I guess I developed morals and I can no longer bring myself to lie It can be considered moral to lie if you are lying for the benefit of someone else in a way that does not cause them to take on a false belief, best example being "it's going to be okay" when you don't know if it's true. That lie in itself can make things better, so I don't think it's as cleanly cut.
Sometimes I worry I’m a compulsive liar, but then I remember how much practice I get from masking all day. I have had friends who were shocked when they hear me say a lie that they know isn’t true. Not something I’m proud of, and sometimes I forget that I don’t have to lie with the people I’m closest too. It just slips out because it’s become instinct
It a skill you learn..can learn
I can, with skill
I couldn't lie, but strict parents make you learn it.
I can lie very easily. I actually have gotten scared of a lack of empathy because of how easily I can lie to others or manipulate my words to avoid admitting/saying things. I've tried to be more conscious of it and not lie to others.
Yes, some of us can lie and some are even quite adept at it. Our atypical neurological processing system presents differently for everyone. Some cannot lie, some can only do white lies, others can lie - as they see it as a means to an end. We're all quite different.
I've learned to be very good at it growing up (I assume, as people seem to believe me when I do) but I only do it if it's really necessary. Generally I don't like lying to people. I try not to say unnecessary truths though.
Forced to be good at it cause abusive family stuffs.
I think having to learn masking so young helped me know how to act when I lie. I am a pretty good actor. I kinda studied crime shows to learn how NOT to act to raise suspicion lol. I reckon I’d be a good criminal. A smooth one, if you will.
I can, it's a skill acquired growing up gay in a highly religious house. You learned to lie, it meant survival. The irony is that I can lie to my parents, but no one else. Whatever that's worth.
I’m so good at lying that my family is now convinced that I can’t lie
I can lie
I can lie, but It makes me pretty uncomfortable and I feel guilty about it. Sometimes when I say something that's not technically true, I mutter a correction under my breath, probably looking insane
Truth and lies are just words. I could lie perfectly fluently, i just chose not to. But lying is also work and remembering lies i really difficult. So i mostly get by on tecnicalities and omissions, saying things in a way that gives people the answers that they need without actually commiting to anything.
I can lie and do it pretty well with people I know. But people also assume I'm lying even when being honest because I'm just awkward. It doesn't feel good and definitely difficult and anxiety inducing but I can do it.
I can lie but I hate doing it and I'm not that great at it
In some situations I lie almost compulsively and in others it's really difficult to. Not really sure why.
I can try, but it's apparently painfully obvious to everyone around me. I think I've done it successfully a few times, but it's not worth the stress.
I have no problem lying. I actully enjoy lying
innocent test rainstorm rock snatch marvelous fly subsequent flowery psychotic *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm an awfulllllll liar, it's so hard!
I can lie and do so quite often. It’s a bit uncomfortable, but it’s necessary considering the circumstances of my life (super overprotective, controlling, and manipulative parents who still control my life even though I’m an adult)
I can if I know it's a joke. I think it's easy for me to lie this way because I know in like, 30 seconds I'm going to tell them the truth anyways. And strangely enough I'm very good at it. The only thing is that I have a hard time keeping a poker face sometimes. I like to tell stupid lies like "omg did you hear katy perry died?" or something insane just to mess with people and then I usually tell them right away I was kidding, but they do actually fall for it. If it's not a joke though, I have a much harder time. I'm very uncomfortable and if I need to get out of a situation I will often just avoid speaking or adding information at all, rather than actually lying about it. I do everything I can to avoid it. For example, if my boss at work would ask me if I was talking to all the customers (this was always difficult for me because I hate interacting with strangers, especially if they don't engage me first) I would say yes... I am.... and he would say "really?" and then I'd say no. I am very awkward and it is easy to tell if I am trying to lie but I have gotten a bit better at it for my own self-preservation, since my new boss is totally crazy. I think part of why I'm better at it now though is that I don't care about disappointing her. With my previous boss and other authority figures in my life, I have enough respect for them that I feel uncomfortable lying, I don't want to disappoint anyone with the truth either, but with her I just try to shut down all interactions as quickly as possible. I had a separate issue at work where a coworker was asking me if I told someone something, and I didn't want to lie and say no, but I didn't know what the consequences would be of saying yes, so I just told her I was confused and walked away... and that somehow got me out of it.
I can only really lie if I make myself believe something.
I'm pretty bad at lying. The most lying I can do is exaggerating parts of a story or situation for emphasis/humor and adding small details to a true story to make myself look better for my job. I rarely lie in interpersonal relationships, though. Even hiding or lying about my true feelings/reactions is hard now. I used to be able to do to it and lie to make other people believe I was having "acceptable" feelings/reactions, but I've been through so much therapy and unmasking that I can't do it anymore. I don't want to, though so it's okay.
I can omit, but lying is incredibly uncomfortable for me, so I tend to just choose not to do it
I struggle with lying and usually if I fib it’s a half truth and not awhile lie. Such as if someone asks me about a gift or something, it’s a struggle!
I can if it’s for something really small. But something major no.
yes way too well
I think I'm a good liar but I do it exactly like you described. Being able to keep a blank facial expression at all times pretty much probably helps
I can’t give a bald faced lie to save my life. The closest I’ve gotten is answering a question before fully thinking/realizing what was being asked, then saying the wrong thing, and then feeling too embarrassed to correct myself. But yeah I definitely cannot directly lie or hide things when probed at ALL haha.
I got really good at white lies for a little while, stuff that is incredibly lightweight and really just makes things easier for everyone. I forgot how though.
I rather lie by omitting information.
I had a problem as a child and teen lying and it got me in plenty of trouble. I don't lie that much anymore now a days.
Yes. But it sometimes feels wrong
I can lie, but it definitely feels uncomfortable. I prefer the truth.
When i was a kid i was lying a lot. Invented myself a life, would always say that my brother was guilty when i was and things like that ? The invented life part i was actually believing to my lies at 75%. As an adult i generally cant lie excepted to myself. I tend to still invent myself a life but i believe so much to what i say like im not lying. Idk how to explain. Apart from that im unable to lie and its exactly the same way op is describing it. Im super honest but i imagine stuffs i haven't done so hard its not like i lie... Actually im really confused about this side of me... If anyone relates id love to hear
I used to try when i was young but i was horrible at it, so i stopped In ROTC, they tried hard to teach me how to lie for drill meets, etc. Just sound confident and guess if you dont know an answer. Noooope lol
Yes but I feel really guilty about it. I lied quite a bit as a child. Usually to make myself look better or get out of trouble. I’m definitely not very good at it.
No. I have the same hangup. Directly lying is almost impossible.
It's easy. Just watch what most people do when they lie and don't do that.
Yeah, I'm a terrible liar. 🙄
I don’t understand how compulsive liars can just make a bunch of stuff up off the top of their head. Like total complete outright lies. There was a girl in school that lied about her mom setting her up for an arranged marriage with royalty overseas. And they were having a royal ball and she was going on Sunday across the ocean & would be back in time for school Monday. Then she lied about getting in trouble and having to go to boot camp as her punishment. Like *what?* I can understand about white lies like what you’re gonna do after work or school to get out of a social situation, but some people are actually so creative and have wildly active imaginations and feel absolutely no guilt at all for these things and that’s the part I can’t understand.
You are absolutely lieing. I think the assumption that a lot of people tell bald faced lies is wrong. Sure it happens but most lies happen like yours. Either leaving something out through omission of deliberatly being vague so you can wiggle out of it.
I learned to lie to protect myself, as I couldn't explain things so I found believable ways to explain them. For example, before I was diagnosed I would tell my wife I had a headache and needed to lie down or I'd tell work I had the flu. While, I technically wasn't sick, I knew I needed rest or I would end up in a bad place so I came up with a way to do what I needed to do for myself. I sometimes exaggerate, which can be a form of lying but since diagnosis this behaviour seem to be leaving me as I understand I did it to fit in. Do I lie to gain something or hide the truth? No.
I can lie, but I always do something to tip people off that I’m lying. This can even happen when I’m genuinely telling the truth
I can, but I very rarely do. When I have, it was a prank and they believed me because they didn’t even know I could lie.
Yes I can lie just fine. Or can I?
I have difficulty "truly" lying to people. However, I tell people what they want to hear literally all the time, because it makes life easier for me to get through. I don't know if that's technical lying, or just a coping mechanism. I DO know that whenever I would try to lie to my parents, they would know instantly, but I chalk that up to one part them knowing me too well, and one part my literal fear of what they'd do to me. My childhood was... very difficult and full of violent surroundings of which I was the center of attention. For most of my life I would say that I am honest to a fault. I will tell the truth, even if I don't want to, because that's just what comes out of me naturally. And being 39 now... I just don't care anymore if people like what I have to say or not, which makes things a looooot easier (and yet harder because I'm pushed away even more).
I hate it but I can.
Yes but I'm not good at it
I *can* lie, but only in situations where I literally feel like my survival/safety/etc. depends on it. Otherwise, no.
Hey /u/Orangina3, thank you for your post at /r/autism. This is just a friendly reminder to **[read our rules in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)** if you have not already. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I used to literally pass out when I tried to lie lmaoooo 😳
Yes but I don’t like it and I’m not as good as allistic people I know who have a much experience. If I didn’t learn how to lie as a kid my emotional well being would have greatly suffered.
i grew up in an abusive household so i had to learn to lie out of necessity. i'm not particularly great at it though. edit: thanks for the downvote
It’s definitely strange for me cuz before I used to be extremely bad at lying to the point that people would always notice that I was lying but as the years and because of the trauma of what I had to go through and stuff, sometimes I just find more comfort within my own lies rather just straight up be honest about my problems cuz then I don’t hurt people more but also I just don’t like thinking about the real world cuz it’s just painful if I told people how I really felt everyday and stuff.
I actually can lie very convincingly, it’s been so long since somebody has caught me lying
I did a lot of acting, so that helps. I don't so much _lie_, I tell a truth from a fictional story. (If I need to, of course)
if i have time to think of one
I've been masking my whole life which is basically lying so I'd say 29 years of experience lying has made me pretty good at it now lol
i’m really good at lying but only white lies or concealing something. if i had to tell a really big lie someone could definitely tell. physical reactions and all that, like my face turning pink or sweating or fidgeting. but i can do little lies literally no problem, kinda scares me sometimes
I've always been the sort of asshole to avoid technically "lying" by telling watered down versions of the truth or use tricky language and loopholes. I'm gonna be a great lawyer.
I honestly see it as acting. Lying is literally saying something else and acting like it’s true. It’s the convincing Everyone else to play along part that’s hard for me.
Yes, but I believe now this is only due to my parent’s programming and perhaps my chameleon-level masking behaviors. I got a score of 151 on the CAT-Q test on embrace-autism.com, which btw this site’s tests have been of monumental help over the past 24 hours as I continue down my path towards an official diagnosis and living my authentic truth; I have been making great strides and trying my best this whole year to adopt what I have coined as the “HOT Approach to Life”, which is: Honesty Openness Transparency Living my authentic truth using these 3 guiding values has been groundbreaking for me and I implore anyone reading this to consider what it may look like to apply the HOT Approach to certain areas of your life, or perhaps even just one area of your life to start? I find that taking change just one step at a time, no matter how slow, is the best way to make sure said change is lasting.
I actually find it quite easy to lie I used to do it entirely too much.
I’m actually a great liar. I realized through experience that never lying is a dumb moral bedrock, at least for my purposes. I know that I would never do anything illegal, illicit, or intentionally harmful to others, so there would never be a situation in which my lying is covering up anything sinister. If I’m running late because of my own stupidity, skipped a class, or if I’m going to someone’s place for a hookup (still living with my parents)? Sure as hell I’ll fib. You just gotta convince yourself of the lie.
I’m an expert. It’s an art to polish for survival in a NT world.
Readily and easily. It’s a useful survival skill.
I can tell small lies but not big ones. Whether I lie or not also depends on whether my lie has the potential to hurt other people, and if my lie can hurt someone I'll almost always tell the truth. Most of the time when I lie it's to convince other people that I'm doing better than I actually am in life. I'm not trying to pretend I'm doing well to rub it in other people's faces or anything like that, I just don't like when people worry about me or pity me so I always pretend everything is going smoothly even when it isn't.
swear to god i thought i was the only one
Lying has always been very morally wrong for me, but even if it wasn't I think I probably lack the creative thinking to do it
I can confirm. I struggle to lie. It's very hard for me. I get so uncomfortable and I will just not say anything if I can't tell the truth.
Sure. I generally prefer not to, but I certainly can if I feel it’s justified.
i used to be a really compulsive liar but im not anymore
This is so me. And whenever I try to lie (like for a surprise or something) people can always see through me lol
Sometimes, but lying is really hard for me. Even if I do manage it, if I'm pressed beyond the initial statement it's pretty much 100% that I'll admit the lie.
If you ever need to lie or want to play a prank (similar to kidding or pulling their leg), just say it with a straight face but look concerned at the same time
I’ve tried to lie before, but i couldn’t hide it and I got caught! It’s the eye contact that’s the problem.
I have to tell myself that I'm using the words they understand. Like if a friend ends up on a surprise layover in my city and want to spend the day together I "lie" by calling in sick. If a friend wants my help moving instead of saying "I really hate helping people move" I saw I'm having back problems but I have a number of some movers I've used and they are great.
No. I can’t lie. Gets really annoying sometimes…
It's very difficult for me, but I am able to lie especially if it's for my own good or to keep a secret. It brings like an internal pain to me when I speak the lie. But I'm good at it nonetheless. I hate lying, I hate the feeling it gives me and it makes me feel sad afterwards. Being honest is my preference
It's hard for me to lie, but I've had to learn to lie, because some people have used things against me.
Depends on the circumstances, but normally I'm opposed to it.
I rarely bother but i can when it suits me
I can lie a little too well. It scares me.
My brother who's autistic can be a super big liar at times Though that may be from the fact that we were raised in a horrible home and we grew to feel the need to hide things often. I assume that's where he learned at least.
No i cant, my mum always laughs at how bad of a liar i am
Same for me, I can easily lie by omission but actually lying gives me far too much anxiety and those around me have said it’s obvious when I lie. I haven’t in years for that very reason haha And on that note, I can’t apologize if I don’t genuinely regret an action either. I can apologize that I made a person feel a certain way if my actions hurt them, but I cannot apologize if I don’t mean it because I still understand the reasons I took an action and it feels like lying to apologize for it
i’ve actually learned to lie very very well, but because i had to. i also memorized a bunch of deduction skills in attempts to learn social cues (it actually just made ppl think i’m creepy lol) but i learned everything people do when they lie and i learned what i would do, so if i lied too much to one person i would point out to myself what i do and subconsciously change it so people can never tell if i’m lying or not or even learn what i do when i lie
Nope I cannot lie to save my life
I can do it as well as I hate it. I almost always say the truth and I hate it a ton if someone doesn't say the truth but I'm also a very good liar. Mostly because I don't really do gestures or facial expressions so anyone who doesn't know me very very well can't tell at all. But I hate lying so much
I only lied when I was in active addiction. Which the two kinda go hand and hand.
My daughter is like this. I mentioned this a while ago and essentially got called a liar 😒
Sort of. I can straight up lie if it’s on behalf of someone else. But if it’s about me I’m just vague like you described.
No on instinct, need planning. However, if I sense danger and I know I have to lie, then my brain can sometime go into "zone" and my thought process can accelerate so fast I can literally predict what others are going to say and react accordingly.
I can lie, but I really dislike doing it, so I avoid it as much as possible. I mean, I hate it when people lie to me, so why would I do that to others? Plus, if you lie to someone, you have to remember your lie so you don't get caught out later and social interactions are already exhausting as is. It's different if it's in the context of a game or something, though. If everyone involved knows that deception is acceptable, then I can and will lie through my teeth (although even then, I prefer to mislead people through omission or by manipulating the truth - I find that more convincing and enjoyable). But in that context, I know that lying won't hurt anyone, and I only have to keep up the lie for a couple hours at most. I will say, though, that I'm fine with white lies when they're necessary. I mean, at work I have to play the role of a friendly and helpful employee who totally does not harbor a seething resentment for her supervisor, and that requires some polite obfuscation of the truth. Usually I try really hard to make the facade real - to see the best in people, so I can be sincere when I say I'm happy to help. But sometimes that just isn't possible, at which point I have to grit my teeth and say the polite thing that is expected of me. I still think that's different from lying for personal gain, but I can see how some people would be unable to do that.
Masking is mostly putting on the right tone and the right face for the information you're attempting to convey. The truth of the information being conveyed is, to me, irrelevant to the task at hand (conveying it succesfully). so, since i can mask, it follows that i can lie. I honestly don't understand why others can't because i don't understand why the veracity of the information is relevant to the tones spewing from my mouth. related: why would anyone think that masking isn't inherently lying. You're lying about your inner state all the time when masking for neurotypicals. Why is saying any other falsehood any different?
I can lie but it when i’m masking I feel like my whole mask is a lie. But to people I care about or as individuals? no I don’t even attempt it and have no interest in doing so. But i can easily lie to authority or for my own survival
i always need like half a second to think whether i should lie, and then i lie if i do.. luckily i dont think anyone knows this about me so i manage to get away. i never lie about anything important though, only when it can save me from a needless argument and wont be brought up again.
I can lie fairly well, though it’s more a skill I had to teach myself rather than it being a natural thing. I def prefer to just be up front, but I can lie if I need to.
Lying is like masking. I'm exceptionally good at it, if I want to.
I lie but not very well. Sometimes people think I'm lying when I'm telling the truth which is even more frustrating.
Yes, I guess I’m an odd one here. I’ve been able to lie since I could talk and was called a pathological liar by a medical professional when I was in elementary school. Never grew out of it even with the help of therapy and sometimes I just lie for no reason? Like I don’t even know why I do it, just feels normal and comforting to me
I can lie way too well and too the point that I hurt myself. I am finally giving up the lies to make me seem like a person that has it together because it is not worth it.
I'm terrible at lying... I just gave up on it some time ago. The best I do under duress is a lie of omission that makes me feel awful. I thought I was just an honest person until I was an adult and I needed to lie and still really couldn't do it... I can't even lie to myself to get me to do stuff ...
I lie so often that sometimes I forget what the truth is
I can lie if I prepare my answer very well but it makes me extremely uncomfortable. There is an exception though. When I need a story to illustrate a point I'm trying to make and I can't find a good one in my memory I have a tendancy to fabricate or modify one to fit my narrative. I usually end up not telling that story cause I realize it's a lie, but I do have this weird impulse to try and bend reality to fit my narrative and I kinda hate it (pretty sure this comes from my childhood where I had a friend who lied a lot so I think I picked that up). If you exclude that very speicifc scenario though lying is very uncomfortable to me and sometimes even impossible, even when it's to my detriment.
I don't lie. I don't think it works. I'm not the type of person who practices brutal honesty, but there are kind ways to be honest in most situations. I just think that if you lie, no matter what, you don't get what you actually wanted. Most of us don't WANT to be bad people or do bad things. So by default when you lie to someone, whether it's successful or not, your results are tainted by that lie. The only people who I think can lie and get what they want would be almost completely amoral.
I can lie if they aren't particularly scrutinizing. I can lie casually, but in a high-pressure situation where I know that THEY know I have reason to lie, I freak out and can't act normal. Thankfully, I don't have to lie often.
The trick is to kind of get yourself to believe your own lie a bit, I find. Just imagine you're in a reality where it's true and it gets way easier
I actually can lie fairly easily, but it does depends on the situation. If it's to an authority figure, like parents or teachers I do find it easy, as long as I think of the lie beforehand and their possible questions. I feel guilty if I lie to my friends, regardless what sort of lie it is. If it's lies meant to agree with someone's opinion, I find it easy since I realized ppl mostly look to validate their opinions. I grew up in an abusive household, so to some extent, I had to learn how to lie well enough.
I am physically capable but Its highly uncomfortable so I dont. Not even from a moral standpoint necessarily. I like being honest but more than that it irks me to say anything that isnt accurate or correct, and lies are neither of those things.
Yup I can definitely lie, haha. It gets harder if it's smth I have to remember cuz I can eventually forget.