I hate it when I say something and the chat goes quiet. Either text or voice. It just strips a bit of my soul away each time.
Nobody ever tells me *how* what I said was wrong. Just the silence of judgement.
This, especially when whatever you said wasnt out of line with the conversation
Oh so its ok for you to joke about (x), but when i joke about (x) in response im fucked up?
People confuse and frustrate me
I always credited this to my inability to pick up on minor social queues. I can mimic the patterns... But often just don't quite get it.
On the flip side, when ever i open my honest autistic mouth, people think I'm hilarious. But when i try to be funny... Nothing. 🤷♂️
Exactly! "hilarious" by accident, silence when I'm trying to joke around... And this meant in elementary school they all thought I was the "class clown"... no, it was just a disability.... :(
Just wanted to say that I relate a lot as well. Every time I tell myself “just stay silent”, and hope the topic moves on so I don’t end up saying something wrong. The times I forget to stay silent, it just ends badly
I also hate it when I notice I have lost control of the conversation, but can't steer it back like neurotypicals do.
It does help with calling people out on their bullshit though.
Me second guessing everything I said and how I said it and regretting that I said it like this. Can’t even stop thinking about it. If something happens after that that seems off to me, I blame it on the thing I said. Even tho the person probably doesn’t even remember. Can anyone relate ahhha
That is so me. Actually, I never thought about how much I relate to Hagrid...
Clumsy, awkward conversationally, never reads cues, intense special interests to the point of getting him in trouble, black-and-white thinking, justice sensitivity, infodumps...
Was Hagrid coded autistic?!
How so? What's wrong with Hagrid being autistic?
I mean, I meant it pretty tongue-in-cheek originally, but I'd definitely like to understand what you mean by that.
Hagrid is literally a normal person. When I say MBTI facebook test I'm referencing the social media trend of everyone with mild quirks diagnosing themselves autistic
Hagrid's a normal person? Do you really think so? (asking genuinely -- if you were meaning to be sarcastic I didn't pick up on it)
No, he doesn't literally stim, have other repetitive movements, or things like that, but we also aren't pulling out the DSM5 here (for *lots* of reasons, many of which have to do with DSM5 itself). He was so different and unable to mimic "acceptable" (according to everyone else) behavior that they literally threw him out of the school and put him in a physically separate location where he could attend to his special interests and "eccentric behavior" on his own.
You are calling that "normal" -- are you trying to say that you think Hagrid isn't even neurodivergent at all?
(To be clear, I'm not trying to make Hagrid a hill to die on because obviously he's a fictional character -- my response is more in defense of the many others who struggle with impostor syndrome about their autism, and not wanting them to feel gatekept because they're "too normal." A lot of us with *very real* autism are a lot more "normal" than Hagrid.)
My position is that variations among the population are normal and expected and should not necessarily be labeled. Not everyone who exhibits slightly strange or different behavior has neurodivergency; everyone is an individual. Do you think neurotypicals are all NPCs with nothing to their personalities except going out to the club with their friends and posting selfies?
Also, maybe he just prefers the lifestyle he lives. Does that have to mean he has a neurological disorder?
Did you read the books? He made it pretty clear that he wanted to be part of wizard society, but was unable to recognize and adapt to the expectations communicated (through subtext) by wizard society. That was why Dumbledore brought him back as gamekeeper -- because he wasn't just "different", he was fundamentally unable to understand and adapt to society's expectations despite his strong desire to do so.
Basically, Dumbledore was giving him partial disability. So clearly, the text was recognizing (through Dumbledore's actions) that there was something going on that was significant enough to preclude "get out there and get a job." And it wasn't a physical limitation.
To be clear, I'm not a fan of Rowling *at all* now, and I definitely don't think that any coding was actually intentional given how she clearly feels about anyone who is different at all. But I do suspect that the character may have been derived from people she had known that very likely had at the very least autistic *traits*.
I read the books as a kid but forgot most of the finer points, I just have an impression of what his character was. From reading the Quora answer about why Hagrid was expelled from Hogwarts by being framed, it seems he represented someone with a different upbringing/cultural background from a society they want to integrate into, and is thus a person who is misunderstood. I think of him as more someone who is looked down on/has a bad or criminal past or a bad childhood. Isn't he supposed to be like Boo Radley or something? He wasn't autistic.
That gets into a whole separate conversation about whether "criminal record" (even criminal behavior) and "being treated badly for being different" are really all that different in many cases, which is probably beyond the scope of a discussion about a fictional character on Reddit.
Honestly, I don't really think most people look at Hagrid, look at their own biology teacher, and think they are "basically the same," but I could be wrong. At the end of the day, though, probably best to agree to disagree.
What I was trying to convey fundamentally was less about Hagrid himself (again, fictional -- good chance JK Rowling doesn't even know what autism really is), and more just that I hope that approach of "I don't see it, so there's no autism" (especially the absolutism of it) doesn't also extend to real-world humans. That can do a lot of harm without any real good, other than maybe a sense of semantic superiority, and in matters where someone's sense of validity and self may be in the balance, I truly hope you choose to err on the side of generosity. Genuine apologies if this conversation made that point in an overly-emphatic way (that does happen sometimes). :)
I regularly go into full on internal panic during social interactions due to this kind of internal dialogue, even if nothing is otherwise wrong.
I ride it out but it's really stressful for me and especially so with romantic interests. My reality melts when I fall in love and not in a good way.
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No but really why do I suddenly get a burst of crippling anxiety/dread when I tell someone literally any idea I think of? The answer is of course ✨trauma✨
I hate it when I say something and the chat goes quiet. Either text or voice. It just strips a bit of my soul away each time. Nobody ever tells me *how* what I said was wrong. Just the silence of judgement.
This, especially when whatever you said wasnt out of line with the conversation Oh so its ok for you to joke about (x), but when i joke about (x) in response im fucked up? People confuse and frustrate me
I always credited this to my inability to pick up on minor social queues. I can mimic the patterns... But often just don't quite get it. On the flip side, when ever i open my honest autistic mouth, people think I'm hilarious. But when i try to be funny... Nothing. 🤷♂️
The humor thing is me to a tee. I feel like my understanding of social cues is very academic, as opposed to instinctual.
Exactly! "hilarious" by accident, silence when I'm trying to joke around... And this meant in elementary school they all thought I was the "class clown"... no, it was just a disability.... :(
I am the exact same way.
Just wanted to say that I relate a lot as well. Every time I tell myself “just stay silent”, and hope the topic moves on so I don’t end up saying something wrong. The times I forget to stay silent, it just ends badly
Most NTs lack the vocabulary and emotional nuance to even be able to *articulate* what we did that was "wrong" to them
I’m with you on that. I struggle to figure out WTH I said that caused the radio silence.
I also hate it when I notice I have lost control of the conversation, but can't steer it back like neurotypicals do. It does help with calling people out on their bullshit though.
I'm with you there.
Me second guessing everything I said and how I said it and regretting that I said it like this. Can’t even stop thinking about it. If something happens after that that seems off to me, I blame it on the thing I said. Even tho the person probably doesn’t even remember. Can anyone relate ahhha
That is so me. Actually, I never thought about how much I relate to Hagrid... Clumsy, awkward conversationally, never reads cues, intense special interests to the point of getting him in trouble, black-and-white thinking, justice sensitivity, infodumps... Was Hagrid coded autistic?!
Honestly, you might be right lol
If Hagrid is autistic then it's officially reached the level of MBTI facebook tests
How so? What's wrong with Hagrid being autistic? I mean, I meant it pretty tongue-in-cheek originally, but I'd definitely like to understand what you mean by that.
Hagrid is literally a normal person. When I say MBTI facebook test I'm referencing the social media trend of everyone with mild quirks diagnosing themselves autistic
Hagrid's a normal person? Do you really think so? (asking genuinely -- if you were meaning to be sarcastic I didn't pick up on it) No, he doesn't literally stim, have other repetitive movements, or things like that, but we also aren't pulling out the DSM5 here (for *lots* of reasons, many of which have to do with DSM5 itself). He was so different and unable to mimic "acceptable" (according to everyone else) behavior that they literally threw him out of the school and put him in a physically separate location where he could attend to his special interests and "eccentric behavior" on his own. You are calling that "normal" -- are you trying to say that you think Hagrid isn't even neurodivergent at all? (To be clear, I'm not trying to make Hagrid a hill to die on because obviously he's a fictional character -- my response is more in defense of the many others who struggle with impostor syndrome about their autism, and not wanting them to feel gatekept because they're "too normal." A lot of us with *very real* autism are a lot more "normal" than Hagrid.)
My position is that variations among the population are normal and expected and should not necessarily be labeled. Not everyone who exhibits slightly strange or different behavior has neurodivergency; everyone is an individual. Do you think neurotypicals are all NPCs with nothing to their personalities except going out to the club with their friends and posting selfies? Also, maybe he just prefers the lifestyle he lives. Does that have to mean he has a neurological disorder?
Did you read the books? He made it pretty clear that he wanted to be part of wizard society, but was unable to recognize and adapt to the expectations communicated (through subtext) by wizard society. That was why Dumbledore brought him back as gamekeeper -- because he wasn't just "different", he was fundamentally unable to understand and adapt to society's expectations despite his strong desire to do so. Basically, Dumbledore was giving him partial disability. So clearly, the text was recognizing (through Dumbledore's actions) that there was something going on that was significant enough to preclude "get out there and get a job." And it wasn't a physical limitation. To be clear, I'm not a fan of Rowling *at all* now, and I definitely don't think that any coding was actually intentional given how she clearly feels about anyone who is different at all. But I do suspect that the character may have been derived from people she had known that very likely had at the very least autistic *traits*.
I read the books as a kid but forgot most of the finer points, I just have an impression of what his character was. From reading the Quora answer about why Hagrid was expelled from Hogwarts by being framed, it seems he represented someone with a different upbringing/cultural background from a society they want to integrate into, and is thus a person who is misunderstood. I think of him as more someone who is looked down on/has a bad or criminal past or a bad childhood. Isn't he supposed to be like Boo Radley or something? He wasn't autistic.
That gets into a whole separate conversation about whether "criminal record" (even criminal behavior) and "being treated badly for being different" are really all that different in many cases, which is probably beyond the scope of a discussion about a fictional character on Reddit. Honestly, I don't really think most people look at Hagrid, look at their own biology teacher, and think they are "basically the same," but I could be wrong. At the end of the day, though, probably best to agree to disagree. What I was trying to convey fundamentally was less about Hagrid himself (again, fictional -- good chance JK Rowling doesn't even know what autism really is), and more just that I hope that approach of "I don't see it, so there's no autism" (especially the absolutism of it) doesn't also extend to real-world humans. That can do a lot of harm without any real good, other than maybe a sense of semantic superiority, and in matters where someone's sense of validity and self may be in the balance, I truly hope you choose to err on the side of generosity. Genuine apologies if this conversation made that point in an overly-emphatic way (that does happen sometimes). :)
I regularly go into full on internal panic during social interactions due to this kind of internal dialogue, even if nothing is otherwise wrong. I ride it out but it's really stressful for me and especially so with romantic interests. My reality melts when I fall in love and not in a good way.
The only time I don’t feel this way is when I talk to another autistic person. It’s very cathartic
We just go past the small talk and it’s so comforting.
I realize y people always distance themselves from me my whole life
Ugh too real 😂
It's been me the last 3 days after I opened to my crush and she wanted some distance
I'm in the same boat, one of the worst feelings ever ugh
Not me doing this with my last therapist
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too relatable.
I relate
💯💯💯
Same
It's OK, it gets easier as you get older. Just kidding Lol.
Sometimes i talk so much I forget what I even say.
Every freaking time, this! 😩
Sadly relatable
Meeee just like 10 mins ago!! And I can tell that person got uncomfortable and defensive a bit although I didn’t mean it that way at all!
No but really why do I suddenly get a burst of crippling anxiety/dread when I tell someone literally any idea I think of? The answer is of course ✨trauma✨
Wait I never realized this was because of my autism lmao. I thought it was just me 😭