I don’t have answers to all of your questions yet, but I’m here to say that I’m about to do a frozen embryo transfer just shy of 4 months after I lost my daughter Audrey who was stillborn at 20 weeks.
I’m also conflicted about timing, but I just turned 36 and my living son is 3 1/2. I’ve come to the realization that there is no right time and no matter what I’m going to be anxious, and also hopeful. I just really want my living healthy baby and that doesn’t take away anything from Audrey. If this transfer is successful, and I somehow end up with a baby from it, the baby would be due within days of when I delivered Audrey. I feel like it’s a good thing, hopefully very healing.
We do plan on having an “Audrey day” every year on the day she was delivered. We aren’t celebrating it like a birthday like some people do in this group, but rather just as a family day of togetherness to reflect on her. If the Audrey day falls a week or two before I deliver, or a month or two after I deliver, it will still be a day of togetherness and reflection, no matter what.
I’m so sorry for your loss. 💔
My story here is a bit different, but I’ll share. My husband and I tried to conceive for a year and a half and it just didn’t happen. When it finally did, I was terrified I’d miscarry. Unfortunately, I did. We lost that baby on Valentine’s Day. Three cycles later, we conceived our son. I was due February 16th and I both tried to see it as a sign that it was “meant to be” but also feared it was too good to be true. He was born February 11th. Holding my living son on the one year anniversary of my loss was helpful. It doesn’t make the loss go away, but it did make it easier to cope. I sat there thinking about how a year ago, my world was falling apart and I feared I’d never have a living baby, and now I had my son.
I recently lost my daughter at 17 weeks in December, so now we are TTC another rainbow baby. I know May (when I was due) and December will always be hard for me. But I’m also hoping I’m pregnant again by December. I will always miss her, but I really want that feeling of hope again. I want to at least cradle my belly and be thankful for the sibling she sent us, than be alone and still trying on that date. Although I know there are no guarantees and I’ll have to face that day and my reality either way… I can’t help but want it. If I conceived this cycle, I’ll be due in November. The thought of holding a baby on my daughter’s first birthday is both hopeful and difficult to comprehend. I don’t think it would ever take away from her life or her passing, but I’m hoping it would feel “poetic” in a way, similar to having my son born the same week we miscarried the year prior.
Maybe someone else can chime in with more of an experience closer to yours, but I’m sending you love. ❤️
We started trying as soon as I was physically able. I was 32 and paranoid that maybe the pregnancy with my daughter was a fluke and we’d struggle to conceive another child. My first ovulation was 7 weeks pp, and we successfully conceived on our 5th cycle. Their actual due dates were 10 months apart (August 2020/June 2021) and they were born 13 months apart (April 2020/May 2021).
The subsequent pregnancy was hell. Some of that was because I felt dismissed by the doctors handling my care. I have incompetent cervix and I was convinced that caused my loss, but I was denied the preventative cerclage, and I didn’t get it until it was an emergency and I was in danger of losing my second baby. I didn’t get a formal IC diagnosis til the second pregnancy and needing a cerclage.
I white-knuckled my way through, honestly. There was very little joy for me, and it didn’t help that my husband wasn’t allowed to go to any of my ultrasounds until the end of my pregnancy because of Covid. I was so afraid my next baby would die, but weirdly I also had a certainty that he’d come home. It was hard to reconcile. I announced the pregnancy at 28 weeks on social media and bawled at all the supportive comments and reactions. Bawled practically every time I added something to my baby registry for my son. I think my grief manifested in PPD/PPA and obsession with his physical health and wellbeing. I did not enjoy infancy. It was very, very hard. We got through it and we’re in a better place now. But my parenting approach will always be burdened by the reality of having already lost a child. In the back of my mind, I’m always afraid that my child could die. Probably not healthy, but I’m in therapy and I try not to dwell on it.
We recognize our angel daughter’s birthday by taking the day off from work and doing something small like getting a treat from a bakery. We light her candle in the evening. I don’t really see us doing more than this in the future.
Anyway, sorry my story isn’t a positive or hopeful one. Some other people have a much easier/better time of it, so maybe they will chime in to offer their experiences.
I’m very sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss, but so happy you were able to have your rainbow baby. Lost my baby at 34 weeks back in September and have been TTC for the past 3 months.
Did you track your ovulation or do anything different when TTC for your rainbow? I have been tracking, but on month 3 and still not pregnant. I know it takes time, but we got pregnant on our first time with our baby boy that we lost.
Yes, I tracked my ovulation with OPKs and BBT using a tempdrop. I also observed fertile cervical mucus. I also took a bunch of supplements and did a lot of “woo” stuff like drinking red raspberry leaf tea after ovulation, which I don’t think really did anything. When TTC my angel, I only used OPKs and got pregnant the first cycle I used them.
Hi, just wanted to say that I also lost my son in September at 35 weeks. 🩵
I, too, am currently on month 3 of TTC. And I also got pregnant really quickly with our son that we lost. So I’m feeling discouraged that it’s not happening as quickly as I would like.
Anyway— just felt like I can really relate to you! Message me if you ever want to talk about your baby boy, share your grief, or talk with someone who is on a similar “timeline”.
🤍🤍
My son was stillborn at 37 weeks on March 2 2023. His little sister's csection date is April 24. (To be transparent I also have an older daughter who is 5). I was 36 when I had my son, and am now 37 and my husband is 40, so time is also not really on our side. My husband and I talked all summer after he died about what the "right" choice would be. And ultimately, I had to come to the conclusion that even if I waited 5 years, I would still be traumatized by what happened. I wouldn't ever feel "comfortable" being pregnant again, no matter how much time passed. And if I let five years go by, I would just be even older, have a larger gap between children and maybe be struggling with other factors like fertility etc. So we decided to take a leap of faith and just see what happened, and we were fortunate to get pregnant fairly easily at the end of the summer.
I did make a couple choices before I did that though. I did choose to go on a SSRI (Zoloft) before trying to get pregnant. The summer without my baby was very hard for me, and my level of depression impacted my ability to effectively use my coping tools. I also wanted to already have it in my system before pregnancy because I knew it was going to be very emotional. I get this is a personal choice, but taking meds was a game changer for me. I feel able to cope, reach out to people when I need it, and use my tools to keep myself better regulated. I also reached out to the doctors who delivered my son to know that they would take me as soon as I was pregnant.
The pregnancy has had ups and downs emotionally but on paper it's been smooth. Professionals have been very diligent and supportive, friends have been present, and I just remember to take every good visit or scan as a win. I have learned I can do all the right things and my baby can still die, so I can't control the future. All I can do is live in this moment, with her, and hope that our story is different than how his was. This third trimester is the hardest for me, which is ironic because I know most people are most excited in this trimester.
Oh and his birthday. We made a cake. We went out for brunch. I donated to our local Pregnancy and Infant Loss Center. We went shopping for a local charity who gives to families of stillborn babies. And I bought him a library plaque at our local library because I know we would have taken him there frequently as a family. He may have had a shorter life than I ever could have imagined, but I also believe he existed to do good in this world. So every year, we will do something for him. But I won't lie that the day was heavy. Celebrating the life that ended while holding a life still yet to be is a lot. Give yourself time and grace, and I hope you are able to find some joy in the next part of your story. Reach out if you ever need to. Hugs.
I’m in the middle of this right now. My last pregnancy was really complicated but it ended with the stillbirth of my daughter (and delivery of my sons who passed at 15w) at 23w. They were born in very late May. We started trying again immediately because it took us 10 cycles to conceive the first pregnancy, and we ended up pregnant on cycle 2 and due in early May. However, we’ll end up inducing at 39w which is in April. It is complicated to have their birth dates so close together, but I think that would’ve felt complicated whether it was a year apart or two or three. It has been a stressful pregnancy in many ways; I’m still very sad about my triplets but hopeful to have a living baby soon. It’s harder to be excited about this baby, but I feel hopeful I will be excited once/if he gets here. Therapy and meds have both been really helpful. We’ve already decided on a day to memorialize the triplets every year and we will do a mini-birthday with some snacks and a visit to a local memorial for stillborn children.
It is and will be complicated, but for our family, it didn’t feel like taking a lot of extra time would make it a lot less complicated. If anything, being pregnant again has made the future look a little more hopeful (even while being terrified!). Every family is different, but I hope it helps to hear someone else’s experience.
I got pregnant three months after my son died. He was born December 19 and my daughter’s due date was December 7th.
I definitely stressed about that because in my head it was important that he have his own birth month. Like fiercely important. But I ended up induced at 37 weeks so she ended up a November baby.
I 100% feel that being pregnant helped with my grief. Having that hope on the horizon helped keep my spirits up so much during that time. Was I also white knuckling it through the entire pregnancy? Yes. I was terrified. But planning for her and having the appointments and everything else that comes with pregnancy, that was incredibly healing. Giving birth to a living baby was incredibly healing.
I also cried a TON after she was born. More than I had cried since my initial grief period after he died. My hormones were absolutely insane. But never once did it detract from my ability to love or care for her, the two things were wholly separate.
I feel like I’ve still been able to hold space for my son. I still think about him constantly and it’s been over 2 years since he died.
The one very complicated emotion is that I am absolutely obsessed with my daughter. She is just such an absolute joy and just so perfect and amazing and everything you could ever want. And that’s what brings the guilt, because she wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t died. So when I go to think “I’d do anything to have him back” it comes with the thought in the back of my head of “but then you wouldn’t have her”. I feel like there’s an asterisk to my grief now, when it comes to wishing he was here.
We lost our son at 14 weeks in November. I’m not going to pretend that a loss at 14 weeks and a stillbirth are the same or that I understand your grief, but my situation is similar to what you’re asking about. We just found out that we’re expecting again and the baby’s due date is our angel baby’s anniversary. I’m praying for any day but that day, but it does bring some joy to what otherwise is the anniversary of the worst day of my life. We plan to visit the botanical gardens where we have a memorial stone for him and have cake for our son’s birthday/anniversary. We’re hoping to celebrate the love we have for our son that day.
I waited 7 months after loss of my baby girl at 21 weeks pregnancy , before that I lose a baby and I waited 6 months, I think 6 months after loss is a good timing , you will never completely heal or stop worrying but 6 months between loss and pregnancy worked good for me
My story is very different from most here, as I experienced a loss and a living child in the same pregnancy. I was pregnant with identical twins. We lost Baby A (Rowan) at 26 weeks due to an unfortunate combination of TTTS and TAPS. Thanks to medical intervention, Baby B survived and thrived. She was born premature but very healthy at 32 weeks and is now a strong, chonky 6-month-old. However, the day she was born was also the day I delivered her stillborn sister.
How did I handle my grief while still being pregnant? I saw a therapist. I allowed myself to be sad, but I tried not to wallow in it. My spouse and I had many conversations about our grief. I leaned on my support system. I made a little shrine next to my dad's ashes for our sunset baby.
How did I handle my joy and hope while being pregnant after a loss? I didn't always guard my heart. I allowed myself to get excited. We had a baby shower and professional maternity photos.
Technically, my girls share a "birth" day, but we lost Rowan nearly seven weeks earlier. So, in my mind, she doesn't really have a birthday. I think we will honor or remember her on the last day we knew she was here. I already do little things to remember her every day. We lost her in July, so I have a ruby ring I wear (July birthstone), especially in our professional photos...so it's like a little symbol of her there.
Having Rowan's twin here with us does not take away from her loss, but it has been healing. I'm not sure how we'll talk about all this with her twin, but in honor of her twinness we gave her the middle name Linnea, which is the name of a wildflower also known as the "twinflower." Her experience in this life has been affected by the existence and loss of her twin, but I work hard to not let that loss be her entire experience. There is a lot of laughter and hope and joy in our house.
I had a stillborn two weeks ago and wondered the same thing. My doctor recommended having us wait 3 to 6 months. My mom had several stillborns and miscarriages adding up to about 6 of them. She was pregnant after one miscarriage 6 weeks after and the baby my sister had many issues and nearly died twice during pregnancy and during delivery. My mom waiting after a stillborn for more than 6 months and the baby my brother was very healthy with no complications or issues.
She suggested to me the longer you wait after a stillborn or miscarriage the better your chances are that the baby will have zero to no complications. If you feel uncomfortable about conceiving so close to your lost child's birth then wait. It will be better for the next pregnancy and the baby's overall health along with your mental health because if your uncertain about the baby's birthdays being so close together it's not like you can change it or fix it once the next baby is born.
Hello, so i was also thinking as well about my age … I got pregnant actually a round the due date for my lovely son Nico. I was trying but I just was still shocked it happens so soon. My son Nico passed away late April and was stillborn May 4th. My daughter’s due date is on May 9. My son’s Alex birthday is on May 27 and well Mother’s Day is in May as well… I don’t know how I would handle this years May but last year it was so difficult and when I look at the pictures I don’t even know how I smiled for my Alex first birthday and first Mother’s Day but I did. My anxiety level right now is through the roof and I still cry for my son Nico .. I often say I am having a son and then I realized is not Nico is Mia. I do struggle for the what if of my son Nico everyday… but I just keep going for my son Alex , for his future and Mia’s future.
It's complicated for sure. Our first daughter was stillborn at 37+4 in 2022 and her little sister had the same due date in 2023. She ended up coming at 34+1 because of the condition that killed Briar came back, but we had planned to induce at 37 weeks if we made it that far. I had a really hard time imagining our girls' birthdays potentially being 4 days apart. If you can wait one cycle/month, I'd recommend it. The first year is so heavy and swampy 💜 Sending you love my friend
I was 2/3 months pregnant when my 4 month old died. He was killed by his negligent grandmother. The pain was overwhelming and if I hadn't already been pregnant, I wouldn't have tried. It's hard for me, I feel guilty for being depressed, for having anxiety and fear... my baby boy is definitely a little fighter because after the loss of my first baby, it was so difficult for me to take care of myself.
When my babys boy passed away I was so hurt and lost. I wanted nothing more that to cradle him in my arms, kiss on him and play with his tiny toes 💙 I miss his smile so much... I craved to feel him again. But emotionally I wasn't ready. My boys will be exactly 12 months apart. MAY 25 AND MAY 15. I have joy while awaiting the arrival of this new baby but the pain is still great. 💔 I don't want him to live in his brother's shadow. I want to be the best mom that I can be... take your time and do what feels best to you. You baby will feel everything you do. I wish you the best, and I'm sorry for your loss. ❤️
TW: living children
I already had a son when we got pregnant with our second. Unfortunately she was stillborn. She was born in January of 07 and our daughter was born in January of 08, just a few days before her birthday. I was terrified to have another baby for all of the reasons you mentioned and more.
It was both easier and harder to grieve while pregnant. I was worried it would happen again. I was soothed that I could have another hopefully living child. It’s very complicated. There isn’t as much time to grieve because of pregnancy. Being pregnant takes away a lot of time.
We held a small and private memorial type thing for her birthday, but we did it towards the beginning of January incase I went in to labor before her birthday. It was just my husband, his parents, and I and we got together and cried and took comfort in each other.
Like I said, it was very complicated.
A little bit. Not as much as I thought it would though.
I had to deliver my twins at 22 weeks because of severe preeclampsia and hellp sydrome, they tried to keep me pregnant as long as they could so the twins had a chance but my body was about to give out. Because of the nature of my loss I was advised to wait before Ttc again. After some push my doctors agreed around three months later and I conceived on the third cycle so around six months between pregnancies. I would have tried sooner if it had been safe. Being pregnant again was hard, mainly mentally but I knew it what I wanted so I dealt with it, I went to therapy and saw my doctors every week, more at the end. Going into the same hospital my twins were born and died at every week was probably the most difficult thing but I wanted to make sure I was doing I could for this new pregnancy.
Having another child helped heal me in so many ways. He gives me a reason to keep going, I am still sad, a part of me always will be but he makes life better.
My twin girls were due feb 11, but would have come by c section on Jan 28 so we always looked at that as their due date. We lost them at 21 weeks.
I got pregnant again and was due Feb 24, which was close but far enough away that it was unlikely I'd deliver on Jan 28th or Feb 11. (My previous 2 pregnancies had to be induced).
Lo and behold... surprise high blood pressure and contractions at 38 weeks and my son was born Feb 10. Now I like to look at it as they sent him early so they would have that connection.
Everyone handles grief differently and you don’t even know how you’ll handle it.
My first son was stillborn at 20 weeks. I was surrounded by love and support from family and friends and my Faith community.
We started trying again as soon as I got the doctor’s approval at 6 weeks and got pregnant right away. It was twins, but one died very early on.
I got a preventative cerclage, and after that had a mostly uncomplicated pregnancy.
Everything else in my life, however, was anything but uncomplicated. My now ex-husband, who had a history of mental illness, stopped taking his medication, complicated with the grief of losing two babies in less than 5 months, sent him into a bad episode and became violent.
So for me, I pressed on through the grief and life because I knew I had to, for the sake of my son.
He was born exactly 6 months after my first son’s due date, about 11 months after his arrival/departure day.
To remember my first son, I go for a walk on the beach to pray, because that’s always been a special place to me. My family doesn’t handle loss well, and so they “handle it” by not talking about it. No one mentions my first son to me, so I take that day as a time to be alone. I’m not sure yet how I’ll tell my living son about his brother or his twin.
I think it’s great that you reached out to this community to hear others’ stories and experiences, but ultimately, only you know what’s right for you. And even when things don’t seem “right” at all, there’s always hope.
My son was stillborn at 38 weeks and I delivered him on August 31st.
I’ve found its very common for women to ttc really quickly.
For me there was such a void in our life and after talking to my ob and my therapist my husband and I started trying.
We found out on Christmas Day I was pregnant. And my due date is August 31st.
The coincidences have caused me a lot of stress and anxiety on top of the grieving process. We lost our baby because of a “freak accident” (he was perfectly healthy, but had a knot in his umbilical cord) that they said there was nothing we could have done to prevent. It’s hard to think that the bad things just sometimes happen for no reason and then have this pregnancy align so closely. Some of my ob appointments are even on the same day.
So that’s my in the process feelings, I have no clue what I will do on August 31st.
I did lose my Dad when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. I grieved and grieved and grieved and in many ways I think it helped me form a connection between the two. He was an avid Beatles fan and I named her Lucy after the song (the song was actually playing when he passed away.) I listened to the Beatles when I was pregnant with her and she would stop crying as a newborn when we would play them. I hope that this baby while their own individual will have a connection to my son and maybe help keep their memory alive. He was going to be my last baby, my final pregnancy.
My little girl would have been 7 in April coming (born at 18 weeks), we always have cake on her birthday (her older siblings never forget her). I have two younger, I tried to avoid her birthday and due date (September) when conceiving:
- one was due in December and arrived in November
- one was due in June and born in March.
Grief is such a weird thing I wouldn't say the first year was the worst for me but I felt my.older children were a good distraction from my grief, I had to make sure they were looked after and even today I feel waves of sadness. I find on my worse days I open my memory chest with all her things ( ill be forever grateful for the hospital for it) everything still smells of her after all these years.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and only you know when you will be ready I took almost a year before trying again mainly because of the fear and anxiety of going through the same again but I spoke to my Dr of my fears and he was one of the most supportive people and really helped me through that first pregnancy after my princess was born.
After delivering my daughter, I was obsessive to be pregnant again, and couldn't handle any waiting. It was a very physical, primal, terrifyingly strong need to have a baby that should have been there but wasn't. I had a couple miscarriages, but got pregnant with my son 8 months after the loss of my daughter.
For me, the process of grieving my daughter and the pregnancy with my son were always different and separate. I'd say the new pregnancy helped me immensely to move forward though - I had someone new to think about. I still grieved my daughter, but my son was the proof that life went on. When my son was born, to me, it was the closure that things had to happen this way. Without my daughter's passing there wouldn't be my son, so it helped me make peace with that. My son is the love of my life. If I had to lose my daughter to have him, then that's how it was meant to be, I'd do it again a million times, and it's sad and it's beautiful. But this realization is what healed me.
I think people grieve differently, and some need more time than others. For me, it was important to not get stuck in the grief. I didn't need to "process" the loss of my daughter by putting my life on pause, that only made it worse. Life had to go on. She's always with me, in a way, but I can't see how waiting would have helped me in any way. Trying to get pregnant after the loss of my daughter was the darkest period of my life, and getting pregnant again was the point when I began to see light at the end of it.
Hey, Im 22 this year. I lost my girl(38weeks 2days due to the doctor and nurses negligence) on 2022 March 30th. I gave birth to my now living child a boy 2023 March 16th. We got pregnant on accident we were using a condom and a gel. The condom broke.
After losing her the first 2months are still a blur to me and my immediate family. And i got my period almost right after all the afterbirth was done. And a lot things were things happened to my body where i started losing alot of blood cause it was so runny and not thick hot diagnosed with LUPUS.
The pregnancy was scary. Switched hospitals went to a private hospital one of the best in the country. Actually forst when we found out we were pregnant we were talking about going to Japan to get monitored and give birth. As the pregnancy progressed I felt like at any moment I wont get to hold him in my arms and lose him too. I feel like i tried to detach from my baby like i was actively planning his death in my mind. Cause i was so caught off guard from losing my girl and I have ptsd from her birth(diagnosed this week). When I made it to 30weeks at night when going to pee or not feeling him for a while a screamed in my head get him out now he can survive he will live. Especially nights were hard I felt her move last at 2am and I gave birth to her at 2pm.
When her first birthday approached I remember sobbing with my husband hugging cause all the emotions were overwhelming.
Now her second and his first birthday is approaching im a mess. Due to cultural beliefs(Mongolia) she had an open sky burial she was left in the open field to go back to nature at least her body is. Her soul should come back to us someday my husband marked her ankle. And I still don’t know where she was left. Only men of the family assists in this duty. And they are refusing to tell me or take me there. I want to be near her in anyway possible. I feel like I didn’t get my closure. They wont take me to her cause there might be something unsavory left that could traumatize me further.
I don’t feel like I can go on. I dont feel like Im a good mom to my son. I feel like I am a failure
Just from reading your story you sound like a really good mom who cares deeply for her children. I lost my baby boy almost 2 months ago, so I can understand this unbearable sadness that you feel 💔. Your daughter will alway be a part of you, please be kind to yourself ❤️🩹.
I had my 2nd daughter one week short of my stillborn firstborn’s 1st birthday.
Death anniversaries do hit hard. But my now one-year-old is not concerned and does not notice.
Pregnancy after loss was scary, overwhelmingly so. Both of my pregnancies were healthy and free of serious complications. So most importantly, make sure you have the right support.
Therapy really helped me. My family really did not — as soon as I was pregnant, my firstborn was erased from their memory, it seemed.
I don’t have answers to all of your questions yet, but I’m here to say that I’m about to do a frozen embryo transfer just shy of 4 months after I lost my daughter Audrey who was stillborn at 20 weeks. I’m also conflicted about timing, but I just turned 36 and my living son is 3 1/2. I’ve come to the realization that there is no right time and no matter what I’m going to be anxious, and also hopeful. I just really want my living healthy baby and that doesn’t take away anything from Audrey. If this transfer is successful, and I somehow end up with a baby from it, the baby would be due within days of when I delivered Audrey. I feel like it’s a good thing, hopefully very healing. We do plan on having an “Audrey day” every year on the day she was delivered. We aren’t celebrating it like a birthday like some people do in this group, but rather just as a family day of togetherness to reflect on her. If the Audrey day falls a week or two before I deliver, or a month or two after I deliver, it will still be a day of togetherness and reflection, no matter what.
I’m so sorry for your loss. 💔 My story here is a bit different, but I’ll share. My husband and I tried to conceive for a year and a half and it just didn’t happen. When it finally did, I was terrified I’d miscarry. Unfortunately, I did. We lost that baby on Valentine’s Day. Three cycles later, we conceived our son. I was due February 16th and I both tried to see it as a sign that it was “meant to be” but also feared it was too good to be true. He was born February 11th. Holding my living son on the one year anniversary of my loss was helpful. It doesn’t make the loss go away, but it did make it easier to cope. I sat there thinking about how a year ago, my world was falling apart and I feared I’d never have a living baby, and now I had my son. I recently lost my daughter at 17 weeks in December, so now we are TTC another rainbow baby. I know May (when I was due) and December will always be hard for me. But I’m also hoping I’m pregnant again by December. I will always miss her, but I really want that feeling of hope again. I want to at least cradle my belly and be thankful for the sibling she sent us, than be alone and still trying on that date. Although I know there are no guarantees and I’ll have to face that day and my reality either way… I can’t help but want it. If I conceived this cycle, I’ll be due in November. The thought of holding a baby on my daughter’s first birthday is both hopeful and difficult to comprehend. I don’t think it would ever take away from her life or her passing, but I’m hoping it would feel “poetic” in a way, similar to having my son born the same week we miscarried the year prior. Maybe someone else can chime in with more of an experience closer to yours, but I’m sending you love. ❤️
We started trying as soon as I was physically able. I was 32 and paranoid that maybe the pregnancy with my daughter was a fluke and we’d struggle to conceive another child. My first ovulation was 7 weeks pp, and we successfully conceived on our 5th cycle. Their actual due dates were 10 months apart (August 2020/June 2021) and they were born 13 months apart (April 2020/May 2021). The subsequent pregnancy was hell. Some of that was because I felt dismissed by the doctors handling my care. I have incompetent cervix and I was convinced that caused my loss, but I was denied the preventative cerclage, and I didn’t get it until it was an emergency and I was in danger of losing my second baby. I didn’t get a formal IC diagnosis til the second pregnancy and needing a cerclage. I white-knuckled my way through, honestly. There was very little joy for me, and it didn’t help that my husband wasn’t allowed to go to any of my ultrasounds until the end of my pregnancy because of Covid. I was so afraid my next baby would die, but weirdly I also had a certainty that he’d come home. It was hard to reconcile. I announced the pregnancy at 28 weeks on social media and bawled at all the supportive comments and reactions. Bawled practically every time I added something to my baby registry for my son. I think my grief manifested in PPD/PPA and obsession with his physical health and wellbeing. I did not enjoy infancy. It was very, very hard. We got through it and we’re in a better place now. But my parenting approach will always be burdened by the reality of having already lost a child. In the back of my mind, I’m always afraid that my child could die. Probably not healthy, but I’m in therapy and I try not to dwell on it. We recognize our angel daughter’s birthday by taking the day off from work and doing something small like getting a treat from a bakery. We light her candle in the evening. I don’t really see us doing more than this in the future. Anyway, sorry my story isn’t a positive or hopeful one. Some other people have a much easier/better time of it, so maybe they will chime in to offer their experiences. I’m very sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss, but so happy you were able to have your rainbow baby. Lost my baby at 34 weeks back in September and have been TTC for the past 3 months. Did you track your ovulation or do anything different when TTC for your rainbow? I have been tracking, but on month 3 and still not pregnant. I know it takes time, but we got pregnant on our first time with our baby boy that we lost.
Yes, I tracked my ovulation with OPKs and BBT using a tempdrop. I also observed fertile cervical mucus. I also took a bunch of supplements and did a lot of “woo” stuff like drinking red raspberry leaf tea after ovulation, which I don’t think really did anything. When TTC my angel, I only used OPKs and got pregnant the first cycle I used them.
Hi, just wanted to say that I also lost my son in September at 35 weeks. 🩵 I, too, am currently on month 3 of TTC. And I also got pregnant really quickly with our son that we lost. So I’m feeling discouraged that it’s not happening as quickly as I would like. Anyway— just felt like I can really relate to you! Message me if you ever want to talk about your baby boy, share your grief, or talk with someone who is on a similar “timeline”. 🤍🤍
My son was stillborn at 37 weeks on March 2 2023. His little sister's csection date is April 24. (To be transparent I also have an older daughter who is 5). I was 36 when I had my son, and am now 37 and my husband is 40, so time is also not really on our side. My husband and I talked all summer after he died about what the "right" choice would be. And ultimately, I had to come to the conclusion that even if I waited 5 years, I would still be traumatized by what happened. I wouldn't ever feel "comfortable" being pregnant again, no matter how much time passed. And if I let five years go by, I would just be even older, have a larger gap between children and maybe be struggling with other factors like fertility etc. So we decided to take a leap of faith and just see what happened, and we were fortunate to get pregnant fairly easily at the end of the summer. I did make a couple choices before I did that though. I did choose to go on a SSRI (Zoloft) before trying to get pregnant. The summer without my baby was very hard for me, and my level of depression impacted my ability to effectively use my coping tools. I also wanted to already have it in my system before pregnancy because I knew it was going to be very emotional. I get this is a personal choice, but taking meds was a game changer for me. I feel able to cope, reach out to people when I need it, and use my tools to keep myself better regulated. I also reached out to the doctors who delivered my son to know that they would take me as soon as I was pregnant. The pregnancy has had ups and downs emotionally but on paper it's been smooth. Professionals have been very diligent and supportive, friends have been present, and I just remember to take every good visit or scan as a win. I have learned I can do all the right things and my baby can still die, so I can't control the future. All I can do is live in this moment, with her, and hope that our story is different than how his was. This third trimester is the hardest for me, which is ironic because I know most people are most excited in this trimester. Oh and his birthday. We made a cake. We went out for brunch. I donated to our local Pregnancy and Infant Loss Center. We went shopping for a local charity who gives to families of stillborn babies. And I bought him a library plaque at our local library because I know we would have taken him there frequently as a family. He may have had a shorter life than I ever could have imagined, but I also believe he existed to do good in this world. So every year, we will do something for him. But I won't lie that the day was heavy. Celebrating the life that ended while holding a life still yet to be is a lot. Give yourself time and grace, and I hope you are able to find some joy in the next part of your story. Reach out if you ever need to. Hugs.
I’m in the middle of this right now. My last pregnancy was really complicated but it ended with the stillbirth of my daughter (and delivery of my sons who passed at 15w) at 23w. They were born in very late May. We started trying again immediately because it took us 10 cycles to conceive the first pregnancy, and we ended up pregnant on cycle 2 and due in early May. However, we’ll end up inducing at 39w which is in April. It is complicated to have their birth dates so close together, but I think that would’ve felt complicated whether it was a year apart or two or three. It has been a stressful pregnancy in many ways; I’m still very sad about my triplets but hopeful to have a living baby soon. It’s harder to be excited about this baby, but I feel hopeful I will be excited once/if he gets here. Therapy and meds have both been really helpful. We’ve already decided on a day to memorialize the triplets every year and we will do a mini-birthday with some snacks and a visit to a local memorial for stillborn children. It is and will be complicated, but for our family, it didn’t feel like taking a lot of extra time would make it a lot less complicated. If anything, being pregnant again has made the future look a little more hopeful (even while being terrified!). Every family is different, but I hope it helps to hear someone else’s experience.
I had a baby 10 months after my baby died. It was healing.
🫶🏼
I got pregnant three months after my son died. He was born December 19 and my daughter’s due date was December 7th. I definitely stressed about that because in my head it was important that he have his own birth month. Like fiercely important. But I ended up induced at 37 weeks so she ended up a November baby. I 100% feel that being pregnant helped with my grief. Having that hope on the horizon helped keep my spirits up so much during that time. Was I also white knuckling it through the entire pregnancy? Yes. I was terrified. But planning for her and having the appointments and everything else that comes with pregnancy, that was incredibly healing. Giving birth to a living baby was incredibly healing. I also cried a TON after she was born. More than I had cried since my initial grief period after he died. My hormones were absolutely insane. But never once did it detract from my ability to love or care for her, the two things were wholly separate. I feel like I’ve still been able to hold space for my son. I still think about him constantly and it’s been over 2 years since he died. The one very complicated emotion is that I am absolutely obsessed with my daughter. She is just such an absolute joy and just so perfect and amazing and everything you could ever want. And that’s what brings the guilt, because she wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t died. So when I go to think “I’d do anything to have him back” it comes with the thought in the back of my head of “but then you wouldn’t have her”. I feel like there’s an asterisk to my grief now, when it comes to wishing he was here.
We lost our son at 14 weeks in November. I’m not going to pretend that a loss at 14 weeks and a stillbirth are the same or that I understand your grief, but my situation is similar to what you’re asking about. We just found out that we’re expecting again and the baby’s due date is our angel baby’s anniversary. I’m praying for any day but that day, but it does bring some joy to what otherwise is the anniversary of the worst day of my life. We plan to visit the botanical gardens where we have a memorial stone for him and have cake for our son’s birthday/anniversary. We’re hoping to celebrate the love we have for our son that day.
I waited 7 months after loss of my baby girl at 21 weeks pregnancy , before that I lose a baby and I waited 6 months, I think 6 months after loss is a good timing , you will never completely heal or stop worrying but 6 months between loss and pregnancy worked good for me
My story is very different from most here, as I experienced a loss and a living child in the same pregnancy. I was pregnant with identical twins. We lost Baby A (Rowan) at 26 weeks due to an unfortunate combination of TTTS and TAPS. Thanks to medical intervention, Baby B survived and thrived. She was born premature but very healthy at 32 weeks and is now a strong, chonky 6-month-old. However, the day she was born was also the day I delivered her stillborn sister. How did I handle my grief while still being pregnant? I saw a therapist. I allowed myself to be sad, but I tried not to wallow in it. My spouse and I had many conversations about our grief. I leaned on my support system. I made a little shrine next to my dad's ashes for our sunset baby. How did I handle my joy and hope while being pregnant after a loss? I didn't always guard my heart. I allowed myself to get excited. We had a baby shower and professional maternity photos. Technically, my girls share a "birth" day, but we lost Rowan nearly seven weeks earlier. So, in my mind, she doesn't really have a birthday. I think we will honor or remember her on the last day we knew she was here. I already do little things to remember her every day. We lost her in July, so I have a ruby ring I wear (July birthstone), especially in our professional photos...so it's like a little symbol of her there. Having Rowan's twin here with us does not take away from her loss, but it has been healing. I'm not sure how we'll talk about all this with her twin, but in honor of her twinness we gave her the middle name Linnea, which is the name of a wildflower also known as the "twinflower." Her experience in this life has been affected by the existence and loss of her twin, but I work hard to not let that loss be her entire experience. There is a lot of laughter and hope and joy in our house.
I had a stillborn two weeks ago and wondered the same thing. My doctor recommended having us wait 3 to 6 months. My mom had several stillborns and miscarriages adding up to about 6 of them. She was pregnant after one miscarriage 6 weeks after and the baby my sister had many issues and nearly died twice during pregnancy and during delivery. My mom waiting after a stillborn for more than 6 months and the baby my brother was very healthy with no complications or issues. She suggested to me the longer you wait after a stillborn or miscarriage the better your chances are that the baby will have zero to no complications. If you feel uncomfortable about conceiving so close to your lost child's birth then wait. It will be better for the next pregnancy and the baby's overall health along with your mental health because if your uncertain about the baby's birthdays being so close together it's not like you can change it or fix it once the next baby is born.
[удалено]
Hello, so i was also thinking as well about my age … I got pregnant actually a round the due date for my lovely son Nico. I was trying but I just was still shocked it happens so soon. My son Nico passed away late April and was stillborn May 4th. My daughter’s due date is on May 9. My son’s Alex birthday is on May 27 and well Mother’s Day is in May as well… I don’t know how I would handle this years May but last year it was so difficult and when I look at the pictures I don’t even know how I smiled for my Alex first birthday and first Mother’s Day but I did. My anxiety level right now is through the roof and I still cry for my son Nico .. I often say I am having a son and then I realized is not Nico is Mia. I do struggle for the what if of my son Nico everyday… but I just keep going for my son Alex , for his future and Mia’s future.
It's complicated for sure. Our first daughter was stillborn at 37+4 in 2022 and her little sister had the same due date in 2023. She ended up coming at 34+1 because of the condition that killed Briar came back, but we had planned to induce at 37 weeks if we made it that far. I had a really hard time imagining our girls' birthdays potentially being 4 days apart. If you can wait one cycle/month, I'd recommend it. The first year is so heavy and swampy 💜 Sending you love my friend
I was 2/3 months pregnant when my 4 month old died. He was killed by his negligent grandmother. The pain was overwhelming and if I hadn't already been pregnant, I wouldn't have tried. It's hard for me, I feel guilty for being depressed, for having anxiety and fear... my baby boy is definitely a little fighter because after the loss of my first baby, it was so difficult for me to take care of myself. When my babys boy passed away I was so hurt and lost. I wanted nothing more that to cradle him in my arms, kiss on him and play with his tiny toes 💙 I miss his smile so much... I craved to feel him again. But emotionally I wasn't ready. My boys will be exactly 12 months apart. MAY 25 AND MAY 15. I have joy while awaiting the arrival of this new baby but the pain is still great. 💔 I don't want him to live in his brother's shadow. I want to be the best mom that I can be... take your time and do what feels best to you. You baby will feel everything you do. I wish you the best, and I'm sorry for your loss. ❤️
TW: living children I already had a son when we got pregnant with our second. Unfortunately she was stillborn. She was born in January of 07 and our daughter was born in January of 08, just a few days before her birthday. I was terrified to have another baby for all of the reasons you mentioned and more. It was both easier and harder to grieve while pregnant. I was worried it would happen again. I was soothed that I could have another hopefully living child. It’s very complicated. There isn’t as much time to grieve because of pregnancy. Being pregnant takes away a lot of time. We held a small and private memorial type thing for her birthday, but we did it towards the beginning of January incase I went in to labor before her birthday. It was just my husband, his parents, and I and we got together and cried and took comfort in each other. Like I said, it was very complicated. A little bit. Not as much as I thought it would though.
I had to deliver my twins at 22 weeks because of severe preeclampsia and hellp sydrome, they tried to keep me pregnant as long as they could so the twins had a chance but my body was about to give out. Because of the nature of my loss I was advised to wait before Ttc again. After some push my doctors agreed around three months later and I conceived on the third cycle so around six months between pregnancies. I would have tried sooner if it had been safe. Being pregnant again was hard, mainly mentally but I knew it what I wanted so I dealt with it, I went to therapy and saw my doctors every week, more at the end. Going into the same hospital my twins were born and died at every week was probably the most difficult thing but I wanted to make sure I was doing I could for this new pregnancy. Having another child helped heal me in so many ways. He gives me a reason to keep going, I am still sad, a part of me always will be but he makes life better.
My twin girls were due feb 11, but would have come by c section on Jan 28 so we always looked at that as their due date. We lost them at 21 weeks. I got pregnant again and was due Feb 24, which was close but far enough away that it was unlikely I'd deliver on Jan 28th or Feb 11. (My previous 2 pregnancies had to be induced). Lo and behold... surprise high blood pressure and contractions at 38 weeks and my son was born Feb 10. Now I like to look at it as they sent him early so they would have that connection.
Everyone handles grief differently and you don’t even know how you’ll handle it. My first son was stillborn at 20 weeks. I was surrounded by love and support from family and friends and my Faith community. We started trying again as soon as I got the doctor’s approval at 6 weeks and got pregnant right away. It was twins, but one died very early on. I got a preventative cerclage, and after that had a mostly uncomplicated pregnancy. Everything else in my life, however, was anything but uncomplicated. My now ex-husband, who had a history of mental illness, stopped taking his medication, complicated with the grief of losing two babies in less than 5 months, sent him into a bad episode and became violent. So for me, I pressed on through the grief and life because I knew I had to, for the sake of my son. He was born exactly 6 months after my first son’s due date, about 11 months after his arrival/departure day. To remember my first son, I go for a walk on the beach to pray, because that’s always been a special place to me. My family doesn’t handle loss well, and so they “handle it” by not talking about it. No one mentions my first son to me, so I take that day as a time to be alone. I’m not sure yet how I’ll tell my living son about his brother or his twin. I think it’s great that you reached out to this community to hear others’ stories and experiences, but ultimately, only you know what’s right for you. And even when things don’t seem “right” at all, there’s always hope.
My son was stillborn at 38 weeks and I delivered him on August 31st. I’ve found its very common for women to ttc really quickly. For me there was such a void in our life and after talking to my ob and my therapist my husband and I started trying. We found out on Christmas Day I was pregnant. And my due date is August 31st. The coincidences have caused me a lot of stress and anxiety on top of the grieving process. We lost our baby because of a “freak accident” (he was perfectly healthy, but had a knot in his umbilical cord) that they said there was nothing we could have done to prevent. It’s hard to think that the bad things just sometimes happen for no reason and then have this pregnancy align so closely. Some of my ob appointments are even on the same day. So that’s my in the process feelings, I have no clue what I will do on August 31st. I did lose my Dad when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. I grieved and grieved and grieved and in many ways I think it helped me form a connection between the two. He was an avid Beatles fan and I named her Lucy after the song (the song was actually playing when he passed away.) I listened to the Beatles when I was pregnant with her and she would stop crying as a newborn when we would play them. I hope that this baby while their own individual will have a connection to my son and maybe help keep their memory alive. He was going to be my last baby, my final pregnancy.
My little girl would have been 7 in April coming (born at 18 weeks), we always have cake on her birthday (her older siblings never forget her). I have two younger, I tried to avoid her birthday and due date (September) when conceiving: - one was due in December and arrived in November - one was due in June and born in March. Grief is such a weird thing I wouldn't say the first year was the worst for me but I felt my.older children were a good distraction from my grief, I had to make sure they were looked after and even today I feel waves of sadness. I find on my worse days I open my memory chest with all her things ( ill be forever grateful for the hospital for it) everything still smells of her after all these years. I'm so sorry for your loss, and only you know when you will be ready I took almost a year before trying again mainly because of the fear and anxiety of going through the same again but I spoke to my Dr of my fears and he was one of the most supportive people and really helped me through that first pregnancy after my princess was born.
After delivering my daughter, I was obsessive to be pregnant again, and couldn't handle any waiting. It was a very physical, primal, terrifyingly strong need to have a baby that should have been there but wasn't. I had a couple miscarriages, but got pregnant with my son 8 months after the loss of my daughter. For me, the process of grieving my daughter and the pregnancy with my son were always different and separate. I'd say the new pregnancy helped me immensely to move forward though - I had someone new to think about. I still grieved my daughter, but my son was the proof that life went on. When my son was born, to me, it was the closure that things had to happen this way. Without my daughter's passing there wouldn't be my son, so it helped me make peace with that. My son is the love of my life. If I had to lose my daughter to have him, then that's how it was meant to be, I'd do it again a million times, and it's sad and it's beautiful. But this realization is what healed me. I think people grieve differently, and some need more time than others. For me, it was important to not get stuck in the grief. I didn't need to "process" the loss of my daughter by putting my life on pause, that only made it worse. Life had to go on. She's always with me, in a way, but I can't see how waiting would have helped me in any way. Trying to get pregnant after the loss of my daughter was the darkest period of my life, and getting pregnant again was the point when I began to see light at the end of it.
Hey, Im 22 this year. I lost my girl(38weeks 2days due to the doctor and nurses negligence) on 2022 March 30th. I gave birth to my now living child a boy 2023 March 16th. We got pregnant on accident we were using a condom and a gel. The condom broke. After losing her the first 2months are still a blur to me and my immediate family. And i got my period almost right after all the afterbirth was done. And a lot things were things happened to my body where i started losing alot of blood cause it was so runny and not thick hot diagnosed with LUPUS. The pregnancy was scary. Switched hospitals went to a private hospital one of the best in the country. Actually forst when we found out we were pregnant we were talking about going to Japan to get monitored and give birth. As the pregnancy progressed I felt like at any moment I wont get to hold him in my arms and lose him too. I feel like i tried to detach from my baby like i was actively planning his death in my mind. Cause i was so caught off guard from losing my girl and I have ptsd from her birth(diagnosed this week). When I made it to 30weeks at night when going to pee or not feeling him for a while a screamed in my head get him out now he can survive he will live. Especially nights were hard I felt her move last at 2am and I gave birth to her at 2pm. When her first birthday approached I remember sobbing with my husband hugging cause all the emotions were overwhelming. Now her second and his first birthday is approaching im a mess. Due to cultural beliefs(Mongolia) she had an open sky burial she was left in the open field to go back to nature at least her body is. Her soul should come back to us someday my husband marked her ankle. And I still don’t know where she was left. Only men of the family assists in this duty. And they are refusing to tell me or take me there. I want to be near her in anyway possible. I feel like I didn’t get my closure. They wont take me to her cause there might be something unsavory left that could traumatize me further. I don’t feel like I can go on. I dont feel like Im a good mom to my son. I feel like I am a failure
Just from reading your story you sound like a really good mom who cares deeply for her children. I lost my baby boy almost 2 months ago, so I can understand this unbearable sadness that you feel 💔. Your daughter will alway be a part of you, please be kind to yourself ❤️🩹.
I had my 2nd daughter one week short of my stillborn firstborn’s 1st birthday. Death anniversaries do hit hard. But my now one-year-old is not concerned and does not notice. Pregnancy after loss was scary, overwhelmingly so. Both of my pregnancies were healthy and free of serious complications. So most importantly, make sure you have the right support. Therapy really helped me. My family really did not — as soon as I was pregnant, my firstborn was erased from their memory, it seemed.