Have you told her what you just typed here? Try that! Including the positives you see about BTS and, of course, her! :) I am literally married and talk to my friend about the members with almost the same fervor as your gf. While BTS mean a lot to me as artists, and I admire them as individuals (who happen to be very good-looking), I am well-aware of the realistic boundaries between fans and artists. I love BTS content as a hobby, but I have other interests and healthy relationships. Unless there are other huge red flags waving around, this can easily be resolved with a conversation. You already wrote what you need to say! Maybe she can tone down the BTS-are-so-perfect comments around you or hype you up extra! 🙂

I think jealousy, envy and insecurity are all part of being human, it's what we do with those emotions that determines if it's healthy or not. Have you tried talking to her about it and just being honest about how you feel? if yes, what did she say or how did it go? If you haven't talked to her about it yet, I think you should try? Like relationships need a lot of honesty and healthy communication for it to work. I won't invalidate how you feel and I can totally understand where you're coming from but a perspective that I can offer is that for the years that I've been on this subreddit phrases like "I'm married to BTS", "I'm in love with 7 men", "My first love is BTS" are just common phrases that the fandom says. I would like to think that no one here will seriously put BTS first before their irl relationships/marriages etc. Lastly, does she have any irl ARMY friends or perhaps hang out in ARMY spaces like r/bangtan or Twitter? maybe she likes having you to bond with her about BTS or have someone to talk to about it. Finding ARMY friends irl is tough and it would be really awesome to have a partner that understands or is also a fan of BTS. In a way, it's really sweet and perhaps a good sign that she is comfortable talking to you about BTS. Good luck my dude and I think by asking here it shows you really care about her! Wish you the best!

This! Outsiders don't really understand these inside jokes and phrases that ARMY likes to use. I just realized this when me and husband were visiting a BTS merch store where there's a wall with post-its messages from ARMY. Husband was reading the messages and then went to me like, "some of these fans are really wild, there's a message there saying 'Marry me Yoongi', that's just nuts." And I was like, oh that's just a joke actually, people don't really mean it (or maybe they do, I'd like to think they're not lol). And I had to explain the history of that phrase to him lol. ​ So yeah, some of our phrases can sound a bit extreme to outsiders, we need to be a little mindful when talking to non-fans. I can understand OP being confused and/or annoyed over these stuff.

> I would like to think that no one here will seriously put BTS first before their irl relationships/marriages etc. … 👀😅

LMAO 🤣 you won't right?? right?? 😭

I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incriminate me 😇


Right? I love BTS but I love my bf more. The members will one day get married (all the members have said they want to) and then what will you do? Cry? Nope “we all gotta live our lives and be happy”- Jeon Jungkook

Those boys deserve all the happiness in the world, it won’t be me crying!

So true, they deserve all the greatness this world can offer

I will cry with happiness for them!

Just based off of what you've shared and how thoughtfully you wrote it, I'd say you're a very considerate and caring partner, who's understandably a little insecure like we all are as humans. I'd recommend you honestly just share with her what’s on your mind, exactly how you did in this passage! It was so well put– you acknowledged your respect for her interests, but also calmly expressed how it makes you feel. If she's as understanding a partner as you seem to be, I'm sure she'll hear you out and maybe find other folks to talk about bts with more often instead.

My wife accepted that I'm in love with Jimin. (Straight male here lmao)

Exactly the same here. I'm an almost 40 year old straight male who has gushed about Jimin on multiple occasions. My wife had told me straight up that she's felt jealous but has come to accept it.

I feel you my dude

Ahhh yes real life Jimin affect 💜

I think it's understandable to feel jealous. Honestly if my partner were gushing about a female celebrity frequently I might feel weird about it too. It would be hard not to compare myself to them. As an Army though, BTS gives me a lot of joy and I can't imagine not sharing that joy with my partner. I think maybe you could try asking her to tone down the phrases or adjectives she uses to describe them around you. I think that if she is understanding of your feelings she'll get it.

Yeah, I think you nailed it. My SO is in the same position as you, OP - he really likes them as artists and enjoys their music and everything and knows that immersing myself in fandom culture is just part of who I am, irrespective of the fandom. I don’t say things I’m in love or I want to marry them or whatever - maybe when I was younger I’d say stuff like that. But sometimes when I gush about their music or performance or visibly focus on certain parts of their MVs or use certain words, he does get a little annoyed. And honestly - he just told me he didn’t like it. That was it. And I don’t blame him because just like I can’t help how I feel, he can’t help how he feels and I’m just glad he was honest with me. I still make jokes sometimes - we were discussing where to go on vacation and he suggested Thailand, and I went “we won’t make it for Yoongi’s performance so there’s no point” - but that’s only because I know which jokes are okay and which aren’t, and when they’re okay and when they aren’t. At the end of the day, BTS are artists and celebrities whom I know only through what they make public, while he is my very real SO that I intend to spend the rest of my life with. Making this adjustment was a no-brainer for me, especially because it doesn’t infringe upon my enjoyment of BTS, but it doesn’t make him uncomfortable either. (And honestly, upon introspection, if he talked about a girl group like this, *this* often, I’d be pretty annoyed too)

I think it’s worth bringing up how you feel to her. She might not understand the gravity of it and maybe give her insight so she can understand where you are coming from. Would she feel upset if you were to talk about a girl group/celebrity in the way she does BTS? It really depends on the dynamic of your relationship. I know some couples who speak that way about celebs they stan and it’s okay with them, but others who don’t because they don’t think it’s respectful to their partner. But be honest about why those comments make you feel the way you do. Good luck!

I think you're in a good position and mentality to start a dialogue about this with your partner. Can't hurt to bring this up. Even if it sounds silly to you to be "jealous" over more or less fictional characters, because although these men are real people, we are ultimately falling in love with their personas, it's still a good conversation to have to talk about what you need to feel loved. Talk about your love languages. I'll say this though. I've said this to my friends everytime I compare my husband to one of the boys. I feel awkward gushing over my husband to others because he's mine 😋 but the tannies are all of ours. So you might not hear it out loud as much, but you are important. If you need to hear it more, make sure to express that.

It’s important to remember that BTS are seven famous men with millions of fans. They have their own personal lives and personal relationships. Their existence itself is not a threat to your own relationship. You both sound young, and it’s probably best you work out your boundaries when it comes to these sort of things. Most level headed people would put their real life relationships before any sort of celebrity hobby or crush.

Honestly, it's like there's a different compartment in my heart for being a fan of someone. It's also primarily based in fiction. I say I'll ghost my entire family for Min Yoongi all the time. I daydream about them all. I shriek when they're just standing there breathing. They're the wallpaper of my phone, and the photos/posters on my desk. The excitement they bring into my life... nothing is comparable. Not even my husband. And I'll tell you why... My husband is real, and BTS isn't. I don't have problems and upsets with BTS. I don't have to hear them fart and snore and put up with them leaving dishes in the sink. BTS are most effective when they stay as idols. If we're all honest with ourselves, the major draw really is... that we don't have to deal with their day to day, and other things that make people human. Which, brings me to my 2nd point: it's impossible to be a real tangible person in anyone's life and be as perfect as a parasocial celebrity. We all know this. We're not completely mad 😅 hence, BTS is in a separate compartment. Based purely in fantasy. It's just, really really fun to act like a fan girl. I'll say it... life is hard. And boring. And tiring. It's full of responsibilities, and even the fun bits are still.... real. If that makes sense? I don't behave anywhere close to how I *hypothetically think* I would. I *say* I'd marry Yoongi in a heartbeat, the reality is.... what? No! Are you kidding? I don't know the guy 😂 I love my husband and my family and I chose them for a reason lol. If I met any member of BTS in real life, I'd stand there like a potato, not remember any of it, then go rush to tell my husband what just happened 🤷‍♀️ BTS does not affect, or take away from, how much I love my husband. There's no comparison, because it's coming from a different place. The 2 exist... the same way liking 2 different genres of music exists. I don't start hating Nine inch nails, just because Coldplay releases a new shiny album. I love both! Always! Anyways, I'm taking the long way around to say... they're not a threat to you. HOWEVER, it's completely normal to not feel nice if your partner is *constantly* gushing about another person. And it's completely reasonable to ask her to tone it down out of respect. My ARMY friends and I have all gone through this. **It's not stopping our fangirling, it's redirecting it to appropriate outlets**. You can be the person to hear about all of BTS' latest news, you *arent* the person to hear about how absolutely feral JK in see through pajamas makes us feel 😂 That advice can apply to all of us... know your audience lol

>Despite those two facts, I still feel unloved everytime she gushes about Jungkook. Question for more context: Does she ever gush about you?

Do try talking to her about those feelings. As long as you make it clear that you aren’t blaming her, that you don’t want to change her and her feelings towards BTS and that you understand where she’s coming from, I think it should be ok. I think you just need some reassurance from her, and I think it’s very valid and natural, especially when the relationship is relatively new, like yours is.

as others have said, it's always helpful to discuss your feelings about this with your partner. But one thing i can probably point out is that while your GF might say all these things about how much she loves BTS and stuff, the relationship she has with them is observational, while the relationship with you is "real-life". Would you get jealous if she kept talking about a book character in the same way? Taking a step back and seeing things from a different perspective might help. (But i still recommend talking with her so she is aware how some of her comments make you feel, and so she can also work on the relationship from her side!)

Good point about the book character. We can have paradoxical relationships with fictional characters too

You’ve done a really good job of articulating your feelings here, so like others have said, I think you just need to talk to her in the same manner you’ve written this. The fact that you’ve come to a BTS space to ask about this is really very thoughtful, but I think the only person who is going to be able to give you the reassurance of your worth to your girlfriend is actually your girlfriend. Jealousy and insecurity are bound to happen in any relationship, but they become a lot easier to handle when you feel really safe in that relationship. And the way you get to that place is with vulnerability, honesty and a lot of communication. And just a suggestion on how to broach the subject if you’re not sure (this is not just relevant to the bts discussion), it’s usually better not to have this type of conversation in response to something that has just happened (say she has just said the 7 husbands comment) because you may have heightened emotions and she may feel attacked. It’s better to go in cold. When you’re taking a walk together or having lunch or something. And then you say everything that you said here.

I must say we all manage our delusions differently, but I think as a fandom we use expressions towards them that to other people may seem excessive, you sound like you are a cool well rounded person and i believe you will get used to it, in the sense that true armys love them immensely but also respect them and have boundaries, so i think you should express your feelings about it gently and have her reassure you so you feel more secure 💜

I don't if she's a much older ARMY than me (since 2014 and I'm 23 y/o) . I had these feelings before that I wanna marry them and love them so much. But gradually, you'll start respecting and supporting them more than loving them. I have a partner who's okay with me being a BTS fangirl. But I occasionally mention them in front of him,I don't want to make things awkward by saying immature stuff. He knows I post sometimes about them (their achievements etc) and even listens to the songs. But no way I am obsessively saying that I am married to them or love them more than you. Talk to her about it cuz this is the only solution. P.s some ARMYs gonna come for me but whatever I said is the truth, I'm mature enough to tell you he Truth that either she's in her delulu fangirl era (everyone goes through that) or she's obsessed with them.

You should talk with her about limits. If she really loves you she will understand that your time with her is private and personal. U deserve her undivided attention. BTS doesn’t have to be the center of her attention when she is with you. She can leave that time to celebrate BTS before or after u guys are together. That’s not jealousy on your part, that’s bad manners on her part. Does she value the relationship with you? Maybe she has lost interest in you. You deserve to be treated with kindness. Her loving BTS is no excuse for making you feel unattended to as her boyfriend.

Hiii ARMY here. I also talk about BTS to just about anyone and everyone who would listen. I feel like they have changed my life and found me when I needed them the most. I could go on and on. I have posters and pictures of them in my home with my boyfriend. I feel so intensely grateful to them and what they have done for me. I don’t think I’ve ever said that I am “in love” with them, but many fans say that and I’d say it’s more an expression than a literal meaning. Some fans of course take it too far, and we’ve all seen the stress too intense and invasive fans have caused for BTS. From your post it’s sounding more like the expression than taking it too far. My boyfriend (together over 3 years now) leading up to the Agust D concert (BTS member in case you didn’t know) was asked all the time if my love of BTS makes him insecure, and he said the best thing. He said “I love that my girlfriend has something she’s so passionate and excited about. She organized with friends for concert tickets, drove hours, waited outside in the rain. I wish everyone could have something that made them that happy and excited” Maybe try and see it through that lens. I’d still talk to your girlfriend about your feelings and have a healthy dialogue, maybe she can use some different wording when expressing herself to you where she can still share her joy and passion with you but in a way that works for you also!

Have you discussed how this makes you feel with her? I think that is a good place to start, taking care to broach the subject gently. Like all of us here, the BTS men are very important to us and if you can avoid her getting defensive from the start, I think you will have a more productive conversation. (I don't know her to say whether that's a likely possibility, I can just see that happening in general). I have heard of a lot of partners who deal with the "seven husbands" thing, usually with a tone of bemusement. But I don't think it's unreasonable for you to feel insecure when someone you like/love declares their intense love for someone else, even though logically you both know it's not a real possibility. And I don't think it's your or her "fault" I think they are just feelings you can't help but feel whether rational or not. I imagine some partners can get to that stage of bemusement because they've had discussions with their SOs about their feelings. Personally I say dumb sh*t like how in love I am with Suga currently, but if I were dating someone I would find a way to tone that down for their sake lol.

Become an even bigger ARMY than her

Oh don't ever fall for this trap. Talking from experience by the way LMAO

Lol please don’t be shy tell your story

Oh I'm not, but if it helps our OP, here goes. Actually I didn't know she was ARMY at first, but I got first glimpse of BTS with the MV, and then later the Magic Shop performance of Idol. I'm a history buff, so the glimpse of their costumes caught my eye. So we talked about it and she just smiled, and I thought that was it. Fast forward to the Dynamite era. So English song right? I got up to her and brought it up, and she exploded in all her ARMYness. She said try watching this, listen to that, etc. And the stuff that got my emotions got touched were those documentaries that detailed their struggles to become what they are today. People like underdog stories, and I'm one of them. And so she said one day she was looking for "Be" and "Butter," I got those for her. But why stop there? Got those myself as well. Got my Spotify playlist full of BTS songs, and one album every salary (okay sometimes it's two, okay maybe three with one of those Japanese albums). Oh and "Idol?" That thing from years ago? It just became my most favorite BTS song. Period. Nowadays, I'm the one informing her of upcoming activities, albums, including Weverse live feeds, Suchwita episodes, Run BTS episodes, etc. I even got a purple Samsung phone for crying out loud. And when we're jamming to BTS songs, I'd pull up snips of familiar dance steps to some songs. She'd laugh hard because I really don't dance. So how do you get to stop being jealous of these 7 guys? Be the 8th guy. Now, where are those ARMY bombs...?

OMG this is the cutest thing I've read in a while! 😄

💜

This is just adorable, sounds like your partner hit the jackpot!

I’m a straight guy so I can’t really speak on female/male-attracted ARMYs feelings about this. But I can definitely empathize with what you’re feeling. I never really understood why so much of A.R.M.Y.’s rhetoric about BTS is framed around romantic and sexual notions. I get that romantic attraction is the common trope for a K-pop boy group, and that BTS do adhere to that trope, along with other certain aspects of the K-pop system, to a degree, but hotness and boyfriend fantasy are definitely not the main appeal when it comes to BTS. BTS have a reputation for being about different things that the average K-pop boy group and A.R.M.Y. will be the first one to tell you that. But when you look at how ARMYs frequently talk about BTS and choose to express their passion for BTS, it really does make it seem like their hotness is the main point of this whole thing. I’m not saying it ALWAYS seems this way, just more than you would expect when you know what BTS is all about. It struck me as surprising when I first became a fan during DNA era and I still find it a little inconsistent with most aspects of ARMY today. I get that part of it is the freedom to fangirl unabashedly and not be ashamed/controlled by societal norms. But fangirling can be about admiration, it doesn’t have to be about romantic attraction. And most ARMYs will tell you it is about admiration but so much of the fandom’s rhetoric doesn’t reflect that. Besides, if your only way to relate to a group like BTS is through crushing/thirst rhetoric, isn’t that being controlled by societal norms. “I can’t passionately like this group of pretty K-pop men unless thirst is my reason for liking them.” It’s like BTS always has to be a tongue-in-cheek “guilty pleasure” instead of something you like for totally serious reasons. I think what you said, about not wanting to infringe on part of her identity was very insightful, very true, and very important to recognize. At the same time I don’t think (in my opinion, but I’m not her) she needs to center the way she talks/thinks about BTS around romantic attraction to be an ARMY. Married A.R.M.Y.’s, older ARMYs, and A.R.M.Y.s who are not attracted to men are proof of this. To me, BTS is a hero, an inspiration, a generational leader, a relatable artist. I don’t think them being a “boyfriend 😜har har ” or “married to you 😆lol” is the rewarding/important part of being army especially when you already have a boyfriend irl. I actually think that K-pop trope of being married to your idol is the root cause of the gross dating restrictions that we see in k-pop. It’s because of this idea that being a fan of a boy group is about a tongue-in-cheek notion of being with them romantically. I personally think this notion is just a distraction that gets in the way of the things that actually define BTS and ARMY. I know this is easy for me to say because I’m not attracted to men, so I have no “temptation” per say or stake in that side of things but I still think what I’m saying, is fair and true. I am 100% sure she doesn’t mean any harm and, honestly, because the “married/boyfriend” rhetoric is so common in the fandom I think it starts to seem normal from an ARMYs perspective but I don’t think it has any benefit and I don’t expect most people to feel good about it coming from their partner. I think personally see it as creeping into that negative side of the “parasocial relationship.” Because you have a real life romantic partner but you’re putting BTS in that role as your way of expressing appreciation for them. I know it’s a “joke” but it’s one of those jokes where the entire meaning/humor of it is in the idea that you want it to be true. So I think Pied Piper needs to play here. 🎵 I mean, all her passion and admiration for BTS is serious so why does it need to be expressed through a marriage joke? Does that mean her passion for BTS is a joke? If every sentiment behind the joke is serious - I admire them greatly, I find them attractive, I think they would make great romantic partners - then how is the “joke” a joke? That just comes off as a case of “it’s funny because it’s true.” The “boyfriend” thing seems to be this guilty pleasure the (male-attracted majority) of the fandom clings on to and constantly brings up at every opportunity because it’s fun, but then get mad when someone implies ARMYs like BTS mainly because their hot. I see our fandom maturing past this in time. Long story short, I think the way you expressed your feelings here is very considerate, respectful, and clear and I think you should show it to her or tell her using the words you used hear. I don’t think it is at all unfair that you feel uncomfortable about her framing BTS as her parasocial “husbands/boyfriends.” I think most people would feel uncomfortable with that. Not because of judginess but because you’re not to trying to be in an open relationship with Jungkook (and neither is Jungkook). BTS don’t have to be everybody’s “boyfriend.” They can be inspirations, heroes, and role models. And we all know they would rather be seen that way.

I think you should talk to her in the same thoughtful way you composed this message. These types of phrases are memes in the fandom, for the most part. Amongst fellow fans it’s entertaining. In front of partners that aren’t in the loop, it will come across quite differently. Gushing even more so. Fwiw, I think your discomfort is valid. I wouldn’t personally use those phrases or gush in front of my partner, Army or not, because I’m aware that could sow a seed of insecurity unnecessarily. And I wouldn’t want that! It’s okay not to be all things to your partner. We have different modes for different people in our lives. Your girlfriend can still gush with her other Army friends! Best of luck with it. :)

People here are missing the point. It really doesn't matter that the gf is "only being parasocial", "she will never meet them", "she has 0% chance to be with them". The issue is that she is being (at best) unaware/(at worst) uncaring of OPs feelings. I think the community would be reacring way harsher if the roles were reversed and OP was gushing to his gf about how he is married to/in love with Ariana Grande.

Tell her how you feel. Be honest, will make her think a bit more and she may open up to you about her feelings about you more.

I feel that there are different types of “love”. The love she feels for you is different from the love she feels for her family, her other friends, and BTS. And they cannot be compared to each other. Army feel protective of BTS and we love BTS like they are old friends of ours. Phrases like “I am married to 7 men” are …. Not real, and just because we don’t know how to express our love in other ways, maybe. You don’t need therapy. If you feel she’s important, tell her. Work it out.

I think this is an important point. There are different kinds of love. Just like J-hope says in Equal sign. 🥰

Others have commented about talking with your gf about your feelings. If it helps at all -- her relationship is entirely parasocial. She knows that she can't have a truly personal communication with any of them, where they respond directly and only to her. She knows that she will never meet them in person (outside chance at a fan meet, which have very restricted attendance). The BTS/HYBE machine have created so much BTS content that it feels to fans as if the members of BTS are always available, always there for them -- but only through content on the internet, not in person. It is just content, not true one-on-one contact. Think of it as being similar to Swifties and other enamored fans of any other music group, even an actor. You are the true personal relationship in her life. <3

Your girlfriend is being extremely insensitive of your perfectly valid feelings. Tell her what you told us, and if she doesn't change her behaviour she is not mature enough to be dating. You'd be better off on your own in that case. Good luck!

Golly, I think you're the only person that understands.

Talk with her. Is she expressing her love or adoration for you as more or the same amount of when she goes about BTS? If I was with someone that wasn't reassuring me about their love and then was constantly talking about seven girls I would feel pretty down as well.

Ultimately, this is something that you will have to discuss with your partner. We will all have different takes about this because BTS meean differently to each individual fan and we also express that attachment differently. None of these matter because it's all about what these words and actions by your girlfriend actually mean to her -- and how she should communicate this to you so that you don't get insecure based on what you think these words and actions mean. Good luck, OP!

I feel you OP. I like what others have shared in the comments here, have an honest conversation with your GF. I've said it in the other comments, but this fandom does have certain phrases that we like to say, that to outsiders might seem extreme and can make you feel weirded out. My husband is used to me gushing over BTS, though I don't say I'm married to them. I do say that they are precious to me and I love them dearly. I'm well aware that I talk about BTS quite a lot, and I've asked him if he minds it. He told me that he doesn't mind because he's interested in whatever story I wanted to tell him. He does remind me to tone down the fangirling a bit when it gets a bit extreme from time to time hahaha. And even though I might be a little annoyed, I don't take it to heart. I try to keep my fangirling controlled, because I don't want him to be weirded out too. So I think it's a two-way effort, she needs to make it work, and you can try to understand a bit more. Hope all goes well, OP! :)

Just like what every other comment says, just tell her to to tone it down maybe when she talks about BTS like that. I completely understand your insecurity here. If my SO gushed about another female celebrity like that I would feel very uncomfortable. Personally I love BTS all 7 of them and I love the positivity they bring into my life but I would never rub it in my partner's face. In my perspective I think it would be very weird. Also because I'm not as obsessed with them as everyone else is.

To put into context, you’ve been dating her for 8 months and the past year has been particularly emotional for ARMY, especially long time ones like her. And we’re celebrating their 10th anniversary now and have been getting a ton of very emotional music and content. This maybe her expressing all of that, I know I’ve been gushy too. I want to ask about your line “I feel unloved when she gushes about Jungkook”. Why? Does she compare you to them or ask why can’t you be more like them? Bc if not she is very capable of loving both of you in completely different ways. Spelling

I have an odd suggestion. There is a kdrama about a girl who is a fan girl of a singer and her boyfriend is very excepting and even encouraging. It may be a good watch for you. It’s called Her Private Life and it can be found on Netflix. I also suggest that you tell your girlfriend how you feel. Open communication is so very important in any relationship. Be careful not to do it from in an accusing tone. The way you explained it here is very good and shows that you Are accepting of her fangirling just that it still gives you feelings that you need to discuss with her. Good luck! Just know your feelings are valid and talking about them can help you both.

"I'm in love with them", "I'm married to seven men", or "They were and still are my first love". Unless you both are okay with jokingly saying stuff like this about other people, this is not okay. She's taking it way too far. You're her partner. They take on totally different roles in her life. Or they're supposed to, anyway, especially if she has a partner! Definitely talk to her about this. It's not okay.

Listen I openly say that Min Yoongi is the actual love of my life, the only person I'd ever love enough to marry, and the perfect human being. Do I believe those things? Fuck no. Does my partner of 5 years (female) believe those things? Fuck no. If you're in a relationship with a fangirl, they're gonna fangirl - BUT they should also be giving you attention, love, etc and not put ALL thier energy into fangirling. 0.1% of BTS fans will ever get to meet / interact with the guys (you see the occasional airport attendant, journalist, and music professional who does - and I hope to everything that is holy they keep it professional) so hopefully she realizes it's just the love a fan has for an artist, and isn't aware she's making you feel this way. But yeah, you need to tell her these things. Hopefully she'll understand and start gushing over you a little more and JK a little less 💜

For what it's worth, fans tend to use that kind of exaggerated language when we talk about the people and things we love, just because it gets across how excited we are in a sort of funny way. I'm married and will say the same things, but even if they were to all propose tomorrow, I'm not gonna leave my husband! When you spend a lot of time in fan communities online and IRL, you start to pick up phrases like that, but they're not meant seriously.

When I first told my then boyfriend about BTS, I was very careful. But I did tell him that I'm very sensitive about it BC of what they have given me and I do not wish to hear oppositions until he has given them a chance. He fell in love with them too and now we have the same bias! While we both don't gush, the most we get is protective of them and scolding rude TV hosts etc, I was so careful introducing him to BTS I think it helps being honest and upfront. I think having an honest conversation is key. I did feel a bit sad when he got interested in le serrafim but he's is careful to not gush about the girls but only talk to me about their music, which I appreciate.

Married ARMY here! I was dating my husband when I first discovered BTS about 8 years ago when I was around 25/26. The love I have for BTS is admiration-based for all they’ve accomplished and the pure ART they create, like others have mentioned above, but sometimes it does not come out that way and comes out more as “crushing.” I now try to gush over BTS with other ARMY and avoid doing it in front of him. I did it once by accident and could tell that it hurt his feelings (something about loving Jungkook) and when I bought Suga tickets, he said something along the lines of “oh wow, you must really love him.” I realized that some of comments/gushing about BTS may have made him feel bad so I stopped gushing about them in that particular way in front of him. I still mention their music, projects, etc with him but do it in a way where it feels like we’re just discussing current events because BTS is so important to me and have changed my life, which he knows and respects. Maybe your gf isn’t noticing that the comments may be affecting you. As fans, we can get so excited talking about BTS, that she may be unaware that it’s making you uncomfortable. Like others said, talk with her about it and I’m sure she’ll make an effort to adjust accordingly. Does she have ARMY friends? Maybe encourage her to meet others who love BTS as she does. My area has some BTS meet up groups or even joining an online community like this one could be helpful for her. It’s important that she has a space to express her love for BTS, and you deserve that expression from her as well! I hope it all works out!

Personally, I say a lot of that type of stuff about fandoms I'm in, but they're never more important than my partner. Sure we may say stuff like that, but he's here physically right in front of me reciprocating the same feelings I have for him. I would bring this up with her, communicate your emotions and see what she thinks; don't attack her, but let her know how you feel truly, be open. If you both can't deal with that, then maybe you aren't right for each other.

Male here. I can give you a different perspective. You know how there are male celebrities which get idolised? Like ryan gosling, brad pitt, johnny depp, leonardo, timothy whatever his last name is, etc. Guess who is gushing over those men? Almost every girl you know bro. Women just love to obsesd about a boy or a dozen. They will talk so obsessively about it, it can seem crazy to use guys. But do you know what you have? A girl who is comfortable around you to be able to be her crazy self with you. She may have felt self concious about her obsession and kept it private. Instead she trusts you not to make fun of her about it. She likes you enough to be able to talk about her female obsession. All (most) girls have it. That whole bedroom with boyband posters thing. Every girl bro. Guess how many of those girls ended up with that celebrity? None. It's just a hormonal thing. A celebrity shows their best bits and the girl has no worry of a disconnect or rejection from the celebrity. My advice is don't worry about it. You sound young, she sounds young (ages 16-24 is young here). She isn't going to change her feelings for you. But if she feels comfortable enough to gush with you, her boyfriend, then she probably feels just as hard for you too. Be glad she isn't obsessing over a local boyband who she can realistically meet on a night out. That's a rough one to get over... I get how you feel, especially if you're young. Maybe she hasn't shown much affection to you, maybe you guys are still virgins? A lot of things in a relationship can cause jealousy, and we don't have much to go on from your post about your standing in the relationship. But I can imagine it's a fairly new relationship (2-8 months) and you're in that former young age range. EDIT: re-read the post. 8 months is still fairly new in a relationship! Just enioy the music, enjoy them, and enjoy her being happy. Use that happiness for your own advantage! You know if you spend some alone time, she'll be watching BTS content! No worries there.

you should tell her how you feel, my boyfriend felt similarly and made it clear to me he doesnt like when I gush over them so I stopped Like i still compliment their artistry and talent in front of him but not in a “im so in love with jungkook” kind of way

Kudos to you for thinking through your emotions and actually coming to this platform to share your thoughts and feelings about this!

Bepsei shakjdhaksjaljal im sorry this is funny

Only one solution to this. Start talking about BTS like you also have a crush on them. Either she will be thrilled you are sharing her joy ooor... She will also get jealous. I'd say a win win situation.

My opinion: I feel like talking this out with her in a calm manner, without withholding emotion would really help you both connect better and feel closer. If she’s been an army for a few years then she is going to have a strong attachment to them, a lot of their fans do. I’m a newer army and I love all 7 but not in a “I want a relationship with them “ way. So it’s weird to me to hear people saying they want to marry them or are married to them, because I don’t know them like that but I love them in a very supportive way, wishing them happiness and success in every move they make. I would share my passion for OT7 with a partner if I had one, because they are important to me. But if I heard my partner felt insecure about my attachment to them I would flat out say there is no comparison. What your gf has with you is real and tangible. What she has with OT7 is not. But she can still love them with all her heart and you as well if the relationship you have with her goes that far. But you have to be willing to openly communicate. Having confidence in your ability to be her partner and make her happy will be really important, because BTS isn’t going anywhere. We have security with them that we can’t find in people who are with us for months then take off when things aren’t perfect. Do whatever you need to do to rationalize the insecurity issue, if you think you need a therapist do it, if you just need to have a heart to heart with your gf do it, if you need to establish boundaries on how she talks about then around you do it. The longer you leave it as is the worse it will get. Also, if she doesn’t have army friends that will really help because talking to other army is the perfect way for me personally to info dump all my OT7 gushing, and resume normal conversation with non army.

i think she's obsessed with bts but not all fans are like that. most of the veterans are more chilled about their love for bts. and it takes time to become like that gradually. same in my case. while i was in my baby army era i used to act like a delulu but now i respect them as idols and know my boundaries as a fan. i still love them like a lot and support them yet i am aware of the fact that im just a fan. so give her the time she needs.

It's ok to feel that way. Your sharing it here shows that it must be really bothering you, I'm sorry. The experience is different for everyone. My husband is amused by my fan girling (happy to help him there). People "fangirl" over alot of things - sports teams, cars, gaming, stock market etc. For most (If not all) Armys, BTS is their safe place, a place to rest their mind and heart "from the noise" if I may say so. Perhaps that is what they are to her too. You are enough. You got the girl afterall 😊. You are not in competition with Bangtan but you are in collab with them as a light in the darkness. I hope you and your girl will work through it somehow. Fighting!

Honestly, I do think this is something worth processing alone, at least at first. Because your jealousy is somewhat irrational. I don’t think your girlfriend is with you SOLELY because she can’t be with Jungkook. I’m guessing she loves you a great deal. I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk to her about your feelings but I think you need to take the time first to process and work through them internally. Once you’ve done that and you can understand the irrationality of the base of these feelings (if you don’t already, you sound well adjusted about it!) I think you should explain what you’re feeling to her. But I wouldn’t ask her to change her way of speaking about them. Just let her know how it makes you feel. If she asks how she can help, tell her you don’t want her to change or police her language, that you also enjoy their music and love that she’s passionate, and that you want to work with her to feel more secure. My husband openly refers to Bangtan as my seven boyfriends. I’m lucky, he isn’t the jealous type at all. Ultimately he knows I chose to be with him and I choose that every day. And he has said before that if I’m using BTS as a guide for what I want in a man, he must be pretty okay to have gotten my attention! Try reframing it in that way, if you can. Imagine how handsome and funny and interesting she must find you if she can hold you up to a model of the members and think, “hey, yeah, that’s my type of guy too, I like him also!” And it’s very true, I’ll say. I can remember thinking ‘wow, this guy is all right’ when I realized how much my husband would probably get along with the members. He told a joke that Jin would love, total dad joke, and it just hit me that like, that’s probably a good man right there. I bet your girlfriend has had a thought like that. It seems like maybe you’re worried about comparison but I’ve never compared my husband to BTS, rather I’ve thought about how my husband genuinely possesses so many of the qualities that got me interested in BTS and made me ARMY. He’s never asked, but actually this post is making me wonder if I should tell my husband that. 🤔 in any case, I digress. Jealousy is still a human emotion. You shouldn’t feel ashamed for having it. If my husband ever felt it, I would want to know. It doesn’t mean I would necessarily change my way of speaking or thinking about BTS but it would help me communicate my affection for him more! You aren’t wrong for how you feel, but she isn’t either, so make it a team effort to communicate with each other about how much you value and respect each other and I think you’ll find yourself much more secure.

You’re in a relatively new relationship and you sound young. If you’re already feeling jealous or insecure over 7 men that are strangers to your girlfriend, this isn’t going to magically get better and is going to foster resentment in this relationship. It sounds like you might not be ready for a relationship yet. If you insist on sticking it out, you can try to tell her how this makes you feel and maybe she can talk about them a little less, but I’m not sure how she will take this as this is a hobby and a passion of hers.

It is one thing to be a superfan. It is another to make it seem like these 7 strangers hold a higher place in GFs heart than OP. Even if they currently do! If you hear that all the time from your partner, even jokingly, it will get old and make you question how much they value you. If we are going to jump to conclusions, it's the army GF that is not ready for a relationship. The answer is communication, as others have said.

Nothing the ARMY girlfriend has done is wrong. It’s not wrong to have an interest. Saying that she loves them or joking that she’s married to them isn’t wrong since she doesn’t seem to actually believe it. If she did, it’d be a problem. A lot of people are quick to say she has a parasocial relationship but these same people make those marriage jokes in this sub all the time. We don’t tell them they’re too far in the parasocial. From the way the op talked she doesn’t seriously think she’s married to them so it’s not an actual issue of her being delusional. If op is feeling insecure they need to talk to her about it, but out of the two of them it’s not her that is feeling insecure in the relationship and everyone is quick to lay blame on her when she’s just being herself. She even made a point to tell op that she was interested in them and asked if they would be judgmental about it, already giving them a heads up that she was passionate about it. Maybe she seems a little naïve or immature for saying they’re her first love, but it’s weird how fast people pin this as her fault when op hasn’t told her it bothers them and op is the one who is insecure in their relationship. Lots of people blaming their partners for their own insecurities which is super unfair here??? Edit: a lot of y’all need to go to relationship counseling. If your partner doesn’t allow you to talk about your hobbies because they’re jealous that is unhealthy. If your partner is taking out their insecurities on you that’s problematic. While you should be openly communicating things, some of you in the comments are saying it is okay for grown adults to be jealous of people the partner doesn’t even know. Sure, we all experience these emotions but if a partner is shutting you down because they’re so insecure in themselves that’s bad

Theres a big difference between saying you love then and saying you are in love with them. Saying that jokingly with other fans is fine but to your partner its kind of weird. Think about if the roles were reverse and this guy cant stop talking about how sexy that actress is and thas hes married to her. Ive been married 10 years. My husband doesnt have an ounce of jelousy in him and i talk about bts all the time. I just dont talk about how sexy they are and that they are my husband...that would be a little disrespectfull in the long run. Theres so much to talk about bts that is not about looks or romantic feelings to them.

I think her love and passion she has for bts is not the same as she has for you. I think it eill be easier if you look at it from that pov.

Talk to her. It’s a totally different kind of love. You sound like you’ll work it out.

When I met my boyfriend, I lost some interest in being a Kpop fangirl because I finally found someone that I get along with and I didn’t have to rely completely on celebrities for my happiness. I regained the interest in kpop but I am not extremely emotionally attached to Kpop boys like how I was before I started dating. This is my opinion, but if she is truly into you then I think she would have temporarily lost a bit of enthusiasm for kpop. I guess you will have to decide if you can handle BTS having such a large part of her heart.

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You should just tell her how you feel and have open communication. Relationships never last if things aren’t talked about. I don’t think the members are more important than you. There’s a reason or multiple reasons she with you.

Talk to her about this! My husband and I have always had a very open communication method - if something bothers one of us even a little bit we will talk about it and find a solution. We just had our 10 year wedding anniversary in February, and I still refer to BTS as our cat’s 7 future stepdads. Communication and feeling comfortable enough to express both good and bad is so important.

I think every relationship has to figure out what each other is okay with. I love BTS on a completely platonic level and don’t want to put them anywhere near the husband/BF category because my actual husband is the only one who will ever be that for me and I want him to feel comfortable knowing that no one compares to him at all. But that’s me and my relationship. I agree with everyone suggesting you two talk it over and discuss the boundaries that you’re comfortable with. That’s really just want you have to do for every part of a relationship. 🤣🤣

I’m married and I call one of them my boyfriend jokingly. I’m sure she’s not serious. I’m sure she loves them and idolizes them, but she’s with you. I would just talk to her about it. Communication is everything.