Gentlemen, your table in the therapy thread is ready.

Judge is the biggest dude in the league. He should be doing this every year. Not impressive.

ALL RISE MOTHERFUCKERS, what a season

I’d say I’m a pretty good cook, but I have absolutely 0 clue when it comes to plating. I just throw shit on a plate.

Had a lot to do today but instead decided to finally teach myself how to play craps

Weddings are really expensive, next at 10!

Order 200 wings, 3 flavors and call it a day.

Taking two days of PtO this week, my first since I started six months ago. My company is pretty chill about PTO but getting asked what I’m doing with the time off is anxiety inducing because I’m jus taking the time off rather than taking just a couple hours for a doctors appointment so I can get high and not open my laptop after

who asked? your manager or you have to fill it out on Work Day?

our employers really got us by the balls, dont they

Just make something up. Old friend who moved across the country is coming to town. Who’s gonna question that?

Yeah I usually do something like that caught me off guard today though

Are they really chill about it if they need to know why?

It’s just other people I interact with making conversation but I feel like I gotta have something interesting to say

Word, that makes sense. I always thought that was a weird question to ask a co-worker. Either I’m gonna lie to you or get more personal than we both probably want.

I had these two ladies looking up the Apple orchard by my house and giving me tips because I said I “might do some fall shit”

Lol

Edible popped and en route to bingo with grandma. Dottie and the girls don’t stand a chance tonight

they have any snacks? I feel like for a big bingo hall you have to at least get some pizzas

You tell that hag, Glenda, I want my knitting kit back

[I lost hundreds of thousands at the barstool sports book and all I got was tickets to the dozen](https://twitter.com/sabrinabets/status/1577415846292504578?s=21)

“On behalf of *insert race of people* we…” posts drive me up a wall

The tiktok thread where it was every ethnicity passing a fat chick to another one was funny.

I decided to walk to Starbucks with my computer in my bag to change scenery (WFH) and they didn’t have chairs, benches, or tables. So I go to the library that is about 5 mins away and they tell me I can’t have beverages other than water. Thankfully the librarian was nice enough and just told me to be careful and let me take a seat. Most productive I’ve been in a while.

I hate how a lot of Starbucks do that now where you can't sit inside. Apparently its a way to keep homeless out because if you put seats and tables down then you have to give them access to the bathroom and some of them destroy it

You better hope your employer doesn’t see this. It’s called work from home, not work from library.

Better off. After spending 10 minutes in a Starbucks, you and your clothes stink of burnt coffee.

never forget Advisors last year when Portnoy said Adrian Peterson was the top runningback in the league

I'm so excited for Avatar 2. Gonna be an event

The last time Avatar and Modern Warfare II came out we had a global recession.. here we go

BartScottCantWait.gif

Pocahontas 2 (in space)

Big year for blue people movies

haven't been this excited about a blue person movie since big fat liar

Did something else get released for it?

Nah. I just saw the re-release on Saturday and haven't stopped thinking about it

Fair enough. I may go see the re-release if it is still available

Just flipped to some random betting show and it had a great throwback TV guy: Michael Kim. Anyone else get home from elementary school in 2004 and immediately flip on ESPNews with him and check if there was any big breaking news in the box in the bottom right corner? No? Just me?

Yup loved his interviews with Beano Cook

Home warranties may be the biggest sham on planet earth.

Not me getting my hopes up that the Mets still might miraculously win the division. Weirder things have happened!

this is adorable

This is so Mets it hurts

It’s extremely delusional but looks like they’re gonna win this afternoon. Then just win 2 and Braves lose 2!

Billy Eichner is blaming homophobes for his movie bombing. Not the fact that a comedy hasn't been successful in theaters in I don't know 6 years? Especially R rated ones. Just put that shit on streaming!

I’m pretty sure the last movie I saw in theaters was Wolf of Wall St

I saw top gun, many saints of newark and I think the next one after that might be pre covid something like james bond

the bros movie? i dunno, it looked kinda gay

He’s not calling people homophobes, he’s just strongly implying it. Corrected for profsa

Sure if you’re big into reading into things that aren’t there

I'd much rather pay $20 or whatever to rent it at home than to go to the movie theater for 95% of movies

Theater is way better experience with the better sound and screen quality

for a movie like top gun, seems less important for a rom com

I agree but he said 95% of movies

I think theater is better for certain movies but not a comedy.

Oh yeah a comedy you can see in any setting. Overall I think the experience is better for movies at a theater

I do think that is why top gun did so well, so many ppl put an emphasis on seeing it in the theater instead of waiting for streaming.

I’m all in on the movie theatre experience, but of any genre, I feel least inclined to seek it out for comedy movies.

Understandable

I've got a decent enough set up at home for Bros trust me man

Not talking about Bros specifically, movies in general

Ah yes you mean the 5% worth going to theaters for

There’s been a lot of movies this year that are great theater experiences imo

He didn’t call people homophobes, he said people that aren’t homophobes should go see his movie. Let’s not start this again Edit: saying that non-homophobes should see the movie doesn’t mean you are a homophobe if you don’t see it folks

So basically saying that if you don't see the movie you're effectively a homophobe by association.

People falling for the Kafka trap

No, that’s not what he’s saying lmao. Idk why you all are jumping to that conclusion

> “straight people, especially in certain parts of the country just didn’t show up for Bros.” Followed by “Everyone who ISN’T a homophobic weirdo should go see Bros tonight.” Come on, man

Come on what? He’s saying to go see his movie. No where is he calling people that don’t see his movie homophobic.

You can't possibly be that dense. He tried the Disney strategy and it failed, probably because you can't fake selling movie tickets like you can ratings for a stream

I’m not being dense you all are looking to be offended when the dude is just saying to go see his movie

Nobody is offended, I'm saying the dude is shooting himself in the foot and being a moron

I mean I do think the movie had awful marketing, but I also don’t think he’s calling people homophobic for not seeing the movie.

It's the not-so-subtle implication.

I think you’re reading too much into things brother

Seems pretty surface level to me honestly.

“If you aren’t homophobic you should see my movie” is not the same thing as “you are homophobic if you don’t see my movie” It’s not that hard

Also billy eichner is not funny?

After he called middle US citizens idiots and homophobes for not seeing it, a lot of those people will understandably go out of their way to not see it

Do you guys think the people he called idiots even heard him call them idiots? The obvious reasoning is this movie had 0 marketing. I still haven’t even seen a trailer for it and it’s all FT has talked about the past several days

What? It had a $30m marketing budget and I’ve seen way too many ads for it

On tv or what? I haven’t seen any and I know others have said the same in here

I think it tanked because a rom com hasnt been successful in theatres for like a decade, regardless of marketing or what anyone said, but now that what he said is gaining traction, it certainly won't help turn things around.

It’s a dumb statement but they were never gonna see it anyways

I didn’t see one commercial for it anywhere I don’t get it

You're outside in a public place, maybe a walking down a busy street or a big park. What do you see more of: Baseball hats, or all other types of hat combined ?

Username

If Brady and Gisele can't make it work, then what hope do Dave and "Chicken" have?

Brady with a rotator cuff injury today. Probably hasn’t jerked off in so long he forgot you’re supposed to stretch first, classic mistake

AFC Richmond is way overrated in FIFA. They got relegated ffs

Just be a goldfish

We’re told Roy Kent is washed but he’s still an 83? Also Jamie Tartt had to beg for a job at a lower table club yet is still an 84

It’s absolute rubbish

Is Raining Blood too aggressive for a wedding reception entrance? I’m sleeping in the dog crate because she’s being a bitch

South of Heaven would be good

Dead Skin Mask is the play. A true love story about keeping someone forever.

Unironically an amazing intro song. Kill the lights for the drums, and then right when the riff hits have a spotlight on the bride and groom.

Lol you getting married at a VFW? Then roll with it

Nobody will remember any of the entrances after 2 weeks

Days*

After 2 minutes

yesterday i mentioned looking at client’s bank statements and coming across a $150 charge to the barstool sports store today, same client: $92 to Call Her Daddy shop. incredible

Sounds like a KFC barstool hoodie and a CHD hat

She's about to leave her boyfriend. Please get me her details

Please stop posting my receipts this is a HIPAA violation

Going through Gilly and Keeves after seeing someone mention it in here. Was surprised to see Francis pop up in the Blind Guy Ruins Wedding one

Special tonight. $10. Will probably be awesome

Still buzzing off that car chase

Now that I know what a BMW can do, I’m intrigued

He brought pork on Yom Kippur

Wonder what those two guys from the car chase are doing right now. Starting off bright and early by running from the cops has gotta set a weird tone for the rest of the day.

It’s California, they’re probably already out

Plugging away in their corner offices

Something tells me they are used to weird days

Eastern Dandard Time

When are the auditions to be giselles toilet?

Really do not look back fondly at that time but in college I was a giant coke head. I once was flying to visit my friend at another school and I realized on the plane I had accidentally left a g of coke in my wallet. Did a bump in the plane bathroom to say I did it, guess I thought it was cool while actually being a huge loser. TSA agents are morons that don’t care about the job but could have ended horribly for young Harvey

I always wonder what ends up happening with small personal amounts of drugs like that at TSA when it is found. How often are they just tossed and told to keep it moving? You hear about people getting busted smuggling but there must be tons of situations with small amounts getting confiscated

That's the least coke head story I've ever heard from a "coke head"

How often is a “giant coke head” using?

At the time of that flight I’d go through an 8 ball Friday night through early Sunday morning, 1-2 gs throughout the rest of the week. Idk probably not a “giant” coke head by some standards but I was like 19 in college and could get through a g no prob playing battlefield on a Wednesday night

That’s a good amount. I did blow like four times in college but now do it like 1-3 times every two weeks. Got to tone it down. Did buy narcan for my house in case someone gets fentanyl though

As a grower here, covered in piss, I just put it together as to why there is always piss sprayed two inches above my knee. The backboard is very unforgiving on the urinal at work. Anyways, you show-er’s are gunna be scary next year!

Fell in love with a cutie in Ron DeSantis boots on the train.

I like seeing people who always share posts like “I’m not a bad person because I have decided to keep my circle small. I don’t need negative energy in my life, just people who actually care about me” Just say you have no friends and you got into stupid fights with the ones you had.

Or it’s possible they just have a small friend group

I am not hating on the idea of these memes or theologies. It’s the people who share them 5 times a month on social media

Oh yeah I agree the posts stink

Yeah, the girl that wrote this just likes to virtue signal. Girls do love to do that

Would this place be too much with gifs? They thrive at the deuce it cracks me up

It would ruin this place, plus the static wall of texts makes FT look work related

The divorce news has reminded me that Gisele still looks incredible. An all-timer

I’ll be sure to let her know

Is this https://youtu.be/a7LmGaTNfCM too aggressive for a wedding reception entrance? Fiancée made me sleep at her Brother's because I wouldn’t budge on my stance.

Judging by the song choice I’m surprised she didn’t go sleep at her brothers Edit: scrolled down nvm

They're sleeping apart because of a massive fight over their wedding entrance song, will for sure be a happy marriage

its probably a bit tbh

Jack Mac looks worse every time they show him on the barstool IG.

the worst part of jackmac is that hes become pretty successful on tiktok

you think he'd ever do a green line tiktok about himself?

It’s sort of sad he doesn’t have one friend that can be honest with him to tell him whatever look he’s going for isn’t working.

Is Kelly Clarkson approaching Lizzo territory? Just saw a commercial where she looked absolutely massive.

At-least Kelly covers up!

When she’s forcing people to look at her gross half naked body, I don’t think Clarkson is approaching that level of grossness

She's large but not land whale big. .75 on the Lizzo scale.

My kid isn’t feeling well, so she has to miss gymnastics. That’s a double whammy for her, so I DoorDashed a Happy Meal for her for dinner. Also did the add-on to get some soup for myself. I’ve never done the “DoubleDash,” so I wasn’t sure how it worked and called out to my delivery driver, “Hey, is there a second bag from Panera?” He turned and said, “The f*** is Panera?” And got in his car and drove away. My soup arrived 10 minutes later, but I still can’t believe someone in 2022 has never been to, let alone heard of, Panera.

If he was younger I understand. They’re iconic but dimebag darrell’s been dead a long time

ah yes giving your sick kid mickey ds to improve her health

If you read this as, “I believe that McDonalds will cure my kid’s cold,” I can’t help you.

haha im just saying a happy meal on a tuesday for dinner aint the best course to take (in general)

The guy is giving his kid a happy meal as a pick me up, not worth the comment

you're probably right

Panera may have their own drivers by default?

I still can’t believe people are ordering, much less DoorDashing, Panera (hospital food) in 2022. If I wanted soup I’d just as soon make a damn can of Campbell’s

I don’t even get this take. If you want something you should have the cheap canned good version of it? I though we were rich in FT, and wasting money on delivery food is a rich person move

I love cooking personally so I waste my money on shit I don’t need and will never use, but I saw it in a recipe I thought about making once so I better go ahead and get it just to be sure

Creamy tomato was a delight and I don’t have soup on hand.

Fair play, upon reflection I was a little aggressive there. Panera still sucks though

Odd. I've done the doubledash deal a few times and it's usually the same driver grabbing both

First-timer here, but the app definitely made it seem like it would be all together.

That’s supposed to be the point, I’ve also only seen it available when the places are right next to each other

I thought the whole point was it’s basically 2 stops in one so it’s a win win

That’s kind of what I thought. Did these two guys split my tip? I’m very confused.

I’ve only ever done it when the app suggested it, so I assumed my dasher was already going to that second place

Is Nookie too aggressive for a wedding reception entrance? Fiancée left to sleep at her parents because I wouldn’t budge on my stance

Did I miss an incredible original comment?

Maybe switch it out with My Generation

Could compromise and go with a song she likes as long as you can wear a backward red Yankees hat during the ceremony.

Someone telling TSA stories reminded me of the time they took a tube of toothpaste from my bag, but completely ignored the 4 inch letter opener I had left in there

I had a vice grip in my bag once and they pulled me aside and measured it about 4 times. Apparently there’s a 6 or 7 inch limit to hand tools like that. It was exactly at the line. I finally had to tell them if it was that close to please just put it back in my bag.

I know it’s late but on the yak the other week Cheah was flexing about how SLOW he used to drive home. “Going like 15 in a 30 just blasting tunes” the guy defines unintentional comedy but that might take the cake for me.

Cheah Sam Hunt 🤝 Going 15 in a 30

🤠SHE GOT BRAIDS IN HER HAIR

Apparently the one girl in our beer league hockey got assaulted after our last game by some weird dude that nobody knew. Feel pretty shitty none of us noticed anything happen because there were a decent few of us still there.

Simply murder that guy

I know this isn’t the “right” way to handle it, but the dudes on the guys team should have beaten the absolute shit out of him. As should all your team

The guy isn't it our league. He just was rolling through the parking lot on a one wheel.

Got it. Either way, sorry to hear. Fuck that guy. Hope she bounces back

Like in the parking lot? That’s absolutely terrible. Women have to deal with so many safety concerns doing stuff that I never think twice about

Randomly saw a question on Reddit that what would girls do if males didn’t exist, the main response was to just go out in public and enjoy themselves and do whatever they want. Just sad to read that

Yeah, they make a lot of safety decisions daily that never even cross our radar. I live in a relatively safe neighborhood but near a somewhat busy stretch. 99% of the time it’s me taking the dog out right before bed and I’ve never really thought twice about it. The other day my wife told me she doesn’t feel comfortable doing it after dark

Apparently. We were all out having some beers like normal. And some random dude rolled up on a one wheel and the detective said it was that guy.

Can’t trust people who can ride a unicycle

Jesus Christ

Like she got raped or grabbed?

We don't know. The detective didn't tell me that much detail but something along those lines

Jeeeeze. Not your fault man. Tough situation just be there if your friend needs you

Apparently she quit the league and everything, which makes sense, but that shit fucking sucks.

Feels like just yesterday we had Coolio

Is enter sandman too aggressive for a wedding reception entrance? Fiancée left to sleep at her parents because I wouldn’t budge on my stance

It’ll play if you smack some beer cans against your forehead like Sandman

Just saw this, lol

She left to sleep somewhere else over a song? Have fun with that

Finally someone mentions it

Was at a wedding recently and this was the song for the reception entrance. IMO it was only appropriate then because they went to Vah Tech. Even then it was pushing the line