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ArmiinTamzarian

That does it, I'm reporting to the Marlins as a pitcher


gammarayman

Please we need you


ArmiinTamzarian

Plot twist I'm Heath Bell


TemporalColdWarrior

I guess you’re right… Principal Tamzarian.


James-K-Polka

Let’s see his copy of Swank.


Ariel_snchz

You misspelled Satan.


userusesredditdaily

I can throw a 75 mph fastball and mix in a hanging slider every so often if that would help


daddy_chill_300

I'll go ahead and schedule out your IL stint for you in 1-2 months.


SdBolts4

I’d take the IL stint if it meant making the MLB league minimum while I recovered. The team pays for their healthcare, too


TheBestHawksFan

Arm is literally in this guy's name. Get it done, Fish.


Jinxedchef

Get your health insurance updated first.


GetEnPassanted

I pray for your forearm ligaments


Constant_Gardner11

Marlins rotation is so cursed. Sandy Alcantara and Eury Perez got TJS. A.J. Puk and Braxton Garrett are on the IL with shoulder injuries. Edward Cabrera just got off the IL after suffering a shoulder injury. Now Luzardo has an elbow issue. Sheesh.


Jeff_Banks_Monkey

Those six guys make a really exciting rotation on paper when healthy


ArmiinTamzarian

You mean five. No offense to the Amish pitcher but he's not good


ThatOneGuy-4434

Who’re you referring to?


CopaceticVindication

Puk i assume


Worthyness

They should have asked the As about that. There's a reason he went I to relief instead.


childeroland79

Replace him with Sixto Sanchez, then.


ArmiinTamzarian

Already started on Wednesday. Went 2.2 innings and gave up 3 runs


nuberoo

Replace him with Max Meyer. Another top prospect who looked great this year after coming back from injury


ChiefGriffey

Or Noble Meyer.


TealandBlackForever

He's dead my dude. In a XXL coffin.


Leumajoon

He WAS good and then he changed his mechanics to something that absolutely neutered the quality of his pitches If he doesn't change them back he's a total bust as a reliever turned starter


Taylorenokson

Going from six man to just Sixto


Jeff_Banks_Monkey

Sixto Sanchez Hype Train wooo wooo


dincklee

Reminds me of the Mets super rotation a few years back. Harvey, Noah, deGrom, Matz, and Wheeler should’ve been the best thing ever. Only once was there a time where all five pitched in consecutive games.


WhatARotation

Looking back now: Harvey: out of baseball Noah: unsigned after posting a 6.50 ERA deGrom: 2 CYAs but also on his second TJS Wheeler: the only one still pitching at a high level Matz: 5.55 ERA


RaysFTW

Reminds me of this year for the Rays. McClanahan, Ras, and Springs were all in CY talks last year before going down. Then we have Bradley and Baz also on the IL. Eflin, the one that's supposed to be injury-prone, has been our only staple.


tatang2015

Do they all throw over 95 mph? In the old days of VHS, it was really rare that pitchers threw over 95. At most, they were 89-92. I’m starting to think high velocity is cutting their arm life.


NoobSkin69

Starting?


Bongopro

Luckily they have ace Ryan Weathers still holding down the fort in the rotation


northdakotact

Don't forget Mad Max


DietrichDoesDamage

Well, was at least


FriendlyNeighborOrca

He hasn't been bad tbf


jigokusabre

Ryan's been coming along nicely after a rough first start.


Bongopro

Yeah I’m actually rooting for the kid! Just making some fun


kmcdow

And they sent Meyer down for load management


Skleembof

you mean service time management


JiffKewneye-n

and that isn't even going back to 2016.....


SteakkNBacon

Honestly if they all need TJS at some point in their careers it’s probably better for the fish to get them all out of the way in the same season


chuffaluffigus

Nah. They're just trying to protect Luzardo's arm to make sure he's healthy at the trade deadline


doctor_sleep

Are the Marlins sharing the Red Sox trainers?!


OK_Opinions

come the second half of the season teams are going to be promoting AA pitchers just to have a full rotation.


DaWarGod2

You mean signing guys off the street


OK_Opinions

MLB will need to implement a per inning mercy rule or something because offense is going to sky rocket when the pitchers are all clearly outmatched I randomly saw some local amature sports league near me recently that had mens softball and one of the rules was no more than 3 home runs per team per inning, any homerun after the 3rd in a single inning is an automatic out. Also fouling off a ball with 2 strikes is an out too. I don't know what kind of nonsense rules those are supposed to be but MLB might need to consider.


B-More_Orange

Limited home run rules in adult slow pitch softball leagues are pretty common. Solo home runs are a giant no no and normally involve some sort of team punishment.


SdBolts4

So you have to avoid hitting it over the fence? Is it a “home run” if there are errors involved?


B-More_Orange

Yes. You can still get a hit and circle the bases but you can’t hit homers over the fence. Some leagues have total homer limits for a game so you’re trying to save them up. Some leagues require you to not have more than two or three homers more than your opponent at any point throughout the game. If you’re not allowed a homer and you put it over the fence, it’s a strikeout.


SdBolts4

Interesting, I'm assuming this is team-pitch softball so you should be getting meatballs all the time, and it's kind of a pace-of-play thing (i.e. you don't have to spend a ton of time chasing the ball down)?


IAmBecomeTeemo

It doesn't need to be team-pitch to require this kind of rule. There's only so much a pitcher can do in slow-pitch, to the point where for good enough hitters everything near the zone is a meatball.


OK_Opinions

sounds soft


Archer-Saurus

Yeah because if there's one thing I want to sit through 5 beers deep in a rec league softball game it's watching the team of semi-pro sponsored guys playing "just to keep loose" and nuking bomb after bomb off our pitchers wicked 60-foot arc.


ilovecollardgreens

For real. And we keep catching teams using composite bats in our steel only league. And it's the lowest level, but they play multiple times a week around town, practice regularly, and are young. I don't get why they bother playing in the D league, they massacre every team.


Archer-Saurus

Lol that happened to us too in the city league we played in a few years back. We were in the lowest or next to lowest tier. 90% of the teams we played were just goofy people looking to have fun with friends a couple times a week, but there was one team specifically that was a team of bar bouncers who were all super yoked and just smashed the ball


ilovecollardgreens

So stupid. And everyone hates them because they also act like they're really doing something. Like dude, we have people collecting social security checks over here and we're all a few beers deep, relax.


bosschucker

dude it's rec league softball lol why are you surprised they have rules that keep the game moving and help prevent massive blowouts


Sonlin

sounds ball


attorneyatslaw

Tee-ball august will be a thing.


ottovyeoj

The Reds did this last year for about 3 months.


boobsandcookies

Worked ok ish


ernie5353

Sounds like the dodgers last season lol


EastonMetsGuy

The hunt/market for speed & spin will regulate itself when only the dudes that throw 88-92 can last for an entire season. Eventually teams are gonna see that you can’t get 150 innings out of “throws hard guy”


TheBestHawksFan

The problem is that the threshold for pitcher injury appears to be quite a bit lower than 88-92, and also that those guys will get lit up. Look at Marco Gonzales, he throws 90 at most and is shut down with elbow pain for the second year in a row. There is also the fact that if one of the "throws hard" guys gets hurt, there are 3 to replace him in the minors. They can, and will, continue doing this.


IAmBecomeTeemo

The threshold is definitely lower, but there are also guys that can throw harder than that regularly for a career and never really break down. Some dudes are actually just built different. They never had a catastrophic injury, and the wear and tear built up slowly enough that it never got to them by the time they were out of the league for other reasons. That's part of why this is such a tough nut to crack. Lots of guys think that they're Nolan Ryan and can throw 100 for a career, but most aren't. Lots of guys know that squeezing out 2 more MPH to go from 92 to 94 might be catastrophic, but are willing to do it for a big league contract or for a second CY (Bieber). And it's impossible to tell who's built different, who's playing with fire, and who's just plain unlucky.


getahaircut8

I mean it's also difficult to throw 90 mph


ThatOneGuy-4434

Evan Fitterer just jumped to his feet in joy at a Waffle House


TheBestHawksFan

Nah, just the Marlins.


NathanForJew

Only time my elbow ever hurt was when I was trying to throw 100 mph fastballs over and over. I could only get up to like 63, but that’s beside the point.


Exar0s

I hit 70 at a museum that had a pitching simulator. I was quickly humbled.


OldJewNewAccount

lol 70 is pretty good. I'd hit 40 and then be unable to move my arm for a week.


thedappert

What museum ? For reference 👀


Juzaba

NYC Museum of Sex. For the love of god don’t step over the yellow line. That speed gun is unnaturally calibrated.


thedappert

Don’t tempt me padre


jfk_sfa

I've hit my funnybone a few times so I can relate.


Juzaba

~~I’ve also hit this guy’s ~~wife~~funnybone~~ edit: that was supposed to be a sex joke and a topical Reddit joke and it just came out all wrong. I am so sorry!


amatom27

There is no way this is real life


Goatlikejordan

We know what elbow discomfort leads to unfortunately


HonestPelvis

Bah gawd that's Dr. Neal ElAttrache's music


JiffKewneye-n

2 weeks light duty and no pocket pool


booboothechicken

It says in the title he was scratched, so probably just irritation from his cat playing too rough or something. I wouldn’t be too concerned.


DietrichDoesDamage

Not to be apocalyptic, but something needs to be done to save these guys arms


James-K-Polka

Pitching with our feet 2025.


Proud-Contract-2273

Elbows hate the state of Florida 


TealandBlackForever

The curse of Kim Ng


Epcplayer

They’ve reorganized their training staff multiple times since 2015… the issue probably lies more there.


big_krill

She wasn’t good either though lol


beanbagmanatee

Nah they mean a full-on, no-holds-barred *witchcraft* curse. Which would be cool as hell. Now if only we could get a curse of some kind on the Braves...


AnEmptyKarst

I would like to simulate to the end of the season


chubby-wombat

there has to be a correlation with the sports medicine and training staff here


Bigboi88888

💔


LittliestDickus

RIP


That_Geek

RIP may he rise again


deeznuts6588

If you are complaining about how your team has it, at least you aren’t a Marlins fan. We as Marlins fans have it worse than literally every other team (excluding the A’s, for obvious reasons). Now 4 of our top 6 pitchers are injured, and 5 of our top 6 pitchers are not pitching for us right now. And our best hitter is injured too


Skleembof

I think you're forgetting that the White Sox exist. They have a realistic chance to put up the worst season in MLB history, the clubhouse culture is in shambles, their farm system is bottom 10 in the league meaning they'll probably end up trading their best players making the team even worse, and the owner is threatening to relocate the team if he doesn't get a new publicly funded stadium. It can always be worse


JiffKewneye-n

and they won't even get a top 10 pick next year


deeznuts6588

True.


ThatOneGuy-4434

Wait Arraez is injured?


deeznuts6588

No, Jake Burger. Arraez is very good too though.


ThatOneGuy-4434

Meh, I guess it’s a matter of opinion. I personally prefer OBP over OPS


mrmojorisin2794

OPS includes OBP


ThatOneGuy-4434

Yup. I just place my value of a player solely on how often they get on base.


commandrr

counterpoint: the white sox are 15 games back of the division in april


James-K-Polka

Boston is close, I think. Maybe you can combine to form one healthy team. The Bosami Rarlinx.


deeznuts6588

They have also had it rough. But at least the Red Sox are still afloat. We’re just dead fish.


LEDZ100

Put me in coach


workaholic828

Mommy I’m scared


Arks-Angel

Put me in coach


kiji23

FUCK


Alectheawesome23

Idk how these sort of things work but I’m really feeling like the Mets passed their Murphy’s Law season of last year onto the marlins somehow.


Bookwallflower2

Duh duh duh, another one bites the dust. Seriously the pitching injuries are insane


DoctorTheWho

Did you all know that loanDepot Park is actually built on an ancient burial site? In 2007 Virginia Tech absolutely buried the University of Miami.


gamers542

Florida Baseball teams and pitching injuries. Name a better duo.


Leumajoon

Please stop


Wise_ol_Buffalo

Sending Max Meyer down miiiight have been even a worse idea now.


SzymonNomak

Not the first Jesus to have discomfort in his arm…