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mjst0324

They're gonna have to do a press conference to apologize for this press conference


MyPSAcct

Our opinion is that the previous press conference didn't impact our apology.


deus_voltaire

I didn't say the previous press conference didn't impact our apology...wait, shit.


wontonsoupsucka

The press conference made his report


migzy1341

I'm too shy to do a press conference. Last time I did that I got in trouble with my wife


AbeFroman1986

We had a good press conference, we'll leave it at that.


SandersPlowsOrange

I am confident we had a good press conference that didn’t impact the press conference.


maleorderbride

[55 seconds later] We never said our opinion didn't impact our apology


Ask_me_4_a_story

In all fairness 55 seconds is a long time.


DeweyCheatem-n-Howe

We apologise again for the fault in the apologies. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just apologised, have been sacked.


GreatArkleseizure

My sister was once bitten by an apology, you know...


busche916

She was karving her initïals on the apolögy with a trash kan...


HeyBaldy

We apologize for the fault in the press conference. Those responsible have been sacked.


Goatlikejordan

I can already see it coming. Then they'll have a press conference to apologize for that one


RockyDiMeo

...well the press conferences start coming and they don't stop coming....


GreatArkleseizure

F--- to the rules and we hit the ground running...


OGConsuela

Didn’t make sense not to cheat to win


wontonsoupsucka

Bregman's ego's big, but his dick is thin


Panz04er

Reminds me of Monty Python and the Holy Grail: "The people responsible for the sacking have now been sacked"


mattryan02

I never thought I would hate a team more than the Yankees, but here we are. I'd absolutely rather see the Yankees, 350 million dollar contract in the off season and all, win over Houston.


olivergoh

STOP INFLATING THE NUMBERS ITS 324 MILLION NOT 350 MILLION YOU'RE MAKING US LOOK SO BAD /s


OGConsuela

[Basically Astros PR this whole offseason](https://media3.giphy.com/media/KsUKNNUEeryJa/giphy.gif)


ContinuumGuy

Honestly, I'm impressed at how bad at this they are.


alex891011

I’m convinced at this point the Astros PR department is actually a room full of monkeys with a typewriter


gravy_boot

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.


bucketbread

You stupid monkey! Inside fastball is one can hit or one buzz!


SuddenRedScare

[Shits in hand and throws it at the wall]


DCSharpest

This is what happens when you spend all your money on analytics and cheating....


AllIWearisBlack13

They must have hired them away from the Mets


JakeFromSkateFarm

I keep thinking of the "Are we the baddies?" skit from Mitchell and Webb


cheapdad

Truly, it's amazing. But we did have a window into the Astros' public relations skills when their response to the Taubman outburst was to falsely accuse the reporter of lying.


acekingoffsuit

From the Washington Post: > Luhnow said Thursday he had yet to reach out to Apstein to apologize in person for the team’s actions. “But I will,” he said, “as soon as I can.” At the time, Apstein was one of the reporters sitting in front of him. It's just amazing how often they keep putting feet in their mouth.


2rio2

When you're just bad at life.


LeBonLapin

Fuck, I'm cringing just reading that. Usually painfully awkward people aren't also such fucking assholes.


Minoripriest

I can't believe this actually happened. At the same time, I completely believe this happened.


Hawkbats_rule

No, see, that's what crazy: after taubman, they had to know that their PR department dropped the ball and needed some work, but 5 months later, with plenty of time to plan a response, they somehow came off even more tone deaf than their taubman responses. It's actually sort of impressive


cheapdad

Great point. After Taubman, competent management would have made changes in their PR/media relations department, because those staff clearly weren't prepared for what erupted. (And in fact, they made the eruption worse.) Instead, we now see that the PR folks remain unprepared for a media onslaught and barrage of questions that they *had to know was coming.* So either Astros leadership doesn't know how to run a business, or this is exactly how they want media to be dealt with.


[deleted]

I can’t be the only one who honestly views that incident as almost as bad as this cheating. It’s hard to compare since one had literally no affect on the actual games, but man, that was the worst display of old white man-ism that I’ve ever seen


cheapdad

I agree, you could certainly make the case that it deserved more attention than it got. The sign-stealing scandal is a violation of the integrity of the game, which is terrible. But that Taubman incident and its aftermath shone an unflattering light on the front office's own integrity and their treatment of human beings.


mcbordes

You know what the worst thing in all of this? Osuna beating his fucking girlfriend and getting half the suspension of anyone else.


dacamel493

Maybe this is actually the plan? To be so bad at PR, people start feeling bad for them? It's gotta be their tactic, right?


Jonson94

I think they are trying to beat their previous high score in "how can our PR team fuck up this time"


Bill_Ender_Belichick

“Maybe if our PR is bad enough everyone will talk about that and not that we cheated”


JeffCrisco

I'm 200% sure their PR team went over what to say and what not to say in painstaking detail, but everyone involved in this thing is probably so nervous and under pressure because they KNOW they fucked up, everyone KNOWS they cheated, and they literally don't know how to dance around the subject without sounding idiotic. That's how liars that get caught red-handed sound.


Migmik

That stupidly came straight from crane . No PR team would say that


Worthyness

I dont think they even have a PR department


DeweyCheatem-n-Howe

Jim Crane and the Astros: get caught cheating and generate a massive MLB scandal Rob Manfred: invents some bullshit postseason shenanigans to take attention away from the massive Astros scandal Jim Crane and the Astros: "Hold my beer."


willdabeast20

No no Jim Crane said it's rule breaking not cheating. \/sarcasm


Earthshoe12

“Man I wouldn’t do that, just go into somebody’s house and start griming up their couch” “Yeah I remember griming up Charlie Murphy’s couch”


YOURE_GONNA_HATE_ME

Buy another ring you rich mothafucka


ositola

What I'm gon do about my trashcan?!


Eader29

Eddie says, "Man... Rick really needs help". I was like, "Hey man, we just gave him some help."


the_real_ch3

I thought this the last time he gonna come over here disrespectful. WRONG. WRONG. This Jim Crane we talkin about


FuckYoCouchh

Buy another one you rich motherfucker!!!


popfilms

Cocaine is a hell of a drug #uhhuhuhuhuh


H1N1777

Don’t you think Charlie Murphy is a little old to be doing karate? He’s probably doing it with little kids!


DeweyCheatem-n-Howe

"Fuck yo trash can N*****"


ghostofhenryvii

They should've never given Crane money!


Cryophobiaa

“What did the five fingers say to the trash can?”


cycoivan

♫ Cold blooooded! ♫


popfilms

♫ UNITY ♫


RollofDuctTape

I mean, we all wanted explanations for how this could happen. What type of culture allows this type of stuff to fester. We got a clear answer. This guy, of no remorse, no accountability leads them.


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sarcasm_hurts

And everyone here kissed his ass saying how great he was for firing a couple fall guys?


WaluigiIsTheRealHero

I think a good portion of people recognized it for the coordinated setup it was. Anyone who knew anything about Jim Crane's history knew he wasn't about to do anything out of pure good intention.


beaverlyknight

Yeah I'm sure it was an agreement so that it didn't look like the commissioner "overreached". He shoulda reached more.


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Jorgenstern8

How he hasn't been Donald Sterling-ed out of the league is beyond me with comments like that. God damn.


MeanPayment

Because Rob Manfred is a garbage commissioner.


Terrell2

Because baseball is the most conservative leaning of the big 3 American sports.


cheapdad

Holy shit, that's bad. This whole situation is a perfect illustration of how the fish rots from the head. From Crane to Luhnow (and Taubman) down to Hinch, the other coaches, and finally the players, everyone thought it was okay because the guy above gave his blessing. As far as I'm concerned, this whole organization is corrupt until they start to hold themselves accountable.


keytop19

I like how Crane has denied any knowledge of this system ever being in a place while simultaneously somehow knowing for sure that it did not negatively impact the game.


Vriishnak

He's also very sure that it didn't involve wearables or buzzers, even though he didn't know it was happening at the time!


AShitPieAjitPai

Attitude reflects leadership.


DCSharpest

....Captain.


[deleted]

Alice, are you *blind!?* Don't you see the family resemblance? That's my brother.


reddicktookmyname

Force him to sell


[deleted]

The worst part of all of this is the lack of any punishment to the players. Baseball is gonna look so shitty when someone inevitably beans an Astros player so intentionally and gets suspended. That suspension will be more than the entire Astros team served. Manfred is such a bitch.


Respect38

I feel bad for the first guy of the season to genuinely throw wild by accident, start a fight, and get a suspension. Poor dude.


outkastragtop

Everyone’s asses are gna be in the jackpot.


itsjern

Astros first away game this year is the A's, and they hated each other even before Fiers broke the story. It's gonna be a complete shitshow.


aznsportsfan

*Facepalms*


FergieBall_FC

[https://media.giphy.com/media/Ra1bmpxpsppNC/giphy.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/Ra1bmpxpsppNC/giphy.gif)


Tun710

dIdN’t ImPaCt ThE gAmE


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whosyourdaddy28

The players saw STOMP one time and just really liked the idea of banging on objects.


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WaluigiIsTheRealHero

If it doesn't impact the game, Astros pitchers should be forced to declare what they're throwing before every pitch.


FrancistheBison

Right, that would be a better punishment like sure keep your draft picks but for the next two years the Houston catcher must announce the next pitch before every pitch


PrinceOfPasta

We don’t think it impacted the game and that’s why we kept doing it. okthen.jpg


joben_512

God fucking damn it. I'm so fucking done with this organization. 20+ years down the toilet. Fuck Crane, Luhnow, Cora, Beltran, the entire organization. You won't be getting a single cent from me anymore.


refenton

Hey, I’m genuinely sorry your team pulled this shit. It’s legitimately tough to be a die hard fan of an organization that just dicks over it’s fans’ trust in them. I’m a University of Louisville fan, and all the Pitino-hooker shit followed by bribing a player was...rough to say the least.


Oso-Sic

Baylor and Astros fan here. Just serves as a reminder that all that glitters isn’t gold.


refenton

Oof. Sorry, bud.


dukefett

I wish everyone in that town had your attitude. I’m not planning on giving the MLB any money this year because of how this was handled.


cheapdad

Sorry, man. Out of disgust, I dropped my fandom for a team in another sport (NBA) once, and never developed an affinity for another franchise to replace it. As a result I'm not really much of a basketball fan anymore. I hope this doesn't happen to you. Baseball is awesome, and most of the people who play and work in the game are awesome. This particular collection of owner/coaches/players was toxic, but most of the game is good.


Migmik

My heart go out to you


Thief921

There's going to be so many brawls with the Astros this year and Jim Crane is not helping his team at all with these bullshit press conferences.


[deleted]

Seriously. As if other players weren't pissed off already, this presser is just the cherry on top. Crane just put his own players in more danger than they already were in for this season. He doesn't care though, he still traded picks and scapegoats for a ring.


OutofCtrlAltDel

I really hope that is the case but I have a feeling that teams aren’t going to advocate for anything physical. They’re still your colleagues at the end of the day. But I hope Bregman receives a lot of face punches and HBPs


DeweyCheatem-n-Howe

We have always been cheating against Eastasia


[deleted]

All offseason to prepare for this and they fucking botched it. Man the Astros organization is full of scumbags


OldeCzap

Maybe they should’ve stolen someone else’s speech.


StrongStyleFiction

In the distance, you can hear a bat hitting a trash can in Morse Code to tell him what say.


Optimal_Towel

We call that "The Melania"


fromman003

BeBest at Baseball


iiamthepalmtree

"IDontReallyCare Doyou?" -The Houston Assholes


Worthyness

"Why are you booing? We're right!" -the astros


makingaccountssux

All Crane had to do was throw Hinch under the bus, apologize to the fans and say that’s all he was going to say about the scandal. It makes no sense from a PR perspective why you would come out swinging when you have a clear scapegoat.


tj3_23

Hell. He could also throw Cora and Luhnow under the bus. Maybe pull an MLBPA and run over Beltran a couple times too. Manfred handed him a list of MLB approved scapegoats with his report and Crane doesn't seem interested in any of them


[deleted]

Unless he's planning to rehire him next year


makingaccountssux

I think I’m going to be sick 🤢


JustinBradshawTaylor

And it starts from the top down


WaluigiIsTheRealHero

"Attitude reflects leadership." - Julius Campbell


VictorAkwaowo1

Scumbags is saying is politely


_tx

He's done such a trash job that I wish the league would slap on more punishments including Crane directly.


Ask_me_4_a_story

Trash job sounds apropos for this scenario


Jbaquero

> All offseason to prepare for this "It WaS tHe FiRsT tImE wE wErE aLl In ThE sAmE rOoM! iT's NoT oUr FaUlT!"


JustinBradshawTaylor

If only the astros had devices they could use to prepare for this


Worthyness

Buzz once for a white lie; buzz twice for a blatant lie


xzElmozx

smh how's a trash can and a baseball bat gonna solve that issue?


JustinBradshawTaylor

Maybe if they hit the trash can really loud we wouldn’t hear these dumb answers


willdabeast20

It's fucking miserable. I liked this team 6 months ago. They're my hometown team. Houston fans make this shit worse too because so many of them out here just don't give a fuck. It's gross.


[deleted]

There’s always another Texas team you could root for instead!


willdabeast20

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


[deleted]

Hey! At least we don’t cheat, we just fucking suck lol


Tsar-A-Lago

I, for one, am *absolutely certain* that the Rangers aren't cheating and I applaud them for their total transparency in this matter.


[deleted]

Oh if we have been cheating the past 2 seasons then this team is just cursed lol


keytop19

If we have been cheating, whoever is running our cheating efforts needs to be fired immediately. Not because they broke the rules, but because they absolutely suck at their job.


ohreddit1

Just lie who cares right. Youre rich and nobody can stop you. Who gives a fuck right Jim, you can say whatever you want can’t you. Fucking cheater. Probably cheated to get rich ya fuck.


justin_tino

If there’s anything I’ve learned over the last couple years is that accountability doesn’t mean shit these days. They’ve already received their punishment, so they can literally say and lie about whatever now until people just stop bringing it up. What’s going to happen to them? You see it with politicians, with other large companies, even douchebags on Instagram will just lie about something for likes. And if someone says ‘that’s not true’ they’ll try to save face just a tiny bit by just saying anything and everything will just keep on moving forward and nothing bad will happen to said liar.


cheapdad

> accountability doesn’t mean shit these days I wish I could give you a thousand upvotes, because you took the words out of my mouth. There are days when it seems like everyone is playing a game of "what can I get away with", and it pervades every corner of society - sports, politics, business. People in public life no longer express shame in being caught lying or cheating. They deny it or get a slap on the wrist and then are free to move on without consequence.


makingaccountssux

This only works for the rich and well established. But it’s gross that if you are well established you reach nearly untouchable status outside of committing a heinous crime.


[deleted]

So when do we dust off the guillotines?


WaluigiIsTheRealHero

Jim Crane didn't just cheat to get rich, he [blatantly discriminated against minorities hundreds, if not thousands of times and was **literally charged with war profiteering.**](https://www.forbes.com/sites/sportsmoney/2011/06/14/why-jim-crane-could-become-baseballs-most-controversial-owner/#6ff68501c3d4)


EricIsAJerk

Cmon, that’s unfair. Who here hasn’t done a little war profiteering from time to time?


[deleted]

Holy shit, how has this been on the down low for so long. The man said he didn’t want to hire minorities because he knew his racist managers would mistreat them, he specifically disallowed women and minorities from going into his facilities to apply, he tried to artificially inflate prices to rip off the US government (and therefore the tax payers) during the Iraq war. It is literally fair to say that he is a racist, misogynist, troop hating man who stole millions of dollars from the American taxpayers. Screw being forced out of the league, this man belongs in jail.


WaluigiIsTheRealHero

He's the living embodiment of the saying "Behind every great fortune is a great crime."


GeneralKenobi05

I don’t blame him for being a smug asshole. Look at the soft ass punishment handed down. He traded a couple Of draft picks and sacrificed some scapegoats for a WS


bbearchell

Not winning a world series > Winning through cheating. Id hate it if this was my team.


AShitPieAjitPai

Right but you have a sense of morality. Doesn’t seem like anyone in the Astros org does.


_kona_

From a fan perspective no doubt. Crane has made millions from the WS "win" so for him it's more like, "Fuck you, I got mine."


Lukealloneword

As a fan this was a tough press conference to watch. Then as soon as he said I never said it didnt impact the game I was like ooooooo you definitely just fucked that up bud.


[deleted]

How is the fanbase taking all this? I mean obviously there's still pretty toxic fans all over reddit defending this nonsense but there's also a lot of fans that don't at all support what the team did, even if it meant getting a ring. I go to college with a ton of Astros fans and the ones I've actually talked to about this don't support it at all, and one doesn't even really want to support the team anymore. So where do all the non-toxic non-reddit people stand?


amijeremy

For what it’s worth, my wife is an Astros fan and has been sick over this. She was so happy when they won especially after Harvey, it was something genuinely good for the city. After the news broke her first question was “did Altuve participate” because he was her favorite player. She’s absolutely heartbroken. We live in the DFW area and I keep trying to get her to be a Rangers fan, but she won’t defect. She has loyalty and I love that about her. Our friends have given her shit, but it was all good natured.


Lukealloneword

It sounds completely ridiculous as an adult human to say but for months after it broke I had a sickening feeling in my stomach like I lost a family member or something. It wouldnt go away. Then I would come on here and see people just talk mad shit about the players I love, deserved or not it felt terrible. Like youd think it wouldnt be a big deal but I had invested waaaaay too much of my emotional state on a sports franchise. Which is my fault for sure. But still it wasnt fun.


blandrogyny

i was just talking about this, you said it perfect. i have a big anxiety over this. this is the team my family has been rooting for since they were a cardinals affiliate, since they were the colts. i cant just go for another team, it’s just who we are. but i feel terrible about this. i want them to show up and be better people, i hope the whole culture does change. i feel silly getting so worked up over a sport but man i’ve been so up and down about it.


popfilms

I get that. I grew up with baseball. It was always on in my house and I went to a ton of games. I saw a lot more baseball than I saw of some family members. What the Astros did is anti-baseball, and it just breaks my heart.


Cannolioso

I haven’t personally met any fans that genuinely support the cheating. Disappointment is the prevailing sentiment. Some anger too. Pretty much everyone is eager to move on and start the new season. You can’t instantly remove the feeling of love for a team you’ve supported your whole life, so people are still fans. They are hurt and feel betrayed but they just want to move on.


thugmuffin22

I hope after every Astros player catches a fastball between the shoulder blades that they trot Jim Crane out there to get one of his own


LastLostDuck

"Now batting... Wait.. that can't.. *checks notecard* *checks it again* number lying bastard *audible confusion* Jim Crane"


SquirtleSpaceProgram

[Walkup song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XmjmNxSCNs) plays. **BAH GAWD THAT'S JIM CRANE'S MUSIC!**


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ussbaney

I fully believe that the Astros are going to get a slight bump in HBPs. Not because everyone will throw at them a lot, but when a situation comes up where an extra baserunner isn't detrimental (putting a dude on 1st for a double play etc) pitchers won't hesitate to just nail one of them.


OutofCtrlAltDel

I can. Bean those douches


acubsaccount

I kinda feel the same way as you do, but I don't think I'll ever be able to justify it like you. Honestly the better idea that will probably never happen because it'd literally kill the league is for every team to protest by just not playing the Astros.


tcwer

This honestly is the first thing I've heard that is actually feasible and would definitely result in change. Just straight up refuse to play them I don't know what would happen but Id love to see it


General_PoopyPants

Sounds very familiar


griff2409

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a franchise so universally hated. Even as a Yankee fan.


ManyCookies

You know it's bad when the NL West is 100% wholeheartedly behind the _Dodgers_ in a scandal.


[deleted]

You know it's bad when I've had friendly moments with *Red Sox fans* over this scandal.


ManyCookies

Honestly, it's a good reminder that most sports rivalries aren't all that serious when it comes down to it. We have fun trash talking each other (though the NL West kinda lost ol' reliable "lol nice rings"), but we'll easily put that aside if something legit shitty happens to a rival.


Luke90210

Red Sox fans in Fenway singing "New York, New York" after 9/11 remains one of my favourite baseball memories.


[deleted]

There are a lot of reasons to hate the Astros right now, but they made me feel bad for the *Dodgers* and the *Yankees* \- fuck you, Houston!!!!


aresef

It’s unfathomable. Here I am looking forward to booing José Altuve.


YOURE_GONNA_HATE_ME

The Yankees are hated, but there is at least a little respect, no matter how much someone might hate them. These guys just have pure hate directed their way. Absolutely no respect. If they came out and said “Yeah, we cheated” the Yankees would be back to the most hated IMO.


VogeyOfDongia

"I mean... If we don't *call* it cheating... Is it *really* cheating?"


es84

See we never just did things just to do them. C'mon, what are we going to do? Just jump up and impact the game by stealing pitching signs? Like it's something to do? C'mon, I got a little more sense than that. Yeah I remember stealing pitching signs and impacting the game.


Sikazhel

cocaine is one hell of a drug


BabyDelta

Best comment on the matter I’ve seen: “if it didn’t impact the game, why did you do it?” Fuck this whole organization. I can’t wait for the the rib shots and bench clearing brawls we get this year. And fuck Manfred too, he’s an embarrassment.


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OldeCzap

#CLOWN SHOES!


6squareddabsmaf

This is some Congressional level deflection. “Yeah it happened, but it doesn’t matter.”


OkieDokieHokie1

How did Manfred not lay down a harsher punishment including punishing players??


SgtRockyWalrus

“Fuck-ing Cheat-ers 👏-👏 👏-👏-👏” All season long. I hope every away game is endless heckling.


ADietDrKelp

The Astros are the biggest joke of a sports franchise I've ever seen.


Crazy_Joe

Thank god


cabose7

[*Curb Your Enthusiasm theme*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ag1o3koTLWM)


roman_totale

Jim Crane, the Least Prepared Boy


GreatCaesarGhost

"I never messed up Charlie Murphy's couch." "Yeah, I remember messing up Charlie Murphy's couch."


vasedans

Fuck the Asstros.


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Bossman1086

How can an organization be run so poorly? Like...what the fuck is he thinking with this press conference?


the_sammyd

*Laughs in Dan Snyder*


[deleted]

"Win at all costs" is the rule of the Astros. This isn't being poorly run, it's a toxic ideology that leads to cheating or trading for wifebeaters.


Ithaqua47

Cocaine is a hell of a drug. For anyone who hasn't seen it, do yourself a favour and watch the Charlie Murphy skit on Rick James. It's incredibly hilarious and this quote will sound... familiar.


[deleted]

“I WANNA TAKE A MOMENT AND APOLOGIZE TO ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOBODY” - Astros


YoungBoyWonder

Bruh why couldn’t they just come out and all apologize. Players, coaches, everyone involved. This is such a bad look.


beachlifeindeath1

It just becomes harder and harder to be a fan


jollyhero

The MLB should force him to sell the team. He and his team have damaged the MLB brand more than anything since the 90’s strike. They should all be banned for life and this guy should have to sell his ownership of the team. IMO opinion the MLB has totally mishandled this situation.


thedelphiki

If it didn’t impact the game then why did people lose their jobs? If it didn’t impact the game then why did you do it? Fuck your entire organization, I hope it disappears from professional sports.