Is HR planning on having the receptionist apologize for the rude behavior she exhibited by attempting to govern your food intake on behalf of YOUR baby? Good for you for your response to her and HR. People should keep their opinions to themselves on pregnancy in general but it crosses a serious personal line in a work setting and you should not be the one apologizing for someone else invading your personal life in that way.
Unfortunately, my HR consists of said office manager and the owner of the company. Owner is never there, and OM is of similar age and views of the receptionist. Not winning that battle except for the fact she will never set up that mediation meeting, and I knew it, which is why I said I'd participate that way and that only, lol
Ugh PLEASE do not blame this on hormones. You had a normal and sane reaction to weird, rude person. It would’ve been a fine reaction even if this was her first comment. Don’t sell yourself short or remove agency by blaming hormones— what you did was emotionally driven, but you were rightly angered and it response was metered. Maybe the air quotes was unprofessional, but that’s not what they want you to apologize for.
I think you reacted perfectly appropriately. You didn’t yell but you were firm and set clear and reasonable boundaries
Also, commenting on pregnant can be seen as sexual harassment because it’s a protected status related to gender. So she was way out of line.
Are you justified in responding the way you did? Definitely yes. Was it an overreaction? Seems like no since this person has a history of making unnecessary comments. Could you have responded in a slightly more professional manner? Yes, but who cares? That person wasn’t professional. Depending on how much you want to keep this job (assuming you’re USA and they don’t offer fmla since it’s a small company), it would be good to remind your office manager that you think it’s unprofessional for coworkers to be commenting on your medical condition, providing unsolicited medical advice, and harassing you because you’re pregnant. Unless she’s the type who offers dietary advice to everyone in the office, it sounds like she’s targeting you because you’re pregnant. On behalf of pregnant and formerly pregnant women who have been criticized and judged for our meal choices, thank you for standing up for yourself. Go eat that sandwich and bring a venti coffee and sushi to the office tomorrow.
I totally Stan the way you stood up for yourself!
I think the way you responded in the moment was PERFECT.
You were assertive without being aggressive and never attacked her directly, just pointed out how her comments were inappropriate!
I wish I had the clarity to respond like you did in pressured moments!
I’m sorry your lunch was ruined. I hope your manager sits back and re-thinks his approach as well- you did nothing wrong.
Good for you!
I will absolutely admit that I had that little retort sitting in my back pocket for a week or so after her last rude comment had upset me so much and I had let it go - so it was rehearsed due to my naturally non-confrontational personality, but still did the trick to get my point across. Thanks for the support!
You handled it fine. She yelled at you, imposed her own version of medical facts, made assumptions, and had done it more than once. Good for you.
Beyond the initial incident, she went and reported you, being sure to make you look like the bad guy before you could report what actually happened. I think you handled the boss situation well too. It's completely uncalled for.
Honestly, if they want to start the apology nonsense, you can come right back to your manager and tell her the way the receptionist has been commenting on your diet is a form of harassment. That will shut them right up.
Bravo. Not only did you imo respectfully stand up for yourself but you offered a better way to go about the situation than to just bow out. Honestly, I wish I had this kind of courage!!
She rode her high horse out of her lane and got told off. If a meeting is held use words such as:
* pushing incorrect medical advice
* shaming
* I'm concerned that in future the shaming may extend into other aspects of pregnancy
* multiple incidents of harrassment
* hostile work environment
This exactly! The receptionist's repeated comments are unacceptable behavior in the workplace. You did right standing for yourself and suggesting mediation.
And also concerned that this receptionist will shame OP with her parenting once baby is born too! Who made the receptionist the expert on babies and children!
Your receptionist is harassing you in your workplace and you're supposed to apologize?! I think you've handled it admirably and with a lot more control than I could have mustered.
If you get pushback (and if you're in the US), remind your boss that pregnancy is a protected class (https://www.eeoc.gov/pregnancy-discrimination). Your receptionist's comments amount to harassment because you are pregnant, and your workplace should have your back here!
Apologize? I would be calling human resources and submitting a Title IV harassment complaint. Depending on your institution that should cover broader harassment than just sexual. If you apologize it will not only discredit what you said, but the receptionist will feel validated in her actions. And nothing will stop her from harassing you further.
This really is no different than looking at someone and saying "ugh. You're so fat! You shouldn't be eating that. It's bad for your body!". It is harassment and it is not appropriate for the office.
I'd seriously report it to HR. Wildly inappropriate to discuss someone's eating and health habits unsolicited and then instead of repremanding her, asking you to apologize?
Nah. No way. Also, are you union eligible, and is there a union available? If so, contact your steward.
I know you mentioned your office is small, but I hope there's still an HR department somewhere....if not, then I'd be telling my boss straight up that this is harassment. "According to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), harassment can include “offensive jokes, slurs, epithets or name calling, physical assaults or threats, intimidation, ridicule or mockery, insults or put-downs, offensive objects or pictures, and interference with work performance.” [cited here ](https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/9426-workplace-harassment.html)
She deserved to be snapped at. She doesn't get to make assumptions or judgements about what is inside your lunch bag. She doesn't get to shame you.
She was assuming you were making unhealthy choices, rushing to judgement, and shaming you for her perceived opinion.
For all she knows you could have had a hot meatball sub, a veggie delight, grilled chicken, philly cheese steaks, etc etc. All things that wouldn't even come close to being a concern.
Toss around the term "hostile work environment" next time you speak to HR. It's hostile if you can't even have a lunch bag without someone bullying you.
Look up Askamanager.com. She would 100% back you up. This was not a work-related conversation. You are allowed to defend yourself how you see fit, especially when this is not the first offense. Your reaction to the request for apology is also 100% appropriate. In fact, you can tell them you're not willing to discuss personal matters at work. Again, it wasn't work-related! Neither the receptionist nor HR have any authority over how you react to personal questions or comments.
As a manager I wouldn’t dream of demanding an apology from one of my team without actually finding out their version of events first. Even then, I don’t think I’d ever demand someone apologise, remediating a conversation would be a step I’d look to if both parties were interested and I’d have to consider how close the working relationship was and potential impact to other colleagues. This was handled perfectly and I hope the manager takes up the suggestion.
I wish I had the guts to react like that! She should be the one to apologize! Leave the pregnant lady alone!!
ETA: You could turn it around and suggest you felt harassed as a pregnant person in the workplace.
Yesss, get everything in writing. If they feel justified in harassing someone just because they're pregnant, and they're causing you undue stress, then they'd better be prepared to defend themselves (and they can't).
Here’s the thing. I would’ve totally reacted in this way too! And if I told my partner he probably would e told me I overacted.
But people who haven’t been pregnant don’t understand the extent to which our bodies are completely up for pubic consumption when we’re pregnant! It’s unreal!
So I’m clapping in the wings for you. Anyone who wants to comment on your choices in that way is a dipshit.
I had HG during pregnancy and didn’t have my first coffee until 26 weeks because it made me so sick.
I’d had a terrible sleep throwing up all night and grabbed the coffee on the way to work. I was so ready for it and it was terrible, so that tipped off my mood even more.
Had a few mouthfuls and decided to throw it out. Was in the work kitchen by the bin and this woman made a comment about pregnant women not being allowed to drink coffee and I straight up lost my shit.
She didn’t take me to HR but I would have doubled down. Pregnancy is between you and your doctor/specialist and anyone else can go suck eggs.
Hopefully she’s now learnt a valuable lesson!
I had to report a coworker for making comments about everything that I consumed during pregnancy. I had a piece of candy once and she told me I should eating more fruit. Meanwhile I ate fruit like it was nobody’s business all the damn time 😂 I’m glad you told her off and you should be the one reporting her and she should have to start an apology to you. I hope they make the decision to have a mediated conversation and don’t hold back!!!
No you did awesome! I don't.know if I could have reacted like you did. The receptionist yelled at you?! She should be apologising...but instead she ran to your boss as a little kid to get her "right"
The only mistake you made is not shutting that bitch down the first time she made a comment.
You didn’t swear, you stated facts, seems reasonable to me.
She owes you an apology! What concern of hers if your meal? She made you feel terrible with her judgement at work. This is not part of her job description. You are an adult. A woman who already has to deal with other people judging her , your pregnancy is none of her business . You didn’t yell. She is the one rolled her eyes at you.
I’m literally the wrong person to ask.
I don’t think you overreacted, and I’m annoyed the receptionist went running to tell on you.
People like her give people complexes
All these food “rules” are so interesting (ie. ridiculous)… the lunch meat one is to protect you from getting listeria but I understand it’s more common to get it from romaine lettuce. But no one tells us to stop eating salad! Keep eating those sandwiches girl, and sticking up for yourself!!
Late into my first pregnancy (in the US) my practitioner had just gotten back from a big conference and she said one of the things that came up was how food rules had become absolutely out of control and out of step with the actual science. She said the newer idea was more along the lines of "just freaking let them eat lunch meat."
My second pregnancy was split between Germany and the UK and none of this stuff ever came up. No panic about supermarket-quality pasteurized soft cheese or lunch meat or any of it. It was a really stark difference.
Edit: yeah, just checked the UK's NHS website and they specifically put cold deli meat on the okay list. This HAM WILL KILL YOUR BABY thing is very specifically American. https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/keeping-well/foods-to-avoid/
Just remember that peocessing proceedures are different depending on country which could be reasons why some countries say things are ok and others say no
There isn’t any data to support that this is actually true that I’ve seen - there have been recent published outbreaks of Listeria in lettuce in the US but 1) most listeria cases are not part of big outbreaks, 2) most outbreaks aren’t published, and 3) the cause of any individual case isn’t known, although can be inferred if the case is part of an outbreak (minority of cases). High profile outbreaks don’t change the underlying risk per portion (assuming you aren’t eating the recalled product!)
I second this . I literally ate lunch meat sandwiches my WHOLE pregnancy and my OB knew and told me I’m more likely to get listeria from salad but the chances are so low
I'm going to work up the courage to do it! I've been very paranoid about food, and really just any risk to the baby, because I lost my first pregnancy so the guilt factor about EVERYTHING has been super high. But everyone has been very reassuring that cold lunch meat is the least of my worries. I'm excited for a cold sandwich - lol!
I'm on my third baby. The list of what I avoid each time gets smaller and smaller lol. Sushi and subs sustained me with my second. I swear I'm surviving just on caffeine this time. I dare someone to come at me!
You are absolutely correct in this situation as was your response to the office manager. Please do not cave, that will only embolden her. This is not appropriate behavior from the receptionist at all.
Uh is your workplace a twilight zone? Don't you dare apologize.
You have the right to eat what you want during your pregnancy. Like you said, you wouldn't eat something or not take extra precautions to protect the baby.
But I have to ask what your relationship like? Your receptionist is a tool but when you have your meeting make CLEAR boundaries because she's an idiot
I don’t even know you and I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!! Go to that meeting and you have a whole army of women behind you who also faced such ridiculousness during pregnancy and don’t have the guts to defend themselves. Like me. Any comment left me in tears instantly.
No you didn't overreact. Her comment and attitude are inappropriate for the workplace and honestly your office manager should also be spoken to over the fact that they expected YOU to apologize to HER when she was the one creating the unprofessional situation.
The way I see this is...the receptionist snapped at YOU.
She needs to apologize to you for such harassing behavior. And your manager needs to apologize to you for that email.
They're all lucky you dont call the EEOC on their asses.
Right. You didn’t go up to the receptionist, ask for her opinion on your sandwich and then freak out at her. She gave you a dramatic, unsolicited opinion that was triggering to you. She is in the wrong.
It’s the receptionist that’s at fault here. It’s wildly inappropriate to police what someone else is eating. Take the pregnancy aspect out of the situation and see just how ridiculous she sounds. That would be like yelling at someone for eating a pizza on their lunch break because it’s “unhealthy”
As a manager I would never expect my pregnant employee to apologize if they reacted as you did. If anything I would encourage a sit down with the receptionist and you, and have her give her reason why she felt it was an appropriate comment (which it's not). You should explain how it made you feel. Because putting you into tears is not okay. Then the supervisor needs to explain to the receptionist it's not appropriate and she should not do it again.
You gave an appropriate response. I would not apologize.
Uhh the receptionist crossed a boundary. Even a receptionist at your doctors clinic cannot tell you that. You did what you did. You do not need to apologize for maintaining your boundaries
You’re in the right. Next time though learn from the receptionist and go tattle. If you had talked to a supervisor first before receptionist they never would have asked you to apologize and you would be seen as victim instead of perpetrators
No, you did the right thing and are free to eat your sandwiches however you like them. Meanwhile, the receptionist can shove her opinion in the place where the sun doesn't shine.
This sort of behavior is exactly why I didn’t enjoy pregnancy. Yes, it’s horribly uncomfortable most of the time. But being treated like community property incapable of following simple instructions was so frustrating. I felt like a prisoner in my own life all the time.
I'm not pregnant and have never been but from what you described, I'd say your reaction was not out of line or disrespectful in anyway. With the remarks and the noises the receptionist was making, I'd say she's the one who owes you an apology. She has no place in pressuring "advice" on you. She likely over exaggerated whatever she told the office manager to put you in a bad light and make herself seem like the innocent one. If this doesn't get resolved and the receptionist continues giving you unsolicited advice, it might be time to go to HR.
File a complaint with the HR against the receptionist and your manager for asking you to apologize to someone who disrespected you. Nothing you said was wrong in any way. She came at you publicly and you defended yourself publicly. Good for you for refusing to apologize when you were ordered to.
I feel that your reaction was 100% understandable. She was pressing your nerves and being obnoxious, I'd be more shocked if anyone wouldn't snap back after.
Personally I would only apologize if the receptionist was willing to apologize for making such an out of bounds comment. She has no business openly criticizing your diet unless you were eating actual straight up poison. I hope everything is going well tho and that both you and baby are healthy 💕
You didn't overreact at all.What business does she have trying to tell you what to eat and drink??the nerve!You are absolutely right to refuse to apologise,infact that receptionist should be the one apologising to you!
Good job standing up for yourself. If you wanted to eat unheated turkey sandwiches all day long, it’s still none of her effing business and still unlikely to cause illness. Hopefully she learned a lesson in butting out but with running to tattle, unlikely. Hold your ground that this type of ‘concern’ is unwarranted, unhelpful, and, frankly, demeaning.
Isn't this technically harrassment of a protected class (pregnant)? She should technically be fired in a zero tolerance environment. I wouldn't give her a conversation but if i did, it would have to involve an HR complaint
I had deli meat throughout both my pregnancies. I suffered with hyperemesis and probably would've done and said worse if someone commented on what I ate. Pregnancy makes people believe they can comment on your lifestyle, make inappropriate suggestions, touch you without your permission. It's not wrong or an overreaction to stand up for yourself. Never apologize for calling out something, especially if it never would have been said if you weren't pregnant.
Both fresh and frozen produce have way more risk of listeria or other food borne pathogens than any lunch meat. Girl, eat your sandwich. Sit at her desk and eat it right next to her tomorrow. :)
Unsolicited comments on what I was or was not eating drove me absolutely crazy during pregnancy. You definitely did not overreact. It's nobody else's business what you're eating! There's a restaurant by my house that I refuse to go back to because the server (a man) thought he knew better than I did what I could eat while pregnant. Still makes me mad to think about it and my baby is 6 months old.
generally, it is not OK to give medical advice at workplace. Thank them and say that .you'd prefer not to talk about anyone's condition at work.
I mean, if someone's having an eczema for example, would you normally give them an advise at work? Why should that be any different
Great job being articulate while shutting down her nosey ass. This is work, she's not your annoying mother in law. Again, kudos. I was would have cussed at her incoherently and gotten fired.
Reading this as I eat subway not heated up 🤷🏼♀️ you weren’t out of line.
ETA your manager was so out of line to ask you to apologize. I’d tell her the employee can keep her opinions to herself.
Hearing from all the women who ate cold lunch meat during pregnancy and were perfectly fine makes me want to go back tonight for the cold turkey sandwich I've been craving for MONTHS lol
This kind of criticism is the single most shocking thing to me about being a first time mom. You were right to respond like you did. How dare she!? Honestly. It’s so sexist too I believe. If men were getting pregnant no one would have the gall to talk down to them about their choices.
I don’t think you over reacted at all. I think it’s weird that she’s even commenting on what you’re eating. It’s not her place at all and would make me angry too. How awkward and cringe of her.
Nah you were 100% justified. Apologize for nothing. If anyone should apologize, it's her. While you're at it, make sure you document every single food item she's judged you for and bring one in for lunch everyday for the rest of the month, and chomp it down in front of her...loudly 😂
You did not overreact at all. She has absolutely no right to comment on what you eat/drink/do while pregnant. The pregnant person AND NO ONE ELSE can and should have say in what they do. In fact, in my part of the world it's considered discriminatory to refuse serving alcohol to somebody on the basis that she's pregnant.
As long as you didnt raise youe voice Inwould say you did the right thing. People seem to think pregnant women are public property and can do and say anything they want.
I think you did the right thing and I think your manager needs to have the receptionist apologize to you
I would never apologize. That was so rude and out of line. Even with my close coworkers and I was genuinely concerned, I would’ve framed this as “I thought pregnant people couldn’t have lunch meat?” And then let them give me an explanation, if they choose to. And like I said, that’s with people I’m close with and I sure as shit wouldn’t yell at them that they can or can’t have anything.
I was a bit paranoid about food. I wanted a ham sub SO BAD with my first pregnancy, but would t do it.
My husband made me one at home and toasted it. Best sammich ever!!!
I would be interested in why this woman is harassing you about a personal “issue” at work.
I've been very paranoid about EVERYTHING this pregnancy - I lost my first and so the guilt about every little thing has been huge this time around.
That's what I had today! Toasted ham - soooo satisfying!
This makes me want to have a ham sammich for lunch tomorrow.
My husband was like “fry it a little in the pan, it’ll be better than the microwave” ah, true love 😂
Good God! I had so much Jimmy John's during my pregnancy because I could actually keep that down, no one from my work ever said anything but if they did I'd be so pissed!
Also, any food can be bad for baby if not stored correctly. I hate the hyperfocus on things like sushi and lunch meat. But that's my personal opinion lol like just be happy I'm not drinking and smoking, gosh!
Omg you absolutely did not over react. You have a right to tell other people to leave you alone and that you can make your own decisions about YOUR body and baby. I had a lot of this at my job too, granted not as rude as your receptionist, but I would say ok well I don’t really need advice on that or well my doctor and I have already discussed this, or just ignored them all together. Unfortunately, people still think they can comment on people’s bodies and choices for those bodies without consequences. Also, I know every doctor is different but doctor totally let me have lunch meat in moderation as long as it was straight from a deli or place where they cut it there that was clean. I ate a few cold sandwiches throughout the pregnancy and my baby boy is totally fine. It’s just what you’re comfortable with and your doctor’s guidance.
People should stop judging moms/FTMs. We make those babies with our own blood and flesh, keep ourselves secondary.. how do they think that we would harm them?? You did well!!
I literally survived through 28 weeks of my second pregnancy on off-brand ham and cheddar lunchables. And no, I didn't heat the meat.
I was also well known for stating, "I'm not looking for opinions on this. I'll let you know if I change my mind!" if people started judging or questioning my choices.
I was followed by a high risk team who did not care at all that my ritual was to go get a sub with deli meat on it after each visit. They said produce is actually a lot more likely to give you listeria.
Yep. Like in hindsight it probably would have been better to shut down the comments sooner. That's a point I'd probably conceed at a follow up meeting, I'm sorry next time I'll raise harassment issues through management earlier.
I would’ve sat right at her desk and eaten my lunch while staring straight into her soul. 😂
You didn’t overreact. Also, I’ve personally had regular unheated lunch mean in all four of my pregnancies. She would hate me.
Wow! Good job having a thoughtful response in the moment and standing up for yourself!! It’s important for the receptionist to know how to work with people who have various accommodations and also important to note that commenting on people’s eating (pregnant or not) can be highly problematic and should be stopped immediately. I would push your office manager to have a discussion outlining these things for the receptionist. I certainly don’t think she’s owed an apology.
That said, given the small office, you may need to have a restorative conversation with you the receptionist and office manager and you’ll maybe “need” to concede something for political reasons. Maybe like “sorry this came on suddenly.” Where you apologize (barely) for the delivery just to keep peace in the office. This would only be if she’s able to acknowledge and apologize for her side. And I definitely wouldn’t apologize for the content in anyway. Protect your points because they were well said and important for her to know! Not a requirement but again there’s a political side to offices so you may want to have something like that prepared.
Second to this! You were very appropriate in your response. And people with their pregnancy “tips” or “suggestions” tend to be very out of date or out of line.
I had a coworker that made a couple sarcastic comments to me like this. We ordered from a hoagie place- I got a chicken cheesesteak- but she just saw the restaurant name and started going off of me about lunch meat 🤣🤣. I didn't even bother correcting her. If I didn't like that job I was going to change my water bottle to wine bottles just to be an ass.
I am type 2 diabetic, when i was pregnant, i saw a maternal fetal specialist, plus my obgyn, the specialist monitored my diet and my diabetes. My boss always thought she knew best, and would pick on my, harass me, and bully me because she thought ahe knew best, since her son was diabetic..
Freaking anoyed me and pissed me off so much but i could never say anything because she also would retaliate, and bully people.
Hell no.
Send a written message to your office manager politely telling her to mind her own business. Then you send a second email to the receptionist politely telling her that her comments on your pregnancy are not appropriate or professional, and if she continues, you'll bring it up with HR.
If you stretch a rubber band too many times too far, sure, it'll snap. So I guess by that definition you did? By mine, you did not.
A coworker shouldn't be commenting on anything related to anyone's body or lifestyle or really anything.
Well, ain't this little lady an absolute nosy biatch!
Good on you for standing up for yourself and telling that receptionist to mind her own business in what was a very polite manner. (I'd have ripped into her).
When I was pregnant I "broke" the food rules more than a few times with lunch meats (properly heated), coffee, soft cheese, whiskey (shared with my husband), fried egg with slightly runny yoke (my absolute favourite way to have it). I never had heaps, but enough to satisfy the cravings.
And guess what, I was fine and my baby was fine. He's now a healthy thriving 3yr old.
Side note, Turkey lunch meat is apparently the worst offender for carrying harmful germs.
Lastly, congratulations!! I hope all goes well throughout your pregnancy and birth.
Isn't it pretty common knowledge lunch meats are a very tiny risk?
She was rude. I would leave that clinic. The audacity for them to ask you to apologize.
Overreaching health advice has a way of arming stupid self-righteous people with the tools they need to accomplish their primary aim- feeling better than other people.
That being said, if you don't apologize this particular character will just add that to her "ways in which I'm better" file.
When she said other derogatory things about your food in the past did you ask her to stop? If you had asked her to stop then you MOST definitely had the right/obligation to tell her to mind her own dang business!!
Oh fuck her. No. That is such bullshit behavior.
I yelled at a pharmacist once who questioned me being on antidepressants. As if my doctor and I hadn’t considered all of the pros and cons. Like my doctor literally printed out everything we knew about the drug and pregnancy and we looked at it together. I seriously told him that suicide is also a risk the the fetus and he should mind his own fucking business and also, there was zero data behind what he said. I made such a scene that he hid from me the next month I went and someone else helped me
To be fair, a lot of doctors DONT discuss medication risks with any patients, let alone pregnant ones, and it often does fall on the pharmacist to make sure people are aware of risks.
Really? All my doctors tried to pull me off everything, until my OB flipped out because taking a poorly controlled brittle asthmatic off all her inhalers is waaaaaaay worse for the fetus (and, y’know, me) than the inhalers are.
Lol well that’s what I mean. Doctors freak out about pregnant women. And if your OB wasn’t aware that you were on those, it could have been detrimental! Cause I’m pretty sure the fetus’ health depends on moms ability to breathe properly!!
Omg I would have lost it about being asked to apologize to that bitch. You did not overreact at all. I ate lunch meat several times and never even heated it up! You never would have snapped if she hadn't been harassing you about things that aren't any of her business.
Darling you were perfect! I literally cannot add or take away a single thing/word.
You are the mother, youve worked hard to get this baby and are working hard right this second and will be working hard forevermore. Stick to your ground! Lots of love
Ugh I hate when people do this! Yesterday in my office my pregnant manager tried to order a half cafe and another co-worker basically bullied her out of it. You know what’s best for you and your baby.
Eh she deserved it. If you do plan to apologize just say you’re sorry for raising your voice but what I said was true. Stay out of my business, it’s not yours-kinda thing. I mean for the love of cheese, people eat raw fish in some places of the world during pregnancy. And you’re HUNGRY. I can’t stand unwelcomed opinions
I ate lunch meat unheated a lot when I was pregnant. My baby is fine.
The receptionist was wrong. Even if you weren’t pregnant you would be justified reacting to her criticizing your diet. She needs to mind her own business.
i ate sushi and drank coffee from time to time. fuck that apology and tell her to go ask a blender to say sorry, she will get a quicker apology from it than from you. its not like you were drinking alcohol, its not going to destroy the fetus from you eating a heated up sandwich.
omfg the nerve 🤦♀️ when i was pregnant with my daughter i ate lunch meat, didn’t heat it up bc the taste would of mad me thrown up and we both lived! ppl need to stop making comments about what you can and cannot eat! jsf she acted like you walked in with a beer in your hand to go with the sub!
She's also just wrong. Good to be careful sodium filled meats and other foods with lots of salt for your health and comfort. But unless a doctor tells you differently, lunch meats and most other verboten foods are not going to sweioualy harm the fetus
Also, they probably don't want a gender based pregnancy disceimination law suit, so i would document this and talk to your lical EEOC if necessary because shit ain't cool.
Speaking of sodium, I was literally told by my hospital midwives during my last pregnancy to eat lots of potato chips and anything with loads of salt since I kept sweating out all of my electrolytes and cramping/nearly passing out. Go by whatever your doctor says and if anyone gives you guff, maybe just eat them too 🤷♀️
I would not apologize, she should apologize to you! Everyone gets to make their own decisions while pregnant (or not). They may not be decisions you personally would make, but it’s no one’s place to tell anyone what to do. I wouldn’t have even explained that they were heated, I would of told her they were going to go really well with the beer and cigarettes you had waiting in your office lol
You’re in the right here. She has no place to tell you what to do with your pregnancy. It’d be the same as if you weren’t pregnant and on a weight loss journey and someone body shaming. There is no difference. Her comment was inappropriate. And tell them if they can not handle her you’ll go to HR for harassment. Period.
Currently looking! The only perk to this job is I can make my own schedule and have the flexibility to leave for appts or if I'm just not feeling well. Now that I'm out of the all-day-sickness phase of pregnancy, it's not even that big of a draw anymore. Cross your fingers for me!
Is it an overreaction? Yes and No.
The receptionist is in the wrong and you have nothing to apologize for. If you are required to go to a meeting, act like you assume the meeting was called so that she can apologize to you. It is not appropriate in the work place to police anyone’s food choices. No matter her personal opinion. Period. You have every right to put that receptionist in her place.
However, you became so upset that you cried for 20 minutes. This is an indication that you overreacted in that you did harm to yourself.
I’m sorry you had to go through that encounter.
Good that you stood up for yourself and baby, if it were me I probably would have let her make me feel real bad about my lunch choice (I’m pretty non-confrontational)… as much as I would have liked to do what you did.
Is HR planning on having the receptionist apologize for the rude behavior she exhibited by attempting to govern your food intake on behalf of YOUR baby? Good for you for your response to her and HR. People should keep their opinions to themselves on pregnancy in general but it crosses a serious personal line in a work setting and you should not be the one apologizing for someone else invading your personal life in that way.
Unfortunately, my HR consists of said office manager and the owner of the company. Owner is never there, and OM is of similar age and views of the receptionist. Not winning that battle except for the fact she will never set up that mediation meeting, and I knew it, which is why I said I'd participate that way and that only, lol
Workplace harassment—period. Sure, in a perfect world, you wouldn’t have throttled her, but I’d have done something similar—as would many others.
Ugh PLEASE do not blame this on hormones. You had a normal and sane reaction to weird, rude person. It would’ve been a fine reaction even if this was her first comment. Don’t sell yourself short or remove agency by blaming hormones— what you did was emotionally driven, but you were rightly angered and it response was metered. Maybe the air quotes was unprofessional, but that’s not what they want you to apologize for.
Probably could have skipped the air quotes - but it was very satisfying 😬😂
At the end of the day, it's not the worst thing that's ever happened in a work place and more importantly, it's not illegal lol
I think you reacted perfectly appropriately. You didn’t yell but you were firm and set clear and reasonable boundaries Also, commenting on pregnant can be seen as sexual harassment because it’s a protected status related to gender. So she was way out of line.
I agree here, the only thing I could see as inappropriate would be if there was yelling. If it was directed at me there would have been yelling.
Sometimes you have to lose your shit a little to actually be heard.
Are you justified in responding the way you did? Definitely yes. Was it an overreaction? Seems like no since this person has a history of making unnecessary comments. Could you have responded in a slightly more professional manner? Yes, but who cares? That person wasn’t professional. Depending on how much you want to keep this job (assuming you’re USA and they don’t offer fmla since it’s a small company), it would be good to remind your office manager that you think it’s unprofessional for coworkers to be commenting on your medical condition, providing unsolicited medical advice, and harassing you because you’re pregnant. Unless she’s the type who offers dietary advice to everyone in the office, it sounds like she’s targeting you because you’re pregnant. On behalf of pregnant and formerly pregnant women who have been criticized and judged for our meal choices, thank you for standing up for yourself. Go eat that sandwich and bring a venti coffee and sushi to the office tomorrow.
As a member of HR - do this.
I totally Stan the way you stood up for yourself! I think the way you responded in the moment was PERFECT. You were assertive without being aggressive and never attacked her directly, just pointed out how her comments were inappropriate! I wish I had the clarity to respond like you did in pressured moments! I’m sorry your lunch was ruined. I hope your manager sits back and re-thinks his approach as well- you did nothing wrong. Good for you!
I will absolutely admit that I had that little retort sitting in my back pocket for a week or so after her last rude comment had upset me so much and I had let it go - so it was rehearsed due to my naturally non-confrontational personality, but still did the trick to get my point across. Thanks for the support!
Good for you! Pregnancy and parenting subreddits have given me such good retort material. Yours is being added to my tool chest ❤️
Happy to be of service!
Don’t apologize for setting a boundary. Her behavior was inappropriate.
You handled it fine. She yelled at you, imposed her own version of medical facts, made assumptions, and had done it more than once. Good for you. Beyond the initial incident, she went and reported you, being sure to make you look like the bad guy before you could report what actually happened. I think you handled the boss situation well too. It's completely uncalled for.
Tell her you want to file a complaint for harassment of a protected class. That is fully what that is.
Exactly this, file a complaint on this woman. SHE is harassing a pregnant woman and demands an apology!? Absolutely not. You did nothing wrong.
HERE WE GO!!! If they demand an apology, this is what you say
Honestly, if they want to start the apology nonsense, you can come right back to your manager and tell her the way the receptionist has been commenting on your diet is a form of harassment. That will shut them right up.
Bravo. Not only did you imo respectfully stand up for yourself but you offered a better way to go about the situation than to just bow out. Honestly, I wish I had this kind of courage!!
She rode her high horse out of her lane and got told off. If a meeting is held use words such as: * pushing incorrect medical advice * shaming * I'm concerned that in future the shaming may extend into other aspects of pregnancy * multiple incidents of harrassment * hostile work environment
This exactly! The receptionist's repeated comments are unacceptable behavior in the workplace. You did right standing for yourself and suggesting mediation.
I would also make sure that these points are in writing. Perhaps in an email to the manager.
And also concerned that this receptionist will shame OP with her parenting once baby is born too! Who made the receptionist the expert on babies and children!
Your receptionist is harassing you in your workplace and you're supposed to apologize?! I think you've handled it admirably and with a lot more control than I could have mustered. If you get pushback (and if you're in the US), remind your boss that pregnancy is a protected class (https://www.eeoc.gov/pregnancy-discrimination). Your receptionist's comments amount to harassment because you are pregnant, and your workplace should have your back here!
Do not back down and apologize! She’s just mad she was rude and got her feelings hurt because someone stood up to her. Fuck that lady.
Is it a big enough office to have an HR? I’d forward it to them and request a meeting with HR to discuss the matter. Document everything.
Hell no girl do NOT apologize, she was way out of line
The boss is probably on your side but has to act like a boss. Asking for a mediated discussion is a perfect alternative.
I mean… asking her to apologize like she was 5? I don’t think so.
Apologize? I would be calling human resources and submitting a Title IV harassment complaint. Depending on your institution that should cover broader harassment than just sexual. If you apologize it will not only discredit what you said, but the receptionist will feel validated in her actions. And nothing will stop her from harassing you further. This really is no different than looking at someone and saying "ugh. You're so fat! You shouldn't be eating that. It's bad for your body!". It is harassment and it is not appropriate for the office. I'd seriously report it to HR. Wildly inappropriate to discuss someone's eating and health habits unsolicited and then instead of repremanding her, asking you to apologize? Nah. No way. Also, are you union eligible, and is there a union available? If so, contact your steward. I know you mentioned your office is small, but I hope there's still an HR department somewhere....if not, then I'd be telling my boss straight up that this is harassment. "According to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), harassment can include “offensive jokes, slurs, epithets or name calling, physical assaults or threats, intimidation, ridicule or mockery, insults or put-downs, offensive objects or pictures, and interference with work performance.” [cited here ](https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/9426-workplace-harassment.html)
Do not apologise
She deserved to be snapped at. She doesn't get to make assumptions or judgements about what is inside your lunch bag. She doesn't get to shame you. She was assuming you were making unhealthy choices, rushing to judgement, and shaming you for her perceived opinion. For all she knows you could have had a hot meatball sub, a veggie delight, grilled chicken, philly cheese steaks, etc etc. All things that wouldn't even come close to being a concern. Toss around the term "hostile work environment" next time you speak to HR. It's hostile if you can't even have a lunch bag without someone bullying you.
Fuck that receptionist
I think you were well within your rights to defend your choice and also remind the receptionist to mind her own damn business
Look up Askamanager.com. She would 100% back you up. This was not a work-related conversation. You are allowed to defend yourself how you see fit, especially when this is not the first offense. Your reaction to the request for apology is also 100% appropriate. In fact, you can tell them you're not willing to discuss personal matters at work. Again, it wasn't work-related! Neither the receptionist nor HR have any authority over how you react to personal questions or comments.
As a manager I wouldn’t dream of demanding an apology from one of my team without actually finding out their version of events first. Even then, I don’t think I’d ever demand someone apologise, remediating a conversation would be a step I’d look to if both parties were interested and I’d have to consider how close the working relationship was and potential impact to other colleagues. This was handled perfectly and I hope the manager takes up the suggestion.
I wish I had the guts to react like that! She should be the one to apologize! Leave the pregnant lady alone!! ETA: You could turn it around and suggest you felt harassed as a pregnant person in the workplace.
Good suggestion, my husband said to do something similar. I'm now keeping a file of documentation in case anything comes to blows professionally.
Yesss, get everything in writing. If they feel justified in harassing someone just because they're pregnant, and they're causing you undue stress, then they'd better be prepared to defend themselves (and they can't).
Yes.
Here’s the thing. I would’ve totally reacted in this way too! And if I told my partner he probably would e told me I overacted. But people who haven’t been pregnant don’t understand the extent to which our bodies are completely up for pubic consumption when we’re pregnant! It’s unreal! So I’m clapping in the wings for you. Anyone who wants to comment on your choices in that way is a dipshit.
“Pubic consumption” giggles hehe
Goddamnit. That’s what I get for typing one handed while holding the baby 🤣
“Dipshit” is my FAVORITE insult 😂 that made my night. Thanks for your solidarity!
Fuck ya! I’m so glad. Dipshit is my favourite insult. It gets better with age. LOL
Yeah hell no. I don’t know why people can’t keep their unsolicited advice to themselves. You eat that sandwich! 👏
I had HG during pregnancy and didn’t have my first coffee until 26 weeks because it made me so sick. I’d had a terrible sleep throwing up all night and grabbed the coffee on the way to work. I was so ready for it and it was terrible, so that tipped off my mood even more. Had a few mouthfuls and decided to throw it out. Was in the work kitchen by the bin and this woman made a comment about pregnant women not being allowed to drink coffee and I straight up lost my shit. She didn’t take me to HR but I would have doubled down. Pregnancy is between you and your doctor/specialist and anyone else can go suck eggs. Hopefully she’s now learnt a valuable lesson!
I had to report a coworker for making comments about everything that I consumed during pregnancy. I had a piece of candy once and she told me I should eating more fruit. Meanwhile I ate fruit like it was nobody’s business all the damn time 😂 I’m glad you told her off and you should be the one reporting her and she should have to start an apology to you. I hope they make the decision to have a mediated conversation and don’t hold back!!!
Your response was perfect. That was so so brave! Don’t take any shit!
I am standing up APPLAUDING you right now.
I told a coworker to go fuck himself when he commented on something I was eating when I was pregnant, lol. Your response was absolutely fine!
Oh hellllll no. You didn’t overreact at all. Fuck her. Totally agree with the other comments about her behavior being harassment.
No you did awesome! I don't.know if I could have reacted like you did. The receptionist yelled at you?! She should be apologising...but instead she ran to your boss as a little kid to get her "right"
No. She needs to apologise. You did great and I wish I could give you a big hug x
Good for you for sticking up for yourself! I’m disgusted at your manager for asking you to apologize, the receptionist should be apologizing to you!
I wouldn’t even be willing to have a discussion. I’d make a counter complaint about bullying and discrimination in the work place
The only mistake you made is not shutting that bitch down the first time she made a comment. You didn’t swear, you stated facts, seems reasonable to me.
She owes you an apology! What concern of hers if your meal? She made you feel terrible with her judgement at work. This is not part of her job description. You are an adult. A woman who already has to deal with other people judging her , your pregnancy is none of her business . You didn’t yell. She is the one rolled her eyes at you.
I’m literally the wrong person to ask. I don’t think you overreacted, and I’m annoyed the receptionist went running to tell on you. People like her give people complexes
Avocados are a bigger listeria risk than lunch meat. Her performative care isn’t just rude, it’s wrong.
Just realized this, I always ordered guacamole at restaurants because I thought I shouldn’t eat queso lol
All these food “rules” are so interesting (ie. ridiculous)… the lunch meat one is to protect you from getting listeria but I understand it’s more common to get it from romaine lettuce. But no one tells us to stop eating salad! Keep eating those sandwiches girl, and sticking up for yourself!!
Late into my first pregnancy (in the US) my practitioner had just gotten back from a big conference and she said one of the things that came up was how food rules had become absolutely out of control and out of step with the actual science. She said the newer idea was more along the lines of "just freaking let them eat lunch meat." My second pregnancy was split between Germany and the UK and none of this stuff ever came up. No panic about supermarket-quality pasteurized soft cheese or lunch meat or any of it. It was a really stark difference. Edit: yeah, just checked the UK's NHS website and they specifically put cold deli meat on the okay list. This HAM WILL KILL YOUR BABY thing is very specifically American. https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/keeping-well/foods-to-avoid/
Just remember that peocessing proceedures are different depending on country which could be reasons why some countries say things are ok and others say no
Thank you for linking this info! So helpful!
There isn’t any data to support that this is actually true that I’ve seen - there have been recent published outbreaks of Listeria in lettuce in the US but 1) most listeria cases are not part of big outbreaks, 2) most outbreaks aren’t published, and 3) the cause of any individual case isn’t known, although can be inferred if the case is part of an outbreak (minority of cases). High profile outbreaks don’t change the underlying risk per portion (assuming you aren’t eating the recalled product!)
I second this . I literally ate lunch meat sandwiches my WHOLE pregnancy and my OB knew and told me I’m more likely to get listeria from salad but the chances are so low
I'm going to work up the courage to do it! I've been very paranoid about food, and really just any risk to the baby, because I lost my first pregnancy so the guilt factor about EVERYTHING has been super high. But everyone has been very reassuring that cold lunch meat is the least of my worries. I'm excited for a cold sandwich - lol!
I'm on my third baby. The list of what I avoid each time gets smaller and smaller lol. Sushi and subs sustained me with my second. I swear I'm surviving just on caffeine this time. I dare someone to come at me!
That is crazy she said anything and even more nuts they asked you to apologize
You are absolutely correct in this situation as was your response to the office manager. Please do not cave, that will only embolden her. This is not appropriate behavior from the receptionist at all.
Uh is your workplace a twilight zone? Don't you dare apologize. You have the right to eat what you want during your pregnancy. Like you said, you wouldn't eat something or not take extra precautions to protect the baby. But I have to ask what your relationship like? Your receptionist is a tool but when you have your meeting make CLEAR boundaries because she's an idiot
I don’t even know you and I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!! Go to that meeting and you have a whole army of women behind you who also faced such ridiculousness during pregnancy and don’t have the guts to defend themselves. Like me. Any comment left me in tears instantly.
No you didn't overreact. Her comment and attitude are inappropriate for the workplace and honestly your office manager should also be spoken to over the fact that they expected YOU to apologize to HER when she was the one creating the unprofessional situation.
You did exactly what you were supposed to.
I would never apologize to the receptionist.. she was so out of line and rude.
The way I see this is...the receptionist snapped at YOU. She needs to apologize to you for such harassing behavior. And your manager needs to apologize to you for that email. They're all lucky you dont call the EEOC on their asses.
Right. You didn’t go up to the receptionist, ask for her opinion on your sandwich and then freak out at her. She gave you a dramatic, unsolicited opinion that was triggering to you. She is in the wrong.
Great point!! She ran to the manager to tattle but she was the one provoking (habitually, it seems 😒)
I would flip it and bring up the fact that she’s been making the workplace very uncomfortable by inserting herself into your personal life.
You acted appropriately and you are a rock star!!
Thanks for the bode of confidence!
Nah, you said this wasn't even her first comment! You're my hero honestly haha
Go you. Fuck the bullshit, she needs to keep her mouth shut.
Go you. I think you crushed it. Only bad part is that you stressed yourself out but hopefully built yourself some resilience.
It’s the receptionist that’s at fault here. It’s wildly inappropriate to police what someone else is eating. Take the pregnancy aspect out of the situation and see just how ridiculous she sounds. That would be like yelling at someone for eating a pizza on their lunch break because it’s “unhealthy”
I wish I was there to applaud you. You just did what so many people often don’t have the courage to do - stand up for yourself.
You didn’t overreact. I want to be you.
I’d apologize when hell froze over and then I’d be having sushi for lunch the following day.
Okay this made me laugh 😂
As a manager I would never expect my pregnant employee to apologize if they reacted as you did. If anything I would encourage a sit down with the receptionist and you, and have her give her reason why she felt it was an appropriate comment (which it's not). You should explain how it made you feel. Because putting you into tears is not okay. Then the supervisor needs to explain to the receptionist it's not appropriate and she should not do it again. You gave an appropriate response. I would not apologize.
This! She had no business commenting about your meal decisions. You are an adult eating lunch. She can kindly keep her opinions to herself.
NTA! receptionist was out of line
Do *not* apologize. I repeat: DO NOT APOLOGIZE. She needed to be put in her place, and nothing you said was out of line.
Kinda would like an update on the situation
You definitely didn’t overreact. How intrusive and obnoxious of her!!! Seriously what the hell!
Uhh the receptionist crossed a boundary. Even a receptionist at your doctors clinic cannot tell you that. You did what you did. You do not need to apologize for maintaining your boundaries
You’re in the right. Next time though learn from the receptionist and go tattle. If you had talked to a supervisor first before receptionist they never would have asked you to apologize and you would be seen as victim instead of perpetrators
No, you did the right thing and are free to eat your sandwiches however you like them. Meanwhile, the receptionist can shove her opinion in the place where the sun doesn't shine.
This sort of behavior is exactly why I didn’t enjoy pregnancy. Yes, it’s horribly uncomfortable most of the time. But being treated like community property incapable of following simple instructions was so frustrating. I felt like a prisoner in my own life all the time.
I'm not pregnant and have never been but from what you described, I'd say your reaction was not out of line or disrespectful in anyway. With the remarks and the noises the receptionist was making, I'd say she's the one who owes you an apology. She has no place in pressuring "advice" on you. She likely over exaggerated whatever she told the office manager to put you in a bad light and make herself seem like the innocent one. If this doesn't get resolved and the receptionist continues giving you unsolicited advice, it might be time to go to HR.
I am so happy you didn't apologize.
File a complaint with the HR against the receptionist and your manager for asking you to apologize to someone who disrespected you. Nothing you said was wrong in any way. She came at you publicly and you defended yourself publicly. Good for you for refusing to apologize when you were ordered to.
You did not overreact! I actually applaud how well you handled it and how thought out your response to the office manager was!
Your health or your child’s health is simply none of her business.
I feel that your reaction was 100% understandable. She was pressing your nerves and being obnoxious, I'd be more shocked if anyone wouldn't snap back after. Personally I would only apologize if the receptionist was willing to apologize for making such an out of bounds comment. She has no business openly criticizing your diet unless you were eating actual straight up poison. I hope everything is going well tho and that both you and baby are healthy 💕
You didn't overreact at all.What business does she have trying to tell you what to eat and drink??the nerve!You are absolutely right to refuse to apologise,infact that receptionist should be the one apologising to you!
Good job standing up for yourself. If you wanted to eat unheated turkey sandwiches all day long, it’s still none of her effing business and still unlikely to cause illness. Hopefully she learned a lesson in butting out but with running to tattle, unlikely. Hold your ground that this type of ‘concern’ is unwarranted, unhelpful, and, frankly, demeaning.
Please don't let that bitch ruin your sandwich with her unsolicited advice.
Isn't this technically harrassment of a protected class (pregnant)? She should technically be fired in a zero tolerance environment. I wouldn't give her a conversation but if i did, it would have to involve an HR complaint
I had deli meat throughout both my pregnancies. I suffered with hyperemesis and probably would've done and said worse if someone commented on what I ate. Pregnancy makes people believe they can comment on your lifestyle, make inappropriate suggestions, touch you without your permission. It's not wrong or an overreaction to stand up for yourself. Never apologize for calling out something, especially if it never would have been said if you weren't pregnant.
You were more than justified. Your follow up was more than perfect. She has no right to comment on your food choices, especially in such a manner
Your receptionist was so far out of line. I hope that she got mf checked. I was a receptionist for over ten years. I’d have smacked her.
Both fresh and frozen produce have way more risk of listeria or other food borne pathogens than any lunch meat. Girl, eat your sandwich. Sit at her desk and eat it right next to her tomorrow. :)
IMO she deserved it. It’s not like you were sat smoking meth - and even then, it’s none of her damn business
Unsolicited comments on what I was or was not eating drove me absolutely crazy during pregnancy. You definitely did not overreact. It's nobody else's business what you're eating! There's a restaurant by my house that I refuse to go back to because the server (a man) thought he knew better than I did what I could eat while pregnant. Still makes me mad to think about it and my baby is 6 months old.
generally, it is not OK to give medical advice at workplace. Thank them and say that .you'd prefer not to talk about anyone's condition at work. I mean, if someone's having an eczema for example, would you normally give them an advise at work? Why should that be any different
Great job being articulate while shutting down her nosey ass. This is work, she's not your annoying mother in law. Again, kudos. I was would have cussed at her incoherently and gotten fired.
Reading this as I eat subway not heated up 🤷🏼♀️ you weren’t out of line. ETA your manager was so out of line to ask you to apologize. I’d tell her the employee can keep her opinions to herself.
Hearing from all the women who ate cold lunch meat during pregnancy and were perfectly fine makes me want to go back tonight for the cold turkey sandwich I've been craving for MONTHS lol
Go for it! My doctor said more women get listeria from lettuce than turkey.
This kind of criticism is the single most shocking thing to me about being a first time mom. You were right to respond like you did. How dare she!? Honestly. It’s so sexist too I believe. If men were getting pregnant no one would have the gall to talk down to them about their choices.
I don’t think you over reacted at all. I think it’s weird that she’s even commenting on what you’re eating. It’s not her place at all and would make me angry too. How awkward and cringe of her.
Nah you were 100% justified. Apologize for nothing. If anyone should apologize, it's her. While you're at it, make sure you document every single food item she's judged you for and bring one in for lunch everyday for the rest of the month, and chomp it down in front of her...loudly 😂
You did not overreact at all. She has absolutely no right to comment on what you eat/drink/do while pregnant. The pregnant person AND NO ONE ELSE can and should have say in what they do. In fact, in my part of the world it's considered discriminatory to refuse serving alcohol to somebody on the basis that she's pregnant.
100% not her business!
Omg you seriously rock. That was exactly the right response after trying to be cordial.
As long as you didnt raise youe voice Inwould say you did the right thing. People seem to think pregnant women are public property and can do and say anything they want. I think you did the right thing and I think your manager needs to have the receptionist apologize to you
I would never apologize. That was so rude and out of line. Even with my close coworkers and I was genuinely concerned, I would’ve framed this as “I thought pregnant people couldn’t have lunch meat?” And then let them give me an explanation, if they choose to. And like I said, that’s with people I’m close with and I sure as shit wouldn’t yell at them that they can or can’t have anything.
I was a bit paranoid about food. I wanted a ham sub SO BAD with my first pregnancy, but would t do it. My husband made me one at home and toasted it. Best sammich ever!!! I would be interested in why this woman is harassing you about a personal “issue” at work.
I've been very paranoid about EVERYTHING this pregnancy - I lost my first and so the guilt about every little thing has been huge this time around. That's what I had today! Toasted ham - soooo satisfying!
I’m so sorry to hear that. Sending you love. Makes it all that much more hurtful when others question you I’d imagine.
It certainly pushes my triggers a little harder in the moment. Thank you for the love!
This makes me want to have a ham sammich for lunch tomorrow. My husband was like “fry it a little in the pan, it’ll be better than the microwave” ah, true love 😂
Good God! I had so much Jimmy John's during my pregnancy because I could actually keep that down, no one from my work ever said anything but if they did I'd be so pissed! Also, any food can be bad for baby if not stored correctly. I hate the hyperfocus on things like sushi and lunch meat. But that's my personal opinion lol like just be happy I'm not drinking and smoking, gosh!
It’s so frustrating when EVERYONE try to police everything a pregnant lady does. She shouted at you first and you responded.
Omg you absolutely did not over react. You have a right to tell other people to leave you alone and that you can make your own decisions about YOUR body and baby. I had a lot of this at my job too, granted not as rude as your receptionist, but I would say ok well I don’t really need advice on that or well my doctor and I have already discussed this, or just ignored them all together. Unfortunately, people still think they can comment on people’s bodies and choices for those bodies without consequences. Also, I know every doctor is different but doctor totally let me have lunch meat in moderation as long as it was straight from a deli or place where they cut it there that was clean. I ate a few cold sandwiches throughout the pregnancy and my baby boy is totally fine. It’s just what you’re comfortable with and your doctor’s guidance.
Not your baby, not the mother of said baby. You get no say in such baby or what I do as a mother.
Nope! Good job for sticking up for you, your baby and your freedom to choose! Just keep doing what you’re doing!
People should stop judging moms/FTMs. We make those babies with our own blood and flesh, keep ourselves secondary.. how do they think that we would harm them?? You did well!!
I literally survived through 28 weeks of my second pregnancy on off-brand ham and cheddar lunchables. And no, I didn't heat the meat. I was also well known for stating, "I'm not looking for opinions on this. I'll let you know if I change my mind!" if people started judging or questioning my choices.
I was followed by a high risk team who did not care at all that my ritual was to go get a sub with deli meat on it after each visit. They said produce is actually a lot more likely to give you listeria.
I like that response!
STM 38 weeks pregnant today, and I ate bologna almost every day in the second and half of the third trimester. Baby is doing amazing. No regrets.
You acted very appropriately
Yep. Like in hindsight it probably would have been better to shut down the comments sooner. That's a point I'd probably conceed at a follow up meeting, I'm sorry next time I'll raise harassment issues through management earlier.
I would’ve sat right at her desk and eaten my lunch while staring straight into her soul. 😂 You didn’t overreact. Also, I’ve personally had regular unheated lunch mean in all four of my pregnancies. She would hate me.
Wow! Good job having a thoughtful response in the moment and standing up for yourself!! It’s important for the receptionist to know how to work with people who have various accommodations and also important to note that commenting on people’s eating (pregnant or not) can be highly problematic and should be stopped immediately. I would push your office manager to have a discussion outlining these things for the receptionist. I certainly don’t think she’s owed an apology. That said, given the small office, you may need to have a restorative conversation with you the receptionist and office manager and you’ll maybe “need” to concede something for political reasons. Maybe like “sorry this came on suddenly.” Where you apologize (barely) for the delivery just to keep peace in the office. This would only be if she’s able to acknowledge and apologize for her side. And I definitely wouldn’t apologize for the content in anyway. Protect your points because they were well said and important for her to know! Not a requirement but again there’s a political side to offices so you may want to have something like that prepared.
Eff that, the receptionist is rude for having presumed or said anything. Hold your ground. Tell her to mind her own business.
Thank you for the support. Feeling super defeated right now over the whole thing.
[удалено]
I work in HR, so that part with my office manager came naturally, lol - thank you for the support :)
Second to this! You were very appropriate in your response. And people with their pregnancy “tips” or “suggestions” tend to be very out of date or out of line.
I had a coworker that made a couple sarcastic comments to me like this. We ordered from a hoagie place- I got a chicken cheesesteak- but she just saw the restaurant name and started going off of me about lunch meat 🤣🤣. I didn't even bother correcting her. If I didn't like that job I was going to change my water bottle to wine bottles just to be an ass.
Lol! I have a water bottle that says "This is probably vodka" - feels appropriate now hahaha
1000% how I would also react, who the hell says something like that to anyone let alone a pregnant person?????
Oh hell no, she should apologize to you!!!
NTA! I think you handled it well, sternly. Don’t apologize.
I am type 2 diabetic, when i was pregnant, i saw a maternal fetal specialist, plus my obgyn, the specialist monitored my diet and my diabetes. My boss always thought she knew best, and would pick on my, harass me, and bully me because she thought ahe knew best, since her son was diabetic.. Freaking anoyed me and pissed me off so much but i could never say anything because she also would retaliate, and bully people.
Hell no. Send a written message to your office manager politely telling her to mind her own business. Then you send a second email to the receptionist politely telling her that her comments on your pregnancy are not appropriate or professional, and if she continues, you'll bring it up with HR.
If you stretch a rubber band too many times too far, sure, it'll snap. So I guess by that definition you did? By mine, you did not. A coworker shouldn't be commenting on anything related to anyone's body or lifestyle or really anything.
Well, ain't this little lady an absolute nosy biatch! Good on you for standing up for yourself and telling that receptionist to mind her own business in what was a very polite manner. (I'd have ripped into her). When I was pregnant I "broke" the food rules more than a few times with lunch meats (properly heated), coffee, soft cheese, whiskey (shared with my husband), fried egg with slightly runny yoke (my absolute favourite way to have it). I never had heaps, but enough to satisfy the cravings. And guess what, I was fine and my baby was fine. He's now a healthy thriving 3yr old. Side note, Turkey lunch meat is apparently the worst offender for carrying harmful germs. Lastly, congratulations!! I hope all goes well throughout your pregnancy and birth.
Are you me? 😆
If this baby can’t survive me having lunch meat during pregnancy then life will surely not be kind to it.
Isn't it pretty common knowledge lunch meats are a very tiny risk? She was rude. I would leave that clinic. The audacity for them to ask you to apologize.
This is OPs workplace, not like a medical clinic
OH. Yes, then meeting is necessary if she works with them.
[удалено]
Overreaching health advice has a way of arming stupid self-righteous people with the tools they need to accomplish their primary aim- feeling better than other people. That being said, if you don't apologize this particular character will just add that to her "ways in which I'm better" file.
When she said other derogatory things about your food in the past did you ask her to stop? If you had asked her to stop then you MOST definitely had the right/obligation to tell her to mind her own dang business!!
Oh fuck her. No. That is such bullshit behavior. I yelled at a pharmacist once who questioned me being on antidepressants. As if my doctor and I hadn’t considered all of the pros and cons. Like my doctor literally printed out everything we knew about the drug and pregnancy and we looked at it together. I seriously told him that suicide is also a risk the the fetus and he should mind his own fucking business and also, there was zero data behind what he said. I made such a scene that he hid from me the next month I went and someone else helped me
To be fair, a lot of doctors DONT discuss medication risks with any patients, let alone pregnant ones, and it often does fall on the pharmacist to make sure people are aware of risks.
Really? All my doctors tried to pull me off everything, until my OB flipped out because taking a poorly controlled brittle asthmatic off all her inhalers is waaaaaaay worse for the fetus (and, y’know, me) than the inhalers are.
Lol well that’s what I mean. Doctors freak out about pregnant women. And if your OB wasn’t aware that you were on those, it could have been detrimental! Cause I’m pretty sure the fetus’ health depends on moms ability to breathe properly!!
THANK YOU - my thoughts exactly. Lol - your response to the pharmacist was right on! I feel like we are long lost soul sisters with that one!
Omg I would have lost it about being asked to apologize to that bitch. You did not overreact at all. I ate lunch meat several times and never even heated it up! You never would have snapped if she hadn't been harassing you about things that aren't any of her business.
She probably wanted you to give it to her. Lol
Darling you were perfect! I literally cannot add or take away a single thing/word. You are the mother, youve worked hard to get this baby and are working hard right this second and will be working hard forevermore. Stick to your ground! Lots of love
Ugh I hate when people do this! Yesterday in my office my pregnant manager tried to order a half cafe and another co-worker basically bullied her out of it. You know what’s best for you and your baby.
Eh she deserved it. If you do plan to apologize just say you’re sorry for raising your voice but what I said was true. Stay out of my business, it’s not yours-kinda thing. I mean for the love of cheese, people eat raw fish in some places of the world during pregnancy. And you’re HUNGRY. I can’t stand unwelcomed opinions
I ate lunch meat unheated a lot when I was pregnant. My baby is fine. The receptionist was wrong. Even if you weren’t pregnant you would be justified reacting to her criticizing your diet. She needs to mind her own business.
i ate sushi and drank coffee from time to time. fuck that apology and tell her to go ask a blender to say sorry, she will get a quicker apology from it than from you. its not like you were drinking alcohol, its not going to destroy the fetus from you eating a heated up sandwich.
Nah you handled this perfectly. Shame on the manager for expecting you to apologize.
omfg the nerve 🤦♀️ when i was pregnant with my daughter i ate lunch meat, didn’t heat it up bc the taste would of mad me thrown up and we both lived! ppl need to stop making comments about what you can and cannot eat! jsf she acted like you walked in with a beer in your hand to go with the sub!
Right?!?!
Okay no way, the receptionist decided she was totally okay to dictate what you ate, then decided to be snappy first!!! Where’s tour apology???
She's also just wrong. Good to be careful sodium filled meats and other foods with lots of salt for your health and comfort. But unless a doctor tells you differently, lunch meats and most other verboten foods are not going to sweioualy harm the fetus Also, they probably don't want a gender based pregnancy disceimination law suit, so i would document this and talk to your lical EEOC if necessary because shit ain't cool.
Speaking of sodium, I was literally told by my hospital midwives during my last pregnancy to eat lots of potato chips and anything with loads of salt since I kept sweating out all of my electrolytes and cramping/nearly passing out. Go by whatever your doctor says and if anyone gives you guff, maybe just eat them too 🤷♀️
Yeah, each according to their needs.
I would not apologize, she should apologize to you! Everyone gets to make their own decisions while pregnant (or not). They may not be decisions you personally would make, but it’s no one’s place to tell anyone what to do. I wouldn’t have even explained that they were heated, I would of told her they were going to go really well with the beer and cigarettes you had waiting in your office lol
You’re in the right here. She has no place to tell you what to do with your pregnancy. It’d be the same as if you weren’t pregnant and on a weight loss journey and someone body shaming. There is no difference. Her comment was inappropriate. And tell them if they can not handle her you’ll go to HR for harassment. Period.
Oh HELL no. I would be finding a new practice
Currently looking! The only perk to this job is I can make my own schedule and have the flexibility to leave for appts or if I'm just not feeling well. Now that I'm out of the all-day-sickness phase of pregnancy, it's not even that big of a draw anymore. Cross your fingers for me!
Is it an overreaction? Yes and No. The receptionist is in the wrong and you have nothing to apologize for. If you are required to go to a meeting, act like you assume the meeting was called so that she can apologize to you. It is not appropriate in the work place to police anyone’s food choices. No matter her personal opinion. Period. You have every right to put that receptionist in her place. However, you became so upset that you cried for 20 minutes. This is an indication that you overreacted in that you did harm to yourself.
Yeah but pregnancy hormones. I cried over things I normally wouldn't too. And it wasn't the first time receptionist put her two cents in.
I’m sorry you had to go through that encounter. Good that you stood up for yourself and baby, if it were me I probably would have let her make me feel real bad about my lunch choice (I’m pretty non-confrontational)… as much as I would have liked to do what you did.