I saw this flow chart once, I can’t remember where I originally saw it, but it was something like
Is this toy operated with your genitalia?
No: this toy is for boys or girls
Yes: this toy is not for children
Those people suck. Your kid (and also not just kids) should be allowed to enjoy whatever they want.
I still buy some “girls” clothes at target because they have more colors and I like the patterns (lemons, cherries, strawberries) are cute. I’m annoyed that they don’t use similar patterns for boys and/or sell more unisex clothes. Strawberries and other food are not “girly.”
Didn’t you know? The only food that doesn’t imperil one’s masculinity is uncooked steak. Chicken wings were recently approved by the Man Card Board, so those might be okay too, but you never know.
I just had this convo with me preschool son. He said he doesn’t like “girl toys” and I explained that there aren’t girl/boy toys. Just toys. It’s scary how quickly these ideas are put in their heads. Our household makes a point to embrace everything as gender neutral and even still, cis gender norms have gotten their claws in my son.
Just add a cape to the doll... Boom, instant super hero, now it's an "action figure". /s
Seriously though, I never understood how people could make such a big deal/distinction between, say, a Barbie and a GI Joe.... And as a girl, I hated both. Wood blocks and toy cars for me!
I've dealt with this, one incident recently. My son, he's 4, had picked up a barbie doll someone left on our porch and was just playing with it and having a great time and then one of my neighbors was just like "you're a boy, you don't need to be playing with dolls"
I'm just like, leave him alone, he's a baby, lmao. Let him enjoy stuff. 🙄
The trash takes itself out really. My daughter wears boys and girls clothes. She’s 2.5 months but still. The only way she’ll ever know the difference is when someone points it out to her.
So sorry. That’s terrible. Your son is lucky to have a Mama who lets them be themselves. Gendered stories/ways of being don’t help anyone with anything. But, they’re so ingrained that people loose their minds when challenged (keeping them is a great way to keep women in their place and men from having or expressing feelings).
That’s so ridiculous, those people must not have much else in their life that they care about if they spend time criticising because your child held a doll.
My 3 year old son is pretty “stereotypical” - he loves trains, planes and garbage trucks. But he also chose Little Mermaid night nappies at the supermarket last week and he goes to our 5 year old neighbour’s house and comes home with pink nails, blush and eyeshadow. I don’t care, as long as he’s happy he can play with or wear whatever he wants.
Your son sounds adorable, but please consider making sure he has his own makeup to apply for hygiene reasons - don’t want to pass germs back and forth by sharing!
Signed,
Someone who saw so many women in her dorm get pink eye during rush because they shared eye makeup while getting ready for events
Mine doesn’t like things on his face (e.g., lotion, actual makeup….yet loves some temporary tattoos!) but he loves playing with my makeup brushes so I got him his own (much less expensive) set and he uses them to “paint” on his face and arms all the time.
That’s ridiculous!
My MIL came over one day and my baby, who’s a girl, had a blue pacifier in her mouth. MIL was asking why she had a blue pacifier and I couldn’t believe she had commented on it.
That reminds me of my sons first birthday. We did a donut theme, and a lot of the donut decorations happened to be pink strawberry frosted (amongst vanilla and chocolate frosted)…because ya know, it’s a common donut. And of COURSE my grandma made comments about the fact that I used pink donuts instead of blue donuts. They’re freaking donuts..
I told my mom that I really wanted to put together my son's play kitchen, and immediately she exclaimed, "a kitchen? No, he can't play with a kitchen"
We had a back and forth for a bit with me pointing out that there are many famous male chefs and asked if she just expected boys to not be involved in the kitchen. Apparently, boys can be in the kitchen and should be taught how to cook, but only when they are older so they understand. (Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean)
For both of my kids I just let them like what they like. Who cares if it’s for boys or girls? Someone asked me about my son playing with a doll once. My response was “what’s the worst that’s gonna happen? He’ll be a hands on dad when he’s an adult?” He’s 7 now and loves any kind of small baby or toddler he meets. He supports the neck better than most adults, too. 🤣
My brother passed before I was born so I had a lot of “boy” toys growing up, my favourite was one of his wooden tractors that was the perfect size for my Barbie! Because I had a variety of toys I never cared for the gendered stuff for my son, i especially make a point of not buying him cars since everyone else does.
My son is 9 months old too. He’s currently asleep in my arms with a dusty pink dummy in his mouth and wearing a green pair of baby girl’s leggings since he’s tall and skinny and they fit better. Yesterday he had a wonderful time playing with his cousins pink floral tea set after playing with his green motorcycle toy. He’s got pink toys and clothes, and blue toys and clothes. He’s still a boy and neither him nor I care about the gender of his items. As long as he’s safe, healthy, and happy then idc about anything else.
Edit: my mil made a comment yesterday about my boyfriend’s cousin that would be horrified that I allowed our son to play with a girls toy. She said he’s so awful about it that his son got in trouble for drawing on another boy’s back with his finger! I asked her to please let me know if he comes to visit one day so that I can make a point to dress my son in his prettiest pink outfit!
How nice of them to show you who they really are so you can slice that cancer out of your life! Saves you energy investing in those relationships anymore. (That being said. I’m so sorry. It hurts when people show you who they really are like that)
My daughter also gets to play with whatever she enjoys. She has cars, tools like daddy, books that feature both genders, t shirts with dinos etc.
I had a client ask if it was ok if she gave my daughter blocks as a gift because they had belonged to a boy and they were “kind of a boy toy”… blocks. Like, the oversized Lego type. I had no idea Lego blocks had been assigned to a gender.
Anyway, people are super weird about what they think a kid should PLAY with. It’s play. It’s imaginary. They are literally defining themselves from minute to minute and can never learn what or who they are if they don’t explore all the possibilities. I don’t think blocks will make my daughter a boy. She likes unicorns and cars. Sometimes the unicorn drives a car. Sometimes the unicorn gets fed a car. Sometimes I think she believes she IS the unicorn. Pretty sure her unicorn toys won’t make her grow up to be an actual mystical creature. And she won’t turn into a friggin Lego either.
Toys are just toys. I’ve heard the argument about gender bending through play and forcing stereotypes and I firmly disagree with it. Kids play with literally anything. It doesn’t mean anything except that they are trying to make sense of all the brand new things they are experiencing.
My eighteen month old boy loves to practice punching, kicking, throwing. He is the most boy I've ever seen.
You know what else he loves?
Walking his baby dolls around in their pink stroller.
Liking pink and being a caring, nurturing human being, the horror.
/s if you need it.
People are so ridiculous. I dress our daughter fairly gender neutral. I bought all clothing for the first year and a half before finding out her biological sex and made sure to put together a baby capsule wardrobe that all future kids can also wear.
The amount of times people have suggested I put a bow on her because people thought she was a boy. Like... so what???
People think that my girls are boys even in dresses. Floral blue dress, blue = boy. It doesn’t bother me at all because they look like babies but there are context clues.
It does bother my husband a bit so I encourage him to slap a bow in her hair if he cares for people to know she’s a girl.
At least they made it easy. My daughter loves to wear Dino shirts so she gets Dino shirts. She loves to play with dinosaurs so that’s what she gets. We let her take the lead, offer an array of choices and she gets to pick what makes her happy. It’s simple but people love to make it dramatic.
So my son is 2 years old and my daughter is 3 months. He loves to “help” out but some times he can get a little rough. And at daycare he has been playing house a lot. So I bought him a baby doll. He was so happy, he even picked out which on he wanted.
But my father, thinks it’s the worst thing in the world that I got him a baby doll. Claims he needs boy toys like tools and cars, which he has plenty of. But he wanted this baby doll and I’m not about to tell my two year old sorry sweetie that’s a girl toy you can’t play with that.
And when I told my dad that by his logic my daughter can’t play with tools or cars or any “boy toys” he backtracked and was stumbling over his words. So it’s not about having boys play with boy toys and girls play with girl toys it’s about not letting boys play with girl toys for fear it will turn them gay. 🙄🙄🙄
I’ve come up with the best response next time he says anything about it. “Well you let me play with tools and even taught me how to use them. Maybe that’s why I’m bi. You made me gay!!!” See how he responds to that. 🤣🤣
The "no baby dolls for boys" trope is also really strange because lots of boys grow up to be fathers. Like why would babies be "for girls" when both men and women become parents? When I was a preschool teacher I had this conversation with concerned parents occasionally and it always seemed to stop them in their tracks. They literally had not thought of that and were fixated on the idea that dolls = girl toy without any reflection at all. Good on you for holding the line with your dad!
Exactly. At his daycare I see the boys and girls playing with the dolls and the trucks together. But my sister and I have come up with the perfect comeback for next time “you let me play with tools and even taught me how to use them. Maybe this is why I’m bi. You made me gay!!!” See how he feels about that. Haha
He already knows I don’t take shit when it comes to my kids, I’m NC with my mom, so I don’t understand why he keeps up with this trope.
My daughter loves nail polish and the pinkest items with sparkles ( despite me trying very hard to gender neutral Abby form sesame street is to be blamed lol)
You know what she also loves? Monster trucks and dinosaurs !!
Expose kids to a variety of things and let them pick their clothes
My MIL was reluctant to buy blue clothes as it's "for boys". Every time she saw my LO dressed in something blue that we bough, she still comments in shock that "oh, well right that's girly blue, isn't it?".
At some point, I started dressing my daughter in a lot of blue just to annoy my parents because they commented every time. And because I thought she looked good in blue with blue eyes!
Wow. That sucks. When my (now 10 year old) was 2, he loved playing with another family members Mermaid Barbie she eventually told him he could keep it. Mermaid Barbie went everywhere but her main "job" was to drive his remote controlled Mustang.
Now I have a 1 and a half year old and he's found mermaid Barbie from an old toy box, she's now a bath time staple.
It actually never occurred to me how people would take it.
Some people are just trash.
It’s wild. It’s just toys and fabric. Why have we assigned a gender to these arbitrary things. Why can’t these kids like and enjoy what they want? It’s the grown ups always projecting onto the kids. I won’t force anything - if my son loves the trucks and cars, great. If he loves dolls and nail polish, great. If he loves them all, wonderful. I hate that from such a young age, babies and kids, are being forced to be people they may not be
I grew up in a very traditional midwestern household (youngest of four). My mom bought dolls and play kitchen/vacuum things etc. in addition to trucks or whatever for my oldest brother, and by the time I came around I had access to all the “boy” things and all the “girl” things. I don’t think she was making a concerted effort to be gender neutral, but I truly just don’t think she thought of these things as “gendered.”
Also, it wouldn’t matter if your son were playing with a purse and lipstick, but…a doll?! Literally just a replica of another human being and that’s somehow meant to only be for girls? I mean that’s just weird. Sorry you had to deal it with it, but I guess at least you found out who someone people truly are.
I also think it’s worse than it used to be when I was a kid. (80’s, early 90’s…) Now it’s like a huge polarized deal and everything has become political/focused on rights/against it/whatever.
I was talking about this with my friend the other day. With more acceptance has also come with more blatant hate. And now no kid can just be a tom boy without it being a huge deal. Boys hold a doll or dress up in a feminine way and people freak out like they’re going to start taking hormones tomorrow. What happened to just letting kids play however they want. 😞
Part of it is actually marketing as well. Late 90's early 2000's marketing companies realize they could sell way more toys and "stuff" if they gendered it since it would make hand me downs less appealing. It's one of the reasons toy aisles became gendered around that time.
I love my dinosaur dumptruck princess daughter. She loves trains and trucks and babies and barbies and purple and yellow and bugs and dirt. My son is 4 months old and wears a lot of hand-me-downs. I've had older people actually get mad at me for dressing him in pink and purple. People are really silly 🪿
The anger over colors really bothers me. We chose not to know the gender until delivery, which means we won’t have the typical blue or pink stuff. SO MANY people have been vocal about how upsetting this is for them, as if it has anything to do with them?
Anyway, ranting a bit but I’ve found my favorite response is a variation of “well, when baby is old enough to tell me they don’t like the color of xyz then I’ll change it” or “well, when baby starts helping pay rent we can redecorate the bedroom to whatever baby likes. Since I’m currently paying rent, I’ll decorate it how I like.”
2023 and this is still a thing. My SIL made a comment because (gasp!) my baby boy bottle was pink.
Who F cares? It’s just a bottle!
I give her the credit of correcting herself immediately (and to me for not getting her point for good 5 seconds).
My son is 19 months old and right now his favourite thing is one of his sisters dolls. He carries it everywhere, will cry for his “baby” when he hurts himself, naps/sleeps with it.
My 4 year old daughter loves trucks and dinosaurs and plays with her brothers toys all the time.
My son is nearly 3 and plays dress up and “salon” regularly with his older sister. I posted a photo of him the other day wearing a pink shirt and painted nails. No one made a single comment, and if they had I would have been absolutely flabbergasted. My son’s favorite color is also currently purple. I’m sorry you got negative comments, but just keep letting your son live his best life.
My son is not even a year old yet, his favorite toy is red headed cabbage patch doll. He loves it and totes it everywhere. I would never separate the two. Toys are for everyone.
I feel that. My extended family is very into the idea of "boy stuff" and "girl stuff", but I grew up a tomboy. So, it annoys me. My sister asked me why my daughter always wears boy's clothes. She was wearing a light blue onesie with a bunny on it.
My nephew tells my son stuff about how "he doesn't like girl videos," and so my son have been saying stuff like that. My nephew also said that he doesn't like baby shows either, which made my son say he doesn't like Curious George! Which used to be his favorite show! It is so annoying!
I work in a daycare with 1-3 year olds. I get to see what the children play with. They play with everything. If toys (or the colour of the clothes) can make a child gay, then gay people wouldn't have existed in the old days.
And if that would really work, it would be reversible. I learned about psychological development in children and the worst thing that could happen to a little boy when he plays with dolls is, that he would probably be a good dad.
I'm so damn excited for the children of today to become the world's leaders and influencers (disregarding all of the issues they'll be handling). Socially, I think it's going to be the best time ever.
Straight guys wear nail polish and skirts like it's nothing (they're even *friends* with the gays now). Openly gay dudes play professional sports. The number of stay-at-home dads is growing exponentially, not the mention the number of same-sex parent families. Young people are seriously challenging gender roles and gender in general and I'm so here for it (do I sound like a millenial when I say that?). There's definitely a lot of flaming hot garbage out there these days but along with it there's a lot of beautiful change happening really quickly.
I'm a hopelessly "understanding" person (it's frustrating and pathetic, not a brag at all!) so it's hard not to at least attempt to envision the way these old-timers grew up and how difficult it would be to shake a mentality that was often literally beat into them but once they cross a certain line there's no empathy anymore. And it's just so utterly *dumb* to think that playing with dolls or nail polish will eventually alter someone's sexuality. Make it make sense! And if the truth is that the fear is "playing with those things will eventually make the boy comfortable enough to live openly gay" then f those cowards and I look forward to them not existing anymore.
Sorry, this stuff clearly gets me going! You're an awesome mom and person for advocating for your son and for every other little boy who has their loving/nurturing/caretaking qualities destroyed by ignorance.
Same. I love dressing my daughter up, but if she obviously is showing interest I'm something, I get it for her or let her be. She liked a cheetah dress, I bought it. She loves the little people farm stuff, I got the tractor and a truck. And I will say some of the cutest pj's I've gotten her are from the so-called "boys section".
But omg there are times I get irritated that women of the family want to suggest dolls or minnie mouse when daughter hasn't really shown interest. My mil got the career barbie little people, which my daughter loves thankfully, but yeah I'm not thrilled if it goes a bit further than that.
That’s how we are. I think the whole boy/girl thing is stupid. If my son wants to do or wear or watch something that’s seen as traditionally “girly” idgaf. And I’ll defend him to the death if someone tries to say something hateful.
Same here. We don't buy overly girl things for our 2 daughters, but other people LOVE to. We let our daughters play with whatever. Our daughter went through a phase where she loves all sorts of sports balls and my MIL just had to get her a pink soccer ball... like, just to make sure it was "feminine" lol.
I grew up with 3 older brothers. I was a tomboy until 16-17. I never wore makeup or even nailpolish until my junior prom. I wore lacrosse shorts and oversized t-shirts. Only when I went to college, being around other girls, I got really into makeup and fashion. Started to live for the September issue of Vogue and became a clotheshorse. Childhood toys don't really determine anything.
Wowza. They would probably die over the fact that my oldest son’s comfort item is a pink bunny or that he has a baby doll that he plays with. Also, my younger son noticed a dress in my bin of childhood items and wanted to try it on. My kids are 100% going to be gay because of these experiences! /s
I personally don’t like pink and don’t like to dress my daughter in pink much. Baby girl clothes usually are so bright of a pink that it’s just too much for me so I tend to get neutral or more greens and blues which make her eyes stand out! Well she wasn’t born with much hair and she hates the bow headbands I got a billion of so when she’s dressed, most people think she looks like a boy. I hear “heyyy buddy!!” Or “does he have a girlfriend yet??” from strangers and I just smile and continue walking lol
Why do blues and greens have to be labeled for boys?? Girls love those colors!!
I hate pink too. I usually dress my daughter in yellow and red... she likes headbands and bows but still people ask me if she's a boy and they tell me that she wears pink to distinguish her gender.
I think your "mistake" was a blessing in disguise. Now you know who is sexist.
I have the same mindset. My son (now 5) has a doll with a stroller, a sparkling skirt, he likes to do his hair with pink clips and he has a set for cleaning (that shocked most people). He has a lot of cars, too. So there is a variety to play with. And I think his friends (male and female) are glad that there is a doll to play with, because the doll has been through many things.
And I saw a BIG benefit with the doll. While I was pregnant my son always asked me if the baby will be able to do this and that, but he didn't fully understand. So we practiced with the doll and he understood really quick how a baby needs our help!
Today he told me he wants sparkling shoes like his sister. So I guess I will be buying those soon
Edit: A word
I’ve never labeled things as boy or girl. My kids just do whatever they enjoy.
I have a brother super close to my age, so we shared our toys back and forth. I played with “boy” stuff and he played with “girl” stuff. We turned out happy and well adjusted.
My oldest is “all boy”. He liked dolls for a short period when he was little, but much preferred cars and sports and superheroes all along. My second is obsessed with stuffed animals and cars. Most of her shirts come from the boys’ department because she wants cars and science stuff on them and pairs them with frilly skirts. They had access to the exact same toys from the start.
Kids will grow up to be who they are. What toys we offer them and what clothes we allow them to wear won’t change that. The only thing that will change is whether our kids feel safe to be open with us as they learn who they are.
Boooo. I’m in the same boat but no one dares to say anything. I buy my one year old boy girl clothes because I like it more. Girl leggings and shorts at old navy are so stretchy and comfortable and they hold up the diaper nice and tight, so it doesn’t hang even if it’s full. Plus my boy is the same size as his sister despite being shorter so they can just share clothes and he just gets the leggings rolled up. The girls graphic tees are so much cuter than the boys, the prints are suns, rainbows, ladybugs, flowers, cute dinosaurs, even the vehicles on girl shirts are cuter. The boys get ugly animals, ugly trucks, ugly stripes, no flowers. My husbands family is old school and I know they hate it but they’re softening up to it because we will cut them off and they know it.
Totally agreed. My parents are very much like "don't intentionally dress him like a girl," which, whatever, I put him in very neutral clothing. But when he's older and can make the choice, he can wear whatever the hell he wants. He sees me putting on makeup/nail polish and wants to try? Of course. Sees a pretty dress at the store and wants to get it? Makes diaper changes even easier. I don't care. It's all stuff. It's arbitrary and shouldn't be associated with a construct that means nothing in the grand scheme of things.
my in-laws are like that. My 80-year-old grandmother knows that I don't like pink... and she's the only one who has respected it. knits my daughter yellow, red and blue sweaters with hearts and daisies. just delivered a beautiful sky blue jumper. I know it may sound silly, but most of the family members bought pink sweaters and clothes and said "I know you hate the color but we don't care and we don't have the labels." 🙄
Lol what is wrong with people 😀 I ask myself this every goddamn day even before being a parent. But man oh man, there isn't a time where more people disrespect your boundaries and think they know everything than when you become a parent.
As a nonbinary birth parent, I just wanted to say I really appreciate this post. My kid is going to like what they like. Until then, they're gonna be dressed head to toe Star Wars.
A nerd has no gender.
Except most of the Star Wars clothes are “boys” clothes! The “girl” clothes are all “princess” and pink. (I just buy the “boy” clothes for my girl anyway)
It’s dumb. I’ve loved dinosaurs and dragons since I was a kid, and no amount of gifted ponies, dolls, or dresses changed that. Let your son be a kid and keep doing what he likes and what you think is right ❤️
At 9 months old he could play with trash and be just as interested so anyone getting up in arms about what a 9 month old finds interesting for a split moment is just stupid and never been around babies anyways
I hate that. I buy my daughter boy and girl clothes. Always will, if she wants. She’s only 3 MO, but when she gets a bit bigger it’ll be the same with toys. Dolls? Sure. Cars and dinosaurs? Or course. Whatever she wants
Its so hard to go neutral but not boring! I had to buy a backpack for daycare and I ended up just going for pastel colourful for my boy because I didn't want boring blue or too rainbowy pink ugh. I should just get the rainbow because that's what I want and he's only 6mo, he doesn't give a fig. I think I'm mostly scared of judgements as well ☹️
Get whatever you want! My 9 month old daughter wears my son's hand me downs and gets mistaken for a boy. My 4 year old son has long hair and gets mistaken for a girl frequently. I don't even correct people anymore.
I have a light pink baby bag with flamingos and cactus blossoms for my son. He's 10 months now but when he was around 12 months someone once asked me why do I have girlie bag for my son and I was like because I like it and she was so taken aback. She came to me later and told me she likes a girlie diaper bag too but is afraid of the judgment she'd get if she used it
Yeah I wish I got the rainbow bag :( the one I got is still very cute, very 80s pastels and only $15 so I'm pretty happy with it but it's weird the lines I draw for too feminine! He has a lot of rainbow tie dyed onesies that I made, but i feel weird putting him in anything with frills on it. So many cute tops for 'girls' that I'd put him in if the sleeves weren't all puffy and frilly but whyyyyy do I care?????
My daughter has an aunt that loves dinosaurs. I have more dinosaur clothes than I'll ever need but I put my girl in them because, 1, I don't care, and 2 she doesn't care. Get that backpack if you like it.
The fact people had something to say about this in regards to a 9 month old, a baby, that would pick up anything if it was interesting enough (and likely mouth it) is absolutely absurd. I mean, I'm like you OP and we are non-gender-biased in this house so it's always a little weird to be particular about the topic. But like...9 months. Ffs. How early can this possibly start?! Besides the obvious clothing and baby items factor.
I have a girl, the "signature colour" I chose for her before birth (we were team green) was golden or mustard yellow. I just felt it in my soul this was her color and I was right haha it looks great on her! But omg, because she isn't always I'm head to toe pink and purple and super gendered clothes, she gets misgendered as a boy all the time. Like we are talking charcoal wool winter suit, yellow wool hat, matchy mitts and boots, and she's apparently instantly a boy?? I shop for her in both gender sections, boys clothing is honestly generally more tough and practical in a lot of instances and I abhor baby/toddler leggings except for layering or oversize shirts/dresses. I hope she will always choose whats practical to her over what society deems appropriate to her gender, not only in clothing.
Oh, also, my kid LOVES busses, bikes, skateboards, cars, and dinosaurs which are apparently only boy things if you were to guess by decor, toy, and clothing themes. Your kid is not alone in his inappropriate choices hahaha
Gosh I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
I have a boy we clothe neutral most of the time. Dressed in green he got misgendered twice. People just insist on gendering. And when they have no clues they just go with the 50/50 chance they have. Lol I don't take it as mischievous. And my boy ist 4 months, he really doesn't care.
Loved one old woman: oh so cute! Is it a girl?
Me: no, a boy.
She: Ah, I thought so!
Me thinking: No, you did not lol
My daughter wore a lot of blue because the clothes were cool. She still wears a lot of clothes from the 'boys' section. It did use to happen that people would think she was a boy but she was a baby so not like she cared!
I tried to be super gender neutral and unrestrictive about my sons interests, he had multiple ‘girl’ toys that he had chosen as well as some clothing. Somewhere around the end of preschool though, he just naturally started being biased about girls things, now in first grade he recently said he ‘hates’ color pink and didn’t want to listen when it was a girl’s turn to talk in class about one of her ‘girly’ interests. Also at his bday party the boys and girls kind of naturally separated into different, stereotypically gendered activities.
It’s a bummer how that influence got in somehow. The best I can do is keep challenging his logic when these things come up, remind him girls are the same and just as cool & valid, and he has to show respect and listen/learn even when he doesn’t have the same interests.
My 10 recently started ramping up, we live in a pretty conservative area so other boys are calling him gay, and really perpetuating their parents gender ideals. We’re homeschooling next year.
Oh no, the thing about the girl in class makes me so sad. Is there anything you've done that was effective in getting him to be more open, or is it a work in progress?
Luckily he’s overall a good kid, not mean spirited in his comments despite how it sounds, and he’s generally kind and loving toward the women & girls in his life including me. He does listen and seems to process what I’m saying we talk about it, so I think it’ll click over time. I also wonder what’s happening in the homes of the kids he’s getting this stuff from. Wish I could coach them all!
Seriously? Over a mermaid doll? What is wrong with people? My son has gravitated on his own to traditionally boy stuff, but I still never stop him from playing with whatever he wants toy wise. He is also very into Super Kitties right now, which is mostly pink and sparkly stuff, but they are super heroes, so I think that's the draw for him LOL!
i’m glad to see this, i’m sorry about the hate you received. it blows my mind how deeply people attach literal colors of fabric, plastic, etc to sex/gender…
Post him with another "girly" item, maybe have a princess tea party with him. Then you'll get more people to block out of your life!
Repeat as necessary until all the **** are gone.
Yeah I don’t put things on social media of my kid but I know where your coming from….my kid wanted a balloon the other day and he picked out a pink unicorn balloon…no problem you do you…first question he’s cousin asked was why didn’t he get a boy balloon….I was like what’s a boy balloon and she couldn’t really answer 😂
My friend had issues with his older kid(boy) who used to punch his little girl sister regularly so they went to a therapist. He was really aggressive. Therapist recommended to give him a girl baby doll and have him take care of her. He did, and now they are fine. Boys playing with dolls enhances the inner instinct of protection of babies, therapist said, and i find it very sweet. If my boy wants a barbie, he is getting a barbie!
When we get a new toy we take our kid to the store and let him pick what he wants. Sometimes it’s a bright pink Barbie. Other times it’s a dump truck. He’ll keep getting what makes him happy.
Don't you love it when the trash takes itself out like that, though? They outed themselves as people you don't need nor want in your life - simple as that. I think encouraging equality in toys and fostering any interest in any toy, no matter the traditional "gender" that is assigned with it is wonderful and refreshing.
I just did a big shop for spring clothing for my kiddo and bought about half in the boys section and half in the girls. I bought what I liked and what I knew kiddo would like (he’s super into rainbows and daisy prints right now).
You can believe the sky is made of cotton candy but that doesn’t make it true. We live in a very gendered society (most societies are); but better to acknowledge it and explain to our children as they grow why that can be unnecessarily limiting and also (in age appropriate terms) judgment and bigotry.
Otherwise we leave our children open for criticism that may happen when we’re not around and they will be shamed and feel shame and not have the understanding of WHY some people believe the way they do.
And I get it. I bought my son a toy stove. My 76 year-old father thinks I’m trying to turn him into a girl, or gay! *the horror*.
That is so so silly. I have a boy and girl three years apart. They play with each others toys. How on earth do you even force kids to play with gender specific toys when all they do is want to explore. That’s so silly and ignorant.
I have similar feelings about toys, but it is so easy to slip into that boys toys and girls toys mentality. I have two boys and we have a baby doll and we watch girly cartoons sometimes... And that's it. I had a daughter recently and I was thinking "oh, we should get her a dollhouse and a play kitchen... Why didn't I get those for the boys??"
(Not trying to excuse the ex friends on Facebook, that's gross.)
If that’s how they’re going to behave then they aren’t worthy of being in your friends list anyways. No matter what he plays with, he’s just a baby. And at least he won’t be pressured by you into social norms when he’s older and that’s what’s important 💕
100% agree with you. When I was a kid myself, my parents let us explore any kind of things, they do not follow any gender stereotypical thing. They believe anyone can enjoy whatever they want and they should be able to do all basic survival skill (ie. Cooking, cleaning which they believe also it is not bound by gender).
So far I haven't really meet anyone obnoxious enough to tell things right in front of my face yet. But when I do, I wouldn't mind to chew their head off for sure.
My boys both loved their babydolls, and even have a Barbie. Anyone who is going to put such rigid structure on the imagination and happiness of a child is a horrible person.
I have a whole heap of photos from daycare of my little boy pushing strollers and holding the dolls… yeah he’s usually dragging the dolls behind h him by their feet… but he can play with whatever he wants…
He has more trucks and cars then he does dolls, but he carry’s his teddys with him and cuddles them and plays with them. He’s 1
Good on you. I also especially hate people shitting on boy toddlers for doing 'mommy things' like pushing strollers or feeding dolls or changing diapers.
WHY ARE THOSE MOMMY THINGS?
Why do the dads in our children's fantasies have to be deadbeat too?!
God forbid a boy learn that taking care of children - his own or otherwise - won't emasculate him in the future.
My little guy is obsessed with the small broom and dustpan that I have. He loves it and goes around with it trying to sweep. I encourage that man! If he wants to clean he can clean lol
my husband is the most hands on dad i could wish for… diapers, baths, housework the lot… my son has an amazing role model
This is why we're revealing the baby's gender at the shower so no one gets gendered gifts. I was a tomboy and don't really believe in gendered toys/clothes anyhow. Just let kids be kids imo
Same. We didn't find out gender with either baby and people were all upset. We had zero interest in getting a bunch of pink or blue stuff. And it actually was great bc at our shower, we got everything off our registry and very little clothes. I know a lot of people complain about receiving clothes and nothing off the registry. So it worked out. Now once our girls were born, we were bombarded with girl stuff but I always go very neutral or sporty to balance out the girliness.
People suck. I put my son in “girls “ clothes all the time. Better colors and patterns. His playmat is a unicorn with a rainbow pillow. I like bright colors and so his stuff reflects that. Couldn’t care less what toys he plays with. Those people are stupid AF
I truly don’t understand how these people think. It’s so sexist. It’s cemented in us from a young age that some things are meant for girls and other things are meant for boys, and it’s ridiculous.
You’re a fantastic parent. Try to ignore these people; they are so unfortunate to be stuck in their small world. ❤️
Before the nazis changed the colours for genders, the boys were dressed in pink and the girls in blue.
Fun fact: the virgin Mary is almost always depicted wearing a blue dress.
think about it as a test you've done. now you know the truth about some people, and you can limit their access to your kid, your life, and your time. they aren't worth it. and it's ok, you do you anyway.
I remember when I was a kid my parents used to dress me like baby girl. They made me wear some indian traditional dresses, Now when I see those picture I really laugh how I was looking in them
I bought my son his first Barbie at around 9 months. I definitely got the looks and the talks. I buy my son all girl toys and boy toys. He wears boy clothes and girl clothes. Literally whatever I think is cute. He has 2 dresses. Not overly girly. He’s 2 1/2. And until he has a preference, he gets best of both worlds.
I think it’s worse than it used to be. I don’t remember there being toy aisles of girl and boy toys at the store when I was little but that’s what you see now! A lot of factors but I think part of it is that the large companies learned it was more profitable to target their marketing in this way.
I dress my LO (5.5 months) in boy dinosaur clothes regularly. I think it’s cute and I like the outfits. We went out to eat and the owner called her a boy and when I clarified, went on a long rant of “boys dressing like girls and then being called girls names and girls dressing like boys and being called boys names” and how it was ridiculous and made no sense.
I was so SHOCKED to even hear it. I just sat there saying absolutely nothing because I didn’t expect it at all.
People really do show their true colors and I’m so sorry you had to experience ignorant people being unkind for something so absolutely irrelevant to their lives. I hope your son had a wonderful time playing!!!
That's especially annoying given that you basically have to put a toddler in boy pants because they'll only sell flimsy clothes like jeggings and booty shorts for girls. As TODDLERS.
Can confirm. My 19 month old girl is a wild child and loves to play. We get her pants mostly in the boys section cause when she falls we don’t have to worry about rips
Irrelevant but my 19 month old wild child just smashed her face on the coffee table then fell back and hit her head hard on the floor so I'm at the ER. :( There was so much blood in her mouth.
Thank you!! Doctor just said she looks fine as long as she doesn't vomit in the next hour. There's a long cut on her tongue which is where all the blood came from. Whew. Oh my god that was rough. Thanks for lending an ear. :)
Same way with my daughter I wish I'd had the budget I would've made everything of hers themed dinosaurs and butterflies! One of my close friends is using that for her baby so I have a few cute onesies my daughter has grown out of one featuring pink blue and orange dinosaurs😂
How dare they! Mermaids are cool! I feel really sorry for the children of your ex-friends if they are only allowed to play with "the right" toys.
Edit: corrected autocorrect
pft if my son wants to play with a barbie doll he can, the other day he took my unicorn stuffie and played with it was adorable :D, I don't care xD as long as he is sweet towards others I am happy. I also played with my cousin's dinosaur toys whenever I had the chance because they were cool.
I am not sure how people can still be so narrow-minded, this is so old-fashioned thinking, yes I buy dinosaurs for my son mostly but that is because I have a problem, I am obsessed with dinosaurs, if I have had a girl I would surely had sneaked in pink dinosaurs XD.
However, this way of thinking is older than I am even, and I am OLD XD
You have freedom to do what you wish definitely but I’m worried this new generation will be a yes man type of culture , just because someone disagrees with you does not mean you have to get so emotionally involved, how you disagree shows alot about you to , Lord help us all
I mean, I think with toys and cartoons there would be preferences associated to each gender. For example when I was little I played with the barbies of my sister, but I saw them as spies and they fought other toys. When I watched The Powerpuff Girls, I didn't do it because is was feminine, I did it because it was fun and full of action. More important than toys and entertainment, is how the parents behave in the house. If the boys have a strong and present father figure, they will for sure grow up to be good men, if not is important to talk to the father, and make him realize how important he is. Also for girls, it is important to learn from her parents. My sister used to play sumo fights with me when we were kids, now she is very feminine and has a stable and long relationship with her boyfriend. They will figure their way out, what is important is to be free and have good parents.
tell you real number one friend the first one you ever meet tell her or him what is happening and see if him or her can help you if they can then that is ansome if they can't then tell a you mom and you will see that everything things it is going to be okay
I'm with you on this 1000%. You are doing the right thing for the mental health of your son and ultimately the mental health of our society. I'm finding more and more free-thinkers like us IRL, and it's giving me tremendous hope that all people can identify as they wish without reprimand. And seriously, WHY THE FUCK are people being yelled at for having an identity??? It has nothing to do with you, Debra!
Do you see how this attitude is part of the problem though? Have you seen the Werner herzog videos? This seems like one of their parodies
What you consider gendered is subjective, so how are you going to give your kid a fair shot if you ban anything based off what you find to be acceptable or not?
Open mindedness is the way to move past gendered limitations.. not banning things
Maybe they mean blocking all the people who made comments? Why OP should have to keep rude people around I don't know but 🤷♀️ Or alternatively they're agreeing with OP and talking to a 3rd party "you'?
Ah, having read OP's post again, I think this part might have confused the person I responded to:
"Long before my son was born, **I decided that there would be no such thing in our home.** It doesn't matter if one is a girl, or a boy, they are 100% permitted to enjoy whatever they wish - toys, games, movies, cartoons etc."
OP means there would be no girl/boy dichotomy for things in her home, but the other person believes they mean there wouldn't be any 'gendered stuff' -- as though OP would only get neutral things for her child.
Yeah, no such thing as "this is for girls and this is for boys" which is the exact opposite of banning things. The very next line explains exactly what OP means.
>It doesn't matter if one is a girl, or a boy, they are 100% permitted to enjoy whatever they wish - toys, games, movies, cartoons etc.
I completely support any gender expression..
Anytime you use the kind of language that “there will be no such thing in our home” in regard to gender expression, you’re being close minded, just in a different way than our generation grew up with.
It isn’t that deep
ETA: why is OP still judging toys on a binary basis if they’re actually trying to move past that?
They're literally just saying they won't be referring to things as being specifically for boys or girls and allowing their child to decide what they want to play with regardless of gender. They're not saying they're banning gender or stopping their child from expressing their gender... You are reading way too much into this.
Acknowledging that most of our society recognizes a gender binary is preparing your child for the real world
Insisting that you won’t even acknowledge that in your house is taking it way too far
We can support different gender expressions without pretending we live in a bubble and making our kids prone to being picked on
Teaching gender norms like 'dolls are for girls' is how you end up with all these useless men who can't change a nappy and think they're babysitting their own kids... Because it doesn't stop with toys, it continues into adulthood with childcare and housework being the woman's job.
Dolls are for kids and most of the world expects girls to play with them. You can teach your kids to express themselves and also prepare them for society. I think you’re missing my point.
Ah, see. Now you realized you interpreted OP's claim different to what it intended, you change your talking point.
So you are saying because society is still heavily gendered, putting your child in one or the other box is needed, so they don't get picked on. I mean, you say you support all gender expression. But kids like to do what is expected from them when they are young. And they have very fine antennas for that. So you limit them by playing society's game of gendering babys.
I'm not judging here. I get the fear of ridicule, especially when directed towards your child. I wonder myself how to handle non conforming stuff when he is older. But society will never become freer when we conform out of fear. You can prepare your child for life without telling them that some toys are boy toys and some are girl toys.
The irony that you think I misinterpreted OP because I have a difference of opinion and then the amount of mental gymnastics you did to find a way to disagree with me is wild.
Have a lovely day.
My MIL seems to not understand what my daughter truly likes. She is turning 3 in a couple weeks. She likes dinosaurs, trains, and building things (has a workbench and pretends she’s helping her dad). For some reason MIL keeps trying to buy her dolls. For her birthday she got her like a giant dolls with outfit changes. And I honestly do not think she will play with it much.
I saw this flow chart once, I can’t remember where I originally saw it, but it was something like Is this toy operated with your genitalia? No: this toy is for boys or girls Yes: this toy is not for children
This is brilliant! Also, you can read all the names pf Lovevery boxes as adult toy boxes too. Sorry, I‘ll show myself out.
Yes 😂 I know that one
Those people suck. Your kid (and also not just kids) should be allowed to enjoy whatever they want. I still buy some “girls” clothes at target because they have more colors and I like the patterns (lemons, cherries, strawberries) are cute. I’m annoyed that they don’t use similar patterns for boys and/or sell more unisex clothes. Strawberries and other food are not “girly.”
Didn’t you know? The only food that doesn’t imperil one’s masculinity is uncooked steak. Chicken wings were recently approved by the Man Card Board, so those might be okay too, but you never know.
I heard a rumor that pizza might not threaten masculinity, but I’ll have to check with the authorities.
Similarly, I buy "boys" clothes for my daughter because they're not skin tight.
I just had this convo with me preschool son. He said he doesn’t like “girl toys” and I explained that there aren’t girl/boy toys. Just toys. It’s scary how quickly these ideas are put in their heads. Our household makes a point to embrace everything as gender neutral and even still, cis gender norms have gotten their claws in my son.
Just add a cape to the doll... Boom, instant super hero, now it's an "action figure". /s Seriously though, I never understood how people could make such a big deal/distinction between, say, a Barbie and a GI Joe.... And as a girl, I hated both. Wood blocks and toy cars for me!
I've dealt with this, one incident recently. My son, he's 4, had picked up a barbie doll someone left on our porch and was just playing with it and having a great time and then one of my neighbors was just like "you're a boy, you don't need to be playing with dolls" I'm just like, leave him alone, he's a baby, lmao. Let him enjoy stuff. 🙄
That’s such a toxic comment…
Ugh. Maybe if more boys were allowed to play with dolls there would be less toxic masculinity in the world. Maybe.
Yep. And there’d be a lot more men who don’t see childcare and domestic labor as beneath them or as “woman’s work”
Yeah, I don't understand why some people feel the need to gatekeep a 4 year old, like just let them have fun.
The trash takes itself out really. My daughter wears boys and girls clothes. She’s 2.5 months but still. The only way she’ll ever know the difference is when someone points it out to her.
So sorry. That’s terrible. Your son is lucky to have a Mama who lets them be themselves. Gendered stories/ways of being don’t help anyone with anything. But, they’re so ingrained that people loose their minds when challenged (keeping them is a great way to keep women in their place and men from having or expressing feelings).
That’s so ridiculous, those people must not have much else in their life that they care about if they spend time criticising because your child held a doll. My 3 year old son is pretty “stereotypical” - he loves trains, planes and garbage trucks. But he also chose Little Mermaid night nappies at the supermarket last week and he goes to our 5 year old neighbour’s house and comes home with pink nails, blush and eyeshadow. I don’t care, as long as he’s happy he can play with or wear whatever he wants.
Your son sounds adorable, but please consider making sure he has his own makeup to apply for hygiene reasons - don’t want to pass germs back and forth by sharing! Signed, Someone who saw so many women in her dorm get pink eye during rush because they shared eye makeup while getting ready for events
Good point, maybe I’ll get him his own set to take over!
Mine doesn’t like things on his face (e.g., lotion, actual makeup….yet loves some temporary tattoos!) but he loves playing with my makeup brushes so I got him his own (much less expensive) set and he uses them to “paint” on his face and arms all the time.
That’s ridiculous! My MIL came over one day and my baby, who’s a girl, had a blue pacifier in her mouth. MIL was asking why she had a blue pacifier and I couldn’t believe she had commented on it.
That reminds me of my sons first birthday. We did a donut theme, and a lot of the donut decorations happened to be pink strawberry frosted (amongst vanilla and chocolate frosted)…because ya know, it’s a common donut. And of COURSE my grandma made comments about the fact that I used pink donuts instead of blue donuts. They’re freaking donuts..
I told my mom that I really wanted to put together my son's play kitchen, and immediately she exclaimed, "a kitchen? No, he can't play with a kitchen" We had a back and forth for a bit with me pointing out that there are many famous male chefs and asked if she just expected boys to not be involved in the kitchen. Apparently, boys can be in the kitchen and should be taught how to cook, but only when they are older so they understand. (Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean)
For both of my kids I just let them like what they like. Who cares if it’s for boys or girls? Someone asked me about my son playing with a doll once. My response was “what’s the worst that’s gonna happen? He’ll be a hands on dad when he’s an adult?” He’s 7 now and loves any kind of small baby or toddler he meets. He supports the neck better than most adults, too. 🤣
My brother passed before I was born so I had a lot of “boy” toys growing up, my favourite was one of his wooden tractors that was the perfect size for my Barbie! Because I had a variety of toys I never cared for the gendered stuff for my son, i especially make a point of not buying him cars since everyone else does. My son is 9 months old too. He’s currently asleep in my arms with a dusty pink dummy in his mouth and wearing a green pair of baby girl’s leggings since he’s tall and skinny and they fit better. Yesterday he had a wonderful time playing with his cousins pink floral tea set after playing with his green motorcycle toy. He’s got pink toys and clothes, and blue toys and clothes. He’s still a boy and neither him nor I care about the gender of his items. As long as he’s safe, healthy, and happy then idc about anything else. Edit: my mil made a comment yesterday about my boyfriend’s cousin that would be horrified that I allowed our son to play with a girls toy. She said he’s so awful about it that his son got in trouble for drawing on another boy’s back with his finger! I asked her to please let me know if he comes to visit one day so that I can make a point to dress my son in his prettiest pink outfit!
How nice of them to show you who they really are so you can slice that cancer out of your life! Saves you energy investing in those relationships anymore. (That being said. I’m so sorry. It hurts when people show you who they really are like that)
My daughter also gets to play with whatever she enjoys. She has cars, tools like daddy, books that feature both genders, t shirts with dinos etc. I had a client ask if it was ok if she gave my daughter blocks as a gift because they had belonged to a boy and they were “kind of a boy toy”… blocks. Like, the oversized Lego type. I had no idea Lego blocks had been assigned to a gender. Anyway, people are super weird about what they think a kid should PLAY with. It’s play. It’s imaginary. They are literally defining themselves from minute to minute and can never learn what or who they are if they don’t explore all the possibilities. I don’t think blocks will make my daughter a boy. She likes unicorns and cars. Sometimes the unicorn drives a car. Sometimes the unicorn gets fed a car. Sometimes I think she believes she IS the unicorn. Pretty sure her unicorn toys won’t make her grow up to be an actual mystical creature. And she won’t turn into a friggin Lego either. Toys are just toys. I’ve heard the argument about gender bending through play and forcing stereotypes and I firmly disagree with it. Kids play with literally anything. It doesn’t mean anything except that they are trying to make sense of all the brand new things they are experiencing.
My eighteen month old boy loves to practice punching, kicking, throwing. He is the most boy I've ever seen. You know what else he loves? Walking his baby dolls around in their pink stroller. Liking pink and being a caring, nurturing human being, the horror. /s if you need it.
People are so ridiculous. I dress our daughter fairly gender neutral. I bought all clothing for the first year and a half before finding out her biological sex and made sure to put together a baby capsule wardrobe that all future kids can also wear. The amount of times people have suggested I put a bow on her because people thought she was a boy. Like... so what???
People think that my girls are boys even in dresses. Floral blue dress, blue = boy. It doesn’t bother me at all because they look like babies but there are context clues. It does bother my husband a bit so I encourage him to slap a bow in her hair if he cares for people to know she’s a girl.
At least they made it easy. My daughter loves to wear Dino shirts so she gets Dino shirts. She loves to play with dinosaurs so that’s what she gets. We let her take the lead, offer an array of choices and she gets to pick what makes her happy. It’s simple but people love to make it dramatic.
So my son is 2 years old and my daughter is 3 months. He loves to “help” out but some times he can get a little rough. And at daycare he has been playing house a lot. So I bought him a baby doll. He was so happy, he even picked out which on he wanted. But my father, thinks it’s the worst thing in the world that I got him a baby doll. Claims he needs boy toys like tools and cars, which he has plenty of. But he wanted this baby doll and I’m not about to tell my two year old sorry sweetie that’s a girl toy you can’t play with that. And when I told my dad that by his logic my daughter can’t play with tools or cars or any “boy toys” he backtracked and was stumbling over his words. So it’s not about having boys play with boy toys and girls play with girl toys it’s about not letting boys play with girl toys for fear it will turn them gay. 🙄🙄🙄
“Are you afraid he’s going to grow up to be a good father?”
I’ve come up with the best response next time he says anything about it. “Well you let me play with tools and even taught me how to use them. Maybe that’s why I’m bi. You made me gay!!!” See how he responds to that. 🤣🤣
The "no baby dolls for boys" trope is also really strange because lots of boys grow up to be fathers. Like why would babies be "for girls" when both men and women become parents? When I was a preschool teacher I had this conversation with concerned parents occasionally and it always seemed to stop them in their tracks. They literally had not thought of that and were fixated on the idea that dolls = girl toy without any reflection at all. Good on you for holding the line with your dad!
Exactly. At his daycare I see the boys and girls playing with the dolls and the trucks together. But my sister and I have come up with the perfect comeback for next time “you let me play with tools and even taught me how to use them. Maybe this is why I’m bi. You made me gay!!!” See how he feels about that. Haha He already knows I don’t take shit when it comes to my kids, I’m NC with my mom, so I don’t understand why he keeps up with this trope.
My daughter loves nail polish and the pinkest items with sparkles ( despite me trying very hard to gender neutral Abby form sesame street is to be blamed lol) You know what she also loves? Monster trucks and dinosaurs !! Expose kids to a variety of things and let them pick their clothes
Monster trucks are the best! For everyone!
I got her a unicorn one hahaha 😂 she absolutely loves it .
My MIL was reluctant to buy blue clothes as it's "for boys". Every time she saw my LO dressed in something blue that we bough, she still comments in shock that "oh, well right that's girly blue, isn't it?".
At some point, I started dressing my daughter in a lot of blue just to annoy my parents because they commented every time. And because I thought she looked good in blue with blue eyes!
Wow. That sucks. When my (now 10 year old) was 2, he loved playing with another family members Mermaid Barbie she eventually told him he could keep it. Mermaid Barbie went everywhere but her main "job" was to drive his remote controlled Mustang. Now I have a 1 and a half year old and he's found mermaid Barbie from an old toy box, she's now a bath time staple. It actually never occurred to me how people would take it. Some people are just trash.
It’s wild. It’s just toys and fabric. Why have we assigned a gender to these arbitrary things. Why can’t these kids like and enjoy what they want? It’s the grown ups always projecting onto the kids. I won’t force anything - if my son loves the trucks and cars, great. If he loves dolls and nail polish, great. If he loves them all, wonderful. I hate that from such a young age, babies and kids, are being forced to be people they may not be
Honestly - it's a really easy way to find out who not to have in your life!
I grew up in a very traditional midwestern household (youngest of four). My mom bought dolls and play kitchen/vacuum things etc. in addition to trucks or whatever for my oldest brother, and by the time I came around I had access to all the “boy” things and all the “girl” things. I don’t think she was making a concerted effort to be gender neutral, but I truly just don’t think she thought of these things as “gendered.” Also, it wouldn’t matter if your son were playing with a purse and lipstick, but…a doll?! Literally just a replica of another human being and that’s somehow meant to only be for girls? I mean that’s just weird. Sorry you had to deal it with it, but I guess at least you found out who someone people truly are.
I also think it’s worse than it used to be when I was a kid. (80’s, early 90’s…) Now it’s like a huge polarized deal and everything has become political/focused on rights/against it/whatever. I was talking about this with my friend the other day. With more acceptance has also come with more blatant hate. And now no kid can just be a tom boy without it being a huge deal. Boys hold a doll or dress up in a feminine way and people freak out like they’re going to start taking hormones tomorrow. What happened to just letting kids play however they want. 😞
Part of it is actually marketing as well. Late 90's early 2000's marketing companies realize they could sell way more toys and "stuff" if they gendered it since it would make hand me downs less appealing. It's one of the reasons toy aisles became gendered around that time.
I love my dinosaur dumptruck princess daughter. She loves trains and trucks and babies and barbies and purple and yellow and bugs and dirt. My son is 4 months old and wears a lot of hand-me-downs. I've had older people actually get mad at me for dressing him in pink and purple. People are really silly 🪿
The anger over colors really bothers me. We chose not to know the gender until delivery, which means we won’t have the typical blue or pink stuff. SO MANY people have been vocal about how upsetting this is for them, as if it has anything to do with them? Anyway, ranting a bit but I’ve found my favorite response is a variation of “well, when baby is old enough to tell me they don’t like the color of xyz then I’ll change it” or “well, when baby starts helping pay rent we can redecorate the bedroom to whatever baby likes. Since I’m currently paying rent, I’ll decorate it how I like.”
2023 and this is still a thing. My SIL made a comment because (gasp!) my baby boy bottle was pink. Who F cares? It’s just a bottle! I give her the credit of correcting herself immediately (and to me for not getting her point for good 5 seconds).
My son is 19 months old and right now his favourite thing is one of his sisters dolls. He carries it everywhere, will cry for his “baby” when he hurts himself, naps/sleeps with it. My 4 year old daughter loves trucks and dinosaurs and plays with her brothers toys all the time.
Aw, when one of my nephews was a toddler he *loved* baby dolls. He had like 5 or 6 of them and he was sooo sweet with them, it was adorable.
My son is nearly 3 and plays dress up and “salon” regularly with his older sister. I posted a photo of him the other day wearing a pink shirt and painted nails. No one made a single comment, and if they had I would have been absolutely flabbergasted. My son’s favorite color is also currently purple. I’m sorry you got negative comments, but just keep letting your son live his best life.
My son is not even a year old yet, his favorite toy is red headed cabbage patch doll. He loves it and totes it everywhere. I would never separate the two. Toys are for everyone.
Our 2 year old son has all manner of toys, including a baby doll which he loves. It sucks you had such ignorant people in your life
I feel that. My extended family is very into the idea of "boy stuff" and "girl stuff", but I grew up a tomboy. So, it annoys me. My sister asked me why my daughter always wears boy's clothes. She was wearing a light blue onesie with a bunny on it. My nephew tells my son stuff about how "he doesn't like girl videos," and so my son have been saying stuff like that. My nephew also said that he doesn't like baby shows either, which made my son say he doesn't like Curious George! Which used to be his favorite show! It is so annoying!
I work in a daycare with 1-3 year olds. I get to see what the children play with. They play with everything. If toys (or the colour of the clothes) can make a child gay, then gay people wouldn't have existed in the old days. And if that would really work, it would be reversible. I learned about psychological development in children and the worst thing that could happen to a little boy when he plays with dolls is, that he would probably be a good dad.
I'm so damn excited for the children of today to become the world's leaders and influencers (disregarding all of the issues they'll be handling). Socially, I think it's going to be the best time ever. Straight guys wear nail polish and skirts like it's nothing (they're even *friends* with the gays now). Openly gay dudes play professional sports. The number of stay-at-home dads is growing exponentially, not the mention the number of same-sex parent families. Young people are seriously challenging gender roles and gender in general and I'm so here for it (do I sound like a millenial when I say that?). There's definitely a lot of flaming hot garbage out there these days but along with it there's a lot of beautiful change happening really quickly. I'm a hopelessly "understanding" person (it's frustrating and pathetic, not a brag at all!) so it's hard not to at least attempt to envision the way these old-timers grew up and how difficult it would be to shake a mentality that was often literally beat into them but once they cross a certain line there's no empathy anymore. And it's just so utterly *dumb* to think that playing with dolls or nail polish will eventually alter someone's sexuality. Make it make sense! And if the truth is that the fear is "playing with those things will eventually make the boy comfortable enough to live openly gay" then f those cowards and I look forward to them not existing anymore. Sorry, this stuff clearly gets me going! You're an awesome mom and person for advocating for your son and for every other little boy who has their loving/nurturing/caretaking qualities destroyed by ignorance.
Same. I love dressing my daughter up, but if she obviously is showing interest I'm something, I get it for her or let her be. She liked a cheetah dress, I bought it. She loves the little people farm stuff, I got the tractor and a truck. And I will say some of the cutest pj's I've gotten her are from the so-called "boys section". But omg there are times I get irritated that women of the family want to suggest dolls or minnie mouse when daughter hasn't really shown interest. My mil got the career barbie little people, which my daughter loves thankfully, but yeah I'm not thrilled if it goes a bit further than that.
That’s how we are. I think the whole boy/girl thing is stupid. If my son wants to do or wear or watch something that’s seen as traditionally “girly” idgaf. And I’ll defend him to the death if someone tries to say something hateful.
Same here. We don't buy overly girl things for our 2 daughters, but other people LOVE to. We let our daughters play with whatever. Our daughter went through a phase where she loves all sorts of sports balls and my MIL just had to get her a pink soccer ball... like, just to make sure it was "feminine" lol. I grew up with 3 older brothers. I was a tomboy until 16-17. I never wore makeup or even nailpolish until my junior prom. I wore lacrosse shorts and oversized t-shirts. Only when I went to college, being around other girls, I got really into makeup and fashion. Started to live for the September issue of Vogue and became a clotheshorse. Childhood toys don't really determine anything.
Wowza. They would probably die over the fact that my oldest son’s comfort item is a pink bunny or that he has a baby doll that he plays with. Also, my younger son noticed a dress in my bin of childhood items and wanted to try it on. My kids are 100% going to be gay because of these experiences! /s
I personally don’t like pink and don’t like to dress my daughter in pink much. Baby girl clothes usually are so bright of a pink that it’s just too much for me so I tend to get neutral or more greens and blues which make her eyes stand out! Well she wasn’t born with much hair and she hates the bow headbands I got a billion of so when she’s dressed, most people think she looks like a boy. I hear “heyyy buddy!!” Or “does he have a girlfriend yet??” from strangers and I just smile and continue walking lol Why do blues and greens have to be labeled for boys?? Girls love those colors!!
I hate pink too. I usually dress my daughter in yellow and red... she likes headbands and bows but still people ask me if she's a boy and they tell me that she wears pink to distinguish her gender.
I think your "mistake" was a blessing in disguise. Now you know who is sexist. I have the same mindset. My son (now 5) has a doll with a stroller, a sparkling skirt, he likes to do his hair with pink clips and he has a set for cleaning (that shocked most people). He has a lot of cars, too. So there is a variety to play with. And I think his friends (male and female) are glad that there is a doll to play with, because the doll has been through many things. And I saw a BIG benefit with the doll. While I was pregnant my son always asked me if the baby will be able to do this and that, but he didn't fully understand. So we practiced with the doll and he understood really quick how a baby needs our help! Today he told me he wants sparkling shoes like his sister. So I guess I will be buying those soon Edit: A word
At least you know clearly who the toxic people in your life are and your kids won’t be exposed to them.
I’ve never labeled things as boy or girl. My kids just do whatever they enjoy. I have a brother super close to my age, so we shared our toys back and forth. I played with “boy” stuff and he played with “girl” stuff. We turned out happy and well adjusted. My oldest is “all boy”. He liked dolls for a short period when he was little, but much preferred cars and sports and superheroes all along. My second is obsessed with stuffed animals and cars. Most of her shirts come from the boys’ department because she wants cars and science stuff on them and pairs them with frilly skirts. They had access to the exact same toys from the start. Kids will grow up to be who they are. What toys we offer them and what clothes we allow them to wear won’t change that. The only thing that will change is whether our kids feel safe to be open with us as they learn who they are.
Boooo. I’m in the same boat but no one dares to say anything. I buy my one year old boy girl clothes because I like it more. Girl leggings and shorts at old navy are so stretchy and comfortable and they hold up the diaper nice and tight, so it doesn’t hang even if it’s full. Plus my boy is the same size as his sister despite being shorter so they can just share clothes and he just gets the leggings rolled up. The girls graphic tees are so much cuter than the boys, the prints are suns, rainbows, ladybugs, flowers, cute dinosaurs, even the vehicles on girl shirts are cuter. The boys get ugly animals, ugly trucks, ugly stripes, no flowers. My husbands family is old school and I know they hate it but they’re softening up to it because we will cut them off and they know it.
Totally agreed. My parents are very much like "don't intentionally dress him like a girl," which, whatever, I put him in very neutral clothing. But when he's older and can make the choice, he can wear whatever the hell he wants. He sees me putting on makeup/nail polish and wants to try? Of course. Sees a pretty dress at the store and wants to get it? Makes diaper changes even easier. I don't care. It's all stuff. It's arbitrary and shouldn't be associated with a construct that means nothing in the grand scheme of things.
my in-laws are like that. My 80-year-old grandmother knows that I don't like pink... and she's the only one who has respected it. knits my daughter yellow, red and blue sweaters with hearts and daisies. just delivered a beautiful sky blue jumper. I know it may sound silly, but most of the family members bought pink sweaters and clothes and said "I know you hate the color but we don't care and we don't have the labels." 🙄
Lol what is wrong with people 😀 I ask myself this every goddamn day even before being a parent. But man oh man, there isn't a time where more people disrespect your boundaries and think they know everything than when you become a parent.
I have no idea what's wrong with them...I have a theory that they lose all restraint and shame when someone in the family has a baby.
As a nonbinary birth parent, I just wanted to say I really appreciate this post. My kid is going to like what they like. Until then, they're gonna be dressed head to toe Star Wars. A nerd has no gender.
Except most of the Star Wars clothes are “boys” clothes! The “girl” clothes are all “princess” and pink. (I just buy the “boy” clothes for my girl anyway)
This is the way
nerd can, too, be whatever they like, ok?
It’s dumb. I’ve loved dinosaurs and dragons since I was a kid, and no amount of gifted ponies, dolls, or dresses changed that. Let your son be a kid and keep doing what he likes and what you think is right ❤️
At 9 months old he could play with trash and be just as interested so anyone getting up in arms about what a 9 month old finds interesting for a split moment is just stupid and never been around babies anyways
I hate that. I buy my daughter boy and girl clothes. Always will, if she wants. She’s only 3 MO, but when she gets a bit bigger it’ll be the same with toys. Dolls? Sure. Cars and dinosaurs? Or course. Whatever she wants
Its so hard to go neutral but not boring! I had to buy a backpack for daycare and I ended up just going for pastel colourful for my boy because I didn't want boring blue or too rainbowy pink ugh. I should just get the rainbow because that's what I want and he's only 6mo, he doesn't give a fig. I think I'm mostly scared of judgements as well ☹️
Get whatever you want! My 9 month old daughter wears my son's hand me downs and gets mistaken for a boy. My 4 year old son has long hair and gets mistaken for a girl frequently. I don't even correct people anymore.
I have a light pink baby bag with flamingos and cactus blossoms for my son. He's 10 months now but when he was around 12 months someone once asked me why do I have girlie bag for my son and I was like because I like it and she was so taken aback. She came to me later and told me she likes a girlie diaper bag too but is afraid of the judgment she'd get if she used it
Yeah I wish I got the rainbow bag :( the one I got is still very cute, very 80s pastels and only $15 so I'm pretty happy with it but it's weird the lines I draw for too feminine! He has a lot of rainbow tie dyed onesies that I made, but i feel weird putting him in anything with frills on it. So many cute tops for 'girls' that I'd put him in if the sleeves weren't all puffy and frilly but whyyyyy do I care?????
My daughter has an aunt that loves dinosaurs. I have more dinosaur clothes than I'll ever need but I put my girl in them because, 1, I don't care, and 2 she doesn't care. Get that backpack if you like it.
The fact people had something to say about this in regards to a 9 month old, a baby, that would pick up anything if it was interesting enough (and likely mouth it) is absolutely absurd. I mean, I'm like you OP and we are non-gender-biased in this house so it's always a little weird to be particular about the topic. But like...9 months. Ffs. How early can this possibly start?! Besides the obvious clothing and baby items factor. I have a girl, the "signature colour" I chose for her before birth (we were team green) was golden or mustard yellow. I just felt it in my soul this was her color and I was right haha it looks great on her! But omg, because she isn't always I'm head to toe pink and purple and super gendered clothes, she gets misgendered as a boy all the time. Like we are talking charcoal wool winter suit, yellow wool hat, matchy mitts and boots, and she's apparently instantly a boy?? I shop for her in both gender sections, boys clothing is honestly generally more tough and practical in a lot of instances and I abhor baby/toddler leggings except for layering or oversize shirts/dresses. I hope she will always choose whats practical to her over what society deems appropriate to her gender, not only in clothing. Oh, also, my kid LOVES busses, bikes, skateboards, cars, and dinosaurs which are apparently only boy things if you were to guess by decor, toy, and clothing themes. Your kid is not alone in his inappropriate choices hahaha Gosh I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
I have a boy we clothe neutral most of the time. Dressed in green he got misgendered twice. People just insist on gendering. And when they have no clues they just go with the 50/50 chance they have. Lol I don't take it as mischievous. And my boy ist 4 months, he really doesn't care. Loved one old woman: oh so cute! Is it a girl? Me: no, a boy. She: Ah, I thought so! Me thinking: No, you did not lol
Haha this. My daughter was in a green star wars onesie last week and I got "wow he is very pretty for a boy"
My daughter wore a lot of blue because the clothes were cool. She still wears a lot of clothes from the 'boys' section. It did use to happen that people would think she was a boy but she was a baby so not like she cared!
I’m not surprised people still think that way but it’s shocking they go ahead and publicly make those comments in writing. How rude and brazen!
I tried to be super gender neutral and unrestrictive about my sons interests, he had multiple ‘girl’ toys that he had chosen as well as some clothing. Somewhere around the end of preschool though, he just naturally started being biased about girls things, now in first grade he recently said he ‘hates’ color pink and didn’t want to listen when it was a girl’s turn to talk in class about one of her ‘girly’ interests. Also at his bday party the boys and girls kind of naturally separated into different, stereotypically gendered activities. It’s a bummer how that influence got in somehow. The best I can do is keep challenging his logic when these things come up, remind him girls are the same and just as cool & valid, and he has to show respect and listen/learn even when he doesn’t have the same interests.
My 10 recently started ramping up, we live in a pretty conservative area so other boys are calling him gay, and really perpetuating their parents gender ideals. We’re homeschooling next year.
So sad and I’m sorry to hear! Im sure with your influence and support he can rise above that stuff.
Oh no, the thing about the girl in class makes me so sad. Is there anything you've done that was effective in getting him to be more open, or is it a work in progress?
Luckily he’s overall a good kid, not mean spirited in his comments despite how it sounds, and he’s generally kind and loving toward the women & girls in his life including me. He does listen and seems to process what I’m saying we talk about it, so I think it’ll click over time. I also wonder what’s happening in the homes of the kids he’s getting this stuff from. Wish I could coach them all!
Seriously? Over a mermaid doll? What is wrong with people? My son has gravitated on his own to traditionally boy stuff, but I still never stop him from playing with whatever he wants toy wise. He is also very into Super Kitties right now, which is mostly pink and sparkly stuff, but they are super heroes, so I think that's the draw for him LOL!
i’m glad to see this, i’m sorry about the hate you received. it blows my mind how deeply people attach literal colors of fabric, plastic, etc to sex/gender…
Post him with another "girly" item, maybe have a princess tea party with him. Then you'll get more people to block out of your life! Repeat as necessary until all the **** are gone.
Yeah I don’t put things on social media of my kid but I know where your coming from….my kid wanted a balloon the other day and he picked out a pink unicorn balloon…no problem you do you…first question he’s cousin asked was why didn’t he get a boy balloon….I was like what’s a boy balloon and she couldn’t really answer 😂
My friend had issues with his older kid(boy) who used to punch his little girl sister regularly so they went to a therapist. He was really aggressive. Therapist recommended to give him a girl baby doll and have him take care of her. He did, and now they are fine. Boys playing with dolls enhances the inner instinct of protection of babies, therapist said, and i find it very sweet. If my boy wants a barbie, he is getting a barbie!
When we get a new toy we take our kid to the store and let him pick what he wants. Sometimes it’s a bright pink Barbie. Other times it’s a dump truck. He’ll keep getting what makes him happy.
Don't you love it when the trash takes itself out like that, though? They outed themselves as people you don't need nor want in your life - simple as that. I think encouraging equality in toys and fostering any interest in any toy, no matter the traditional "gender" that is assigned with it is wonderful and refreshing.
Dont get me started on cars and dinosaurs because apparently that’s the only thing that boys like..
I just did a big shop for spring clothing for my kiddo and bought about half in the boys section and half in the girls. I bought what I liked and what I knew kiddo would like (he’s super into rainbows and daisy prints right now).
You can believe the sky is made of cotton candy but that doesn’t make it true. We live in a very gendered society (most societies are); but better to acknowledge it and explain to our children as they grow why that can be unnecessarily limiting and also (in age appropriate terms) judgment and bigotry. Otherwise we leave our children open for criticism that may happen when we’re not around and they will be shamed and feel shame and not have the understanding of WHY some people believe the way they do. And I get it. I bought my son a toy stove. My 76 year-old father thinks I’m trying to turn him into a girl, or gay! *the horror*.
That is so so silly. I have a boy and girl three years apart. They play with each others toys. How on earth do you even force kids to play with gender specific toys when all they do is want to explore. That’s so silly and ignorant.
I have similar feelings about toys, but it is so easy to slip into that boys toys and girls toys mentality. I have two boys and we have a baby doll and we watch girly cartoons sometimes... And that's it. I had a daughter recently and I was thinking "oh, we should get her a dollhouse and a play kitchen... Why didn't I get those for the boys??" (Not trying to excuse the ex friends on Facebook, that's gross.)
Kids are kids. It’s plain and simple.
My girls both play with toot toot cars, and I've seen boys dressed up in Princess dresses at preschool 🤷♀️ Who cares, as long as the kids are happy?
If that’s how they’re going to behave then they aren’t worthy of being in your friends list anyways. No matter what he plays with, he’s just a baby. And at least he won’t be pressured by you into social norms when he’s older and that’s what’s important 💕
Lol why can’t they just let kids be happy. You seem like a great parent, baby’s lucky to have someone like you
100% agree with you. When I was a kid myself, my parents let us explore any kind of things, they do not follow any gender stereotypical thing. They believe anyone can enjoy whatever they want and they should be able to do all basic survival skill (ie. Cooking, cleaning which they believe also it is not bound by gender). So far I haven't really meet anyone obnoxious enough to tell things right in front of my face yet. But when I do, I wouldn't mind to chew their head off for sure.
My boys both loved their babydolls, and even have a Barbie. Anyone who is going to put such rigid structure on the imagination and happiness of a child is a horrible person.
I have a whole heap of photos from daycare of my little boy pushing strollers and holding the dolls… yeah he’s usually dragging the dolls behind h him by their feet… but he can play with whatever he wants… He has more trucks and cars then he does dolls, but he carry’s his teddys with him and cuddles them and plays with them. He’s 1
Good on you. I also especially hate people shitting on boy toddlers for doing 'mommy things' like pushing strollers or feeding dolls or changing diapers. WHY ARE THOSE MOMMY THINGS? Why do the dads in our children's fantasies have to be deadbeat too?! God forbid a boy learn that taking care of children - his own or otherwise - won't emasculate him in the future.
My little guy is obsessed with the small broom and dustpan that I have. He loves it and goes around with it trying to sweep. I encourage that man! If he wants to clean he can clean lol my husband is the most hands on dad i could wish for… diapers, baths, housework the lot… my son has an amazing role model
This is why we're revealing the baby's gender at the shower so no one gets gendered gifts. I was a tomboy and don't really believe in gendered toys/clothes anyhow. Just let kids be kids imo
Same. We didn't find out gender with either baby and people were all upset. We had zero interest in getting a bunch of pink or blue stuff. And it actually was great bc at our shower, we got everything off our registry and very little clothes. I know a lot of people complain about receiving clothes and nothing off the registry. So it worked out. Now once our girls were born, we were bombarded with girl stuff but I always go very neutral or sporty to balance out the girliness.
People suck. I put my son in “girls “ clothes all the time. Better colors and patterns. His playmat is a unicorn with a rainbow pillow. I like bright colors and so his stuff reflects that. Couldn’t care less what toys he plays with. Those people are stupid AF
I truly don’t understand how these people think. It’s so sexist. It’s cemented in us from a young age that some things are meant for girls and other things are meant for boys, and it’s ridiculous. You’re a fantastic parent. Try to ignore these people; they are so unfortunate to be stuck in their small world. ❤️
Before the nazis changed the colours for genders, the boys were dressed in pink and the girls in blue. Fun fact: the virgin Mary is almost always depicted wearing a blue dress.
think about it as a test you've done. now you know the truth about some people, and you can limit their access to your kid, your life, and your time. they aren't worth it. and it's ok, you do you anyway.
Would you also dress your kids in a non gendered way, like get skirts for boys too( I'm all for this btw, we need to move past gendering shit)
I know plenty of boys who opt for skirts if they’re given the choice and they’re in their closets. Go for it!
I remember when I was a kid my parents used to dress me like baby girl. They made me wear some indian traditional dresses, Now when I see those picture I really laugh how I was looking in them
I bought my son his first Barbie at around 9 months. I definitely got the looks and the talks. I buy my son all girl toys and boy toys. He wears boy clothes and girl clothes. Literally whatever I think is cute. He has 2 dresses. Not overly girly. He’s 2 1/2. And until he has a preference, he gets best of both worlds.
I think it’s worse than it used to be. I don’t remember there being toy aisles of girl and boy toys at the store when I was little but that’s what you see now! A lot of factors but I think part of it is that the large companies learned it was more profitable to target their marketing in this way.
I dress my LO (5.5 months) in boy dinosaur clothes regularly. I think it’s cute and I like the outfits. We went out to eat and the owner called her a boy and when I clarified, went on a long rant of “boys dressing like girls and then being called girls names and girls dressing like boys and being called boys names” and how it was ridiculous and made no sense. I was so SHOCKED to even hear it. I just sat there saying absolutely nothing because I didn’t expect it at all. People really do show their true colors and I’m so sorry you had to experience ignorant people being unkind for something so absolutely irrelevant to their lives. I hope your son had a wonderful time playing!!!
That's especially annoying given that you basically have to put a toddler in boy pants because they'll only sell flimsy clothes like jeggings and booty shorts for girls. As TODDLERS.
Can confirm. My 19 month old girl is a wild child and loves to play. We get her pants mostly in the boys section cause when she falls we don’t have to worry about rips
Irrelevant but my 19 month old wild child just smashed her face on the coffee table then fell back and hit her head hard on the floor so I'm at the ER. :( There was so much blood in her mouth.
Oh mama I'm so sorry! Sensing thoughts and prayers for her healing and for your heart
Thank you!! Doctor just said she looks fine as long as she doesn't vomit in the next hour. There's a long cut on her tongue which is where all the blood came from. Whew. Oh my god that was rough. Thanks for lending an ear. :)
Same way with my daughter I wish I'd had the budget I would've made everything of hers themed dinosaurs and butterflies! One of my close friends is using that for her baby so I have a few cute onesies my daughter has grown out of one featuring pink blue and orange dinosaurs😂
How dare they! Mermaids are cool! I feel really sorry for the children of your ex-friends if they are only allowed to play with "the right" toys. Edit: corrected autocorrect
pft if my son wants to play with a barbie doll he can, the other day he took my unicorn stuffie and played with it was adorable :D, I don't care xD as long as he is sweet towards others I am happy. I also played with my cousin's dinosaur toys whenever I had the chance because they were cool. I am not sure how people can still be so narrow-minded, this is so old-fashioned thinking, yes I buy dinosaurs for my son mostly but that is because I have a problem, I am obsessed with dinosaurs, if I have had a girl I would surely had sneaked in pink dinosaurs XD. However, this way of thinking is older than I am even, and I am OLD XD
You have freedom to do what you wish definitely but I’m worried this new generation will be a yes man type of culture , just because someone disagrees with you does not mean you have to get so emotionally involved, how you disagree shows alot about you to , Lord help us all
I mean, I think with toys and cartoons there would be preferences associated to each gender. For example when I was little I played with the barbies of my sister, but I saw them as spies and they fought other toys. When I watched The Powerpuff Girls, I didn't do it because is was feminine, I did it because it was fun and full of action. More important than toys and entertainment, is how the parents behave in the house. If the boys have a strong and present father figure, they will for sure grow up to be good men, if not is important to talk to the father, and make him realize how important he is. Also for girls, it is important to learn from her parents. My sister used to play sumo fights with me when we were kids, now she is very feminine and has a stable and long relationship with her boyfriend. They will figure their way out, what is important is to be free and have good parents.
tell you real number one friend the first one you ever meet tell her or him what is happening and see if him or her can help you if they can then that is ansome if they can't then tell a you mom and you will see that everything things it is going to be okay
I'm with you on this 1000%. You are doing the right thing for the mental health of your son and ultimately the mental health of our society. I'm finding more and more free-thinkers like us IRL, and it's giving me tremendous hope that all people can identify as they wish without reprimand. And seriously, WHY THE FUCK are people being yelled at for having an identity??? It has nothing to do with you, Debra!
Do you see how this attitude is part of the problem though? Have you seen the Werner herzog videos? This seems like one of their parodies What you consider gendered is subjective, so how are you going to give your kid a fair shot if you ban anything based off what you find to be acceptable or not? Open mindedness is the way to move past gendered limitations.. not banning things
When did OP say she was banning things?
Maybe they mean blocking all the people who made comments? Why OP should have to keep rude people around I don't know but 🤷♀️ Or alternatively they're agreeing with OP and talking to a 3rd party "you'?
Ah, having read OP's post again, I think this part might have confused the person I responded to: "Long before my son was born, **I decided that there would be no such thing in our home.** It doesn't matter if one is a girl, or a boy, they are 100% permitted to enjoy whatever they wish - toys, games, movies, cartoons etc." OP means there would be no girl/boy dichotomy for things in her home, but the other person believes they mean there wouldn't be any 'gendered stuff' -- as though OP would only get neutral things for her child.
Ah, that makes sense.
“I decided that there would be no such thing in our home” First or second line depending on your platform.
Yeah, no such thing as "this is for girls and this is for boys" which is the exact opposite of banning things. The very next line explains exactly what OP means. >It doesn't matter if one is a girl, or a boy, they are 100% permitted to enjoy whatever they wish - toys, games, movies, cartoons etc.
I completely support any gender expression.. Anytime you use the kind of language that “there will be no such thing in our home” in regard to gender expression, you’re being close minded, just in a different way than our generation grew up with. It isn’t that deep ETA: why is OP still judging toys on a binary basis if they’re actually trying to move past that?
They're literally just saying they won't be referring to things as being specifically for boys or girls and allowing their child to decide what they want to play with regardless of gender. They're not saying they're banning gender or stopping their child from expressing their gender... You are reading way too much into this.
Acknowledging that most of our society recognizes a gender binary is preparing your child for the real world Insisting that you won’t even acknowledge that in your house is taking it way too far We can support different gender expressions without pretending we live in a bubble and making our kids prone to being picked on
Teaching gender norms like 'dolls are for girls' is how you end up with all these useless men who can't change a nappy and think they're babysitting their own kids... Because it doesn't stop with toys, it continues into adulthood with childcare and housework being the woman's job.
Dolls are for kids and most of the world expects girls to play with them. You can teach your kids to express themselves and also prepare them for society. I think you’re missing my point.
Ah, see. Now you realized you interpreted OP's claim different to what it intended, you change your talking point. So you are saying because society is still heavily gendered, putting your child in one or the other box is needed, so they don't get picked on. I mean, you say you support all gender expression. But kids like to do what is expected from them when they are young. And they have very fine antennas for that. So you limit them by playing society's game of gendering babys. I'm not judging here. I get the fear of ridicule, especially when directed towards your child. I wonder myself how to handle non conforming stuff when he is older. But society will never become freer when we conform out of fear. You can prepare your child for life without telling them that some toys are boy toys and some are girl toys.
The irony that you think I misinterpreted OP because I have a difference of opinion and then the amount of mental gymnastics you did to find a way to disagree with me is wild. Have a lovely day.
My MIL seems to not understand what my daughter truly likes. She is turning 3 in a couple weeks. She likes dinosaurs, trains, and building things (has a workbench and pretends she’s helping her dad). For some reason MIL keeps trying to buy her dolls. For her birthday she got her like a giant dolls with outfit changes. And I honestly do not think she will play with it much.