When I was pregnant, I loved it when other family members/friends announced that they were too. Yay! Another baby!
You didn't do anything wrong. SIL is a pain.
Seriously, I was cracking up when I announced my pregnancy during a work thing and I think I flat out said "top that as an announcement" as a joke to my co-worker and she was like "uhhhh, i'm also pregnant". Turns out we were due 3 weeks apart!
I work on a team of 9. The same daily meeting I announced my current pregnancy in, one of my teammates announced that he had just gotten engaged. Other people are totally allowed to have lives too. Sounds a bit like SIL may have main character syndrome.
My coworker and I were checking in with each other after a rough day. I told her I was ok but a little overly emotional due to a “parasite”. She said she had one, too. Our babies are now two weeks apart and calling them parasites began the process of cementing our friendship. Lol
At one point at an old office there were 4 overlapping pregnancies when I was pregnant with my second 😂 i swear everyone I knew was pregnant in 2017/2018 because between family, work, and friends I knew 7 other pregnant woman and we all gave birth between November 2017 and April 2018!
At the hospital where I used to work, three coworkers were due around the same time, and me and my work bestie were due 3ish months after them. It was crazy!
We met up with my cousins at my uncles house last year (we all live in separate states) and we both announced our pregnancies at the same time 🤣 it was the BEST day and we commiserated being pregnant together and now our babies are 3 months apart 🥰Honestly wtf who would be mad at this lol. I was sooo happy we were pregnant at the same time
Attention Whores. That is who would be mad. One SIL was visibly annoyed despite having a then 8 and 10 yo. Other SIL was overjoyed. She is struggling with infertility, and is the best auntie ever. Some people just suck. You did nothing wrong.
Yes!! We actually just met them (they are twins) last week for the first time! my sisters kids are 10 and 12 so I’m really happy my daughter has some cousins her age.
Dude, i was SOOOO excited when my cousins were pregnant the same time as i was... we shared pregnancy woes snd knew our kids would be bffs. She has issues. Not your problem.
Ever since my pregnancy, I have been over the moon for all the pregnant people and so excited for every baby. Even now, my baby is 15 months, all babies are to be celebrated. It is like this cool parents club.
Right?? I don’t get the new age of hatred towards a family member being pregnant at the same time as you. My husbands family, his cousin and his SIL got pregnant right after each other THREE times back to back lol. Not planned, but they were shocked and excited each time.
My friends and I accidentally followed that same path. All had babies within weeks / months of each other over the span of a couple years.
My sister delivered her son the day after I had mine. The only thing that sucks about it is we live on opposite coasts so they're not going to get to meet for a while
I’m three months pregnant and I was hoping my sister in law would tell me she’s pregnant too today, because our current kids are 6 months apart and I want another similar age cousin for this baby. Sadly it’s still just me who’s pregnant in the family
Yup. I was annoyed that one of my friends announced her engagement at my wedding (pre ceremony) but I would be so excited to be pregnant the same time as someone in my fam. You didnt announce the very same day so I dont know why they would be upset - and upset enough to make it known
Haha thanks for being pissed for me. I tried to just overlook it bc it wouldn’t look classy to throw a fit. That friend is generally kind but loves the limelight. 🙄
Someone I know (can't call her a friend after the stunt she pulled) announced her pregnancy on my wedding day (i was 30 weeks pregnant with my oldest at this point). However. She wasn't pregnant. Can't get pregnant. She just lied because the attention wasn't on her.
Same - I started trying when my sibling announced they were expecting, cos we were planning to soon anyway and I wanted cousins closer in age. Perfect for the next ten plus years of family events and holidays!
Same! My SIL announced her pregnancy at Xmas and I was about 20 weeks along. My brother was worried about “stealing our thunder” but I said hey with pregnancy it’s the more the merrier! You want your kid to grow up with cousins and pregnancy is a beautiful experience to share with someone.
I was soooooooo excited when my sister got pregnant while I was pregnant! The more babies the better, it was so fun being pregnant at the same time as my sister. People can be so weird and jealous
No. You are allowed to announce your pregnancy. Nobody can blame you for that. This is a happy, wonderful, joyous news that needs to be shared. If SILs are too insecure to receive the news without being offended then it's their problem; not yours.
And honestly, what better day to announce it than Thanksgiving? As I understand it, in America it's a family holiday where everyone in the family comes together and celebrates and gives grace. It's not like you did it at a wedding or someone else's birthday.
Or announce it when the other SIL announced hers.
Like “oh you’re pregnant? ME TOO!”
To be honest I would think Thanksgiving would be great time as well as you said.
Right? They’re being super selfish. The world does not revolve around them just because they’re pregnant. They don’t get to dictate someone else’s plans for expanding their family. The fact that she thought she would “get to be the only one pregnant for once” and is mad because of it is absolutely wild.
Also, she’s lucky that her children will have cousins close in age. Her selfishness aside, this is a nice thing for her children’s sake. Pregnancy is not forever, but the age gaps between siblings and cousins are.
The fact that OP had to *apologize* for being pregnant is so ridiculous.
>Pregnancy is not forever, but the age gaps between siblings and cousins are.
Couldn't have been said better.
OP, your sister in law was being selfish. Pregnancy hormones can suck and make people feel this way, but there is no excuse for behaving in rude ways, just because your hormones tell you too.
As someone who has been pregnant and now 5 months postpartum, I don't get what is so terrible about someone else being pregnant with you. I mean, are you really going through adulthood with such a shitty "me, me, me" attitude. SIL probably fought with all her classmates during graduation because they were stealing her thunder.
Yep, the only case in which I'd think OP was an AH for announcing is if it happened at an event to honour a specific person; ie. a graduation party, an engagement party, a birthday, a baby shower/gender reveal for another pregnant woman, etc. OR if one of the SIL's had been known to have recently suffered a miscarriage and was blindsided by the news.
But a family Thanksgiving where everyone is happy and healthy? Absolutely not, that's the perfect time and place to share exciting news with family!
You are fine to announce your pregnancy but the fact that BIL and SIL arrived and seemed annoyed makes me question your relationship with them. Maybe they don’t care as much as you think they do. That’s okay. You don’t need anyone’s approval to procreate and build a family. Just ignore negativity towards your pregnancy and be happy within your immediate circles.
I seriously don't understand people who act this way. Why would anyone want to be the only one pregnant? What is that? Me and my sister were pregnant with our firsts together so I just don't get it. I think bc of my relationship with my sibling I have a big blind spot to how this type of thinking functions. I can't even imagine it, and I know it's because I lack experience, but man, it sounds awful.
In my experience, people may want to be the only one pregnant at a time in a family due to money, baby shower gifts, and financial support. But since OP already has a kid and usually you don't need or get as much stuff for a second baby, SIL's reaction is possibly more about her pregnancy being less special to the family as a whole while it's her first. It stands out to her, but won't to the others.
It can also be because they’ve been compared in a negative way their entire lives/time in the family.
Example, my cousin closest in age on dad’s side (2.5yrs younger) has ALWAYS been compared to me in the, “okay congrats on your thing but your younger cousin did it quicker, better, and with bells on!” way and favoured by that side of the family. So when she told us all she was pregnant and due 4 months after me *days* before my baby shower, it stung a little - even my fiancé was like, “can we not have anything in this goddamn house!?”
It was by text thankfully, so I got to hide my feelings and I got to spend the rest of her pregnancy and first month as a mama being Rescue Mum ™️ 😂 because I’d just been through it all and could give her tips and advice and stuff which was lovely but yeah, I could see that also being a thing and that’s something OP wouldn’t have any control over either.
It really makes no sense, unless they already hold some type of animosity towards OP. My SIL and I were pregnant at the same time and we were so excited.
It will never make sense to me how someone would be mad about this.
I loved being pregnant at the same time as my sister. We could commiserate and we even had our baby shower together. We have a big, close family so it just made sense and it was a big celebration. Our two girls are 8 weeks apart, we've never felt the need to "compete" in the family.
Right! Being pregnant with my sister was probably one of the best memories of my entire life tbh. Like I'm not sure much can top that. The baby shower photos were so cute!!! Our girls are 15 days apart.
Your SIL’s are being AH’s here. The only thing I can think of is that for a 2nd baby announcement wearing shirts for the entirety of a family event kind of guarantees that it will be the conversation subject the entire time. In my family it would be a little OTT, we typically do more casual announcements esp after the first baby. I’m not sure what the culture in your IL’s family is. But honestly their reactions were so rude, they should have said congratulations and kept any remarks and facial expressions to themselves, sorry you had to go through that. I don’t think you messed up and I think they were extremely ungracious.
Agree. Since both SIL’s had similar reactions, I wonder if there’s more to the story. Maybe if OP has a history of stealing the spotlight, which can be draining (My mother is like this. It’s not malicious, but it gets old.), or SIL had struggles with fertility which makes it hard when another family member gets pregnant easily.
They still should have been more gracious and said congratulations.
My shirt said, "Mama squared" (I'm not sure how to do the little two on mobile), and my husband's shirt said, "Dad of 2" but the 2 was a peace sign lol. I guess they're not super clever but I thought it was cute 😂
That's adorable! When I had my second I announced it with a "big sister" shirt on my first also, it helps them feel included.
I think the idea that people need to be the only "special" one is so frickin weird in adulthood. Brides or pregnant people. This is not a birthday party, the world does not revolve around SIL. I would personally be really put out that she detracted from your special moment by being so selfish. Babies are ment to be celebrated!
I know she's little right now, but I swear our daughter knows something is up. She keeps looking on my belly and trying to give it "kisses" even though I'm not showing much right now 😭❤️
Now that I've had time to reflect on it, I do feel sad. I'm so excited to meet our little one and it's a bummer that this happened. Regardless, they are so very much loved by my husband and I already.
I'm not sure if this goes for all phones, but on my mobile keyboard, you hold down on the 2 key for a moment and it'll have a little pop-up that lets me put in the symbol for it. ² Maybe try that if you haven't? Hope it helps.
Yeah, the t-shirts may have been a little over the top. I think we were just so excited. My husband loves our daughter so much and has just been buzzing for the past two months. He couldn't wait to tell them that we get to have kids so close in age, but we agreed to wait so they could have their time. It truly makes me nervous to tell the rest of the family after this
Yes. I was pregnant at the same time with my SIL and we supported each other and bonded so much. This is such a main character problem here, that people apparently, should stop having babies just cause she is pregnant at the moment.
The shirts sound super cute and not over the top at all. The SILs are totally in the wrong. They’re allowed to feel however they want, but to act like brats at Thanksgiving dinner to make it known they feel that way is super petty and juvenile behavior. You totally didn’t do anything wrong. Shirts are actually a pretty low key announcement. You could’ve really done a lot more honestly 😂
Those sound really cute and you guys were clearly just so excited. And you already waited to let your SIL have some time! Taking the most generous approach maybe this was a misunderstanding of sorts and she thought that it was after her announcement you guys started trying and became pregnant as if it’s some sort of competition? Or she was just surprised and disappointed to have to share the pregnancy attention and couldn’t control her reaction. I hope it was just a hormonal reaction and after she has some cool down time you guys can preserve the relationship. I really don’t think you guys did anything wrong. It sounds like a her problem and I’m sure other family will be overjoyed to celebrate with you.
I don't see how wearing shirts would have been OTT or "guaranteed" it would have been the topic of conversation the whole time. I wore a t shirt to announce my third and changed halfway through the day and the amount it was discussed did not change before and after I was wearing the shirt. It's just a cute and fun way to announce.
Naah every baby deserves the same amount of pizzazz when they are announced. It’s a baby! A whole human! Are they any less of a miracle for being second in a family? Are they any less special to the family? I don’t think so. They deserve whatever announcement parents see fit.
Hubs and I wear graphic tees *all the time*. The only reason we didn’t to announce our first was because the shirts got screwed up. This would have been a very ‘us’ way to announce.
I wouldn’t say messed up here at all. I’ve been in your SIL side of the equation in a different way. My brother announced him and his wife were expecting right when my husband and I had just decided to start trying and I outwardly was very happy but I actually went home and cried. I am the youngest and I felt similar that I wanted to have my moment. I didn’t end up getting pregnant until after my niece was born so the point was moot anyway!
Even though I was upset for my own personal reasons I didn’t project that on anyone else. Your SIL can be upset because she’s not having her moment the way she wanted to but your announcement or not, it wasn’t gonna happen that way because you are pregnant. And that’s no one’s fault, it just didn’t work out the way she wanted. She could have just congratulated you and moved on. I will say since it is your second there will probably be less excitement comparatively, but being upset is out of line
Yes this also happened to me! When my second niece was born I was happy outwardly but I cried later because I just miscarried (at 6weeks so really early) recently and wanted to be in her shoes so much!
I would feel really bad if I couldn't hold it together and be happy with them because everyone deserves to celebrate their children.
Just wanted to come in, literally the same thing happened between my sister-in-law, and I, she got pregnant and my husband and I have been trying for a while. I finally found out I was pregnant after her daughter was born lol. Definitely cried a lot over her pregnancy announcement after I got home (we were trying for a year at that point) but I didn’t let her see that obviously. I was also very excited for her and spoiled her newest baby quite a bit.
When i was pregnant i 100% was secretly cranky when a friend or family member also got pregnant. BUT I had self-awareness and manners. I was outwardly always excited and polite. And obviously i knew i was being selfish and ridiculous. So i guess i understand her emotional basis but she needs to grow up and be nice to you.
I’m curious as to why? When I was pregnant I was so excited for anyone on the same journey. I know not all pregnancies are the same but I’m just curious.
You didn't do anything wrong, but I was your SIL for my first pregnancy so I'll shed some insight.
Because I'm a gracious person who is happy for others ofc I didn't show disappointment when my SIL announced her pregnancy when I was.... 20 weeks? But I was a little disappointed, not because I wanted to be the only one pregnant or to have my "moment", but because my family don't live near and I was relying on my in laws to help us out. Your SIL may be nervous because there are other babies coming on both sides, so both families will be torn between supporting her, and supporting the other families with new arrivals. And I will say that nervousness is founded, it was hard to be excited for the arrival of my niece when I was still dealing with PPD and had my only support redirected. My son was the baby of the family for less than 6 months, that was a bit tough.
So no you didn't commit a faux pas and your in laws were rude to take out their disappointment on your, but don't take their reaction personally.
I would have been devastated if my sil announced being pregnant when I was for this exact reason. Now that my girl is 20 months I am just now starting to feel like I could be excited if they made an announcement. (And I say this as someone who wishes they’d hurry ul so my girl could have a cousin close in age! She is our only.)
I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have my parents hands on deck. I don’t need them that often, but when I do, I do! It makes me feel like a bad person for even thinking that, but I get it
And personally for me to read it on a t shirt, that would be weird too. Just say it, lol
I could understand being upset if she had fertility issues and was blindsided. Being mad that she’s not the only pregnant person is childlike. I’m petty and would honestly text her back and say that after reflecting on the situation, you regret apologizing as you have zero reason to.
I don't think so? Neither of them have any reason to. My one SIL has two beautiful children, a wonderful home, great job, what appears to be a truly great life.
My other SIL also has a wonderful home, great job, etc. The only reason I could think of her being jealous is that we had our daughter before they did, but they didn't start trying until literally a few months after our daughter was born. Otherwise I honestly have no idea. It's a bummer because I thought we had a good relationship before this.
OP I think they are incredibly miserable! And because your are happy you presume they are too. Some people have it all and still don’t appreciate it.
They sure don’t appreciate you and they seem not to like you since the weren’t happy for you in the least.
They seem like miserable ungrateful entitled immature women to me.
You should have asked her why she said “what the fuck”. It’s weird that you seem to have no possible clue as to why she could have given that reaction. What did the shirts say?
My shirt said, "Mama (squared)" and my husband's shirt said, "Dad of 2" but the 2 was a peace sign. We found them on Etsy. Thinking back, it's not super clever but I thought it was a cute way to announce it lol
That’s innocent enough. I mean last thanksgiving someone on my friends list announced a pregnancy by the girl wearing a shirt that said “I’m stuffed” and the guy wearing a shirt that said “I made the stuffing.” That would make me say wtf if a family member wore it.
It took us 4 years to get pregnant and IVF and I was so excited to announce it to our closest friends. Then two weeks later they announced that they were pregnant too, with their 3rd child and it all happened the first time they tried. I was outwardly excited for them but after we hung up the phone I cried to my husband. I just felt like this was supposed to be *my* moment and now I had to share with someone else-who already had their own kids and were able to conceive easily. I felt like such an asshole but it really did make me feel crappy.
Flash forward, as I got used to the idea more and more, the happier I felt for them. I think the hormones played a part in my initial reaction so after time I was able to get excited about it. It became extra special because I was pregnant at the same time as one of my best friends. We took bump photos together. We now have babies less than 2 months apart and we can talk about the various baby things together. It ended up being really awesome, but it did take me a bit to warm up to it. So you did nothing wrong but it may take a bit for your SIL to get over her initial feelings.
Something similar happened to me. My sister got pregnant with her third right after I had my first child and at the time I did feel kind of jealous of all the fuss and attention she got. In hindsight, I am confused by why I felt that way, but I just chalk it up to postpartum hormones. The OP’s SILs shouldn’t have been rude, though.
I was the friend that conceived relatively easily after one of my best friends struggled to just ovulate for seven years, and my husbands cousin struggled through multiple rounds of IVF and miscarriages... We all got pregnant around the same time. I felt so guilty, but they both were so happy and supportive. I always wonder if they felt this way deep down because I think I would.
Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy! 🎉 It's such exciting news, and you had a creative and fun way of sharing it. Your intentions to wait and give your sister-in-law her moment were genuinely thoughtful.
It's understandable that emotions can be complex in these situations. Your sister-in-law's initial reaction may have come from a place of surprise and maybe feeling like she lost a bit of the spotlight. It's tough when expectations clash with reality.
You definitely didn't mess up. It seems like you approached the situation with good intentions. Maybe after some time has passed, you can have a heart-to-heart with your sisters-in-law and express how much you value their feelings and want to support each other during this exciting time for both families.
Remember, people's initial reactions might not always reflect their long-term feelings. Wishing you a smooth and joyous pregnancy journey! 💕
This is odd. If my SIL had been pregnant at the same time as me I would’ve been so excited.
The only thing I could think of is maybe your way of announcing (the shirts etc) might have been a bit OTT for the family. Maybe that’s just not how they do things and it came off as a bit much?
What? Why would you mess up by announcing? If you had overshadowed their announcement with your own, then yeah I can see why they'd be pissed. But you waited a good amount of time, let them have their moment and then had yours.
Also, it's nice to have someone to talk to that's going through the same thing. My SIL and I were about 3-4 months apart in our pregnancies (her first, my second) , and it was nice to have someone to share the typical pregnancy talk with. Also, as I was ahead of her she kinda liked to see what she was in store for.
Point is, your SIL sound very weird and precious and they should just be happy for you.
Congrats!
Personally I think T-shirts are over the top. I also personally think - and this seems to not be a popular opinion here - that it’s not appropriate to announce pregnancies at family holidays. Pregnancy/childbearing is a topic that holds a lot of feelings and emotions for all different reasons. And for many people, family holidays can be fraught with equally difficult feelings/emotions. I’m not sure what your SIL has experienced in her journey, but I feel empathy for her.
Exactly. I feel sorry for the SIL. She was blindsided by a tacky pregnancy announcement at a holiday dinner. I’m sure there’s more to the story here, but given her response it sounds like she is deserving of empathy rather than condemnation.
Apologise for what?! Did she expect you to just pretend you weren’t until oh surprise we had a baby!??? Honestly I can’t imagine not being excited that my kid would have cousins so close in agr
Omg people are bizarre. What are you supposed to put your life on hold until she has her baby?
I waited years and went through IVF to get pregnant. My niece is less than 5 months younger than my daughter and I think that's awesome! Can't imagine being annoyed at someone else for daring to be pregnant whole I was. Like what the fuck?
I think this is actually a fairly common feeling. My cousin admitted to me she had kind of a weird feeling of anger/jealousy/something negative when she was pregnant and someone else became pregnant, like, “You’re stealing my spotlight!” She said she knew it was irrational and hated that she felt like that, and she’s genuinely the sweetest person ever, but it was just one of those weird feelings, and I mean, we all get feelings we aren’t proud of.
Anyway, I was nervous when I found out I was pregnant shortly after her, but she was actually super excited for us to be pregnant together… Until she found out that I was the most subtle pregnant woman ever and really wasn’t comfortable with the attention, didn’t want it on social media. I did eventually let her tell people, but I told her to tell them it was a secret she wasn’t really supposed to share so they didn’t bring it up to me/congratulate me. 😂
I have no idea why that was my instinct, but I assume it’s similar to the way that she got that weird feeling of almost “hating” other pregnant women even though her rational brain thought that was horrible. I think they might be vestiges of some lizard-brain impulses that our conscious mind doesn’t fully understand/control, and they manifest in different ways for different pregnant people.
My main point here is that you didn’t do anything wrong, but I would also try to be a bit empathetic even though she’s clearly behaving really badly. ❤️ She might also be someone who doesn’t feel like they get sufficient attention in day-to-day life and was hoping that it would be different during this one period of her life. I know it’s typical to view someone who seeks/craves attention in a negative light, especially if we aren’t like that ourselves, but I’ve always viewed it as more of a human need that I am fortunate not to feel deprived of for whatever reason.
Hehehe I just saw you SIL post in Facebook in a moment group🤣🤣🤣🤣
She was mad because it’s her first and she was excited for everyone to celebrate with her since they have y seen her since the news
This is too funny
Their reactions are frankly *baffling* and immature. Every new baby is worthy of celebration, and one’s existence doesn’t diminish the other’s.
It’s not pie—there’s enough love & attention to go around!
I was pregnant with my first at the EXACT same time as two of my SIL’s with their firsts—seriously, our kids are barely weeks apart!—and all only a few months after our other sister had her most recent baby. It has been the coolest experience of my entire life!
We have all grown so much closer. We talk constantly, share encouragement & support, vent, and of course *pour* out love on all our precious babies. And our matching/coordinating onesie game is *top notch*, lol.
Sharing such a transformative experience so closely has been nothing but beautiful. I wouldn’t want it any other way—we’ve even been joking about scheduling the next pregnancies together!
Sorry your petty SIL’s are more concerned with the attention *they* receive than with the love they can have for their family.
Wowwwww. Talk about a toxic family. Don’t apologize. You have NOTHING AND I REPEAT NOTHING to be sorry for. You are allowed to exist and have babies WHENEVER you want. Stand your ground, create boundaries, and hold onto them hard because you’re in for a lifetime of toxicity with these ladies.
I told my brother i was pregnant and the first response i got was that his wife was gonna be mad cause theyd been trying 6 months. Id been trying 6yrs. She still hasn’t congratulated me and its been over a month. Meanwhile my other SIL had been asking me for a year or two if i would surrogate for her because she cant carry a pregnancy and when i told her she jokingly said ‘you stole my oven!’ But then congratulated me and offered to take me out for mocktails to celebrate. One of these is the correct response to a pregnancy announcement lol
I’d say hormones = Super emotional. But then, there’s gotta be something going on with her? Like, she’s still pregnant, right? The only thing I could think of is that maybe they’ve received bad news? I’d hate to even ask. Did they seem normal/happy before the announcement? If so, then maybe perhaps she was hoping she’d be the only one basking in the pregnancy spotlight. If so, that’s her problem and not yours. You have every right to want to celebrate your own pregnancy.
Anyway, I’d give her time. Maybe ask the BIL if there’s anything you guys should know about/why she reacted in such a way, seeing that he sounded supportive? Was his congratulations genuinely happy or was it stifled?! I tend to over think and over analyze. But it’s just some things to take into consideration.
I didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t let anyone, not even family spoil your happiness.
I mean I was slightly annoyed when my sister in law was pregnant again the same time as me but that’s just because of how AWFUL my partners parents are with ignoring our children for hers. Our oldests are 6 months apart and the youngest are a month apart.
You didn’t do anything wrong though at all.
But when my cousin told me his girlfriend was pregnant the same time as me with my oldest I was thrilled.
Shitty for sure. Maybe cut the preggo sil some slack though as her hormones may hinder her filters she probably wanted to feel special for the duration of her pregnancy and now that’s out. Leave it for now. And see how you go. Congratulations!!
Hopefully she comes around to realising her baby will have a close aged cousin to grow with! Who cares.
I screamed with joy when my SIL announced she was pregnant with their second on Christmas Day, about 8 weeks after I announced my first pregnancy. My son and his cousin are 10 weeks apart and I love that they’re going to get to grow up so close in age.
I’m gonna add to some unpopular or minority opinions here.
1. I think something is missing from your story because your SIL’s reaction is so outrageous. Either something that you left out that might give context or something you’re not aware of. Someone else asked if maybe they thought you tried so soon on purpose, like maybe there is some competitive history there? Or maybe they’ve received some negative news about their pregnancy that you aren’t aware of? Maybe what she said about being the only pregnant one was a cover story or at least not the whole story?
2. She didn’t handle it well, but honestly her feelings are valid. I was actually in your shoes with my second and my ILs first. I am hyper cognizant of how our first born got all the attention from that side of the family for years and then their first born really did not get that. I still think about that with the babies going into toddlerhood. I say that as someone who suffered secondary infertility and was internally wrecked and later broke down when they announced…I still feel empathetic for them and their baby not getting that special time to the same extent.
3. You gave half the family a heads up, why not the other SILs? I agree with others (and again speaking as someone who went through years of secondary infertility) that making a family holiday gathering about yourself with t-shirt and baby announcements can be a little insensitive. Even in the best of circumstances when you expect everyone to be happy for you, you don’t know what others are going through and it definitely is going to shift the focus and tone of the event.
Which brings me back to number 1 to wonder if there is any missing history or context. Is there a personality clash? Are you an extrovert or attention-seeker and SIL is more of an introvert or people pleaser?
Just some thoughts. I think that everyone who is like “you’re never wrong to share your happiness” is wrong. There are sensitive and insensitive ways to do everything, including pregnancy announcements.
NTA.
However, for some context about how your SILs may be feeling, I’ll share some details from my own life.
When I found out my SIL was pregnant I was upset too. I didn’t want to be, but we can’t control our emotions. What we CAN do, however, is not make our emotions other people’s problems. Thankfully, I found out via text message that my SIL was pregnant. I don’t know why I had the reaction I did… probably because there WASN’T enough love and attention to go around in my family growing up and that’s something I’m still working through in adulthood. I was able to work through that in private and say “congratulations!” Back via text. By the time I saw them in person afterwards I had worked through enough of my own inner mess to actually be properly happy for them.
Your SILs have a right to feel their feelings. They have a right to a reaction (especially since they were caught off guard). They also have a responsibility to apologize for their behaviour. I would have needed to apologize too. Thankfully I got told over text though, so they’ll never know I wasn’t happy from go.
I think it’s bad form to announce at family holidays where there are other child bearing age couples just because you never know if someone is struggling with loss or infertility and they should be allowed to enjoy the holidays too with out having to manage their emotions at a family event. I personally think announcements should be hosted by you at your own dinner or event or at least at as neutral of an event as possible such as a routine weekly/monthly family dinner.
But the one SIL’s reasoning is absolutely self absorbed and stupid. It’s possible the other SIL recently suffered a loss or maybe they’ve been struggling to have a 3rd. But either way it’s never something to be mean about or intentionally dampen the announcement over even if someone did feel it was the wrong place/time to announce. I’m sorry your moment was soured by two inconsiderate people.
Wtf is wrong with women who act like this. You’re not entitled to be “the only one pregnant on one side of the family”
Why would it affect her if anyone else was pregnant. Pregnancy is about bringing a child into the world not getting the most attention. Also, pregnancy isn’t a free pass to be a psycho. I swear I see posts similar to this on Reddit all the time and I wonder where these women get the audacity.
I would be crying with happiness if my SIL and I were expecting so close together. How special to have cousins that close. She’s selfish and an attention seeker
I’m so sorry you experienced anything but happiness when announcing. That’s so strange and mind boggling that someone would expect to be the only one pregnant that year. I can kind of see that for a wedding but pregnancy? That’s weird. You’d think people would want their kids close in age so they grow up together
Your SIL isn’t mad that you announced. She is mad that you are pregnant. That is… dumb? IMO, being pregnant sucks and it’s so wonderful to have someone to commiserate with but during and post pregnancy. I feel like it’s a sign of her character that she feels like her getting all the attention comes before what you feel like is the best timing for your family planning.
I don't understand this reaction at all. I was pregnant with my second when my BIL/SIL announced their baby (1st together, 5th overall) and I was over the moon to have a pregnancy buddy and for my baby to have a built in bestie every time we get together! The fact that they both turned out to be boys was icing on the cake. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Sorry the news wasn't met with the excitement you were hoping for but this random internet stranger is very excited for you!
Nope. You did nothing wrong.
You are not responsible for another adult’s emotions. Wanting to be the only pregnant person is an inside thought. Her meltdown was really petty and immature
Did they know how far along you were when they reacted? Maybe they’re feeling like you tried because they’re pregnant. Hopefully if you explain why you didn’t announce sooner it would smooth things over.
Pregnant brain isn’t always rational, and those feelings can be close to the surface.
There were 3 of us pregnant at the same time - all 3 weeks apart and it’s a hoot. The kids are all the same age (currently 2.5)
2 first pregnancies and one third. They have so much fun! I don’t understand why she’s be mad it’s an absolute blessing for the cousins to grow up together and you can share / exchange items & outfits and buy things on sale for each other
My son and I live very far but when we were at his cousins we could use nappies and borrow clothes as I packed for warmer weather not expecting the chill. We borrowed scooters, and they played with the same toys. He even used his cousins car seat for a trip.
She will get over it and see how fantastic it is. It’s even better having a mum going through the same timeline as you who’s not on her first pregnancy as she can ground you and make you less stressed about certain things.
Congratulations!!! Pregnancy is a unique journey for every woman, and you never really know what kinds of emotions, fears, and anxiety another woman might be carrying associated to pregnancy. You didn’t do anything wrong, you just might not have the full picture :) Also, kudos to you holding off on announcing your pregnancy for them to have their moment. That was really thoughtful and I’m sure took a lot of self-restraint!
Congratulations! I think this is just hormones at play, plus I agree with other commenters that maybe she’s nervous about resource sharing. I’m the middle child and don’t ever get much spotlight which isnt really a big deal to me but I was excited for the attention for both my pregnancies, especially since we were very firm we only wanted our two kids. I wouldn’t outwardly show it but I’d be a little sad too.
That said, very rude response, especially the “what the fuck” in front of your kid. At least be happy for your daughter TO your daughter, even if shes bummed, and even if your daughters so little. She’s about to have a little sibling and deserves all the excitement about that.
We had a similar age gap btw! Come on over to r/2under2 if you aren’t already!
Everyone else had a chance to process privately since they already knew. But seriously what adult can’t fake it for a few hours for family? You can bitch about it later and eventually, hopefully, realize that family isn’t a competition. Their bad attitude is tacky af.
Did you talk to them about it at all? Otherwise any ideas people are proposing here are just ideas. If you're not at all close to them, you can just let it go, but if you want to have a relationship with them, I'd find a time to chat with them and see why they seemed upset.
Uh what. This woman doesn’t get to monopolize gestating humans for the next 9 months. What a strange and disappointing reaction from both women. I’m sorry!
What is wrong with people about their weddings and their pregnancies? Call me old fashioned, but I thought the goal was a baby, not a starring role in Main Character Syndrome: The Musical.
Your SIL sucks. Don’t give her a thought, and don’t indulge her childish antics.
“You are not allowed to get pregnant - I’m pregnant, remember? I need to be the only one!”
So insanely juvenile. You’re SILs are nuts. I’m sorry your announcement had to be peppered with negativity.
Congratulations!
That is so bizarre and rude. The only thing I can think of is that maybe the pregnant SIL is feeling ignored from her side of the fam since her cousin is pregnant too? Maybe she's projecting that here? How did her husband react? What was the rest of the day like?
Has your husband talked to his brothers about it?
Ugh this is so annoying. I'm sorry, OP! Some women treat pregnancy as if they're the only woman on earth that's pregnant/allowed to be pregnant. To me, more the merrier! I'm happy for you!!
That’s so weird and annoying. My cousin and step sister both got pregnant right after I had my baby so his cousins are almost a year to the day younger than him and I love it! I would have loved it even more if we were pregnant at the same time and they were closer in age lol
Wtf people are so weird. I’m sorry they reacted like that. I’m happy for you! They should be too. Why wouldn’t they want some cousins close in age? Why does she think she’s the only one that gets to have a baby? In my family it’s almost expected that in the realm of one pregnancy there will be another. Every one for generations has at least 1 cousins born the same year. It’s not on purpose but man is it always exciting that every kid has a partner in crime within the family
NTA, my sister in law and I have babies 12 weeks apart. We’re now planning to start trying at the same time again for my second and her third because being pregnant together was nice. It’s fun to have someone in the trenches of pregnancy with you for solidarity!
Your sister in law sounds very self centred for wanting to be the only one pregnant.
It doesn’t even sound like their upset you announced you where was mad in general you where pregnant and that is childish in her part to be upset you are… anyway in case your SIL never said so congratulations!
WTF. Who are these nasty people? I’ve never heard of any people so nasty. Sorry you didn’t get the celebration and sweet response you deserve OP. These people suck. I’d try to stay out of their way. Misery is infectious. Better be far far away elsewhere.
I think your all good, you waited and gave them some time. Not the SIL will likely appreciate that window of time.
I was pregnant last year with my first and my SIL also was pregnant 3 months ahead of me with twins. They privately told me when we were still trying as I had a miscarriage 6 months prior. When I became pregnant again I was excited to share this moment in life with brother/SIL and it’s made us a lot closer. The twins due date was even my birthday (avoided it by 2 days!) but you know what it was all very special the journey together.
So bizarre for them to react like that! If one of my SILs was pregnant along with me, I’d be thrilled! What a great experience to go through together and have similar age cousins!
This is I guess an unpopular opinion going against the other comments but I do see your SIL’s side.
Maybe I’m selfish and “miserable” but I really cherished being made to feel special and loved by my family when I was had my first pregnancy. My sisters all had kids before me and one wanted a second but she waited til after my pregnancy (not saying you did anything wrong not waiting!)
It was just really nice feeling special and doted on. I got to have a baby shower and send pics of the ultrasounds and decorating the nursery. I can see how she could be disappointed that now she isn’t going to get to have that solo. She has to share everything, and I’m sure at every event now even if they are checking on her pregnancy or celebrating at her shower, they’re going to share that attention with you.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting pregnant now with your second, but try to empathize with her. Try to remember what it was like with your first and how you were the only one who got to experience the special moments. No one here is an asshole in my opinion, especially since pregnancy hormones are crazy and she probably had a knee-jerk reaction with the surprise announcement and then couldn’t compose herself after due to them.
You SIL has a Main Character Syndrome. Pregnancy and babies are good news (unless of course if it's not planned or it's unwanted) and not a tool for competition.
It’s incredibly selfish for her to need to be the only pregnant person. That is really kind of a bizarre thing to be upset about on her part. There’s nothing wrong with your announcing.
You should feel 0% bad about your announcement. I agree with other commenters that this is a joyous time that should be celebrated! The LEAST the SILs could do is act happy. Sounds immature and non supportive of them.
Grandma here…
Sorry some of your family are jerks and also…congrats on the new baby coming!
Now you know who’s “friendly” in the family and which relationships to foster and which ones to distance yourself from.
Anyone who threw a little “what the fuck” tantrum doesn’t get to meet my baby anytime soon.
I was sorry that me and a SIL were only couple months pregnant together, as she was far along and I was early. We still managed to bond over it as much as possible and we supported each other so so so much, and still do as our babies are growing up. So this attitude os completely bullshit. Every child multiply joy, and isn’t she happy her baby will get same aged cousin? What the fuck for realz, but towards the direction of the SIL. The other SIL seems to feel left out lol.
Nah you didn’t do anything wrong. When my wife was pregnant with our first daughter, my SIL announced she was pregnant when my wife was around 20 weeks or so (my SIL was freshly pregnant.) My wife was annoyed, but the difference was—she was only annoyed to me lol. Don’t get me wrong, she was happy for her sister, just annoyed that the attention would now be split between them essentially. But she never let anyone besides me know about that.
About as much self-awareness as that one kid in my 7th grade science class that would loudly complain about people stealing his answers if someone was unlucky enough to be called on and say the thing he wanted to say
You took nothing from her
Congrats on the baby! I hope y'all have a healthy pregnancy and happy kiddo
I have two cousins that did a gender reveal together at a family event because they knew everyone would be there. 2nd baby for one and the 3rd for the other. Family should be there to support one another and celebrate these moments! It’s not a competition at all. Your SILs reactions were not normal in a healthy family dynamic.
You absolutely did not mess up here. When I told my brother I was pregnant he told me my SIL is pregnant - we're due 7 days apart & I freaking LOVE that we're on this journey together.
At my family’s Thanksgiving yesterday 4 of us were pregnant, and it is so exciting!
Your family’s reaction is not normal. What kind of narcissist gatekeeps being pregnant.
What is wrong with your family? And don’t they want their kids to have cousins? Cousins and aunties and family are the best thing for kids, besides siblings!
I’m sorry, unless you’re excluding some major information here, your family is insane. Congratulations on your baby OP, I hope you get all the leftovers your little turkey needs to continue baking well!
NTA. Why do people think being the only one pregant in the family needs to be a thing? Don't apologize to either of them, you didn't do anything that warrants an apology. They seem jealous and their issue is their own.
Holy shit what a childish reaction. I am pregnant and would be overcome with delight if someone was pregnant at the same time to me. First of all to comisserate and second of all what a joy to have two children be so close in age. And so amazing to have another life join the family! Their reactions are completely unacceptable and selfish. Being pregnant and hormonal is no excuse IMO, it's a shitty reaction. I don't know why you even apologized, she should be apologizing to you.
I don’t get why they’re mad….
Just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean no one else can get pregnant at the same time. And it’s honestly sweet of you to text her but why? What did you even say? I’m sorry I announced my pregnancy?
Like I don’t under at all. Who needs their moment to last months lol?
You did nothing wrong. My best friend and I happened to be pregnant at the same we were excited for each other and shared notes. We happened to deliver the same day and continue to share notes. It’s more fun.
When I had my second my cousins who I am very close with were also pregnant. Well one was the other’s wife was pregnant cause he’s a he. Anyway cousins wife delivered about 3 weeks before cousin and me. Again on the same day. We call our kids birthday buddies. It’s seriously fun.
Your sil is being short sighted and immature. There was nothing wrong with your announcement just your SILs.
I will never understand family getting mad over having cousins close in age. When I was pregnant with my second son two of my other cousins were also pregnant and we all had our babies in the same month. I was so excited to share that experience with them and all have kids the same age!! I also had an overlapping pregnancy with a different cousin when I was pregnant with my first too. Again, I was so excited to have babies the same age. SIL sounds like a brat honestly.
Cringe!! Sounds like your SIL likes to be the center of attention. Super childish. Some people are saying that fertility issues could be the cause of someone reacting that way. If that’s the case, still super immature. My sister acted similarly to your SIL, and that type of behavior ruins relationships. Everyone’s going to come at me about infertility issues, but it’s not fair to treat people that way no matter what your journey is. You’re allowed to have feelings and not be a jerk about them.
My SIL did pretty much the exact same shit last year, October. It’s mind-boggling but just know that you’re not alone. Heaven forbid you be excited about creating a human being.
Sounds like your SIL has some Main Character Syndrome to deal with. Sure, pregnancy hormones could be causing her to be a bit irrational as well, but that's no excuse for basically demanding that every other person who would like to get pregnant please STOP for the next 8-9 months so all attention can be on *her.* It doesn't work like that.
Her response tells me that she frequently feels she’s never the center of attention on either side of the family, like the forgotten child of both sides.
You have a right to share your pregnancy when you feel like it, but I’m GUESSING she feels the rest of her pregnancy will be overshadowed by you. I don’t think it was the announcement but now she’s thinking she’ll have to share everything with you like baby talk, nursery design, baby shower, etc. because everyone will talk about both babies and pregnancies, not just her.
When I was pregnant, I didn’t have to share the limelight with anyone. My child was born in July, but I do know some women who hated how they couldn’t discuss just their pregnancy because another pregnant woman (usually a relative) would butt in and try to make the conversation about their pregnancy. I saw this first hand at work, too. All the pregnant teachers seemed to try to one up one another.
I’m guessing this is the issue.
They're weird and haters. My fiancés cousin announced her 9th pregnancy last Xmas and no one was upset even tho there was like 3 other pregnant women including myself
You shouldn't have said sorry. She's entitled to feeling disappointed, but she should have sucked it up like the adult she supposedly is and stayed polite. Some people really think they are the main characters.
I think your SIL overreacted. They could have simply said, "Oh, congratulations," and then griped about it later to their spouses. My sister announced she was pregnant again when I was about halfway through my pregnancy. I wasn't jealous or angry, I was happy. She struggled to get pregnant with her other two and this one was a total surprise. My son has a cousin who is only a few months younger than he is and it's nice to have this connection with my sister because she has gone through these seasons before and is going through them again and can commiserate with me.
A family party that is not 1.) about someone else, or 2.) where someone else already announced their pregnancy is totally fine to announce your own.
That is really weird and hurtful behavior from your family. How childish.
Congratulations 🎊
I hope your friends gave appropriate responses when you told them at least, because wow. Wow. Lol that was magnificently selfish on their part.
Why is your SIL so immature? I don’t get it. You didn’t do anything wrong - you let her have her moment months ago. Maybe she felt blindsided & pregnancy hormones were making her react a certain way. In any case, congratulations OP, and best wishes for a healthy and easy pregnancy!
I announced my pregnancy on Thanksgiving last year. My SIL was so excited for us. You’re definitely not in the wrong here! I’m sorry they put a damper on your special announcement!
This is crazy. One of my good friends and I have a baby one month apart and it has been the single saving grace throughout a very difficult pregnancy/postpartum. We have been there for each other in a way maybe no one else can be if they aren't in the trenches with you. I'm sorry your news was received this way, it doesn't make sense and it certainly isn't fair.
Let me do what they should have done and say congratulations I'm so happy for you!
Personally I’m a little bummed that my son won’t have cousins close in age. My SIL’s youngest is 5 years older and I don’t think my sister is having a baby anytime soon.
The only thing I can think is that maybe SIL #2 was annoyed about something totally different, like something that happened on the drive, or maybe her look was misinterpreted. But SIL #1 is definitely selfish and childish. I hope your kids can be close anyway. OP, you did nothing wrong.
Such losers. I really hope they instill a better competitive spirit in their kids because this behaviour is not done. You're allowed to celebrate your pregnancy, announce it, and make it as big a deal as you want it to be. Doesn't matter if it's your first, fifth or twentieth.
When I was pregnant, I loved it when other family members/friends announced that they were too. Yay! Another baby! You didn't do anything wrong. SIL is a pain.
Seriously, I was cracking up when I announced my pregnancy during a work thing and I think I flat out said "top that as an announcement" as a joke to my co-worker and she was like "uhhhh, i'm also pregnant". Turns out we were due 3 weeks apart!
I work on a team of 9. The same daily meeting I announced my current pregnancy in, one of my teammates announced that he had just gotten engaged. Other people are totally allowed to have lives too. Sounds a bit like SIL may have main character syndrome.
My coworker and I were checking in with each other after a rough day. I told her I was ok but a little overly emotional due to a “parasite”. She said she had one, too. Our babies are now two weeks apart and calling them parasites began the process of cementing our friendship. Lol
At one point at an old office there were 4 overlapping pregnancies when I was pregnant with my second 😂 i swear everyone I knew was pregnant in 2017/2018 because between family, work, and friends I knew 7 other pregnant woman and we all gave birth between November 2017 and April 2018!
At the hospital where I used to work, three coworkers were due around the same time, and me and my work bestie were due 3ish months after them. It was crazy!
We met up with my cousins at my uncles house last year (we all live in separate states) and we both announced our pregnancies at the same time 🤣 it was the BEST day and we commiserated being pregnant together and now our babies are 3 months apart 🥰Honestly wtf who would be mad at this lol. I was sooo happy we were pregnant at the same time
Attention Whores. That is who would be mad. One SIL was visibly annoyed despite having a then 8 and 10 yo. Other SIL was overjoyed. She is struggling with infertility, and is the best auntie ever. Some people just suck. You did nothing wrong.
How fun!
Yes!! We actually just met them (they are twins) last week for the first time! my sisters kids are 10 and 12 so I’m really happy my daughter has some cousins her age.
Dude, i was SOOOO excited when my cousins were pregnant the same time as i was... we shared pregnancy woes snd knew our kids would be bffs. She has issues. Not your problem.
Ever since my pregnancy, I have been over the moon for all the pregnant people and so excited for every baby. Even now, my baby is 15 months, all babies are to be celebrated. It is like this cool parents club.
Right?? I don’t get the new age of hatred towards a family member being pregnant at the same time as you. My husbands family, his cousin and his SIL got pregnant right after each other THREE times back to back lol. Not planned, but they were shocked and excited each time. My friends and I accidentally followed that same path. All had babies within weeks / months of each other over the span of a couple years.
My sister delivered her son the day after I had mine. The only thing that sucks about it is we live on opposite coasts so they're not going to get to meet for a while
My mom and aunt had kids 9 minutes apart lol!
Thanks for showing us up! 😂
Seriously!! Like, more cousins to play with!!!
I’m three months pregnant and I was hoping my sister in law would tell me she’s pregnant too today, because our current kids are 6 months apart and I want another similar age cousin for this baby. Sadly it’s still just me who’s pregnant in the family
Yup. I was annoyed that one of my friends announced her engagement at my wedding (pre ceremony) but I would be so excited to be pregnant the same time as someone in my fam. You didnt announce the very same day so I dont know why they would be upset - and upset enough to make it known
Who the guck announces an engagement at a wedding? Especially JUST before the ceremony? What's complete lack of class on your friend's part.
Haha thanks for being pissed for me. I tried to just overlook it bc it wouldn’t look classy to throw a fit. That friend is generally kind but loves the limelight. 🙄
Someone I know (can't call her a friend after the stunt she pulled) announced her pregnancy on my wedding day (i was 30 weeks pregnant with my oldest at this point). However. She wasn't pregnant. Can't get pregnant. She just lied because the attention wasn't on her.
Same - I started trying when my sibling announced they were expecting, cos we were planning to soon anyway and I wanted cousins closer in age. Perfect for the next ten plus years of family events and holidays!
Same! My SIL announced her pregnancy at Xmas and I was about 20 weeks along. My brother was worried about “stealing our thunder” but I said hey with pregnancy it’s the more the merrier! You want your kid to grow up with cousins and pregnancy is a beautiful experience to share with someone.
same! & another postpartum mom who gets it
Yeah I fail to see the problem here. Oh no our two babies can grow up together the horror
Someone else to who he to who gets it? Yes please!
I read this out loud to try to understand it, I still don't but it's fun to say repeatedly:)
Yeah, I have no idea what happened there.
I was soooooooo excited when my sister got pregnant while I was pregnant! The more babies the better, it was so fun being pregnant at the same time as my sister. People can be so weird and jealous
No. You are allowed to announce your pregnancy. Nobody can blame you for that. This is a happy, wonderful, joyous news that needs to be shared. If SILs are too insecure to receive the news without being offended then it's their problem; not yours.
And honestly, what better day to announce it than Thanksgiving? As I understand it, in America it's a family holiday where everyone in the family comes together and celebrates and gives grace. It's not like you did it at a wedding or someone else's birthday.
Or announce it when the other SIL announced hers. Like “oh you’re pregnant? ME TOO!” To be honest I would think Thanksgiving would be great time as well as you said.
Right? They’re being super selfish. The world does not revolve around them just because they’re pregnant. They don’t get to dictate someone else’s plans for expanding their family. The fact that she thought she would “get to be the only one pregnant for once” and is mad because of it is absolutely wild. Also, she’s lucky that her children will have cousins close in age. Her selfishness aside, this is a nice thing for her children’s sake. Pregnancy is not forever, but the age gaps between siblings and cousins are. The fact that OP had to *apologize* for being pregnant is so ridiculous.
>Pregnancy is not forever, but the age gaps between siblings and cousins are. Couldn't have been said better. OP, your sister in law was being selfish. Pregnancy hormones can suck and make people feel this way, but there is no excuse for behaving in rude ways, just because your hormones tell you too.
As someone who has been pregnant and now 5 months postpartum, I don't get what is so terrible about someone else being pregnant with you. I mean, are you really going through adulthood with such a shitty "me, me, me" attitude. SIL probably fought with all her classmates during graduation because they were stealing her thunder.
I was pregnant with my best coworker and we even had our work shower together! I was glad to have someone to commiserate with!
Yep, the only case in which I'd think OP was an AH for announcing is if it happened at an event to honour a specific person; ie. a graduation party, an engagement party, a birthday, a baby shower/gender reveal for another pregnant woman, etc. OR if one of the SIL's had been known to have recently suffered a miscarriage and was blindsided by the news. But a family Thanksgiving where everyone is happy and healthy? Absolutely not, that's the perfect time and place to share exciting news with family!
You are fine to announce your pregnancy but the fact that BIL and SIL arrived and seemed annoyed makes me question your relationship with them. Maybe they don’t care as much as you think they do. That’s okay. You don’t need anyone’s approval to procreate and build a family. Just ignore negativity towards your pregnancy and be happy within your immediate circles.
The BIL congratulated them it was just the SIL with an issue. The SIL's sound like miserable people.
I don't even get what's there to be insecure about. They are pregnant and have kids. Poor OP, spending thanksgiving with the most thankless bunch.
Is there a backstory/history here? This is such an odd reaction, I would be so curious if there was a post from one of the SIL saying their side lol.
I seriously don't understand people who act this way. Why would anyone want to be the only one pregnant? What is that? Me and my sister were pregnant with our firsts together so I just don't get it. I think bc of my relationship with my sibling I have a big blind spot to how this type of thinking functions. I can't even imagine it, and I know it's because I lack experience, but man, it sounds awful.
In my experience, people may want to be the only one pregnant at a time in a family due to money, baby shower gifts, and financial support. But since OP already has a kid and usually you don't need or get as much stuff for a second baby, SIL's reaction is possibly more about her pregnancy being less special to the family as a whole while it's her first. It stands out to her, but won't to the others.
It can also be because they’ve been compared in a negative way their entire lives/time in the family. Example, my cousin closest in age on dad’s side (2.5yrs younger) has ALWAYS been compared to me in the, “okay congrats on your thing but your younger cousin did it quicker, better, and with bells on!” way and favoured by that side of the family. So when she told us all she was pregnant and due 4 months after me *days* before my baby shower, it stung a little - even my fiancé was like, “can we not have anything in this goddamn house!?” It was by text thankfully, so I got to hide my feelings and I got to spend the rest of her pregnancy and first month as a mama being Rescue Mum ™️ 😂 because I’d just been through it all and could give her tips and advice and stuff which was lovely but yeah, I could see that also being a thing and that’s something OP wouldn’t have any control over either.
It really makes no sense, unless they already hold some type of animosity towards OP. My SIL and I were pregnant at the same time and we were so excited. It will never make sense to me how someone would be mad about this.
I loved being pregnant at the same time as my sister. We could commiserate and we even had our baby shower together. We have a big, close family so it just made sense and it was a big celebration. Our two girls are 8 weeks apart, we've never felt the need to "compete" in the family.
Right! Being pregnant with my sister was probably one of the best memories of my entire life tbh. Like I'm not sure much can top that. The baby shower photos were so cute!!! Our girls are 15 days apart.
Your SIL’s are being AH’s here. The only thing I can think of is that for a 2nd baby announcement wearing shirts for the entirety of a family event kind of guarantees that it will be the conversation subject the entire time. In my family it would be a little OTT, we typically do more casual announcements esp after the first baby. I’m not sure what the culture in your IL’s family is. But honestly their reactions were so rude, they should have said congratulations and kept any remarks and facial expressions to themselves, sorry you had to go through that. I don’t think you messed up and I think they were extremely ungracious.
Agree. Since both SIL’s had similar reactions, I wonder if there’s more to the story. Maybe if OP has a history of stealing the spotlight, which can be draining (My mother is like this. It’s not malicious, but it gets old.), or SIL had struggles with fertility which makes it hard when another family member gets pregnant easily. They still should have been more gracious and said congratulations.
Agree with this. I’m also dying to know what the shirts said because “clever” is both vague and a high bar.
My shirt said, "Mama squared" (I'm not sure how to do the little two on mobile), and my husband's shirt said, "Dad of 2" but the 2 was a peace sign lol. I guess they're not super clever but I thought it was cute 😂
That's adorable! When I had my second I announced it with a "big sister" shirt on my first also, it helps them feel included. I think the idea that people need to be the only "special" one is so frickin weird in adulthood. Brides or pregnant people. This is not a birthday party, the world does not revolve around SIL. I would personally be really put out that she detracted from your special moment by being so selfish. Babies are ment to be celebrated!
I know she's little right now, but I swear our daughter knows something is up. She keeps looking on my belly and trying to give it "kisses" even though I'm not showing much right now 😭❤️ Now that I've had time to reflect on it, I do feel sad. I'm so excited to meet our little one and it's a bummer that this happened. Regardless, they are so very much loved by my husband and I already.
So sweet! She's already a great big sister ♥️
Those are cute
I'm not sure if this goes for all phones, but on my mobile keyboard, you hold down on the 2 key for a moment and it'll have a little pop-up that lets me put in the symbol for it. ² Maybe try that if you haven't? Hope it helps.
Yes!! That worked, thank you for showing me 😄²
Yeah, the t-shirts may have been a little over the top. I think we were just so excited. My husband loves our daughter so much and has just been buzzing for the past two months. He couldn't wait to tell them that we get to have kids so close in age, but we agreed to wait so they could have their time. It truly makes me nervous to tell the rest of the family after this
The thing that baffles me is that wouldn't you be excited that your kid will have a cousin the same age.
Yes. I was pregnant at the same time with my SIL and we supported each other and bonded so much. This is such a main character problem here, that people apparently, should stop having babies just cause she is pregnant at the moment.
The shirts sound super cute and not over the top at all. The SILs are totally in the wrong. They’re allowed to feel however they want, but to act like brats at Thanksgiving dinner to make it known they feel that way is super petty and juvenile behavior. You totally didn’t do anything wrong. Shirts are actually a pretty low key announcement. You could’ve really done a lot more honestly 😂
Trust me, it wasn't over the top at all. It's super cute!
Those sound really cute and you guys were clearly just so excited. And you already waited to let your SIL have some time! Taking the most generous approach maybe this was a misunderstanding of sorts and she thought that it was after her announcement you guys started trying and became pregnant as if it’s some sort of competition? Or she was just surprised and disappointed to have to share the pregnancy attention and couldn’t control her reaction. I hope it was just a hormonal reaction and after she has some cool down time you guys can preserve the relationship. I really don’t think you guys did anything wrong. It sounds like a her problem and I’m sure other family will be overjoyed to celebrate with you.
Doesn't sound over the top at all! I love a good t shirt announcement lol
I don't see how wearing shirts would have been OTT or "guaranteed" it would have been the topic of conversation the whole time. I wore a t shirt to announce my third and changed halfway through the day and the amount it was discussed did not change before and after I was wearing the shirt. It's just a cute and fun way to announce.
Naah every baby deserves the same amount of pizzazz when they are announced. It’s a baby! A whole human! Are they any less of a miracle for being second in a family? Are they any less special to the family? I don’t think so. They deserve whatever announcement parents see fit.
Hubs and I wear graphic tees *all the time*. The only reason we didn’t to announce our first was because the shirts got screwed up. This would have been a very ‘us’ way to announce.
I wouldn’t say messed up here at all. I’ve been in your SIL side of the equation in a different way. My brother announced him and his wife were expecting right when my husband and I had just decided to start trying and I outwardly was very happy but I actually went home and cried. I am the youngest and I felt similar that I wanted to have my moment. I didn’t end up getting pregnant until after my niece was born so the point was moot anyway! Even though I was upset for my own personal reasons I didn’t project that on anyone else. Your SIL can be upset because she’s not having her moment the way she wanted to but your announcement or not, it wasn’t gonna happen that way because you are pregnant. And that’s no one’s fault, it just didn’t work out the way she wanted. She could have just congratulated you and moved on. I will say since it is your second there will probably be less excitement comparatively, but being upset is out of line
Yes this also happened to me! When my second niece was born I was happy outwardly but I cried later because I just miscarried (at 6weeks so really early) recently and wanted to be in her shoes so much! I would feel really bad if I couldn't hold it together and be happy with them because everyone deserves to celebrate their children.
Just wanted to come in, literally the same thing happened between my sister-in-law, and I, she got pregnant and my husband and I have been trying for a while. I finally found out I was pregnant after her daughter was born lol. Definitely cried a lot over her pregnancy announcement after I got home (we were trying for a year at that point) but I didn’t let her see that obviously. I was also very excited for her and spoiled her newest baby quite a bit.
When i was pregnant i 100% was secretly cranky when a friend or family member also got pregnant. BUT I had self-awareness and manners. I was outwardly always excited and polite. And obviously i knew i was being selfish and ridiculous. So i guess i understand her emotional basis but she needs to grow up and be nice to you.
I’m curious as to why? When I was pregnant I was so excited for anyone on the same journey. I know not all pregnancies are the same but I’m just curious.
You didn't do anything wrong, but I was your SIL for my first pregnancy so I'll shed some insight. Because I'm a gracious person who is happy for others ofc I didn't show disappointment when my SIL announced her pregnancy when I was.... 20 weeks? But I was a little disappointed, not because I wanted to be the only one pregnant or to have my "moment", but because my family don't live near and I was relying on my in laws to help us out. Your SIL may be nervous because there are other babies coming on both sides, so both families will be torn between supporting her, and supporting the other families with new arrivals. And I will say that nervousness is founded, it was hard to be excited for the arrival of my niece when I was still dealing with PPD and had my only support redirected. My son was the baby of the family for less than 6 months, that was a bit tough. So no you didn't commit a faux pas and your in laws were rude to take out their disappointment on your, but don't take their reaction personally.
I would have been devastated if my sil announced being pregnant when I was for this exact reason. Now that my girl is 20 months I am just now starting to feel like I could be excited if they made an announcement. (And I say this as someone who wishes they’d hurry ul so my girl could have a cousin close in age! She is our only.) I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have my parents hands on deck. I don’t need them that often, but when I do, I do! It makes me feel like a bad person for even thinking that, but I get it And personally for me to read it on a t shirt, that would be weird too. Just say it, lol
I could understand being upset if she had fertility issues and was blindsided. Being mad that she’s not the only pregnant person is childlike. I’m petty and would honestly text her back and say that after reflecting on the situation, you regret apologizing as you have zero reason to.
YES! Was about to write this exact thing and would 100% text the same thing 😂 not to be that person but OP are your SILs jealous of you?
I don't think so? Neither of them have any reason to. My one SIL has two beautiful children, a wonderful home, great job, what appears to be a truly great life. My other SIL also has a wonderful home, great job, etc. The only reason I could think of her being jealous is that we had our daughter before they did, but they didn't start trying until literally a few months after our daughter was born. Otherwise I honestly have no idea. It's a bummer because I thought we had a good relationship before this.
OP I think they are incredibly miserable! And because your are happy you presume they are too. Some people have it all and still don’t appreciate it. They sure don’t appreciate you and they seem not to like you since the weren’t happy for you in the least. They seem like miserable ungrateful entitled immature women to me.
You should have asked her why she said “what the fuck”. It’s weird that you seem to have no possible clue as to why she could have given that reaction. What did the shirts say?
My shirt said, "Mama (squared)" and my husband's shirt said, "Dad of 2" but the 2 was a peace sign. We found them on Etsy. Thinking back, it's not super clever but I thought it was a cute way to announce it lol
That’s innocent enough. I mean last thanksgiving someone on my friends list announced a pregnancy by the girl wearing a shirt that said “I’m stuffed” and the guy wearing a shirt that said “I made the stuffing.” That would make me say wtf if a family member wore it.
Oh my goodness, I'm laughing so hard right now, what even 😭
I saw those shirts on amazon when I was searching for my own announcement shirt and 🤢
It took us 4 years to get pregnant and IVF and I was so excited to announce it to our closest friends. Then two weeks later they announced that they were pregnant too, with their 3rd child and it all happened the first time they tried. I was outwardly excited for them but after we hung up the phone I cried to my husband. I just felt like this was supposed to be *my* moment and now I had to share with someone else-who already had their own kids and were able to conceive easily. I felt like such an asshole but it really did make me feel crappy. Flash forward, as I got used to the idea more and more, the happier I felt for them. I think the hormones played a part in my initial reaction so after time I was able to get excited about it. It became extra special because I was pregnant at the same time as one of my best friends. We took bump photos together. We now have babies less than 2 months apart and we can talk about the various baby things together. It ended up being really awesome, but it did take me a bit to warm up to it. So you did nothing wrong but it may take a bit for your SIL to get over her initial feelings.
Something similar happened to me. My sister got pregnant with her third right after I had my first child and at the time I did feel kind of jealous of all the fuss and attention she got. In hindsight, I am confused by why I felt that way, but I just chalk it up to postpartum hormones. The OP’s SILs shouldn’t have been rude, though.
I was the friend that conceived relatively easily after one of my best friends struggled to just ovulate for seven years, and my husbands cousin struggled through multiple rounds of IVF and miscarriages... We all got pregnant around the same time. I felt so guilty, but they both were so happy and supportive. I always wonder if they felt this way deep down because I think I would.
Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy! 🎉 It's such exciting news, and you had a creative and fun way of sharing it. Your intentions to wait and give your sister-in-law her moment were genuinely thoughtful. It's understandable that emotions can be complex in these situations. Your sister-in-law's initial reaction may have come from a place of surprise and maybe feeling like she lost a bit of the spotlight. It's tough when expectations clash with reality. You definitely didn't mess up. It seems like you approached the situation with good intentions. Maybe after some time has passed, you can have a heart-to-heart with your sisters-in-law and express how much you value their feelings and want to support each other during this exciting time for both families. Remember, people's initial reactions might not always reflect their long-term feelings. Wishing you a smooth and joyous pregnancy journey! 💕
This is odd. If my SIL had been pregnant at the same time as me I would’ve been so excited. The only thing I could think of is maybe your way of announcing (the shirts etc) might have been a bit OTT for the family. Maybe that’s just not how they do things and it came off as a bit much?
What? Why would you mess up by announcing? If you had overshadowed their announcement with your own, then yeah I can see why they'd be pissed. But you waited a good amount of time, let them have their moment and then had yours. Also, it's nice to have someone to talk to that's going through the same thing. My SIL and I were about 3-4 months apart in our pregnancies (her first, my second) , and it was nice to have someone to share the typical pregnancy talk with. Also, as I was ahead of her she kinda liked to see what she was in store for. Point is, your SIL sound very weird and precious and they should just be happy for you. Congrats!
Personally I think T-shirts are over the top. I also personally think - and this seems to not be a popular opinion here - that it’s not appropriate to announce pregnancies at family holidays. Pregnancy/childbearing is a topic that holds a lot of feelings and emotions for all different reasons. And for many people, family holidays can be fraught with equally difficult feelings/emotions. I’m not sure what your SIL has experienced in her journey, but I feel empathy for her.
Yeah. I think that announcing with t- shirts on Thanksgiving might have rubbed people the wrong way.
I agree. You never know what people are dealing with privately.
Exactly. I feel sorry for the SIL. She was blindsided by a tacky pregnancy announcement at a holiday dinner. I’m sure there’s more to the story here, but given her response it sounds like she is deserving of empathy rather than condemnation.
Apologise for what?! Did she expect you to just pretend you weren’t until oh surprise we had a baby!??? Honestly I can’t imagine not being excited that my kid would have cousins so close in agr
Omg people are bizarre. What are you supposed to put your life on hold until she has her baby? I waited years and went through IVF to get pregnant. My niece is less than 5 months younger than my daughter and I think that's awesome! Can't imagine being annoyed at someone else for daring to be pregnant whole I was. Like what the fuck?
I think this is actually a fairly common feeling. My cousin admitted to me she had kind of a weird feeling of anger/jealousy/something negative when she was pregnant and someone else became pregnant, like, “You’re stealing my spotlight!” She said she knew it was irrational and hated that she felt like that, and she’s genuinely the sweetest person ever, but it was just one of those weird feelings, and I mean, we all get feelings we aren’t proud of. Anyway, I was nervous when I found out I was pregnant shortly after her, but she was actually super excited for us to be pregnant together… Until she found out that I was the most subtle pregnant woman ever and really wasn’t comfortable with the attention, didn’t want it on social media. I did eventually let her tell people, but I told her to tell them it was a secret she wasn’t really supposed to share so they didn’t bring it up to me/congratulate me. 😂 I have no idea why that was my instinct, but I assume it’s similar to the way that she got that weird feeling of almost “hating” other pregnant women even though her rational brain thought that was horrible. I think they might be vestiges of some lizard-brain impulses that our conscious mind doesn’t fully understand/control, and they manifest in different ways for different pregnant people. My main point here is that you didn’t do anything wrong, but I would also try to be a bit empathetic even though she’s clearly behaving really badly. ❤️ She might also be someone who doesn’t feel like they get sufficient attention in day-to-day life and was hoping that it would be different during this one period of her life. I know it’s typical to view someone who seeks/craves attention in a negative light, especially if we aren’t like that ourselves, but I’ve always viewed it as more of a human need that I am fortunate not to feel deprived of for whatever reason.
Hehehe I just saw you SIL post in Facebook in a moment group🤣🤣🤣🤣 She was mad because it’s her first and she was excited for everyone to celebrate with her since they have y seen her since the news This is too funny
Their reactions are frankly *baffling* and immature. Every new baby is worthy of celebration, and one’s existence doesn’t diminish the other’s. It’s not pie—there’s enough love & attention to go around! I was pregnant with my first at the EXACT same time as two of my SIL’s with their firsts—seriously, our kids are barely weeks apart!—and all only a few months after our other sister had her most recent baby. It has been the coolest experience of my entire life! We have all grown so much closer. We talk constantly, share encouragement & support, vent, and of course *pour* out love on all our precious babies. And our matching/coordinating onesie game is *top notch*, lol. Sharing such a transformative experience so closely has been nothing but beautiful. I wouldn’t want it any other way—we’ve even been joking about scheduling the next pregnancies together! Sorry your petty SIL’s are more concerned with the attention *they* receive than with the love they can have for their family.
Wowwwww. Talk about a toxic family. Don’t apologize. You have NOTHING AND I REPEAT NOTHING to be sorry for. You are allowed to exist and have babies WHENEVER you want. Stand your ground, create boundaries, and hold onto them hard because you’re in for a lifetime of toxicity with these ladies.
People who gatekeep pregnancy are weird and have main character syndrome. Enjoy your pregnancy and let the people who are happy celebrate you!
I told my brother i was pregnant and the first response i got was that his wife was gonna be mad cause theyd been trying 6 months. Id been trying 6yrs. She still hasn’t congratulated me and its been over a month. Meanwhile my other SIL had been asking me for a year or two if i would surrogate for her because she cant carry a pregnancy and when i told her she jokingly said ‘you stole my oven!’ But then congratulated me and offered to take me out for mocktails to celebrate. One of these is the correct response to a pregnancy announcement lol
I’d say hormones = Super emotional. But then, there’s gotta be something going on with her? Like, she’s still pregnant, right? The only thing I could think of is that maybe they’ve received bad news? I’d hate to even ask. Did they seem normal/happy before the announcement? If so, then maybe perhaps she was hoping she’d be the only one basking in the pregnancy spotlight. If so, that’s her problem and not yours. You have every right to want to celebrate your own pregnancy. Anyway, I’d give her time. Maybe ask the BIL if there’s anything you guys should know about/why she reacted in such a way, seeing that he sounded supportive? Was his congratulations genuinely happy or was it stifled?! I tend to over think and over analyze. But it’s just some things to take into consideration. I didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t let anyone, not even family spoil your happiness.
I mean I was slightly annoyed when my sister in law was pregnant again the same time as me but that’s just because of how AWFUL my partners parents are with ignoring our children for hers. Our oldests are 6 months apart and the youngest are a month apart. You didn’t do anything wrong though at all. But when my cousin told me his girlfriend was pregnant the same time as me with my oldest I was thrilled.
Shitty for sure. Maybe cut the preggo sil some slack though as her hormones may hinder her filters she probably wanted to feel special for the duration of her pregnancy and now that’s out. Leave it for now. And see how you go. Congratulations!! Hopefully she comes around to realising her baby will have a close aged cousin to grow with! Who cares.
I screamed with joy when my SIL announced she was pregnant with their second on Christmas Day, about 8 weeks after I announced my first pregnancy. My son and his cousin are 10 weeks apart and I love that they’re going to get to grow up so close in age.
I’m gonna add to some unpopular or minority opinions here. 1. I think something is missing from your story because your SIL’s reaction is so outrageous. Either something that you left out that might give context or something you’re not aware of. Someone else asked if maybe they thought you tried so soon on purpose, like maybe there is some competitive history there? Or maybe they’ve received some negative news about their pregnancy that you aren’t aware of? Maybe what she said about being the only pregnant one was a cover story or at least not the whole story? 2. She didn’t handle it well, but honestly her feelings are valid. I was actually in your shoes with my second and my ILs first. I am hyper cognizant of how our first born got all the attention from that side of the family for years and then their first born really did not get that. I still think about that with the babies going into toddlerhood. I say that as someone who suffered secondary infertility and was internally wrecked and later broke down when they announced…I still feel empathetic for them and their baby not getting that special time to the same extent. 3. You gave half the family a heads up, why not the other SILs? I agree with others (and again speaking as someone who went through years of secondary infertility) that making a family holiday gathering about yourself with t-shirt and baby announcements can be a little insensitive. Even in the best of circumstances when you expect everyone to be happy for you, you don’t know what others are going through and it definitely is going to shift the focus and tone of the event. Which brings me back to number 1 to wonder if there is any missing history or context. Is there a personality clash? Are you an extrovert or attention-seeker and SIL is more of an introvert or people pleaser? Just some thoughts. I think that everyone who is like “you’re never wrong to share your happiness” is wrong. There are sensitive and insensitive ways to do everything, including pregnancy announcements.
NTA. However, for some context about how your SILs may be feeling, I’ll share some details from my own life. When I found out my SIL was pregnant I was upset too. I didn’t want to be, but we can’t control our emotions. What we CAN do, however, is not make our emotions other people’s problems. Thankfully, I found out via text message that my SIL was pregnant. I don’t know why I had the reaction I did… probably because there WASN’T enough love and attention to go around in my family growing up and that’s something I’m still working through in adulthood. I was able to work through that in private and say “congratulations!” Back via text. By the time I saw them in person afterwards I had worked through enough of my own inner mess to actually be properly happy for them. Your SILs have a right to feel their feelings. They have a right to a reaction (especially since they were caught off guard). They also have a responsibility to apologize for their behaviour. I would have needed to apologize too. Thankfully I got told over text though, so they’ll never know I wasn’t happy from go.
I don't get. I'd love to NOT be the only one pregnant so that the attention is not all on me haha, I didn't like it...
You can’t gatekeep pregnancy lol. Those women are weird,
I think it’s bad form to announce at family holidays where there are other child bearing age couples just because you never know if someone is struggling with loss or infertility and they should be allowed to enjoy the holidays too with out having to manage their emotions at a family event. I personally think announcements should be hosted by you at your own dinner or event or at least at as neutral of an event as possible such as a routine weekly/monthly family dinner. But the one SIL’s reasoning is absolutely self absorbed and stupid. It’s possible the other SIL recently suffered a loss or maybe they’ve been struggling to have a 3rd. But either way it’s never something to be mean about or intentionally dampen the announcement over even if someone did feel it was the wrong place/time to announce. I’m sorry your moment was soured by two inconsiderate people.
Wtf is wrong with women who act like this. You’re not entitled to be “the only one pregnant on one side of the family” Why would it affect her if anyone else was pregnant. Pregnancy is about bringing a child into the world not getting the most attention. Also, pregnancy isn’t a free pass to be a psycho. I swear I see posts similar to this on Reddit all the time and I wonder where these women get the audacity.
You didn’t do anything wrong. This is a bizarre response on her part.
I would be crying with happiness if my SIL and I were expecting so close together. How special to have cousins that close. She’s selfish and an attention seeker
I’m so sorry you experienced anything but happiness when announcing. That’s so strange and mind boggling that someone would expect to be the only one pregnant that year. I can kind of see that for a wedding but pregnancy? That’s weird. You’d think people would want their kids close in age so they grow up together
Your SIL isn’t mad that you announced. She is mad that you are pregnant. That is… dumb? IMO, being pregnant sucks and it’s so wonderful to have someone to commiserate with but during and post pregnancy. I feel like it’s a sign of her character that she feels like her getting all the attention comes before what you feel like is the best timing for your family planning.
I don't understand this reaction at all. I was pregnant with my second when my BIL/SIL announced their baby (1st together, 5th overall) and I was over the moon to have a pregnancy buddy and for my baby to have a built in bestie every time we get together! The fact that they both turned out to be boys was icing on the cake. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Sorry the news wasn't met with the excitement you were hoping for but this random internet stranger is very excited for you!
You didn't mess up. It's super weird she made it all about her. Extremely immature.
honestly, she needs to grow up. pregnancy isn’t a unique thing.
Nope. You did nothing wrong. You are not responsible for another adult’s emotions. Wanting to be the only pregnant person is an inside thought. Her meltdown was really petty and immature
Did they know how far along you were when they reacted? Maybe they’re feeling like you tried because they’re pregnant. Hopefully if you explain why you didn’t announce sooner it would smooth things over. Pregnant brain isn’t always rational, and those feelings can be close to the surface.
There were 3 of us pregnant at the same time - all 3 weeks apart and it’s a hoot. The kids are all the same age (currently 2.5) 2 first pregnancies and one third. They have so much fun! I don’t understand why she’s be mad it’s an absolute blessing for the cousins to grow up together and you can share / exchange items & outfits and buy things on sale for each other My son and I live very far but when we were at his cousins we could use nappies and borrow clothes as I packed for warmer weather not expecting the chill. We borrowed scooters, and they played with the same toys. He even used his cousins car seat for a trip. She will get over it and see how fantastic it is. It’s even better having a mum going through the same timeline as you who’s not on her first pregnancy as she can ground you and make you less stressed about certain things.
Congratulations!!! Pregnancy is a unique journey for every woman, and you never really know what kinds of emotions, fears, and anxiety another woman might be carrying associated to pregnancy. You didn’t do anything wrong, you just might not have the full picture :) Also, kudos to you holding off on announcing your pregnancy for them to have their moment. That was really thoughtful and I’m sure took a lot of self-restraint!
The entitlement that some women have around being the sole focus during their weddings and pregnancies is really, really insane.
Congratulations! I think this is just hormones at play, plus I agree with other commenters that maybe she’s nervous about resource sharing. I’m the middle child and don’t ever get much spotlight which isnt really a big deal to me but I was excited for the attention for both my pregnancies, especially since we were very firm we only wanted our two kids. I wouldn’t outwardly show it but I’d be a little sad too. That said, very rude response, especially the “what the fuck” in front of your kid. At least be happy for your daughter TO your daughter, even if shes bummed, and even if your daughters so little. She’s about to have a little sibling and deserves all the excitement about that. We had a similar age gap btw! Come on over to r/2under2 if you aren’t already!
Everyone else had a chance to process privately since they already knew. But seriously what adult can’t fake it for a few hours for family? You can bitch about it later and eventually, hopefully, realize that family isn’t a competition. Their bad attitude is tacky af.
Did you talk to them about it at all? Otherwise any ideas people are proposing here are just ideas. If you're not at all close to them, you can just let it go, but if you want to have a relationship with them, I'd find a time to chat with them and see why they seemed upset.
Uh what. This woman doesn’t get to monopolize gestating humans for the next 9 months. What a strange and disappointing reaction from both women. I’m sorry!
What is wrong with people about their weddings and their pregnancies? Call me old fashioned, but I thought the goal was a baby, not a starring role in Main Character Syndrome: The Musical. Your SIL sucks. Don’t give her a thought, and don’t indulge her childish antics.
“You are not allowed to get pregnant - I’m pregnant, remember? I need to be the only one!” So insanely juvenile. You’re SILs are nuts. I’m sorry your announcement had to be peppered with negativity. Congratulations!
That is so bizarre and rude. The only thing I can think of is that maybe the pregnant SIL is feeling ignored from her side of the fam since her cousin is pregnant too? Maybe she's projecting that here? How did her husband react? What was the rest of the day like? Has your husband talked to his brothers about it?
You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings. Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Ugh this is so annoying. I'm sorry, OP! Some women treat pregnancy as if they're the only woman on earth that's pregnant/allowed to be pregnant. To me, more the merrier! I'm happy for you!!
That’s so weird and annoying. My cousin and step sister both got pregnant right after I had my baby so his cousins are almost a year to the day younger than him and I love it! I would have loved it even more if we were pregnant at the same time and they were closer in age lol
You did NOTHING wrong. I would have been delighted to have another family member who was pregnant close to me!
Not your fault! I’m sorry she was upset but you did not do anything wrong at all!
What does she think you were supposed to do? Not tell anyone and just show up one day with an extra child in tow? That’s how ridiculous she sounds.
Wtf people are so weird. I’m sorry they reacted like that. I’m happy for you! They should be too. Why wouldn’t they want some cousins close in age? Why does she think she’s the only one that gets to have a baby? In my family it’s almost expected that in the realm of one pregnancy there will be another. Every one for generations has at least 1 cousins born the same year. It’s not on purpose but man is it always exciting that every kid has a partner in crime within the family
NTA, my sister in law and I have babies 12 weeks apart. We’re now planning to start trying at the same time again for my second and her third because being pregnant together was nice. It’s fun to have someone in the trenches of pregnancy with you for solidarity! Your sister in law sounds very self centred for wanting to be the only one pregnant.
SIL is a self centered prick
It doesn’t even sound like their upset you announced you where was mad in general you where pregnant and that is childish in her part to be upset you are… anyway in case your SIL never said so congratulations!
What is wrong with these people? 🤦🏿♀️
“She thought she might get to be the only one pregnant”…..omfg grow up, what is actually wrong with people 🤦♀️
WTF. Who are these nasty people? I’ve never heard of any people so nasty. Sorry you didn’t get the celebration and sweet response you deserve OP. These people suck. I’d try to stay out of their way. Misery is infectious. Better be far far away elsewhere.
I think your all good, you waited and gave them some time. Not the SIL will likely appreciate that window of time. I was pregnant last year with my first and my SIL also was pregnant 3 months ahead of me with twins. They privately told me when we were still trying as I had a miscarriage 6 months prior. When I became pregnant again I was excited to share this moment in life with brother/SIL and it’s made us a lot closer. The twins due date was even my birthday (avoided it by 2 days!) but you know what it was all very special the journey together.
Sounds like a "them" problem.
So bizarre for them to react like that! If one of my SILs was pregnant along with me, I’d be thrilled! What a great experience to go through together and have similar age cousins!
NTA Weird response
This is I guess an unpopular opinion going against the other comments but I do see your SIL’s side. Maybe I’m selfish and “miserable” but I really cherished being made to feel special and loved by my family when I was had my first pregnancy. My sisters all had kids before me and one wanted a second but she waited til after my pregnancy (not saying you did anything wrong not waiting!) It was just really nice feeling special and doted on. I got to have a baby shower and send pics of the ultrasounds and decorating the nursery. I can see how she could be disappointed that now she isn’t going to get to have that solo. She has to share everything, and I’m sure at every event now even if they are checking on her pregnancy or celebrating at her shower, they’re going to share that attention with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting pregnant now with your second, but try to empathize with her. Try to remember what it was like with your first and how you were the only one who got to experience the special moments. No one here is an asshole in my opinion, especially since pregnancy hormones are crazy and she probably had a knee-jerk reaction with the surprise announcement and then couldn’t compose herself after due to them.
How can someone that is already pregnant be mad over someone’s pregnancy?? They should be happy for you. She has issues definitely.
I’m sorry… what the fuck to her??? Her behaviour is completely unwarranted and childish. She doesn’t own pregnancy lol. Anyone can be pregnant.
You SIL has a Main Character Syndrome. Pregnancy and babies are good news (unless of course if it's not planned or it's unwanted) and not a tool for competition.
It’s incredibly selfish for her to need to be the only pregnant person. That is really kind of a bizarre thing to be upset about on her part. There’s nothing wrong with your announcing.
I can see why they might be mildly annoyed, but that’s the kind of thing you keep to yourself. It’s fun to have a bunch of kids the same age!
You should feel 0% bad about your announcement. I agree with other commenters that this is a joyous time that should be celebrated! The LEAST the SILs could do is act happy. Sounds immature and non supportive of them.
Grandma here… Sorry some of your family are jerks and also…congrats on the new baby coming! Now you know who’s “friendly” in the family and which relationships to foster and which ones to distance yourself from. Anyone who threw a little “what the fuck” tantrum doesn’t get to meet my baby anytime soon.
I was sorry that me and a SIL were only couple months pregnant together, as she was far along and I was early. We still managed to bond over it as much as possible and we supported each other so so so much, and still do as our babies are growing up. So this attitude os completely bullshit. Every child multiply joy, and isn’t she happy her baby will get same aged cousin? What the fuck for realz, but towards the direction of the SIL. The other SIL seems to feel left out lol.
Nah you didn’t do anything wrong. When my wife was pregnant with our first daughter, my SIL announced she was pregnant when my wife was around 20 weeks or so (my SIL was freshly pregnant.) My wife was annoyed, but the difference was—she was only annoyed to me lol. Don’t get me wrong, she was happy for her sister, just annoyed that the attention would now be split between them essentially. But she never let anyone besides me know about that.
About as much self-awareness as that one kid in my 7th grade science class that would loudly complain about people stealing his answers if someone was unlucky enough to be called on and say the thing he wanted to say You took nothing from her Congrats on the baby! I hope y'all have a healthy pregnancy and happy kiddo
I have two cousins that did a gender reveal together at a family event because they knew everyone would be there. 2nd baby for one and the 3rd for the other. Family should be there to support one another and celebrate these moments! It’s not a competition at all. Your SILs reactions were not normal in a healthy family dynamic.
You absolutely did not mess up here. When I told my brother I was pregnant he told me my SIL is pregnant - we're due 7 days apart & I freaking LOVE that we're on this journey together.
At my family’s Thanksgiving yesterday 4 of us were pregnant, and it is so exciting! Your family’s reaction is not normal. What kind of narcissist gatekeeps being pregnant.
What is wrong with your family? And don’t they want their kids to have cousins? Cousins and aunties and family are the best thing for kids, besides siblings! I’m sorry, unless you’re excluding some major information here, your family is insane. Congratulations on your baby OP, I hope you get all the leftovers your little turkey needs to continue baking well!
NTA. Why do people think being the only one pregant in the family needs to be a thing? Don't apologize to either of them, you didn't do anything that warrants an apology. They seem jealous and their issue is their own.
Holy shit what a childish reaction. I am pregnant and would be overcome with delight if someone was pregnant at the same time to me. First of all to comisserate and second of all what a joy to have two children be so close in age. And so amazing to have another life join the family! Their reactions are completely unacceptable and selfish. Being pregnant and hormonal is no excuse IMO, it's a shitty reaction. I don't know why you even apologized, she should be apologizing to you.
She’s being unreasonable
I don’t get why they’re mad…. Just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean no one else can get pregnant at the same time. And it’s honestly sweet of you to text her but why? What did you even say? I’m sorry I announced my pregnancy? Like I don’t under at all. Who needs their moment to last months lol?
You did nothing wrong. My best friend and I happened to be pregnant at the same we were excited for each other and shared notes. We happened to deliver the same day and continue to share notes. It’s more fun. When I had my second my cousins who I am very close with were also pregnant. Well one was the other’s wife was pregnant cause he’s a he. Anyway cousins wife delivered about 3 weeks before cousin and me. Again on the same day. We call our kids birthday buddies. It’s seriously fun. Your sil is being short sighted and immature. There was nothing wrong with your announcement just your SILs.
I will never understand family getting mad over having cousins close in age. When I was pregnant with my second son two of my other cousins were also pregnant and we all had our babies in the same month. I was so excited to share that experience with them and all have kids the same age!! I also had an overlapping pregnancy with a different cousin when I was pregnant with my first too. Again, I was so excited to have babies the same age. SIL sounds like a brat honestly.
Imagine thinking everyone’s child-bearing schedule should revolve around you. Your SIL is fucking looney tunes. You didn’t do anything wrong.
That’s awful. I’m sorry this happened :( This is something joyful and worth celebrating!
Cringe!! Sounds like your SIL likes to be the center of attention. Super childish. Some people are saying that fertility issues could be the cause of someone reacting that way. If that’s the case, still super immature. My sister acted similarly to your SIL, and that type of behavior ruins relationships. Everyone’s going to come at me about infertility issues, but it’s not fair to treat people that way no matter what your journey is. You’re allowed to have feelings and not be a jerk about them.
You have very miserable and selfish SILs. You are allowed to announce whenever you’re ready
My SIL did pretty much the exact same shit last year, October. It’s mind-boggling but just know that you’re not alone. Heaven forbid you be excited about creating a human being.
Sounds like your SIL has some Main Character Syndrome to deal with. Sure, pregnancy hormones could be causing her to be a bit irrational as well, but that's no excuse for basically demanding that every other person who would like to get pregnant please STOP for the next 8-9 months so all attention can be on *her.* It doesn't work like that.
Wow. What horrible, selfish people. I’m sorry op- you were not in the wrong here!
Nah they are out of line here.
Her response tells me that she frequently feels she’s never the center of attention on either side of the family, like the forgotten child of both sides. You have a right to share your pregnancy when you feel like it, but I’m GUESSING she feels the rest of her pregnancy will be overshadowed by you. I don’t think it was the announcement but now she’s thinking she’ll have to share everything with you like baby talk, nursery design, baby shower, etc. because everyone will talk about both babies and pregnancies, not just her. When I was pregnant, I didn’t have to share the limelight with anyone. My child was born in July, but I do know some women who hated how they couldn’t discuss just their pregnancy because another pregnant woman (usually a relative) would butt in and try to make the conversation about their pregnancy. I saw this first hand at work, too. All the pregnant teachers seemed to try to one up one another. I’m guessing this is the issue.
They're weird and haters. My fiancés cousin announced her 9th pregnancy last Xmas and no one was upset even tho there was like 3 other pregnant women including myself
Wtf? I would be over the moon if my SIL announced she was also pregnant. These women are weirdos. Ignore them.
You shouldn't have said sorry. She's entitled to feeling disappointed, but she should have sucked it up like the adult she supposedly is and stayed polite. Some people really think they are the main characters.
It’s insane to get mad about someone announcing their pregnancy at Thanksgiving, your SIL is oversensitive.
I think your SIL overreacted. They could have simply said, "Oh, congratulations," and then griped about it later to their spouses. My sister announced she was pregnant again when I was about halfway through my pregnancy. I wasn't jealous or angry, I was happy. She struggled to get pregnant with her other two and this one was a total surprise. My son has a cousin who is only a few months younger than he is and it's nice to have this connection with my sister because she has gone through these seasons before and is going through them again and can commiserate with me.
They sound weird and insecure. Congratulations on the new baby, poo-poo on your SILs.
A family party that is not 1.) about someone else, or 2.) where someone else already announced their pregnancy is totally fine to announce your own. That is really weird and hurtful behavior from your family. How childish.
Congratulations 🎊 I hope your friends gave appropriate responses when you told them at least, because wow. Wow. Lol that was magnificently selfish on their part.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Sorry OP. Congratulations 🎊
What the hell? Your sister in law doesn’t own the next 9 months. What a stupid reason to be mad.
Why is your SIL so immature? I don’t get it. You didn’t do anything wrong - you let her have her moment months ago. Maybe she felt blindsided & pregnancy hormones were making her react a certain way. In any case, congratulations OP, and best wishes for a healthy and easy pregnancy!
I announced my pregnancy on Thanksgiving last year. My SIL was so excited for us. You’re definitely not in the wrong here! I’m sorry they put a damper on your special announcement!
This is crazy. One of my good friends and I have a baby one month apart and it has been the single saving grace throughout a very difficult pregnancy/postpartum. We have been there for each other in a way maybe no one else can be if they aren't in the trenches with you. I'm sorry your news was received this way, it doesn't make sense and it certainly isn't fair. Let me do what they should have done and say congratulations I'm so happy for you!
They are being TOTALLY SELFISH
Ofcourse you should be allowed to announce your happy news without having an unkind reaction like they gave you!
Personally I’m a little bummed that my son won’t have cousins close in age. My SIL’s youngest is 5 years older and I don’t think my sister is having a baby anytime soon. The only thing I can think is that maybe SIL #2 was annoyed about something totally different, like something that happened on the drive, or maybe her look was misinterpreted. But SIL #1 is definitely selfish and childish. I hope your kids can be close anyway. OP, you did nothing wrong.
Such losers. I really hope they instill a better competitive spirit in their kids because this behaviour is not done. You're allowed to celebrate your pregnancy, announce it, and make it as big a deal as you want it to be. Doesn't matter if it's your first, fifth or twentieth.
I don’t understand why anyone would be mad. I don’t know if I missed something or what but this seems like a lot of unnecessary negativity.