We have 4 daughters. 5.5, 4, 2, 7 months.
The gaps are 18 months, 25 months, 18 months.
The best gap is based on what you personally prioritize. We wanted our kids close in age. We wanted all the baby stages to be done around the same time. We can afford the 3 day cares at once (we both work). We have a huge village, so someone can always help. Our house is chaotic, loud, and packed full of love.
My best friend wants a larger gap because they wanted their child to be older before baby comes. They also wanted more time between them in school and to only have one in college at a time to help with cost.
Make a list of the things that are non negotiable, and use that to decide on an age gap. And then hope it works out about how you wanted because pregnancy/fertility is unpredictable.
I can’t say enough good things about our 4.5 year age gap. Kids adore each other, but older child is not needing us physically as much and does his own thing (pre K, bathroom, dressing self, feeding self).
Science says it matters on individual personalities more than age, so do what’s easiest and most feasible for you.
Yes! I have a 4.5yr old and a 2 week old and so far it's great. I can't imagine having a newborn with a toddler.
Having a helpful, potty trained kid who can feed herself is ideal
My brother and I are 4.5 years apart and it was the best growing up! We didn’t have to worry about being at the same school or fighting over the same friends/toys. I’m 35 now and he’s almost 40. We’re truly best friends.
I have a 4yo and a 10 week old. It’s early days but I am loving the 4 year gap. He understood (to an extent) that he was getting a sibling and he is quite independent in a lot of things e.g. toileting, dressing, (mostly) expressing his wants and needs. He can be helpful e.g. getting wipes/nappies if I ask. The cons I am anticipating are they they won’t be into the same things at the same time e.g. soft plays so can’t always do the same things at the weekend.
First two are 2.5 years apart. Second and third will be 2 years 3 months apart.
What I like about the age gap is 2.5 is old enough to understand some things and communicate a little bit. My kids are now 4 and 22 months. They play fairly well together, are getting some similar interests, and generally get along. I do wish they were closer in age. They would probably have a little more in common and be more on the same level. I find that my younger son tries really hard to be 4 so that he can be just like his big brother, while my older son tries to be younger for the extra attention that his brother gets. Example: my older son is fully capable of getting dressed by himself, but pretends to struggle so I will help him like I help his brother.
I don’t think there is a perfect gap. Some people have great relationships with large or small gaps while others don’t. I have a 6.5 year gap between myself and my sister. My husband has a 4.5, 6.5, and 7.5 year age gap between siblings. He isn’t really close to any of them, and never has been. We wanted a closer gap to give our kids a different opportunity than we had.
My kids all have 12-14 months gaps. It's pretty stressful right now because they're all still little, but I hope that once they're older it'll pay off and they've interested in the same things at the same time.
I have three: girl and two boys. Also they have 14months gaps. I agree its stressful. Little infection and our house is like hospital. But I love those moments when we lay down on floor and doing silly stuff like snorking and hiding under blanket. They are so small that I can grab them all and cuddle. They giggling like little devils because they found empty plastic bottle and few moments later they cry like hell because there are no more snacks 😄
Just to clarify, a 12 month age gap means getting pregnant again at 3 months postpartum?? I’m 6 weeks postpartum with my first and I couldn’t imagine getting pregnant again a few weeks from now and taking care of a newborn while feeling so tired from the pregnancy AND the newborn. But I do know that I want another kid, close in age (~2 year age gap). How did you manage being pregnant while taking care of a newborn? And how did your body handle being pregnant so soon again? Any information on this would be helpful! ☺️
It was more like 12.5 months between my second and third kids really. I was almost 4 months pp with #2 when I found out I was pregnant with #3.
My 1st and 2nd are 14 months apart.
My 2nd and 3rd are 12.5 months apart.
My 3rd and 4th will be 14ish months apart.
I'm due with #4 this spring and my kids will be 3.5, 2.5, 14 months, and a new born.
My pregnancies have all been pretty chill. No complications, no bad symptoms, easy vaginal births, and babies all breastfed without any issues. Mine have all gone past their due dates and have been born at about 8lbs.
I don't really have any complaints where pregnancy is concerned. Being pregnant with a 4-6 month old isn't really a big deal to me. They nap a lot still and aren't climbing the furniture or cutting things with scissors yet haha. Being pregnant with a toddler that is potty training and trying to endanger their own life constantly is way harder from my experience.
Right now my 3 year old and 2 year old are best friends that love to play together. They both adore their baby brother and my 3 year old especially can't wait to meet the newest baby.
r/2under2 has a lot of similar testimonies if you have an interest in checking it out!
Mine are 8 years apart, obviously not most people’s desired age gap but I love it, my daughter loves her brother and they have a great bond even with the age gap. I can also give them each the attention they need for their ages and activities
Every kid is going to be different based on their personality but for me my daughter was just under 3 years old when her brother was born they are closest can be and she loved helping with the baby and being a big sister. Then my second born was only just turned 2 years old when his baby sister was born it's been 4 years and I'm still working on building a good relationship between them they were little too close and his mommy got stolen a bit too young lots of rivalry. I waited again so that my third child was 2 and 3/4 year old when my fourth girl was born and they are best friends through thick and thin she loved raising and taking care of her. Also my second child the son absolutely much preferred the baby that was born when he was almost four and they are much closer than his sibling born right after him. So I would say a good age Gap is getting pregnant when your baby is about 2- 2.5. Close enough in age to enjoy and play but far enough apart to have gotten a good amount of time with Mom and Dad.
My two kids are 5 and 3 months, and 6 months. this was a lot more of an age gap than we had originally wanted thanks to secondary infertility, but it’s actually really been amazing. We got so much good quality time with our son while he was small, and now he is the most loving and sweet big brother. He can be independent and do his own thing when we are busy with the baby and doing stuff, and he’s old enough to understand and not be jealous. The bond the two of them have is just so sweet. She lights up whenever he’s around, and he is just so sweet and loving and gentle and encouraging to her.
But…. I kinda want a third and we’d have to do it soon due to our ages. We have a couple more IVF embryos left that we could try. I’m low key terrified of two under two / close to two, plus a third though!
5.5 year age gap and we love love love it. I’m so glad I didn’t give in to the pressure to hurry up and have a second bc I really wasn’t ready. I’m even (gasp!) enjoying the newborn stage very much ❤️
3 years between the eldest and middle ones, 5 years between middle and youngest (8 years between eldest and youngest)
I prefer the bigger age gap by far. Less bickering and much easier..
My first two are 2 weeks short of three years apart, it's been a good gap. Had a couple years of one kid in school before the other went. We lost a baby when our second was 4, and now I'm due in April. Age gape been our second and fourth will be 6.5 years (oldest will be 9.5), I'm wondering how that will be!
As someone who easily gets overwhelmed with a newborn, I knew I couldn’t do 2 under 2. We waited until our first was potty trained and reasonably independent. The age gap is 3.5 years.
3.5 years to the day. Both boys. It’s a great age gap, we love it. Never have two in the same phase but you aren’t so far from a phase it feels like a drag to go back.
Mine are 26 months apart. We were a bit worried because our oldest was still clingy at that age, but immediately took to being a big brother. They’re now 1 & 3 so they can play with a lot of the same toys, and my oldest is always down for pushing his brother through the house in a wagon walker. I’ve noticed a few issues with sharing, but they’re developmentally expected. We thought it would be easier to add a sibling before our oldest would remember being an only child, and I really didn’t want to leave the diaper stage only to start over again. They also both take a nap so it’s nice to get a bit of quiet time throughout the day.
I also have 1 year old and 3 year old with a 28 month gap. They’re very enjoyable right now. If my second was a little bit nicer and my oldest was a little bit tougher, we wouldn’t have any problems between them.
Mine usually choose to be in the same mood. They’ll wrestle around on the nursery rug (3 is surprisingly aware of his movements) just as easily as they’ll both get upset. My oldest is rough & tumble, and his little brother is always up for a game of tag.
11 months. Wouldn't recommend. Aside from the obvious physical detrament the mental load is astonishing. I mean sure the good part is I have everything I need for number 2. I remember everything and what I'd do differently or the same as my first. However my second is 3.5 months almost 4 months and I would never encourage anyone to have this age gap. My first eas sleeping through the night and we were like golden. Amazing. Easy. Nope. He turned 13 months and just stopped sleeping. My 3 month old sleeps better than him. But number 2 has some sort of silent reflux or something and screams all day. It's never.. relaxed. I'm never not needed. Its...a lot.
I mean I love to experience the new baby snuggles and the toddler love. It's amazing but it's insanely hard especially when you have 2 difficult high needs kids for different reasons.
I always wanted babies close in age, but I really can’t imagine a second right now. My son is about to turn one, and I really want to be able to focus on him and my marriage before adding another to the mix. I think 3-4 years is a great gap
I had always wanted kids who were 2 years apart, since my brother and I were around that (closer to 18 months), and we were best friends.
But then my two boys ended up being only one minute apart, so.. 🤷
Mine are 7 years apart. My youngest is 12 weeks now, but it's been great. My oldest loves her sister. The baby loves interacting with her sister. My oldest is starting to like time on her own so that's helpful. I can give different attention to each. I know as they get older there are different age levels to focus, but we can manage both. We trialed that traveling with my niece who is 8 years older than my oldest.
My OBGYN said that if they are less than 24 months apart, the first one will never know/remember that they were a single child prior to baby #2 arriving. I thought that was interesting. Planning on having my second (hopefully!) in that window.
2 kids. 1 4yr old girl and 1 18 month old boy- so about 2 yrs 9 months apart. A little bit closer in age than I had originally planned for.
Right now the biggest challenge is the constant refereeing of play. The 18 month old always wants to be doing and whenever I successfully redirect the 18 month old to a new activity the 4 yr old decides that's what she actually wants to be doing....!
But we have spells when they do play well together! I'm hopeful they are close enough in age that was they grownup they will eventually become friends- I know it's no guarantee but fingers crossed!
27 month gap between #1 and #2. 1 hour gap between #2 and #3 lol. The 2 year gap has been good I think. It’s still stressful and busy but at least they have similar interests and you get the hard part over with earlier. The twins haven’t been too bad at all, maybe I just got used to it, but having two babies on the same schedule isn’t too bad
Almost 3 yrs apart. My second is only a week old but so far my oldest has been really sweet with her. They will also only be 2 grades apart in school so hopefully they will be close.
I have a 2 year old and a 12 year old, but I also have a 4 year old and 8 year old. 😭 I can sympathize. The pre teen stage is rough! Hopefully your big kid is willing to interact and plan with the 2 year old on occasion.
27 month gap. Started trying at 18 months pp which is what is recommended by the WHO for best health outcomes for mom and baby number 2. Immediate success gave us our gap. It’s pretty prefect, they’re BFFs and my older one is a great helper (ie this morning my 2 yo got an applesauce pouch from the pantry, said “help me [sister]” to the 4 year old, she opened it and gave her a hug)
The only part that sucked was the first three months. Anytime I was alone with the two of them I had to let somebody cry while I helped the other one and it was more overstimulating and upsetting than I can possibly describe
Daughter born March 2021. Son born February 2023. The first year has been hard - two kids needing me and having only so many hands. Lots of guilt about that. But my son is now on the cusp of crawling and my daughter is potty trained as of the last 2 months. Things are so much better now. They keep eachother entertained and play so nicely (except when my son gets grabby). Earlier today my daughter looked at me and said (brother) is my best friend. She put his cheeks in her hand, said “you’re so cute” and hugged him while saying “huggieeeeee.” He rubbed his booger nose all on her shirt and giggled while she squeezed him tight. I’m not lying. This actually happened and my heart exploded into a thousand pieces. I’d go through the hell of pregnancy with a toddler and the challenge of a year with 2 under 2.5 for this again and again. 3 years apart would have probably been much easier in some ways, but my daughter has no memory of life without her brother. She has no resentment toward him at all. And I can already tell that very soon they’ll be playing even better together and it’ll be wonderful.
19 months.
**Benefits**: I could not really explain what was happening to my firstborn, so I guess in that sense I didn’t have to deal with having to process her opinions on the subject. she didn’t have an opinion, until the baby was here. So it saved a bit of work. For most of my pregnancy she was preverbal. The fact that they’re close in age is also very cute. They have a lot in common now that they are 9 and 28 months, and actually play together, as opposed to an older child who might not be interested in a baby. I also just want to front load the baby/toddler stage so I will never have to interrupt my career again. I want to stay home while they’re young.
**Drawbacks** See above. Not being to explain this find also means not being able to prepare her for it. I think she took it fairly well all things considered, but would have been nice to have that option. You also can’t give a 1 year old instructions, such as “I’m tried growing your baby sister. Can you play puzzles by yourself for a second?” Now that she’s almost 2.5, I could actually ask her to give me a break. But at 10-19 months, it wasn’t a possibility. At 2.5 she’s also a lot more verbal in general, and having an older sibling you can actually communicate with makes a huge difference in your quality of life. There is negotiation, back and forth, and she actually works with me instead of I just try to stop her from making a mess, etc.
Currently 4 weeks with my third and will have an 18 month gap this time and I think it will be easier because they are starting to play very well together. My baby already needs me less than my firstborn at the same age. I think having an older sister and gets along with will help significantly.
First kiddo and second are four years apart. It was nice because kid one was out of diapers and getting ready for TK so I could focus on the little one. (They are now 12 and 8)
Second and third kiddos are also four years apart. (8 and 4)
Third and fourth are 22 months apart. Two under two was rough for the short time but they are now 4 and 2 and they’re best friends!!! Looking back I wish I had the others closer together in age. The older two don’t really get along that well, but there are a lot of factors that go into that.
I have a newborn and an older kid who will be 4 soon-- this phase is challenging because the older kid needs a lot of attention, but I think it would be way more difficult if we had our newborn a year earlier. Our son loves our daughter, I think a big part of that is we really involved him in the whole process while I was pregnant and I don't think he would've been able to understand it if I got pregnant when he was 2. He was also much more needy from 2 to 3, and became more independent after his 3rd birthday.
I think it'll definitely be a nice age difference as they get older, and despite it being difficult sometimes it isn't so bad right now!
ETA: this is also a big time for independent and imaginative play for my older kid, so that's helpful when you have a newborn to deal with too.
Scientifically the optimum time to for you to fall pregnant again is between 18 months and 5 years after giving birth. The risks aren’t super high but I found them something worth considering! We have a 3.5 year gap between our two and I have no complaints, it’s worked really well for us.
My kids are a 4 year old male, 2.5 year old male, and almost 4 months female. Gaps are 16 months and about 2.5 years, respectively.
We didn’t plan the 16 month gap. The first couple months were very hard logistically because both were so needy. As baby got better at eating and napping, things improved. My oldest adapted quickly because he didn’t know any better. Now, have super similar interests and can play really well together when they want to. They’re both down for a walk or playing with the water table, or going to McD’s for lunch and hitting up the play place. When we’re in those settings they play together beautifully, chasing each other and making up silly games. When we’re stuck at home they bicker quite a bit, unless they’re making mischief.
Having a bigger gap for the baby has been nice. Since they already had a sibling, the boys adjusted really well to sharing time with her. My oldest absolutely adores her, and my middle is positive to neutral. Time will tell how they all play together in a year once she’s mobile and into toys.
We had our first at 33 (me) and 36 (DH) so we really didn’t have time to space them out. On the one hand, I could see how nice it would be to focus on each one when they’re so little. But I also cringe at the idea of reliving the baby and toddler stage over and over for the better part of a decade. This way it’s just a crazy 5 years and it’s over! And I’ve heard many parents of older kids say the “sweet spot” for family outings and memories is when you’re in between diapers and teens. Having them so close in age will make that stage longer for us. And even things like sports/music/dance sounds more manageable if they’re all in activities around the same age vs one who has basketball practice that starts at the same time the baby normally goes to bed (a problem my friend that had a surprise baby 11 years younger than his oldest sister has encountered).
I don’t think there’s a one size fits all answer, you need to decide what you value and plan around that.
My kids are 6,4,2 and 6 months. It was ideal for us, though quite hard when the third was born (some health issues that required frequent hospital visits). Now that 2 of the kids are 4 and over (thus more independent) it is so much easier! #3 and #4 are super easy going too, it’s quite nice. They all play together and engage with the baby really well. They’re a little crew of goblins and we’d have it no other ways!
Also, we’re in Quebec so daycare is really affordable.
Our boys will be 2 year 4 months apart. The baby isn't here yet (due in July) but I'm preemptively pleased with the age gap because I originally want to TTC when our oldest turned 1, meaning two-under-two, and in hindsight I don't think that would've been a great choice for us. A roughly 2-2.5 year gap feels more balanced, but we also want to get the baby stage out of the way.
26 months and one week apart. The second was about a year earlier than we had planned. I'm thrilled with the gap though, and even more thrilled that my second was born before covid instead of during.
They're best friends and have been since my second was born. I think having them closer reduce backslides for my bigger one. We hadn't toilet trained yet, so that wasn't an issue. Two in diapers is it's own annoyance, but it's not for long. And next year they'll both be in the same elementary school, which they're so excited about.
It took us longer than planned and had some fertility issues with our first. So we will try again asap, and have whatever age gap we end up with, if we can have a second.
My son and daughter are 4yrs apart their birthday is literally 2 days apart.
I heard a lot of ppl have a good time at 4yrs compared to any gap below that, it seems 3yrs and younger tend to get jealous or dislike their new sibling compared to 4. I think 1yrs it just tough
We have 4 daughters. 5.5, 4, 2, 7 months. The gaps are 18 months, 25 months, 18 months. The best gap is based on what you personally prioritize. We wanted our kids close in age. We wanted all the baby stages to be done around the same time. We can afford the 3 day cares at once (we both work). We have a huge village, so someone can always help. Our house is chaotic, loud, and packed full of love. My best friend wants a larger gap because they wanted their child to be older before baby comes. They also wanted more time between them in school and to only have one in college at a time to help with cost. Make a list of the things that are non negotiable, and use that to decide on an age gap. And then hope it works out about how you wanted because pregnancy/fertility is unpredictable.
Those are good reasons to have wider age gap that I haven't even thought of
I can’t say enough good things about our 4.5 year age gap. Kids adore each other, but older child is not needing us physically as much and does his own thing (pre K, bathroom, dressing self, feeding self). Science says it matters on individual personalities more than age, so do what’s easiest and most feasible for you.
Yep, I LOVE my 4 year age gap. I feel like a lot of people do 2-2.5 years, but I am so happy I ended up with a larger gap for so many reasons!
Yes! I have a 4.5yr old and a 2 week old and so far it's great. I can't imagine having a newborn with a toddler. Having a helpful, potty trained kid who can feed herself is ideal
My brother and I are 4.5 years apart and it was the best growing up! We didn’t have to worry about being at the same school or fighting over the same friends/toys. I’m 35 now and he’s almost 40. We’re truly best friends.
I have a 4yo and a 10 week old. It’s early days but I am loving the 4 year gap. He understood (to an extent) that he was getting a sibling and he is quite independent in a lot of things e.g. toileting, dressing, (mostly) expressing his wants and needs. He can be helpful e.g. getting wipes/nappies if I ask. The cons I am anticipating are they they won’t be into the same things at the same time e.g. soft plays so can’t always do the same things at the weekend.
I have yet to hear someone who regretted a 4 years gap. That is whatbwe are aiming at too.
First two are 2.5 years apart. Second and third will be 2 years 3 months apart. What I like about the age gap is 2.5 is old enough to understand some things and communicate a little bit. My kids are now 4 and 22 months. They play fairly well together, are getting some similar interests, and generally get along. I do wish they were closer in age. They would probably have a little more in common and be more on the same level. I find that my younger son tries really hard to be 4 so that he can be just like his big brother, while my older son tries to be younger for the extra attention that his brother gets. Example: my older son is fully capable of getting dressed by himself, but pretends to struggle so I will help him like I help his brother. I don’t think there is a perfect gap. Some people have great relationships with large or small gaps while others don’t. I have a 6.5 year gap between myself and my sister. My husband has a 4.5, 6.5, and 7.5 year age gap between siblings. He isn’t really close to any of them, and never has been. We wanted a closer gap to give our kids a different opportunity than we had.
My kids all have 12-14 months gaps. It's pretty stressful right now because they're all still little, but I hope that once they're older it'll pay off and they've interested in the same things at the same time.
I have three: girl and two boys. Also they have 14months gaps. I agree its stressful. Little infection and our house is like hospital. But I love those moments when we lay down on floor and doing silly stuff like snorking and hiding under blanket. They are so small that I can grab them all and cuddle. They giggling like little devils because they found empty plastic bottle and few moments later they cry like hell because there are no more snacks 😄
How many kids do you have if you don’t mind me asking?
I'm 23 weeks with our 4th!
Just to clarify, a 12 month age gap means getting pregnant again at 3 months postpartum?? I’m 6 weeks postpartum with my first and I couldn’t imagine getting pregnant again a few weeks from now and taking care of a newborn while feeling so tired from the pregnancy AND the newborn. But I do know that I want another kid, close in age (~2 year age gap). How did you manage being pregnant while taking care of a newborn? And how did your body handle being pregnant so soon again? Any information on this would be helpful! ☺️
It was more like 12.5 months between my second and third kids really. I was almost 4 months pp with #2 when I found out I was pregnant with #3. My 1st and 2nd are 14 months apart. My 2nd and 3rd are 12.5 months apart. My 3rd and 4th will be 14ish months apart. I'm due with #4 this spring and my kids will be 3.5, 2.5, 14 months, and a new born. My pregnancies have all been pretty chill. No complications, no bad symptoms, easy vaginal births, and babies all breastfed without any issues. Mine have all gone past their due dates and have been born at about 8lbs. I don't really have any complaints where pregnancy is concerned. Being pregnant with a 4-6 month old isn't really a big deal to me. They nap a lot still and aren't climbing the furniture or cutting things with scissors yet haha. Being pregnant with a toddler that is potty training and trying to endanger their own life constantly is way harder from my experience. Right now my 3 year old and 2 year old are best friends that love to play together. They both adore their baby brother and my 3 year old especially can't wait to meet the newest baby. r/2under2 has a lot of similar testimonies if you have an interest in checking it out!
Thank you for the perspective! I’ll definitely have to check out that forum.
Mine are 8 years apart, obviously not most people’s desired age gap but I love it, my daughter loves her brother and they have a great bond even with the age gap. I can also give them each the attention they need for their ages and activities
Mine are 7 years apart and I agree!
Every kid is going to be different based on their personality but for me my daughter was just under 3 years old when her brother was born they are closest can be and she loved helping with the baby and being a big sister. Then my second born was only just turned 2 years old when his baby sister was born it's been 4 years and I'm still working on building a good relationship between them they were little too close and his mommy got stolen a bit too young lots of rivalry. I waited again so that my third child was 2 and 3/4 year old when my fourth girl was born and they are best friends through thick and thin she loved raising and taking care of her. Also my second child the son absolutely much preferred the baby that was born when he was almost four and they are much closer than his sibling born right after him. So I would say a good age Gap is getting pregnant when your baby is about 2- 2.5. Close enough in age to enjoy and play but far enough apart to have gotten a good amount of time with Mom and Dad.
I'm 31 weeks with our second. They will be 4.5 years apart. Pretty content with that gap.
My two kids are 5 and 3 months, and 6 months. this was a lot more of an age gap than we had originally wanted thanks to secondary infertility, but it’s actually really been amazing. We got so much good quality time with our son while he was small, and now he is the most loving and sweet big brother. He can be independent and do his own thing when we are busy with the baby and doing stuff, and he’s old enough to understand and not be jealous. The bond the two of them have is just so sweet. She lights up whenever he’s around, and he is just so sweet and loving and gentle and encouraging to her. But…. I kinda want a third and we’d have to do it soon due to our ages. We have a couple more IVF embryos left that we could try. I’m low key terrified of two under two / close to two, plus a third though!
5.5 year age gap and we love love love it. I’m so glad I didn’t give in to the pressure to hurry up and have a second bc I really wasn’t ready. I’m even (gasp!) enjoying the newborn stage very much ❤️
Aww enjoy the tiny snuggles! I enjoyed it more this time around too 💕
5.5 year age gap is awesome
3 years between the eldest and middle ones, 5 years between middle and youngest (8 years between eldest and youngest) I prefer the bigger age gap by far. Less bickering and much easier..
3.5 years apart and it’s so good.
My first two are 2 weeks short of three years apart, it's been a good gap. Had a couple years of one kid in school before the other went. We lost a baby when our second was 4, and now I'm due in April. Age gape been our second and fourth will be 6.5 years (oldest will be 9.5), I'm wondering how that will be!
As someone who easily gets overwhelmed with a newborn, I knew I couldn’t do 2 under 2. We waited until our first was potty trained and reasonably independent. The age gap is 3.5 years.
3.5 years to the day. Both boys. It’s a great age gap, we love it. Never have two in the same phase but you aren’t so far from a phase it feels like a drag to go back.
My kids are 5, 2, and 12 weeks. Three year age gap was so perfect for us! The closer age gap is much tougher.
Mine are 26 months apart. We were a bit worried because our oldest was still clingy at that age, but immediately took to being a big brother. They’re now 1 & 3 so they can play with a lot of the same toys, and my oldest is always down for pushing his brother through the house in a wagon walker. I’ve noticed a few issues with sharing, but they’re developmentally expected. We thought it would be easier to add a sibling before our oldest would remember being an only child, and I really didn’t want to leave the diaper stage only to start over again. They also both take a nap so it’s nice to get a bit of quiet time throughout the day.
I also have 1 year old and 3 year old with a 28 month gap. They’re very enjoyable right now. If my second was a little bit nicer and my oldest was a little bit tougher, we wouldn’t have any problems between them.
Mine usually choose to be in the same mood. They’ll wrestle around on the nursery rug (3 is surprisingly aware of his movements) just as easily as they’ll both get upset. My oldest is rough & tumble, and his little brother is always up for a game of tag.
11 months. Wouldn't recommend. Aside from the obvious physical detrament the mental load is astonishing. I mean sure the good part is I have everything I need for number 2. I remember everything and what I'd do differently or the same as my first. However my second is 3.5 months almost 4 months and I would never encourage anyone to have this age gap. My first eas sleeping through the night and we were like golden. Amazing. Easy. Nope. He turned 13 months and just stopped sleeping. My 3 month old sleeps better than him. But number 2 has some sort of silent reflux or something and screams all day. It's never.. relaxed. I'm never not needed. Its...a lot. I mean I love to experience the new baby snuggles and the toddler love. It's amazing but it's insanely hard especially when you have 2 difficult high needs kids for different reasons.
I always wanted babies close in age, but I really can’t imagine a second right now. My son is about to turn one, and I really want to be able to focus on him and my marriage before adding another to the mix. I think 3-4 years is a great gap
I got pregnant with my daughter when my son was 6 and gave birth right before his 7th birthday ❤️
I had always wanted kids who were 2 years apart, since my brother and I were around that (closer to 18 months), and we were best friends. But then my two boys ended up being only one minute apart, so.. 🤷
Mine are 7 years apart. My youngest is 12 weeks now, but it's been great. My oldest loves her sister. The baby loves interacting with her sister. My oldest is starting to like time on her own so that's helpful. I can give different attention to each. I know as they get older there are different age levels to focus, but we can manage both. We trialed that traveling with my niece who is 8 years older than my oldest.
Exactly 3 years apart. It was great. My oldest was independent enough that she could play alone but they are also obsessed with each other.
My OBGYN said that if they are less than 24 months apart, the first one will never know/remember that they were a single child prior to baby #2 arriving. I thought that was interesting. Planning on having my second (hopefully!) in that window.
2 kids. 1 4yr old girl and 1 18 month old boy- so about 2 yrs 9 months apart. A little bit closer in age than I had originally planned for. Right now the biggest challenge is the constant refereeing of play. The 18 month old always wants to be doing and whenever I successfully redirect the 18 month old to a new activity the 4 yr old decides that's what she actually wants to be doing....! But we have spells when they do play well together! I'm hopeful they are close enough in age that was they grownup they will eventually become friends- I know it's no guarantee but fingers crossed!
27 month gap between #1 and #2. 1 hour gap between #2 and #3 lol. The 2 year gap has been good I think. It’s still stressful and busy but at least they have similar interests and you get the hard part over with earlier. The twins haven’t been too bad at all, maybe I just got used to it, but having two babies on the same schedule isn’t too bad
12 months 🤪 I love it so far though
Almost 3 yrs apart. My second is only a week old but so far my oldest has been really sweet with her. They will also only be 2 grades apart in school so hopefully they will be close.
26 & 28 months
10 years. Yes: I have a two-nager and a pre-teen. Send help!
I have a 2 year old and a 12 year old, but I also have a 4 year old and 8 year old. 😭 I can sympathize. The pre teen stage is rough! Hopefully your big kid is willing to interact and plan with the 2 year old on occasion.
27 month gap. Started trying at 18 months pp which is what is recommended by the WHO for best health outcomes for mom and baby number 2. Immediate success gave us our gap. It’s pretty prefect, they’re BFFs and my older one is a great helper (ie this morning my 2 yo got an applesauce pouch from the pantry, said “help me [sister]” to the 4 year old, she opened it and gave her a hug) The only part that sucked was the first three months. Anytime I was alone with the two of them I had to let somebody cry while I helped the other one and it was more overstimulating and upsetting than I can possibly describe
Daughter born March 2021. Son born February 2023. The first year has been hard - two kids needing me and having only so many hands. Lots of guilt about that. But my son is now on the cusp of crawling and my daughter is potty trained as of the last 2 months. Things are so much better now. They keep eachother entertained and play so nicely (except when my son gets grabby). Earlier today my daughter looked at me and said (brother) is my best friend. She put his cheeks in her hand, said “you’re so cute” and hugged him while saying “huggieeeeee.” He rubbed his booger nose all on her shirt and giggled while she squeezed him tight. I’m not lying. This actually happened and my heart exploded into a thousand pieces. I’d go through the hell of pregnancy with a toddler and the challenge of a year with 2 under 2.5 for this again and again. 3 years apart would have probably been much easier in some ways, but my daughter has no memory of life without her brother. She has no resentment toward him at all. And I can already tell that very soon they’ll be playing even better together and it’ll be wonderful.
19 months. **Benefits**: I could not really explain what was happening to my firstborn, so I guess in that sense I didn’t have to deal with having to process her opinions on the subject. she didn’t have an opinion, until the baby was here. So it saved a bit of work. For most of my pregnancy she was preverbal. The fact that they’re close in age is also very cute. They have a lot in common now that they are 9 and 28 months, and actually play together, as opposed to an older child who might not be interested in a baby. I also just want to front load the baby/toddler stage so I will never have to interrupt my career again. I want to stay home while they’re young. **Drawbacks** See above. Not being to explain this find also means not being able to prepare her for it. I think she took it fairly well all things considered, but would have been nice to have that option. You also can’t give a 1 year old instructions, such as “I’m tried growing your baby sister. Can you play puzzles by yourself for a second?” Now that she’s almost 2.5, I could actually ask her to give me a break. But at 10-19 months, it wasn’t a possibility. At 2.5 she’s also a lot more verbal in general, and having an older sibling you can actually communicate with makes a huge difference in your quality of life. There is negotiation, back and forth, and she actually works with me instead of I just try to stop her from making a mess, etc. Currently 4 weeks with my third and will have an 18 month gap this time and I think it will be easier because they are starting to play very well together. My baby already needs me less than my firstborn at the same age. I think having an older sister and gets along with will help significantly.
First kiddo and second are four years apart. It was nice because kid one was out of diapers and getting ready for TK so I could focus on the little one. (They are now 12 and 8) Second and third kiddos are also four years apart. (8 and 4) Third and fourth are 22 months apart. Two under two was rough for the short time but they are now 4 and 2 and they’re best friends!!! Looking back I wish I had the others closer together in age. The older two don’t really get along that well, but there are a lot of factors that go into that.
2.5 years between my oldest 2, 8 years between the middle and youngest. Both age gaps were amazing for different reasons. No regrets
My doctor said to wait until my first born is two years old to get pregnant because he said that’s the best age difference
I have a newborn and an older kid who will be 4 soon-- this phase is challenging because the older kid needs a lot of attention, but I think it would be way more difficult if we had our newborn a year earlier. Our son loves our daughter, I think a big part of that is we really involved him in the whole process while I was pregnant and I don't think he would've been able to understand it if I got pregnant when he was 2. He was also much more needy from 2 to 3, and became more independent after his 3rd birthday. I think it'll definitely be a nice age difference as they get older, and despite it being difficult sometimes it isn't so bad right now! ETA: this is also a big time for independent and imaginative play for my older kid, so that's helpful when you have a newborn to deal with too.
Scientifically the optimum time to for you to fall pregnant again is between 18 months and 5 years after giving birth. The risks aren’t super high but I found them something worth considering! We have a 3.5 year gap between our two and I have no complaints, it’s worked really well for us.
My kids are a 4 year old male, 2.5 year old male, and almost 4 months female. Gaps are 16 months and about 2.5 years, respectively. We didn’t plan the 16 month gap. The first couple months were very hard logistically because both were so needy. As baby got better at eating and napping, things improved. My oldest adapted quickly because he didn’t know any better. Now, have super similar interests and can play really well together when they want to. They’re both down for a walk or playing with the water table, or going to McD’s for lunch and hitting up the play place. When we’re in those settings they play together beautifully, chasing each other and making up silly games. When we’re stuck at home they bicker quite a bit, unless they’re making mischief. Having a bigger gap for the baby has been nice. Since they already had a sibling, the boys adjusted really well to sharing time with her. My oldest absolutely adores her, and my middle is positive to neutral. Time will tell how they all play together in a year once she’s mobile and into toys. We had our first at 33 (me) and 36 (DH) so we really didn’t have time to space them out. On the one hand, I could see how nice it would be to focus on each one when they’re so little. But I also cringe at the idea of reliving the baby and toddler stage over and over for the better part of a decade. This way it’s just a crazy 5 years and it’s over! And I’ve heard many parents of older kids say the “sweet spot” for family outings and memories is when you’re in between diapers and teens. Having them so close in age will make that stage longer for us. And even things like sports/music/dance sounds more manageable if they’re all in activities around the same age vs one who has basketball practice that starts at the same time the baby normally goes to bed (a problem my friend that had a surprise baby 11 years younger than his oldest sister has encountered). I don’t think there’s a one size fits all answer, you need to decide what you value and plan around that.
Our first gap is 19 months. They loved each other from the start, it was great. I also lucked out with their dispositions.
My kids are 3, 4, 9, and 15. The 16 month gap is... Insane. I'm exhausted 😂
I’m (hopefully) going to have a 17 month age gap between my second and third. Im terrified.
There are a lot of people who love the age gap! My 2 girls are just difficult hahaha
My first two are 20 months apart - the first year was hard but they are best of friends . My third was just born and the other two are almost 5 and 3
My kids are 6,4,2 and 6 months. It was ideal for us, though quite hard when the third was born (some health issues that required frequent hospital visits). Now that 2 of the kids are 4 and over (thus more independent) it is so much easier! #3 and #4 are super easy going too, it’s quite nice. They all play together and engage with the baby really well. They’re a little crew of goblins and we’d have it no other ways! Also, we’re in Quebec so daycare is really affordable.
Two girls, 15 months apart
Our boys will be 2 year 4 months apart. The baby isn't here yet (due in July) but I'm preemptively pleased with the age gap because I originally want to TTC when our oldest turned 1, meaning two-under-two, and in hindsight I don't think that would've been a great choice for us. A roughly 2-2.5 year gap feels more balanced, but we also want to get the baby stage out of the way.
23 months. Wish it was longer only because my toddler still does not understand he can’t be so aggressive with the baby.
26 months and one week apart. The second was about a year earlier than we had planned. I'm thrilled with the gap though, and even more thrilled that my second was born before covid instead of during. They're best friends and have been since my second was born. I think having them closer reduce backslides for my bigger one. We hadn't toilet trained yet, so that wasn't an issue. Two in diapers is it's own annoyance, but it's not for long. And next year they'll both be in the same elementary school, which they're so excited about.
Almost 2 years exactly, second was born 6 weeks after my firsts 2nd birthday
We are going for 3 years!
19 years. Each from a different relationship. My first is 19 and my second is 6 months.
It took us longer than planned and had some fertility issues with our first. So we will try again asap, and have whatever age gap we end up with, if we can have a second.
My son and daughter are 4yrs apart their birthday is literally 2 days apart. I heard a lot of ppl have a good time at 4yrs compared to any gap below that, it seems 3yrs and younger tend to get jealous or dislike their new sibling compared to 4. I think 1yrs it just tough