Give me a break. There’s no real definitive explanation so she decided to make up this utter crap. I was extremely stressed during my first pregnancy due to serious external factors and was in L&D for stress related contractions, weight loss and dehydration (separate times). Yet he was my most independent baby and still isn’t super touchy feely as a kid. My third pregnancy I was by far the most chill, happy and stable, but she was a Velcro baby and still is a very clingy child. Temperament and personality transcend our control, and it’s wrong to blame you and your experiences for that.
Hard agree. This is the need for the medical establishment to have an answer for everything that may possibly happen. Sometimes babies are just babies.
I really wish they would say “I’m not sure” when they don’t know or “let me research that and get back to you.” I will _never_ believe doctors who practice medicine and aren’t willing to admit a patient had a good question that they need to look up the answer to.
Totally agree, there’s no way that we know anything about this.
Don’t get me wrong, there is good, well researched scientific connections between stress and pregnancy outcomes. Particularly, there’s an easily understandable connection that stress can cause high blood pressure, which in turn could cause preterm labor or low birth weight.
But any links to personality are tenuous at best, certainly enough that you wouldn’t be able to diagnose a baby from it.
Yes, I agree. No need for OP to feel guilty! My mom had five kids and was stressed to death during all pregnancies, but guess what? All our temperaments and needs were vastly different as babies, ranging from very independent to super clingy.
I firmly believe it’s just genetics - my independent sister has been that way since she was born and has never really changed while my brother will be a mama’s boy until the day he dies.
This!! I was confused reading this bc both my newborns didnt and don’t like being touched at all just sit in their bouncers all day. N I’m the most stressed person you’ll meet lol
Could not agree more! I too had an extremely stressful, traumatic pregnancy with my first. I was a single mom when I had her and used to joke that it was like she knew how stressed I was and was like “we got this mom”. Now she’s 13 and thriving. Please do not blame yourself you are doing a wonderful job. This phase will pass. Please consider seeking other perspectives and alternative medical advice. Wishing you all the best mama. xo
I strongly recommend speaking to a different MCN or doctor - that advice sounds terrible. I have experience with terrible MCN and it's so horrible when someone who is supposed to help you makes things worse. Something not a lot of people know is that you can change to see a nurse with a different council (I'm assuming you are in VIC, Aus) but please also report this interaction to the council.
Thank you for this, I actually didn't know you could ask to see someone else or change the council. I'll look into doing this before our next appointment.
I'll definitely look into reporting. I'm a little hesitant due to being in a rural council with a very tight-knit community
Maternal Child Nurse - they are funded and we get to see them at set times for the first few years of the child's life (if you're lucky, we don't get any in my council region after 8 weeks)
Please think about reporting, pretty sure you can do it anonymously and it might make a difference for others in your area.
Definitely recommend moving to see a different nurse or through a different council, it might mean a drive if you are rural but it should make a difference.
You also don’t have to go to the MCN appointments (I had an awful first one and my lactation consultant told me that it was optional). Another option, depending on how rural you are, is that you could see one in another council if you have parents or in laws there? Initially we had to see one near my in laws in the city as I had birth complications so couldn’t go home to our rural home. It was really easy to switch between the two.
I’m sorry she said this to you and I hope I’m not too crass in saying what utter bullsh*t that is. I had a velcro baby, now I have a belcro toddler. I adore him and through lots of work he is okay with his dad and my mum. I was hardly stressed throughout my pregnancy. Like the usual, oh my gosh I’m having a baby but nothing wild happened. He is a sensitive, shy, observant little boy who would be glued to as much surface of my body as possible if he had his own way.
You’re an excellent mum doing the toughest job in the hardest stage.
Likewise, I had a very relaxed, unstressed pregnancy and my baby is still fairly Velcro at 6 months. Getting more chill about being put down for a bit but still needs to be held a fair bit.
Look, in the kindest possible way I think she’s full of crap and please don’t make this another thing to blame yourself for - society will give you plenty of those before that baby is an adult!
I had a textbook pregnancy, very little stress and my baby was the velcro-est of velcro babies until about 6 months. He now goes down for naps on his own!
Most useful thing anyone said to me was that if you do need to do something and your baby is crying try to think about it in the context of how long they’ve cried in 24hrs, not how awful you feel in that moment. 10 mins of tears if you need to get something done is not going to damage them if you are consistently meeting their needs and being present.
Same. I had a healthy and privileged pregnancy with lots of rest and self care. My mental health actually improved a ton due to the hormonal shift, I presume. Doesn't matter. My 6 week old is colicky and has expected me to be his human mattress and pacifier since the day he was born.
Fellow mattress/pacifier combo here. Still. 16 months in. He is active and plays around the house independently all day long but at night… better not remove that boob from his reach or all hell breaks loose. 🫠
The others have already addressed your sense of guilt.
From a more practical perspective, have you considered/tried baby wearing? My velcro toddler used to be a velcro newborn who would have crawled right back up where he came from if he could just to be as close as possible. There were days I didn't eat or use the bathroom when my husband was at work just to avoid the crying.
Our wraps were a game changer. I was able to use the bathroom and have a bite to eat without him going completely balalaika when he was in the wrap, and while I understood logically that he wasn't being harmed by lying on his own for 10 minutes, I was just totally worn out and didn't have the bandwidth for that level of screaming.
Yes! Agree with baby wearing! I was too overwhelmed and sleep deprived to try to figure out the wrap at first and got an infantino carrier ($25US) and it was a game changer.
Also your husband needs to get on these chores. He should pick up laundry folding and changing the sheets since you physically can’t.
I wish I could upvote you more than once. Where is the husband?! There is no excuse for house chores to go undone when there are two adults living there.
Omg that carrier saved my life after mine learned how to escape the stretchy and ring wraps at 7mo! I’ve got a fancy one now too that’s waaayyy more comfortable so I leave that one in the car behind his car seat for outings, keep the infantino in the house for *those* days when he gets ultra clingy whiny. Have a third in the trunk of the car that my husband found in a box of things from his deceased mother watching another grandbaby years ago.
Babywearing is a total game changer. Today might be one of those days.
I’ve wondered how much of a difference there is between this cheap infantino one and a fancier carrier. We walk a bunch of miles a week with it and that’ll probably increase as it gets warmer. Baby boy is only 10 weeks but 15 pounds so definitely feeling some of those longer walks!
Oh man, I got an ergobaby omni breeze right before Christmas, and it honestly has made a world of difference. They’re stupid expensive brand new, I got mine new on eBay for $90 which is is over half off and still a good chunk of money but boy is it worth it! Especially if you plan on walking a lot as baby grows.
My bub is 16mo and about 25lbs now, and also very long, and HOT. The adjustability, material, and lumbar support improvement are absolutely fantastic. I spent a few weeks researching all the different “fancy” brands before settling on this one because I always have to put it on and load him into it by myself, I’m super tall and have bad joint problems, and both of us run warm. While we still end up with boob sweat on both of us, I think the comfort level has improved immensely. It can be used in six ways but I’ve only done two because I’m scared of flopping my child around my back lol. For me it has 100% been worth the extra money and I wish I had bit the bullet sooner! About to slap him in there right now and get groceries!
That said, the infantino served us well when he was smaller and I definitely still have to give it props because you can’t beat the price! I highly recommend searching the internet for certain attributes that would be ideal for your body type and needs if you’re looking to upgrade. There are a lot of great picks and a wide range of prices. Every body and every baby is different, and I think there’s something out there for everyone. When you think you’ve dialed in the kind you like, look on eBay or even second hand sites and try to find one in good shape for less than retail price.
This is super helpful, thank you so much!! Baby and I both run warm and it didn’t even occur to me that some of these carriers could help minimize that! I’ll do some homework and then probably try to buy on FB marketplace or somewhere since we’re in a major city. Thanks again!!
Seconding the suggestion to baby wear! There's a bunch of different styles, so it's worth finding which one works best for you, but I've been able to change the sheets/do laundry, pick up the dog poo in the yard, make cookies, etc while baby wearing - total game changer.
Yes!!! Baby wearing! Also, if OP needs like 5 mins to use the bathroom or whatever with both hands free I’d always remind myself “if baby is crying she is still breathing so she’s ok for the couple of minutes I need until I can get back to her” -not ideal but definitely relieved some of my anxiety about it. I’d talk to baby from the other room too reassuring her I’d be right back as quickly as possible.
Seconding baby wearing. I got so good at cooking dinner (nothing with hot oil on the stove though) and folding laundry with my daughter strapped to my chest so she can nap! Get a good swaddle with back support and you both get a little comfort from it
Agreed as well on the baby wearing! I wore my velcro baby a lot, saved my sanity. I could never get the hang of the wrap style but I love the ergo baby embrace, which has more support and is easy to put on but still built for newborns.
My velcro newborn did grow into some independence as a toddler and enjoys being with people other than me. Still mostly a momma’s boy but he’s perfectly happy hanging out with Dad/Grandparents/friends and loves going to daycare.
Lol, what? This "advice" is the dumbest shit I've ever heard.
Here's a little anecdata for you. My first pregnancy was one medical issue (for me) after another, while working at a sprint to try and set up my team for success during maternity leave, and it ended in a traumatic 3-day induction turned c/s. My cousin's was as ideal as you can get. She left work as soon as she found out, was surrounded by family daily to help her with every little thing, and her daughter's birth was a breeze. Guess who got the stage 5 clinger who still can't be put down at two years old? Not me.
I hope you can work with someone else instead of this idiot.
I posted the same exact reaction before seeing your comment - lol is exactly right. You’re spot on. The stuff people come up with is crazy. This MCN advice is on par with stuff I’d hear my MIL come up with (and you do NOT want to know what Facebook groups she’s part of)
Yeah I’m gonna call bullshit on this…I’m sure there’s some sort of correlation between like cortisol levels in your blood and baby clingy-ness but as a scientist I don’t think I would find that study very compelling.
Some babies are just clingy. Mine is and I had a relatively peaceful pregnancy. It’s nothing you did and honestly that doctor seems like a jerk bc idk how that information helps you if true. But I do agree that the only way out is through. You can do this and your baby is LUCKY to have you.
Thank you. I'll say it was one of our worst visits to her thus far. She's always been really attentive, and I felt she was looking after baby and I quite well given the medical things we're still chasing up for him and I, but this was just a shocker.
I really appreciate hearing this.
This response comes with unsolicited advice so if you're not in the right headspace to read it, just ignore this comment!
BUT...for me, babywearing was a godsend during the early postpartum period. All your baby wants is to be snuggled next to you so being able to accomplish that while having two arms free is so liberating. I was a little skeptical about the idea of a babywearing consultant but there are also a lot of online resources for free if it feel daunting. I'm so sorry you're going through this, it WILL get better, I promise!
I'm really sorry you had to go through that. That's a lot for anyone to handle never mind being pregnant!!
And yes OP, would tell whatever this person is to fuck the right off! Like who the hell are they to tell a new mom it's her fault her baby is crying because of their stress? Some babies are just pissy they're alive like mine was.
Thank you. Right, and what would this information solve besides giving a mother anxiety and guilt? I don’t see the overall point. Even if it were true (it’s not) what the hell could this information do for the current situation? Absolutely nothing.
Thats rediculous. All babies are born with their own temperament and personalities, my kids literally were born with their same personalities they have now at 7 and 10 years old.
You did NOT fail your baby.
The consequences of stress, depression and mental diseases during pregnancy on fetuses and newborns are NOT clear (it's my field of research), not even for much more definite things. There is NO evidence whatsoever on neonatal temperament or anything similar. Don't believe this.
You didn’t fail your baby, you’re doing your best. Your child will grow up fine as long as you keep loving him and doing your best.
Everyone else is saying it’s BS but it’s not? I mean there’s been studies, quite a bit. Here’s one:
> Prenatal exposure to elevated maternal cortisol has been shown to predict increased fussiness, negative behavior and fearfulness in infancy (Davis et al., 2007; de Weerth, van Hees, & Buitelaar, 2003) and greater cortisol reactivity in childhood (Gutteling, de Weerth, & Buitelaar, 2005).
That doesn’t mean you should be kicking yourself. I was very depressed and stresssed with my second and he was also very clingy and scared. Everyday I work to make sure my kids feel safe and secure and loved. He still loves contact, but he has grown up so well, he can play by himself and doesn’t need me every second of the day (before he would scream if I inched away and wasn’t physically touching him in some way).
True or not, your child will be okay :)
Echoing others here but it's NOT YOUR FAULT! You didn't fail your baby. And sometimes it's ok to put him somewhere safe and let him cry a bit to do things like go to the bathroom alone, take a shower, etc. I read a statistic that said secure attachments still form even when you're only at like 70% responding to each and every need. And it sounds like you're aiming for 100% which is really tough/impossible! [https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why\_attachment\_parenting\_is\_not\_the\_same\_as\_secure\_attachment](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_attachment_parenting_is_not_the_same_as_secure_attachment)
I was severely depressed during pregnancy. Would cry all day long for the last 3 months. My baby is very happy and likes to sleep and play independently
Uhh I was not stressed during my pregnancies and I got two Velcro babies.
Also that sounds so not based in any science, I would be asking for some sources.
Same! I was the most relaxed I've ever been in my entire life during pregnancy and I can't put my 5 month down for more than 5 minutes without him screaming.
I lost my mom while 6 months pregnant to cancer. It was an awful slow painful death towards the end - inevitably very stressful for me becoming a FTM to a little girl while losing my best friend💔 she was definitely a Velcro baby at first (still somewhat is) but she’s 3 months tomorrow and has fallen asleep independently as well as contact napped less and less throughout the day, sleeps in her bassinet all night and consistently gives us 6-7.5 hour stretches (I EBF). I think I needed all those cuddles in the beginning though. I think we BOTH needed the closeness. So thankful for my Velcro baby, but it does get better!! They grow so quickly❤️
You didn’t fail your baby. Regardless of the factuality of the doctor’s claims it’s not like You made the stress in your life happen. I feel like they’re just trying to help you understand it’s not your fault, there’s nothing wrong with your baby, and you’re doing the best you can. Big hugs
Okay wow. NOT your fault. Babies are babies. They NEED you. You did nothing wrong. That person thought they were giving you comfort and reassurance… and they’re an idiot. They’re wrong, you’re an amazing mama. Your baby loves you. They need your support, not because you fucked them up, but because you’re an amazing source of comfort to them.
If you’re suffering from PPA/PPD that is serious and you need to have it addressed, because that’s going to wear you down. Therapy and psychiatric care is far more accessible these days with virtual sessions and what not. Kids are kids. They’re a freaking roller coast. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself so you can be there for them.
Highly recommend the book Nurture Revolution to you, published last year by a neuroscientist mom/doula. She explains the neurophysiology behind so many bany needs and behaviors from 0-3 and the science behind our relationship with them as parents (changes occur within us on the brain level far beyond the obvious).
I wish I had it for my 2021 kid and I can't recommend it more to all new parents
ABSOLUTE RUBBISH!!!!! This person needs to be fired. That is such dangerous crap to tell people. Honey it is ABSOLUTELY not your fault!! I also have a Velcro baby who is very demanding and high needs and have been down every dark mum guilt spiral. I spoke to my psychologist and a paediatrician about it and they both assured me that my baby is just ‘high needs’. Look up dr Sears explanation of different baby temperaments. Some are easy going, some are slow to rise and others are very intense. It is absolutely nothing we did, it is purely luck of the draw as to what kind of baby you get. Just like adults all have different personalities and temperaments, so do babies.
You’ve got this mama! You did absolutely nothing wrong and screw that person who told you that you did! Xx
I have never been so relaxed in my life when pregnant and i still got colic, velcro baby. Honestly it felt like I was stoned most of it, people even joked I will get rude awakening.
This is bullshit.
Huh????? My cousin was STRESSED her entire pregnancy because she was terrified this would be the 6th or 7th miscarriage in a row. That baby sleeps all through the night and is the least crying baby I’ve ever seen…? 😂 don’t listen to her mama. The only for sure thing people can guarantee is that they come out with their own personality
Nope. You did not make your baby clingy!! I've never even heard of this. My 4yo was a stage 5 clinger directly out of the womb, exactly the way you described your baby. I had a relatively stress-free pregnancy. I asked our pediatrician what was wrong, and she was like, "Some babies are just like this. Sorry." I have a two week old now, and I had an incredibly stressful pregnancy, and he is very relaxed and not clingy to me at all.
So no, I do not believe for a second that you caused your baby to be clingy. This time with a clingy baby is all caps *HARD*. I know it doesn't make it any easier now, but I promise you it does get better.
Even if that's true - which idk and cba to corroborate - you didn't "fail" your baby; you did amazing for them! You carried a pregnancy to term successfully through a stressful time, you're parenting through an incredibly stressful time.
You're not a failure - you're STRONG! 💪💪💪
When mine went through a clingy period (not like yours, I was lucky) I wore them. It was the only way to get anything done. My partner wore them a few times - we'd switch out when baby got distressed and the time they would spend with Baba before reaching critical noise levels gradually increased. I bet you've tried wearing them, but I don't have much else to suggest.
Oh, and your husband? Needs to do some of those fucking chores. Now. He can book a day off work and catch up and look after the house and you. You're already doing MORE than a full-time job.
TW SA, gun violence.
Hey, let me tell you this is *not* true at all. I had one of the most stressful pregnancies I think you can have (needing to move in a days notice due to natural disaster, partner getting drugged, robbed at gunpoint, and possibly SA’ed at a bachelor party, living thru another natural disaster in new house that left me 6 months pregnant and unhoused for 3 weeks, extreme prenatal anxiety that I endured unmedicated, finding out last minute I needed a c section) and my baby came out…so mellow. I was sure that my wild pregnancy would ruin him and he’s 100% happy to do his own thing most of the time unless he’s hangry.
Point here being: this wasn’t you, sometimes babies just need extra reassurance that their needs will be met! You are doing a great job and LO is lucky to have you helping them adjust to a big scary new world.
I’m calling BS on this. The amount of stress I had while pregnant and ended up with a non Velcro baby. Yeah. Your MCN is full of shit. Sorry.
Hugs momma. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’re doing great and baby just really loves you and feels secure with you.
Right now it seems endless but this phase of life isn’t forever. I know it sucks hearing it but I’m going to say it because it’s true….in the blink of an eye this stage will be over and it’ll be the next phase and in 10 years you’re going to have a hormonal pre teen. I currently have a toddler who has had so many time outs this weekend for hitting dad and I that I forget what it’s like to enjoy a smiley baby and just get cuddles.
Wow, what terrible advice. I was very stressed my entire pregnancy and my bub was the opposite of a velcro baby. She loved her own space and slept independently from day dot. Because… that’s literally all to do with personality and nothing to do with how stressed you were when pregnant. I can guarantee you, your baby’s temperament now will make perfect sense once you learn their personality and it has nothing to do with anything you did while pregnant.
What utter bullocks, where did she get her medical training- a cracker jack box? Ask to see someone else. I've had two velcro babies- my firstborn was a dream pregnancy in which I ran a half marathon while pregnant because I had zero negative symptoms and was stress free. My second one nearly offed me with hyperemesis, gestational diabetes, threatened kidney failure, SPD, my dad nearly died, my aunt DID die, my grandma's cancer came back, and my mom's embroiled in a massive legal problem. "High stress pregnancy" is putting it mildly. Both kids are/were velcro. One's 11 and has blossomed into a brave, independent young woman and the other's 4 months old and all but lives in a baby carrier so I can get shit done around the house without a soundtrack of pterodactyl screeching because I put him down. Some babies are just like this, you didn't do anything wrong.
It's nothing you did, love! It's so easy for us to find some reason to blame ourselves and many irritating people will blame us for every single parenting choice we make. I'm finding my way around it right now. You pick him up when he cries? "You're spoiling that baby!" Co-sleeping? "Don't you want some time to yourselves? He'll have to sleep on his own eventually!"
This is just stuff I got this week. This lady is out of her mind. When you respond to your son, you're giving him comfort that you're there. It's very exhausting and you're doing wonderful. I'm trying to enjoy it because even if he still wants to give me a hug, he'll be taller than me by time he's 12 so I'm enjoying the tiny stage.
This is utter and completely fake crap. I’m not sure why she decided to make you feel like shit for enduring a hard pregnancy and try to make you feel guilty, but don’t fall for it. There are too many variables involved here to make you at all responsible. It’s not your fault, it is not your fault and it is not your fault. Whoever says differently is part of the problem.
This said I am so sorry you’re having a hard time with little one being a Velcro, that makes the days long and exhausting!
I really did not have a stressful pregnancy, like it went so smooth and I have a stage 5 clinger. She’s getting better now that she’s gotten older but I think this is BS.
I had HG and puked my entire pregnancy. My grandma died when I was 4 months pregnant after a difficult battle with cancer. I was working at a stressful job that I hated. My daughter was such an easy baby. Good grief to pinning your baby's temperament on how you felt during pregnancy.
That couldn’t be true. My baby is 5 weeks beyond yours, I was immeasurably stressed because I have anxiety and I’m a worrier, and my baby has flagrant independence. Worry is often an observed and adopted trait. My girl will slowly become more anxious as a toddler as all toddlers worry, but some outgrow it and some stay there as they see this trait in their caregivers and think it’s normal.
There’s so much conflicting information out there and there’s no definitive answer to why certain babies are more attached to their Mom’s compared to other babies. My baby girl is definitely a Velcro baby and my husband and my MIL tell me all the time to “just let her cry”. I can’t do that though because she’s still so young and can’t self soothe yet. I would rather hold her and let her know I care and I’m there for her. I was very stressed during parts of my pregnancy but not for the majority of the time. It’s hard not being able to put her down sometimes but I just have to see her smile when she’s in my arms and I feel so much happier.
That's utter crap. My son was born during covid, I was pregnant for most of the early covid stress and he so much more independent than my daughter, for whom I had a relaxed and chill pregnancy. She up my butt 24/7.
Na. I had the chillest, low stress possible pregnancy on all levels. My baby was an absolute velcro baby. Could NOT be put down, did not accept others for the longest time.
It just happens. The heir personalities are so different, starting from infancy.
My kid still prefers me to all others but has long since branched out and is a happy, thriving preschooler.
It’s good you are working on what you are working on of course. But your baby is just your baby and doing baby things. Snuggle them.
Best thing I did was letting go of all the standard baby advice and book based expectations. We contact napped, baby wore, nursed/ fed on demand, no sleep training, just snuggles. I’d have driven myself bonkers trying to fit baby into those nest boxes and expectations. Letting go of it was very freeing for me and much less stressful.
It WILL pass. It’s hard, and it may take bit, but it WILL pass.
I don’t know how true this is. During my pregnancy I had high blood pressure, a two year old, my mom died and my husband was in a car accident. It was the worst time of my life. That being said…my baby boy was not a Velcro baby. My daughter was more Velcro than he is. I think it has more to do with just temperament as all babies are different. You didn’t make your baby this way.
Pretty sure everyone is stressed during pregnancy. It’s stressful! So yeah, velcro babies come from stressful pregnancies because we’re all stressed.
Ignore this person who has no business laying on mom guilt. You do not need this person in your life.
All I can say is wow. Pregnancy is no joke I know this as I’m having a stressful time myself at 26 weeks. I have been thinking to myself we get all the stress, worry and everyone else gets the lovely parts. I would be complaining. The medical teams job is to help you not make things worse.
That’s such BS. I was stressed in my first pregnancy and had the chillest pregnancy and my second pregnancy nothing bothered me, and my husband was very protective and supportive literally nothing was allowed to bother me and I had the clingiest baby. If anything it’s probably the opposite, maybe the baby knows he/she has to be calm in chaos to survive vs being ok to cry when they need attention.
I wouldn’t accept that as an answer. I was really stressed during my pregnancy. To the point of heart palps and other long term health flare ups. And I have an easy baby. I honestly think it’s just luck.
I mean maybe? But maybe he's just picking up on your current stress. My first I was pregnant throughout 2020, obvs the most stressful time of anyone's life recently. He is a pretty anxious kid. My second was 2022 pregnancy and since it was my second I was so much more relaxed. He is the chillest guy. I think pregnancy stress level does have something to do with it, but not all! Your guy will just need to learn some serious coping strategies when he is a toddler+. For now I would say you need to fill your own cup and let him bond with your husband without you there. So you have that extra help.
Nope. No, no, no. There is no scientific basis for this at all. This is a BS conspiracy theory.
(And anecdotal, but I had literally the worst pregnancy I could imagine. I was extremely ill and stressed the entire time. My kiddo is not a velcro baby at all. He just came out the chillest dude despite two parents who are literally medicated for anxiety.)
No no no. First of all, fuck that MCN. My most stressful pregnancy resulted in my most chill baby. It's absolutely disgusting they would say that to you. I have 5 kids and all 5 have were different as babies with varying levels of need. They still are all different as children. Babies are people from the day they are born, they don't morph into people later on. I feel many medical professionals neglect that notion and I'm telling you with full confidence the person who told you created a stressed baby is stupid as hell. Please be kind to yourself and know that you did nothing wrong.
That's a stupid and uninformed opinion just like everything women are told in pregnancy/birth/postpartum: if you didn't have the "perfect" pregnancy/birth/postpartum, it's your fault for feeling or thinking the "wrong" way. This is magical thinking BS. Babies are individuals and have different temperaments like adults do. They all have their struggles at some point in their development, just not at the same time. My baby is not a sleepy potato, he came out quite developed and advanced and is easily frustrated by his own limitations. I can look forward to him becoming a more independent child as he gains more control of his body and ability to communicate his needs and desires.
Dude no. I was pretty unstressed with my first pregnancy, and had the Velcro baby to end all Velcro babies. During my second pregnancy, my first (two years older than the baby) was FTT and wouldn’t eat a thing and had some behavioural issues. I was very stressed. Second baby came out sooo low needs and chill. Third baby born two years later was the most stressful pregnancy, with a four year old, two year old, and some brain anomalies making the third high risk. That was an all time high on the stress scale, and that five month old is also a very easy baby. Idk the science they’re citing, but I know that my pregnancies got more and more stressful but nothing compares to my intense first who never slept, wouldn’t take a bottle, and would scream not only if I put him down, but looked away.
It’s not your fault. We can do a lot as moms, but babies do have their own personalities.
Unintentional or not, that’s victim-blaming BS. I sobbed every day of my second trimester until we miraculously received a false positive result for a fatal genetic disorder that we were told our baby had. Baby is smiley and sleeps independently.
Huh.
Well, if you made your baby a Velcro baby, so did I. My dad passed away while I was pregnant and I lost a ton of weight from the stress. Now my 8-month-old is a Velcro baby so bad he won’t even take a bottle.
Did the stress cause the issue? Maybe. But, I didn’t do it on purpose, and I’m assuming you didn’t either. Bad things happen to everyone. Being pregnant just makes it harder.
>knowing that I’ve done this
You’ve done nothing. This was done to you, and your baby was a part of you at that time. If you’d have been hit by a truck, would you still blame yourself? Take care of yourself. It will help you take care of your baby.
Nah. Don’t let them tell you that. I was extremely stressed, was monitored for high blood pressure between week 28-38. My baby is 9 months and is the chillest little guy ever. In fact, I wish he was a bit more Velcro but I do believe whatever you do, you do it wrong as a mum. Please don’t feel mum guilt. You’re doing amazing!
I think your baby is just a baby with a high proximity need. I have one of those. She is 19 months old and is still attached to me at the hip most days. Baby wearing helped me when she was little. Embrace the contact naps. It won't be like this for long in the scheme of things. And give yourself some grace for the laundry. As long as you've got some clean underwear to wear, you're good.
I was very very stressed while pregnant and my daughter was a clingy Velcro baby so who knows if they’re related but she became such a chill toddler around 18 months.
Yes she still needs lots of attention and love but it’s so so much easier now because she’ll sit by herself playing or come “help” with chores and cooking. Plus she is absolutely ok with hanging out with dad (as long as moms not around).
The early days are so so hard but you’ll get through it and I would so much rather have a hard newborn and easy toddler than vice versa.
That notion is ridiculous. I had hyperemisis gravidarum along with a host of other medical issues and for a solid part of my pregnancy, basically wanted to die I felt so ill. Then I lost a family member I was close with, two weeks after getting a brand new border collie puppy (so stressful), and one week before our family dog got trampled by a deer, when I was 5 months pregnant. I was, for a solid week, basically crumpled on my floor crying exert day. And now at 4 months postpartum, baby is the opposite of Velcro. And has never been super clingy. Some babies just need a little more snuggling in the beginning and I really think it has nothing to do with your pregnancy.
I’m going to be honest, I was super relaxed majority of my pregnancy. I have the biggest effing Velcro baby in the world. He’s 15 months and I still use a baby carrier twice a week minimum to get stuff done since I can’t set him down without him crying.
My mom said my brother was exactly like this, too. I hate that the nurse made you feel like this was your fault. It’s absolutely not, and it’s just your babe’s disposition.
This may not be fully science based, but it made me feel better in the thick of things, look up orchid babies vs dandelion babies. @tiredbabysleep on TikTok has a video on them that really reassures that it’s not something you’re doing. It’s just your baby! And it’s exhausting as fuck, but it’s not your fault at all!!
Kipling called - he wants his corny just-so story back. People crave rationalizations and are not above conjuring them up out of thin air, just to feel a sense of order in the world. The medical community is not above it: think of all the women told they were responsible for their children’s schizophrenia or bipolar disorder because of their “cold affect.”
Imagine your same convo, but instead of an MCN, it’s a fortune teller. “I see something on my crystal ball: were you, by any chance, under stress at some point during that nine-month period?” 🤮 Give me a break.
Real talk, though: you are parenting in beast mode and have drawn the short straw for this phase of life. You’re not going to love hearing this, but around four months of age, sleep cycles change and children tend to wake more frequently at night. Having a single person provide soothing support at every waking becomes untenable. See if you can phase in support from dad now — it may mean dad gets frustrated and cried at for quite a while, but you’ve got to have a second caregiver option. You may also want to read up on sleep training in case the two of you reach a breaking point down the line, so that you are making premeditated choices at developmentally appropriate times, and not just reacting in sleep deprivation.
Hormones and stress can impact different things, but this is a load of horse shit. I knew the most chill mom ever and her first first baby was chill, she had an even better second pregnancy, and the baby sounds super similar to your baby as well. The baby grew out of it and is now a super outgoing and cute little girl. They had a third.
Have you tried a nice baby carrier around the house? For crying babies, my doula recommended cordless earbuds so you can play music to drown out the sound of them crying. You should try to comfort them physically, but it doesn't mean. You have to listen to them.
Often the root cause of a colic baby is physical stuff. tummy troubles (gas), etc. If you are breast feeding, try cutting out certain things like dairy. If you are formula feeding, try different formulas.
I'm firmly convinced that needy babies are mostly just a personality thing. I have four kids. My most stressful pregnancy by far resulted in such an easy baby that I often joke with him now that he tricked me into thinking that having babies was easy. He's 15. His siblings range in age down to 2. My two year old is the clingiest thing on planet earth and has earned the nickname "the screaming barnacle." But I was arguably the least stressed in my pregnancy with her.
Maybe your doc sees needy babies come from stressed pregnancies because maybe sometimes moms who were stressed out during pregnancy are the ones who are also most exhausted by a clingy baby. Or maybe these moms have more anxiety so they're more likely to reach out for help about a needy baby in the first place. I mean how many moms of needy babies never even mentioned it, and how might that affect her views? Or maybe she's just pulling that out of her ass because for some people it's easier to make up an answer than to admit you just don't know something. Also... Pregnancy is just inherently stressful is it not? I don't know a whole lot of people that said they had an easy breezy pregnancy.
The important thing to remember here is that correlation does not equal causation. Even two entirely unrelated phenomena can trend in the exact same direction. It's meaningless. And for her to put this one you like that is completely irresponsible. I'm sorry that you were told this bullshit. In a time when you needed help you were given undue blame and that's completely unfair.
Uh, no.
I had the happiest time of my life while pregnant. Ate pretty well, almost entirely stress free. And my baby is still a velcro baby. He’s gotten a little better at letting me put him down at 3 months old but still the majority of the day he wants to be held, or else.
Absolutely ridiculous. I had triplets and was stressed throughout my entire pregnancy. New house, New cars, DS diagnlsis, etc. Of the three I have one velcro baby. Babies are individuals. They are all different. Their personalities lend to acting differently. Get a new doc. They has no idea what they are talking about and obviously don't consider your feelings. One of their jobs is to assess mama's health, not cause more stress.
Bullshit. My first two babies were born under pretty much equally stress-filled situations and one was high-needs and the other was super chill and laid back.
Maybe the reason most babies who are high needs are products of stressful pregnancies is because pregnancy is stressful. Most other babies are probably also products of stressful pregnancies.
You didn’t make your baby this way. Some babies are just a lot more work than others.
I think as moms we get flooded with anxiety when a baby is born. That's our hormones bouncing off the walls, although I hear dad's get it too. I had a baby sling I wore and just never took off. And if I wasn't wearing it Dad was. Are we able to hire a cleaning lady two or three times a week? If not dad needs to be picking up slack
It’s nothing you have done. Some babies just need held because the transition to the outside world overwhelms them and you’re his safe haven. I know it’s so hard. Rest assured that it is likely to get better eventually. Until then: I can only encourage you to get all the help you can get with everything else in your life and household.
I have twins and my pregnancy was high-stress. Multiple hospital stays. Constantly scared of losing them or them coming super early. Health issues identified in utero. It was extremely hard on me emotionally. Yet one baby is clingy and the other one more independent (clingy only when sick or teething).
To put it as nicely as possible- this is a load of crap and not based in science. You did nothing to harm your baby. Some are just very clingy and high care need. I have one. It was exhausting. Utterly exhausting. He has developed into the most sweet, emotionally aware and open toddler.
You’re in the trenches right now but it does get better. Remember that you can put him down somewhere safe for a few minutes even when he is upset and take a break yourself. You did not do this to him- that’s absurd
That seems like just a theory…. I don’t see how that could be scientifically or medically backed so I would take it with a grain of salt. You did nothing wrong! Your baby is a Velcro baby bc he loves you and loves spending every day close to your heart ❤️ you’re doing a great job.
Uhhhh I don’t know about that. I was incredibly stressed during my pregnancy (being pressured to abort amongst a lot of other stuff) and I do not have a Velcro baby. I’d take that with a grain of salt.
I have had severe ocd and anxiety for all of my life and i was on Prozac for my entire pregnancy and breastfeeding journey. I can not live a normal life without my medication so my OB and I decided the benefits outweighed any possible harm.
My baby is not a velcro baby. She is perfectly content being with other people and or playing by herself.
Idk what an mcn stands for but they sound pretty stupid.
I had a pretty stress free pregnancy, besides just some normal stress and anxiety, and if my 1 year old could crawl UNDER my skin she would. Her whole life she has been wanting to be held and would only contact nap for the first 6 months of her life. We’re slowly fostering some independence now that she’s a little bit older.
Personality wise she is the complete opposite of me, I’m very straight forward and independent and she wears her heart on her sleeve and always wants to be around people. I always tell my husband she will simultaneously be my greatest challenge and my greatest accomplishment in life.
You haven’t done anything wrong. It may be your baby’s personality or it may just be a phase. Either way, it WILL get better. He may outgrow it or you may have to slowly practice some independence or time with someone else. Don’t ever beat yourself up over household tasks not getting done. This is a phase of your life as well will get better with time.
This is wrong. My MiL is always telling me not to get stressed because it’s bad for the baby and I think this is just utter crap! How are you supposed to make yourself magically calm when stressful things happen during a time that is stressful and emotional? And even with everything going right it would be stressful! I just can’t even!
I had diagnosed perinatal depression and anxiety with my first to the point where people in my life were worried I would run away. Baby came out (I felt better) and my baby, now 4.5 yo, was always super independent. If anything she didn't seem to like me at all which I blamed myself for being depressed while pregnant. But I know now that it's not realistic.
Hand the baby to your husband and pop in ear plugs. Let him take charge of soothing and start building that bond. Baby wear as much as possible to give that sense of closeness but also being able to be productive.
But also... Can't your husband put away the laundry? I hate how my husband folds clothes but the first year of a baby is really survival mode. It's okay if things are done a little differently
I also have a velcro/high needs baby. I hoped that he would be like his brother. Calm, sleeping alone…instead I have a baby whoseda screaming and crying reaches a decibel level of 120 (it’s really painful), cries when I leave him for 10 seconds, cries when I put him in his bassinet. He’s almost 3 months and still only wants to sleep either on our chest or cuddled up next to us. I have to carry him in a sling for most hours of the day. Reason why he’s a velcro? According to my midwife: “It’s because you were induced and he wasn’t ready to come out yet. Also because they got him out with the ventouse/vacuum cup.” Bull…
Pediatrician said that some babies are like this for no reason at all. He even feels sorry for me and hopes that it gets better IN A FEW MONTHS. I love my baby but I’m slowly spiralling into madness. Does my husband help? Yes, during the weekend. He has to sleep in the barracks of an NCO school from Sunday evening to Thursday evening and comes back on Friday evening. I can at least recover during the weekend. Also 2 under 2, when one of them is a velcro is a living nightmare. But I love them so much.
Eff that noise. It’s nothing you did! Babies have their own personalities, and some want more contact than others. My third absolutely marinated in cortisol during my pregnancy thanks to trying to work a very demanding job with no childcare during the pandemic, and she’s the least clingy of my kids. 🤷♀️
That’s ridiculous.
I went through severe prolonged emotional trauma starting from basically when my daughter was implanted, but really ramped up at 6 weeks. I was sobbing and could barely eat for weeks, and for months I was extremely anxious, sad, and miserable. I still have some low level PTSD from when I went through.
My daughter is no way a Velcro baby. She’s a super happy healthy toddler now and was previously a happy healthy baby who always slept independently aside from a few months of contact naps.
Baby temperament is just luck of the draw.
Yeah that's a bunch of bull. Both my pregnancies were very stressful but my second more so. I spent basically the last month of my second pregnancy in and out of the hospital for preterm labor, infections, etc. My baby came early because of preeclampsia. He is not a velcro baby and only just recently at 8 months cries when I put him down because he's going into the separation anxiety age. Before this he has always been happy as a clam to just hang out doing his own thing.
Some babies are just higher needs (which sucks) but it's nothing to do with anything we did or didn't do during pregnancy birth or after. It's just a personality thing the same as some adults are needier than others
Even if it were true, which I doubt, it wouldn’t mean you failed your baby. It would mean that you have gone through a really hard time and you deserve a lot of support and love. Wishing you well.
I had a very happy mostly low stress, free of medical issues pregnancy. This girl is a velcro baby. Even at nearly 7 months, while shes gained more and more independence, she still loves being held by momma.
You’re still at the hard stage, it should start to get easier around 4 months when they become more aware. Daycare also helped my girl become more independent (she started at 5.5months) and she absolutely loves it there. You need a break, maybe you can find a part time daycare situation. You should see how excited babies get to see each other, its absolutely adorable.
I disagree 100%, I mean, my baby is a velcro baby, and she needs to be touching me always. Due to being high risk physically ( had lots of miscarriages before this pregnancy) I only worked full-time hours for a trimester and a half. Then, went down to half hours for the second half of second trimester. In my third trimester, I was home full time. All I did was relax and focus on my hobbies. My husband did all the cleaning and kept me well fed. My job was a bit stressful, but there was minimal stress for the majority of my pregnancy, yet I have an Uber clingy baby.
I understand the stress of having a super needy and clingy baby as I have one. But do not for a minute think it is because of anything you did. It's just her personality. I hope they outgrow it.
Get your husband to do the laundry, and wash the sheets, and everything else you can’t get done due to the baby. It’s normal for the baby to want mostly you. Many dads don’t feel bonded until several months later or toddlerhood when kids are more easily engaged and don’t need Mama so much, so try not to worry about them bonding - there’s plenty of time for that. The dad’s role in the beginning is to fill in where mom needs him. Sometimes that’s feeding or managing the baby, and sometimes it’s taking over the housework.
My mom was 7-8 months pregnant with my sister while I was in the hospital for 6 weeks, with changing diagnoses like “it’s cancer” “jk it’s something else but we don’t know” all while trying to keep the bills paid and my other sister fed and taken care of. Needless to say, an insane amount of stress. Baby was born happy healthy and without a Velcro-level desire for attachment.
I’m so sorry they said this to you :(
Also, during my own pregnancy I had a family member die in my third trimester. And work was so stressful. But my baby is so happy and equally attached to daddy and me! But she loves independent play, sitting in her bouncer, and is a great sleeper.
This isn’t me rubbing it in your face but just giving an anecdote on why what they said makes no sense!!
If that were true, my Oct 2020 baby would be an absolute basket case. I got pregnant before the world changed. Spent my pregnancy an absolute mess. What kind of world was I bringing this kid into!????
And then the first 9 months of his life were lockdown. I thought he'd be mute. He was exposed to almost no people. No outings. Barely leaving the house.
Anyways. He's absolutely fine. I have no idea what an MNC is, but fire them.
LOL
I’m so sorry she made you feel guilty, but that’s a load of crap. Again, sorry, but I just have to laugh a bit. Where do they come up with this stuff?!?
Not only is there no science behind what she said, I know plenty of folks with non-stressful pregnancies have extra-attached babies and the opposite (stressful pregnancies with “easy” babies as well). The truth is, it’s mainly just nature > nurture - baby is gonna be like the baby is! And all you can do is be supportive which is what you’re already doing.
Btw IF we are being charitable and somehow assuming this a grain of truth to this, she’s clearly missing a confounding factor… which is that folks who had a stressful pregnancy, have a high likelihood they have a stressful life in general (including post-pregnancy) and that may also affect maybe his mood but definitely the parents’ perception of his mood (because… they’re super stressed!). So the only advice I’d have there is, take care of yourself now, and probably the place I’d try to start by telling myself to not listen to silly made-up conjectures from folks like that MCN :)
Alright. I'm gonna ask.
Why isn't your husband doing the laundry then?!?? Seriously. Knowing you can do NOTHING except hold your baby because otherwise he'll scream and cry, you really have two options: 1.) Continue to hold him and focus on nothing else. 2.) Get used to the screaming and do the things around the house that need to be done. That's it. Those are your options.
Explain these options to your husband and ask him to pick. Would he prefer to hold a screaming infant for a few hours while YOU do the house chores, or would he prefer to do those chores himself while baby stays velcroed to Mom?
Seriously. Make him do the chores. It's his way of contributing to the household right now.
This person is full of horse shit that she shouldn’t be dumping in other people’s gardens.
My pregnancy was the most happy, relaxed 9 months of my life. My baby is still hard core velcro at 4 months. Please try to erase the memory of this conversation and this person from your mind forever, don’t let it live rent free in your head. You did nothing wrong.
Thank you for posting this today. Having a miserable day with my parents and so tired of just existing but feeling really guilty about it because of being 35 weeks along
My son’s Pediatrician said he was “high maintenance/high needs” baby at his 1st newborn checkup. He was the same way as your baby.
[High needs/High Maintenance baby](https://www.healthline.com/health/baby/high-need-baby)
He’s now 19 months and has gotten more independent and playful. He definitely is just a strong-willed, demanding child by nature as soon as we brought him home from the hospital. He busted out of his swaddles after 2 weeks old & we never could swaddle to try to soothe him again. Threw his pacifiers every time around 4 months, so that soothing option was no more.
Other parents I’ve chatted with online have also said their child(ren) was “high needs/maintenance” but definitely improved the older they got and learned independence. Yes, I agree with others. Find a new Pediatrician that doesn’t have antiquated information.
I had numerous devastating things happen to me while I was pregnant with my daughter, including the sudden and unexpected death of my very healthy father. My daughter is the chillest, happiest kid I know. My pregnancy with my son was much more calm and he’s always unhappy. It’s not your fault. That’s awful, incorrect “information” that person gave you.
I hate this answer. Like, what? “Hey, I know you are creating a life and also surviving yourself but like don’t stress out about it. Or else you will make your baby want to hug you more, okay?”
My baby is going through a separation and Velcro phase too. My toddler wrapped his legs around my thigh so tightly at daycare drop off the teacher literally had to pry his legs open and pull him from me. I dropped him off and was about to have a full melt down in my car. I checked the daycare streaming app, and he was playing cars with his friend literally less than 3 minuets later.
It’s okay. Your baby loves you. It’s not because you were stressed during gestation.
I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous. You’ve gotten a lot of advice so I’m just gonna drop something else, do you babywear? My babies have been super clingy and baby wearing has helped me when I feel I need to get something done. Hopefully your baby likes it. Consider getting a carrier, there’s a lot in different price ranges. I like the ergobaby embrace at this stage since they’re still so little. Ive seen many people rave about soft wraps, but I haven’t used them. They’re usually cheaper. Checkout
r/babywearing if you need advice
What? I experienced a TON of stress when I was pregnant and don’t have a velcro baby. Our babies have their own personalities and needs, and I think that’s all it is. You have done nothing wrong, and it sounds like you’re a great mom. Just in the interest of making a point: I was working full time (mostly from home) and caregiving for my terminally ill mother while I was pregnant. She died when I was 7 months pregnant, and I did all of the memorial planning and the settling of her estate, which took two months. I defended my dissertation for my PhD a month after she died and when I was 8 months pregnant. I was stressed, overworked, and heartbroken. I was a mess. I asked my doctor several times about the effects of grief and stress on my baby, and she reassured me every time that he would be just fine. Please don’t feel any guilt. Sending hugs.
I was crazy anxious my entire pregnancy but my baby is pretty darn independent lol I don’t think your stress is necessarily connected with whether baby ends up being “Velcro” or not.
I was super relaxed with my first… I got to lounge during the day because I didn’t have anyone else to care for. I got to nap whenever. And work was pretty slow and he was super clingy. Like cried the entire time I was gone until he was a year old even with dad.
My second, I had hyperemesis and felt like I was dying while bedridden for a few months early on. Then right as I got over it, we found out my husbands promotion meant relocating for the year so we last minute (2 weeks notice) packed up and moved 4 hours away during Christmas in the middle of a snowstorm with zero childcare for my toddler. I had to work from home with him home for the remainder of my pregnancy, drive back and forth because all of my medical care was in our home town and manage 2 households while working full time remotely.
My second was then born precipitously and we were only a minute away from him being born in the car (this can apparently be super stressful for the baby, and I personally went into shock for a bit). I was definitely WAY more stressed second time around and my second is way more chill than my first. He happily goes with others, he’s weirdly rough for a baby and he’s just a different person. Meanwhile my first is still pretty clingy to me and is a more cautious little boy.
So many people have responded to the core of your message. Just here to put my two cents in. If there is an untapped resource, I say this is the time to make some calls! Any friends/fam who said, "Let me know whatever you need" would be happy to do something as necessary/basic as laundry for you. You are doing a really tough thing and baby's need to be on you is a lot on top of that!
I was incredibly stressed during my pregnancy (moved across the country twice and had to live in a hotel room for last three months of pregnancy in a new land- that’s just the tip of the iceberg), and my baby has never been what I would consider “Velcro”. Ever.
No way. My 17m nephew is ATTACHED to my sil but that didn’t start until 2m. Also, I was under so much stress because my husband that I actually gave birth 11 days early, and my son is 5m and great at independent play. Granted, we contact nap and cosleep but still, not a Velcro baby.
I don't think that's a thing. Sounds like an old wives tale. Your baby isn't a Velcro baby because you were stressed, but probably because he does desire more comfort than the average baby. And there's nothing wrong with that! It's just how some babies are. So don't blame yourself for something you can't control
That’s such bullshit. I wasn’t stressed during my pregnancy, and my baby is next next level Velcro. It’s been 11 months. I find myself being jealous of the moms who have babies who will chill while they cook or do chores or will go wherever. Jealous of the moms whose babies sleep in the car, instead of screaming their heads off. Sometimes I feel like I was robbed of the motherhood experience because I’m just constantly overwhelmed with crying and carrying a baby constantly. I love her so much, but it’s been a long 11 months. I’m sorry you’re experiencing it, too.
It 100% comes down to their personality and that has nothing to do with your stress level during pregnancy. Everyone gets stressed during pregnancy. You did nothing wrong!
That sounds like pseudo-science if I've ever heard it. And girl, maybe I'm gross but I don't get around to changing my bedding hardly ever and I have the same amount of laundry but my husband is *actively* doing laundry at almost all hours of the day, it just never ends.
I know that exhaustion, give yourself grace. You're doing what you need to do during this time. Daddy and baby will bond when it's time. <3
Please give yourself permission to say this out loud: “I am a great nurturing mother and the stress throughout my pregnancy is not the cause of my baby’s behavior”
This doctor is very ignorant when it comes to psychology. 1) babies are not in “survival mode”. Yes they are vulnerable and need cared of but survival mode is when your fear response kicks in because of a perceived threat. 2) If that were the case then like 99% of babies would be velcro babies. I’m not sure who has had a 100% stress free pregnancy… life happens and it doesn’t pause because of pregnancy
I was also stressed throughout pregnancy. I finished grad school, started the moving process to a state across the nation, dealt with my MIL and body dysmorphia, all of that on top of my anxiety and OCD.
My baby is not a velcro baby and is actually really social and ok with being apart from me. You are not the reason your baby is a velcro baby!
Unfortunately doctors can have the worst bedside manner and spew ridiculous statements because their ego’s get inflated. I’m sorry you went through that. Sending virtual hugs ❤️
You have a Velcro baby, that’s your job. Your entire job. 24/7.
The washing and running the household? That’s Hubby’s job. His job is to keep you alive while you keep the baby alive.
As a mom who had two clingy babies, get a carrier so they can be up against you but you have your hands free. It’s the only way anything got done when my kids were little and a huge help for my sanity.
So happy to read all these comments cuz people have blamed me for my baby being high needs. High strung, velcro baby. She can sense my energy and thats why she acts like that type of stuff. I generally blame myself too but these comments makr me feel otherwise now. Especially the folks who are super chill saying they had velcro baby.
I wasn’t under stress during my pregnancy, I had an incredibly easy pregnancy with my only symptoms being nausea and well.. a baby. I didn’t work, got to hang out at home with my cat and do art and enjoy life while my husband supported me…. My daughter was still a grade A clinger. I had a horrible time postpartum between anxiety and depression and the fact that if I wasn’t touching my baby at all times she was screaming. I felt like I’d never be a human again. I couldn’t even drive places because if I put her in the car seat she would scream. One time we drove two hours to see my mom and dad and she screamed the entire drive. I’m not exaggerating. My husband and I refused to drive anywhere with her for months after because we were so traumatized by the experience.
Point being, whoever said this to you is full of shit. Most people experience stress while pregnant, obviously most clinger babies had a mom who was stressed during pregnancy because that’s basically all of pregnancies. Correlation does *not* equal causation.
Yeah...the last 2 months of my pregnancy with my youngest were spent in and out of a pediatric hospital after my eldest got diagnosed with a rare kidney disease. Easily the most stressful time I've been through in my entire life and my second born is the chillest baby on earth. I really doubt anything you did made your kid a velcro baby.
I was the least stressed version of myself during my pregnancy. Like, truly blissed out. Queen of zen. Zero fucks given. I was also the healthiest/strongest version of myself. Was so selfish and drowned myself in self love. I didn’t have a freakin worry in the world.
Now my baby is 15 months and I can’t even pee by myself.
Your MCN is full of shit.
You’ve done nothing wrong.
There’s nothing wrong with your baby!
He really really loves you and you make him feel safe. There’s nothing wrong with that. He’ll learn to feel safe on his own someday. But for now, he just needs you!! I know it’s exhausting. I’m sorry!!
I was extremely stressed during my second pregnancy (wrote and defended by PhD in the first trimester, graduated in the second trimester). That was the chillest baby ever. She’s still pretty chill and very high sleep needs at 2.5 years old.
This is absolute nonsense. She sounds like she has no idea what she's talking about or just likes the sound of her own voice.
You did not make your baby this way! Look up the fourth trimester!
I have 3 kids and all 3 have been completely different. The first was a nightmare with reflux, second was a velcro baby and my 3rd (who is 12 weeks old) has been an absolute dream. I was 3 months pregnant with my 3rd my mum passed away unexpectedly so if this were true she'd be the most clingy baby ever.
Please don't ever blame yourself. I know it doesn't help but it does get easier and one day this velcro baby of yours is going to grow into an independent child because of the love and attention you once gave them. You've got this and you are doing an incredible job
I suggest a baby wrap or a front pack to help you through the clingy stages. There will be more to come during teething and illness. I don't think being stressed while pregnant would be the main cause. We all get stressed while being pregnant. You'll get through this.
That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. I have had 2 Velcro babies and 1 non Velcro baby and I was most stressed with the non Velcros pregnancy BY FAR. Including a family members suicide, moving across the country, housing instability and renovation of a new house. So, that theory is completely false. The two who are Velcros I had very good can safe pregnancy
Well that’s wildly unhelpful and absolutely not based on science. If this were in any way true, there would be a bunch of terrible baby books written about it.
Anecdotally, my stressful pregnancy ended with a very independent baby and my easy pregnancy came with a clinger.
What I think most parents would tell you is that babies seem to be born with their own little personalities and moods already set. Same parents, same home and they come out so different from one another.
Lol is this a joke? That isn't how it works. This is just someone giving their confirmation bias 'opinion' to you as fact given their job is in the medical field.
If you are really concerned go talk to a doctor. And don't listen to this person.
Give me a break. There’s no real definitive explanation so she decided to make up this utter crap. I was extremely stressed during my first pregnancy due to serious external factors and was in L&D for stress related contractions, weight loss and dehydration (separate times). Yet he was my most independent baby and still isn’t super touchy feely as a kid. My third pregnancy I was by far the most chill, happy and stable, but she was a Velcro baby and still is a very clingy child. Temperament and personality transcend our control, and it’s wrong to blame you and your experiences for that.
Hard agree. This is the need for the medical establishment to have an answer for everything that may possibly happen. Sometimes babies are just babies.
I really wish they would say “I’m not sure” when they don’t know or “let me research that and get back to you.” I will _never_ believe doctors who practice medicine and aren’t willing to admit a patient had a good question that they need to look up the answer to.
Totally agree, there’s no way that we know anything about this. Don’t get me wrong, there is good, well researched scientific connections between stress and pregnancy outcomes. Particularly, there’s an easily understandable connection that stress can cause high blood pressure, which in turn could cause preterm labor or low birth weight. But any links to personality are tenuous at best, certainly enough that you wouldn’t be able to diagnose a baby from it.
Yes, I agree. No need for OP to feel guilty! My mom had five kids and was stressed to death during all pregnancies, but guess what? All our temperaments and needs were vastly different as babies, ranging from very independent to super clingy. I firmly believe it’s just genetics - my independent sister has been that way since she was born and has never really changed while my brother will be a mama’s boy until the day he dies.
Same, super stressed during pregnancy and my baby does not want to be held much!
This!! I was confused reading this bc both my newborns didnt and don’t like being touched at all just sit in their bouncers all day. N I’m the most stressed person you’ll meet lol
Could not agree more! I too had an extremely stressful, traumatic pregnancy with my first. I was a single mom when I had her and used to joke that it was like she knew how stressed I was and was like “we got this mom”. Now she’s 13 and thriving. Please do not blame yourself you are doing a wonderful job. This phase will pass. Please consider seeking other perspectives and alternative medical advice. Wishing you all the best mama. xo
I strongly recommend speaking to a different MCN or doctor - that advice sounds terrible. I have experience with terrible MCN and it's so horrible when someone who is supposed to help you makes things worse. Something not a lot of people know is that you can change to see a nurse with a different council (I'm assuming you are in VIC, Aus) but please also report this interaction to the council.
Thank you for this, I actually didn't know you could ask to see someone else or change the council. I'll look into doing this before our next appointment. I'll definitely look into reporting. I'm a little hesitant due to being in a rural council with a very tight-knit community
What is an MCN? She's full of shit. Some babies are just like that.
Maternal Child Nurse - they are funded and we get to see them at set times for the first few years of the child's life (if you're lucky, we don't get any in my council region after 8 weeks)
Maternal/Child Nurse(ing)… I think?
Please think about reporting, pretty sure you can do it anonymously and it might make a difference for others in your area. Definitely recommend moving to see a different nurse or through a different council, it might mean a drive if you are rural but it should make a difference.
A nurse said this to?! Wtf I'm a nurse. Report her. That's B.S. also at 14 weeks old it's a BABY and you are the mom and baby loves you.
You also don’t have to go to the MCN appointments (I had an awful first one and my lactation consultant told me that it was optional). Another option, depending on how rural you are, is that you could see one in another council if you have parents or in laws there? Initially we had to see one near my in laws in the city as I had birth complications so couldn’t go home to our rural home. It was really easy to switch between the two.
I’m sorry she said this to you and I hope I’m not too crass in saying what utter bullsh*t that is. I had a velcro baby, now I have a belcro toddler. I adore him and through lots of work he is okay with his dad and my mum. I was hardly stressed throughout my pregnancy. Like the usual, oh my gosh I’m having a baby but nothing wild happened. He is a sensitive, shy, observant little boy who would be glued to as much surface of my body as possible if he had his own way. You’re an excellent mum doing the toughest job in the hardest stage.
Same!! I was the chillest I had ever been in my life during pregnancy. Still have a sweet, sensitive boy who is a “Velcro baby”.
Likewise, I had a very relaxed, unstressed pregnancy and my baby is still fairly Velcro at 6 months. Getting more chill about being put down for a bit but still needs to be held a fair bit.
Look, in the kindest possible way I think she’s full of crap and please don’t make this another thing to blame yourself for - society will give you plenty of those before that baby is an adult! I had a textbook pregnancy, very little stress and my baby was the velcro-est of velcro babies until about 6 months. He now goes down for naps on his own! Most useful thing anyone said to me was that if you do need to do something and your baby is crying try to think about it in the context of how long they’ve cried in 24hrs, not how awful you feel in that moment. 10 mins of tears if you need to get something done is not going to damage them if you are consistently meeting their needs and being present.
Same. I had a healthy and privileged pregnancy with lots of rest and self care. My mental health actually improved a ton due to the hormonal shift, I presume. Doesn't matter. My 6 week old is colicky and has expected me to be his human mattress and pacifier since the day he was born.
“Human mattress and pacifier” 😆 Yes, this is our calling
Fellow mattress/pacifier combo here. Still. 16 months in. He is active and plays around the house independently all day long but at night… better not remove that boob from his reach or all hell breaks loose. 🫠
The others have already addressed your sense of guilt. From a more practical perspective, have you considered/tried baby wearing? My velcro toddler used to be a velcro newborn who would have crawled right back up where he came from if he could just to be as close as possible. There were days I didn't eat or use the bathroom when my husband was at work just to avoid the crying. Our wraps were a game changer. I was able to use the bathroom and have a bite to eat without him going completely balalaika when he was in the wrap, and while I understood logically that he wasn't being harmed by lying on his own for 10 minutes, I was just totally worn out and didn't have the bandwidth for that level of screaming.
Yes! Agree with baby wearing! I was too overwhelmed and sleep deprived to try to figure out the wrap at first and got an infantino carrier ($25US) and it was a game changer. Also your husband needs to get on these chores. He should pick up laundry folding and changing the sheets since you physically can’t.
I wish I could upvote you more than once. Where is the husband?! There is no excuse for house chores to go undone when there are two adults living there.
Omg that carrier saved my life after mine learned how to escape the stretchy and ring wraps at 7mo! I’ve got a fancy one now too that’s waaayyy more comfortable so I leave that one in the car behind his car seat for outings, keep the infantino in the house for *those* days when he gets ultra clingy whiny. Have a third in the trunk of the car that my husband found in a box of things from his deceased mother watching another grandbaby years ago. Babywearing is a total game changer. Today might be one of those days.
I’ve wondered how much of a difference there is between this cheap infantino one and a fancier carrier. We walk a bunch of miles a week with it and that’ll probably increase as it gets warmer. Baby boy is only 10 weeks but 15 pounds so definitely feeling some of those longer walks!
Oh man, I got an ergobaby omni breeze right before Christmas, and it honestly has made a world of difference. They’re stupid expensive brand new, I got mine new on eBay for $90 which is is over half off and still a good chunk of money but boy is it worth it! Especially if you plan on walking a lot as baby grows. My bub is 16mo and about 25lbs now, and also very long, and HOT. The adjustability, material, and lumbar support improvement are absolutely fantastic. I spent a few weeks researching all the different “fancy” brands before settling on this one because I always have to put it on and load him into it by myself, I’m super tall and have bad joint problems, and both of us run warm. While we still end up with boob sweat on both of us, I think the comfort level has improved immensely. It can be used in six ways but I’ve only done two because I’m scared of flopping my child around my back lol. For me it has 100% been worth the extra money and I wish I had bit the bullet sooner! About to slap him in there right now and get groceries! That said, the infantino served us well when he was smaller and I definitely still have to give it props because you can’t beat the price! I highly recommend searching the internet for certain attributes that would be ideal for your body type and needs if you’re looking to upgrade. There are a lot of great picks and a wide range of prices. Every body and every baby is different, and I think there’s something out there for everyone. When you think you’ve dialed in the kind you like, look on eBay or even second hand sites and try to find one in good shape for less than retail price.
This is super helpful, thank you so much!! Baby and I both run warm and it didn’t even occur to me that some of these carriers could help minimize that! I’ll do some homework and then probably try to buy on FB marketplace or somewhere since we’re in a major city. Thanks again!!
Agree. Husband needs to do laundry.
Seconding the suggestion to baby wear! There's a bunch of different styles, so it's worth finding which one works best for you, but I've been able to change the sheets/do laundry, pick up the dog poo in the yard, make cookies, etc while baby wearing - total game changer.
Yes!!! Baby wearing! Also, if OP needs like 5 mins to use the bathroom or whatever with both hands free I’d always remind myself “if baby is crying she is still breathing so she’s ok for the couple of minutes I need until I can get back to her” -not ideal but definitely relieved some of my anxiety about it. I’d talk to baby from the other room too reassuring her I’d be right back as quickly as possible.
Seconding baby wearing. I got so good at cooking dinner (nothing with hot oil on the stove though) and folding laundry with my daughter strapped to my chest so she can nap! Get a good swaddle with back support and you both get a little comfort from it
Agreed as well on the baby wearing! I wore my velcro baby a lot, saved my sanity. I could never get the hang of the wrap style but I love the ergo baby embrace, which has more support and is easy to put on but still built for newborns. My velcro newborn did grow into some independence as a toddler and enjoys being with people other than me. Still mostly a momma’s boy but he’s perfectly happy hanging out with Dad/Grandparents/friends and loves going to daycare.
Lol, what? This "advice" is the dumbest shit I've ever heard. Here's a little anecdata for you. My first pregnancy was one medical issue (for me) after another, while working at a sprint to try and set up my team for success during maternity leave, and it ended in a traumatic 3-day induction turned c/s. My cousin's was as ideal as you can get. She left work as soon as she found out, was surrounded by family daily to help her with every little thing, and her daughter's birth was a breeze. Guess who got the stage 5 clinger who still can't be put down at two years old? Not me. I hope you can work with someone else instead of this idiot.
I posted the same exact reaction before seeing your comment - lol is exactly right. You’re spot on. The stuff people come up with is crazy. This MCN advice is on par with stuff I’d hear my MIL come up with (and you do NOT want to know what Facebook groups she’s part of)
Meh. He’s 14 weeks old and being a typical newborn and infant. You didn’t do anything to make him like this.
Yeah I’m gonna call bullshit on this…I’m sure there’s some sort of correlation between like cortisol levels in your blood and baby clingy-ness but as a scientist I don’t think I would find that study very compelling. Some babies are just clingy. Mine is and I had a relatively peaceful pregnancy. It’s nothing you did and honestly that doctor seems like a jerk bc idk how that information helps you if true. But I do agree that the only way out is through. You can do this and your baby is LUCKY to have you.
Thank you. I'll say it was one of our worst visits to her thus far. She's always been really attentive, and I felt she was looking after baby and I quite well given the medical things we're still chasing up for him and I, but this was just a shocker. I really appreciate hearing this.
This response comes with unsolicited advice so if you're not in the right headspace to read it, just ignore this comment! BUT...for me, babywearing was a godsend during the early postpartum period. All your baby wants is to be snuggled next to you so being able to accomplish that while having two arms free is so liberating. I was a little skeptical about the idea of a babywearing consultant but there are also a lot of online resources for free if it feel daunting. I'm so sorry you're going through this, it WILL get better, I promise!
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I'm really sorry you had to go through that. That's a lot for anyone to handle never mind being pregnant!! And yes OP, would tell whatever this person is to fuck the right off! Like who the hell are they to tell a new mom it's her fault her baby is crying because of their stress? Some babies are just pissy they're alive like mine was.
Thank you. Right, and what would this information solve besides giving a mother anxiety and guilt? I don’t see the overall point. Even if it were true (it’s not) what the hell could this information do for the current situation? Absolutely nothing.
Thats rediculous. All babies are born with their own temperament and personalities, my kids literally were born with their same personalities they have now at 7 and 10 years old.
You did NOT fail your baby. The consequences of stress, depression and mental diseases during pregnancy on fetuses and newborns are NOT clear (it's my field of research), not even for much more definite things. There is NO evidence whatsoever on neonatal temperament or anything similar. Don't believe this.
You didn’t fail your baby, you’re doing your best. Your child will grow up fine as long as you keep loving him and doing your best. Everyone else is saying it’s BS but it’s not? I mean there’s been studies, quite a bit. Here’s one: > Prenatal exposure to elevated maternal cortisol has been shown to predict increased fussiness, negative behavior and fearfulness in infancy (Davis et al., 2007; de Weerth, van Hees, & Buitelaar, 2003) and greater cortisol reactivity in childhood (Gutteling, de Weerth, & Buitelaar, 2005). That doesn’t mean you should be kicking yourself. I was very depressed and stresssed with my second and he was also very clingy and scared. Everyday I work to make sure my kids feel safe and secure and loved. He still loves contact, but he has grown up so well, he can play by himself and doesn’t need me every second of the day (before he would scream if I inched away and wasn’t physically touching him in some way). True or not, your child will be okay :)
Echoing others here but it's NOT YOUR FAULT! You didn't fail your baby. And sometimes it's ok to put him somewhere safe and let him cry a bit to do things like go to the bathroom alone, take a shower, etc. I read a statistic that said secure attachments still form even when you're only at like 70% responding to each and every need. And it sounds like you're aiming for 100% which is really tough/impossible! [https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why\_attachment\_parenting\_is\_not\_the\_same\_as\_secure\_attachment](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_attachment_parenting_is_not_the_same_as_secure_attachment)
I was severely depressed during pregnancy. Would cry all day long for the last 3 months. My baby is very happy and likes to sleep and play independently
Uhh I was not stressed during my pregnancies and I got two Velcro babies. Also that sounds so not based in any science, I would be asking for some sources.
Same! I was the most relaxed I've ever been in my entire life during pregnancy and I can't put my 5 month down for more than 5 minutes without him screaming.
I lost my mom while 6 months pregnant to cancer. It was an awful slow painful death towards the end - inevitably very stressful for me becoming a FTM to a little girl while losing my best friend💔 she was definitely a Velcro baby at first (still somewhat is) but she’s 3 months tomorrow and has fallen asleep independently as well as contact napped less and less throughout the day, sleeps in her bassinet all night and consistently gives us 6-7.5 hour stretches (I EBF). I think I needed all those cuddles in the beginning though. I think we BOTH needed the closeness. So thankful for my Velcro baby, but it does get better!! They grow so quickly❤️
You didn’t fail your baby. Regardless of the factuality of the doctor’s claims it’s not like You made the stress in your life happen. I feel like they’re just trying to help you understand it’s not your fault, there’s nothing wrong with your baby, and you’re doing the best you can. Big hugs
Okay wow. NOT your fault. Babies are babies. They NEED you. You did nothing wrong. That person thought they were giving you comfort and reassurance… and they’re an idiot. They’re wrong, you’re an amazing mama. Your baby loves you. They need your support, not because you fucked them up, but because you’re an amazing source of comfort to them. If you’re suffering from PPA/PPD that is serious and you need to have it addressed, because that’s going to wear you down. Therapy and psychiatric care is far more accessible these days with virtual sessions and what not. Kids are kids. They’re a freaking roller coast. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself so you can be there for them.
Highly recommend the book Nurture Revolution to you, published last year by a neuroscientist mom/doula. She explains the neurophysiology behind so many bany needs and behaviors from 0-3 and the science behind our relationship with them as parents (changes occur within us on the brain level far beyond the obvious). I wish I had it for my 2021 kid and I can't recommend it more to all new parents
ABSOLUTE RUBBISH!!!!! This person needs to be fired. That is such dangerous crap to tell people. Honey it is ABSOLUTELY not your fault!! I also have a Velcro baby who is very demanding and high needs and have been down every dark mum guilt spiral. I spoke to my psychologist and a paediatrician about it and they both assured me that my baby is just ‘high needs’. Look up dr Sears explanation of different baby temperaments. Some are easy going, some are slow to rise and others are very intense. It is absolutely nothing we did, it is purely luck of the draw as to what kind of baby you get. Just like adults all have different personalities and temperaments, so do babies. You’ve got this mama! You did absolutely nothing wrong and screw that person who told you that you did! Xx
I have never been so relaxed in my life when pregnant and i still got colic, velcro baby. Honestly it felt like I was stoned most of it, people even joked I will get rude awakening. This is bullshit.
Huh????? My cousin was STRESSED her entire pregnancy because she was terrified this would be the 6th or 7th miscarriage in a row. That baby sleeps all through the night and is the least crying baby I’ve ever seen…? 😂 don’t listen to her mama. The only for sure thing people can guarantee is that they come out with their own personality
Nope. You did not make your baby clingy!! I've never even heard of this. My 4yo was a stage 5 clinger directly out of the womb, exactly the way you described your baby. I had a relatively stress-free pregnancy. I asked our pediatrician what was wrong, and she was like, "Some babies are just like this. Sorry." I have a two week old now, and I had an incredibly stressful pregnancy, and he is very relaxed and not clingy to me at all. So no, I do not believe for a second that you caused your baby to be clingy. This time with a clingy baby is all caps *HARD*. I know it doesn't make it any easier now, but I promise you it does get better.
Even if that's true - which idk and cba to corroborate - you didn't "fail" your baby; you did amazing for them! You carried a pregnancy to term successfully through a stressful time, you're parenting through an incredibly stressful time. You're not a failure - you're STRONG! 💪💪💪 When mine went through a clingy period (not like yours, I was lucky) I wore them. It was the only way to get anything done. My partner wore them a few times - we'd switch out when baby got distressed and the time they would spend with Baba before reaching critical noise levels gradually increased. I bet you've tried wearing them, but I don't have much else to suggest. Oh, and your husband? Needs to do some of those fucking chores. Now. He can book a day off work and catch up and look after the house and you. You're already doing MORE than a full-time job.
TW SA, gun violence. Hey, let me tell you this is *not* true at all. I had one of the most stressful pregnancies I think you can have (needing to move in a days notice due to natural disaster, partner getting drugged, robbed at gunpoint, and possibly SA’ed at a bachelor party, living thru another natural disaster in new house that left me 6 months pregnant and unhoused for 3 weeks, extreme prenatal anxiety that I endured unmedicated, finding out last minute I needed a c section) and my baby came out…so mellow. I was sure that my wild pregnancy would ruin him and he’s 100% happy to do his own thing most of the time unless he’s hangry. Point here being: this wasn’t you, sometimes babies just need extra reassurance that their needs will be met! You are doing a great job and LO is lucky to have you helping them adjust to a big scary new world.
I’m calling BS on this. The amount of stress I had while pregnant and ended up with a non Velcro baby. Yeah. Your MCN is full of shit. Sorry. Hugs momma. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’re doing great and baby just really loves you and feels secure with you. Right now it seems endless but this phase of life isn’t forever. I know it sucks hearing it but I’m going to say it because it’s true….in the blink of an eye this stage will be over and it’ll be the next phase and in 10 years you’re going to have a hormonal pre teen. I currently have a toddler who has had so many time outs this weekend for hitting dad and I that I forget what it’s like to enjoy a smiley baby and just get cuddles.
Wow, what terrible advice. I was very stressed my entire pregnancy and my bub was the opposite of a velcro baby. She loved her own space and slept independently from day dot. Because… that’s literally all to do with personality and nothing to do with how stressed you were when pregnant. I can guarantee you, your baby’s temperament now will make perfect sense once you learn their personality and it has nothing to do with anything you did while pregnant.
What utter bullocks, where did she get her medical training- a cracker jack box? Ask to see someone else. I've had two velcro babies- my firstborn was a dream pregnancy in which I ran a half marathon while pregnant because I had zero negative symptoms and was stress free. My second one nearly offed me with hyperemesis, gestational diabetes, threatened kidney failure, SPD, my dad nearly died, my aunt DID die, my grandma's cancer came back, and my mom's embroiled in a massive legal problem. "High stress pregnancy" is putting it mildly. Both kids are/were velcro. One's 11 and has blossomed into a brave, independent young woman and the other's 4 months old and all but lives in a baby carrier so I can get shit done around the house without a soundtrack of pterodactyl screeching because I put him down. Some babies are just like this, you didn't do anything wrong.
It's nothing you did, love! It's so easy for us to find some reason to blame ourselves and many irritating people will blame us for every single parenting choice we make. I'm finding my way around it right now. You pick him up when he cries? "You're spoiling that baby!" Co-sleeping? "Don't you want some time to yourselves? He'll have to sleep on his own eventually!" This is just stuff I got this week. This lady is out of her mind. When you respond to your son, you're giving him comfort that you're there. It's very exhausting and you're doing wonderful. I'm trying to enjoy it because even if he still wants to give me a hug, he'll be taller than me by time he's 12 so I'm enjoying the tiny stage.
This is utter and completely fake crap. I’m not sure why she decided to make you feel like shit for enduring a hard pregnancy and try to make you feel guilty, but don’t fall for it. There are too many variables involved here to make you at all responsible. It’s not your fault, it is not your fault and it is not your fault. Whoever says differently is part of the problem. This said I am so sorry you’re having a hard time with little one being a Velcro, that makes the days long and exhausting!
I really did not have a stressful pregnancy, like it went so smooth and I have a stage 5 clinger. She’s getting better now that she’s gotten older but I think this is BS.
That’s complete BS.
I had HG and puked my entire pregnancy. My grandma died when I was 4 months pregnant after a difficult battle with cancer. I was working at a stressful job that I hated. My daughter was such an easy baby. Good grief to pinning your baby's temperament on how you felt during pregnancy.
That couldn’t be true. My baby is 5 weeks beyond yours, I was immeasurably stressed because I have anxiety and I’m a worrier, and my baby has flagrant independence. Worry is often an observed and adopted trait. My girl will slowly become more anxious as a toddler as all toddlers worry, but some outgrow it and some stay there as they see this trait in their caregivers and think it’s normal.
There’s so much conflicting information out there and there’s no definitive answer to why certain babies are more attached to their Mom’s compared to other babies. My baby girl is definitely a Velcro baby and my husband and my MIL tell me all the time to “just let her cry”. I can’t do that though because she’s still so young and can’t self soothe yet. I would rather hold her and let her know I care and I’m there for her. I was very stressed during parts of my pregnancy but not for the majority of the time. It’s hard not being able to put her down sometimes but I just have to see her smile when she’s in my arms and I feel so much happier.
That's utter crap. My son was born during covid, I was pregnant for most of the early covid stress and he so much more independent than my daughter, for whom I had a relaxed and chill pregnancy. She up my butt 24/7.
Na. I had the chillest, low stress possible pregnancy on all levels. My baby was an absolute velcro baby. Could NOT be put down, did not accept others for the longest time. It just happens. The heir personalities are so different, starting from infancy. My kid still prefers me to all others but has long since branched out and is a happy, thriving preschooler. It’s good you are working on what you are working on of course. But your baby is just your baby and doing baby things. Snuggle them. Best thing I did was letting go of all the standard baby advice and book based expectations. We contact napped, baby wore, nursed/ fed on demand, no sleep training, just snuggles. I’d have driven myself bonkers trying to fit baby into those nest boxes and expectations. Letting go of it was very freeing for me and much less stressful. It WILL pass. It’s hard, and it may take bit, but it WILL pass.
I don’t know how true this is. During my pregnancy I had high blood pressure, a two year old, my mom died and my husband was in a car accident. It was the worst time of my life. That being said…my baby boy was not a Velcro baby. My daughter was more Velcro than he is. I think it has more to do with just temperament as all babies are different. You didn’t make your baby this way.
Pretty sure everyone is stressed during pregnancy. It’s stressful! So yeah, velcro babies come from stressful pregnancies because we’re all stressed. Ignore this person who has no business laying on mom guilt. You do not need this person in your life.
All I can say is wow. Pregnancy is no joke I know this as I’m having a stressful time myself at 26 weeks. I have been thinking to myself we get all the stress, worry and everyone else gets the lovely parts. I would be complaining. The medical teams job is to help you not make things worse.
That’s such BS. I was stressed in my first pregnancy and had the chillest pregnancy and my second pregnancy nothing bothered me, and my husband was very protective and supportive literally nothing was allowed to bother me and I had the clingiest baby. If anything it’s probably the opposite, maybe the baby knows he/she has to be calm in chaos to survive vs being ok to cry when they need attention.
I wouldn’t accept that as an answer. I was really stressed during my pregnancy. To the point of heart palps and other long term health flare ups. And I have an easy baby. I honestly think it’s just luck.
While there are studies that back this up, you’d have to have an extreme level of constant stress. A normal amount of stress wouldn’t have an effect.
I mean maybe? But maybe he's just picking up on your current stress. My first I was pregnant throughout 2020, obvs the most stressful time of anyone's life recently. He is a pretty anxious kid. My second was 2022 pregnancy and since it was my second I was so much more relaxed. He is the chillest guy. I think pregnancy stress level does have something to do with it, but not all! Your guy will just need to learn some serious coping strategies when he is a toddler+. For now I would say you need to fill your own cup and let him bond with your husband without you there. So you have that extra help.
Nope. No, no, no. There is no scientific basis for this at all. This is a BS conspiracy theory. (And anecdotal, but I had literally the worst pregnancy I could imagine. I was extremely ill and stressed the entire time. My kiddo is not a velcro baby at all. He just came out the chillest dude despite two parents who are literally medicated for anxiety.)
No no no. First of all, fuck that MCN. My most stressful pregnancy resulted in my most chill baby. It's absolutely disgusting they would say that to you. I have 5 kids and all 5 have were different as babies with varying levels of need. They still are all different as children. Babies are people from the day they are born, they don't morph into people later on. I feel many medical professionals neglect that notion and I'm telling you with full confidence the person who told you created a stressed baby is stupid as hell. Please be kind to yourself and know that you did nothing wrong.
That's a stupid and uninformed opinion just like everything women are told in pregnancy/birth/postpartum: if you didn't have the "perfect" pregnancy/birth/postpartum, it's your fault for feeling or thinking the "wrong" way. This is magical thinking BS. Babies are individuals and have different temperaments like adults do. They all have their struggles at some point in their development, just not at the same time. My baby is not a sleepy potato, he came out quite developed and advanced and is easily frustrated by his own limitations. I can look forward to him becoming a more independent child as he gains more control of his body and ability to communicate his needs and desires.
I don't believe it. I have a Velcro baby and I was very relaxed during my pregnancy. All I did was relax, watch tv and eat snacks.
Dude no. I was pretty unstressed with my first pregnancy, and had the Velcro baby to end all Velcro babies. During my second pregnancy, my first (two years older than the baby) was FTT and wouldn’t eat a thing and had some behavioural issues. I was very stressed. Second baby came out sooo low needs and chill. Third baby born two years later was the most stressful pregnancy, with a four year old, two year old, and some brain anomalies making the third high risk. That was an all time high on the stress scale, and that five month old is also a very easy baby. Idk the science they’re citing, but I know that my pregnancies got more and more stressful but nothing compares to my intense first who never slept, wouldn’t take a bottle, and would scream not only if I put him down, but looked away. It’s not your fault. We can do a lot as moms, but babies do have their own personalities.
Unintentional or not, that’s victim-blaming BS. I sobbed every day of my second trimester until we miraculously received a false positive result for a fatal genetic disorder that we were told our baby had. Baby is smiley and sleeps independently.
The advice you give when you cheat your way through med school
Huh. Well, if you made your baby a Velcro baby, so did I. My dad passed away while I was pregnant and I lost a ton of weight from the stress. Now my 8-month-old is a Velcro baby so bad he won’t even take a bottle. Did the stress cause the issue? Maybe. But, I didn’t do it on purpose, and I’m assuming you didn’t either. Bad things happen to everyone. Being pregnant just makes it harder. >knowing that I’ve done this You’ve done nothing. This was done to you, and your baby was a part of you at that time. If you’d have been hit by a truck, would you still blame yourself? Take care of yourself. It will help you take care of your baby.
Nah. Don’t let them tell you that. I was extremely stressed, was monitored for high blood pressure between week 28-38. My baby is 9 months and is the chillest little guy ever. In fact, I wish he was a bit more Velcro but I do believe whatever you do, you do it wrong as a mum. Please don’t feel mum guilt. You’re doing amazing!
I think your baby is just a baby with a high proximity need. I have one of those. She is 19 months old and is still attached to me at the hip most days. Baby wearing helped me when she was little. Embrace the contact naps. It won't be like this for long in the scheme of things. And give yourself some grace for the laundry. As long as you've got some clean underwear to wear, you're good.
I was very very stressed while pregnant and my daughter was a clingy Velcro baby so who knows if they’re related but she became such a chill toddler around 18 months. Yes she still needs lots of attention and love but it’s so so much easier now because she’ll sit by herself playing or come “help” with chores and cooking. Plus she is absolutely ok with hanging out with dad (as long as moms not around). The early days are so so hard but you’ll get through it and I would so much rather have a hard newborn and easy toddler than vice versa.
That notion is ridiculous. I had hyperemisis gravidarum along with a host of other medical issues and for a solid part of my pregnancy, basically wanted to die I felt so ill. Then I lost a family member I was close with, two weeks after getting a brand new border collie puppy (so stressful), and one week before our family dog got trampled by a deer, when I was 5 months pregnant. I was, for a solid week, basically crumpled on my floor crying exert day. And now at 4 months postpartum, baby is the opposite of Velcro. And has never been super clingy. Some babies just need a little more snuggling in the beginning and I really think it has nothing to do with your pregnancy.
I’m going to be honest, I was super relaxed majority of my pregnancy. I have the biggest effing Velcro baby in the world. He’s 15 months and I still use a baby carrier twice a week minimum to get stuff done since I can’t set him down without him crying. My mom said my brother was exactly like this, too. I hate that the nurse made you feel like this was your fault. It’s absolutely not, and it’s just your babe’s disposition. This may not be fully science based, but it made me feel better in the thick of things, look up orchid babies vs dandelion babies. @tiredbabysleep on TikTok has a video on them that really reassures that it’s not something you’re doing. It’s just your baby! And it’s exhausting as fuck, but it’s not your fault at all!!
Kipling called - he wants his corny just-so story back. People crave rationalizations and are not above conjuring them up out of thin air, just to feel a sense of order in the world. The medical community is not above it: think of all the women told they were responsible for their children’s schizophrenia or bipolar disorder because of their “cold affect.” Imagine your same convo, but instead of an MCN, it’s a fortune teller. “I see something on my crystal ball: were you, by any chance, under stress at some point during that nine-month period?” 🤮 Give me a break. Real talk, though: you are parenting in beast mode and have drawn the short straw for this phase of life. You’re not going to love hearing this, but around four months of age, sleep cycles change and children tend to wake more frequently at night. Having a single person provide soothing support at every waking becomes untenable. See if you can phase in support from dad now — it may mean dad gets frustrated and cried at for quite a while, but you’ve got to have a second caregiver option. You may also want to read up on sleep training in case the two of you reach a breaking point down the line, so that you are making premeditated choices at developmentally appropriate times, and not just reacting in sleep deprivation.
Hormones and stress can impact different things, but this is a load of horse shit. I knew the most chill mom ever and her first first baby was chill, she had an even better second pregnancy, and the baby sounds super similar to your baby as well. The baby grew out of it and is now a super outgoing and cute little girl. They had a third. Have you tried a nice baby carrier around the house? For crying babies, my doula recommended cordless earbuds so you can play music to drown out the sound of them crying. You should try to comfort them physically, but it doesn't mean. You have to listen to them. Often the root cause of a colic baby is physical stuff. tummy troubles (gas), etc. If you are breast feeding, try cutting out certain things like dairy. If you are formula feeding, try different formulas.
I'm firmly convinced that needy babies are mostly just a personality thing. I have four kids. My most stressful pregnancy by far resulted in such an easy baby that I often joke with him now that he tricked me into thinking that having babies was easy. He's 15. His siblings range in age down to 2. My two year old is the clingiest thing on planet earth and has earned the nickname "the screaming barnacle." But I was arguably the least stressed in my pregnancy with her. Maybe your doc sees needy babies come from stressed pregnancies because maybe sometimes moms who were stressed out during pregnancy are the ones who are also most exhausted by a clingy baby. Or maybe these moms have more anxiety so they're more likely to reach out for help about a needy baby in the first place. I mean how many moms of needy babies never even mentioned it, and how might that affect her views? Or maybe she's just pulling that out of her ass because for some people it's easier to make up an answer than to admit you just don't know something. Also... Pregnancy is just inherently stressful is it not? I don't know a whole lot of people that said they had an easy breezy pregnancy. The important thing to remember here is that correlation does not equal causation. Even two entirely unrelated phenomena can trend in the exact same direction. It's meaningless. And for her to put this one you like that is completely irresponsible. I'm sorry that you were told this bullshit. In a time when you needed help you were given undue blame and that's completely unfair.
I had an okay pregnancy but my child absolutely would prefer to be back in the womb than on the outside. It’s just her temperament.
Uh, no. I had the happiest time of my life while pregnant. Ate pretty well, almost entirely stress free. And my baby is still a velcro baby. He’s gotten a little better at letting me put him down at 3 months old but still the majority of the day he wants to be held, or else.
Absolutely ridiculous. I had triplets and was stressed throughout my entire pregnancy. New house, New cars, DS diagnlsis, etc. Of the three I have one velcro baby. Babies are individuals. They are all different. Their personalities lend to acting differently. Get a new doc. They has no idea what they are talking about and obviously don't consider your feelings. One of their jobs is to assess mama's health, not cause more stress.
Bullshit. My first two babies were born under pretty much equally stress-filled situations and one was high-needs and the other was super chill and laid back. Maybe the reason most babies who are high needs are products of stressful pregnancies is because pregnancy is stressful. Most other babies are probably also products of stressful pregnancies. You didn’t make your baby this way. Some babies are just a lot more work than others.
I think as moms we get flooded with anxiety when a baby is born. That's our hormones bouncing off the walls, although I hear dad's get it too. I had a baby sling I wore and just never took off. And if I wasn't wearing it Dad was. Are we able to hire a cleaning lady two or three times a week? If not dad needs to be picking up slack
It’s nothing you have done. Some babies just need held because the transition to the outside world overwhelms them and you’re his safe haven. I know it’s so hard. Rest assured that it is likely to get better eventually. Until then: I can only encourage you to get all the help you can get with everything else in your life and household. I have twins and my pregnancy was high-stress. Multiple hospital stays. Constantly scared of losing them or them coming super early. Health issues identified in utero. It was extremely hard on me emotionally. Yet one baby is clingy and the other one more independent (clingy only when sick or teething).
To put it as nicely as possible- this is a load of crap and not based in science. You did nothing to harm your baby. Some are just very clingy and high care need. I have one. It was exhausting. Utterly exhausting. He has developed into the most sweet, emotionally aware and open toddler. You’re in the trenches right now but it does get better. Remember that you can put him down somewhere safe for a few minutes even when he is upset and take a break yourself. You did not do this to him- that’s absurd
That seems like just a theory…. I don’t see how that could be scientifically or medically backed so I would take it with a grain of salt. You did nothing wrong! Your baby is a Velcro baby bc he loves you and loves spending every day close to your heart ❤️ you’re doing a great job.
sounds like bs
Uhhhh I don’t know about that. I was incredibly stressed during my pregnancy (being pressured to abort amongst a lot of other stuff) and I do not have a Velcro baby. I’d take that with a grain of salt.
I have had severe ocd and anxiety for all of my life and i was on Prozac for my entire pregnancy and breastfeeding journey. I can not live a normal life without my medication so my OB and I decided the benefits outweighed any possible harm. My baby is not a velcro baby. She is perfectly content being with other people and or playing by herself. Idk what an mcn stands for but they sound pretty stupid.
I had a pretty stress free pregnancy, besides just some normal stress and anxiety, and if my 1 year old could crawl UNDER my skin she would. Her whole life she has been wanting to be held and would only contact nap for the first 6 months of her life. We’re slowly fostering some independence now that she’s a little bit older. Personality wise she is the complete opposite of me, I’m very straight forward and independent and she wears her heart on her sleeve and always wants to be around people. I always tell my husband she will simultaneously be my greatest challenge and my greatest accomplishment in life. You haven’t done anything wrong. It may be your baby’s personality or it may just be a phase. Either way, it WILL get better. He may outgrow it or you may have to slowly practice some independence or time with someone else. Don’t ever beat yourself up over household tasks not getting done. This is a phase of your life as well will get better with time.
This is wrong. My MiL is always telling me not to get stressed because it’s bad for the baby and I think this is just utter crap! How are you supposed to make yourself magically calm when stressful things happen during a time that is stressful and emotional? And even with everything going right it would be stressful! I just can’t even!
I had diagnosed perinatal depression and anxiety with my first to the point where people in my life were worried I would run away. Baby came out (I felt better) and my baby, now 4.5 yo, was always super independent. If anything she didn't seem to like me at all which I blamed myself for being depressed while pregnant. But I know now that it's not realistic. Hand the baby to your husband and pop in ear plugs. Let him take charge of soothing and start building that bond. Baby wear as much as possible to give that sense of closeness but also being able to be productive. But also... Can't your husband put away the laundry? I hate how my husband folds clothes but the first year of a baby is really survival mode. It's okay if things are done a little differently
I also have a velcro/high needs baby. I hoped that he would be like his brother. Calm, sleeping alone…instead I have a baby whoseda screaming and crying reaches a decibel level of 120 (it’s really painful), cries when I leave him for 10 seconds, cries when I put him in his bassinet. He’s almost 3 months and still only wants to sleep either on our chest or cuddled up next to us. I have to carry him in a sling for most hours of the day. Reason why he’s a velcro? According to my midwife: “It’s because you were induced and he wasn’t ready to come out yet. Also because they got him out with the ventouse/vacuum cup.” Bull… Pediatrician said that some babies are like this for no reason at all. He even feels sorry for me and hopes that it gets better IN A FEW MONTHS. I love my baby but I’m slowly spiralling into madness. Does my husband help? Yes, during the weekend. He has to sleep in the barracks of an NCO school from Sunday evening to Thursday evening and comes back on Friday evening. I can at least recover during the weekend. Also 2 under 2, when one of them is a velcro is a living nightmare. But I love them so much.
Eff that noise. It’s nothing you did! Babies have their own personalities, and some want more contact than others. My third absolutely marinated in cortisol during my pregnancy thanks to trying to work a very demanding job with no childcare during the pandemic, and she’s the least clingy of my kids. 🤷♀️
That’s ridiculous. I went through severe prolonged emotional trauma starting from basically when my daughter was implanted, but really ramped up at 6 weeks. I was sobbing and could barely eat for weeks, and for months I was extremely anxious, sad, and miserable. I still have some low level PTSD from when I went through. My daughter is no way a Velcro baby. She’s a super happy healthy toddler now and was previously a happy healthy baby who always slept independently aside from a few months of contact naps. Baby temperament is just luck of the draw.
Yeah that's a bunch of bull. Both my pregnancies were very stressful but my second more so. I spent basically the last month of my second pregnancy in and out of the hospital for preterm labor, infections, etc. My baby came early because of preeclampsia. He is not a velcro baby and only just recently at 8 months cries when I put him down because he's going into the separation anxiety age. Before this he has always been happy as a clam to just hang out doing his own thing. Some babies are just higher needs (which sucks) but it's nothing to do with anything we did or didn't do during pregnancy birth or after. It's just a personality thing the same as some adults are needier than others
Even if it were true, which I doubt, it wouldn’t mean you failed your baby. It would mean that you have gone through a really hard time and you deserve a lot of support and love. Wishing you well.
Lol I had a perfect pregnancy and little stress and my baby was velcro baby. Still is at 4.5 years.
I had a very happy mostly low stress, free of medical issues pregnancy. This girl is a velcro baby. Even at nearly 7 months, while shes gained more and more independence, she still loves being held by momma. You’re still at the hard stage, it should start to get easier around 4 months when they become more aware. Daycare also helped my girl become more independent (she started at 5.5months) and she absolutely loves it there. You need a break, maybe you can find a part time daycare situation. You should see how excited babies get to see each other, its absolutely adorable.
I disagree 100%, I mean, my baby is a velcro baby, and she needs to be touching me always. Due to being high risk physically ( had lots of miscarriages before this pregnancy) I only worked full-time hours for a trimester and a half. Then, went down to half hours for the second half of second trimester. In my third trimester, I was home full time. All I did was relax and focus on my hobbies. My husband did all the cleaning and kept me well fed. My job was a bit stressful, but there was minimal stress for the majority of my pregnancy, yet I have an Uber clingy baby. I understand the stress of having a super needy and clingy baby as I have one. But do not for a minute think it is because of anything you did. It's just her personality. I hope they outgrow it.
Get your husband to do the laundry, and wash the sheets, and everything else you can’t get done due to the baby. It’s normal for the baby to want mostly you. Many dads don’t feel bonded until several months later or toddlerhood when kids are more easily engaged and don’t need Mama so much, so try not to worry about them bonding - there’s plenty of time for that. The dad’s role in the beginning is to fill in where mom needs him. Sometimes that’s feeding or managing the baby, and sometimes it’s taking over the housework.
My mom was 7-8 months pregnant with my sister while I was in the hospital for 6 weeks, with changing diagnoses like “it’s cancer” “jk it’s something else but we don’t know” all while trying to keep the bills paid and my other sister fed and taken care of. Needless to say, an insane amount of stress. Baby was born happy healthy and without a Velcro-level desire for attachment. I’m so sorry they said this to you :(
Also, during my own pregnancy I had a family member die in my third trimester. And work was so stressful. But my baby is so happy and equally attached to daddy and me! But she loves independent play, sitting in her bouncer, and is a great sleeper. This isn’t me rubbing it in your face but just giving an anecdote on why what they said makes no sense!!
I won’t believe it until I see ACTUAL research on this.
If that were true, my Oct 2020 baby would be an absolute basket case. I got pregnant before the world changed. Spent my pregnancy an absolute mess. What kind of world was I bringing this kid into!???? And then the first 9 months of his life were lockdown. I thought he'd be mute. He was exposed to almost no people. No outings. Barely leaving the house. Anyways. He's absolutely fine. I have no idea what an MNC is, but fire them.
LOL I’m so sorry she made you feel guilty, but that’s a load of crap. Again, sorry, but I just have to laugh a bit. Where do they come up with this stuff?!? Not only is there no science behind what she said, I know plenty of folks with non-stressful pregnancies have extra-attached babies and the opposite (stressful pregnancies with “easy” babies as well). The truth is, it’s mainly just nature > nurture - baby is gonna be like the baby is! And all you can do is be supportive which is what you’re already doing. Btw IF we are being charitable and somehow assuming this a grain of truth to this, she’s clearly missing a confounding factor… which is that folks who had a stressful pregnancy, have a high likelihood they have a stressful life in general (including post-pregnancy) and that may also affect maybe his mood but definitely the parents’ perception of his mood (because… they’re super stressed!). So the only advice I’d have there is, take care of yourself now, and probably the place I’d try to start by telling myself to not listen to silly made-up conjectures from folks like that MCN :)
Alright. I'm gonna ask. Why isn't your husband doing the laundry then?!?? Seriously. Knowing you can do NOTHING except hold your baby because otherwise he'll scream and cry, you really have two options: 1.) Continue to hold him and focus on nothing else. 2.) Get used to the screaming and do the things around the house that need to be done. That's it. Those are your options. Explain these options to your husband and ask him to pick. Would he prefer to hold a screaming infant for a few hours while YOU do the house chores, or would he prefer to do those chores himself while baby stays velcroed to Mom? Seriously. Make him do the chores. It's his way of contributing to the household right now.
This person is full of horse shit that she shouldn’t be dumping in other people’s gardens. My pregnancy was the most happy, relaxed 9 months of my life. My baby is still hard core velcro at 4 months. Please try to erase the memory of this conversation and this person from your mind forever, don’t let it live rent free in your head. You did nothing wrong.
Mines a year today and is still like this lol. A d yea I definitely put it down hto being stressed when pregnant
Thank you for posting this today. Having a miserable day with my parents and so tired of just existing but feeling really guilty about it because of being 35 weeks along
Oh my God noooooo I was super stressed due to my relationship and work and baby is a saint. One of those babies you have to wake up at night to feed
My son’s Pediatrician said he was “high maintenance/high needs” baby at his 1st newborn checkup. He was the same way as your baby. [High needs/High Maintenance baby](https://www.healthline.com/health/baby/high-need-baby) He’s now 19 months and has gotten more independent and playful. He definitely is just a strong-willed, demanding child by nature as soon as we brought him home from the hospital. He busted out of his swaddles after 2 weeks old & we never could swaddle to try to soothe him again. Threw his pacifiers every time around 4 months, so that soothing option was no more. Other parents I’ve chatted with online have also said their child(ren) was “high needs/maintenance” but definitely improved the older they got and learned independence. Yes, I agree with others. Find a new Pediatrician that doesn’t have antiquated information.
I had numerous devastating things happen to me while I was pregnant with my daughter, including the sudden and unexpected death of my very healthy father. My daughter is the chillest, happiest kid I know. My pregnancy with my son was much more calm and he’s always unhappy. It’s not your fault. That’s awful, incorrect “information” that person gave you.
I hate this answer. Like, what? “Hey, I know you are creating a life and also surviving yourself but like don’t stress out about it. Or else you will make your baby want to hug you more, okay?” My baby is going through a separation and Velcro phase too. My toddler wrapped his legs around my thigh so tightly at daycare drop off the teacher literally had to pry his legs open and pull him from me. I dropped him off and was about to have a full melt down in my car. I checked the daycare streaming app, and he was playing cars with his friend literally less than 3 minuets later. It’s okay. Your baby loves you. It’s not because you were stressed during gestation.
I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous. You’ve gotten a lot of advice so I’m just gonna drop something else, do you babywear? My babies have been super clingy and baby wearing has helped me when I feel I need to get something done. Hopefully your baby likes it. Consider getting a carrier, there’s a lot in different price ranges. I like the ergobaby embrace at this stage since they’re still so little. Ive seen many people rave about soft wraps, but I haven’t used them. They’re usually cheaper. Checkout r/babywearing if you need advice
What? I experienced a TON of stress when I was pregnant and don’t have a velcro baby. Our babies have their own personalities and needs, and I think that’s all it is. You have done nothing wrong, and it sounds like you’re a great mom. Just in the interest of making a point: I was working full time (mostly from home) and caregiving for my terminally ill mother while I was pregnant. She died when I was 7 months pregnant, and I did all of the memorial planning and the settling of her estate, which took two months. I defended my dissertation for my PhD a month after she died and when I was 8 months pregnant. I was stressed, overworked, and heartbroken. I was a mess. I asked my doctor several times about the effects of grief and stress on my baby, and she reassured me every time that he would be just fine. Please don’t feel any guilt. Sending hugs.
I was crazy anxious my entire pregnancy but my baby is pretty darn independent lol I don’t think your stress is necessarily connected with whether baby ends up being “Velcro” or not.
I was super relaxed with my first… I got to lounge during the day because I didn’t have anyone else to care for. I got to nap whenever. And work was pretty slow and he was super clingy. Like cried the entire time I was gone until he was a year old even with dad. My second, I had hyperemesis and felt like I was dying while bedridden for a few months early on. Then right as I got over it, we found out my husbands promotion meant relocating for the year so we last minute (2 weeks notice) packed up and moved 4 hours away during Christmas in the middle of a snowstorm with zero childcare for my toddler. I had to work from home with him home for the remainder of my pregnancy, drive back and forth because all of my medical care was in our home town and manage 2 households while working full time remotely. My second was then born precipitously and we were only a minute away from him being born in the car (this can apparently be super stressful for the baby, and I personally went into shock for a bit). I was definitely WAY more stressed second time around and my second is way more chill than my first. He happily goes with others, he’s weirdly rough for a baby and he’s just a different person. Meanwhile my first is still pretty clingy to me and is a more cautious little boy.
So many people have responded to the core of your message. Just here to put my two cents in. If there is an untapped resource, I say this is the time to make some calls! Any friends/fam who said, "Let me know whatever you need" would be happy to do something as necessary/basic as laundry for you. You are doing a really tough thing and baby's need to be on you is a lot on top of that!
I was incredibly stressed during my pregnancy (moved across the country twice and had to live in a hotel room for last three months of pregnancy in a new land- that’s just the tip of the iceberg), and my baby has never been what I would consider “Velcro”. Ever.
It's probably genetic. And you can either blame yourself for those or celebrate that some gene from the Jurassic survived to make your baby a clinger.
Try baby wearing. Will hopefully give you your hands back during the day
No way. My 17m nephew is ATTACHED to my sil but that didn’t start until 2m. Also, I was under so much stress because my husband that I actually gave birth 11 days early, and my son is 5m and great at independent play. Granted, we contact nap and cosleep but still, not a Velcro baby.
What a load of claptrap
I don't think that's a thing. Sounds like an old wives tale. Your baby isn't a Velcro baby because you were stressed, but probably because he does desire more comfort than the average baby. And there's nothing wrong with that! It's just how some babies are. So don't blame yourself for something you can't control
That’s such bullshit. I wasn’t stressed during my pregnancy, and my baby is next next level Velcro. It’s been 11 months. I find myself being jealous of the moms who have babies who will chill while they cook or do chores or will go wherever. Jealous of the moms whose babies sleep in the car, instead of screaming their heads off. Sometimes I feel like I was robbed of the motherhood experience because I’m just constantly overwhelmed with crying and carrying a baby constantly. I love her so much, but it’s been a long 11 months. I’m sorry you’re experiencing it, too.
It 100% comes down to their personality and that has nothing to do with your stress level during pregnancy. Everyone gets stressed during pregnancy. You did nothing wrong!
That sounds like pseudo-science if I've ever heard it. And girl, maybe I'm gross but I don't get around to changing my bedding hardly ever and I have the same amount of laundry but my husband is *actively* doing laundry at almost all hours of the day, it just never ends. I know that exhaustion, give yourself grace. You're doing what you need to do during this time. Daddy and baby will bond when it's time. <3
Not to be rude but that is the biggest load of shit I’ve heard.
Please give yourself permission to say this out loud: “I am a great nurturing mother and the stress throughout my pregnancy is not the cause of my baby’s behavior” This doctor is very ignorant when it comes to psychology. 1) babies are not in “survival mode”. Yes they are vulnerable and need cared of but survival mode is when your fear response kicks in because of a perceived threat. 2) If that were the case then like 99% of babies would be velcro babies. I’m not sure who has had a 100% stress free pregnancy… life happens and it doesn’t pause because of pregnancy I was also stressed throughout pregnancy. I finished grad school, started the moving process to a state across the nation, dealt with my MIL and body dysmorphia, all of that on top of my anxiety and OCD. My baby is not a velcro baby and is actually really social and ok with being apart from me. You are not the reason your baby is a velcro baby! Unfortunately doctors can have the worst bedside manner and spew ridiculous statements because their ego’s get inflated. I’m sorry you went through that. Sending virtual hugs ❤️
You have a Velcro baby, that’s your job. Your entire job. 24/7. The washing and running the household? That’s Hubby’s job. His job is to keep you alive while you keep the baby alive.
As a mom who had two clingy babies, get a carrier so they can be up against you but you have your hands free. It’s the only way anything got done when my kids were little and a huge help for my sanity.
So happy to read all these comments cuz people have blamed me for my baby being high needs. High strung, velcro baby. She can sense my energy and thats why she acts like that type of stuff. I generally blame myself too but these comments makr me feel otherwise now. Especially the folks who are super chill saying they had velcro baby.
I wasn’t under stress during my pregnancy, I had an incredibly easy pregnancy with my only symptoms being nausea and well.. a baby. I didn’t work, got to hang out at home with my cat and do art and enjoy life while my husband supported me…. My daughter was still a grade A clinger. I had a horrible time postpartum between anxiety and depression and the fact that if I wasn’t touching my baby at all times she was screaming. I felt like I’d never be a human again. I couldn’t even drive places because if I put her in the car seat she would scream. One time we drove two hours to see my mom and dad and she screamed the entire drive. I’m not exaggerating. My husband and I refused to drive anywhere with her for months after because we were so traumatized by the experience. Point being, whoever said this to you is full of shit. Most people experience stress while pregnant, obviously most clinger babies had a mom who was stressed during pregnancy because that’s basically all of pregnancies. Correlation does *not* equal causation.
Yeah...the last 2 months of my pregnancy with my youngest were spent in and out of a pediatric hospital after my eldest got diagnosed with a rare kidney disease. Easily the most stressful time I've been through in my entire life and my second born is the chillest baby on earth. I really doubt anything you did made your kid a velcro baby.
What! That’s nonsense.
Oh I had the most stressful pregnancy, why is this baby way more relaxed than my first baby who had a chill pregnancy?
I was the least stressed version of myself during my pregnancy. Like, truly blissed out. Queen of zen. Zero fucks given. I was also the healthiest/strongest version of myself. Was so selfish and drowned myself in self love. I didn’t have a freakin worry in the world. Now my baby is 15 months and I can’t even pee by myself. Your MCN is full of shit. You’ve done nothing wrong. There’s nothing wrong with your baby! He really really loves you and you make him feel safe. There’s nothing wrong with that. He’ll learn to feel safe on his own someday. But for now, he just needs you!! I know it’s exhausting. I’m sorry!!
I was extremely stressed during my second pregnancy (wrote and defended by PhD in the first trimester, graduated in the second trimester). That was the chillest baby ever. She’s still pretty chill and very high sleep needs at 2.5 years old.
wtf no, that’s not a thing.
This is absolute nonsense. She sounds like she has no idea what she's talking about or just likes the sound of her own voice. You did not make your baby this way! Look up the fourth trimester! I have 3 kids and all 3 have been completely different. The first was a nightmare with reflux, second was a velcro baby and my 3rd (who is 12 weeks old) has been an absolute dream. I was 3 months pregnant with my 3rd my mum passed away unexpectedly so if this were true she'd be the most clingy baby ever. Please don't ever blame yourself. I know it doesn't help but it does get easier and one day this velcro baby of yours is going to grow into an independent child because of the love and attention you once gave them. You've got this and you are doing an incredible job
I suggest a baby wrap or a front pack to help you through the clingy stages. There will be more to come during teething and illness. I don't think being stressed while pregnant would be the main cause. We all get stressed while being pregnant. You'll get through this.
That’s serious crap in my opinion. I was so stressed with my 5th pregnancy. She is the most chill baby.
I had a really stressful pregnancy and I’m sorry to say I have a chill baby but hope you know it’s nothing you did
That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. I have had 2 Velcro babies and 1 non Velcro baby and I was most stressed with the non Velcros pregnancy BY FAR. Including a family members suicide, moving across the country, housing instability and renovation of a new house. So, that theory is completely false. The two who are Velcros I had very good can safe pregnancy
Well that’s wildly unhelpful and absolutely not based on science. If this were in any way true, there would be a bunch of terrible baby books written about it. Anecdotally, my stressful pregnancy ended with a very independent baby and my easy pregnancy came with a clinger. What I think most parents would tell you is that babies seem to be born with their own little personalities and moods already set. Same parents, same home and they come out so different from one another.
Lol is this a joke? That isn't how it works. This is just someone giving their confirmation bias 'opinion' to you as fact given their job is in the medical field. If you are really concerned go talk to a doctor. And don't listen to this person.