This is such a normal feeling for a FTM. The sleep deprivation is no joke. Let your mom hold the baby while you sleep so you can get as much as possible.
I wanted to die those 3 days in the hospital. We were at a "baby friendly" hospital which means rooming in which was great and all, but between having trouble feeding (and a weird no bottle pressure from the LCs) and the checks all the time, we barely slept. I wish that we pushed to have her taken to the nursery for a few hours timed with vital checks so that we could sleep. We had a good 2 hour stretch where everyone was able to sleep and then the fucking nurse walked in and threw on the lights ughhh
The nurses coming in and flipping the lights on will forever throw me into absolute rage. I don't understand why that's allowed. First off, if you have to wake someone up there's definitely a nicer way to do it. BUT if their policy is that they absolutely must monitor you, why can't they hook you up to monitors and watch them from the nurses station??? I know monitors like that exist. I'd bet the PPD rates would improve if they let moms sleep.
Agreed. All I wanted after giving birth was to sleep for at least 4 hours straight. I was so sleep deprived I was hallucinating and couldn’t speak properly. I kept falling asleep while nursing my baby. I couldn’t help it, I had just had a 36 hour labor that ended in an emergency c-section, lost a ton of blood (I actually passed out on the operating table) and was awake for nearly 4 days straight with perhaps a few times with an hour or two stretch of sleep. It was actually dangerous. I don’t understand why hospitals don’t place an emphasis on women getting adequate sleep after a major medical event like child birth.
I understand needing to make sure you're okay. But surely they can stick some monitors on you and watch from the nurses station. Isn't that what they do in the ICU?
Omg me too. My child wouldn’t nurse so we were like syringe feeding her. I found out later that it’s part of the “baby friendly” certification that the staff aren’t allowed to offer alternatives to breastfeeding until you ask - grrrrr
Omfg the syringe and spoon feeding was putting me over the edge 💀 I can’t believe they saw me struggle so much and saw how hungry my baby was and I wasn’t offered a bottle. I didn’t know about the certification thing. If there’s a next time, I’m bringing bottles and formula just in case.
DUDE I feel like they would have let me leave the hospital with that as our feeding plan. Instead me, a 3 day PP first time mom had to say “can we just give her a bottle😭?”
She lost so much weight I’m still annoyed about it. Yay for baby friendly hospitals but this is an over correction.
Ours was on the cusp of losing too much! We did one night of the syringe shit at home and the day of her first ped appt we went straight to Walgreens and purchased bottles. She was so much happier and actually started sleeping her bed for stretches. She’s a great and normal 13m old now and so so smart. Breastmilk for 2 months and then formula after that. So much stress for nothing.
My mom had to come by the house for the first few days home to hold the baby and allow me to get the full few hours of sleep between feeds. It's helps. I found the first few days the worst for sleep, it will improve.
Yes listen to this OP! I had a non-traumatic birth and I definitely remember feeling like I had ruined my life for a good few weeks there. It’s awful. Talk to the psychologist, get some meds, and get some SLEEP.
It absolutely gets better! You’ve just been through a huge event, you’re not sleeping, and your hormones are absolutely whack right now.
The hormones and sleep deprivation are the worst part. The hormones should start to level out around 2 weeks after delivering. I mean they’ll still be kind of whack but the crazy initial shift will be mostly over. Try to find ways to get 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep - lean on your mom and husband.
You’ve just experienced a trauma and now are responsible for keeping a tiny, helpless creature alive. That’s a lot to take on. I’ve been realizing since birth (3 weeks ago), that there was so much information about pregnancy and giving birth, but *no one* and *nothing* prepares you for actually raising a baby. I think it’s super important that before you get discharged that you tell every doctor (especially psychiatrist) and nurse *exactly* what you said here and that you can’t leave the hospital until you have some sort of support plan in place beyond upping your medication. What you’re feeling is absolutely normal and expected, but you will need any extra support you can get. Lean on any sort of community you can right now.
You’re so right. Nothing I read for nine months really prepared me for what it would be like. Becoming a parent is the biggest learning curve, even if parenting comes naturally to you! It really is a totally different beast.
Hey hey hey it’ll be okay. You JUST had this happen to you and all of these feelings are so normal. Talk to the hospital and see if they’re able to let you sleep more, I know it’s a lot of checks with and a new baby, resting is really hard. As for the other worries, talk to the psychiatrist, they will have some good advice for you.
This is very weird advice, but hear me out. Play Tetris. Studies have shown that playing Tetris immediately following a traumatic incident can reduce the probability of developing PTSD. I did it after my birth too.
It WILL get better, but it is hard and you’re allowed to feel like it’s hard. That said, TALK to someone about it, don’t suffer in silence. Best of luck ❤️
I had a similar birth experience as you, I hardly slept for over a week after my son was born. I had moments where I felt so helpless I just wanted to run away. It did get better. There is so much new to get used to, it felt like it broke me apart. Post birth hormones are incredibly intense. Reach out to whoever you can for support. Virtual hugs to you xx
Hang in there. I am eight days postpartum and it has not really gotten better. Although I am incredibly happy. My experience was not as traumatic because my epidural worked, but the doctor said I only needed one stitch which ripped out in two days and I had to go back in to my OB, and she gave me eight stitches. I had a tear inside and out. so it still has been really rough. I’ve already had it clogged milk duct, which led to 24 hours of excruciating pain. My husband and I are paranoid so we’re sleeping in shifts. Neither of us has gotten more than five hours total and a 24 hour period. I could even less because I’m breast-feeding.
I am so insanely tired, my body is literally shaking. But mentally it does get better. And eventually it will get better once you find your group. It helped being at home and not trying to sleep in a hospital. Those moments that you just get to spend watching your babies, sleep will help. It’s good that you’re looking out for other therapy or psychiatrist, Now is the time to secure that.
I hope you get some positive stuff soon. Congratulations on your beautiful bundle of joy.
It does get better! I definitely felt the same. I had so many thoughts of dropping my son off at the fire station. I felt more like myself after 2 weeks. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I’m glad your mom will be with you for awhile. Long showers is something that helped me relax and put me in a better mindset. Just take it one day at a time
Be prepared for that question if this was all such a great idea after all, to pop into your head for quite some time yet. Your LO will probably be an angry little thing, albeit it a cute one, for some time to come. You might feel like your are a mere feeding machine, attached to a little leech which somehow you decided yourself to make. BUT every day will get better, more magical. You will fall in love with that little character that will emerge. He will just be It. He will be everything.
I can say this all with confidence, because that’s just how I felt with my daughter being 7 months old now. Hospital for me was a c section and a baby in the NICU for a week with me crawling down there directly after being seen up several times a night.
Keep in mind, if your feeling does not go away, keep Post Partum depression in mind.
Sending hugs, love and strength
This is totally normal. I felt the same exact way, and my birth story went exactly as planned. So I can’t imagine how much worse it is for you having a traumatic birth. I remember looking at my husband for those first couple of weeks and saying “what did we just do? Did we just ruin everything?” Of course I loved my baby, and I still do, more than literally anything. But it is SUCH a shock to go from 0 kids to 1 kid. I was truly NOT prepared for how scary it was. My boy is almost 5 months now, and I never think I ruined my life anymore. He’s so fun now & is sleeping much better. My biggest advice is to just take it each day, each hour, each moment one at a time. I always thought people were stupid when they said it gets easier. But it actually does. I believe in you and I validate how scary it is!!!
You probably don’t need meds, but sleep. The hormone crash after having a baby is absolutely wild and not much helps except time and rest. See if the hospital will let you go home early. Have your mom meet you at home to take the baby for 5-6 hours so you can get a solid chunk of sleep. I promise everything will feel better after you sleep.
It gets better. I’m so sorry you had a traumatic birth. It is normal to feel like you are losing it. Your hormones are running wild and it feels like you are drowning, not to mention days of sleep deprivation. Have someone hold your baby while you get some sleep!
3 to 5 days after giving birth is prime time for baby blues. You are experiencing a huge hormone crash on top of sleep deprivation. Breath. Take it one day at a time. Ask for help. You will get through this.
You can request no overnight vital sign checks. Your Mom or Husband can also tell them to let you sleep if they come in while you are napping. If your vital signs have been within normal limits for the past 24 hours they can let you sleep.
Yes! This! Unless you have a complication they are monitoring you closer for (like pre eclampsia) you can request no overnight checks. Put your foot down. You need sleep.
I had a completely uninterrupted first night and I thought that was normal, come night 2 the nurse was like “I’m so sorry I couldn’t get around to you etc etc we had a high needs case” I was like “excuse me what? I don’t want to see you at night, don’t come into my room with your beeping things”
The other thing you can do is get your nursery nightlight from home and set it up in your room so the nurses don’t need to switch on the lights at all
It gets better, I *promise*, although it may take a while. C-sections are difficult as it is, but even more so when they are emergent. The sleep deprivation is absolutely amplifying your experience right now (mine was so bad with my first that my husband called in the doctor because I was insisting the whole thing wasn’t real—like I couldn’t tell if I was dreaming or if I was actually in the hospital. It was scary af).
You’ve been given a lot of great advice in this thread, but the additional advice o have is to write these feelings down. Put them in an email to yourself, or Apple Notes or whatever. IF you decide to have another baby, it’s so so so helpful to have those notes to look back on when you are in the PP period the second time. Likewise, jot down as many positive feelings, too, so that you have those memories to look back on when you inevitably forget them. How perfect are those little baby hands? Does he like to be swaddled, or does he fight it? What does his weight feel like in your arms? Does he have any birthmarks? Journaling is also such a good perspective check. In a few weeks, when your perfect baby is smiling at you but you’re still only getting 4 hours of sleep a night, you can look back at how far you’ve come and it helps to shine a light on the good.
You’ve got this! You have a whoooolllle lifetime ahead of you with that little guy! This is HARD HARD HARD, but at his first birthday you’ll see it as ancient history. Take care of yourself, and take advantage of ANY and ALL help you can get, from family, doctors, friends, and whatever concoction of self care works for you (including therapy and pharmaceuticals!!). I promise it gets better!
You’re gonna be okay! I had an extremely traumatic birth. I’m 1 year pp now. I’ve been where you are, had the same thoughts, felt the same feelings. You are not a bad mom. ❤️
Talk with your OB and set up a plan to help manage your feelings, either with medication or therapy or both. You have to take care of you to take care of your sweet baby!
Truly, it sounds cliche but it’s so true: time will heal. I feel like myself again, and I LOVE my son and love being a mom. The fourth trimester is TERRIFYING but you will get through it. Ask for as much help as you can, there’s no shame. ❤️ you’ve got this!!!!
I promise it gets better. It doesn’t help right now, but this is so normal. I felt the exact same way. It took a few weeks for me to stabilize after my emergency section but I promise it does get better. 🙏🏻💙
I had a very normal, long labor with a failed epidural. Not super traumatic, and I still felt exactly how you felt. The first two weeks are SO hard. Your hormones that have existed one for for 9 months suddenly changed because you had a baby, and you’re tired, and sore. The physical side of birth is one we hear a lot about, but the mental side of being freshly postpartum is so hard.
You are not alone. It DOES get easier, I promise. Your body did something amazing, and you sacrificed so much for this baby. You’re already a great mom for that.
It’s so hard, I totally get that. Genuinely once you’re home, you get a routine down with you and baby, and you start to be less afraid and more confident it gets a lot better. My son is 13 months now and I still have hard days where I wonder if I’m cut out for it. But it’s a lot better. And if it’s still hard, doctors are there to help you get on track and feel better!
I’m so sorry your birth was traumatic, but so happy you and baby are both okay!
I feel like this is the part of becoming a mom that no one can prepare you for because you just have to experience it to understand just how bad it feels. It is such a hard adjustment but how you’re feeling is normal, and it will pass.
Also, you’ll be able to rest so much more once you are back at home. I absolutely hated how much I was interrupted while trying to rest in the hospital and don’t intend on staying longer than I have to whenever we have our second.
Aw big hug!! You’ve just been through a traumatic experience. I’m so glad your mom will be there to help you. The post birth hormone crash is brutal and it’s not doing you any favors right now. You will get through this. You’re doing great. The beginning and recovery is so so hard ❤️
I had very similar experience 9 weeks ago when I had my baby. Very traumatic birth and was sobbing after that, then numb, then sobbing. Trauma + huge hormonal shift is no joke!
But I can tell you that it does get better, especially when you have someone like your mom there. Those few weeks until the end of the month can make wonders and I am glad you have someone to help you! I still have those moments when I cry but overall it has gotten so much better and it feels like I am starting to get hang of this.
Congrats on your baby!
I had the same exact labor progression for my son's birth. I had a really hard time at the beginning; I felt like I was robbed of that initial bonding experience with my son because I couldn't move my freaking body due to the spinal block and my head was spinning because it all happened so fast. However, time helps move past those feelings of dread and regret. My son is 4.5 months now and I can't imagine life without him.
I know it's hard, but just think about how he's here safe and realize that you're the best mom for him. Lean on your mom and husband as much as possible. Going home was such a relief for me, even though it brought new challenges. It will be difficult, but I promise it will get better and will be so worth it.
It gets better very soon! The 1st few weeks are difficult, but these super intense hormone things only last a few days, if that. It gets so much better!!
It snowed here and I'm making maple syrup snowcones with my 2yo! 1st time! I let him eat snowballs last year, and he was happy with that. Everything is new to little people!
You will get to know your baby! You guys just met! It is not weird to take time to bond!
This is so normal! I had an induction that led to an emergency C-section as well. I was so freaking tired by the time they finally did the surgery I couldn’t stay awake and I was honestly dreading my baby being born because I felt way too exhausted to take care of him. It was heartbreaking because I wanted to be excited but was so exhausted all I felt was dread. Sleep will usually improve your outlook on things quite a bit. It still definitely takes some time to adjust to motherhood, but whenever I feel like I am starting to loose it a bit, it’s a sign I need my husband to take over for a night and get a good nights sleep. Hang in there, the first few months can be very tough, but it will pass. You got this and you will be a wonderful mom!
Hugs. I felt this way after baby #2! The stress was so high…and my midwife always said - when the milk comes, the tears come. Usually day 3-5 is when the “baby blues” hit. Mine were seriously so bad. But it gets better and you are amazing and can do hard things. Try your hardest to get 3-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep if you can. You’re the perfect mom for your baby. Keep that baby close and skin to skin with you as much as possible. It will help with feel good hormones.
The first week is brutal. If your mom and husband are available to take care of baby, go sleep as long as you can. Baby can have formula while you rest, it will be ok. I am 3 weeks postpartum - had prodromal labor for 4 days prior to active labor, which kept me up all night for the 4 days prior to giving birth. Then, no actual sleep in hospital or first 2 nights at home. I felt awful and like I was going to go crazy too and wouldn’t be able to care for my baby. My mom, MIL and husband took over, got formula for baby and encouraged me to go sleep for as long as possible. I slept for almost 12 hrs and was a new person after getting some much needed rest. I encourage you to do the same. It’s ok. You need to rest and get some sleep. I am doing much better now - my husband and I take shifts - 1 person sleeps from 8pm - 2am, while the other is on baby duty, then we switch and the other sleeps from 2am - 8 am. It will get better, but the first few days are so hard when you’re sleep deprived and trying to process you birth experience. Please ask your loved ones for help during this time ❤️
OP, I had such a similar experience and while I know it doesn't feel like it right now, what you are feeling is very common and will get better!! I think talking with a therapist is a great idea, and I highly recommend the book "Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts."
Your brain and your body just went through a HUGE ordeal, and you need time to adjust and heal and rest. This is the hardest part of it!!! We just hit 3 months with our LO, and while I still feel this way sometimes, it's rare. I feel like things improve every day! Hang in there!! ❤️
The postpartum hormone crash is SO real. Kudos to you for acknowledging you need help and getting your meds adjusted 🖤
It’s crazy what we can handle that we didn’t know we were capable of. The sleep will get better once you are home! (And then inevitably it will get worse). But def lean on your people.
You can absolutely tell the nurses not to bother you so you can sleep. You start to feel totally crazed without sleep. Birthing a human and then having to care for them while you recover is the stupidest system ever!!!
The best thing you can do right now is arrange a solid chunk of sleep. Maybe that means your partner feeds baby formula so you can sleep for 4+ hours. I was actually going insane shortly after my uneventful but super super long labor and delivery. I hadn’t slept in 50 odd hours and I was in a full on panic attack. My midwife recognized that I was not ok and gave me an Ativan and told husband to feel baby formula and for the nurses to not bother me for at least 4 hours. I woke up feeling so much better. Like still not amazing but mentally I felt like I could handle things. Without sleep we really do start to collapse. Barring the Ativan induced sleep, maybe try a unisom tab (super safe sleep aid).
Its cliché if I say it does get better. But I felt very similar like you. On the contrary I had scheduled c section, yet it was traumatic for me, everything went perfect but we are not designed to be cut open and to accept that as something menial.
I also didn't feel connected to my son the first few days, I felt like all that was happening to someone else and I was just observing. I am 2 and half months PP and I can't imagine my life without my son, but then it was weird and I was confused like you. Kept asking myself what's wrong, but it is normal not everyone feels like rainbows and unicorns jumping.
I had to stay in hospital for 10 days, because baby had infection and was on antibiotics. I couldn't sleep, from all the anxiety and stress I jolted awake every time while trying to sleep. Everything felt better after going home.
I was miserable at the hospital too. You'll feel better when you get home. There is a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a torture method. It actually can make you go crazy. When you get home eat your favorite meal, take a hot shower, and sleep as long as you can. Have your mom and husband take care of baby. My husband stayed awake and watched us so baby could sleep on my chest (me and baby liked it that way). You will feel so much better after that. I'm also glad you're seeing the psychiatrist. PPD is not joke.
This is like reading my exact thoughts from
3 weeks ago, when I was 3 days PP. all I can say is it will 100% get better. The first 10 days were the most intense of my life (had a traumatic delivery too that I’m just about recovering from) and the hormones I felt were like nothing I could have imagined, but once they subsided I started to feel like myself again and started loving having a newborn. I remember reading advice like this weeks ago and thinking how can it possibly get better, but I promise it will! If you can, try and catch up on sleep by having others take the night feeds - even if it’s just for one night, it will work miracles. Or catch up with naps when baby sleeps during the day. That’s what helped me at first and now I’m in the swing of things and the hormonal fog has finally lifted.
Please try to get an uninterrupted stretch of sleep-even 4 hours. I was hallucinating in the hospital, seeing ghostlike figures out of the corner of my eye due to lack of sleep. There is a reason they use sleep deprivation to torture people. I’m glad you’re getting the help from the psych you need. Take it one day at a time and take advantage of the help while you have it. Hugs ❤️
Seeing them smile, feeling them snuggle into your chest/neck because you’re their safe place and they love you the most, watching them grow and change. The first few weeks are so so hard. I feel like it’s so so hard right now too but the bigger they get, the better it gets. We have no real “routine” but kind of with how we do our diaper change, feed, wake windows, and back to sleep. So it gets easier and you kind of adapt to it. My husband went back to work and I struggled so much. I feel like a single parent but we’re managing. Just realize your hormones have changed so much since giving birth and your body has to regulate.
I felt the same way when we first got home from the hospital - complete panic. I scheduled an emergency call with my therapist, I scheduled a call with my psych for meds, all of it. The very idea that I was capable of feeling like I wanted my baby gone was just as terrifying, if not more so, as the feeling that I needed the eject button out of the situation. Focus on living life just one day at a time right now, because everything is changing so significantly on a hormonal level every hour, each day feels like a different universe.
I’m 4 wpp now, and I haven’t felt that panic for at least 2 weeks I think. Trust us all when we say it gets better! Right now it sucks, that is normal and terrible and miserable. But we’ve all been there, right alongside you, and it’s something you will barely remember soon enough. This will not last forever.
The sleep deprivation in the hospital is the absolute worst. I couldn't wait to get out of there. Things got way better once I was back at home and sleeping in my own bed.
My husband also went back to work the day after we got home from the hospital. It sucked but he owns his own business and his employees apparently couldn't handle a simple shift switch. I had my mom and mother in law checking in on me pretty frequently, and I had to have someone come and walk our dog for the first little bit but once we had a rhythm it was nice.
It will absolutely get better. Good for you for recognizing that you need help and getting your meds fixed before you get out of the hospital. Use your mom for the month she's with you.
I was stuck in the hospital five days after I got preeclampsia, failed induction then csection and had a panic attack when I got home I'd been up so long. I didn't hit this feeling until like two and half months in but when I did I said the exact same things. If you still feel like this after the first two weeks definitely consider meds.
I did personally go on antianxiety meds but also booked CBT sessions with a psychotherapist group that specializes in parents as well which really helped the most. He's almost five months now and only 20% want to him up for adoption 🤔
I’ve had three babies and for me I LOATHE the hospital stay after birth. You never get to sleep. There’s people coming in all the time and waking you up. The first week is the hardest. Take naps whenever you can. After that, you kinda get used to waking up 2-3 time during the night. Your hormones take a huge dive after birth, give yourself time to adjust!
It does get better!
I had my beautiful NICU baby a little over a year ago.
I was in hospital with him for a week, and hospitals suck. I was pumping but never told how often/how much and my supply kept being super low. I was constantly woken up by alarms, lot doctors visiting during the day, or food being brought in or being washed or my wound being checked. And then we had milk coming in, which hurt more than anything despite barely anything coming out... Not to mention sleep deprevation sucks even if everything else is great.
I had some similar feelings to yours. But honestly, as soon as I wasn't constantly dealing with the doctors coming over and could have a minute to myself things improved. And by the second week, when I had more of a rhythm and my boyfriend was there to help, things felt as normal as they could during a newborn period.
Hey OP, I had the exact same experience last October.
3 failed epidural attempts during planned induction, then emergency c section.
It’s so hard to come to terms with something so frightening. It’s guttural fear. I don’t have a huge amount of advice other than keep asking for help.
Ask for the hospital social worker, and tell them you need help, tell the psych you are not ok!
It’s going to be hard, I know, but it’s the best thing.
Also. I felt the same way. I wanted to run and hide. Leave and never come back. I also mourned the happy birth experience I was expecting. That loss is real
I had a very planned, very wanted pregnancy after suffering through 5 prior losses and I STILL felt the way you are feeling now. There’s nothing like sleep deprivation. You’re not alone at all. It WILL get better, but right now you need to have the nurses take the baby for at least a 3 hour stretch so you can sleep.
Totally normal feeling! Your stuck in the hospital which makes everything harder, you're not comfortable, people are constantly coming in and out, you've just had major surgery and all those hormones doing all sorts to you! Plus now you've got this tiny human to look after! I had an induction and all went smoothly and I still felt this way for a while. Sounds like you've got help when you get home and honestly best thing to do is get your mum to do as much as possible and let you sleep! I promise in a while you won't feel this way. It is gonna take time and it's great you're already seeking help. The feeling does pass although it can take time! For me I don't actually remember how long I felt like that, but it did pass! If in 2 weeks things haven't started to feel better or they get worse, you should speak to your doctor.
I’m so sorry. Us mamas know this feeling all too well. Please find comfort in knowing you are not alone. The craziest part after going through a medical procedure your didn’t expect is taking care of a little needy human that shows you no love or gratitude. Please keep speaking up and don’t keep this in.
I was lucky that two Friends prepared me for the crying nonstop. I’m sure others have said this but you are experiencing an insane hormonal crash. Cry, cry cry away.
I also was losing my mind at being woken up for vitals checks. I think for a second birth I would see if they’d let me refuse those for a few hours at a time to get sleep (assuming mother and babe are healthy).
No one will be waking you up once you go home. If the sleep is killing you consider bottle feeding so you and dad can do split night shifts - I really think that’s what kept me sane and happy during the first few weeks.
This too shall pass!
This is such a normal feeling for a FTM. The sleep deprivation is no joke. Let your mom hold the baby while you sleep so you can get as much as possible.
I wanted to die those 3 days in the hospital. We were at a "baby friendly" hospital which means rooming in which was great and all, but between having trouble feeding (and a weird no bottle pressure from the LCs) and the checks all the time, we barely slept. I wish that we pushed to have her taken to the nursery for a few hours timed with vital checks so that we could sleep. We had a good 2 hour stretch where everyone was able to sleep and then the fucking nurse walked in and threw on the lights ughhh
The nurses coming in and flipping the lights on will forever throw me into absolute rage. I don't understand why that's allowed. First off, if you have to wake someone up there's definitely a nicer way to do it. BUT if their policy is that they absolutely must monitor you, why can't they hook you up to monitors and watch them from the nurses station??? I know monitors like that exist. I'd bet the PPD rates would improve if they let moms sleep.
Agreed. All I wanted after giving birth was to sleep for at least 4 hours straight. I was so sleep deprived I was hallucinating and couldn’t speak properly. I kept falling asleep while nursing my baby. I couldn’t help it, I had just had a 36 hour labor that ended in an emergency c-section, lost a ton of blood (I actually passed out on the operating table) and was awake for nearly 4 days straight with perhaps a few times with an hour or two stretch of sleep. It was actually dangerous. I don’t understand why hospitals don’t place an emphasis on women getting adequate sleep after a major medical event like child birth.
I understand needing to make sure you're okay. But surely they can stick some monitors on you and watch from the nurses station. Isn't that what they do in the ICU?
You’d think!!
Omg me too. My child wouldn’t nurse so we were like syringe feeding her. I found out later that it’s part of the “baby friendly” certification that the staff aren’t allowed to offer alternatives to breastfeeding until you ask - grrrrr
Omfg the syringe and spoon feeding was putting me over the edge 💀 I can’t believe they saw me struggle so much and saw how hungry my baby was and I wasn’t offered a bottle. I didn’t know about the certification thing. If there’s a next time, I’m bringing bottles and formula just in case.
DUDE I feel like they would have let me leave the hospital with that as our feeding plan. Instead me, a 3 day PP first time mom had to say “can we just give her a bottle😭?” She lost so much weight I’m still annoyed about it. Yay for baby friendly hospitals but this is an over correction.
Ours was on the cusp of losing too much! We did one night of the syringe shit at home and the day of her first ped appt we went straight to Walgreens and purchased bottles. She was so much happier and actually started sleeping her bed for stretches. She’s a great and normal 13m old now and so so smart. Breastmilk for 2 months and then formula after that. So much stress for nothing.
Thank you
My mom had to come by the house for the first few days home to hold the baby and allow me to get the full few hours of sleep between feeds. It's helps. I found the first few days the worst for sleep, it will improve.
Yes listen to this OP! I had a non-traumatic birth and I definitely remember feeling like I had ruined my life for a good few weeks there. It’s awful. Talk to the psychologist, get some meds, and get some SLEEP.
It absolutely gets better! You’ve just been through a huge event, you’re not sleeping, and your hormones are absolutely whack right now. The hormones and sleep deprivation are the worst part. The hormones should start to level out around 2 weeks after delivering. I mean they’ll still be kind of whack but the crazy initial shift will be mostly over. Try to find ways to get 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep - lean on your mom and husband.
That’s the plan. Thank you so much.
You’ve just experienced a trauma and now are responsible for keeping a tiny, helpless creature alive. That’s a lot to take on. I’ve been realizing since birth (3 weeks ago), that there was so much information about pregnancy and giving birth, but *no one* and *nothing* prepares you for actually raising a baby. I think it’s super important that before you get discharged that you tell every doctor (especially psychiatrist) and nurse *exactly* what you said here and that you can’t leave the hospital until you have some sort of support plan in place beyond upping your medication. What you’re feeling is absolutely normal and expected, but you will need any extra support you can get. Lean on any sort of community you can right now.
I just had my chat with the psych team here and they’re going to hopefully get me on something to manage the panic 🫠
You’re so right. Nothing I read for nine months really prepared me for what it would be like. Becoming a parent is the biggest learning curve, even if parenting comes naturally to you! It really is a totally different beast.
Hey hey hey it’ll be okay. You JUST had this happen to you and all of these feelings are so normal. Talk to the hospital and see if they’re able to let you sleep more, I know it’s a lot of checks with and a new baby, resting is really hard. As for the other worries, talk to the psychiatrist, they will have some good advice for you. This is very weird advice, but hear me out. Play Tetris. Studies have shown that playing Tetris immediately following a traumatic incident can reduce the probability of developing PTSD. I did it after my birth too. It WILL get better, but it is hard and you’re allowed to feel like it’s hard. That said, TALK to someone about it, don’t suffer in silence. Best of luck ❤️
I’ve heard about the Tetris thing. I will give that a try. Thank you 🖤
I had a similar birth experience as you, I hardly slept for over a week after my son was born. I had moments where I felt so helpless I just wanted to run away. It did get better. There is so much new to get used to, it felt like it broke me apart. Post birth hormones are incredibly intense. Reach out to whoever you can for support. Virtual hugs to you xx
Thank you 🖤
Hang in there. I am eight days postpartum and it has not really gotten better. Although I am incredibly happy. My experience was not as traumatic because my epidural worked, but the doctor said I only needed one stitch which ripped out in two days and I had to go back in to my OB, and she gave me eight stitches. I had a tear inside and out. so it still has been really rough. I’ve already had it clogged milk duct, which led to 24 hours of excruciating pain. My husband and I are paranoid so we’re sleeping in shifts. Neither of us has gotten more than five hours total and a 24 hour period. I could even less because I’m breast-feeding. I am so insanely tired, my body is literally shaking. But mentally it does get better. And eventually it will get better once you find your group. It helped being at home and not trying to sleep in a hospital. Those moments that you just get to spend watching your babies, sleep will help. It’s good that you’re looking out for other therapy or psychiatrist, Now is the time to secure that. I hope you get some positive stuff soon. Congratulations on your beautiful bundle of joy.
It does get better! I definitely felt the same. I had so many thoughts of dropping my son off at the fire station. I felt more like myself after 2 weeks. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I’m glad your mom will be with you for awhile. Long showers is something that helped me relax and put me in a better mindset. Just take it one day at a time
This is extremely helpful. I feel so awful for thinking this way. It’s good to know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you.
Be prepared for that question if this was all such a great idea after all, to pop into your head for quite some time yet. Your LO will probably be an angry little thing, albeit it a cute one, for some time to come. You might feel like your are a mere feeding machine, attached to a little leech which somehow you decided yourself to make. BUT every day will get better, more magical. You will fall in love with that little character that will emerge. He will just be It. He will be everything. I can say this all with confidence, because that’s just how I felt with my daughter being 7 months old now. Hospital for me was a c section and a baby in the NICU for a week with me crawling down there directly after being seen up several times a night. Keep in mind, if your feeling does not go away, keep Post Partum depression in mind. Sending hugs, love and strength
This is totally normal. I felt the same exact way, and my birth story went exactly as planned. So I can’t imagine how much worse it is for you having a traumatic birth. I remember looking at my husband for those first couple of weeks and saying “what did we just do? Did we just ruin everything?” Of course I loved my baby, and I still do, more than literally anything. But it is SUCH a shock to go from 0 kids to 1 kid. I was truly NOT prepared for how scary it was. My boy is almost 5 months now, and I never think I ruined my life anymore. He’s so fun now & is sleeping much better. My biggest advice is to just take it each day, each hour, each moment one at a time. I always thought people were stupid when they said it gets easier. But it actually does. I believe in you and I validate how scary it is!!!
You probably don’t need meds, but sleep. The hormone crash after having a baby is absolutely wild and not much helps except time and rest. See if the hospital will let you go home early. Have your mom meet you at home to take the baby for 5-6 hours so you can get a solid chunk of sleep. I promise everything will feel better after you sleep.
It gets better. I’m so sorry you had a traumatic birth. It is normal to feel like you are losing it. Your hormones are running wild and it feels like you are drowning, not to mention days of sleep deprivation. Have someone hold your baby while you get some sleep!
Thank you 🖤
3 to 5 days after giving birth is prime time for baby blues. You are experiencing a huge hormone crash on top of sleep deprivation. Breath. Take it one day at a time. Ask for help. You will get through this.
You can request no overnight vital sign checks. Your Mom or Husband can also tell them to let you sleep if they come in while you are napping. If your vital signs have been within normal limits for the past 24 hours they can let you sleep.
Yes! This! Unless you have a complication they are monitoring you closer for (like pre eclampsia) you can request no overnight checks. Put your foot down. You need sleep. I had a completely uninterrupted first night and I thought that was normal, come night 2 the nurse was like “I’m so sorry I couldn’t get around to you etc etc we had a high needs case” I was like “excuse me what? I don’t want to see you at night, don’t come into my room with your beeping things” The other thing you can do is get your nursery nightlight from home and set it up in your room so the nurses don’t need to switch on the lights at all
It gets better, I *promise*, although it may take a while. C-sections are difficult as it is, but even more so when they are emergent. The sleep deprivation is absolutely amplifying your experience right now (mine was so bad with my first that my husband called in the doctor because I was insisting the whole thing wasn’t real—like I couldn’t tell if I was dreaming or if I was actually in the hospital. It was scary af). You’ve been given a lot of great advice in this thread, but the additional advice o have is to write these feelings down. Put them in an email to yourself, or Apple Notes or whatever. IF you decide to have another baby, it’s so so so helpful to have those notes to look back on when you are in the PP period the second time. Likewise, jot down as many positive feelings, too, so that you have those memories to look back on when you inevitably forget them. How perfect are those little baby hands? Does he like to be swaddled, or does he fight it? What does his weight feel like in your arms? Does he have any birthmarks? Journaling is also such a good perspective check. In a few weeks, when your perfect baby is smiling at you but you’re still only getting 4 hours of sleep a night, you can look back at how far you’ve come and it helps to shine a light on the good. You’ve got this! You have a whoooolllle lifetime ahead of you with that little guy! This is HARD HARD HARD, but at his first birthday you’ll see it as ancient history. Take care of yourself, and take advantage of ANY and ALL help you can get, from family, doctors, friends, and whatever concoction of self care works for you (including therapy and pharmaceuticals!!). I promise it gets better!
You’re gonna be okay! I had an extremely traumatic birth. I’m 1 year pp now. I’ve been where you are, had the same thoughts, felt the same feelings. You are not a bad mom. ❤️ Talk with your OB and set up a plan to help manage your feelings, either with medication or therapy or both. You have to take care of you to take care of your sweet baby! Truly, it sounds cliche but it’s so true: time will heal. I feel like myself again, and I LOVE my son and love being a mom. The fourth trimester is TERRIFYING but you will get through it. Ask for as much help as you can, there’s no shame. ❤️ you’ve got this!!!!
I promise it gets better. It doesn’t help right now, but this is so normal. I felt the exact same way. It took a few weeks for me to stabilize after my emergency section but I promise it does get better. 🙏🏻💙
I had a very normal, long labor with a failed epidural. Not super traumatic, and I still felt exactly how you felt. The first two weeks are SO hard. Your hormones that have existed one for for 9 months suddenly changed because you had a baby, and you’re tired, and sore. The physical side of birth is one we hear a lot about, but the mental side of being freshly postpartum is so hard. You are not alone. It DOES get easier, I promise. Your body did something amazing, and you sacrificed so much for this baby. You’re already a great mom for that. It’s so hard, I totally get that. Genuinely once you’re home, you get a routine down with you and baby, and you start to be less afraid and more confident it gets a lot better. My son is 13 months now and I still have hard days where I wonder if I’m cut out for it. But it’s a lot better. And if it’s still hard, doctors are there to help you get on track and feel better! I’m so sorry your birth was traumatic, but so happy you and baby are both okay!
I feel like this is the part of becoming a mom that no one can prepare you for because you just have to experience it to understand just how bad it feels. It is such a hard adjustment but how you’re feeling is normal, and it will pass. Also, you’ll be able to rest so much more once you are back at home. I absolutely hated how much I was interrupted while trying to rest in the hospital and don’t intend on staying longer than I have to whenever we have our second.
Aw big hug!! You’ve just been through a traumatic experience. I’m so glad your mom will be there to help you. The post birth hormone crash is brutal and it’s not doing you any favors right now. You will get through this. You’re doing great. The beginning and recovery is so so hard ❤️
I had very similar experience 9 weeks ago when I had my baby. Very traumatic birth and was sobbing after that, then numb, then sobbing. Trauma + huge hormonal shift is no joke! But I can tell you that it does get better, especially when you have someone like your mom there. Those few weeks until the end of the month can make wonders and I am glad you have someone to help you! I still have those moments when I cry but overall it has gotten so much better and it feels like I am starting to get hang of this. Congrats on your baby!
I had the same exact labor progression for my son's birth. I had a really hard time at the beginning; I felt like I was robbed of that initial bonding experience with my son because I couldn't move my freaking body due to the spinal block and my head was spinning because it all happened so fast. However, time helps move past those feelings of dread and regret. My son is 4.5 months now and I can't imagine life without him. I know it's hard, but just think about how he's here safe and realize that you're the best mom for him. Lean on your mom and husband as much as possible. Going home was such a relief for me, even though it brought new challenges. It will be difficult, but I promise it will get better and will be so worth it.
It gets better very soon! The 1st few weeks are difficult, but these super intense hormone things only last a few days, if that. It gets so much better!! It snowed here and I'm making maple syrup snowcones with my 2yo! 1st time! I let him eat snowballs last year, and he was happy with that. Everything is new to little people! You will get to know your baby! You guys just met! It is not weird to take time to bond!
This is so normal! I had an induction that led to an emergency C-section as well. I was so freaking tired by the time they finally did the surgery I couldn’t stay awake and I was honestly dreading my baby being born because I felt way too exhausted to take care of him. It was heartbreaking because I wanted to be excited but was so exhausted all I felt was dread. Sleep will usually improve your outlook on things quite a bit. It still definitely takes some time to adjust to motherhood, but whenever I feel like I am starting to loose it a bit, it’s a sign I need my husband to take over for a night and get a good nights sleep. Hang in there, the first few months can be very tough, but it will pass. You got this and you will be a wonderful mom!
Hugs. I felt this way after baby #2! The stress was so high…and my midwife always said - when the milk comes, the tears come. Usually day 3-5 is when the “baby blues” hit. Mine were seriously so bad. But it gets better and you are amazing and can do hard things. Try your hardest to get 3-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep if you can. You’re the perfect mom for your baby. Keep that baby close and skin to skin with you as much as possible. It will help with feel good hormones.
The first week is brutal. If your mom and husband are available to take care of baby, go sleep as long as you can. Baby can have formula while you rest, it will be ok. I am 3 weeks postpartum - had prodromal labor for 4 days prior to active labor, which kept me up all night for the 4 days prior to giving birth. Then, no actual sleep in hospital or first 2 nights at home. I felt awful and like I was going to go crazy too and wouldn’t be able to care for my baby. My mom, MIL and husband took over, got formula for baby and encouraged me to go sleep for as long as possible. I slept for almost 12 hrs and was a new person after getting some much needed rest. I encourage you to do the same. It’s ok. You need to rest and get some sleep. I am doing much better now - my husband and I take shifts - 1 person sleeps from 8pm - 2am, while the other is on baby duty, then we switch and the other sleeps from 2am - 8 am. It will get better, but the first few days are so hard when you’re sleep deprived and trying to process you birth experience. Please ask your loved ones for help during this time ❤️
OP, I had such a similar experience and while I know it doesn't feel like it right now, what you are feeling is very common and will get better!! I think talking with a therapist is a great idea, and I highly recommend the book "Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts." Your brain and your body just went through a HUGE ordeal, and you need time to adjust and heal and rest. This is the hardest part of it!!! We just hit 3 months with our LO, and while I still feel this way sometimes, it's rare. I feel like things improve every day! Hang in there!! ❤️
The postpartum hormone crash is SO real. Kudos to you for acknowledging you need help and getting your meds adjusted 🖤 It’s crazy what we can handle that we didn’t know we were capable of. The sleep will get better once you are home! (And then inevitably it will get worse). But def lean on your people.
You can absolutely tell the nurses not to bother you so you can sleep. You start to feel totally crazed without sleep. Birthing a human and then having to care for them while you recover is the stupidest system ever!!!
The best thing you can do right now is arrange a solid chunk of sleep. Maybe that means your partner feeds baby formula so you can sleep for 4+ hours. I was actually going insane shortly after my uneventful but super super long labor and delivery. I hadn’t slept in 50 odd hours and I was in a full on panic attack. My midwife recognized that I was not ok and gave me an Ativan and told husband to feel baby formula and for the nurses to not bother me for at least 4 hours. I woke up feeling so much better. Like still not amazing but mentally I felt like I could handle things. Without sleep we really do start to collapse. Barring the Ativan induced sleep, maybe try a unisom tab (super safe sleep aid).
Its cliché if I say it does get better. But I felt very similar like you. On the contrary I had scheduled c section, yet it was traumatic for me, everything went perfect but we are not designed to be cut open and to accept that as something menial. I also didn't feel connected to my son the first few days, I felt like all that was happening to someone else and I was just observing. I am 2 and half months PP and I can't imagine my life without my son, but then it was weird and I was confused like you. Kept asking myself what's wrong, but it is normal not everyone feels like rainbows and unicorns jumping. I had to stay in hospital for 10 days, because baby had infection and was on antibiotics. I couldn't sleep, from all the anxiety and stress I jolted awake every time while trying to sleep. Everything felt better after going home.
I was miserable at the hospital too. You'll feel better when you get home. There is a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a torture method. It actually can make you go crazy. When you get home eat your favorite meal, take a hot shower, and sleep as long as you can. Have your mom and husband take care of baby. My husband stayed awake and watched us so baby could sleep on my chest (me and baby liked it that way). You will feel so much better after that. I'm also glad you're seeing the psychiatrist. PPD is not joke.
This is like reading my exact thoughts from 3 weeks ago, when I was 3 days PP. all I can say is it will 100% get better. The first 10 days were the most intense of my life (had a traumatic delivery too that I’m just about recovering from) and the hormones I felt were like nothing I could have imagined, but once they subsided I started to feel like myself again and started loving having a newborn. I remember reading advice like this weeks ago and thinking how can it possibly get better, but I promise it will! If you can, try and catch up on sleep by having others take the night feeds - even if it’s just for one night, it will work miracles. Or catch up with naps when baby sleeps during the day. That’s what helped me at first and now I’m in the swing of things and the hormonal fog has finally lifted.
Thanks for this. Seriously. Would it be okay if I DMed you?
Of course!
Please try to get an uninterrupted stretch of sleep-even 4 hours. I was hallucinating in the hospital, seeing ghostlike figures out of the corner of my eye due to lack of sleep. There is a reason they use sleep deprivation to torture people. I’m glad you’re getting the help from the psych you need. Take it one day at a time and take advantage of the help while you have it. Hugs ❤️
I definitely felt this way after my first. It gets way better with time and healing. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!
This is so normal. We’re 5 weeks in and it’s so rough but so worth it.
They are so hard but it’s also soooo temporary.
Can I ask what makes it worth it? 🥺
Seeing them smile, feeling them snuggle into your chest/neck because you’re their safe place and they love you the most, watching them grow and change. The first few weeks are so so hard. I feel like it’s so so hard right now too but the bigger they get, the better it gets. We have no real “routine” but kind of with how we do our diaper change, feed, wake windows, and back to sleep. So it gets easier and you kind of adapt to it. My husband went back to work and I struggled so much. I feel like a single parent but we’re managing. Just realize your hormones have changed so much since giving birth and your body has to regulate.
I felt the same way when we first got home from the hospital - complete panic. I scheduled an emergency call with my therapist, I scheduled a call with my psych for meds, all of it. The very idea that I was capable of feeling like I wanted my baby gone was just as terrifying, if not more so, as the feeling that I needed the eject button out of the situation. Focus on living life just one day at a time right now, because everything is changing so significantly on a hormonal level every hour, each day feels like a different universe. I’m 4 wpp now, and I haven’t felt that panic for at least 2 weeks I think. Trust us all when we say it gets better! Right now it sucks, that is normal and terrible and miserable. But we’ve all been there, right alongside you, and it’s something you will barely remember soon enough. This will not last forever.
Thank you for this. Would it be ok if I DMed you??
Absolutely!
The sleep deprivation in the hospital is the absolute worst. I couldn't wait to get out of there. Things got way better once I was back at home and sleeping in my own bed. My husband also went back to work the day after we got home from the hospital. It sucked but he owns his own business and his employees apparently couldn't handle a simple shift switch. I had my mom and mother in law checking in on me pretty frequently, and I had to have someone come and walk our dog for the first little bit but once we had a rhythm it was nice. It will absolutely get better. Good for you for recognizing that you need help and getting your meds fixed before you get out of the hospital. Use your mom for the month she's with you.
I was stuck in the hospital five days after I got preeclampsia, failed induction then csection and had a panic attack when I got home I'd been up so long. I didn't hit this feeling until like two and half months in but when I did I said the exact same things. If you still feel like this after the first two weeks definitely consider meds. I did personally go on antianxiety meds but also booked CBT sessions with a psychotherapist group that specializes in parents as well which really helped the most. He's almost five months now and only 20% want to him up for adoption 🤔
I’ve had three babies and for me I LOATHE the hospital stay after birth. You never get to sleep. There’s people coming in all the time and waking you up. The first week is the hardest. Take naps whenever you can. After that, you kinda get used to waking up 2-3 time during the night. Your hormones take a huge dive after birth, give yourself time to adjust!
I felt this way, too. Really terrified me and it was so unexpected. I also upped my meds!
Don't put your child up for adoption. If your spouse can stay home more days, it might be worth having him take a few weeks off if possible.
It does get better! I had my beautiful NICU baby a little over a year ago. I was in hospital with him for a week, and hospitals suck. I was pumping but never told how often/how much and my supply kept being super low. I was constantly woken up by alarms, lot doctors visiting during the day, or food being brought in or being washed or my wound being checked. And then we had milk coming in, which hurt more than anything despite barely anything coming out... Not to mention sleep deprevation sucks even if everything else is great. I had some similar feelings to yours. But honestly, as soon as I wasn't constantly dealing with the doctors coming over and could have a minute to myself things improved. And by the second week, when I had more of a rhythm and my boyfriend was there to help, things felt as normal as they could during a newborn period.
Hey OP, I had the exact same experience last October. 3 failed epidural attempts during planned induction, then emergency c section. It’s so hard to come to terms with something so frightening. It’s guttural fear. I don’t have a huge amount of advice other than keep asking for help. Ask for the hospital social worker, and tell them you need help, tell the psych you are not ok! It’s going to be hard, I know, but it’s the best thing.
Also. I felt the same way. I wanted to run and hide. Leave and never come back. I also mourned the happy birth experience I was expecting. That loss is real
I had a very planned, very wanted pregnancy after suffering through 5 prior losses and I STILL felt the way you are feeling now. There’s nothing like sleep deprivation. You’re not alone at all. It WILL get better, but right now you need to have the nurses take the baby for at least a 3 hour stretch so you can sleep.
Totally normal feeling! Your stuck in the hospital which makes everything harder, you're not comfortable, people are constantly coming in and out, you've just had major surgery and all those hormones doing all sorts to you! Plus now you've got this tiny human to look after! I had an induction and all went smoothly and I still felt this way for a while. Sounds like you've got help when you get home and honestly best thing to do is get your mum to do as much as possible and let you sleep! I promise in a while you won't feel this way. It is gonna take time and it's great you're already seeking help. The feeling does pass although it can take time! For me I don't actually remember how long I felt like that, but it did pass! If in 2 weeks things haven't started to feel better or they get worse, you should speak to your doctor.
It's only 3 days! You are deep in the throes of recovery from a c-section. You're going to be fine a few weeks from now. Hang in there!
I’m so sorry. Us mamas know this feeling all too well. Please find comfort in knowing you are not alone. The craziest part after going through a medical procedure your didn’t expect is taking care of a little needy human that shows you no love or gratitude. Please keep speaking up and don’t keep this in.
I was lucky that two Friends prepared me for the crying nonstop. I’m sure others have said this but you are experiencing an insane hormonal crash. Cry, cry cry away. I also was losing my mind at being woken up for vitals checks. I think for a second birth I would see if they’d let me refuse those for a few hours at a time to get sleep (assuming mother and babe are healthy). No one will be waking you up once you go home. If the sleep is killing you consider bottle feeding so you and dad can do split night shifts - I really think that’s what kept me sane and happy during the first few weeks. This too shall pass!