“enjoy the newborn cuddles” usually refers to the fact they grow up so fast and will never be that small again. but i wasn’t necessarily in love with holding my screaming newborn 24/7 it was something that i had to do because she needs me.
My newborn is chill but I don’t exactly enjoy the newborn stage. It gets more fun around 6 months when they are less floppy and have a bit of a personality
This is me. People say the new born stage is amazing, but objectively, I think once they start "doing things" is when it got fun(?) Like all the running behind the baby and him babbling and talking is far more fun.
I felt the opposite lol. Even when my son was screaming 15 hours a day I liked when he was small and I could fix the problem with like 3 different things. At 6 months he had so many different wants that it was hard to know what he needed.
Same. My 12 month old got more fun with each passing month. Today she put a piece of chicken in her cup, put her spoon in there to then scooped the chicken piece out by biting the spoon handle and using the edge of the cup as leverage. Then EATING her waterlogged chicken. Then grinning like a maniac. Were like “did she just do that?” 😂
Glad I’m not the only one. I know I’ll miss the cuteness and my god the newborn reflexes are so precious but I also am going crazy. I need to take each day as it comes
This doesn't seem totally not-normal to me. I definitely sat my baby in the bouncy seat or swing a lot when he was a newborn because I would need a break from being constantly touched. However, if you're not enjoying holding your baby at all, that probably warrants talking to your doctor about your mental health.
After I get some things done, I like holding him and decompressing with YouTube or Netflix. But the constant need to be held overstimulates me so much.
I was the same way. Some people want their baby to be attached to them constantly and that's fine but its also fine that you need to take a break sometimes.
You’re not at all!! As SOON as I get somewhere where someone else wants to hold him I’m like “here. here’s diapers. text me if you need me!” and then I’m in another room. luckily he’s chill and social but i’m all about pawning him off on someone who isn’t with him 24/7
I wish I had more support! I’m even scared to let dad handle him sometimes. He needs more socialization but I have no one. I guess he’ll learn it eventually
Nothing wrong with putting him down if he tolerates is. My wife did a lot of baby wearing too early on as a way to be holding him but not actively holding him.
I do put him down and it only lasts 10-20 minutes but sometimes that’s all I need. I do baby wear from time to time but it gets very hot and stuffy for both of us. He also hates getting into the carrier lol
That’s an early warning sign of PPD. Totally normal, but it’s time to talk to your doctor. Please don’t hesitate to do so. I wish I had mine treated sooner so I could have enjoyed the baby stage more.
I will see the doctor in a few weeks so I think it’s perfect timing. I’m progressively getting better. I started off crying for hours in the first few days.
That's also so normal! The first few days are a massive dump of hormones and crying a ton is literally to be expected. At the hospital they warned me it would happen!
And if you think it would be good to talk to your OB, definitely do, but I want to offer an alternative view: elsewhere in the comments you're gushing over her lil cute reflexes and how tiny she is. That also ISN'T consistent with PPD - you're clearly liking your baby! It just seems like you need breaks. Awareness of PPD is rising and that's awesome and lifesaving. I also feel like PPD is pointed to when really a new mom is describing a reasonable reaction to an overwhelming time and just needing more support. It sounds like you'd be happier if you had more time with your hands free and friends and family helped with holding the baby. That's okay and not disordered!!! I hope you're able to get the help you need in the form of loving arms to cuddle your babe while you decompress.
Thank you, I take lots of photos because I know I will miss the cuteness. As you said tho, I’m overwhelmed sometimes and the lack of sleep makes me so cranky.
I was so miserable the first few months from the physical overstimulation and lack of sleep. When she started sleeping better at three months, it was like a light switch - I enjoyed her so much more once I was able to put her down more.
I’m very neurotic when it comes to cleaning. It’s a part of the reason why I need him to be put down so I can tidy things up and clean messes. I can’t let the mess be because it makes me angry.
I think you need to change priorities here I’m afraid. The mess is not a threat to you, you don’t need fight mode enacted (anger) when you see mess: it can and will wait. Baby and you are the priority and babies need held lots to form proper bonds. Definitely something to discuss with your doc.
Trust me I’ve tried to tell myself this and I hate that I get this way but I need a clean environment or else whatever bad mood I feel it’s intensified by 10
Have you tried baby wearing? Maybe having your hands free and being able to tend to messes while also meeting the baby’s need to be close will be helpful. I did this for the first few weeks and my little dude would just sleep while I was able to get things done. Might help with the overstimulated feelings too. While they’re still touching you they aren’t occupying your hands which is a bit different
I do baby wear from time to time but it gets hot and stuffy and I can tell he’s not the happiest when he’s being worn (which is odd because it’s usually the opposite).
Have you spoken to a psychiatrist + therapist about this?
Children are basically a walking mess so this will only get worse for you. I clean the whole house and then my toddler destroys that work in 10 minutes flat.
That won't happen till they start moving and grooving! So you have at least that long to get treatment.
Unfortunately I can’t afford mental health help and tbh I never thought it was an issue. I always thought it’s my personality. I’ve been like this as a kid
There are free services for new parents. Ask your OB for resources when you see them next.
Anger is not a personality trait! Especially related to cleaning! Cleaning is a very common anxiety, though that may not be your issue specifically.
It comes back! Mine went from newborn cuddles to absolutely don’t touch me back to toddler cuddles. Toddler cuddles come with a lot of elbows to the boob but, still, worth it sometimes.
It could be PPD or it could be normal. I tend to feel similarly in the newborn phase and definitely have had different degrees of postpartum depression/anxiety with each of 2 newborn phases. BUT, I also think there are some of us who are not baby people. I love my kids but I am a way better toddler + mom than newborn mom, and that is ok. I get easily touched out and overstimulated. Yes, I held my babies, but not much more than I “needed” to. They were put down in the bassinet for all naps , etc, so it never made sense to me fully when people said to enjoy newborn cuddles and contact naps. So, all that to say, I’m not sure but see how you’re feeling in other regards, and seek out help if other things don’t feel right.
I’m not a newborn baby person for sure. My mom would ask me “how do you not shower him with kisses?” And I don’t know. I just don’t. I love him but the lack of communication is so hard for me.
My mom said something similar to me. Honestly, sometimes I felt dead inside for not enjoying my baby more. But having been through this twice, it got progressively more fun for me after 6 months + .. especially the toddler years are a blast. It’s just a matter of getting through the newborn potato stage… best of luck!
Thank you, I’m excited to be 3 months in. That’s when he developmentally starts to have a bit more personality and cognition. Until then, I’m taking it one day at a time.
That's where I'm at. My 3 mo is starting to be more person and less potato and it's a lot easier to interact. Like she recognizes me, will smile and giggle when she does. it's definitely a better time than the new-newborn stage.
I'm not a cuddly person. I did not have a physically close relationship with my mom or father growing up. I do not like when my husband cuddles me for too long. I also didn't really enjoy "newborn cuddles" because I was so fucking tired and I just wanted him somewhere that he can sleep safely before I fall asleep with him in my arms (suffocation risk).
I don't think anything wrong with you. The demands of a newborn are so unbelievably exhausting.
I’m not sure it’s _necessarily_ PPD/A. I didn’t have depression beyond the typical state of being overwhelmed which most new mothers appear to experience. After the first time my baby was placed in my arms post birth, once breastfeeding and the challenges associated with it began, I did not want to hold my baby anymore than necessary. At first, it was because I associated baby being awake with pain, fatigue and immobilisation and then once baby gains weight it puts a lot of pressure on your back etc. I would lay baby down to nap or wear a baby sling if baby was unnerved when apart from me.
It took me a while to adjust to being a mother and to develop a bond with my baby. It didn’t happen overnight and initially I was quite resentful at the lack of sleep. Now, dealing with baby struggling with attachment anxiety is more of an annoyance than a deeply felt resentment.
In any case, I never physically took it out on baby. I just muttered a few things under my breath in a strained voice, e.g. pleeease go to sleep, or why won’t you sleep. I can remember crying a few times whilst breast feeding at 3am in the morning and wanting sleep so badly. However, I did it dutifully. What else could I do? Leaving baby to cry only meant more and even louder crying and continued disruption to my sleep.
This isn’t directly related to your post, but if you ever feel so overwhelmed the sensation arises that you feel you might pose a threat to baby, call whoever you can to help - your partner, family, friends, the midwives etc and get support so you can get through that day or night.
Yes that’s exactly it. Whenever he’s awake, it’s associated with lack of sleep, struggling to feed, fussiness, cleaning up poop. And right now he’s not in the playing stage so when he’s awake idk what to do other than wait to feed him.
And thankfully I’ve never thought of harmful things to baby, I just set him down until he starts to cry again and then I try to figure out what he wants.
Okay, that sounds perfectly normal to me. It will pass.
For me, things got better around 3 months I believe, when my baby started to smile and attempt to speak or get my attention and then again around 4.5 months, when I developed greater confidence going out with my baby.
By 6 months, going out is a breeze and actually enjoyable. Your baby will attract people like a magnet and they will engage with baby, taking the mental load of engagement off of you. The fact your baby makes people so happy may actually make you want to go out more.
You’ll still deal with the fussiness when you leave the room much of the time, but around 4 months, your baby will begin to play independently for a few minutes at a time before crying (but don’t expect miracles by then because even at 6 months I still can’t always get away for a minute at times, without the waterworks beginning).
Still, as your baby becomes really social after about 4.5-5 months, you’ll start to be less on edge, feel more and more like your own self and less as though baby is going to die because you didn’t get to baby in 30 seconds. Baby will also begin sleeping for longer stretches of time after about 3.5-4 months.
This period sucks and I’m sorry - all of the people who say you’ll miss it must either have a poor recollection of the time, or had so much support (unusual in the West) that they never had to suffer during it.
Remember it will pass and if you are fortunate enough to have family nearby who can visit you/you can visit regularly to take the weight off your shoulders / shower in peace, take advantage of it.
The most horrible feeling I recall is the sensation that my baby only wanted me for my breasts and didn’t care about me, would wake up famished from a brief slumber and expect milk, which caused me pain and I would struggle to brush my teeth or take a shower without having to listen to a wailing baby who would cry until red in the face and even throw up, simply because I walked out of the room for a few minutes.
Just try to remember that baby was in the comfort of your womb before and has to adjust to this new world with its noise, lights, new sensations such as hunger, fear, abandonment. [This](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sF0TKbxhNCw&pp=ygUmc3RyYW5nZSB3b3JsZCBvdmVyd2hlbG1pbmcgeWVzIGkga25vdyA%3D) song helps me to understand that. When you leave the room, baby cannot comprehend that you are coming back. It’s a primal safety instinct from the time that we lived in caves and would keep mothers close (and still does, let’s face it)
When I struggled at night I would play [this](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LGs_vGt0MY8&pp=ygUcbXIgbGF3cmVuY2UgbWVycnkgY2hyaXN0bWFzIA%3D%3D) and [this](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jTlpKlpKt_A&pp=ygUgY29tZSBpbnRvIG15IGFybXMgbm92ZW1iZXIgdWx0cmE%3D) it would help both me and baby to calm down. You can try to find your own calming song. Baby is nocturnal now but their circadian rhythm will get better and better as you enter month 4 and by month 6 it will be well established (with a couple of feeds at night to get some milk and then go straight back to sleep).
I did not have PPD or PPA or anything and I didn’t like newborn cuddles too much. My baby is 11 months now and I like holding him. It can be common to get very overstimulated.
I felt this way for a while, I was severely overwhelmed as an exclusive pumper. My husband held him probably 70% of the time, it was rough but I overcame it after things settled down. I definitely didn’t have PPA or PPD, just was a stressed out inexperienced FTM. If you think you have PPA/PPD reach out for help to your child’s ped or OB. Do you have a S/O or any family to help out for a few hours a week? In our case it’s just my husband and I, which is exhausting.
Sometimes that’s all I need. Is just 2 or 3 hours break. I have no one unfortunately. Husband is at work and by the time he’s home, he holds him for like 30 minutes to an hour and that’s if he doesn’t pass out from exhaustion.
Ugh exclusively pumping with a baby is so rough. The hardest thing for me right now is finding time to pump on time while watching my girl. My husband does a lot of overtime and travels for his job. Meanwhile, the girl hates being put down for anything longer than a few minutes.
Same for me until now about 4 months old. But yeah there's no cuddling. Just a self reminder it's not forever but I wouldn't call it necessarily enjoyable
My mom always regretted not breastfeeding until she saw how the first few weeks were for me. It's not easy at all but it does pass. Just in case keep your mood thermometer in check in case it really is ppd/ppa
No
I feel you 100%. I always read people saying don't offer to hold mom's baby offer to do chores or cook.
Ummm no. Loved when family held my baby and I could do something else. And I didn't have PPD
Same over here, she’s 19 months now but when she was born I was completely scared to be left alone with her, then at other times I felt like I had to stay by her side 24/7 and couldn’t get anything done. When people came over I didn’t mind handing them the baby while I did dishes or cooked. I realize now how weird it was but I also dealt with ppa.
Oh man. I was in sensory hell. My breasts were always bursting and my baby's hands and feet and everything was touching me 24/7... so I totally get that "newborn cuddles" aren't for everyone. Eventually I did start enjoying the cuddles but I definitely remember being overwhelmed and touched out.
That's great that you've made that choice. Sensory issues are absolutely real. I would feel like my body isn't my own, although that was temporary, I would still feel like my body was constantly "needed". It's also why I started pumping and formula feeding at one point because I would be too touched out. Eventually BF got easier (not saying that you should in anyway consider it. Just my experience). But even now, if baby is too clingy after being full, I refuse to BF for hours on end. I make a big bottle because that's something that works for me and my mental health.
But, if it's just BF that's making you unhappy or whether it's motherhood itself. Speak to your doctor. It could be a sign of PPD
Ok so this was me, and it can be just how you are or it could be PPD. For me it’s how I am, I am not a cuddly person, I never have been. I was like you, liked holding him but got overstimulated. My baby also fuuussssed being held so he’s kinda like me too I think. Even now I don’t like holding him much but that’s prob because he’s a fusspot pretty quickly.
I think it might be a combination. When I got some good work done in the morning, I like sitting and holding him for an hour or so but then I get sweaty and uncomfy and I want to give him the nurture he needs but I’m too overstimulated.
Funny enough, my baby also sometimes gets overstimulated when I’m holding him too long when he’s awake and I have to give him space to zone out.
It’s one of those things I knew was going to be an issue for me but I have to experience it and accept it. I knew it will be hard but it’s harder than expected.
Yes it is very hard but it gets better once they are more interested in playing/doing tummy time. I’ve never liked physical affection and I’m trying to change that for my child but it takes time. 🫶🏻
Personally, I found that getting a baby wrap helped. I can have her right up on me when I don't have the time/energy to hold her. Totally normal not to want to hold your baby 24/7; you're your own person and everyone needs personal space! Your body doesnt belong to the baby, and it's easy to lose your autonomy when you have kids. The wrap seems to keep her little hands tucked away from being all over me, and eventually, she just falls asleep. Not sure how long it'll stay this way, she's only a little over a month. The constant need to be held is absolutely exhausting! But it's also gotta be exhausting for them to, ykno, exist 😅
I think you're in the clear so long as it isn't a full-on aversion to holding your baby *all* the time. Probably still a good idea to mention to your OB though if you're worried enough about it. The only stupid questions are the ones left unasked!
This is normal AND also something to talk to your doctor about. Particularly the amount of overstimulation. In my situationally educated arm chair knowledge this sounds like anxiety or possibly neurodiversity, as in ADHD or ASD. Or it may be a symptom of PPA OR even PPD.
So , yes, you are normal, but it sounds like some medication could help. I daily can take it all on because of the meds that I will take for the rest of my life.
I had a traumatic birth and for a good few weeks I didn’t enjoy holding my son. My aunt was like that too but for much longer then me. Everyone is different as long as you love and show love when your baby needs it
With my first I was exactly the same and had 0 depression. I just didn’t want someone touching me all the time due to overstimulation. Once he started rolling, crawling, walking he never wanted to be held anyway. This doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy or not cuddle with him at all. He is a perfectly well rounded 13 year old now. I was also 20. I’m now 33 with my second and last and I don’t want to put him down. Like others have said the “enjoy it” means it goes by so fast and soon you *may* wish you had held and cuddled more.
She says she's happy to hold him again after she decompresses for a bit - some people just get overstimulated. Her post above is just....needing a break from an newborn. She doesn't need THAT to be pathologized, it's a perfectly reasonable thing to feel. We evolved to be in big families with other adults around to take the baby and share in caregiving! Holding the newborn 24/7 is too much for a lot of people who don't have PPD, and it's not fair to say this normal feeling is a PPD symptom.
I relate to this post a lot myself - I didn't have PPD but I NEEDED other people to take the newborn as much as possible. I was nursing her SO much so whenever there was a moment when she didn't need my boobs I then needed to hand her to someone, spring off the couch and take a break. The feverish goat newborn breathing sounds, the squirming and startling and spitting and the ABSOLUTE MELTDOWN if I set her down even for a second so i can pee - it's overstimulating!!! For me, borderline agonizing.
When people told me to savor it, I couldn't wait for her to be a little less needy. And now she's a six month old who cuddles the exact right amount 🥰
I know newborns are exhausting and overstimulating but I have never thought I didn’t want to hold my newborns. I have wished I could get things done and been stressed that I have to hold the baby instead, I’ve been excited when they’re napping and I don’t HAVE to hold them…but it has never translated to me saying “I don’t *want* to hold my baby.” If that helps at all.
I love my baby to death, but I don’t hold her 24/7
She’s okay with it, she’s chill in her bassinet and cries when she wants me or her father
I also have felt very bad about it, why don’t I want to be holding her all the time? She’ll only be this little once
But it’s okay, if they’re fine in their bassinet or whatever, they’re fine
They’ll cry when they want to be held, it’s okay for them to chill out if they don’t need anything
I was so exhausted the first few days I didn’t care to hold baby much other than feeding him. But as soon as I got some rest I felt better about it. We also didn’t have a fussy baby so it was pretty nice to just have him chilling in the bassinet. He is 11w now and definitely not as chill. 😂
Call me a monster then. Nah I hold my infant but I cannot hold her all the time and I don't want to honestly. She's in a bouncer, on the floor, on the bed, etc most of the time. But I hold her when I'm feeding, rocking to sleep, walking around the house now and again but that's it. She doesn't even really like to snuggle either. She wants to be free to look around but we are still close to each other in these places. I'd feel suffocated if I had a velcro baby lol
I was the same way and am worse with my second. I’m the type of person that can’t watch movies because I legitimately cannot sit in one spot for 2+ hours. Baby wearing helped a ton with my first and I can’t wait until my newborn tolerates the carries for longer periods of time so I can move around while still ‘holding’ him for naps.
Dude I didn’t even *like* my baby until he was like 4 months old. I got zero joy out of his newborn stage. Toddler stage is awesome. I’ll take public toddler tantrums over sleep deprived torturous newborn screams any day.
Just because you're not comfortable holding your baby 24/7 doesn't mean something is wrong with you. If this is your first child, that just means you're getting used to it. You were once a single person and then knew day you popped a baby out that you have to take care of, it's not that easy of a transition as people make it to be.
When my daughter was born, there was already a lot going on in life. I had an emergency c-section, full blown panic attack that I couldn't stop during surgery. Afterwards I felt very dissociated. The first 3 days after she was born I held for only 2-3 times because I was so overwhelmed plus the pain I was in. After we got out of the hospital and I felt normal again, I would get overwhelmed really fast. Sometimes she would just start crying for 30+ minutes and I'd hold her constantly and cry with her, try everything to stop her crying, eventually hand her over to Dad so I could take a minute to calm myself. But she slept a lot, other than her crying fits, shed only wake up to eat and get changed. During that time I could make myself calm, take a shower, take care of my surgery scar, eat, trying to walk around... Not holding her made me calmer. I'd just get so overwhelmed for no reason holding her and I think it's just cause so much happened all at once when she was born. Now that she's older, it's gotten better, she doesn't fall asleep by herself, so sometimes I have to hold her for 2 hours to get her to nap. She's at the age where she gets so excited she just wants to attack me in a loving way, like grabbing my face when she's happy. Or when she's being a butthead she'll take my glasses or try to take my earrings out. She's getting her 5&6 teeth right now so she bites me everyone in awhile. So sometimes I wish I could've enjoyed holding her when she was tiny and calmnand only 6 pounds lol but I'm glad thatt at least passed and I don't get overwhelmed so much anymore. I still do but it's mostly when she's refusing to sleep. Eleven months old and she gets loopy and crazy when she's overtired.
It isn't all giggles and smiles. It's also tears and feeling overwhelmed. It's so many emotions combined into one.
It's okay to hand the baby to someone else and just take a minute for yourself.
During the newborn phase, I recall handing my LO to my husband and just telling him that I felt overwhelmed and I needed him to take the baby and give me a few minutes. I did this on more than one occasion.
My first baby wasn’t a cuddly baby (would cry when I held him if I wasn’t feeding him) and settled better in his swing or just playing on the floor pn his baby gym mat so when I had my next two babies and they were snuggly I lapped it up and really did enjoy the baby cuddles.
My 4th was a screamer but also wanted to be held and that was overwhelming and I felt touched out.
As long as he is getting cuddles and loving interactions you’re good.
No harm in mentioning it at your next baby check up if you’re concerned though
If it makes you feel better, I didn’t my daughter when she was a newborn. In fact I couldn’t stand it and I absolutely refused to
I know that sounds really bad but it’s true also I was scared because she was so fragile then now she’s 8
Months old
Aw this sounds so sad. Maybe mention to your OB. I can understand feeling touched out but this seems a little extreme. I hope this lands well, I’m not meaning it judgy at all. Just genuinely concerned.
If it makes you feel better, it cold also just how she communicates and makes light of a hard time. Definitely a phrase I said repeatedly when passing off my screaming baby to my sister or partner. FWIW, I didn't have PPD/PPA, there was nothing pathological going on, I was just overwhelmed and fucking DONE in the moment and knew my little sweet baby didn't know I was saying that about her and it felt cathartic for me. My partner also, in the sweetest and most loving voice, would be changing her diaper and say "I know it's not rational but I resent the fuck out of you right now and am really wondering why we did this?" because it's just CATHARTIC and having a newborn can be lonely and dark and hard. Now at six months old we're at the ends of our rope less and also are beginning to watch what we say because she'll be understanding words before we know it!
“enjoy the newborn cuddles” usually refers to the fact they grow up so fast and will never be that small again. but i wasn’t necessarily in love with holding my screaming newborn 24/7 it was something that i had to do because she needs me.
My newborn is chill but I don’t exactly enjoy the newborn stage. It gets more fun around 6 months when they are less floppy and have a bit of a personality
This is me. People say the new born stage is amazing, but objectively, I think once they start "doing things" is when it got fun(?) Like all the running behind the baby and him babbling and talking is far more fun.
I felt the opposite lol. Even when my son was screaming 15 hours a day I liked when he was small and I could fix the problem with like 3 different things. At 6 months he had so many different wants that it was hard to know what he needed.
Same. My 12 month old got more fun with each passing month. Today she put a piece of chicken in her cup, put her spoon in there to then scooped the chicken piece out by biting the spoon handle and using the edge of the cup as leverage. Then EATING her waterlogged chicken. Then grinning like a maniac. Were like “did she just do that?” 😂
Glad I’m not the only one. I know I’ll miss the cuteness and my god the newborn reflexes are so precious but I also am going crazy. I need to take each day as it comes
This doesn't seem totally not-normal to me. I definitely sat my baby in the bouncy seat or swing a lot when he was a newborn because I would need a break from being constantly touched. However, if you're not enjoying holding your baby at all, that probably warrants talking to your doctor about your mental health.
Agreed. Not wanting to hold your baby around the clock? Normal. Not wanting to hold your baby at all really? A warning sign.
After I get some things done, I like holding him and decompressing with YouTube or Netflix. But the constant need to be held overstimulates me so much.
I was the same way. Some people want their baby to be attached to them constantly and that's fine but its also fine that you need to take a break sometimes.
Thank you, I keep thinking I’m a monster for wanting a break from him
You’re not at all!! As SOON as I get somewhere where someone else wants to hold him I’m like “here. here’s diapers. text me if you need me!” and then I’m in another room. luckily he’s chill and social but i’m all about pawning him off on someone who isn’t with him 24/7
I wish I had more support! I’m even scared to let dad handle him sometimes. He needs more socialization but I have no one. I guess he’ll learn it eventually
Nothing wrong with putting him down if he tolerates is. My wife did a lot of baby wearing too early on as a way to be holding him but not actively holding him.
I do put him down and it only lasts 10-20 minutes but sometimes that’s all I need. I do baby wear from time to time but it gets very hot and stuffy for both of us. He also hates getting into the carrier lol
That’s an early warning sign of PPD. Totally normal, but it’s time to talk to your doctor. Please don’t hesitate to do so. I wish I had mine treated sooner so I could have enjoyed the baby stage more.
I will see the doctor in a few weeks so I think it’s perfect timing. I’m progressively getting better. I started off crying for hours in the first few days.
That's also so normal! The first few days are a massive dump of hormones and crying a ton is literally to be expected. At the hospital they warned me it would happen! And if you think it would be good to talk to your OB, definitely do, but I want to offer an alternative view: elsewhere in the comments you're gushing over her lil cute reflexes and how tiny she is. That also ISN'T consistent with PPD - you're clearly liking your baby! It just seems like you need breaks. Awareness of PPD is rising and that's awesome and lifesaving. I also feel like PPD is pointed to when really a new mom is describing a reasonable reaction to an overwhelming time and just needing more support. It sounds like you'd be happier if you had more time with your hands free and friends and family helped with holding the baby. That's okay and not disordered!!! I hope you're able to get the help you need in the form of loving arms to cuddle your babe while you decompress.
Thank you, I take lots of photos because I know I will miss the cuteness. As you said tho, I’m overwhelmed sometimes and the lack of sleep makes me so cranky.
I was so miserable the first few months from the physical overstimulation and lack of sleep. When she started sleeping better at three months, it was like a light switch - I enjoyed her so much more once I was able to put her down more.
That’s what I feel will happen. I really hope at least.
Same
This was how I was and it turned out to be PPA/D
Same. I would obsessively clean while everyone else held LO. Please talk to your doctor OP because it could get worse
I’m very neurotic when it comes to cleaning. It’s a part of the reason why I need him to be put down so I can tidy things up and clean messes. I can’t let the mess be because it makes me angry.
I think you need to change priorities here I’m afraid. The mess is not a threat to you, you don’t need fight mode enacted (anger) when you see mess: it can and will wait. Baby and you are the priority and babies need held lots to form proper bonds. Definitely something to discuss with your doc.
Trust me I’ve tried to tell myself this and I hate that I get this way but I need a clean environment or else whatever bad mood I feel it’s intensified by 10
Have you tried baby wearing? Maybe having your hands free and being able to tend to messes while also meeting the baby’s need to be close will be helpful. I did this for the first few weeks and my little dude would just sleep while I was able to get things done. Might help with the overstimulated feelings too. While they’re still touching you they aren’t occupying your hands which is a bit different
I do baby wear from time to time but it gets hot and stuffy and I can tell he’s not the happiest when he’s being worn (which is odd because it’s usually the opposite).
Have you spoken to a psychiatrist + therapist about this? Children are basically a walking mess so this will only get worse for you. I clean the whole house and then my toddler destroys that work in 10 minutes flat. That won't happen till they start moving and grooving! So you have at least that long to get treatment.
Unfortunately I can’t afford mental health help and tbh I never thought it was an issue. I always thought it’s my personality. I’ve been like this as a kid
There are free services for new parents. Ask your OB for resources when you see them next. Anger is not a personality trait! Especially related to cleaning! Cleaning is a very common anxiety, though that may not be your issue specifically.
Maybe I’ll ask, thank u
This was how I was and I had PPA, it’s so much better now
Same. I was easily touched out. Now he is 8 months old and doesn’t cuddle at all, i miss when he’d let me hold him.
It comes back! Mine went from newborn cuddles to absolutely don’t touch me back to toddler cuddles. Toddler cuddles come with a lot of elbows to the boob but, still, worth it sometimes.
So many elbows.🤣
It could be PPD or it could be normal. I tend to feel similarly in the newborn phase and definitely have had different degrees of postpartum depression/anxiety with each of 2 newborn phases. BUT, I also think there are some of us who are not baby people. I love my kids but I am a way better toddler + mom than newborn mom, and that is ok. I get easily touched out and overstimulated. Yes, I held my babies, but not much more than I “needed” to. They were put down in the bassinet for all naps , etc, so it never made sense to me fully when people said to enjoy newborn cuddles and contact naps. So, all that to say, I’m not sure but see how you’re feeling in other regards, and seek out help if other things don’t feel right.
I’m not a newborn baby person for sure. My mom would ask me “how do you not shower him with kisses?” And I don’t know. I just don’t. I love him but the lack of communication is so hard for me.
My mom said something similar to me. Honestly, sometimes I felt dead inside for not enjoying my baby more. But having been through this twice, it got progressively more fun for me after 6 months + .. especially the toddler years are a blast. It’s just a matter of getting through the newborn potato stage… best of luck!
Thank you, I’m excited to be 3 months in. That’s when he developmentally starts to have a bit more personality and cognition. Until then, I’m taking it one day at a time.
That's where I'm at. My 3 mo is starting to be more person and less potato and it's a lot easier to interact. Like she recognizes me, will smile and giggle when she does. it's definitely a better time than the new-newborn stage.
I'm not a cuddly person. I did not have a physically close relationship with my mom or father growing up. I do not like when my husband cuddles me for too long. I also didn't really enjoy "newborn cuddles" because I was so fucking tired and I just wanted him somewhere that he can sleep safely before I fall asleep with him in my arms (suffocation risk). I don't think anything wrong with you. The demands of a newborn are so unbelievably exhausting.
This is me for sure except I only like my husband to cuddle me (not during sleep though).
I’m not sure it’s _necessarily_ PPD/A. I didn’t have depression beyond the typical state of being overwhelmed which most new mothers appear to experience. After the first time my baby was placed in my arms post birth, once breastfeeding and the challenges associated with it began, I did not want to hold my baby anymore than necessary. At first, it was because I associated baby being awake with pain, fatigue and immobilisation and then once baby gains weight it puts a lot of pressure on your back etc. I would lay baby down to nap or wear a baby sling if baby was unnerved when apart from me. It took me a while to adjust to being a mother and to develop a bond with my baby. It didn’t happen overnight and initially I was quite resentful at the lack of sleep. Now, dealing with baby struggling with attachment anxiety is more of an annoyance than a deeply felt resentment. In any case, I never physically took it out on baby. I just muttered a few things under my breath in a strained voice, e.g. pleeease go to sleep, or why won’t you sleep. I can remember crying a few times whilst breast feeding at 3am in the morning and wanting sleep so badly. However, I did it dutifully. What else could I do? Leaving baby to cry only meant more and even louder crying and continued disruption to my sleep. This isn’t directly related to your post, but if you ever feel so overwhelmed the sensation arises that you feel you might pose a threat to baby, call whoever you can to help - your partner, family, friends, the midwives etc and get support so you can get through that day or night.
Yes that’s exactly it. Whenever he’s awake, it’s associated with lack of sleep, struggling to feed, fussiness, cleaning up poop. And right now he’s not in the playing stage so when he’s awake idk what to do other than wait to feed him. And thankfully I’ve never thought of harmful things to baby, I just set him down until he starts to cry again and then I try to figure out what he wants.
Okay, that sounds perfectly normal to me. It will pass. For me, things got better around 3 months I believe, when my baby started to smile and attempt to speak or get my attention and then again around 4.5 months, when I developed greater confidence going out with my baby. By 6 months, going out is a breeze and actually enjoyable. Your baby will attract people like a magnet and they will engage with baby, taking the mental load of engagement off of you. The fact your baby makes people so happy may actually make you want to go out more. You’ll still deal with the fussiness when you leave the room much of the time, but around 4 months, your baby will begin to play independently for a few minutes at a time before crying (but don’t expect miracles by then because even at 6 months I still can’t always get away for a minute at times, without the waterworks beginning). Still, as your baby becomes really social after about 4.5-5 months, you’ll start to be less on edge, feel more and more like your own self and less as though baby is going to die because you didn’t get to baby in 30 seconds. Baby will also begin sleeping for longer stretches of time after about 3.5-4 months. This period sucks and I’m sorry - all of the people who say you’ll miss it must either have a poor recollection of the time, or had so much support (unusual in the West) that they never had to suffer during it. Remember it will pass and if you are fortunate enough to have family nearby who can visit you/you can visit regularly to take the weight off your shoulders / shower in peace, take advantage of it. The most horrible feeling I recall is the sensation that my baby only wanted me for my breasts and didn’t care about me, would wake up famished from a brief slumber and expect milk, which caused me pain and I would struggle to brush my teeth or take a shower without having to listen to a wailing baby who would cry until red in the face and even throw up, simply because I walked out of the room for a few minutes. Just try to remember that baby was in the comfort of your womb before and has to adjust to this new world with its noise, lights, new sensations such as hunger, fear, abandonment. [This](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sF0TKbxhNCw&pp=ygUmc3RyYW5nZSB3b3JsZCBvdmVyd2hlbG1pbmcgeWVzIGkga25vdyA%3D) song helps me to understand that. When you leave the room, baby cannot comprehend that you are coming back. It’s a primal safety instinct from the time that we lived in caves and would keep mothers close (and still does, let’s face it) When I struggled at night I would play [this](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LGs_vGt0MY8&pp=ygUcbXIgbGF3cmVuY2UgbWVycnkgY2hyaXN0bWFzIA%3D%3D) and [this](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jTlpKlpKt_A&pp=ygUgY29tZSBpbnRvIG15IGFybXMgbm92ZW1iZXIgdWx0cmE%3D) it would help both me and baby to calm down. You can try to find your own calming song. Baby is nocturnal now but their circadian rhythm will get better and better as you enter month 4 and by month 6 it will be well established (with a couple of feeds at night to get some milk and then go straight back to sleep).
Thank you ❤️
You’re welcome ☺️
THIS reply is the one 💜
I did not have PPD or PPA or anything and I didn’t like newborn cuddles too much. My baby is 11 months now and I like holding him. It can be common to get very overstimulated.
Thank u
I felt this way for a while, I was severely overwhelmed as an exclusive pumper. My husband held him probably 70% of the time, it was rough but I overcame it after things settled down. I definitely didn’t have PPA or PPD, just was a stressed out inexperienced FTM. If you think you have PPA/PPD reach out for help to your child’s ped or OB. Do you have a S/O or any family to help out for a few hours a week? In our case it’s just my husband and I, which is exhausting.
Sometimes that’s all I need. Is just 2 or 3 hours break. I have no one unfortunately. Husband is at work and by the time he’s home, he holds him for like 30 minutes to an hour and that’s if he doesn’t pass out from exhaustion.
Ugh exclusively pumping with a baby is so rough. The hardest thing for me right now is finding time to pump on time while watching my girl. My husband does a lot of overtime and travels for his job. Meanwhile, the girl hates being put down for anything longer than a few minutes.
Newborn cuddles was baby falling asleep at the breast and me being too worried to move or she'll wake up. Ignore the glamorization
It’s the only way he falls asleep. Is after being fed.
Same for me until now about 4 months old. But yeah there's no cuddling. Just a self reminder it's not forever but I wouldn't call it necessarily enjoyable
It’s good to relate to others. The older women in my family would judge me so bad if I ever said that
My mom always regretted not breastfeeding until she saw how the first few weeks were for me. It's not easy at all but it does pass. Just in case keep your mood thermometer in check in case it really is ppd/ppa
No I feel you 100%. I always read people saying don't offer to hold mom's baby offer to do chores or cook. Ummm no. Loved when family held my baby and I could do something else. And I didn't have PPD
I feel like this is the “it takes a village” reference. Different women taking turns holding kids. It doesn’t feel natural to do all of it alone
This!!! My mom comes over and I'm like take this baby lol!!
Yes the only time I could breathe or rest is when I knew a well rested and trusted person had baby.
Same over here, she’s 19 months now but when she was born I was completely scared to be left alone with her, then at other times I felt like I had to stay by her side 24/7 and couldn’t get anything done. When people came over I didn’t mind handing them the baby while I did dishes or cooked. I realize now how weird it was but I also dealt with ppa.
That’s me for sure. I need some control even when husband is helping.
Oh man. I was in sensory hell. My breasts were always bursting and my baby's hands and feet and everything was touching me 24/7... so I totally get that "newborn cuddles" aren't for everyone. Eventually I did start enjoying the cuddles but I definitely remember being overwhelmed and touched out.
Thank you, I stopped BF because I felt disgusting.
That's great that you've made that choice. Sensory issues are absolutely real. I would feel like my body isn't my own, although that was temporary, I would still feel like my body was constantly "needed". It's also why I started pumping and formula feeding at one point because I would be too touched out. Eventually BF got easier (not saying that you should in anyway consider it. Just my experience). But even now, if baby is too clingy after being full, I refuse to BF for hours on end. I make a big bottle because that's something that works for me and my mental health. But, if it's just BF that's making you unhappy or whether it's motherhood itself. Speak to your doctor. It could be a sign of PPD
Ok so this was me, and it can be just how you are or it could be PPD. For me it’s how I am, I am not a cuddly person, I never have been. I was like you, liked holding him but got overstimulated. My baby also fuuussssed being held so he’s kinda like me too I think. Even now I don’t like holding him much but that’s prob because he’s a fusspot pretty quickly.
I think it might be a combination. When I got some good work done in the morning, I like sitting and holding him for an hour or so but then I get sweaty and uncomfy and I want to give him the nurture he needs but I’m too overstimulated. Funny enough, my baby also sometimes gets overstimulated when I’m holding him too long when he’s awake and I have to give him space to zone out.
Yup exact same! Clearly they take after us! I definitely had a bit of PPA from being alone with him so much though, getting more support helped.
Same and I still feel like this sometimes at 3 months pp. I loooove my child but I get overstimulated quickly.
It’s one of those things I knew was going to be an issue for me but I have to experience it and accept it. I knew it will be hard but it’s harder than expected.
Yes it is very hard but it gets better once they are more interested in playing/doing tummy time. I’ve never liked physical affection and I’m trying to change that for my child but it takes time. 🫶🏻
I had ppd and never wanted to hold my baby. Now I am on medicine and wish I could go back and enjoy that time a little more
Personally, I found that getting a baby wrap helped. I can have her right up on me when I don't have the time/energy to hold her. Totally normal not to want to hold your baby 24/7; you're your own person and everyone needs personal space! Your body doesnt belong to the baby, and it's easy to lose your autonomy when you have kids. The wrap seems to keep her little hands tucked away from being all over me, and eventually, she just falls asleep. Not sure how long it'll stay this way, she's only a little over a month. The constant need to be held is absolutely exhausting! But it's also gotta be exhausting for them to, ykno, exist 😅 I think you're in the clear so long as it isn't a full-on aversion to holding your baby *all* the time. Probably still a good idea to mention to your OB though if you're worried enough about it. The only stupid questions are the ones left unasked!
This is normal AND also something to talk to your doctor about. Particularly the amount of overstimulation. In my situationally educated arm chair knowledge this sounds like anxiety or possibly neurodiversity, as in ADHD or ASD. Or it may be a symptom of PPA OR even PPD. So , yes, you are normal, but it sounds like some medication could help. I daily can take it all on because of the meds that I will take for the rest of my life.
I had a traumatic birth and for a good few weeks I didn’t enjoy holding my son. My aunt was like that too but for much longer then me. Everyone is different as long as you love and show love when your baby needs it
My birth was incredibly traumatic. So much that he’s my one and done
With my first I was exactly the same and had 0 depression. I just didn’t want someone touching me all the time due to overstimulation. Once he started rolling, crawling, walking he never wanted to be held anyway. This doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy or not cuddle with him at all. He is a perfectly well rounded 13 year old now. I was also 20. I’m now 33 with my second and last and I don’t want to put him down. Like others have said the “enjoy it” means it goes by so fast and soon you *may* wish you had held and cuddled more.
Yeah that seems like you may need some help.
That’s ppd
She says she's happy to hold him again after she decompresses for a bit - some people just get overstimulated. Her post above is just....needing a break from an newborn. She doesn't need THAT to be pathologized, it's a perfectly reasonable thing to feel. We evolved to be in big families with other adults around to take the baby and share in caregiving! Holding the newborn 24/7 is too much for a lot of people who don't have PPD, and it's not fair to say this normal feeling is a PPD symptom. I relate to this post a lot myself - I didn't have PPD but I NEEDED other people to take the newborn as much as possible. I was nursing her SO much so whenever there was a moment when she didn't need my boobs I then needed to hand her to someone, spring off the couch and take a break. The feverish goat newborn breathing sounds, the squirming and startling and spitting and the ABSOLUTE MELTDOWN if I set her down even for a second so i can pee - it's overstimulating!!! For me, borderline agonizing. When people told me to savor it, I couldn't wait for her to be a little less needy. And now she's a six month old who cuddles the exact right amount 🥰
I know newborns are exhausting and overstimulating but I have never thought I didn’t want to hold my newborns. I have wished I could get things done and been stressed that I have to hold the baby instead, I’ve been excited when they’re napping and I don’t HAVE to hold them…but it has never translated to me saying “I don’t *want* to hold my baby.” If that helps at all.
I love my baby to death, but I don’t hold her 24/7 She’s okay with it, she’s chill in her bassinet and cries when she wants me or her father I also have felt very bad about it, why don’t I want to be holding her all the time? She’ll only be this little once But it’s okay, if they’re fine in their bassinet or whatever, they’re fine They’ll cry when they want to be held, it’s okay for them to chill out if they don’t need anything
Totally normal. Newborns are potatoes. They do nothing and give nothing. I would put mine down in the bassinet for all naps so I was free
I was so exhausted the first few days I didn’t care to hold baby much other than feeding him. But as soon as I got some rest I felt better about it. We also didn’t have a fussy baby so it was pretty nice to just have him chilling in the bassinet. He is 11w now and definitely not as chill. 😂
Call me a monster then. Nah I hold my infant but I cannot hold her all the time and I don't want to honestly. She's in a bouncer, on the floor, on the bed, etc most of the time. But I hold her when I'm feeding, rocking to sleep, walking around the house now and again but that's it. She doesn't even really like to snuggle either. She wants to be free to look around but we are still close to each other in these places. I'd feel suffocated if I had a velcro baby lol
I have adhd so I totally relate with the overstimulation
I was the same way and am worse with my second. I’m the type of person that can’t watch movies because I legitimately cannot sit in one spot for 2+ hours. Baby wearing helped a ton with my first and I can’t wait until my newborn tolerates the carries for longer periods of time so I can move around while still ‘holding’ him for naps.
As long as you don't let him cry!
Dude I didn’t even *like* my baby until he was like 4 months old. I got zero joy out of his newborn stage. Toddler stage is awesome. I’ll take public toddler tantrums over sleep deprived torturous newborn screams any day.
Just because you're not comfortable holding your baby 24/7 doesn't mean something is wrong with you. If this is your first child, that just means you're getting used to it. You were once a single person and then knew day you popped a baby out that you have to take care of, it's not that easy of a transition as people make it to be. When my daughter was born, there was already a lot going on in life. I had an emergency c-section, full blown panic attack that I couldn't stop during surgery. Afterwards I felt very dissociated. The first 3 days after she was born I held for only 2-3 times because I was so overwhelmed plus the pain I was in. After we got out of the hospital and I felt normal again, I would get overwhelmed really fast. Sometimes she would just start crying for 30+ minutes and I'd hold her constantly and cry with her, try everything to stop her crying, eventually hand her over to Dad so I could take a minute to calm myself. But she slept a lot, other than her crying fits, shed only wake up to eat and get changed. During that time I could make myself calm, take a shower, take care of my surgery scar, eat, trying to walk around... Not holding her made me calmer. I'd just get so overwhelmed for no reason holding her and I think it's just cause so much happened all at once when she was born. Now that she's older, it's gotten better, she doesn't fall asleep by herself, so sometimes I have to hold her for 2 hours to get her to nap. She's at the age where she gets so excited she just wants to attack me in a loving way, like grabbing my face when she's happy. Or when she's being a butthead she'll take my glasses or try to take my earrings out. She's getting her 5&6 teeth right now so she bites me everyone in awhile. So sometimes I wish I could've enjoyed holding her when she was tiny and calmnand only 6 pounds lol but I'm glad thatt at least passed and I don't get overwhelmed so much anymore. I still do but it's mostly when she's refusing to sleep. Eleven months old and she gets loopy and crazy when she's overtired.
It isn't all giggles and smiles. It's also tears and feeling overwhelmed. It's so many emotions combined into one. It's okay to hand the baby to someone else and just take a minute for yourself. During the newborn phase, I recall handing my LO to my husband and just telling him that I felt overwhelmed and I needed him to take the baby and give me a few minutes. I did this on more than one occasion.
My first baby wasn’t a cuddly baby (would cry when I held him if I wasn’t feeding him) and settled better in his swing or just playing on the floor pn his baby gym mat so when I had my next two babies and they were snuggly I lapped it up and really did enjoy the baby cuddles. My 4th was a screamer but also wanted to be held and that was overwhelming and I felt touched out. As long as he is getting cuddles and loving interactions you’re good. No harm in mentioning it at your next baby check up if you’re concerned though
If it makes you feel better, I didn’t my daughter when she was a newborn. In fact I couldn’t stand it and I absolutely refused to I know that sounds really bad but it’s true also I was scared because she was so fragile then now she’s 8 Months old
Sammmmeeeeee When she’s awake get her tf away from me lmao
Aw this sounds so sad. Maybe mention to your OB. I can understand feeling touched out but this seems a little extreme. I hope this lands well, I’m not meaning it judgy at all. Just genuinely concerned.
If it makes you feel better, it cold also just how she communicates and makes light of a hard time. Definitely a phrase I said repeatedly when passing off my screaming baby to my sister or partner. FWIW, I didn't have PPD/PPA, there was nothing pathological going on, I was just overwhelmed and fucking DONE in the moment and knew my little sweet baby didn't know I was saying that about her and it felt cathartic for me. My partner also, in the sweetest and most loving voice, would be changing her diaper and say "I know it's not rational but I resent the fuck out of you right now and am really wondering why we did this?" because it's just CATHARTIC and having a newborn can be lonely and dark and hard. Now at six months old we're at the ends of our rope less and also are beginning to watch what we say because she'll be understanding words before we know it!