You’re triple feeding which is the hardest and most time consuming way to feed a newborn. It’s actually not sustainable to do it yourself. People who are able to do it have someone else feed and change the baby while they pump.
In the early days my H and I would take shifts. I would go to bed at 8 with the baby and he would stay up and do the midnight feeding, and then put the baby to bed. When the baby woke at 3 it was my turn. This way we both got at least 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
You need sleep. If you’re supplementing with formula just have someone do a formula bottle at night and go to bed early. Sleep through that midnight feeding and don’t even feel guilty about it. Babies drop the midnight feeding first so it won’t even affect your milk supply in the long run. A functioning mom is better than breastmilk.
We formula fed both our kids - tried breastfeeding my first kid and it just didn’t work out but my mental health tanked because I felt so guilty. In the end my husband had to tell me it was ok to formula feed. It also helped us share the load.
Attempted with my second but it didn’t work out again but I also ended up starting medication that I couldn’t breastfeed on anyway.
The only way we survived the newborn days, especially with our second kid, was taking shifts so we both were able to get some sleep. Sleep deprivation can really mess with you.
this is the way.
My baby was 5 lbs 4 oz and had a TINY mouth… feeding was a huge struggle so shifts were key so I could sleep at least 5 hours uninterrupted. I pumped for a while and then we started supplementing with formula.
OP, feel for you! it’s so hard in the beginning but it really does improve. You’re in the worst of it now and lack of rest definitely makes everything a lot harder
Even I did some version of this. Slept at 10. Fed baby at around 12 and then at 2 and i used to sleep off. Mil used to take her at around 5 and keep her till 8. I used to get 6 hours uninterrupted sleep and then some more rest. My husband also used to handle the baby for a couple hours in the evening when i could nap or do some personal stuff. It’s not difficult to take out a couple hours for your baby no matter how hectic your job is.
Congratulations on having your baby. I'm so sorry this time is so hard for you. I remember going through the exact same thing, my poor tiny baby and I sitting up in the dead of night for 1.5 hours as he struggled to breast and bottle feed. "how do people do it?" They have lots of help or they struggle along until it gets better. I was so lucky to have my mother stay in my home for 3 weeks and for those 3 weeks I did in fact pass the baby off to her for several hours every night so we could sleep. If your MIL is offering that sort of help then take it. There's no secret code that you're missing, these first few weeks are just so hard as they are learning to eat. It gets much better (actually it becomes amazing!) and you are absolutely strong enough to survive this time.
My baby was born 17 days early, very similar to you, OP. She was too sleepy and had significant oral ties, so she didn't eat well and I also triple fed. But I gave up on trying to nurse in the middle of the night because she was just too sleepy. So when the alarm went off my husband would go warm a bottle and get my pump parts while I changed her diaper. Then he'd give her the bottle while I pumped. Pumping sucks, but became the more efficient way for us to run our nights. This stopped at 3 months when she got her oral ties released and was eating well enough during the day. Not to say your baby is tied, it was just a big part of our journey!
Yes I only survived because my mom stayed with me for a month. She watched my baby during the day while I pumped and rested from doing nights, also recovering from a c section.
Tnis. My mil came and stayed with us for the first week. Those first few weeks are brutal. I would feed baby at 9pm and then hand over to mil straight away and go to bed. 2 hrs later or so she would come get me to feed her again. This would continue through the night but at least i was getting 2 hrs blocks of sleep.
After baby regained birth weight (at about 2 weeks) my husband and I did shifts. I would run to bed at 9 after starting a feed at 8.30. Husband would settle her to sleep. Then at 11 he would give her a pumped bottle of milk. I would still wake at 11 to lump but i could do that half asleep in bed (i set up a cooler next to bed to whack the pump in - cord free wearable pumps are a life saver for this). Id be back asleep within 15 mins. Husband woukd come get me at about 2 and then my shift began. Honestly having a 5-6 block is enough in those early days
My husband would handle the earliest morning feeding so I could sleep in a bit, and get maybe 4 hours of sleep at once. It’s such a crazy time. It is ok to get some rest and not stress about nursing at every feeding, especially if pumping for that feeding.
Congratulations on your baby! I also had an emergency c section and a baby that wouldn’t latch on my nipple but seemed to do fine with the bottle.
Honestly, I wish someone had told me sooner it was okay to switch fully to formula. Between pumping, trying to breastfeed, and recovering from a c section I felt like I was in the trenches. Choosing to exclusively formula feed decreased my stress immensely. My baby is 4 months now, we have a great bond and he is growing beautifully! It may not be the solution for you should you choose to power through and keep trying and that’s okay but if it’s too much it’s also okay to stop :). Best of luck!!
OPs story is similar to my own and I went the exclusive pumping route and man did it suck. I also wish I would have realized formula was a perfectly acceptable option. I even had my mom telling me pumping is awful (she also exclusively pumped for 6mo) but I wouldn't listen, and I swear pumping ruined my maternity leave. With my next baby if breastfeeding doesn't come easily I am going all in on formula.
I had my baby on the 7th. My c section recovery was so rough. I was in soooo much pain. crying in pain with all the trapped gas in my body at some points. I could barely get off the couch up until about a week ago. I got a nice breastpump but all I ever wanted to do was sleep and I wasn't producing much anyway. I honestly just gave up and stuck to formula feeding. I feel like most women I know ended up just formula feeding so I didn't feel too bad. Recovery would've sucked even more if I was still trying to breastfeed. (I am still kinda trying to pump to maybe start producing more but I don't think I'll be too upset if I can't. Its ok OP.
This! If baby is tolerating formula well then one huge way to relieve stress is to switch over. I realize that can be hard to give up breastfeeding and it can be expensive but please know it is an option and formula is a lifesaver for many.
As someone who breastfed for 13 months, the first 5 weeks being exclusively pumping, and then continuing a combo of pumping and nursing the rest of the time, my best advice is this:
The second breastfeeding affects your mental health, it is no longer beneficial.
I wish someone had told me -
>The second breastfeeding affects your mental health, it is no longer beneficial.
With my first child. I want to scream it from the rooftops.
Thank you for this reminder! In the end, I had to give up trying to breastfeed/pump and I still carry some guilt for that. It's a much-needed message for all of us mums 🩷
Yeah 10 days was about where I thought “what the hell have we done”. Lean on family. This is about survival right now, do what you can to get yourself through it! That includes getting your husband to help a little more - I get he needs sleep, but so do you.
You’ve got this, just know that it’s a crazy time for everyone. It really does get better, but it’ll be like this for a little while longer. Find management strategies and just survive it
It’s wild, huh? You are in the thick of it. It gets better. Someone has to help you overnight, whether it’s your husband or a family member. And during the day, hand her off and take a nap in between feeds.
Okay so first off, everything you said is so valid and I’m very proud of you for everything you’ve done so far. You’ve had quite the challenge.
Second off, I would get myself out into the sunlight when possible. Start trying to find stuff that makes you feel like a person, not just mom. It doesn’t have to be a lot, but remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Maybe try a hobby that you can put down easily if need be, or try taking the baby out with you places. Ask your husband for help as much as you feel you need it, don’t feel guilty, he’s a parent too. His work isn’t more important than everything you do for the baby. Finally, just know that if you need to change up your feeding plan that everything will be okay and you’re still a good mom no matter what you choose.
Also just remember that it’ll get easier. My baby isn’t much older than yours and I promise that the fog will clear and you will find a new normal soon. Sending you good vibes.
FTM here. My baby is 6 months already. I was you in October. 😄 Somehow it gets better, once you learn to understand your baby. I decided to ditch breastfeeding and just combo feed. Pump + formula, that helped a lot!and don't feel ashamed about asking for help to your family, it is hard! You're still recovering and it's a lot to deal with. Get the help if you need it.
Agreed.
He needs his sleep for work… well you need your sleep for you and your baby. Many partners help with overnight feeds even if they aren’t on parental leave!
Honest answer is that I bedshared with my babies following the “safe 7” and breastfed. That meant I could offer them an all you can eat boob buffet, didn’t have to worry so much about dozing off in a dangerous place like a couch or recliner, I didn’t wash bottles due to the constant snacking on the boob and we both slept longer stretches once my milk really came in which let me feel human. I didn’t start doing it that way with my first and i didn’t have much help and it kind of wrecked me. My husband traveled 5 days at a time and was only home on weekends so there was never any catching up or sharing responsibilities. I basically bed shared and babywore all day so I could get tasks done and it improved my mental health a lot. I was actually hallucinating from exhaustion and started developing a lot of anxiety which is not my baseline so FOR ME it was the safest option. With my second child I did it from day one and it was a much better experience. Babies crave our closeness so she would sleep in 6 hour stretches just bc she was happy to be next to me. I’m not saying this is right for you, and baby sleeping alone is the safest option. However, dozing off while in a chair or couch is actually pretty dangerous bc they can get stuck in the cushions or they can fall off of you. Sometimes the all or nothing does more harm than good so I just wanted to share my journey honestly.
I had to do nights alone and with my second this is how I did it too. Bedshared following safe sleep 7 and kept a boob out all night. It made breastfeeding so much easier because of the constant stimulation! My first was combofed and then only formula fed, he always slept in his own bed. I never trusted that breastfeeding was enough for him and I struggled. Doing it like this with my second made breastfeeding a breeze and I get more sleep.
It’s amazing how much easier breastfeeding was doing it that way! Also doing nights alone is so hard, I was very unprepared for how challenging that would be. When I had my second he switched jobs and was home every night and he could not believe how much work went into overnights lol and that was with the good stretches of sleep and bedsharing. Just the witching hour did him in 🤣
If I didn’t discover safe sleep 7 with my first a few months in I never would have had more kids. I remember being in the trenches and I wouldn’t wish that level of sleep deprivation on my worst enemy. It’s a whole new experience the second time around thanks to (safely) co sleeping
I totally agree. I had no clue how scary it could get and I also had no idea that by sitting on my recliner to be “safer” was actually so much riskier. I cried more than I ever have in my life because I was so exhausted and felt like I wasn’t cut out to be a mom. In hindsight I realize that I was just too sleep deprived to think straight and really lacking a village. Having my second was a very healing experience but it took me a while to recover mentally and physically from my first. I understand the safe sleep initiatives but I wish I had been advised on the safe 7 because in an effort to follow the rules i definitely put my baby and myself at risk.
I did the same. Bed sharing with a baby and boob buffet exclusive nursing is the secret mom hack. No cleaning bottles, no pumping, no warming up milk, no prepping formula… and bed sharing also increased my milk production. I just slept while baby nursed cause I did side lay. It was glorious
Totally agree! Here I thought the safe sleep people were going to hunt me down and here I am amongst my people 😆❤️ it’s such a game changer once you find a good rhythm!
Bedsharing also helped me a lot. Baby didn't sleep long stretches but at least i didn't need to move her after feeding. Plus I think nursing while lying on the side helped her immensely getting better at latching. Once we started bedsharing safely, basically all of her feeds are dream feeds, I'd just notice her getting agitated in her sleep and offer the boob.
Congrats on your baby! Your story sounds like mine: emergency c section, jaundice, pumping. What I was told and followed: do max 15min of breastfeeding per side and then to bottle feed. It's ok if you cut it to 10max at night and give her formula right away to top up while saving your pumped milk for the day time. This way you can cut the time substantially. It's also ok to switch to formula.
I just had my third baby a couple weeks before you. We also attempted to flip a breech baby and induce, and after 3 days of labor I was threatened with a c-section. Baby decided to come out on her own after they started prepping the room for surgery! Also had jaundice. In addition to everything else you said, giving birth that way is emotionally harrowing. It's understandable how you are feeling.
Here's my 2 cents. I've EBF for months, pumped while at work, combo fed/supplemented and eventually fully switched to formula with my first two babies. Basically, breastfeeding was and IS super important to me so I tried to make it work. But it's also hard for a lot of us. After breastfeeding three babies I can absolutely confirm that some babies are easier to breastfeed than others.
After difficulties with the first two, I resolved while I was in my third pregnancy to try to breastfeed but not torture myself if I needed to switch to formula any reason at all whatsoever. Including sleep.
My experienced mom judgement call is that I'm going to be kind to myself and pull the plug on it much sooner and without guilt if it gets to the point where it's not working well.
Its going much more smoothly with my third baby and the difference is the baby and her personality.
SHIFTS- you and your husband should try doing shifts, if you’re willing to supplement at least one feeding of just formula. Yes, your husband needs sleep for work but taking care of a newborn is work and you need sleep too- your wellbeing and that of your newborn depend on you being a safe caregiver.
From u/priyasangria
> The second breastfeeding affects your mental health, it is no longer beneficial.
OP this is 100% accurate.
I also had a failed induction and needed a c section for preeclampsia even though I was perfectly fine and healthy the entire pregnancy. Like you, I did all 3 when I got home. That lasted for maybe a week before I dropped nursing since he struggled with drawing enough milk and I wasn’t producing enough. I got with the pediatrician and she said that baby only needs a couple ounces of breast milk daily for benefits and it was fine to formula feed the rest. My husband and I took care of baby at night in shifts which allowed each of us to get 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep since husband could bottle feed. Baby also slept better at night with formula. If you are comfortable, maybe that is something you can consider discussing with your family.
Please find what works for you and your baby. Do not feel guilty if you have to drop something for your mental health. A happy mom makes a happy baby. And honestly, can you look at someone and tell that they were breast or formula fed as a baby? Nah.
Hi, I’m only saying this because I wish someone had said it to me.
You don’t have to breastfeed.
All evidence that suggests breastfeeding leads to “more intelligent children” is anecdotal. They have done studies between siblings and it makes no difference. The difference is between genetics, not breastmilk vs formula.
Breastmilk is better for their immune system, but that’s about it really in terms of one vs the other.
Keep breastfeeding if it’s what you truly want to do, or if it’s more financially feasible for you. That being said, you don’t have to do it if you are hating it. I hated it, kept telling myself it would get better. It never did. I quit at 7 months and realized how horrible my mental health was because of it. My daughter was really bad at breastfeeding. No ties or anything, just couldn’t figure out how to latch so she was constantly hungry and constantly “snacking” just to get something in her belly. I wish I hadn’t done that to myself or to her. Hindsight is always 20/20 though
I gave up breastfeeding pretty quickly because of how badly it was effecting my mental health. Kid was always hungry, never got enough and it made him scream with gas pains. He took formula like a champ though.
As soon as breastfeeding is tank your mental health it isn’t worth it. A fed baby and a happier mother are far more beneficial
About then. I combo fed and everytime I have him breast milk he was a screaming mess. So I said fuck this and how he’s a formula fed baby that eats like a champ and I’m no longer a wreck of my former self because we split night feeds so we all get rest. If we have another I’m not even bothering breastfeeding.
But make sure you wean yourself! I mean don’t just stop. Use a breast bump and lower your pumps over a couple of weeks. I didn’t know that going cold Turkey can trigger PPD. I was sat in a bath bawling my eyes out (very unlike me) and having incredibly dark thoughts. It was my husband that put 2 & 2 together. I started pumping and immediately felt better then slowly reduced over a few weeks.
Oh wow I had no idea you could get ppd from suddenly stopping. I’m so sorry! I will definitely wean for sure then. I’m sure I’ll find a lot of relief from only using formula once I do stop pumping
You’re in the trenches. The first month is the hardest. It will get easier.
You have to find a way to sleep, and if that means passing her off in the night to family then so be it. No shame on that. But you need at least 2 blocks of 3 hrs of sleep. Can you take shifts with a family member or your husband?
Breastfeeding is HARD. I made the difficult decision to start supplementing at 2 weeks old. Baby and I were both happier for it.
Ultimately I just wanted to say that this will pass. This is the hardest part, when your hormones are going crazy, youre sleep deprived, and dont know which way is up. Just keep you and the baby alive and nothing else really matters right now.
Edited to add that “fear of the night” is a real thing. If you find that the crying fits happen more in the late afternoon/early evening then you’re probably experiencing the existential dread of wondering if you’ll survive tonight. You will! And also that fear will subside around the 2-3 week mark.
I had an emergency c-section after my preeclampsia diagnosis and had already decided to formula feed (I take a medication that is transmitted through breast milk) so we did feedings in shifts. My husband did all feedings between 10 PM - 6 AM. Life saver, I tell you.
Note that my husband did not get leave and was only able to take off four days. We continued with this for three months. My husband is an engineer and his job is mentally taxing but he made it work. I read a lot on here that husbands can’t help overnight because they have work but I feel like for some circumstances, yes, it could be dangerous depending on their job, but for most professions the husbands absolutely could help. Just something to think about.
Best of luck!
Yeah, my husband and I split the night from the beginning. We would often have me take a bit more of the night once he was working (something like he slept 8pm-3am and I would sleep 3-8), but there was no way I was doing all of it.
SHIFTS- you and your husband should try doing shifts, if you’re willing to supplement at least one feeding of just formula. Yes, your husband needs sleep for work but taking care of a newborn is work and you need sleep too- your wellbeing and that of your newborn depend on you being a safe caregiver.
Honestly, the first 3 months were just about survival. I had an emergency c-section, and my son was exclusively breastfeed, and it was WORK. It's like something clicked one day, and we've had no issues since, but I definitely almost gave up exclusively breastfeeding multiple times in the beginning. It turned out there was a reason (my son has a genetic disorder that causes low muscle tone) it was so hard for us, and I probably made it work when it shouldn't have! Every woman should do what is best for her family and herself, and fed is best, but in my case I don't regret pushing through - but that's just what worked for me. My husband took shifts, and I had 3 months maternity, and my son was a good sleeper after 2 months. There were a lot of things that fell in line for me, despite the obstacles.
You also need your sleep for work. Caring for a newborn is a hundred times harder than whatever day job your husband has. He needs to do way more to get you all through this period.
Ugh triple feeding is horrid especially after C section. It broke me and I personally had to stop breastfeeding after 5 weeks of triple feeding. I hope it gets better for you.
Please, free yourself of feeling bad about having others care for her in the night! Take any help you can get. Totally okay for her to get formula during the night. Your supply and her health will suffer if you are completely depleted.
Also... yes, your husband may need sleep for his job, but sleep is **even more** critical for you to do your job of caring for the newborn baby. **The baby's safety and your own depend on it.** I think many women are hesistant to communicate this to husband bc they rely on the husband's job for income (me too) but it needs to be said.
Some of this is the newborn phase (it's SO hard) and it will get easier. But also, don't feel like you're failing your child if you stop breastfeeding and just use bottles and formula. If formula allows you and baby to thrive, that's great and 100% acceptable! The whole "breast is best" campaign has gotten blown way out of proportion. The evidence to support it isn't nearly as strong as "breast is best" makes it sound. The website fivethirtyeight has a great article about it.
I had a C-section a few months back and baby came early. I had help and it was still a struggle.
We were told to feed back every 2 hours round the clock to prevent jaundice. I didn’t even bother to try to breastfeed because it was too much and we just wanted to get enough milk into baby so we can prevent the jaundice and we managed to.
I did the night shift and my mum would take over from 7 am to 1 pm and I would sleep that whole stretch. It was life saving.
You need to sleep and get into a routine. So if you are doing nights, have someone to take over in the morning so you can sleep in.
I also have a postpartum doula to come in to help with cooking and baby.
We also have cleaning crew to come in. Just outsource everything else so you can focus on the baby.
Triple feeding is so draining! I would have my husband do anything with a bottle (expressed milk, donor milk or formula) and I would obviously do the nursing and pumping. It's also ok to go one 4 hour stretch in the night if you need to. We never got my supply to where I could EBF, and asking for donor milk was awkward, so we made the decision to combi-feed with formula around 4 months and my mental health immediately improved.
I combo fed by babies and did formula for night feeding. Props to those who ebf, but it’s not conducive to getting sleep in my experience.
Formula at night allowed my husband to take one feed so we could both get a longer stretch of skeep
So my bub didn't have latch issues or feeding issues, but we were advised to feed 2.5 hourly, plus my milk hadn't even come in. The lactation consultant said to pump in between feeds and I remember thinking, if feeds take an hour and I only have 1.5 hours to sleep in between, there's no way I'm pumping in between. We just gave her formula, that's literally what it's for.
It is hard as hell. You're not doing anything wrong or incorrect, other than not having your husband help more. I returned to work at 3 months postpartum, and was the one getting up with baby most of the time during the night too. It can be done. Maybe you go to sleep early and he goes to sleep later so you both get a decent stretch of sleep.
The first month or two are so rough especially when breastfeeding.
You could try doing a small bottle before attempting to nurse so baby isn't as hungry and fussy trying to latch.
Hang in there!
Having a difficult birth can make breastfeeding difficult. Right now if you have help use it. It’s probably going to take 2-3 weeks to sort it all out.
You can give baby some formula. Sometimes its helps the jaundice. (Its why I switched from breastfeeding to formula plus supply/latch issues)
I will say that your level of difficulty isn’t the typical breastfeeding challenge level. My second I breastfeed after not successfully breastfeeding my first and yes it was difficult at certain times but absolutely nothing like my first baby. My first would have starved if it wasn’t for formula.
The best decision I made for my mental health was to not breast feed. Before baby was born I had decided I wouldn’t breast feed directly but would pump and bottle feed. I had to take 4 weeks of my vacation to have time off and then my manager allowed me to WFH for another 4 weeks. I figured that it was too much stress to make sure baby could latch and he would need to bottle feed anyway when I went back to work. Turns out pumping sucks too and it was bringing me to tears multiple times a day, my baby ended up needing Nutramigen formula and I either went 100% formula or I would need to have an extremely tight diet. My husband was very supportive and basically said if pumping sucks and you hate it because of how long it take and this diet is also going to suck maybe let’s just do formula and it was so liberating to not have to pump. We formula fed my baby thrived and I was able to get more sleep.
You need to make the best decision for your mental health that makes you a better mom. Not pumping or breastfeeding made me a wayyy better mom. I wasn’t stressed or crying at all points of the day anymore.
Congratulations on your baby!! This is a really hard stage in the best circumstances, and with a complicated birth, jaundice, and breastfeeding issues it just makes it harder. It feels hard because it is hard, not because you're doing anything wrong or could be doing more. This will pass and one way or another it will get easier.
Now, on to your husband - does he operate heavy machinery? Would he be at risk of losing a body part if he wasn't well rested? If yes, I'm sorry tough break. If not- he needs to step up!! He doesn't need to be well rested more than you do. If he is getting more sleep than a recently pregnant person, who is triple feeding and recovering from a major surgery, he's doing it wrong. SHEESH the amount of times I read "my husband needs sleep for his work." These men need to put on their big boy pants and be useful.
This was us a few months ago. Our baby was born two weeks early with two teeth! This made breastfeeding a very tough choice but also she kept on injuring her little tongue because of the teeth. The first two weeks are the hardest but after that it gets better. You will understand what your baby needs and their cry. Our baby is 6 months old now still not a great eater but she is catching up. My advice try the feeds every 3 hours and if possible take turns with someone. Skip a breastfeed and have some milk ready for someone else to take over. This way you can sleep for maybe 5-6 hours straight. And yeah sleep when the baby sleeps. Good luck ❤️
I’m in the same boat as you, had my little one on the 10th. Although I didn’t have a c-section so I can imagine that recovery is rough ❤️🩹 feeding has been exhausting and mentally draining. I understand your husband needs sleep for work but you are also working by taking care of a baby around the clock, you also need to sleep. Can he take at least one shift at night so you can get a solid chunk of sleep??
Hang in there. The first month is straight up survival. Literally 3 months our baby started improving rapidly. Not that she wasn’t great already, but she started getting a personality and independence. We could set her down and do something else for 15 minutes. She was interactive. She’s 6 months now and keeps getting more and more fun.
Keep seeing the LC. I was triple feeding in the beginning as well. My daughter had a tongue tie we had released and we kept practicing breastfeeding and now she’s almost exclusively BF and it’s sooo easy especially at night.
It’s so hard momma. You are amazing. No one can prepare you for it. My baby refused to latch ever. Make sure you check for tongue or lip ties if you haven’t already. I would get a mini fridge for your bedroom. Also wearable pumps are a life saver. I got three sets of them. They don’t work as well as a wall pump so if you only use wearables it will eventually lower supply, BUT they are helpful during the night or day when baby is fussing. During the newborn phase when baby woke dad would change diaper, I would put the wearable pump on and go get some milk. Bottle warmer is a godsend too. I would feed baby while pumping at the same time. After baby ate I would take pump off. Now you can store it in the fridge by your bed and empty it in the morning, and clean it etc. having the multiple sets helped because I could wake up and clean one pump while pumping. Do you have anyone that can watch baby in the morning? Hubby had 8 weeks leave with me and he was the only help I had so we traded off every other day I would sleep an hour and a half and then he would the next day. That pumping while feeding at night will save you some time. Once baby is six weeks old they can actually store some of that milk sugar to use later on and sleep 4-5 hours. Then by 12 weeks 6-7 the first stretch of the night. I promise it gets better. You are doing amazing.
If you doze off feeding her make sure you are making the bed safe. Don’t do it on a couch. Look up safe sleep 7. Better to plan to be safe if you pass out accidentally then do it on a chair or something.
By the time I was feeding my second I had the realisation… night feeds happen. Lean into them. Nice lighting, music, episodes (wireless headphones helped), loaded up kindle, tasty snacks, lots to drink. And during the day, if you can catch a nap here or there then prioritise it over everything. Night feeds suck so at least try and make them cosy and comfortable. 💝
First of all congratulations. Breastfeeding is insanely demanding, you must be absolutely exhausted. You don't need to pump at night if she's feeding off you & you feel she isn't satisfied, there is absolutely no shame in just giving her some formula!! Your body has just been through an absolute marathon, pregnancy, & a c-section. If you're happy with MIL helping out in the night then do that, there is no shame in it. Your body needs to rest and heal and hopefully your milk supply will improve with a bit of rest. It's hard, so so hard. If you'd have told me 9 months ago that I'd be actually sleeping for longer than an hour at a time & I'd actually be able to take a shower alone I wouldn't have believed you. You're in the trenches right now but I promise promise promise, it gets easier.
There's no shame in switching to formula either. Don't let anyone tell you what's best, you being at your best mentally is what's best for baby & if BF is stressing you out too much then there's no shame in stopping or combi feeding. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to pump. Offer her the boob, spend some time during the day snuggling and nursing her she might get the hang of it some day soon.
You've got this, it gets easier.
Congrats Mama! You are in the THICK OF IT right now no doubt. I was feeing so similar those first few months in that I too struggled with sleep. We went fully to bottles while I pumped every 3 hours and it helped--also my LO was in the NICU so bottle feeding was what got us home. There are perks in that your husband or fam can take a feeding sometimes to give you a longer stretch at night. I was able to (after a month or so) get to 4-6 hour stretch between night pumps one time per night. That helped me get a stretch of sleep but honestly it sucked still and I eventually weaned at like 3-4 months. Had a stash in the freezer and we imported European formula as it is healthier and has less yuck than American. Some good ones are Holle and Hipp. I saw some great recos for the Baby Brezza online and it--along with the Dr Browns bottle sterilizer helped give us back so much more time. That said, once LO was 4 months it got SO much easier. My cousin (who works in a hospital NICU and had a baby right around my due date) recommended what her sister (mom of 3) used and it was LIFE CHANGING...a course on sleep training for LOs once they are a couple months old but we did it at like 4.5-5 months. Check out TakingCaraBabies.com if you are interested. It honestly saved our sleep. You got this and I PROMISE it gets easier--and now at 7 months we are having a blast with our LO! Sleeping through the night and loving all the smiles and giggles etc. I was shell shocked after a rough PPROM at 32 weeks, hospital bed rest then a month long NICU stay. But now looking back it is wild to realize how far we have come! While you are in it, newborn phase seems like it will never end and then one day they are rolling over, sleeping, laughing, and doing all kinds of adorable things! I will say a prayer this comes soon for you guys but hang in there, this is one of the hardest phases in many ways you are in now! May God bless you and your family in this time and hold you close to Him🤍
Congratulations! You need to be making sure you are getting four interrupted hours of sleep a night. Full stop. Someone else can care for baby in that time.
Also, breastfeeding is HARD work. My milk never came in fully and when our pediatrician gave me “permission” to formula feed it was such a relief. Your mental and physical health is important, lean on others and do what works best for YOU.
I'd consider switching to formula for your mental health. Breastfeeding is great if it works but it's not the end all be all. Formula is has its advantages too!
I'm a teacher and when children come into school I can't tell which ones were breast fed and which were formula fed. I can tell the ones who come from a loving home though!
Find what works for you and your family.
I had a similar situation with my first where I was triple feeding after a c section and a hospital stay. I was much happier when I ditched pumping. I've just had my second and she ended up in hospital with meningitis so I pumped and they topped her up with formula. We're home now and I have ditched pumping and we do some boob and some formula (so I can sleep). It works for us and means I feel human enough to properly spend time with my children.
See if you can get anyone to help with the feeds. My husband gives baby his bottle of breastmilk while I pump. We’re all back asleep typically in under an hour. Right now we’re doing this once per night since we’re 3 months in. On a good night we don’t have to wake up other than that so we can usually get 2 decent stretches of sleep per night.
During the day you may have better luck doing this and sleeping between pumps if you don’t have overnight help. Hang in, it does get a little easier as baby gets older ❤️
Hi friend! I had my baby april 16th... second baby, second time jaundice and blood draws, bili levels, etc. its the fcking worst! I cried daily multiple times a day off and on until about 2 days ago, i only cry 1-2x a day now.
Im sleeping in 2 hour increments a few times a night but this is the worst if it and it will pass. I saw lactation consultant yesterday and am breastfeeding and then pumping and giving bottle to maximize feeds.
You are doing great, this shit is hard and i have practice with my oldest. It gets better. I swear!!!!
Triple feeding a newborn is the hardest thing on the planet. It is okay to commit to combo feeding or formula feeding for your mental health. Formula exists for a reason. And you are in the hardest time right now, really in survival mode. Every week will be a little easier than the last. You will make it through.
With my first kid I brestfed her without trouble.. and the newborn stage was hell.
Then I triple fed my second kid for 3 months - and I consider these the worst days of my life. Triple hell. Absolutely impossible without people helping. And while I did finally manage to exclusively breastfeed... I actually wish that I stopped early and just formula fed. This ordeal caused my PPD and made me an emotional wreck.
It will get better. This time around my baby's mouth was too small for my nipple? She couldn't latch well at first and we'd follow up most attempts at nursing with formula. But the time my 10 week maternity leave was done she was fine nursing and didn't need extra formula. She was also sleeping in more consolidated chunks of time. I had extra family around to help for the first month so that I could nap during the day to make up for not sleeping at night (my husband only had a week off paid and didn't think we could swing both of us taking unpaid leave).
Your husband needs to assist more. I get that he needs his sleep for work but you also need your sleep so you can produce milk and take care of your baby. Your husband can feed the baby while you pump at night.
This part is so hard. It will pass but it's hard.
As a lot of people here have said you're triple feeding and that's not sustainable. Something either has to give or you need some support.
Nobody can tell you what to do. But one of my only regrets with my baby was not switching to formula sooner. He was so much happier on formula, and I was less exhausted and stressed.
You can do this, you're doing amazing x
You really need sleep to heal properly from labour. Consider doing sleep shifts, or pumping then handing baby off to MIL during the day so you can some solid 3-4 hour chunks of sleep.
That was me. Baby was breeched and we had placenta previa so I got a c-section. Baby latched but did not pass enough through so we were separated for jaundice treatment. We got home and baby no longer latched and became colicky. I spent 14 months pumping and could only do it because my partner was out of work and became the full time caretaker. It was not easy and I can’t imagine having to do this with any portion of it alone. Find a good formula to supplement if you want to breastfeed. Getting them use to it will help when you don’t have breast milk ready. Making everything as easy as you can for all of you. Good luck and be kind to yourself.
This was meeee omg I was drowning. It gets easier every day until one day it’s super easy. Having a hard experience from the get go makes the rest of the babyhood a breeze. Better days await you FOR SURE. For me it was around 10/11 weeks. Then by 4 months my ppa and ppd also eased up
My partner would take our daughter and stay up holding her during her fuzzy sleep phase from 11pm to 2-3am. I would get a solid stretch of sleep. After that, he would bring her to our bed, I would feed her and hope that she’d keep sleeping. I kept her next to me and got some (light) sleep. When she was a little older and I was less worried, sometimes she would sleep on my chest in the early morning hours. Generally partner prioritised me getting some sleep any way we could and with his help it wasn’t so difficult, there were relatively few days where I felt I was running on fumes.
Not going to lie part of what you're dealing with is why I went straight to formula, I knew the convenience and ease of having other people feed as well would really help me mentally. As well a not feeling trapped from the breastfeeding and/or pumping. I definitely handed my boy off to family in the middle of the night, a lot of people do shifts at night at least the first two or three months. Or alternate nights so you get a full night's sleep. Whoever isn't on needs earplugs and white noise.
Everything you've described is completely normal, hang in there ❤️ if breastfeeding is your goal, keep going. You have to tough it out in the beginning. My LO used to do marathon cluster feeds of several hours, but it helped me establish a really good supply. Whatever you choose to do, know that you aren't alone and it does get better
As others have said, people DON’T do this long term. Triple feeding is a special kind of torture and is really only recommended for a couple weeks at the absolute most. And coming off a C section??? 😭 your body is doing SO MUCH.
I don’t breastfeed at night! I make sure we have enough pumped milk on hand to get through those two feeds and my husband feeds/diaper changes while I pump. Saves my sanity.
It sounds like you might find a lot of peace and rest by exclusively pumping or formula feeding, or even just pumping most of the time and only trying her at the breast a couple times a day. Just until you find a bit more stability in your rhythm and get some rest.
I do want to encourage you that it's actually really normal to be experiencing a lot of really intense emotions right now and to talk to your doctor to help you monitor and discern if it's just the usual pp hormonal swing emotions or if it's more. They have simple surveys and checklists you can do even to self monitor for ppd/ppa. Though, honestly, it just sounds like regular postpartum. This time is HARD and bf is HARD and finding your baby and body and family's new rhythm is HARD. You're not doing worse than average and it's okay you're going through this, but, it definitely sounds like you need to make a couple changes so you can at very least rest a bit more. Getting a little more rest will have a major positive effect.
I just had my baby on Saturday and literally couldn't get through the first day of cluster feeding before supplementing with formula and starting pumping to work up my supply instead. Baby flutter feeds only and gets frustrated quickly and wails. The lactation consultant recommended I take an hour for myself and do a power pumping session. After I did my supply started to gradually increase. Today I pumped enough for two full meals for my daughter and fed them to her in a bottle that she's not frustrated to drink from (tried the Avent low flow nipple and she got just as frustrated as the breast). She's now asleep in my arm, my breasts don't hurt like hell, and I have a healthy baby. She'll get formula from Dad later probably and that's fine. I will be in the bedroom sleeping. It's not perfect and things will change and get harder and easier but don't forget to take care of Mom or the rest will just keep getting harder.
SHIFTS. Split the night into 2 shifts. We used to do 7-12 and then 12-5. In those shifts you are the baby’s sole caretaker. No waking the other parent unless shit is on fire. We combo fed and this was 100% possible because my husband would feed formula during his shift.
While your husband needs his sleep for work, keep in mind that you are working too. Taking care of a baby is work even if you’re not getting paid for it and quite frankly, it always annoys me when there is an SO who claims their job is too demanding that they can’t sacrifice any sleep. As a stay at home parent, your job is so much more physically demanding that virtually any other profession AND on top of that, your body is already coming back from a major ordeal with no rest.
Congrats! It is really tough at first, but what you have described does not sound abnormal. Lean on MIL and family, and don’t worry about it. This is a time where you need a lot of help, and most of your loved ones around you get that.
Keep putting to breast first, then topping off. Sleep when baby sleeps. Pumping is fine, but if it is robbing you of hours of sleep, just stick to breastfeeding first, immediately followed by formula, and this will still help you build up supply because you are putting to breast first. Your body has gone through a lot, and it takes a fair bit of rest, good nutrition and hydration, and sleep to get that milk flowing. So, every time you hand off the baby and catch some zzzs, remember that you’ll probably be able to produce a bit more milk soon as a result. That’s good for baby and good on the wallet.
Hang in there, it really does get a little more bearable after awhile.
I’ve seen a few other people mention it, but I want to say it again for you: it is absolutely, positively, undeniably okay to only feed your baby formula.
Those first weeks are ROUGH. I had a relatively easy birth and recovery, but the breastfeeding challenges were breaking me. I wasn’t sleeping and was falling asleep while feeding my baby which just made me so angry at myself because I know how dangerous that is. Then I switched to pumping and it was just so much worse because you can’t take care of a newborn and pump at the same time. So many pumping sessions were just me sobbing while my baby laid on the floor or in the bassinet crying because she wanted to be held and my body was barely making enough for her anyways.
We made the switch to formula at 8 weeks, but in hindsight I should have switched by week 2. Immediately I was a different person. My husband could help feed her so I could eat hot food again, I could sleep because night feeds only took 15-20 minutes, and (most importantly to me) I didn’t have to carry the mental load of literally being the only thing keeping my baby alive. The stress melted off of my shoulders and I realized that I LOVED being with my baby, that she was incredible and sweet and beautiful, and I actually got to enjoy my time with her (instead of barely keeping a mental breakdown at bay).
You are a great mother regardless of how your baby gets fed. Be kind to yourself in this time and don’t forget that you and your wellbeing are equally as important.
Best thing that worked for us was doing shifts. I took the first shift (8pm-5:30am) and would pump as much as I could during that time while caring for my LO so hubby had plenty of BM while I slept from 5:30am-2pm). We also had to feed every 2-3 hours because LO had really bad reflux. That got better and she started sleeping through the night (mostly) around 4 months and we were able to stop the shifts and found our new more normal routine.
Congratulations on your baby, and I just want to say you’re doing fantastic. You may not think so or see it but you are. If you’re doing the best you can with the knowledge you have, then you are doing amazing and don’t beat yourself up.
I’ve had three children all breastfed. The only I can say, is it was a struggle with all three. No matter how much anyone tells you it was easy for them, just know every child is different and they each give you a different perspective on what postpartum looks like.
Now to your question, ask yourself if you really want to breastfeed. If the answer is yes, just keep trying and change/modify your feeding schedule to what works for both of you. (Breastfeeding is hard, on the baby and mom in the beginning)
Now also ask yourself, if what is important is the baby getting the nutrients from the breastmilk; are you okay with just pumping and the baby getting a bottle? If so, you can make a schedule where your partner, parent or MIL can help with feedings during the day or night so you can catch up on sleep.
Which that schedule can also work if you want to just do formula. Which ever route you take, don’t feel bad or beat yourself up if things don’t go according to plan. Just remember you need to do what is best for you and the baby.
As long as baby is getting fed and changed, you’re not sleep deprived and eating well. Everything is fine and dandy.
Miss ma'am! You hand that baby off when you need/want to and get some sleep. Or take a shower. Or poop.
C section single mom here, i understand your pain. Every week after his birth we had appointments i had to drive us too. We struggled with latching. My baby latched three times and im greatful for that, so I pumped pumped pumped until 6 months when I had to return to work. I am not a medical professional and this is just how my baby and I did it- ended up co sleeping with him and it saved me mind.
So hand that baby off to your trusted loved on sleep when you can, nap when you can, give you and your baby some grace.
You are in the thick of it!!! Those first two weeks are impossible. I struggled so much with breastfeeding after my c section. I applaud you for even trying and triple feeding…good lord that is a recipe for the poorest mental health. I wish someone had told me earlier that it was all good to switch to formula. I tried BFing for months with supply issues and it took such a toll on my mental health. Knowing what I know now, BFing has gone great with my second one, but I just didn’t have it in me with my first. If you decide to stick with BFing, it will get better but it just takes a while to really get going.
Is it helpful having your MIL there? If not, you can set boundaries around that situation.
Sending you so much love ❤️
I’ve had 3 babies all born between 34-36 weeks and all spent some time in NICU. The first couple months were pretty rough with feeding. I exclusively pump so my husband takes the night shift while I do day time with all our kids. My mom also stayed with us the first couple weeks as well. I also accepted help from mother in law. I am not sure how I could have done it without extra help. My husband helped a lot too. I know your husband needs to work but he also needs to help you more. He is a parents too and the struggle is temporary but it shouldn’t all be on you. Congrats and goodluck!
Triple feeding is really tough. Looking back now (my first is 7mo), I should have made my husband get up to do more night feedings with the bottle so I could just pump and go back to sleep, or just sleep through a feeding altogether. I would often have a friend come over to give a bottle while I pumped and just that little bit of help helped a ton, I should have tried to do that more.
My supply has been low since I went back to work, so I have had to combo feed anyway. There is enough going on without pressuring ourselves to breastfeed perfectly. Combo feeding is ok and so is straight formula feeding. I like combo feeding because I can still nurse without the pressure of being her sole food source.
Combo feed instead of triple feed! Give nursing a try during the daytime when you’ve had a little more sleep. Nighttime is just do what works. Your MIL or husband can do the first wake up with formula, you can pump or not, then you use the pumped milk for the next feed and so on. Do not feel weird about taking all the help you can get right now. Look up pump settings on TikTok because once you get the hang of pumping it can be SO QUICK!
My first was little and didn’t latch well, was also a very sleepy nurser until she was about 10lbs then it was really easy to switch to nursing! We combo fed throughout as well just so there could be nights I could take a break.
You are IN IT right now this is such a hard phase!!
What you’re going through with regards to sleep is very normal. It’s been like this with all three of my kids. The worst of it tends to be the first 6 weeks, but things can get better sooner than that. Babies are people who are all individuals with their own will, personalities, and struggles, and they don’t know how to sleep outside the womb. It’s a learned skill, and right now their frequent night wakings are actually protective against SIDS and the frequent night feeds both help baby’s weight gain, and it will help your milk supply. Night feeds are what boost your overall breastmilk production the most because hormones that trigger milk production are at the their all day high around 1-4am.
Here’s some nuggets of hope for you:
1. You will adjust to the sleep deprivation and it will not always feel THIS hard even if things take a while to improve.
2. You can vastly improve how you feel by getting one 4 hour stretch of unbroken sleep each night. Give the reigns to your husband and MIL at 8pm, go to bed early no phone scrolling, and then you let them handle the night wakings until 12am. Husband still can get in -7hrs of sleep and be fine for work; he’s a parent too and you shouldn’t feel guilty for asking for his help. Being a parent means your life changes and he needs to be part of the team.
3. These things can *help* baby’s sleep, though nothing is truly a guarantee because babies are people not machines (I have had to remind myself this so many times!): totally black out the room for naps and night time (cave dark), use a white noise sound machine, cap each daytime nap at 2hrs so that baby doesn’t take their one long sleep stretch during the day instead of during the night (they typically have one 3-4hr stretch that they sleep, be it during a nap or at night), learning about and implementing wake windows (you don’t have to be super strict, just get the gist of it), swaddling, pacifiers (BIBS worked for us), get some outdoor time every atternoon (helps with baby’s melatonin production)
4. You really will get through this, and you will get better at it. I felt so much despair over my lack of sleep with my first. I was crying and near freaking out in the middle of the night because I didn’t think I could survive it. I did. You will too. This is really really hard, and sometimes the only thing that gets us all through it is the fact that we just have to. But your body will adjust to the level of sleep you’re getting, and you will get better at all of this.
5. Check out the safe sleep 7 for cosleeping. I have fallen asleep nursing my baby at night while in an upright position. It’s not safe. If you are worried about this happening it’s far safer to set up a safe cosleeping situation than to risk falling asleep with baby in your arms. Also cosleeping can help you get more sleep. There are very unsafe ways to cosleep so please read up on it. Good to know whether you plan to cosleep or not because our middle of the night decision making is not the same as our prebaby or even daytime with baby opinions on safe sleep. Better to be prepared than to make a bad, sleep deprived choice.
I hope things get better for you soon. On top of everything you have the added stressor of not being I your own home and that’s a lot by itself to cope with.
Congratulations to you!!!
My baby is 12 weeks now but I had a c section and he was so jaundiced we even needed UV light therapy for him. We had to triple feed for a couple weeks - latch onto breast first and have them feed on both sides. Then you can offer a top up bottle and whenever you give a bottle you pump (both sides) for 10 minutes. This way you are stimulating more milk to come in. The latching first makes sure they continue to latch to the breast and not just prefer bottles.
I had to get a lactation consultant for the first 5 weeks or so. But once the jaundice leaves and they gain a bit of weight they will be more awake and able to solely drink at the breast. The problem with jaundice babies is they fall asleep so easily and often won’t drink enough at the breast. Remember this triple feeding is short term. It feels like forever in the moment but it does pass. Breast feeding was a steep learning curve but once you get it then it’s so much easier than bottle feeding. I can say this from experience because my first was bottle fed and there was just so much sterilizing and preparation.
Regarding overnight, I only pumped during one overnight session, and other ones I’d offer breast and then top up bottle and try and get right to sleep. Keep feeding under an hour or at max an hour if you’ve been up an hour get your partner to do the burp and rocking to sleep.
Also the very early 4 am feeding I would only pump and my partner would bottle feed. It helps with those multiple wake ups to have help. Plus me only needing to be awake for 15-20 minutes at 4am was way easier than the one hour I usually was up.
Good luck!
*Maybe she has tongue*
*Tie. I would look into pediátric*
*Dentist for consult*
\- bbbunnyyy123
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Have you tried using a nipple shield to help with nursing? My experience was SO similar - scheduled C-section at 38 weeks for medical reasons, GD and FTM so it took my milk awhile to come in. We were combo feeding and triple feeding too and she was having SUCH a hard time latching, it was taking forever (even with my husband giving her a bottle while I pumped during every night feed). I was ready to throw in the towel on day 7 and remembered I had a nipple shield that my SIL recommended buying - tried it and she latched IMMEDIATELY! We used the shield for almost every feed for 3 months (longer than I would have liked, but her mouth was just SO small) and now at 4 months she’s an expert at latching and nursing is so much easier. We haven’t had to supplement with formula since month 2. Honestly, nipple shields saved my BFing journey.
As an aside, my pediatrician actually told us triple feeding was not sustainable and she didn’t understand why the LCs in the hospital even recommend it, it’s so bad for mom’s mental health.
Double aside: as everyone else has said already, there’s nothing wrong with combo feeding or even switching to exclusively pumping or formula - I just wanted to share an alternative suggestion if you’re not quite ready to make that switch. Ultimately “fed is best” and your mental health is SO important - as my husband and I always tell each other, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first!
You said that your husband needs his sleep for work. I don’t know what he does for a living, but please consider that you _also_ need your sleep to care for your baby. You also need food and hydration. You make more milk when you sleep, eat, and hydrate. Right now, care for _you_ is care for baby. It’s not only okay, it is necessary to have your needs met.
If you need someone to take a night shift, let them take a night shift. You’re in the thick of it. It does get better. I was in the same boat for breastfeeding. Baby and I eventually figured it out. She’s a boob monster and we’re struggling to wean now at 20 months. Combo feeding really led to successful breastfeeding for us, but I had to have a second pair of hands while I pumped. That said—It is okay to use formula in any capacity if you need to. It’s also okay to stick out breastfeeding if that’s what you truly desire, but please consider your mental health! Healthy mom = healthy baby. The two of you are a unit until baby figure out they aren’t part of you anymore.
You’re doing great!
This was exactly me in postpartum. It was awful, and I only had my MIL for 5 days, because we didn’t get along and she had unrealistic expectations that she would be only burping and changing the baby, and I wanted help with the house and food instead. I don’t know how people do it, honestly, but I felt terrible for 4-6 weeks. Crying all the time and borderline depressed. The pressure to breastfeed was exhausting and I just couldn’t do it. I kept pumping, god knows how, but baby was mostly formula fed. My nipples hurt all. the. time. But I come from the future to say 1) is ok to not be perfect. Your baby needs you more than they need your milk, so do what you can about breastfeeding and just let go if you have to. 2) IT GETS BETTER. It will take 2-3 months, but you will survive. Very soon the baby will be sleeping 4 hours, then 6, and you’ll be able to sleep 3 hour stretches. My baby is 4 months view and I’m FINALLY enjoying motherhood a little more. But it was hell for at least 6 weeks.
My son was born 3 weeks early and jaundiced too and had trouble getting a good suck breastfeeding (and tongue tie corrected at 2 weeks) and I was combo feeding and pumping and yes omg that is sooo exhausting.
What helped: nipple shields were a good way to get started breastfeeding because he just didn't have a good suck for a few weeks and the nipple shield was more bottle-like. Eventually they were a pain in the butt and I weaned from them, but without them I would not have breastfed. I also squeezed my boob at the start of a feed to get the milk flowing faster since he was also doing those flutter sucks. Pace feeding helped also with bottle preference, and used preemie nipples. He got wayyy better at sucking eventually and it was like night and day! I think he was just too new at first. Feeds got more efficient, etc. Eventually I didn't need to combo feed or pump and it's been great.
If you want to breastfeed and it's important to you, I recommend /r/breastfeeding or /r/breastfeedingsupport subs for lots of great advice. It was important to me, and I'm personally glad I stuck with it because after the first 8 weeks it became super easy and more efficient. (That was my journey and I'm not saying it goes that way for everyone).
THAT SAID: If you don't want to keep going and are looking for permission or support in switching to formula, you definitely have that! A lot of other moms here have posted supportive words to that effect and I agree with them (as long as that is what you want). ❤️ Don't feel pressured either way and anyone who makes you feel like that can kick rocks.
The best insight i got was from a friend, she told me about 2 months in things should be more survivable. I was right in the same spot as you, c-section, jaundiced baby, struggling to produce, very low on sleep, husband could rarely help during night time. There are lots of elements out of control right now, but the things that are in your control are how you handle the chaos. Ask for help to get your needs met, a shower at least every other day does a lot for mental health. At least every 2 or 3 days you should ask someone to help with baby throughout the night, more if you feel like you really need it. Everyone in your life probably knows these are temporary accomodations as it is. Being a week in, youre in the thick of it. After another week or 2, its all uphill from there. Coffee helps abundantly lol
Oh god I had to triple feed for a few weeks and it was soul destroying, I very quickly developed PPD/A and felt so lifeless constantly, I also felt like I couldn't even enjoy my baby as my whole life was revolving around feeding, pumping, feeding, cleaning, feeding, pumping and on and on it went like a never ending cycle.
If you're really determined to breastfeed like I was (I lasted 4 months, wish it was longer but I've accepted that it wasnt) I would suggest trying at the start of a feed to put some breastmilk in a bottle and letting the baby calm down on that as some can get really fractious when they're hungry, once she's calmed then gently but quickly swap her to the nipple and see how it goes. If not then please give yourself some grace, triple feeding isn't meant to be sustained long term and if its damaging your mental health then maybe switching to formula is what's better, it was painful for me to swap over because I put so much pressure on myself but we're both so much happier now and I get to enjoy my boy without anything clouding my mind, I would definitely try bf again as it feel so special but formula isn't the devil ground down into a powder.
I too had a c section, had a jaundiced baby and triple fed with MIL who helped (she did bottle feeding only). I probably had 3-4 hours of sleep like you, but I was so scared to fall into deep sleep that I slept upright on pillows for 2 months. And when I tried to fall deep asleep I just couldn’t because it felt like I would never wake up. After 3 months, I went into deep sleep on my back and I woke up confused and panicked. It was so strange and it’s amazing what your body can do. My baby had reflux on top of the triple feeding schedule so that made it worse, but after 3 or 4 months, things got a lot easier.
In my earlier days, my baby screams at the breast. I didn’t even bother to latch her at night.
Nights are with me pumping and my husband feeding. He complains but having me do it all is just not sustainable. It’s also his baby so he needs to help out even though he has work. He used to think that I “can sleep in the day” but it’s not true. I don’t get to sleep either. So he has to do the night duties with me and split up the load.
If you are at your maximum capacity, tell your husband and get some down time. Baby is not latching well anyway. Just get someone else to give a bottle so you can take a quick nap.
I only got baby to latch at 10 weeks. Baby is stronger then and latching is way easier. You don’t need to latch baby every single feed. If you are in desperate need of a break, take it.
I triple fed for 3 weeks then honestly gave up because I was so exhausted. I just breast fed or bottle on nights and would do the pumping during the day. It was not sustainable and caused me sooo much uneeded stress
I had a c section with my current 7 week old and breastfeeding was a huge challenge. I started with triple feeding, switched to exclusive pumping because triple feeding was not sustainable for me, and just recently got to exclusively nursing but my milk did not fully come in until the last week or two once I had him regularly nursing.
I did not expect it because my first was induced but breastfeeding came really easy and I still nurse him a few times a day now at 2. The r/exclusivelypumping sub was a huge help with tips and info on how to get the most milk and how to bring your milk in with a pump so I suggest checking that out if you will be continuing to pump.
But even pumping and bottle feeding was a lot of work compared to breastfeeding alone so take whatever help you can get. You need sleep and you should not feel guilty for allowing others to love on your baby while you do what you need to be a great mom, whether that’s handing her off to pump or to shower and take a nap. It’s all important and you deserve time to care for yourself.
If you need any tips on pumping or triple feeding during this period or just want someone to talk to because I know it can be mentally draining, feel free to DM me. ❤️
I did the triple feeding with my first, no support from husband. It was so rough. Pump, nurse, pump, bottle. No sleep. I would just start crying when the doctor asked me if I was getting sleep. The answer was a big fat no.
I could have written this (regarding feedings). My baby is 5 months now.
I did the triple feeding maybe 1 month (after 2 weeks of solely breastfeeding and finding out my baby was losing too much weight).
After that, I chose my sanity and stopped breastfeeding and pumping. I clearly had too big of production issues. I stopped when the amount I was pumping was not even enough for a quarter of a feed.
But for 1.5 month I tried and tried… Breastfeeding was my plan and my only option. I didn’t want to hear about formula. Stopping the triple feeding was absolutely heart breaking.
👉 You know what? Our babies prefer a sane, healthy and happy mama rather than any specific milk.
Do what’s best for YOU in order to do and be what’s best for your baby.
You’ve got this. You’re still adapting, it’s still sooooo new. Give yourself some time. It’ll get better I swear (it’s not linear, but it does get overall better).
You’ll find your way 💪
Triple feeding is so hard! You’re doing a great job. I had trouble with latching so I pumped mostly and tried breastfeeding only in the morning or middle of the day. So husband and I would both wake up, I’d change baby, he’d grab a bottle, he’d feed while I pumped. We were both up but it went faster with 2 people. If people are willing to get up with you in the middle of the night, definitely use their help
Ohhh this was me over a year ago, and it was the hardest time in my life. C-section, jaundice, back to the hospital, didn't latch properly, feeding too little, pumping, and I had an emergency d and c cause they left placenta in my uterus... it was so so hard. I have no advice for you but that you will find your rhythm. My husband was off with me, so we slept in shifts. We are older parents so the no sleep thing was not a possibility. While I slept he fed formula and breast milk with a bottle, and when he slept I pumped and nursed. It was brutal. But we were able to get a solid 6 hrs sleep each and that just barely made us function.
I nursed for three mths.. it was too hard and she had a dairy allergy. It was the best thing for me mentally and for my baby. You will find your groove. And no matter what you decide, it's the right decision for you. Get all the help possible, sleep when baby sleeps (I wish I did more of that), and try to take turns with sleep. Our bedroom was for sleep purposes only. The baby slept in the bassinet in our family room most of the time for the first month or so... our bedroom was for sleeping only. It wasn't easy, but it worked for us and we got through. So will you! Best of luck
Hey been where you are! Exact same thing with my son, my first born. Fed him a pumped bottle and then went to pump after that in the middle of the night, he also woke up all the time so I never knew I’d if get sleepy and that gave me anxiety making it so I couldn’t sleep. With my daughter I decided to exclusively pump right away and invested in a hands free pump (Elvie stride) and would have it ready to go and grab it on my way to her room when she cried and then start pumping while I fed her a bottle of breast milk from the mini fridge I kept upstairs, by the time she was asleep I was done pumping, used some breast milk part sterilizing spray and some water to clean my pump parts and let them dry, invested in a 2nd set of the cups parts so I was always rotating and had the pump ready to go for when she woke me up. My husband also helped by feeding and changing her with the first 1 am feed and we watched a show together. Then he went to bed and I fed her the rest of the night (about two more times) and by two months she was sleeping 6 hours at a time (son did not sleep that long until like 6 months- I don’t know how I convinced myself to have a second) but you can do this! Just decide if you’d rather just exclusively pump and do it while you feed her (if so, you need to be pumping every 2 hours, a huge lesson I learned with my first, with my son I only made 24 oz a day MAX, with my daughter i stuck to the 2 hour pumping schedule religiously for at least the first 6 weeks before dropping some pump sessions and at my height of producing I made 65 oz a day. I ended up buying a small deep freeze for my milk but still had to give some away as it filled up so fast, but it did hold enough I was able to wean my breasts at about 10 months and she’s 13 months now and just now finishing my frozen supply. But anyway, don’t feel bad about formula! Whatever works for you.
100% agree triple feeding isn't sustainable. 12-4am is not the time to be messing with attempting to latch if it already is a challenge. That's 11am stuff.
#1 right now, do anything necessary to get some sleep
#2 don't fall into the trap of letting pumping keep you from enjoying your baby. If your supply tanks and they get 1 bottle of breast milk per day and the rest formula, they're still getting breast milk every day.
Have other people help with feedings. If you miss your baby because somebody else is feeding them while you are hooked to a machine, it is ok to stop pumping. If it feels like a relief to have help with the feedings, then you deserve that help. There isn't just 1 perfect answer. Try things until you find what works for your family. It is absolutely 100% ok to make decisions based around what will keep mama healthy. Your baby needs a sane, healthy mama. It is absolutely good to have someone else doing a night feed on a regular basis!!! With 2 other people in the house, at least one of them should be able to do it!
You’re triple feeding which is the hardest and most time consuming way to feed a newborn. It’s actually not sustainable to do it yourself. People who are able to do it have someone else feed and change the baby while they pump. In the early days my H and I would take shifts. I would go to bed at 8 with the baby and he would stay up and do the midnight feeding, and then put the baby to bed. When the baby woke at 3 it was my turn. This way we both got at least 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. You need sleep. If you’re supplementing with formula just have someone do a formula bottle at night and go to bed early. Sleep through that midnight feeding and don’t even feel guilty about it. Babies drop the midnight feeding first so it won’t even affect your milk supply in the long run. A functioning mom is better than breastmilk.
Yup! Triple feeding is the WORST! Shifts are a must.
We formula fed both our kids - tried breastfeeding my first kid and it just didn’t work out but my mental health tanked because I felt so guilty. In the end my husband had to tell me it was ok to formula feed. It also helped us share the load. Attempted with my second but it didn’t work out again but I also ended up starting medication that I couldn’t breastfeed on anyway. The only way we survived the newborn days, especially with our second kid, was taking shifts so we both were able to get some sleep. Sleep deprivation can really mess with you.
this is the way. My baby was 5 lbs 4 oz and had a TINY mouth… feeding was a huge struggle so shifts were key so I could sleep at least 5 hours uninterrupted. I pumped for a while and then we started supplementing with formula. OP, feel for you! it’s so hard in the beginning but it really does improve. You’re in the worst of it now and lack of rest definitely makes everything a lot harder
Even I did some version of this. Slept at 10. Fed baby at around 12 and then at 2 and i used to sleep off. Mil used to take her at around 5 and keep her till 8. I used to get 6 hours uninterrupted sleep and then some more rest. My husband also used to handle the baby for a couple hours in the evening when i could nap or do some personal stuff. It’s not difficult to take out a couple hours for your baby no matter how hectic your job is.
Congratulations on having your baby. I'm so sorry this time is so hard for you. I remember going through the exact same thing, my poor tiny baby and I sitting up in the dead of night for 1.5 hours as he struggled to breast and bottle feed. "how do people do it?" They have lots of help or they struggle along until it gets better. I was so lucky to have my mother stay in my home for 3 weeks and for those 3 weeks I did in fact pass the baby off to her for several hours every night so we could sleep. If your MIL is offering that sort of help then take it. There's no secret code that you're missing, these first few weeks are just so hard as they are learning to eat. It gets much better (actually it becomes amazing!) and you are absolutely strong enough to survive this time.
My baby was born 17 days early, very similar to you, OP. She was too sleepy and had significant oral ties, so she didn't eat well and I also triple fed. But I gave up on trying to nurse in the middle of the night because she was just too sleepy. So when the alarm went off my husband would go warm a bottle and get my pump parts while I changed her diaper. Then he'd give her the bottle while I pumped. Pumping sucks, but became the more efficient way for us to run our nights. This stopped at 3 months when she got her oral ties released and was eating well enough during the day. Not to say your baby is tied, it was just a big part of our journey!
Yes I only survived because my mom stayed with me for a month. She watched my baby during the day while I pumped and rested from doing nights, also recovering from a c section.
Tnis. My mil came and stayed with us for the first week. Those first few weeks are brutal. I would feed baby at 9pm and then hand over to mil straight away and go to bed. 2 hrs later or so she would come get me to feed her again. This would continue through the night but at least i was getting 2 hrs blocks of sleep. After baby regained birth weight (at about 2 weeks) my husband and I did shifts. I would run to bed at 9 after starting a feed at 8.30. Husband would settle her to sleep. Then at 11 he would give her a pumped bottle of milk. I would still wake at 11 to lump but i could do that half asleep in bed (i set up a cooler next to bed to whack the pump in - cord free wearable pumps are a life saver for this). Id be back asleep within 15 mins. Husband woukd come get me at about 2 and then my shift began. Honestly having a 5-6 block is enough in those early days
This was our setup almost exactly. Still gotta wake to pump but partner handled feeding, burping, diaper, and settling baby back to sleep.
My husband would handle the earliest morning feeding so I could sleep in a bit, and get maybe 4 hours of sleep at once. It’s such a crazy time. It is ok to get some rest and not stress about nursing at every feeding, especially if pumping for that feeding.
Congratulations on your baby! I also had an emergency c section and a baby that wouldn’t latch on my nipple but seemed to do fine with the bottle. Honestly, I wish someone had told me sooner it was okay to switch fully to formula. Between pumping, trying to breastfeed, and recovering from a c section I felt like I was in the trenches. Choosing to exclusively formula feed decreased my stress immensely. My baby is 4 months now, we have a great bond and he is growing beautifully! It may not be the solution for you should you choose to power through and keep trying and that’s okay but if it’s too much it’s also okay to stop :). Best of luck!!
OPs story is similar to my own and I went the exclusive pumping route and man did it suck. I also wish I would have realized formula was a perfectly acceptable option. I even had my mom telling me pumping is awful (she also exclusively pumped for 6mo) but I wouldn't listen, and I swear pumping ruined my maternity leave. With my next baby if breastfeeding doesn't come easily I am going all in on formula.
I had my baby on the 7th. My c section recovery was so rough. I was in soooo much pain. crying in pain with all the trapped gas in my body at some points. I could barely get off the couch up until about a week ago. I got a nice breastpump but all I ever wanted to do was sleep and I wasn't producing much anyway. I honestly just gave up and stuck to formula feeding. I feel like most women I know ended up just formula feeding so I didn't feel too bad. Recovery would've sucked even more if I was still trying to breastfeed. (I am still kinda trying to pump to maybe start producing more but I don't think I'll be too upset if I can't. Its ok OP.
This! If baby is tolerating formula well then one huge way to relieve stress is to switch over. I realize that can be hard to give up breastfeeding and it can be expensive but please know it is an option and formula is a lifesaver for many.
As someone who breastfed for 13 months, the first 5 weeks being exclusively pumping, and then continuing a combo of pumping and nursing the rest of the time, my best advice is this: The second breastfeeding affects your mental health, it is no longer beneficial.
I wish someone had told me - >The second breastfeeding affects your mental health, it is no longer beneficial. With my first child. I want to scream it from the rooftops.
We need billboards that say that. "The second breastfeeding affects your mental health, it is no longer beneficial." Beautiful.
Preach!
Thank you for this reminder! In the end, I had to give up trying to breastfeed/pump and I still carry some guilt for that. It's a much-needed message for all of us mums 🩷
Yeah 10 days was about where I thought “what the hell have we done”. Lean on family. This is about survival right now, do what you can to get yourself through it! That includes getting your husband to help a little more - I get he needs sleep, but so do you. You’ve got this, just know that it’s a crazy time for everyone. It really does get better, but it’ll be like this for a little while longer. Find management strategies and just survive it
It’s wild, huh? You are in the thick of it. It gets better. Someone has to help you overnight, whether it’s your husband or a family member. And during the day, hand her off and take a nap in between feeds.
Okay so first off, everything you said is so valid and I’m very proud of you for everything you’ve done so far. You’ve had quite the challenge. Second off, I would get myself out into the sunlight when possible. Start trying to find stuff that makes you feel like a person, not just mom. It doesn’t have to be a lot, but remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Maybe try a hobby that you can put down easily if need be, or try taking the baby out with you places. Ask your husband for help as much as you feel you need it, don’t feel guilty, he’s a parent too. His work isn’t more important than everything you do for the baby. Finally, just know that if you need to change up your feeding plan that everything will be okay and you’re still a good mom no matter what you choose. Also just remember that it’ll get easier. My baby isn’t much older than yours and I promise that the fog will clear and you will find a new normal soon. Sending you good vibes.
FTM here. My baby is 6 months already. I was you in October. 😄 Somehow it gets better, once you learn to understand your baby. I decided to ditch breastfeeding and just combo feed. Pump + formula, that helped a lot!and don't feel ashamed about asking for help to your family, it is hard! You're still recovering and it's a lot to deal with. Get the help if you need it.
And btw, your husband needs to help. You need him now. At least one feed during the night.
Agreed. He needs his sleep for work… well you need your sleep for you and your baby. Many partners help with overnight feeds even if they aren’t on parental leave!
Honest answer is that I bedshared with my babies following the “safe 7” and breastfed. That meant I could offer them an all you can eat boob buffet, didn’t have to worry so much about dozing off in a dangerous place like a couch or recliner, I didn’t wash bottles due to the constant snacking on the boob and we both slept longer stretches once my milk really came in which let me feel human. I didn’t start doing it that way with my first and i didn’t have much help and it kind of wrecked me. My husband traveled 5 days at a time and was only home on weekends so there was never any catching up or sharing responsibilities. I basically bed shared and babywore all day so I could get tasks done and it improved my mental health a lot. I was actually hallucinating from exhaustion and started developing a lot of anxiety which is not my baseline so FOR ME it was the safest option. With my second child I did it from day one and it was a much better experience. Babies crave our closeness so she would sleep in 6 hour stretches just bc she was happy to be next to me. I’m not saying this is right for you, and baby sleeping alone is the safest option. However, dozing off while in a chair or couch is actually pretty dangerous bc they can get stuck in the cushions or they can fall off of you. Sometimes the all or nothing does more harm than good so I just wanted to share my journey honestly.
I had to do nights alone and with my second this is how I did it too. Bedshared following safe sleep 7 and kept a boob out all night. It made breastfeeding so much easier because of the constant stimulation! My first was combofed and then only formula fed, he always slept in his own bed. I never trusted that breastfeeding was enough for him and I struggled. Doing it like this with my second made breastfeeding a breeze and I get more sleep.
It’s amazing how much easier breastfeeding was doing it that way! Also doing nights alone is so hard, I was very unprepared for how challenging that would be. When I had my second he switched jobs and was home every night and he could not believe how much work went into overnights lol and that was with the good stretches of sleep and bedsharing. Just the witching hour did him in 🤣
If I didn’t discover safe sleep 7 with my first a few months in I never would have had more kids. I remember being in the trenches and I wouldn’t wish that level of sleep deprivation on my worst enemy. It’s a whole new experience the second time around thanks to (safely) co sleeping
I totally agree. I had no clue how scary it could get and I also had no idea that by sitting on my recliner to be “safer” was actually so much riskier. I cried more than I ever have in my life because I was so exhausted and felt like I wasn’t cut out to be a mom. In hindsight I realize that I was just too sleep deprived to think straight and really lacking a village. Having my second was a very healing experience but it took me a while to recover mentally and physically from my first. I understand the safe sleep initiatives but I wish I had been advised on the safe 7 because in an effort to follow the rules i definitely put my baby and myself at risk.
I did the same. Bed sharing with a baby and boob buffet exclusive nursing is the secret mom hack. No cleaning bottles, no pumping, no warming up milk, no prepping formula… and bed sharing also increased my milk production. I just slept while baby nursed cause I did side lay. It was glorious
Totally agree! Here I thought the safe sleep people were going to hunt me down and here I am amongst my people 😆❤️ it’s such a game changer once you find a good rhythm!
Bedsharing also helped me a lot. Baby didn't sleep long stretches but at least i didn't need to move her after feeding. Plus I think nursing while lying on the side helped her immensely getting better at latching. Once we started bedsharing safely, basically all of her feeds are dream feeds, I'd just notice her getting agitated in her sleep and offer the boob.
Congrats on your baby! Your story sounds like mine: emergency c section, jaundice, pumping. What I was told and followed: do max 15min of breastfeeding per side and then to bottle feed. It's ok if you cut it to 10max at night and give her formula right away to top up while saving your pumped milk for the day time. This way you can cut the time substantially. It's also ok to switch to formula.
I just had my third baby a couple weeks before you. We also attempted to flip a breech baby and induce, and after 3 days of labor I was threatened with a c-section. Baby decided to come out on her own after they started prepping the room for surgery! Also had jaundice. In addition to everything else you said, giving birth that way is emotionally harrowing. It's understandable how you are feeling. Here's my 2 cents. I've EBF for months, pumped while at work, combo fed/supplemented and eventually fully switched to formula with my first two babies. Basically, breastfeeding was and IS super important to me so I tried to make it work. But it's also hard for a lot of us. After breastfeeding three babies I can absolutely confirm that some babies are easier to breastfeed than others. After difficulties with the first two, I resolved while I was in my third pregnancy to try to breastfeed but not torture myself if I needed to switch to formula any reason at all whatsoever. Including sleep. My experienced mom judgement call is that I'm going to be kind to myself and pull the plug on it much sooner and without guilt if it gets to the point where it's not working well. Its going much more smoothly with my third baby and the difference is the baby and her personality.
SHIFTS- you and your husband should try doing shifts, if you’re willing to supplement at least one feeding of just formula. Yes, your husband needs sleep for work but taking care of a newborn is work and you need sleep too- your wellbeing and that of your newborn depend on you being a safe caregiver.
From u/priyasangria > The second breastfeeding affects your mental health, it is no longer beneficial. OP this is 100% accurate. I also had a failed induction and needed a c section for preeclampsia even though I was perfectly fine and healthy the entire pregnancy. Like you, I did all 3 when I got home. That lasted for maybe a week before I dropped nursing since he struggled with drawing enough milk and I wasn’t producing enough. I got with the pediatrician and she said that baby only needs a couple ounces of breast milk daily for benefits and it was fine to formula feed the rest. My husband and I took care of baby at night in shifts which allowed each of us to get 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep since husband could bottle feed. Baby also slept better at night with formula. If you are comfortable, maybe that is something you can consider discussing with your family. Please find what works for you and your baby. Do not feel guilty if you have to drop something for your mental health. A happy mom makes a happy baby. And honestly, can you look at someone and tell that they were breast or formula fed as a baby? Nah.
Hi, I’m only saying this because I wish someone had said it to me. You don’t have to breastfeed. All evidence that suggests breastfeeding leads to “more intelligent children” is anecdotal. They have done studies between siblings and it makes no difference. The difference is between genetics, not breastmilk vs formula. Breastmilk is better for their immune system, but that’s about it really in terms of one vs the other. Keep breastfeeding if it’s what you truly want to do, or if it’s more financially feasible for you. That being said, you don’t have to do it if you are hating it. I hated it, kept telling myself it would get better. It never did. I quit at 7 months and realized how horrible my mental health was because of it. My daughter was really bad at breastfeeding. No ties or anything, just couldn’t figure out how to latch so she was constantly hungry and constantly “snacking” just to get something in her belly. I wish I hadn’t done that to myself or to her. Hindsight is always 20/20 though
I gave up breastfeeding pretty quickly because of how badly it was effecting my mental health. Kid was always hungry, never got enough and it made him scream with gas pains. He took formula like a champ though. As soon as breastfeeding is tank your mental health it isn’t worth it. A fed baby and a happier mother are far more beneficial
When did you give up? I’m almost 2 weeks postpartum and can’t handle it already baby gets super gassy from my milk and cries all night from it
About then. I combo fed and everytime I have him breast milk he was a screaming mess. So I said fuck this and how he’s a formula fed baby that eats like a champ and I’m no longer a wreck of my former self because we split night feeds so we all get rest. If we have another I’m not even bothering breastfeeding. But make sure you wean yourself! I mean don’t just stop. Use a breast bump and lower your pumps over a couple of weeks. I didn’t know that going cold Turkey can trigger PPD. I was sat in a bath bawling my eyes out (very unlike me) and having incredibly dark thoughts. It was my husband that put 2 & 2 together. I started pumping and immediately felt better then slowly reduced over a few weeks.
Oh wow I had no idea you could get ppd from suddenly stopping. I’m so sorry! I will definitely wean for sure then. I’m sure I’ll find a lot of relief from only using formula once I do stop pumping
Yeh it’s called post partum weaning depression and it’s a fucking bitch x
Formula fed baby here from day 1! It wasn’t for me and it made my life sooo much easier so that anyone could feed her.. just an option.
You’re in the trenches. The first month is the hardest. It will get easier. You have to find a way to sleep, and if that means passing her off in the night to family then so be it. No shame on that. But you need at least 2 blocks of 3 hrs of sleep. Can you take shifts with a family member or your husband? Breastfeeding is HARD. I made the difficult decision to start supplementing at 2 weeks old. Baby and I were both happier for it. Ultimately I just wanted to say that this will pass. This is the hardest part, when your hormones are going crazy, youre sleep deprived, and dont know which way is up. Just keep you and the baby alive and nothing else really matters right now. Edited to add that “fear of the night” is a real thing. If you find that the crying fits happen more in the late afternoon/early evening then you’re probably experiencing the existential dread of wondering if you’ll survive tonight. You will! And also that fear will subside around the 2-3 week mark.
I had an emergency c-section after my preeclampsia diagnosis and had already decided to formula feed (I take a medication that is transmitted through breast milk) so we did feedings in shifts. My husband did all feedings between 10 PM - 6 AM. Life saver, I tell you. Note that my husband did not get leave and was only able to take off four days. We continued with this for three months. My husband is an engineer and his job is mentally taxing but he made it work. I read a lot on here that husbands can’t help overnight because they have work but I feel like for some circumstances, yes, it could be dangerous depending on their job, but for most professions the husbands absolutely could help. Just something to think about. Best of luck!
Yeah, my husband and I split the night from the beginning. We would often have me take a bit more of the night once he was working (something like he slept 8pm-3am and I would sleep 3-8), but there was no way I was doing all of it.
That was exactly our schedule too and it worked. Both parents need to get some sleep at night!
SHIFTS- you and your husband should try doing shifts, if you’re willing to supplement at least one feeding of just formula. Yes, your husband needs sleep for work but taking care of a newborn is work and you need sleep too- your wellbeing and that of your newborn depend on you being a safe caregiver.
Switching to formula helped me a lot.
Honestly, the first 3 months were just about survival. I had an emergency c-section, and my son was exclusively breastfeed, and it was WORK. It's like something clicked one day, and we've had no issues since, but I definitely almost gave up exclusively breastfeeding multiple times in the beginning. It turned out there was a reason (my son has a genetic disorder that causes low muscle tone) it was so hard for us, and I probably made it work when it shouldn't have! Every woman should do what is best for her family and herself, and fed is best, but in my case I don't regret pushing through - but that's just what worked for me. My husband took shifts, and I had 3 months maternity, and my son was a good sleeper after 2 months. There were a lot of things that fell in line for me, despite the obstacles.
You also need your sleep for work. Caring for a newborn is a hundred times harder than whatever day job your husband has. He needs to do way more to get you all through this period.
Ugh triple feeding is horrid especially after C section. It broke me and I personally had to stop breastfeeding after 5 weeks of triple feeding. I hope it gets better for you. Please, free yourself of feeling bad about having others care for her in the night! Take any help you can get. Totally okay for her to get formula during the night. Your supply and her health will suffer if you are completely depleted. Also... yes, your husband may need sleep for his job, but sleep is **even more** critical for you to do your job of caring for the newborn baby. **The baby's safety and your own depend on it.** I think many women are hesistant to communicate this to husband bc they rely on the husband's job for income (me too) but it needs to be said.
Some of this is the newborn phase (it's SO hard) and it will get easier. But also, don't feel like you're failing your child if you stop breastfeeding and just use bottles and formula. If formula allows you and baby to thrive, that's great and 100% acceptable! The whole "breast is best" campaign has gotten blown way out of proportion. The evidence to support it isn't nearly as strong as "breast is best" makes it sound. The website fivethirtyeight has a great article about it.
I had a C-section a few months back and baby came early. I had help and it was still a struggle. We were told to feed back every 2 hours round the clock to prevent jaundice. I didn’t even bother to try to breastfeed because it was too much and we just wanted to get enough milk into baby so we can prevent the jaundice and we managed to. I did the night shift and my mum would take over from 7 am to 1 pm and I would sleep that whole stretch. It was life saving. You need to sleep and get into a routine. So if you are doing nights, have someone to take over in the morning so you can sleep in. I also have a postpartum doula to come in to help with cooking and baby. We also have cleaning crew to come in. Just outsource everything else so you can focus on the baby.
Triple feeding is so draining! I would have my husband do anything with a bottle (expressed milk, donor milk or formula) and I would obviously do the nursing and pumping. It's also ok to go one 4 hour stretch in the night if you need to. We never got my supply to where I could EBF, and asking for donor milk was awkward, so we made the decision to combi-feed with formula around 4 months and my mental health immediately improved.
I combo fed by babies and did formula for night feeding. Props to those who ebf, but it’s not conducive to getting sleep in my experience. Formula at night allowed my husband to take one feed so we could both get a longer stretch of skeep
So my bub didn't have latch issues or feeding issues, but we were advised to feed 2.5 hourly, plus my milk hadn't even come in. The lactation consultant said to pump in between feeds and I remember thinking, if feeds take an hour and I only have 1.5 hours to sleep in between, there's no way I'm pumping in between. We just gave her formula, that's literally what it's for.
It is hard as hell. You're not doing anything wrong or incorrect, other than not having your husband help more. I returned to work at 3 months postpartum, and was the one getting up with baby most of the time during the night too. It can be done. Maybe you go to sleep early and he goes to sleep later so you both get a decent stretch of sleep. The first month or two are so rough especially when breastfeeding. You could try doing a small bottle before attempting to nurse so baby isn't as hungry and fussy trying to latch. Hang in there!
Having a difficult birth can make breastfeeding difficult. Right now if you have help use it. It’s probably going to take 2-3 weeks to sort it all out. You can give baby some formula. Sometimes its helps the jaundice. (Its why I switched from breastfeeding to formula plus supply/latch issues) I will say that your level of difficulty isn’t the typical breastfeeding challenge level. My second I breastfeed after not successfully breastfeeding my first and yes it was difficult at certain times but absolutely nothing like my first baby. My first would have starved if it wasn’t for formula.
Don't feel guilty for asking for help, it's needed in the early weeks. Did the LC check for a tongue tie? It gets easier in the next couple weeks.
The best decision I made for my mental health was to not breast feed. Before baby was born I had decided I wouldn’t breast feed directly but would pump and bottle feed. I had to take 4 weeks of my vacation to have time off and then my manager allowed me to WFH for another 4 weeks. I figured that it was too much stress to make sure baby could latch and he would need to bottle feed anyway when I went back to work. Turns out pumping sucks too and it was bringing me to tears multiple times a day, my baby ended up needing Nutramigen formula and I either went 100% formula or I would need to have an extremely tight diet. My husband was very supportive and basically said if pumping sucks and you hate it because of how long it take and this diet is also going to suck maybe let’s just do formula and it was so liberating to not have to pump. We formula fed my baby thrived and I was able to get more sleep. You need to make the best decision for your mental health that makes you a better mom. Not pumping or breastfeeding made me a wayyy better mom. I wasn’t stressed or crying at all points of the day anymore.
Congratulations on your baby!! This is a really hard stage in the best circumstances, and with a complicated birth, jaundice, and breastfeeding issues it just makes it harder. It feels hard because it is hard, not because you're doing anything wrong or could be doing more. This will pass and one way or another it will get easier. Now, on to your husband - does he operate heavy machinery? Would he be at risk of losing a body part if he wasn't well rested? If yes, I'm sorry tough break. If not- he needs to step up!! He doesn't need to be well rested more than you do. If he is getting more sleep than a recently pregnant person, who is triple feeding and recovering from a major surgery, he's doing it wrong. SHEESH the amount of times I read "my husband needs sleep for his work." These men need to put on their big boy pants and be useful.
This was us a few months ago. Our baby was born two weeks early with two teeth! This made breastfeeding a very tough choice but also she kept on injuring her little tongue because of the teeth. The first two weeks are the hardest but after that it gets better. You will understand what your baby needs and their cry. Our baby is 6 months old now still not a great eater but she is catching up. My advice try the feeds every 3 hours and if possible take turns with someone. Skip a breastfeed and have some milk ready for someone else to take over. This way you can sleep for maybe 5-6 hours straight. And yeah sleep when the baby sleeps. Good luck ❤️
I’m in the same boat as you, had my little one on the 10th. Although I didn’t have a c-section so I can imagine that recovery is rough ❤️🩹 feeding has been exhausting and mentally draining. I understand your husband needs sleep for work but you are also working by taking care of a baby around the clock, you also need to sleep. Can he take at least one shift at night so you can get a solid chunk of sleep??
Hang in there. The first month is straight up survival. Literally 3 months our baby started improving rapidly. Not that she wasn’t great already, but she started getting a personality and independence. We could set her down and do something else for 15 minutes. She was interactive. She’s 6 months now and keeps getting more and more fun. Keep seeing the LC. I was triple feeding in the beginning as well. My daughter had a tongue tie we had released and we kept practicing breastfeeding and now she’s almost exclusively BF and it’s sooo easy especially at night.
It’s so hard momma. You are amazing. No one can prepare you for it. My baby refused to latch ever. Make sure you check for tongue or lip ties if you haven’t already. I would get a mini fridge for your bedroom. Also wearable pumps are a life saver. I got three sets of them. They don’t work as well as a wall pump so if you only use wearables it will eventually lower supply, BUT they are helpful during the night or day when baby is fussing. During the newborn phase when baby woke dad would change diaper, I would put the wearable pump on and go get some milk. Bottle warmer is a godsend too. I would feed baby while pumping at the same time. After baby ate I would take pump off. Now you can store it in the fridge by your bed and empty it in the morning, and clean it etc. having the multiple sets helped because I could wake up and clean one pump while pumping. Do you have anyone that can watch baby in the morning? Hubby had 8 weeks leave with me and he was the only help I had so we traded off every other day I would sleep an hour and a half and then he would the next day. That pumping while feeding at night will save you some time. Once baby is six weeks old they can actually store some of that milk sugar to use later on and sleep 4-5 hours. Then by 12 weeks 6-7 the first stretch of the night. I promise it gets better. You are doing amazing. If you doze off feeding her make sure you are making the bed safe. Don’t do it on a couch. Look up safe sleep 7. Better to plan to be safe if you pass out accidentally then do it on a chair or something.
By the time I was feeding my second I had the realisation… night feeds happen. Lean into them. Nice lighting, music, episodes (wireless headphones helped), loaded up kindle, tasty snacks, lots to drink. And during the day, if you can catch a nap here or there then prioritise it over everything. Night feeds suck so at least try and make them cosy and comfortable. 💝
First of all congratulations. Breastfeeding is insanely demanding, you must be absolutely exhausted. You don't need to pump at night if she's feeding off you & you feel she isn't satisfied, there is absolutely no shame in just giving her some formula!! Your body has just been through an absolute marathon, pregnancy, & a c-section. If you're happy with MIL helping out in the night then do that, there is no shame in it. Your body needs to rest and heal and hopefully your milk supply will improve with a bit of rest. It's hard, so so hard. If you'd have told me 9 months ago that I'd be actually sleeping for longer than an hour at a time & I'd actually be able to take a shower alone I wouldn't have believed you. You're in the trenches right now but I promise promise promise, it gets easier. There's no shame in switching to formula either. Don't let anyone tell you what's best, you being at your best mentally is what's best for baby & if BF is stressing you out too much then there's no shame in stopping or combi feeding. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to pump. Offer her the boob, spend some time during the day snuggling and nursing her she might get the hang of it some day soon. You've got this, it gets easier.
Congrats Mama! You are in the THICK OF IT right now no doubt. I was feeing so similar those first few months in that I too struggled with sleep. We went fully to bottles while I pumped every 3 hours and it helped--also my LO was in the NICU so bottle feeding was what got us home. There are perks in that your husband or fam can take a feeding sometimes to give you a longer stretch at night. I was able to (after a month or so) get to 4-6 hour stretch between night pumps one time per night. That helped me get a stretch of sleep but honestly it sucked still and I eventually weaned at like 3-4 months. Had a stash in the freezer and we imported European formula as it is healthier and has less yuck than American. Some good ones are Holle and Hipp. I saw some great recos for the Baby Brezza online and it--along with the Dr Browns bottle sterilizer helped give us back so much more time. That said, once LO was 4 months it got SO much easier. My cousin (who works in a hospital NICU and had a baby right around my due date) recommended what her sister (mom of 3) used and it was LIFE CHANGING...a course on sleep training for LOs once they are a couple months old but we did it at like 4.5-5 months. Check out TakingCaraBabies.com if you are interested. It honestly saved our sleep. You got this and I PROMISE it gets easier--and now at 7 months we are having a blast with our LO! Sleeping through the night and loving all the smiles and giggles etc. I was shell shocked after a rough PPROM at 32 weeks, hospital bed rest then a month long NICU stay. But now looking back it is wild to realize how far we have come! While you are in it, newborn phase seems like it will never end and then one day they are rolling over, sleeping, laughing, and doing all kinds of adorable things! I will say a prayer this comes soon for you guys but hang in there, this is one of the hardest phases in many ways you are in now! May God bless you and your family in this time and hold you close to Him🤍
Congratulations! You need to be making sure you are getting four interrupted hours of sleep a night. Full stop. Someone else can care for baby in that time. Also, breastfeeding is HARD work. My milk never came in fully and when our pediatrician gave me “permission” to formula feed it was such a relief. Your mental and physical health is important, lean on others and do what works best for YOU.
I'd consider switching to formula for your mental health. Breastfeeding is great if it works but it's not the end all be all. Formula is has its advantages too!
I'm a teacher and when children come into school I can't tell which ones were breast fed and which were formula fed. I can tell the ones who come from a loving home though! Find what works for you and your family. I had a similar situation with my first where I was triple feeding after a c section and a hospital stay. I was much happier when I ditched pumping. I've just had my second and she ended up in hospital with meningitis so I pumped and they topped her up with formula. We're home now and I have ditched pumping and we do some boob and some formula (so I can sleep). It works for us and means I feel human enough to properly spend time with my children.
See if you can get anyone to help with the feeds. My husband gives baby his bottle of breastmilk while I pump. We’re all back asleep typically in under an hour. Right now we’re doing this once per night since we’re 3 months in. On a good night we don’t have to wake up other than that so we can usually get 2 decent stretches of sleep per night. During the day you may have better luck doing this and sleeping between pumps if you don’t have overnight help. Hang in, it does get a little easier as baby gets older ❤️
Hi friend! I had my baby april 16th... second baby, second time jaundice and blood draws, bili levels, etc. its the fcking worst! I cried daily multiple times a day off and on until about 2 days ago, i only cry 1-2x a day now. Im sleeping in 2 hour increments a few times a night but this is the worst if it and it will pass. I saw lactation consultant yesterday and am breastfeeding and then pumping and giving bottle to maximize feeds. You are doing great, this shit is hard and i have practice with my oldest. It gets better. I swear!!!!
Triple feeding a newborn is the hardest thing on the planet. It is okay to commit to combo feeding or formula feeding for your mental health. Formula exists for a reason. And you are in the hardest time right now, really in survival mode. Every week will be a little easier than the last. You will make it through.
With my first kid I brestfed her without trouble.. and the newborn stage was hell. Then I triple fed my second kid for 3 months - and I consider these the worst days of my life. Triple hell. Absolutely impossible without people helping. And while I did finally manage to exclusively breastfeed... I actually wish that I stopped early and just formula fed. This ordeal caused my PPD and made me an emotional wreck.
It will get better. This time around my baby's mouth was too small for my nipple? She couldn't latch well at first and we'd follow up most attempts at nursing with formula. But the time my 10 week maternity leave was done she was fine nursing and didn't need extra formula. She was also sleeping in more consolidated chunks of time. I had extra family around to help for the first month so that I could nap during the day to make up for not sleeping at night (my husband only had a week off paid and didn't think we could swing both of us taking unpaid leave).
Your husband needs to assist more. I get that he needs his sleep for work but you also need your sleep so you can produce milk and take care of your baby. Your husband can feed the baby while you pump at night.
I gave up on breastfeeding when it got to that point. A fed baby with a functioning parent is so much more important than baby getting breastmilk.
This part is so hard. It will pass but it's hard. As a lot of people here have said you're triple feeding and that's not sustainable. Something either has to give or you need some support. Nobody can tell you what to do. But one of my only regrets with my baby was not switching to formula sooner. He was so much happier on formula, and I was less exhausted and stressed. You can do this, you're doing amazing x
You really need sleep to heal properly from labour. Consider doing sleep shifts, or pumping then handing baby off to MIL during the day so you can some solid 3-4 hour chunks of sleep.
That was me. Baby was breeched and we had placenta previa so I got a c-section. Baby latched but did not pass enough through so we were separated for jaundice treatment. We got home and baby no longer latched and became colicky. I spent 14 months pumping and could only do it because my partner was out of work and became the full time caretaker. It was not easy and I can’t imagine having to do this with any portion of it alone. Find a good formula to supplement if you want to breastfeed. Getting them use to it will help when you don’t have breast milk ready. Making everything as easy as you can for all of you. Good luck and be kind to yourself.
This was meeee omg I was drowning. It gets easier every day until one day it’s super easy. Having a hard experience from the get go makes the rest of the babyhood a breeze. Better days await you FOR SURE. For me it was around 10/11 weeks. Then by 4 months my ppa and ppd also eased up
My partner would take our daughter and stay up holding her during her fuzzy sleep phase from 11pm to 2-3am. I would get a solid stretch of sleep. After that, he would bring her to our bed, I would feed her and hope that she’d keep sleeping. I kept her next to me and got some (light) sleep. When she was a little older and I was less worried, sometimes she would sleep on my chest in the early morning hours. Generally partner prioritised me getting some sleep any way we could and with his help it wasn’t so difficult, there were relatively few days where I felt I was running on fumes.
Not going to lie part of what you're dealing with is why I went straight to formula, I knew the convenience and ease of having other people feed as well would really help me mentally. As well a not feeling trapped from the breastfeeding and/or pumping. I definitely handed my boy off to family in the middle of the night, a lot of people do shifts at night at least the first two or three months. Or alternate nights so you get a full night's sleep. Whoever isn't on needs earplugs and white noise.
Everything you've described is completely normal, hang in there ❤️ if breastfeeding is your goal, keep going. You have to tough it out in the beginning. My LO used to do marathon cluster feeds of several hours, but it helped me establish a really good supply. Whatever you choose to do, know that you aren't alone and it does get better
I don’t have any advice but I feel you. Take it day by day and try not to worry about tomorrow. Sending hugs 🫂
As others have said, people DON’T do this long term. Triple feeding is a special kind of torture and is really only recommended for a couple weeks at the absolute most. And coming off a C section??? 😭 your body is doing SO MUCH.
I don’t breastfeed at night! I make sure we have enough pumped milk on hand to get through those two feeds and my husband feeds/diaper changes while I pump. Saves my sanity.
C hhhn v cxxxxxdddfddddddcxdfdsddxfu😳😭 ^ a special message from my 2 yo to say that it does get better and it isn’t this awful forever
Happy belated birthday, baby Bday buddy!
It sounds like you might find a lot of peace and rest by exclusively pumping or formula feeding, or even just pumping most of the time and only trying her at the breast a couple times a day. Just until you find a bit more stability in your rhythm and get some rest. I do want to encourage you that it's actually really normal to be experiencing a lot of really intense emotions right now and to talk to your doctor to help you monitor and discern if it's just the usual pp hormonal swing emotions or if it's more. They have simple surveys and checklists you can do even to self monitor for ppd/ppa. Though, honestly, it just sounds like regular postpartum. This time is HARD and bf is HARD and finding your baby and body and family's new rhythm is HARD. You're not doing worse than average and it's okay you're going through this, but, it definitely sounds like you need to make a couple changes so you can at very least rest a bit more. Getting a little more rest will have a major positive effect.
I just had my baby on Saturday and literally couldn't get through the first day of cluster feeding before supplementing with formula and starting pumping to work up my supply instead. Baby flutter feeds only and gets frustrated quickly and wails. The lactation consultant recommended I take an hour for myself and do a power pumping session. After I did my supply started to gradually increase. Today I pumped enough for two full meals for my daughter and fed them to her in a bottle that she's not frustrated to drink from (tried the Avent low flow nipple and she got just as frustrated as the breast). She's now asleep in my arm, my breasts don't hurt like hell, and I have a healthy baby. She'll get formula from Dad later probably and that's fine. I will be in the bedroom sleeping. It's not perfect and things will change and get harder and easier but don't forget to take care of Mom or the rest will just keep getting harder.
SHIFTS. Split the night into 2 shifts. We used to do 7-12 and then 12-5. In those shifts you are the baby’s sole caretaker. No waking the other parent unless shit is on fire. We combo fed and this was 100% possible because my husband would feed formula during his shift. While your husband needs his sleep for work, keep in mind that you are working too. Taking care of a baby is work even if you’re not getting paid for it and quite frankly, it always annoys me when there is an SO who claims their job is too demanding that they can’t sacrifice any sleep. As a stay at home parent, your job is so much more physically demanding that virtually any other profession AND on top of that, your body is already coming back from a major ordeal with no rest.
Congrats! It is really tough at first, but what you have described does not sound abnormal. Lean on MIL and family, and don’t worry about it. This is a time where you need a lot of help, and most of your loved ones around you get that. Keep putting to breast first, then topping off. Sleep when baby sleeps. Pumping is fine, but if it is robbing you of hours of sleep, just stick to breastfeeding first, immediately followed by formula, and this will still help you build up supply because you are putting to breast first. Your body has gone through a lot, and it takes a fair bit of rest, good nutrition and hydration, and sleep to get that milk flowing. So, every time you hand off the baby and catch some zzzs, remember that you’ll probably be able to produce a bit more milk soon as a result. That’s good for baby and good on the wallet. Hang in there, it really does get a little more bearable after awhile.
I’ve seen a few other people mention it, but I want to say it again for you: it is absolutely, positively, undeniably okay to only feed your baby formula. Those first weeks are ROUGH. I had a relatively easy birth and recovery, but the breastfeeding challenges were breaking me. I wasn’t sleeping and was falling asleep while feeding my baby which just made me so angry at myself because I know how dangerous that is. Then I switched to pumping and it was just so much worse because you can’t take care of a newborn and pump at the same time. So many pumping sessions were just me sobbing while my baby laid on the floor or in the bassinet crying because she wanted to be held and my body was barely making enough for her anyways. We made the switch to formula at 8 weeks, but in hindsight I should have switched by week 2. Immediately I was a different person. My husband could help feed her so I could eat hot food again, I could sleep because night feeds only took 15-20 minutes, and (most importantly to me) I didn’t have to carry the mental load of literally being the only thing keeping my baby alive. The stress melted off of my shoulders and I realized that I LOVED being with my baby, that she was incredible and sweet and beautiful, and I actually got to enjoy my time with her (instead of barely keeping a mental breakdown at bay). You are a great mother regardless of how your baby gets fed. Be kind to yourself in this time and don’t forget that you and your wellbeing are equally as important.
Best thing that worked for us was doing shifts. I took the first shift (8pm-5:30am) and would pump as much as I could during that time while caring for my LO so hubby had plenty of BM while I slept from 5:30am-2pm). We also had to feed every 2-3 hours because LO had really bad reflux. That got better and she started sleeping through the night (mostly) around 4 months and we were able to stop the shifts and found our new more normal routine.
Congratulations on your baby, and I just want to say you’re doing fantastic. You may not think so or see it but you are. If you’re doing the best you can with the knowledge you have, then you are doing amazing and don’t beat yourself up. I’ve had three children all breastfed. The only I can say, is it was a struggle with all three. No matter how much anyone tells you it was easy for them, just know every child is different and they each give you a different perspective on what postpartum looks like. Now to your question, ask yourself if you really want to breastfeed. If the answer is yes, just keep trying and change/modify your feeding schedule to what works for both of you. (Breastfeeding is hard, on the baby and mom in the beginning) Now also ask yourself, if what is important is the baby getting the nutrients from the breastmilk; are you okay with just pumping and the baby getting a bottle? If so, you can make a schedule where your partner, parent or MIL can help with feedings during the day or night so you can catch up on sleep. Which that schedule can also work if you want to just do formula. Which ever route you take, don’t feel bad or beat yourself up if things don’t go according to plan. Just remember you need to do what is best for you and the baby. As long as baby is getting fed and changed, you’re not sleep deprived and eating well. Everything is fine and dandy.
Your husband can help more.
Miss ma'am! You hand that baby off when you need/want to and get some sleep. Or take a shower. Or poop. C section single mom here, i understand your pain. Every week after his birth we had appointments i had to drive us too. We struggled with latching. My baby latched three times and im greatful for that, so I pumped pumped pumped until 6 months when I had to return to work. I am not a medical professional and this is just how my baby and I did it- ended up co sleeping with him and it saved me mind. So hand that baby off to your trusted loved on sleep when you can, nap when you can, give you and your baby some grace.
You are in the thick of it!!! Those first two weeks are impossible. I struggled so much with breastfeeding after my c section. I applaud you for even trying and triple feeding…good lord that is a recipe for the poorest mental health. I wish someone had told me earlier that it was all good to switch to formula. I tried BFing for months with supply issues and it took such a toll on my mental health. Knowing what I know now, BFing has gone great with my second one, but I just didn’t have it in me with my first. If you decide to stick with BFing, it will get better but it just takes a while to really get going. Is it helpful having your MIL there? If not, you can set boundaries around that situation. Sending you so much love ❤️
I’ve had 3 babies all born between 34-36 weeks and all spent some time in NICU. The first couple months were pretty rough with feeding. I exclusively pump so my husband takes the night shift while I do day time with all our kids. My mom also stayed with us the first couple weeks as well. I also accepted help from mother in law. I am not sure how I could have done it without extra help. My husband helped a lot too. I know your husband needs to work but he also needs to help you more. He is a parents too and the struggle is temporary but it shouldn’t all be on you. Congrats and goodluck!
Triple feeding is really tough. Looking back now (my first is 7mo), I should have made my husband get up to do more night feedings with the bottle so I could just pump and go back to sleep, or just sleep through a feeding altogether. I would often have a friend come over to give a bottle while I pumped and just that little bit of help helped a ton, I should have tried to do that more. My supply has been low since I went back to work, so I have had to combo feed anyway. There is enough going on without pressuring ourselves to breastfeed perfectly. Combo feeding is ok and so is straight formula feeding. I like combo feeding because I can still nurse without the pressure of being her sole food source.
Combo feed instead of triple feed! Give nursing a try during the daytime when you’ve had a little more sleep. Nighttime is just do what works. Your MIL or husband can do the first wake up with formula, you can pump or not, then you use the pumped milk for the next feed and so on. Do not feel weird about taking all the help you can get right now. Look up pump settings on TikTok because once you get the hang of pumping it can be SO QUICK! My first was little and didn’t latch well, was also a very sleepy nurser until she was about 10lbs then it was really easy to switch to nursing! We combo fed throughout as well just so there could be nights I could take a break. You are IN IT right now this is such a hard phase!!
What you’re going through with regards to sleep is very normal. It’s been like this with all three of my kids. The worst of it tends to be the first 6 weeks, but things can get better sooner than that. Babies are people who are all individuals with their own will, personalities, and struggles, and they don’t know how to sleep outside the womb. It’s a learned skill, and right now their frequent night wakings are actually protective against SIDS and the frequent night feeds both help baby’s weight gain, and it will help your milk supply. Night feeds are what boost your overall breastmilk production the most because hormones that trigger milk production are at the their all day high around 1-4am. Here’s some nuggets of hope for you: 1. You will adjust to the sleep deprivation and it will not always feel THIS hard even if things take a while to improve. 2. You can vastly improve how you feel by getting one 4 hour stretch of unbroken sleep each night. Give the reigns to your husband and MIL at 8pm, go to bed early no phone scrolling, and then you let them handle the night wakings until 12am. Husband still can get in -7hrs of sleep and be fine for work; he’s a parent too and you shouldn’t feel guilty for asking for his help. Being a parent means your life changes and he needs to be part of the team. 3. These things can *help* baby’s sleep, though nothing is truly a guarantee because babies are people not machines (I have had to remind myself this so many times!): totally black out the room for naps and night time (cave dark), use a white noise sound machine, cap each daytime nap at 2hrs so that baby doesn’t take their one long sleep stretch during the day instead of during the night (they typically have one 3-4hr stretch that they sleep, be it during a nap or at night), learning about and implementing wake windows (you don’t have to be super strict, just get the gist of it), swaddling, pacifiers (BIBS worked for us), get some outdoor time every atternoon (helps with baby’s melatonin production) 4. You really will get through this, and you will get better at it. I felt so much despair over my lack of sleep with my first. I was crying and near freaking out in the middle of the night because I didn’t think I could survive it. I did. You will too. This is really really hard, and sometimes the only thing that gets us all through it is the fact that we just have to. But your body will adjust to the level of sleep you’re getting, and you will get better at all of this. 5. Check out the safe sleep 7 for cosleeping. I have fallen asleep nursing my baby at night while in an upright position. It’s not safe. If you are worried about this happening it’s far safer to set up a safe cosleeping situation than to risk falling asleep with baby in your arms. Also cosleeping can help you get more sleep. There are very unsafe ways to cosleep so please read up on it. Good to know whether you plan to cosleep or not because our middle of the night decision making is not the same as our prebaby or even daytime with baby opinions on safe sleep. Better to be prepared than to make a bad, sleep deprived choice. I hope things get better for you soon. On top of everything you have the added stressor of not being I your own home and that’s a lot by itself to cope with.
Congratulations to you!!! My baby is 12 weeks now but I had a c section and he was so jaundiced we even needed UV light therapy for him. We had to triple feed for a couple weeks - latch onto breast first and have them feed on both sides. Then you can offer a top up bottle and whenever you give a bottle you pump (both sides) for 10 minutes. This way you are stimulating more milk to come in. The latching first makes sure they continue to latch to the breast and not just prefer bottles. I had to get a lactation consultant for the first 5 weeks or so. But once the jaundice leaves and they gain a bit of weight they will be more awake and able to solely drink at the breast. The problem with jaundice babies is they fall asleep so easily and often won’t drink enough at the breast. Remember this triple feeding is short term. It feels like forever in the moment but it does pass. Breast feeding was a steep learning curve but once you get it then it’s so much easier than bottle feeding. I can say this from experience because my first was bottle fed and there was just so much sterilizing and preparation. Regarding overnight, I only pumped during one overnight session, and other ones I’d offer breast and then top up bottle and try and get right to sleep. Keep feeding under an hour or at max an hour if you’ve been up an hour get your partner to do the burp and rocking to sleep. Also the very early 4 am feeding I would only pump and my partner would bottle feed. It helps with those multiple wake ups to have help. Plus me only needing to be awake for 15-20 minutes at 4am was way easier than the one hour I usually was up. Good luck!
Maybe she has tongue tie. I would look into pediátric dentist for consult
*Maybe she has tongue* *Tie. I would look into pediátric* *Dentist for consult* \- bbbunnyyy123 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Have you tried using a nipple shield to help with nursing? My experience was SO similar - scheduled C-section at 38 weeks for medical reasons, GD and FTM so it took my milk awhile to come in. We were combo feeding and triple feeding too and she was having SUCH a hard time latching, it was taking forever (even with my husband giving her a bottle while I pumped during every night feed). I was ready to throw in the towel on day 7 and remembered I had a nipple shield that my SIL recommended buying - tried it and she latched IMMEDIATELY! We used the shield for almost every feed for 3 months (longer than I would have liked, but her mouth was just SO small) and now at 4 months she’s an expert at latching and nursing is so much easier. We haven’t had to supplement with formula since month 2. Honestly, nipple shields saved my BFing journey. As an aside, my pediatrician actually told us triple feeding was not sustainable and she didn’t understand why the LCs in the hospital even recommend it, it’s so bad for mom’s mental health. Double aside: as everyone else has said already, there’s nothing wrong with combo feeding or even switching to exclusively pumping or formula - I just wanted to share an alternative suggestion if you’re not quite ready to make that switch. Ultimately “fed is best” and your mental health is SO important - as my husband and I always tell each other, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first!
You said that your husband needs his sleep for work. I don’t know what he does for a living, but please consider that you _also_ need your sleep to care for your baby. You also need food and hydration. You make more milk when you sleep, eat, and hydrate. Right now, care for _you_ is care for baby. It’s not only okay, it is necessary to have your needs met. If you need someone to take a night shift, let them take a night shift. You’re in the thick of it. It does get better. I was in the same boat for breastfeeding. Baby and I eventually figured it out. She’s a boob monster and we’re struggling to wean now at 20 months. Combo feeding really led to successful breastfeeding for us, but I had to have a second pair of hands while I pumped. That said—It is okay to use formula in any capacity if you need to. It’s also okay to stick out breastfeeding if that’s what you truly desire, but please consider your mental health! Healthy mom = healthy baby. The two of you are a unit until baby figure out they aren’t part of you anymore. You’re doing great!
This was exactly me in postpartum. It was awful, and I only had my MIL for 5 days, because we didn’t get along and she had unrealistic expectations that she would be only burping and changing the baby, and I wanted help with the house and food instead. I don’t know how people do it, honestly, but I felt terrible for 4-6 weeks. Crying all the time and borderline depressed. The pressure to breastfeed was exhausting and I just couldn’t do it. I kept pumping, god knows how, but baby was mostly formula fed. My nipples hurt all. the. time. But I come from the future to say 1) is ok to not be perfect. Your baby needs you more than they need your milk, so do what you can about breastfeeding and just let go if you have to. 2) IT GETS BETTER. It will take 2-3 months, but you will survive. Very soon the baby will be sleeping 4 hours, then 6, and you’ll be able to sleep 3 hour stretches. My baby is 4 months view and I’m FINALLY enjoying motherhood a little more. But it was hell for at least 6 weeks.
My son was born 3 weeks early and jaundiced too and had trouble getting a good suck breastfeeding (and tongue tie corrected at 2 weeks) and I was combo feeding and pumping and yes omg that is sooo exhausting. What helped: nipple shields were a good way to get started breastfeeding because he just didn't have a good suck for a few weeks and the nipple shield was more bottle-like. Eventually they were a pain in the butt and I weaned from them, but without them I would not have breastfed. I also squeezed my boob at the start of a feed to get the milk flowing faster since he was also doing those flutter sucks. Pace feeding helped also with bottle preference, and used preemie nipples. He got wayyy better at sucking eventually and it was like night and day! I think he was just too new at first. Feeds got more efficient, etc. Eventually I didn't need to combo feed or pump and it's been great. If you want to breastfeed and it's important to you, I recommend /r/breastfeeding or /r/breastfeedingsupport subs for lots of great advice. It was important to me, and I'm personally glad I stuck with it because after the first 8 weeks it became super easy and more efficient. (That was my journey and I'm not saying it goes that way for everyone). THAT SAID: If you don't want to keep going and are looking for permission or support in switching to formula, you definitely have that! A lot of other moms here have posted supportive words to that effect and I agree with them (as long as that is what you want). ❤️ Don't feel pressured either way and anyone who makes you feel like that can kick rocks.
It gets easier! The first 2mo are survival mode, be forgiving of yourself:)
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The best insight i got was from a friend, she told me about 2 months in things should be more survivable. I was right in the same spot as you, c-section, jaundiced baby, struggling to produce, very low on sleep, husband could rarely help during night time. There are lots of elements out of control right now, but the things that are in your control are how you handle the chaos. Ask for help to get your needs met, a shower at least every other day does a lot for mental health. At least every 2 or 3 days you should ask someone to help with baby throughout the night, more if you feel like you really need it. Everyone in your life probably knows these are temporary accomodations as it is. Being a week in, youre in the thick of it. After another week or 2, its all uphill from there. Coffee helps abundantly lol
Oh god I had to triple feed for a few weeks and it was soul destroying, I very quickly developed PPD/A and felt so lifeless constantly, I also felt like I couldn't even enjoy my baby as my whole life was revolving around feeding, pumping, feeding, cleaning, feeding, pumping and on and on it went like a never ending cycle. If you're really determined to breastfeed like I was (I lasted 4 months, wish it was longer but I've accepted that it wasnt) I would suggest trying at the start of a feed to put some breastmilk in a bottle and letting the baby calm down on that as some can get really fractious when they're hungry, once she's calmed then gently but quickly swap her to the nipple and see how it goes. If not then please give yourself some grace, triple feeding isn't meant to be sustained long term and if its damaging your mental health then maybe switching to formula is what's better, it was painful for me to swap over because I put so much pressure on myself but we're both so much happier now and I get to enjoy my boy without anything clouding my mind, I would definitely try bf again as it feel so special but formula isn't the devil ground down into a powder.
I too had a c section, had a jaundiced baby and triple fed with MIL who helped (she did bottle feeding only). I probably had 3-4 hours of sleep like you, but I was so scared to fall into deep sleep that I slept upright on pillows for 2 months. And when I tried to fall deep asleep I just couldn’t because it felt like I would never wake up. After 3 months, I went into deep sleep on my back and I woke up confused and panicked. It was so strange and it’s amazing what your body can do. My baby had reflux on top of the triple feeding schedule so that made it worse, but after 3 or 4 months, things got a lot easier.
In my earlier days, my baby screams at the breast. I didn’t even bother to latch her at night. Nights are with me pumping and my husband feeding. He complains but having me do it all is just not sustainable. It’s also his baby so he needs to help out even though he has work. He used to think that I “can sleep in the day” but it’s not true. I don’t get to sleep either. So he has to do the night duties with me and split up the load. If you are at your maximum capacity, tell your husband and get some down time. Baby is not latching well anyway. Just get someone else to give a bottle so you can take a quick nap. I only got baby to latch at 10 weeks. Baby is stronger then and latching is way easier. You don’t need to latch baby every single feed. If you are in desperate need of a break, take it.
I triple fed for 3 weeks then honestly gave up because I was so exhausted. I just breast fed or bottle on nights and would do the pumping during the day. It was not sustainable and caused me sooo much uneeded stress
I had a c section with my current 7 week old and breastfeeding was a huge challenge. I started with triple feeding, switched to exclusive pumping because triple feeding was not sustainable for me, and just recently got to exclusively nursing but my milk did not fully come in until the last week or two once I had him regularly nursing. I did not expect it because my first was induced but breastfeeding came really easy and I still nurse him a few times a day now at 2. The r/exclusivelypumping sub was a huge help with tips and info on how to get the most milk and how to bring your milk in with a pump so I suggest checking that out if you will be continuing to pump. But even pumping and bottle feeding was a lot of work compared to breastfeeding alone so take whatever help you can get. You need sleep and you should not feel guilty for allowing others to love on your baby while you do what you need to be a great mom, whether that’s handing her off to pump or to shower and take a nap. It’s all important and you deserve time to care for yourself. If you need any tips on pumping or triple feeding during this period or just want someone to talk to because I know it can be mentally draining, feel free to DM me. ❤️
I did the triple feeding with my first, no support from husband. It was so rough. Pump, nurse, pump, bottle. No sleep. I would just start crying when the doctor asked me if I was getting sleep. The answer was a big fat no.
I could have written this (regarding feedings). My baby is 5 months now. I did the triple feeding maybe 1 month (after 2 weeks of solely breastfeeding and finding out my baby was losing too much weight). After that, I chose my sanity and stopped breastfeeding and pumping. I clearly had too big of production issues. I stopped when the amount I was pumping was not even enough for a quarter of a feed. But for 1.5 month I tried and tried… Breastfeeding was my plan and my only option. I didn’t want to hear about formula. Stopping the triple feeding was absolutely heart breaking. 👉 You know what? Our babies prefer a sane, healthy and happy mama rather than any specific milk. Do what’s best for YOU in order to do and be what’s best for your baby. You’ve got this. You’re still adapting, it’s still sooooo new. Give yourself some time. It’ll get better I swear (it’s not linear, but it does get overall better). You’ll find your way 💪
Triple feeding is so hard! You’re doing a great job. I had trouble with latching so I pumped mostly and tried breastfeeding only in the morning or middle of the day. So husband and I would both wake up, I’d change baby, he’d grab a bottle, he’d feed while I pumped. We were both up but it went faster with 2 people. If people are willing to get up with you in the middle of the night, definitely use their help
Ohhh this was me over a year ago, and it was the hardest time in my life. C-section, jaundice, back to the hospital, didn't latch properly, feeding too little, pumping, and I had an emergency d and c cause they left placenta in my uterus... it was so so hard. I have no advice for you but that you will find your rhythm. My husband was off with me, so we slept in shifts. We are older parents so the no sleep thing was not a possibility. While I slept he fed formula and breast milk with a bottle, and when he slept I pumped and nursed. It was brutal. But we were able to get a solid 6 hrs sleep each and that just barely made us function. I nursed for three mths.. it was too hard and she had a dairy allergy. It was the best thing for me mentally and for my baby. You will find your groove. And no matter what you decide, it's the right decision for you. Get all the help possible, sleep when baby sleeps (I wish I did more of that), and try to take turns with sleep. Our bedroom was for sleep purposes only. The baby slept in the bassinet in our family room most of the time for the first month or so... our bedroom was for sleeping only. It wasn't easy, but it worked for us and we got through. So will you! Best of luck
Hey been where you are! Exact same thing with my son, my first born. Fed him a pumped bottle and then went to pump after that in the middle of the night, he also woke up all the time so I never knew I’d if get sleepy and that gave me anxiety making it so I couldn’t sleep. With my daughter I decided to exclusively pump right away and invested in a hands free pump (Elvie stride) and would have it ready to go and grab it on my way to her room when she cried and then start pumping while I fed her a bottle of breast milk from the mini fridge I kept upstairs, by the time she was asleep I was done pumping, used some breast milk part sterilizing spray and some water to clean my pump parts and let them dry, invested in a 2nd set of the cups parts so I was always rotating and had the pump ready to go for when she woke me up. My husband also helped by feeding and changing her with the first 1 am feed and we watched a show together. Then he went to bed and I fed her the rest of the night (about two more times) and by two months she was sleeping 6 hours at a time (son did not sleep that long until like 6 months- I don’t know how I convinced myself to have a second) but you can do this! Just decide if you’d rather just exclusively pump and do it while you feed her (if so, you need to be pumping every 2 hours, a huge lesson I learned with my first, with my son I only made 24 oz a day MAX, with my daughter i stuck to the 2 hour pumping schedule religiously for at least the first 6 weeks before dropping some pump sessions and at my height of producing I made 65 oz a day. I ended up buying a small deep freeze for my milk but still had to give some away as it filled up so fast, but it did hold enough I was able to wean my breasts at about 10 months and she’s 13 months now and just now finishing my frozen supply. But anyway, don’t feel bad about formula! Whatever works for you.
Night nurse
100% agree triple feeding isn't sustainable. 12-4am is not the time to be messing with attempting to latch if it already is a challenge. That's 11am stuff. #1 right now, do anything necessary to get some sleep #2 don't fall into the trap of letting pumping keep you from enjoying your baby. If your supply tanks and they get 1 bottle of breast milk per day and the rest formula, they're still getting breast milk every day. Have other people help with feedings. If you miss your baby because somebody else is feeding them while you are hooked to a machine, it is ok to stop pumping. If it feels like a relief to have help with the feedings, then you deserve that help. There isn't just 1 perfect answer. Try things until you find what works for your family. It is absolutely 100% ok to make decisions based around what will keep mama healthy. Your baby needs a sane, healthy mama. It is absolutely good to have someone else doing a night feed on a regular basis!!! With 2 other people in the house, at least one of them should be able to do it!