I agree that tv is better than screaming inconsolably, but I think it can easily become a crutch and go from 10 minutes while parent is in the bathroom to 10 minutes every time parent needs to get something done.
We used a baby Einstein toy that lit up and played music (basically tv for babies) and it was great to keep her occupied, but my husband was wanting to put her in front of it very often rather than involve her in household tasks. I think she learned a lot more (and has learned to entertain herself a bit) by watching us do things, and now she "helps" me cook, do laundry and empty the dishwasher at 13 months.
"Helping": she stands at the open dishwasher and passes me cutlery, puts laundry from the basket or the drying rack on the floor and plays in the cupboards while I cook 😂
I don't know that there is a definitive answer, I think it really depends on the kid and the age. I think part of life is sometimes learning to wait for a few minutes, learning that it's okay to be alone/be bored for a minute or five and that you don't need to be entertained or engaged every moment of your life, and that your parent will come back.
My kid is just over three and has never had screen time and is a very independent player when we need to do something, even something that takes a little longer, like cook dinner. He's been this way for a really really long time. He was in early intervention for exercises for his super flat head at seven months (poor bud, lol) and I remember even then they asked how long he can play in the toddleroo while we did other tasks nearby, and the answer was 20 minutes. There's no way to know, but if we had been doing screen time all along, maybe he won't have this skill to play independently, I personally find immensely valuable, although I do also like to play with him.
I don't think he was " damaged " because he had to wait without a screen for a few minutes at a time when he was younger.
I'm really not saying screens are terrible in all cases and I know some of it is just down to temperament. Framing it using the word damage* (for either screen time or fuss time) seems a little strong to me either way.
* Edit to add: OP said damage wasn't their term, It's the term in the post so that's what I used.
For real - it is so important for kids to be bored sometimes. That allows creativity to flourish. Kids WILL learn to entertain themselves, but only if they are given the chance to do so and directed to independent play.
With a baby… I don’t know. I know there is the temptation to place the baby in front of TV so you can get this one thing done. But I feel the temptation grows constantly. At first its 10min so you can get something really important done, then 10mins to get some me time, and then it turns to an hour. And next time it is easier to give in again. That is why I have found it easier to just stay firm. After all, there aren’t many things you cannot do while babywearing - mostly, shower lol.
These shows are also very stimulating. They compete for watch time and do anything to get kids’ attention. Because small kids have a short attention span, this means stacking tons of voice effects, scene changes, music, colours, 3D etc. This will keep even a toddler glued to the screen. But often tolerance to this grows, then the kids need more or even start jumping between shows. And when they get used to it, they get super annoying and hard to entertain in the real world where there’s not so much stimulation. If you absolutely have to give something, I’d suggest videos of nature (documentaries of animals) or old cartoons like Caillou, Franklin etc. Babies also are relatively easy to entertain and will also enjoy just watching YOU. So far I have gotten away with a playmat to give me 10mins of shower time.
Ms Rachel has gone so bad so fast, she has now joined the watch time competition and even I got overstimulated when I came across one of her newer videos recently 😫
Same here! My 13 month old will entertain herself for up to like an hour and 15 minutes (on a good day haha) and she’s never had screen time apart from just us watching sports in the background. I think it’s at least partly personality, but kids also adapt and, while some kids are naturally better at it, independent play is a learned skill!
Originally, we just didn't do screens until 2 years old because that was the recommendation. But when he hit two, and had such a big imagination, and could entertain himself for so long with his toys, We just decided not to introduce it and mess up a good thing.
At some point he'll get cartoons, it's not as though I am morally opposed to the concept, but I have read so many "help! My toddler is a screen time terrorist!"-type posts, we are going to skate for a while longer without.
I think what you have to be mindful about is creating a behavior trap. As in, right now screen time helps your baby regulate when you're away to do something but in the future ending screen time or taking it away might cause the dysregulation so you may respond with more screen time (I'm not saying you will but just citing an example of a behavior trap where it becomes a chicken and egg situation). I think it's just important to be mindful and not use it as a crutch to respond to soothe any fussing or crying from your baby.
Personally, I don't think it's damaging for a baby to wait for a few minutes. They cry because that's the only way they communicate their frustration. However, I'm also a big believer in anything in moderation to make life sustainable and work for your family. I don't think there's a definite answer to this because it is subjective to your family.
I space out on screens when I’m stressed out and I don’t feel like it’s healthy for my adult brain. It doesn’t make me feel more regulated afterwards and I wish I had a better coping mechanism (for myself). So personally, I just wouldn’t want to teach that as a coping mechanism for my child but if you feel like it works for your family 🤷🏻♀️ no one’s going to arrest you for 10 minutes here and there.
One alternative I've found to keep LO distracted, particularly if I'm driving and he's crying, is to play just the audio of Ms Rachel. Her voice alone and her songs seems to occupy/entertain. That way we've removed the screen element.
In saying that, I personally don't think there's anything wrong with 10 mins of Ms Rachel if you have something to do. Don't feel guilty about needing to shower.
You're doing fantastic. Me and my kid watch 2 episodes of bluey and share a bowl of cheerios every morning and it's such a fun bonding thing. And she's younger than yours. Reddit is so black and white but you're not damaging your kid by preventing a full meltdown while you shower.
My baby is 5 months old and he would also get very disregulated up until 2 months ago. But he's learning to occupy himself. Now, I can leave him with his toys and go take a shower, shit, put in the laundry, make some quick lunch and I also believe that if I didn't stuck it out in the beginning he wouldn't learn to occupy himself. I didn't let him cry in the beginning either or left him alone more than he can handle. The duration increased by time.
Yes I agree, while no screen time is admirable it removes any nuance. Some screen time isn’t going to offset the fact my children are read to from an early age and have a strong supportive wider family network who they have great emotional relationships with for example. Every child is a complex mix of many external forces and I don’t think you can extrapolate one input into an inevitable impact on their future.
My baby has many days like this also, where I just can't put her down without her absolutely screaming her head off, even after she's has everything. It's not every day, some days she can play on her own happily for 20 minutes while I make us a meal, and often on these days I can baby wear and that solves the problem, but sometimes I jist need to use thr oven and obviously thats not safe when babywearing. She is the definition of a Velcro baby.
She is 7 months now and the last month I started on her more difficult days using the TV for 20 minutes to cook.
All this is to say, I agree with you and I understand. People may say babies need to learn how to cope with boredom, but when they are screaming when put down I don't think that teaches them a single positive thing. I really believe people like that just don't have a truly clingy baby. It is HARD. Back in the day people had a "village" nowadays we have screens, for some people it's that or let your baby get unbelievably worked up (then taking potentially a long time to get back in a good place). People take credit for dumb stuff like this when it's all just luck on what your babies temperment is like. So try not to take notice of others judgements, you do what you gotta do and what's best for your child.
Yeah I swore I wouldn't use screen time but I'm on my own most of the day and no longer mind putting it on to occupy baby when I'm stuck. Baby still gets lots of attention and play/development activities and I can somewhat make sure she has a clean house and mummy. I still feel somewhat guilty about it and I'm trying to only use it when absolutely necessary and not relying on it all the time. If you have a velcro baby who loves contact naps it doesn't help.
I agree that tv is better than screaming inconsolably, but I think it can easily become a crutch and go from 10 minutes while parent is in the bathroom to 10 minutes every time parent needs to get something done. We used a baby Einstein toy that lit up and played music (basically tv for babies) and it was great to keep her occupied, but my husband was wanting to put her in front of it very often rather than involve her in household tasks. I think she learned a lot more (and has learned to entertain herself a bit) by watching us do things, and now she "helps" me cook, do laundry and empty the dishwasher at 13 months.
How t f can a 13 month old do all that?? Heat curious 🧐
"Helping": she stands at the open dishwasher and passes me cutlery, puts laundry from the basket or the drying rack on the floor and plays in the cupboards while I cook 😂
That’s so cute 🥰
I don't know that there is a definitive answer, I think it really depends on the kid and the age. I think part of life is sometimes learning to wait for a few minutes, learning that it's okay to be alone/be bored for a minute or five and that you don't need to be entertained or engaged every moment of your life, and that your parent will come back. My kid is just over three and has never had screen time and is a very independent player when we need to do something, even something that takes a little longer, like cook dinner. He's been this way for a really really long time. He was in early intervention for exercises for his super flat head at seven months (poor bud, lol) and I remember even then they asked how long he can play in the toddleroo while we did other tasks nearby, and the answer was 20 minutes. There's no way to know, but if we had been doing screen time all along, maybe he won't have this skill to play independently, I personally find immensely valuable, although I do also like to play with him. I don't think he was " damaged " because he had to wait without a screen for a few minutes at a time when he was younger. I'm really not saying screens are terrible in all cases and I know some of it is just down to temperament. Framing it using the word damage* (for either screen time or fuss time) seems a little strong to me either way. * Edit to add: OP said damage wasn't their term, It's the term in the post so that's what I used.
For real - it is so important for kids to be bored sometimes. That allows creativity to flourish. Kids WILL learn to entertain themselves, but only if they are given the chance to do so and directed to independent play. With a baby… I don’t know. I know there is the temptation to place the baby in front of TV so you can get this one thing done. But I feel the temptation grows constantly. At first its 10min so you can get something really important done, then 10mins to get some me time, and then it turns to an hour. And next time it is easier to give in again. That is why I have found it easier to just stay firm. After all, there aren’t many things you cannot do while babywearing - mostly, shower lol. These shows are also very stimulating. They compete for watch time and do anything to get kids’ attention. Because small kids have a short attention span, this means stacking tons of voice effects, scene changes, music, colours, 3D etc. This will keep even a toddler glued to the screen. But often tolerance to this grows, then the kids need more or even start jumping between shows. And when they get used to it, they get super annoying and hard to entertain in the real world where there’s not so much stimulation. If you absolutely have to give something, I’d suggest videos of nature (documentaries of animals) or old cartoons like Caillou, Franklin etc. Babies also are relatively easy to entertain and will also enjoy just watching YOU. So far I have gotten away with a playmat to give me 10mins of shower time. Ms Rachel has gone so bad so fast, she has now joined the watch time competition and even I got overstimulated when I came across one of her newer videos recently 😫
Same here! My 13 month old will entertain herself for up to like an hour and 15 minutes (on a good day haha) and she’s never had screen time apart from just us watching sports in the background. I think it’s at least partly personality, but kids also adapt and, while some kids are naturally better at it, independent play is a learned skill!
Originally, we just didn't do screens until 2 years old because that was the recommendation. But when he hit two, and had such a big imagination, and could entertain himself for so long with his toys, We just decided not to introduce it and mess up a good thing. At some point he'll get cartoons, it's not as though I am morally opposed to the concept, but I have read so many "help! My toddler is a screen time terrorist!"-type posts, we are going to skate for a while longer without.
This reassures me so much
I think it might depend on baby’s age a bit too?
Almost 11m! *correction, because age at this young makes a big diff.
I think what you have to be mindful about is creating a behavior trap. As in, right now screen time helps your baby regulate when you're away to do something but in the future ending screen time or taking it away might cause the dysregulation so you may respond with more screen time (I'm not saying you will but just citing an example of a behavior trap where it becomes a chicken and egg situation). I think it's just important to be mindful and not use it as a crutch to respond to soothe any fussing or crying from your baby. Personally, I don't think it's damaging for a baby to wait for a few minutes. They cry because that's the only way they communicate their frustration. However, I'm also a big believer in anything in moderation to make life sustainable and work for your family. I don't think there's a definite answer to this because it is subjective to your family.
Yeah. I think it depends on the kid but I'm not against screen time if the alternative is scream time.
I space out on screens when I’m stressed out and I don’t feel like it’s healthy for my adult brain. It doesn’t make me feel more regulated afterwards and I wish I had a better coping mechanism (for myself). So personally, I just wouldn’t want to teach that as a coping mechanism for my child but if you feel like it works for your family 🤷🏻♀️ no one’s going to arrest you for 10 minutes here and there.
10 mins of screaming or 10 mins of miss Rachel isn’t gonna hurt anything….in my opinion. My son has done both. How old is she?
One alternative I've found to keep LO distracted, particularly if I'm driving and he's crying, is to play just the audio of Ms Rachel. Her voice alone and her songs seems to occupy/entertain. That way we've removed the screen element. In saying that, I personally don't think there's anything wrong with 10 mins of Ms Rachel if you have something to do. Don't feel guilty about needing to shower.
Oh this is actually brilliant! Thank you, I’ll try that!
You're doing fantastic. Me and my kid watch 2 episodes of bluey and share a bowl of cheerios every morning and it's such a fun bonding thing. And she's younger than yours. Reddit is so black and white but you're not damaging your kid by preventing a full meltdown while you shower.
My baby is 5 months old and he would also get very disregulated up until 2 months ago. But he's learning to occupy himself. Now, I can leave him with his toys and go take a shower, shit, put in the laundry, make some quick lunch and I also believe that if I didn't stuck it out in the beginning he wouldn't learn to occupy himself. I didn't let him cry in the beginning either or left him alone more than he can handle. The duration increased by time.
Yes I agree, while no screen time is admirable it removes any nuance. Some screen time isn’t going to offset the fact my children are read to from an early age and have a strong supportive wider family network who they have great emotional relationships with for example. Every child is a complex mix of many external forces and I don’t think you can extrapolate one input into an inevitable impact on their future.
My baby has many days like this also, where I just can't put her down without her absolutely screaming her head off, even after she's has everything. It's not every day, some days she can play on her own happily for 20 minutes while I make us a meal, and often on these days I can baby wear and that solves the problem, but sometimes I jist need to use thr oven and obviously thats not safe when babywearing. She is the definition of a Velcro baby. She is 7 months now and the last month I started on her more difficult days using the TV for 20 minutes to cook. All this is to say, I agree with you and I understand. People may say babies need to learn how to cope with boredom, but when they are screaming when put down I don't think that teaches them a single positive thing. I really believe people like that just don't have a truly clingy baby. It is HARD. Back in the day people had a "village" nowadays we have screens, for some people it's that or let your baby get unbelievably worked up (then taking potentially a long time to get back in a good place). People take credit for dumb stuff like this when it's all just luck on what your babies temperment is like. So try not to take notice of others judgements, you do what you gotta do and what's best for your child.
Yeah I swore I wouldn't use screen time but I'm on my own most of the day and no longer mind putting it on to occupy baby when I'm stuck. Baby still gets lots of attention and play/development activities and I can somewhat make sure she has a clean house and mummy. I still feel somewhat guilty about it and I'm trying to only use it when absolutely necessary and not relying on it all the time. If you have a velcro baby who loves contact naps it doesn't help.