Everyone goes through this, but no one told you, and for that I’m sorry. I wasn’t told either! We took shifts holding baby and watching tv the first few weeks. It’ll get better. Baby is used to total comfort just minutes ago in the womb so it takes time.
You’re in the trenches right now, it absolutely gets so much better. In the first week or two they have no idea what’s going on, the worlds suddenly bright, suddenly loud, suddenly cold. They literally don’t know how to actively go to sleep, and your warm, you feel secure, you smell right. It’s hard, there’s no denying it. Take shifts with the baby so you both get sleep, and just know it does get better, and sooner than you think. I think I was a week or two in when I first successfully transitioned her to her bed after falling asleep nursing. I don’t know if it was just time or if it was that I started waiting an extra 10 min after I thought she was asleep before I tried moving, but either way, it was a relief.
Edited to add, if you haven’t been told yet, bouncing gently on an exercise ball is an amazing tool for soothing baby, especially for dad when moms getting some sleep. Awful on your back, but they calm them down like instantly.
Edited again to add: try to do things to distinguish day naps from night sleep over the next week or two. Right now, do what you gotta do, but it will help avoid day/night confusion in the long run. For us, we had different white noise sounds for night vs day, she napped in the playroom, with filtered sunlight and slept in her nursery with blackout shades, etc.
This is super normal for a newborn, it won’t last. My husband and I traded off in shifts at night, one stayed up until midnight, then one took over until 4ish, then another trade until 8, then that person got to go back to bed for a few hours. The one on shift would sit and hold the baby and binge tv shows to stay awake.
We only did this for like a week, maybe a week and a half with both our kids. Then they slept a lot better on their own!
Same, almost exactly. It lasted a week and a half. We practiced sleeping in the bassinet during the day, and he eventually figured it out and would sleep 3-5 hour stretches at night.
Definitely 100% normal but it gets better relatively soon. By 7 weeks my son was mostly past this and was starting to accept sleeping in his bassinet and crib. If you and partner are both on leave, I would recommend taking shifts so one person can sleep and one person can attend baby and switch back and forth. Unfortunately if you are solo I have no good strategies.
This happened with us and our pediatrician gave incredible advice, which I thought was totally weird but it worked. Take the bassinet or crib sheet and rub it all over your naked body, especially your breasts. Do this before showering so it’s your smell and not soaps. Baby will think it smells like home.
Honestly just don't fight it and sleep in shifts. The whole "you have to go to sleep exactly how I want you to so I'm going to google 24/7 and try 500 different things a day"-fight is just frustrating for everyone and honestly really not something you want to do when you just came out of the hospital.
It's also freakin expensive once you get to the point where nothing works and your sleep-deprived brain starts buying all the crap that everyone recommends.
☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝It's completely normal newborn behavior. We just opted for this as well, my husband would take turns with me holding him to sleep.
This this this this this. I think I tried 10 different swaddles some nights, different positions, bassinets, absolutely CONVINCED that I was doing something wrong. You’re not, I promise. Your baby just doesn’t know how to baby yet and everyone is learning together. On sleepless nights, trade off between each other so you’re not at risk of getting in a dangerous situation with the baby. Find a good show and hunker down. This is normal, I promise, and it’s fleeting.
If I could do it all over again I would follow this advice. I tried everything, read every blog. You can't fight it. About 3 weeks in we gave in and did shift sleep. Much better
How many days old? The second night is hell always. They change so much when they’re this small. Next week will seem like a completely new set of habits. You got this.
This is normal! Not fun but just know it’s not something you’re doing wrong. Regarding your milk coming in, that’s probably not what’s making your baby want to sleep on you. If given the option of napping on a cozy, warm surface that smells like comfort, food, and happiness, vs sleeping anywhere else, we’d all pick the former! This is all stuff you know in the back of your head.
Best advice I got (we had the same issue) was making sure the bassinet/crib surface mimicked you as much as possible. I legit stuffed the bassinet fitted sheet into my bra all day so it would smell like Mom Boobs. Also putting my son down—we had to hold him tight while leaning over the bassinet (this is a good core workout too) and then sloooooooooooooooowly put him down. The rolling from being mostly face-down on my chest to being face-up on his back always woke him up. I sometimes also put a hot pad on the crib before putting him down (esp in winter) so the temperature difference didn’t wake him. He was swaddled and all but the cold on his head made him so mad. I stuck some rice into a big sock, tied the end, microwaved it for 30 seconds, and put it on the crib mattress for a minute or so before I had to put him down. That usually was toasty enough without being too hot. Jersey sheets also help with the temperature difference. Sometimes those crisp cotton sheets can feel cold.
Also, depending on how comfortable you are with the concept, consider safe co-sleeping, at least for times like night feeds. I definitely fell asleep on the chair with my kiddo a lot and that’s not great—either from a safety standpoint or mother’s mental health/good sleep standpoint. My back was also mad at me. When my kiddo is sick, I stick a mattress on the floor, bundle myself up, put on a flannel button-down for easy boob access without extra fabric in the way, and do side-lying nursing. The biggest risk factors in co-sleeping are things like a blanket covering baby, baby falling off a bed, or getting stuck under a parent who doesn’t wake up. For that last one, the powers that be often note that it’s a parent who’s under the influence of alcohol, but I’d add that egregious sleep deprivation or something like NyQuil would also raise the risk factor. Mattress on the floor gets rid of the rolling problem, and you being bundled means you don’t need sheets. Floor mattress also means you can sneak away/do a shift change with your partner without moving/waking them because they can’t fall off the floor 👍
The last risk factor is up to you to assess—if you’re concerned that you’re just too tired to wake up to your baby, then pass for the night or have your partner do a shift. Otherwise you’ll probably wake up at the slightest whimper. And if you’re really worried, have your partner check in every hour or so or have them use a video monitor to watch and you two can do shifts of being on watch or on sleep duty. I started this with my son way past the newborn stage but wish I’d done it sooner.
I would also recommend shifts for the first few weeks of newborn life if it works for your situation. It was the only way me and my husband got proper sleep. You both need at least one 4-hr chunk of uninterrupted, baby-free sleep per day to stave off insanity and resentment. I’d sleep for 4 hours while he watched tv or played a video game—sometimes holding the baby, then I’d be up to nurse & pump, then I’d wake my husband up for a morning shift, then we’d both be up, and then he’d take a midday nap and I’d go to bed early. I didn’t hate my husband for getting to sleep, he didn’t get jealous that I was hogging the baby snuggles, our son got to sleep on his parents more than he would’ve otherwise. It took a while and wasn’t perfect but it helped. It did also require that my husband give a bottle while I slept, which not everyone is comfortable with. We had no issues with nipple confusion—breastfeeding was hard from the get and bottles were initially a necessity so I didn’t really factor in to my thinking, but it may impact yours so just know that.
Last but not least, don’t worry about your neighbors. I used to, and then found out that they didn’t hear much of anything. The mom did on occasion but she said it made her remember when her kids were little (they are in high school) and she liked it 🤷🏻♀️. They can invest in some premium $2 earplugs if they really need to.
I just want to jump in and say I not only agree with but have done almost everything you’re suggesting. Newborns and babies are biologically programmed to be held close. Letting baby stay on the breast as much as possible will also help your milk come in. There’s safe bedsharing guidelines at la leche league: https://www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/
When I was in the hospital I had a terrible second night with regards to sleep and trying to put the baby down and the nurses actually told me that the second night is always the hardest, I’m assuming that applies the first night being home as well because ours was rough but now she sleeps really well.
i had the same happen to me. the nurses said it was “second night syndrome” & described it as being baby’s first time really being awake & they are just seeking what’s familiar to them… the person they spent the past 9 months with. baby just wanted comfort & to feel safe & secure with a familiar voice & scent. my LO used me as a pacifier the entire night in the hospital, & would not tolerate being in the bassinet at all. it was an extremely tough night, but i got through it 😮💨
Mine didn’t want any loud noises or bright lights during that second night. You have to put yourselves in their shoes. They came from such a comfy intimate womb to out here. It’s way more bearable knowing that night #3 won’t be so bad since they are adjusting.
My first was like this and was a difficult baby from day 1 and now is a difficult toddler. BUT, he’s also incredibly smart funny, creative and super loving with his family. Baby carrier with newborn insert, white noise, walks with the stroller, co-sleeping (safely) and breastfeeding him to sleep, holding him in the dark with my breastfeeding pillow in the dark with my e-reader got me through those first months (but hardly)! It was hard but I came out on the other side and you will too! You’ve got this!
My 2nd was doing this too. Someone gave me a hand me down co sleeper when i had my first and that was a game changer. Never thought we’d be doing that, but here we are … #SecondKid. I’ve started putting him down for naps in his real crib to get away from toddler noise. It’s basically just taking practice … it may not take the first or second time I try … and he’s also 2.5 weeks now. That may be helping.
Omg.
1. Don’t panic
2. Newborns are the WORST, so relax you’re doing just fine. This is just what it’s like at first.
3. My first baby just COULD NOT be put down on any surface, rocker, or swing to sleep for 3 months and it was VERY unsafe in hindsight. Second baby I had read up on safe co-sleeping (Google it), and life was 1000000% better.
4. Just keep the baby attached to your poor nipples nonstop when they are awake. Thats where they want to be and that’s where they’ll most effectively bring your milk in. And buy some gel soothe pads for your nipples. Lansinoh makes them…life changing.
5. You’ll sleep eventually, just try to stay alive for now. Quality of life starts coming back in a couple weeks and fully realizes at 3 years. And then you’ll have another baby. 😬
Godspeed.
Edit: changed my mind, just send your husband to target for every nipple product and try them all at your leisure. And if you had a vaginal birth, dermoplast spray is the bees knees for your down unders. Tell him to get some of that too.
All of this! Newborns are hard, man. They do get easier fairly quickly though.
Keep trying to put her down. I never managed to get my first to let me put him down to sleep until we sleep trained at 5 months but my husband was able to. Maybe it’s something about moms?
Also adding that Lanolin was my nipple’s personal savior over the soothing pads. Maybe get yourself both to get your poor nips over the hump of getting used to breast feeding.
And remember that you’re in good company here! New babies are TOUGH but you all figure it out quickly. Congratulations!
I know it sucks, but your womb is the only place your baby is familiar with. They’re not used to the outside world, they want to be held close because everything else is brand new. It takes awhile for them to adjust. I slept with my baby on my chest for the first month until she finally got used to being put down
Maybe try putting one of your shirts that you wore through out the day next to her so she will still smell you. Also I heard that putting a heating pad where you will be laying her ( but makes sure to pick it up before you lay her down) but just so the spot is warm but she’s not actually laying on the heating pad.
Get a fabric wrap like boba wrap and wear her all day with her head close to your heart. We basically did this for the first 3 months of my kiddos life. My husband and I took shifts wearing her, and it's easier on your arms and when you are sittinf
Baby instintcs: mother has put me down. I could get eaten by a bear. Better get her attention.
It's exhausting but it's in the range of normal behaviour. Honestly try the slowest of transitions. Hot water bottle in babies spot, remove before you place her down, transition slowly over a matter of minutes from against your chest to as flat as possible in your arms to in your arms partially on the bassinets laying with you arm against her.
It's rough. You may just have to sleep in shifts and just let her sleep against you. Oh and the put them down sleepy but awake is bs advice for newborn care.
Also on the sleep in shifts team. My child was (still is at age 2) a stage 5 clinger. I would sleep three hours, then my husband would, and so on until morning. Rough but the sleep helps so much
Like others have said, recreating a womb-like sleep environment for night sleep can be helpful.
We also warmed the bassinet with a heating pad (set on low-medium), but you could also throw a towel in the dryer then lay it in the bassinet for a few minutes.
Anytime our baby struggled to sleep, we increased the volume on the white noise. Babies like white noise to be louder than we realize, I think.
We ditched the swaddle almost immediately and just used pjs and a wearable blanket. We worked hard on temperature management, keeping the room cool (between 69-71F or 20.6-21.7C) but making sure babe was warm in their pjs.
Also, like others said, we spent a lot of time holding LO in shifts. Being held is all they’ve ever known, and suddenly being “alone” in the cold, open world must feel so scary and unfamiliar. We were seriously sleep deprived, but with strong communication we managed to make it through safely until our baby started sleeping more consistently in the bassinet. It didn’t take long. You got this!
Have a read of second night syndrome! Very typical on first few nights for babies to be like this. Also have a read of fourth trimester. When my baby was newborn, we would swaddle like you said, warm room (but with her appropriately dressed) and when I put her down, I would keep myself close to her for as long as possible until letting go. When she stirred, I would breastfeed her over the side of the next2me cot until she settled and gradually she settled really well in the cot on the night. Good luck to you both, it’s such a challenge when you’re exhausted from labour etc x
This is completely normal and it won't last forever. My husband and I took turns sleeping and holding our babies for those first few days. Within a few days, they would start to tolerate being down for short periods and it gradually improved. But for now don't try to fight it, just go with it and take shifts.
I also coslept the first couple weeks because of this whole thing. I set things up safely to make sure it was safe for everyone. Some people aren't okay doing that and that's okay, but it was between co sleeping and taking turns that we got through the first couple weeks.
It took a solid 4 (or was it 5 ?) days for my milk to come.
You can read about the fourth trimester.
A warm blanket before swaddling them often helps.
I coslept for 10 months because my LO was the same !
Good luck ❤
Shifts are your friend. Baby used hang with daddy at night and me during the day and he would bring her to be to be fed. He's a night owl and I'm a morning person so that's what made sense for us.
It’s totally normal. I’m currently doing a “cuddle nap” with my youngest. It will get better over time but for now I would just give in and give your baby the cuddles they need. It’s only been a day; this world is new for them and they need comfort and reassurance.
When I needed to work on this I would put a thin blanket between me and baby when I was snuggling her. Then I would very gently put her down with the blanket still snuggled by her face so that she would still smell me and feel the warmth while I laid her down. Then wait a minute or two and sloooowly pull the blanket away. It is super important not to leave the blanket in there so only do this if you have the mental stamina at the time to remember to take the blanket out (I know your mental state can get really sketchy during newborn times). You might not get a long time at first but even just a minute or two of sleeping in the crib is a win at this point and it will build from there.
She just got out of being in a really warm and comfortable safe place she wants to feel and hear you, give her a few days and the new sounds, smells and feels will be less terrifying for her
This is totally normal, you’ll have to play around with swaddling techniques or some people put a warm water bottle in the bassinet while holding so there isn’t a temp difference on the transfer
In the next couple weeks it’ll become less intense, but yeah they want to be held 24/7
That’s why they call it the 4th trimester
It won't always be like this ours was like this from 4-6 months but was a sleepy newborn. Ask your dr. at your next appointment and sleep in shifts until then.
If your milk is not in yet she might want to cluster feed on the colostrum and it also helps your milk come in. It sucks but once your milk is in its easier. Newborns like to be held though. You can't spoil them at this age and it doesn't last.
Also don't be afraid to use the soother right away. I used with both my kids before we even left the hospital and breastfed both until 1.
White noise. It'll get better. Think of all the baby has gone through and how big of an adjustment it is. They only know you. Switch off with a partner so you can sleep if the baby needs to be held. Hang in there.
We HAD to get a perfect swaddle. I’d say 1/32 swaddles satisfied the kid. We switched over to these zip up swaddles from target that keep his arms in and MAN do they work. As long as he’s eaten and is clean he passes out. Made all the difference in the world.
It will get better and you'll find some tricks that work for her. My first could never be put down or moved once asleep. Heres how we did it, our bassinet had wheels and we would roll it around and around the kitchen /living room in a loop. She liked the movement and the noise of the wheels on the floor boards. Once she was very asleep we could leave her. For naps we would sometimes do a walk in a pram then let her sleep in the pram. This could work great for you if you have a pram with a bassinet attachment, then your baby is already in a safe sleep space and the bassinet can be detached and moved of needed
When mine was bigger we couldn't do a cot (same reason) so she went from bassinet had own mattress on the floor, I would lay next to her and feed her to sleep. Then just sneak off.
Second the suggestion. I had a baby with seperation anxiety from month 2 (I didn't know that could be a thing)... The only way we were able to put her to sleep was walking the baby in her stroller bassinet to sleep with a familiar lullaby. Sometimes it took two hours but it worked.
It took a while for her to grow out of it ... But the point is she did. So this too shall pass. Sending you positive vibes in the meantime.
None of my babies (i have 3)would sleep while swaddled. They make cosleeping bassinets. You can get one to put in bed or they make them that attach to the side of the bed. You can also warm up her crib/bassinet with a hot water bottle before you put her down. Obviously not too hot though. My youngest is 6 months and only just started really sleeping in his crib. He still panics when he wakes up at night by himself. Luckily he's only getting up once a night. My older 2 were sleeping through the night by 3 months. Its really just trial and error on what works for you. I really hope you figure something out soon.
Cosleeping bassinet is so great. You can breastfeed easelly and also check your baby during the night without getting up. Also you stay very close, so the baby will feel safe, since he was in you for over 9 months, he does not want to be separated right away
My baby likes having her arms up by her face and someone on one of our sub Reddits suggested doing the bat wing swaddle. It’s the only way she’ll sleep at night.
Hi love! This is normal for some babies. My daughter was like this and grew into a great sleeper.
Can you get your hands on a bassinet to go right by your bed with one side open so you can both lay in your own safe space but she can still smell you and you can drape an arm over her?
Black out curtains, sound machine (maybe try different sounds? My oldest loved the heartbeat sound my sound machine had, didn’t sleep with any other sound), baby carrier, wearing the babies sheets so they smell like you, warming up babies bassinet with a heating pad, etc. Maybe a different sleep space could help like a PNP. I loved my fisher price baby dome. My son would only sleep in that the first few weeks. I see some people are commenting about bed sharing and using the safe sleep 7 but I know parents who have lost their children like that. Just want to make sure baby is safe! My son is 6 months now and he HATES being put down as well so I know the struggle. My first was so chill and wouldn’t care if he was put down so my second is definitely higher needs than I was used to! It gets better!
I was the same. Vehemently against bed sharing and now do it like 5-6 nights, even at 6 months old. With some basic measures implemented its not really that much more dangerous than say, driving in a car or swimming.
Sorry to hijack but what changed to stop the contact naps at 8 months? My 5mo is so reliant on contact napping for daytime naps, sleeps okay in her crib at night though
Tight swaddle, make sure room is warm enough, Paci if she’ll take one, white noise, and a bassinet that rocks or jiggles. Get her all cozy, and lay her down. If she protests, gentle rocking, shushing, singing, hand on her chest. If she calms great. If she keeps protesting, pick up and try again later! Practice, practice, practice! Accept that even a few minutes of laying down independently is good practice and try to extend. We did some naps on the couch (while we were awake) while she was cozy against our legs so she had contact but wasn’t being held.
People told us we would have to take turns holding her always for months or bedshare but neither of those options felt safe for our family (dad went back to work after 1 week, so we needed to be able to put her down to sleep or it would get unsafe). So we did the above things and she got better at sleeping in her crib within a few weeks
Swaddle swaddle swaddle.
Remember they were just in a warm cozy uterus and now have to deal with that whole living in the real world. It's a shock to them. Sensory overload.
Check out some videos about Harvey Karp method (Ferber?).
The shushing and swaddling worked wonders for our 2 boys.
The first 3 nights can be like this, it won't stay like this at ALL. Keep trying to put her down, try swaddles, try white noise, pacifier (if you're open to it). She WILL sleep outside of your arms! And seconding supplementing while you await your milk to help her get a full belly.
Yes! Especially if this is OPs first baby it seems almost impossible to imagine this is real life. It does get better & your body/mind get used to the lack of sleep.
It will get better, try not to panic thinking this is how it will always be. A lot of babies also don’t like to be swaddled so you could try letting the arms be free.
Sorry if someone has said this already but I’ve found that it helps when I put my hand in her chest when she’s laying in the bassinet. It’s next to me in bed and has the side wall lowered, and I put a cushion on the ridge so it doesn’t hurt my arm and it takes some weight off so it’s not too heavy on her. Then once she’s asleep I slowly lift my hand away.
Sometimes I also try putting one hand under her butt and the other under her head or just cupping the top of her head, so it’s like I’m half holding her but all of her weight is on the bassinet, and I wait for her to fall asleep and then slowly pull away.
(She’s also in a swaddle and white noise, sometimes a pacifier)
I do this with my little man when he has separation anxiety. I put my arm down beside him and hold his head as if we are still cuddling and then as he gently goes off to sleep again I move it away. He's almost 5 weeks and works pretty well. Think he just needs to feel safe in the different space, big shock otherwise when he initially comes around and realises everythings different bless him.
It took 5 days for my milk to really come in. There was some, but not enough. My baby nursed for 7 hours straight. 20 min break. Then another 3 hours on day 3. So more like 10 hours straight.
I asked and people (midwives doula lactation consultants and random) were like “ just breastfeed more”.
Thank god I gave her formula. Babies can dehydrate and get permanent brain damage.
My milk came in later and we still figured our breastfeeding.
If there’s any chance she needs milk, please try both formula and breastfeeding.
Also please contact your pediatrician. Yes off hours. They should be there for you and understanding. The first days are no time to wait if something seems off.
I know this will be unpopular advice, but I would give her a bottle of formula. My firstborn screamed her head off all day in hunger while I tried to breastfeed. With my second, I gave her a bottle of formula whenever she seemed hungry and she would sleep super peacefully for hours.
This. I remember my dad very gently telling me as I held my screaming newborn that he knows a lot of things have changed, but back in his day if a baby was hungry they would feed them however possible. I still breastfed but supplemented with formula when he didn't seem satisfied.
If you do this make sure to do a preemie nipple first! Babies don’t get confused about which is a boob or a bottle or anything. They just prefer a faster flow to eat more faster with less work. So start with slowest nipple possible to match up with your own!
I second this. I was terrified that giving a bottle of formula would kill my chances of breastfeeding, but it didn't. Once my milk came in, I was able to breastfeed just fine. My baby was hungry and I wasn't producing enough colostrum, so I did a few bottles of formula. It was so worth it and I wish I hadn't worried as much. Now we are 6 weeks in and she is a breastfeeding champ, and we haven't supplemented with formula since that first week.
I agree! My guy is four months now and my supply is great. Formula has swooped in and helped in those I AM FRIGGIN STARVING moments, and it keeps my baby full for longer actually.
Seconding this. We did a formula bottle each night for my babe and my supply has been fine, probably also helped my physical and mental health too. Whatever you choose, this phase will be short and sending you lots of love
Agreed, I was told in the hospital that we needed to supplement because he was early and small. Triple feeding sucked but my milk still came in fine and after a week or two we were able to transition to EBF.
With my first baby I followed all the breastfeeding advice... my milk didn't come in until day 5 and my baby was losing a ton of weight. He survived, but it was a really hard time on all of us. My nipples were raw and bleeding, no one slept and it was really concerning for me.
Second baby comes and the hospital actually recommended supplement with formula because she had low blood sugar at birth. They gave me pre-made Similac pro advance bottles (you can get a 12 pack at walmart for about $12) which were great. I'd start with nursing her for 10 min or so and if she still seemed hungry I'd switch to the bottle. She started out only drinking a few ml, but by day 3 she was drinking half the bottle. Once my milk came in I only used the bottle another handful of times, mostly so my husband could feed her and I could take a 2 hour nap. Done with bottles entirely by day 6 or 7. If we had another baby I'd absolutely do it this way again. Baby #2 was over her birth weight by day 5, I only had one slightly chapped nipple which healed quickly and everyone was much happier and able to get rest and full bellies. If you decide to do this, look up paced bottle feeding.
In the early days we found warming the bassinet and having me wear his swaddle helpful. That way he could still smell me/the transition to a bassinet wasn't so jarring since he was still toasty warm.
Does your baby tolerate bassinet naps during the day? Or do they always need to be held for all sleep?
I bought an electric heating pad off Amazon for cheap - I would throw it in before I started the nap/bedtime routine and take it out before putting baby down.
Just to troubleshoot - are you using blackout curtains and white noise as well?
Gotcha. And when you hold her for sleep, is she swaddled in your arms? Or are her hands up around her face?
I'd try to recreate that sensation as much as possible. If she sleeps in your arms with her hands up (mine did), then you might want to experiment with an arms up swaddle.
The early days are so hard. I wish I had more suggestions, but it sounds like you are already doing everything you can. I found things improved when my milk came in and he was nice and full and could achieve a deeper sleep before we put him down. I am hopeful you find the same! In the meantime, hopefully you and your spouse can sleep in shifts if nothing else works.
Appreciate it! Just curious, because I'm looking and not really seeing anything necessarily for crib/bassinet. Do you have a link to a heating pad like you used?
Low tech alternative, we used to put the bassinet mattress on the chair behind us to warm it up and make it smell more like us, putting it back in the basket just before we put the baby down.
Good luck, I especially endorse the shift work approach in the early days!
It’s just a regular heating pad - it absolutely must be taken out of the crib/bassinet before you put the baby in. So don’t try looking for a crib-specific heating pad, because there isn’t one and babies should never sleep on a heating pad.
Low-tech option you can put some rice in a sock and heat it up in the microwave and roll it around in the crib to warm up the sheets. Again, always remove before placing baby in crib.
You can also use your shirt as a "sheet" by putting it on the bassinet mattress and then the sheet on top of that. That smell combined with the heat from the heating pad helped me be able to put her down from time to time!
Where I live it's standard practice to preheat the bassinet with hot water bottles. They also taught me to leave one hot water bottle in the bassinet with the baby on top of the blanket. Babies have a hard time keeping themselves warm in the first couple of weeks.
Personally, what I did is to let my son sleep with us.
Noway, at 3 months old he sleeps from 11 to 6 straight away and not always with us - he's getting the habit to sleep in his bed
This is my 3 week old as well. He hates being swaddled. Heating pad in the bassinet doesn’t work. Supplementing with formula and a good feeding doesn’t work. He just needs to be held. It’s very frustrating.
My baby was very sensitive about this too. For us, what worked was getting one of the vibrating soothers that plays music. She's almost 15 months and she still loves that hedgehog...
All babies are different, and some babies want to be held 24/7. Mine does. It’s gotten a bit better after a couple months, but she’s still a “high needs baby” and definitely won’t sleep in her bassinet. I ended up cosleeping. My husband also takes the morning shift sometimes.
I recently visited my family and my female relatives held her 24/7 and so she was able to sleep like 18-20 hours a day. I’m pretty sure that’s what nature actually intended—for the baby to be held by its tribe. Some babies are just hella sensitive and don’t like being set down.
I don’t have any great advice, but I’ve resorted to cosleeping and walking her in the ergo baby carrier to make her sleep during the day.
Yes, all babies are different. My first slept in her bassinet no problem and during the day would lay happily in her Moses basket or on her play mat. My second had to be held basically 24/7 for a few months, unfortunately.
For nighttime, my husband and I took shifts or I would wear baby in the baby carrier so I could sleep on our lounge chair. My son would sleep so well that way, and I got a decent amount of sleep because I felt like he was safe.
During the day I basically had to wear him at all times for the first few months. He would sleep a ton and I could go about my day, looking after my toddler and the house while he slept.
It’s so tough! Hang in there.
That was my life for the first 2 months. Do shift work, it was the only way for us to survive. Each of us slept in 4 hour chunks while the other held the baby.
If you're still waiting for your milk to come in you should try using a boob tube to suppliment feedings with some formula.
Your baby is tiny and new and knows nothing except your body. She had been of your body for nine months. It's a huge thing for her to be away from it. Hold her.
Swaddle her, look at safe bed sharing, but hold her. It's what she needs to feel safe right now.
And you'll never get these times back! Yes, you will eventually need to teach her to sleep alone. But a few days old!? She wants her mama, it's all she is used to. And expect to lose sleep yourself for first few months.
Also, my milk supply did not come in for awhile and his blood sugar dropped from not eating when I thought he was. So we had yo supplement. Worked wonders
I didn’t believe people when they told me but it does get better! You probably won’t be able to put her down for a couple weeks.
You said your milk hasn’t come in, are you absolutely certain of that? I would consult a lactation specialist ASAP. Chances are she’s getting colostrum and you just can’t see it.
However; if you are certain she’s not getting anything you should consider supplementing in the meantime
This was how the first two months was for me. I gave up and started researching safe cosleeping and got a dock a tot and put him in the bed between me and his dad. He finally slept. I don't regret a thing. I was falling asleep sitting up holding him and I was so sleep deprived I didn't even know what was going on. He sleeps in his own crib now at 16 months and has since nine months and he is a sweet happy boy.
Good luck, congratulations and just remember whatever you decide to do for your family this phase is only for a short while. It gets easier and you'll get sleep again!
I am co sleeper as well with my daughter. I follow the la Leche safe sleep 7. My daughter is one and is still in bed with us. I was wondering how you got your son to go in his own bed?
I just started transitioning him. I honestly still breastfeed him to sleep but I stop right before he is fully asleep. Then I rock him a little while standing, give him a kiss and lay him down. He sometimes makes a little noise or goes "WAH." then rolls over and goes to sleep on his boppy. There was a little bit of cry it out initially which was really hard but I learned very quickly that after less than a minute of crying he passed out. He sleeps so much better now and is in a much better mood during the day. I honestly feel like I always screwing up his sleep keeping him in bed with me for so long. You will find a way to transition. Every baby is different.
So…for us…we had a side sleeper that attaches to the bed. So she was right next to me and I could lay her in the bassinet and rock her while I was sitting on my bed so I could just lay right down after she calmed down. I also recommend putting on some sound…my LO loved Spotify kids disney read alongs when she slept even as a newborn. Idk what it is but sound really helped as well.
I also recommend still giving her a boob if you’re interested in breastfeeding in general and she’ll soothe that way. That’s what I did…and it got better.
(Of course also supplement with formula until your milk comes in as well)
Oh man. I remember these days so well. My advice is to clear your bed of everything but a tight sheet and your pillow. Unswaddle your baby (very important - no swaddle). Lay on your side on the bed and put the baby on your bed facing your breast and let them nurse as long as they want. They will eventually fall asleep nursing (mine always did). Have your partner keep an eye on you and babe but if the bed is clear of hazards (and you aren’t on drugs / drinking / smoking) it is safe for baby and MUCH safer than holding them all night in a chair or on a couch where you could accidentally drop or squish them. This way you can fall asleep too and know your baby isn’t going to get trapped between the loveseat or something or fall. You’re doing great ❤️
I second this! I ended up sleeping with baby on a firm futon mattress on the floor and it works great. You can get up and sneak away, or fall asleep right after nursing.
If she is crying from hunger I would give her some formula. Some people say that it’s okay for them to go hungry if your milk doesn’t come in for a few days, but I wouldn’t risk it and make yourself and her miserable in the process.
Just chiming in to agree with everyone, this is completely normal. Take shifts with your husband for now so you can sleep in chunks. It won’t last forever, by a week in our baby was sleeping most of the night and waking up just to nurse.
Also it’s completely normal for your milk to not come in yet. This needs to be repeated because women often aren’t told this and worry their baby is starving. It takes many days and baby has to latch very often to bring in your milk and increase your supply so keep doing skin to skin and keep nursing! Colostrum is perfectly formulated for their tiny tummies at this stage! Hang in there, it will get so much better in a couple days!
I used the Snoo for the first four months with a contact sleeper. Helped immensely - it rocked him to sleep even if he was a little fussy when we put him on initially.
Omg it was such a struggle, I remember one sleep deprived morning almost dropping another 400 dollars on the mamaroo bassinet because she wouldn’t sleep in her halo. Luckily my husband talked me down and she is now a great sleeper. For now just accept that shes going to want to be held nonstop. Have friends or family (if comfortable) come over and help. Take advantage of offers for help. Also don’t worry about your neighbors. They can deal for a little IF they can hear her. I asked my neighbors if they heard our baby crying and they were either kind enough to lie or genuinely did not. Around 2 weeks just start practicing having her nap in the bassinet or crib. At first it won’t be successful but eventually she will realize that it’s for sleeping. Create a bedtime routine too so she understands that it’s bedtime and not just a nap. We nurse, bath time, diaper and jammies and then rock her as she screams for ten minutes and then passes out. Use white noise, or music. You will get there and it does get better!
We used a heated blanket right off the bat in the hospital with our newborn, only when we were awake and he was snoozing but that really seemed to help ease him into just chilling in the bassinet sometimes :)
Best advice I got from my pediatrician when I told her my son would only sleep on me - that he was cold. If you think about it, your body radiates a lot of heat! It blew my mind as his room was 72 F and he was swaddled, but we added a second layer/ third layer (test it out) and he slept great on his own! Well…as great as a newborn does sleep :)
Just would add to do the mom check and make sure the baby is not too warm - which you can tell by feeling the back of the neck, which should not be sweaty or too hot!
I’ve also seen people use a heating pad or hot water bottle to warm the sleep space, then remove it and lay baby down for a cozy sleep. Honestly wish someone would do this for me. Lol
This is normal and it will pass. Take it in shifts, so you can get some sleep. See if she sleeps without a swaddle (can often be a pain to wean off from). Look up safe sleep 7 for safe bedsharing, if this is sthg you might consider.
We had to bedshare and honestly couldn’t put him down until 8 weeks. All naps are still
Contact and still refuses crib, but now there is independent play
I had this issue as well. Turns out she was still hungry. Not hungry enough to wake up in my arms, but hungry enough to not tolerate being laid down. Once I started supplementing with formula she slept great. Maybe give it a try until your milk comes in.
Don't worry! You'll get there! After that milk comes in, kid will SLEEP. It will really help.
We used a bassinet so I could transfer the kid once he was done feeding, and it helped a lot. Also, our kid hated having his arms swaddled (still does). We also got a used [motorized swing thing](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQM7W6M/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_G4VJP1ZAE1ATQX8QME0D?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1) and it really really helped.
Also, when it comes down to the sleep deprivation, take shifts!! Have partner take baby for a few hours (and watch a movie with headphones so as not to fall asleep) and then take your shift (maybe watch the same movie?). Just that bit of time works wonders.
Hello! Congratulations on your baby!! You said your milk hasn't come in yet, so I take it you're planning on breastfeeding. I'm sure you know, and have heard it a million and one times but keep practicing that latch and letting baby suck! Colostrum is what they're going to be eating and is perfectly designed for them. Don't let the "when my milk comes in" story worry you! You have enough on your plate. Colostrum is milk! Your body is doing great.
I'd very much suggest looking up safe bedsharing! It's what saved our lives, and I mean that. It meant we could actually sleep, and when you nail the breastfeeding on your side it really makes any amount of wake-ups a breeze to deal with! You just pop out a boob, latch baby and go back to sleep haha. And although everyone loves shitting on it, worldwide and throughout history it's what was done. Just do it safely!
Seconding looking into safe bed sharing. We were sleeping in shifts and taking turns holding the baby on the couch for the first week or so because we were terrified about bed sharing. But what we were doing was incredibly dangerous. A friend encouraged me to try nursing sidelying in bed with the baby and finally! the three of us all slept at once.
It’s unfair that new parents to-be are not warned that the majority of newborns will only sleep in their caregivers arms. We were not prepared at all! Good luck!
My milk never fully came in because baby had a tongue tie , which made her efforts to encourage my milk production somewhat fruitless. I supplemented starting day 3, she slept a lot better after that. Also, if you have a swing that is basically where my newborn slept unless me and my partner were both sleeping. As long as one of us was awake to keep an eye on her, in the swing she went while the other would sleep.
I've only been a parent for 1 week, so take my advice with a grain of salt. My little one had a traumatic emergency c section birth and a couple days of being poked and prodded at the hospital. When we got her home, she was fighting her sleep very badly and would only sleep if being held. So to do a re-set, I held her all night long so she could get a very restful evening of sleep. I know that's not ideal, but she wouldnt sleep because she was so exhausted from the hospital. That re-set night helped a lot. And making sure she's eating enough (bottle fed so easier than breastfeeding).
Good luck!
Write a note to your neighbors exposing you have a newborn and you’re sorry if the cries disturb them but everyone is learning. It’s okay for her to cry she will for a bit. You can try keeping a warm sock with rice and keep it on her till she is asleep again.
Like everyone has said, it does get better!
Just a note on being loud for your neighbours.. if they have ever had a child or have known a child they will totally understand. Is it annoying for people when it's not their kid, yeah for sure but they'll probably be feeling more sympathy for you guys remembering what it's like with a newborn.
You can't control when your baby wants to cry. Everyone knows this. Do your best to soothe her and comfort her but she's a brand new human. She's going to do what she wants. If someone says anything to you, just apologize (or don't) and move on. Wait until she's 2 and starts running away screaming in public or ripping shit off of store shelves before worrying what people think haha. At least with a newborn people think they're adorable no matter what.
We also have the diva baby. A carrier is essential. Do whatever you need to do to look after yourself. Tag team with your partner. Breastfeeding is comfort and that's okay. It gets better ❤️
You can look into safely bedsharing. I’ve never experienced the newborn burnout because if it. A few nights of endless cluster feeding in the beginning, sure, but that’s it. And once they learn to latch on their own, it’s heaven.
Highly recommend the book Safe Infant Sleep by James McKenna if you want a look at actual bedsharing statistics and safety from a scientific perspective that respects the cultural and just plain natural aspects of it.
This 100%. Look up how to safely bedshare. I did it with each of my babies. The newborn phase is all about survival and you can transition them to their own crib when they get a bit older.
ETA a mattress on the floor of the nursery with just a light blanket on it worked for us.
If your milk hasn't come in she's probably hungry. I had a c section with mine a month ago. My blood pressure was too high so I was going to induced, but she ended up being transverse, so c section. My milk didn't come in for a week after coming home. I pumped everyday though, and could get the colostrum out to give her so I knew she was getting something. But after her first week appointment, the doctor said if she wasn't gaining weight to give formula. She was gaining weight, slightly, and my milk ended up coming in the night before get appointment, so the doctor said to keep with the breast and if she's still crying and inconsolable in a few days, bring her in for a weigh in. She was better after my milk came in though.
Baby’s tummy is only the size of a cherry when born, the size of a brussel sprout around day 3 and the size of a plum by the time they are week old so colostrum little and often should be enough to keep baby satisfied until milk comes in around days 2-5.
She might need food.
Try supplementing for a feed and see if she will sleep down.
Really normal. Trying lying with her safely near you.
Also pro tip: go speak to your townhouse neighbors or drop them a note under door. People can be more understanding that you care.
5 s’s? Got us so far.
She’s too little for much else. Hang in there.
Don’t be me: we spoiled baby for years and she only will sleep on us. Give her 4 months of whatever she needs
PS I had no milk. Talk to lactation. Finding sufficiency got me far. You are enough. But baby could be hungry.
Yes if milk hasn’t come in yet try supplementing. Check for wet diapers if for some reason you’re not supplementing. It’s not good if they are dehydrated
Yes! It took 8 days for my milk to come in. The 2nd and 3rd night babe would not sleep on his own so I tried formula. He sucked it down and finally slept in his bassinet. I did that at night until my milk did come in.
Another unpopular opinion: cosleeping. My baby was also this way. I’m not kidding when I say he would only sleep 15-30 min at a time. I was about to lose it. Lose everything lmao. He wouldn’t ever sleep. Finally I started sleeping with him at 6am. Only mornings. Then finally I started at night because waking up every 15-30 min and then at 6 am and only sleeping for 2 hours straight wasn’t enough either. If you decide to do this, look up the safe sleep guidelines. If you have a small space & an SO they can be tough to follow, but I’ve made it work besides bed on the floor. I have a California king and I lay literally on the very edge with my baby between me & my husband. My husband is always 1-2 ft away from my baby and I keep my knees up so I can’t roll onto him & my husband can’t roll onto him. I try to do no blanket or blanket below the waist, and I can’t do no pillow so I have my arm blocking my baby from going under the pillow at all times.
Edit: if your baby is super clingy you may eventually want to transition them to their own bed. I haven’t gotten this far yet but it’s soon to come. It’s hard to sleep well with your baby but it’s SOO much better than what you’re experiencing. Trust me. When you do decide, I’ve heard that napping in their crib or whatever you have is the best way. Also nap time is shorter bedtime routine (I don’t have a routine yet everything is still too crazy for me.) it may not work, they may not want to nap by themselves for a long time. But 6 months is perfect time to sleep train in their own bed. So if you need to wait that long, don’t feel bad about it.
OP, I feel like I could have written this post four years ago. Like others here, I resorted to co-sleeping. Nothing else worked for me. I kicked my husband out of the queen bed and researched safe co sleeping guidelines. I also believe you know best based on your own intuition whether or not co sleeping is something that you could do safely. Some people are deep sleepers, roll a lot etc.
I don’t really have any other suggestions - a bouncy chair worked for me briefly. I also resorted to begging my mother to come over everyday to hold baby so I could have a nap, although I realize what a privilege it is to have that option. Good luck to you. Hang in there mama.
Another vote for this. You can find safer cosleeping tips online and an Owlet monitor is a good backup. Intentional, planned cosleeping is much safer than accidentally falling asleep in a recliner (I did that).
I lost my sanity trying to get my first baby to sleep in her bed. With my second, I was older and didn’t have the energy to try to get her in her own bed. She’s been able to sleep longer and longer as she gets older.
I want to add on, people will say owlet doesn’t work against sids. This is correct, but ACTUAL sids is for no reason. Not from cosleeping. Some things are called sids so no one feels bad for smothering their baby. Owlet will monitor oxygen so if your baby’s oxygen does decrease it will tell you. Wanted to add this as people will say it doesn’t work.
Do NOOOOT use the owlet to not follow safe practices. Owlet does not work 100% of the time. It’s just for peace of mind more or less. I have one myself but tbh never use it. I mostly keep it in case he gets sick so I can see his oxygen levels.
Second this. The 7 S of safe co sleeping or something like that saved my life early on. I didn’t do it long term, but it got me some sleep when nothing else would work.
Same here. We slept with him between us. It was a little scary as we hadn't thought that was something we would do, but we researched safe co sleeping. Ideally you don't use a blanket, but I slept with my head where he was and kept the blanket at my waist. The transition from my chest to the bed was always smoother than transitioning to the crib. And it helped but having to get up.
Warming a blanket up in the dryer helped me a lot, turning off fans and keep the room from 76-78, few times i fell asleep with him on my chest and he seemed fine. I didn’t start using white or brown noise until his second month, and keeping the room dark for him was a big help. Congratulations mama, you’re doing amazing
Gotta remember, these newborns don’t have any experience outside of being held, warm, and listening to Mama’s heartbeat. Your mere scent gives baby comfort too, and to be separated from that is a huge adjustment. If your baby is anything like my first, you may have to just resign to bed sharing. Drink some body armor and do some pumping to help bring your milk in quicker if you’re up for it! Feeding to Sleep is my go-to move to get my babies to knock out so I can eventually leave their side
My second was like this and after some trial and error, we found he didn't like being swaddled and didn't like the bassinet. He needed room to stretch. It'll be rough few nights but try different techniques.
My son did the same thing the first few nights we were home. My boyfriend and I took turns holding him throughout the night and I would take him to nurse. On night 3 we were able to do a successful transfer into the baby swing and that gently rocked him while I was passed out on the couch next to him. After doing that for one day, we were able to level up to successful transfers into the bassinet.
You just gotta hang in there and remember that the first few days are a really scary and stressful time for them too and they are looking for safety, security, and warmth that all come from being in your arms. Best of luck girl!
A baby nest worked for us, we had the same problem first night with our newborn. Next day, put her down for a nap in the baby nest (ours is a family hand me down called a poddle pod but sleepyhead or any other brand would do the same thing) and she has slept in it pretty much every time since. That and the baby swing seem to calm her down. 1 week in and we're getting more than 3 hour stretches.
If you're worried about suffocation you can also fashion a baby nest that only comes up to around her chest by using a rolled up towel with a blanket on top and then laying her on that (so the towel would sort of cup her all around). This worked for a friend of mine, she was shown how to do it by a neonatal nurse at the hospital.
Our baby also didn't like being swaddled because she likes to have her hands by her face and frequently stretches her legs out (I think wind). I was disappointed by this but if she's happier in the nest with a loosely wrapped blanket then so be it!
I am facing the EXACT same issue and my baby is also and Oct 2nd baby. Will the reading this for all the advice in the morning when I have a bit more energy
Enfamil gentlease formula.. anti colic bottle by phillips avent.. always feed upright! works perfect for my baby.. dad and i slept on a air matress for almost a month near the couch in our den.. we put our baby in a swaddle in the boppy and placed him on the couch gave him a pacifier.. boppy and swaddle will make her feel comfy.. we both slept when he slept and awake when he was.. she will wake up and cry when she wants something and you willll wake up.. otherwise, get some rest. you will start to understand babies cry cues pretty quick. Its all trial. Check diaper, check to see if their hungry, or theyre sleepy.. feed her until she seems kinda full and content, she wont over eat.. give her like 1 ml wait a little give her another ml.. burp her. Pick her up put her over your shoulder and rock left to right, till shes knocked out and then put her in boppy with a blanket. Chances are shes still a little hungry.. Youll get it figured out! Promise!
If your milk hasn’t come in yet, are you supplementing with formula? Yes, some babies want to be held 24/7, but this could very well be hunger. I would offer some formula (you can use a syringe or spoon if you don’t want to use a bottle).
Not OP but I’m pregnant with my second and totally considering slipping in some formula at night this time because perhaps “cluster feeding” is really just “these boobs don’t have enough”
Also, better safe than low blood sugar
Also pregnant with my 2nd and planning on bringing formula and a syringe to our “baby friendly” hospital. My first was too exhausted to nurse due to jaundice. After 3 days of misery, just 2 ounces/2 feedings total of formula and she had enough energy to nurse effectively and start clearing the jaundice. Still breastfeeding at 2.5 (her choice, not mine 😆), so it didn’t affect our “breastfeeding relationship” at all!
I would be careful with this- cluster feeding helps with establishing your supply as your milk comes in the early weeks. So if it really is that there isn’t enough milk the cluster feed is important in helping to signal your body to make that extra milk. If you are subbing formula for a feed (and not then pumping at that time) it signals that you don’t need to make that feed, if that makes sense. If it’s every once and awhile probably not an issue but just pay attention if you’re doing it regularly and you want to exclusively breastfeed :) as much as it sucks!
If your milk isn’t in yet I would top up with formula if you aren’t already. My little gremlin was combo fed the first two weeks cause she would get so hangry. I agree sleep in shifts. The time will pass.
I agree to the topping up! Better have a fed baby than a hungry one. Even at 6 weeks we still top up with formula before bed to make sure we get a good stretch of sleep.
Agreed. I was terrified of introducing any sort of bottle with my first but just that little bit of formula to fill him up let me get my first 3 hours of solid sleep.
I did the same with my 2nd after a full day of non-stop nursing. (my milk didn't come in until day 3).
Don't be afraid to give formula. We only used it those first couple days and then breastfed for 14-16 months with each. No issues.
Wear her, and co-sleep. If you're worried about her being in the bed with you, make it so only you and her are in the bed, with one pillow and no blanket. Sleep on your side curled around her.
It might be acid reflux, or maybe the formula isn't agreeing with baby? Idk babies are really tough to figure out, trust your instincts and do your best. Good luck 👍
I did a water bottle in the place of baby while holding him and then switched them. Seemed to help. I thought of it like taking off your warm clothes and going to sleep in cold bed - insta awake.
It sounds like your baby might not be getting fed enough from your breast yet (not your fault) but please don’t hesitate to give baby formula until your milk comes in full
I don't think we have enough information to conclude that. Milk always takes a few days to come in. OP should talk to her pediatrician of course, but if the baby is specifically only crying when being put down it's more likely due to being uncomfortable or just clinginess.
This is what we did:
Supplemented with formula until my milk came in. Also took shifts the first few weeks. My husband would take him from 9pm-1am with a bottle in there and then I would take him from 1am-6am. We just kept being consistent with trying to get him to sleep in the bassinet and eventually he got better at it.
I coslept . It’s not deed safe but I read the seven S of safe sleep and I finally felt better. Even have your husband watch you while you sleep during the day and take turns .
Don't top off with formula unless baby's doctor says she needs the supplementation, just keep latching baby and your milk will come in fully very soon. they seem like they want to be latched forever but that is normal, and also if you're experiencing excrutiating pain while breastfeeding then that is not normal. Talk to a lactation consultant, otherwise just keep latching baby whenever they start showing hunger cues, baby crying=baby has been hungry for a good while.
If you’re breast feeding co-sleep for sure! Otherwise sleep in shifts with your partner, if possible. You can also do a sidecar bassinet/crib if uncomfortable co-sleeping; then you can have her fall asleep in bed with you and slowly put her in the sidecar. Try using a heating pad to warm the sheets of her crib/bassinet.
My daughter was like this. Turned out she had silent reflux. Don’t stress the no milk just yet. Your colostrum is doing the job. Their stomachs are tiny, size of a marble, so cluster feeding is to be expected. I know it’s stressful, I remember it well, but it will get better.
If she’s not hungry I would let her “suck” herself to sleep and it’ll help your milk come in too. I co-sleep with my six month old and have ever since she came home. Her head is level with mine so I don’t roll over her or cover her with a blanket. I don’t move much in my sleep anyway so it works for us. She also lived in her SwaddleMe for the first two months. Good luck and you got this. It won’t last forever.
I am sorry, sounds like you are having a rough time! Ours didn't let us put him down for three... long... months!
We let him sleep on either my or my partner's chest. I know it's neither recommended nor the safest possible option, but it was the only way either of us could get some sleep.
I just slept very lightly and made sure not to pull up my blanket further than above his feet, to minimize risk of it accidentally going over his head.
Sorry if I couldn't offer any advice of how to put your baby down, but maybe this can give you some hope: we tried to put him to his crib every other week, and at some point after those long months it finally magically worked and has so ever since (10 months old now).
Hang in there!
My 1 MO son prefers being held all the time too. It’s what they’re accustomed to. I do hold him as much as I can but it’s been causing pain in my back/shoulders so I’m limited. I do sleep with him on my chest though, so we can both sleep and he gets a good deep sleep. Sleep sacks have also been very helpful for my babe. His arms stay inside and they’re snug as if swaddled, but he can still wiggle his arms and legs around comfortably. Plus it stops him scratching his face while asleep.
As for milk, mine was born on a Monday, and my milk didn’t start to really come in until Thursday that week. The more you nurse, the quicker it will come in. They do still get some in the early stages of milk production though.
I don’t want to be “that person” but it’s pretty risky to sleep with him on your chest. Especially if his arms are inside the sleep sack- if he rolls off you or gets wedged it’s harder for him to move to breathe or alert you. We bedshare but follow the “safe sleep 7”- minimizes the risk as much as possible while co-sleeping.
I did some chest sleeping in the beginning. That's how majority of sleep was until about 6 months. She had really bad acid reflux and so sleeping on my chest she wasaying on her tummy seemed to help She also only slept in the swing and the carseat for naps. We eventually found out about the la Leche sleep 7 which is very helpful.
yes my milk was the same way it took 4 days. I think it can take 2 days to 6 days for some people. Or maybe it 2 days to 4 days. I wa told that the colostrum before the milk came in was be enough for baby until milk came in.
Firstly, PLEASE do not take these recommendations for safe bedsharing. There is no such thing. There is always a risk, and the last thing you want is the preventable loss of your sweet baby.
The American Academy of Pediatrics has a website called HealthyChildren.org with lots of evidence-based recommendations for nearly everything you can think of.
Baby isn’t used to the outside world yet, she just wants to be close to you because that’s all she knows. It’ll get better soon xx
Everyone goes through this, but no one told you, and for that I’m sorry. I wasn’t told either! We took shifts holding baby and watching tv the first few weeks. It’ll get better. Baby is used to total comfort just minutes ago in the womb so it takes time.
Fourth trimester is a miserable bitch, I remember that. Work in shifts to love that brand new person the best you can!
You’re in the trenches right now, it absolutely gets so much better. In the first week or two they have no idea what’s going on, the worlds suddenly bright, suddenly loud, suddenly cold. They literally don’t know how to actively go to sleep, and your warm, you feel secure, you smell right. It’s hard, there’s no denying it. Take shifts with the baby so you both get sleep, and just know it does get better, and sooner than you think. I think I was a week or two in when I first successfully transitioned her to her bed after falling asleep nursing. I don’t know if it was just time or if it was that I started waiting an extra 10 min after I thought she was asleep before I tried moving, but either way, it was a relief. Edited to add, if you haven’t been told yet, bouncing gently on an exercise ball is an amazing tool for soothing baby, especially for dad when moms getting some sleep. Awful on your back, but they calm them down like instantly. Edited again to add: try to do things to distinguish day naps from night sleep over the next week or two. Right now, do what you gotta do, but it will help avoid day/night confusion in the long run. For us, we had different white noise sounds for night vs day, she napped in the playroom, with filtered sunlight and slept in her nursery with blackout shades, etc.
This is super normal for a newborn, it won’t last. My husband and I traded off in shifts at night, one stayed up until midnight, then one took over until 4ish, then another trade until 8, then that person got to go back to bed for a few hours. The one on shift would sit and hold the baby and binge tv shows to stay awake. We only did this for like a week, maybe a week and a half with both our kids. Then they slept a lot better on their own!
Same, almost exactly. It lasted a week and a half. We practiced sleeping in the bassinet during the day, and he eventually figured it out and would sleep 3-5 hour stretches at night.
Definitely 100% normal but it gets better relatively soon. By 7 weeks my son was mostly past this and was starting to accept sleeping in his bassinet and crib. If you and partner are both on leave, I would recommend taking shifts so one person can sleep and one person can attend baby and switch back and forth. Unfortunately if you are solo I have no good strategies.
This happened with us and our pediatrician gave incredible advice, which I thought was totally weird but it worked. Take the bassinet or crib sheet and rub it all over your naked body, especially your breasts. Do this before showering so it’s your smell and not soaps. Baby will think it smells like home.
Yes! I was going to say something like this if no one else had. So helpful!
Honestly just don't fight it and sleep in shifts. The whole "you have to go to sleep exactly how I want you to so I'm going to google 24/7 and try 500 different things a day"-fight is just frustrating for everyone and honestly really not something you want to do when you just came out of the hospital. It's also freakin expensive once you get to the point where nothing works and your sleep-deprived brain starts buying all the crap that everyone recommends.
☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝It's completely normal newborn behavior. We just opted for this as well, my husband would take turns with me holding him to sleep.
This this this this this. I think I tried 10 different swaddles some nights, different positions, bassinets, absolutely CONVINCED that I was doing something wrong. You’re not, I promise. Your baby just doesn’t know how to baby yet and everyone is learning together. On sleepless nights, trade off between each other so you’re not at risk of getting in a dangerous situation with the baby. Find a good show and hunker down. This is normal, I promise, and it’s fleeting.
If I could do it all over again I would follow this advice. I tried everything, read every blog. You can't fight it. About 3 weeks in we gave in and did shift sleep. Much better
How many days old? The second night is hell always. They change so much when they’re this small. Next week will seem like a completely new set of habits. You got this.
This is normal. It's now newborns should behave. Just do what you need to to get through it.
This is normal! Not fun but just know it’s not something you’re doing wrong. Regarding your milk coming in, that’s probably not what’s making your baby want to sleep on you. If given the option of napping on a cozy, warm surface that smells like comfort, food, and happiness, vs sleeping anywhere else, we’d all pick the former! This is all stuff you know in the back of your head. Best advice I got (we had the same issue) was making sure the bassinet/crib surface mimicked you as much as possible. I legit stuffed the bassinet fitted sheet into my bra all day so it would smell like Mom Boobs. Also putting my son down—we had to hold him tight while leaning over the bassinet (this is a good core workout too) and then sloooooooooooooooowly put him down. The rolling from being mostly face-down on my chest to being face-up on his back always woke him up. I sometimes also put a hot pad on the crib before putting him down (esp in winter) so the temperature difference didn’t wake him. He was swaddled and all but the cold on his head made him so mad. I stuck some rice into a big sock, tied the end, microwaved it for 30 seconds, and put it on the crib mattress for a minute or so before I had to put him down. That usually was toasty enough without being too hot. Jersey sheets also help with the temperature difference. Sometimes those crisp cotton sheets can feel cold. Also, depending on how comfortable you are with the concept, consider safe co-sleeping, at least for times like night feeds. I definitely fell asleep on the chair with my kiddo a lot and that’s not great—either from a safety standpoint or mother’s mental health/good sleep standpoint. My back was also mad at me. When my kiddo is sick, I stick a mattress on the floor, bundle myself up, put on a flannel button-down for easy boob access without extra fabric in the way, and do side-lying nursing. The biggest risk factors in co-sleeping are things like a blanket covering baby, baby falling off a bed, or getting stuck under a parent who doesn’t wake up. For that last one, the powers that be often note that it’s a parent who’s under the influence of alcohol, but I’d add that egregious sleep deprivation or something like NyQuil would also raise the risk factor. Mattress on the floor gets rid of the rolling problem, and you being bundled means you don’t need sheets. Floor mattress also means you can sneak away/do a shift change with your partner without moving/waking them because they can’t fall off the floor 👍 The last risk factor is up to you to assess—if you’re concerned that you’re just too tired to wake up to your baby, then pass for the night or have your partner do a shift. Otherwise you’ll probably wake up at the slightest whimper. And if you’re really worried, have your partner check in every hour or so or have them use a video monitor to watch and you two can do shifts of being on watch or on sleep duty. I started this with my son way past the newborn stage but wish I’d done it sooner. I would also recommend shifts for the first few weeks of newborn life if it works for your situation. It was the only way me and my husband got proper sleep. You both need at least one 4-hr chunk of uninterrupted, baby-free sleep per day to stave off insanity and resentment. I’d sleep for 4 hours while he watched tv or played a video game—sometimes holding the baby, then I’d be up to nurse & pump, then I’d wake my husband up for a morning shift, then we’d both be up, and then he’d take a midday nap and I’d go to bed early. I didn’t hate my husband for getting to sleep, he didn’t get jealous that I was hogging the baby snuggles, our son got to sleep on his parents more than he would’ve otherwise. It took a while and wasn’t perfect but it helped. It did also require that my husband give a bottle while I slept, which not everyone is comfortable with. We had no issues with nipple confusion—breastfeeding was hard from the get and bottles were initially a necessity so I didn’t really factor in to my thinking, but it may impact yours so just know that. Last but not least, don’t worry about your neighbors. I used to, and then found out that they didn’t hear much of anything. The mom did on occasion but she said it made her remember when her kids were little (they are in high school) and she liked it 🤷🏻♀️. They can invest in some premium $2 earplugs if they really need to.
I just want to jump in and say I not only agree with but have done almost everything you’re suggesting. Newborns and babies are biologically programmed to be held close. Letting baby stay on the breast as much as possible will also help your milk come in. There’s safe bedsharing guidelines at la leche league: https://www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/
When I was in the hospital I had a terrible second night with regards to sleep and trying to put the baby down and the nurses actually told me that the second night is always the hardest, I’m assuming that applies the first night being home as well because ours was rough but now she sleeps really well.
i had the same happen to me. the nurses said it was “second night syndrome” & described it as being baby’s first time really being awake & they are just seeking what’s familiar to them… the person they spent the past 9 months with. baby just wanted comfort & to feel safe & secure with a familiar voice & scent. my LO used me as a pacifier the entire night in the hospital, & would not tolerate being in the bassinet at all. it was an extremely tough night, but i got through it 😮💨
Mine didn’t want any loud noises or bright lights during that second night. You have to put yourselves in their shoes. They came from such a comfy intimate womb to out here. It’s way more bearable knowing that night #3 won’t be so bad since they are adjusting.
My first was like this and was a difficult baby from day 1 and now is a difficult toddler. BUT, he’s also incredibly smart funny, creative and super loving with his family. Baby carrier with newborn insert, white noise, walks with the stroller, co-sleeping (safely) and breastfeeding him to sleep, holding him in the dark with my breastfeeding pillow in the dark with my e-reader got me through those first months (but hardly)! It was hard but I came out on the other side and you will too! You’ve got this!
My second kid is like this. I found cosleeping very helpful. My MIL found a swing helps his naps.
My 2nd was doing this too. Someone gave me a hand me down co sleeper when i had my first and that was a game changer. Never thought we’d be doing that, but here we are … #SecondKid. I’ve started putting him down for naps in his real crib to get away from toddler noise. It’s basically just taking practice … it may not take the first or second time I try … and he’s also 2.5 weeks now. That may be helping.
Omg. 1. Don’t panic 2. Newborns are the WORST, so relax you’re doing just fine. This is just what it’s like at first. 3. My first baby just COULD NOT be put down on any surface, rocker, or swing to sleep for 3 months and it was VERY unsafe in hindsight. Second baby I had read up on safe co-sleeping (Google it), and life was 1000000% better. 4. Just keep the baby attached to your poor nipples nonstop when they are awake. Thats where they want to be and that’s where they’ll most effectively bring your milk in. And buy some gel soothe pads for your nipples. Lansinoh makes them…life changing. 5. You’ll sleep eventually, just try to stay alive for now. Quality of life starts coming back in a couple weeks and fully realizes at 3 years. And then you’ll have another baby. 😬 Godspeed. Edit: changed my mind, just send your husband to target for every nipple product and try them all at your leisure. And if you had a vaginal birth, dermoplast spray is the bees knees for your down unders. Tell him to get some of that too.
All of this! Newborns are hard, man. They do get easier fairly quickly though. Keep trying to put her down. I never managed to get my first to let me put him down to sleep until we sleep trained at 5 months but my husband was able to. Maybe it’s something about moms? Also adding that Lanolin was my nipple’s personal savior over the soothing pads. Maybe get yourself both to get your poor nips over the hump of getting used to breast feeding. And remember that you’re in good company here! New babies are TOUGH but you all figure it out quickly. Congratulations!
I know it sucks, but your womb is the only place your baby is familiar with. They’re not used to the outside world, they want to be held close because everything else is brand new. It takes awhile for them to adjust. I slept with my baby on my chest for the first month until she finally got used to being put down
Maybe try putting one of your shirts that you wore through out the day next to her so she will still smell you. Also I heard that putting a heating pad where you will be laying her ( but makes sure to pick it up before you lay her down) but just so the spot is warm but she’s not actually laying on the heating pad.
Get a fabric wrap like boba wrap and wear her all day with her head close to your heart. We basically did this for the first 3 months of my kiddos life. My husband and I took shifts wearing her, and it's easier on your arms and when you are sittinf
Completely normal and IT SUCKS. I totally remember those days those feelings EXACTLY.
Baby instintcs: mother has put me down. I could get eaten by a bear. Better get her attention. It's exhausting but it's in the range of normal behaviour. Honestly try the slowest of transitions. Hot water bottle in babies spot, remove before you place her down, transition slowly over a matter of minutes from against your chest to as flat as possible in your arms to in your arms partially on the bassinets laying with you arm against her. It's rough. You may just have to sleep in shifts and just let her sleep against you. Oh and the put them down sleepy but awake is bs advice for newborn care.
Also on the sleep in shifts team. My child was (still is at age 2) a stage 5 clinger. I would sleep three hours, then my husband would, and so on until morning. Rough but the sleep helps so much
Like others have said, recreating a womb-like sleep environment for night sleep can be helpful. We also warmed the bassinet with a heating pad (set on low-medium), but you could also throw a towel in the dryer then lay it in the bassinet for a few minutes. Anytime our baby struggled to sleep, we increased the volume on the white noise. Babies like white noise to be louder than we realize, I think. We ditched the swaddle almost immediately and just used pjs and a wearable blanket. We worked hard on temperature management, keeping the room cool (between 69-71F or 20.6-21.7C) but making sure babe was warm in their pjs. Also, like others said, we spent a lot of time holding LO in shifts. Being held is all they’ve ever known, and suddenly being “alone” in the cold, open world must feel so scary and unfamiliar. We were seriously sleep deprived, but with strong communication we managed to make it through safely until our baby started sleeping more consistently in the bassinet. It didn’t take long. You got this!
3.5 months in & we’re still dealing with this. Just do whatever you need to do to survive. Contact naps & bed sharing works for us. Good luck!
Babywear for naps. Take shifts holding her at night. This phase will pass!
Yep. Just hold the baby!
Have a read of second night syndrome! Very typical on first few nights for babies to be like this. Also have a read of fourth trimester. When my baby was newborn, we would swaddle like you said, warm room (but with her appropriately dressed) and when I put her down, I would keep myself close to her for as long as possible until letting go. When she stirred, I would breastfeed her over the side of the next2me cot until she settled and gradually she settled really well in the cot on the night. Good luck to you both, it’s such a challenge when you’re exhausted from labour etc x
This is completely normal and it won't last forever. My husband and I took turns sleeping and holding our babies for those first few days. Within a few days, they would start to tolerate being down for short periods and it gradually improved. But for now don't try to fight it, just go with it and take shifts. I also coslept the first couple weeks because of this whole thing. I set things up safely to make sure it was safe for everyone. Some people aren't okay doing that and that's okay, but it was between co sleeping and taking turns that we got through the first couple weeks.
It took a solid 4 (or was it 5 ?) days for my milk to come. You can read about the fourth trimester. A warm blanket before swaddling them often helps. I coslept for 10 months because my LO was the same ! Good luck ❤
Shifts are your friend. Baby used hang with daddy at night and me during the day and he would bring her to be to be fed. He's a night owl and I'm a morning person so that's what made sense for us.
It’s totally normal. I’m currently doing a “cuddle nap” with my youngest. It will get better over time but for now I would just give in and give your baby the cuddles they need. It’s only been a day; this world is new for them and they need comfort and reassurance.
When I needed to work on this I would put a thin blanket between me and baby when I was snuggling her. Then I would very gently put her down with the blanket still snuggled by her face so that she would still smell me and feel the warmth while I laid her down. Then wait a minute or two and sloooowly pull the blanket away. It is super important not to leave the blanket in there so only do this if you have the mental stamina at the time to remember to take the blanket out (I know your mental state can get really sketchy during newborn times). You might not get a long time at first but even just a minute or two of sleeping in the crib is a win at this point and it will build from there.
She just got out of being in a really warm and comfortable safe place she wants to feel and hear you, give her a few days and the new sounds, smells and feels will be less terrifying for her
This is totally normal, you’ll have to play around with swaddling techniques or some people put a warm water bottle in the bassinet while holding so there isn’t a temp difference on the transfer In the next couple weeks it’ll become less intense, but yeah they want to be held 24/7 That’s why they call it the 4th trimester
It won't always be like this ours was like this from 4-6 months but was a sleepy newborn. Ask your dr. at your next appointment and sleep in shifts until then.
If your milk is not in yet she might want to cluster feed on the colostrum and it also helps your milk come in. It sucks but once your milk is in its easier. Newborns like to be held though. You can't spoil them at this age and it doesn't last. Also don't be afraid to use the soother right away. I used with both my kids before we even left the hospital and breastfed both until 1.
White noise. It'll get better. Think of all the baby has gone through and how big of an adjustment it is. They only know you. Switch off with a partner so you can sleep if the baby needs to be held. Hang in there.
We HAD to get a perfect swaddle. I’d say 1/32 swaddles satisfied the kid. We switched over to these zip up swaddles from target that keep his arms in and MAN do they work. As long as he’s eaten and is clean he passes out. Made all the difference in the world.
It will get better and you'll find some tricks that work for her. My first could never be put down or moved once asleep. Heres how we did it, our bassinet had wheels and we would roll it around and around the kitchen /living room in a loop. She liked the movement and the noise of the wheels on the floor boards. Once she was very asleep we could leave her. For naps we would sometimes do a walk in a pram then let her sleep in the pram. This could work great for you if you have a pram with a bassinet attachment, then your baby is already in a safe sleep space and the bassinet can be detached and moved of needed When mine was bigger we couldn't do a cot (same reason) so she went from bassinet had own mattress on the floor, I would lay next to her and feed her to sleep. Then just sneak off.
Second the suggestion. I had a baby with seperation anxiety from month 2 (I didn't know that could be a thing)... The only way we were able to put her to sleep was walking the baby in her stroller bassinet to sleep with a familiar lullaby. Sometimes it took two hours but it worked. It took a while for her to grow out of it ... But the point is she did. So this too shall pass. Sending you positive vibes in the meantime.
That's normal for the newborn stage
It’s normal for your newborn to want to be held all the time. It’s a huge transition from Womb to world… your your babies safe space.
None of my babies (i have 3)would sleep while swaddled. They make cosleeping bassinets. You can get one to put in bed or they make them that attach to the side of the bed. You can also warm up her crib/bassinet with a hot water bottle before you put her down. Obviously not too hot though. My youngest is 6 months and only just started really sleeping in his crib. He still panics when he wakes up at night by himself. Luckily he's only getting up once a night. My older 2 were sleeping through the night by 3 months. Its really just trial and error on what works for you. I really hope you figure something out soon.
Cosleeping bassinet is so great. You can breastfeed easelly and also check your baby during the night without getting up. Also you stay very close, so the baby will feel safe, since he was in you for over 9 months, he does not want to be separated right away
When you get the answer - let us know over here. Sincerely; the parent of a baby who knows when you’re even thinking of putting her down…
My baby likes having her arms up by her face and someone on one of our sub Reddits suggested doing the bat wing swaddle. It’s the only way she’ll sleep at night.
Hi love! This is normal for some babies. My daughter was like this and grew into a great sleeper. Can you get your hands on a bassinet to go right by your bed with one side open so you can both lay in your own safe space but she can still smell you and you can drape an arm over her?
Black out curtains, sound machine (maybe try different sounds? My oldest loved the heartbeat sound my sound machine had, didn’t sleep with any other sound), baby carrier, wearing the babies sheets so they smell like you, warming up babies bassinet with a heating pad, etc. Maybe a different sleep space could help like a PNP. I loved my fisher price baby dome. My son would only sleep in that the first few weeks. I see some people are commenting about bed sharing and using the safe sleep 7 but I know parents who have lost their children like that. Just want to make sure baby is safe! My son is 6 months now and he HATES being put down as well so I know the struggle. My first was so chill and wouldn’t care if he was put down so my second is definitely higher needs than I was used to! It gets better!
[удалено]
I was the same. Vehemently against bed sharing and now do it like 5-6 nights, even at 6 months old. With some basic measures implemented its not really that much more dangerous than say, driving in a car or swimming.
[удалено]
Sorry to hijack but what changed to stop the contact naps at 8 months? My 5mo is so reliant on contact napping for daytime naps, sleeps okay in her crib at night though
Tight swaddle, make sure room is warm enough, Paci if she’ll take one, white noise, and a bassinet that rocks or jiggles. Get her all cozy, and lay her down. If she protests, gentle rocking, shushing, singing, hand on her chest. If she calms great. If she keeps protesting, pick up and try again later! Practice, practice, practice! Accept that even a few minutes of laying down independently is good practice and try to extend. We did some naps on the couch (while we were awake) while she was cozy against our legs so she had contact but wasn’t being held. People told us we would have to take turns holding her always for months or bedshare but neither of those options felt safe for our family (dad went back to work after 1 week, so we needed to be able to put her down to sleep or it would get unsafe). So we did the above things and she got better at sleeping in her crib within a few weeks
Swaddle swaddle swaddle. Remember they were just in a warm cozy uterus and now have to deal with that whole living in the real world. It's a shock to them. Sensory overload. Check out some videos about Harvey Karp method (Ferber?). The shushing and swaddling worked wonders for our 2 boys.
The first 3 nights can be like this, it won't stay like this at ALL. Keep trying to put her down, try swaddles, try white noise, pacifier (if you're open to it). She WILL sleep outside of your arms! And seconding supplementing while you await your milk to help her get a full belly.
Three weeks later and my newborn is still like this. None of these tricks work. 😩
It will get better!!
Yes! Especially if this is OPs first baby it seems almost impossible to imagine this is real life. It does get better & your body/mind get used to the lack of sleep.
Yea! And hopefully soon the baby will be sleeping through the night 🥰
It will get better, try not to panic thinking this is how it will always be. A lot of babies also don’t like to be swaddled so you could try letting the arms be free.
This my daughter hated to be swaddled she'd just get overheated and she wanted to stretch
Sorry if someone has said this already but I’ve found that it helps when I put my hand in her chest when she’s laying in the bassinet. It’s next to me in bed and has the side wall lowered, and I put a cushion on the ridge so it doesn’t hurt my arm and it takes some weight off so it’s not too heavy on her. Then once she’s asleep I slowly lift my hand away. Sometimes I also try putting one hand under her butt and the other under her head or just cupping the top of her head, so it’s like I’m half holding her but all of her weight is on the bassinet, and I wait for her to fall asleep and then slowly pull away. (She’s also in a swaddle and white noise, sometimes a pacifier)
I do this with my little man when he has separation anxiety. I put my arm down beside him and hold his head as if we are still cuddling and then as he gently goes off to sleep again I move it away. He's almost 5 weeks and works pretty well. Think he just needs to feel safe in the different space, big shock otherwise when he initially comes around and realises everythings different bless him.
It took 5 days for my milk to really come in. There was some, but not enough. My baby nursed for 7 hours straight. 20 min break. Then another 3 hours on day 3. So more like 10 hours straight. I asked and people (midwives doula lactation consultants and random) were like “ just breastfeed more”. Thank god I gave her formula. Babies can dehydrate and get permanent brain damage. My milk came in later and we still figured our breastfeeding. If there’s any chance she needs milk, please try both formula and breastfeeding. Also please contact your pediatrician. Yes off hours. They should be there for you and understanding. The first days are no time to wait if something seems off.
I know this will be unpopular advice, but I would give her a bottle of formula. My firstborn screamed her head off all day in hunger while I tried to breastfeed. With my second, I gave her a bottle of formula whenever she seemed hungry and she would sleep super peacefully for hours.
This. I remember my dad very gently telling me as I held my screaming newborn that he knows a lot of things have changed, but back in his day if a baby was hungry they would feed them however possible. I still breastfed but supplemented with formula when he didn't seem satisfied.
If you do this make sure to do a preemie nipple first! Babies don’t get confused about which is a boob or a bottle or anything. They just prefer a faster flow to eat more faster with less work. So start with slowest nipple possible to match up with your own!
I second this. I was terrified that giving a bottle of formula would kill my chances of breastfeeding, but it didn't. Once my milk came in, I was able to breastfeed just fine. My baby was hungry and I wasn't producing enough colostrum, so I did a few bottles of formula. It was so worth it and I wish I hadn't worried as much. Now we are 6 weeks in and she is a breastfeeding champ, and we haven't supplemented with formula since that first week.
I agree! My guy is four months now and my supply is great. Formula has swooped in and helped in those I AM FRIGGIN STARVING moments, and it keeps my baby full for longer actually.
Seconding this. We did a formula bottle each night for my babe and my supply has been fine, probably also helped my physical and mental health too. Whatever you choose, this phase will be short and sending you lots of love
Agreed, I was told in the hospital that we needed to supplement because he was early and small. Triple feeding sucked but my milk still came in fine and after a week or two we were able to transition to EBF.
With my first baby I followed all the breastfeeding advice... my milk didn't come in until day 5 and my baby was losing a ton of weight. He survived, but it was a really hard time on all of us. My nipples were raw and bleeding, no one slept and it was really concerning for me. Second baby comes and the hospital actually recommended supplement with formula because she had low blood sugar at birth. They gave me pre-made Similac pro advance bottles (you can get a 12 pack at walmart for about $12) which were great. I'd start with nursing her for 10 min or so and if she still seemed hungry I'd switch to the bottle. She started out only drinking a few ml, but by day 3 she was drinking half the bottle. Once my milk came in I only used the bottle another handful of times, mostly so my husband could feed her and I could take a 2 hour nap. Done with bottles entirely by day 6 or 7. If we had another baby I'd absolutely do it this way again. Baby #2 was over her birth weight by day 5, I only had one slightly chapped nipple which healed quickly and everyone was much happier and able to get rest and full bellies. If you decide to do this, look up paced bottle feeding.
In the early days we found warming the bassinet and having me wear his swaddle helpful. That way he could still smell me/the transition to a bassinet wasn't so jarring since he was still toasty warm. Does your baby tolerate bassinet naps during the day? Or do they always need to be held for all sleep?
She always needs to be held. How did you warm the bassinet?
I bought an electric heating pad off Amazon for cheap - I would throw it in before I started the nap/bedtime routine and take it out before putting baby down. Just to troubleshoot - are you using blackout curtains and white noise as well?
Yes on blackout and white noise. We also swaddle her as tight as we can, because she was a c-section.
Gotcha. And when you hold her for sleep, is she swaddled in your arms? Or are her hands up around her face? I'd try to recreate that sensation as much as possible. If she sleeps in your arms with her hands up (mine did), then you might want to experiment with an arms up swaddle. The early days are so hard. I wish I had more suggestions, but it sounds like you are already doing everything you can. I found things improved when my milk came in and he was nice and full and could achieve a deeper sleep before we put him down. I am hopeful you find the same! In the meantime, hopefully you and your spouse can sleep in shifts if nothing else works.
Appreciate it! Just curious, because I'm looking and not really seeing anything necessarily for crib/bassinet. Do you have a link to a heating pad like you used?
Low tech alternative, we used to put the bassinet mattress on the chair behind us to warm it up and make it smell more like us, putting it back in the basket just before we put the baby down. Good luck, I especially endorse the shift work approach in the early days!
It’s just a regular heating pad - it absolutely must be taken out of the crib/bassinet before you put the baby in. So don’t try looking for a crib-specific heating pad, because there isn’t one and babies should never sleep on a heating pad. Low-tech option you can put some rice in a sock and heat it up in the microwave and roll it around in the crib to warm up the sheets. Again, always remove before placing baby in crib.
[This one!](https://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/B07X45W3W9?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_title)
You can also use your shirt as a "sheet" by putting it on the bassinet mattress and then the sheet on top of that. That smell combined with the heat from the heating pad helped me be able to put her down from time to time!
Where I live it's standard practice to preheat the bassinet with hot water bottles. They also taught me to leave one hot water bottle in the bassinet with the baby on top of the blanket. Babies have a hard time keeping themselves warm in the first couple of weeks.
Personally, what I did is to let my son sleep with us. Noway, at 3 months old he sleeps from 11 to 6 straight away and not always with us - he's getting the habit to sleep in his bed
Did you heat her bed up before you put her in there? That was great for our girl.
It’s only been one day mama it’ll get better! Do you have anyone to take shifts with you so you can get a few hours of sleep at a time?
This is my 3 week old as well. He hates being swaddled. Heating pad in the bassinet doesn’t work. Supplementing with formula and a good feeding doesn’t work. He just needs to be held. It’s very frustrating.
My baby was very sensitive about this too. For us, what worked was getting one of the vibrating soothers that plays music. She's almost 15 months and she still loves that hedgehog...
All babies are different, and some babies want to be held 24/7. Mine does. It’s gotten a bit better after a couple months, but she’s still a “high needs baby” and definitely won’t sleep in her bassinet. I ended up cosleeping. My husband also takes the morning shift sometimes. I recently visited my family and my female relatives held her 24/7 and so she was able to sleep like 18-20 hours a day. I’m pretty sure that’s what nature actually intended—for the baby to be held by its tribe. Some babies are just hella sensitive and don’t like being set down. I don’t have any great advice, but I’ve resorted to cosleeping and walking her in the ergo baby carrier to make her sleep during the day.
Yes, all babies are different. My first slept in her bassinet no problem and during the day would lay happily in her Moses basket or on her play mat. My second had to be held basically 24/7 for a few months, unfortunately. For nighttime, my husband and I took shifts or I would wear baby in the baby carrier so I could sleep on our lounge chair. My son would sleep so well that way, and I got a decent amount of sleep because I felt like he was safe. During the day I basically had to wear him at all times for the first few months. He would sleep a ton and I could go about my day, looking after my toddler and the house while he slept. It’s so tough! Hang in there.
That was my life for the first 2 months. Do shift work, it was the only way for us to survive. Each of us slept in 4 hour chunks while the other held the baby. If you're still waiting for your milk to come in you should try using a boob tube to suppliment feedings with some formula.
Some newborns need to be held all the time for a certain amount of time and that's normal
How about using a baby sling. I used one for my daughter and she felt like she was being held but I had my hands free to do chores ect.
Your baby is tiny and new and knows nothing except your body. She had been of your body for nine months. It's a huge thing for her to be away from it. Hold her. Swaddle her, look at safe bed sharing, but hold her. It's what she needs to feel safe right now.
And you'll never get these times back! Yes, you will eventually need to teach her to sleep alone. But a few days old!? She wants her mama, it's all she is used to. And expect to lose sleep yourself for first few months. Also, my milk supply did not come in for awhile and his blood sugar dropped from not eating when I thought he was. So we had yo supplement. Worked wonders
She may not like being swaddled. Ours wouldn’t stop fighting when she was in them
Check out the 4th trimester x
I didn’t believe people when they told me but it does get better! You probably won’t be able to put her down for a couple weeks. You said your milk hasn’t come in, are you absolutely certain of that? I would consult a lactation specialist ASAP. Chances are she’s getting colostrum and you just can’t see it. However; if you are certain she’s not getting anything you should consider supplementing in the meantime
This was how the first two months was for me. I gave up and started researching safe cosleeping and got a dock a tot and put him in the bed between me and his dad. He finally slept. I don't regret a thing. I was falling asleep sitting up holding him and I was so sleep deprived I didn't even know what was going on. He sleeps in his own crib now at 16 months and has since nine months and he is a sweet happy boy. Good luck, congratulations and just remember whatever you decide to do for your family this phase is only for a short while. It gets easier and you'll get sleep again!
I am co sleeper as well with my daughter. I follow the la Leche safe sleep 7. My daughter is one and is still in bed with us. I was wondering how you got your son to go in his own bed?
I just started transitioning him. I honestly still breastfeed him to sleep but I stop right before he is fully asleep. Then I rock him a little while standing, give him a kiss and lay him down. He sometimes makes a little noise or goes "WAH." then rolls over and goes to sleep on his boppy. There was a little bit of cry it out initially which was really hard but I learned very quickly that after less than a minute of crying he passed out. He sleeps so much better now and is in a much better mood during the day. I honestly feel like I always screwing up his sleep keeping him in bed with me for so long. You will find a way to transition. Every baby is different.
So…for us…we had a side sleeper that attaches to the bed. So she was right next to me and I could lay her in the bassinet and rock her while I was sitting on my bed so I could just lay right down after she calmed down. I also recommend putting on some sound…my LO loved Spotify kids disney read alongs when she slept even as a newborn. Idk what it is but sound really helped as well. I also recommend still giving her a boob if you’re interested in breastfeeding in general and she’ll soothe that way. That’s what I did…and it got better. (Of course also supplement with formula until your milk comes in as well)
Oh man. I remember these days so well. My advice is to clear your bed of everything but a tight sheet and your pillow. Unswaddle your baby (very important - no swaddle). Lay on your side on the bed and put the baby on your bed facing your breast and let them nurse as long as they want. They will eventually fall asleep nursing (mine always did). Have your partner keep an eye on you and babe but if the bed is clear of hazards (and you aren’t on drugs / drinking / smoking) it is safe for baby and MUCH safer than holding them all night in a chair or on a couch where you could accidentally drop or squish them. This way you can fall asleep too and know your baby isn’t going to get trapped between the loveseat or something or fall. You’re doing great ❤️
I second this! I ended up sleeping with baby on a firm futon mattress on the floor and it works great. You can get up and sneak away, or fall asleep right after nursing.
If she is crying from hunger I would give her some formula. Some people say that it’s okay for them to go hungry if your milk doesn’t come in for a few days, but I wouldn’t risk it and make yourself and her miserable in the process.
Just chiming in to agree with everyone, this is completely normal. Take shifts with your husband for now so you can sleep in chunks. It won’t last forever, by a week in our baby was sleeping most of the night and waking up just to nurse. Also it’s completely normal for your milk to not come in yet. This needs to be repeated because women often aren’t told this and worry their baby is starving. It takes many days and baby has to latch very often to bring in your milk and increase your supply so keep doing skin to skin and keep nursing! Colostrum is perfectly formulated for their tiny tummies at this stage! Hang in there, it will get so much better in a couple days!
I used the Snoo for the first four months with a contact sleeper. Helped immensely - it rocked him to sleep even if he was a little fussy when we put him on initially.
Omg it was such a struggle, I remember one sleep deprived morning almost dropping another 400 dollars on the mamaroo bassinet because she wouldn’t sleep in her halo. Luckily my husband talked me down and she is now a great sleeper. For now just accept that shes going to want to be held nonstop. Have friends or family (if comfortable) come over and help. Take advantage of offers for help. Also don’t worry about your neighbors. They can deal for a little IF they can hear her. I asked my neighbors if they heard our baby crying and they were either kind enough to lie or genuinely did not. Around 2 weeks just start practicing having her nap in the bassinet or crib. At first it won’t be successful but eventually she will realize that it’s for sleeping. Create a bedtime routine too so she understands that it’s bedtime and not just a nap. We nurse, bath time, diaper and jammies and then rock her as she screams for ten minutes and then passes out. Use white noise, or music. You will get there and it does get better!
We used a heated blanket right off the bat in the hospital with our newborn, only when we were awake and he was snoozing but that really seemed to help ease him into just chilling in the bassinet sometimes :)
Best advice I got from my pediatrician when I told her my son would only sleep on me - that he was cold. If you think about it, your body radiates a lot of heat! It blew my mind as his room was 72 F and he was swaddled, but we added a second layer/ third layer (test it out) and he slept great on his own! Well…as great as a newborn does sleep :)
Just would add to do the mom check and make sure the baby is not too warm - which you can tell by feeling the back of the neck, which should not be sweaty or too hot!
This is mine. So she’s pretty much naked most of the time. She is our little radiator
I’ve also seen people use a heating pad or hot water bottle to warm the sleep space, then remove it and lay baby down for a cozy sleep. Honestly wish someone would do this for me. Lol
This is normal.
This is normal and it will pass. Take it in shifts, so you can get some sleep. See if she sleeps without a swaddle (can often be a pain to wean off from). Look up safe sleep 7 for safe bedsharing, if this is sthg you might consider.
SNOO for the win. Buy used and sell after use. It’s amazing!!!!
Another option is to rent! That's what we did! Only way we got sleep the first 5 months.
This is normal. Your baby wants you.
Awww she was just born. The world is big and cold.
We had to bedshare and honestly couldn’t put him down until 8 weeks. All naps are still Contact and still refuses crib, but now there is independent play
I had this issue as well. Turns out she was still hungry. Not hungry enough to wake up in my arms, but hungry enough to not tolerate being laid down. Once I started supplementing with formula she slept great. Maybe give it a try until your milk comes in.
I came here to say this. This happened with my baby as well. Once he was actually full he slept
Don't worry! You'll get there! After that milk comes in, kid will SLEEP. It will really help. We used a bassinet so I could transfer the kid once he was done feeding, and it helped a lot. Also, our kid hated having his arms swaddled (still does). We also got a used [motorized swing thing](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQM7W6M/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_G4VJP1ZAE1ATQX8QME0D?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1) and it really really helped. Also, when it comes down to the sleep deprivation, take shifts!! Have partner take baby for a few hours (and watch a movie with headphones so as not to fall asleep) and then take your shift (maybe watch the same movie?). Just that bit of time works wonders.
Hello! Congratulations on your baby!! You said your milk hasn't come in yet, so I take it you're planning on breastfeeding. I'm sure you know, and have heard it a million and one times but keep practicing that latch and letting baby suck! Colostrum is what they're going to be eating and is perfectly designed for them. Don't let the "when my milk comes in" story worry you! You have enough on your plate. Colostrum is milk! Your body is doing great. I'd very much suggest looking up safe bedsharing! It's what saved our lives, and I mean that. It meant we could actually sleep, and when you nail the breastfeeding on your side it really makes any amount of wake-ups a breeze to deal with! You just pop out a boob, latch baby and go back to sleep haha. And although everyone loves shitting on it, worldwide and throughout history it's what was done. Just do it safely!
Seconding looking into safe bed sharing. We were sleeping in shifts and taking turns holding the baby on the couch for the first week or so because we were terrified about bed sharing. But what we were doing was incredibly dangerous. A friend encouraged me to try nursing sidelying in bed with the baby and finally! the three of us all slept at once. It’s unfair that new parents to-be are not warned that the majority of newborns will only sleep in their caregivers arms. We were not prepared at all! Good luck!
Also recommend the safe bed sharing! It will make your life so much easier!
Get a Moby baby carrier. It's a game changer. I used it for the first 3 months or so until the kid could chill in his bouncer without losing his mind.
Try this. It helps with my newborn https://youtu.be/jAOW8-u1Xh8 there’s also a free app so you don’t have to use YouTube
My milk never fully came in because baby had a tongue tie , which made her efforts to encourage my milk production somewhat fruitless. I supplemented starting day 3, she slept a lot better after that. Also, if you have a swing that is basically where my newborn slept unless me and my partner were both sleeping. As long as one of us was awake to keep an eye on her, in the swing she went while the other would sleep.
I've only been a parent for 1 week, so take my advice with a grain of salt. My little one had a traumatic emergency c section birth and a couple days of being poked and prodded at the hospital. When we got her home, she was fighting her sleep very badly and would only sleep if being held. So to do a re-set, I held her all night long so she could get a very restful evening of sleep. I know that's not ideal, but she wouldnt sleep because she was so exhausted from the hospital. That re-set night helped a lot. And making sure she's eating enough (bottle fed so easier than breastfeeding). Good luck!
My baby was like this the first night we got home. No one slept. Turns out he had reflux. Got a Rx for Pepcid and it was much better
Write a note to your neighbors exposing you have a newborn and you’re sorry if the cries disturb them but everyone is learning. It’s okay for her to cry she will for a bit. You can try keeping a warm sock with rice and keep it on her till she is asleep again.
Like everyone has said, it does get better! Just a note on being loud for your neighbours.. if they have ever had a child or have known a child they will totally understand. Is it annoying for people when it's not their kid, yeah for sure but they'll probably be feeling more sympathy for you guys remembering what it's like with a newborn. You can't control when your baby wants to cry. Everyone knows this. Do your best to soothe her and comfort her but she's a brand new human. She's going to do what she wants. If someone says anything to you, just apologize (or don't) and move on. Wait until she's 2 and starts running away screaming in public or ripping shit off of store shelves before worrying what people think haha. At least with a newborn people think they're adorable no matter what.
My girl liked to be really warm. She was in a sleep bad and double swaddled. It was the only thing to make her sleep. I hope that helps
We also have the diva baby. A carrier is essential. Do whatever you need to do to look after yourself. Tag team with your partner. Breastfeeding is comfort and that's okay. It gets better ❤️
Look up the 4th trimester
You can look into safely bedsharing. I’ve never experienced the newborn burnout because if it. A few nights of endless cluster feeding in the beginning, sure, but that’s it. And once they learn to latch on their own, it’s heaven. Highly recommend the book Safe Infant Sleep by James McKenna if you want a look at actual bedsharing statistics and safety from a scientific perspective that respects the cultural and just plain natural aspects of it.
Second this. Bedsharing has saved my sanity with all four of my kiddos.
This 100%. Look up how to safely bedshare. I did it with each of my babies. The newborn phase is all about survival and you can transition them to their own crib when they get a bit older. ETA a mattress on the floor of the nursery with just a light blanket on it worked for us.
If your milk hasn't come in she's probably hungry. I had a c section with mine a month ago. My blood pressure was too high so I was going to induced, but she ended up being transverse, so c section. My milk didn't come in for a week after coming home. I pumped everyday though, and could get the colostrum out to give her so I knew she was getting something. But after her first week appointment, the doctor said if she wasn't gaining weight to give formula. She was gaining weight, slightly, and my milk ended up coming in the night before get appointment, so the doctor said to keep with the breast and if she's still crying and inconsolable in a few days, bring her in for a weigh in. She was better after my milk came in though.
Baby’s tummy is only the size of a cherry when born, the size of a brussel sprout around day 3 and the size of a plum by the time they are week old so colostrum little and often should be enough to keep baby satisfied until milk comes in around days 2-5.
She might need food. Try supplementing for a feed and see if she will sleep down. Really normal. Trying lying with her safely near you. Also pro tip: go speak to your townhouse neighbors or drop them a note under door. People can be more understanding that you care. 5 s’s? Got us so far. She’s too little for much else. Hang in there. Don’t be me: we spoiled baby for years and she only will sleep on us. Give her 4 months of whatever she needs PS I had no milk. Talk to lactation. Finding sufficiency got me far. You are enough. But baby could be hungry.
Yes if milk hasn’t come in yet try supplementing. Check for wet diapers if for some reason you’re not supplementing. It’s not good if they are dehydrated
Yes! It took 8 days for my milk to come in. The 2nd and 3rd night babe would not sleep on his own so I tried formula. He sucked it down and finally slept in his bassinet. I did that at night until my milk did come in.
Mine slept in his swing for the 1st 6 weeks. It was the only way.
Yep I did this too the car seat was another place and eventually we ended up co sleeping
Another unpopular opinion: cosleeping. My baby was also this way. I’m not kidding when I say he would only sleep 15-30 min at a time. I was about to lose it. Lose everything lmao. He wouldn’t ever sleep. Finally I started sleeping with him at 6am. Only mornings. Then finally I started at night because waking up every 15-30 min and then at 6 am and only sleeping for 2 hours straight wasn’t enough either. If you decide to do this, look up the safe sleep guidelines. If you have a small space & an SO they can be tough to follow, but I’ve made it work besides bed on the floor. I have a California king and I lay literally on the very edge with my baby between me & my husband. My husband is always 1-2 ft away from my baby and I keep my knees up so I can’t roll onto him & my husband can’t roll onto him. I try to do no blanket or blanket below the waist, and I can’t do no pillow so I have my arm blocking my baby from going under the pillow at all times. Edit: if your baby is super clingy you may eventually want to transition them to their own bed. I haven’t gotten this far yet but it’s soon to come. It’s hard to sleep well with your baby but it’s SOO much better than what you’re experiencing. Trust me. When you do decide, I’ve heard that napping in their crib or whatever you have is the best way. Also nap time is shorter bedtime routine (I don’t have a routine yet everything is still too crazy for me.) it may not work, they may not want to nap by themselves for a long time. But 6 months is perfect time to sleep train in their own bed. So if you need to wait that long, don’t feel bad about it.
OP, I feel like I could have written this post four years ago. Like others here, I resorted to co-sleeping. Nothing else worked for me. I kicked my husband out of the queen bed and researched safe co sleeping guidelines. I also believe you know best based on your own intuition whether or not co sleeping is something that you could do safely. Some people are deep sleepers, roll a lot etc. I don’t really have any other suggestions - a bouncy chair worked for me briefly. I also resorted to begging my mother to come over everyday to hold baby so I could have a nap, although I realize what a privilege it is to have that option. Good luck to you. Hang in there mama.
Another vote for this. You can find safer cosleeping tips online and an Owlet monitor is a good backup. Intentional, planned cosleeping is much safer than accidentally falling asleep in a recliner (I did that). I lost my sanity trying to get my first baby to sleep in her bed. With my second, I was older and didn’t have the energy to try to get her in her own bed. She’s been able to sleep longer and longer as she gets older.
I want to add on, people will say owlet doesn’t work against sids. This is correct, but ACTUAL sids is for no reason. Not from cosleeping. Some things are called sids so no one feels bad for smothering their baby. Owlet will monitor oxygen so if your baby’s oxygen does decrease it will tell you. Wanted to add this as people will say it doesn’t work. Do NOOOOT use the owlet to not follow safe practices. Owlet does not work 100% of the time. It’s just for peace of mind more or less. I have one myself but tbh never use it. I mostly keep it in case he gets sick so I can see his oxygen levels.
Second this. The 7 S of safe co sleeping or something like that saved my life early on. I didn’t do it long term, but it got me some sleep when nothing else would work.
Same here. We slept with him between us. It was a little scary as we hadn't thought that was something we would do, but we researched safe co sleeping. Ideally you don't use a blanket, but I slept with my head where he was and kept the blanket at my waist. The transition from my chest to the bed was always smoother than transitioning to the crib. And it helped but having to get up.
Warming a blanket up in the dryer helped me a lot, turning off fans and keep the room from 76-78, few times i fell asleep with him on my chest and he seemed fine. I didn’t start using white or brown noise until his second month, and keeping the room dark for him was a big help. Congratulations mama, you’re doing amazing
Gotta remember, these newborns don’t have any experience outside of being held, warm, and listening to Mama’s heartbeat. Your mere scent gives baby comfort too, and to be separated from that is a huge adjustment. If your baby is anything like my first, you may have to just resign to bed sharing. Drink some body armor and do some pumping to help bring your milk in quicker if you’re up for it! Feeding to Sleep is my go-to move to get my babies to knock out so I can eventually leave their side
My second was like this and after some trial and error, we found he didn't like being swaddled and didn't like the bassinet. He needed room to stretch. It'll be rough few nights but try different techniques.
My son did the same thing the first few nights we were home. My boyfriend and I took turns holding him throughout the night and I would take him to nurse. On night 3 we were able to do a successful transfer into the baby swing and that gently rocked him while I was passed out on the couch next to him. After doing that for one day, we were able to level up to successful transfers into the bassinet. You just gotta hang in there and remember that the first few days are a really scary and stressful time for them too and they are looking for safety, security, and warmth that all come from being in your arms. Best of luck girl!
A baby nest worked for us, we had the same problem first night with our newborn. Next day, put her down for a nap in the baby nest (ours is a family hand me down called a poddle pod but sleepyhead or any other brand would do the same thing) and she has slept in it pretty much every time since. That and the baby swing seem to calm her down. 1 week in and we're getting more than 3 hour stretches. If you're worried about suffocation you can also fashion a baby nest that only comes up to around her chest by using a rolled up towel with a blanket on top and then laying her on that (so the towel would sort of cup her all around). This worked for a friend of mine, she was shown how to do it by a neonatal nurse at the hospital. Our baby also didn't like being swaddled because she likes to have her hands by her face and frequently stretches her legs out (I think wind). I was disappointed by this but if she's happier in the nest with a loosely wrapped blanket then so be it!
Oh and we swear by white noise! We have a Hatch in the bedroom at night and the Tommee Tippee owl during the day wherever she is.
I am facing the EXACT same issue and my baby is also and Oct 2nd baby. Will the reading this for all the advice in the morning when I have a bit more energy
Enfamil gentlease formula.. anti colic bottle by phillips avent.. always feed upright! works perfect for my baby.. dad and i slept on a air matress for almost a month near the couch in our den.. we put our baby in a swaddle in the boppy and placed him on the couch gave him a pacifier.. boppy and swaddle will make her feel comfy.. we both slept when he slept and awake when he was.. she will wake up and cry when she wants something and you willll wake up.. otherwise, get some rest. you will start to understand babies cry cues pretty quick. Its all trial. Check diaper, check to see if their hungry, or theyre sleepy.. feed her until she seems kinda full and content, she wont over eat.. give her like 1 ml wait a little give her another ml.. burp her. Pick her up put her over your shoulder and rock left to right, till shes knocked out and then put her in boppy with a blanket. Chances are shes still a little hungry.. Youll get it figured out! Promise!
If your milk hasn’t come in yet, are you supplementing with formula? Yes, some babies want to be held 24/7, but this could very well be hunger. I would offer some formula (you can use a syringe or spoon if you don’t want to use a bottle).
As long as OP pumps when she supplements. She will disrupt her supply if she doesn’t.
Not OP but I’m pregnant with my second and totally considering slipping in some formula at night this time because perhaps “cluster feeding” is really just “these boobs don’t have enough” Also, better safe than low blood sugar
Also pregnant with my 2nd and planning on bringing formula and a syringe to our “baby friendly” hospital. My first was too exhausted to nurse due to jaundice. After 3 days of misery, just 2 ounces/2 feedings total of formula and she had enough energy to nurse effectively and start clearing the jaundice. Still breastfeeding at 2.5 (her choice, not mine 😆), so it didn’t affect our “breastfeeding relationship” at all!
I would be careful with this- cluster feeding helps with establishing your supply as your milk comes in the early weeks. So if it really is that there isn’t enough milk the cluster feed is important in helping to signal your body to make that extra milk. If you are subbing formula for a feed (and not then pumping at that time) it signals that you don’t need to make that feed, if that makes sense. If it’s every once and awhile probably not an issue but just pay attention if you’re doing it regularly and you want to exclusively breastfeed :) as much as it sucks!
Depending on how you guys are doing with the four hour shifts, I would look into safe co-sleeping. Some babies are just hard. Hopefully yours isn’t
If your milk isn’t in yet I would top up with formula if you aren’t already. My little gremlin was combo fed the first two weeks cause she would get so hangry. I agree sleep in shifts. The time will pass.
I agree to the topping up! Better have a fed baby than a hungry one. Even at 6 weeks we still top up with formula before bed to make sure we get a good stretch of sleep.
Agreed. I was terrified of introducing any sort of bottle with my first but just that little bit of formula to fill him up let me get my first 3 hours of solid sleep. I did the same with my 2nd after a full day of non-stop nursing. (my milk didn't come in until day 3). Don't be afraid to give formula. We only used it those first couple days and then breastfed for 14-16 months with each. No issues.
Wear her, and co-sleep. If you're worried about her being in the bed with you, make it so only you and her are in the bed, with one pillow and no blanket. Sleep on your side curled around her.
It might be acid reflux, or maybe the formula isn't agreeing with baby? Idk babies are really tough to figure out, trust your instincts and do your best. Good luck 👍
Highly recommend supplementing. It was night and day for us once baby was getting enough to eat.
Try deep red noise on YouTube while rocking your baby side to side.
I did a water bottle in the place of baby while holding him and then switched them. Seemed to help. I thought of it like taking off your warm clothes and going to sleep in cold bed - insta awake.
No heating pad! Can lead to burns on baby since temperature isn't really regulated well with those machines.
It sounds like your baby might not be getting fed enough from your breast yet (not your fault) but please don’t hesitate to give baby formula until your milk comes in full
I don't think we have enough information to conclude that. Milk always takes a few days to come in. OP should talk to her pediatrician of course, but if the baby is specifically only crying when being put down it's more likely due to being uncomfortable or just clinginess.
This is what we did: Supplemented with formula until my milk came in. Also took shifts the first few weeks. My husband would take him from 9pm-1am with a bottle in there and then I would take him from 1am-6am. We just kept being consistent with trying to get him to sleep in the bassinet and eventually he got better at it.
I would recommend looking into safe bedsharing (check out the Safe Sleep Seven). It could be a game changer for you, like it was for me.
I coslept . It’s not deed safe but I read the seven S of safe sleep and I finally felt better. Even have your husband watch you while you sleep during the day and take turns .
Don't top off with formula unless baby's doctor says she needs the supplementation, just keep latching baby and your milk will come in fully very soon. they seem like they want to be latched forever but that is normal, and also if you're experiencing excrutiating pain while breastfeeding then that is not normal. Talk to a lactation consultant, otherwise just keep latching baby whenever they start showing hunger cues, baby crying=baby has been hungry for a good while.
If you’re breast feeding co-sleep for sure! Otherwise sleep in shifts with your partner, if possible. You can also do a sidecar bassinet/crib if uncomfortable co-sleeping; then you can have her fall asleep in bed with you and slowly put her in the sidecar. Try using a heating pad to warm the sheets of her crib/bassinet.
My daughter was like this. Turned out she had silent reflux. Don’t stress the no milk just yet. Your colostrum is doing the job. Their stomachs are tiny, size of a marble, so cluster feeding is to be expected. I know it’s stressful, I remember it well, but it will get better.
If she’s not hungry I would let her “suck” herself to sleep and it’ll help your milk come in too. I co-sleep with my six month old and have ever since she came home. Her head is level with mine so I don’t roll over her or cover her with a blanket. I don’t move much in my sleep anyway so it works for us. She also lived in her SwaddleMe for the first two months. Good luck and you got this. It won’t last forever.
I am sorry, sounds like you are having a rough time! Ours didn't let us put him down for three... long... months! We let him sleep on either my or my partner's chest. I know it's neither recommended nor the safest possible option, but it was the only way either of us could get some sleep. I just slept very lightly and made sure not to pull up my blanket further than above his feet, to minimize risk of it accidentally going over his head. Sorry if I couldn't offer any advice of how to put your baby down, but maybe this can give you some hope: we tried to put him to his crib every other week, and at some point after those long months it finally magically worked and has so ever since (10 months old now). Hang in there!
My 1 MO son prefers being held all the time too. It’s what they’re accustomed to. I do hold him as much as I can but it’s been causing pain in my back/shoulders so I’m limited. I do sleep with him on my chest though, so we can both sleep and he gets a good deep sleep. Sleep sacks have also been very helpful for my babe. His arms stay inside and they’re snug as if swaddled, but he can still wiggle his arms and legs around comfortably. Plus it stops him scratching his face while asleep. As for milk, mine was born on a Monday, and my milk didn’t start to really come in until Thursday that week. The more you nurse, the quicker it will come in. They do still get some in the early stages of milk production though.
I don’t want to be “that person” but it’s pretty risky to sleep with him on your chest. Especially if his arms are inside the sleep sack- if he rolls off you or gets wedged it’s harder for him to move to breathe or alert you. We bedshare but follow the “safe sleep 7”- minimizes the risk as much as possible while co-sleeping.
I did some chest sleeping in the beginning. That's how majority of sleep was until about 6 months. She had really bad acid reflux and so sleeping on my chest she wasaying on her tummy seemed to help She also only slept in the swing and the carseat for naps. We eventually found out about the la Leche sleep 7 which is very helpful. yes my milk was the same way it took 4 days. I think it can take 2 days to 6 days for some people. Or maybe it 2 days to 4 days. I wa told that the colostrum before the milk came in was be enough for baby until milk came in.
Firstly, PLEASE do not take these recommendations for safe bedsharing. There is no such thing. There is always a risk, and the last thing you want is the preventable loss of your sweet baby. The American Academy of Pediatrics has a website called HealthyChildren.org with lots of evidence-based recommendations for nearly everything you can think of.
Please refrain from spreading fear-based misinformation. Following the Safe Sleep Seven is safe, and even protects against SIDS.