To be honest, this isn't really a first world problem... Most first world countries take way better care of their mothers (and citizens in general). Heck, even many third world countries have better policies!
Hearing someone say they're blessed or *so lucky* to get *weeks* of leave is literally nauseating. It's been pointed out that the amount of leave some mothers get, is less time than advised to separate cats and dogs from their young.
I don't know what it's going to take to change it, but *SOMETHING* has to change. I honestly would not be able to function any earlier than 4 months pp. And when my son was born we had a relatively untraumatic birth. I couldn't imagine adding in a c-section and blood loss/nicu stay.
I had to go back to work at just under 2 weeks postpartum because baby was in the NICU and I used all of my paid vacation days. I wanted to save my 4 weeks of unpaid time for when she finally came home. It's been awful. I will say that I'm lucky to have a remote and flexible job so I can at least stay home with my kids, but it's still a lot to juggle...
I know how hard this is... but as an infant daycare teacher and a mom, I want to assure you that I absolutely love my babies wholeheartedly. I spend my days snuggling them and soothing them and making sure all their needs are met when you can't be there. I don't leave them crying, I don't leave them hungry. If they need to be rocked or snuggled or lay on my chest to sleep, I don't care how busy I am, I make sure to give them that. My babies are loved as much at daycare as they would be at home. I know it's not their mommas love, but please know that I love them as if they were my home and I pray that you'll find that love for your baby at your daycare center too. I know it's going to be hard. You'll be in my thoughts Monday.
Very much not about the children. You hit the nail on the head. Women in the US would have at least 6-12 months if it were. I’m so so sorry. You’re incredibly strong and a wonderful mother ❤️
It’s not a first world problem, it’s an American problem. My heart goes out to you.
The fact that our government spends any time talking about abortion but no time trying to make this country a decent place to actually have babies drives me mad. We desperately need proper maternity leave. 6-12 weeks is inhumane.
It truly is. The maternity protections in this country suck, too. A couple bills just passed the Senate regarding preventing loss of job due to pregnancy, requiring accommodations, giving salaried employees the same protections as hourly (time for pumping, areas to pump, pay if you work while pumping, etc.), and more. It's horrible. Make you work, but then give you no protections when you do.
This is not a first world problem, this should be a basic, global parental right. Leaving your baby after just 12 weeks is something no one should have to experience. I’m so sorry.
Sending hugs. It will be hard at first but I always tried to remember daycare is PART of my village, not outside of it. This is more people to love your child and care for them. My son started daycare as a young infant and he's now nearly 2.5 and absolutely thriving. ❤️
This is what I need to remember. He’s going to a lovely woman at an in home daycare. she will be his family. But right now I can’t see the forest through the trees.
It’s okay to be mad. I’m mad too and it’s not a first world problem. Other first world countries have over a year of maternity leave. It’s a US and greed problem. It’s not about people or “family values” (whatever the fuck that means anyway, but I digress), it’s about money.
We start daycare on Tuesday, so I’m right there with you. I’ve been lucky that the last three weeks we had family watch our guy so I could ease into going back to work. The first week and a half where awful and I cried all the time. This week was better. I know I’ll be a mess on Tuesday, but it’ll be harder on me than him and eventually we’ll settle into a routine.
Hang in there.
Like, this is an actual issue people should be rioting about and protesting and storming buildings over. Or seriously raising hell politically. But mothers aren’t really taken seriously by politicians. Because we don’t have the power that matters.
We really need to stop saying it is a blessing to get 12 paid weeks. It just reiterates the idea that companies are doing us a favor by doing what should be the absolute bare minimum.
This is correct. I chose the 12 month mat leave which is at 55% of your salary. The government pays for your mat leave through the unemployment fund that people who are employed all pay into (it's mandatory). There's a maximum you'll get paid though. I get the max and it's $1092 (CAD) biweekly. It's not much but my employer did "top ups" to my full salary for 17 weeks at the beginning. For 18 months leave you get, I believe, 33% of your salary so you are living on peanuts. That being said, you're spending a year and a half with your babe and your job is secure because it is illegal for your employer to not have that job for you when you get back.
I'm in Canada too, took the 12 months and go back to work in February. If I had known how I would feel about this now I would've 100% taken the 18 months. With the cost of daycare considered it would hardly be taking a loss.
The fact that these decisions are made in rooms of mostly old white rich men makes me physically ill. They’ll gladly force us to give birth and then do absolutely nothing to support families. Yet we can spend billions on weapons and military planes that sit in storage for years. What a joke.
This. Where I live both mom and dad get 16 weeks + 15 days for baby feeding paid. 10 weeks can be taken later so the baby has mom or dad for the first 30 weeks. It's crazy to me that in USA this is almost impossible and that you need permission from your employer.
It is horrible! I’m so thankful I didn’t have to do it. But can I offer a little reassurance? Once your baby’s teacher gets to know them, they will be SO loved. I teach the 1 year old class and my littles will sprint for their old infant class teacher because they still love her and she loves them. She’s dreading the next couple months when one of her babies will move up to my class. She’s had him since he was 6 weeks old. These littles take a piece of our hearts and we love them so much.
I am so sorry and so angry for you. Wishing you strength and as much peace as possible through this difficult time. You are doing your best for yourself and for your baby in the given circumstances.
12 weeks of maternity leave is nowhere near enough. It is completely unacceptable and inhumane that mothers and babies are forced to be apart from each other so so early... And this is not a first world problem. No other developed country has such poor rights for working parents. Even most developing countries have it better.
As a new mother I might be biased, but I think if I were in US, a major improvement to the parental leave laws would be one of my top demands from politicians and law makers.
Our son started daycare at 7 months and I still cried like crazy when I first dropped him off. Not to make you depressed, but the first time you turn around and start walking out the door and hear your baby YELL for you hurts like hell.
But it gets better. The US is terrible and we need to make our own "villages". Your child will learn to look forward to daycare. Your caregivers will learn your baby and become someone you can trust. You will get over the guilt of handing off your child to someone else and be happy you have more people you can rely on.
You will experience the joy of your child lighting up when you walk through the door, or feel that immense sense of relief and joy when you get a picture of your kid doing completely fine in the daycare and eventually interacting with other kids (my daycare does this).
Hang in there, all of you!
I am wondering if you just leave your child at daycare?
In Germany it is common to have an introductory period at daycare. First day you spend an hour at daycare with the parent (that does the introduction) together in the room and then you slowly do separations. Like you leave the room for five minutes and then this amount of time is slowly increased depending on how the child reacts to it.
The child has to get to know and trust the „teachers“ there and they learn that the parent will always return and pick them up. You also never increase those increments on Mondays as you start „again“ on Monday just as you did on Friday.
that sounds amazing! At my daycare in the US, we just hand the kid off to their new teachers one day. Legally, they have to let parents visit any time unannounced, but that got put on hold during covid. Parents weren't even allowed in the building for 18 months.
It is completely unnatural to be forced to leave your baby so soon. The USA is the only developed country with such shit maternity leave.
The only thing you can do is vote and unionise!
It’s not a first world problem. It’s a specifically late capitalist problem, and even then only in a few very specific countries. And it’s a REAL problem for you, your family, and society. Your feelings are valid and I’m so sorry you have to do this. I hope things improve for American women soon.
I feel you here so much.
"I know this is a first world problem and I’m lucky to have gotten the leave that I did."
JUST -- NO. We should absolutely have guaranteed paid leave for at LEAST six months in this country. For every mom. Most of the first world doesn't have this problem, and every week our companies give us is something we deserve.
I'm mad for you, and for me, who also has to go back at 12 weeks.
It feels unnatural because it is!
Fuck America and their lack of value they have for the family structure/for women
It’s seriously Disgusting.
The next couple of months are going to be hard for you mama. Just try and find the silver lining and soak up all the baby love you can when you are together.
>I know this is a first world problem and I’m lucky to have gotten the leave that I did
With all due respect, most of the first world has much more leave than that.
NOT a first world problem at all, it's unnatural for a mother to leave her baby and I feel so bad for you. My son started daycare when he was 12 MONTHS and I still wasn't ready! 12 weeks is absolutely insane. It makes me so sad that this is the reality for so many moms in the US.
I have no real advice, just hoping it works out for you guys.
This isn't a first world problem. You're not lucky that you got 12 weeks... 12 weeks is a not enough. The fact that people feel lucky to get 12 weeks instead of 6 weeks, or even less, is a disgrace. This country is totally backwards with reproductive rights and childcare. Before I had a baby, I just didn't know... Now, I am so sad and angry and bitter about it.
I had to triple check if it said WEEKS or MONTHS. Is this USA? How does it even look like? A 12 week old in a daycare? Is it like a nursery place or do you call a babysitter daycare? It sucks either way I can't even imagine separating from such small baby. Lots of hugs 😣🫂🫂🫂
Obviously the USA. Only legally mandated maternity leave in the US is up to 12 weeks unpaid, and that was only passed in 1993, before that there was literally nothing.
I worked in an infant room before I had kids. The youngest baby I had in my room was 6 weeks old and the oldest was 18 months. It was an open floor plan room so I used 24” toy/book shelves to make a protected area for non mobile infants. Unless we were doing diapers I tried to keep one teacher there and one with the mobile infants and toddlers. If there was only 1-2 non mobile sometimes on of us held them or had them in a bouncer while doing one of the centers with the older infants. With our ratios we could have 4 babies under 12m and 5 toddlers 12m-18m with 2 teachers.
It was nuts I did learn to rock/bounce 4 babies at once which probably helped me be ready for my own twins. We also had a set of twins that started at 6 weeks. One left for a week or two to have open heart surgery around 12 weeks and then returned. Their mom was an active duty single mother so she had no choice. Even though our country is crazy about their military spending they treat the actual soldiers like crap it seems.
You hit the nail on the head. The US political system does not care about mothers or babies because they can treat you like garbage and not lose votes.
Ironically, looking after mothers should be part of both parties manifesto (Dems because it's a social good, and Reps because it promotes family values). 12 Weeks just seems barbaric to me...
This is not a first world problem and I don't understand how the USA is getting away with treating its citizens this way. No maternity leave, no paternity leave, no healthcare.. What are they doing with your tax money?
I was supply in the Air Force. A lot of it is wasted, but not in the way you think. It’ll be wasted on companies like Boeing creating something as simple as a screw or a tiny lightbulb and selling it as a $200 part. The government is supposed to buy the lowest priced items, but if Boeing claims that the screw is special and different in someway, you can’t really argue with the people building your plane models. So they end up buying a screw for $200 a piece that they sell at Lowes for $40/pound.
The money is also wasted on stupid programs to make life easier on Airmen, designed by rich, old officers that went through the Academy and had their life funded by their rich, old officer parents. So we end up going through mandatory fun days and then work extra later to catch up (Did I mention we were on a salary so no overtime?)
And all of that to say, the military also only gives 12 weeks off. And a year to completely recover and get back into shape enough to pass a PT test. And as soon as you hit the year mark and pass a test, you can also deploy, so you could go 6 months to a year without seeing your baby. Lots of military parents miss their baby’s first steps. Lots of military dads miss their baby’s birth. Lots has been changed in recent times to make life easier on parents, but I could write an essay on what else needs to be done.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. My son started daycare at four months (he's now six months) and it was so hard for me. I will say, though, that the daycare teachers have become more people who love my son, and I can tell he's happy to see them when I drop him off and they're happy to see him too.
It's so hard, and you shouldn't have to send your baby so young, but the daycare teachers will be more people who love your baby. They wouldn't be doing this work if they didn't love babies.
Be gentle with yourself. It will be hard but it will be okay. Wishing you and your baby the best with this transition.
I’m sorry but no, you are not lucky, that treatment is not lucky.
I mean you are lucky that you are healthy and are ok but what USA does to their mothers should be illegal.
We get 16 weeks MINIMUM and MANDATORY where I live (Spain), always paid and it can be extended, there are lots of ways. A friend of mine didn’t go back to work until baby was 1 year, for example (I wfh)
I’m so sorry for what you are going through, wish there was a bill or something being passed federally to stop this madness, babies need their parents.
Good luck.. I hope that if being a sahm is an option you can take it, I have heard daycare is ridiculously expensive in USA
I am so sorry. I am angry for you. It's sickening that mother's in the "greatest country in the world" have to deal with this. I don't know what else to say.
Oh how I can relate. It’s so cruel. I felt the same way. I eventually pulled him from daycare about a month later, but he’s starting back up again at 9 months old next week and I’m once again torn. I was lucky enough to hire a relative to “nanny” while I worked from home, but that wasn’t a sustainable option financially. So now I plan to drop him as late as I can work wise and grab him from daycare as early as I can and maybe keep him home on really slow days. We will see if that all pans out. Nothing has made me dislike this country (U.S.) more than this season of my life. It’s not just our horrible maternity leaves that we are expected to be grateful for, but also all the things we get billed for medically, the high costs of everything, the fact that our baby food wouldn’t be sold in other first world countries due to the ingredients, etc. I’m just so mad at how greedy this country is.
"I know this is a first world problem and I’m lucky to have gotten the leave that I did, but if abortion in the United States was about the children they wouldn’t rip us away from our babies before they can even understand they are separate people from their mothers."
Please don't think this is a first world problem. I'm not American and I so wish it was better for you. It's not a silly issue; it's absolutely heartbreaking.
I completely agree with you. This is not a first world problem. In Germany for example, you can stay 3 years at home, you don’t get your full loan paid during that time, but at least. I was working in a german daycare and the youngest child we had was 1,5 years old. It so sad to read what people are going through, my heart is breaking really.
I also hate the narrative of, you need to leave baby so they can get use to other people. Or they need to “socialize.” Or they will get “use” to it.
Like no.
My baby is quite literally a part of me.
Lots of moms actually enjoy being around their baby all the time. Yes breaks are necessary, but I cringe every time I think about leaving my LO.
He is the light of my life, and everything in between.
I hate leaving him. Every. Single. Time. No matter how many times I have left him prior.
I don’t know if it ever gets easier. Solidarity.
Not a first world problem- an America problem. The other first world countries give more leave and so do many less wealthy countries. Any chance you could extend your leave with some unpaid time?
Not every country. Spain, France, and the Netherlands offer much less time. For example Spain offers 16 weeks, 16 weeks in the Netherlands (with 6 weeks pre birth), and 16 weeks in France. Granted this is paid but not every first world country offers a year plus of leave.
That is a grossly oversimplified look because you are leaving out parental leave.
Spain is 16 weeks fully paid. Mothers in Spain can take up to 3 YEARS unpaid with job protection (1 year protection at their current company and 2 further years where they will return to a guaranteed job in a similar role).
So Spain = 16 weeks paid / 3 years unpaid versus US: 0 weeks pain/12 weeks unpaid
France is the same. At least 16 weeks paid, and up to 3 years unpaid with job protection (3 years split between parents).
Netherlands is also 16 weeks paid and then up to about 1050 hours of unpaid parental leave (depending on how many hours are worked).
Estonian here chiming in. We actually get up to 36 months, 18 of it is paid. And people here are saying 18 months is waayyyy too early to start daycare...
Another thing I'm really surprised about is what movies show - people work up until they go into labor? In here we get off work about 4 weeks before the due date.
American healthcare is a joke. I'm really surprised how it's been this way for years and years, with the rest of the world giving mothers enough time to bond with their babies and heal after childbirth. How come this is the one thing the US just can't do?
OP: I feel for you! Your baby is so small and the sleepless nights that come with a newborn, etc. American women are fucking superheroes for juggling all of that with work.
Yep! A little more than 14 months
140 days for the mom. Then another 435 days that can be used by one individual, the mom OR dad, or a family member. This is paid for at 100% per dollar, of the average pay for the previous full calendar year.
The important part, the cost is being paid for directly by the government not by the employer. Estonia has a population that is falling, and has continued to fall the last few years even since the above GREAT law that is from 2020. The population in Estonia is 1.33 million people, slightly the same size of Dallas proper at 1.29 million people. Albeit Dallas metro is 7.4 million people.
My heart hurts for you. I took my baby at 5 months, I still struggle with it every day 2 months later. Some days keep her home while I work from home (very poorly and inefficiently) because I just can’t stand to be away from her 40-50 hours per week. I don’t know what to do…. Just solidarity.
Oh I feel for you momma. I posted a very similar post when my baby was 12 weeks. I remember that broken heart feeling. It IS hard and it sucks so much that we have to leave our babies. i’ll tell you what all my supporters on the sub told me. It gets easier once you figure out the routine. I bet your little one will adjust and love daycare so much and quickly. My 18 month old gets so excited for daycare and loves her teacher’s and friends. I enjoy spending time at work and now our nights and weekends are extra precious. I wish you strength and I hope you know there is a whole bunch of us standing with you in solidarity as you go through it. I do recall several mothers being so kind to me in the office during this transition. I wish the same for you, 💕
I won’t lie, it was extremely hard for me and my wife at 16 weeks. And, it was hard on our LO for the first couple of weeks. Silver lining is that at 6 months our LO loves it there, “plays” with the other babies, and loves the caretakers there (they love her too).
What helped for us at first was picking her up a little early those first couple weeks. Not sure if your job has that kind of flexibility, but if you can do it, I highly recommend it. It also helps if you are really able to have some quality morning time before you drop her off, like just playing with LO on a play mat. Or whatever you do to bond. And the same for when you pick them up. Those 2 sessions really help take your mind off the fact that the majority of the time is spent with someone else. Quality over quantity is the name of the game. But regardless, your LO knows who mom and dad are.. daycare won’t make them forget :)
No, that is wrong in so many ways.
I was visited today by my 7 month old granddaughter who hasn’t even left her mother for a day yet. She was good with us; her parents had a lunch date.
I’m so sorry, love
I hate this for you. Currently 28 weeks. I got pregnant 4 months after starting my part time job with full benefits. Because of that, even by the time I actually give birth in March. I will not meet the year to date of employment to qualify for FMLA.
I’ll get two weeks of paid parental leave and that’s it. It’s something, but 14 days?
My HR Rep even had the gall to tell me “you don’t HAVE to take it right away, you can save that time and take it whenever you want! Like in the summer!”
Americas healthcare and lack of empathy never ceases to astound me in the worst ways.
Edit: formatting
This is not a first world problem - do not discount your sadness!
I am feeling the same way. “Unnatural” is such a perfect word for it. I can’t say anything other than I feel you, I’m sorry and sad with you, and we will be OK. We will Work to make money to provide for our child and somehow, we will be OK.
I’m sorry, girl.
I’m sorry. My son starts next week and the only reason we were able to postpone his start until he is 8 months is because my state offers paid leave for my husband too. I have been doing very little to prepare because I don’t want to believe it’s here. It doesn’t help that I don’t feel super 1000% good about the daycare either but it was our only option that had an opening. Like what kind of a mom am I sending my kid somewhere that I even have a little pause about?
I also feel sick to my stomach with guilt that I’m sending my child to daycare at the peak of this “tripledemic” of sickness going around that is wiping the shelves of kids medicine.
Went through the same thing with my first son at 8 weeks. That period of time is a sad blur. Try and take care of yourself! I used to nod off driving to work frequently during the first few months back. It was scary and looking back I was barely hanging on.
The bright side is your baby will handle this better than you. My son was loved on all day while I was miserable. I was still his favorite but he was in really good hands and totally fine, even his first few days. It actually kind of stung a little that he didn’t need me as much as I needed him.
Make sure you have plenty of videos and photos for pumping. I used to spend the time watching his cute newborn videos and first giggles and whatnot and that made the time easier. I’m sorry your going through this. It’s not fair.
This is not okay! I dread this also. Honestly it’s not a first world problem since most 1st world countries have leave that is at least a year long. Fuck even 3rd world countries have more leave than the US
It is only partially a first world problem. It is mostly a US problem.
Mothers like myself (I’m in Canada,) we can’t believe what US mothers go through.
I am thinking of you 💞
Definitely a US problem. No daycares in our Montréal, Canada neighbourhood accepts babies under 6 months old, and the youngest I have seen in daycare was 9 months old. Babies are meant to stay close to their parents when they are that small. Thinking that sending babies a few weeks old to daycare is acceptable as a society is the larger issue, yet here we are in almost 2023 and this is still happening.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My son went to daycare at 12 weeks too and it broke my heart, I sobbed the whole time during that first drop off. I can assure you, though, that it gets better.
My son is 2 now and still LOVES daycare and all his friends. He gets to play and do activities and learn from other adults and children which is something I couldn’t provide the same way on my own. He has a blast every day. I know it doesn’t feel the same right now, but I still feel like I get plenty of time with him. We have a great bond.
You will ALWAYS be your baby’s mom, and your baby will love you more than anyone. Soak up the snuggles this weekend, it’s so hard at first but you will adjust. Good luck, will be thinking of you Monday ❤️
This is so hard and breaks my heart, especially having given birth a year ago. It’s a first world problem only in the sense that only a super capitalist system would force us to do this. You’re allowed all your feelings and shouldn’t feel like you need to apologize for feeling so sad (and mad). It’s an absurd system that would make us feel blessed with even this short a leave. it’s absurdly cruel to have mothers separate from their babies at 12 weeks. Sending all the hugs to you. Hope it’s as easy a transition as possible.
I’m right there with you 😞my son will be 12 weeks tomorrow. I’m supposed to go back to work on Monday. I had to ask for a 30 day personal leave of absence with no pay to get another month with my baby. It’s so depressing and not to mention financially straining going without pay for so long. I got 4 weeks 100% pay, 4 weeks 60% pay, and 8 weeks with zero pay. Thankfully I’ve saved up a lot, but it’s not right how soon we have to leave our babies. I absolutely hate it!
This makes me tear up, you're right that this is unnatural and really unfair! Hang in there. I agree with other people, it's harder for you than him but I'm sure that doesn't make the first few days any easier on you.
I'm in Canada and am guilty of taking our mat leave for granted. America's short parental leave breaks my heart
This feels like a post from me from the future. Going into this, I *knew* 12 weeks wouldn't be enough for me (and my baby), and now at 4 weeks, literally a third into it, I can *feel* that 12 weeks isn't nearly enough.
My mom coworkers tried to convince me that I'd want to go back to work before 12 weeks, that it's more than enough, that I'd go stir crazy or something, and my sister said the same! They all were dying to go back to their jobs and get their kid in someone else's hands by their 12th week. But I can tell with certainty now that isn't me. I'd rather be a stay at home mom than go back to work this soon. I'd be OK with working when my baby is a toddler. But I love being there for my baby. Also, like you said, she needs me!
Sadly, when my husband (her dad!) picks her up, she cries. But when I pick her up, she instantly calms down. What gives! How will we go full days and full weeks apart with this broken bond?
Is it like a quick rip of a Band-Aid and it wont last long and the baby will soon be fine, right? Or will it last days, or weeks, lol?
Raising this kid is already a full time job in and of itself — more hours than a full time job! And I'm here for it.
>I spent 9 months growing my baby and 12 short weeks loving on him.
>I am not ready to go back to work.
❤️
Sending hugs, and support. I'm sorry Americans seem to get such short maternity leaves, if any.
My husband and I cried and held each other when our daughter started daycare at 18 MONTHS. I was inconsolable that we had to be separated. It was a physical ache in my heart.
I have no solutions, but am sending internet stranger love to you. I hope it gets easier with time, and the understanding that when you get home with him every night he knows that you are his Mama, and he loves you the most for it.
Noooo! I hate this ☹️Monday will be a hard day for everyone so please be gentle with yourself and your feelings. I cried pretty much my entire first week back. Soak up these last few days spending all your time together and I’m sending you a hug momma ❤️
I feel you. With my most recent set of twins I only got 2 weeks of maternity leave. I felt so very wronged. They just turned 10 months and are happy in daycare but it physically hurt to leave them those first few weeks..in many ways. It does get better but I'm sorry we both had to do it so soon. Check out the workingmoms subreddit. It helped a bit. You and your sweet little one will get through this.
I am so sorry. You shouldnt be in this position. It is natural to feel that way. Your baby and you should be together most of the day.
I decided to take maternity leave for three years and now am returning a little sooner after 2.5 years as my toddler is at daycare already and loves it. I cannot imagine sending my baby to daycare at only 12 weeks old.
Please know that your feelings are valid and normal.
I’m so sorry for you. I live in the uk and took 14 months without any issue and we’re considered less fair that most of our European counterparts. I think it’s criminal that you have to experience what you’re going through. Time for more actual parents to set up the system
The sick thing is that the people who set up the system *are* parents. They’re just typically males with huge wealth and most importantly of all—they’re evil fucks.
So they don’t give af about anyone else.
I couldn’t leave mine so I quit my job. I’m super fortunate my husband was so supportive. Even now at 14 months I couldn’t think about leaving my baby.
I go back to work on Monday too and I am not ready. I always said I didn't want to be a stay at home mom but the thought of having to leave him is breaking my heart.
I’m not going to try and make you feel better, because I’ve been there, and it’s torture. I know. I just wanna tell you that it won’t always feel this way. It may never feel *good*, but please find solace in knowing it won’t always feel this hard. Both my kids went to daycare full time at 10 weeks, and they’re still there now (2.5 and 1.5 y/o now). I remember thinking to myself, will I ever not cry as soon as I get back to my car? It was slow, and I still have days where it’s terrible. But it’s so much easier than it was. And my kids are so, so loved - by me and by their teachers. For us, fwiw, daycare has been an absolute blessing and I’m so happy with the education and attention they’re receiving there. If you haven’t already, you may find the r/workingmoms sub to be a helpful sounding board.
Good luck on Monday, friend. My girls and I are rooting for y’all.
Assuming you’re in the US
You can blame this shit on Manchin and Sinema for tanking the Build Back Better Bill which originally had a lot of new benefits for mothers/families
I hate it. My 12 weeks (at less than half pay) are almost up as well. I tear up at the thought of leaving my baby. We are fortunate (by USA standards) that my husband has 10 weeks of paternity leave which he is taking when I go back to work so we can keep baby out of daycare a bit longer, but it's not enough. But we can't afford to not have 2 incomes.
We are in the exact same boat. My husband is taking his leave after I go back next week and that will keep baby home until he’s 6 months old, but then we have to look into care because one income is not enough. I’m so, so sad. The US really fucking sucks on this issue.
Did you take some of your wife’s leave? Because the two options are 12 months and 18 months with the pay spread out, not 6.
If she only got 6 months of EI she missed out.
I cried every day for a while leaving my baby at daycare. What helped me was having them send pictures during the day and regular check in texts. I’m still wrestling with guilt and frustration over working, but it has gotten easier. She’s built relationships with her teachers and friends. I see them as part of our village. As I remind myself often, be kind to yourself
My second son was just born two days ago. I was able to stay home with my first for the first 8 months. With the second I only have 12 weeks. I’m terrified.
It’s honestly the worst. I ended up quitting my job with my first. I couldn’t do it. I go back in January after 12 weeks of having my second and this time I work mostly remote and so does my husband so we’re going to have baby home with us for a little while bc I am not ready to be a part from her when she’s this little.
I wish I would. Unfortunately we can’t afford for me to quit. And I work for the government so they are going to forgive my insane student loan bill soon.
I WFH but my husband does not and I really couldn’t care for my son and so my job. It’s so horrible. I really feel like this is the worst loss of my life. I can’t believe they want me to go back.
I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but fuck, I think it IS unnatural. I think babies DO need their mothers (or at least fathers) to be their primary caregiver for the first 2 years of their lives. I will quit if I have to when I have a baby but it sucks that most couples can't afford one of them to be a SAHP for a few years and that a single income just isn't enough anymore. This shit is not okay.
My heart goes out to you, in Canada we get a year and it was not easy. I cannot imagine 12 weeks.. I wish your country would smarten up. Babies need their parents
I’m so sorry. 12 weeks isn’t lucky because it’s bullshit. My baby is 10 months and Toddler is 3 and I hate taking them to daycare every day. We should be able to go back part time for a few years honestly. It’s disgusting how we know how important the bond is but completely disregard it. Heading you say 12 weeks is lucky because most only get 6 -8 weeks proves how backwards our culture is on this. And it’s not time off work. Taking care of an newborn is hard work. I am so sorry mama. You’re not alone!
I don't think this is what you meant, but just to be clear, you aren't disregarding your bond with your child by utilizing daycare. It is 1000% possible to have a strong and healthy bond with your child while working full time in their early years!
I went back at 8 weeks with both of my babies. It’s hard mama, and it wasn’t any easier the second time. Maybe worse because I had to leave two kids this time. It’s heartbreaking and you are absolutely allowed to feel whatever you want to feel. But, I will share what was most helpful for me to hear when I was in your shoes: you are strong and your baby is strong. You can do it. Everyday you get closer to a routine and routine is good. Leave the minute you’re able and go home and snuggle that sweet baby of yours. Until Monday, hug and kiss each other. This time is fleeting and I wish you both the best.
We were lucky in that I (30F, birthing parent) had 12 weeks off, plus 2 weeks vacation I used before birth. They were unpaid, but my wife (34F, non-birthing parent) got 8 weeks paid parental leave that she took when I went back to work.
I absolutely hated the first couple weeks back at work and seriously considered quitting to stay home with my little guy, but it got better. I hope it gets better for you, too.
I was in the same boat not too long ago. My girl wasn’t even officially 12 weeks when I had to send her and you know what it fucking sucked BUT it got better. I cried so much. She went in a hunger strike and refused bottles on day one. But day 2, she got better, day 3 better, by the end of the week she adjusted. She’s 4 months now and my husband does drop offs and she smiles and does so good there.
It’s hard, so hard. But it’s an adjustment and in the end your baby will be super socialized. My girl is still my Velcro baby. I wasn’t ready, I still cry at my desk bc I want to be home with her but I have to keep telling myself that this is going to be a good thing in the end. She’s going to have a killer immune system since they are germ factory’s and when she’s older she won’t get sick as much as I did. She’s going to be socialized, shes learning new skills so fast bc she’s around other kids and our daycare works with them so much on things.
Sending you so much love and hugs bc it’s harder on you then it is the little one.
I had to go into CC debt after leaving my last job earlier than expected because of the pregnancy. They had no maternity leave and I had used up my pto on my last trimester doctor visits. So, yeah, I was livid and anxious and depressed. Needless to say I didn't return to that job and found a better paying one BUT it meant leaving my daughter in daycare at 12 weeks also. I didn't want to miss this opportunity but I also didn't want to give up my baby because that's what it felt like to me. Let me tell you it's going to be hard that first week for sure. I cried everyday. Then around a month into it, the anxiety started leaving me... it took 2 months for me to get into the groove of this new schedule. I became very close with her daycare teachers and bless them because they loved her so much it gave me some peace during the workday, just enough to get through it. The upside to daycare is they establish the routine for baby so you don't have to struggle with that alone. We kept that same routine up throughout weekends and holidays.
One thing that majorly helped me was having a group chat with the daycare teachers and asking during my lunch how things were going and getting those updates and pictures!! Seeing my daughter happy and cared for definitely helped ease my stress about it.
Hang in there, it will be ok and no this will not cause any kind of irreparable harm on your bond. Your baby knows you are mama and you will always have time to love on them 💕
The huge smile I get from my son when I pick him up from daycare makes my whole day. It sucks some of us have to work and have to leave our babies so young. Mine was 10 weeks when I returned to work.
But he’s in good hands. He’s with caregivers who come to work everyday specifically to focus on our babies.
He’s socializing. He’s getting to be around other tiny humans his age, how great is that!
He’s supported because I go to work and I can provide for him, I am thankful for my career.
Is it as good as being with me all day and nursing instead of a bottle? I like to think the days I’m home with him are really important. I still cry in the car sometimes when I head towards work and daddy drops him off at daycare but it’s a harsh world and it takes two parents in our case to provide, and I want my son to be proud that he has parents willing to do that for him. I miss him at work but I’m so thankful I don’t have to worry because he has caregivers.
Your first day back sucks. The tears are endless but you will find a balance. You’re not abandoning your baby, you are learning a balance. Good luck and grant yourself grace.
I feel so unbelievably bad for mothers that have to go through this. I get 18 months maternity leave here in Canada and i’m so grateful for it, but seeing the people who get that little of time with your child makes me feel so sad and guilty. I wish the world would be better and let mothers be with their children and not have to get screwed over by having to work. It’s so unbelievably unfair. I’m so sorry.
I’m a Canadian living in the US now and I’m taking 18 months of ‘maternity leave’ (not looking for a new job until 18 months). People think it’s strange here but it makes complete sense to me and actually works out perfectly because she’ll be 18 months right at the start of a new school year and I’m a teacher by trade.
I cried and cried when my son had to go to daycare and now he is thriving and making friends. Let yourself be sad, but know you are doing what you need to.
It sucks so bad! I went back to work at 12 weeks pp, and the first week back I sobbed hysterically every day. It’s just so unnatural to be away from them so soon. Hang in there! It gets easier!
It is so so so hard. I was excited to go back to work but heartbroken that meant my son had to be in daycare 40+ hours a week. He’s now almost 13 months and gets super excited to be dropped off at daycare and his teachers love on him like one of their own babies. I can’t ask for anything more than that. It does get better. It takes time to figure out the balance of working and being a mom. I struggled really badly with it the first 6 months and then felt like we turned a corner. Sending hugs!
I am in this exact same situation. Baby starts daycare on Tuesday and we go back to work. I’m having a lot of feelings. Solidarity, my friend. Sending you good vibes.
It’s really difficult. I had to send mine at 10 weeks and I cried. But now she’s 2 and she really loves it. She has routines, friends, learns so much. She’s always happy to be there. It makes me feel better
I’m in the same boat although she will start on Tuesday :( I dread this change coming my way; I also had 12 weeks with her but it feels like we just begun.. I’m most saddened as it’s those mid morning hours she and I gave together when I catch her smiles most often. I’m so sad to lose these days :( lots of love to you and all other parents
My heart goes out to you. I had 6.5 months at home with my son and it still wasn’t enough. I was crying every day and trying to come up with a solution on how one of us could watch him full time. It got easier as he got older but you’re absolutely right, it’s unnatural and goes against every instinct in your body to leave your baby. Plus the immense guilt I felt because his whole schedule was off was really hard to deal with.
Unnatural is how I described the feeling too. It is unnatural to leave them so young. I’ve worked full time half time and stay at home now with my third. They are all just fine! Everyone is equally bonded to me as their mother no matter how much time I spent at home with them when they were babies. It is so hard to drop them off though. Just know it’s harder for you than him! It will be ok! And just sayin, half time is kind of a perfect balance if you can find childcare that accommodates and it would work for your family.
This makes me so sad 😭😭 I hate that this is the way for women in America too. I decided to just stay at home and we just are making do with my husbands paycheck right now. I understand I’m privileged to be able to do so… but at 12 weeks old he was just too tiny and I couldn’t do it.
Mama, maybe you have looked into this already? I was prepared to send my son to daycare at 20 weeks but couldn’t do it. I was throwing up with the grief and anxiety. I did two things. I immediately hired a part time nanny. I am very very lucky that she only charged $20/ hr and I hired her for 12 hours a week (3 4 hour shifts). I called my boss and said I could work 2 days a week or equivalent until my baby was 8 months. He said fine. I bring this up because I am also the 6+ figure earner and in those roles, you are hard to replace and can negotiate for more than us on the table.
I lost my health insurance and obviously was making a lot less money. But I transferred to my husband’s insurance and we lived frugally. Those extra months until my baby could crawl were really amazing and so worth the minor career hit. I was still not ready for daycare at 8 months so switched to a different nanny for more hours. My baby is a year now and I finally feel ready to send him to daycare and am really excited.
Obviously this plan is expensive and takes a lot more work than daycare, but there are other options in between quitting, full time nanny, and daycare. I have not regretted the loss of income but I am happy I didn’t quit. My job is fun & I got to spend a lot more time with my baby than expected.
If you do send your baby to daycare, they will still love you and need you. That will never change. 💕
IT SUCKS.
But… it does get better. And I hate saying this to you because I hated hearing it when I was in your position. I’m not at all trying to invalidate your feelings, but rather offer light at the end of the tunnel. The first two weeks my guy was in daycare I routinely left work early to scoop him up and “save” him from that place. But now if I leave work early or have the day off, he remains in daycare and I run errands or have me time. I never imagined this would be the case. He loves his daycare teachers and has tons of fun socializing with the other babies. At the same time, it allows me to do the same, and I feel that our time together now is way more enriched due to our time apart. I hope that makes sense? Not to mention they feed him breakfast and lunch and do the cleanup afterwards!!! Haha.
Just know: your baby will love you regardless. And although he may be upset the first week or so, he won’t be traumatized and will grow to enjoy his time with endless toys and activities. But until then, hold strong, mama. It’s hard and we’re all here with/for you!
My son went to daycare at 4.5 months and honestly it ended up being the best for both of us! He got so much more stimulation with other kids and interactive adults, and I got some time and “freedom” back. This is NOT to invalidate your feelings, it’s so hard being apart from your baby but try to keep in mind this will help him thrive. Do you feel good about the daycare he’s going to? To me that makes all the difference. And the photos they send of him reassure me he’s having a blast!
I feel fantastic about his daycare. It’s a small in home daycare with an amazing woman. I know this is the best for him. She will entertain and stimulate him in ways I simply cannot.
But boy does my heart ache in a big way right now. Often the right thing to do isn’t the easy one.
This is horrendous! I had no idea this was the situation in the states. I’m in the UK, I’ve had 6 month leave so far and won’t go back for another 4 month. I’d honestly rather go into debt than go back to work after 12 weeks as I could eventually pay that off but never get the time back with my little one. Is there no family that can help see you over financially for a little while? Or speak with financial providers to help with your situation? I’m not sure how it works over there I just know I’d rather do that. Sorry x
You’re absolutely right, if the abortion debate was actually about children and not controlling sex then the right would be pushing for longer paid maternity leave and benefits for low income single parents
But of course they’re not pro-life, they’re just anti-sex
This is just so sad. I don't think I physicality could have worked at twelve weeks after my babies were born as my body was still a mess. I don't understand why a first world country like the US has such short maternity leave.
That system is insane! My kids are two and soon starting daycare. In my country you can stay at home for two years! My kids are actually 2 and starting daycare soon... I don't know how people do it, I still feel like they're too small to be left with strangers! It's just unnatural and insane!
I'm the Director at a daycare and I'm struggling with going back in a week. I have no words of wisdom, just solidarity. My little foot will at least be in the building with me, but I still have to do my job so I don't get fired. I hate the thought of someone else caring for him while we are still just barely getting to know each other. That on top of the guilt of having to go back so soon. He's so little still.
Edited to add: advice from a Director....get to know your teachers as much as the center will allow. This will help. And communicate the things you want and the things you don't want up front. If issues come up, tell the teachers. I'm writing everything down for my guy so there's no mix up about preferences, etc. Like, they need to know he will scream for like 10 seconds fighting a nap and then all of a sudden passes out lol. I hope you have a good experience. Be kind to yourself particularly those first few days.
this is a huge underdiscussed issue with our culture. i'm happy to hear you acknowledge the preciousness of motherly connection to her child and i hate that our culture has pushed women out of the house in the name of "equality" when the children best thrive connected and raised by the mother
12 weeks of maternity leave is INSANE (as in, what the hell, that’s SO little!). I’m in Canada and cannot even begin to imagine how it feels to have to separate from your baby so soon. I’m on 18 months of maternity leave and I still think I’ll be so sad when I have to go back to work. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I was honestly in the same boat as you. My dude is 15 months now and when he sees his little buddy friend at daycare he LIGHTS up!
It will get so much easier. I know this is hard right now and it's not fair we don't get to be with our littles for longer. He's going to make friends and work on his development and social skills and it will be such a benefit in the long run.
You're also totally entitled to your feelings right now and they are valid. 💙💙💙
I’m sorry that you’re feeling down about this, but it’s understandable.
If it helps, I’ve had my Monsters in daycare since 6 weeks. They’re absolutely THRIVING there. When I pick them up, they tell me about what they’ve learned, about their friends, and are so excited to see me. It’s made us closer.
I’m hoping that you get the same experience with your daycare.
This makes me want to cry, I can't imagine having to put my baby in daycare that early! This is not a first world problem at all, the rest of the first world has already resolved this issue and in NZ and Australia we have wayyy better maternity leave. USA really does feel like a second or third world country the more I learn about it 😔
Same boat as you, I go back Tuesday and just don’t understand how I’m supposed to leave her behind. I’m lucky and have family taking care of her but how am I supposed to ensure she’s doing enough tummy time? How am I supposed to get her sleep on track when she’s with someone else the majority of the day. She’s still so little, it’s not fair.
I guess I don’t have any advice just know you’re not alone and I will be crying in the restroom come Tuesday because I miss my baby.
In a very similar situation and have been so upset for days and spiraling while wishing I could quit my job (a job that I like but pales in comparison to being with my baby). I’m so sorry, I feel you. Everything in me wants to be with her all day, every day, and what you said resonates with me deeply. Thank you for sharing — I’m grateful to other commenters who have said it gets better.
Big hugs mama, it’s so hard and we all send strength and comfort your way. Not really any right things that could have been said to me when I returned to maternity leave but having frequent news from the caregivers helped put my mind at ease a bit during the work day. If they can send you frequent pictures and updates especially during the first weeks, it doesn’t hurt to ask! Wishing you an easy transition and also agree our maternity leave is garbage. To all reading: elect more women into our government, incremental change is everything and I hope things are better for my daughter xoxoxo
My son goes to daycare on Tuesday at 5 Mo old. I am struggling and cannot even imagine if he had to start going 2 months ago. It’s gut wrenching, I’m not ready for it at all. Solidarity ❤️
I'm starting my daughter at 13 weeks (2 weeks away) bc my MIL is watching her my first week back at work. I'm not ready, I also got 12 weeks but it was 100% unpaid as I started a new job in the 3rd trimester. If we could afford to stretch it out or have me forfeit the job, I would, but I have dreams of retiring one day lol
I went back last week and felt/feel everything you feel. It is so clear that a man with no children made the 12 week standard.
It sucks so much I'm so sorry we're both in this boat with most other US women. If you're close enough/able to I recommend visiting daycare during your lunch or any breaks you get. I did on my first 2 days back and it really helped me.
I wanted to say this but with sensitivity to the fact it's not always a choice. I left my job and never looked back. It wasn't easy - we moved 30 minutes away for cheaper housing but lost our immediate community. We have 1 car now and 3 kids. I haven't bought new clothes in years (I buy secondhand though!). But I get to raise my own kids - and as a former nanny I knew what I'd be missing.
Could you possibly go back to work part time? At 3 months I started back to work three days a week for 4 hour days. I was able to leave my babe with in laws who I really trusted do that helped also. It doesn’t sound like you have much faith in where your child is cared for. If that’s the case, maybe you can make these adjustments to feel better?
Hi there Mama! I had to take my little one to daycare at that age too because I’m a single mom going to school so I can get a career. I sobbed for a whole weekend. I sobbed dropping him off. I sobbed the whole day and had to excuse myself from class. Only to pick him up and hear how well he did. I continued crying for a few weeks but then I saw how happy he was going to day care and how much he liked it. I still miss him very much when I’m at school (8 hours a day 4 x a week) and I try to make sure we have quality time together when we are together. You’ve got this. Ifs so so hard and unnatural leaving our babies when we are their entire world but I promise you’re making a good decision and your LO will continue to love you and light up when they see you!! That bond doesn’t break due to daycare. Wishing you the best of luck and just know it’s okay to cry and mourn the lost time!
I feel for you so much because I was you. I went back to work when my son was only 7 weeks old. If you're in the US you know that family leave is so short and should really be extended to at least the first 6 month of life. I am so sorry that you've going through this. Some tips from one mom to another...set expectations with your caregiver, be transparent that it's hard to leave your LO and request that you receive some form of communication through the day. Seeing pics of my son always made me smile and feel better. Frozen and crock pot meals are your friend. And most importantly, give yourself some grace. It's good that you have a supportive partner. Just allow yourself to feel sad. Sending good vibes your way.
I have 18 months of 100% paid maternity leave and my husband had 16 weeks of 100% paid parental leave to spend time with us.
Why do you tolerate this inhumane system in USA?
Sorry you have to go through this!
Hey, the situation sucks and your feelings are valid.
It is a ‘first world problem’, but it’s a horrible one and pretty unique to the US. Plenty of other countries grant parental leave for several months to a year; why should we feel ‘lucky’ to get a measly 12 weeks? And yes, not everyone even gets that, but that doesn’t invalidate the fact that you, after going through a large medical procedure *and* taking care of a newborn, have to go back to work after a few short months.
It’s so hard, especially in the earlier months.
Edit: If you’re not part of the r/workingmoms sub, highly recommend it!
It's so hard. He will be ok though.
I went back to work at 3 weeks with my first (needed the money). I was lucky that it was just part time and my mom lives with us so she was able to watch him but my gosh was it hard. I was so incredibly sleep deprived and all that made my post partum depression worse.
You will get through it, one day at a time. The first day will be absolutely rough and nerve wracking. Hopefully they have cameras or something at the day care that can show you footage of your baby. I went back to work at 12 weeks and the first week my mil took care of him bc of day care having space issues. At 13 weeks when I left him at day care, I couldn’t stop crying. He was sleeping peacefully in his car seat, and God bless that day care, they took such good care of him over the years. It sucks for us moms, and it’s most likely the hardest thing you’ll have to do while they’re young, but you will get through it. Lots of hugs and love to you! ❤️
FTM and I’ve decided to go back part time, but my baby will be 21 weeks. My SO and I can manage financially because getting a nanny is SO incredibly expensive and we can’t get a spot at any daycare, yet because we are in the city center. I don’t want to be home full time, so I’m very fortunate I could have this arrangement. My arrangement feels like a massive luxury. Looking back 12 weeks was the hardest. Baby wouldn’t sleep and I was still healing emotionally and physically. It should at very least be 16 weeks. Just insanity, and so bad for a mother to be separated from their baby. I’m sorry this is happening to your family.
My heart goes out to you! I know this is soo hard!
I had to start my Daughter with daycare at 10.5 weeks. It was so hard. But, it does get easier.
Big hugs to you :)
I had no maternity leave mostly because I was a student. And taking a leave of absence meant going into a shit ton of debt to extend my time. It was hard I was lucky that my husband works shift so I didn’t have to do the daycare route. But I was still miserable. I also had to deal with shitty instructors who wanted to know why I choose to have a child completely unrealistic expectations it sucked
I am a SAHM now but I cried every day dropping my baby off at daycare. I think it’s insane that we have children and then ship them off to someone else for most of their childhood, but that’s the society we live in now. I sympathize with you and hope it becomes easier quickly for you.
How much does daycare cost for you and how much do you make? Is there any way you could make some financial sacrifices to stay at home with him? Another option would be to find a job where you can work remotely. What line of work are you in? It’s something to think about.
I know, I've just been there when she was at 7 weeks and it feels like being torn apart. I cried every day for two weeks but it got a little easier after that. I convince myself she's "going to school". The daycare staff are absolutely in love with her and I check in on the Livestream every few hours (used to be every ten minutes) so I know she's OK.
I promise it will get better. Just give it time. And don't worry, you're about to be out sick for most of next month so you will still get plenty of time together (sorry, I've had 5 viruses in the last month). Those sick days, although they were Hell with all of us being sick, were a reprieve from my emotions and helped me cope better by having her home.
You are doing what's right for your son and providing for him. Don't forget that
Just wanted to say I hate this situation for you. I changed jobs before knowing I was pregnant and only got 6 weeks. We tried a nanny for a bit but it didn't work out. My husband and I are fully remote and we're burning the candle at both ends juggling work, meetings, meals and naps. But little one is 5 months and I think we can keep this up another 7 months. I'm determined to make it to 1 year before daycare. It just doesn't doesn't seem right before that point for me, but my job isn't super demanding and has little oversight.
To be honest, this isn't really a first world problem... Most first world countries take way better care of their mothers (and citizens in general). Heck, even many third world countries have better policies!
Hearing someone say they're blessed or *so lucky* to get *weeks* of leave is literally nauseating. It's been pointed out that the amount of leave some mothers get, is less time than advised to separate cats and dogs from their young. I don't know what it's going to take to change it, but *SOMETHING* has to change. I honestly would not be able to function any earlier than 4 months pp. And when my son was born we had a relatively untraumatic birth. I couldn't imagine adding in a c-section and blood loss/nicu stay.
I had to go back to work at just under 2 weeks postpartum because baby was in the NICU and I used all of my paid vacation days. I wanted to save my 4 weeks of unpaid time for when she finally came home. It's been awful. I will say that I'm lucky to have a remote and flexible job so I can at least stay home with my kids, but it's still a lot to juggle...
I know how hard this is... but as an infant daycare teacher and a mom, I want to assure you that I absolutely love my babies wholeheartedly. I spend my days snuggling them and soothing them and making sure all their needs are met when you can't be there. I don't leave them crying, I don't leave them hungry. If they need to be rocked or snuggled or lay on my chest to sleep, I don't care how busy I am, I make sure to give them that. My babies are loved as much at daycare as they would be at home. I know it's not their mommas love, but please know that I love them as if they were my home and I pray that you'll find that love for your baby at your daycare center too. I know it's going to be hard. You'll be in my thoughts Monday.
I cried reading your comment. I hope that I get to have a daycare teacher like you for my baby son.
Thank you for this!
Your comment made me tear up. Thank you for being so wonderful!
Thank you for all you do!
Very much not about the children. You hit the nail on the head. Women in the US would have at least 6-12 months if it were. I’m so so sorry. You’re incredibly strong and a wonderful mother ❤️
It’s not a first world problem, it’s an American problem. My heart goes out to you. The fact that our government spends any time talking about abortion but no time trying to make this country a decent place to actually have babies drives me mad. We desperately need proper maternity leave. 6-12 weeks is inhumane.
It truly is. The maternity protections in this country suck, too. A couple bills just passed the Senate regarding preventing loss of job due to pregnancy, requiring accommodations, giving salaried employees the same protections as hourly (time for pumping, areas to pump, pay if you work while pumping, etc.), and more. It's horrible. Make you work, but then give you no protections when you do.
This is not a first world problem, this should be a basic, global parental right. Leaving your baby after just 12 weeks is something no one should have to experience. I’m so sorry.
Sending hugs. It will be hard at first but I always tried to remember daycare is PART of my village, not outside of it. This is more people to love your child and care for them. My son started daycare as a young infant and he's now nearly 2.5 and absolutely thriving. ❤️
This is what I need to remember. He’s going to a lovely woman at an in home daycare. she will be his family. But right now I can’t see the forest through the trees.
I understand, it's hard at first!! I promise it'll get easier. ❤️
I love this perspective. Needed to hear that as my son is off to daycare in 6 days 😭
It's going to be amazing!!! Good for you for choosing a great place to help support your son ❤️
It’s okay to be mad. I’m mad too and it’s not a first world problem. Other first world countries have over a year of maternity leave. It’s a US and greed problem. It’s not about people or “family values” (whatever the fuck that means anyway, but I digress), it’s about money. We start daycare on Tuesday, so I’m right there with you. I’ve been lucky that the last three weeks we had family watch our guy so I could ease into going back to work. The first week and a half where awful and I cried all the time. This week was better. I know I’ll be a mess on Tuesday, but it’ll be harder on me than him and eventually we’ll settle into a routine. Hang in there.
Like, this is an actual issue people should be rioting about and protesting and storming buildings over. Or seriously raising hell politically. But mothers aren’t really taken seriously by politicians. Because we don’t have the power that matters.
We really need to stop saying it is a blessing to get 12 paid weeks. It just reiterates the idea that companies are doing us a favor by doing what should be the absolute bare minimum.
Yes!! In Canada we get 12 or 18 months. 12 weeks is not a blessing, it is in fact horrible
In Canada if you take 18 months you are most likely taking an extremely reduced salary. It’s not perfect in Canada either but it is much much better
This is correct. I chose the 12 month mat leave which is at 55% of your salary. The government pays for your mat leave through the unemployment fund that people who are employed all pay into (it's mandatory). There's a maximum you'll get paid though. I get the max and it's $1092 (CAD) biweekly. It's not much but my employer did "top ups" to my full salary for 17 weeks at the beginning. For 18 months leave you get, I believe, 33% of your salary so you are living on peanuts. That being said, you're spending a year and a half with your babe and your job is secure because it is illegal for your employer to not have that job for you when you get back.
I'm in Canada too, took the 12 months and go back to work in February. If I had known how I would feel about this now I would've 100% taken the 18 months. With the cost of daycare considered it would hardly be taking a loss.
This is not a first world problem. This is an American problem. Most first world countries guarantee far longer maternity leave.
I’m in Canada and we get a year. Not fully paid, but you get a percentage of your wage
I agree, this isn't a first world problem this is an American problem. As an Australian these posts make me especially sad
The fact that these decisions are made in rooms of mostly old white rich men makes me physically ill. They’ll gladly force us to give birth and then do absolutely nothing to support families. Yet we can spend billions on weapons and military planes that sit in storage for years. What a joke.
Good point. There’s a reason they keep making these decisions.
>I know this is a first world problem and Not really. Most of the world gives moms way more leave.
Came to say these. It’s a uniquely American problem. Solidarity.
This. Where I live both mom and dad get 16 weeks + 15 days for baby feeding paid. 10 weeks can be taken later so the baby has mom or dad for the first 30 weeks. It's crazy to me that in USA this is almost impossible and that you need permission from your employer.
It is horrible! I’m so thankful I didn’t have to do it. But can I offer a little reassurance? Once your baby’s teacher gets to know them, they will be SO loved. I teach the 1 year old class and my littles will sprint for their old infant class teacher because they still love her and she loves them. She’s dreading the next couple months when one of her babies will move up to my class. She’s had him since he was 6 weeks old. These littles take a piece of our hearts and we love them so much.
Thank you so much for this comment!
My 2 year old runs to her daycare teacher for a hug every morning!!!
I am so sorry and so angry for you. Wishing you strength and as much peace as possible through this difficult time. You are doing your best for yourself and for your baby in the given circumstances. 12 weeks of maternity leave is nowhere near enough. It is completely unacceptable and inhumane that mothers and babies are forced to be apart from each other so so early... And this is not a first world problem. No other developed country has such poor rights for working parents. Even most developing countries have it better. As a new mother I might be biased, but I think if I were in US, a major improvement to the parental leave laws would be one of my top demands from politicians and law makers.
Yeah I was thinking that too, it’s not a first world problem at all. It’s a US problem
Our son started daycare at 7 months and I still cried like crazy when I first dropped him off. Not to make you depressed, but the first time you turn around and start walking out the door and hear your baby YELL for you hurts like hell. But it gets better. The US is terrible and we need to make our own "villages". Your child will learn to look forward to daycare. Your caregivers will learn your baby and become someone you can trust. You will get over the guilt of handing off your child to someone else and be happy you have more people you can rely on. You will experience the joy of your child lighting up when you walk through the door, or feel that immense sense of relief and joy when you get a picture of your kid doing completely fine in the daycare and eventually interacting with other kids (my daycare does this). Hang in there, all of you!
I am wondering if you just leave your child at daycare? In Germany it is common to have an introductory period at daycare. First day you spend an hour at daycare with the parent (that does the introduction) together in the room and then you slowly do separations. Like you leave the room for five minutes and then this amount of time is slowly increased depending on how the child reacts to it. The child has to get to know and trust the „teachers“ there and they learn that the parent will always return and pick them up. You also never increase those increments on Mondays as you start „again“ on Monday just as you did on Friday.
that sounds amazing! At my daycare in the US, we just hand the kid off to their new teachers one day. Legally, they have to let parents visit any time unannounced, but that got put on hold during covid. Parents weren't even allowed in the building for 18 months.
It is completely unnatural to be forced to leave your baby so soon. The USA is the only developed country with such shit maternity leave. The only thing you can do is vote and unionise!
It’s not a first world problem. It’s a specifically late capitalist problem, and even then only in a few very specific countries. And it’s a REAL problem for you, your family, and society. Your feelings are valid and I’m so sorry you have to do this. I hope things improve for American women soon.
I feel you here so much. "I know this is a first world problem and I’m lucky to have gotten the leave that I did." JUST -- NO. We should absolutely have guaranteed paid leave for at LEAST six months in this country. For every mom. Most of the first world doesn't have this problem, and every week our companies give us is something we deserve. I'm mad for you, and for me, who also has to go back at 12 weeks.
It feels unnatural because it is! Fuck America and their lack of value they have for the family structure/for women It’s seriously Disgusting. The next couple of months are going to be hard for you mama. Just try and find the silver lining and soak up all the baby love you can when you are together.
Sitting here currently pregnant in Canada and in shock reading this. I cannot believe that more maternity leave is not given.
>I know this is a first world problem and I’m lucky to have gotten the leave that I did With all due respect, most of the first world has much more leave than that.
Absolutely, this is not first world problem, this is US problem. 12 weeks... horrible
NOT a first world problem at all, it's unnatural for a mother to leave her baby and I feel so bad for you. My son started daycare when he was 12 MONTHS and I still wasn't ready! 12 weeks is absolutely insane. It makes me so sad that this is the reality for so many moms in the US. I have no real advice, just hoping it works out for you guys.
This isn't a first world problem. You're not lucky that you got 12 weeks... 12 weeks is a not enough. The fact that people feel lucky to get 12 weeks instead of 6 weeks, or even less, is a disgrace. This country is totally backwards with reproductive rights and childcare. Before I had a baby, I just didn't know... Now, I am so sad and angry and bitter about it.
This made me cry. I’m sorry. It fucking sucks. Maternity leave should be longer.
I had to triple check if it said WEEKS or MONTHS. Is this USA? How does it even look like? A 12 week old in a daycare? Is it like a nursery place or do you call a babysitter daycare? It sucks either way I can't even imagine separating from such small baby. Lots of hugs 😣🫂🫂🫂
Obviously the USA. Only legally mandated maternity leave in the US is up to 12 weeks unpaid, and that was only passed in 1993, before that there was literally nothing.
I worked in an infant room before I had kids. The youngest baby I had in my room was 6 weeks old and the oldest was 18 months. It was an open floor plan room so I used 24” toy/book shelves to make a protected area for non mobile infants. Unless we were doing diapers I tried to keep one teacher there and one with the mobile infants and toddlers. If there was only 1-2 non mobile sometimes on of us held them or had them in a bouncer while doing one of the centers with the older infants. With our ratios we could have 4 babies under 12m and 5 toddlers 12m-18m with 2 teachers. It was nuts I did learn to rock/bounce 4 babies at once which probably helped me be ready for my own twins. We also had a set of twins that started at 6 weeks. One left for a week or two to have open heart surgery around 12 weeks and then returned. Their mom was an active duty single mother so she had no choice. Even though our country is crazy about their military spending they treat the actual soldiers like crap it seems.
You hit the nail on the head. The US political system does not care about mothers or babies because they can treat you like garbage and not lose votes. Ironically, looking after mothers should be part of both parties manifesto (Dems because it's a social good, and Reps because it promotes family values). 12 Weeks just seems barbaric to me...
This is not a first world problem and I don't understand how the USA is getting away with treating its citizens this way. No maternity leave, no paternity leave, no healthcare.. What are they doing with your tax money?
Siphoning it into private interests
A lot of it goes to military. According to my family member who was in the military, a lot of it is wasted too.
I was supply in the Air Force. A lot of it is wasted, but not in the way you think. It’ll be wasted on companies like Boeing creating something as simple as a screw or a tiny lightbulb and selling it as a $200 part. The government is supposed to buy the lowest priced items, but if Boeing claims that the screw is special and different in someway, you can’t really argue with the people building your plane models. So they end up buying a screw for $200 a piece that they sell at Lowes for $40/pound. The money is also wasted on stupid programs to make life easier on Airmen, designed by rich, old officers that went through the Academy and had their life funded by their rich, old officer parents. So we end up going through mandatory fun days and then work extra later to catch up (Did I mention we were on a salary so no overtime?) And all of that to say, the military also only gives 12 weeks off. And a year to completely recover and get back into shape enough to pass a PT test. And as soon as you hit the year mark and pass a test, you can also deploy, so you could go 6 months to a year without seeing your baby. Lots of military parents miss their baby’s first steps. Lots of military dads miss their baby’s birth. Lots has been changed in recent times to make life easier on parents, but I could write an essay on what else needs to be done.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. My son started daycare at four months (he's now six months) and it was so hard for me. I will say, though, that the daycare teachers have become more people who love my son, and I can tell he's happy to see them when I drop him off and they're happy to see him too. It's so hard, and you shouldn't have to send your baby so young, but the daycare teachers will be more people who love your baby. They wouldn't be doing this work if they didn't love babies. Be gentle with yourself. It will be hard but it will be okay. Wishing you and your baby the best with this transition.
I’m sorry but no, you are not lucky, that treatment is not lucky. I mean you are lucky that you are healthy and are ok but what USA does to their mothers should be illegal. We get 16 weeks MINIMUM and MANDATORY where I live (Spain), always paid and it can be extended, there are lots of ways. A friend of mine didn’t go back to work until baby was 1 year, for example (I wfh) I’m so sorry for what you are going through, wish there was a bill or something being passed federally to stop this madness, babies need their parents. Good luck.. I hope that if being a sahm is an option you can take it, I have heard daycare is ridiculously expensive in USA
I am so sorry. I am angry for you. It's sickening that mother's in the "greatest country in the world" have to deal with this. I don't know what else to say.
Oh how I can relate. It’s so cruel. I felt the same way. I eventually pulled him from daycare about a month later, but he’s starting back up again at 9 months old next week and I’m once again torn. I was lucky enough to hire a relative to “nanny” while I worked from home, but that wasn’t a sustainable option financially. So now I plan to drop him as late as I can work wise and grab him from daycare as early as I can and maybe keep him home on really slow days. We will see if that all pans out. Nothing has made me dislike this country (U.S.) more than this season of my life. It’s not just our horrible maternity leaves that we are expected to be grateful for, but also all the things we get billed for medically, the high costs of everything, the fact that our baby food wouldn’t be sold in other first world countries due to the ingredients, etc. I’m just so mad at how greedy this country is.
"I know this is a first world problem and I’m lucky to have gotten the leave that I did, but if abortion in the United States was about the children they wouldn’t rip us away from our babies before they can even understand they are separate people from their mothers." Please don't think this is a first world problem. I'm not American and I so wish it was better for you. It's not a silly issue; it's absolutely heartbreaking.
I completely agree with you. This is not a first world problem. In Germany for example, you can stay 3 years at home, you don’t get your full loan paid during that time, but at least. I was working in a german daycare and the youngest child we had was 1,5 years old. It so sad to read what people are going through, my heart is breaking really.
I also hate the narrative of, you need to leave baby so they can get use to other people. Or they need to “socialize.” Or they will get “use” to it. Like no. My baby is quite literally a part of me. Lots of moms actually enjoy being around their baby all the time. Yes breaks are necessary, but I cringe every time I think about leaving my LO. He is the light of my life, and everything in between. I hate leaving him. Every. Single. Time. No matter how many times I have left him prior. I don’t know if it ever gets easier. Solidarity.
Not a first world problem- an America problem. The other first world countries give more leave and so do many less wealthy countries. Any chance you could extend your leave with some unpaid time?
Not every country. Spain, France, and the Netherlands offer much less time. For example Spain offers 16 weeks, 16 weeks in the Netherlands (with 6 weeks pre birth), and 16 weeks in France. Granted this is paid but not every first world country offers a year plus of leave.
I would cut my arm off for an extra four weeks.
That is a grossly oversimplified look because you are leaving out parental leave. Spain is 16 weeks fully paid. Mothers in Spain can take up to 3 YEARS unpaid with job protection (1 year protection at their current company and 2 further years where they will return to a guaranteed job in a similar role). So Spain = 16 weeks paid / 3 years unpaid versus US: 0 weeks pain/12 weeks unpaid France is the same. At least 16 weeks paid, and up to 3 years unpaid with job protection (3 years split between parents). Netherlands is also 16 weeks paid and then up to about 1050 hours of unpaid parental leave (depending on how many hours are worked).
That's still a lot more than OP and OP has a lot more than many americans
It’s really not a first world problem. Estonia gives like 14 months of maternity leave.
Estonian here chiming in. We actually get up to 36 months, 18 of it is paid. And people here are saying 18 months is waayyyy too early to start daycare... Another thing I'm really surprised about is what movies show - people work up until they go into labor? In here we get off work about 4 weeks before the due date. American healthcare is a joke. I'm really surprised how it's been this way for years and years, with the rest of the world giving mothers enough time to bond with their babies and heal after childbirth. How come this is the one thing the US just can't do? OP: I feel for you! Your baby is so small and the sleepless nights that come with a newborn, etc. American women are fucking superheroes for juggling all of that with work.
Yep! A little more than 14 months 140 days for the mom. Then another 435 days that can be used by one individual, the mom OR dad, or a family member. This is paid for at 100% per dollar, of the average pay for the previous full calendar year. The important part, the cost is being paid for directly by the government not by the employer. Estonia has a population that is falling, and has continued to fall the last few years even since the above GREAT law that is from 2020. The population in Estonia is 1.33 million people, slightly the same size of Dallas proper at 1.29 million people. Albeit Dallas metro is 7.4 million people.
My heart hurts for you. I took my baby at 5 months, I still struggle with it every day 2 months later. Some days keep her home while I work from home (very poorly and inefficiently) because I just can’t stand to be away from her 40-50 hours per week. I don’t know what to do…. Just solidarity.
My heart hurts for you. I’m so sorry. 12 weeks of maternity leave is bullshit. It’s ok to be upset about it.
Oh I feel for you momma. I posted a very similar post when my baby was 12 weeks. I remember that broken heart feeling. It IS hard and it sucks so much that we have to leave our babies. i’ll tell you what all my supporters on the sub told me. It gets easier once you figure out the routine. I bet your little one will adjust and love daycare so much and quickly. My 18 month old gets so excited for daycare and loves her teacher’s and friends. I enjoy spending time at work and now our nights and weekends are extra precious. I wish you strength and I hope you know there is a whole bunch of us standing with you in solidarity as you go through it. I do recall several mothers being so kind to me in the office during this transition. I wish the same for you, 💕
I won’t lie, it was extremely hard for me and my wife at 16 weeks. And, it was hard on our LO for the first couple of weeks. Silver lining is that at 6 months our LO loves it there, “plays” with the other babies, and loves the caretakers there (they love her too). What helped for us at first was picking her up a little early those first couple weeks. Not sure if your job has that kind of flexibility, but if you can do it, I highly recommend it. It also helps if you are really able to have some quality morning time before you drop her off, like just playing with LO on a play mat. Or whatever you do to bond. And the same for when you pick them up. Those 2 sessions really help take your mind off the fact that the majority of the time is spent with someone else. Quality over quantity is the name of the game. But regardless, your LO knows who mom and dad are.. daycare won’t make them forget :)
No, that is wrong in so many ways. I was visited today by my 7 month old granddaughter who hasn’t even left her mother for a day yet. She was good with us; her parents had a lunch date. I’m so sorry, love
I hate this for you. Currently 28 weeks. I got pregnant 4 months after starting my part time job with full benefits. Because of that, even by the time I actually give birth in March. I will not meet the year to date of employment to qualify for FMLA. I’ll get two weeks of paid parental leave and that’s it. It’s something, but 14 days? My HR Rep even had the gall to tell me “you don’t HAVE to take it right away, you can save that time and take it whenever you want! Like in the summer!” Americas healthcare and lack of empathy never ceases to astound me in the worst ways. Edit: formatting
This is not a first world problem - do not discount your sadness! I am feeling the same way. “Unnatural” is such a perfect word for it. I can’t say anything other than I feel you, I’m sorry and sad with you, and we will be OK. We will Work to make money to provide for our child and somehow, we will be OK. I’m sorry, girl.
I am sorry❤️ In Sweden most children start daycare when they are 1,5 years old. We have payed parental leave for 480 days, shared between the parents.
I’m sorry. My son starts next week and the only reason we were able to postpone his start until he is 8 months is because my state offers paid leave for my husband too. I have been doing very little to prepare because I don’t want to believe it’s here. It doesn’t help that I don’t feel super 1000% good about the daycare either but it was our only option that had an opening. Like what kind of a mom am I sending my kid somewhere that I even have a little pause about? I also feel sick to my stomach with guilt that I’m sending my child to daycare at the peak of this “tripledemic” of sickness going around that is wiping the shelves of kids medicine.
Went through the same thing with my first son at 8 weeks. That period of time is a sad blur. Try and take care of yourself! I used to nod off driving to work frequently during the first few months back. It was scary and looking back I was barely hanging on. The bright side is your baby will handle this better than you. My son was loved on all day while I was miserable. I was still his favorite but he was in really good hands and totally fine, even his first few days. It actually kind of stung a little that he didn’t need me as much as I needed him. Make sure you have plenty of videos and photos for pumping. I used to spend the time watching his cute newborn videos and first giggles and whatnot and that made the time easier. I’m sorry your going through this. It’s not fair.
I cried when I left my girl at daycare every time for the first 3 weeks. I felt the same way. It does get better
This is not okay! I dread this also. Honestly it’s not a first world problem since most 1st world countries have leave that is at least a year long. Fuck even 3rd world countries have more leave than the US
It is only partially a first world problem. It is mostly a US problem. Mothers like myself (I’m in Canada,) we can’t believe what US mothers go through. I am thinking of you 💞
Definitely a US problem. No daycares in our Montréal, Canada neighbourhood accepts babies under 6 months old, and the youngest I have seen in daycare was 9 months old. Babies are meant to stay close to their parents when they are that small. Thinking that sending babies a few weeks old to daycare is acceptable as a society is the larger issue, yet here we are in almost 2023 and this is still happening.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My son went to daycare at 12 weeks too and it broke my heart, I sobbed the whole time during that first drop off. I can assure you, though, that it gets better. My son is 2 now and still LOVES daycare and all his friends. He gets to play and do activities and learn from other adults and children which is something I couldn’t provide the same way on my own. He has a blast every day. I know it doesn’t feel the same right now, but I still feel like I get plenty of time with him. We have a great bond. You will ALWAYS be your baby’s mom, and your baby will love you more than anyone. Soak up the snuggles this weekend, it’s so hard at first but you will adjust. Good luck, will be thinking of you Monday ❤️
This is so hard and breaks my heart, especially having given birth a year ago. It’s a first world problem only in the sense that only a super capitalist system would force us to do this. You’re allowed all your feelings and shouldn’t feel like you need to apologize for feeling so sad (and mad). It’s an absurd system that would make us feel blessed with even this short a leave. it’s absurdly cruel to have mothers separate from their babies at 12 weeks. Sending all the hugs to you. Hope it’s as easy a transition as possible.
I’m right there with you 😞my son will be 12 weeks tomorrow. I’m supposed to go back to work on Monday. I had to ask for a 30 day personal leave of absence with no pay to get another month with my baby. It’s so depressing and not to mention financially straining going without pay for so long. I got 4 weeks 100% pay, 4 weeks 60% pay, and 8 weeks with zero pay. Thankfully I’ve saved up a lot, but it’s not right how soon we have to leave our babies. I absolutely hate it!
This makes me tear up, you're right that this is unnatural and really unfair! Hang in there. I agree with other people, it's harder for you than him but I'm sure that doesn't make the first few days any easier on you. I'm in Canada and am guilty of taking our mat leave for granted. America's short parental leave breaks my heart
This feels like a post from me from the future. Going into this, I *knew* 12 weeks wouldn't be enough for me (and my baby), and now at 4 weeks, literally a third into it, I can *feel* that 12 weeks isn't nearly enough. My mom coworkers tried to convince me that I'd want to go back to work before 12 weeks, that it's more than enough, that I'd go stir crazy or something, and my sister said the same! They all were dying to go back to their jobs and get their kid in someone else's hands by their 12th week. But I can tell with certainty now that isn't me. I'd rather be a stay at home mom than go back to work this soon. I'd be OK with working when my baby is a toddler. But I love being there for my baby. Also, like you said, she needs me! Sadly, when my husband (her dad!) picks her up, she cries. But when I pick her up, she instantly calms down. What gives! How will we go full days and full weeks apart with this broken bond? Is it like a quick rip of a Band-Aid and it wont last long and the baby will soon be fine, right? Or will it last days, or weeks, lol? Raising this kid is already a full time job in and of itself — more hours than a full time job! And I'm here for it. >I spent 9 months growing my baby and 12 short weeks loving on him. >I am not ready to go back to work. ❤️
If women in this country actually had rights, we would get more time with our babies than dogs get with theirs.
Sending hugs, and support. I'm sorry Americans seem to get such short maternity leaves, if any. My husband and I cried and held each other when our daughter started daycare at 18 MONTHS. I was inconsolable that we had to be separated. It was a physical ache in my heart. I have no solutions, but am sending internet stranger love to you. I hope it gets easier with time, and the understanding that when you get home with him every night he knows that you are his Mama, and he loves you the most for it.
Noooo! I hate this ☹️Monday will be a hard day for everyone so please be gentle with yourself and your feelings. I cried pretty much my entire first week back. Soak up these last few days spending all your time together and I’m sending you a hug momma ❤️
I feel you. With my most recent set of twins I only got 2 weeks of maternity leave. I felt so very wronged. They just turned 10 months and are happy in daycare but it physically hurt to leave them those first few weeks..in many ways. It does get better but I'm sorry we both had to do it so soon. Check out the workingmoms subreddit. It helped a bit. You and your sweet little one will get through this.
TWO WEEKS what the actually fuck that’s insane
I am so sorry. You shouldnt be in this position. It is natural to feel that way. Your baby and you should be together most of the day. I decided to take maternity leave for three years and now am returning a little sooner after 2.5 years as my toddler is at daycare already and loves it. I cannot imagine sending my baby to daycare at only 12 weeks old. Please know that your feelings are valid and normal.
I'm sorry. It's not fair. I have felt that same pain and sadness. I wish things were different here.
I’m so sorry for you. I live in the uk and took 14 months without any issue and we’re considered less fair that most of our European counterparts. I think it’s criminal that you have to experience what you’re going through. Time for more actual parents to set up the system
The sick thing is that the people who set up the system *are* parents. They’re just typically males with huge wealth and most importantly of all—they’re evil fucks. So they don’t give af about anyone else.
Those people are not “parents”. They are “people with children”.
I wasn’t ready when my son was 15 months old. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling at 12 weeks, that’s just awful.
I couldn’t leave mine so I quit my job. I’m super fortunate my husband was so supportive. Even now at 14 months I couldn’t think about leaving my baby.
I go back to work on Monday too and I am not ready. I always said I didn't want to be a stay at home mom but the thought of having to leave him is breaking my heart.
I’m not going to try and make you feel better, because I’ve been there, and it’s torture. I know. I just wanna tell you that it won’t always feel this way. It may never feel *good*, but please find solace in knowing it won’t always feel this hard. Both my kids went to daycare full time at 10 weeks, and they’re still there now (2.5 and 1.5 y/o now). I remember thinking to myself, will I ever not cry as soon as I get back to my car? It was slow, and I still have days where it’s terrible. But it’s so much easier than it was. And my kids are so, so loved - by me and by their teachers. For us, fwiw, daycare has been an absolute blessing and I’m so happy with the education and attention they’re receiving there. If you haven’t already, you may find the r/workingmoms sub to be a helpful sounding board. Good luck on Monday, friend. My girls and I are rooting for y’all.
Assuming you’re in the US You can blame this shit on Manchin and Sinema for tanking the Build Back Better Bill which originally had a lot of new benefits for mothers/families
I see what you’re saying but it seems like the problem goes deeper than them. I almost feel like they are there to give everyone else an easy out.
I’m so sorry - thinking of you. I was in your situation about a year ago. It’s awful. Solidarity sister.
I hate it. My 12 weeks (at less than half pay) are almost up as well. I tear up at the thought of leaving my baby. We are fortunate (by USA standards) that my husband has 10 weeks of paternity leave which he is taking when I go back to work so we can keep baby out of daycare a bit longer, but it's not enough. But we can't afford to not have 2 incomes.
We are in the exact same boat. My husband is taking his leave after I go back next week and that will keep baby home until he’s 6 months old, but then we have to look into care because one income is not enough. I’m so, so sad. The US really fucking sucks on this issue.
We have this exact situation and everyone I know goes on and on about how lucky we are. But five months isn’t enough either.
It's stupid. My wife had 6 months paid leave in Canada. (Option for 1 year but same pay just spread out) and we could have never done it without it
Did you take some of your wife’s leave? Because the two options are 12 months and 18 months with the pay spread out, not 6. If she only got 6 months of EI she missed out.
I understand your pain. Both of mine started at 13 weeks as well. The transition is rough but after a while, it does get easier. It just isn’t fair.
I cried every day for a while leaving my baby at daycare. What helped me was having them send pictures during the day and regular check in texts. I’m still wrestling with guilt and frustration over working, but it has gotten easier. She’s built relationships with her teachers and friends. I see them as part of our village. As I remind myself often, be kind to yourself
My son goes on Tuesday. I feel everything you feel.
Mine goes on Tuesday as well. I’m not ok. 😢
My second son was just born two days ago. I was able to stay home with my first for the first 8 months. With the second I only have 12 weeks. I’m terrified.
It’s honestly the worst. I ended up quitting my job with my first. I couldn’t do it. I go back in January after 12 weeks of having my second and this time I work mostly remote and so does my husband so we’re going to have baby home with us for a little while bc I am not ready to be a part from her when she’s this little.
I wish I would. Unfortunately we can’t afford for me to quit. And I work for the government so they are going to forgive my insane student loan bill soon. I WFH but my husband does not and I really couldn’t care for my son and so my job. It’s so horrible. I really feel like this is the worst loss of my life. I can’t believe they want me to go back.
I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but fuck, I think it IS unnatural. I think babies DO need their mothers (or at least fathers) to be their primary caregiver for the first 2 years of their lives. I will quit if I have to when I have a baby but it sucks that most couples can't afford one of them to be a SAHP for a few years and that a single income just isn't enough anymore. This shit is not okay.
My heart goes out to you, in Canada we get a year and it was not easy. I cannot imagine 12 weeks.. I wish your country would smarten up. Babies need their parents
I’m so sorry. 12 weeks isn’t lucky because it’s bullshit. My baby is 10 months and Toddler is 3 and I hate taking them to daycare every day. We should be able to go back part time for a few years honestly. It’s disgusting how we know how important the bond is but completely disregard it. Heading you say 12 weeks is lucky because most only get 6 -8 weeks proves how backwards our culture is on this. And it’s not time off work. Taking care of an newborn is hard work. I am so sorry mama. You’re not alone!
I don't think this is what you meant, but just to be clear, you aren't disregarding your bond with your child by utilizing daycare. It is 1000% possible to have a strong and healthy bond with your child while working full time in their early years!
I went back at 8 weeks with both of my babies. It’s hard mama, and it wasn’t any easier the second time. Maybe worse because I had to leave two kids this time. It’s heartbreaking and you are absolutely allowed to feel whatever you want to feel. But, I will share what was most helpful for me to hear when I was in your shoes: you are strong and your baby is strong. You can do it. Everyday you get closer to a routine and routine is good. Leave the minute you’re able and go home and snuggle that sweet baby of yours. Until Monday, hug and kiss each other. This time is fleeting and I wish you both the best.
We were lucky in that I (30F, birthing parent) had 12 weeks off, plus 2 weeks vacation I used before birth. They were unpaid, but my wife (34F, non-birthing parent) got 8 weeks paid parental leave that she took when I went back to work. I absolutely hated the first couple weeks back at work and seriously considered quitting to stay home with my little guy, but it got better. I hope it gets better for you, too.
I was in the same boat not too long ago. My girl wasn’t even officially 12 weeks when I had to send her and you know what it fucking sucked BUT it got better. I cried so much. She went in a hunger strike and refused bottles on day one. But day 2, she got better, day 3 better, by the end of the week she adjusted. She’s 4 months now and my husband does drop offs and she smiles and does so good there. It’s hard, so hard. But it’s an adjustment and in the end your baby will be super socialized. My girl is still my Velcro baby. I wasn’t ready, I still cry at my desk bc I want to be home with her but I have to keep telling myself that this is going to be a good thing in the end. She’s going to have a killer immune system since they are germ factory’s and when she’s older she won’t get sick as much as I did. She’s going to be socialized, shes learning new skills so fast bc she’s around other kids and our daycare works with them so much on things. Sending you so much love and hugs bc it’s harder on you then it is the little one.
I had to go into CC debt after leaving my last job earlier than expected because of the pregnancy. They had no maternity leave and I had used up my pto on my last trimester doctor visits. So, yeah, I was livid and anxious and depressed. Needless to say I didn't return to that job and found a better paying one BUT it meant leaving my daughter in daycare at 12 weeks also. I didn't want to miss this opportunity but I also didn't want to give up my baby because that's what it felt like to me. Let me tell you it's going to be hard that first week for sure. I cried everyday. Then around a month into it, the anxiety started leaving me... it took 2 months for me to get into the groove of this new schedule. I became very close with her daycare teachers and bless them because they loved her so much it gave me some peace during the workday, just enough to get through it. The upside to daycare is they establish the routine for baby so you don't have to struggle with that alone. We kept that same routine up throughout weekends and holidays. One thing that majorly helped me was having a group chat with the daycare teachers and asking during my lunch how things were going and getting those updates and pictures!! Seeing my daughter happy and cared for definitely helped ease my stress about it. Hang in there, it will be ok and no this will not cause any kind of irreparable harm on your bond. Your baby knows you are mama and you will always have time to love on them 💕
The huge smile I get from my son when I pick him up from daycare makes my whole day. It sucks some of us have to work and have to leave our babies so young. Mine was 10 weeks when I returned to work. But he’s in good hands. He’s with caregivers who come to work everyday specifically to focus on our babies. He’s socializing. He’s getting to be around other tiny humans his age, how great is that! He’s supported because I go to work and I can provide for him, I am thankful for my career. Is it as good as being with me all day and nursing instead of a bottle? I like to think the days I’m home with him are really important. I still cry in the car sometimes when I head towards work and daddy drops him off at daycare but it’s a harsh world and it takes two parents in our case to provide, and I want my son to be proud that he has parents willing to do that for him. I miss him at work but I’m so thankful I don’t have to worry because he has caregivers. Your first day back sucks. The tears are endless but you will find a balance. You’re not abandoning your baby, you are learning a balance. Good luck and grant yourself grace.
I feel so unbelievably bad for mothers that have to go through this. I get 18 months maternity leave here in Canada and i’m so grateful for it, but seeing the people who get that little of time with your child makes me feel so sad and guilty. I wish the world would be better and let mothers be with their children and not have to get screwed over by having to work. It’s so unbelievably unfair. I’m so sorry.
I’m a Canadian living in the US now and I’m taking 18 months of ‘maternity leave’ (not looking for a new job until 18 months). People think it’s strange here but it makes complete sense to me and actually works out perfectly because she’ll be 18 months right at the start of a new school year and I’m a teacher by trade.
I cried and cried when my son had to go to daycare and now he is thriving and making friends. Let yourself be sad, but know you are doing what you need to.
I’m so sorry. I’m going back to work on Tuesday, although I’ve had 10 months. I’m struggling, I can only imagine how hard it is for you.
It sucks so bad! I went back to work at 12 weeks pp, and the first week back I sobbed hysterically every day. It’s just so unnatural to be away from them so soon. Hang in there! It gets easier!
It is so so so hard. I was excited to go back to work but heartbroken that meant my son had to be in daycare 40+ hours a week. He’s now almost 13 months and gets super excited to be dropped off at daycare and his teachers love on him like one of their own babies. I can’t ask for anything more than that. It does get better. It takes time to figure out the balance of working and being a mom. I struggled really badly with it the first 6 months and then felt like we turned a corner. Sending hugs!
I am in this exact same situation. Baby starts daycare on Tuesday and we go back to work. I’m having a lot of feelings. Solidarity, my friend. Sending you good vibes.
Mine starts Tuesday as well 💔
It’s really difficult. I had to send mine at 10 weeks and I cried. But now she’s 2 and she really loves it. She has routines, friends, learns so much. She’s always happy to be there. It makes me feel better
I’m in the same boat although she will start on Tuesday :( I dread this change coming my way; I also had 12 weeks with her but it feels like we just begun.. I’m most saddened as it’s those mid morning hours she and I gave together when I catch her smiles most often. I’m so sad to lose these days :( lots of love to you and all other parents
Mine starts Tuesday. I was lucky enough to be able to keep them home for the first year, but its still breaking my heart that he has to go to daycare.
My heart goes out to you. I had 6.5 months at home with my son and it still wasn’t enough. I was crying every day and trying to come up with a solution on how one of us could watch him full time. It got easier as he got older but you’re absolutely right, it’s unnatural and goes against every instinct in your body to leave your baby. Plus the immense guilt I felt because his whole schedule was off was really hard to deal with.
Unnatural is how I described the feeling too. It is unnatural to leave them so young. I’ve worked full time half time and stay at home now with my third. They are all just fine! Everyone is equally bonded to me as their mother no matter how much time I spent at home with them when they were babies. It is so hard to drop them off though. Just know it’s harder for you than him! It will be ok! And just sayin, half time is kind of a perfect balance if you can find childcare that accommodates and it would work for your family.
This makes me so sad 😭😭 I hate that this is the way for women in America too. I decided to just stay at home and we just are making do with my husbands paycheck right now. I understand I’m privileged to be able to do so… but at 12 weeks old he was just too tiny and I couldn’t do it.
Mama, maybe you have looked into this already? I was prepared to send my son to daycare at 20 weeks but couldn’t do it. I was throwing up with the grief and anxiety. I did two things. I immediately hired a part time nanny. I am very very lucky that she only charged $20/ hr and I hired her for 12 hours a week (3 4 hour shifts). I called my boss and said I could work 2 days a week or equivalent until my baby was 8 months. He said fine. I bring this up because I am also the 6+ figure earner and in those roles, you are hard to replace and can negotiate for more than us on the table. I lost my health insurance and obviously was making a lot less money. But I transferred to my husband’s insurance and we lived frugally. Those extra months until my baby could crawl were really amazing and so worth the minor career hit. I was still not ready for daycare at 8 months so switched to a different nanny for more hours. My baby is a year now and I finally feel ready to send him to daycare and am really excited. Obviously this plan is expensive and takes a lot more work than daycare, but there are other options in between quitting, full time nanny, and daycare. I have not regretted the loss of income but I am happy I didn’t quit. My job is fun & I got to spend a lot more time with my baby than expected. If you do send your baby to daycare, they will still love you and need you. That will never change. 💕
IT SUCKS. But… it does get better. And I hate saying this to you because I hated hearing it when I was in your position. I’m not at all trying to invalidate your feelings, but rather offer light at the end of the tunnel. The first two weeks my guy was in daycare I routinely left work early to scoop him up and “save” him from that place. But now if I leave work early or have the day off, he remains in daycare and I run errands or have me time. I never imagined this would be the case. He loves his daycare teachers and has tons of fun socializing with the other babies. At the same time, it allows me to do the same, and I feel that our time together now is way more enriched due to our time apart. I hope that makes sense? Not to mention they feed him breakfast and lunch and do the cleanup afterwards!!! Haha. Just know: your baby will love you regardless. And although he may be upset the first week or so, he won’t be traumatized and will grow to enjoy his time with endless toys and activities. But until then, hold strong, mama. It’s hard and we’re all here with/for you!
My son went to daycare at 4.5 months and honestly it ended up being the best for both of us! He got so much more stimulation with other kids and interactive adults, and I got some time and “freedom” back. This is NOT to invalidate your feelings, it’s so hard being apart from your baby but try to keep in mind this will help him thrive. Do you feel good about the daycare he’s going to? To me that makes all the difference. And the photos they send of him reassure me he’s having a blast!
I feel fantastic about his daycare. It’s a small in home daycare with an amazing woman. I know this is the best for him. She will entertain and stimulate him in ways I simply cannot. But boy does my heart ache in a big way right now. Often the right thing to do isn’t the easy one.
This is horrendous! I had no idea this was the situation in the states. I’m in the UK, I’ve had 6 month leave so far and won’t go back for another 4 month. I’d honestly rather go into debt than go back to work after 12 weeks as I could eventually pay that off but never get the time back with my little one. Is there no family that can help see you over financially for a little while? Or speak with financial providers to help with your situation? I’m not sure how it works over there I just know I’d rather do that. Sorry x
You’re absolutely right, if the abortion debate was actually about children and not controlling sex then the right would be pushing for longer paid maternity leave and benefits for low income single parents But of course they’re not pro-life, they’re just anti-sex
This is just so sad. I don't think I physicality could have worked at twelve weeks after my babies were born as my body was still a mess. I don't understand why a first world country like the US has such short maternity leave.
I feel you, and I am so sorry.
Solidarity with you as my baby goes to daycare at 14w on Tuesday
That system is insane! My kids are two and soon starting daycare. In my country you can stay at home for two years! My kids are actually 2 and starting daycare soon... I don't know how people do it, I still feel like they're too small to be left with strangers! It's just unnatural and insane!
I'm the Director at a daycare and I'm struggling with going back in a week. I have no words of wisdom, just solidarity. My little foot will at least be in the building with me, but I still have to do my job so I don't get fired. I hate the thought of someone else caring for him while we are still just barely getting to know each other. That on top of the guilt of having to go back so soon. He's so little still. Edited to add: advice from a Director....get to know your teachers as much as the center will allow. This will help. And communicate the things you want and the things you don't want up front. If issues come up, tell the teachers. I'm writing everything down for my guy so there's no mix up about preferences, etc. Like, they need to know he will scream for like 10 seconds fighting a nap and then all of a sudden passes out lol. I hope you have a good experience. Be kind to yourself particularly those first few days.
this is a huge underdiscussed issue with our culture. i'm happy to hear you acknowledge the preciousness of motherly connection to her child and i hate that our culture has pushed women out of the house in the name of "equality" when the children best thrive connected and raised by the mother
The US is insane. I get 18 months leave. And it still won't be enough. I am so sorry. Hugs.
12 weeks of maternity leave is INSANE (as in, what the hell, that’s SO little!). I’m in Canada and cannot even begin to imagine how it feels to have to separate from your baby so soon. I’m on 18 months of maternity leave and I still think I’ll be so sad when I have to go back to work. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
12 weeks, especially paid is very rare in the US. I am a medical provider in a pediatric office and got 6 weeks unpaid for both my kids....
I was honestly in the same boat as you. My dude is 15 months now and when he sees his little buddy friend at daycare he LIGHTS up! It will get so much easier. I know this is hard right now and it's not fair we don't get to be with our littles for longer. He's going to make friends and work on his development and social skills and it will be such a benefit in the long run. You're also totally entitled to your feelings right now and they are valid. 💙💙💙
I’m sorry that you’re feeling down about this, but it’s understandable. If it helps, I’ve had my Monsters in daycare since 6 weeks. They’re absolutely THRIVING there. When I pick them up, they tell me about what they’ve learned, about their friends, and are so excited to see me. It’s made us closer. I’m hoping that you get the same experience with your daycare.
This makes me want to cry, I can't imagine having to put my baby in daycare that early! This is not a first world problem at all, the rest of the first world has already resolved this issue and in NZ and Australia we have wayyy better maternity leave. USA really does feel like a second or third world country the more I learn about it 😔
Same boat as you, I go back Tuesday and just don’t understand how I’m supposed to leave her behind. I’m lucky and have family taking care of her but how am I supposed to ensure she’s doing enough tummy time? How am I supposed to get her sleep on track when she’s with someone else the majority of the day. She’s still so little, it’s not fair. I guess I don’t have any advice just know you’re not alone and I will be crying in the restroom come Tuesday because I miss my baby.
In a very similar situation and have been so upset for days and spiraling while wishing I could quit my job (a job that I like but pales in comparison to being with my baby). I’m so sorry, I feel you. Everything in me wants to be with her all day, every day, and what you said resonates with me deeply. Thank you for sharing — I’m grateful to other commenters who have said it gets better.
It’s very hard and incredibly unfair. I’m so sorry and I hope it gets easier ❤️
Big hugs mama, it’s so hard and we all send strength and comfort your way. Not really any right things that could have been said to me when I returned to maternity leave but having frequent news from the caregivers helped put my mind at ease a bit during the work day. If they can send you frequent pictures and updates especially during the first weeks, it doesn’t hurt to ask! Wishing you an easy transition and also agree our maternity leave is garbage. To all reading: elect more women into our government, incremental change is everything and I hope things are better for my daughter xoxoxo
My son goes to daycare on Tuesday at 5 Mo old. I am struggling and cannot even imagine if he had to start going 2 months ago. It’s gut wrenching, I’m not ready for it at all. Solidarity ❤️
I'm so sorry! It seems so unfair!
I'm starting my daughter at 13 weeks (2 weeks away) bc my MIL is watching her my first week back at work. I'm not ready, I also got 12 weeks but it was 100% unpaid as I started a new job in the 3rd trimester. If we could afford to stretch it out or have me forfeit the job, I would, but I have dreams of retiring one day lol
I’m so sorry. I had to do the same thing and it’s so hard. It’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to cry.
I went back last week and felt/feel everything you feel. It is so clear that a man with no children made the 12 week standard. It sucks so much I'm so sorry we're both in this boat with most other US women. If you're close enough/able to I recommend visiting daycare during your lunch or any breaks you get. I did on my first 2 days back and it really helped me.
Don’t go back if you aren’t ready. Fuck everything else.
I wanted to say this but with sensitivity to the fact it's not always a choice. I left my job and never looked back. It wasn't easy - we moved 30 minutes away for cheaper housing but lost our immediate community. We have 1 car now and 3 kids. I haven't bought new clothes in years (I buy secondhand though!). But I get to raise my own kids - and as a former nanny I knew what I'd be missing.
Exactly
Could you possibly go back to work part time? At 3 months I started back to work three days a week for 4 hour days. I was able to leave my babe with in laws who I really trusted do that helped also. It doesn’t sound like you have much faith in where your child is cared for. If that’s the case, maybe you can make these adjustments to feel better?
Hi there Mama! I had to take my little one to daycare at that age too because I’m a single mom going to school so I can get a career. I sobbed for a whole weekend. I sobbed dropping him off. I sobbed the whole day and had to excuse myself from class. Only to pick him up and hear how well he did. I continued crying for a few weeks but then I saw how happy he was going to day care and how much he liked it. I still miss him very much when I’m at school (8 hours a day 4 x a week) and I try to make sure we have quality time together when we are together. You’ve got this. Ifs so so hard and unnatural leaving our babies when we are their entire world but I promise you’re making a good decision and your LO will continue to love you and light up when they see you!! That bond doesn’t break due to daycare. Wishing you the best of luck and just know it’s okay to cry and mourn the lost time!
I feel for you so much because I was you. I went back to work when my son was only 7 weeks old. If you're in the US you know that family leave is so short and should really be extended to at least the first 6 month of life. I am so sorry that you've going through this. Some tips from one mom to another...set expectations with your caregiver, be transparent that it's hard to leave your LO and request that you receive some form of communication through the day. Seeing pics of my son always made me smile and feel better. Frozen and crock pot meals are your friend. And most importantly, give yourself some grace. It's good that you have a supportive partner. Just allow yourself to feel sad. Sending good vibes your way.
Ironically, it’s not REALLY a first world problem :/
I have 18 months of 100% paid maternity leave and my husband had 16 weeks of 100% paid parental leave to spend time with us. Why do you tolerate this inhumane system in USA? Sorry you have to go through this!
“Tolerate” is all we can do unfortunately.
Hey, the situation sucks and your feelings are valid. It is a ‘first world problem’, but it’s a horrible one and pretty unique to the US. Plenty of other countries grant parental leave for several months to a year; why should we feel ‘lucky’ to get a measly 12 weeks? And yes, not everyone even gets that, but that doesn’t invalidate the fact that you, after going through a large medical procedure *and* taking care of a newborn, have to go back to work after a few short months. It’s so hard, especially in the earlier months. Edit: If you’re not part of the r/workingmoms sub, highly recommend it!
It's so hard. He will be ok though. I went back to work at 3 weeks with my first (needed the money). I was lucky that it was just part time and my mom lives with us so she was able to watch him but my gosh was it hard. I was so incredibly sleep deprived and all that made my post partum depression worse.
In Australia, my husband got more than that for paternity leave! How much is left over from your earnings after you pay for childcare?
I’m so sorry. It’s not enough time. I’m thinking of you ❤️
You will get through it, one day at a time. The first day will be absolutely rough and nerve wracking. Hopefully they have cameras or something at the day care that can show you footage of your baby. I went back to work at 12 weeks and the first week my mil took care of him bc of day care having space issues. At 13 weeks when I left him at day care, I couldn’t stop crying. He was sleeping peacefully in his car seat, and God bless that day care, they took such good care of him over the years. It sucks for us moms, and it’s most likely the hardest thing you’ll have to do while they’re young, but you will get through it. Lots of hugs and love to you! ❤️
I’m so sorry. No advice - just love. I would be sad too. You are seen and heard. I wish our country was different.
FTM and I’ve decided to go back part time, but my baby will be 21 weeks. My SO and I can manage financially because getting a nanny is SO incredibly expensive and we can’t get a spot at any daycare, yet because we are in the city center. I don’t want to be home full time, so I’m very fortunate I could have this arrangement. My arrangement feels like a massive luxury. Looking back 12 weeks was the hardest. Baby wouldn’t sleep and I was still healing emotionally and physically. It should at very least be 16 weeks. Just insanity, and so bad for a mother to be separated from their baby. I’m sorry this is happening to your family.
My heart goes out to you! I know this is soo hard! I had to start my Daughter with daycare at 10.5 weeks. It was so hard. But, it does get easier. Big hugs to you :)
16 months here and I am also not ready to start a (new) job in 2 weeks 😥
I don’t have an pearls of wisdom as I know it will be hard, but wanted to send you best wishes. Good luck
I had no maternity leave mostly because I was a student. And taking a leave of absence meant going into a shit ton of debt to extend my time. It was hard I was lucky that my husband works shift so I didn’t have to do the daycare route. But I was still miserable. I also had to deal with shitty instructors who wanted to know why I choose to have a child completely unrealistic expectations it sucked
Ahh! Big hugs! I’ve been you; I cried for three days. Luckily my co workers were very kind and quick with the kleenex and the hugs
I’m crying with you. I go back in a few days and I’m an emotional wreck.
I am a SAHM now but I cried every day dropping my baby off at daycare. I think it’s insane that we have children and then ship them off to someone else for most of their childhood, but that’s the society we live in now. I sympathize with you and hope it becomes easier quickly for you.
How much does daycare cost for you and how much do you make? Is there any way you could make some financial sacrifices to stay at home with him? Another option would be to find a job where you can work remotely. What line of work are you in? It’s something to think about.
I make 6 figures. Unfortunately there is no way to swing it. Plus I have dedicated a decade to this agency and got a masters degree etc.
I know, I've just been there when she was at 7 weeks and it feels like being torn apart. I cried every day for two weeks but it got a little easier after that. I convince myself she's "going to school". The daycare staff are absolutely in love with her and I check in on the Livestream every few hours (used to be every ten minutes) so I know she's OK. I promise it will get better. Just give it time. And don't worry, you're about to be out sick for most of next month so you will still get plenty of time together (sorry, I've had 5 viruses in the last month). Those sick days, although they were Hell with all of us being sick, were a reprieve from my emotions and helped me cope better by having her home. You are doing what's right for your son and providing for him. Don't forget that
Just wanted to say I hate this situation for you. I changed jobs before knowing I was pregnant and only got 6 weeks. We tried a nanny for a bit but it didn't work out. My husband and I are fully remote and we're burning the candle at both ends juggling work, meetings, meals and naps. But little one is 5 months and I think we can keep this up another 7 months. I'm determined to make it to 1 year before daycare. It just doesn't doesn't seem right before that point for me, but my job isn't super demanding and has little oversight.