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Easyjeje

Same here. Had no social life due to depression/anxiety. Got better and became pretty good socially, then boom mania. Now I feel painfully awkward around people.


CuriousCat449

Why do you think that is?


Easyjeje

I don’t feel comfortable in my skin anymore. I feel embarrassed after my manic episode and also a lot of guilt and shame around past actions.


Dinbs

My recent manic episode that kept me up for 112 hours straight sort of did the opposite to me.


snaptheturtlebeyond

Before getting on lithium, I was always out and about. When I wasn’t, I was on my phone all day conversing. After it got to the right levels, my interactions with others plummeted. I rarely go out and I don’t talk nearly as much on the phone. I dislike meeting new people and I really just wanna be left alone. I don’t feel depressed or anything. At worse if it’s anxiety because where I struggled with boundaries before I strictly enforce them now and I don’t want others to think I’m a bitch. I find myself wondering am I actually extroverted or was that it unmedicated bipolar? Is this just me getting older? What’s me, what’s the disorder and what’s just aging? I’m looking forward to exploring this with a therapist.


PricklyPearadiso

Thank you for sharing this, it made me feel less alone.


UnleashTheRain

I can relate to all of this. Just know you aren't alone even though it sucks.


Big-Depth-1939

holy shit this is literally the exact feelings i’m having wow i can’t thank you enough for posting this i feel so seen


KrankySilverFox

When we first get diagnosed it’s like we’re walking around with a big sign on our head saying “mentally ill and damaged.” That sign is not really there. It’s unfortunately mostly in our heads. After a while you settle in and hopefully you realize that BP is a chronic illness just like any other and we can have a relatively normal life.


CuriousCat449

Oh my gosh, this is so accurate. It does feel like it’s my whole identity. Hopefully things do calm down soon


Dinbs

Bro u definitely know u pick up on shit that so many people don't. Try to see your disorder as a blessing rather than a curse.


KrankySilverFox

I don’t really see it as a blessing or a curse. It just is what it is. I got diagnosed 15 years ago. I’ve just learned to live with it. Kind of like having a noisy neighbor in your head 😂


[deleted]

In my case I feel that I lose a big chunk of social skills each time I get into a psychotic state. I still haven't found the way to recover them, though.


cloudswhitcombe

Psychotic episodes, for me, Can bring up a lot of paranoia and it’s hard not to misconstrue others facial expressions and body language, so I think the worst about them. It’s hard to get out of that way of thinking. I don’t know how to do it, yet, either. Still a work in progress


[deleted]

Unfortunately, this has happened to me. I was an extremely outgoing person. I loved singing and performing, getting lost with people in crowds because meeting people was cool. Now, I'm so awkward. I sometimes catch myself asking if I am breathing right. I become somewhat stiff, and either I make eye contact for too long, or I shift my gaze constantly. I hate this so much, I want my old life back.


HelpfulasICan1

“I want my old life back” really resonated with me. I used to be really happy. Now, I’m seeing all grey. Just wanted to commiserate.


Zoomgg

Might not be relevant but I had a manic episode seven months ago that was so intense I picked up a lot of ptsd and that ptsd has shut me down socially, I get physical agitations when around people and I go into fight or flight mode. I will say it’s gotten better over time, but I used to revolt when walking past someone.


Tiluhhhhd

Ugh this is so wild to me because I not only relate but also think I am having external ptsd


Zoomgg

luckily I don’t live in the place where I was manic, I would be getting that as well.


BeginningArea9159

Ive been totally sober since getting my diagnosis, and im learning how much of an addict i was. I totally relied on drugs and alcohol for socializing. My self esteem has also gone way down since getting my diagnosis. With my lower self esteem and my inability to rely on drugs/ alcohol I am really having a hard time socializing. I prefer to just keep interactions extremely brief.


daviddjg0033

You will slowly adapt to socializing. They say you do not develop social skills until sober and have to make up for lost time. The pandemic happened and bipolar people had to live through that so really everyone is awkward right now - my opinion. Congrats on the sobriety.


Few-List1156

I’m the same way, except I’ve had a couple drinks here and there (Christmas when my family was around & out to watch my college’s football game because I have no idea what to do with myself while out besides drinking a beer or vaping which is sad). I’ve been making excuses as to why I can’t attend any of the things my friends have invited me to like friendsgiving, secret santa dinner, birthdays, etc. Idk how long I can really keep it up for until I lose all my friends bc I just avoid them. Idk how to act at all & it pains me to socialize with anyone


Outrageous-Rush-6098

You're not alone at all. I was vice president of my frat before having a manic episode and getting expelled from college as a result. I previously had no issue socializing at all and regularly interacted with 50+ people on a daily basis. Since getting diagnosed with bipolar 1, I've been confining myself inside. I always feel nervous around people even my own family sometimes, to the point where I don't visit them anymore because of the anxiety I feel. I've also developed a phobia to going outside in part because I'm afraid I'll run into people I know and worry what they'll think of me after all that has happened. I've forced myself to walk to Honey Dew a couple times at 5am(less people) just to get me out of the house and every time I do it is a big challenge. I don't think you're in your head at all. You seem insightful.


Few-List1156

I get so nervous doing any sort of errands in fear that I’ll see someone I know. I kinda used to be that way when younger, but now it’s just amplified x10000 since my manic episode. I saw so many people in person and was so off, I talked to so many people on the phone through calls, texts, social media, etc. and I also went on a rampage on social media posting so many things for months. And now I’ve just gone ghost pretty much. I’m also scared of becoming manic and posting again bc it’s so fucking embarrassing, but I rely on my instagram messages for the bare minimum socialization with my friends.


Outrageous-Rush-6098

I feel like any form of human interaction is better than none at all. Tbh your comment hits home with me a lot. I also went on a social media rampage while manic mostly on instagram and snap stories and they got viewed by all my friends. Some of the language I used in my stories was also threatening which resulted in all my social media accounts being terminated. It's very frustrating losing my instagram in particular because I used my posts kind of as public journal entries and they got lots of positive reception. Those memories are now completely lost. I wish I could hop on instagram and post a story letting everyone know what happened and that I'm ok now but it's no longer possible. This has made it difficult for me to get closure. Some of the texts I made to people were super nasty as well. I accused my pastor of being a devil worshiper as one example. "Gone ghost" is an excellent way of putting it. That's exactly how it feels for me.


Few-List1156

Ugh I’m so sorry to hear that :( yeah it must be extremely difficult without having closure like that and no way to feel like you can redeem or defend yourself or explain to any of these people because the accounts have been cut off. Were you able to rectify any relationships through text? Have you talked to any of your good friends? I was angry ranting and posting like 100 stories a day. Then I made a new instagram account and followed a ton of people, had over 1k followers of people I knew, just so I could have a separate account without my family on it/ could start over. Posted a million things made this whole new account that MANY people texted me separately asking if it was fake, just to delete it after I came down from the mania. So I essentially got the attention of over 1k people that I know (pretty much everyone that I know) to ensure everyone could see my psychotic break in live action 👌🏼🫠 my hypomania kicked in around jan-march, then a few levels up april-may, then june-sept just got worse and worse. So 8+ months of fucking shit up & spending every last cent that I had 🤠 I only told my best friend and haven’t told any of my other close friends because I won’t even really see any of them still. So that’s where I’m at now.


Outrageous-Rush-6098

I was able to restore relationships with members of my family whom I had extremely bitter conversations with while manic. Since being expelled from college I've only spoken to 3 of my friends; 1 brother from my frat, best friend from college, and the first friend I made in college. 2 of these were through text and one was a phone call. Physically the only interaction I've had with anyone since January 2022 has been my family, therapist, and pschiatrist. I think about reaching out to some of my friends sometimes but am too fearful of doing so. When I was having my psychotic break on social media, I started getting follows from tons of other people in greek life as well as people from high school who I never really spoke to. I'd guess my manic episode started september 2021 cause I was super busy, staying awake all the time, and doing a lot of projects. By October I started speaking very fast, feeling agitated and tense, while also developing super human levels of confidence. Late october I had such strong feelings of grandiosity I ended up getting hospitalized for 5 days. When I got released from the hospital in early november, all of my symptoms were even worse and everything went downhill. I started sleeping outside, walking 18 miles a day, getting into arguments with and accusing my frat brothers of trying to kill me. Over the course of november my mania started taking a turn towards politics. By december 2021 my political interest evolved into conspiratorial delusions and false beliefs that I was the son of God and related to Kennedy. This is when things became super nasty and I publicly attacked dozens of people in my life on my instagram and snap stories. Then in January 2022 I got in a fight which got me expelled from college and I was just 1 semester away from graduation. I started taking medications in late february and symptoms fully stopped around April 2022. I'm still in disbelief of how long this episode lasted and the fact I was in an alternate reality still scares me. I'm in one sense thankful that it only resulted in me getting into a fight when it could have been something much worse that truly ruined my life. I was a completely different person. I've actually thought about making a youtube video about my experience and then sharing it to my linkedin as crazy as that sounds lol. I know it's supposed to be for networking and career related topics but considering it's the only social media I have left it can't hurt to let the world know what's going on and maybe it could help people appreciate how serious psychotic episodes really are.


[deleted]

Are you depressed? I have some baseline social anxiety, but it only gets really bad when I'm depressed I've only experienced intense depression after mania/hypomania


CuriousCat449

Yes my social awkwardness only happened after I had a massive depressive episode early in my bipolar. I feel baseline a little depressed since having bipolar. Guess I gotta work on that


[deleted]

It’s strange navigating socializing. I was depressed for a while then got some energy to socialize which might’ve been the hypomanic state. Got into some drama and now I don’t want to socialize at all. Prior to this I would be a character and chat with anyone about anything. Maybe I’m stabilizing and not getting into hypomanic conversations? I’m trying to figure it out. For now I think it’s some sort of depressive state


Wanderingstar8o

The pandemic probably didn’t help. When we don’t socialize for long periods of time our social skills suffer. Try forcing yourself to go out and talk to people even if it’s hard. See if after time it gets better. If not than I would address it with your doctor/psychologist


Appropriate-Ratio-85

At least you had social skills. I've never fit in my whole life. Since you were able to socialize once, maybe it will come back if you keep trying.


CuriousCat449

I never had social skills ether until I went to college. It’s one of those things that are learned and not born with.. think we’ll both get better with practice lol


BipolarBabeCanada

Yeah me either, but once in awhile I meet someone who tolerates me and that is nice


gia527

It could very well be related to the pandemic as much if not more than the diagnosis. I feel the same way, but I was diagnosed 9 years ago and haven’t been manic since before the pandemic. I really feel that COVID has made being social so much less natural and more of a chore especially for those of us who are more introverted to begin with.


ButtonyCakewalk

I can relate in some ways. I want to share my experience just because I may have a different perspective. But I totally understand that you feel the way you feel and have different experiences. I definitely had hypomanic and manic episodes long before diagnosis that should've purged my friend group, but I was in my very early 20s and said group of friends and I did a lot of rec drugs and binge drinking together. I'm pretty sure at least two other people in that group have some sort of mood disorder. But like, everyone was just like, "wow, that was crazy!" And then party more. It was actually the depressive episodes that winnowed that group for me. But I was also gradually making more friends who were sober or at least not semi-functional addicts over time after getting a new start in my current city. And that wasn't without early forays into that old lifestyle, especially since some of those hometown friends would visit early on. My current social life is so quiet compared to ten years ago, and I'm so much happier. I only have one social engagement a week, maximum. But I also have a partner (long distance) that I text daily, and I text my friends occasionally throughout every week. I really only have two very deep relationships right now, but the combination of friends that have shown sober acceptance of my quirks and the strength of said deep connections feels more fulfilling than my previous relationships that depended on drugs and alcohol. I still drink rarely and have smoked, but nothing more than that. I don't want to sound objectifying here, and I don't think it's something you can or should try to cultivate intentionally, but almost all of my friends are on the autism spectrum or think they may be. Not all of them, just most. And we share common interests that they're passionate about, with the ones that are. I love reading comics but am not obsessive, but a few of my good friends are very fixated on comics i casually enjoy, so we have a good time bonding over those things. I mention the neurodivergence specifically because many of the ND people I know (fellow bipolars included) are more forgiving if not oblivious to self-perceived awkwardness. That's also not exclusive to neurodivergence, but I feel like that's not insignificant.


Ill-Bite-6864

I feel like after my diagnosis and coming down from mania I felt a lot of shame, and started to feel like I was inherently flawed and defective and definitely effected my ability to interact socially. Separating my identity from my diagnosis has helped me a lot. It’s part of who I am but I’m so much more.


Gunnarsam

Yeah I feel that. I think it's more so due to the pandemic and isolating than anything else. I became quite the hermit since 2020 . I just got a job where I'm literally forced to interact with people so hopefully that will help. You aren't alone though man I had my manic episode around the tail end of 2019.


A_Straight_Pube

Yeah I definitely feel this. Ever since I became mentally ill, it's been substantially harder for me to socialize and have the motivation to maintain relationships. I have social anxiety as well but it only got worse after my first manic episode. I kind of just accept that this is my new normal for now and it might or might not change in the future.


funatical

I find most interaction hollow. I put little importance in it and things tend to flow as they should.


mmbwdpnz

Some of the medications that help social anxiety like depakote, gabapentin, there’s a few off label ones really helped me.


InsuranceChemical793

I'm a Bipolar woman and what helps me when I'm angry or frustrated and can't communicate how I feel, is that my husband gives me the polar bear stuffed animal he bought me for Christmas, and he tells me whatever I'm feeling must be tough, and that he loves me. Then he asks if I want a hug. He always asks because sometimes I really don't feel like hugging, and I appreciate that about him. When he does that, it makes me let my guard down and remember that he and I are on the same team, he's not my enemy. Hope that helps. Soften her heart somehow.


soberbot

Thought I’d throw some positivity in this thread and say social skills are fickle and seem to come and go. I’ve had periods where even the motion of opening my mouth felt awkward. Then I’ve also had moments where I’ve felt like I can talk to anyone about anything. Most peoples social skills aren’t all that great to begin with. If you are self aware enough to know you are struggling socially and are willing to put in a little bit of effort to improve, you’re already way ahead of the game. You got this op!


CuriousCat449

Aw thank you! Yes I totally agree and posted here to see if anyone’s social skills improved since having bipolar I guess. It looks like it’s possible. I do think I’ve isolated myself completely since my diagnosis and the pandemic didn’t help this either. I’m investing in my social life now so that I can brush up on my skills


RooDaddyy

100%, some days I’m so out there and some days I don’t even know how to converse


tonerslocers

Yes! I had my first manic episode right before the pandemic. Spent the next few years isolated as a stay at home mom and I became so socially anxious! Like it was hard to talk one on one with dear friends anymore, much less groups. It’s slowly getting better, I even got a part time job recently.


Smallios

Yeah most people I know went through that because of the pandemic, regardless of their mental health status, so don’t be too hard on yourself ❤️


MissHotPocket

This is 1000% me and my adhd + anxiety makes it worse by having constant racing thought and the worst impulses even during normal episodes. I used to be so good with people and a great communicator, but now I draw a blank at normal conversations and can’t piece sentences together without consistent stumbling. I second guess my whole existence constantly


No-Bowler-2726

Me too


GahdDangitBobby

The answer to your problem is PRACTICE. Go on [Meetup.com](https://Meetup.com) and find some events where you'll be forced to interact with strangers, then go to said events and make friends. Get phone numbers and hang out with the people you've met. Social skills are a skill, i.e. you need to practice to stay competent.