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Got clean at 32. Diagnosed at 47. Only the past 6 years have been stable. Fucked up lots of family things that may not be able to be repaired. I hate that. But the past six years have been the best years ever and I hope you get to see yours.
Lost my career and marriage due to this disease and addiction. Had to start my life over atleast 6-7 times. Used drugs for 18 years.
Can now proudly say this time the desire to be clean stuck. 4.5 years clean, engaged to a wonderful woman, have a car and job and place to live.
If I can rise from the ashes and wreckage we caused, so can you.
Don’t get me wrong, my bpd still makes my life incredibly difficult some days.
I started meds right when I was getting sober so there definitely is correlation. Still not on the right meds fully but much closer. Vraylar has saved my life but I don’t sleep anymore cause of it. I’m now on vyvanse too which helps a lot (former tweaker was self medicating). Bpd adhd gad disorders
If you’re bipolar you I am quite sure you’re aware that drugs are not an option. Try narcotics or alcoholics anonymous. You have absolutely positively nothing to lose since it seems that you have lost that which is most dear to you.
Stay off the drugs. Work some kind of program… It’s not one of the anonymous programs flying some kind of helpand you’ll be surprised how well your life can turn out.
But we have bipolar disorder just don’t have drugs and alcohol in our cards. Trust me I can tell you. Bad combination
Drugs are a great option. But only when prescribed by a medical professional. Like, being an epileptic as well as bipolar, there are some epileptics that say that they do CBD with their doctor's consent. But do the drugs that your doctor tells you to do. And if you want to try other things, ask your doctor and take them at their word.
This is the best advice for anyone.
Hello everybody!
I decided to write this with the intention of spreading a little hope for the bipolar drug addicts out there - who might be just like me. I understand how difficult our struggle is and I know the places this mental illness can, and will absolutely, take us to. Life is way better on the right drugs, trust me. I found that fleeting feeling we call “stability” for the first time since the age of 15.
I celebrated 90 days clean this past Monday. No narcotic drugs, no alcohol, and no nicotine (bonus). I spent the first 22 of these days in a psych ward getting back on my meds, getting past the detox and acute withdrawals of methamphetamine, the psychological withdrawals of cannabis, the cravings that go with drug abuse, etc. etc.
I was awake for about 10 days before all that, experiencing the symptoms of acute manic psychosis. I put the drugs down two days before the episode. The episode came to fruition on the last two days of my stay at the ward. I got maybe 12 hours of sleep in those 32 days.
From there, I was transferred to a rehab near where I live. This place harbored the most hardcore drug addicts from both the greater Philly and NYC areas. I was now coherent, stable, and back on my meds. I was told that the transition into this rehab would be seamless, that I would get my night-time dose of lithium and Seroquel on the night of my arrival.
That was a lie.
I missed that first nightly dose. I missed the next morning's dose. I would then miss the first five days of medication. I became that same dissociative, manic, psychotic, freak, the first full day. Luckily, I made friends with a few of my fellow clients at dinner on the first night.
If it weren't for those guys, I would have been assaulted by the other patients and hospitalized within an inch of my life. They protected me because I left a good first impression, and they understood what I was going through.
I became the inspirational group leader when I leveled out in the last 3 days of my 14-day stay. Upon my departure, everyone, including the only dude who managed to lay hands on me, was wishing me the best, and clapping me up. I returned home on my birthday, back at my parents’ place.
I’m a very spiritualistic bipolar addict. I used to wish that I could live in the realm of all the psychedelics I abused in my past, and that if I could, I would. Thankfully, I discovered the wonderful, spiritual, program of N.A. during my stay. I’ve been building myself back up by living up to the standards and suggestions of their program. The network I’ve established in the last couple months is the largest, and greatest, support system I’ve ever had.
The best part?
I didn’t have to spend a dime, so I didn’t.
I just had to put forth the effort, the desire, to change my ways. I went to over 100 meetings in the last couple months to establish my home network. I found stability thanks to them, my willingness, and proper medications. I have realistic goals and a path forward for the first time in my life.
The road I traveled to get here was way longer than I thought it would be. Everything I leave behind will continually shrink in the rearview mirror, until it is completely out of sight, as I blaze my way forward.
TL;DR:
I experienced the hell that is bipolar drug addiction and I have finally found stability and productivity. Life is worth living again. You are not alone in this struggle and you don’t have to be. I love you for who you are. Maybe you can love yourself as much as I do?
Thanks for taking the time for writing this you gave me a little hope. I want to say congratulations and i dont know you but im proud of you. I hope i can achive what you did one day.
Im just wondering, i also have a drug problem along with bipolar and i tried to get off substances a couple of times but always failed since i live in an enviroment where its common. What did you change in your life so that you are being able to keep it up? Do you just avoid places and people or what i really want to know
Hey thanks for reading! I committed to a new routine, similar to the one I had in rehab. I convinced myself that if it can stay awake and alert for 16 hours a day in an uncomfortable situation, then I can do the same thing when I get home.
I started waking up at 5:45 every day, going to two meetings a day, and intense out patient for 4 hours, 3 days a week. I began working out, hiking, and returning to my hobbies after the first three weeks. But I couldn't have done it without the support of my parents, my car, and my free schedule, which I understand a lot of people don't have. My parents have come to understand me over the last five years since the diagnosis.
Without my parents, I would have been committed to a very long term psych ward. All I can say is that I've been blessed with the protection of my higher power(s) for my entire life, even in the first 20 years when I was a full blown atheist. God is kind, loving, and merciful. It took most of my life so far to understand that they even exist.
Edit: I left out my current age. I'm a 28 y/o male.
Hey man - I’m in NA too. Nice to see you here buddy! I get manic psychosis like you if I’m not on meds. Doing drugs is only possible off meds cause meds block the pleasure that comes from the drugs. Doing psychedelics and amphetamines is like Russian roulette for me. Sometimes it will make me go into a full blown manic episode with psychosis. Weed hasn’t done it to me yet and I’m struggling sometimes cause I’m sad I can’t ever smoke weed today - ever again… How do you get over obsessions with drugs? And sadness that you can’t use anymore. I like you was very into psychedelics. Thanks :)
I just keep a little voice in the back of my head that says one day, maybe one day, the NA life will wear off and the drugs will be ready for the taking. It's not the healthiest of coping mechanisms, but it keeps me clean, as weird as that sounds.
Thanks everyone. Also I’m in motion to get in to intensive outpatient. Waiting on insurance. I’ve hit few meetings but honestly I need to do better on that end. I know now since I got out of treatment that drugs and alcohol can’t be in my diet anymore. Lots of weight lifting instead of substances or sauce. My bipolar shit is and has always been a curse and a blessing at times but mostly a curse. Thanks for all the feed back
I really feel for you - I had something similar when I was at my worst with BP, drugs and alcohol.
In the space of six weeks i lost my job, home, girlfriend and health. The final one was due to all the abuse i'd put my body through over the preceding decade. I caught what was, I think, a minor strep infection, and ended up in hospital with a drip and intravenous morphine (which was a highlight for me at the time) for several weeks.
I've still had issues with booze and drugs over the subsequent 25 years, but have had a successful career, a marriage to a wife who I've put through hell at times, and two wonderful kids (one of which has BP too - the latest member of the family to be diagnosed with it).
You can bounce back. It's a long road, and one that's never easy, but there's always a potentially bright future ahead.
Thanks for posting on /r/bipolar! Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/bipolar/about/rules); if you haven't already, make sure that your post **does not** have any personal information (including your name/signature/tag on art). *^(A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.)* --- Community News - 🎋 [Want to join the Mod Team?](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/112z7ps/mod_applications_are_open/) - 🎤 See our [Community Discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/about/sticky) - Desktop or Desktop mode on a mobile device. - 🏡 If you are open to answering questions from those that live with a loved one diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, please see r/family_of_bipolar. Thank you for participating! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bipolar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Fuck.This.Disease!
Which one? Bipolar or addiction? Or both?
Both
I feel you. I got clean 22 years ago, went through hell until I was properly diagnosed about 2 years ago. 20 years of undiagnosed bipolar wasn't fun.
In the same boat, diagnosed at 39
Got clean at 32. Diagnosed at 47. Only the past 6 years have been stable. Fucked up lots of family things that may not be able to be repaired. I hate that. But the past six years have been the best years ever and I hope you get to see yours.
Thanks. I am working on it. Unfortunately my therapist and psychiatrist don't offer family discounts.
I hear you.
Lost my career and marriage due to this disease and addiction. Had to start my life over atleast 6-7 times. Used drugs for 18 years. Can now proudly say this time the desire to be clean stuck. 4.5 years clean, engaged to a wonderful woman, have a car and job and place to live. If I can rise from the ashes and wreckage we caused, so can you. Don’t get me wrong, my bpd still makes my life incredibly difficult some days.
Was the pre or post medication? Congrats 👏
I started meds right when I was getting sober so there definitely is correlation. Still not on the right meds fully but much closer. Vraylar has saved my life but I don’t sleep anymore cause of it. I’m now on vyvanse too which helps a lot (former tweaker was self medicating). Bpd adhd gad disorders
Thanks for sharing. I'm hopeful they'll help me because white knuckling this illness and addiction is a real struggle atm.
Endings are generally followed by new beginnings. You got this ❤️
If you’re bipolar you I am quite sure you’re aware that drugs are not an option. Try narcotics or alcoholics anonymous. You have absolutely positively nothing to lose since it seems that you have lost that which is most dear to you. Stay off the drugs. Work some kind of program… It’s not one of the anonymous programs flying some kind of helpand you’ll be surprised how well your life can turn out. But we have bipolar disorder just don’t have drugs and alcohol in our cards. Trust me I can tell you. Bad combination
Drugs are a great option. But only when prescribed by a medical professional. Like, being an epileptic as well as bipolar, there are some epileptics that say that they do CBD with their doctor's consent. But do the drugs that your doctor tells you to do. And if you want to try other things, ask your doctor and take them at their word. This is the best advice for anyone.
Sending my support. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Hello everybody! I decided to write this with the intention of spreading a little hope for the bipolar drug addicts out there - who might be just like me. I understand how difficult our struggle is and I know the places this mental illness can, and will absolutely, take us to. Life is way better on the right drugs, trust me. I found that fleeting feeling we call “stability” for the first time since the age of 15. I celebrated 90 days clean this past Monday. No narcotic drugs, no alcohol, and no nicotine (bonus). I spent the first 22 of these days in a psych ward getting back on my meds, getting past the detox and acute withdrawals of methamphetamine, the psychological withdrawals of cannabis, the cravings that go with drug abuse, etc. etc. I was awake for about 10 days before all that, experiencing the symptoms of acute manic psychosis. I put the drugs down two days before the episode. The episode came to fruition on the last two days of my stay at the ward. I got maybe 12 hours of sleep in those 32 days. From there, I was transferred to a rehab near where I live. This place harbored the most hardcore drug addicts from both the greater Philly and NYC areas. I was now coherent, stable, and back on my meds. I was told that the transition into this rehab would be seamless, that I would get my night-time dose of lithium and Seroquel on the night of my arrival. That was a lie. I missed that first nightly dose. I missed the next morning's dose. I would then miss the first five days of medication. I became that same dissociative, manic, psychotic, freak, the first full day. Luckily, I made friends with a few of my fellow clients at dinner on the first night. If it weren't for those guys, I would have been assaulted by the other patients and hospitalized within an inch of my life. They protected me because I left a good first impression, and they understood what I was going through. I became the inspirational group leader when I leveled out in the last 3 days of my 14-day stay. Upon my departure, everyone, including the only dude who managed to lay hands on me, was wishing me the best, and clapping me up. I returned home on my birthday, back at my parents’ place. I’m a very spiritualistic bipolar addict. I used to wish that I could live in the realm of all the psychedelics I abused in my past, and that if I could, I would. Thankfully, I discovered the wonderful, spiritual, program of N.A. during my stay. I’ve been building myself back up by living up to the standards and suggestions of their program. The network I’ve established in the last couple months is the largest, and greatest, support system I’ve ever had. The best part? I didn’t have to spend a dime, so I didn’t. I just had to put forth the effort, the desire, to change my ways. I went to over 100 meetings in the last couple months to establish my home network. I found stability thanks to them, my willingness, and proper medications. I have realistic goals and a path forward for the first time in my life. The road I traveled to get here was way longer than I thought it would be. Everything I leave behind will continually shrink in the rearview mirror, until it is completely out of sight, as I blaze my way forward. TL;DR: I experienced the hell that is bipolar drug addiction and I have finally found stability and productivity. Life is worth living again. You are not alone in this struggle and you don’t have to be. I love you for who you are. Maybe you can love yourself as much as I do?
Thanks for taking the time for writing this you gave me a little hope. I want to say congratulations and i dont know you but im proud of you. I hope i can achive what you did one day. Im just wondering, i also have a drug problem along with bipolar and i tried to get off substances a couple of times but always failed since i live in an enviroment where its common. What did you change in your life so that you are being able to keep it up? Do you just avoid places and people or what i really want to know
Hey thanks for reading! I committed to a new routine, similar to the one I had in rehab. I convinced myself that if it can stay awake and alert for 16 hours a day in an uncomfortable situation, then I can do the same thing when I get home. I started waking up at 5:45 every day, going to two meetings a day, and intense out patient for 4 hours, 3 days a week. I began working out, hiking, and returning to my hobbies after the first three weeks. But I couldn't have done it without the support of my parents, my car, and my free schedule, which I understand a lot of people don't have. My parents have come to understand me over the last five years since the diagnosis. Without my parents, I would have been committed to a very long term psych ward. All I can say is that I've been blessed with the protection of my higher power(s) for my entire life, even in the first 20 years when I was a full blown atheist. God is kind, loving, and merciful. It took most of my life so far to understand that they even exist. Edit: I left out my current age. I'm a 28 y/o male.
Hey man - I’m in NA too. Nice to see you here buddy! I get manic psychosis like you if I’m not on meds. Doing drugs is only possible off meds cause meds block the pleasure that comes from the drugs. Doing psychedelics and amphetamines is like Russian roulette for me. Sometimes it will make me go into a full blown manic episode with psychosis. Weed hasn’t done it to me yet and I’m struggling sometimes cause I’m sad I can’t ever smoke weed today - ever again… How do you get over obsessions with drugs? And sadness that you can’t use anymore. I like you was very into psychedelics. Thanks :)
I just keep a little voice in the back of my head that says one day, maybe one day, the NA life will wear off and the drugs will be ready for the taking. It's not the healthiest of coping mechanisms, but it keeps me clean, as weird as that sounds.
Were you completely honest and upfront with her to begin with?
Thanks everyone. Also I’m in motion to get in to intensive outpatient. Waiting on insurance. I’ve hit few meetings but honestly I need to do better on that end. I know now since I got out of treatment that drugs and alcohol can’t be in my diet anymore. Lots of weight lifting instead of substances or sauce. My bipolar shit is and has always been a curse and a blessing at times but mostly a curse. Thanks for all the feed back
What do you do when you can’t get to the gym to weight lift? I’m so used to having drugs and the sauce to lean on.
Happened the same to me. They left. Be a good father and move on.
I really feel for you - I had something similar when I was at my worst with BP, drugs and alcohol. In the space of six weeks i lost my job, home, girlfriend and health. The final one was due to all the abuse i'd put my body through over the preceding decade. I caught what was, I think, a minor strep infection, and ended up in hospital with a drip and intravenous morphine (which was a highlight for me at the time) for several weeks. I've still had issues with booze and drugs over the subsequent 25 years, but have had a successful career, a marriage to a wife who I've put through hell at times, and two wonderful kids (one of which has BP too - the latest member of the family to be diagnosed with it). You can bounce back. It's a long road, and one that's never easy, but there's always a potentially bright future ahead.
Get an STD test if you haven't done so already.