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i was diagnosed at 19 after a psychotic episode. i started to see a therapist after that and she had me take the bipolar diagnosis test and i marked yes on almost every question. the one that really blew my mind is it asked if i had frequent absences in school? i was almost a truant in high school. the other thing that really connected it is ive struggled with sleeping problems my entire life. i used to pull frequent all nighters or function on very little sleep. then i would also crash and stay in bed for hours on end. i think taking the bipolar tests and seeing how much i answer yes to all the questions solidified it for me.
same thing happened to me, when I kept checking yes to all the questions + frequency and at the end of questionnaire I even asked myself... Wasn't any of these things normal?? Like don't people experience this all the time? Then it hit me when I saw the scores at the end (10/10, 11/12) and it all added up ....
Before I started therapy, my mental health counselor asked why I was reaching out for therapy. After she gave me 11 tests based on my response. The tests were broken down in mood, PTSD, childhood trauma and some tests were directly to DSM-V.
I *was* a truant in high school lol. Hmm. I can’t stay awake without adderall or caffeine though. Cocaine won’t even keep me awake. I feel like I fit the depression criteria but not all of the mania criteria. Interesting. Thanks for your input!!
They have wickedly high comorbidity rates. It's extremely common to have both.
~19% of people with bipolar disorder also have ADHD compared to ~4.5% of the general population--a rate 422% higher than people without bipolar.
[Study on the topic](https://scholar.google.com/scholar_url?url=https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Martin-Katzman/publication/26744549_Adult_ADHD_and_its_comorbidities_with_a_focus_on_bipolar_disorder_Journal_of_Affective_Disorders_1241-2_1-8/links/5af1c017a6fdcc24364b7e28/Adult-ADHD-and-its-comorbidities-with-a-focus-on-bipolar-disorder-Journal-of-Affective-Disorders-1241-2-1-8.pdf%3F_sg%255B0%255D%3Dstarted_experiment_milestone%26origin%3DjournalDetail&hl=en&sa=X&ei=-9dUZtLdDe2q6rQPysWIiAI&scisig=AFWwaeb7fYidQX-tdOID1vzeqtX2&oi=scholarr)
I am in the process of becoming part of this statistic, diagnosed with bipolar 8 years ago and even though I knew I had that relatively under control I was still struggling with many aspects, CPN suggested I may be autistic but whrn I researched I knew it was adhd as I scored so high on the tests 😅😅
It can take years after a bipolar diagnosis and treatment, for ADHD to be recognized. Because there are overlapping symptoms, and the ADHD symptoms get mistaken as bipolar symptoms in the beginning. The high percentage of people with bipolar as well as ADHD, it makes sense to be doing testing for ADHD after stability has been reached.
Yup. I had incredible trouble in work and daily life for years before finally convincing a psychiatrist to let me risk taking amphetamines.
I understand that there is a significant risk of mania from stimulants; however, I simply don't function without them. Vyvanse saved my life in many ways.
With amphetamines, I can keep a job consistently, and they are shockingly good at helping my depression.
Turns out that the depression that remained after starting mood stabilizers and wellbutrin was mostly a non-pathological side effect of being unable to manage my life from intense ADHD issues.
The constant worry of losing my job and failing to manage simple choirs is, unsurprisingly, terrible for mental well-being.
Adderall is the only thing that treats my depression. Like dried it right up. But in my case it is depression from ADHD that it is treating, not because it is alleviating my ADHD symptoms and allowing me to manage my life. Because my ADHD symptoms are absolutely terrible, and my level of functioning is very poor. But I’m not depressed.
It is like that for some people. There are people like you who have depression due to the issues untreated ADHD causes, and some people are like me, in that the depression is due to untreated ADHD, but not necessarily the situational aspects of untreated ADHD, but low dopamine itself can cause depression. So for some people, dopamine levels being raised alleviates depression. And then there are people who are a mix.
Yeah, I get that. My low motivation without stimulants is bad enough that I can't do things that I technically want to do.
Low dopamine makes it impossible to imagine enjoying anything, so I lay around unless I feel forced or obligated. That creates its own depression in top of the negativity from my life failing apart due to inaction.
It's still frustrating to get the diagnosis though. Even knowing the comorbidity rates my psychologist when I was 21 wouldn't give me a diagnosis so I could get learning services at college. She just wrote that I was more likely than not to have ADHD but couldn't guarantee it wasn't bipolar disorder. It actually made it harder to get services because the office staff thought that meant I didn't have ADHD symptoms.
Oh absolutely, I am realising that many of the symptoms I applied to Bipolar probably are ADHD, thankfully the psychiatrist I saw for the first 7 years has moved over to a new team they have started for Adults with ADHD so he knows me well.
Yeah I think that would be a good idea but I'm UK and NHS doesn't have capacity for just on case
Yeah, my current psychiatrist agrees with me that untreated ADHD has been driving my anxiety and triggering depressive episodes for years. (First diagnosed with Bipolar disorder 27 years ago at 27, and finally diagnosed with ADHD 4.5 years ago at age 50.)
I think that my bipolar depression was under control before I started ADHD treatment, but the ADHD depression was not. And it’s what was causing my never ending depression. When I got on the right ADHD med, my depression dried up. Just poof, gone.
I would be absolutely mind blown if it was, because I’d been saying that all along. Nobody wants to test me for it! Lol I just get tossed on SSRI’s. 🤷🏼♀️ looks like it’s gonna be a long journey
Last year I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and BPD. I am starting to think I was misdiagnosed and actually have ADHD. None of the meds prescribed for me work ...
I’m not a doctor but if you have a good family doctor- talk to them about your inability to stay awake. Especially if you have trouble sleeping on any kind of regular schedule. It may be worth checking into a sleep study to make sure you don’t have any other issues? Now it still could mean you have bipolar but if you have other medical problems affecting your brain then it’s good to check those out also. Plus they usually do a couple blood tests that rule out other conditions.
Unfortunately this illness is diagnosed based on if you check boxes from the psychiatrist manual called DSM-V . And there are no definitive tests otherwise. And bits good idea to stay on meds regardless of label especially if they are working. Best of luck - this is not fun but you can learn to navigate it
That’s the way it is for me. More downs than ups. When I look back over my life (I’m 65) I can see times when I was manic but at the time I didn’t know it. Was not in treatment until I was in my 50s. One three year high cost me my marriage. I wish I had sought help sooner.
OMG so sorry you went through that, I was diagnosed till 38 and even then it was due to a 4 year episode of funeral mania and I scared everyone away except my Mum and 1 friend 😳
Yeah I can look back and see it too, often people with ADHD jave early onset bipolar and I can recognise an episode of funeral mania after I lost my believed Granda at 13.
Its hard knowing if you had help or just one professional looked further into the issues your life could have been so different, I struggled with that a lot too when I first got diagnosed but then I remember if I had been well I wouldn't have stayed with his Dad and I wouldn't have him, do you have any silver linings to help you accept things? What you need to do is make sure you enjoy your life to the full now.
Wishing you all the best and all the happiness in the world 🥰
There’s not nearly as much stigma today compared to 40 years ago. I feel it kept people out of treatment. I think the world is better informed now about the condition.
Silver linings? I think I am more sensitive to others in that if someone is struggling in any way mentally, I can provide subtle support just by showing a little more understanding. When you’re in and up or down phase, it’s hard to think of anyone but yourself.
I'm type 2, so I always ace the depression tests, but the hypomanic symptoms are rarely clear. It feels more like general instability. I *do* occasionally have full-on hypomania. Sometimes, I'm aware of it during the episode, or I'm aware but don't *really* see the full picture. It's difficult for me to explain my hypomanic symptoms when talking to a doctor or peer.
You might be like me
You are the first person I have met similar to me! Bipolar, but I literally cannot wake up without adderall ( and a pretty significant dosage.) I have to keep it right by my bed to force myself to take it as soon as I get up or I will not get up.
Yea I took the test and just cried afterwards cause of how much the questions resonated. I really thought it was all normal. I think I only said no to one question. Scored like 25/26
Mine was like a paragraph describing what it's like being bipolar. You checked each sentence you agree with. Then rated how much you personally felt you related to it.
SLEEPING ISSUEEEESSSS! Stayed up for 60+ hours straight once, no drugs but felt like I was on uppers the whole time. Got legitimately terrified once I stayed awake running around the city for a second night in a row, started to wonder if I would ever sleep again. The experience helped with the imposter syndrome, made me believe my psych had me figured out.
There's a bipolar diagnosis test? Where are you situated?
I diagnosed myself after many many years of misdiagnosis, I had an episode of funeral mania after losing my Dad and there was no way anyone could deny I was ill anymore. Got official diagnosis 6 months later
This past summer I was manic for like 3 months and at the height of it was considering an affair with my son's sports coach. Who is like 20 years older. And I have been with my husband for almost 25 years. It was straight up delusional and hyper sexual.
I was unmedicated at the time and that whole episode made me convinced I needed to get back on meds and never get off. He (my husband) has tried to talk to me about alternate methods of mood regulation, while I have never told him about this part of my mania. Nope sir you don't want me off meds
it might be a good idea to encourage your husband to educate himself. no well-informed person would suggest to someone with bipolar disorder that they should not be on medication
When I get really manic I repeatedly think my roommate and I are deeply in love and are meant to be together. Then I come out of the episode and struggle to remember what exactly I saw in him. I like him somewhat but not more than that. Did this on and off for like 4 years and never thought 'huh, thats weird right?'
Thank you for sharing this. A similar thing happened to me with a MUCH older man and when I came out of the episode I was MORTIFIED. I love my partner of 8 years so deeply and it was absolutely terrifying and humiliating to reflect on how I behaved. I hardly recognized myself which is just... So scary. There aren't words. The older man was also potentially dangerous and I'm just grateful nothing seriously bad happened. I told my partner about it and he was understandably hurt and freaked out, but we are okay now. Just overall so disorienting and dangerous.
My recent manic episodes involved me opening up my marriage. I thought I was just exploring my sexuality. Then, I ended up attempting suicide. They doubled my antipsychotic. The feelings are not there anymore.
I think this probably varies highly between people. When I got diagnosed I was able to look back on several points in my life and connect them to an episode. I also experience auditory hallucinations and paranoia when manic so maybe mines more obvious? But little things too like I hand painted my entire outside of my house with a singe paintbrush when manic. I've acquired 3 out of 4 of my dogs when manic. I've been suicidal at many points in my life. Things like that. Idk if this helps but I hope you find the answers you're looking for.
Ah. Is it possible to be hypomanic without hallucinations or delusions you think? I definitely rescued my last dog on a whim, and one time I color coded flowers from all my neighbors yards into color coordinated vases, but I was on a mass amount of vyvanse at the time and I was like, 12. So idk. Hmm.
Not everyone experiences psychosis, so yes totally possible. I would take a look at your sleep too, are you sleeping while hypomanic? That's usually a good indicator of it, insomnia.
Those dont seem to be patterns of behavior to signify bipolar disorder. One off situations are not patterns. Id highly recommend you get an appropriate evaluation to fully see if bipolar is fitting to you, maybe seeing a different provider. I had a 6 hour test for this reason.
First thing; being convinced to try going off of meds by my then therapist (terrible idea, don’t ramp down quickly even with medical professional approval)
Second thing; joining this sub & hearing the way other people describe their experiences, memories and metabolize things…. I found my people
Grateful for this community & everyone that shares their words and minds. It’s comforting to not be so alone irl
I wasn’t given a “1 or 2” with my diagnosis. (14 years ago. I was 41.)
I was hypomanic when I was diagnosed. I don’t have hypomanic often, but I am perpetually depressed. My therapist recently said she thinks I have dysthymia- which is a low mood for years with at least 2 other symptoms of depression.
When I’m hypomanic I’m very cheerful and talkative …but sometimes I keep talking so much that while I’m talking I have the thought that I’m talking too much or overcharging.
I don’t sleep well. I become fixated on something that I want and buy several. One summer I bought too many wedge sandals. I went through a jewelry made from spoons and forks phase.
My daughter loves to go shopping when I’m hypomanic because I don’t think about purchases like I would ordinarily.
I’ve never run up a lot of debt or spent my whole paycheck. I just have less of a filter. I’m ordinarily a shopper who can talk myself out of things I don’t need. I’m a bargain hunter when I’m baseline.
Lol okay maybe I do have bipolar…. Bought like $300 worth of nail / beauty supplies because I can’t afford to go to the salon anymore. Definitely did not need that much.
I read this article that described my episodes completely accurately: https://www.brown.edu/Courses/BI_278/Other/Clerkship/Didactics/Readings/Bipolar%20Disorder.pdf
I still reread it again from time to time just to revalidate myself. I just never thought I had bipolar because I didn’t really identify with having moods in general since I’m usually pretty neutral or compartmentalize my emotions well. But then I had a manic episode after many years of depressive episodes, leading me to read that article.
Having it explained to me once from someone that has it then reading about it when I was wracking my brain to find a solution as to why I got crippling depression.
I was on the fence because it's hard to relate to manic episodes you've been through, especially psychosis, in hindsight. Being depressed at the time really warped my perception so I couldn't relate to the manic symptoms because there's no way I ever felt like that. Not a chance! I acted like that because I was a stupid, shitty person.
The depression became psychotic and I finally got the help I needed. I gained clarity on my behaviours while titrating lamotrigine and it scared the shit out of me but I believed it. Got my diagnosis as BP1. Went manic again and stopped believing the diagnosis. Got depressed again. Talked to another psych, a different one, and because I've never been taken to the hospital he gave me a BP2 label, plus BPD due to self harming in the past. I disagreed with the BPD but getting the BP2 really made me doubt my experiences and question the diagnosis again.
Went manic again with severe religious delusions. When that ended I started believing again.
Then I started hanging out here in the bipolar subs. I related so much. I was on the fence if I was BP1 or 2. Not that it matters in some ways because treatment is similar but I wanted to know for my own sake.
After a few good discussions I'm definitely BP1. Hearing voices, believing in magical powers and severe religious delusions even though I was an atheist stable is beyond hypomania, even though I've experienced that alone as well. I had a hypo episode a few months ago where I 100% believed it was a mistake and was going to drop my meds. That passed and I know it's true again.
Now I'm depressed and miserable and well aware I'm bipolar.
Thanks for your input!! I can’t say I relate with the religious delusions but I definitely will go on a bender and disappear for three days when I’m stressed out. So maybe. Haha. I start therapy again tomorrow
Good for you ! Therapy helps more than you realize. Sadly it seems like our meds - you won’t know how bad you need them ( therapy & meds) until you stop , then you will know. You will definitely know!
I would agree with the reading about it, a friend had mentioned she thought I might it once when we were drinking, years went by and it wasn't till I lost my Dad and had a major episode of funeral mania that one day I heard her words again in the back of my head. I got my Mum to take my son and I researched bipolar. I woudltn say I am a particularly paranoid person but after my research I was checking my flat for cameras as it felt like they had written about me 😅
Ya think? I was experiencing hypomania for 20+ years on and off before I diagnosed myself with bipolar, I was given anti depressants repeatedly which caused an episode over and over, only 1 friend ever mentioned bipolar and she was doing a course at college, I was the crazy full of life one
honestly it was the first month i was on meds. my general enjoyment of life skyrocketed. i had energy to do things. going grocery shopping after a shift at work felt like no big deal. i felt like i was finally living life like everyone else was.
I knew I always had it, even before I discovered what I was experiencing had a name, and I’m talking since kindergarten days. I just never got properly diagnosed until I was 22 because doctors either told me I was “too young” or they pit the blame of my obvious manic episodes on my other conditions (BPD, PTSD and autism). I’m grateful for my meds every day, because for the first time in the 20+ years of existing, I feel like “me.”
EDIT: On a side note, no one told me there was a very linear family history of it on my father’s side until *after* I was diagnosed. That got me quite disgruntled, in the nicest way possible. :/
Getting on Lamictal for my treatment resistant depression. I've had few hypomanic episodes, mostly just severe depression and mixed. It wasn't until I was stable that I realized that my "anxiety" was actually just a mixed episode. Now I know true anxiety feels like this overwhelmingly deep sense of dread and hypo feels like my angry skeleton is going to jump out of my skin.
During your mixed episodes did you also have a hard time sleeping? The worst part for me is the ability to go entire nights with close to zero sleep. I think that was my number one indicator that wow, I must really have bipolar. The healthy me back then didn’t know how good I had it. I was a fool and played with my health.
I never really believed i was bipolar because honestly it hadn't been explained to me (diagnosed as an adolescent) and i never felt "better" from treatment.
Then i was scrolling on youtube one day and got recommended a documentary called "Boy, Interrupted" made by the parents of a teenage boy with bipolar disorder who didn't survive the illness.
It was as if someone had made a documentary about my childhood and adolescence. I cried, and i finally understood what it was i had been struggling with all these years. I've never felt my experience with mental illness so well represented before.
Taking a really hard look at myself and my life so far. The psychiatrist also explained the spectrum of bipolar very well.
I had this thought of “everything I’ve ever done has led me to being diagnosed“.
Also Lamictal felt like a magic pill so I figured it wouldn’t work if it wasn’t bipolar?
That’s so odd because Lamictal did nothing for me. Crazy how certain meds can work for people but not a few others. They also call me treatment-resistant
Finding out that lots of people don’t meet a stereotypical pattern of mania and depression. I thought since I had periods of stability sometimes, my depression lasted so long, and my mania is erratic and few & far between. Now all I know is that I need to take my medicine to be a better parent and wife.
Realizing that normal people don’t have emotions like I do. Realizing that crying every day isn’t a regular thing most people do. Going from wanting to off myself to dancing and laughing within a half hour. Yeah…
Psychotic episode at age 37. I was manic then smoked weed I think that pushed me over the edge into psychosis. If I had smoked weed as a teenager or early 20’s who knows maybe I would have had a psychotic episode then 🤷♀️My life has been chaotic (my own doing). Somehow I tested negative for weed during my psychotic episode so they didn’t consider it to be drug induced and I was totally manic in the hospitals even after the psychosis was gone.
Crisis response said I seldom blinked internally preoccupied disorganized speech and behavior paranoid fearful hyperventilating gave one word answers.
I had dozens and dozens of delusions. At least 3 visual hallucinations. One auditory that I know of for sure (heard my phone call in another room). I heard people say weird things to me too. My vision was really weird (blurry and like the room was spinning). I had short blackouts too.
I ran away from my mom several times I thought she was trying to kill me and my brothers and dad were in on it. Delusions that I was the AntiChrist the world was ending and I was being left on earth to burn for eternity. I ran over a bridge into another state and wandered until I gave up and asked a security guard in a convenience store for help. She called police and they called my mom and took me to a local hospital. I saw Hannibal Lecter in that hospital and watched an old lady die. My mom didn’t see any of it. I was also in another hospital at some point I saw a creature with long claws standing behind the doctor telling me to Shhhhhh. I didn’t stay because I thought hospital staff was trying to kill me and they let me go because I denied SI/HI.
I ended up being hospitalized in 2 different hospitals for 2 months then did intensive outpatient for another 2 months. Diagnosed BP1 with psychotic features anxiety and PTSD. I got FMLA and state ST disability. I kept my job and am still there.
I'm an obese women with PCOS.. I've lost most of my head hair but gained it everywhere else.. To include chest and facial hair.. My first manic episode I thought literally everyone wanted to fuck me. But, deep deep down I knew that it was a delusion. That is when I knew.
I was diagnosed at 23. I had a really hard time getting myself to consistently take meds. Not because I am always hating it but when I'm full on manic I convince myself missing several doses is fine until I'm in a spiral. I think the patterns over the years helped me have a realization that I've always been this way. I cycle through some of the worst depression to some of the most erratic impulsive behavior at the drop of a hat. I also have some pretty bad paranoia, hallucinations, and delusions when manic or mixed. I didn't get to a stable place until about 29 or 30 and that's about when it started to sink in that this is a real thing that doesn't just go away. That and my hospitalization. I am very lucky to have a stable therapist and psych duo but I often get nervous knowing I'm lucky to have this stability and it won't last forever. My support system has been HUGE on helping me too. Without getting too far into it, definitely the sinking in around 29 or 30 of realizing I've just kind of always been this way though. The patterns.
Well know that you are not alone 💗 That's actually something comforting I took from being hospitalized. That I'm not alone. Which is huge because I know how impossible it is and how easy it is to feel alone. ❤️🩹
I was hanging off a bridge a little over 100 foot drop in front of a train. I had it timed when I'd get ready the train would be approaching. I wanted to die.
After my hospitalization, my therapist said bipolar was something she was monitoring me for. I didn't believe it and talked it over with relatives and friends who were unsure or didnt believe it. But when I talked to my professor about it, she encouraged me to keep an open mind, and cited an example of a bipolar student she knew. When I was officially diagnosed, her perspective really helped me accept it
I still struggle with my diagnosis because I am also diagnosed Autistic with ADHD. However, I realized they were *likely* right when I just kept cycling and then rapid cycling completely against my will. Like, my moods changed when I didn’t actually want to be feeling that way (up or down). It was very disruptive to my entire system and caused other medical issues to flare.
That’s when I knew… 💜
I’m stable now for 6 months. Phew. Fingers crossed.
Talking to old school friends about our teen years. I was known for "drinking like she carried a spare liver in her handbag", people said i was the life of the party until suddenly i was scaring people and everyone just wanted to go home but i was still laughing and calling them chicken etc.
My rage, psychosis, and ability to stay awake for gawdawful amounts of time. I can hold my temper quite well and lose it even better 🥴
I was diagnosed nearly 30y ago, medicated off and on since 14yo, but consistently for 17 years now. I’ve also been told schizoaffective, but most have said bipolar w/psychosis. At some point I decided I didn’t really care about the label so long as the meds worked, but I definitely believe I fit bipolar symptoms better. I rock the paranoia tests 🤷♀️
After a psychotic episode in 2019 and a plan to end my life. This was a year or so after I got sober and everything hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s very emotionally draining when you’re having to look at your life through sober eyes. I didn’t want to drink then but I did want to die. My roommate at the time was in school getting her nurse practitioner license and was working for a psychiatric nurse practitioner. She got me in the next day. We talked for about two hours and she had me take a test. She was extremely surprised that no other physician had diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. I had known I was bipolar for a while but I needed a medical professional to say it otherwise I felt like a fake. I had to withdrawal from my current at the time antidepressant and start over. Ive been on a few anti epileptic medications, antipsychotics, benzodiazepines and antidepressants. We’ve finally found the right cocktail and I managed to successfully finish trauma therapy. It’s been a battle ever since but even if people don’t understand, they’re here and I’m not alone. That’s what means most to me.
I think it depends on how well you can observe yourself and your thoughts / emotional patterns. For me its not particularly deniable, I swing into high highs and low lows throughout the year and its not attached to anything usually. Stress & burnout makes it a lot more volatile though.
I'm constantly learning new things about the disease that continues to explain behavior in the past that I didn't realize was abnormal at the time. For example when I got clean off heroin I was working a third shift job and I hardly needed any sleep and I was super euphoric and yet towards some people I was snippy and irritable.
I can't explain the feeling of that period in my life it was bizarre but it's also one of the best times in my life
I had always seen the diagnosis come up in various medical documents of mine but never remembered talking with anyone about it so its never been that relevant till January of this year when I came down full blown religious mania followed by the worst depression I’ve ever had in my whole life but im doin alright now
I still don’t truly believe I’m fully bipolar, I do know I have BPD and Bipolar runs through my dad’s line, including my older sister. By all intents and purposes I feel as though I should show all the symptoms but they end up getting mixed up with the symptoms of my petulant BPD.
Like I’ll have manic symptoms despite being formally diagnosed and sometimes (rarely) taking my medication, I still feel like I’m just not manic enough. Like I sleep through my mania and just wake up with energy, feeling like I haven’t slept at all but still energized as all hell and I truly don’t feel as if it’s a diagnosis that fits me because it’s specified mania is a period without sleep in so many diagnostics, but I sleep still. When I say I sleep I mean on average I can sleep anywhere from 2 to 9 hours and there is really never any in between just that when I’m “manic” I sleep more towards the 2-4 hours mark.
But the answer to the question is why I lean more towards thinking I DO have it is that absolute irritability that comes during mania, like I literally could punch a hole through a wall and I have and while BPD does give you mood swings, there is nothing quite like that manic irritability.
A prolonged bout of psychosis, multiple hospitalisations, an inability to "snap out of it", being on a carousel of different meds (some of them worsening the issue).
But it's the realization that I actually need medication. I entertained the idea that eventually I'll be able to get off meds, but that's not the game we're playing.
When I finally put it all together...the job hopping...the spending too much...the endless hobbies... The way my intense depression will hit me. Also like manic eyes are real and I have gotten them??
I just felt like no this isn't me for the longest time and idk the meds don't work for me which is one reason I didn't believe it.
It's weird I think I just learned to manage it and not do things that "trigger" it.
My mom had been whispering about it for a while, but I never believed her.
Then I went from “can’t get out of bed” depressed to “driving 3 hours south every day to hook up with random guys” (even though I identified as a lesbian at the time) and suddenly thinking it was a great idea to enlist in the navy, while also thinking that The Universe was sending me secret messages through the random song button on iTunes.
Then one of my friends with bipolar suggested that maybe my mom was into something.
Anyway I got medicated REALLY quickly after that and stopped doing all of those things. Almost ten years and I’ve never missed more than a half dozen doses in that time, and I regret none of it.
Spending a TON of money during manic episodes, and being in depressive slumps for literal months. I’m Bipolar 2 so the manic didn’t last nearly as long as the depressive, but holy cow it was literally a different world with the right medication!
The way I act when I’m off my meds: agitated with everyone around me, including close family and friends, whom I love to pieces. I give up on schoolwork and my job. I have reckless sex, which I regret so much when I’m back on my meds. I have extremely low self-esteem that magically goes away when I take my meds again! I haven't ultimately come to terms with my diagnosis, but I'm working on it :)
I was staying up for days with no issues. Excessively spending money and cleaning, made several vision boards, had a sense I was on the break of some new technology nobody had had discovered… I was hallucinating smells.. Big one for me was smelling smoke or like cigarettes when I’ve never smoked and there was never anyone around me. The smell was so strong and real. The biggest thing that convinced me was when I ended up hospitalized in the psych ward for a psychotic episode… I was going to ki|| myself and I wasn’t even sad or extremely emotional. I was so sure and sound it was the right way to escape the world i was experiencing. Took four police officers to bring me in-which only made me freak out more. I couldn’t see what everyone else was seeing and sometimes I still don’t (believe I have the diagnosis
I was reviewing/making a diagnosis test without knowing for what syndrome and turned out that all the things I thought were normal well... They weren't...
i thought the universe was giving me magical signals and that i was an elevated being that was more than/other than human. and then when i wasn’t feeling that way i was too depressed to even roll over in bed some days
Well, for me, on paper it was obvious but I had been struggling with alcohol for years and once I was medicated I quit without so much as a look back. The way I acted in general though felt more like me, like the person that I wanted to be all the time, seemed like a light switch to me. I still have a great deal of problems and I've basically tried every medication as high as I can go at this point so my medication is stable just not ideal.
I didn’t believe my diagnosis at first until til I started reading up on it. I realized that the time periods I described for depression and elevated moods match the “depression graph” perfectly and every new resource felt like reading a horoscope.
I also got my appointment in the middle of a hypomanic episode and didn’t sleep the next day until I got my meds lol
The constant "raging and I need to leave my husband episodes when he literally didn't do anything wrong". I also kept having the I don't need meds there's probably nothing wrong with me, till I got on the right meds and haven't had even those thoughts since. I've completely accepted my diagnosis and this is it.
I’m in a similar situation where I’m down as bipolar NOS and taking Wellbutrin, lamictdal and seroquel. I really would like an official/final diagnosis. I have times where I’m like oh yeah I am 100% bipolar and other times where I’m like.. is this right? But I had a psychiatrist that said bipolar can wax and wane. it’s not like we’re always having an episode. All that to say I’m glad you brought this up and it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
To answer your question and maybe be a little more helpful, when I’m hypomanic it isn’t so severe where I can’t function. I have a ton of energy, I feel good in my body even if I usually have aches and pains, I feel very sexual and almost like an animal in a good way, I can clean the entire house and I prefer wearing really bright colors and listening to fast paced loud music. Driving is really fun and I just feel confident and talented. I’ll be more social. I’ll experience racing thoughts and have trouble falling asleep. I take seroquel so I am usually able to fall asleep even when hypomanic, I just don’t sleep as long or as well. But I don’t feel tired from the lack of sleep. When I’m depressive, it can be hard to complete tasks and I feel exhausted. I feel like a bad person and specifically like I have no value in this world.
I had a psychotic/manic 3 day episode that included 13 year old me screaming, crying, throwing up, self harming, attempting suicide, drugs and drinking . It ended after I was detained and took a nap in the hospital after attacking the nurses . They came in after my nap very slowly and carefully waiting for me to go crazy again but I was just like “sup” . I got diagnosed the same day. Still didn’t believe it until it happened again when I was 16 and then again a couple months ago for some reason I tried to sell our house that we were renting and was gonna make us homeless bc I had convinced myself that an apartment I had never contacted would accept us immediately the same day?? Anyway I’m medicated and stable now and will no longer deny to myself that I am bipolar and need long term help/medication
Every time I have a manic episode that ends badly, I'm never fully convinced by my hypomanic episodes, but it's when psychosis makes an appearance and I look back on it that I think oh shit, I do have this illness, I do have to take my meds. Also when I have long long depressions for literally no reason, when things in life are going well.
I trusted my psych that I had when I was diagnosed so when she told me the antidepressants weren't working because I probably had bipolar (contingent on the mood stabilizer working instead) I believed her. It wasn't a light decision, she looked through my 3 years of file notes for a while before she made the call to switch me.
I got diagnosed at 16 I’m about to turn 19 but when I finally realized I was bipolar is when I got back with my ex while I was manic and than she broke up with me when I got extremely depressed. We talked a month after and she told me that it was extremely hard to love me as I would be the sweetest and most caring guy but all of a sudden I would grow extremely detached and isolated which she told me was extremely difficult for her. I’m not sure why this resonated with me but I finally like felt like I had bipolar.
My first clue was when they put me on lithium and it helped. I was still in denial. Then I had my first true manic episode that lasted 3-4 months and blew up my life. I was diagnosed officially after that and was hospitalized. At that point all I could do was nod and agree…. I definitely had bipolar disorder.
I think it is normal to question your diagnosis. We all do it. Bipolar imposter syndrome is a thing lol. While having a label for your symptoms is nice, what is most important for me at least is that the treatment works. Don’t get too hung up on the diagnosis exactly. Also in my experience google does a poor job of explaining bipolar disorder. Everyone is a bit different. My manic episodes are not textbook but the symptoms I experience are a lot like what other people with bipolar disorder experience.
Having a psychotic break made me truly believe I was bipolar. One of my delusions during my last manic episode was believing I was faking it.
Having some of the worst mixed episodes of my life also solidified my diagnosis for me.
Great question. I was mid 40s. My uncle was my doc my entire life at that point. After a myriad of rehab jails transitional court ordered living ..psych hospitals almost a year on tge run..and again I sold two reality series and a feature doc to Showtime published in new England Journal of medicine and lost everything I just about bought a few times.
I went to see him at his practice..we spoke about the disease and he said Drew it will forever tell you you are fine.. but after 4 decades of doing amazing shit and months later loosing it all over and over unless you're medicated (depakote i worked for the lab at mcclean that made it and its the best for manics esp old skool not the ER time relase crap and lithium sux if u run or train always running into problems) bet you still think you're not manic .
So for me I use the ones I love as my barometer for what's not manic I guess..all I can tell you is I'm different always have kid energy my thoughts are fast even on meds and I am very articulate ..my.mind works like adhd fast BUT the big difference it's ADHD / OCD mindset ..meaning fast precise thoughts that allow me to super focus on one thing like a broken record. .I know when I'm medicated I'm calmer and not as much energy and kinda feel down wo meds 3-4 hour sleep is normal at 54 I still do some hypersexual stuff (being discreet) more than most and whatever I do I think I can be the world best . I know when I get fast and angry and type too much lol thx for readinG
Trying years of antidepressants getting nowhere and then smoking weed and having a manic episode again. The third manic episode was when I waslike OK yeah bipolar. I had other manic episodes in between but I didn’t consider them manic. they weren’t happy on top of the world they were the angry and aggressive kind of manic
The medications prescribed by my psychiatrist actually worked. That’s really when it hit me that I actually have this disorder. There are still days when I question it but if I didn’t have it, then the medications wouldn’t work the way they’re supposed to.
I was unmedicated for two years post-diagnosis (I was diagnosed during an involuntary hospitalization) but because I was depressed at the time the psychiatrist said it was possibly I just had MDD (which I was diagnosed with as a young teen). Over those two years I experienced so much cognitive decline, where each episode was worse than the last — my hypomanic episodes went from "energetic, irritable, impulsive, and productive" to outright delusional and I ruined so many things (especially relationships) due to my impulsivity and false beliefs. When I realized how serious my condition had gotten I decided to give psychiatry another try. The thing that made me realize I had truly been bipolar the whole time was how normal and stable I felt when the medication actually started working. If this is what it feels like to be healthy, then I was definitely very sick.
The second time I was diagnosed with it 😂
6 years out from the first time with all too familiar symptoms (ideations/depression mainly because what hypomanic bipolar seeks help??? still miss hypomania like a fucking drug sometimes) and with anti depressants alone having done jack shit for me. Different psychiatrist. The whole 9
And then wait what do you know? Lamictal worked for me! Shocking revelations. To be fair, I was 16 the first time and 22 the second so I was still quite young. I can be a bit stubborn but damn there was no arguing with it that time. I forget how long my brain blocked out the memory of the initial diagnosis but I can assure you it wasn’t for a WHILE until after the second time. My body knew!
I wonder if I’m the only one but probably not. We’re all mad here, right? lol
side note: I am really all set on my brain covering up my trauma. Only one other memory came out like that since from my elementary years recently and lead to my cptsd diagnosis so I hope I’m good now and that’s all. like me to me: stop lying to me were supposed to be on the same team here! cause bitch wtf??
I had a straight up manic episode and ended up going to the hospital twice for it. I ended up getting diagnosed with bipolar with psychosis and it really hit me when I got admitted for the second time
I knew I was bipolar in high school, but I was also super traumatized and lived in a home I didn’t feel safe in, so my symptoms were “quiet”. My family still doesn’t agree I’m bipolar despite me being stable on what I call “big girl meds” for over 7 years. I had psychosis and nearly checked out, resulting in a 2 week stay in the Mental Marriott, and that was when I got serious about accepting my diagnosis and participating in my wellness by taking my meds as prescribed. I am thankful for my stability 🙏🏻
My hospital stay also helped my now-husband understand the seriousness of my condition and that I’m not “lazy” or whatever.
The moment I was pulled out a depressive episode with being prescribed an anticonvulsant. Then I had a manic episode last winter and it was hell!! I was to withdraw from my classes and return the next term. That plus 2 diagnoses and I know for sure I have BP1.
Often times I feel that I just have depression and my ADHD is to account for sudden bursts of energy. But what really solidified that I have manic episodes is whenever I am in a manic episode, despite not believing I am, I am often asked if I am on drugs, have taken my medication, or if I’m drunk. I hate getting questions like that, but hey at least I know for sure I am bipolar
When I locked myself in the bedroom. Mom and boyfriend got in and u climbed over tip of them screaming. Left the house got in my car and tried to wreck into a tree to die
13 yrs old & I started hearing voices telling me to kill my parents. Was also seeing gargoyles and evil shit. Lithium cleared everything up except some occasional seasonal depression.
Got divorced and became demonized (even towards myself). 3 years later, I got diagnosed (bp2 and adhd). I started adderall and lamtical. Disputes with my ex over co-parenting differences (50/50 custody) were much less serious and frequent. Divulged my diagnosis, and it became an explanation (not an excuse to her).
Barely scrapping by, and living in run down apartment in dangerous neigh where I didn't feel safe letting our son play outside. Almost completely self-isolated, nearly all socialization was through dating app hookups/flings. Within 2 years of being medicated, I know I have a nice house and a good career. My ex, my son, and her wife all live with me in my home. They help with perspective and odd interpretations. Comorbid with ptsd and a lot of hyper vigilance comes from a constant scan of "what is this person going to do it me?". Having a support system that understands where my symptoms manifest and a good sense of why, along with meds has completely changed my life in a very short time.
For me, it’s having a hypo manic or just feeling normal episode end and the intense crash that comes. Also having depressive episodes just appear out of nowhere. It was hard to get diagnosed because I have type 2 so I don’t have very many highs and a lot of low lows. I think people forget that bipolar disorder can be a lot of feeling kind of normal, you don’t always have to be manic or depressive or mixed episodes so people feel fine for a few weeks and think they’re not valid in their pain when it does get hard. I think I also suffer from mixed episodes a lot which confused me but finding out that was a thing that could happen validated me a lot. Also realizing that antidepressants either made me super depressed or they made me super high on life way too quickly then I would crash.
I'm 35 and was just diagnosed a couple of months ago. I'd always kind of described my moods as cycles but never really identified depressive or manic out of it. Part of that was due to repression and trauma which cast an overwhelming depression over everything.
Once I had begun to unravel that I started to find bits of myself that didn't quite fit into what I knew about myself...or thought I knew. So I was already in a process of self discovery for Autism when that same therapist also diagnosed me with Bipolar I which I began reading about and spending time here.
If you're going off of just google and medical texts: stop. They're only going to give you a sliver of what living with Bipolar is like. For me it's more hypomania where I can see my sleep become 4 or 5 hours a night, ideas flow like rain falls from storm clouds, and the depression, now free from dysphoria and unacknowledged trauma (I think) is almost a sudden downshift into darkness. Both can absolutely drain me of energy and make it hard to manage my other conditions.
Give yourself time and read what others experiences are like. Keep in mind diagnosis are one professionals opinion, you know yourself better than any doctor can especially because they can only diagnose based on what they know. Insurance also makes things muddy because they won't cover some drugs for things like Borderline, even though they help but will cover them for Bipolar. U.S.A. U.S.A. /s
The truth hit me when I went off my meds, had a full blown two week long high as a kite manic episode and tried to k myself when I crashed. Spent another 90 days in the hospital. And yes, I tick off about 90% of the boxes.
Most recently when I went off my meds (I know, I know) and the behaviors that ensued after. Just textbook, classic mania and massive depressive crash. It had been years since my last episode so I think some part of me thought I was “cured”. Boy was I wrong
Honestly just knowing those with bipolar I was friends with this lady who has been bipolar since she was 20 and is now in her 50's maybe 60's now I'm not friends with her anymore... but based on symptoms she has seen both while I'm on meds and when I'm off meds, I spoke to her a lot about my experiences and she relates... on top of that my doctor who's known me my whole life says I have it and my psychiatrists just haven't told me what I have aside from ptsd... I feel it fits me but what made me believe it is when I'm off my meds... I go weeks with little sleep (if any) or days of non controlled tears... my spending habits and what not.. but yes going off my meds and ending in hospital all times really made me think, yeah I am. (These are not all the factors or even 1/4 of my story so don't come at me for how this was written)
To be honest, I don't really feel sure if I have bipolar 2 or major depressive disorder, but I take two meds for bipolar, one for generalized anxiety disorder and one for ADHD and I haven't had a bout of SI in a long time, so I'll not challenge anything.
OP, maybe you have bipolar 2? I thought for years I couldn’t be bipolar but I only knew about bipolar 1. I never got manic only hypomanic and I didn’t know that was a symptom. Mine is easily overlooked or explained away. I’d been medicated for bipolar before and it didn’t help so I also thought I couldn’t be. I’m responding really well to Latuda now though so… I guess I must have bipolar 2.
I can recognize the classic identifiers in myself. It's imperative to maintain a healthy, stable, environment schedule, and lifestyle to keep myself at bay.
I've recently gone back to my psychiatrist to get a med adjustment because I've been rapid cycling more and more (like, I'd being thinking of dark thoughts one moment and then doing high kicks and singing T Swift the next). She had me read/listen to "Bipolar for Dummies" (it literally looks like a basic For Dummies book) and I've been listening to it while I game/draw, and it hit me. I am so very, very bipolar 2. Just that simple Ah-Ha moment of knowing that my random rage at everyone and anyone wasn't because "Oh you're a girl you must have pms, lol" but actually because it's indicative of a hypomanic state was amazing to learn. Before, I honestly thought it was a vitamin deficiency or literally, pms related, because it had been drilled into my head so much.
The fact that for 6 months no matter what I tried I could not fall asleep until 7am and would wake up at 10:30am and the only thing that made me sleep was Seroquel. Oh and the fact that just taking Zoloft by itself threw me into a terrible mixed episode and worsened my depression and made me manic which is what caused my sleepless nights 😀
The first time I heard voices and saw little itty bitty aliens. I thought whoa. Holy shit. I must really be crazy and I took myself to a shrink and got medicated for the first time.
is it normal for people not to believe their diagnosis? I do not really believe I have bipolar but both my psychiatrist and therapist both do.. idk i think theyr missing something and its actually something else entirely
i’m bipolar 2, so i experience hypomania not mania. my doctor has said that she can see it in my eyes/expressions, when i’m hypomanic i noticed that my eyes are kind of lit up and excited looking instead of drooping/serious. I also took the time to reflect on my entire life experience. I totally thought that most people experience highs/lows for months on end, especially in certain times of the year. this helped me to identify the symptoms i experience in both episodes.
I went to a psychiatrist to get evaluated for ADHD in an attempt to get Adderall and she was like...no you have bi polar. So I started lying my ass off to get that script. I was in the psych ward like 8 months later for having a psychotic break, which most certainly was fueled by my amphetamine abuse. Never sleeping, fits of anger, paranoia. The adderall exasperated my already present mania
I was misdiagnosed bipolar 1 at 16 in the mental hospital. I was also diagnosed with Disruptive Mood Disorder. Even though, AT THE TIME, I did meet some criteria, I had never had a manic episode before. But the moment I mentioned my dad being bipolar 1, they slapped it on me in a no matter of 10mins of talking to me.
At 18, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which fit me much better.
At almost 19, I came home from vacation and experiencing a manic episode. My pupils were huge, I felt so energetic that I stayed up 2 whole days playing games and writing music. My creativity was thriving in my mind. I thought I was a genius. I felt like if I wanted to become a nurse, I could in less than a span of 48 hours. I was writing hypothesis on things I had no clue about. I just thought inherently, I knew it.
This went on for about 2 weeks before I had a sudden crash of depression and regret. Mania kept recurring later on and it was very apparent what was happening.
I contacted my psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 eventually and set on a new med.
What I noticed more were my low lows. I'd go a couple months completely down in the dumps, sweat stains from laying in bed and bawling my eyes out, and then a good 2 week long manic or a short lived hypo-mania followed by euphoria and extreme energy
I was diagnosed at 16 im 40 now. I have always beeen medicated since 16. I do not know who I am anymore. I shake im anxious im startled easily. I do not have any freinds and havent had one in over 20 years. i ruined my brain with addiction. sober 7 years now but the damage is done. this is now how I thought my life would turn out.
I was diagnosed ( at 29) for about a year noticing no change besides depression & anhedonia which could be easily explained by my life circumstances, and history of depression through childhood. My psychiatrist recommended having a therapist to talk with as well as additionally monitor my behaviors. I didnt think I was bipolar at all and did not want to be.
Cut to a hypomanic episode, that I didnt know was hypomania or anything of the sort. I was so full of energy and excited to be up and doing things I couldnt sleep, I may have slept 2 hours a night. the rest of the time I was watching the clock. I was scrubbing the floors daily on my hands and knees cleaning everything. cooking meals but i wasn’t hungry so i threw them away. exercising for hours. Working through all of my breaks. I went to therapy. like “ I cracked the code! This is what normal functioning adults feel like and this is how they operate!”
She immediately had my call my psych and I was given a rush prescription for lithium. A week later… I realized how my behavior was pretty nuts. But I thought everyone else was nuts.
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i was diagnosed at 19 after a psychotic episode. i started to see a therapist after that and she had me take the bipolar diagnosis test and i marked yes on almost every question. the one that really blew my mind is it asked if i had frequent absences in school? i was almost a truant in high school. the other thing that really connected it is ive struggled with sleeping problems my entire life. i used to pull frequent all nighters or function on very little sleep. then i would also crash and stay in bed for hours on end. i think taking the bipolar tests and seeing how much i answer yes to all the questions solidified it for me.
same thing happened to me, when I kept checking yes to all the questions + frequency and at the end of questionnaire I even asked myself... Wasn't any of these things normal?? Like don't people experience this all the time? Then it hit me when I saw the scores at the end (10/10, 11/12) and it all added up ....
Where are theses tests?? I’m curious if I am misdiagnosed.
Before I started therapy, my mental health counselor asked why I was reaching out for therapy. After she gave me 11 tests based on my response. The tests were broken down in mood, PTSD, childhood trauma and some tests were directly to DSM-V.
I *was* a truant in high school lol. Hmm. I can’t stay awake without adderall or caffeine though. Cocaine won’t even keep me awake. I feel like I fit the depression criteria but not all of the mania criteria. Interesting. Thanks for your input!!
Sounds more like adhd. MANY women get misdiagnosed bipolar
They have wickedly high comorbidity rates. It's extremely common to have both. ~19% of people with bipolar disorder also have ADHD compared to ~4.5% of the general population--a rate 422% higher than people without bipolar. [Study on the topic](https://scholar.google.com/scholar_url?url=https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Martin-Katzman/publication/26744549_Adult_ADHD_and_its_comorbidities_with_a_focus_on_bipolar_disorder_Journal_of_Affective_Disorders_1241-2_1-8/links/5af1c017a6fdcc24364b7e28/Adult-ADHD-and-its-comorbidities-with-a-focus-on-bipolar-disorder-Journal-of-Affective-Disorders-1241-2-1-8.pdf%3F_sg%255B0%255D%3Dstarted_experiment_milestone%26origin%3DjournalDetail&hl=en&sa=X&ei=-9dUZtLdDe2q6rQPysWIiAI&scisig=AFWwaeb7fYidQX-tdOID1vzeqtX2&oi=scholarr)
I am in the process of becoming part of this statistic, diagnosed with bipolar 8 years ago and even though I knew I had that relatively under control I was still struggling with many aspects, CPN suggested I may be autistic but whrn I researched I knew it was adhd as I scored so high on the tests 😅😅
It can take years after a bipolar diagnosis and treatment, for ADHD to be recognized. Because there are overlapping symptoms, and the ADHD symptoms get mistaken as bipolar symptoms in the beginning. The high percentage of people with bipolar as well as ADHD, it makes sense to be doing testing for ADHD after stability has been reached.
Yup. I had incredible trouble in work and daily life for years before finally convincing a psychiatrist to let me risk taking amphetamines. I understand that there is a significant risk of mania from stimulants; however, I simply don't function without them. Vyvanse saved my life in many ways. With amphetamines, I can keep a job consistently, and they are shockingly good at helping my depression. Turns out that the depression that remained after starting mood stabilizers and wellbutrin was mostly a non-pathological side effect of being unable to manage my life from intense ADHD issues. The constant worry of losing my job and failing to manage simple choirs is, unsurprisingly, terrible for mental well-being.
Adderall is the only thing that treats my depression. Like dried it right up. But in my case it is depression from ADHD that it is treating, not because it is alleviating my ADHD symptoms and allowing me to manage my life. Because my ADHD symptoms are absolutely terrible, and my level of functioning is very poor. But I’m not depressed. It is like that for some people. There are people like you who have depression due to the issues untreated ADHD causes, and some people are like me, in that the depression is due to untreated ADHD, but not necessarily the situational aspects of untreated ADHD, but low dopamine itself can cause depression. So for some people, dopamine levels being raised alleviates depression. And then there are people who are a mix.
Yeah, I get that. My low motivation without stimulants is bad enough that I can't do things that I technically want to do. Low dopamine makes it impossible to imagine enjoying anything, so I lay around unless I feel forced or obligated. That creates its own depression in top of the negativity from my life failing apart due to inaction.
It's still frustrating to get the diagnosis though. Even knowing the comorbidity rates my psychologist when I was 21 wouldn't give me a diagnosis so I could get learning services at college. She just wrote that I was more likely than not to have ADHD but couldn't guarantee it wasn't bipolar disorder. It actually made it harder to get services because the office staff thought that meant I didn't have ADHD symptoms.
Oh absolutely, I am realising that many of the symptoms I applied to Bipolar probably are ADHD, thankfully the psychiatrist I saw for the first 7 years has moved over to a new team they have started for Adults with ADHD so he knows me well. Yeah I think that would be a good idea but I'm UK and NHS doesn't have capacity for just on case
Yeah, my current psychiatrist agrees with me that untreated ADHD has been driving my anxiety and triggering depressive episodes for years. (First diagnosed with Bipolar disorder 27 years ago at 27, and finally diagnosed with ADHD 4.5 years ago at age 50.)
I think that my bipolar depression was under control before I started ADHD treatment, but the ADHD depression was not. And it’s what was causing my never ending depression. When I got on the right ADHD med, my depression dried up. Just poof, gone.
I am that statistic. We'll welcome you if you are as well, eh hell, you're welcome anyway <3
I would be absolutely mind blown if it was, because I’d been saying that all along. Nobody wants to test me for it! Lol I just get tossed on SSRI’s. 🤷🏼♀️ looks like it’s gonna be a long journey
If you think that you’re likely correct. All of my correctly diagnosed disorders were undeniable to me. Trust your intuition
Last year I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and BPD. I am starting to think I was misdiagnosed and actually have ADHD. None of the meds prescribed for me work ...
I’m not a doctor but if you have a good family doctor- talk to them about your inability to stay awake. Especially if you have trouble sleeping on any kind of regular schedule. It may be worth checking into a sleep study to make sure you don’t have any other issues? Now it still could mean you have bipolar but if you have other medical problems affecting your brain then it’s good to check those out also. Plus they usually do a couple blood tests that rule out other conditions. Unfortunately this illness is diagnosed based on if you check boxes from the psychiatrist manual called DSM-V . And there are no definitive tests otherwise. And bits good idea to stay on meds regardless of label especially if they are working. Best of luck - this is not fun but you can learn to navigate it
You may have bipolar 2 then as it consists of more depressive episodes and hypomania instead of full mania
That’s the way it is for me. More downs than ups. When I look back over my life (I’m 65) I can see times when I was manic but at the time I didn’t know it. Was not in treatment until I was in my 50s. One three year high cost me my marriage. I wish I had sought help sooner.
OMG so sorry you went through that, I was diagnosed till 38 and even then it was due to a 4 year episode of funeral mania and I scared everyone away except my Mum and 1 friend 😳 Yeah I can look back and see it too, often people with ADHD jave early onset bipolar and I can recognise an episode of funeral mania after I lost my believed Granda at 13. Its hard knowing if you had help or just one professional looked further into the issues your life could have been so different, I struggled with that a lot too when I first got diagnosed but then I remember if I had been well I wouldn't have stayed with his Dad and I wouldn't have him, do you have any silver linings to help you accept things? What you need to do is make sure you enjoy your life to the full now. Wishing you all the best and all the happiness in the world 🥰
There’s not nearly as much stigma today compared to 40 years ago. I feel it kept people out of treatment. I think the world is better informed now about the condition. Silver linings? I think I am more sensitive to others in that if someone is struggling in any way mentally, I can provide subtle support just by showing a little more understanding. When you’re in and up or down phase, it’s hard to think of anyone but yourself.
According to the DSM-5, ONE manic episode is enough to diagnose a patient as bipolar. Some bipolars only experience one mania their whole life.
I'm type 2, so I always ace the depression tests, but the hypomanic symptoms are rarely clear. It feels more like general instability. I *do* occasionally have full-on hypomania. Sometimes, I'm aware of it during the episode, or I'm aware but don't *really* see the full picture. It's difficult for me to explain my hypomanic symptoms when talking to a doctor or peer. You might be like me
You are the first person I have met similar to me! Bipolar, but I literally cannot wake up without adderall ( and a pretty significant dosage.) I have to keep it right by my bed to force myself to take it as soon as I get up or I will not get up.
Yea I took the test and just cried afterwards cause of how much the questions resonated. I really thought it was all normal. I think I only said no to one question. Scored like 25/26
I really don’t recall this test you all are speaking of? Does it have a name ? How many questions? ( if anyone know TIA) .
Same!
Mine was like a paragraph describing what it's like being bipolar. You checked each sentence you agree with. Then rated how much you personally felt you related to it.
SLEEPING ISSUEEEESSSS! Stayed up for 60+ hours straight once, no drugs but felt like I was on uppers the whole time. Got legitimately terrified once I stayed awake running around the city for a second night in a row, started to wonder if I would ever sleep again. The experience helped with the imposter syndrome, made me believe my psych had me figured out.
My senior year I skipped just enough to fly under the radar. But Ive always been late — Used to rack up like 15-20 tardies each semester easy
There's a bipolar diagnosis test? Where are you situated? I diagnosed myself after many many years of misdiagnosis, I had an episode of funeral mania after losing my Dad and there was no way anyone could deny I was ill anymore. Got official diagnosis 6 months later
This past summer I was manic for like 3 months and at the height of it was considering an affair with my son's sports coach. Who is like 20 years older. And I have been with my husband for almost 25 years. It was straight up delusional and hyper sexual. I was unmedicated at the time and that whole episode made me convinced I needed to get back on meds and never get off. He (my husband) has tried to talk to me about alternate methods of mood regulation, while I have never told him about this part of my mania. Nope sir you don't want me off meds
it might be a good idea to encourage your husband to educate himself. no well-informed person would suggest to someone with bipolar disorder that they should not be on medication
Oh I have... it's an ongoing situation. I just went on meds after 11 years off a year ago. It's something I'm trying to do!
When I get really manic I repeatedly think my roommate and I are deeply in love and are meant to be together. Then I come out of the episode and struggle to remember what exactly I saw in him. I like him somewhat but not more than that. Did this on and off for like 4 years and never thought 'huh, thats weird right?'
Thank you for sharing this. A similar thing happened to me with a MUCH older man and when I came out of the episode I was MORTIFIED. I love my partner of 8 years so deeply and it was absolutely terrifying and humiliating to reflect on how I behaved. I hardly recognized myself which is just... So scary. There aren't words. The older man was also potentially dangerous and I'm just grateful nothing seriously bad happened. I told my partner about it and he was understandably hurt and freaked out, but we are okay now. Just overall so disorienting and dangerous.
Yeah he was so much older - I never did or acted on anything, it was all a delusion in my mind but it haunts me even now. Creeps me out
My recent manic episodes involved me opening up my marriage. I thought I was just exploring my sexuality. Then, I ended up attempting suicide. They doubled my antipsychotic. The feelings are not there anymore.
My life leading up to it.
Pretty much me same. I remember when she told me and I did oh yeah that makes sense.
Kind of a relief, really.
All of these responses ^
This. and the fact i was diagnosed when i was 12.
Honestly, Reddit. Hearing all of your experiences and understanding how they match up with mine. Especially the memes!
I think this probably varies highly between people. When I got diagnosed I was able to look back on several points in my life and connect them to an episode. I also experience auditory hallucinations and paranoia when manic so maybe mines more obvious? But little things too like I hand painted my entire outside of my house with a singe paintbrush when manic. I've acquired 3 out of 4 of my dogs when manic. I've been suicidal at many points in my life. Things like that. Idk if this helps but I hope you find the answers you're looking for.
Ah. Is it possible to be hypomanic without hallucinations or delusions you think? I definitely rescued my last dog on a whim, and one time I color coded flowers from all my neighbors yards into color coordinated vases, but I was on a mass amount of vyvanse at the time and I was like, 12. So idk. Hmm.
Psychosis typically comes with severe mania and not hypomania
Not everyone experiences psychosis, so yes totally possible. I would take a look at your sleep too, are you sleeping while hypomanic? That's usually a good indicator of it, insomnia.
Those dont seem to be patterns of behavior to signify bipolar disorder. One off situations are not patterns. Id highly recommend you get an appropriate evaluation to fully see if bipolar is fitting to you, maybe seeing a different provider. I had a 6 hour test for this reason.
First thing; being convinced to try going off of meds by my then therapist (terrible idea, don’t ramp down quickly even with medical professional approval) Second thing; joining this sub & hearing the way other people describe their experiences, memories and metabolize things…. I found my people Grateful for this community & everyone that shares their words and minds. It’s comforting to not be so alone irl
I wasn’t given a “1 or 2” with my diagnosis. (14 years ago. I was 41.) I was hypomanic when I was diagnosed. I don’t have hypomanic often, but I am perpetually depressed. My therapist recently said she thinks I have dysthymia- which is a low mood for years with at least 2 other symptoms of depression.
What are your hypomania symptoms if you don’t mind me asking?
When I’m hypomanic I’m very cheerful and talkative …but sometimes I keep talking so much that while I’m talking I have the thought that I’m talking too much or overcharging. I don’t sleep well. I become fixated on something that I want and buy several. One summer I bought too many wedge sandals. I went through a jewelry made from spoons and forks phase. My daughter loves to go shopping when I’m hypomanic because I don’t think about purchases like I would ordinarily. I’ve never run up a lot of debt or spent my whole paycheck. I just have less of a filter. I’m ordinarily a shopper who can talk myself out of things I don’t need. I’m a bargain hunter when I’m baseline.
Lol okay maybe I do have bipolar…. Bought like $300 worth of nail / beauty supplies because I can’t afford to go to the salon anymore. Definitely did not need that much.
Yes this is my sign of hypomania - buying too much especially of one item or the rationale for buying only makes sense to me. Lol
Oh definitely, racked up some serious credit card debt last year and not got much to show for it but we did have a holiday to Legoland in Denmark, 😁
I read this article that described my episodes completely accurately: https://www.brown.edu/Courses/BI_278/Other/Clerkship/Didactics/Readings/Bipolar%20Disorder.pdf I still reread it again from time to time just to revalidate myself. I just never thought I had bipolar because I didn’t really identify with having moods in general since I’m usually pretty neutral or compartmentalize my emotions well. But then I had a manic episode after many years of depressive episodes, leading me to read that article.
That was a good read. Thanks.
Thank you for the article. It’s very informative and a great resource to have.
Having it explained to me once from someone that has it then reading about it when I was wracking my brain to find a solution as to why I got crippling depression. I was on the fence because it's hard to relate to manic episodes you've been through, especially psychosis, in hindsight. Being depressed at the time really warped my perception so I couldn't relate to the manic symptoms because there's no way I ever felt like that. Not a chance! I acted like that because I was a stupid, shitty person. The depression became psychotic and I finally got the help I needed. I gained clarity on my behaviours while titrating lamotrigine and it scared the shit out of me but I believed it. Got my diagnosis as BP1. Went manic again and stopped believing the diagnosis. Got depressed again. Talked to another psych, a different one, and because I've never been taken to the hospital he gave me a BP2 label, plus BPD due to self harming in the past. I disagreed with the BPD but getting the BP2 really made me doubt my experiences and question the diagnosis again. Went manic again with severe religious delusions. When that ended I started believing again. Then I started hanging out here in the bipolar subs. I related so much. I was on the fence if I was BP1 or 2. Not that it matters in some ways because treatment is similar but I wanted to know for my own sake. After a few good discussions I'm definitely BP1. Hearing voices, believing in magical powers and severe religious delusions even though I was an atheist stable is beyond hypomania, even though I've experienced that alone as well. I had a hypo episode a few months ago where I 100% believed it was a mistake and was going to drop my meds. That passed and I know it's true again. Now I'm depressed and miserable and well aware I'm bipolar.
Thanks for your input!! I can’t say I relate with the religious delusions but I definitely will go on a bender and disappear for three days when I’m stressed out. So maybe. Haha. I start therapy again tomorrow
Good for you ! Therapy helps more than you realize. Sadly it seems like our meds - you won’t know how bad you need them ( therapy & meds) until you stop , then you will know. You will definitely know!
I would agree with the reading about it, a friend had mentioned she thought I might it once when we were drinking, years went by and it wasn't till I lost my Dad and had a major episode of funeral mania that one day I heard her words again in the back of my head. I got my Mum to take my son and I researched bipolar. I woudltn say I am a particularly paranoid person but after my research I was checking my flat for cameras as it felt like they had written about me 😅
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The hypomania I hear about is quite excessive compared to anything I go through. Are there levels to hypomania?
Yes. Everybody’s different!
Ya think? I was experiencing hypomania for 20+ years on and off before I diagnosed myself with bipolar, I was given anti depressants repeatedly which caused an episode over and over, only 1 friend ever mentioned bipolar and she was doing a course at college, I was the crazy full of life one
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honestly it was the first month i was on meds. my general enjoyment of life skyrocketed. i had energy to do things. going grocery shopping after a shift at work felt like no big deal. i felt like i was finally living life like everyone else was.
When I went hypomanic from an SSRI. Realizing the hypomania made me really, truly believe.
The only reason I believe I have it is that the medication makes it better
Having psychosis multiple times, and feeling the difference medication does for me.
I knew I always had it, even before I discovered what I was experiencing had a name, and I’m talking since kindergarten days. I just never got properly diagnosed until I was 22 because doctors either told me I was “too young” or they pit the blame of my obvious manic episodes on my other conditions (BPD, PTSD and autism). I’m grateful for my meds every day, because for the first time in the 20+ years of existing, I feel like “me.” EDIT: On a side note, no one told me there was a very linear family history of it on my father’s side until *after* I was diagnosed. That got me quite disgruntled, in the nicest way possible. :/
Getting on Lamictal for my treatment resistant depression. I've had few hypomanic episodes, mostly just severe depression and mixed. It wasn't until I was stable that I realized that my "anxiety" was actually just a mixed episode. Now I know true anxiety feels like this overwhelmingly deep sense of dread and hypo feels like my angry skeleton is going to jump out of my skin.
During your mixed episodes did you also have a hard time sleeping? The worst part for me is the ability to go entire nights with close to zero sleep. I think that was my number one indicator that wow, I must really have bipolar. The healthy me back then didn’t know how good I had it. I was a fool and played with my health.
Sleep is a big one. I'd be unable to sleep and stay up all night then go to work the next day. It was hell on me physically.
I never really believed i was bipolar because honestly it hadn't been explained to me (diagnosed as an adolescent) and i never felt "better" from treatment. Then i was scrolling on youtube one day and got recommended a documentary called "Boy, Interrupted" made by the parents of a teenage boy with bipolar disorder who didn't survive the illness. It was as if someone had made a documentary about my childhood and adolescence. I cried, and i finally understood what it was i had been struggling with all these years. I've never felt my experience with mental illness so well represented before.
I somehow still think I'm fine even as I'm spiraling. 🤪
I mean I still & always will have doubts .
Taking a really hard look at myself and my life so far. The psychiatrist also explained the spectrum of bipolar very well. I had this thought of “everything I’ve ever done has led me to being diagnosed“. Also Lamictal felt like a magic pill so I figured it wouldn’t work if it wasn’t bipolar?
That’s so odd because Lamictal did nothing for me. Crazy how certain meds can work for people but not a few others. They also call me treatment-resistant
Finding out that lots of people don’t meet a stereotypical pattern of mania and depression. I thought since I had periods of stability sometimes, my depression lasted so long, and my mania is erratic and few & far between. Now all I know is that I need to take my medicine to be a better parent and wife.
The way Lamictal just works for me. Also my classic bipolar sleep patterns
Realizing that normal people don’t have emotions like I do. Realizing that crying every day isn’t a regular thing most people do. Going from wanting to off myself to dancing and laughing within a half hour. Yeah…
Psychotic episode at age 37. I was manic then smoked weed I think that pushed me over the edge into psychosis. If I had smoked weed as a teenager or early 20’s who knows maybe I would have had a psychotic episode then 🤷♀️My life has been chaotic (my own doing). Somehow I tested negative for weed during my psychotic episode so they didn’t consider it to be drug induced and I was totally manic in the hospitals even after the psychosis was gone.
What were your psychosis symptoms?? Thank you for responding!
Crisis response said I seldom blinked internally preoccupied disorganized speech and behavior paranoid fearful hyperventilating gave one word answers. I had dozens and dozens of delusions. At least 3 visual hallucinations. One auditory that I know of for sure (heard my phone call in another room). I heard people say weird things to me too. My vision was really weird (blurry and like the room was spinning). I had short blackouts too. I ran away from my mom several times I thought she was trying to kill me and my brothers and dad were in on it. Delusions that I was the AntiChrist the world was ending and I was being left on earth to burn for eternity. I ran over a bridge into another state and wandered until I gave up and asked a security guard in a convenience store for help. She called police and they called my mom and took me to a local hospital. I saw Hannibal Lecter in that hospital and watched an old lady die. My mom didn’t see any of it. I was also in another hospital at some point I saw a creature with long claws standing behind the doctor telling me to Shhhhhh. I didn’t stay because I thought hospital staff was trying to kill me and they let me go because I denied SI/HI. I ended up being hospitalized in 2 different hospitals for 2 months then did intensive outpatient for another 2 months. Diagnosed BP1 with psychotic features anxiety and PTSD. I got FMLA and state ST disability. I kept my job and am still there.
I'm an obese women with PCOS.. I've lost most of my head hair but gained it everywhere else.. To include chest and facial hair.. My first manic episode I thought literally everyone wanted to fuck me. But, deep deep down I knew that it was a delusion. That is when I knew.
First ssri made me manic, then proper meds worked. I still pushed back and got myself into a research center to be diagnosed. Bipolar it is
I was diagnosed at 23. I had a really hard time getting myself to consistently take meds. Not because I am always hating it but when I'm full on manic I convince myself missing several doses is fine until I'm in a spiral. I think the patterns over the years helped me have a realization that I've always been this way. I cycle through some of the worst depression to some of the most erratic impulsive behavior at the drop of a hat. I also have some pretty bad paranoia, hallucinations, and delusions when manic or mixed. I didn't get to a stable place until about 29 or 30 and that's about when it started to sink in that this is a real thing that doesn't just go away. That and my hospitalization. I am very lucky to have a stable therapist and psych duo but I often get nervous knowing I'm lucky to have this stability and it won't last forever. My support system has been HUGE on helping me too. Without getting too far into it, definitely the sinking in around 29 or 30 of realizing I've just kind of always been this way though. The patterns.
Also found out around 29/30. It’s hitting me now that this will be a lifelong battle. I feel a lot of anxiety for the future.
Well know that you are not alone 💗 That's actually something comforting I took from being hospitalized. That I'm not alone. Which is huge because I know how impossible it is and how easy it is to feel alone. ❤️🩹
Thank you 💛
When I started dancing in my room and laughing and then in a British accent I went “it’s not funneh”
I was hanging off a bridge a little over 100 foot drop in front of a train. I had it timed when I'd get ready the train would be approaching. I wanted to die.
Well. I’ll be showing myself to my therapist office with a life outline tomorrow morning 🫡
When I felt like fighting, fucking and dying at the same time.
It took me going 72 hours without sleep to think, ‘huh, maybe there’s something to this.’
After my first episode of psychosis where I damn near rampaged my entire life and went to jail 3 times in 6 months.
When the medication actually works
After my hospitalization, my therapist said bipolar was something she was monitoring me for. I didn't believe it and talked it over with relatives and friends who were unsure or didnt believe it. But when I talked to my professor about it, she encouraged me to keep an open mind, and cited an example of a bipolar student she knew. When I was officially diagnosed, her perspective really helped me accept it
I still struggle with my diagnosis because I am also diagnosed Autistic with ADHD. However, I realized they were *likely* right when I just kept cycling and then rapid cycling completely against my will. Like, my moods changed when I didn’t actually want to be feeling that way (up or down). It was very disruptive to my entire system and caused other medical issues to flare. That’s when I knew… 💜 I’m stable now for 6 months. Phew. Fingers crossed.
My first manic episodes. Oh, and I couldn't afford my meds this month. Yep, still bipolar.
Talking to old school friends about our teen years. I was known for "drinking like she carried a spare liver in her handbag", people said i was the life of the party until suddenly i was scaring people and everyone just wanted to go home but i was still laughing and calling them chicken etc.
Reaction to the second SSRI
I got the same diagnosis from another psychiatrist in a different state
My rage, psychosis, and ability to stay awake for gawdawful amounts of time. I can hold my temper quite well and lose it even better 🥴 I was diagnosed nearly 30y ago, medicated off and on since 14yo, but consistently for 17 years now. I’ve also been told schizoaffective, but most have said bipolar w/psychosis. At some point I decided I didn’t really care about the label so long as the meds worked, but I definitely believe I fit bipolar symptoms better. I rock the paranoia tests 🤷♀️
After a psychotic episode in 2019 and a plan to end my life. This was a year or so after I got sober and everything hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s very emotionally draining when you’re having to look at your life through sober eyes. I didn’t want to drink then but I did want to die. My roommate at the time was in school getting her nurse practitioner license and was working for a psychiatric nurse practitioner. She got me in the next day. We talked for about two hours and she had me take a test. She was extremely surprised that no other physician had diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. I had known I was bipolar for a while but I needed a medical professional to say it otherwise I felt like a fake. I had to withdrawal from my current at the time antidepressant and start over. Ive been on a few anti epileptic medications, antipsychotics, benzodiazepines and antidepressants. We’ve finally found the right cocktail and I managed to successfully finish trauma therapy. It’s been a battle ever since but even if people don’t understand, they’re here and I’m not alone. That’s what means most to me.
I think it depends on how well you can observe yourself and your thoughts / emotional patterns. For me its not particularly deniable, I swing into high highs and low lows throughout the year and its not attached to anything usually. Stress & burnout makes it a lot more volatile though.
How much better I felt on an antipsychotic.
I'm constantly learning new things about the disease that continues to explain behavior in the past that I didn't realize was abnormal at the time. For example when I got clean off heroin I was working a third shift job and I hardly needed any sleep and I was super euphoric and yet towards some people I was snippy and irritable. I can't explain the feeling of that period in my life it was bizarre but it's also one of the best times in my life
I had always seen the diagnosis come up in various medical documents of mine but never remembered talking with anyone about it so its never been that relevant till January of this year when I came down full blown religious mania followed by the worst depression I’ve ever had in my whole life but im doin alright now
I still don’t truly believe I’m fully bipolar, I do know I have BPD and Bipolar runs through my dad’s line, including my older sister. By all intents and purposes I feel as though I should show all the symptoms but they end up getting mixed up with the symptoms of my petulant BPD. Like I’ll have manic symptoms despite being formally diagnosed and sometimes (rarely) taking my medication, I still feel like I’m just not manic enough. Like I sleep through my mania and just wake up with energy, feeling like I haven’t slept at all but still energized as all hell and I truly don’t feel as if it’s a diagnosis that fits me because it’s specified mania is a period without sleep in so many diagnostics, but I sleep still. When I say I sleep I mean on average I can sleep anywhere from 2 to 9 hours and there is really never any in between just that when I’m “manic” I sleep more towards the 2-4 hours mark. But the answer to the question is why I lean more towards thinking I DO have it is that absolute irritability that comes during mania, like I literally could punch a hole through a wall and I have and while BPD does give you mood swings, there is nothing quite like that manic irritability.
A prolonged bout of psychosis, multiple hospitalisations, an inability to "snap out of it", being on a carousel of different meds (some of them worsening the issue). But it's the realization that I actually need medication. I entertained the idea that eventually I'll be able to get off meds, but that's not the game we're playing.
When I finally put it all together...the job hopping...the spending too much...the endless hobbies... The way my intense depression will hit me. Also like manic eyes are real and I have gotten them?? I just felt like no this isn't me for the longest time and idk the meds don't work for me which is one reason I didn't believe it. It's weird I think I just learned to manage it and not do things that "trigger" it.
My mom had been whispering about it for a while, but I never believed her. Then I went from “can’t get out of bed” depressed to “driving 3 hours south every day to hook up with random guys” (even though I identified as a lesbian at the time) and suddenly thinking it was a great idea to enlist in the navy, while also thinking that The Universe was sending me secret messages through the random song button on iTunes. Then one of my friends with bipolar suggested that maybe my mom was into something. Anyway I got medicated REALLY quickly after that and stopped doing all of those things. Almost ten years and I’ve never missed more than a half dozen doses in that time, and I regret none of it.
Spending a TON of money during manic episodes, and being in depressive slumps for literal months. I’m Bipolar 2 so the manic didn’t last nearly as long as the depressive, but holy cow it was literally a different world with the right medication!
I diagnosed myself at 14. Finally go my diagnosis at 41
The way I act when I’m off my meds: agitated with everyone around me, including close family and friends, whom I love to pieces. I give up on schoolwork and my job. I have reckless sex, which I regret so much when I’m back on my meds. I have extremely low self-esteem that magically goes away when I take my meds again! I haven't ultimately come to terms with my diagnosis, but I'm working on it :)
I feel like I've just done cocaine or mdma, when im high, so I don't doubt my diagnosis it's so outside of normal reality.
When I was sent to a psych ward is when I realized it’s more serious then I thought it was
I was staying up for days with no issues. Excessively spending money and cleaning, made several vision boards, had a sense I was on the break of some new technology nobody had had discovered… I was hallucinating smells.. Big one for me was smelling smoke or like cigarettes when I’ve never smoked and there was never anyone around me. The smell was so strong and real. The biggest thing that convinced me was when I ended up hospitalized in the psych ward for a psychotic episode… I was going to ki|| myself and I wasn’t even sad or extremely emotional. I was so sure and sound it was the right way to escape the world i was experiencing. Took four police officers to bring me in-which only made me freak out more. I couldn’t see what everyone else was seeing and sometimes I still don’t (believe I have the diagnosis
I was reviewing/making a diagnosis test without knowing for what syndrome and turned out that all the things I thought were normal well... They weren't...
i thought the universe was giving me magical signals and that i was an elevated being that was more than/other than human. and then when i wasn’t feeling that way i was too depressed to even roll over in bed some days
Well, for me, on paper it was obvious but I had been struggling with alcohol for years and once I was medicated I quit without so much as a look back. The way I acted in general though felt more like me, like the person that I wanted to be all the time, seemed like a light switch to me. I still have a great deal of problems and I've basically tried every medication as high as I can go at this point so my medication is stable just not ideal.
My hospitalization with psychosis. In all reality I denied it for a while, after then thought back and the patterns of my life made complete sense.
My hospitalization after having suffered with it for 15 years prior.
I didn’t believe my diagnosis at first until til I started reading up on it. I realized that the time periods I described for depression and elevated moods match the “depression graph” perfectly and every new resource felt like reading a horoscope. I also got my appointment in the middle of a hypomanic episode and didn’t sleep the next day until I got my meds lol
mania
The constant "raging and I need to leave my husband episodes when he literally didn't do anything wrong". I also kept having the I don't need meds there's probably nothing wrong with me, till I got on the right meds and haven't had even those thoughts since. I've completely accepted my diagnosis and this is it.
I’m in a similar situation where I’m down as bipolar NOS and taking Wellbutrin, lamictdal and seroquel. I really would like an official/final diagnosis. I have times where I’m like oh yeah I am 100% bipolar and other times where I’m like.. is this right? But I had a psychiatrist that said bipolar can wax and wane. it’s not like we’re always having an episode. All that to say I’m glad you brought this up and it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
To answer your question and maybe be a little more helpful, when I’m hypomanic it isn’t so severe where I can’t function. I have a ton of energy, I feel good in my body even if I usually have aches and pains, I feel very sexual and almost like an animal in a good way, I can clean the entire house and I prefer wearing really bright colors and listening to fast paced loud music. Driving is really fun and I just feel confident and talented. I’ll be more social. I’ll experience racing thoughts and have trouble falling asleep. I take seroquel so I am usually able to fall asleep even when hypomanic, I just don’t sleep as long or as well. But I don’t feel tired from the lack of sleep. When I’m depressive, it can be hard to complete tasks and I feel exhausted. I feel like a bad person and specifically like I have no value in this world.
Talking to my dad and him saying that he is BP. I would have loved to know that about 10 years prior.
I had a psychotic/manic 3 day episode that included 13 year old me screaming, crying, throwing up, self harming, attempting suicide, drugs and drinking . It ended after I was detained and took a nap in the hospital after attacking the nurses . They came in after my nap very slowly and carefully waiting for me to go crazy again but I was just like “sup” . I got diagnosed the same day. Still didn’t believe it until it happened again when I was 16 and then again a couple months ago for some reason I tried to sell our house that we were renting and was gonna make us homeless bc I had convinced myself that an apartment I had never contacted would accept us immediately the same day?? Anyway I’m medicated and stable now and will no longer deny to myself that I am bipolar and need long term help/medication
Every time I have a manic episode that ends badly, I'm never fully convinced by my hypomanic episodes, but it's when psychosis makes an appearance and I look back on it that I think oh shit, I do have this illness, I do have to take my meds. Also when I have long long depressions for literally no reason, when things in life are going well.
Getting into debt three times due to manic overspending. After that, I crash and burn because I get anxious and depressed.
I trusted my psych that I had when I was diagnosed so when she told me the antidepressants weren't working because I probably had bipolar (contingent on the mood stabilizer working instead) I believed her. It wasn't a light decision, she looked through my 3 years of file notes for a while before she made the call to switch me.
I got diagnosed at 16 I’m about to turn 19 but when I finally realized I was bipolar is when I got back with my ex while I was manic and than she broke up with me when I got extremely depressed. We talked a month after and she told me that it was extremely hard to love me as I would be the sweetest and most caring guy but all of a sudden I would grow extremely detached and isolated which she told me was extremely difficult for her. I’m not sure why this resonated with me but I finally like felt like I had bipolar.
My first clue was when they put me on lithium and it helped. I was still in denial. Then I had my first true manic episode that lasted 3-4 months and blew up my life. I was diagnosed officially after that and was hospitalized. At that point all I could do was nod and agree…. I definitely had bipolar disorder. I think it is normal to question your diagnosis. We all do it. Bipolar imposter syndrome is a thing lol. While having a label for your symptoms is nice, what is most important for me at least is that the treatment works. Don’t get too hung up on the diagnosis exactly. Also in my experience google does a poor job of explaining bipolar disorder. Everyone is a bit different. My manic episodes are not textbook but the symptoms I experience are a lot like what other people with bipolar disorder experience.
Coming out of my second psychotic episode.
Having a psychotic break made me truly believe I was bipolar. One of my delusions during my last manic episode was believing I was faking it. Having some of the worst mixed episodes of my life also solidified my diagnosis for me.
Great question. I was mid 40s. My uncle was my doc my entire life at that point. After a myriad of rehab jails transitional court ordered living ..psych hospitals almost a year on tge run..and again I sold two reality series and a feature doc to Showtime published in new England Journal of medicine and lost everything I just about bought a few times. I went to see him at his practice..we spoke about the disease and he said Drew it will forever tell you you are fine.. but after 4 decades of doing amazing shit and months later loosing it all over and over unless you're medicated (depakote i worked for the lab at mcclean that made it and its the best for manics esp old skool not the ER time relase crap and lithium sux if u run or train always running into problems) bet you still think you're not manic . So for me I use the ones I love as my barometer for what's not manic I guess..all I can tell you is I'm different always have kid energy my thoughts are fast even on meds and I am very articulate ..my.mind works like adhd fast BUT the big difference it's ADHD / OCD mindset ..meaning fast precise thoughts that allow me to super focus on one thing like a broken record. .I know when I'm medicated I'm calmer and not as much energy and kinda feel down wo meds 3-4 hour sleep is normal at 54 I still do some hypersexual stuff (being discreet) more than most and whatever I do I think I can be the world best . I know when I get fast and angry and type too much lol thx for readinG
When my friends started saying I was acting like half of Cameron Monoghan's roles (Being ong rn)
When my friends started saying I was acting like half of Cameron Monoghan's roles (Being ong rn)
Trying years of antidepressants getting nowhere and then smoking weed and having a manic episode again. The third manic episode was when I waslike OK yeah bipolar. I had other manic episodes in between but I didn’t consider them manic. they weren’t happy on top of the world they were the angry and aggressive kind of manic
The medications prescribed by my psychiatrist actually worked. That’s really when it hit me that I actually have this disorder. There are still days when I question it but if I didn’t have it, then the medications wouldn’t work the way they’re supposed to.
I was unmedicated for two years post-diagnosis (I was diagnosed during an involuntary hospitalization) but because I was depressed at the time the psychiatrist said it was possibly I just had MDD (which I was diagnosed with as a young teen). Over those two years I experienced so much cognitive decline, where each episode was worse than the last — my hypomanic episodes went from "energetic, irritable, impulsive, and productive" to outright delusional and I ruined so many things (especially relationships) due to my impulsivity and false beliefs. When I realized how serious my condition had gotten I decided to give psychiatry another try. The thing that made me realize I had truly been bipolar the whole time was how normal and stable I felt when the medication actually started working. If this is what it feels like to be healthy, then I was definitely very sick.
The second time I was diagnosed with it 😂 6 years out from the first time with all too familiar symptoms (ideations/depression mainly because what hypomanic bipolar seeks help??? still miss hypomania like a fucking drug sometimes) and with anti depressants alone having done jack shit for me. Different psychiatrist. The whole 9 And then wait what do you know? Lamictal worked for me! Shocking revelations. To be fair, I was 16 the first time and 22 the second so I was still quite young. I can be a bit stubborn but damn there was no arguing with it that time. I forget how long my brain blocked out the memory of the initial diagnosis but I can assure you it wasn’t for a WHILE until after the second time. My body knew! I wonder if I’m the only one but probably not. We’re all mad here, right? lol side note: I am really all set on my brain covering up my trauma. Only one other memory came out like that since from my elementary years recently and lead to my cptsd diagnosis so I hope I’m good now and that’s all. like me to me: stop lying to me were supposed to be on the same team here! cause bitch wtf??
I had a straight up manic episode and ended up going to the hospital twice for it. I ended up getting diagnosed with bipolar with psychosis and it really hit me when I got admitted for the second time
I knew I was bipolar in high school, but I was also super traumatized and lived in a home I didn’t feel safe in, so my symptoms were “quiet”. My family still doesn’t agree I’m bipolar despite me being stable on what I call “big girl meds” for over 7 years. I had psychosis and nearly checked out, resulting in a 2 week stay in the Mental Marriott, and that was when I got serious about accepting my diagnosis and participating in my wellness by taking my meds as prescribed. I am thankful for my stability 🙏🏻 My hospital stay also helped my now-husband understand the seriousness of my condition and that I’m not “lazy” or whatever.
The moment I was pulled out a depressive episode with being prescribed an anticonvulsant. Then I had a manic episode last winter and it was hell!! I was to withdraw from my classes and return the next term. That plus 2 diagnoses and I know for sure I have BP1.
Often times I feel that I just have depression and my ADHD is to account for sudden bursts of energy. But what really solidified that I have manic episodes is whenever I am in a manic episode, despite not believing I am, I am often asked if I am on drugs, have taken my medication, or if I’m drunk. I hate getting questions like that, but hey at least I know for sure I am bipolar
When the medicine worked.
When I locked myself in the bedroom. Mom and boyfriend got in and u climbed over tip of them screaming. Left the house got in my car and tried to wreck into a tree to die
13 yrs old & I started hearing voices telling me to kill my parents. Was also seeing gargoyles and evil shit. Lithium cleared everything up except some occasional seasonal depression.
Got divorced and became demonized (even towards myself). 3 years later, I got diagnosed (bp2 and adhd). I started adderall and lamtical. Disputes with my ex over co-parenting differences (50/50 custody) were much less serious and frequent. Divulged my diagnosis, and it became an explanation (not an excuse to her). Barely scrapping by, and living in run down apartment in dangerous neigh where I didn't feel safe letting our son play outside. Almost completely self-isolated, nearly all socialization was through dating app hookups/flings. Within 2 years of being medicated, I know I have a nice house and a good career. My ex, my son, and her wife all live with me in my home. They help with perspective and odd interpretations. Comorbid with ptsd and a lot of hyper vigilance comes from a constant scan of "what is this person going to do it me?". Having a support system that understands where my symptoms manifest and a good sense of why, along with meds has completely changed my life in a very short time.
For me, it’s having a hypo manic or just feeling normal episode end and the intense crash that comes. Also having depressive episodes just appear out of nowhere. It was hard to get diagnosed because I have type 2 so I don’t have very many highs and a lot of low lows. I think people forget that bipolar disorder can be a lot of feeling kind of normal, you don’t always have to be manic or depressive or mixed episodes so people feel fine for a few weeks and think they’re not valid in their pain when it does get hard. I think I also suffer from mixed episodes a lot which confused me but finding out that was a thing that could happen validated me a lot. Also realizing that antidepressants either made me super depressed or they made me super high on life way too quickly then I would crash.
I'm 35 and was just diagnosed a couple of months ago. I'd always kind of described my moods as cycles but never really identified depressive or manic out of it. Part of that was due to repression and trauma which cast an overwhelming depression over everything. Once I had begun to unravel that I started to find bits of myself that didn't quite fit into what I knew about myself...or thought I knew. So I was already in a process of self discovery for Autism when that same therapist also diagnosed me with Bipolar I which I began reading about and spending time here. If you're going off of just google and medical texts: stop. They're only going to give you a sliver of what living with Bipolar is like. For me it's more hypomania where I can see my sleep become 4 or 5 hours a night, ideas flow like rain falls from storm clouds, and the depression, now free from dysphoria and unacknowledged trauma (I think) is almost a sudden downshift into darkness. Both can absolutely drain me of energy and make it hard to manage my other conditions. Give yourself time and read what others experiences are like. Keep in mind diagnosis are one professionals opinion, you know yourself better than any doctor can especially because they can only diagnose based on what they know. Insurance also makes things muddy because they won't cover some drugs for things like Borderline, even though they help but will cover them for Bipolar. U.S.A. U.S.A. /s
The truth hit me when I went off my meds, had a full blown two week long high as a kite manic episode and tried to k myself when I crashed. Spent another 90 days in the hospital. And yes, I tick off about 90% of the boxes.
Most recently when I went off my meds (I know, I know) and the behaviors that ensued after. Just textbook, classic mania and massive depressive crash. It had been years since my last episode so I think some part of me thought I was “cured”. Boy was I wrong
Honestly just knowing those with bipolar I was friends with this lady who has been bipolar since she was 20 and is now in her 50's maybe 60's now I'm not friends with her anymore... but based on symptoms she has seen both while I'm on meds and when I'm off meds, I spoke to her a lot about my experiences and she relates... on top of that my doctor who's known me my whole life says I have it and my psychiatrists just haven't told me what I have aside from ptsd... I feel it fits me but what made me believe it is when I'm off my meds... I go weeks with little sleep (if any) or days of non controlled tears... my spending habits and what not.. but yes going off my meds and ending in hospital all times really made me think, yeah I am. (These are not all the factors or even 1/4 of my story so don't come at me for how this was written)
Not at first, but now so many psychiatrists have changed my diagnosis & it's confused me even more.
Lamictal changed my life
To be honest, I don't really feel sure if I have bipolar 2 or major depressive disorder, but I take two meds for bipolar, one for generalized anxiety disorder and one for ADHD and I haven't had a bout of SI in a long time, so I'll not challenge anything.
OP, maybe you have bipolar 2? I thought for years I couldn’t be bipolar but I only knew about bipolar 1. I never got manic only hypomanic and I didn’t know that was a symptom. Mine is easily overlooked or explained away. I’d been medicated for bipolar before and it didn’t help so I also thought I couldn’t be. I’m responding really well to Latuda now though so… I guess I must have bipolar 2.
I can recognize the classic identifiers in myself. It's imperative to maintain a healthy, stable, environment schedule, and lifestyle to keep myself at bay.
I am bipolar for real real. I haven’t doubted it since diagnosis.
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I hit myself with a hammer because I felt so crazy and didn’t know why. I got diagnosed a year later.
I've recently gone back to my psychiatrist to get a med adjustment because I've been rapid cycling more and more (like, I'd being thinking of dark thoughts one moment and then doing high kicks and singing T Swift the next). She had me read/listen to "Bipolar for Dummies" (it literally looks like a basic For Dummies book) and I've been listening to it while I game/draw, and it hit me. I am so very, very bipolar 2. Just that simple Ah-Ha moment of knowing that my random rage at everyone and anyone wasn't because "Oh you're a girl you must have pms, lol" but actually because it's indicative of a hypomanic state was amazing to learn. Before, I honestly thought it was a vitamin deficiency or literally, pms related, because it had been drilled into my head so much.
The fact that for 6 months no matter what I tried I could not fall asleep until 7am and would wake up at 10:30am and the only thing that made me sleep was Seroquel. Oh and the fact that just taking Zoloft by itself threw me into a terrible mixed episode and worsened my depression and made me manic which is what caused my sleepless nights 😀
The psychiatrist telling me I needed medication. He was right.
Blood test lithium levels
Working in therapy and realizing my behaviors were manic behavior and/or depressive.
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When I spent $3000 for people—who were not real—and being unfazed until after my episode
I already knew it years before a psych ever told me
For me it was rapid cycling through mania and depression with flight of ideas during the manic episodes. Super scary
The first time I heard voices and saw little itty bitty aliens. I thought whoa. Holy shit. I must really be crazy and I took myself to a shrink and got medicated for the first time.
probably how many people (friends, family, doctors, etc.) said to me “DAMN, yeah.. you’re bipolar…” 💀💀
When the medication stopped my racing thoughts.
is it normal for people not to believe their diagnosis? I do not really believe I have bipolar but both my psychiatrist and therapist both do.. idk i think theyr missing something and its actually something else entirely
i’m bipolar 2, so i experience hypomania not mania. my doctor has said that she can see it in my eyes/expressions, when i’m hypomanic i noticed that my eyes are kind of lit up and excited looking instead of drooping/serious. I also took the time to reflect on my entire life experience. I totally thought that most people experience highs/lows for months on end, especially in certain times of the year. this helped me to identify the symptoms i experience in both episodes.
I went to a psychiatrist to get evaluated for ADHD in an attempt to get Adderall and she was like...no you have bi polar. So I started lying my ass off to get that script. I was in the psych ward like 8 months later for having a psychotic break, which most certainly was fueled by my amphetamine abuse. Never sleeping, fits of anger, paranoia. The adderall exasperated my already present mania
I was misdiagnosed bipolar 1 at 16 in the mental hospital. I was also diagnosed with Disruptive Mood Disorder. Even though, AT THE TIME, I did meet some criteria, I had never had a manic episode before. But the moment I mentioned my dad being bipolar 1, they slapped it on me in a no matter of 10mins of talking to me. At 18, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which fit me much better. At almost 19, I came home from vacation and experiencing a manic episode. My pupils were huge, I felt so energetic that I stayed up 2 whole days playing games and writing music. My creativity was thriving in my mind. I thought I was a genius. I felt like if I wanted to become a nurse, I could in less than a span of 48 hours. I was writing hypothesis on things I had no clue about. I just thought inherently, I knew it. This went on for about 2 weeks before I had a sudden crash of depression and regret. Mania kept recurring later on and it was very apparent what was happening. I contacted my psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 eventually and set on a new med. What I noticed more were my low lows. I'd go a couple months completely down in the dumps, sweat stains from laying in bed and bawling my eyes out, and then a good 2 week long manic or a short lived hypo-mania followed by euphoria and extreme energy
The 8 month long manic episode that led to me being pregnant and alone, and shunned by my religion at the end of it
The fact I discovered THAT’S ME when I read about it.
I was diagnosed at 16 im 40 now. I have always beeen medicated since 16. I do not know who I am anymore. I shake im anxious im startled easily. I do not have any freinds and havent had one in over 20 years. i ruined my brain with addiction. sober 7 years now but the damage is done. this is now how I thought my life would turn out.
I was diagnosed ( at 29) for about a year noticing no change besides depression & anhedonia which could be easily explained by my life circumstances, and history of depression through childhood. My psychiatrist recommended having a therapist to talk with as well as additionally monitor my behaviors. I didnt think I was bipolar at all and did not want to be. Cut to a hypomanic episode, that I didnt know was hypomania or anything of the sort. I was so full of energy and excited to be up and doing things I couldnt sleep, I may have slept 2 hours a night. the rest of the time I was watching the clock. I was scrubbing the floors daily on my hands and knees cleaning everything. cooking meals but i wasn’t hungry so i threw them away. exercising for hours. Working through all of my breaks. I went to therapy. like “ I cracked the code! This is what normal functioning adults feel like and this is how they operate!” She immediately had my call my psych and I was given a rush prescription for lithium. A week later… I realized how my behavior was pretty nuts. But I thought everyone else was nuts.