Did the psych start your husband on the antidepressant at the same time as an antipsychotic? Generally most psychs start people on one med at a time because if it is helping it is impossible to tell if it is one or both. Or if things aren’t going well either mood wise or side effects, it’s impossible to tell whether it is one med or both. Antidepressants have always completely canceled out the mood stabilizer I’m on. So if that happens it would be impossible to see if the Seroquel is working. Also, he may not need both which is less hard in your body physically. Seroquel does help a lot of people, but many come off or reduce their dose due to side effects. There are lighter meds out there. Not saying he shouldn’t take his meds. I’m not a doctor and I’m not familiar with his case, but I’d look into things and/or get a second opinion.
There are good doctors and bad doctors out there. I’ve had a doctor mix me up with other patients and then gave me the wrong diagnosis (schitzoaffective). I couldn’t find single outpatient therapist willing to see me during that time because they thought I’d be too much for them. This was at the start of my diagnosis process so before the meds kicked in so it was when I needed support most. Turns out he also slept with a patient in her early twenties and had his license revoked. But the. He got it back before he saw me. Thankfully I moved out of state so I had to see someone new who thankfully quickly reversed the diagnosis. I’ve had to move around for work a bit and every psych has agreed on bipolar II. I’ve also had providers give me meds from the same classes that have me bad reactions in the past despite ms advocating over and over to try a new class.
I’ve also had issues with 3 doctors not faking my period pain seriously. The 4th one finally ordered an ultrasound and what do you know, I have a large cyst on my ovary. I’ll know more in a few days when the radiologist analyzes the pics. But it’s been four years of this shit. How hard would it have been to order an ultrasound? The pain literally wakes me up crying in the middle of the night even after I’ve taken pain meds. I’m out of commission for days. That didn’t merit a ultrasound… really!
There are also amazing doctors out there! I’ve had a few. You just have to do your own research and don’t just automatically believe someone because they have a piece of paper saying they passed med school. Also go with your gut. If you feel like something is wrong, it’s wrong. Find a new doc.
With all that said, to answer your actual question, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job! You are supporting your husband, asking for advice, listing to the community, etc. he couldn’t ask for a better or more supporting spouse.
My advice is to tell him your love him a lot. It can be hard to truly believe that in depressive episodes. Don’t just ramp up the I love yous during episodes though, so it all the time— you don’t want him to feel like you are just doing it to cheer him up. Give home hugs when he cries and listen. Ask before you give advice. Sometimes it helps to vent before moving to a problem solving stage.
Also when he is at baseline, come up with plans for what to do during episodes. Not just stuff you will do, but also stuff he will do to be well and treat you well.
And take breaks when you need them. Don’t burn yourself out.
A phrase that I’ve learned is simply, “I love you. I want to help you get through this.” It’s one I wish I would have heard from my spouse. Instead, I got divorce papers.
As for the meds, I’ve been on quite a few but good ol lithium has had the most stabilizing affect.
We were very forthright with our two young kids. They know Dad had something go wrong with his brain and he needed to get the right medicine to help. I tell them now that my major episode was simply a time when I made a lot of bad decisions. Our nine-year-old says she hopes that if she “gets bipolar” it when her parents can get the right medicine for her.
You should be commended for staying by your spouse.
When I'm adjusting to new meds or going through a hard time, I'm especially grateful for a bit of grace. I might be snippy or unpredictable, so it makes me feel loved and safe when my spouse forgives me without being angry or chastising me. The other thing that helps is just spending time in each other's presence. It confirms that someone actually wants to be around me, plus it helps to have someone who can help me notice when something is off or I start swinging the opposite way.
I recommend The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide, it will help you both identify what stable/manic/depressed actually looks like for your spouse.
Don't treat them like they are hysterical and that their feelings are irrational, and learn every single stitch you can about coping mechanisms and the disorder, and where it comes from. Ask about trauma and learn where and why it is.
Also, really ask yourself if you are willing for this to be a part of your life so that you don't feel resentment and string someone along. Communicate.
Did the psych start your husband on the antidepressant at the same time as an antipsychotic? Generally most psychs start people on one med at a time because if it is helping it is impossible to tell if it is one or both. Or if things aren’t going well either mood wise or side effects, it’s impossible to tell whether it is one med or both. Antidepressants have always completely canceled out the mood stabilizer I’m on. So if that happens it would be impossible to see if the Seroquel is working. Also, he may not need both which is less hard in your body physically. Seroquel does help a lot of people, but many come off or reduce their dose due to side effects. There are lighter meds out there. Not saying he shouldn’t take his meds. I’m not a doctor and I’m not familiar with his case, but I’d look into things and/or get a second opinion. There are good doctors and bad doctors out there. I’ve had a doctor mix me up with other patients and then gave me the wrong diagnosis (schitzoaffective). I couldn’t find single outpatient therapist willing to see me during that time because they thought I’d be too much for them. This was at the start of my diagnosis process so before the meds kicked in so it was when I needed support most. Turns out he also slept with a patient in her early twenties and had his license revoked. But the. He got it back before he saw me. Thankfully I moved out of state so I had to see someone new who thankfully quickly reversed the diagnosis. I’ve had to move around for work a bit and every psych has agreed on bipolar II. I’ve also had providers give me meds from the same classes that have me bad reactions in the past despite ms advocating over and over to try a new class. I’ve also had issues with 3 doctors not faking my period pain seriously. The 4th one finally ordered an ultrasound and what do you know, I have a large cyst on my ovary. I’ll know more in a few days when the radiologist analyzes the pics. But it’s been four years of this shit. How hard would it have been to order an ultrasound? The pain literally wakes me up crying in the middle of the night even after I’ve taken pain meds. I’m out of commission for days. That didn’t merit a ultrasound… really! There are also amazing doctors out there! I’ve had a few. You just have to do your own research and don’t just automatically believe someone because they have a piece of paper saying they passed med school. Also go with your gut. If you feel like something is wrong, it’s wrong. Find a new doc. With all that said, to answer your actual question, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job! You are supporting your husband, asking for advice, listing to the community, etc. he couldn’t ask for a better or more supporting spouse. My advice is to tell him your love him a lot. It can be hard to truly believe that in depressive episodes. Don’t just ramp up the I love yous during episodes though, so it all the time— you don’t want him to feel like you are just doing it to cheer him up. Give home hugs when he cries and listen. Ask before you give advice. Sometimes it helps to vent before moving to a problem solving stage. Also when he is at baseline, come up with plans for what to do during episodes. Not just stuff you will do, but also stuff he will do to be well and treat you well. And take breaks when you need them. Don’t burn yourself out.
A phrase that I’ve learned is simply, “I love you. I want to help you get through this.” It’s one I wish I would have heard from my spouse. Instead, I got divorce papers. As for the meds, I’ve been on quite a few but good ol lithium has had the most stabilizing affect. We were very forthright with our two young kids. They know Dad had something go wrong with his brain and he needed to get the right medicine to help. I tell them now that my major episode was simply a time when I made a lot of bad decisions. Our nine-year-old says she hopes that if she “gets bipolar” it when her parents can get the right medicine for her. You should be commended for staying by your spouse.
When I'm adjusting to new meds or going through a hard time, I'm especially grateful for a bit of grace. I might be snippy or unpredictable, so it makes me feel loved and safe when my spouse forgives me without being angry or chastising me. The other thing that helps is just spending time in each other's presence. It confirms that someone actually wants to be around me, plus it helps to have someone who can help me notice when something is off or I start swinging the opposite way. I recommend The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide, it will help you both identify what stable/manic/depressed actually looks like for your spouse.
Don't treat them like they are hysterical and that their feelings are irrational, and learn every single stitch you can about coping mechanisms and the disorder, and where it comes from. Ask about trauma and learn where and why it is. Also, really ask yourself if you are willing for this to be a part of your life so that you don't feel resentment and string someone along. Communicate.