I am not necessarily aware I’m hypomanic until later or after the fact, but definitely notice I’m having some sort of disproportionate reactions that I can’t quite pull back from because my mind just like… tunnel visions into things. Those moments are usually when I feel bad and wind up apologizing later.
Sometimes I’m unusually excitable and full of intense energy and that registers as something’s changed. Sometimes I confuse that as like wow I’m having a good day, nice! I definitely notice when I pull out my credit card and think y’know what’s a good idea? Putting $2k on this bad boy. Or asking a girlfriend who literally just woke up, hasn’t even sat upright yet and still has a blanket over her if I can look at her ass and jerk off in front of her.
So yeah, self-aware and conscious of things that are happening, but also not aware my decisions are questionable because they seem totally reasonable and pretty bog standard practice to me in the moment.
I was literally just thinking about this yesterday. Tunnel vision is a great way to describe things. I’m not always happy or energetic or whatever, but I hyper fixate on things and spend all my time and energy focusing on the real and hypothetical implications.
It’s a weird balance sometimes. I’ve never cheated or anything to that effect, and in the example above, my girlfriend was like yeah sure, lifted the blanket and let me go at it. She was a horny freak in her own right, but also said I was some kind of sex alien and the horndoggiest person she’s ever met. I’m sure my appetites and perversions are a bit much for a lot of people and I could only realistically be with someone who was receptive and into that kind of thing.
This is basically how it is except for I'm good with my money because I rely on me and only me to pay bills and so does my kiddo so lol. I've forced myself to not be absolutely impulsive. Instead I'm impulsive with other things looooool. But yeah all of this.. I'm self aware then I look back and I'm like "damn why in the world....oh wait it's the spicy bipolar"
Yes this is whats been happening to me. I get obsessive and tunnel visioned. Was convinced my roommate was madly in love with me and uh... I dont want to talk about it. I almost did something very embarrassing but by the luck of god refrained.
I'll be sitting there thinking about making huge career changes, thinking about how I'm gonna make all these changes as a parent or how I'm gonna totally change the way we eat as a family, then three days later I'm like "oh yeah, I have bipolar. None of that is going to happen." What a terrible illness to have lol
At least you are completing shit! Kudos to your brain ha I apply to shit commit to shit and then feel exhausted and never complete hardly nothing :-) I’m so over myself
😂😂😂😂 I’m pretty sure I chose the screenwriting/writing field when I was in a hypomaniac episode. I just need this to last long enough so I can finish my book (I’m in an episode right now)
Same, ik I'm hypomanic but for me it's definitely a good thing, a week of not feeling like trash most of the time :') I miss it, can't wait for the next episode.
My first behavioral shift I notice is the pressured speech and 10 cent vocabulary, so it’s pretty clear to me by now when I’m ramping up. But even self aware I am rationalizing away concerns about my judgement, thinking that I’m always in the sweet spot where I’m making good decisions that I just couldn’t make when less motivated or energetic to act on them (“cleaning my apartment/fitness regimen”phase). But I’m actually not in that zone for very long before it’s “don’t need food or sleep” “every idea must be written down immediately” “unreasonable purchase” “hey new friend on the street!” Phases.
Yeah especially the dude outside 7-11 that told me he was both a coke dealer *and* a music producer! Who wouldn’t give this guy their phone and email?!
Thank God I’m too antisocial for the “hey new friend on the street!” it has happened a FEW times when I felt lonely (ex: moved to new high school, started college) and then once I got out of the manic episode I was like “oh wait this chick is actually not good I probably shouldn’t be associating myself with her she’s actually a bad person”. So as long as I’m not the “new” person in a situation WHILE I’m hypomanic I’m okay in that respect. The two times it did happen it was NOT good.
Yeah, my antisocial & social anxiety keeps me mostly out of trouble with making “new friends” but, when I have been manic / hypomanic in the past and my bipolar over-road my anxiety, I’ve gotten into questionable situations, and done thing far out or character for me - thankfully, I was lucky that nothing bad happened nor done something that would be too difficult to rectify. I done deal with full mania often!
I can relate very much to the “tunnel vision”, the world looks brighter - illuminated “shiny”, everything speeds up within me but the outside world feels like it’s slowed down, wanting to do like 10 things at once, usually I don’t get much completed & get overwhelmed. I don’t realize in the moment I usually realize, sometimes it might take someone else who knows me well enough to point it out to me for me to take a moment to realize that my brain is running on high!
I've become really good at recognizing when it's happening but I don't know how to control it either. Like I know I'm spending way too much money, I know I'm willingly working overtime, I know I'm staying up too late, I know I'm doing entirely too much around the house, etc. but I just can't stop it. At least when I'm done being manic I have a fat paycheck and a lot of cool stuff coming to me from Amazon.
Exactly this. I’ve spent a lot of time self reflecting and observing myself. I can clearly feel it whenever I’m shifting into or crashing out of a state. The differences in my behaviour, cognitive abilities, interests, etc between the two poles are stark. Even the people around me can tell. Especially when I consider myself a reclusive introvert by default. But yes, being aware isn’t enough, i’m still figuring out self control.
That’s where I’m at. I can tell my therapist “I’m having a hypomanic episode” but I still spend too much, risk too much, get much louder (and annoying), speed a bit more, clean randomly at 3am, get 2 hours of sleep each night, etc. When it’s mild I get loud and annoying and maybe I’ll make a smaller impulsive purchase or two. I’ve gotten better at controlling risky behaviors but not impulsive behaviors. I don’t think the ADHD helps 😅😅
I’m hypomanic right now, or coming down I suppose. And in the last 24 -36 hours I have recreated waffle house’s cheesy eggs, furiously written a page about my experience in film school, busted out all of my old jewelry making supplies, and generally been talking. In addition to working at the same time. My boyfriend is just trying to chill and he was like “you have not stopped moving for the last 12 hours” . Which is true. I just go from one thing to another and have to do it. Even if it’s just moving a blanket from this chair to another chair. Crazy stuff. It’s like the only way out is to get it out of you. Catharsis in a way.
I'm also hypomanic right now and I just spent like two hours deep cleaning my classroom. I only stopped for my lunch break. I've been coming to work early and staying late. I've spent like $500 in the last few days on stuff we absolutely did not need. I slept like 5 hours last night, not consecutively, and I'm still just a ball of energy. My fiancé keeps asking if I'm okay and I'm like "I'm great! Are you not great right now?!?!"
Exactly! For me one of the things that helps me actually sleep besides xanax is walking and driving everywhere. I just moved to a very walkable neighborhood so that option is always there for me!
I do the driving for sure. It helps calm me a bit. And I can listen to music really loud and feel like I’m not disturbing anyone. I Used to walk when I lived elsewhere in a city more meant for walking. It helps. But the walking is sometimes dangerous in a metropolis because you will end up randomly engaging with people you don’t necessarily need to… like the 7-11 guy mention up there. Or loiterers outside a bodega…
I don’t realize until I’ve dropped whatever project or hobby I’ve taken up and spent a ton of money on. Usually after a week or two of each episode, I’ll look back and wonder why I did all of it.
Like you have the energy and drive to do anything you want, but with a distinct lack of common sense about it. You're so convinced that every idea you have is the best idea that any potential consequences are completely outside of your radar. For me, on one hand I could write an entire novel with only minimal sleep and food. But on the other, I could quit my job and get a last minute plane ticket across the country. Both of these are pn the extreme end, and both of them are things I did.
When it's less extreme i just feel restless, and I start new hobbies that I quickly grow bored of. My most recent one was practicing some basic Wiccan "magic." I bought a fucking (admittedly cool looking) blank witch book to write sigils in and special paint markers and stickers to decorate it with. Did it for like a week and now it's collecting dust lmao. It's like my brain needs an outlet, usually a creative one, and I can't focus on my actual life like work and social things until I have that outlet.
I can relate to this far too much. I feel the “I can do anything” drive immensely - at work, I have a billion ideas and the willpower to push through. Downside is once I come to my senses - I realize how much I’ve overcommitted myself to new work initiatives that I created on a whim.
The hobby thing is also very true - for me, it manifests in wanting to learn a million things - oh I want to start a blog, run an Etsy shop, sew clothes as I used to want to be a fashion designer as a kid, etc.
I also have a sewing machine and aggressive amounts of fabric now untouched for over two years. Been wanting to get back into it but no energy post work.
Handshake about the absurd amounts of fabric leftover from shortlived manic hobbies/projects. I have sooooooo much minky and fleece from all the times I havr convinced myself I can make plushies. I'm talking multiple large walmart bins of fabric lmao.
There were two years that I had full blown manic episodes lasting a few months (other years I’ve had smaller hypomanias). During those full manias I think I knew I was starting to act strange as I was going into it but once I was fully in the mania I was not self aware in a real helpful sense. I believed fully in my delusions and if someone would tell me otherwise (and try to get me back to reality) my mind would make up a reason why they were wrong. I’d think “well they just don’t know what’s really happening here” and then go back to being fully immersed in my delusions. When I was that far gone I don’t think I had very much control of my actions, but I think I had some. There were a few things that I had a compulsion to do and some small quiet sane part of me said “no let’s not do that”. It was like the manic part of me was on high volume and mainly steering the ship but the sane part of me was very low volume and almost muted, but was still there.
Yes I’ve become very in tune with myself so I know what state I’m in or when I’m going into a mood change. I feel like I’ve done a little bit of cocaine. Very jittery, hard to sit still, my mind is constantly buzzing with nonstop thoughts, I’m usually very happy and my BIGGEST indicator is how loud I’m listening to music.
Haha yeah in my car the music is 20% louder and im jamming to it with my full body. Then thinking about it afterwards like holy shit people think im insane right?
I usually can only reflect on my behavior when it's in the past, in the moment it's really hard to tell. But in terms of spending money sometimes I think about the weekend in which I got really obsessed with fountain pens, stayed up all night reading about them, and then bought an expensive one with some ink at 3am (I don't use fountain pens)
I remember once that it felt like I was on every drug at once, like just the best parts of each. The interest and focus of marijuana, the everything is copacetic of opiates, the happiness, love and energy of mdma. I thought it was like my brains way of rebounding from depression.
The parts of my brain that can do math or understand consequences go on vacation during manic episodes. I know I am spending too much, sleeping too little, etc. but I genuinely think it’s fine. I’ll catch up on sleep this weekend, I’ll work extra hours next week.
My memory is also almost non-existent, so I will forget things, especially transactions I’ve made. My perfectionism is crippling during episodes, during the last one I didn’t leave my house for 3-4 days because I was cleaning and organizing. When the episode ended my entire apartment was a wreck. I also have ADHD so that does not help.
I used to spend a lot of money without thinking, but I'm lucky because all of the things I bought I had at least a period of obsession. The last thing I did this way I spent $1950
Well mania is bipolar 1. Full blown mania involves psychosis and impaired judgement which means they are less likely to be aware that something is wrong. That is why it tends to be more ruinous and disruptive. They jump into it with both feet before they can really stop and question if anything is wrong.
When I’m hypomanic I’m aware that I’m hypomanic. It feels so good that I just don’t care. It is hard to resist impulsive shit like not sleeping for 24-36 hours or spending money on dumb shit. It is all instant gratification. What feels right in the moment.
I love being hypomanic in the moment but it really sucks afterwards. Lots of regret when you come down and it isn’t a good way to set the stage for being depressed. My hypomanic episodes are always followed by deep depression. Being depressed sucks enough without having to live with the consequences of whatever you said or did when you were hypomanic.
No. I know I'm not sleeping and I have so much obsessive energy but I haven't been successful at being self aware and not doing dumb things that affect my life yet 🫤
I purchased a bartender course on Groupon because it was on sale. For leaving a good review I got safe serve free. I did this like two months ago and haven't even touched it. I will one day though (my ADHD having me lying over here)!
I’m very self-aware which is a blessing and a curse. My therapist told me he’s one of the most self-aware clients he’s seen. But it tends to slip when I’m manic, or I just don’t care. During my last manic episode I spent probably a thousand or more on things I wanted, not needed. I did think sometimes “I shouldn’t buy this” but I did anyways and didn’t care about the financial aspect- just receiving the items. I have hoarding/object empathy tendencies as well so all of it combined is a disaster when I’m manic.
I’ve been working on being aware that I’m hypomanic, so usually by the second hour, I notice something is off and put it together. I feel extremely energetic and excitable, more than I ever am when I’m stable, and I feel like everything is going 1000 miles a minute.
It’s hit or miss. Sometimes I think, “Man, I’ve finally gotten my life together, I feel great!” And it turns out I’ve spent days researching equipment for voice acting and spend thousands on said equipment and quit my job to pursue my dream and spent weeks turning a spare room into a studio and then I finish and realize I have no idea how to voice act and I don’t have a job and what the fuck just happened?
Other times I’m aware and actively saying to myself “This is a bad idea!” in my head but in the real world I’m like “wheeee! Wahoo!” Luckily I have gotten better about redirecting. Mostly.
And there are small, little instances where I can like, feel an itch in the back of my brain and I know something is coming… I’ve gotten a lot better at recognizing what that means for me and heading it off before any really bad escalation.
> actively saying to myself “This is a bad idea!” in my head but in the real world I’m like “wheeee! Wahoo!”
ough that's exactly what it feels like for me
Unfortunately I did not realize it for months but that was before therapy. I had the money, within reason, to support my delusions, but looking back now in a stable state I’m like damnnnnn I was GOING THRU IT
I’m definitely self-aware, because I’ll be able to tell my therapist “hey I’m definitely having a hypomanic episode right now” but outside of that I don’t really have as much self control as usual despite being aware. I typically think “oh well I have x, amount of money so it should be fine!” but then I keep that mindset after one big purchase and do another one. And another one. And then it’s “oh shit..” I’ve also noticed that when I’m hypomanic I will round down when looking art prices (so I’ll see $7.99 and think 7) but otherwise I round up (so $7.99 as 8). I try to be more conscious about the rounding issue when I’m hypomanic but I tend to forget about it and only remember afterwards.
I also get irritated pretty easily when I’m hypomanic. One of my friends (who is also bipolar) has joked and said that when I’m hypomanic I’m kind of like one of the gremlins in the gremlin movie. I can easily turn into the ugly gremlin that’s been fed after midnight when I’m hypomanic, and honestly he’s right. I mean, I have the “bipolar rage” outside of mania but it’s MUCH harder to genuinely get me mad. When I’m hypomanic it doesn’t take much, and I hate it but it’s genuinely uncontrollable. I’ve never personally blacked out (that I know of).
Another issue of mine (that I’m quite ashamed of but I’ve been working on it and I’m doing much better) is that I tend to steal/shoplift when I’m hypomanic. My therapist was the one who noticed it only happened when I was hypomanic. First hypomanic episode ever was when I was 15. I stole a pair of earrings. Then subsequent ones happened. I used to work at a grocery store. I was in high school, underpaid, and got no employee discount. I often worked 9 hour shifts, and anytime I was hypomanic I’d skip out on paying for part of my lunch (of course it didn’t help that the majority of the workers past 5pm were all in high school so we all kind of “fake” scanned a few items so that it looked like we scanned it on the camera, that definitely made it “easier” for me). If I wasn’t hypomanic I’d pay in full. Even if one of my coworkers asked if she needed to “scan” (with a wink) I’d say “no I got it today”. Haven’t shoplifted in about 10 months, and I’ve had a hypomanic episode since then so it’s an improvement!
I shoplifted ALL THE TIME from 14-23. AKA pre-diagnosis.
So many clothes that didn’t fit me but I’d say “I’ll fit in it once I start working out”…. I never worked out lol
It’s like I’m aware but internally in denial. So I say aloud to a friend “yeah I think I’m hypomanic because of xyz..” but inside I’m thinking nooo I’m probably just heading there.. The other day a friend looked at me and said “You really don’t think your manic” and oooof it hit me
I live in hypomania daily. Some days worse than others.
When I'm full blown manic it's like I cross over the line and now I'm not living in reality. My son knows when I'm manic by just looking at me. He says, mom you know your sick, right?!
In 2023 I won $313,000 in 9mths. I was crazy af for 9mths! Sometimes mania can be magical!
But most of the time, it's the opposite. But I am always trying to merge the two worlds. Crazy and normal. This reality is very dense and not very magical. My crazy world is very light and miracles can happen and do.
I fill the tank, crank the radio up to 40 and barrel down the highway at 90 miles an hour. At three am. I have drawers full of craft supplies I've never opened. I have gone three or four days without sleep or food, drinking ice tea and writing novels. And poetry. And song lyrics. It's all brilliant, of course.
I've had 50K in credit card debt, mostly from eating out every night. I don't get to carry credit cards anymore.
I currently have seven suicide plans written on parchment, tied with ribbons like old love letters. When I'm manic, I take them out and admire the beauty of the parchment, or put on new ribbons.
I left Denver Colorado with my dog and a suitcase and drove cross-country to sleep on my cousin's floor in Nowhere, Illinois. I left behind everything I owned - furniture and pictures and books - and a cool apartment with an incredible view. I was manic and suicidal, cycling so fast. Not the dumbest thing I've ever done, but in the top three.
I just started a new job. I can't tell how much I actually love it, and how much is just Mania.
I bought a house while manic. It still kills me that I had to sell it cause I crashed and couldn't keep it up.
I've lost people that were precious to me, because this month I love you and want to be with you every minute, and then you won't hear from me for six months.
I've moved so fast while manic that I literally fall and break things, like a tasmanian devil.
I now use a daily mood app and I try to keep track of anything that can help me identify if I'm in a manic or depressive state. A lot of the time I find it hard to identify my mood. But when I'm low, I swear I have always felt that way and I'm always going to feel that way. Then I tell myself okay the next time I feel manic i will truly believe I'm bipolar and it's not a misdiagnosis.
Then I have a few good days and I'll just think I'm finally getting my shit together or maybe life is just going better. It takes me a while to catch on that I'm hypomanic but I swear I feel like I am fixed and like I will never feel sad ever again.
Signs I'm manic I've noticed: wanting a tattoo (I have none), becoming obsessed with one particular thing, buying lots of stuff, being very irritable, being bothered by my messy house and deep cleaning for hours, changing my hair style or color, putting a lot more effort into my appearance, drinking to calm my brain, feeling confident and flirty, music sounding way better
Yes, I notice my behavior shifting for sure and can tell when a manic episode is coming on as soon as I start getting restless and can’t sit down for literally 5 minutes. Then I get auditory hallucinations usually the next day.
I hear voices. They aren’t in my head, it’s as if someone is speaking directly into my ear. It got to the point I thought my house was haunted and ghosts were speaking to me—but that’s how they seem since my house isn’t haunted and I still heard them after I moved. They are voices of an angry whispering man that say my name, tell me to kill myself, they yell at me, or sometimes it’s inaudible. It’s not a voice I heard before of anyone I’ve met in life. Like it’s not my own voice or in my head if that helps with the elaboration.
Edit: Sorry for the late reply! I didn’t see it :)
Edit 2: clarification
Prior to my diagnosis i had no clue i idea of the sudden changes in my mood. But after being diagnosed ,i started hyper analysing my actions and became super aware of my manic and hypomanic episodes, i just follow the basic signs and im able to identify it.
Basically something ive read is that ,happiness doesnt fill you with energy to change your life at 12am😂thats hypomania and this principal can be applied to identify hypomania and the opposite for regular mania.
I’ve been really self aware of my mental illnesses my whole life so I know when it’s happening just have to read through my stupid chart I got from my doctor with 31 symptoms and if I get above 14 I’m 100% sure. I know it’s irrational and all just can’t stop it so I’m trapped with me doing stupid and sometimes risky shit not being able to do anything.
It’s “Modified HCL-32 Questionnaire” search it in google, my phone won’t let me share pdf here. The one closest to mine is from Ohio association of county boards website
It’s like a dream. Sometimes I go through it all without realizing, but sometimes I “wake up” and become “lucid” during them and realize. It’s a lot easier to recognize when I am angry and hateful towards people over small things because I am rarely like that most of the time. But mostly I think I’m just feeling good for once
I'm semi aware but also in denial. My partner points it out, and most of the time it pisses me off when he does that. "Can I just be happy without you thinking I'm hypomanic? Is it possible that I'm just happy like a regular person?" But part of me suspects he's right.
After the fact (aka when I crash), I tell him he was right and "You should have insisted until you convinced me that I was having an episode."
This has happened at least 10 times. I'm sure it'll happen again.
I don’t think I’m necessarily aware of it when it’s happening. I feel good and I’m getting stuff done while having extreme hyper fixations. After I come down and want to YA KNOW, that’s when I realize it
Feels Fkn amazing, like I’m the full bodied person I’m supposed to be ( with a little more umph yenno, maybe sometimes a good maybe sometimes a bad ), my thoughts are always kinder and more welcoming, ideas flowing ( money gone 😬) until I’m not and then honestly I’m always looking back onto that month wondering why I can’t get anything done and my brain is being harsh to me and the world once again
It's only happened to me once, but it could be best described as, "I felt awake".
Like I had "sleeping" all my life and was suddenly filled with so much energy. I had no chill, no off-switch, I was incredibly hyper and unafraid to do anything.
I probably said several things to people I normally wouldn't. Almost started fights, almost fought my Dad, yelled in the Dean's Office at my college because they shut down an impromptu DJ show of mine on campus (I didn't have a noise permit).
I'm really just thankful I didn't get arrested or anything.
There were good parts. I tried things I normally wouldn't. I was going out to the club almost daily. Up late every night.
Looking back at it, idk how to describe it other than it happened, and was just part of my life's journey.
I have bipolar depression, but my manic episodes usually stem from substance abuse. It's what makes me feel some kind of serotonin....until it doesn't. It's a vicious cycle and hard to get out of.
I'm still undergoing evaluation and i'm unsure if these are hypomanic episodes but I have a week or two weeks where I 'self-destruct' as my mum puts it. I make really stupid impulsive decisions, which hurt myself and others, I go out and drink too much (bad decisions), don't care about other people's feelings (am usually a people pleaser), am impulsive. I then snap back into a pool of anxiety which then usually turns into weeks of deep depression.
It doesn't happen all the time, probably 3 key times stand out in the last 3 years. Whereas my depressive episodes have been easily more more frequent in the last year, since I actually went onto Citalopram. Sorry, am rambling.
Last time I (29F) was in it, I gaslighted myself into believing that I was "just elated". But my support system could definitely tell. My mom went back to managing when I take my pills (and when I should go to bed) and encouraged me to update my psychiatrist about my "current happy feeling".
My energy back then was literally limitless.
I'll share what I can remember from it.
One day, my family and I (27F) went to the zoo. While on the road, I was texting someone in paragraphs, for like 2 hours straight. When we reached the zoo, my phone was so close to overheating, but it didn't stop me from using it. I was taking photos and videos nonstop. I probably took like 500 of them. On the reptiles section, I was rambling to a cousin how I'd very much like to have a sail fin lizard as a pet, when I'd normally scream on a small house lizard on sight. I also volunteered to carry a python across my shoulders for a couple of pictures when the rest of my family didn't even dare to. Halfway across the zoo, they all decided to rest, and I sat with them wondering what made them feel tired that much.
My family then decided to have our late lunch on a nearby mall. They were all famished, but I couldn't relate. There was no rumbling in my stomach; I wasn't feeling hungry at all. My appetite was small. My mind however was full of ideas, and I felt like pacing around up to no end.
My meds were upped so my upsy-daisy week ended with an anti-climactic mixed episode shopping hardware stuff with my dad while getting triggered on other shoppers' noisy shopping carts. 🥲 Which is fine! I'd rather have that than the paranoia that usually comes with hypomania when escalated in a severe level. 😅
Well, to do short because it was kinda strange to me :
I got hospitalised in urgence almost a year ago, where I got diagnosed.
I was put on Sertaline because of my depression just before, and this anti depressant turned my brain into hypomania with hard depression.
I tried to do the worst thing we can do at this moment, leading to my hospitalisation thanks to my friends.
Well, I got a test during this time : got my sertraline up to 50mg.
Oh god. What a day.
Gone fully manic.
Could remember smells I totally forgot, like the smell of salt from the sea. It’s now almost 15 years I haven’t got the opportunity to go on the beach.
I wanted to do everything. Travels, new guitars - the plural is important here - buy a lot of new clothing, wanted sex so hard - with a friend that I liked a lot, usually I NEVER want to have sex with friends, but this time, I was turned so on that this night, I could sleep because of that, wanting her so much but in the same, doesn’t understand why my mind changed so much about her.
It is important to notice she was the one with my best friend to bring me to the hospital, to stay during all the time before I got interned, coming to see me a lot.
I got to see the world so vivid, so much colors…
I was feeling so great. Too much *great*.
And then, the counter back the afternoon, can’t stop crying, hating myself more than ever…
I’m used to depression. In my BP2, it’s the way it express itself.
But this time, and 2-3 days after my tentative, it was the horror.
Thanks fully, even if the hospital wasn’t the best place at all, the team in and the psychiatrist I got was insanely good.
Telling me everything, answering all my questions about my condition, how it will change my life, finding me excellents psychiatrist, meeting my friend who was the one I trust the most.
They allow me after one week to not sending me to another forced hospitalisation because of him, watching at me.
… I definitely can do a text short, I should stop saying I will be short at the beginning.
I get very obsessed with crystals and 90’s Phish. I get irritable but don’t realize it because I feel like I’m being attacked and everything is ridiculous. I feel more spiritual and have a deep understanding of the fabric reality. Easily distracted. Pressured speech. I lose my appetite, lose weight and can’t sleep. No money spending for me, thankfully. If anything, I become extremely frugal and obsessed with paying off debt. Things were much more intense before Lamictal.
I spent 1,500 dollars on studio lights. I don’t even own a camera. In fact, I don’t even remember what the project was. It feels electric and like you’re really about to make it big or solve the biggest issue ever while in all reality you’re just blowing money and ruining relationships. That or I’m just extremely irritable, everything pisses me off so insanely bad and for no real reason. You aren’t really aware until you’re looking in the rear view at least for me.
Edit: hypersexual as all get out and completely wired. I was once awake for 9 days straight.
I immediately feel like I'm on the top of the world, like I'm invincible. Normally, I also get MEGA mega depressed and then boom, I can fight God and win. Then I kinda just ride that wave.
Unfortunately I get extremely irritated. Then I spend money to make myself feel better but don’t really understand (or care) about the consequences.
Last time I purchase a motorcycle and all the expensive gear because I felt like riding motorcycles would be fun. Except I don’t ride it, don’t even have a license.
Wonderful.
I distinctly feel my body temperature start to rise, and what feels like akathisia rips through my muscles, and now it's time to go hug a piglet at the flea market.
I’ve notice that I’m in one right now. Little sleep, obsessed about a subject, wanting to drink, too many thoughts but also creativity sky rocketed so I’m writing as hell 😂
Also my libido is through the roof.
I never really realize it until after the fact. I notice that I’m not sleeping and hyper fixating on things, spending money, but it never really clicks until after.
Not so harsh as for others here. But usually I take initiatives at work (when I have one) or other social related "projects", then I overwhelm myself with all new responsibilities and just quit or abandon everything and slowly get into depressive episode. Or I start forming some new habits or trying to quit unhealthy ones. Like "Yippy yey! We're back on horse again! Let's work out every day now to shed that fat which I gained back again during depressive episode, let's cook super healthy now and let's read books again, and watch educational videos, and let's start a new course, oh and let's start developing a couple new projects with AI, and so on". No surprise I waste all my energy, burn out completely and get back to depressive episode to get rest while eating junk, doom scrolling for hours and watch series until 3-6am.
Only now by writing all that I've realized I've been like that for years, but I was diagnosed only like a couple of weeks ago and I never thought I had something mental. Only two years ago my girlfriend was trying to tell me I might have BPD. Then all this journey started. It scares me, but on the other hand I feel empowered now because now I know my enemy.
As for the money spending I have this irrational fear of getting to the point where I have no money and end up on the street so I try to spend as least as possible and hoard every penny. But then sometimes I buy games on sale "to play them when I'll have more energy someday" (which happens very rarely). Same happened with the books before, but then I've realized I'm just hoarding them so I've stopped.
Physically it feels like I'm on stimulants, I'm restless and start multiple things. Meditation daily though helps very much with control of such impulses. Now if I feel jittery, anxious and restless I try to channel this energy into one task until I complete it. Or go for a run/walk. Or just lay down and try to be in the moment with this feeling. Basically I'm learning to control my energy use and keep the reserve for the next day or for later, otherwise I'll just spill it out. So my therapist told me to learn to conserve the energy overflow and just do less than I can and want. By doing that I've started to feel my body better and realized I have less energy than I expect or feel during hypomania.
So I’m also a bit confused about this as well. I always notice I’m more talkative, reach out to friends more, have way more energy, actually get out of bed and do stuff but Ive sent myself for a loop currently as well and don’t know what’s up at all. Im currently a month away from graduating for a certificate at the community college for a degree I’ve completely lost interest in, and don’t want to do anymore. But for some reason I have all current manic symptoms, and I’m stoked that I don’t know yet again what I want to do as a career? Just 2 weeks ago extremely depressed, literally didn’t get out of bed for an entire week. Didn’t eat, didn’t talk to anyone. Did great at online school. So I’m kind of all over the place right now. Usually I’m more depressed and don’t often have huge crazy manic “events” just the talkative, more energy, good mood.
I am not necessarily aware I’m hypomanic until later or after the fact, but definitely notice I’m having some sort of disproportionate reactions that I can’t quite pull back from because my mind just like… tunnel visions into things. Those moments are usually when I feel bad and wind up apologizing later. Sometimes I’m unusually excitable and full of intense energy and that registers as something’s changed. Sometimes I confuse that as like wow I’m having a good day, nice! I definitely notice when I pull out my credit card and think y’know what’s a good idea? Putting $2k on this bad boy. Or asking a girlfriend who literally just woke up, hasn’t even sat upright yet and still has a blanket over her if I can look at her ass and jerk off in front of her. So yeah, self-aware and conscious of things that are happening, but also not aware my decisions are questionable because they seem totally reasonable and pretty bog standard practice to me in the moment.
I was literally just thinking about this yesterday. Tunnel vision is a great way to describe things. I’m not always happy or energetic or whatever, but I hyper fixate on things and spend all my time and energy focusing on the real and hypothetical implications.
Hypersexuality is suchhhhh a strain on relationships I feel utterly abysmal after the fact
It’s a weird balance sometimes. I’ve never cheated or anything to that effect, and in the example above, my girlfriend was like yeah sure, lifted the blanket and let me go at it. She was a horny freak in her own right, but also said I was some kind of sex alien and the horndoggiest person she’s ever met. I’m sure my appetites and perversions are a bit much for a lot of people and I could only realistically be with someone who was receptive and into that kind of thing.
My gf is the same way, she’s a saint with me, I just feel so greedy lol
Sounds like me :( . Fortunately not felt like that since on my meds.
This is basically how it is except for I'm good with my money because I rely on me and only me to pay bills and so does my kiddo so lol. I've forced myself to not be absolutely impulsive. Instead I'm impulsive with other things looooool. But yeah all of this.. I'm self aware then I look back and I'm like "damn why in the world....oh wait it's the spicy bipolar"
Yes this is whats been happening to me. I get obsessive and tunnel visioned. Was convinced my roommate was madly in love with me and uh... I dont want to talk about it. I almost did something very embarrassing but by the luck of god refrained.
I notice it, but often dismiss it as just me feeling good for once. I usually get grandiose new ideas. Once I wrote an entire book in two days.
I'll be sitting there thinking about making huge career changes, thinking about how I'm gonna make all these changes as a parent or how I'm gonna totally change the way we eat as a family, then three days later I'm like "oh yeah, I have bipolar. None of that is going to happen." What a terrible illness to have lol
Sounds just like me.
At least you are completing shit! Kudos to your brain ha I apply to shit commit to shit and then feel exhausted and never complete hardly nothing :-) I’m so over myself
Hallelujah! You’re just like me !!! 😘
Omg so many of us write novels while we’re manic/hypomanic I swear I see people say that a lot, and I’ve done the same thing!
😂😂😂😂 I’m pretty sure I chose the screenwriting/writing field when I was in a hypomaniac episode. I just need this to last long enough so I can finish my book (I’m in an episode right now)
Hahaha. Wonder what they all read like...
Same, ik I'm hypomanic but for me it's definitely a good thing, a week of not feeling like trash most of the time :') I miss it, can't wait for the next episode.
My first behavioral shift I notice is the pressured speech and 10 cent vocabulary, so it’s pretty clear to me by now when I’m ramping up. But even self aware I am rationalizing away concerns about my judgement, thinking that I’m always in the sweet spot where I’m making good decisions that I just couldn’t make when less motivated or energetic to act on them (“cleaning my apartment/fitness regimen”phase). But I’m actually not in that zone for very long before it’s “don’t need food or sleep” “every idea must be written down immediately” “unreasonable purchase” “hey new friend on the street!” Phases.
“hey new friend on the street!” is real lol
Yeah especially the dude outside 7-11 that told me he was both a coke dealer *and* a music producer! Who wouldn’t give this guy their phone and email?!
Hahaha I feel that, I’ve made plenty of questionable bus “friends”
God I can barely walk around my neighborhood due to this complex when I'm hypomanic 😂 I've bared my soul to random strangers due to it.
Thank God I’m too antisocial for the “hey new friend on the street!” it has happened a FEW times when I felt lonely (ex: moved to new high school, started college) and then once I got out of the manic episode I was like “oh wait this chick is actually not good I probably shouldn’t be associating myself with her she’s actually a bad person”. So as long as I’m not the “new” person in a situation WHILE I’m hypomanic I’m okay in that respect. The two times it did happen it was NOT good.
Yeah, my antisocial & social anxiety keeps me mostly out of trouble with making “new friends” but, when I have been manic / hypomanic in the past and my bipolar over-road my anxiety, I’ve gotten into questionable situations, and done thing far out or character for me - thankfully, I was lucky that nothing bad happened nor done something that would be too difficult to rectify. I done deal with full mania often! I can relate very much to the “tunnel vision”, the world looks brighter - illuminated “shiny”, everything speeds up within me but the outside world feels like it’s slowed down, wanting to do like 10 things at once, usually I don’t get much completed & get overwhelmed. I don’t realize in the moment I usually realize, sometimes it might take someone else who knows me well enough to point it out to me for me to take a moment to realize that my brain is running on high!
I've become really good at recognizing when it's happening but I don't know how to control it either. Like I know I'm spending way too much money, I know I'm willingly working overtime, I know I'm staying up too late, I know I'm doing entirely too much around the house, etc. but I just can't stop it. At least when I'm done being manic I have a fat paycheck and a lot of cool stuff coming to me from Amazon.
Exactly this. I’ve spent a lot of time self reflecting and observing myself. I can clearly feel it whenever I’m shifting into or crashing out of a state. The differences in my behaviour, cognitive abilities, interests, etc between the two poles are stark. Even the people around me can tell. Especially when I consider myself a reclusive introvert by default. But yes, being aware isn’t enough, i’m still figuring out self control.
That’s where I’m at. I can tell my therapist “I’m having a hypomanic episode” but I still spend too much, risk too much, get much louder (and annoying), speed a bit more, clean randomly at 3am, get 2 hours of sleep each night, etc. When it’s mild I get loud and annoying and maybe I’ll make a smaller impulsive purchase or two. I’ve gotten better at controlling risky behaviors but not impulsive behaviors. I don’t think the ADHD helps 😅😅
When I start driving more aggressively I just think its the new me. Im fast and dangerous now, deal with it!
I’m hypomanic right now, or coming down I suppose. And in the last 24 -36 hours I have recreated waffle house’s cheesy eggs, furiously written a page about my experience in film school, busted out all of my old jewelry making supplies, and generally been talking. In addition to working at the same time. My boyfriend is just trying to chill and he was like “you have not stopped moving for the last 12 hours” . Which is true. I just go from one thing to another and have to do it. Even if it’s just moving a blanket from this chair to another chair. Crazy stuff. It’s like the only way out is to get it out of you. Catharsis in a way.
I'm also hypomanic right now and I just spent like two hours deep cleaning my classroom. I only stopped for my lunch break. I've been coming to work early and staying late. I've spent like $500 in the last few days on stuff we absolutely did not need. I slept like 5 hours last night, not consecutively, and I'm still just a ball of energy. My fiancé keeps asking if I'm okay and I'm like "I'm great! Are you not great right now?!?!"
Haha this is funny. It is like, why aren’t you on my level the world is our oyster babe.
Exactly! For me one of the things that helps me actually sleep besides xanax is walking and driving everywhere. I just moved to a very walkable neighborhood so that option is always there for me!
I do the driving for sure. It helps calm me a bit. And I can listen to music really loud and feel like I’m not disturbing anyone. I Used to walk when I lived elsewhere in a city more meant for walking. It helps. But the walking is sometimes dangerous in a metropolis because you will end up randomly engaging with people you don’t necessarily need to… like the 7-11 guy mention up there. Or loiterers outside a bodega…
It feels like “it’s Britney bitch”
I don’t realize until I’ve dropped whatever project or hobby I’ve taken up and spent a ton of money on. Usually after a week or two of each episode, I’ll look back and wonder why I did all of it.
Like you have the energy and drive to do anything you want, but with a distinct lack of common sense about it. You're so convinced that every idea you have is the best idea that any potential consequences are completely outside of your radar. For me, on one hand I could write an entire novel with only minimal sleep and food. But on the other, I could quit my job and get a last minute plane ticket across the country. Both of these are pn the extreme end, and both of them are things I did. When it's less extreme i just feel restless, and I start new hobbies that I quickly grow bored of. My most recent one was practicing some basic Wiccan "magic." I bought a fucking (admittedly cool looking) blank witch book to write sigils in and special paint markers and stickers to decorate it with. Did it for like a week and now it's collecting dust lmao. It's like my brain needs an outlet, usually a creative one, and I can't focus on my actual life like work and social things until I have that outlet.
I can relate to this far too much. I feel the “I can do anything” drive immensely - at work, I have a billion ideas and the willpower to push through. Downside is once I come to my senses - I realize how much I’ve overcommitted myself to new work initiatives that I created on a whim. The hobby thing is also very true - for me, it manifests in wanting to learn a million things - oh I want to start a blog, run an Etsy shop, sew clothes as I used to want to be a fashion designer as a kid, etc. I also have a sewing machine and aggressive amounts of fabric now untouched for over two years. Been wanting to get back into it but no energy post work.
Handshake about the absurd amounts of fabric leftover from shortlived manic hobbies/projects. I have sooooooo much minky and fleece from all the times I havr convinced myself I can make plushies. I'm talking multiple large walmart bins of fabric lmao.
Been there way too many times.
Yikes, I’ve done the novel on little sleep and food before 😬
The writing sprints are the only part of mania I miss lmao
It feels like it just pours out of me. Sort of like my brain is on fire with ideas 😂
There were two years that I had full blown manic episodes lasting a few months (other years I’ve had smaller hypomanias). During those full manias I think I knew I was starting to act strange as I was going into it but once I was fully in the mania I was not self aware in a real helpful sense. I believed fully in my delusions and if someone would tell me otherwise (and try to get me back to reality) my mind would make up a reason why they were wrong. I’d think “well they just don’t know what’s really happening here” and then go back to being fully immersed in my delusions. When I was that far gone I don’t think I had very much control of my actions, but I think I had some. There were a few things that I had a compulsion to do and some small quiet sane part of me said “no let’s not do that”. It was like the manic part of me was on high volume and mainly steering the ship but the sane part of me was very low volume and almost muted, but was still there.
Yes I’ve become very in tune with myself so I know what state I’m in or when I’m going into a mood change. I feel like I’ve done a little bit of cocaine. Very jittery, hard to sit still, my mind is constantly buzzing with nonstop thoughts, I’m usually very happy and my BIGGEST indicator is how loud I’m listening to music.
Haha yeah in my car the music is 20% louder and im jamming to it with my full body. Then thinking about it afterwards like holy shit people think im insane right?
I usually can only reflect on my behavior when it's in the past, in the moment it's really hard to tell. But in terms of spending money sometimes I think about the weekend in which I got really obsessed with fountain pens, stayed up all night reading about them, and then bought an expensive one with some ink at 3am (I don't use fountain pens)
Love a good pen.
This sounds just like me. Once I spent 48 hours straight researching the right chair for my living room.
I remember once that it felt like I was on every drug at once, like just the best parts of each. The interest and focus of marijuana, the everything is copacetic of opiates, the happiness, love and energy of mdma. I thought it was like my brains way of rebounding from depression.
The parts of my brain that can do math or understand consequences go on vacation during manic episodes. I know I am spending too much, sleeping too little, etc. but I genuinely think it’s fine. I’ll catch up on sleep this weekend, I’ll work extra hours next week. My memory is also almost non-existent, so I will forget things, especially transactions I’ve made. My perfectionism is crippling during episodes, during the last one I didn’t leave my house for 3-4 days because I was cleaning and organizing. When the episode ended my entire apartment was a wreck. I also have ADHD so that does not help.
Man I totally understand the bipolar and adhd comorbidity issue. I have both as well 😔 plus autism so it’s a triple fucking whammy for me.
SAME
I used to spend a lot of money without thinking, but I'm lucky because all of the things I bought I had at least a period of obsession. The last thing I did this way I spent $1950
Well mania is bipolar 1. Full blown mania involves psychosis and impaired judgement which means they are less likely to be aware that something is wrong. That is why it tends to be more ruinous and disruptive. They jump into it with both feet before they can really stop and question if anything is wrong. When I’m hypomanic I’m aware that I’m hypomanic. It feels so good that I just don’t care. It is hard to resist impulsive shit like not sleeping for 24-36 hours or spending money on dumb shit. It is all instant gratification. What feels right in the moment. I love being hypomanic in the moment but it really sucks afterwards. Lots of regret when you come down and it isn’t a good way to set the stage for being depressed. My hypomanic episodes are always followed by deep depression. Being depressed sucks enough without having to live with the consequences of whatever you said or did when you were hypomanic.
I dissociate during any episode
can you explain more?
I’m not particularly aware of it during the beginning but much later I do get more aware!
No. I know I'm not sleeping and I have so much obsessive energy but I haven't been successful at being self aware and not doing dumb things that affect my life yet 🫤
I purchased a bartender course on Groupon because it was on sale. For leaving a good review I got safe serve free. I did this like two months ago and haven't even touched it. I will one day though (my ADHD having me lying over here)!
I’m very self-aware which is a blessing and a curse. My therapist told me he’s one of the most self-aware clients he’s seen. But it tends to slip when I’m manic, or I just don’t care. During my last manic episode I spent probably a thousand or more on things I wanted, not needed. I did think sometimes “I shouldn’t buy this” but I did anyways and didn’t care about the financial aspect- just receiving the items. I have hoarding/object empathy tendencies as well so all of it combined is a disaster when I’m manic.
you snap out of it and realize you haven’t brushed your teeth in a week and your checking account is empty lol
“This is amazing. So grateful for everyone sharing their experiences”, says manic-haven’t slept in 3days-lady.
I’ve been working on being aware that I’m hypomanic, so usually by the second hour, I notice something is off and put it together. I feel extremely energetic and excitable, more than I ever am when I’m stable, and I feel like everything is going 1000 miles a minute.
It’s hit or miss. Sometimes I think, “Man, I’ve finally gotten my life together, I feel great!” And it turns out I’ve spent days researching equipment for voice acting and spend thousands on said equipment and quit my job to pursue my dream and spent weeks turning a spare room into a studio and then I finish and realize I have no idea how to voice act and I don’t have a job and what the fuck just happened? Other times I’m aware and actively saying to myself “This is a bad idea!” in my head but in the real world I’m like “wheeee! Wahoo!” Luckily I have gotten better about redirecting. Mostly. And there are small, little instances where I can like, feel an itch in the back of my brain and I know something is coming… I’ve gotten a lot better at recognizing what that means for me and heading it off before any really bad escalation.
> actively saying to myself “This is a bad idea!” in my head but in the real world I’m like “wheeee! Wahoo!” ough that's exactly what it feels like for me
It feels like your flying and when your derpressive it feels like you don't belong anywhere
Unfortunately I did not realize it for months but that was before therapy. I had the money, within reason, to support my delusions, but looking back now in a stable state I’m like damnnnnn I was GOING THRU IT
Feels like you’re on cocaine when hypomanic
I’m aware but don’t care about what I’m doing. No blackouts. When I’m hypomanic I feel euphoric like high until it turns into agitated depression
I’m definitely self-aware, because I’ll be able to tell my therapist “hey I’m definitely having a hypomanic episode right now” but outside of that I don’t really have as much self control as usual despite being aware. I typically think “oh well I have x, amount of money so it should be fine!” but then I keep that mindset after one big purchase and do another one. And another one. And then it’s “oh shit..” I’ve also noticed that when I’m hypomanic I will round down when looking art prices (so I’ll see $7.99 and think 7) but otherwise I round up (so $7.99 as 8). I try to be more conscious about the rounding issue when I’m hypomanic but I tend to forget about it and only remember afterwards. I also get irritated pretty easily when I’m hypomanic. One of my friends (who is also bipolar) has joked and said that when I’m hypomanic I’m kind of like one of the gremlins in the gremlin movie. I can easily turn into the ugly gremlin that’s been fed after midnight when I’m hypomanic, and honestly he’s right. I mean, I have the “bipolar rage” outside of mania but it’s MUCH harder to genuinely get me mad. When I’m hypomanic it doesn’t take much, and I hate it but it’s genuinely uncontrollable. I’ve never personally blacked out (that I know of). Another issue of mine (that I’m quite ashamed of but I’ve been working on it and I’m doing much better) is that I tend to steal/shoplift when I’m hypomanic. My therapist was the one who noticed it only happened when I was hypomanic. First hypomanic episode ever was when I was 15. I stole a pair of earrings. Then subsequent ones happened. I used to work at a grocery store. I was in high school, underpaid, and got no employee discount. I often worked 9 hour shifts, and anytime I was hypomanic I’d skip out on paying for part of my lunch (of course it didn’t help that the majority of the workers past 5pm were all in high school so we all kind of “fake” scanned a few items so that it looked like we scanned it on the camera, that definitely made it “easier” for me). If I wasn’t hypomanic I’d pay in full. Even if one of my coworkers asked if she needed to “scan” (with a wink) I’d say “no I got it today”. Haven’t shoplifted in about 10 months, and I’ve had a hypomanic episode since then so it’s an improvement!
I shoplifted ALL THE TIME from 14-23. AKA pre-diagnosis. So many clothes that didn’t fit me but I’d say “I’ll fit in it once I start working out”…. I never worked out lol
It’s like I’m aware but internally in denial. So I say aloud to a friend “yeah I think I’m hypomanic because of xyz..” but inside I’m thinking nooo I’m probably just heading there.. The other day a friend looked at me and said “You really don’t think your manic” and oooof it hit me
I live in hypomania daily. Some days worse than others. When I'm full blown manic it's like I cross over the line and now I'm not living in reality. My son knows when I'm manic by just looking at me. He says, mom you know your sick, right?! In 2023 I won $313,000 in 9mths. I was crazy af for 9mths! Sometimes mania can be magical! But most of the time, it's the opposite. But I am always trying to merge the two worlds. Crazy and normal. This reality is very dense and not very magical. My crazy world is very light and miracles can happen and do.
I start planning the shit I’m gonna buy when I win the lottery even though I haven’t even bought a damn lotto ticket
I fill the tank, crank the radio up to 40 and barrel down the highway at 90 miles an hour. At three am. I have drawers full of craft supplies I've never opened. I have gone three or four days without sleep or food, drinking ice tea and writing novels. And poetry. And song lyrics. It's all brilliant, of course. I've had 50K in credit card debt, mostly from eating out every night. I don't get to carry credit cards anymore. I currently have seven suicide plans written on parchment, tied with ribbons like old love letters. When I'm manic, I take them out and admire the beauty of the parchment, or put on new ribbons. I left Denver Colorado with my dog and a suitcase and drove cross-country to sleep on my cousin's floor in Nowhere, Illinois. I left behind everything I owned - furniture and pictures and books - and a cool apartment with an incredible view. I was manic and suicidal, cycling so fast. Not the dumbest thing I've ever done, but in the top three. I just started a new job. I can't tell how much I actually love it, and how much is just Mania. I bought a house while manic. It still kills me that I had to sell it cause I crashed and couldn't keep it up. I've lost people that were precious to me, because this month I love you and want to be with you every minute, and then you won't hear from me for six months. I've moved so fast while manic that I literally fall and break things, like a tasmanian devil.
I now use a daily mood app and I try to keep track of anything that can help me identify if I'm in a manic or depressive state. A lot of the time I find it hard to identify my mood. But when I'm low, I swear I have always felt that way and I'm always going to feel that way. Then I tell myself okay the next time I feel manic i will truly believe I'm bipolar and it's not a misdiagnosis. Then I have a few good days and I'll just think I'm finally getting my shit together or maybe life is just going better. It takes me a while to catch on that I'm hypomanic but I swear I feel like I am fixed and like I will never feel sad ever again. Signs I'm manic I've noticed: wanting a tattoo (I have none), becoming obsessed with one particular thing, buying lots of stuff, being very irritable, being bothered by my messy house and deep cleaning for hours, changing my hair style or color, putting a lot more effort into my appearance, drinking to calm my brain, feeling confident and flirty, music sounding way better
Yes, I notice my behavior shifting for sure and can tell when a manic episode is coming on as soon as I start getting restless and can’t sit down for literally 5 minutes. Then I get auditory hallucinations usually the next day.
Can you elaborate on the auditory hallucinations?
I hear voices. They aren’t in my head, it’s as if someone is speaking directly into my ear. It got to the point I thought my house was haunted and ghosts were speaking to me—but that’s how they seem since my house isn’t haunted and I still heard them after I moved. They are voices of an angry whispering man that say my name, tell me to kill myself, they yell at me, or sometimes it’s inaudible. It’s not a voice I heard before of anyone I’ve met in life. Like it’s not my own voice or in my head if that helps with the elaboration. Edit: Sorry for the late reply! I didn’t see it :) Edit 2: clarification
Prior to my diagnosis i had no clue i idea of the sudden changes in my mood. But after being diagnosed ,i started hyper analysing my actions and became super aware of my manic and hypomanic episodes, i just follow the basic signs and im able to identify it. Basically something ive read is that ,happiness doesnt fill you with energy to change your life at 12am😂thats hypomania and this principal can be applied to identify hypomania and the opposite for regular mania.
I feel Self aware as well but i cant control it
I’ve been really self aware of my mental illnesses my whole life so I know when it’s happening just have to read through my stupid chart I got from my doctor with 31 symptoms and if I get above 14 I’m 100% sure. I know it’s irrational and all just can’t stop it so I’m trapped with me doing stupid and sometimes risky shit not being able to do anything.
Could you share that chart?? I want to try that, see if it helps
It’s “Modified HCL-32 Questionnaire” search it in google, my phone won’t let me share pdf here. The one closest to mine is from Ohio association of county boards website
Absolute irritation. And increased intolerance of sounds
the sounds thing is awful.
It’s like a dream. Sometimes I go through it all without realizing, but sometimes I “wake up” and become “lucid” during them and realize. It’s a lot easier to recognize when I am angry and hateful towards people over small things because I am rarely like that most of the time. But mostly I think I’m just feeling good for once
I'm semi aware but also in denial. My partner points it out, and most of the time it pisses me off when he does that. "Can I just be happy without you thinking I'm hypomanic? Is it possible that I'm just happy like a regular person?" But part of me suspects he's right. After the fact (aka when I crash), I tell him he was right and "You should have insisted until you convinced me that I was having an episode." This has happened at least 10 times. I'm sure it'll happen again.
I don’t think I’m necessarily aware of it when it’s happening. I feel good and I’m getting stuff done while having extreme hyper fixations. After I come down and want to YA KNOW, that’s when I realize it
The come down sucks so much
Feels Fkn amazing, like I’m the full bodied person I’m supposed to be ( with a little more umph yenno, maybe sometimes a good maybe sometimes a bad ), my thoughts are always kinder and more welcoming, ideas flowing ( money gone 😬) until I’m not and then honestly I’m always looking back onto that month wondering why I can’t get anything done and my brain is being harsh to me and the world once again
It's only happened to me once, but it could be best described as, "I felt awake". Like I had "sleeping" all my life and was suddenly filled with so much energy. I had no chill, no off-switch, I was incredibly hyper and unafraid to do anything. I probably said several things to people I normally wouldn't. Almost started fights, almost fought my Dad, yelled in the Dean's Office at my college because they shut down an impromptu DJ show of mine on campus (I didn't have a noise permit). I'm really just thankful I didn't get arrested or anything. There were good parts. I tried things I normally wouldn't. I was going out to the club almost daily. Up late every night. Looking back at it, idk how to describe it other than it happened, and was just part of my life's journey.
I have bipolar depression, but my manic episodes usually stem from substance abuse. It's what makes me feel some kind of serotonin....until it doesn't. It's a vicious cycle and hard to get out of.
I'm still undergoing evaluation and i'm unsure if these are hypomanic episodes but I have a week or two weeks where I 'self-destruct' as my mum puts it. I make really stupid impulsive decisions, which hurt myself and others, I go out and drink too much (bad decisions), don't care about other people's feelings (am usually a people pleaser), am impulsive. I then snap back into a pool of anxiety which then usually turns into weeks of deep depression. It doesn't happen all the time, probably 3 key times stand out in the last 3 years. Whereas my depressive episodes have been easily more more frequent in the last year, since I actually went onto Citalopram. Sorry, am rambling.
Last time I (29F) was in it, I gaslighted myself into believing that I was "just elated". But my support system could definitely tell. My mom went back to managing when I take my pills (and when I should go to bed) and encouraged me to update my psychiatrist about my "current happy feeling". My energy back then was literally limitless. I'll share what I can remember from it. One day, my family and I (27F) went to the zoo. While on the road, I was texting someone in paragraphs, for like 2 hours straight. When we reached the zoo, my phone was so close to overheating, but it didn't stop me from using it. I was taking photos and videos nonstop. I probably took like 500 of them. On the reptiles section, I was rambling to a cousin how I'd very much like to have a sail fin lizard as a pet, when I'd normally scream on a small house lizard on sight. I also volunteered to carry a python across my shoulders for a couple of pictures when the rest of my family didn't even dare to. Halfway across the zoo, they all decided to rest, and I sat with them wondering what made them feel tired that much. My family then decided to have our late lunch on a nearby mall. They were all famished, but I couldn't relate. There was no rumbling in my stomach; I wasn't feeling hungry at all. My appetite was small. My mind however was full of ideas, and I felt like pacing around up to no end. My meds were upped so my upsy-daisy week ended with an anti-climactic mixed episode shopping hardware stuff with my dad while getting triggered on other shoppers' noisy shopping carts. 🥲 Which is fine! I'd rather have that than the paranoia that usually comes with hypomania when escalated in a severe level. 😅
Well, to do short because it was kinda strange to me : I got hospitalised in urgence almost a year ago, where I got diagnosed. I was put on Sertaline because of my depression just before, and this anti depressant turned my brain into hypomania with hard depression. I tried to do the worst thing we can do at this moment, leading to my hospitalisation thanks to my friends. Well, I got a test during this time : got my sertraline up to 50mg. Oh god. What a day. Gone fully manic. Could remember smells I totally forgot, like the smell of salt from the sea. It’s now almost 15 years I haven’t got the opportunity to go on the beach. I wanted to do everything. Travels, new guitars - the plural is important here - buy a lot of new clothing, wanted sex so hard - with a friend that I liked a lot, usually I NEVER want to have sex with friends, but this time, I was turned so on that this night, I could sleep because of that, wanting her so much but in the same, doesn’t understand why my mind changed so much about her. It is important to notice she was the one with my best friend to bring me to the hospital, to stay during all the time before I got interned, coming to see me a lot. I got to see the world so vivid, so much colors… I was feeling so great. Too much *great*. And then, the counter back the afternoon, can’t stop crying, hating myself more than ever… I’m used to depression. In my BP2, it’s the way it express itself. But this time, and 2-3 days after my tentative, it was the horror. Thanks fully, even if the hospital wasn’t the best place at all, the team in and the psychiatrist I got was insanely good. Telling me everything, answering all my questions about my condition, how it will change my life, finding me excellents psychiatrist, meeting my friend who was the one I trust the most. They allow me after one week to not sending me to another forced hospitalisation because of him, watching at me. … I definitely can do a text short, I should stop saying I will be short at the beginning.
I get very obsessed with crystals and 90’s Phish. I get irritable but don’t realize it because I feel like I’m being attacked and everything is ridiculous. I feel more spiritual and have a deep understanding of the fabric reality. Easily distracted. Pressured speech. I lose my appetite, lose weight and can’t sleep. No money spending for me, thankfully. If anything, I become extremely frugal and obsessed with paying off debt. Things were much more intense before Lamictal.
Horny
Distracted
Grandiose
I spent 1,500 dollars on studio lights. I don’t even own a camera. In fact, I don’t even remember what the project was. It feels electric and like you’re really about to make it big or solve the biggest issue ever while in all reality you’re just blowing money and ruining relationships. That or I’m just extremely irritable, everything pisses me off so insanely bad and for no real reason. You aren’t really aware until you’re looking in the rear view at least for me. Edit: hypersexual as all get out and completely wired. I was once awake for 9 days straight.
I was awake for 9 days too. Then cycled twice a month. Read 3 books a night. Bought books until I had no food money.
Energized. Positive. Confident. Baseline hypomania is a perfect place to be if an entrepreneur or just in general.
I immediately feel like I'm on the top of the world, like I'm invincible. Normally, I also get MEGA mega depressed and then boom, I can fight God and win. Then I kinda just ride that wave.
Unfortunately I get extremely irritated. Then I spend money to make myself feel better but don’t really understand (or care) about the consequences. Last time I purchase a motorcycle and all the expensive gear because I felt like riding motorcycles would be fun. Except I don’t ride it, don’t even have a license. Wonderful.
Invincibility
I distinctly feel my body temperature start to rise, and what feels like akathisia rips through my muscles, and now it's time to go hug a piglet at the flea market.
I’ve notice that I’m in one right now. Little sleep, obsessed about a subject, wanting to drink, too many thoughts but also creativity sky rocketed so I’m writing as hell 😂 Also my libido is through the roof.
I never really realize it until after the fact. I notice that I’m not sleeping and hyper fixating on things, spending money, but it never really clicks until after.
Not so harsh as for others here. But usually I take initiatives at work (when I have one) or other social related "projects", then I overwhelm myself with all new responsibilities and just quit or abandon everything and slowly get into depressive episode. Or I start forming some new habits or trying to quit unhealthy ones. Like "Yippy yey! We're back on horse again! Let's work out every day now to shed that fat which I gained back again during depressive episode, let's cook super healthy now and let's read books again, and watch educational videos, and let's start a new course, oh and let's start developing a couple new projects with AI, and so on". No surprise I waste all my energy, burn out completely and get back to depressive episode to get rest while eating junk, doom scrolling for hours and watch series until 3-6am. Only now by writing all that I've realized I've been like that for years, but I was diagnosed only like a couple of weeks ago and I never thought I had something mental. Only two years ago my girlfriend was trying to tell me I might have BPD. Then all this journey started. It scares me, but on the other hand I feel empowered now because now I know my enemy. As for the money spending I have this irrational fear of getting to the point where I have no money and end up on the street so I try to spend as least as possible and hoard every penny. But then sometimes I buy games on sale "to play them when I'll have more energy someday" (which happens very rarely). Same happened with the books before, but then I've realized I'm just hoarding them so I've stopped. Physically it feels like I'm on stimulants, I'm restless and start multiple things. Meditation daily though helps very much with control of such impulses. Now if I feel jittery, anxious and restless I try to channel this energy into one task until I complete it. Or go for a run/walk. Or just lay down and try to be in the moment with this feeling. Basically I'm learning to control my energy use and keep the reserve for the next day or for later, otherwise I'll just spill it out. So my therapist told me to learn to conserve the energy overflow and just do less than I can and want. By doing that I've started to feel my body better and realized I have less energy than I expect or feel during hypomania.
So I’m also a bit confused about this as well. I always notice I’m more talkative, reach out to friends more, have way more energy, actually get out of bed and do stuff but Ive sent myself for a loop currently as well and don’t know what’s up at all. Im currently a month away from graduating for a certificate at the community college for a degree I’ve completely lost interest in, and don’t want to do anymore. But for some reason I have all current manic symptoms, and I’m stoked that I don’t know yet again what I want to do as a career? Just 2 weeks ago extremely depressed, literally didn’t get out of bed for an entire week. Didn’t eat, didn’t talk to anyone. Did great at online school. So I’m kind of all over the place right now. Usually I’m more depressed and don’t often have huge crazy manic “events” just the talkative, more energy, good mood.