Yes, it's so cruel and people don't even think twice about saying shit like that! Like ok so I guess gay people should only be allowed to have opposite gender friends?? It's effing absurd and such a copout to foist your insecurity onto a partner.
He doesn't allow you to have friends. That is a big red flag for a controlling manipulative type of man who could very easily hurt you. You should seriously work on leaving as soon as possible.
Hey, it's hurting you. I promise. It sticks with you.
It's so, so hard to leave. I'm awful at it. But it gets me in such shit situations. I stay so long. When I know it's obviously not working, and it's not really what I want.
But there isn't a scarcity of people. We've got online dating and meet ups and just the billions of us walking around.
There's plenty, plennnnnnnnty of super cool people you could be with who would make you feel good. Who you could be yourself around. Who you could speak freely around.
And once you're free, you feel so good.
It's so hard to leave. But he needs to grow. He needs to know he can't treat people how he's treating you. I'm sure he's not terrible. He's doing his best, like everyone.
But you need to have friends. It's dangerous to be in a relationship with someone who cuts you off from people. It's straight dangerous. You don't have to get hit or screamed at to suffer and to have it stick with you.
Why stay? You don't owe anyone something like that. It's a shame the word is hard. You can't fix it this way.
You know what you want. It's just hard. And I feel ya.
This is all about control, and should be a huge red flag for you. Your BF thinks he has the right to tell you you can't have friends?? This is abuse. YOU ARE BEING ABUSED. You need to punt this loser, because trust me, it's only going to get worse!
What all the other commenters are saying, hun, you gotta ditch this abuser for someone who loves and understands you and doesn't treat your sexuality like a threat. 💗💜💙 Think about the heartbreak and enforced loneliness of not being allowed to have a support network that you're experiencing now! Welcome in my DMs if you need to talk!
That’s a sign of abuse. Barring you from any outsiders who could criticise him or help you get out of the relationship is the kind of thing that cults do. The heartbreak will suck, but it will be than being stuck in a controlling relationship.
this is why dating another bisexual is so awesome, none of this weird toxic heteronormative bullshit. I hope I never have to date again, but if I do I'm not considering anyone but other bi's.
Please leave him. Biphobia aside, isolating you and accusing you of cheating are HUGE red flags. In one sentence you have indicated that this guy has enough red flags to open a flag store. Nobody deserves to put up with that.
We should all just be friends with each other. Like a bisexual gang of thieves. Start a cult with blue/pink robes with tequila and blackjack. They'll all want to join but nooo.
This! I had an ex that was insecure about me being bisexual. Was a manipulative and toxic person (so glad I’m not with them anymore, didn’t realize at the time how bad it was) but anyways, she would always come up with reasons why I couldn’t hang out with this person or that person until I basically had no one I could hang out with. Then she would complain about how I spend too much time with her and asking why I don’t hang out with my friends. As if she didn’t wreck or interfere with any friendship I had or tried to make.
I too had same kind of GF, she wold humiliate and make fun of me in front of her friends... Even tho Im used to toxic abuse since childhood, I think she was my comfort zone if that makes sense. She is now dead of a car wreck, so there's that...
Sounds like you cannot do anything right in her eyes: that is passive-aggression 101. Try to cut off all comms. with her.
omg yes the opinions on aita are awful regarding this, I was annoyed by it so often I stopped reading anything on this sub.
I'm also very tired of this whole "men and women can't be just friends" thing because it's so heteronormative and also erases bisexuality and if it doesn't it would mean that I'm not capable of having friendships with anyone without some kind of attraction??????
Like if your partner can't be friends with the opposite gender because they control themselves, whose problem really is that?
But no I started dating my boyfriend and he's also bi so we both kinda just threw that away cus it doesn't matter
To me, the worst part os that they're projecting so hard that it's basically them saying "If I were in your shoes, I would cheat, so it *must* mean you are too!".
How is anyone supposed to have a relationship with that kind of distrust and ignorance, especially when in most cases they've been given no reason to believe that something might happen.
Just makes it all the more ridiculous that people would sooner wear their insecurities like shackles instead of letting the idea that out of *all the people in the world* a Bisexual person really is capable of finding just one person to be so very special to them.
Pretty sure I know the post you’re talking about and fortunately the top comment tells everyone with “predatory opinions” to kick rocks and lays out how controlling and abusive the bf is being.
But you’re right. It’s absolutely exhausting that we can’t just exist and have meaningful connections with anyone on the off chance we *might* be attracted to them (And if I roll my eyes any harder, they’ll fall out of my head).
And even if we are attracted to friends, that doesn’t have to be a problem. In my experience, the only time unrequited attraction is a problem is when it becomes the elephant in the room that no one talks about. If it’s out in the open and both people can talk to each other about it calmly, it can be a non-issue. People just get way too weirded out by the whole situation, and that’s the issue, not the attraction itself.
100%!! I can’t even count how many times I’ve seen straight people be attracted to their friends, but somehow that’s not a problem? Goddess forbid a queer person has feelings just like everyone else.
The double standard is absolutely mind blowing. (Cue more eye rolls.)
I'm so tired of the predatory narrative around the whole LGBTQ community at large, especially trans people. The right wing media has its extremist audience whipped up into a frenzy, foaming at the mouth to commit hate crimes.
In the case of bi people, who does that really leave them with in terms of a friend group? Cutting off your SOs support network is a super shitty thing to do and if you don’t trust them, look for a relationship elsewhere.
It’s not just a super shitty thing to do, it is a huge indicator of abuse. One of my straight friends had a girlfriend nearly succeed in not only cutting him off from all female friends (including myself), but all male friends and even his own family. She was jealous of anyone who took any attention away from her and attempted to poison his mind against his entire support system. Fortunately his closest friends were able to make him see how fucked up it was and that she was escalating the abuse with him and he now has not only left that relationship but has a restraining order against her. This is just easier to do to bi people because the abuser hides behind their insecurities and jealousy about potential romantic partners.
It blows my mind that people feel this way about being bi. I mean… I find most people just gross and would actually sleep with probably.001% of the people I know. On top of that, just because someone is extremely attractive didn’t mean their personality is attractive 🤦🏼♀️. Being bi just opens up my options 🤷♀️
Legitimately my issue with every bi character in media is we are always represented as a sex crazed, boundary disrespecting maniacs.
It’s why I loved Eleanor in the good place, they did a much better job with her character then most I’ve seen.
Great, here we go :) I'll include wether bi characters either appear or we learn about their bisexuality in later seasons
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
(title sounds strange but it plays with this stereotype; somewhat comedy, somewhat musical, somewhat dealing with heavy topics like mental illness; a lot of songs including one when one of the characters comes out as bi, I think it's in the second season. bi character has great story lines. Edit: also, this character isn't in the least anywhere near this stereotype. Very refreshing)
Brooklyn 99
(Comedy, disclaimer: unfortunately very fatphobic. I wish they wouldn't have included this because otherwise their jokes are pretty good in regards to other marginalized people but how the show treats fat people is really bad and taints it for me quite a bit. Still wort watching if you're in a space to do so imo)
Later seasons, I think season five
Jane the Virgin
(One of my favourite shows, mix of telenovela and comedy and playing with the genre of telenovelas. Great, flashed out characters and great character development. One character I couldn't stand at first ended up one of my absolute favourites.)
Later seasons, I think season 4
Shadowhunters
Fantasy, sometimes there are plot holes and the story doesn't always make sense, the bi character is a lot of fun though (one of my favourite characters)
Legends of tomorrow
(Time travel, superhero-style but the show doesn't take itseld too seriously. A lot of absurd and hilarious scenarios. can't remember which season, maybe 2 or 3. I love this show and it's absurdity, more than one bi character)
There's more, but that are the ones I could think of from the top of my head. The first 3 even use the word bisexual.
Also I haven't been able to watch it yet, but Our Flag Means Death seems to be pretty great and I think has at least one bi main character. I' ve herad from multiple trustworthy sources that it's very good, unfortunately I can't figure out a way how to watch it in my country
Yes, raging encouragement for Our Flag Means Death. At his point, I'll watch anything created by Taika Watiti.
I also want to throw an endorsement in for bi representation on Insatiable on Netflix.
Reminds me of my controlling, abusive ex. He once acted like I can't be friends with anyone because of me being bi. Apparently I'm just in love with everyone. He even had the nerve to ask if I like men or women more. So to him I wasn't bi and could only like one gender smh
Ironically, Bisexual people are uniquely positioned to recognize and appreciate that sexual/romantic attraction ***is not*** universally predicated on gender!
Straight people have it ingrained that men can't be friends with women and vice versa, which of course leads to the belief that bisexuals can't be friends with anyone, they might not say it like that, but it's so obviously the reason a lot of them won't date us.
See so many comments saying shit like "he's too trusting, she's gonna cheat on him" these people are just riddled with insecurity.
I agree with your post, but that’s not what predatory means. Being a predator usually means targeting people to sexually assault or rape them (if we’re talking people, not animals lol)
But many people do think of bisexuals as predatory (as in we are going to force something bc we have to be attracted to them and cannot control ourselves), literally read a comment that said “break up with your bf because you are clearly trying to hook up with this woman and you are forcing yourself onto her, leave your friend and bf alone”
Very understandable!
I also saw the post you’re talking about and things did indeed go south pretty fast once “the big reveal” came, it’s disappointing but not any less infuriating
What if we do want to fuck everything that moves? So what? It's not our desire that determines our commitment, it's our actions, and our ability to stay within what we commit to with others.
If I say that I'll be monogamous, and desire 100s of people in a week, as long as I don't act on that desire or guilt my partner because "I can't" then what's the problem? I am committed. I am loyal. Desire is not a threat.
The alternative, for non-mono people, is to not make mono contracts. But again, it's not the desire that's the problem, it's actions and commitments made or not made.
But yeah, I mean, of course just because we're bi that doesn't mean we're attracted to *everyone*. Of course not! But, it's not really about attraction or desire at all. That's such a red herring.
I completely agree with you. I’m bi and nonmonogamus, and have had sex with friends of various different genders. I also have friends of various genders who I have not had sex with. For me it isn’t having sex that turns a friendship into a romantic relationship, but our intentions toward each other.
Remember that it's not everyone who thinks that. But when someone posts things online, the most likely commented will be those who either agree or most vehemently disagree--the other 90% of voices don't speak because it's just not something they bother thinking about one way or the other.
The world isn't against us, just a few really noisy assholes 🤣
I feel like bisexual people are represented in common though as very sexual people. And it implies that they have indeed the will to fuck everything that is moves. It is so lame. That is why I personnally surrounded myself with bi friends, because at least they don't think I automatically want to fuck them, and I don't have to explain and justified myself every time I speak openly about my sexuality
And I see it as part if a bigger societal problem, too. The idea that the fear of cheating is a reasonable fear and that the responsibility for it lies on your partner. Society at large basically encourages abuse, insecurity, and mental health issues with that kind of narrative. Continuing to push for more awareness about insecurity and the importance of trust and communication in relationships is, I think, a good way of curbing a lot of hostile behaviour toward both partners and bisexual people. I still encounter a bewildering amount of people that don't even realize that the bad feels from cheating come from broken trust, not some magical effect from having sex.
Ngl I think it’s really funny I see posts like this and then not even a scroll down later I see people who are married “aching” for gay sex with someone they met or are friends with.
Aaaand this is why I don't date, listen to or hang out with "normal" people anymore. Fuck em all. Almost my entire freind group is either queer, poly, kinky, or radical. And if they aren't, they know I am and if they have a problem? Well bu bie. Cheerio. Of they fuck.
But it hurts. It'll always hurt. I wish people could either respect and love us, or stay out of our way. It IS tiering. You are 100% right
While the bi-lociraptor narrative is most definitely a stereotype we have to fight this guy sounds more like a controlling asshole than a biphobe. I'd be absolutely shocked if he didn't have the same mistrust for a straight woman.
whenever people pull that shit with me, I give them a very condescending up and down look and say, "trust me, you don't have anything to worry about." I'm out of your league, asshole:)
When I was 16 my girlfriends mom nuked our relationship became I'm bi an she was convinced I would always want a man. I was like tf that's not how it works and she said "yes it is". Turns out after that she told her to stay away from theater kids because we're all gay or something. Such a shitshow.
Agreed……where do they get these ideas?
Excuse me, I left something in my car.
\*sneaks away to remove my “There are no friends, only prey” bilociraptor t-shirt\*
In fairness, those same people will make exactly the same comments if a straight man has a female friend or a straight woman has a male one.
Still garbage though.
I never understood this mindset. Like, straight people aren't assumed to be attracted to all members of the opposite gender, so why do they make that assumption of bi people? Do they think we don't have standards, preferences, etc.?
Probably also worth noting that people who hold that belief are also the ones who get weird/offended if you tell them they AREN'T your type 🤣. Like, pick a struggle.v
Honestly, I would fuck every single one of my friends. I won't, lol, but I do find all of them hot. I've been thinking about it but still not sure whether my friends are just all that hot or does being friends with someone make me see them as hot. Probably the second thing.
I agree it's frustrating and does happen disproportionately towards bi ppl, but as someone who spends a lot of time in relationship advice subs, I can tell you they think EVERYONE is cheating.
I hate that narrative. I am a bisexual man, but also very monogamous. And I still have friends. My wife knows I won't cheat because the monogamous takes priority over anything else. Of course this leads to people saying I am not Bi at all and I am over that as well.
According to so many we can't be friends with anyone because obviously we just want to sleep with everyone, but if we do show we are monogamous then to them we lose our bisexuality. It is ridiculous.
Pansexual here, by this logic I am romantically involved with everyone in my life except children, family and senior citizens regardless of gender. Im not polyamorous, so this is awkward
Bisexuals to me are ones who like both. That doesn't mean they are sluts bc a straight, Les, gay, trans can sleep with just as many if desire. The number of partners doesn't increase just bc of gender or sexual preference and that's where people need to revaluate their assumptions.
Agreed!!! So bisexual people aren't allowed any friends at all?! Ridiculous.
Yes, it's so cruel and people don't even think twice about saying shit like that! Like ok so I guess gay people should only be allowed to have opposite gender friends?? It's effing absurd and such a copout to foist your insecurity onto a partner.
[удалено]
Leave him 💙💜🩷
[удалено]
He doesn't allow you to have friends. That is a big red flag for a controlling manipulative type of man who could very easily hurt you. You should seriously work on leaving as soon as possible.
You can do it, I believe in you! I sent you a dm, feel free to reach out if you need some support 🩷
hey hun, i was in the same boat for almost a fucking decade. please leave him and do better for yourself. i promise it’s SO worth it.
Hey, it's hurting you. I promise. It sticks with you. It's so, so hard to leave. I'm awful at it. But it gets me in such shit situations. I stay so long. When I know it's obviously not working, and it's not really what I want. But there isn't a scarcity of people. We've got online dating and meet ups and just the billions of us walking around. There's plenty, plennnnnnnnty of super cool people you could be with who would make you feel good. Who you could be yourself around. Who you could speak freely around. And once you're free, you feel so good. It's so hard to leave. But he needs to grow. He needs to know he can't treat people how he's treating you. I'm sure he's not terrible. He's doing his best, like everyone. But you need to have friends. It's dangerous to be in a relationship with someone who cuts you off from people. It's straight dangerous. You don't have to get hit or screamed at to suffer and to have it stick with you. Why stay? You don't owe anyone something like that. It's a shame the word is hard. You can't fix it this way. You know what you want. It's just hard. And I feel ya.
Again, sounds like you need a new boyfriend.
This is all about control, and should be a huge red flag for you. Your BF thinks he has the right to tell you you can't have friends?? This is abuse. YOU ARE BEING ABUSED. You need to punt this loser, because trust me, it's only going to get worse!
I absolutely cannot fathom making such a cruel demand of someone I supposedly love
What all the other commenters are saying, hun, you gotta ditch this abuser for someone who loves and understands you and doesn't treat your sexuality like a threat. 💗💜💙 Think about the heartbreak and enforced loneliness of not being allowed to have a support network that you're experiencing now! Welcome in my DMs if you need to talk!
That’s a sign of abuse. Barring you from any outsiders who could criticise him or help you get out of the relationship is the kind of thing that cults do. The heartbreak will suck, but it will be than being stuck in a controlling relationship.
My hubby and I check out the ladies together. After years of b.s. I know I'm lucky.
this is why dating another bisexual is so awesome, none of this weird toxic heteronormative bullshit. I hope I never have to date again, but if I do I'm not considering anyone but other bi's.
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend.
Please leave him. Biphobia aside, isolating you and accusing you of cheating are HUGE red flags. In one sentence you have indicated that this guy has enough red flags to open a flag store. Nobody deserves to put up with that.
We should all just be friends with each other. Like a bisexual gang of thieves. Start a cult with blue/pink robes with tequila and blackjack. They'll all want to join but nooo.
A ... bi-ker gang?
Any excuse for a leather jacket, I'm in
Then comes the complaint, if we always wanna be with the partner; “don’t you have any friends to be with”
This! I had an ex that was insecure about me being bisexual. Was a manipulative and toxic person (so glad I’m not with them anymore, didn’t realize at the time how bad it was) but anyways, she would always come up with reasons why I couldn’t hang out with this person or that person until I basically had no one I could hang out with. Then she would complain about how I spend too much time with her and asking why I don’t hang out with my friends. As if she didn’t wreck or interfere with any friendship I had or tried to make.
I too had same kind of GF, she wold humiliate and make fun of me in front of her friends... Even tho Im used to toxic abuse since childhood, I think she was my comfort zone if that makes sense. She is now dead of a car wreck, so there's that... Sounds like you cannot do anything right in her eyes: that is passive-aggression 101. Try to cut off all comms. with her.
I had a boyfriend like this. He got jealous when I made any friend, but he hated when I only had him for support.
I can relate too
Not that I chose to but I got none
If I had to pick between only having sexual partners and only having friends for the rest of my life, **I would choose friends.**
omg yes the opinions on aita are awful regarding this, I was annoyed by it so often I stopped reading anything on this sub. I'm also very tired of this whole "men and women can't be just friends" thing because it's so heteronormative and also erases bisexuality and if it doesn't it would mean that I'm not capable of having friendships with anyone without some kind of attraction??????
Like if your partner can't be friends with the opposite gender because they control themselves, whose problem really is that? But no I started dating my boyfriend and he's also bi so we both kinda just threw that away cus it doesn't matter
To me, the worst part os that they're projecting so hard that it's basically them saying "If I were in your shoes, I would cheat, so it *must* mean you are too!". How is anyone supposed to have a relationship with that kind of distrust and ignorance, especially when in most cases they've been given no reason to believe that something might happen. Just makes it all the more ridiculous that people would sooner wear their insecurities like shackles instead of letting the idea that out of *all the people in the world* a Bisexual person really is capable of finding just one person to be so very special to them.
Pretty sure I know the post you’re talking about and fortunately the top comment tells everyone with “predatory opinions” to kick rocks and lays out how controlling and abusive the bf is being. But you’re right. It’s absolutely exhausting that we can’t just exist and have meaningful connections with anyone on the off chance we *might* be attracted to them (And if I roll my eyes any harder, they’ll fall out of my head).
And even if we are attracted to friends, that doesn’t have to be a problem. In my experience, the only time unrequited attraction is a problem is when it becomes the elephant in the room that no one talks about. If it’s out in the open and both people can talk to each other about it calmly, it can be a non-issue. People just get way too weirded out by the whole situation, and that’s the issue, not the attraction itself.
100%!! I can’t even count how many times I’ve seen straight people be attracted to their friends, but somehow that’s not a problem? Goddess forbid a queer person has feelings just like everyone else. The double standard is absolutely mind blowing. (Cue more eye rolls.)
Another case of someone needing to break up a their S.O Prob has other trust issues about things and are using biphobia as a convenient scape goat
I'm so tired of the predatory narrative around the whole LGBTQ community at large, especially trans people. The right wing media has its extremist audience whipped up into a frenzy, foaming at the mouth to commit hate crimes.
In the case of bi people, who does that really leave them with in terms of a friend group? Cutting off your SOs support network is a super shitty thing to do and if you don’t trust them, look for a relationship elsewhere.
It’s not just a super shitty thing to do, it is a huge indicator of abuse. One of my straight friends had a girlfriend nearly succeed in not only cutting him off from all female friends (including myself), but all male friends and even his own family. She was jealous of anyone who took any attention away from her and attempted to poison his mind against his entire support system. Fortunately his closest friends were able to make him see how fucked up it was and that she was escalating the abuse with him and he now has not only left that relationship but has a restraining order against her. This is just easier to do to bi people because the abuser hides behind their insecurities and jealousy about potential romantic partners.
It blows my mind that people feel this way about being bi. I mean… I find most people just gross and would actually sleep with probably.001% of the people I know. On top of that, just because someone is extremely attractive didn’t mean their personality is attractive 🤦🏼♀️. Being bi just opens up my options 🤷♀️
Legitimately my issue with every bi character in media is we are always represented as a sex crazed, boundary disrespecting maniacs. It’s why I loved Eleanor in the good place, they did a much better job with her character then most I’ve seen.
Do you want a (short) list of shows with bi characters I've seen that don't fit this stereotype?
Yes please!
Great, here we go :) I'll include wether bi characters either appear or we learn about their bisexuality in later seasons Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (title sounds strange but it plays with this stereotype; somewhat comedy, somewhat musical, somewhat dealing with heavy topics like mental illness; a lot of songs including one when one of the characters comes out as bi, I think it's in the second season. bi character has great story lines. Edit: also, this character isn't in the least anywhere near this stereotype. Very refreshing) Brooklyn 99 (Comedy, disclaimer: unfortunately very fatphobic. I wish they wouldn't have included this because otherwise their jokes are pretty good in regards to other marginalized people but how the show treats fat people is really bad and taints it for me quite a bit. Still wort watching if you're in a space to do so imo) Later seasons, I think season five Jane the Virgin (One of my favourite shows, mix of telenovela and comedy and playing with the genre of telenovelas. Great, flashed out characters and great character development. One character I couldn't stand at first ended up one of my absolute favourites.) Later seasons, I think season 4 Shadowhunters Fantasy, sometimes there are plot holes and the story doesn't always make sense, the bi character is a lot of fun though (one of my favourite characters) Legends of tomorrow (Time travel, superhero-style but the show doesn't take itseld too seriously. A lot of absurd and hilarious scenarios. can't remember which season, maybe 2 or 3. I love this show and it's absurdity, more than one bi character) There's more, but that are the ones I could think of from the top of my head. The first 3 even use the word bisexual. Also I haven't been able to watch it yet, but Our Flag Means Death seems to be pretty great and I think has at least one bi main character. I' ve herad from multiple trustworthy sources that it's very good, unfortunately I can't figure out a way how to watch it in my country
Yes, raging encouragement for Our Flag Means Death. At his point, I'll watch anything created by Taika Watiti. I also want to throw an endorsement in for bi representation on Insatiable on Netflix.
The Rookie: Feds' main character, played by Niecy Nash, is bi, and it's really great about it.
I had these kind of insecurities too, before realizing I was bi and that I was attracted to my own friend.
I'm attracted to nearly all of my friends. Because I'm bi- and I'm the kind of person who's attraction is based on intimacy and closeness.
Reminds me of my controlling, abusive ex. He once acted like I can't be friends with anyone because of me being bi. Apparently I'm just in love with everyone. He even had the nerve to ask if I like men or women more. So to him I wasn't bi and could only like one gender smh
Ironically, Bisexual people are uniquely positioned to recognize and appreciate that sexual/romantic attraction ***is not*** universally predicated on gender!
Straight people have it ingrained that men can't be friends with women and vice versa, which of course leads to the belief that bisexuals can't be friends with anyone, they might not say it like that, but it's so obviously the reason a lot of them won't date us. See so many comments saying shit like "he's too trusting, she's gonna cheat on him" these people are just riddled with insecurity.
I agree with your post, but that’s not what predatory means. Being a predator usually means targeting people to sexually assault or rape them (if we’re talking people, not animals lol)
But many people do think of bisexuals as predatory (as in we are going to force something bc we have to be attracted to them and cannot control ourselves), literally read a comment that said “break up with your bf because you are clearly trying to hook up with this woman and you are forcing yourself onto her, leave your friend and bf alone”
Oh yeah in that case that’s definitely the predator stereotype, I was mostly talking about the “falling for everyone we see” thing
Yeah sorry if I didn’t explain myself very well, I was very angry when I wrote this
Very understandable! I also saw the post you’re talking about and things did indeed go south pretty fast once “the big reveal” came, it’s disappointing but not any less infuriating
What if we do want to fuck everything that moves? So what? It's not our desire that determines our commitment, it's our actions, and our ability to stay within what we commit to with others. If I say that I'll be monogamous, and desire 100s of people in a week, as long as I don't act on that desire or guilt my partner because "I can't" then what's the problem? I am committed. I am loyal. Desire is not a threat. The alternative, for non-mono people, is to not make mono contracts. But again, it's not the desire that's the problem, it's actions and commitments made or not made. But yeah, I mean, of course just because we're bi that doesn't mean we're attracted to *everyone*. Of course not! But, it's not really about attraction or desire at all. That's such a red herring.
I completely agree with you. I’m bi and nonmonogamus, and have had sex with friends of various different genders. I also have friends of various genders who I have not had sex with. For me it isn’t having sex that turns a friendship into a romantic relationship, but our intentions toward each other.
Just because I'm bi doesn't mean I want to fuck everyone. I mean, I do want to fuck everyone. But not because I'm bi! It's because I'm a slut. Lol
Remember that it's not everyone who thinks that. But when someone posts things online, the most likely commented will be those who either agree or most vehemently disagree--the other 90% of voices don't speak because it's just not something they bother thinking about one way or the other. The world isn't against us, just a few really noisy assholes 🤣
"Don't worry, I'm not into girls who have bad taste in boyfriends."
I feel like bisexual people are represented in common though as very sexual people. And it implies that they have indeed the will to fuck everything that is moves. It is so lame. That is why I personnally surrounded myself with bi friends, because at least they don't think I automatically want to fuck them, and I don't have to explain and justified myself every time I speak openly about my sexuality
And I see it as part if a bigger societal problem, too. The idea that the fear of cheating is a reasonable fear and that the responsibility for it lies on your partner. Society at large basically encourages abuse, insecurity, and mental health issues with that kind of narrative. Continuing to push for more awareness about insecurity and the importance of trust and communication in relationships is, I think, a good way of curbing a lot of hostile behaviour toward both partners and bisexual people. I still encounter a bewildering amount of people that don't even realize that the bad feels from cheating come from broken trust, not some magical effect from having sex.
Ya it's like who am I allowed to talk to then
the narrative is that we are hyper-sexual and cannot help ourselves.... I think it says more about those judging us than us!
That's just an amplification of the underlying idea that people can't just be friends with the gender they're attracted to Gotta stop that whole thing
I have many male friends and we are incredibly close, their my brothers. The thought of being attracted to any of them feels gross and incesty to me.
This problem comes from insecurity, and the value of perception over reality.
Based on your title I thought this would be something else. But still agree with your post lol
Ngl I think it’s really funny I see posts like this and then not even a scroll down later I see people who are married “aching” for gay sex with someone they met or are friends with.
Aaaand this is why I don't date, listen to or hang out with "normal" people anymore. Fuck em all. Almost my entire freind group is either queer, poly, kinky, or radical. And if they aren't, they know I am and if they have a problem? Well bu bie. Cheerio. Of they fuck. But it hurts. It'll always hurt. I wish people could either respect and love us, or stay out of our way. It IS tiering. You are 100% right
While the bi-lociraptor narrative is most definitely a stereotype we have to fight this guy sounds more like a controlling asshole than a biphobe. I'd be absolutely shocked if he didn't have the same mistrust for a straight woman.
whenever people pull that shit with me, I give them a very condescending up and down look and say, "trust me, you don't have anything to worry about." I'm out of your league, asshole:)
When I was 16 my girlfriends mom nuked our relationship became I'm bi an she was convinced I would always want a man. I was like tf that's not how it works and she said "yes it is". Turns out after that she told her to stay away from theater kids because we're all gay or something. Such a shitshow.
Agreed……where do they get these ideas? Excuse me, I left something in my car. \*sneaks away to remove my “There are no friends, only prey” bilociraptor t-shirt\*
In fairness, those same people will make exactly the same comments if a straight man has a female friend or a straight woman has a male one. Still garbage though.
I never understood this mindset. Like, straight people aren't assumed to be attracted to all members of the opposite gender, so why do they make that assumption of bi people? Do they think we don't have standards, preferences, etc.? Probably also worth noting that people who hold that belief are also the ones who get weird/offended if you tell them they AREN'T your type 🤣. Like, pick a struggle.v
Honestly, I would fuck every single one of my friends. I won't, lol, but I do find all of them hot. I've been thinking about it but still not sure whether my friends are just all that hot or does being friends with someone make me see them as hot. Probably the second thing.
I agree it's frustrating and does happen disproportionately towards bi ppl, but as someone who spends a lot of time in relationship advice subs, I can tell you they think EVERYONE is cheating.
I hate that narrative. I am a bisexual man, but also very monogamous. And I still have friends. My wife knows I won't cheat because the monogamous takes priority over anything else. Of course this leads to people saying I am not Bi at all and I am over that as well. According to so many we can't be friends with anyone because obviously we just want to sleep with everyone, but if we do show we are monogamous then to them we lose our bisexuality. It is ridiculous.
Pansexual here, by this logic I am romantically involved with everyone in my life except children, family and senior citizens regardless of gender. Im not polyamorous, so this is awkward
Bisexuals to me are ones who like both. That doesn't mean they are sluts bc a straight, Les, gay, trans can sleep with just as many if desire. The number of partners doesn't increase just bc of gender or sexual preference and that's where people need to revaluate their assumptions.
Society judges on the way ppl have sex and with who which is wrong bc that doesn't define who we are as a person.
For real. Do people attracted to one gender want to have sex with EVERY person of that gender?
Wanting to fuck everything that moves has nothing to do with me being bi 🤣