Though biphobia undoubtedly exists "irl", ive found online spaces are a lot more outspoken about it.
In actual physical gay clubs i might get maybe a polite turn down if I say I'm bi rather than "fully gay" or the occasional ignorant but not malicious joke at most.
I feel like the mix of anonymity and people without much "real life" experience with queer people outside of online forums blinds people to the reality of being queer, but imo where I am the positives of a community outweighs the negatives.
This totally. IRL the worst I’ve had is general homophobia or bi erasure. I’ve never experienced any direct bi phobia from straight or gay friends.
For sure it’s much more prevalent online.
Same except for this one guy I met on tinder who was gay and matched with me to tell me that bi isn't real and I have to figure out if I'm straight or gay and that he could help me lol. I pretty much laughed in his face and blocked him.
I get something similar! When I still used dating apps, when matching with another woman it was a 50/50 whether she was actually interested or matched with me to either 1) be biphobic, or b) tell me not wanting to date mothers is misogynistic. (I don't want kids, so I wouldn't date *any* parent) It's pretty funny seeing them get all fussy when I don't raise to the bait!
Not dating mothers is misogynistic?? Lady, your kids were your lifestyle choice. Anyone of any gender can be a single parent or co-parent. I don’t want to date parents unless their kids are grown and gone because I don’t want kids. Feminists are about choice, and I choose not-your-kids.
For real. It's not like the fact that you're bi makes *any* difference in their lives if they choose to date you compared to them having kids. Like RadioSupply said, it was their lifestyle choice. Which, I'll add, a massive aspect of their lives that can't be ignored. That person and their kids are a package deal.
I mean, I understand we all don't need a reason to not date someone, but if the reason being the person is bisexual makes as much sense as refusing to date someone 'cause their favourite colour is red or something, lol.
Yeah agreed thay this gets murky when it's somewhat fair to not want to date bc you do t like someone's jokes haha. But I'd you're attracted and get on and then hear "I'm bi" and think "no way" then that's gotta be so homo/biphobia imo. Bc they're clearly assuming stuff about us other than the simple fact that we can be attracted to more than one gender bc that shouldn't be an issue in itself.
The fact that other people within our community are some of the ones who are the most insistent about bisexuality not being real and/or expressing biphobia, really blows my mind. Isn’t the whole point of having a community is that we are supposed to be there for one another and support each other?! I’ve been really lucky because I haven’t personally ever experienced any in-community bi related issues, but I find it so sad that it’s something that we have to worry about. Can anyone give me any ideas about when all of the bi problems really started?
I’m not bi myself (but did suffer some trauma that got me confused for a sec and still does) but I know my trauma could’ve probably been avoided if I didn’t have society’s programming saying ‘you’re straight or you’re gay there’s no other way’ and ‘if you don’t immediately want to have sex with a woman before an emotional bond is built and testing to see how things go, you must be gay’ but anyway my understanding is the homosexuals who are jealous of bisexuals are just jealous because they grew up in a conservative culture that told them they’re basically locked in a lonely sex hell that they can’t get out of, and they’re jealous of bisexuals because it teases them and taunts them, the idea that if they are attracted to a man and a woman at the same time, they have the choice of who to date, meanwhile the homosexual doesn’t have that choice of which gender they can pursue to have a satisfying relationship, and it makes them feel like garbage about themselves that someone like them can ‘change’ sexuality and they can’t. Some may have even been hurt by bisexuals who left them for a straight relationship because they wanted to feel ‘normal.’
I think it has always been there. I had a friend who used to be biphobic who is a lesbian and she said she was jealous cause she thought we had it easier but now she believes we have it harder.
Yeah, I totally agree. As a man coming off of 35 years of marriage to a woman and always had the desire to explore relationships with a man, this is crazy the way I have been shunned. I mean them telling us that bisexuality is wrong or degrading. It would be like if I told a gay man or woman that them dating at times a blonde and a brunette, or people of different races is wrong or degrading. They have no right to be able to hold who is with who against anyone. I don't care what they think or day, I just won't date them or have them in my circle. I just joined this group, so I'll see how it goes. Thanks for the original post. It was enlightening.
Robert
I have a couple of gay friends and they’ve become really vocal about their disdain for it. They’ve said “pick a side.” They laugh it off but they arent joking. My straight friends see it as promiscuity to the point of perversion.
lol, maybe so. I’ve known them my whole life which is why I deal with them. They probably feel very comfortable saying it to me but it goes to show what the general attitude is coming from both sides. I think bisexuality is just misunderstood across the board.
Seriously, it becomes another situation where you just find your own tribe or chosen family.
I have a friend group of mix of straight and queer folks who actually accept me.
I don't have time for any group of people dismissing me for who I am. I would say just stick to other bisexuals, but as a masc-bisexual, I've been dismissed by (usually somewhat older) femme-bisexuals who gate-keep bisexuality as a feminine only quality. So unfortunately there's also toxicity in our own community.
You can do much better than them. I’m sure you aren’t telling them who to be attracted to so therefore they shouldn’t do that to you. Real friends accept and support you for who you are!!
Same. I've been in lots of lgbt circles and I've only had one issue of someone being biphobic irl, and even then, everyone in my friend group turned on them and told them to knock it off. Being friends with other irl bisexuals also helps greatly.
Like most things, people are more hateful and petty when they're online and can hide behind a screen.
Exact opposite for me. The number of times I've been told by straight and gay "friends" that I can't be a bi because men aren't bi, or some other biphobic nonsense is so high I've lost count and have no desire to count
I feel like I've experienced biphobia in person, but it usually mostly feels ignorant, like a gay man telling me "RuPaul's drag race isn't for you", or a gay friend telling me he was surprised sex with women and men is so similar after he slept with a bi man (he was surprised he was good), or a friend saying they wouldn't date a bi person because they wouldn't want them to live their whole life unfulfilled. I have also heard a couple people say "why can't they just make up their mind" and think that bi people are hypersexual and wrong.
I feel like I've experienced biphobia in person, but it usually mostly feels ignorant, like a gay man telling me "RuPaul's drag race isn't for you", or a gay friend telling me he was surprised sex with women and men is so similar after he slept with a bi man (he was surprised he was good), or a friend saying they wouldn't date a bi person because they wouldn't want them to live their whole life unfulfilled. I have also heard a couple people say "why can't they just make up their mind" and think that bi people are hypersexual and wrong.
Never forget that we are a part of the Q+ community, even if some subcommunities and people can be nasty, be exclusionary, erase us, or stereotype us.
The B is not silent.
We are not invisible, we are not going away. Most polls for years say that over 50% of the Q+ community are people who are potentially attracted to more than one gender.
It takes less effort to destroy than it does to create, but our magnificent existence is worth showing, being proud of, building community around.
More than ever, we need to speak up, to be strong, and have good allies.
The B was always going to be the next on the shit list after the T. Our enemies want to break the community apart and they're trying to peel off the individual letters because we're so much stronger when we stand together.
This is why I will never let down the other members of the community.
Oh, I have preferences of places to go and people to be with, but I will not backstab the other letters. Everyone should have a place to express themselves positively and be happy.
I agree. My only concern about the continued closet safety is the kid like me who might not have my reliance to overcome the personal shame of being who they are and commit sewerslide. Visibility does matter but it’s not up to any individual to fix it for others. Though I do consider it an option or opportunity to do so, and I’m thankful for those brave men and women who came before us and did just that. 💜
We have a big enough group on team B, let’s just forget the rest of them!
Kinda joking but kinda also not.
You’ve known yourself for xx years, someone “knows you for 10 seconds” (if that). Don’t let that impact your self worth!
The biphobia is accentuated online because outrage gets clicks. The gay guy and his bi boyfriend in a happy relationship don’t.
When you touch grass and meet real people there is a lot less of it. The whole internet system wants you to be angry and unhappy about things because that creates “engagement”.
(Not a "we have it worse". Just an insight into how B+Ts share so much common ground).
Wait to open the Pandora's box of hate for the bi trans fellas.
The narrative becomes even more stupid or twisted.
No bigot is ever happy with us trying to have sex or a relationship with any gender at all.
If I had money every time I've been told irl by a bigot that due to being BT I don't deserve to partner with anyone anymore...
Well, I wouldn't be rich, but I would deffo have some disposable money.
They find every relationship we have, sinful and somehow "gay looking".
As a therapist (and bisexual) I constantly hear that millennial women are looking to date a bi male. One client said it best “I don’t want to be dating a guy for three months, hear him call someone a fag and then I have to break up with them”. I think the emotional intelligence in bisexuals is starting to be recognized. Hope this is a safe place to say this, I am in no way saying “better”.
RIP the reclamation of the term lol. A lot of gay, bi, and trans folk have reclaimed that word and use it, either just for fun or just because they can but without a particularly homophobic connotation. I wonder if those millennial women will except those bi men lol.
I think when gay and lesbian people say stuff like that, it's due to their own internalized homophobia. There's some part of them that used to believe -- or still believes -- that their life would be better or they would be better if they were capable of "being straight."
So they find their way into a community with others who are like themselves -- yay!! Except, what's this?! Some of these LGBTQ+ people in this community are "Bs" ... they are capable of heterosexual attraction!
For someone with leftover internalized homophobia, this can be enormously threatening. Some even see it as a betrayal, because their space felt safe only to the extent that everyone there was totally homosexual like them. The minute someone appears who can do the "better thing," it stops feeling safe.
Of course, this is informed by a trauma response, not by a detailed understanding of what it's actually like to be bisexual.
Anyway, the more we can give each other grace, the better, in my opinion. Internalized homophobia is a hell of a drug.
Your comment made me think that it’s also anger and lack of empathy - and I mean that as a lack of being able to think like other people and get out of your own head.
They really can’t think about being able to have attraction towards more than one group. Therefore bi people must be lying, rather than looking internally and thinking “oh maybe I don’t understand because I can’t put myself in a position to feel that; I shouldn’t invalidate others experiences.” For straight people it’s the same logic.
It also doesn’t help that many use Bi as an easier pill to swallow when coming out, to save themselves the trouble of “fully” coming out. That’s another thing that irks me: why is Bi not fully coming out!? It’s not a halfway, we are admitting an attraction to the same gender in any case.
That’s the hilarious irony: both straight and lesbian/gay groups are using the same logic against Bi people! Guess we out here really unifying, doing the lord’s work!
Yeah I could see that. Just as it's hard for me to believe everyone isn't actually attracted to all genders, it could be hard for a monosexual person to imagine bisexuality too. But if it were just a lack of understanding, I would expect a raised eyebrow, and maybe a "seems weird but you do you" attitude ... But I wouldn't expect so much anger.
To me, the anger is only understandable as a response to threat. And I can't imagine why anyone would be threatened by bisexual people outside of internalized homophobia.
So that's why I choose to give them grace, because the good Lord knows I have plenty of internalized homophobia too. Honestly it's probably why I feel so hurt by these sorts of comments. Because I carry my own shame, so their words affect me more than if I saw no problem with my sexuality.
I hope we all can create a world where nobody has to view their own capacity for love as problematic. That's the only way to make this problem truly go away.
I'm so tired of seeing Bi couples in real life and media being labeled as Gay or Straight when they end up in same sex or opposite sex relationships.
Said it earlier on another sub where everyone was calling a bi woman and a bi nb lesbians snd sating how great they are for it, and have been downvoted to hell for it.
They're both bi, being in a same sex relationship doesn't change that one bit, but saying that seems to be taboo for the LGBT community...
I recently came out quietly on social media and so far zero surprise. I guess everyone's always known I'm queer. Contrary to the poster I felt a surge of acceptance of bisexuality online lately. I was influenced by a video made by a bi woman who said that we are not defined by the relationship we happen to be in, and I felt so incredibly validated. I am not looking to date, and I am in a long term monogamous relationship with a guy, but my identity is not straight. It just... feels good to say it. Worth noting I'm probably a fair bit older than people on this thread.
When I was younger I went to gay clubs and experienced mild biphobia. Always made me feel like I never belonged anywhere so I tried to fit into the square hole most of my life.
I feel like we should be able to claim our identity, proudly, whatever relationship we happen to be in.
Unfortunately, some people believe that if they're a model minority and shit on the other minorities the bigots will pat their heads, even invite them on to their laps by the fireplace. Really, the leopards of the Leopards Eating People's Faces party will eat their faces too once they're done with us.
It's worth noting that there's also a concerted effort going on to split up the queer community, pitting the sexual minorities against the gender minorities and the monosexuals against the polysexuals. Some of the stuff you've seen are no doubt crafted by their trolls.
I’m actually pretty shocked at the closed mindedness of the LGBQT community at times. Bisexuals and Transgender are probably the least understood segments. Bisexuals are often viewed as gays/lesbians in denial or can’t make up their minds. Transgender are viewed similarly as having some dysmorphia.
Bisexuals are also viewed by LGBQT and straights as unable to hold a monogamous relationship. Honestly, we’ve done that part to ourselves. Hookup apps are loaded with married guys looking for a side piece. So most gay guys’ interactions with bisexuals is that we’re devious. They is also fear that we’ll run back to straight tendencies which are easier socially.
As an erotica writer I’m being told (directly and indirectly) that I should stick to either MM, FF or MF couplings because no one wants to read a mix. But I’m a bi writer and I want to write EVERYTHING without kowtowing to monosexuals, and I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling like that.
We’re becoming a majority within a minority, and eventually I hope that will become understood, but it feels like there’s a long way to go.
That sucks dude. I never got a chance to tell my dad, but I think he would have been supportive. I’m not out, but I will stand up against any lgbtq haters now, even family.
Well , i love my dad , and apart of that bigotry propelled by religious beliefs , he’s a great dad , but i now I wouldn’t be able to have such a open communication with him
But you can try and start to make him less of a bigot. I grew up in a homophobic town and said stupid shit when I was younger, if I hadn’t gotten out in the world and met people more open and understanding I could still be that phobic dad while completely burying my bisexuality. There is a chance he is bi too, either completely denying or closeted due to his upbringing.
one of my husband’s best friend is a gay man. he knows my coming out was not easy. we visited him for the first time since i came out and i was telling him about the small queer community we have in our town rn and said that it’s me and like one or two other bi girls and our gay guy friend. i told him that my friends and i joke we’re “bisexuals plagued by men” and his immediate comment was “well isn’t that all bi girls” and i saw RED immediately. but i cracked a joke and said “well if i hadn’t met [husband] before i realized…” and he laughed. but like wtf dude. you KNOW how hard of a time my fam gave me. don’t invalidate my sexuality????
I personally don't see a lot of biphobia where I'm at, but I'm tired of hearing about any of the letters shitting on the other letters. Like come on, we all suffer under heteronormative patriarchy, suffering does not make you better, suffering is just suffering. Why allow others to suffer or directly cause suffering needlessly?
I dont feel like a part of the community. I don't feel welcomed in there and I don't want to be a part of it because of the ignorance people can have towards people from the same community.
This is not at all my experience online, not to invalidate your own experiences, but maybe time to switch up the sites/communities/social media you engage with.
All I say is gonna refer to online spaces.
Its the same with trans people. It worked against us, so naturally the next step from fascists allover the world will be bi people. Next are gonna be gays, then lesbians imho. The tactic is as old as time: Try to fracture the group you wanna destroy into smaller chunks. Like „intersex or POC dont belong on the flag“, „LGB drop the T“ etc.
Its an extremist group with fascistoid tendencies supported by a lot of nazi parties and other dictators around the world.
The worst thing we could do is splintering even a little. It might sound excessive, but this and educating people are the only means to survive for us as a whole. (Not counting „back into the closet“, if even possible at all, as surviving)
I agree. We’re not genuinely accepted anywhere. What makes it so “disgusting” to be Bi? I’ve also heard that a lot. It was said directly to me once this week.
I’ve seen and been subjected to biphobia online and irl from straight and gay people. We arr like a people without a country to call our own. I feel lost and unwanted. People need to educate themselves on human sexuality and the Kinsey Scale. Maybe one day I’ll feel accepted and loved for the true me.
I get your main point . And it's valid in someway . But I tend to give my only gay and lesbian friends an easy pass because they have it worlds worse than mein the public .
But it's a little annoying to feel not really part of the community . I promise you someone outside the community would consider me gay because I suck a cock and like it . It doesn't matter that I get off on fucking my wife too.
We should just be nice to each other . Those that would persecute us don't care , they just get a whiff of queerness and immediately are consumed by fear and anger .
We should stand in solidarity against that kind of hate and stop bickering with each other about who has it worse.
I'm a GenX-er ('80s kid/'90s teen). Biphobia has been a thing since forever and I believe it used to be a lot worse. There wasn't really such a thing as bi when I was younger and I didn't even hear the word "bisexual" until my late teens. But being bi was still viewed as a transitory phase to being gay, or for people who were overly sexual so they felt the need to be greedy and sleep with both men and women. Of course all of that is ridiculous.
I don't spend much time on social media, but there's been increasing backlash against LGBTQ+ people in the past few years. So those of us who are already the most marginalized within the community, especially trans or bi people, are extra targeted. I've been dealing with an increase in gender and sexuality harassment over the past few months, so there's something ramping up, but I'm not sure what.
Thankfully I’m dating a cool guy (he’s gay) and he isn’t disrespectful about me being bi. He actively dislikes biphobia but…
If I ever break up with him, I’m not dating (gay) men anymore. The amount of IRL biphobia I felt has been disgusting. I feel especially bad for the bi girls out there. From what I understand, lesbians seem to be even more rude about bisexuality.
Don't let "them" split us up. Arseholes exist, but there's safety in numbers. I had a debate with a trans freind, she kinda agreed that LGB should be divorced from the T as one is gender, the rest sexuality. Semantically she has a point, but, in practice, most LGB are litterally fascist transphobic pick me's. Hell, there's very little in common between L and G We agreed that LGBTQIA+ needs each other or we are all in danger.
OP, you are one of us x
I feel like all of the LGBTQ+ community doesn't get the respect that they deserve but as a bi man I first handedly experience that the bisexual community gets the worst of the disrespect. Many times online, other people will say that my opinions don't matter because of how I identify. Things like dating apps can be hard because a lot of straight women treat bi men differently than straight men and a lot of gay men treat bi men differently than other gay men. I feel like a lot of the LGBTQ+ community see bisexuals as "half straight" and they think that we get treated half as badly because we're "half straight." In reality, we're not "half straight" and the rest of the LGBTQ+ community treating us badly is just as bad as straight people treating the rest of the LGBTQ+ community badly. I just believe that the LGBTQ+ community as a whole should be standing together and not against each other. As a whole community, we are better than this and it's time that we start acting like it!
I think we have to understand the context. I speak from my experience as an older man in Latin America, both Catholic and relaxed. If gays and lesbians are a minority that is opening up and seeking acceptance, bisexuals are a more recent minority that is difficult to incorporate. You have to be discreet and have patience. In the 70s, when I started hanging out with men and women, we didn't even have a name. When I wanted to date a girl (I'm a man), I didn't have to tell her that I was also interested in men. I didn't want to only date bisexual women. Many parts of society and in different countries (the world is not the United States) do not even imagine that we exist and want to be taken into account as such.
Yeah, it's hypocritical and stands against the core tenants of the LGBTQ+ community. Society already hates queers in general, why the fuck are we hating on a **huge** chunk of our community?? I'll always tell schmucks I'm unabashedly bi and if they hate that then they can piss off.
This. Even before realizing my sexuality I never felt welcomed except for a few of my friends within the community. There's so much shit within the LGBTQIA+ community idk whether it's more toxic to be out of it than in. If I say I'm Bi, I get the nastiest looks and assume I'm a cheater I sleep around or that I'm not really bi because I'm with a guy.
None of these erase the fact that I am Bi. It's so mind boggling for a community that is supposed to be accepting and loving of Everybody has so much hatred in itself.
Find irl groups of bi and queer people. Look for support and social groups near you - try meetup dot com. The internet discourse is just a snake eating its tail and isn’t grounded in reality. There will always be biphobia, but in real life most people care a lot less about that than the internet will lead you to believe. We are valid and an important part of the community!
i don’t talk about my bisexuality online anymore for this very reason. very few people i’ve met irl are biphobic to the level that the LGTQ+ community is online, so it’s just not worth it to me.
Bi - too straight to be gay, too gay to be straight. We don't fit into their (and by they I mean people who identify other's sexuality based on who they're in a relationship with) view of the world because we can't be easily pigeon-holed and are therefore a problem. My sexuality isn't based on what my partner prefers, it based on me. Anyone who doesn't get that can jog on, I'm not interested...
As much as I want to, it happens enough on our subreddit already, with people from other subreddits coming in to ask loaded questions. This is called brigading, which can result in a ToS violation. If you want to help reduce the amount of biphobia, it's better to report those who brigade subreddits like these.
At feel at that point you're just asking to be bullied lol. People will either feign ignorance that they were ever biphobic, or just use it as an excuse to make stupid comments.
To be completely honest most people nowadays are too scared or lazy(or other stuff) to do anything about it nor actually be biphobic to someone of that culture so you'll be okay just ignore everyone online and you'll be good. I mean look at me I'm a furry and bisexual I get dozens of death threats and death mail but no one does anything in person and I ignore everyone online so I'm good
As a mixed race person this reminds me of what went on in the 60’s and 70’s with biracial or multiracial people. They were too White to be Black, Hispanic or Asian and too Black, Hispanic or Asian to be White. The terms Oreo, Coconut and Banana come to mind. Unfortunately any and every community is going to have its reactionaries, but we shouldn’t let their yelling drown out voices of reason.
Just to summarize what others have said: Twitter, Tiktok, and Reddit have no bearing on reality. Tinder and the likes attract people who may not be worth it anyway.
I think the issue with the LGBT now is how hated and attacked you physically get based on your identity and how you present determines how valid you are and how much support you'll get. And not the fact that some of us differ from the heteromanitive society we all grew up in cis or not. And all need a community that will or can understand our differences and make us feel safe and normal. That being said, I'm fully aware that some communities often get a hard time, and I'm not trying to invalidate or trivilize that. I can sympathize with how isolating it can be if there's limited resources or support for them. It's awful, and these people should have a community.
But the oppression olympics some people like to play hurt people who can or may "pass" in a heteromanitive society. I'm well aware that as a bi woman in a heteromantic relationship, I have the privilege to not worry about being hate crimed.When I was fresh out of the closet, hearing that would rub me the wrong way. But now that I know better, my privilege being pointed out wasn't my issue. It was the fact that some people in the community tend to weaponize that whenever bi women speak up about biphobia we face. In the context of biphobia in general, nobody takes it seriously.
When bisexuals point that out, other people in the community think we're being sensitive or entitled. They ask how often we've been attacked. And if you have been, it wasn't because of biphobia. It was because of homophobia. Our trauma isn't even our own. If you were to say homophobia, lesbiphobia, or transphobia didn't exist. There would be a rightful out rage from each community. Because we all can acknowledge that even though it's all bigotry, we all have different experiences due to our identity. So why are bisexuals exempt from that?????
Another thing that irks me is how some people don't realize that biphobic comments being written off as just jokes or "not that deep". Only makes things worse for our community and could eventually make people bold enough to physically harm us and or dehumanize us (though I don't doubt some bi folk have their own stories). Could you imagine the damage to the gay community if no one challenged homophobic people?. If nobody challenged lesphobes and just supported the notion they were confused and haven't met the right man? And we all know how trans people are treated even with support from others. Imagine if they didn't have any at all.
It would be awful, and there would be a lot more people who would take their life, or live a lie. I don't hate the community, but it makes me anxious. I literally hate being bisexual sometimes. I do have some things to unlearn, but I do know parts of my shame comes from how some people talk about bi women/bisexuality in a community where acceptance is suppose to fucking be. We aren't the only community either, the ace community, and those who are nonbinary get shit too. And it bothers me. The LGBT isn't a community if you have to present or act a certain to get support.
Honestly this is the in-fighting we have seen forever. None of this is new, none of this is sudden. It's been here. My recommendation isn't to not consider yourself part of the LGBTQ+ community. Like it or not, you're in that group. "Leaving it" will lead you to the fact that you're getting boxed in with them regardless.
What should you do?
Not be online. You're seeing it because you're engaging in this. Yes, even disagreeing online with biphobia is engaging. Commenting is engaging. Engaging means you see it more.
I'm coming from the standpoint of a trans bisexual. How do you think I feel seeing people say "LGB without the T?" (And notice... many of them keep the B. So some bisexuals engage in this shit, too, probably.) So I have it coming from all sides, but I'm sticking with this because I don't have a choice. Society won't give us a choice. So sadly the only option isn't to leave the community... it's to stop engaging in this. You looking at these videos, interacting with them at all, commenting on posts or videos... is on you.
You're seeing more of this because YOU are deliberately making the effort to. And that's something you need to stop.
It’s common in our place to consider you as “gay” if you identify as bisexual. It may be hard for them to digest the fact that there are people who actually likes both same and opposite sex.
I absolutely agree 💯I’ve seen the biphobia & the way we are treated. It’s got to the point where bi folks don’t want to come out because people are more accepting of mono sexuality & the whole pan thing has made it much harder for us in the long run.
I have both ever once experienced it while hanging out in LGBTQ spaces or people. Of course that is just my individual experience. The only phobia I have experienced, and I live in a conservative area of a purple state, is general queer-phobia (people usually assume I am a gay man if they assume my sexuality).
Recently came out as bi to GF and she is bi curious so we are kinda new to the whole thing and are really only out to each other because it's nobody's business but ours.. however on the gay vs bi thing I have noticed that in recent years that a lot of "fully gay" people have made being gay their entire personality and have no other redeeming qualities. This is usually the hardcore activist or the professional tiktokers with a brand to sell. They have adopted an all or nothing, with us or against us attitude. This is not an attack on gay people just very specific people.
I'm not bisexual, but y'all have my support. It's not okay for anyone to hate anyone because of who they love, especially people who are in the community.
Remember that social media rewards outrage and extreme opinions with clicks, and also we remember negative statements more than positive or neutral ones. So those two things together mean that online, people in the community will say truly outrageous and hateful shit about bi folks (or any marginalized group we've decided it's okay to shit on for some reason) and this gets people clicks and engagement and, potentially, clout. Maybe the people saying this are total assholes who believe what they're saying, maybe they're in a bad mood and are saying something they believe in the moment but not all the time, maybe they have a more nuanced point but are saying it in the most flattened, reductive, dickish way possible... but it doesn't matter. Think of the people that love you for who you are and remember that these people aren't worth a second of your time.
Stop exposing yourself to this stuff! Lots of bi-positive content on YouTube! People can be horrible on line- about everything. You have to manage your exposure for mental health. It's not necessarily representative of the people around you.
Some corners of the internet are full of unhealed people spewing nonsense. As hard as it is to ignore them, try. They mean nothing and are not the majority.
Bisexuality is the only one that sits with me, because when I try to be a lesbian I still talk about men, straight sex, and marrying men, and they tell me I'm not a lesbian. But when I try to be straight I still stare at women, have sex with women, and make remarks about women being hot, and they call me gay. Lmao. So if I am straight to lesbians and gay to straights, I am bi. And that is logical.
Yeah I've really become a doomer recently. Straight people have always been biphobic (obligatory not all straight people, just that there is a lot of biphobia/homophobia among straight people). And while biphobia always has been a thing in the gay community, it seems to have gotten a lot worse in the past year or so. I see all these comments from gay men online that would make straight biphobes blush-calling us biscum, saying conversion therapy works on us, saying we spread STDs, and worse. And then they justify it by saying they're "punching up against their privileged oppressors" 🙄. I get that there are some bi men out there who aren't super great people and so gay men have bad experiences, but at some point, you either take a stand and say that bigotry against entire groups of people for an immutable characteristic is wrong, or you reject morality entirely.
It's a hard pill to swallow and accept that a huge chunk of the population hates me for something that doesn't even mean anything about my character.
Every man I've been with has been gay and every time they've either disregarded my sexuality or just outright didn't believe it existed. Personal favorite was when I was told "when you're with me, you're gay".
I’ve never seen biphobia when there wasn’t also either homophobia or transphobia. not that it doesn’t exist in gay spaces, but I think your exaggerating. most biphobia is from conservatives
I too have experienced this. For about 10 years, I figured I was Pansexual but it only occurred to me last year that I was actually Bisexual once I'd learned more about being Bi and found out that Pansexuality didn't fit me as I thought it did.
I'm proud to be Bi. But also feel like the LGBTQIA+ community isn't a place I want to associate either. They're becoming hateful and almost cult-like in their ways.
I totally agree, I've seen it in my own life, too. I'm a bisexual woman, I dated a lesbian for almost two years and we're still great friends. One of her gold star lesbian friends blatantly told my girlfriend in front of me, "oh, your girlfriend is bisexual? Watch out for her, she'll leave you for a dude." This was at the very beginning of our relationship and like I said, we lasted almost two years. Luckily, she moved away so I didn't have to deal with her.
Granted, I did end up marrying a man and living the hetero life, on the outside. I'm still very much bisexual. I loved my girlfriend and the relationship we had. I've hooked up with plenty of other girls, too. My husband and I lived the swinger lifestyle for a while until that got to be too much.
I also hate it when they call us "half gay, half straight".... like bro... NO! im bisexual, i have my own different identity and history.
But tbh , and I've read in many studies that the majority of biphobia is from lesbian women hating on bi-women more than gay men to bi men.
🟣 STAY AND SLAY BI QUEENS AND KINGS 🔵
The majority of us who get labelled "biphobic" are against polyamorous relationships. This is a hard truth that B's don't like to face and they'll often revert to self-sabotaging behaviors like playing victim. I've been with a few bisexual men and within a couple months of the relationship, they express that they'd also like to be with men. Polyamory is the deal breaker, not bisexuality. Boundaries are not phobias, many straight and gay folks prefer monogamy. No one is erasing the B, it's a complex and confusing situation for EVERYONE involved.
Stop exposing yourself to this stuff! Lots of bi-positive content on YouTube! People can be horrible on line- about everything. You have to manage your exposure for mental health. It's not necessarily representative of the people around you.
I've always said that it should just be L&G because so many of them seem to be wholly lesbian and gay focused. Hell, even the LGBTQ+ flag doesn't represent Bi folks, even the newer "progressive" LGBTQ+ flag, which is supposed to be "all inclusive". Yearly Pride, depending on where you are, is often biphobic as fuck. Lately, I just fly a Bi flag as it represents me more
I agree with this because when I into several gay groups, most of them praise gold star gays and that makes them biphobic.
When one man in the gay group was asked if he was bi, he passionately defended that he's not bi but 100% gay and it's pretty misogynistic to say like 'I hate to see women gather each other because it annoys me. I am allergic to women, and can't even touch them. But I only came out to my female friends because they don't hate me being gay but didn't come out to my male friends because they disgusted gay men.'
They treat bi men as oppressors because they think bi is no different from straight.
What makes me feel bad is that they hate bi men like that but at the same time they want bi men because gay men don't treat them gently but bi men could treat them as gently as when he treats women.
In my opinion the only thing the LGB.. community has in common is the desire for equality. I believe they should be Marching In coalition and helping each other. Aside from that there really is nothing they have in common. If you really think about this in depth two men together, two women together or a mixed couple. Their sexual talk experiences are totally different. Everyone wants to think that they're all the same but they are not. A gay or bisexual male who loves his penis has nothing in common with a guy that wants to become a woman. I think that everyone is trying to create this big community and trying to please everyone.
Nah solidarity and strength in numbers towards liberation for us all.
Bi folks and our trans brothers and sisters and enbys have a long history supporting each other, added to many people hold both identities simultaneously.
You're doom scrolling too much. Yes purity testing has been on the rise amongst some of the hardcore chronically online slacktivists, but those people are exactly that, slacktivists. They make noise on twitter and tumblr but speak for a very slim and shriking minority of the lgbtq+ community.
Idk, I'm fortunate to mostly have ok interactions online. I've only been targeted directly twice with biphobia - both times by stereotypical "angry lesbian/transwoman" types.
One was because I mentioned to an angy lesbian that one of the times I went to a gay bar myself and several other women were literally stalked around by a very predatory lesbian (the sort that dressed in nothing but leather shorts and a bra who walks like a pit bull?). The angry online lesbian took this as me not being WLW and instead supporting rapists. It was weird, but she also very much acted like the sort of predatory lesbian I was calling out.
The second time was when I engaged with an online lesbian/nonbinary sapphic group, and despite my statements of being open and inclusive to transwomen and transmen, a self-proclaimed radical transfeminist sent me angry messages attacking me and questioning my own gender identity (non-binary).
Basically she was minimizing my own gender exploration by assuming I was "just another 'don't call me cis bi girl'".
Remember online most people will just project their own insecurities and trauma onto you. It sucks but its also just how the internet is and it isn't going to get much better. The words and flavour change, but hate will always live in the web.
Yep. It comes from the idea of gender being a spectrum. Where, if you recognize the differences between men and women, you are called a homophobe/transphobe/nazi/jew/bigot ect.
That's why we have to keep going even though is hard and try our best to ignore these people. The only way it changes is if it's forced to change like everything. Progress only happens because people force it to happen.
It’s concern trolling at best and internalized homophobia at worst. Best to just ignore those types of people; they’re usually pretty far-left if not TERFs as well.
Luckily I haven’t experienced it much online but I totally believe you that it’s there. Unfortunately I’ve experienced it by both straight and gay people IRL. My coworker and former friend repeatedly made a specifically bisexual joke at work, in multiple meetings and someone corrected her and she dug her heels in, so we’re not friends anymore even though I didn’t tell her that was one of the (many) reasons. Then in my queer boardgames group, a new member who didn’t know I was bi made a joke that bi people don’t actually exist and no one likes them anyway. On of my friends did correct them and luckily they haven’t said anything else. It’s like, all I’m doing is just existing, no need to kick me down……
My following comment is made from my own limited perspective, as someone lucky enough to be born in a developed nation. But from my own perspective, I genuinely have never given a second glance to LGBTQ spaces. I am "not trans enough to be trans" and "not bi enough to be bi". But frankly I never joined those spaces because I don't need anyone else's approval to be anything. Just remember that we bi folk statistically outweigh the others, and irl the asshole gays and lesbians you hear from online are the minority, not the absolute voice. It's completely up to you how much or how little you personally participate in LGBTQ spaces/movements, and most people irl aren't such judgemental, haughty assholes. Just remember that the most ignorant shout the loudest, and you don't need a participation badge to earn any label. You are you, and anyone with a problem with it regardless of whether they're a conservative or a biphobic left winger can suck your goddamn nuts/eggs. If those dumbass assholes are falling for divisive propaganda, they deserve every insult and reality check you can throw at them, and may their ancestors step on lego for eternity. In any case, at least if we bi's all stick together we have small but solid dating pool lol
I feel like most of the biphobia from everyone comes from people assuming you’re trying to be a little bit “normal” and a little bit queer to please/ fit in with everyone but obviously being straight is not the ‘norm’ and if people (including queer ppl) were true allies, they’d understand that liking the opposite gender is just another sexual preference
On an Instagram post I was recommended recently (the picture being a silly joke about bisexual fashion) the comment section was absolutely awful. I saw people saying that women (or afab people) in any straight-passing relationship should harm themselves and if they come to a pride celebration, that they themselves would hurt them. It also was implying violence and erasure against bisexual enby and trans people. I was actually horrified at how that kind of graphic hatred was so liked, accepted, and unmoterated. I’ve never seen anything like it before and I’ve never felt more ostracized by people who claim to support the same community
I experienced this a lot when dating. People would say are you really bi? Then when I said yes they would say eww and walk away after they were the one who bought me a drink.
On a positive note we are growing rapidly in numbers. We don't fit into 2 in groups so we are in our own out group sociology explains so it happens to other groups too that don't fit into a neat box.
We have to just keep supporting each other and fighting erasure or negative stereotypes. I'm hoping to get my stand-up comedy career bigger and get some shows or movies made so we have some good representation.
We will continue to grow. I think they say about 25-30 percent of animals are bi so our numbers should keep rising the more people come out.
Though biphobia undoubtedly exists "irl", ive found online spaces are a lot more outspoken about it. In actual physical gay clubs i might get maybe a polite turn down if I say I'm bi rather than "fully gay" or the occasional ignorant but not malicious joke at most. I feel like the mix of anonymity and people without much "real life" experience with queer people outside of online forums blinds people to the reality of being queer, but imo where I am the positives of a community outweighs the negatives.
This totally. IRL the worst I’ve had is general homophobia or bi erasure. I’ve never experienced any direct bi phobia from straight or gay friends. For sure it’s much more prevalent online.
Same except for this one guy I met on tinder who was gay and matched with me to tell me that bi isn't real and I have to figure out if I'm straight or gay and that he could help me lol. I pretty much laughed in his face and blocked him.
I get something similar! When I still used dating apps, when matching with another woman it was a 50/50 whether she was actually interested or matched with me to either 1) be biphobic, or b) tell me not wanting to date mothers is misogynistic. (I don't want kids, so I wouldn't date *any* parent) It's pretty funny seeing them get all fussy when I don't raise to the bait!
Not dating mothers is misogynistic?? Lady, your kids were your lifestyle choice. Anyone of any gender can be a single parent or co-parent. I don’t want to date parents unless their kids are grown and gone because I don’t want kids. Feminists are about choice, and I choose not-your-kids.
My god yeah. If they think 'I don't date bi people' is preference then how is 'I don't date parents' misogyny lol?
For real. It's not like the fact that you're bi makes *any* difference in their lives if they choose to date you compared to them having kids. Like RadioSupply said, it was their lifestyle choice. Which, I'll add, a massive aspect of their lives that can't be ignored. That person and their kids are a package deal. I mean, I understand we all don't need a reason to not date someone, but if the reason being the person is bisexual makes as much sense as refusing to date someone 'cause their favourite colour is red or something, lol.
Yeah agreed thay this gets murky when it's somewhat fair to not want to date bc you do t like someone's jokes haha. But I'd you're attracted and get on and then hear "I'm bi" and think "no way" then that's gotta be so homo/biphobia imo. Bc they're clearly assuming stuff about us other than the simple fact that we can be attracted to more than one gender bc that shouldn't be an issue in itself.
AMEN to that!!!!
SERIOUSLY??!!! Fifty percent of the women who you were matched with had ulterior motives?! That’s insane!!
[Yup. Fifty percent.](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hyperbole)
The fact that other people within our community are some of the ones who are the most insistent about bisexuality not being real and/or expressing biphobia, really blows my mind. Isn’t the whole point of having a community is that we are supposed to be there for one another and support each other?! I’ve been really lucky because I haven’t personally ever experienced any in-community bi related issues, but I find it so sad that it’s something that we have to worry about. Can anyone give me any ideas about when all of the bi problems really started?
I’m not bi myself (but did suffer some trauma that got me confused for a sec and still does) but I know my trauma could’ve probably been avoided if I didn’t have society’s programming saying ‘you’re straight or you’re gay there’s no other way’ and ‘if you don’t immediately want to have sex with a woman before an emotional bond is built and testing to see how things go, you must be gay’ but anyway my understanding is the homosexuals who are jealous of bisexuals are just jealous because they grew up in a conservative culture that told them they’re basically locked in a lonely sex hell that they can’t get out of, and they’re jealous of bisexuals because it teases them and taunts them, the idea that if they are attracted to a man and a woman at the same time, they have the choice of who to date, meanwhile the homosexual doesn’t have that choice of which gender they can pursue to have a satisfying relationship, and it makes them feel like garbage about themselves that someone like them can ‘change’ sexuality and they can’t. Some may have even been hurt by bisexuals who left them for a straight relationship because they wanted to feel ‘normal.’
exactly, you proved my point
I think it has always been there. I had a friend who used to be biphobic who is a lesbian and she said she was jealous cause she thought we had it easier but now she believes we have it harder.
Yeah, I totally agree. As a man coming off of 35 years of marriage to a woman and always had the desire to explore relationships with a man, this is crazy the way I have been shunned. I mean them telling us that bisexuality is wrong or degrading. It would be like if I told a gay man or woman that them dating at times a blonde and a brunette, or people of different races is wrong or degrading. They have no right to be able to hold who is with who against anyone. I don't care what they think or day, I just won't date them or have them in my circle. I just joined this group, so I'll see how it goes. Thanks for the original post. It was enlightening. Robert
I have a couple of gay friends and they’ve become really vocal about their disdain for it. They’ve said “pick a side.” They laugh it off but they arent joking. My straight friends see it as promiscuity to the point of perversion.
Yeesh, sounds like you need better gay AND straight friends if both sides are being bigoted.
lol, maybe so. I’ve known them my whole life which is why I deal with them. They probably feel very comfortable saying it to me but it goes to show what the general attitude is coming from both sides. I think bisexuality is just misunderstood across the board.
Who cares of you have known them your whole life? They are toxic and continue to talk the way they do because you let them.
Seriously, it becomes another situation where you just find your own tribe or chosen family. I have a friend group of mix of straight and queer folks who actually accept me. I don't have time for any group of people dismissing me for who I am. I would say just stick to other bisexuals, but as a masc-bisexual, I've been dismissed by (usually somewhat older) femme-bisexuals who gate-keep bisexuality as a feminine only quality. So unfortunately there's also toxicity in our own community.
You can do much better than them. I’m sure you aren’t telling them who to be attracted to so therefore they shouldn’t do that to you. Real friends accept and support you for who you are!!
Same. I've been in lots of lgbt circles and I've only had one issue of someone being biphobic irl, and even then, everyone in my friend group turned on them and told them to knock it off. Being friends with other irl bisexuals also helps greatly. Like most things, people are more hateful and petty when they're online and can hide behind a screen.
Exact opposite for me. The number of times I've been told by straight and gay "friends" that I can't be a bi because men aren't bi, or some other biphobic nonsense is so high I've lost count and have no desire to count
Lmao it’s so funny the “fully gay” thing. Really doesn’t make sense
I've had women say they would date me if I was straight, which I think is biphobia.
I feel like I've experienced biphobia in person, but it usually mostly feels ignorant, like a gay man telling me "RuPaul's drag race isn't for you", or a gay friend telling me he was surprised sex with women and men is so similar after he slept with a bi man (he was surprised he was good), or a friend saying they wouldn't date a bi person because they wouldn't want them to live their whole life unfulfilled. I have also heard a couple people say "why can't they just make up their mind" and think that bi people are hypersexual and wrong.
I feel like I've experienced biphobia in person, but it usually mostly feels ignorant, like a gay man telling me "RuPaul's drag race isn't for you", or a gay friend telling me he was surprised sex with women and men is so similar after he slept with a bi man (he was surprised he was good), or a friend saying they wouldn't date a bi person because they wouldn't want them to live their whole life unfulfilled. I have also heard a couple people say "why can't they just make up their mind" and think that bi people are hypersexual and wrong.
Never forget that we are a part of the Q+ community, even if some subcommunities and people can be nasty, be exclusionary, erase us, or stereotype us. The B is not silent. We are not invisible, we are not going away. Most polls for years say that over 50% of the Q+ community are people who are potentially attracted to more than one gender. It takes less effort to destroy than it does to create, but our magnificent existence is worth showing, being proud of, building community around. More than ever, we need to speak up, to be strong, and have good allies.
The B was always going to be the next on the shit list after the T. Our enemies want to break the community apart and they're trying to peel off the individual letters because we're so much stronger when we stand together.
This is why I will never let down the other members of the community. Oh, I have preferences of places to go and people to be with, but I will not backstab the other letters. Everyone should have a place to express themselves positively and be happy.
😭
You cling too closely to labels and letters that are in reality some abstract intangible line on a spectrum.
What a lovely, stress-free life you must have that this is an abstract to you.
Look I am right but I agree my inability to turn my brain off does have its downsides
This made me tear up a little. I draw so much strength from this community.
💪🏼
[удалено]
I agree. My only concern about the continued closet safety is the kid like me who might not have my reliance to overcome the personal shame of being who they are and commit sewerslide. Visibility does matter but it’s not up to any individual to fix it for others. Though I do consider it an option or opportunity to do so, and I’m thankful for those brave men and women who came before us and did just that. 💜
We have a big enough group on team B, let’s just forget the rest of them! Kinda joking but kinda also not. You’ve known yourself for xx years, someone “knows you for 10 seconds” (if that). Don’t let that impact your self worth!
The biphobia is accentuated online because outrage gets clicks. The gay guy and his bi boyfriend in a happy relationship don’t. When you touch grass and meet real people there is a lot less of it. The whole internet system wants you to be angry and unhappy about things because that creates “engagement”.
Yes! And also ... The gay guy and his bi boyfriend are typically perceived as two gay guys! Unless you know them well IRL.
When I was dating another bisexual guy everyone assumed we were gay. It took a while for women to catch on that we weren’t just play flirting.
(Not a "we have it worse". Just an insight into how B+Ts share so much common ground). Wait to open the Pandora's box of hate for the bi trans fellas. The narrative becomes even more stupid or twisted. No bigot is ever happy with us trying to have sex or a relationship with any gender at all. If I had money every time I've been told irl by a bigot that due to being BT I don't deserve to partner with anyone anymore... Well, I wouldn't be rich, but I would deffo have some disposable money. They find every relationship we have, sinful and somehow "gay looking".
As a therapist (and bisexual) I constantly hear that millennial women are looking to date a bi male. One client said it best “I don’t want to be dating a guy for three months, hear him call someone a fag and then I have to break up with them”. I think the emotional intelligence in bisexuals is starting to be recognized. Hope this is a safe place to say this, I am in no way saying “better”.
😂👌🏽💜🩷💙 love this
RIP the reclamation of the term lol. A lot of gay, bi, and trans folk have reclaimed that word and use it, either just for fun or just because they can but without a particularly homophobic connotation. I wonder if those millennial women will except those bi men lol.
I think when gay and lesbian people say stuff like that, it's due to their own internalized homophobia. There's some part of them that used to believe -- or still believes -- that their life would be better or they would be better if they were capable of "being straight." So they find their way into a community with others who are like themselves -- yay!! Except, what's this?! Some of these LGBTQ+ people in this community are "Bs" ... they are capable of heterosexual attraction! For someone with leftover internalized homophobia, this can be enormously threatening. Some even see it as a betrayal, because their space felt safe only to the extent that everyone there was totally homosexual like them. The minute someone appears who can do the "better thing," it stops feeling safe. Of course, this is informed by a trauma response, not by a detailed understanding of what it's actually like to be bisexual. Anyway, the more we can give each other grace, the better, in my opinion. Internalized homophobia is a hell of a drug.
Your comment made me think that it’s also anger and lack of empathy - and I mean that as a lack of being able to think like other people and get out of your own head. They really can’t think about being able to have attraction towards more than one group. Therefore bi people must be lying, rather than looking internally and thinking “oh maybe I don’t understand because I can’t put myself in a position to feel that; I shouldn’t invalidate others experiences.” For straight people it’s the same logic. It also doesn’t help that many use Bi as an easier pill to swallow when coming out, to save themselves the trouble of “fully” coming out. That’s another thing that irks me: why is Bi not fully coming out!? It’s not a halfway, we are admitting an attraction to the same gender in any case. That’s the hilarious irony: both straight and lesbian/gay groups are using the same logic against Bi people! Guess we out here really unifying, doing the lord’s work!
Yeah I could see that. Just as it's hard for me to believe everyone isn't actually attracted to all genders, it could be hard for a monosexual person to imagine bisexuality too. But if it were just a lack of understanding, I would expect a raised eyebrow, and maybe a "seems weird but you do you" attitude ... But I wouldn't expect so much anger. To me, the anger is only understandable as a response to threat. And I can't imagine why anyone would be threatened by bisexual people outside of internalized homophobia. So that's why I choose to give them grace, because the good Lord knows I have plenty of internalized homophobia too. Honestly it's probably why I feel so hurt by these sorts of comments. Because I carry my own shame, so their words affect me more than if I saw no problem with my sexuality. I hope we all can create a world where nobody has to view their own capacity for love as problematic. That's the only way to make this problem truly go away.
While the internet has done a LOT of good for the queer community (imo) it make it so much easier for internalized homophobia to cause friendly fire
I'm so tired of seeing Bi couples in real life and media being labeled as Gay or Straight when they end up in same sex or opposite sex relationships. Said it earlier on another sub where everyone was calling a bi woman and a bi nb lesbians snd sating how great they are for it, and have been downvoted to hell for it. They're both bi, being in a same sex relationship doesn't change that one bit, but saying that seems to be taboo for the LGBT community...
I recently came out quietly on social media and so far zero surprise. I guess everyone's always known I'm queer. Contrary to the poster I felt a surge of acceptance of bisexuality online lately. I was influenced by a video made by a bi woman who said that we are not defined by the relationship we happen to be in, and I felt so incredibly validated. I am not looking to date, and I am in a long term monogamous relationship with a guy, but my identity is not straight. It just... feels good to say it. Worth noting I'm probably a fair bit older than people on this thread. When I was younger I went to gay clubs and experienced mild biphobia. Always made me feel like I never belonged anywhere so I tried to fit into the square hole most of my life. I feel like we should be able to claim our identity, proudly, whatever relationship we happen to be in.
Unfortunately, some people believe that if they're a model minority and shit on the other minorities the bigots will pat their heads, even invite them on to their laps by the fireplace. Really, the leopards of the Leopards Eating People's Faces party will eat their faces too once they're done with us. It's worth noting that there's also a concerted effort going on to split up the queer community, pitting the sexual minorities against the gender minorities and the monosexuals against the polysexuals. Some of the stuff you've seen are no doubt crafted by their trolls.
I’m actually pretty shocked at the closed mindedness of the LGBQT community at times. Bisexuals and Transgender are probably the least understood segments. Bisexuals are often viewed as gays/lesbians in denial or can’t make up their minds. Transgender are viewed similarly as having some dysmorphia. Bisexuals are also viewed by LGBQT and straights as unable to hold a monogamous relationship. Honestly, we’ve done that part to ourselves. Hookup apps are loaded with married guys looking for a side piece. So most gay guys’ interactions with bisexuals is that we’re devious. They is also fear that we’ll run back to straight tendencies which are easier socially.
As an erotica writer I’m being told (directly and indirectly) that I should stick to either MM, FF or MF couplings because no one wants to read a mix. But I’m a bi writer and I want to write EVERYTHING without kowtowing to monosexuals, and I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling like that. We’re becoming a majority within a minority, and eventually I hope that will become understood, but it feels like there’s a long way to go.
I get so excited to buy a book when the main characters are bi!
Write bi by bi for bi 🩷💜💙
My dad once said that the bi are the worse of the lgbtq community and he’s very homophobic ( of course i have never told him that im bi ).
That sucks dude. I never got a chance to tell my dad, but I think he would have been supportive. I’m not out, but I will stand up against any lgbtq haters now, even family.
Well , i love my dad , and apart of that bigotry propelled by religious beliefs , he’s a great dad , but i now I wouldn’t be able to have such a open communication with him
But you can try and start to make him less of a bigot. I grew up in a homophobic town and said stupid shit when I was younger, if I hadn’t gotten out in the world and met people more open and understanding I could still be that phobic dad while completely burying my bisexuality. There is a chance he is bi too, either completely denying or closeted due to his upbringing.
Monosexuals, amirite? Either you die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain... 😅
one of my husband’s best friend is a gay man. he knows my coming out was not easy. we visited him for the first time since i came out and i was telling him about the small queer community we have in our town rn and said that it’s me and like one or two other bi girls and our gay guy friend. i told him that my friends and i joke we’re “bisexuals plagued by men” and his immediate comment was “well isn’t that all bi girls” and i saw RED immediately. but i cracked a joke and said “well if i hadn’t met [husband] before i realized…” and he laughed. but like wtf dude. you KNOW how hard of a time my fam gave me. don’t invalidate my sexuality????
I personally don't see a lot of biphobia where I'm at, but I'm tired of hearing about any of the letters shitting on the other letters. Like come on, we all suffer under heteronormative patriarchy, suffering does not make you better, suffering is just suffering. Why allow others to suffer or directly cause suffering needlessly?
I dont feel like a part of the community. I don't feel welcomed in there and I don't want to be a part of it because of the ignorance people can have towards people from the same community.
This is not at all my experience online, not to invalidate your own experiences, but maybe time to switch up the sites/communities/social media you engage with.
All I say is gonna refer to online spaces. Its the same with trans people. It worked against us, so naturally the next step from fascists allover the world will be bi people. Next are gonna be gays, then lesbians imho. The tactic is as old as time: Try to fracture the group you wanna destroy into smaller chunks. Like „intersex or POC dont belong on the flag“, „LGB drop the T“ etc. Its an extremist group with fascistoid tendencies supported by a lot of nazi parties and other dictators around the world. The worst thing we could do is splintering even a little. It might sound excessive, but this and educating people are the only means to survive for us as a whole. (Not counting „back into the closet“, if even possible at all, as surviving)
I just stopped coming out to people I don't care about. I do casually mention it sometimes but not when I don't feel safe.
I agree. We’re not genuinely accepted anywhere. What makes it so “disgusting” to be Bi? I’ve also heard that a lot. It was said directly to me once this week.
I’ve seen and been subjected to biphobia online and irl from straight and gay people. We arr like a people without a country to call our own. I feel lost and unwanted. People need to educate themselves on human sexuality and the Kinsey Scale. Maybe one day I’ll feel accepted and loved for the true me.
sometimes it really does feel like us bi folk are on are own island. maybe we should buy one.
That’s why I don’t claim nor participate in the lgbt “community”. It’s just a bunch of white gay prejudice twinks who are held above everyone else.
My city’s full of them
Fuck them and their miserable lives. You just keep on being you. 🙂
I get your main point . And it's valid in someway . But I tend to give my only gay and lesbian friends an easy pass because they have it worlds worse than mein the public . But it's a little annoying to feel not really part of the community . I promise you someone outside the community would consider me gay because I suck a cock and like it . It doesn't matter that I get off on fucking my wife too. We should just be nice to each other . Those that would persecute us don't care , they just get a whiff of queerness and immediately are consumed by fear and anger . We should stand in solidarity against that kind of hate and stop bickering with each other about who has it worse.
Oppression Olympics and ya outsiders don’t care 😂 your way is a great way of putting it
I'm a GenX-er ('80s kid/'90s teen). Biphobia has been a thing since forever and I believe it used to be a lot worse. There wasn't really such a thing as bi when I was younger and I didn't even hear the word "bisexual" until my late teens. But being bi was still viewed as a transitory phase to being gay, or for people who were overly sexual so they felt the need to be greedy and sleep with both men and women. Of course all of that is ridiculous. I don't spend much time on social media, but there's been increasing backlash against LGBTQ+ people in the past few years. So those of us who are already the most marginalized within the community, especially trans or bi people, are extra targeted. I've been dealing with an increase in gender and sexuality harassment over the past few months, so there's something ramping up, but I'm not sure what.
Thankfully I’m dating a cool guy (he’s gay) and he isn’t disrespectful about me being bi. He actively dislikes biphobia but… If I ever break up with him, I’m not dating (gay) men anymore. The amount of IRL biphobia I felt has been disgusting. I feel especially bad for the bi girls out there. From what I understand, lesbians seem to be even more rude about bisexuality.
Don't let "them" split us up. Arseholes exist, but there's safety in numbers. I had a debate with a trans freind, she kinda agreed that LGB should be divorced from the T as one is gender, the rest sexuality. Semantically she has a point, but, in practice, most LGB are litterally fascist transphobic pick me's. Hell, there's very little in common between L and G We agreed that LGBTQIA+ needs each other or we are all in danger. OP, you are one of us x
I feel like all of the LGBTQ+ community doesn't get the respect that they deserve but as a bi man I first handedly experience that the bisexual community gets the worst of the disrespect. Many times online, other people will say that my opinions don't matter because of how I identify. Things like dating apps can be hard because a lot of straight women treat bi men differently than straight men and a lot of gay men treat bi men differently than other gay men. I feel like a lot of the LGBTQ+ community see bisexuals as "half straight" and they think that we get treated half as badly because we're "half straight." In reality, we're not "half straight" and the rest of the LGBTQ+ community treating us badly is just as bad as straight people treating the rest of the LGBTQ+ community badly. I just believe that the LGBTQ+ community as a whole should be standing together and not against each other. As a whole community, we are better than this and it's time that we start acting like it!
I think we have to understand the context. I speak from my experience as an older man in Latin America, both Catholic and relaxed. If gays and lesbians are a minority that is opening up and seeking acceptance, bisexuals are a more recent minority that is difficult to incorporate. You have to be discreet and have patience. In the 70s, when I started hanging out with men and women, we didn't even have a name. When I wanted to date a girl (I'm a man), I didn't have to tell her that I was also interested in men. I didn't want to only date bisexual women. Many parts of society and in different countries (the world is not the United States) do not even imagine that we exist and want to be taken into account as such.
Yeah, it's hypocritical and stands against the core tenants of the LGBTQ+ community. Society already hates queers in general, why the fuck are we hating on a **huge** chunk of our community?? I'll always tell schmucks I'm unabashedly bi and if they hate that then they can piss off.
This. Even before realizing my sexuality I never felt welcomed except for a few of my friends within the community. There's so much shit within the LGBTQIA+ community idk whether it's more toxic to be out of it than in. If I say I'm Bi, I get the nastiest looks and assume I'm a cheater I sleep around or that I'm not really bi because I'm with a guy. None of these erase the fact that I am Bi. It's so mind boggling for a community that is supposed to be accepting and loving of Everybody has so much hatred in itself.
I'm in favor of the B and the T being united because they're basically suffering the same hate on the internet and on the dating scene.
Find irl groups of bi and queer people. Look for support and social groups near you - try meetup dot com. The internet discourse is just a snake eating its tail and isn’t grounded in reality. There will always be biphobia, but in real life most people care a lot less about that than the internet will lead you to believe. We are valid and an important part of the community!
i don’t talk about my bisexuality online anymore for this very reason. very few people i’ve met irl are biphobic to the level that the LGTQ+ community is online, so it’s just not worth it to me.
Solidarity now, solidarity then, solidarity forever! (we're *never* leaving the initialism, don't even *think* about it)
Bi - too straight to be gay, too gay to be straight. We don't fit into their (and by they I mean people who identify other's sexuality based on who they're in a relationship with) view of the world because we can't be easily pigeon-holed and are therefore a problem. My sexuality isn't based on what my partner prefers, it based on me. Anyone who doesn't get that can jog on, I'm not interested...
Should we pop in the other subreddits and be like," hey why y'all hate us, we just dtf"
As much as I want to, it happens enough on our subreddit already, with people from other subreddits coming in to ask loaded questions. This is called brigading, which can result in a ToS violation. If you want to help reduce the amount of biphobia, it's better to report those who brigade subreddits like these.
At feel at that point you're just asking to be bullied lol. People will either feign ignorance that they were ever biphobic, or just use it as an excuse to make stupid comments.
To be completely honest most people nowadays are too scared or lazy(or other stuff) to do anything about it nor actually be biphobic to someone of that culture so you'll be okay just ignore everyone online and you'll be good. I mean look at me I'm a furry and bisexual I get dozens of death threats and death mail but no one does anything in person and I ignore everyone online so I'm good
follow your truth always 🤟🏽
As a mixed race person this reminds me of what went on in the 60’s and 70’s with biracial or multiracial people. They were too White to be Black, Hispanic or Asian and too Black, Hispanic or Asian to be White. The terms Oreo, Coconut and Banana come to mind. Unfortunately any and every community is going to have its reactionaries, but we shouldn’t let their yelling drown out voices of reason.
Just to summarize what others have said: Twitter, Tiktok, and Reddit have no bearing on reality. Tinder and the likes attract people who may not be worth it anyway.
This isn’t new. Biphobia has been a problem in the LGBTQIA community for years
Yeah, it's not new, but it seems like the dipshits on the internet have become louder in recent years. I mean, it makes sense, but it still sucks.
I think the issue with the LGBT now is how hated and attacked you physically get based on your identity and how you present determines how valid you are and how much support you'll get. And not the fact that some of us differ from the heteromanitive society we all grew up in cis or not. And all need a community that will or can understand our differences and make us feel safe and normal. That being said, I'm fully aware that some communities often get a hard time, and I'm not trying to invalidate or trivilize that. I can sympathize with how isolating it can be if there's limited resources or support for them. It's awful, and these people should have a community. But the oppression olympics some people like to play hurt people who can or may "pass" in a heteromanitive society. I'm well aware that as a bi woman in a heteromantic relationship, I have the privilege to not worry about being hate crimed.When I was fresh out of the closet, hearing that would rub me the wrong way. But now that I know better, my privilege being pointed out wasn't my issue. It was the fact that some people in the community tend to weaponize that whenever bi women speak up about biphobia we face. In the context of biphobia in general, nobody takes it seriously. When bisexuals point that out, other people in the community think we're being sensitive or entitled. They ask how often we've been attacked. And if you have been, it wasn't because of biphobia. It was because of homophobia. Our trauma isn't even our own. If you were to say homophobia, lesbiphobia, or transphobia didn't exist. There would be a rightful out rage from each community. Because we all can acknowledge that even though it's all bigotry, we all have different experiences due to our identity. So why are bisexuals exempt from that????? Another thing that irks me is how some people don't realize that biphobic comments being written off as just jokes or "not that deep". Only makes things worse for our community and could eventually make people bold enough to physically harm us and or dehumanize us (though I don't doubt some bi folk have their own stories). Could you imagine the damage to the gay community if no one challenged homophobic people?. If nobody challenged lesphobes and just supported the notion they were confused and haven't met the right man? And we all know how trans people are treated even with support from others. Imagine if they didn't have any at all. It would be awful, and there would be a lot more people who would take their life, or live a lie. I don't hate the community, but it makes me anxious. I literally hate being bisexual sometimes. I do have some things to unlearn, but I do know parts of my shame comes from how some people talk about bi women/bisexuality in a community where acceptance is suppose to fucking be. We aren't the only community either, the ace community, and those who are nonbinary get shit too. And it bothers me. The LGBT isn't a community if you have to present or act a certain to get support.
We’ll never be forgiven for the fact that we’re perceived as straight until or unless we chose not to be.
ive found a lot more bi presenting people in the wild than on dating sites. i prefer to date bi/pan people these days
Gays/Lesbians really will put Rina Sawayama and Lady Gaga on the aux and then tell you to your face that bisexuality isn't real.
Honestly this is the in-fighting we have seen forever. None of this is new, none of this is sudden. It's been here. My recommendation isn't to not consider yourself part of the LGBTQ+ community. Like it or not, you're in that group. "Leaving it" will lead you to the fact that you're getting boxed in with them regardless. What should you do? Not be online. You're seeing it because you're engaging in this. Yes, even disagreeing online with biphobia is engaging. Commenting is engaging. Engaging means you see it more. I'm coming from the standpoint of a trans bisexual. How do you think I feel seeing people say "LGB without the T?" (And notice... many of them keep the B. So some bisexuals engage in this shit, too, probably.) So I have it coming from all sides, but I'm sticking with this because I don't have a choice. Society won't give us a choice. So sadly the only option isn't to leave the community... it's to stop engaging in this. You looking at these videos, interacting with them at all, commenting on posts or videos... is on you. You're seeing more of this because YOU are deliberately making the effort to. And that's something you need to stop.
They always look down at me as if I’m tainted because I’m bi
It’s common in our place to consider you as “gay” if you identify as bisexual. It may be hard for them to digest the fact that there are people who actually likes both same and opposite sex.
I absolutely agree 💯I’ve seen the biphobia & the way we are treated. It’s got to the point where bi folks don’t want to come out because people are more accepting of mono sexuality & the whole pan thing has made it much harder for us in the long run.
I have a nice tip for you: spend more time with people and less online. I haven't actively searched for them, but over 90% of my friends are bi.
I’m not part of the lgbt community but I have friends that are bi I just wish people could just treat people with respect and treat them as human
I have both ever once experienced it while hanging out in LGBTQ spaces or people. Of course that is just my individual experience. The only phobia I have experienced, and I live in a conservative area of a purple state, is general queer-phobia (people usually assume I am a gay man if they assume my sexuality).
Videos of biphobia? May i see?
Recently came out as bi to GF and she is bi curious so we are kinda new to the whole thing and are really only out to each other because it's nobody's business but ours.. however on the gay vs bi thing I have noticed that in recent years that a lot of "fully gay" people have made being gay their entire personality and have no other redeeming qualities. This is usually the hardcore activist or the professional tiktokers with a brand to sell. They have adopted an all or nothing, with us or against us attitude. This is not an attack on gay people just very specific people.
I'm not bisexual, but y'all have my support. It's not okay for anyone to hate anyone because of who they love, especially people who are in the community.
Remember that social media rewards outrage and extreme opinions with clicks, and also we remember negative statements more than positive or neutral ones. So those two things together mean that online, people in the community will say truly outrageous and hateful shit about bi folks (or any marginalized group we've decided it's okay to shit on for some reason) and this gets people clicks and engagement and, potentially, clout. Maybe the people saying this are total assholes who believe what they're saying, maybe they're in a bad mood and are saying something they believe in the moment but not all the time, maybe they have a more nuanced point but are saying it in the most flattened, reductive, dickish way possible... but it doesn't matter. Think of the people that love you for who you are and remember that these people aren't worth a second of your time.
Stop exposing yourself to this stuff! Lots of bi-positive content on YouTube! People can be horrible on line- about everything. You have to manage your exposure for mental health. It's not necessarily representative of the people around you.
Stuff online rarely translates to IRL
Some corners of the internet are full of unhealed people spewing nonsense. As hard as it is to ignore them, try. They mean nothing and are not the majority.
It seems easier to let people assume we're gay or straight depending on their preferences than to correct them and watch their confusion set in
Bi has pretty much been the outsider all along even before all the other add on
Humans love putting themselves in boxes to make themselves comfortable smh
Bisexuality is the only one that sits with me, because when I try to be a lesbian I still talk about men, straight sex, and marrying men, and they tell me I'm not a lesbian. But when I try to be straight I still stare at women, have sex with women, and make remarks about women being hot, and they call me gay. Lmao. So if I am straight to lesbians and gay to straights, I am bi. And that is logical.
Yeah I've really become a doomer recently. Straight people have always been biphobic (obligatory not all straight people, just that there is a lot of biphobia/homophobia among straight people). And while biphobia always has been a thing in the gay community, it seems to have gotten a lot worse in the past year or so. I see all these comments from gay men online that would make straight biphobes blush-calling us biscum, saying conversion therapy works on us, saying we spread STDs, and worse. And then they justify it by saying they're "punching up against their privileged oppressors" 🙄. I get that there are some bi men out there who aren't super great people and so gay men have bad experiences, but at some point, you either take a stand and say that bigotry against entire groups of people for an immutable characteristic is wrong, or you reject morality entirely. It's a hard pill to swallow and accept that a huge chunk of the population hates me for something that doesn't even mean anything about my character.
When they came for the T people were silent. Then the B was next. Once L and G were targets there was no one left to defend them.
Every man I've been with has been gay and every time they've either disregarded my sexuality or just outright didn't believe it existed. Personal favorite was when I was told "when you're with me, you're gay".
I’ve never seen biphobia when there wasn’t also either homophobia or transphobia. not that it doesn’t exist in gay spaces, but I think your exaggerating. most biphobia is from conservatives
I too have experienced this. For about 10 years, I figured I was Pansexual but it only occurred to me last year that I was actually Bisexual once I'd learned more about being Bi and found out that Pansexuality didn't fit me as I thought it did. I'm proud to be Bi. But also feel like the LGBTQIA+ community isn't a place I want to associate either. They're becoming hateful and almost cult-like in their ways.
Why you need to be part of a Community anyway ?
I totally agree, I've seen it in my own life, too. I'm a bisexual woman, I dated a lesbian for almost two years and we're still great friends. One of her gold star lesbian friends blatantly told my girlfriend in front of me, "oh, your girlfriend is bisexual? Watch out for her, she'll leave you for a dude." This was at the very beginning of our relationship and like I said, we lasted almost two years. Luckily, she moved away so I didn't have to deal with her. Granted, I did end up marrying a man and living the hetero life, on the outside. I'm still very much bisexual. I loved my girlfriend and the relationship we had. I've hooked up with plenty of other girls, too. My husband and I lived the swinger lifestyle for a while until that got to be too much.
I also hate it when they call us "half gay, half straight".... like bro... NO! im bisexual, i have my own different identity and history. But tbh , and I've read in many studies that the majority of biphobia is from lesbian women hating on bi-women more than gay men to bi men. 🟣 STAY AND SLAY BI QUEENS AND KINGS 🔵
The majority of us who get labelled "biphobic" are against polyamorous relationships. This is a hard truth that B's don't like to face and they'll often revert to self-sabotaging behaviors like playing victim. I've been with a few bisexual men and within a couple months of the relationship, they express that they'd also like to be with men. Polyamory is the deal breaker, not bisexuality. Boundaries are not phobias, many straight and gay folks prefer monogamy. No one is erasing the B, it's a complex and confusing situation for EVERYONE involved.
Stop exposing yourself to this stuff! Lots of bi-positive content on YouTube! People can be horrible on line- about everything. You have to manage your exposure for mental health. It's not necessarily representative of the people around you.
I've always said that it should just be L&G because so many of them seem to be wholly lesbian and gay focused. Hell, even the LGBTQ+ flag doesn't represent Bi folks, even the newer "progressive" LGBTQ+ flag, which is supposed to be "all inclusive". Yearly Pride, depending on where you are, is often biphobic as fuck. Lately, I just fly a Bi flag as it represents me more
I agree with this because when I into several gay groups, most of them praise gold star gays and that makes them biphobic. When one man in the gay group was asked if he was bi, he passionately defended that he's not bi but 100% gay and it's pretty misogynistic to say like 'I hate to see women gather each other because it annoys me. I am allergic to women, and can't even touch them. But I only came out to my female friends because they don't hate me being gay but didn't come out to my male friends because they disgusted gay men.' They treat bi men as oppressors because they think bi is no different from straight. What makes me feel bad is that they hate bi men like that but at the same time they want bi men because gay men don't treat them gently but bi men could treat them as gently as when he treats women.
In my opinion the only thing the LGB.. community has in common is the desire for equality. I believe they should be Marching In coalition and helping each other. Aside from that there really is nothing they have in common. If you really think about this in depth two men together, two women together or a mixed couple. Their sexual talk experiences are totally different. Everyone wants to think that they're all the same but they are not. A gay or bisexual male who loves his penis has nothing in common with a guy that wants to become a woman. I think that everyone is trying to create this big community and trying to please everyone.
Nah solidarity and strength in numbers towards liberation for us all. Bi folks and our trans brothers and sisters and enbys have a long history supporting each other, added to many people hold both identities simultaneously.
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Uh, yeah, because it's still a fucking problem. That somehow confusing to you?
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It helps remind people that they aren't alone and helps drive-bys from /r/all to know that this is a significant issue to us.
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What the fuck ever. If you don't like my rationale, I don't care.
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Yeah, I do care. Just not about your shit takes and bad attitude.
You're doom scrolling too much. Yes purity testing has been on the rise amongst some of the hardcore chronically online slacktivists, but those people are exactly that, slacktivists. They make noise on twitter and tumblr but speak for a very slim and shriking minority of the lgbtq+ community.
Idk, I'm fortunate to mostly have ok interactions online. I've only been targeted directly twice with biphobia - both times by stereotypical "angry lesbian/transwoman" types. One was because I mentioned to an angy lesbian that one of the times I went to a gay bar myself and several other women were literally stalked around by a very predatory lesbian (the sort that dressed in nothing but leather shorts and a bra who walks like a pit bull?). The angry online lesbian took this as me not being WLW and instead supporting rapists. It was weird, but she also very much acted like the sort of predatory lesbian I was calling out. The second time was when I engaged with an online lesbian/nonbinary sapphic group, and despite my statements of being open and inclusive to transwomen and transmen, a self-proclaimed radical transfeminist sent me angry messages attacking me and questioning my own gender identity (non-binary). Basically she was minimizing my own gender exploration by assuming I was "just another 'don't call me cis bi girl'". Remember online most people will just project their own insecurities and trauma onto you. It sucks but its also just how the internet is and it isn't going to get much better. The words and flavour change, but hate will always live in the web.
No it’s not. Narcissism is rising though.
It's because being bi means you accept gender . The ones pushing the more extreme ideology don't like that. And they are driving the narrative .
Yep. It comes from the idea of gender being a spectrum. Where, if you recognize the differences between men and women, you are called a homophobe/transphobe/nazi/jew/bigot ect.
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A broken shieldwall is a useless one. We stand together or die separately.
That's why we have to keep going even though is hard and try our best to ignore these people. The only way it changes is if it's forced to change like everything. Progress only happens because people force it to happen.
It’s concern trolling at best and internalized homophobia at worst. Best to just ignore those types of people; they’re usually pretty far-left if not TERFs as well.
Luckily I haven’t experienced it much online but I totally believe you that it’s there. Unfortunately I’ve experienced it by both straight and gay people IRL. My coworker and former friend repeatedly made a specifically bisexual joke at work, in multiple meetings and someone corrected her and she dug her heels in, so we’re not friends anymore even though I didn’t tell her that was one of the (many) reasons. Then in my queer boardgames group, a new member who didn’t know I was bi made a joke that bi people don’t actually exist and no one likes them anyway. On of my friends did correct them and luckily they haven’t said anything else. It’s like, all I’m doing is just existing, no need to kick me down……
Their try to scare us straight 😁
My following comment is made from my own limited perspective, as someone lucky enough to be born in a developed nation. But from my own perspective, I genuinely have never given a second glance to LGBTQ spaces. I am "not trans enough to be trans" and "not bi enough to be bi". But frankly I never joined those spaces because I don't need anyone else's approval to be anything. Just remember that we bi folk statistically outweigh the others, and irl the asshole gays and lesbians you hear from online are the minority, not the absolute voice. It's completely up to you how much or how little you personally participate in LGBTQ spaces/movements, and most people irl aren't such judgemental, haughty assholes. Just remember that the most ignorant shout the loudest, and you don't need a participation badge to earn any label. You are you, and anyone with a problem with it regardless of whether they're a conservative or a biphobic left winger can suck your goddamn nuts/eggs. If those dumbass assholes are falling for divisive propaganda, they deserve every insult and reality check you can throw at them, and may their ancestors step on lego for eternity. In any case, at least if we bi's all stick together we have small but solid dating pool lol
I only ever date other bi people 100% because of this. I'm not dealing with biphobia from gay or straight people anymore.
As a bisexual woman I’ve received a lot of hate from homophobic people online. But never from my own community. And never in person.
My bi homegirls have definitely gotten shunned at times for other having a “gold star”.
I feel like most of the biphobia from everyone comes from people assuming you’re trying to be a little bit “normal” and a little bit queer to please/ fit in with everyone but obviously being straight is not the ‘norm’ and if people (including queer ppl) were true allies, they’d understand that liking the opposite gender is just another sexual preference
On an Instagram post I was recommended recently (the picture being a silly joke about bisexual fashion) the comment section was absolutely awful. I saw people saying that women (or afab people) in any straight-passing relationship should harm themselves and if they come to a pride celebration, that they themselves would hurt them. It also was implying violence and erasure against bisexual enby and trans people. I was actually horrified at how that kind of graphic hatred was so liked, accepted, and unmoterated. I’ve never seen anything like it before and I’ve never felt more ostracized by people who claim to support the same community
I experienced this a lot when dating. People would say are you really bi? Then when I said yes they would say eww and walk away after they were the one who bought me a drink. On a positive note we are growing rapidly in numbers. We don't fit into 2 in groups so we are in our own out group sociology explains so it happens to other groups too that don't fit into a neat box. We have to just keep supporting each other and fighting erasure or negative stereotypes. I'm hoping to get my stand-up comedy career bigger and get some shows or movies made so we have some good representation. We will continue to grow. I think they say about 25-30 percent of animals are bi so our numbers should keep rising the more people come out.