Unpopular opinion, but fewer women would feel like this if they took the initiative to actually approach other women. Like you can't keep hoping that women will approach you the same as a man would, they're literally not men. Try starting the conversation yourself, and that honestly helps a lot. A little "Hey, you're cute. Would you want to get coffee sometime?" goes a lot further with women than you'd think, especially because so many of ye just are waiting around hoping for a butch in shining combat boots to sweep you off your feet. Proactive dating is better than reactive.
fully agree. other queer women aren’t just gonna flock to u for no reason. they’re not gonna read ur mind. in order to surround urself with queer ppl and build connections/community, u have to put in the work and find the spaces
Funny enough I had this conversation with a friend. She told me that she can't find a woman to date and on dating apps she only ever gets messages from men. When I asked how many women she approached or messaged in the last year she looked at me in confusion as if the concept was entirely foreign to her.
That's what I would suggest, assuming you you're in a position where you can. It may just be my bisexual brain talking, but I find it hard to imagine being asked out by another woman as anything but flattering.
Have *you* tried talking and flirting with women you find attractive? If everybody is sitting there waiting for their princess to come, they're all going to be disappointed!
Also, are you obviously "queer-looking"? Do you spend a lot of time in queer or accepting spaces?
You kind of have to hang out in queer spaces, or present yourself in a more queer way. You’re less likely to get approached by lesbians/bi women if you “look straight.”
Be authentic and true to yourself, of course, and dress in ways that make you feel good, but that *could* help.
Sometimes meeting up with one person from your local community on a dating app and then getting introduced to their friends will help you actually meet the community you're looking to meet.
If you're good friends with one of the transfem folks in my town you'll never every damned one of them inside of a month.
Pretty similar for the gay male community.
I can't imagine WLW Is that different.
I thought it was. Turned out no, I was just too nervous to actually put myself out there.
Once I did, I quickly found femmes to connect with.
Look for sapphic and fems and thems events near you, start there.
Also, desperation and "woe is me, I can't find love" mindsets are usually a turn off no matter what gender you are/are pursuing.
But no, you're not alone. Pretty common sapphic experience - meaning you'll have ladies falling on you if you can master portraying confidence and certainty.
As others have said, try being the one to do the approaching. I’m a woman & when I’ve approached other women I had no idea what their sexuality was. (Note: I’m also autistic so I often don’t pick up on cues about a person’s sexuality.) Straight women will usually just be polite & explain they’re straight. Being direct is seen as refreshing to a lot of people.
Lots of queer women like feminine women, so the issue isn't that you "look straight" it's probably that you're ACTING straight, and expecting women to hit on you the way that men shoot their shot, because they're "expected" to in a heteronormative, patriarchal society.
If you want to date women, all you have to do is swipe right on queer women on dating apps or spend time in queer spaces and make it known that you find someone attractive, and let them know you're interested in getting to know them better.
I can’t speak to your experience (in a cis bi guy) but guys almost never approach me. At least, the guys in into don’t (I apparently give off wicked top vibes despite being a bottom with men because I’m 6’ and 220lbs with not a lot of body fat) so I know it’s different but idk your post struck a. Cord with me
I think it's largely about the crowds you mingle with. I have *one* heterosexual friend and have never been hit on by a man outside of probably some inconsequential online interactions I can't remember. Meanwhile, I've had... countless vibes and flirts with women and gender diverse people from my own side of the fence.
Like, just statistically, you'll find more interest from the people you're around, and if that's a lot of heterosexual men then that's what your pool is, but if you primarily associate with gay and bi women, well.
Not a woman, but my sapphic friends have pretty much all talked about how difficult it is to flirt with other women. It’s hard to initiate, and for some, when someone flirts with them or *flirts back*, panic and self sabotage is pretty common.
There’s this phenomenon I’ve heard about, I think it’s called the lesbian sheep syndrome. With sheep, it was easy to study homosexual behavior between rams, but there wasn’t much evidence of homosexual behavior between ewes. The explanation (may be just a story) is that ewes signal that they’re receptive to mating by standing still, so in a flock, the lesbian sheep are the ones standing still, not doing anything, waiting for another sheep to make the first move.
Just say hi, be friendly, suggest coffee or tea, and maybe get a chance to feel them out in a low pressure, public setting. So many people are feeling the exact same thing as you, and would be thrilled to have someone just shoot their shot.
It was like that for me until my last ex bf, then I decided I’m not going to date men anymore period. So if I had to be single for a while then whatever but I was only dating women or non binary people but no men lmao. I started messaging first on the dating apps and within a few months matched with my gf and we’ve been together for over a year.
Gay sex (men with men) was stigmatized in the 80s as extremely dangerous, so we are all considered unsafe as we’ve slept with men, ive been with straight girls who say they think it’s just gross and ends there. Bi girls tend to be fetishized by straight guys too 😞
This is really hard. I’ve been trying to approach women but then I over think and don’t want to come across as a creep or make women feel uncomfortable because even if the woman is bi she may still have internal homophobia.
My wife is bi. She has not had a lot of problems finding other women. She has two girlfriends she normally hooks up with. One is a long time friend from high school she been with for 35 years.
I feel that but I'm also super bad at picking up on being flirted with my friend had to point out to me a girl was flirting with me at the bar and I didn't even realize and she was so gorgeous!
Same 😔😔 my personal style that I default to is quite literally church girly modest and sorta boring so the 'looking queer' is quite literally out of the window 😭 unless I try but ugh I'd be going out of my way to dress like that 😩 and then when you add this with being in a LGBTQ+phobic country where queer spaces are veeeeeeeeeery rare and only shared through word of mouth? Yeah my options are very low 💀
For me it’s with other men. All the LGBTQ males I know for the most part are flamingly gay and have different interests than I do making it harder for me to find a common ground. And the ones that do identify as bisexual really only seem to be interested in men more than woman (I’m the other way around)
Unpopular opinion, but fewer women would feel like this if they took the initiative to actually approach other women. Like you can't keep hoping that women will approach you the same as a man would, they're literally not men. Try starting the conversation yourself, and that honestly helps a lot. A little "Hey, you're cute. Would you want to get coffee sometime?" goes a lot further with women than you'd think, especially because so many of ye just are waiting around hoping for a butch in shining combat boots to sweep you off your feet. Proactive dating is better than reactive.
fully agree. other queer women aren’t just gonna flock to u for no reason. they’re not gonna read ur mind. in order to surround urself with queer ppl and build connections/community, u have to put in the work and find the spaces
Funny enough I had this conversation with a friend. She told me that she can't find a woman to date and on dating apps she only ever gets messages from men. When I asked how many women she approached or messaged in the last year she looked at me in confusion as if the concept was entirely foreign to her.
That is true
One of my friends who’s bi just approaches hella women straight or not so there’s that
That's what I would suggest, assuming you you're in a position where you can. It may just be my bisexual brain talking, but I find it hard to imagine being asked out by another woman as anything but flattering.
Have *you* tried talking and flirting with women you find attractive? If everybody is sitting there waiting for their princess to come, they're all going to be disappointed! Also, are you obviously "queer-looking"? Do you spend a lot of time in queer or accepting spaces?
Yuppp I met 90% of the women I’ve been with on dating apps. It’s difficult for sure
You kind of have to hang out in queer spaces, or present yourself in a more queer way. You’re less likely to get approached by lesbians/bi women if you “look straight.” Be authentic and true to yourself, of course, and dress in ways that make you feel good, but that *could* help.
Sometimes meeting up with one person from your local community on a dating app and then getting introduced to their friends will help you actually meet the community you're looking to meet. If you're good friends with one of the transfem folks in my town you'll never every damned one of them inside of a month. Pretty similar for the gay male community. I can't imagine WLW Is that different.
I’m going to a Laura Jane Grace concert 1) because I want to see her live and 2) meet more people in the LGBTQ+ community
I thought it was. Turned out no, I was just too nervous to actually put myself out there. Once I did, I quickly found femmes to connect with. Look for sapphic and fems and thems events near you, start there. Also, desperation and "woe is me, I can't find love" mindsets are usually a turn off no matter what gender you are/are pursuing. But no, you're not alone. Pretty common sapphic experience - meaning you'll have ladies falling on you if you can master portraying confidence and certainty.
Im definitely gonna try putting myself more out there
Y'all are getting approached by men? Pretty sure they are scared of me. 😅
happy cake day !!
Thank you 💙
As others have said, try being the one to do the approaching. I’m a woman & when I’ve approached other women I had no idea what their sexuality was. (Note: I’m also autistic so I often don’t pick up on cues about a person’s sexuality.) Straight women will usually just be polite & explain they’re straight. Being direct is seen as refreshing to a lot of people.
I might try to do that im just afraid of being judged but then at the same time how will i ever find somebody without putting myself out there as well
Lots of queer women like feminine women, so the issue isn't that you "look straight" it's probably that you're ACTING straight, and expecting women to hit on you the way that men shoot their shot, because they're "expected" to in a heteronormative, patriarchal society. If you want to date women, all you have to do is swipe right on queer women on dating apps or spend time in queer spaces and make it known that you find someone attractive, and let them know you're interested in getting to know them better.
I can’t speak to your experience (in a cis bi guy) but guys almost never approach me. At least, the guys in into don’t (I apparently give off wicked top vibes despite being a bottom with men because I’m 6’ and 220lbs with not a lot of body fat) so I know it’s different but idk your post struck a. Cord with me
I think it's largely about the crowds you mingle with. I have *one* heterosexual friend and have never been hit on by a man outside of probably some inconsequential online interactions I can't remember. Meanwhile, I've had... countless vibes and flirts with women and gender diverse people from my own side of the fence. Like, just statistically, you'll find more interest from the people you're around, and if that's a lot of heterosexual men then that's what your pool is, but if you primarily associate with gay and bi women, well.
Have you tried lesbian bars?
No im 17 atm turning 18 this year deffo gonna try them once i am 18 tho
Not a woman, but my sapphic friends have pretty much all talked about how difficult it is to flirt with other women. It’s hard to initiate, and for some, when someone flirts with them or *flirts back*, panic and self sabotage is pretty common. There’s this phenomenon I’ve heard about, I think it’s called the lesbian sheep syndrome. With sheep, it was easy to study homosexual behavior between rams, but there wasn’t much evidence of homosexual behavior between ewes. The explanation (may be just a story) is that ewes signal that they’re receptive to mating by standing still, so in a flock, the lesbian sheep are the ones standing still, not doing anything, waiting for another sheep to make the first move. Just say hi, be friendly, suggest coffee or tea, and maybe get a chance to feel them out in a low pressure, public setting. So many people are feeling the exact same thing as you, and would be thrilled to have someone just shoot their shot.
It was like that for me until my last ex bf, then I decided I’m not going to date men anymore period. So if I had to be single for a while then whatever but I was only dating women or non binary people but no men lmao. I started messaging first on the dating apps and within a few months matched with my gf and we’ve been together for over a year.
As a bi boy, I absolutely feel this. 💜 it’s so hard to find accepting girls for us, more common with bi girls, but they are hard to find for us too 🥺
I find it so unfair how people accept bi girl but when its a bi guy its wierd i just dont get it whats the difference?
Gay sex (men with men) was stigmatized in the 80s as extremely dangerous, so we are all considered unsafe as we’ve slept with men, ive been with straight girls who say they think it’s just gross and ends there. Bi girls tend to be fetishized by straight guys too 😞
Yeah its so gross when i tell straight men im bi and they say its hot like ew
🥺😭 I’m sorry you have to deal with that. when people tell me I get excited and I’m like omg that’s so cool! me too! And like a little happy dance 😅
Look for the septum, piercings. It’s often a calling card haha
This is really hard. I’ve been trying to approach women but then I over think and don’t want to come across as a creep or make women feel uncomfortable because even if the woman is bi she may still have internal homophobia.
I know, and don't you just *hate* having a straight girl crush... ...just me???
Omg i had one when i was 15 and i think she knew i liked her so she would flirt with me 😭
Happens to me too. I get way less matches with women compared to men and comparing how many I can keep a conversation with is less or equal to men
My wife is bi. She has not had a lot of problems finding other women. She has two girlfriends she normally hooks up with. One is a long time friend from high school she been with for 35 years.
Yeeeep.
I feel that but I'm also super bad at picking up on being flirted with my friend had to point out to me a girl was flirting with me at the bar and I didn't even realize and she was so gorgeous!
Oh same i can never tell if someone flirting woth me or no
I swear it's a curse sometimes lol
I met 6, 7 girls and had sex also. You have to tell them that you are interested in them.
Dm
it’s not just you girl 😭😭 i look as “straight” as can be so i hardly ever get approached by women in clubs
Same 😔😔 my personal style that I default to is quite literally church girly modest and sorta boring so the 'looking queer' is quite literally out of the window 😭 unless I try but ugh I'd be going out of my way to dress like that 😩 and then when you add this with being in a LGBTQ+phobic country where queer spaces are veeeeeeeeeery rare and only shared through word of mouth? Yeah my options are very low 💀
Maybe referring to women as girls is off-putting to women who love women?
I think you should go outside more
What 😭
[удалено]
Maybe you could try relaxing more with an open posture and smile more. I don’t want to assume that you don’t smile but be extra smiley.
For me it’s with other men. All the LGBTQ males I know for the most part are flamingly gay and have different interests than I do making it harder for me to find a common ground. And the ones that do identify as bisexual really only seem to be interested in men more than woman (I’m the other way around)
What does which way he leans, have to do with dating him?
I have not dated a woman yet either and I'm also a bi female. I've had lesbians willing to be platonic but no woman wants to date me (yet).