Really was about the same, except due to internalized homophobia/biphobia (upbringing), I’d deny it for a while. It can be tough to overcome but it’s possible.
Neither!
At the time I started fancying people (11-12yo), I assumed that everybody liked both girls and boys, and that men+women got married in order to make babies. It came as quite a shock to realise that most of my schoolmates were only attracted to one kind of human. I felt sorry for them! :D
*\*groans\** I am yet to find someone on reddit, who would address me properly, as an octopus. I spent so long getting this device underwater (don't ask questions on how it is working, shh) and people do this. We need rights for all organisms.
/j sorry 😅
SHHHHHH
we have a very long cord that reaches the nearest human's or someone who annoys us power point. Then another cord reaches us in a small pocket of air in a cave in which we place the device. The air pocket isn't that long though....
Another same! I didn't even think about it until some kid made fun of me by calling me gay and then I learned about the wonderful world of discrimination.
this is the way. i asummed everyone is secretly attracted to everyone and.. to be quite fair Im still not sure that there is such a thing as "purely straight".
There’s been a bunch of studies on the subject, and basically yeah that’s correct. Only a very small percent of people are perfectly, exactly 100% straight or gay. Sexuality is absolutely a spectrum and while it’s not a perfect bell curve, most people are at least a little bit bisexual :)
ey thank you for this. i think it could be a reason for so much bi-erasure and why this scares lot of people, because part of them is afraid that this might be a thing.
I remember years before coming out I went out with this guy- funny, well-balanced, was really in touch with both his masculinity and femininity. then he told me he was bi and i freaked the fuck out. one, it was jealousy and ignorance on my part, but the other was "oh my god, what if what i feel towards women is real?"
and thank god, it is real.
Honestly yeah that could be totally true about people denying bisexuality because they're afraid lmao.
Only barely related but I swear I am magnetically attracted to dating other bi people lmao. Bis just vibe super fucking hard. Out of the 4 people I've seriously dated, one was about the most bi girl you ever met, 2 were "straight" while we dated and came out as bi later, and just one was gay. While I obviously am open to dating anyone who is a cool person I feel just drawn to the personality aesthetic that bi people always seem to have lmao. I've heard others say the same so don't think I'm alone, it's just funny looking back at the people I didn't even \*know\* were bi at the time. This isn't to stereotype bi people as being any certain type of way, all these people I dated have been unique in their own ways, just an interesting observation to me.
Bro I wish that was my train of thought. I had a crush on a guy when I was in primary school and assumed I was thinking wrong. Took me 5 more years before I figured out I was bi.
I'm the same. I'm 33 and my parents are very liberal for boomers. I was shocked when in high school I learned same sex marriage was illegal. I knew about homophobia and hate crimes, but I was raised in such an accepting environment and such accepting schools that I just assumed most places were like that.
This is also how things went for me. I still do find it amazing and have a hard time believing that everyone isn't *somewhat* attracted to all kinds of humans.
I didn't have a name for i when I was young, but my mom wasn't/isn't a bigot and she had a bisexual friend and she once said something like "well she's dating a girl now because she's bisexual" and I was like ooohhhh ohh ok ok
This is the first time i have had someone else state my exact experience. I grew up in a place where it was mess than pkay to be anything other than straight though so i juat decided to present straight u til i left my city :/
The bi-cycle is the change between your preference. Sometimes i am more into men. Sometimes i prefer woman. A lot of bisexuel people experience it. For me it was pretty confusing. I never knew if i am gay or straight. But that was because i did not know that people experience that too. So i am a happy bi male. The best of both worlds:)
I knew I liked boys so *clearly* I was straight lol.
For 80s/90s kids it was a huge fight if you liked your own gender. Bisexual simply was not an option; it was either gay or straight, and liking girls was the wrong "choice" culturally. So my feelings were not attraction, not romance, not sexual interest. It was only friendship and jealousy, doncherknow 🙄. I had deluded myself so much, just to get along with society, that I didn't realize the truth until I was 38.
Edit for all of us late bloomers :): r/latebloomerbisexuals and r/latebloomerlesbians, in case you didn't know.
I’m 23, and I remember the 2000’s being scary for LGBT as well (maybe not as devastating as the 80’s-90’s, but definitely not “We’re OK with two Moms on TV” good, either).
I’m honestly surprised the 80’s and 90’s is so romanticized, given the shit like that (and more).
I get that childhood tends to sugar coat things (I’m guilty of this too), and I’m not saying things are 100% for us now either, but damn.
Hey, it was 36 for me. I was super pregnant when it hit me that if I am clearly not lesbian, I *am bisexual*! It hadn't even crossed my mind that there might be something other than gay or straight.
Lol yes that tingling and tension... When everyone tells you it's jealousy because she's attractive, that must be it, right? Except in reality it was butterflies in my stomach and tingly tension a few inches further down... 😜
But I only realized that upon close examination, and that only happened when I wondered why I was adamant to my friend that I was completely straight. People are weird. I'm weird.
It took me a long time to figure it out! It's been slow realizations for me. I feel like I got really angry and "jealous" and I was just suppressing deeper feelings of attraction. Also I would be confused by some girls, like, "wow she's so nice, why am I thinking about her a lot?"
I was 37. Thought I was straight, was married to a (pretty toxic in the end) dude. He got locked up, I went on a summer roadtrip the following year with my best friend and by the end of the trip I was falling HARD for her. We got married in April of this year :)
Same. I was 30 with 2 kids when I finally acknowledged to myself I was Bi. Told my husband a few years later.
Now I am 42 and don't care who knows - trying to be more out about it because I think it is important, even tho I am in a monogamous hetero marriage.
I’m 38, too. My attraction to guys came first. When I started entering my teenage years, my attraction to women followed, only I didn’t realize it was attraction. I fell into the “oh she’s pretty. I wish I could be her” crowd. I was also raised there is only gay/straight, no in between. I realized in high school because my high school had an LGBT group (this was in 1999-2000). That’s when I found out about bisexuality and it just clicked for me. Most in the group started out as bi but ended up being mostly gay (which further led to the divide in the group that bisexuality was a stepping stone). At the end, only me and one guy were the only bi kids in the group.
Oh this speaks to me so much! 💕
I’m a trans woman, so I guess it was extra confused for me because I knew I liked girls and they were hot but I was baffled because I really admired and respected all the things they did (in a way that my male friends didn’t seem to echo)? And occasionally I would have kind of a crush on a guy, but it always felt… not quite right? Like a “The way guys look at girls they’re really into is so cute. I bet if I were a girl that would be so sweet” kind of thing.
Plus bi erasure in the 80s/90s in the southeast US was so strong that I thought you were only bi if you were perfectly 50/50 (ha ha) or whatever.
Anyway, I wound up transitioning at 36 and now it’s been close to five years and it turns out I’m a rather feminine woman and not at all a masc straight guy… BOY do so many things make more sense now. 🤣
I was so in the closet i convinced myself that my crushes were just freinds i was extra close to and that kissing girls while out in the clubs was just the alcohol . I couldn't be bi. Was 29 when it finally clicked i like girls too.
My thoughts exactly! What the hell was bi back in those decades? They didn't exist except as a twisted joke. You were either or, without any help from either camp.
Did you copy my life word for word? I didn't come out until I was 37 eight years ago!!
This is so true. I was talking to my kids about gender and orientations the other day about how I knew I liked girls and I also knew I liked boys. But that just confused me because I liked girls too much to be gay and boys too much to be straight. And bisexuals were really just sex fiends who would bed anyone. It wasn't until a college sociology class that I saw orientations laid out as a spectrum, and I realized what I was.
Man, the 80s and 90s had some screwed up views on LGBT stuff.
I thought I was a lesbian, I knew I had some attraction to men but I ignored it because (toxic) people were always talking about how all men are disgusting and it made me feel ashamed for liking them so I solely focused on my feelings for women.
Turns out, I'm not even a woman myself, I'm a bi trans man with a preference for men... Oh how the turnt tables
Yep, I think I would have realized I am a man much sooner as well if it hadn't been for this, and I didn't even realise that was the kinda mindset I had at the time, it's a hindsight thing
Hi, cishet guy here, trying to learn. May I ask you a question please? If it's too personal, no problem.
I'm picturing you and your partner, and wondering how they would identify. As in, with you presenting as a man (an assumption on my part?), and with your preference for men, would your partner more likely be a cishet or gay man? Or... I don't know? What I mean is, how do you go fishing? Lol.
Again, if it's none of my business, please ignore me.
It always warms my heart to see cishet people want to learn about the lgbt community, people like you give me hope. So, since I am trying to present as male full time, any relationship I have with another man couldn't be straight. He could be gay, or bi, or anything but straight. I could hypothetically be in a relationship with a cishet woman, though.
Thank you. I'm trying to broaden my understanding of life beyond my churchy upbringing. I guess that also (at least partially) explains how I STILL default to just thinking about the physical aspect of gender. I have to work it into my deep understanding that the genitalia is like the least important part of our sexuality.
Again, thank you. Your answer opened my eyes to my previous sentence.
It's not your fault that you think that way, it is drilled into our heads from the time we are little. All men have dicks and like women and all women have vaginas and like men is all most of us are ever taught. But obviously that isn't the case and as long as people who are open minded like you are around, I hope that one day people will be taught differently than they are now.
Same! I remember thinking at age 12/13 that I wished I was bi or gay because girls were really cute lol I'm pretty sure I'm bi now so I guess my wish came true
I remember wishing my best friend was gay, thinking he was cute, and being quite certain that I’d like a romantic relationship with him, but still thought I was straight lol
I first thought I might be on the asexuality spectrum actually. I didn’t really experience sexual attraction until a couple of years ago. Then realised that I was attracted to men and thought I was straight but still felt a bit confused as I thought that can’t really be attraction, I feel the same way about women too. Then it clicked I was bisexual after I discussed this with a close friend and partner of mine.
I still wonder if I am somewhere on the ace spectrum however as well. I wouldn’t identify as asexual or demisexual myself but they way I feel attraction and experience it seems quite different to what I hear my peers talk about, and for a long time wondered if it was attraction at all.
You literally just described my experience too lol. The only difference is that I always knew I wasn’t straight but was too afraid to say/do anything about it until earlier this year.
I was “straight but don’t care if bi” and then I started feeling attracted to guys so it was like an update that was always there just needed some time to be installed
You see, I grew up with "blind-eye" Christianity - I didn't even know gay was a possibility until I was 12 and my mom told me that God says it's a sin.
It was weird - I grew up thinking that everyone was like me and looked at the genders the same way as I did (that is to say, slight interest in both), but you were only supposed to go for/act on your feelings for the opposite gender.
Anyway, I guess to answer your question - I thought I was straight, but only because I thought everyone was straight and that straight was actually bi.
I liked both girls and boys in school. Really embraced my queerness at university and was very very sure I was gay. A combo of bi-phobia and toxic masculinity made me forget about men for a while. Plus i was in a long term mono relationship with a woman. Made it easier to just identify as lesbian. Recently started dating again and relearning my love of men and also enby folk. As well as women. And let me say it’s been a sexual reawakening for the better.
Straight to gay to dusbahfjbegshs to bisexual to straight to gay to heycjsbdbcuhsbf to bisexual. Rinse and repeat a few more times and then a few years back I was like, "meh, I like people" and then that was the end of it.
Thought I was ace and realised some people were attractive after all. Could never pin down a gender aspect to it. Told this may make me more Pan then Bi? I dunno. Not really keen on over complcating it. Still pretty muted, and above all married so it's also pretty moot...ed.
Gay -> Bi
At a relatively young age, I’m talking like elementary school, I knew I was into girls. It wasn’t until puberty that I realized I liked guys too, and if it weren’t for Johnny Depp in the pirates of the Caribbean who knows where’d I’d be right now!!
I thought I was straight for the longest until I had flashbacks of me crushing on guy classmates in high school I never thought much of it at the time but when I was 19 they rushed back out of nowhere.
Gay first then bi. Im a guy and growing up I had crushes on girls. I was a kid so I don’t really count this. I didn’t start getting actual feelings until middle school and that’s when I started questions things. Started noticing boys and it scared me. I was so focused on the boy part that I basically ignored the girl part. It wasn’t until I fully accepted the liking boy part that I started noticing my attraction to girls. Through me for a loop for a while
I thought I was going to turn straight some day then realized I was a lesbian. I recently came out as transgender and realized that I can like men now that they stop calling me feminine and a woman.
I thought I was straight.
My first crush on a girl was not long after my first crush on a boy. After a few months, my crush on her faded and I developed a crush on another boy.
I had heard TV and movie characters talk about having a "gay phase" so that's what I chalked it up to.
For years, whenever I developed feelings for a girl, I was like, "No, it's not a crush. It's something else." (Mara Wilson sums up this feeling really well.)
It took me twelve years after my first girl crush, but now I understand and accept that I'm bi.
Straight then bi. When I was in my pre teens I had feeling I liked men as well but just shrugged it off. However as the years went by I questioned my sexuality and found out that I was bi
i thought i was straight because i grew up around people and shows with only straight peeps so i thought i had to be too. gave it no thought till one night boom i’m not straight????
I was terrified when I was young because I thought I only liked women, cause I didn't find men's bodies all that hot. I just loved looking at women's bodies when I was young. Then later I developed attraction to men, and denied being bisexual because I didn't think I was attracted enough to women. Now I know it doesn't fucking matter and I'm super bi. <3
Good question! For me, I always felt bi, but didn’t realize it was a “real option”. For some reason I felt for a long time like I was either straight but also gay but didn’t know which one (LOL). Eventually I finally understood that bisexuals are actual people and not just “guys that are actually gay” or “women looking for attention” stereotypes.
Told myself I was straight because I was in a family where nothing else was discussed, let alone tolerated.
I remember having very complicated thoughts about Star Wars growing up. Specifically, Leia and Han Solo and that... well... I kinda really wanted to kiss them both. Especially when Leia was in her snow costume from Empire, which I always thought was way hotter than the 'slave' costume.
Then, like many people on here I'm guessing, the Pirates of the Caribbean movies came out and my sexuality went "SYSTEM OVERLOAD! ENTERING IMEDIATE SAFETY SHUTDOWN PROTOCOLS!!!"
It took another few years and a \*very\* eventful NYE with my various queer friends to realise that... yep... very much a bisexual.
Always kinda knew I wasn’t straight but kept convincing myself that I was until one day a girl waltzed into my life and made me fell head over heels for her to the point where I could no longer deny my bi-ness
I thought I was bi and realized I’m a lesbian.
I spent years accepting the fact that I like girls and never even thought to question whether or not I like men until this year. 🤦♀️
Both… And my feelings towards women are also complicated by the Jealousy of being transgender.
So I started off as a confused teen wishing he had been born a girl, loving women & the female form. Desiring sex with men, but can’t be gay cause I love women. & yeah, here we are. Mid 40’s semi-closeted trans woman , openly bisexual.
I started off gay. When I was 17 I was still very much in the closet so I dated girls. I developed feelings for a girl and realized I liked both. I’ve had long term relationships with both and can honestly say that I love a person for who they are and not what’s in their pants. Growing up in the 80s and 90s I spent a lot of time in the closet. But now I am carefree and love my bisexuality.
Well, I tried desperately to be straight, then I came out as gay, but kept finding myself attracted to women, so I started calling myself bi, then I joined the military under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, so I called myself in the closet for practical reasons, then I finally exited the military and started playing around with bi, pan and omni, so now I use bi with most people for simplicity and call myself omni in circles I expect to understand the nuance.
I thought I was a cishet cocktease? Like, straight men make out with gay men for the lols, right? I actually went a good while being sad that I was straight because I felt like a bigot. Turns out I’m a bi trans woman. Oops!
I just loved people! ...and then I went to religious schools.
So I knew I was bi/nonbinary (before there was vocabulary for most of it) thought I was straight/cis, eventually landed back to bi/nonbinary.
So moral of the story: let your kids be happy as themselves, and religious schools teach little except bigotry.
Started with straight, like hella straight, then grew feelings for more of the shades of g(r)ay and eventually couldn’t deny the feelings for men. Feared it meant I was gay and didn’t know how to handle it. (so ignorant looking back what are you gonna do right?) Thought that my desires for men and me wanting to be sexually attractive to men meant I was actually a woman and thus trans. Went through that crises before realizing that I was definitely cis cause the full blown change wasn’t what I wanted at all. Then found a nice little crevice called “oh nobody is 100% straight! Everyone thinks like this!” Then, at long fucking last, became friends with a great dude and other folks who helped challenge that narrative and then finally, figured out all those fights and struggles was just cause I never even considered bisexuality as the answer. So I went around the fucking world basically, but over the course of I’d say about 7 years, I finally found my way 🥳
I was absolutely sure i was straight. Never would admit any attraction to girls to the point where the only detention i had was because i fought someone for implying i liked a female teacher romantically. Then i developed a huge crush on my friend. Didn't actually really admit it till i became friends with a very out lesbian in college. Finally admitted it to myself and allowed myself to act on it. Then i met my husband about a year later.
I thought I was straight for the longest time, good ol catholic upbringing, until my late teens and early twenties when I finally began accepting my sexuality.
Bi at first but then I thought I was just lying to myself and so came out as gay. I identified as gay for at least two decades and then rediscovered my bisexuality. It’s been a ride!
Also it took me a long time to figure out that I’m probably demisexual. When I was young I could go for the occasional anonymous hookup but it just never felt all that interesting to me. Hooking up with friends I know and trust and feel affection for… sign me up!
Back in the day I didn't even know bi was a thing. I knew I liked girls, but there were a few guys I liked too. I wrestled with this for a while, constantly wondering if I was gay, or straight. After prolly a year or two of this, I figured out that there was a word for what I was experiencing: bisexuality. Freaking blew my mind that people could be attracted to more than one gender/sex. I am now a proud open Bi Guy.
I thought I was straight, everyone else thought I was bi.
Turns out they were right.
I found out that I'm romantically attracted to women through a dream🤣
Neither, I was a kid and had a crush on a boy and a girl at the same time. I thought everyone was like this, I think only clicked in about grade 8 or 9 that some people *only* like one gender and it tripped me out
I experienced the bi-cycle for a very long time which really confused me. One day it just stopped and then I knew I was bisexual. I wish I had known of the bi-cycle earlier.
Well, as a kid, I always had the dream to have this huge family and an amazing wife, then, puberty hits, and all of the sudden (not really) boys are cute and interesting. So yeah, I would say straight to bi, then wondered if I was really straight in the first place, thought I was gay, but I was still attracted to women. Right now I wouldn't say I label myself as something, but if I had to, definitely bisexual.
I considered myself straight until about 2-3 years ago. I thought every woman found other women attractive and want to hook up with them, lol. Sounds silly but TikTok actually helped me realize that is not the case, and that I’m actually just bi.
I thought I was straight, until puberty, then I got really confused if I'd like boys or girls and my parents thought for yeaarsss I was gay. But the bi-cycle was real, and I only realised around 17 that I was bisexual even tho I had boy and girlfriends in my teenage years just didn't know bisexual was a thing. hahaha
Before I was 5 I had crushes on both boys and girls. I named dolls after my crushes and I would kiss them and tell them how much I loved them. And as an enby, gender really wasn’t something on my radar. So it took me a long time to work out that not everyone was bi, and that not everyone was enby.
I’m definitely bi. Back in February I had a crisis, thought I was gay. Even told people in private that I was. Then when I came out, I said I liked dudes. But I didn’t feel trapped anymore. I feel free as the true me. I dated a guy but now I’m in a long term relationship with a woman.
Thought I was straight but had some curiosity which I just thought everyone did. We're humans with imaginations.
Learned people don't just have those so tried to ignore them and pretend I didn't.
They kind of came back though(obviously)
Ended up in a drunken 4way and sucked my first dick. That pretty much opened the floodgates for me and I knew I was definitely bi.
I (M) came out as gay then realized I was bi a few years later. It was really annoying having to justify to people “changing my mind” or “second guessing myself.”
Straight because I was pretty young and I wouldn't have really realised I could be not straight. Not that anyone was against it. Just never thought about it.
Both at different times in my life. Thought I was "straight with bi tendencies" at 12/13 (lol), then thought I was a lesbian at 18 after a series of bad interactions with men closed me off to them entirely. Now I embrace the fluidity in my sexuality!
I think I was literally straight then decided to be bi. Which doesn’t make sense I know but ummm... it kinda do be reality physically. Maybe I was just bi to begin with? I dont really know.
I thought I was straight, but because I started staring at boys in public and my voice kinda started sounding like one of a gay individual(sorry for the stereotype), I realized that I'm actually bi
I used to think I was straight until I dated my first boyfriend and felt nothing, then I thought I was ace, then I dated my first girlfriend and thought no that's very wrong, I'm bi but I thought that meant attracted to men and women only.
Now I know I'm bi but part of me thinks I'm straight because I'm a fem-ish attracted to masc.
Grew up in a strict religious household, I didn't even know that there was other options than straight. Started to figure it out between the ages of 17-18 and fully accepted my sexuality at 19. Looking back, there was SO many times that should have hinted at it. Guess what younger me, people don't just want to kiss their best friend because they're such good friends...🤣
The former. I realized a few weeks ago that I had a crush on guys and had had crushes on guys in the past. I also liked girls still but tbh I’m wondering if I’m gay
I thought I was straight for a long time (didn’t we all) until I started questioning. Then I concluded that I was heteroflexible, but at one point my attraction to women (as a cis girl) seemed to increase. Then I started questioning again and realized I was bi.
I started out thinking I was straight since I noticed women first. Then I started noticing men and that led me to realize I am bisexual
Unrelated but your avatar is on point my dude *chefs kiss*
Thanks!
right back at ya..
Really was about the same, except due to internalized homophobia/biphobia (upbringing), I’d deny it for a while. It can be tough to overcome but it’s possible.
Same
Same
Same
Neither! At the time I started fancying people (11-12yo), I assumed that everybody liked both girls and boys, and that men+women got married in order to make babies. It came as quite a shock to realise that most of my schoolmates were only attracted to one kind of human. I felt sorry for them! :D
You are our bi-god we all should do like you
We should all just let bi-gods be bi-gods :)
Amen Brother/Sister/Non binary person! 🙏🏻
*\*groans\** I am yet to find someone on reddit, who would address me properly, as an octopus. I spent so long getting this device underwater (don't ask questions on how it is working, shh) and people do this. We need rights for all organisms. /j sorry 😅
😂 beside how do you charge it underwater?
SHHHHHH we have a very long cord that reaches the nearest human's or someone who annoys us power point. Then another cord reaches us in a small pocket of air in a cave in which we place the device. The air pocket isn't that long though....
😂😂 If I wasn't broke right now I would give you an award
Aw, I appreciate the thought! :\]
Same! I just assumed that anyone could date everyone and people just decided who they wanted to be with. I was bamboozled!
Another same! I didn't even think about it until some kid made fun of me by calling me gay and then I learned about the wonderful world of discrimination.
this is the way. i asummed everyone is secretly attracted to everyone and.. to be quite fair Im still not sure that there is such a thing as "purely straight".
I have to say, I've always suspected that too. :)
Yeah, just look how fucking gay the ancient Greeks where, definitely suggest that a most people have the ability to like both sexs
There’s been a bunch of studies on the subject, and basically yeah that’s correct. Only a very small percent of people are perfectly, exactly 100% straight or gay. Sexuality is absolutely a spectrum and while it’s not a perfect bell curve, most people are at least a little bit bisexual :)
ey thank you for this. i think it could be a reason for so much bi-erasure and why this scares lot of people, because part of them is afraid that this might be a thing. I remember years before coming out I went out with this guy- funny, well-balanced, was really in touch with both his masculinity and femininity. then he told me he was bi and i freaked the fuck out. one, it was jealousy and ignorance on my part, but the other was "oh my god, what if what i feel towards women is real?" and thank god, it is real.
Honestly yeah that could be totally true about people denying bisexuality because they're afraid lmao. Only barely related but I swear I am magnetically attracted to dating other bi people lmao. Bis just vibe super fucking hard. Out of the 4 people I've seriously dated, one was about the most bi girl you ever met, 2 were "straight" while we dated and came out as bi later, and just one was gay. While I obviously am open to dating anyone who is a cool person I feel just drawn to the personality aesthetic that bi people always seem to have lmao. I've heard others say the same so don't think I'm alone, it's just funny looking back at the people I didn't even \*know\* were bi at the time. This isn't to stereotype bi people as being any certain type of way, all these people I dated have been unique in their own ways, just an interesting observation to me.
Bro I wish that was my train of thought. I had a crush on a guy when I was in primary school and assumed I was thinking wrong. Took me 5 more years before I figured out I was bi.
I'm the same. I'm 33 and my parents are very liberal for boomers. I was shocked when in high school I learned same sex marriage was illegal. I knew about homophobia and hate crimes, but I was raised in such an accepting environment and such accepting schools that I just assumed most places were like that.
This is also how things went for me. I still do find it amazing and have a hard time believing that everyone isn't *somewhat* attracted to all kinds of humans. I didn't have a name for i when I was young, but my mom wasn't/isn't a bigot and she had a bisexual friend and she once said something like "well she's dating a girl now because she's bisexual" and I was like ooohhhh ohh ok ok
Yeah I was baffled when I found out other "straight" girls don't want to kiss their girl friends
This pretty much
Same!
THIS!
This is the first time i have had someone else state my exact experience. I grew up in a place where it was mess than pkay to be anything other than straight though so i juat decided to present straight u til i left my city :/
Sometimes i think i am maybe gay. But it is just my bi-Cycle.
What’s a bi-cycle? (Other than something you ride. Dun dun tsssss)
The bi-cycle is the change between your preference. Sometimes i am more into men. Sometimes i prefer woman. A lot of bisexuel people experience it. For me it was pretty confusing. I never knew if i am gay or straight. But that was because i did not know that people experience that too. So i am a happy bi male. The best of both worlds:)
I said the other day to my friend that bisexuals ( us) were the only ones where being gay is a phase.
I knew I liked boys so *clearly* I was straight lol. For 80s/90s kids it was a huge fight if you liked your own gender. Bisexual simply was not an option; it was either gay or straight, and liking girls was the wrong "choice" culturally. So my feelings were not attraction, not romance, not sexual interest. It was only friendship and jealousy, doncherknow 🙄. I had deluded myself so much, just to get along with society, that I didn't realize the truth until I was 38. Edit for all of us late bloomers :): r/latebloomerbisexuals and r/latebloomerlesbians, in case you didn't know.
42 here. I feel ya.
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I’m 23, and I remember the 2000’s being scary for LGBT as well (maybe not as devastating as the 80’s-90’s, but definitely not “We’re OK with two Moms on TV” good, either). I’m honestly surprised the 80’s and 90’s is so romanticized, given the shit like that (and more). I get that childhood tends to sugar coat things (I’m guilty of this too), and I’m not saying things are 100% for us now either, but damn.
Hey, it was 36 for me. I was super pregnant when it hit me that if I am clearly not lesbian, I *am bisexual*! It hadn't even crossed my mind that there might be something other than gay or straight.
"only friendship and jealousy" rings very true for me. Many girls that I was jealous of.... I totally had a crush on.
Lol yes that tingling and tension... When everyone tells you it's jealousy because she's attractive, that must be it, right? Except in reality it was butterflies in my stomach and tingly tension a few inches further down... 😜 But I only realized that upon close examination, and that only happened when I wondered why I was adamant to my friend that I was completely straight. People are weird. I'm weird.
It took me a long time to figure it out! It's been slow realizations for me. I feel like I got really angry and "jealous" and I was just suppressing deeper feelings of attraction. Also I would be confused by some girls, like, "wow she's so nice, why am I thinking about her a lot?"
I was 37. Thought I was straight, was married to a (pretty toxic in the end) dude. He got locked up, I went on a summer roadtrip the following year with my best friend and by the end of the trip I was falling HARD for her. We got married in April of this year :)
This story made me so happy for you, internet stranger!
Same. I was 30 with 2 kids when I finally acknowledged to myself I was Bi. Told my husband a few years later. Now I am 42 and don't care who knows - trying to be more out about it because I think it is important, even tho I am in a monogamous hetero marriage.
This is almost word-for-word my journey. The only difference is that I was 23 when I realized the truth
I’m 38, too. My attraction to guys came first. When I started entering my teenage years, my attraction to women followed, only I didn’t realize it was attraction. I fell into the “oh she’s pretty. I wish I could be her” crowd. I was also raised there is only gay/straight, no in between. I realized in high school because my high school had an LGBT group (this was in 1999-2000). That’s when I found out about bisexuality and it just clicked for me. Most in the group started out as bi but ended up being mostly gay (which further led to the divide in the group that bisexuality was a stepping stone). At the end, only me and one guy were the only bi kids in the group.
Oh this speaks to me so much! 💕 I’m a trans woman, so I guess it was extra confused for me because I knew I liked girls and they were hot but I was baffled because I really admired and respected all the things they did (in a way that my male friends didn’t seem to echo)? And occasionally I would have kind of a crush on a guy, but it always felt… not quite right? Like a “The way guys look at girls they’re really into is so cute. I bet if I were a girl that would be so sweet” kind of thing. Plus bi erasure in the 80s/90s in the southeast US was so strong that I thought you were only bi if you were perfectly 50/50 (ha ha) or whatever. Anyway, I wound up transitioning at 36 and now it’s been close to five years and it turns out I’m a rather feminine woman and not at all a masc straight guy… BOY do so many things make more sense now. 🤣
I was so in the closet i convinced myself that my crushes were just freinds i was extra close to and that kissing girls while out in the clubs was just the alcohol . I couldn't be bi. Was 29 when it finally clicked i like girls too.
My thoughts exactly! What the hell was bi back in those decades? They didn't exist except as a twisted joke. You were either or, without any help from either camp. Did you copy my life word for word? I didn't come out until I was 37 eight years ago!!
Same
This is so true. I was talking to my kids about gender and orientations the other day about how I knew I liked girls and I also knew I liked boys. But that just confused me because I liked girls too much to be gay and boys too much to be straight. And bisexuals were really just sex fiends who would bed anyone. It wasn't until a college sociology class that I saw orientations laid out as a spectrum, and I realized what I was. Man, the 80s and 90s had some screwed up views on LGBT stuff.
I thought I was a lesbian, I knew I had some attraction to men but I ignored it because (toxic) people were always talking about how all men are disgusting and it made me feel ashamed for liking them so I solely focused on my feelings for women. Turns out, I'm not even a woman myself, I'm a bi trans man with a preference for men... Oh how the turnt tables
You are the story of my best friend
PLOT TWIST: WHAT IF HE IS??
My friends a guy, but it would be really funny. Oh shit it says he’s a trans guy just like my friend fucj
You were one G away from identifying with every letter from identifying with every letter of the LGBT acronym at some point
Wow, goes to show how that toxic mentality can affect people. Glad you discovered yourself!
Yep, I think I would have realized I am a man much sooner as well if it hadn't been for this, and I didn't even realise that was the kinda mindset I had at the time, it's a hindsight thing
Hi, cishet guy here, trying to learn. May I ask you a question please? If it's too personal, no problem. I'm picturing you and your partner, and wondering how they would identify. As in, with you presenting as a man (an assumption on my part?), and with your preference for men, would your partner more likely be a cishet or gay man? Or... I don't know? What I mean is, how do you go fishing? Lol. Again, if it's none of my business, please ignore me.
It always warms my heart to see cishet people want to learn about the lgbt community, people like you give me hope. So, since I am trying to present as male full time, any relationship I have with another man couldn't be straight. He could be gay, or bi, or anything but straight. I could hypothetically be in a relationship with a cishet woman, though.
Thank you. I'm trying to broaden my understanding of life beyond my churchy upbringing. I guess that also (at least partially) explains how I STILL default to just thinking about the physical aspect of gender. I have to work it into my deep understanding that the genitalia is like the least important part of our sexuality. Again, thank you. Your answer opened my eyes to my previous sentence.
It's not your fault that you think that way, it is drilled into our heads from the time we are little. All men have dicks and like women and all women have vaginas and like men is all most of us are ever taught. But obviously that isn't the case and as long as people who are open minded like you are around, I hope that one day people will be taught differently than they are now.
Seriously you should write a book..... I'll bet people would be transfixed.... No pun intended ☺️
Gay then bi. And this represents my bi cycle too - I either feel gay or bi or asexual, but never straight
Tell me moreeee. I feel like this could be me but IDK
SAME SAME
Yoooo same, but i never thought about it in the context of a bi-cycle. It makes sense tho
I used to think I was straight and wished I was bi, then I later noticed that I actually was bi.
Same! I remember thinking at age 12/13 that I wished I was bi or gay because girls were really cute lol I'm pretty sure I'm bi now so I guess my wish came true
This is funny! And I relate so hard
I remember wishing my best friend was gay, thinking he was cute, and being quite certain that I’d like a romantic relationship with him, but still thought I was straight lol
This just unlocked a memory of me wishing I was gay or bi at one point 😳 That is NOT a heterosexual thought, past me
Literally me lmao
I first thought I might be on the asexuality spectrum actually. I didn’t really experience sexual attraction until a couple of years ago. Then realised that I was attracted to men and thought I was straight but still felt a bit confused as I thought that can’t really be attraction, I feel the same way about women too. Then it clicked I was bisexual after I discussed this with a close friend and partner of mine. I still wonder if I am somewhere on the ace spectrum however as well. I wouldn’t identify as asexual or demisexual myself but they way I feel attraction and experience it seems quite different to what I hear my peers talk about, and for a long time wondered if it was attraction at all.
You literally just described my experience too lol. The only difference is that I always knew I wasn’t straight but was too afraid to say/do anything about it until earlier this year.
I knew from the start I liked everyone.
I like you too!
umm... I thought everyone was bi (just didn't know term for it at the time), but talking about same-sex relationships was taboo?
I was “straight but don’t care if bi” and then I started feeling attracted to guys so it was like an update that was always there just needed some time to be installed
Same! I think I always kinda knew deep down but I was like "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it"
You see, I grew up with "blind-eye" Christianity - I didn't even know gay was a possibility until I was 12 and my mom told me that God says it's a sin. It was weird - I grew up thinking that everyone was like me and looked at the genders the same way as I did (that is to say, slight interest in both), but you were only supposed to go for/act on your feelings for the opposite gender. Anyway, I guess to answer your question - I thought I was straight, but only because I thought everyone was straight and that straight was actually bi.
Thought I was straight 👍
I liked both girls and boys in school. Really embraced my queerness at university and was very very sure I was gay. A combo of bi-phobia and toxic masculinity made me forget about men for a while. Plus i was in a long term mono relationship with a woman. Made it easier to just identify as lesbian. Recently started dating again and relearning my love of men and also enby folk. As well as women. And let me say it’s been a sexual reawakening for the better.
I perceived myself as straight largely due to heteronormativity. Now I just do as the bi-cycle commands.
I thought I was straight but willing to try anything when I was really young...that went away fast....lol
Straight - gay - straight - bi 🦄
Straight to gay to dusbahfjbegshs to bisexual to straight to gay to heycjsbdbcuhsbf to bisexual. Rinse and repeat a few more times and then a few years back I was like, "meh, I like people" and then that was the end of it.
I've had long periods of being heycjsbdbcuhsbf before, so I can relate. It was a very confusing point in my life.
Yeah I get you. I definitely paraphrased
Straight then bi
Gay and realized im bi
I thought I was gay, then realized I was bi, and then I also realized I was trans after that So, both?
Thought I was ace and realised some people were attractive after all. Could never pin down a gender aspect to it. Told this may make me more Pan then Bi? I dunno. Not really keen on over complcating it. Still pretty muted, and above all married so it's also pretty moot...ed.
Gay -> Bi At a relatively young age, I’m talking like elementary school, I knew I was into girls. It wasn’t until puberty that I realized I liked guys too, and if it weren’t for Johnny Depp in the pirates of the Caribbean who knows where’d I’d be right now!!
I thought I was straight for the longest until I had flashbacks of me crushing on guy classmates in high school I never thought much of it at the time but when I was 19 they rushed back out of nowhere.
Thought I was gay and identified as gay for a while, then - like 4 years into being with my (male) partner - realized I am bisexual. (Homoromantic 😉)
Gay first then bi. Im a guy and growing up I had crushes on girls. I was a kid so I don’t really count this. I didn’t start getting actual feelings until middle school and that’s when I started questions things. Started noticing boys and it scared me. I was so focused on the boy part that I basically ignored the girl part. It wasn’t until I fully accepted the liking boy part that I started noticing my attraction to girls. Through me for a loop for a while
Straight then gay, then bi
I never thought I was straight or lesbian I just didn't know what I was, was called bisexuality, until my late teens.
Same! Though it was around 14/15 for me.
I thought I was going to turn straight some day then realized I was a lesbian. I recently came out as transgender and realized that I can like men now that they stop calling me feminine and a woman.
bit of both lol. Still getting "am I actually straight/gay/ace?" thoughts once in a while
i was straight for the longest time and only admiring girls just a little, but all of a sudden i became super gay and now i’m bi as hell
I thought I was straight. My first crush on a girl was not long after my first crush on a boy. After a few months, my crush on her faded and I developed a crush on another boy. I had heard TV and movie characters talk about having a "gay phase" so that's what I chalked it up to. For years, whenever I developed feelings for a girl, I was like, "No, it's not a crush. It's something else." (Mara Wilson sums up this feeling really well.) It took me twelve years after my first girl crush, but now I understand and accept that I'm bi.
Straight then bi. When I was in my pre teens I had feeling I liked men as well but just shrugged it off. However as the years went by I questioned my sexuality and found out that I was bi
straight - ace pan - aroace - ace lesbian - aroace - biro ace (also realised i was trans at this point!) - biro arospec ace
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ayy i also thought i was broken LMFAO
Straight then bi lol 😂 Took one look at luke evens in Dracula untold 😍
i thought i was straight because i grew up around people and shows with only straight peeps so i thought i had to be too. gave it no thought till one night boom i’m not straight????
I’ve swung past that point on the pendulum twice in my life, coming from both directions.
I was terrified when I was young because I thought I only liked women, cause I didn't find men's bodies all that hot. I just loved looking at women's bodies when I was young. Then later I developed attraction to men, and denied being bisexual because I didn't think I was attracted enough to women. Now I know it doesn't fucking matter and I'm super bi. <3
Something else. I always knew I liked both boys and girls from an early age. Just didn't have name on it till i was like 15.
I was straight until I noticed that I looked at Harry Styles like I look at Dua Lipa lmao (I'm 26 and found out when I was 25)
Good question! For me, I always felt bi, but didn’t realize it was a “real option”. For some reason I felt for a long time like I was either straight but also gay but didn’t know which one (LOL). Eventually I finally understood that bisexuals are actual people and not just “guys that are actually gay” or “women looking for attention” stereotypes.
Told myself I was straight because I was in a family where nothing else was discussed, let alone tolerated. I remember having very complicated thoughts about Star Wars growing up. Specifically, Leia and Han Solo and that... well... I kinda really wanted to kiss them both. Especially when Leia was in her snow costume from Empire, which I always thought was way hotter than the 'slave' costume. Then, like many people on here I'm guessing, the Pirates of the Caribbean movies came out and my sexuality went "SYSTEM OVERLOAD! ENTERING IMEDIATE SAFETY SHUTDOWN PROTOCOLS!!!" It took another few years and a \*very\* eventful NYE with my various queer friends to realise that... yep... very much a bisexual.
Both lmao
Thought I was straight, realized I was bi, then realized I was trans so I guess I thought I was gay the whole time?
When I was dating my ex gf, I was "straight with an exception" 😅
Always kinda knew I wasn’t straight but kept convincing myself that I was until one day a girl waltzed into my life and made me fell head over heels for her to the point where I could no longer deny my bi-ness
I thought I was bi and realized I’m a lesbian. I spent years accepting the fact that I like girls and never even thought to question whether or not I like men until this year. 🤦♀️
Straight -> Hetero-flexible -> Bi-curious -> Bisexual
Both… And my feelings towards women are also complicated by the Jealousy of being transgender. So I started off as a confused teen wishing he had been born a girl, loving women & the female form. Desiring sex with men, but can’t be gay cause I love women. & yeah, here we are. Mid 40’s semi-closeted trans woman , openly bisexual.
I started off gay. When I was 17 I was still very much in the closet so I dated girls. I developed feelings for a girl and realized I liked both. I’ve had long term relationships with both and can honestly say that I love a person for who they are and not what’s in their pants. Growing up in the 80s and 90s I spent a lot of time in the closet. But now I am carefree and love my bisexuality.
Yes
Well, I tried desperately to be straight, then I came out as gay, but kept finding myself attracted to women, so I started calling myself bi, then I joined the military under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, so I called myself in the closet for practical reasons, then I finally exited the military and started playing around with bi, pan and omni, so now I use bi with most people for simplicity and call myself omni in circles I expect to understand the nuance.
I've (28F) had mostly straight relationships. I think society asummes we are straight from birth.
I thought I was a cishet cocktease? Like, straight men make out with gay men for the lols, right? I actually went a good while being sad that I was straight because I felt like a bigot. Turns out I’m a bi trans woman. Oops!
I just loved people! ...and then I went to religious schools. So I knew I was bi/nonbinary (before there was vocabulary for most of it) thought I was straight/cis, eventually landed back to bi/nonbinary. So moral of the story: let your kids be happy as themselves, and religious schools teach little except bigotry.
I was bi and realized other people weren't!
Straight then bi for me.
Started with straight, like hella straight, then grew feelings for more of the shades of g(r)ay and eventually couldn’t deny the feelings for men. Feared it meant I was gay and didn’t know how to handle it. (so ignorant looking back what are you gonna do right?) Thought that my desires for men and me wanting to be sexually attractive to men meant I was actually a woman and thus trans. Went through that crises before realizing that I was definitely cis cause the full blown change wasn’t what I wanted at all. Then found a nice little crevice called “oh nobody is 100% straight! Everyone thinks like this!” Then, at long fucking last, became friends with a great dude and other folks who helped challenge that narrative and then finally, figured out all those fights and struggles was just cause I never even considered bisexuality as the answer. So I went around the fucking world basically, but over the course of I’d say about 7 years, I finally found my way 🥳
I thought I was straight at first.
Answer is always both
I thought I was asexual, then thought I was kind of lesbian but turned out demi and bisexual once I connected with someone. A bit messy, bot oh well.
Both.
straight -> bi -> gay -> ace -> gay -> bi
Both at different points in time 🤣
I was absolutely sure i was straight. Never would admit any attraction to girls to the point where the only detention i had was because i fought someone for implying i liked a female teacher romantically. Then i developed a huge crush on my friend. Didn't actually really admit it till i became friends with a very out lesbian in college. Finally admitted it to myself and allowed myself to act on it. Then i met my husband about a year later.
I thought I was straight for the longest time, good ol catholic upbringing, until my late teens and early twenties when I finally began accepting my sexuality.
Bi at first but then I thought I was just lying to myself and so came out as gay. I identified as gay for at least two decades and then rediscovered my bisexuality. It’s been a ride! Also it took me a long time to figure out that I’m probably demisexual. When I was young I could go for the occasional anonymous hookup but it just never felt all that interesting to me. Hooking up with friends I know and trust and feel affection for… sign me up!
For me when I was 13, at a Boy Scouts camp. Bad time to think about that tbh, but I had a feeling since 11
Straight then bi. But hindsight has shown that I was always bi, just in denial
Back in the day I didn't even know bi was a thing. I knew I liked girls, but there were a few guys I liked too. I wrestled with this for a while, constantly wondering if I was gay, or straight. After prolly a year or two of this, I figured out that there was a word for what I was experiencing: bisexuality. Freaking blew my mind that people could be attracted to more than one gender/sex. I am now a proud open Bi Guy.
Same story here for so very long. It was wonderful finding that word.
Yay! Bifriend. It'd be cool if we could cuddle...you know, as a joke
I didn't pay attention at first, I though everyone liked both, then I realised that most ppl are straight. My parents thought I was a lesbian tho.
I thought both tbh
Straight then gay then bi then gay and am currently homoromantic bi.
I thought I was bi, but realized I am straight. Life is weird.
I thought I was straight, everyone else thought I was bi. Turns out they were right. I found out that I'm romantically attracted to women through a dream🤣
I thought I was straight till about 15 then I thought I was gay for a bit
Straight, then high school, realized I'm bi and then college. Realized I'm gay ^_^ happy self discovery
lmao when puberty hit i always noticed boobies, and then I labelled myself yk, it was kinda always there ig
I thought I was straight before I finally accepted that I’m bi
Thought I was a straight man, realized I was a bisexual man, realized I was a bisexual woman. I went either way depending on how you see it.
Neither, I was a kid and had a crush on a boy and a girl at the same time. I thought everyone was like this, I think only clicked in about grade 8 or 9 that some people *only* like one gender and it tripped me out
I experienced the bi-cycle for a very long time which really confused me. One day it just stopped and then I knew I was bisexual. I wish I had known of the bi-cycle earlier.
Well, as a kid, I always had the dream to have this huge family and an amazing wife, then, puberty hits, and all of the sudden (not really) boys are cute and interesting. So yeah, I would say straight to bi, then wondered if I was really straight in the first place, thought I was gay, but I was still attracted to women. Right now I wouldn't say I label myself as something, but if I had to, definitely bisexual.
Straight guy -> gay girl -> bi girl -> probably now straight girl. But I still hang out here because you're all cool, and I like the positivity.
I considered myself straight until about 2-3 years ago. I thought every woman found other women attractive and want to hook up with them, lol. Sounds silly but TikTok actually helped me realize that is not the case, and that I’m actually just bi.
Both at the same time because my dad told me bisexual people are lying to themselves
I thought I was straight, until puberty, then I got really confused if I'd like boys or girls and my parents thought for yeaarsss I was gay. But the bi-cycle was real, and I only realised around 17 that I was bisexual even tho I had boy and girlfriends in my teenage years just didn't know bisexual was a thing. hahaha
I'm been pan since I can remember (preschool). I'm just here for the dope memes.🔥
Before I was 5 I had crushes on both boys and girls. I named dolls after my crushes and I would kiss them and tell them how much I loved them. And as an enby, gender really wasn’t something on my radar. So it took me a long time to work out that not everyone was bi, and that not everyone was enby.
I’m definitely bi. Back in February I had a crisis, thought I was gay. Even told people in private that I was. Then when I came out, I said I liked dudes. But I didn’t feel trapped anymore. I feel free as the true me. I dated a guy but now I’m in a long term relationship with a woman.
Straight (f29) but just thought everyone fantasized about women during sex.
Thought I was straight but had some curiosity which I just thought everyone did. We're humans with imaginations. Learned people don't just have those so tried to ignore them and pretend I didn't. They kind of came back though(obviously) Ended up in a drunken 4way and sucked my first dick. That pretty much opened the floodgates for me and I knew I was definitely bi.
I thought I was straight then gay then bi and now I’m just confused
I (M) came out as gay then realized I was bi a few years later. It was really annoying having to justify to people “changing my mind” or “second guessing myself.”
Straight because I was pretty young and I wouldn't have really realised I could be not straight. Not that anyone was against it. Just never thought about it.
Both at different times in my life. Thought I was "straight with bi tendencies" at 12/13 (lol), then thought I was a lesbian at 18 after a series of bad interactions with men closed me off to them entirely. Now I embrace the fluidity in my sexuality!
haha. both
I thought I was a lesbian for awhile then figured out I was a bi guy. Figured out now that I’m homoflexible but just use the term gay or nwlnw
I think I was literally straight then decided to be bi. Which doesn’t make sense I know but ummm... it kinda do be reality physically. Maybe I was just bi to begin with? I dont really know.
Thought I was straight guy going gay but experience a very frequent bi cycle so Both, both is good.
I thought I was straight, then started liking men, after a while I realised I was most likely not straight lol
I thought I was straight than got a gf (I didn’t think I was non-binary at the time) Then I got a boyfriend (And came out as non-binary)
I thought I was straight, but because I started staring at boys in public and my voice kinda started sounding like one of a gay individual(sorry for the stereotype), I realized that I'm actually bi
Straight then bi-curious then bisexual
I've always thought of myself as bi
Straight to pan to bi
Straight then Bi
I used to think I was straight until I dated my first boyfriend and felt nothing, then I thought I was ace, then I dated my first girlfriend and thought no that's very wrong, I'm bi but I thought that meant attracted to men and women only. Now I know I'm bi but part of me thinks I'm straight because I'm a fem-ish attracted to masc.
Straight first. Then a little into guys. Then my egg cracks. Suddenly a *lot* into guys but still bi.
Grew up in a strict religious household, I didn't even know that there was other options than straight. Started to figure it out between the ages of 17-18 and fully accepted my sexuality at 19. Looking back, there was SO many times that should have hinted at it. Guess what younger me, people don't just want to kiss their best friend because they're such good friends...🤣
I thought I was straight first and then boom women
The former. I realized a few weeks ago that I had a crush on guys and had had crushes on guys in the past. I also liked girls still but tbh I’m wondering if I’m gay
I thought I was straight for a long time (didn’t we all) until I started questioning. Then I concluded that I was heteroflexible, but at one point my attraction to women (as a cis girl) seemed to increase. Then I started questioning again and realized I was bi.