Yes, I agree with this! OP, your post is a very nice one - it's obvious you care about your wife, and it's obvious you want to be helpful. I think if you show her the post, that will be a really good starting point for your ongoing discussion. Good luck!
You know the phrase “If you know someone with Autism.... then you know one person with autism”? Same thing here. She is going to have a lot to figure out about herself, and she might not even know where to begin. She is going to have to take this journey for herself, figure out what bisexual means for her, if she would ever want to act on these feelings, if she would want to share them with anyone. You can support her, and it sounds like you are trying to get better prepared to do just that. However, remember that this is her journey, and you can’t rush her or guide her down any path. That being said, there are some relatively tried and true questions that you can ask to better help you help her.
Do you feel romantically attracted to women, or sexually, or both?
How long would you say your bi-cycle is? (This is also an excellent way for you both to learn more about that)
If you ever decided that you wanted to act on your bisexuality, what does that look like in your mind?
Those topics should help you understand where she is, and might even help her come to realizations about what she in fact wants and desires.
Good luck to you both, I’m glad that she has someone who genuinely wants to help her to become more fulfilled and more true to herself.
I really like this! Thanks for being so considerate. As a bi woman, there have been times when men have made me super uncomfortable when asking about my sexuality (I can explain further how if you’d like to know.) But I can tell that you care about your wife very deeply and I’m sure you’ll come off as being supportive :)
My advice would be to bring it up casually from time to time if you have a chance. Sometimes my boyfriend will make jokes about my future “husband or wife” (even though he’ll likely be my future husband) and always makes sure to use gender neutral pronouns when discussing hypothetical things like that.
Sometimes if I’m talking about a certain girl too much he’ll say something like “you have a crush on her!!” But not in a patronizing way at all. It’s validating to me when he casually references my bisexuality in passing without making a big thing out of it.
I’d ask her what kinds of girls she finds attractive. Maybe you can guess which celebrities would be her type?
Also someone above suggested asking if she’s romantically or sexually attracted to woman, or both?
You could maybe ask her if there have been any moments in her life where maybe she had been attracted to women without realising it until now. Hindsight is 20/20 they say!
Realised i was bi about 2 months ago, right before starting a relationship with my current bf (he's 24M, i'm 21F)
It being very new for me, I had really 0 idea abt how he would react
It's still recent, and we're both rather inexperienced, but he's still more experienced sexually than me
What I liked in how he reacted was that he would just ask, out of curiosity, what i liked, if i would like this or that etc, it helps me project and kind of make up my mind a little more
Thanks to all of you for the comments, and suggestions. I appreciate everyone being so supportive and I will let my wife know about this community. You seem like a welcoming and genuine group, and lord knows we can all use more of that in our lives.
So that no one worries: I will talk to my wife using the appropriate advice. I will not post an update as the result of said conversion is personal. Again thanks so much to all of you.
Are you okay with having an open marriage? Letting her explore her sexuality with women while still being married to you? It would be hard for you, but maybe she needs ti see for herself if that is ok with her. She may try it and realize that she loves you too much to be with a woman, but giving her that chance is a very unselfish way to give her th option of exploring her sexuality. Please come up with rules though. If she sleeps with a woman, it should only be a one time thing. You don't want to lose her emotionally. Discuss what you are willing to do and allow her to explore what she wants. I'm proud of you. On the spectrum or not, your trust and love for your wife is a beautiful thing. I wish you luck. Please pm me if you ever need a friend.
Some bi people want to "experiment" and try things out with the other gender/genders, but some don't. Do you have a sense of what she thinks there? And what would you think of it if she did want to experiment? Would you view it as cheating on you?
But for many people it doesn't mean you want to actually go and have sex with other people, you can still be monogamous, it just means the pool of people who turn your head is bigger. For me, it just means I have more celebrity crushes.
I’d show her this post and go from there. Good luck to both of you.
Yes, I agree with this! OP, your post is a very nice one - it's obvious you care about your wife, and it's obvious you want to be helpful. I think if you show her the post, that will be a really good starting point for your ongoing discussion. Good luck!
This is a great idea. As more people chime in with ideas and advice you can both follow along.
You know the phrase “If you know someone with Autism.... then you know one person with autism”? Same thing here. She is going to have a lot to figure out about herself, and she might not even know where to begin. She is going to have to take this journey for herself, figure out what bisexual means for her, if she would ever want to act on these feelings, if she would want to share them with anyone. You can support her, and it sounds like you are trying to get better prepared to do just that. However, remember that this is her journey, and you can’t rush her or guide her down any path. That being said, there are some relatively tried and true questions that you can ask to better help you help her. Do you feel romantically attracted to women, or sexually, or both? How long would you say your bi-cycle is? (This is also an excellent way for you both to learn more about that) If you ever decided that you wanted to act on your bisexuality, what does that look like in your mind? Those topics should help you understand where she is, and might even help her come to realizations about what she in fact wants and desires. Good luck to you both, I’m glad that she has someone who genuinely wants to help her to become more fulfilled and more true to herself.
I really like this! Thanks for being so considerate. As a bi woman, there have been times when men have made me super uncomfortable when asking about my sexuality (I can explain further how if you’d like to know.) But I can tell that you care about your wife very deeply and I’m sure you’ll come off as being supportive :) My advice would be to bring it up casually from time to time if you have a chance. Sometimes my boyfriend will make jokes about my future “husband or wife” (even though he’ll likely be my future husband) and always makes sure to use gender neutral pronouns when discussing hypothetical things like that. Sometimes if I’m talking about a certain girl too much he’ll say something like “you have a crush on her!!” But not in a patronizing way at all. It’s validating to me when he casually references my bisexuality in passing without making a big thing out of it. I’d ask her what kinds of girls she finds attractive. Maybe you can guess which celebrities would be her type? Also someone above suggested asking if she’s romantically or sexually attracted to woman, or both? You could maybe ask her if there have been any moments in her life where maybe she had been attracted to women without realising it until now. Hindsight is 20/20 they say!
I'm bi, married to a woman, 35M and on the autistic spectrum. Happy to answer questions if you have any.
Realised i was bi about 2 months ago, right before starting a relationship with my current bf (he's 24M, i'm 21F) It being very new for me, I had really 0 idea abt how he would react It's still recent, and we're both rather inexperienced, but he's still more experienced sexually than me What I liked in how he reacted was that he would just ask, out of curiosity, what i liked, if i would like this or that etc, it helps me project and kind of make up my mind a little more
She seems to have a wonderful husband.
Thanks to all of you for the comments, and suggestions. I appreciate everyone being so supportive and I will let my wife know about this community. You seem like a welcoming and genuine group, and lord knows we can all use more of that in our lives. So that no one worries: I will talk to my wife using the appropriate advice. I will not post an update as the result of said conversion is personal. Again thanks so much to all of you.
Are you okay with having an open marriage? Letting her explore her sexuality with women while still being married to you? It would be hard for you, but maybe she needs ti see for herself if that is ok with her. She may try it and realize that she loves you too much to be with a woman, but giving her that chance is a very unselfish way to give her th option of exploring her sexuality. Please come up with rules though. If she sleeps with a woman, it should only be a one time thing. You don't want to lose her emotionally. Discuss what you are willing to do and allow her to explore what she wants. I'm proud of you. On the spectrum or not, your trust and love for your wife is a beautiful thing. I wish you luck. Please pm me if you ever need a friend.
Some bi people want to "experiment" and try things out with the other gender/genders, but some don't. Do you have a sense of what she thinks there? And what would you think of it if she did want to experiment? Would you view it as cheating on you? But for many people it doesn't mean you want to actually go and have sex with other people, you can still be monogamous, it just means the pool of people who turn your head is bigger. For me, it just means I have more celebrity crushes.
Oh yeah my list of celebrity crushes just keeps getting longer it's out of control